Triforce! - Triforce! #7: That's Zen For Ya, Baby

Episode Date: May 4, 2016

Zen Master Lewis recites some enlightening mantras to the completely un-enlightened Sips and Pyrion in this week's Triforce! Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute? I do

enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast, episode 6, I think. How are you guys doing, PFlex the Sips? What's up? Doing good. What's up? Doing good. I thought that was a poor intro.

I mean, it was... It lacked the verve, the pizzazz, the brio. Have you just woken up or something? Like, what's up? Yeah, you've just woken up. I'm here. You were up all night watching anime and you only got like three hours of sleep.

I found a really big Reddit thread that was saying like, you have to watch this anime. Trust me. It's amazing. And you were like, oh shit, I need to broaden my mind and stuff. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. And in fact, i greatly enjoyed it thank you to everyone who supported us after that thread and conversation oh shit let's just start again

this is a mess jesus you can't do that this is a mess no we're like we're fully committed now we're in there is no start there's no start again shit we're already rolling normally one of the things that happens in my recordings is if we ever do we record stuff it's usually the start right yeah the start of stuff of course goes wrong we're like oh and then we do it again and then it's like much much peppier okay so but my if you want to do another intro my big play at the start of a recording well i don't know if you've noticed this like over the years is i try to like knock you off kilter as much as possible to like set a tone for the rest of the recording i have those so like i'll do i'll do anything i can yeah to troll you at the start of the recording i'll bring up i'll rake up any old shit basically just to like really throw you off and and make you feel

vulnerable he's like he's like inigo Montoya in Princess Bride. You know, you've got to watch your footwork. You've got to watch your terrain. He's the guy that when he's about to start the duel, he's going to talk some shit. Hey, nice shoes, idiot. Where do you get them? The toilet store?

And then while he's circling around you, you're going to back up onto some gravel. And then you've got the loose footing under the gravel. He's like, yeah, you're on the gravel now. That's it. Sips is like a fencer. And all the while, it's because you killed my father prepare to die exactly so let's have an ill catch up on what you guys be doing this week okay what have you

guys been doing this man it's a good question i've had a really angry week uh i have some bad news to report to you guys no my car is at the shop yeah oh yeah it was pretty bad i was driving my son somewhere okay and uh we were almost there we were getting close we were like pretty pretty close and then all of a sudden like the fucking clutch felt funny like it like i heard like this noise and it just it felt like a bit loose or like it didn't feel right yeah so i was like shit so i stopped the car and it stalled so i pulled up the handbrake and i was like kind of stressing a bit it's in the middle of the road turn the car back on thinking like maybe it's just a little hiccup or whatever it's like a computer yeah just turn it off tried to put the car into

gear it's a windows update and it wouldn't yeah and my son was like why did we stop and i was like oh i i think the car is broken he's like the car's not broken so he's sitting in the back seat in his fucking kid's seat laughing the whole time like he thinks that this is hilarious right that i keep stopping and starting the car i'm like furiously trying to get the car into gear and he thinks that's really funny because my arm is moving all fast and stuff and i'm like it's not funny the car's broken like i have to push this now so i had to stop the car i think though i think that would be really funny though that's the thing that's the way that i've seen you and your son interact is that you have all

this kind of false anger all the time and that's that's very very funny so now what he's seeing is real anger but he can't tell the difference yeah yeah so he just thinks i'm joking around so then so then i get i fucking take the handbrake off i get out of the car uh with the door open and the window open and i'm fucking pushing the car down the road okay and i have to push the car and parallel park it because of where we were oh which was a nightmare and of course he's sitting in the car laughing his fucking head off the whole time. He just thinks it's the funniest things. Like, dad, you're so strong. Like, how can you push the car?

I'm like, fuck, I'm trying to fucking push the car here. Like, trying to like get it off the road. Some guy pulled up behind and like his wife was like, hey, do you guys need a hand? Or it's like, fuck, how are you going to help me? And then like this fucking gigantic brick shithouse of a man gets out of the passenger seat. He's like, let me just push this with my pinky finger. And he just fucking parallel parked in one go. So then I was like saying to my son, like, you know, look, he's not all that.

Okay. Like he obviously works out and stuff and he's got more time. Okay. He probably doesn't have kids. He's got more time. He's bigger. He's bigger and he can do this stuff so so then i had to fucking park it up okay big guy parked it up for me and i said thanks and everything and then when he went away i was like you fucking

pussy like under my breath sort of thing so he couldn't hear me my son thought that was pretty funny had to phone a tow truck tow truck had to come up take the car down and take me with it i had to go down to the shop and then they lent me a car yeah they lent me a car that is plastered in advertising for this used fucking car so like i feel like a clown on the road now for like a week i've got this fucking advertising clown car that i have to drive around everywhere and to make things worse like my son thought that this was very funny and everything. And then when we got to where we were going, he was like, oh, great. We're here now. So like, I'm fucking done, whatever. I was like, don't you want to see the tow truck? Like, how often have you seen a tow truck before? It's

actually going to like put the car on the back of a truck and take it off. Nah, I don't care about that. What? I just fucking pushed the car and everything. You don't want to see the tow truck? What the hell? So then I was really disappointed. My whole week basically has been spent thinking about and doing things with the car. And it's been pretty stressful. Wow. But, you know, at the same time, you live and you learn.

And, you know, I felt like my soul replenished a bit through doing that as well, because it was probably the first time in a long time that I actually spent a lot of time doing something that wasn't playing rust. So there you go. Yeah. I remember one of the things that you said to me on Jersey was, this car's a shit heap. I hate it, but I'm just going to use it until it breaks. And I guess literally about a week later, it broke horribly. But having said that, it is in the shop and we are getting it fixed because it's still cheaper to get it fixed than it is to get something else yeah so like if we can get like another year or two out of it great the thing is like i wouldn't mind getting

a new car or like a newer second-hand car but with little kids your car gets hammered like our car's a mess like there's crap everywhere there's like puke stains and like shit stains all over it and stuff. And like, I think if I'm going to get a new car, like I want them to at least be old enough not to poop in the car sort of thing. Yeah. So like there's that shit.

I got to think about that. Oh man. That reminds me of a story. This is one of Duncan's stories, but I can, I can tell it. Okay. He will never tell it.

It's like, so Duncan always goes to Glastonbury, right? One of the things that you see in Glastonbury is you go to the toilets and you're like oh my god how is there how is this so bad how did someone manage to shit on the ceiling it's so bad i don't know about you guys but you know it's every time you go into one of those toilets it's always really hot outside yeah and the heat outside makes it smell even worse oh it's like it makes the whole experience awful it is

horrid i feel like if you went into one of those on a cold day it would be better yeah like it wouldn't smell as bad you wouldn't feel like you just stepped into some private like hell cubicle or whatever like it would just be okay wouldn't be ideal but i think they've changed it a little bit now and they've they've because the toilets have had such a bad rap for so long last week i think they've they've done their best to try and make them less terrible so i think last time didn't they have these big kind of like you'd like get a tin can full of dirt with you and then you'd like go into the place you like poop in a hole and then you put your tin of dirt in after you or something they had some super organic kind of that you get, you have to go into a yurt and then like an old woman would knit you a fucking yard.

Some toilet paper. Some four ply. I don't know. It'd be like strange. Anyway, so Duncan said, so this one time I was having mushrooms. Someone gave me some magic mushrooms or something.

I'm paraphrasing the story. Okay. This is just how i remember it yeah and uh basically he ended up getting really really bad um tummy ache from the mushrooms and feeling very sick and he was uh both sort of pooping and puking projectile from both ends and he found out how shit got on the ceiling it was fucking him wow it was duncan wait how though like what because was his ass up in the air in the toilet and shitting at the same time in one of those fucking like port-a-john toilets yes he actually put his mouth close to the hole like i mean

exactly i would have just gone outside to puke honestly you can't there's people i would not i would not do anything in there that i didn't need to do puking you can do anyway if i was in that situation i would i would just kill myself yeah that is about as close to hell as i could even just hear the story i feel like i want to kill myself like let alone having to live through it so that so the action of barfing caused an involuntary squirt of poop to leave his exposed ass yeah why is he pulling his trousers i'm trying to i'm trying to understand this why is he not wearing pants at this point like why is his bare ass sticking up in the air he's high as a fucking kite he's like he's he's away with it

like you know i don't know like on a flying dragon you know he's flying over anime land of wonderful body pillows and stuff. You know what it's like. Don't say the A word. Man, yeah. So what will you be doing this week per Flax? Let me see. Did I tell you guys about my car last week?

I can't remember. Oh, shit. Did I mention it? You got a car story too? My clutch also went on my car. Fuck. Well, man, we are like soulmates and we don't even realize it. It's fucking crazy. Mine has a slightly happier ending. So we're like soulmates and we don't even realize it's fucking crazy

mine has a slightly happier ending so we're like soulmates but i'm the one with the good soul and you're the one with the bad soul yeah yeah i'm like the devil one dark soul right the dark soul right so i'm driving um to a wedding with mrs f okay and i'm driving along and we're on the m25 we're going about 70 miles an hour keeping up up with traffic. And all of a sudden, the traffic starts to slow down. So I start to slow down. I go to change down to fourth gear and the clutch is loose as hell

and the gear stick is just like rigid. So I'm like, holy shit. So I like jam it and it goes into neutral. So now I'm in neutral on the M25 and I can't get back into gear. So we're like, you guys there? Yeah. Okay.

We're just gripped by the M. Okay. Sorry. I thought I disconnected from discord for a second there was no reaction it was like i mean either you're on tenterhooks or i'm just talking of thin air it was gripping hey lewis can you hear period i haven't been able to hear him i'm gonna carry on with the story sims all right shut the fuck up okay yeah keep going yeah so i'm in i'm in like i'm not in the fast lane i'm in the next lane to that whatever they call that lane they're the pussy lane and i'm just cruising along and i'm sort of like holy shit i'm like love i can't put the fucking car in gear and it starts to feel like heavy and i'm like is the car dying on me like what's happening shit i'm traveling fast and

there's cars and trucks all around us i'm never going to be able to pull over to the side i'm like holy shit and then i just like pump in the clutch like crazy slam it back into fourth gear and it was okay and she was like should we pull over should we pull over and then I just like pump in the clutch like crazy, slam it back into fourth gear. And it was okay. And she was like, should we pull over? Should we pull over? And I'm just like, nah, it'll probably be fine. As long as we never leave fourth gear, we'll be fine. We're just going to have to stay in fourth or fifth and just try not to change gear. Like we just plot a route that requires us to not slow down and we'll at least get to the wedding. And then we'll worry about this later. Right. Cause we were just going to make the wedding like the way we'd planned it but with the way traffic was we were gonna make it with about 10 minutes to spare no time to fuck around so we're just booting it

so i'm like keeping it steady like anytime there's cars like way up in front i'm like i'm just changing lanes so i'd have to slow down everything so we get there and we get back no problem and then whoa whoa whoa what do you mean you get there and you get back no problem you've driven the entire wedding in fourth gear and back i got i got there well after that it was it was intermittent so it was like sometimes it would stop working i'll be like all right fuck so i'm like all that happens is all that you'll see is when i'm changing gear the cast i was rocking back and forth because i'm pumping this clutch like i'm trying to put out a fire with my foot right it's just like slamming it and trying

to slam the stick in gear so we we made it better I take it to the garage and the guy's like, all right, we'll have a look. I've always taken my cars. He's a really, really good garage, but the guy always seems like he couldn't give a shit. He just acts that way, but he's actually a really good mechanic. I think that that's like a garage thing though. They do that. I think that they do it on purpose too. So like, cause they really like their jobs, but they don't want people to know that it's a cool job and stuff. Like they don't want competition but they don't want people to know that it's a cool job and stuff. They don't want competition. They don't want new people turning up or whatever. They're like massive xenophobes.

So they're just like, yeah, fuck this job, you know, whatever. So he was like, yeah, we'll have a look at it. Just park it out front. Is your mechanic Noel Gallagher, by the way? No, he's from Manchester. Isn't he? All right, mate. No, Manchester.

didn't he right all right mate yeah no manchester so he he calls me on the friday he's like all right car's ready and come in and have a look at it i was like okay i can't imagine him not looking like noel gallagher now so i go in and he says uh well it wasn't the clutch and i was like oh my fucking god he's gonna say uh you know you trans-ant some axle partners decoupled from the stabilizing grip unit and that's a five grand job or something but instead he goes he says luckily it was just a slave wheel nut pincher had been leaking fluid onto the uh cremulator oh yeah but well man the lucky escape and i went i just nodded and went so anyway listen the car's fixed i'm gonna get my brother to drop it off to you tomorrow and you wake up in the morning and you look outside and then he's in there sitting in your car going

it's liam gallagher dropping off we got it weush. But it only cost 100 quid in the end. Wow. But it was either the slave drive unit had decoupled from the cremulator and was leaking fluid or new car. Like it was on, it was like a coin flip. What are your thoughts on a new car? Would you buy one? Brand new?

Yeah. Fuck no. Why would anybody ever do that? I don't know. Why would you ever do that? Because that new car smell is really something else, especially if you like splurge out and you get the really nice leather interior. Do you know what else is really good?

The smell of money. I don't know. Money. Sometimes money stinks a bit. My brother-in-law bought a brand new VW Golf about 10 years ago. It's a nice car. It was beautiful. Brand new, right?

Yeah. 20 grand. Whoa. Okay. 20,000 pounds for a car now all right he used it to drive to and from work and he was only to be reliable i was like okay i bought my car six years ago for 2 000 pounds and this was the first time i've ever had to take it to the garage in six years that's good we were the same even if i'd had to spend five grand somehow keeping this thing up,

I'm still better off than him for spending 20 grand. And when he goes to sell his Golf, you know, he got like a fraction of that for it. Because, of course, he's put like 80,000 miles on it or whatever. And it's not new anymore. Like if you were to buy a brand new car, drive to a second-hand car dealership, and sell it right then and there, you'd still get half for what you paid for it. It's ridiculous. It's so fucking stupid. I do not understand it. it there are lots of secondhand bargains out there don't buy brand new cars kids don't do it the classic thing is you you brand

new car you'd lose sort of like a quarter of its value from driving it off the forecourt don't you or something like that yeah that's what they say yeah yeah the minute you sit down and turn on the engine it's like already worth less than you bought it for the guy takes out your wallet and stamps on it right there yeah well the thing is like car dealers and car salesmen and car even the car mechanics kind of have this sort of i don't know like like aura around that they're just trying to scam you and get one over on you in a way right i felt like that about frank and richie butcher and eastenders like they they were always trying to scam people steal their steal their money and stuff like that's such a specific reference i love and i felt that those

characters were written so well too like all my experiences with car mechanics and stuff i can sort of relate back to that it's one it's one of the few things whoever wrote those characters knew what they were yeah they had a lot of experience it's one of those things where you might have a sort of you know not day-to-day but you have regular dealings with these people but your knowledge is zero yeah you know it's like that old thing if the car's broken i'll walk out i'll still pop the hood as if i know what i'm looking for i'll just look there yeah shaking my head going oh it could be the uh the transom foliolator yeah but even the stevens wheel even if you kind of know what you're talking about they'll still just fucking science their way out of it somehow you'll be like yeah well it's clearly the uh 3295 underscore copulator yeah but not on this model this year mate nah because you see

there was a fault in the 284 bicuspid valves that yeah exactly there's always some fucking reason it won't marry it won't marry with the twin fold geolayers yeah of course you're driving the gear you know which is a different version from the ti big mistake you're basically a fucking idiot you're an idiot and your mechanic became australian you're a flying idiot mate what are you thinking struth your galunga lunga valve's broken there's definitely something here right in the um it's a manly job okay being a mechanic you know it makes you feel like a man you're covered in grease you're fixing stuff you're mending stuff you're hammering things you're churning turning a wrench on stuff you're

like chucking out greasy parts you're ordering new parts in sometimes you just gotta brute force stuff out of the car into the car you're using a dirty old crane and pouring like oil and grease all over the place and flammables and it's kind of i don't know yeah and when you talk to these people who are have a manly job it kind of automatically makes the subject a manly subject right and you don't want to because you're always going to pretend right like pfax said you know even if they say like they could they could just be saying absolute nonsense to you and you'd be like oh yeah yeah yeah obviously i yeah of course i know yeah yeah like because you don't want that challenge to your masculinity right in a way at least at least i think that's i think that the case is with like um many of these things

we we are scared to i don't know where i'm going no no no i i i'm in agreement i'm nodding you can't hear it but imagine me nodding vigorously. Me too. Yeah. It's funny. I'm automatically super paranoid about car mechanics. For example, at my old house, I wanted to get some solar panels on the roof. What?

Well, I don't know. It was a thing. I don't know why. There was this time when my parents were like, hey, should some solar panels i was like sure so i looked into it we were basically like sure let's get some solar panels on the roof it'll be it'll be great loads of people do it it's like a trendy thing it's it's become very popular yeah and sadly it's a complete waste of time but well yeah it'll take 20 years 20 years apparently of using a solar panel for it to actually pay for itself and to make back the energy that it costs to make them that has been expended like it's it's such a until the

technology is surprised if you live in england well yeah anyway yeah that's it there like one day of actual real sun anyway i was we were like fully up for it you know and if it was all like an online thing you know it was like okay pay four grand online or whatever you know all the solar panels some guy will come around and fake them job done you know if that was all like an online thing, you know, it was like, okay, pay four grand online or whatever, you know, all the solar panels, some guy will come around and fix them, job done. You know, if that was the process, like ordering your broadband, we probably would have done it. But what they did was they sent around a salesman, right, who was like, okay, so we're going to install the solar panels on this facing roof. And we're like, that totally put us off, right? As soon as there was a salesman involved i was like what why do you need a salesman after you guys had already sort of committed to i guess i don't

think he realized or whatever he didn't need to actually sell it at that point like or or was it one of those outfits where it was like yeah i'm the salesman but i'm also the technician and i'm the ceo and i'm also the uh i think he has to get his maybe they can upsell you things like you can get solar panels that have a smiley face on them yeah oh yeah you can get them custom you can get like bling on them yeah you can get your name engraved on the side have you thought about diamond encrusted solar panels they are all the rage mate yeah. Yeah. Oh, mate. Get diamonds. Diamonds. They twinkle in the sunshine. Oh, yeah. Twinkle.

You want to get that extra twinkle on these babies, that's for sure. They're such cockney words, aren't they? Right. All right, twinkle. All right. All right, sunshine. Solar panels, mate. One word for you.

Twinkle. Yeah? Twinkle. That's how you shift them. Twinkle. Twinkle. You know what they should do? They should do a version of EastEnders where instead of Phil Mitchell running mitchell running a garage he sells solar panels trying to shift these fucking panels

fucking panels mate they ain't got no bloody twinkle fucking where's that twinkle on the topic of these standards i know you guys probably don't watch it anymore but like i i do from time to time catch glimpses of it because my wife watches it right and like phil over the years has created children and i think now at this point in the show they're all back and they're adults and they're all fucking crazy yeah and phil almost died from alcohol abuse as well he also i mean irl he's like he's like an alcoholic so oh i didn't know that he's like a classic method actor and he's the brando of eastenders but he's also like he's like an alcoholic. Oh, I didn't know that. He's like a classic method actor. He's the Brando of EastEnders. But he's also like the Genghis Khan of EastEnders.

The dude's been on it for so long. Holy shit. He's outlasted everyone. Any time some female interest comes on the show that's meant to be like the hot young thing that's, you know, she turns up in the square and all the married women looking are like, who's that bitch?

She's not having my man. Phil Mitchell's like... Phil's just like drooling. Fucking slime that my woman. Fucking barking like a dog at her and stuff from across the room they go oh i just can't resist his sweaty red face such a fat bad boy i love bad boys come here chubby he knows all about him panels come and give me a big kiss them greasy hands he's got greasy i don't even know if he actually does the car mechanic stuff anymore like i think like some of his kids just do it now but they have their own like circle of drama now so like they're fixing cars and it's like oh yeah did you snog my mate and they're

like fuck you and they punch each other and batter each other with wrenches and stuff pretty typically pretty dark but you know it's gritty it's good gritty it's realistic gritty realistic and good gritty yeah it's the least gritty and you can actually see the eastenders river from a plane when you fly over london it's true it's a real river that it's called the eastenders river yeah so there you go when did you what was it you said about that did you tweet about that no I think it was a tweet. I think somebody tweeted or retweeted a tweet where somebody's like,

oh my God, you can actually see the EastEnders River on Google Maps. Yeah. That's the one. Fuck me. Oh man. Millennials. Can't live with them.

Can't live with them. Yeah. So this week I've not really been doing anything.'ve not sorry yeah lewis what have you been up to this week yeah lewis what did you yeah have tried to avoid i've managed to not play any dota i've managed to avoid playing too much rust you've created a panic room in your apartment that's completely cockroach free and you walk around on toilet paper trails all over your apartment stuffed full of emergency anime titles. Yeah, just to keep you going in case the cockroaches come back.

I've got some audio books to listen to. Oh, nice. And I've been reading and listening to those. And I've got a book on Zen. Okay. Okay. I've been studying Zen. Okay.

Nice. Just to add to the whole anime thing. Sure. I thought that it would be good to talk to you a little bit about zen and maybe give you a little zen so they call them cones okay they're they're questions right that make you're supposed to think on and while while meditating and help you to if this is going to be that sound of one hand clapping the simpsons already settled it it's easy man i gotta tell you as well people like turn up at my door every once in a

while and try to flog this shit on me and i just close the door i can give you the sound of one hand clapping that is actually one of them it's a very very famous one listen what well i mean that's the sound of one hand clapping next well the thing is a lot of them aren't necessarily questions so much as stories all right hit me hit me cone me baby cone him so zen master hakuin sure was praised by his neighbors as one living a pure life okay all right had solar panels all the rest of it fucking shit in a can and covered it into never did mushrooms never did Knew a lot about cars. Go on, sorry.

That's all right. Been around the block, alcohol abuse. Brother of no doubt. He probably did live in a yurt and knit his own toilet paper. Nice. A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store

lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child oh this made her parents angry impure she would not confess who the man was but after much harassment at last named hakuin oh the poor zen master in great anger the parents went to the master is that so was all he would say after the child was born it was brought to hakuin by this time he had lost his Is that so? young man who worked in the fish market. The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin and asked for his forgiveness and apologized at length to get the child back. Hakuin was willing.

He gave up the child, saying, Is that so? Man, fuck that. I'd be like, That child is mine now. Ha ha ha ha. You ruined your chance. I have eaten the baby.

I've consumed its soul, and now I will become He-Man or something. Super Zen master. With lightning bolts crackle from his fingertips. So Zen is very sort of strange and really hard to kind of describe and explain. I can't really do it. A lot of these Zen things, like the one-hand clapping thing.

It's like a really old school shaft, like really complicated man, but do anything he can for like his woman because he seems like he's got the best interests of the girl at heart and the baby yeah i think he's just i think that essentially zen could be summed up as just roll with the punches just fucking yeah the most passive fucking guy in the entire world life's gonna shit on me i'll open my mouth well it's not okay that's that's well maybe we'll do one of these a week and you guys can think about it but i don't think there's an art there shouldn't be an answer there shouldn't be something to take away from it straight away you should let that sit with you okay let that story think about it okay when you're when you're doing something that you consider to be meditating right like modern meditation

is sitting there being bored on the bus right i mean imagine you're on the bus just to work or school or whatever uh or you walk in there or whatever but you've forgotten your iphone and you just want just nothing okay try and let your mind we don't have these moments okay these days right because we're always inundated with noise like when was the last time you were bored two minutes okay there's always right shut up people i mean the zen thing really fucking sent me i mean though what really bored really kind of like because when i was a kid you know we had nothing to do you know my parents were like well you can't play games anymore so go out and play in the street and we'd be like okay so we would just sat out there in the street or you

know sometimes even like on your own just with nothing to do and it's it's peaceful to have that stuff and it's it's mindful to have that stuff and and sometimes just turn your phone off one day this week yeah and just take half an hour and think about that story and see just see if you could think about it think around it think about what it means to you and come back to me it doesn't seem that complicated it doesn't seem like it's got any questions i'm just like it just sounds like zen's trying to avoid stomach ulcers he's just like he just took he was okay, is that like, you know? Yeah.

All right. Okay. Well, that, I mean, that was more of a story. Okay. Do you want an actual... Yeah, give us some, give us a mind, give us a mind bending, tongue twisting Zen. Give me something that's going to change my life. Whoa.

This is the first one in the book. Okay. All right. A monk asked Joshu, who was a Chinese Zen master has a dog buddha nature or not okay and joshu answered mu which is the negative symbol in chinese which doesn't mean yes it doesn't mean no it means maybe it's like the void right it's just nothing it means void yeah so does a dog have buddha nature or not the master answered void right okay that's not gonna get my brain going i'm gonna be honest why not because there's a lot to think about it sounds like he just doesn't really know what to

say so he's just deflecting he could either be copping it out and going he could basically just be quickly going like that yeah yeah it sounds like he's doing what i do like you know when somebody's talking to you and you're on your ipad and you're just like it's like not a yes or a no it's just like yeah maybe he's on his ipad well you have to think about the question and the answer i'm thinking about it i mean when you say buddha nature for one thing my knowledge of buddha nature is is a dog chill yeah or is a dog no chill i'm gonna say you know it's neither one thing nor the other yeah it's just a dog i mean if you if you separate like the good and the bad of a dog into columns they are loyal as long as you

have like bacon bits in your pocket you can train them not to shit in places you don't want them to eventually takes a little bit of time and some perseverance but you can get there on the negative side though they'll eat anything it doesn't matter what it is yeah yeah like i've seen dogs eating their own like shit and yeah and disgusting before which is bad it's really bad and also when people say that like dogs are clean and they let them lick their face they're not no like they eat shit and puke they're dirty as shit they lick their balls really fucking dirty yeah and they're assholes too yeah they'll do that. And they don't even do it privately either. No, right there in front of the TV.

Yeah, absolutely. So there's pros and cons to dogs. So maybe that's why he was like, you know what? There's too many variables here. I can't give a straight answer. And he doesn't want to get a stomach ulcer. He doesn't want to commit. He doesn't want the pressure and the stress.

Well, here's the thing, right? It's difficult for me to kind of explain this to you because there shouldn't be and isn't a straight answer the answer is different for everyone you're supposed to go into your own mind you're supposed to act like think about it you're supposed to spend time thinking about it as well because the longer you spend thinking about this question the more questions it brings up i don't think it does no you can't define buddha nature as chill or no chill you can't really know what a dog's thinking you can cut i'm not telling you what the answer is i'm just telling you it's extreme it's extremely complex question which so well the way zen works is that the students are given a question like that they expect they're supposed to spend a day studying it and then come back and tell their answer to the master and if their master

thinks the answer is reasonable they'll give them another question but if not then they'll go and spend another day thinking about it turn turn to the answers page in the book and let me know what the zen answer is to that question well there isn't an answer come on there's gotta be one this is the this is the this is the worst quiz book this is not a panel show with a with a with a set like it's not quiz not pub quiz give us another one i want a good one that one sucked the other one sucked give us a good one i'm not i'm not gonna i want one of those ones like if a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it does it make a noise thing like that i can think about it does but let's have another one let's have one that's actually like a quite like that kind of shit that vein okay a monk told joshu joshu again yeah this is joshu i've just entered the monastery please teach me yeah

so joshu asked have you eaten your rice porridge monk replied i have eaten joshu said then you better wash your bowl and at that moment the monk was enlightened get the fuck out of here jesus what the fuck i think honestly i think if I had that much spare time on my hands, I would not be reading that shit. I got to be honest. Like, I might even consider watching anime before I read that. For real? That is my endorsement of anime. That's the biggest endorsement you'll ever hear.

I'm with Sips on this one. I, like, my review of that book is I would actually rather watch anime. I would rather watch a dog lick a shit out of his ass. Hang on. Hang on hang on okay hang on jeez oh man got another one i'm fucking googling that right now see if there's any of that on youtube what a dog eating shit out of its ass yeah it's gotta be dude it's not that bad that's gross tips what don't link me man i'm trying to expand my mind like i know i'm not gonna like watching that just you know until you've experienced watching a dog having a look at shit out of its ass how do you know you don't like it i think cats would be able to do that better because they got like that fucking traction on their tongues, right?

Yeah, they got the grip. Like the sandpaper tongues? Yeah, they got the grip. So yeah, they'd get the grip. They'd be able to get it out faster if it was a race. They're a bit bendier too. I think I'm not going to be able to teach you guys this. Zen, Zen, Zen, Zen, Zen, Zen.

Well, you're still a novice yourself, right? You've only just started reading it. Yeah, and I'm worried that this is not going to help you guys. If you become a Zen master one day, though, you could totally get us in on that, right? Do you want to hear more? Yes, I'm loving this. I'm ready.

All right. Do you want to hear a story or do you want to hear a weird parable thing? The story. Do you know what? Actually, you know what I'm going to do in this case? I'm going to give a typical Zen answer. Shanene. Shanene. Do you know what I'm going to do in this case? I'm going to give a typical Zen answer. Shanene. Shanene.

Take from that what you will. I think you're closer than you realize when you give that kind of answer. Okay, Gudo was the emperor's Zen teacher of his time. Nevertheless, he used to travel alone as a wandering mendicant. I don't know what that is. Okay. Wait, let me Google mendicant before you go any further. No, don't.

It depends how you spell it, though. All right, here it is. There are two types of people, mendicant and mendicant. And he's a mendicant. Apparently, it means they're a beggar. That's what they are. All right. A beggar.

He used to travel alone as a a beggar. That's what they are. Oh, right. A beggar. They used to travel alone as a wandering beggar. Once he was on his way to Edo, the capital of the shogunate, he approached a little village named Takenaka. It was evening and a heavy rain was falling. Gudo was thoroughly wet. His straw sandals were in pieces. At a farmhouse near the village, he noticed four or five pairs of sandals in the window

and decided to buy some dry ones. The woman who offered him the sandals, seeing how wet he was, invited him to remain for the night in her house. Gudo accepted, thanking her. He entered and recited a sutra before the family shrine. What's a sutra? It's like a little verse. He then was introduced to the woman's mother and to her children observing that the entire family was depressed gudo asked what was wrong my husband is a gambler and a

drunkard the housewife told him when he happens to win he drinks and becomes abusive when he loses he borrows money from others sometimes he becomes thoroughly drunk he does not come home at all what can i do i will help him, said Gudo. Here is some money. Get me a gallon of fine wine and something good to eat. Hell yeah. Then you may retire. I will meditate before the shrine.

When the man of the house returned about midnight, quite drunk, he bellowed, Hey wife, I am home. Have you something for me to eat? I have something for you, said Gudo. I happened to be caught in the rain and your wife kindly asked me to remain here for the night. In return, I have brought some wine and fish, so you might as well have them. The man was delighted. He drank the wine and laid himself down on the floor. Gudo sat in meditation beside him. And in the morning, when the husband awokeoke he had forgotten about the

previous night entirely who are you what are you doing in my house he asked judo who was still meditating i am gudo of kyoto and i am going on to edo replied the zen master the man was utterly ashamed he apologized profusely for he had heard of the great zen teacher of his emperor gudo smiled everything in this life is impermanent he explained life is very brief if you keep on apologized profusely for he had heard of the great Zen teacher of his emperor. Gudo smiled. Everything in this life is impermanent, he explained. Life is very brief. If you keep on gambling and drinking, you will have no time left to accomplish anything else, and you will cause your family to suffer too.

The perception of the husband awoke as if from a dream. You are right, he declared. How can I ever repay you for this wonderful teaching? Let me see you off and carry your things a little way. If you wish, assented Gudo. The two started out. After they had gone three miles, Gudo told him to return. Just another five miles, he begged Gudo.

They carried on. After five miles, Gudo said, You may return now. After another ten miles, the man replied. Return now, said Gudo when ten miles had been passed. And the man was silent and then said, I 10 miles had been passed and the man was silent and then said i am going to follow you all the rest of my life modern zen teachers in japan spring from the lineage of a famous master who was the successor of gudo

his name was munan the man who never turned back is that it that's it so listen this guy yeah this guy is fame whoring hardcore okay because he was like who the fuck are you until he was like said his name and then the guy was like oh shit that's the emperor's like fucking right hand zen master whatever like yeah i'm i'm all i'm all over this now and then he didn't even want to go back to his family or anything. Like he just thought that he was just going to have more money and shit to gamble from being associated with somebody famous. I don't think that's necessarily the case because Zen masters are notoriously Big drinkers.

He's a mendicant. He's a wandering beggar. You know, his life was very basic and kind of simple. He didn't have any luxury. Zen people don't necessarily value physical things like that ascetic no ascetic and maybe that was part of the game plan though he's like look this guy he's like you know he's well known people are going to give him shit he's not going to want it and he's just going to give it to me so he's like yeah fuck i'll do that i see

i see what you're thinking anytime they go to a place and they lay out two glasses of wine, he's getting both because Zen guy ain't going to drink it. Let me get that for you. Exactly. He's clearly a rotten apple and he's taking advantage. I thought you might like this one because you two both have families. And I thought you were thinking the story was going to be, oh, well, you know, he turned his life around and he was a good father after that.

But no, he fucking left his family. It just like continued. Well, at least he's consistently we've all wanted to just peace and go wandering out and live a simple life and leave the kids back home well you know it's a bad day yeah but you you know wake up the next day it's another day i don't think you can judge life by one day there's some fucking zen for you yeah yeah sometimes you get to the end of a bad day and you're like man what's the point and then your kid turns around to you and said you know what that mario level was the best one you ever did now go clean your bowl i guess i'll stay yeah well there you go oh my god that was

great um thank you for listening to that i i will i will probably see if i can find some more wisdom to share with you find some good real a real crack yeah yeah some people could set them in though as well if you've got those are good ones though but then again if you just want riddles then there's better riddles but i mean i'm thinking that if i'm if i'm gonna sit and ponder something like obviously i'm gonna ponder things like i'm gonna think well we're being very judgmental about that guy yeah i wonder what civ 6 is gonna be like that's what you're pondering that's what i might have been thinking yeah apparently there's or like how do they get the caramel in the snickers bar as well that's good can you imagine that if there's a you start open up a zen church somewhere and they come in and there's just sips chilling there and they're

like yeah they come up to you and say do you have a Zen question for me to ponder? How the hell do they get that caramel on that Snickers bar? And then you just turn, I think I'd be pretty good at that. Look distant. And they're like, that must be a really deep question. We're going to have to think about this.

Yeah. We need somebody like on the background pan flutes for that too. Like, how do they do it? Boop, boop, boop, boop.

They come back in a week. The wind starts blowing. Yeah. Faster. Oh, man. And they're like, I googled it. It's just a machine that does it. It's a simple mechanical operation.

You're like, is it? No, that is not the answer. And they ding the bell, and you must return in another week with another answer. I've handcrafted a Snickers bar, and I now understand the method of inserting caramel. No, you don't. Just keep them coming. Master, can the machine that inserts the caramel into the Snickers bar truly be a Buddhist?

Shanene. And then you're like, leave the Snickers bar and go about your business leave the snickers that's fine oh man i i mean like i like i'm poking fun at it but like some of this stuff i think i could be interested in and and take seriously but honestly i just don't have any fucking time like i i feel like i would need like a good go of it like i need to have some time to read stuff and get into it or whatever and i just can't i feel like a lot of it is too busy it might have been like it's almost like

talking about something that was revolutionary in its day and it should still be mind-blowing now yeah i mean stories like that i'm kind of like well i mean we've got a kind of cynical modern worldview i don't think people were cynical i think it i think some of them definitely are sort of parables or kind of moralistic stories based on how to live your life almost like bible stories you know like i think back in the day the bible was a very good source of stories you know people obviously the way people learn is often through stories and telling stories and stories are such an integral part of who we are yeah but these days you know stories we have so many stories inundating us all the time there's there's there's always stories and i think that that that sometimes

some of these things don't necessarily age well do you know i don't think necessarily have translated too well either in some cases yeah yeah from the original it's also kind of cultural isn't it it's like the meaning of those stories will have a different meaning to people who've grown up with a japanese culture as opposed to me for grew up or Lewis who just grew up watching anime but there's a big difference but sometimes you'll be like when's he gonna power up and go like your zen power is strong but are you level 15 yet you know it's like that yeah that's zen for you that's zen yeah that's zen baby that can be the title of the podcast that's zen baby that that's zen for you baby yeah i had a lot of a lot of messages about the anime thing and i was talking

to sips before we started about whether i want to reopen that can of worms or whether we just shove new worms put a lid on it and just say, no more, no mass. Are we done? Do you have any parting shots that you would like to deliver to the anime community, Perian? I kind of want to give a final word to it,

but it's a multi-part final word, all right? So first of all, in response to people saying that me calling anime a genre is wrong, I looked this up and it very carefully lists that anime is not a genre, that it's more like, you know, it's the way they do things. It's like a format, if you like. Yeah. But the source for that was a book called Everything an Anime Fan Needs to Know, which is kind of a biased source. So I'm not entirely sure that you could say that anime isn't a genre uh it is to me and uh you know that's a zen question for you is it

genre a definitive thing yeah or is it something that you could say is it in the you know to me when i watch anime a lot of it seems very samey and similar so a lot of people sent me movies that or things try this it's so good and all this kind of stuff and I went and looked at about five to ten minutes of each of these things they're all for some reason available on YouTube a ton of these like full movies and stuff just right there which I think might explain part of the popularity it's readily available and look if I was 15 I'd love this shit it's violent it's cartoony it's kind of goofy it's very simple to understand and follow there's not a lot to it and i mean for instance this one guy sent me this thing called

paranoia agent which he describes as a david lynch-esque show right all right now i was watching it it definitely is not david lynch-esque like there's there's very little there's there's no second layer to a lot of this stuff. It's all very straightforward. If someone's thinking something, it's written on their face. Normally, if they're angry, they'll do that thing where their eyes go like X's and there's a little storm cloud over their head, that kind of shit. It's like, I get it. He's unhappy.

This guy's unhappy. I'm glad I didn't need to use my brain to figure this out or figure out what he was thinking from say acting or dialogue it's literally like there's like a storm cloud oh he's angry all right good it's simple it tells you what you need to know just like we were talking about my little pony about how it's literally like let's go upstairs to get my book here i am going upstairs to get my book it's like it's okay so i'm not saying hold on i'm not saying that anime is as simple is all as simple as my little pony what i am saying is that when i I'm not saying that anime is all as simple as My Little Pony.

What I am saying is that when I looked at these ones that people were suggesting were these more adult animes and stuff, the more adult ones, there's a lot of very static shots of someone looking at a sunset or they're in a field. And it's like, that doesn't make it deep. It makes it deep when you're 15, but it's not deep. That's my point. Oh, hang on. Well, listen, right. First of all, you love Star Wars. Okay.

For a start, I am not someone who bangs on and on about Star Wars as if it's some kind of great. I mean, if you watch the original Star Wars films, I am looking at them with a huge amount of nostalgia. Yeah. Like if I, if the new Star Wars,

if the new Star Wars film, I really, really enjoyed it, but it was a remake of the older Star Wars films, but remade for a modern audience. I think it was, it was still, my kids watched it and they loved it.

It's not a complicated movie. No. It's just a fun action movie. That's fine. I'm never going to tell you that Star Wars is amazing. It's out now, right? Yeah. It's out on Blu-ray and all that kind of crap now. And I watched it the second time.

I didn't enjoy it as much as the first time. It was good. No, it was really good. I loved it. I still do like it. But watching it the second time, there were parts where i was like no this part wasn't like that great and stuff there's so many points here okay first of all star wars if you love stars you know who are you to say that if someone didn't just you know like duncan loved pokemon grew up with

pokemon collected the cards played the games yeah i saw him yesterday. He wasn't playing the Hearthstone expansion. He was playing Pokemon online trading game. Unbelievable. Wow. Let me unfriend him just very quickly on stage. No, don't do that because you are like that with Star Wars. No, I'm not. You have this nostalgia.

In no way am I like that. Shut the fuck up. Star Wars is a kid's film. Right. Right? Have I ever said anything to the contrary? Well, no, but you're now saying that I'm not going to watch anything that's made for a 15-year-'s like oh it would be great i'm not

watching television now he likes star wars if it is a kid's film and the first time he saw it was when he was a kid then that's cool right just because you're 40 now it doesn't mean you have to watch you know murder she wrote and stuff and like you know it doesn't mean you have to start you know watching these things that are designed for adults or anything else guys i'm really sorry we've got to cut this short because actually murder she wrote is on right now and i cannot miss it today angela was like so close to cracking the case and like it was like to be continued colombo is on after it by the way cbs cbs crime drama i have to go and then I can take a real world and watch some Judge Judy. Judge Judy.

Slap the rules on them kids. Punish them. Is that still on? They show it every day. Yeah, they show Judge Judy all the time. I thought she died, but she's fine apparently. Well, first of all,

she's not a real judge. You know that, right? What? She's not a real judge. She's not qualified as a judge. She's not a judge in any kind of way. Google it. And the way the show is made is they actually find people from across the country.

Retired Manhattan family court judge Judith Scheindlin. She's not an actual judge, though. She's an American lawyer, former judge. She quit to do the TV show. So she's not an actual judge. She was an ex-judge. She does have experience in the judicial field, though. But the way they do the series is they...

It's this Hollywood bullshit. They pay everyone, like, whether they win or lose, and they pay for them to fly out and stay in a hotel. Wait, are you trying to say that they're... What? That they're purposely trying to make a TV show entertaining? Yes, that's exactly what they are. Instead of ultra-realistic? Because...

I'm appalled. I'm fucking... Anyway, let's move away from just judy for a second and back on to the topic of disastrous stuff but but everything you've said pflax hasn't really changed anything the fact is that anime is a little bit like netflix or bbc iplayer right there's eastenders on their antiques roadshow bargain hunt you know there's cartoons there's there's kids shows there's adult shows right if you're going to watch the anime that's kids shows then of course adult shows, right? If you're going to watch the anime that's kids shows, then of course you're going to hate it. You're going to hate watching Puppy Pals and, what is it, Puppy Patrol?

But that's what I'm saying is I've watched enough of the stuff that's meant to be for adults. Oh, this is really deep and grown-up anime. And I still don't think it is. It just looks boring as shit. And I don't like the way it's all, like I said, it's so, there's so many tropes are overused, so many characters, they're so cookie cutter. You can't really say that though, because you can't, because there's always new stuff coming out.

I can, let's listen, I'll say it right this. It's boring, cookie cutter, I don't like it, full stop. Okay. There, I said it. I said it. He did actually, I can attest, he did say that. He was witnessed. It's kind of throwing the baby out with the bathwater a little bit, though.

You know, I think. Oddly enough, that was the case I was on Judge Judy for. I tried to explain myself to Judy. She wasn't taking it. My neighbor came over to give my kid a bath. And when she threw out the bathwater, she threw out my kid at the same time. I want 500 bucks. And Judge Judy said, shabubu.

Well, consider this. She's a zen master what a story yeah you guys fuck me yeah so uh let's move on to games have you guys played any games this week have you seen any games this is the worst part of the podcast you know what i've been playing all week for the second week in a row well hang on a sec before we talk about games that we've been playing how about we talk about games that have come out recently or that are coming out this week do you guys know any the hearthstone expansion whispers of the old gods yeah that came out yeah uh lewis you've been playing a lot of hearthstone and period we talked like right before the podcast you've also been playing a bit of Hearthstone. And Pirion, we talked like right before the podcast, you've also been playing a bit of Hearthstone.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And actually when the expansion came out, I, for the first time in about six months, played Hearthstone. But I haven't finished like the solo adventures from the previous League of Explorers thing. Oh. So I was doing those.

And I haven't even really seen any of the new cards yet. And I don't know if I'm going to play it enough to ever see them. Honestly, like I'm a bit bummed out about standard like i thought standard was gonna be easier for people to play free to play and not have to unlock like all the cards and stuff but you still have to buy packs probably or spend gold to buy packs to like unlock cards and stuff and it's's like, I don't know. I was a bit disappointed about that. I thought Standard was going to be like, here you go.

Here's like, you know, the past year of cards or whatever. Make whatever deck you can and compete in Standard against people that can only use the same cards. No, no, they're copying Magic the Gathering. I mean, Hearthstone's always been Magic the Gathering casual, Magic the Gathering light, Magic the Gathering online. Everything that Magic the Gathering casual, Magic the Gathering light, Magic the Gathering online. Everything that Magic the Gathering should have been but didn't because it got bought out by a massive toy company and never was encouraged to innovate or build platforms or build anything fun. Right. Magic the Gathering was locked down by too many constraints.

And Hearthstone is this much stronger spiritual success. You see people like Keebler come from Magic the Gathering and do very well out of hearthstone and yeah and desert magic the gathering for hearthstone because you know magic is frustrating the mechanics are frustrating like every single thing you do you can play on your opponent's turn and every single thing they do on their turn they have to say can i do this and the opponent has to say yes it's bullshit like there's so many little trivial things and land's getting land starved getting you know or the opposite getting flooded with land it's kind of stupid and hearthstone fixed a lot of those problems and it has done standard is a copy of magic the gathering standard which is this this is their format um which works and the reason it does that is because it allows them to have a set

pool of cards that that changes the rotates encourages people to buy new cards and it also allows people to join the part of the problem was that you pflex have recently joined hearthstone and not having any cars having any i'd done any idea and it was the bounds to joining standard were too high for you because you had to get like five or six you're talking about me yeah i mean you you did it though didn't you bought all of the expansions but how much would it cost how much did you spend on hearthstone to get going pflex uh in the game i don't know as a new player quite a lot i think yeah i probably spent like a hundred and hundred quid maybe yeah yeah but for most people who are never going to spend close to that on a game you know they they have to lower the bounds

to entry okay so what they've done here is they've made this standard thing they've added this this this card called c'Thun which everyone gets oh it's the best yeah the cards that you use to build that deck are very simple that they can be put into any class so most of the C'Thun cards that give him buffs or whatever are good cards uh they're commons they're cheap they're easy to get if you want to craft them they cost next to nothing but you can get them out of packs so easily um and so and so what it does is it basically means that this game won't start losing audience because the more complicated the more long running the more hard to get into a game is, the less people are going to play it.

But in standard, it's a year's worth of cards. Two years, I think. You still need to have bought the adventures, right? So you need Blackrock. So you need Blackrock. You need Argent Tournament. You need League of Explorers. And you need League of Explorers.

And you need Whispers of the Old Coast. But Argent Tournament wasn't a paid-for thing. And same with Whispers. Yeah. So they were just card packs. It just updates the client and it's card packs. So you need to definitely buy two solo adventures, which for the full thing is like,

it's like 20 pound each sort of thing. So that's 40 pounds. Plus, if you don't want to grind your balls into Oblivion, playing Hearthstone, to get some decent cards from argent tournament because there's probably a couple and then decent cards from this most recent expansion you're going to probably spend money on packs and stuff as well so standard is still there's there's still money involved it's not yeah it's not necessarily a case of rocking up and being like

okay here like i'm just going to test my skill at this game or have fun with it or whatever you there's still like a pretty big monetary barrier to to overcome to get started that said i think that there are there are ways that i mean the quests do give you a decent amount of cash and packs it's certainly like you can get almost 10 old gods packs for free yeah now yeah just from the quests yeah and so that's you know it means that people coming in they really do get a taste i don't know i'm not i i'm not gonna say i'm a fan of their business model or whatever i just think that that there's a reason they're doing this and it's because they didn't just want the game to become more complex and further away so that new players would just be totally daunted by it sure you. I mean, it's a free game.

And then if you have to spend some money to really get competitive, I think you can get the game for free. You can definitely play it. You can do some quests, do the arena. I mean, my buddy hardly ever buys decks because he's really good in arena. So he's really good at building arena decks and he just hits the arena up.

So let's say if you're gonna dedicate the time like if you get the game which you can get for free and you're playing the game for free and you're loving it and you're really good at it you should be able to get enough stuff to at least tick over and then maybe if you want you can drop a bit of money on some packs and things i kind of like that like if they charge 50 quid for the game up front i think that would put a lot of people off it would yeah i don't know like i think that it's a it's a weird one like part of me thinks that part of it is fair and then other parts of me just see like this stuff sort of becoming like it's not just hearthstone but like a lot of the stuff that blizzard does now

is like you know they're they're they're they're going big like on the the sort of microtransaction stuff and a lot of it is like cosmetic stuff or whatever not in the case of hearthstone but like they'll they'll cross promote their their stuff you know like overwatch is coming out now so like in heroes of the storm for instance if you if you pre-ordered this super fucking special boner edition of overwatch you get tracer as as a hero in heroes of the storm and that's the only way that you can get tracer in heroes of the storm and she's fucking bullshit just like she is in overwatch she's like a fucking terror to play against especially if somebody's playing her well because she's really fucking obnoxious she moves around very fast and she's

like really hard to kill and she's the same in heroes of the storm and it's like i just fucking hate like some of this stuff like i i mean i like blizzard like i really like blizzard i still really like their games i like their ips and stuff but like fuck i just like i don't know how that locked door it's just it's so much fucking money all the time and it's like you know they're they're big and they you know they've got tons of games tons of like massively popular games and overwatch is gonna be no exception you know they've got tons of games tons of like massively popular games and overwatch is gonna be no exception you know people are so fucking hyped about it they're gonna buy it they're gonna lap it up and everything i mean some games were expensive back in the day though i remember paying 40 quid for a box copy of zelda or mario 64 something it was expensive

it was a lot of money yeah and you know getting it for free and spending you know then again like you end up spending more of a time i think i think you know what though i think it's it's a case of evolution okay it's it's a it's a case of natural selection in that the games which are the most addictive on ipad or have the best profitable most most profitable business model are the ones that stick around are the ones that end up being popular yeah just just and it's survival of the fittest it really is and so yeah obviously this psychological business model of making something free and then making you spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds on it instead of 40 pounds you know and then making you come back

and feel really invested because you keep buying stuff and like oh you know and oh he plays that game let's buy him a thing in that game you know that whole that whole thing yeah of that psychological business model of free to play is is it's just so effective and it's hit that some someone you know the first people to do it were like holy shit we've hit a fucking gold mine here and then now everyone does it and and i think that in many ways some games can't afford to or at least blizzard at the top they say well look we we have to put like this many millions into developing overwatch we can't not make that back how no of course this is our business model we sell it for a shit i understand and then we fucking do microtransactions after that i i don't think it's it's cool when

games have bounds like hearthstone you're right hearthstone and these other games have bounds to competitiveness you can't play competitively unless you spend X amount of money or X amount of time. Or you just have an, yeah, like an extraordinary amount of time, like invested in it. This is another thing that I'm kind of, my current thinking is that I played a lot of Dota, right?

And then I started to think how, I talked about this yesterday on Deck Rippers, but because I started to get to the end of an evening of Dota and think how many games do I play tonight? I couldn't even remember how many games I played. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I certainly couldn't remember what happened in them.

And I read a lot of stuff about this stuff. And it basically is that your mind, your brain doesn't remember stuff if it's too similar to stuff you've been doing before. So, for example, one of the classic things is that I used to drive back and forth to work the same route every day. It was so boring. It was like a half an hour route that and sometimes i would get to the end of my drive and i'd be like oh fuck me i'm here i'm home

already was i just like zoned out that whole way home because you know mate what if i wasn't concentrated like 20 dead cats like attached to your car that's what i was terrified of i was terrified that i'd somehow fallen asleep at the wheel or something or like you know and i couldn't remember what i'd done but actually it was because I'd done something that was so similar, that was so repetitive, so samey to me doing it another hundred times that my brain just didn't remember it. It didn't need it. It didn't remember it. And that's what happens with Dota.

And I think that's what happens with Hearthstone. And when, you know, I think about, holy shit, how many hours I put into this. I think basically what I'm trying to get away from in my life at the moment is extremely repetitive things and I don't think that's bad okay I necessarily I think that I think that sometimes sometimes something that's repetitive can be very soothing it can be very enjoyable it can be very relaxing and I think that's something that you definitely need in your life okay if you find yeah something like like something that's similar and you're good at and it's comforting then sure you know do it and keep it but be aware that you know if you're just doing it to waste time then it's probably not a good thing for you so i i'm i'm not yeah i'm not

i'm not gonna have another of these saturdays where i just sit at home and play dota all day because i think that it just isn't it's gonna be like i'm not gonna remember it it's just gonna get to leave out my brain i'm not really gonna enjoy. Fuck it. And I kind of have that attitude. So I've, I've trying to been exploring a bit more playing games. So I installed the game I played this week was Factorio a little bit more, which again is quite repetitive, but I installed a bunch of mods.

So I installed Bob's mods for Factorio. Now, if you know about Factorio P-Flag, I still haven't played it. It still looks too, too detailed for me. You haven't actually played it, though? No, no, no.

You should play it with us, man, because, man, it's pretty intense. You don't have to think about everything. You know what I mean? If you play with people especially, you can just go off into a corner and get one sort of supply chain up and running and just do that thing and it's it's pretty fun it's it's really satisfying actually it's bob's boss adds about 10 new ores to the game or deposits and that basically makes it a lot more complicated it changes a lot of recipes and so that you need a lot more components and one of the things i tried to do was build a effectively a main bus

i.e like um 10 conveyor belts running through the very center of everything right having everything on them so iron copper lead tin i had um like circuit boards bigger circuit boards soldering stuff like the components all these stuff like running through as a main bus and then you just pull stuff off the main bus to build little all sort of miniaturized factories of like what you need and then they head back onto this main bus i don't think the main bus can have everything but certain certain things are obviously needed what i was finding on factorio is that you'd set up iron or lead or something that makes something a little factory that makes like inserts on one side of the base and then you build something on the other side of the base and you'd realize oh shit that

actually needs stuff from this side of the base and the other side and somewhere else and then you have to try and run it through this center area which is always going to be a spaghetti junction because you're just trying to weave yeah pipes over each other right um and man it was really it was really satisfying to do that so i i i i i played it with the the the thing that i wouldn't build any solar panels as well right so my pollution was just going crazy so i was just being attacked constantly the aliens getting completely out of control and um man it was it was i i didn't get very very very very far but i could see myself wanting to play another game of modifactorio multiplayer yeah and i i think i'd probably play one more and that would be it you know unless they unless they they add more stuff to the game like it's one of those like you sort of you finish a

game and you're like cool like i'll come back because factory is the kind of game where the guys who make it will just keep working on it i think i hope that's what i that's what i like about i've been playing rimworld um again yeah it's a good example it's a great game and they they a bit like so it's not on steam no it's not it's it's i think it's lu deon. And they, a bit like... So Ripple's not on Steam, right? No, it's not. I think it's Ludeon Studios, L-U-D-E-O-N. But I bought it fucking years and years ago when it was like really just came out because I love that kind of game.

I was a big Dwarf Fortress fan before I just got sick of having to relearn it every time I put it down for a couple of months. I'd have to relearn all the shortcuts. There's a really steep learning curve to Dwarf Fortress.'s a it's an amazing game if they could it's awesome if they could just have the rim world aesthetics or prison architect or anything but with that back i would be like i am so far into this game like i would never come out right the shit that happens in dwarf fortress is like nothing you've seen in a game before like it's crazy but you have to really look to find out the numbers it's like looking

into the matrix dwarf fortress you have to kind of use your imagination so much and it's just so team time consuming like having to do anything yeah i mean when you're really into it it feels i can see why people love it like it's a really nerdy game. It's almost like programming. And when I wanted to do that kind of stuff, and I'd be like, oh my God, this is amazing. I was really into it. But RimWorld is a really light version of Dwarf Fortress. And they've started to add things in that make it kind of Dwarf Fortress-y.

So you have stuff like your colonists can fall in love. And I love the detail. One of my guys had a fight with a tortoise and he got one of his fingers bitten off and lost an eye, right? So he then built a statue at the sculpting table and it was of a couple falling in love because he'd also fallen in love

with one of the other colonists. But it said there was a foreboding sense of death about the sculpture, like when he's describing the sculpture. And in the background background you can see a tortoise and a lot of blood so i love the idea that some colonist has recreated the moment they fell in love but in the back of their mind they know they lost that eye to that fucking tortoise so it's just you find that like it doesn't show it to you you have to click on it and look at the description and find it but it's those little stories that emerge yeah that tie you into the game and it's like it's the random shit that happens too right like you're not always guaranteed for something like i had a

game of room world going one time and i had a pretty cool base you know everything was pretty fairly efficient not super duper efficient people had like rolls and you know they were off getting stuff we had plenty of supplies everybody was doing fine and then this like capsule landed on the planet from outer space it was like emanating this like these like negative waves yeah yeah that was that were making people unhappy and over time they just got so unhappy that they went crazy and they started killing each other and that was the end of the game yeah it was like and it was and and i could have done something about it but i didn't know that i had to do something about it like i was quite happy that it was there i was kind of worried that if i went and investigated it something would come out and just wipe out the

whole colony does come out if you attack that a big um an insect comes out with a chain gun i believe that happened to me in one of my other games. And it did the same thing. Well, I'm glad I didn't check it. But yeah, so in the meantime, if you don't check it, unless you're like having a lot of fun in your base at all times to counter like the negative waves, you're fucked. Because your dudes are just going to go crazy.

But that doesn't guaranteed happen every time you play the game. And I just think that shit like that is awesome. It's great. It throws in these random events and just these things that can happen. There's a lot of chance. You get raided. Somebody will just get headshot and die. Other times, everyone will survive.

For some reason, this game has passed me by. And I think it's because someone recommended it to me. I looked on Steam. It wasn't on Steam. Right. Right. Yeah. And it's like the original Mo steam it wasn't on steam right right yeah and that's it's like the original moyang minecraft wasn't on steam you know minecraft still isn't

on steam i guess um obviously it works out for the guys but for me i've missed rimworld entirely and i'm now i've just bought it while we were chatting and so i'll have a go over the weekend it's like it's like prison architect aesthetically it looks like a lot like yeah they borrowed they borrowed a lot of the the style i think yeah yeah from room world yeah but it it plays different and it's it's fun it's definitely it's definitely fun especially if you like dwarf fortressy yeah type games it's got it's got that kind of uh roguelike element to it where i think random shit will happen that wipes you out yeah and you just have to try and learn from it like incrementally yeah so for instance i i started a base it was going well and one of the things you'll find when you land when your pods crash land is there's all kinds of shit around the map that you can investigate and stuff like that

and there was what looked like a building set into the side of a mountain so it's like an ancient structure and when one of my colonists went near it, she got a sense of foreboding coming from it. So of course I opened it up. Guess what's in there. It's like an alien base. They had like, there was all kinds of technology in there. There's like multiple aliens chilling in there. I was like, holy shit, game over. Like they poured out psychic knives, all my guys, they blew them all up. It was like end of game. They even killed my dog for fuck's sake. eyes they blew them all up it was like end of game they even killed my dog for fuck's sake oh god i was testing this game the other day um for me and sips to play and um we were i didn't

i i had like a pet dog and it said oh you know the dog's hungry and i was like all right so i clicked the door i couldn't find any way to like feed it i was like well maybe it's just hungry maybe it's always gonna be like that and then fucking it died and it was just like rotting and had loads of flies by and i couldn't fucking get rid of it out of my face and I was like oh my god what have I done. Jesus. Oh wow. Jesus Christ.

But yeah you should try Rimworld it's a lot of fun I recommend just play it on the default like which is like Cassandra classic and play it on rough and you'll get the early raids will just be tribes people with bows and spears and stuff once you get down your little sentry turrets you'll be okay. But you'll learn the timings of when you need to start farming. Because the seasons, what I really like what they've added in is the temperature and stuff. So you can now have heating and cooling. Oh, see, I haven't played since that's been added in.

Oh, it's good. I lost a colony to a cold snap. Nice. Something got so cold, everyone went outside to quickly harvest all the food yeah and they all caught hypothermia and while i'm trying to build heaters to keep them warm they're struggling outside in like minus 40 degree weather to get the steel to build the heaters three of them died getting the steel into the house one of them was able to build one heater and she i just made her hide in there until the cold snap was over but at that point we'd lost so

much the colony was basically done for but but it's great man that's a great story to like do you know what though sometimes that's those those moments they're not they're not repetitive in the sense that no dota and hearthstone is repetitive like like you remember i'm gonna always remember that moment in i don't know factorio when i missed out on those aliens and they got through the fucking wall and they ate all of my whatever you know you always remember those moments where you're like ah shit i lose yeah it's a different experience every time i i was thinking that about dota a lot of people have been saying to me that oh have you given up on dota i mean i've got 5 000 hours of dota but i haven't played it much in the last two weeks because a i was waiting for the patch and then

i know now the patch is here so by the time time this goes out, the patch will already be like, what, two weeks old or something like that. And I still haven't played it because I'm kind of enjoying taking a break from what was starting to feel very repetitive. Same heroes every game. And you know how the game's going to go from the heroes you've been out drafted. You're like, okay, so we've got to do this. We're going to do that.

And it was starting to get a little bit repetitive, just enough for me to need to take a break from it yeah yeah i think my philosophy probably on this stuff is to kind of do it or do a do if you do want to stay interested in dota then you know make yourself only play one game a day so be like okay i'm gonna i'm gonna play one game of dota and then we're gonna go and do something else you know like i think like it's not it it's weird though because it's not that kind of game though, is it? Like, I don't know. Do you get much out of Dota

if you only play once a day? Like one game a day? No, I don't think so. It's the kind of game where you, you know, you do have to play a couple of games a day, really. Because like, it's like a meta progression thing, isn't it? Like you've got MMR that you want to like increase. You want, you know, your games,

your win loss ratio and all that kind of crap. You want to like... But want you know your games your win loss ratio and and all that kind of crap you want to like i mean i don't know like it depends like if it's something you feel that pflex that you want to stay in touch with and learn do and not just devote an entire saturday you know it's a little bit like everything like i think that you probably will learn more from playing one game per day than playing seven in one day do you know what i mean i doubt it i doubt it do you not think no i think that's because i find that when i when i go back after a break my mechanics are awful like my last hitting really goes downhill i start forgetting about map awareness and stuff whereas when i was absolutely caning it and playing like seven eight games a day

which for me was a lot then i did find that i was getting better and there were more heroes that i was comfortable on i would i do feel now i've reached a point i do think i've reached a point now where i could go back and i could pick it up and it would be fine but for a long long time my analogy would be is it better to run a mile every day or seven miles in one day a week probably seven a day i would guess i mean i would i would get it all over with like i'd go seven in a day and then have six days off. Yeah. But no, what's better for you?

I think that doing a bit every day is better for you, right? It is better for you, but it doesn't apply to gaming. Because the nature of games and the way that they hook you into games, they're addictive in nature, right? So like the mechanics and the systems that they put into place, like, you know, it's like, wow, you don't just log in and do one daily a day and wow and and and feel good about it no and by the time you're doing that you

log in and you do 25 a day and then you do a raid and then you do this and that and like they want like by the time you're logging in every day just to do the daily or just to do the quest that at that point you fucking hate the game right well you personally but there's a lot of people who quite happily log into it every day and still play it and do pvp or whatever like you know what i mean well i mean i think they they log in for their garrison they log in for their daily payoff they log in for their daily thing and at that point you know yeah it's this they might as well have quit because they're inevitably going to you know another thing that keeps people coming back to these games though um and something that maybe you're you're you're know another thing that keeps people coming back to these games though

um and something that maybe you're you're you're discounting is that there's there's community built up around this stuff too right you know like oh yeah when you were playing dota you weren't just you weren't just grinding and slogging through seven games a day by yourself you had a tight group of people that you play with you'd have experiences with you'd have a couple laughs with you'd tell each other to eat each other's shit from time to time and stuff i think that that's the difference it's the same as a wow you you log into wow every day because you probably have a bunch of friends that are in your guild that you've probably met through wow that you like to hang out with and do shit with and you maybe plan to do a wedding in iron forge every sunday

or whatever you know what i mean like i think that is what keeps people coming back more so than just like the other thing is it's not so good for streaming if you just play one game of dota and then switch like a lot of people tune in uh like if i'm streaming for five hours and at the start i play one game of dota then i'll be losing people because they'll be like what's he switching to oh i don't like that game yeah so i think kind of what makes me need to take a break from it is and i've really enjoyed streaming rust like a whole bunch of new people have come in they don't normally watch it the devs like on their dev blog they put a thing on there talking about uh the fact that the yogs cast and and so on that we were now doing uh rust which was great i'm really happy that they saw that they gave me and

sips a bunch of keys to give away they gave me 20 they gave you a hundred yeah bastards i don't know why i mean they could have just given us both a hundred well i guess i mean i i gave away all 20 in like 10 minutes like there was people just hoovering them up no but um i'm just like slowly handing them out to people that like make me laugh on twitter that's the key i just did a good i just did twitch giveaways and just mashed through gave them all out because i wanted to get people into the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing is, when I'm playing Rust, it's not like one game. I can just play it until I'm sick of it.

And generally speaking, there's always something to be doing, something to be doing. You can go out and look for a fight or raid base or whatever like that. And I kind of like that. But people were tuning in. If I'd played Rust for half an hour and then just fucked off and done something else, those viewers have been like, I thought you were going to play Rust. Like there's kind of a, people tuning in to watch that. Yeah. Yeah. So when I, that was kind of the thing is when I'm playing Dota, if I start streaming Dota, I can't switch to another game. Like people like, what are you doing? We came here to watch Dota and I'm kind of like, oh yeah, sorry. So I feel almost compelled

to, to stick with one thing. I think this is something, this is a different conversation. This is about what your job is versus, you know, what you're, what you really want to do. I think that. we're lucky though, because we have the opportunity that not a lot of people have.

Yeah. We can combine, we can combine what we want to do into a job as well. Right. I just have to figure out a way to make it work like streaming and game. That's why I think Rust was good for streaming. The analogy though, of like how TV used to be. Okay. If some, if the game of Thrones why i think rust was good for the analogy though of like um how tv

used to be okay if some if the game of thrones was showing and it is showing obviously at the moment and it's um the game of thrones one a week the game the game of thrones i like the way you said that the game of thrones did i say the the game of thrones well the the uh the game of thrones is showing right once a week and it's good because you get it in these doses and you're like i'm excited for the next one and great like it's the same with me and duncan playing factorio the fact is that me and duncan are doing this stream together on mondays and we we look forward to it right it's the thing to look forward to sometimes that's a good thing right what because we live in this world right now where gratification is so easily accessible you know like with netflix you know

you watch an episode of daredevil i can watch the next story i can watch next story so there's something nice about that okay yeah but sometimes it tastes sweeter if you can't have it straight away if you have to wait if you have to you know if you put it off it strings it out i guess what i'm saying is that nowadays you know we get a couple of hearthstone expansions a year we get a wow expansion every year we get a couple like you know maybe a civ expansion or a fallout expansion every six months like man it's i like it because i can almost have this kind of calendar of cool stuff coming out you know yeah staggered you know i i think that and that i think personally the whole do an hour every day or do

a game every day or do a mile every day is better than exhausting yourself on one day and then being bored for another six days i think i don't know i think like if you're into something play it then when you're done move on yeah that means doing it like nine hours a day till you're fucking just really sick of it or you've just done everything you're ready to move on that feels too much like work though that you don't necessarily enjoy it sometimes the opposite yeah it's great i'm playing a game until i'm sick of the game and then i go play another game because i want to play this game and yeah yeah i i find it impossible to get into something if i'm only doing it an hour a day or an hour a week is even worse holy fuck i have no motivation to come back the next week because

i'm like where was i what was i doing i'm not immersed i'm nothing you know what i mean like it's the worst like i can't do it that was why i never finished i used to do i used to do youtube content like that and so many series i just never finished because my gameplay was just so massively throttled every time i'd come back a week later to record or something i'd just be like where the fuck am i do i even care about this game anymore like i've played i've started playing other stuff in between it's tricky you know what i mean like i'm not i'm not necessarily disagreeing with any of the things you said here i'm all really cool playing devil's advocate too much i just feel like it depends doesn't it if if it's a game which you are really excited to carry on playing but you've been forced to stop

yeah okay so imagine it's a game that you're really excited and really into and you're forced to stop because you can only do an hour yeah and then the next day you can come back and do another but then again you're forced to stop but you really want to carry on right yeah that is a difference between doing an hour and then saying right i've played enough i'm good or playing four hours and saying right i've played enough and then never coming back to it okay if maybe you played an hour and stopped and played now and stopped playing hours and playing maybe that at that point you would have never come back to it as well maybe that four hours would have been the same i'm not saying they are the same but maybe they are but maybe if you just keep that hour going maybe it goes on for seven it goes on for eight who knows

um i'm just saying that it's a different way of interacting with things i think that that you know i sometimes that we are in this sort of gratification i don't know it's just this psychology of gratification i don't really know about it maybe i i would like to expand your mind lewis and it's a bit a little bit like yeah i just don't know like i think i think i think if you're just doing i think you end up doing a lot of little things but you never you never get anywhere with them i feel like if if that's all you're doing you know like i'm only going to do this for an hour a day sort of thing like i don't feel like you'd ever get anywhere with it and i don't think it would depend what it is i think it would yeah i guess yeah but yeah i think like i think on the opposite end of that

spectrum i think you know if you pick something up and it really clicks with you and you like it just fucking do it as much as you can or as much as you want to that's a burnout and then oh that's a burnout question how does this all equate to masturbation i just want a heads up yeah i mean i'm at the point in my life where i find it masturbating a chore now like i want to get it over i know i have to do it and i want to get it over with as soon as possible really yeah and you do it like six times a day yeah not for a week really quick yeah i'm like just super efficient with it now too i really get into it and get into you know i really want to learn the ins and outs of it and and i'm still studying it after all

these years i am the zen master of wanking well what i do is i i live i limit myself to five hours a day so even like if i haven't you know done my jism right i stop and i think man this is going to be way better tomorrow when I do it. For me, it depends if I'm streaming it or not. If I'm not streaming it, I can do other things. Otherwise, the audience is like, I came here to watch you jerk it off. What are you doing? I came here to see a huge man climax.

What's going on? All right, listen. I think you're streaming on the wrong platform. Questions. We got questions. We did not cover games let me quickly cover other games that have come out this week well there's other games that have come out this week if you guys care about them off world trading company which is a game that we've played before that is actually fully out those filthy pirates i don't like pirates yeah the fantastic voice acting another one that looks

kind of interesting that I might pick up it looks a bit like Game Dev Tycoon but it's called Pro Gamer Manager I guess you just manage your own virtual pro gamers it might be kind of fun oh I heard of that let's have a look at that there's a new adventure

indie action horror game called left alone uh which will probably be picked up by every man child on youtube that uses a face cam to like scream into wow um it'll be like the new one i guess because horror games tend to sort of go that way i only say this because i am too scared to play them uh neon chrome i've never heard of sounds anime green beta yeah yeah big screen beta is some new vr thing so if you guys have vibes maybe you could try that i've got a vibe i haven't unpacked it yet i've had it for two weeks or something it's just in my spare room and i'm like man i'll have to move my computer downstairs and i'll have to clear a space and blah blah blah so i'm thinking i'm gonna do it saturday and and actually have a

go on this bloody thing so both those games you suggested by the way have been out for fucking ages but they've officially released now which is kind of bullshit and i think that's actually bullshit i don't think we should be talking about these games that have literally ticked over into full release being shit for 18 months to now full release no fucking changes fuck you awful trading company was okay it was all right it wasn't amazing yeah i mean what have they done to offworld trading company well why why why does it deserve to be talked about maybe it's really good now i thought it sucked at the time. It's 23 quid. Jeez. I mean, have they really made it that much better?

I played it last week. I actually played it last week. I'm literally looking at the popular new releases tab on Steam because I have no idea what's going on in the world of gaming. But I really don't.

Like, honestly, very little has changed in Offroad Trading Company. I played it when it very first came out in Alpha or Beta, whatever it was, because I thought, wow, this looks interesting. And I played it the other day, and very little has changed. It's pretty much the exact same game, and it's very limited, and I do not know how they can charge 23 quid for it.

I think that's ridiculous. It's super fucking like chess as well. Do you know what? It feels like a mini game. you know what it's like it feels like a mini game yeah and it does it really does yeah but i mean also you have to learn it there is there is somebody recommended uh there is a massive civ 5 mod which completely changes the game and rebalances everything i saw it on rock paper shotgun the other day wow and that that looks like quite a big deal um what's it called although i i don't know right civ 5 rock paper sugar let's have a look just google it let's go let's do the questions while p flex does that wondrous the civ 5 community

patch project oh nice so it's cpp to be named vox populi on release as a community mod it does a huge amount to the game apparently all right uh and it's it looks interesting well i guess you can't do multiplayer with it i don't i have no idea i'll look into it all right all right pflex thank you for that hot tip first first question post hot tip uh tessa van lunenberg nice asks do you beautiful guys have a weird habit or ritual? Yeah, I actually do have quite a weird one, which I'm not sure if other people do this as well. I suspect they do, and I thought I was weird, but I'm not.

So it's nothing creepy. One of the things I find myself doing when my mind is wandering is I'll count the faces of a shape in a thing that I can see. So, for instance, if I'm sitting... What the fuck? I'll explain what I'm talking about, right? So let's say I'm sitting there on the sofa. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Would you class that a weird habit or is that a ritual? This is how I imagined it, right? P-Flax is there sitting on the sofa, maybe waiting for someone. Maybe he's just finished watching an episode of Dead and he puts it down. And it's just his eyes glaze over, okay? And in in his mind there's like a fucking complex tetrahedron

okay it's like really complicated it's like spinning it's true in his head like a wireframe and he's like 70 78 no 9 12 12 67 7 like rain man 6 6 25 9 7 6 6 definitely 99 definitely then it's like his eyes like like a blinking really really fast then he wakes up and he's like that was satisfying he's all sweaty and he's been strangling his wife in his sleep honey you'll have another counting faces dream he's got his dick in his head uh the shapes just covered his jizz i do it with text a lot so for instance if there's something on my if i'm just waiting, rather than just sit, I'll kind of, I don't know why,

I think my tiny brain kind of feels a weird need to be occupied. So I'll count. Maybe it's like a beautiful mind thing. Like you should start writing some of this stuff on paper and literally plaster your garage walls with these papers. But it's not clever. It's like, for instance, I'll see a brand name. Like I'll see the word vitamin.

So I'll be counting the lines in the V. so if i'm looking at the font for this this v on this bottle of vitamins here right so you've got for a basic v you've got six faces because you've got the the the inside the outside of the left hand bit of the v the inside the outside of the right hand bit of the v and then the top of it is flat. So that's six. But then this font has that little... Is that sharp? There's a corner, so it's not a face. If it's a point, that's not a face, right? But then at the top

of that V, you've then got one of those blocky bits. I don't know what you call it in a font. It's like a little hat on the top, on the left and the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you mean, yeah. The top of that is a face. Oh, the bottom bits count as two faces, so it's like that is five each of those is five but then you've got the inside so that's actually a 14 that v but goes from a 6 to a 14 just by that so it's like that i'll just sit there counting that kind of shit just to waste time

thanks for that because now i will also be fucking doing that i'm sorry i do that i do it damn it damn what a bizarre thing i know i just i've always done it i don't know why it's just like a tick in my brain i just do it i just count the facets of the faces of a font or a word mainly words words and numbers i think i think you are getting into the sort of land of of sort of creepy kind of psychological like breakdown that are really negative it's like onset early dementia or something no it's just i've done it since i was a kid it's just a weird habit that i've got like it's just it's like this thing where you say don't think of a crocodile and you always think you're obsessed over a crocodile well i

thought of an alligator because i always get them mixed up. Is there a difference? Yes. Yeah. There's certain triggers we shouldn't talk about. All right. Crocodiles. It's going to get on people's nerves. All right. My weird habit or ritual, yeah, is, well, like this happens with me, like in recordings and stuff as well. And I do it all the time.

Like not even just like for recordings and stuff, but like when I'm at home too um i constantly sort of like sing songs with the wrong lyrics like i replace lyrics and songs and sing songs and stuff and like now my son does it and my wife does it quite a bit now i do that too and i've done i've always done it i've always done that since i was like a little kid and i always i'm not sure if a lot of people do that. Yeah, no, I do that. It's just one of those things that I've just always done. Kind of like almost borderline obsessively as well. Like it's about what's happening.

Like if I'm making breakfast and a song stuck in my head, rather than sing the song, the lyrics will be about what's for breakfast. And my kids love it. Like they think it's hilarious. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know if it's a dad thing because I did it before I was a dad as well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know if it's a dad thing because I did it before I was a dad as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I think it's, I don't do that. No, I think that's a creative thing more than I, you know, I'm not, I'm not necessarily that. I don't, I guess I don't listen to as much music probably either. What about doodling, right? So if you're on the phone or something, what's your go-to doodle?

A dude shooting a gun yeah i don't like dude shooting a gun i used to do that in my exercise books at school my mum brought them all up the other day she was like i had it clear out i found all your old exercise books from the like the last six years like your six years at school and it's just page to pages yeah like i was i was really into the movie aliens at school. That was a big deal at school. So it's mainly dudes shooting aliens. Do you still doodle guys shooting aliens when you're on the phone to your mum or whatever? Well, yeah, I do sometimes.

In an important business meeting? Does it look like Napoleon Dynamite style drawings as well? That's an amazing one, Pete Blackman. It's been two hours shooting the top lip. It's pretty good. That's amazing. do you what do you what's your doodle sips i'm like a line and shape guy so like i'll i'll just do like lots of like lines and shapes and then go back over those lines and shapes and like make them and then sometimes

they just turn into buildings and stuff and other times it just turns into a big mess of like lines and shapes and weird patterns and stuff yeah i do a little a little house i do a little house quite often i do five pointed stars which is not not the not the yeah like simple i do that sometimes too i find you know i find girls write their names as doodles like okay i found i found uh mrs f had practiced her new signature before i'd even proposed to her like we'd been going out for a few years, and I found a piece of paper where she was practicing being Maddie Forsythe and everything. And she'd written it out a bunch of times to see how it looked. And I was like, she's hooked. She wants the T-Force.

Another one has succumbed to the might of T-Force. I said to her her you've spent this maddie force there should be maddie force you're you're m-force now that you're yeah you're on team force well i'm sure she was embarrassed for you to find that but i think that she was probably not thinking not looking forward to marrying you so much as looking forward to seeing how her signature would look if she married you okay because yeah because that can be a big turn off for people too yeah like this does not work for me this does not work you've got to change your whole name and what if it doesn't work you know think about how many men's

names yeah think about how easily you could you know get your name like like we were talking about this in the office the amount of people who've got really unfortunate names imagine when you marry someone like woody woodcock well like you know well there's loads of them i'm not going to give you them they're all of the all of the flipping jokes from the stream um billy strongcock yeah i did i i do routinely ask my wife things that would have been deal breakers early on in our relationship okay like if my last name had been cunts like the german name k-u-n-t-z yeah would she have still married me like and if i had insisted that she keep that name or faka because then she would be maddie faka maddie faka yeah would and she probably would say no maddie faka yeah maddie faka maddie faka like that would you be cool and

i would i was really proud of the Fokker name, but you can't change it. You've got to keep it. Would you still have married me? And I guarantee you she would say probably not. She would have signed it a few times on a bit of paper and said, no, no, no. This is not going to work.

Too much like motherfucker. Martha Fokker and Gaylord Fokker. Do you remember that one? Yeah, I do remember. And they even considered it. She was like, no, I love this guy so much that I don't care that my name is going to be like a clown name. Just change your fucking name. Loads of people do it all the time.

Jesus. Fucking depoll that shit. Just do it when you're drunk one night. Rename yourself to like peanut butter toast or something. Everyone who's called Hitler has renamed themselves, right? There's no Hitlers anymore, is there? I don't think so. There probably is somewhere in Bavaria. Some old guy.

I will not change the proud Hitler name. I don't see what the fuss is about. Everybody's always joking and messing about. I've been a Hitler my whole life. I love it. It's not my fault. I love this style of moustache. I will not change it. Or my name. I don't know what the problem is. I am it. It's not my fault. I love this style of mustache. I will not change it.

Or my name. I don't know what the problem is. I am Hitler. I don't know what the problem is. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that went off on a massive tangent. Let's have another quick question and then we'll go.

Okay. Ready? All right. Plaid Shirt asks, do you ever get recognized? If so, what's the best and worst reactions you've had this one's a weird one because like i don't know about you guys but sometimes like people recognize me out and about and they'll be with a group of people okay and one person in the group will be like oh shit like it's sips like you know how you doing but their

friends don't fucking know who I am at all. And maybe aren't into games or anything like that. And are just super awkward and embarrassed about the whole experience. Super duper awkward. And they're just standing around like, who's this like fucking grown ass man that looks like he's been in jail that you're talking to like out in public. And they're like, oh shit, like i like this thing about this game this one time

and everything you're like oh yeah shit i love games too and then all these like three or four other people are just standing there looking at you like you're hitler it's yeah do you know what it's not the interaction with the fan because man i love talking to fans in the street you know if you see me i'd much rather you like just said hey lewis and i'll be like oh hey we actually i'd much rather that than you creepily like taking a picture of me or tweeting me afterwards saying oh i saw lewis i didn't know what to say he was eating a hot dog and i took a picture of him but you're right it's the friends that are always the problem isn't it because if you're with your friends if they're not into like

if they're not the same stuff yeah it's a bit weird. Yeah. But sometimes what happens, what sometimes happens is that someone does that. Okay. And then someone else nearby sees you and assumes you're famous and then wants a picture with you, even though they don't know who you are. Yeah. So for example, that's happened a few times and,

um, you know, they've, they've tried to get like, sometimes they do it wrong as well. Sometimes they're like, Oh, they,

this woman for some reason wanted me to take a picture of her in Ter wrong as well. Sometimes they're like, oh, this woman, for some reason, wanted me to take a picture of her in Terps, you know, and that couldn't possibly because, you know, he was like more famous or something. Hello.

I don't think she knew who either of us were. Hi. Hello. Okay. I disconnected there for a second. You missed nothing. Okay. You missed nothing.

Another weird one, just on the topic of this, is when you meet somebody, somebody who knows who you are, and they're like like with their parents who have no fucking idea that like this side of the world exists. Like people playing video games. Especially when their parents are your age. Yeah, yeah. And then the look that you get from those parents, they're just like, what the fuck planet are you from?

like what the fuck planet are you from like they just cannot comprehend that like their kid knows you and that you make money somehow off playing video games like it's just it that that look is so priceless like yeah i love it and you know what that sometimes happens in queues at conferences as well because they've been queuing up for like an hour and a half to meet you and yeah the parents are so mad that their kid has made you wait for an hour and a half that they're they're really clearly they've got this pent-up aggression they're like oh my my daughter's really excited to meet you but i think you're shite i fucking hate you you cunt you fucking made me queue up here for i don't know if it's ever that bad she listens to you all the time i can't stand you i don't think you're funny at

all fuck you pretty harsh sometimes that has happened almost like this this guy spitting with rage kind of that that he's had like a lady come up to me one time and it was the opposite like the kid had like obviously just grown up and and moved on past liking my youtube videos uh but like the mom was like oh you know we we found out you were here and i just wanted to come and say hi because my son used to watch your videos a couple of years ago and i felt like i just had another son in the room i could always hear your voice and stuff and like the kid just looks like so fucking uninterested but the mom is like all over it and you're like what the fuck like this is kind of weird but at the same time i sort of expect our audience to because we obviously had quite a young audience with minecraft and i sort of expected what they would

happen was they would they would grow out of us right and we would be uncool okay yeah when they were like 14 15 16 or 17 then they'd come back to us when they were like 18 or 19 again i'd be like actually you know i don't care you know i think there's this age group when I was certainly young, when anything that was popular was uncool kind of automatically. And it was kind of quite reasonless often. It was quite kind of vague and it didn't necessarily have a lot of backing behind it as to what was – things weren't so much good or bad as cool or not cool man i don't know yeah it's tough it's tough being a hormonal 15 year old i don't

yeah so if you're if those hormones are circulating you know you're growing hair in places that you've never had hair before and you're confused and if you need to reach out and jacking up seven times a day phone lewis on his mobile phone it's uh one two three nine five two nine six two five he's always there ready to listen and help you through those tough times sure yeah but more seriously if you do have some tough times there are other phone numbers you can call who are probably trained for that. For instance, Purion Flax's phone number, which is 53-299-856-39. Nice.

Through 11T-60-99. 11T-1Z, yeah. 12T. I've been recognized a couple of times, nowhere near as many of you guys have, but it's been really disconcerting when it's happened because it's been, when I'm out and about, it's just like a random thing that's happened.

Never like, Hey, um, Hey, are you the Google maps flasher? I thought I recognized you. They said they were going to blow my face. Oh shit. Oh man. that's hilarious fuck me did you guys see that there's a tweet there was like um it's like google maps managed to capture a woman falling off a horse because the google

maps van frightened the horse into a ditch and like injected this woman from the back of the horse and so like if you follow the road it was like in norway or something so like if you follow the road up and you see the freeze frames of the images there's like just like this animation of a woman falling off a horse yeah it's like just when you thought that like you'd reach the pinnacle of funny shit that happens on the google maps street view pictures like the dude you know really awkwardly walking into the strip club and shit like that fucking woman off the horse falling off the horse comes along and just like redefines the whole thing the goat that clearly got hit by the google maps car like you can see it in one shot and then the

next shot if you look at the reverse there's a dead goat in the road oh shit that's hilarious oh shit right well let's let's leave it there thank you everyone for this question thank you for listening to the trifles podcast hope you have a lovely day uh think about your dad and then and the kind of things that your dad does. And what does he like to do? And what does he smell like? Yeah. Think about those things.

And think about those things. Lick a farting ass. Goodbye. Bye. Lick a farting ass. That's a Zen question.