Triforce! - Triforce! #74: Wait, Sips is Cool?

Episode Date: September 12, 2018

Triforce! Episode 74! Pyrion is zombie ready (as long as he's on a cruise), Sips has lost the Disney magic and Lewis is jealous. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Here we are once again. The summer vacation is over and we're back. all three of us are back from our vacation and we're ready to rock and we're ready to roll we're ready to slip and slide as well and also maybe shimmy a little bit yeah we can we can shimmy and slither a little bit too that's shimmy jimmy yeah yeah how are you guys how is everybody doing? Let's have a, let's have a post vacation update. What did everybody do over the month of August? Oh crap. Lewis, go.

Um, so I went to Insomnia, did Gamescom. I've done, I made a new YouTube channel. Whoa, what's it for? I've bummed around in the office. I've organized stuff. What, a new YouTube channel in 2018? I know. Pray tell.

What year is this? What was the thinking behind this just wanted to do it what is it about it's like um it's like a vlog channel it's basically you know yog tours back when terps did that uh-huh it's it's kind of like the idea the idea was that i need to play a new game every day right right and to force myself to play different new games i've made a channel where i report to my audience you are gonna hate games in no time there are some terrible games out there can i recommend super seducer 2 oh my good lord i saw that clip i saw the clip of you playing that yesterday hey it is so bad

fuck is that game what the what the guy masturbating while he's talking on the phone that was ridiculous honestly it's um like as i understand it the first one was a lot more serious i think like people said that a lot of the second one is kind of making fun of some of the stuff in the first one but i think i mean he he considers himself a pickup artist like he actually considers himself to be one of those assholes who's like picking up women using specific sociopathic approaches rather than just talking to people. He is an asshole.

He is an unbelievably bad person. Like every conversation that he has, like you're not actually talking to a real person. Imagine talking to a machine that has been programmed to attempt to seduce you. That's what he's trying to breed is a whole sort of sub-race of people for whom conversations with the opposite sex, because he does it for women as well as men, although not very well I don't think. He basically tells them how to talk to someone and so the seed of a relationship and then when you start talking about this and why it's smart to talk about that, it's like just,

you know, there's no actual human interaction there. people don't think about that when they're having a conversation is what's my opening gambit you know what i mean no they just go up and talk if you're an arsehole and people don't like you deal with that rather than thinking how can i convince people i'm not an arsehole using clever poise and that's basically the whole gist of this game. So he is this weird guy, right? He's from England. He's got this sort of sexy voice. No, he doesn't have a sexy voice. He sounds like David Beckham,

but you think he's foreign because of it, right? Because he's got this sort of speech impediment. That's how he talks. Hey, Sour. He speaks like David Beckham. Sour, will you come in here, please? Yeah, it's weird. Yeah.

He drops letters all the time. Like he says with instead of with go, you know, you could go with a girl. And, you know, that's nice. Correct. That's the right answer. It's this weird, soft kind of voice. But he's yeah, he's a weird guy. His head is incredibly wide.

He has a really wide head. He's got a wide head. But sometimes like just looking weird. I mean, I don't think he's an unsuccessful man with the ladies because he's all right looking. Yeah, no, he's not a bad looking dude. I'm just picturing Stewie from Family Guy now. He looks a bit like Stewie with a beard.

Yeah. Hello, ladies. Yeah. But I completely agree. And it is kind of quite, I don't know, like the whole pickup artistry. It feels very rapey, doesn't it, right? Yeah. It's like being disingenuous.

It's like kind of being like, oh, okay, I'm going to trick my way into a woman's pants, you know. And, you know, you're not being yourself. Does it actually work, though? Because what about like chemical stuff, you know? Like what about like, you know, like, no, does it actually work though because what about like chemical stuff you know like like um like what about like you know like no no not not like roofies but i mean you know like when you're attracted when you're attracted to somebody and you you have a conversation with somebody and likewise if they're attracted to you isn't there like isn't there like chemical things at play like in your brain and stuff too that i'm sure there are

i mean i'm sure his lines his lines work on not easy to game I guess. I think some of these things would work on people I actually do believe that for instance, there's scenes where he's giving you these directions for how to start an interesting conversation with someone and it's the most

boring shit ever and I'm thinking maybe that's what works because he just says just talk about travel. I mean to me that's an an incredibly boring topic i know we're doing it on the podcast but it is a very boring topic to just go have you traveled much oh yeah i've been here there oh me too i've been here there did you see this yeah it's like just a list of things out of a fucking it always turns into a pissing contest to see like who's who's been the most places and who's been the most wild outlandish places and he says if you haven't traveled much talk about places you'd like to go i'm like why

don't you just talk about what superpowers you'd like to have is it but then if you talk about places you'd like to go with a person who's been to places you you sort of set yourself below them right you're like you're you're inferior to them because they've traveled a lot and they they say you've been to the moon yeah i've been to the moon i guess this stuff does work because there are pimps in the world too right like they have the ability to control you know their women and i think that's drugs and violence though rather than small yeah i know but like there's got to be some psychological stuff behind all that too right maybe keep them roped in to tricking i feel like this is a very very strange like whole sphere of of stuff right so first of all like the problem i have a little bit is is is that you kind of sometimes i guess this stuff does work right on

certain types of people but it's not sustainable okay like as soon as someone realizes that you've run out of lines that you've read out of this book or whatever, they'll be like, oh, you're not that kind of person at all. I suppose what you do when you follow these guides is you set yourself up to be someone you're not. You go up to someone, and maybe that's all it needs, though. Maybe it just gives you that confidence.

But that's the thing. The key is confidence. It's nothing to do, really, with what you say. If you're an approachable person and you can talk, confidence is it. If you just creep up and go, I like you, milady. May I purchase you a beverage? It's like the reason that's not working is not because it's not in the book. It's because that's fucking weird. I didn't realize Gollum was doing it.

I know people, yeah, he is, but people get desperate. If you desperate if you're golem though how would you chat up galadriel you've got your uh you've got your buddy haven't you you've got a built-in wingman because golem's two people in one that's true yeah he's so he can just he can just feed you the lines and you can just say personality disorder so he can yeah you just send out like the confident one instead golem is basically go go golem golem is like a more compact version of uh ogre ogre magi yeah who's who is is physically two two heads fighting um like an internal struggle all the time but go golem yeah golem has it all like condensed into one if you think about it golem is like we're all golem archetypal nice guy right he's like he's very helpful he helped sam and all those

guys out but behind that nice guy exterior he goes oh yes masters golem will help you golem knows the way and all that shit he's actually just after one thing the precious aka some pussy that's what he's after he's got a weakness and he's a prime candidate for uh to be preyed upon by a pimp as well because of his inadequacies and his he's he's got he's got some weak weak tendencies right because of his obsession with the pussy yeah so he's like i think i think in a way golem represents the forever alone archetype yeah and he's he's endlessly helpful but in a creepy way he is yeah he comes across too desperate people exactly turned off by that he thinks you know if i help them enough they'll help me and i've been a nice guy so why are you being mean

to me it's like because you're a creepy half goblin creature skulking in the darkness yeah you know that's that's the issue here golem originally he wasn't a bad bloke it was the ring it was the ring it's the quest for pussy that is defined golem or in this or in in lord of the rings they've sanitized and called it the one ring of course needs to go like on one of those reality like dating makeover shows where they you know like they take a they take a person and they they change them around and coach them and give them advice on how to like, you know, date, which is, I guess, what this guy does. But there's like TV shows about it, isn't there?

So do like a queer eye for the straight guy for Gollum. I'd love to see that. Yeah, they should do that. I like your loincloth, Gollum, all right? You're working the loincloth. That's good. But let's build an outfit here. You know, let's think, what do the ladies want to see?

Do they want to see your emaciated, wasted frame? and do they want to hear you hissing about the one ring let's let's put a hat on you put a little baseball cap on him you can dress him up like those scum bros you hear about those guys no yeah so scum bro is like the new fashion thing there's a comedian called pete davidson apparently jonah hill is big into it. Justin fucking Bieber, of course. And they basically dress like a pimp, like a crazy pimp. And like Justin Bieber's new thing is just to wear skinny jeans and a massive fur coat. I mean, in the 70s, that was just a pimp look. Now they call it scum bro. And you dye your hair crazy colors.

That's pretty much it. Like a YouTuber. That was like pretty common fare for Led Zeppelin back in the day, wasn't it? Like really tight ass jeans and a big fucking fur coat exactly yeah what else did you do in august then lulu wait how did we get on the topic of super seducer games for lulu to play oh yeah that's right yeah i remember what else did you do obviously not very much honestly p flex enjoyed the sunshine well no i think we should just carry on talking about this like no no the summer was interesting summer was totally nuts man i don't want to i don't want to go too deep nothing's going to

compare to gollum's dating makeover now anything that we talk about nothing compared to what you flippant did you you were away for six weeks like actually doing stuff i was you know just everyone knows what i'm doing because it's all over the internet it's easy wow what shade come on that's unbelievable shade what are you up what everyone knows what i was doing because it's easy wow what shade come on that's unbelievable shade what are you up everyone knows what i was doing because it's on the internet it's the stuff you did period is a mystery to us all no one knows what period did for two fucking weeks in in vancouver no one was there in the theater i watched the late show it was excellent but wait you did you went on a trip before you went to ti too didn't you i did yeah a cruise i went a cruise. I went to Florida for a week, which was cool.

It was just standard Florida stuff at my dad's house. Swimming in the pool, enjoying the weather, going to the beach, eating American food. It was relaxing, you know? Yeah. And then we went on this cruise. And it was on this ship called the Oasis of the Seas. Right. This fucking thing is like 6,000 passengers

and like 3,000 crew. Where they put the crew, I don't know. They all must live in the hold like a fucking slave ship, to be quite honest with you. Because, I mean, the whole place is just staterooms. So it is literally like they took a massive apartment building, turned it on its side, and made it float on the water. And it's got an ice rink.

It's got a mall it's got multiple pools there's like basketball courts that it's it's insane it's like a mini golf course there's like um it's a there's just everything there's a heat there's multiple theaters there's tons of bars and so where does that one leave from it goes from all over i i took it out of orlando and we went around the caribbean right okay so when the whole world floods i need to make sure i'm in orlando yeah get on one of those ships and then i can hop on that bad boy and i'll have everything i need well yeah but i mean it was just it's so it'll be like a zombie survival horror movie on that fucking ship at the end of the world so it'll be amazing they should that's one thing that they never touch on with uh

zombie survival horror like what about people who are on like oil rigs or like have escaped on boats and stuff that'd be an interesting story people in america driving on a highway guys played scrabble after like 50 years surviving on an oil rig yeah and like tins of beans it'd be like it'd be like the the movie was it dawn of the dead the one where they're in the shopping mall mall and they they survive they survive in the shopping mall and they have fun for a little bit i think it'd be like that on a cruise ship everybody'd be like oh shit you know we we did it we trumped the whole zombie apocalypse we're on this cruise ship and then they start running out of food and eating each other and there's dramas and stuff and i mean i guess what you'd have to do i mean you wouldn't even need to park that far off the shore honestly no no because the zombies aren't going to swim out are they

well you say that you say that however however there is a zombie movie i think it's called zombie holocaust zombie apocalypse holocaust something like that it was banned it's a real classic 70s shit movie it's something it's something along those lines. I used to, when I was a younger man, I used to buy all these fucking old VHS tapes and stuff in charity shops, and you could always find some good shitty horror. This was all pre-YouTube and stuff like that. And there is a scene.

These are pure exploitation, these movies. You would not get them made nowadays. And basically, these zombies are underwater and there's a fight between a zombie and a shark right so the shark is going for the zombie the zombies fighting the shark but the zombie's walking along the bottom of the ocean now he's not going to get to the ship because the ship is floating right the zombie's not going to float up however and i was thinking i've thought about this sips i had a long time on that cruise to think about things like this and my first thought was of course is this a decent place to hole up in the event of

the zombie apocalypse? Problem number one, let's say the zombies walk into the water. They just keep walking. They don't need air. We know this. Zombies don't need air. Yeah, they're already dead. They're dead, right?

What do dead things do? They fill with gas as they begin to decay. And we know that zombies decay because you see zombies in worse and worse states of decay shambling around. The freshly dead ones, right? The right exactly ones and stuff one like a boomer in left for dead 2 floats to the surface suddenly you've got zombies on the surface around the ship what's to say use them as like a raft no there's a whole bunch of zombies holding on to them i'm just thinking eventually one will find his way onto the ship right you know yeah it's inevitable right somehow some way one of them is going to get on and bite one of them's going to get on second you're going to need to make short excursions for for simple

shit toilet paper right yeah porno magazines uh cigarettes but you're going to need some sort of like airlock decontamination staging area for when people come back from but you're not going to send one person what's the number one cause of zombie infestation? Don't say zombies. We already know that. Number one cause post-zombie. One person being careless and getting bitten. And then part two of this.

And then everyone else tending to that person who has been bitten because they think that they have a chance of surviving. And then they turn and they bite them. Let's say we go beyond. We know that if you get bitten you turn what always fucking happens someone gets bitten they conceal it right they hide yeah that's right and then they turn number two turn at a very very awkward moment yeah just when the doctor's reaching over to adjust their catheter and so the doctor's like

shit so the doctor gets turned exactly and then you've got an outbreak on your hands yes the the other failing is someone's wife gets bitten and they hide it right and suddenly you've got two zombies on the ship because the wife bites her husband one night and then all of a sudden you've got two zombies those zombies you know there's an outbreak on deck four we there's no way to stop it that's it it's the ship is done now you have to abandon the ship so you'd want a very small crew of trustworthy people and you would have to have full strip search inspections every time you get back on the ship like you said airlock yeah strip like strip and rotate you want to see 12 monkeys style with the power hose and everything you'd have to be

you'd have to be washed down you'd have to be inspected and stuff you'd have to be really strict about it you would have to be you would have to be like when ripley didn't want to let them back on the ship in alien yeah because it had an alien organism ripley was right she said we can't let him on he's got a fucking alien on his face what are you thinking and ash the android overrode it and that's what would happen human beings is the one lesson we've learned from all these zombie movies yeah are the reason that we will fail yeah that's it because they always think like instead of just you know you see someone's bitten you you take them out right you shoot them in the head and throw them overboard but everybody's always like oh he might be okay this might be the one unique

snowflake that is immune to being bitten by a zombie so let's just keep him we'll give him like a cold flannel and make sure that his temperature's down and stuff and he's gonna be fine and that's always the guy who ends up turning on the one who's sympathetic towards them and and then the outbreak starts there so that was my classic and the ship is too big to lock down like there's no way that you could lock it down it's so vast but you can hold out into in a corner of the ship right like you can just you could but then how is that any different from holding out anywhere on land there's no car you can get in to fuck off so in that regard i'm thinking that bigger ship might not be that great an idea also draws a lot

of attention you like you can see it on the fucking horizon it's so big it's like it's literally we we would see ships sailing away from us and you could see them for a very long time um of course because the earth is flat so if you wanted to play with the horn as well i guess you would attract a lot of attention you know they didn't do that never never once did the hoot hoot i was waiting for that every time we pull into port nothing wow not not a peep i was so disappointed yeah that does sound disappointing nothing not even when we first got on and first i thought nothing like to them it's no big deal because when we arrive we check out as we're getting off the ship they're cleaning our rooms

for the next bunch of people it's just a conveyor belt there's no there's nothing special about your trip on the cruise you're just another fucking wallet yeah because everything costs money like you cut there's not even water in the rooms you can't drink the water in the rooms you have to go out to the shop to get water which was the first thing that surprised me is that we had to buy bottles of water now what you could do is refill your bottle but you weren't allowed to refill the bottles that you brought that you bought in the shop you had to bring your own water bottle that was specifically small enough to fit under the tap or they would shower you i was like after day two i was like fuck this i'm just gonna go do it in the morning it was everything cost money literally everything

I thought that cruises were all inclusive though like you it feels like that at every turn it costs a little bit a little bit of money for this a little bit of money for that this costs extra that costs extra there are some things that are included but one of the things you can do is get the drinks package

what do you mean I've got to pay for the toast this is ludicrous like you do get food like you can eat breakfast lunch and dinner for free but the this quality of food is is pretty bad like it wasn't it wasn't good food so the inclusive food is not very good so if you want a decent meal you have to pay for it and it costs a lot the drinks are very expensive and what are the options like is it you want. Okay, so it's not just like McDonald's food. No, no, no. It's everything.

Packaged up to look differently or something. No, no, no. They have a very wide range of food on the ship. But it's just not very good. Is it like a high street? Yeah, there is. Is it like Titanic? Have you seen the movie Titanic?

I have. Do they have like a chandelier ballroom? They do. Where they all dress up in their Sunday best? Oh, I think every ship has that now. They do. I think every ship has like a fancy diningier ballroom they do where they all dress up in their sunday i think every ship has that now i think every ship has like a fancy dining room and stuff they have like five so you're assigned to a dining room so whatever deck you're in means that this is that this is your dining room so for dinner you go here you make a booking for a time and you go and it's like a

full restaurant what was your deck we were on deck nine. Right. Was that a good deck or was that like a pretty bad deck? It was a decent deck. Yeah, it was a good deck. It was fine. Like a mid-tier deck or like an upper class deck? We had sea views. So we had a balcony. So you could sit there and watch the sea going by.

Did you get to sit out on it? Yeah, yeah. No, you can open. It's like a little veranda. You know, you go out and you sit on the, there's a table. You have your breakfast out there and everything. You can watch the, watch the ocean. What do you mean on the there there's a table you have your breakfast out there and everything you can watch the what's the ocean um what do you mean breakfast so what do you what do you mean you had your breakfast you can order breakfast to be

delivered to your room right so how much is that oh god i can't remember it wasn't it wasn't cheap but it was it was worth it because you didn't have what would that be like a croissant yeah you know continental breakfast or you could have like a fry up or whatever you want we were on the cruise for a week so we were just just water out there just steaming by well it's the ocean lewis so yeah yeah so it's just flat it didn't stop anywhere you just went on the on the ocean and then you came back oh you see what you're saying sorry because some cruises stop off at places for day trips so it stopped at islands in the caribbean so right day one you leave port and you're just sailing you say you see florida disappear you're like bye florida and then you wake up the next

morning and you open your curtains and there's a tropical island right there oh cool which is quite cool like like it's gorgeous caribbean island and like palm trees and beautiful clear water and everything and you go to the cinema and you go and you go to the dining room and then you go to the shop and have to buy some water you get off you get off in port okay and there are excursions so you can take you know you pay obviously to go to beach x so there's a bus for all the people that want to go to beach x it takes you there or a boat it drops you off you spend a few hours there do these buses just come off the ship no no but this is the interesting thing all these islands their economy is built around these ships because if you think about it when one of these ships comes in that's 6 000 people probably getting off the ship that's like

doubling the population of some of these places right that's true so you get off everything is ready for you there's all people trying to sell you shit there's all these places for so because there's no like tropico it's very like tropico very like tropico wait can you just get off the boat and just have like a wander around and go do your own thing we did that we did that like we got off the boat we arranged you just have to be back by a certain time yes or the boat leaves without you exactly so they have they have you have a little lanyard with a with an id card and they boop you boop like this off and on the boat and they have a picture lanyard with an ID card, and they boop you, boop, like this, off and on the boat. And they have a picture of you so they can check it's you coming off, and they can check it's you coming back on.

You have to take your passport with you to get back through customs at the port to get back on the ship. Right. Because you're essentially in another country, and then you're just, that's it. So the island is yours. Be back on the ship by four, or we're fucking leaving without you. So my dad's been on these a bunch of times, and he's seen multiple people left behind as the ship is leaving and he was on one of them with this guy whose wife was left behind and they just happened to be sitting next to him they're watching like oh my god that lady got left behind and he says yeah she does this every time every

time like this husband is just like shaking his head so she has to get a plane you can get like a little plane to take you to the next island and when the ship gets there you get back on the ship that's the only answer that's ridiculous hang on a second so this guy gets on the boat without his wife and that was my first thought watches his wife as he sails away on the boat without her yeah how the fuck does that work i'd be in so much trouble i would never live it down i would honestly i would never hear the end of it i i would never do it why where does this guy get the balls to do that i'll tell you what he's an old dude you know he's my dad's age probably in his 70s at this point he's like you know what if we get divorced fuck it you know i guess so yeah i guess people do kind of get to that point i mean sometimes they just want to do their own

thing though yeah she's like i'm gonna go shopping and you do your thing i'm sure i'm sure he didn't literally jump onto the ship and leave her on the dock i'm not going back into that zombie infected waste there with you gollum fuck you yeah and you know and you try all of your seduction techniques but it doesn't work well wait this brings me back to um the whole infection thing is is related to one reason I've never been on a cruise ship before. And that's because you often hear about people getting sick on ships and they have to quarantine the ship and stuff. And that's not me. I don't want to be a guy quarantined on a sick ship. Like that would be a nightmare for me.

I don't want to ever be in that situation. I was very scared about that. However, and this is one of the things they did. There are hand sanitizer stations everywhere. Now, before you get on the ship, they say to you, do you feel sick at the moment? Do you have any sweating or fever? And of course, everybody goes, no, because you're not going to go, yeah.

And they'll say, well, you can't come on board. So that to me is the worst piece of security ever. They should like swab people's forehead or something to test for illness. But you get on the ship and then it's impossible like on the way into the dining hall which is like a buffet dining hall they sanitize your hands so they're at least trying to cut down on illness right well it's particularly the norovirus that spreads through in cruise and because you because everyone has these communal eating places and also you're kind of trapped, right? In small cabins, sharing facilities.

It's like a school or something where you're very trapped together and you can't stop it. And also you're doing a lot of activities. And you can't, there's no accounting for people. Some people are so fucking filthy. They never wash their hands and stuff like that. But sometimes it's just like poorly paid food workers who have to go to work because otherwise they're not going to be able to

you know live and they're not very well this is interesting i i felt very guilty about the um the fact that we're living and it wasn't quite a luxurious cruise like it was genuinely a lot there were a lot of very wealthy people on the ship and then you have these guys who are basically working very, very long hours. And they'll sign like a contract for like eight or nine months to be on the cruise ship. So they live on the ship that whole time. No breaks, no holidays. They are on the ship for nine months working every single day. And I was like, damn, that's rough. And I was talking to one of the bartenders about it. And he said, let me tell you something. He said, this is one

of the best jobs you can get. Like half the crew were from the Philippines. And they want this job. Like this is the cushy job that they can get. It's safe. It's clean. It pays. They get tips.

And it's a good life. And they're taken care of. Their costs are extremely low the whole time they're away. Yes, they're away from home. But I was thinking, damn, what a rough job. But you've got to think of the people doing these jobs come from poorer countries.

This is a fucking great job. Like there is a waiting list of people to get this job. So as bad as it feels, it's extremely good for those people. They fucking love it. And then they'll take

three months off, spend time with their family. Some of them will be away and kids are born like they haven't seen their baby. So they leave their wife. She's pregnant.

They come back. They've got a nine month old baby so it's like being an international footballer but without the uh prestige of being a footballer and millions as well it's the exact same but yeah it's a good job like i didn't think of it that way like if you're living in the philippines i think you're right it is a little bit like being in the army because the army is the same like it doesn't pay super well but you end up your costs are very low so when you do end up leaving the army you have this sort of nest egg often of money that you've you've managed to accumulate because you didn't have to pay rent and for a car and all the other stuff do they these days they do they do have to pay yeah do you think some of these guys get into the mindset where they treat it a bit like the army

it's like the pyramid of needs thing right like there are there aren't any like major wars right now like there's like smaller wars but there's no major wars and these guys have probably never really experienced any conflict in their life so they think that working on a cruise ship is kind of like their their war sort of thing and they become veterans and they swap wars yeah i was on a tour we went to the caribbean i was on the ship for nine months some guy puked all over me i saw some shit you know like they they they almost think that they're like in the army but they're not sort of thing you know people people sometimes do that right yeah i can imagine that when you go paintballing with people people all of a sudden they turn into like like vietnam

vets or something yeah okay you're. It's fucking paintball though. They come out in full camo and they like totally change their personality. You're like, what the fuck is this? My whole squad got ambushed six months ago in Kettering. We caught some major shit down there by the barn. Yeah. Lost three men straight away to the first burst.

Hit the deck. Just had to go for it, mate. You know what I'm saying? Of course we were back for the next round. Stoned a bit bit but hard times one of my friends got a paintball on his ear swole up real nasty people just don't understand you know it's terrible oh fuck so would you go on a cruise again would you do that that cruise again no you know what cruise i've i've always wanted to do? You wouldn't go again? No.

Not even when you're an old man and you want to leave your wife on a fucking island. Yeah, you could have done that. What would you do, Sips? I want to go see some fjords. No, that I would do. Glaciers and fjords would be fucking cool because there's no other way to see this shit, I don't think.

So I did take a cruise a couple of years ago on the Hurtigruten, did take a cruise a couple years ago um on the hurty gruten which is a cruise line in norway sounds like a fucking disease it does but it was lovely small ship very nice don't get hurty gruten don't get the fucking hurty gruten you'll never stop itching and it went up it went up the fjords and spreads like a place like a plague nightmare all over this land it's a ship that goes up, and the idea is you go all the way up to the Arctic Circle, and you can see the Northern Lights on a good night.

So Mrs. F has always wanted to see the Northern Lights for some reason. This is like a thing for her. And we went on the ship, and it was overcast every day, and we didn't get to see the Northern Lights. We also got off at like halfway up Norway because we didn't have time to do the full cruise. But it was really nice. And you get off in all these little fishing towns in Norway

and it's great. And it was a really nice crew, nice ship, and it was completely chill. And it didn't feel anything like this kind of manufactured factory, kind of money-making enterprise that... Yeah, it's more of like an experience sort of thing. Yeah, but this one, it was nice.

And the passengers, there wasn't so many of them that you felt like you were overwhelmed with the number of people. Because when we first got there, we just could not believe how many people we were on the ship with. Like, it actually felt claustrophobic. And everything was just kind of, it was so weird. Like, when you're standing on the corridor at one end, looking down, the full length of all the staterooms on that deck it's just it's just it's just kind of overwhelming how many people there are and you realize just deck after deck after deck of people everything you do is packed with people the restaurant is just jammed it was it was it's crazy so after a while it gets too much but the hurtigruten line was nice that i would do a

smaller cruise or there's one into alaska that's meant to be beautiful but the one around the caribbean it just felt it felt kind of corny, honestly. My kids want to do the Disney cruise as well. No way, man. I haven't heard anything about it. Don't do it, my friend. Have you done it? No, but I've read all about it.

Do not fucking do it. I think it would be hell on earth. Yeah. I mean, my kids are like pretty fucking excited to do it. I don't think I'm going to do it. Do it for the story. I'd love to hear how terrible it was, but oh my God. Can you imagine just hearing it's a small world piped out of every fucking speaker?

Oh my God. Every time you leave your room. There's a fucking Mickey there. Fuck off. Not now, Mickey. For Christ's sake. You're like fucking straggling Mickey. You just start choking Pluto in a corner and crying.

Oh, my God. Did that fucking get me off of this thing? I couldn't bear it. Yeah. Jesus. So those are the two that I would consider doing. One of them because my kids want to do it so bad, and the other one because I think that fjords and glaciers would be kind of cool to see.

They're beautiful. Honestly, the fjords are beautiful. So how have they been sold? How have your kids, your five-year-old and three-year-old child been sold so hard on the Disney Cruise Line? That's not that they've been sold hard on it. We saw a commercial for it when we were, because we went to Disney this summer.

This is what I did in August. How was it? We went on a week vacation to Disney. Yeah, it was all right. It was Disney. It's definitely something that I've been to it as an adult, you know, like through trips out to L.A. with the maker and stuff like that. And I and I hate it.

I hate going there like on my own or with friends because it's just stupid. Like when you got kids, you might as well go there with your kids because it's it's actually nice to go with your kids because it's very magical for them. They love all the characters. Right, right. very magical for them they love all the characters right right it's a you know it's a it's a bit of a tearjerker sometimes because you know they're so excited and they get to meet like characters that they love and stuff and it's it's a nice experience but going as an adult yeah it's fucking bullshit i'd rather just go anywhere else but to fucking disneyland as an as an adult with other adults or by myself or whatever like it's just can you imagine taking your honeymoon in Disney World which people do yeah no I can't imagine doing

that I don't know why anybody would would subject themselves to that I guess if you're a big fan or whatever cool and then you want to do that but it's not that's not for me I'd rather just do something else but I think it's a good place to take kids but it's again like you were saying with the with the ship it's very it's very expensive and there's lots of hidden costs you know you get there and you're you're you're effectively on a resort in the middle of nowhere so you're you're at the mercy of their food services which is all like repackaged mcdonald's or whoever is their food sponsor sort of thing you know so it's like it's expensive and um it's it's busy it's not

really any like fun for dads no yeah god dad's like i you see other dads and you get those knowing looks from the other dads while their kids are having a meltdown dressed up as uh elsa from frozen you know it's just like um you just you get that you get that glance and you're like yeah i know i know i know how it goes i'm just glad mine aren't doing that right now god you just give them five minutes yeah get get on the elevator and just like quickly peace out once i get him into the elsa costume he's gonna be crying his eyes out yeah that's it yeah and um i noticed i i think this time especially being at disney i noticed i i noticed how sort of um maybe offensive disney can be without maybe intentionally doing it like they they had there's a lot of a lot of things

where they're like every girl is a princess and you're like okay cool but what if my son wants to dress up as a princess because sometimes boys would like to sort of thing and it's there's a lot of like weird messages like in in their in their live shows and stuff like that and i don't know i don't know if some of it is just them being um you know like old-fashioned or or not not being like aware of like any of this stuff or if they're going out of their way to like you know what i mean like you always get very conservative it's i don't know i don't know they're a big company with a lot of people that you know probably think about this stuff or it's been mentioned and i don't know i think they know that if you if you had the average american family

or even the most most families i think around the world and said every boy wants to be a princess but you'd have a lot of complaints you would i guess you get a lot of people saying what are you trying to corrupt my boy you know i get that why they wouldn't do that thing in the news a couple years ago about this so this this um child went with their with his parents to disney he was like three years old okay and for whatever reason he just really liked elsa he liked that like he liked frozen he liked elsa and he had an elsa dress and he dressed up as as elsa he's like a three-year-old boy just he didn't know like you know he doesn't have like any social conditioning at that point or whatever

he just liked it and he and he did it right yeah let's just assume that this is the case right and there's no other factors involved because there's a huge amount of factors that could be involved his it might it might be abusive parents who like to want a girl and therefore but yeah but let's just assume that he wants let's just assume that this is just a normal three-year-old kid who who just happened to really like frozen and and had an Elsa dress but he was a boy okay yeah so he goes to Disneyland with his parents and his parents know that he really likes Frozen. He's wearing his dress and everything. He's all ready to go.

And they go to the Princess Pavilion on Elsa Day so that he can meet Elsa. He probably doesn't know what the fuck is going on because he's, like, three years old or whatever. But they, like, turned him away, or they wouldn't take his picture, or they wouldn't let him get his picture taken because he was a boy wearing a dress wanting to meet Elsa or whatever and that didn't fit with the traditional uh demographic for that ride and what they were doing and stuff there was there was some sort of altercation I don't know if it was like a big deal or whatever Disneyland apologizes for banning boy from princess experience yeah yeah that's the one yes and and just like a lot of the, like, I don't know, maybe because I'd heard that story and then I'd been to Disneyland after and experienced it or whatever, but there's just a lot of things where you just think like, there's just a lot of lines that come out of like the hard enough and stuff and you're just like okay well i know but you did ban a little boy from seeing princess as well just like not the best i don't know it's just like i i'm not

like i i don't i don't lean crazily that that that way but i did notice it and i don't know if that's because i spend a lot of time on the internet or or if it's because I want to actually fight for the rights of a three-year-old who doesn't know any fucking better, who's just doing things that a three-year-old wants to do. I think they should have just let him. Just let kids be kids. That should be the message for Disney. Let the kids be kids, for Christ's sake.

Every girl could be a princess if they're the right age and willing to. And they pay $29.99 and they book ahead of time. No, and they're willing to be in a successful TV show and marry a balding guy from England or like there's a very specific list of requirements if they want to learn Norwegian

and marry have the right family oh god it was a good trip the kids loved it and we loved taking yeah so that it was but it was it was a good trip uh the kids loved it and we loved taking the kids and it was nice but like i i don't know maybe i'm just like an old grumpy adult or whatever but like i don't find disney that magical and actually this time i noticed some cracks in the magic oh fuck oh well it was it was good though it's they they do a good job to vancouver i went to

vancouver sips oh yeah vancouver how was that it was great did you like vancouver vancouver's a really nice city actually it's really good i would definitely go back to vancouver i want i wanted to see more of it but because we were working the whole time i didn't get a huge amount of time to go out and see the city sure honestly honestly, it's really, really cool. What surprised me, I didn't know this, Vancouver, the population is like half Asian people. Like literally half. So there's a huge number of Chinese people there, Korean people there. Yeah.

Japanese people there. Some of the traffic signs and stuff are like in Mandarin and stuff, right? Yeah, you do see stuff in Mandarin, yeah. like and so many chinese restaurants like really good ones um and japanese restaurants and korean restaurants it's amazing and the architecture yeah is actually reminded me of shanghai the apartment buildings that they built because there's a lot of chinese money in vancouver now i heard a few theories about why this is one One of them is it's close to China, right? So when you leave China, you just go to Washington. Well, yeah, it's Pacific Coast.

That's why I always figured, you know, it's just like, you know, the closest place for Asian people if they want to move to North America. You'd imagine that there'd be tons of them in, like, places like Seattle, San Francisco and stuff as well. Like, in Seattle, it doesn't have a huge Asian population. Like, I've been there multiple times. I mean, I'm sure there is an Asian population in Seattle, it doesn't have a huge Asian population. Like I've been there multiple times. I mean, I'm sure there is an Asian population in Seattle, but it's nothing like Vancouver. Like Vancouver is literally like 50%. So someone told me that one of the reasons is when they were building,

I don't know how true this is. Someone will shoot me down on Reddit, I'm sure. When they were building the railways, they had all these Chinese workers. This is what I heard as well. The railways went east to west and as they're building out to the west all these chinese people were just left when they finished the railways living on the west coast and i guess they built a line up to seattle and vancouver and then they were like we'll just fucking live here i don't know if that's true but i thought it was

interesting that's probably some truth in it but But I think in Canada especially, you'll notice like it's very multicultural because Canada has always had a very open policy for immigration because it's a massive country with a tiny population. So they're always looking to get more people to move to Canada because it'll grow their economy, right? You've got the space. Definitely. economy right so you've got the space definitely yeah so you get a lot of um you know like in countries where there's civil wars or there's there's problems or whatever they take a lot of refugees in um they have like a a pretty a pretty open policy for immigration and stuff and and therefore you find that there's just a ton of like big communities of uh people from other countries like in canada and like and vancouver is known

for being quite asian and then you get like vancouver island there's lots of brits there's there's like a ton of british people on vancouver island uh and then like the further east you go the more french and stuff there are and whatever and it's just it's just the way that it's always been like that it's always been like super super duper multicultural but i did something out there i'd never done before at uh at a ti which was you know the late show that we did so like i i'd been trying to get valve to do something like this for a long time where they did a more relaxed sort of show you know with guests coming in and talking and stuff like that but i i'd always pitch to them as a stream that went on during the main event. So you'd have the main event stream and all that hype and all the rest of it,

but you'd also have like a more chill stream that would be a sofa, you know, people dropping in and out, people that are coming by attending the event. Because you always get people that aren't working the event, but are known in Dota, right? Like people that you know. So you'd cast games with them, you talk to players and stuff like that.

It's a common thing that actually has sort of been happening alongside TI anyway. You know, like you, didn't you go out to one event that was similar where you all had a house and you sort of did stuff that was going on at the same time? Right, that was like before TI. So that was like the hub. Yeah.

They used to do like a hub. Now Beyond the Summit does the hub because Valve doesn't invest in events anymore other than TI they're all handled by production companies Beyond the Summit does a TI hub

I think Moonduck might do one as well but basically we wanted that kind of feeling but at the main event and they were always like we don't want to have a second stream we don't want to take viewers from the mainstream and put them on a second stream. We would want it to have that same production level. I can see their reasons why. Yeah, of course.

And also, they wouldn't want it to look shit. They'd want it to look really good. So they would have to have extra people assigned to this, and they just didn't want to do it. So a few people pitched this idea for either an early show or a late show that goes on after the the main event and luckily they they chose me to to do it with dj wheat and it was fucking great like it was literally dj wheat dj wheat it was literally working in a bar every night after the show so we watch all the games we plan the show out we arrange the guests we write some questions and come up with some games and then we go all the games, we plan the show out, we arrange the guests, we write some questions and come up with some games.

And then we go to the pub and we just sit there drinking and talking bollocks for like an hour. It was like a podcast in a pub, basically, that had guests and was kind of vaguely TI related. And that was cool. I knew I was going to be doing that. DJ Wee is a gem. He was great. He was such a nice guy. I'd met him once before at a Dota event in New York, which was ESL One New York, like three, four years ago.

And that was good, but I never got to hang out with him. I was working with him every day, like in Vancouver. He's the nicest dude, such a nice guy, very funny, great to work with, super professional dude, just super experienced and completely calm and confident, everything I'm not. So it was perfect to have him as the sort of anchor then they told us when we got there by the way you guys are also doing this live stage show on the final night and they took us to this theater and it was like a two and a half thousand person capacity theater like it was like benaroya hall from ti3 it was this huge theater and it was beautiful and this huge stage proper red curtains and all the rest of it

and they're like so plan that and it's going to be like the tonight show i was like oh my god i've never done anything like that in my life like live stage stuff never so i was shitting myself for like two weeks very stressed i would be yeah we're planning this event it was it was terrifying like when we do the yogs live stuff um kind-Con and stuff, it's just hilarious, right? And I just have to sit there. It's all been planned ahead of time. Perfect. I just sit there, have a drink, and we play some games or whatever,

and it was funny. But this was like we had to plan the show, write the show, sort the guests, plan everything, like come up with a run of show, talk to the production team and everything. It was nuts. So we did that for like two weeks. Hotbit actually did a lot of that work as well. And then we're standing there we watch the crowd after the game fill up in like 10 minutes the whole place was like bam and they were running to get to the front

and we're gonna have the winning team on stage to interview them as well as some guests and stuff and they've got this beautiful set with like a proper backdrop the intro is like shots of vancouver oh no live the late game you know oh my god she's doing the fucking tonight show and then the curtains open and we're just on stage and everybody was fucking screaming i was terrified i was absolutely terrified but it was also kind of fun like the weird thing is when you get a laugh or a cheer from a live crowd it's like this instant confirmation that what you did was the right thing and normally all the stuff we do you make it and then you hope it gets some good views and maybe a thread on

reddit but you don't really know it's we don't know when the laughs are coming sometimes sometimes it can sometimes just throw you out yeah you know because you're doing this thing and they're all laughing away and you're like yeah you look down and you realize that they weren't laughing at your jokes your dick is just hanging out of your exactly but the opposite happens as well though right like you'll do say something that you plan that you think is gonna be really funny and no one will laugh and you'll be like oh i guess we're carrying on here you just have to like the payoff is when you fuck up you know you fucked up right then and there and you've got to keep going so yeah it was scary it's why comedians practice their stuff in small events

often regularly so they understand that pace and they get the energy and stuff like when we do these live shows sometimes because it's just very off the cuff you know it's all very improper it's it's a real sometimes really awkward situation you end up in where people don't laugh at the right times or will do laugh when you don't expect it it's it's really weird but great like to have that suddenly feedback it was weird yeah it was it was really strange and you also realize that like you feel everybody watching you in a way that that i'm not used to like when it's just a camera like when i'm streaming or something like that or like when we're doing the poker it's just me and tom in a room like yes there are people watching but they're not immediately there so

you're just goofing around and that's it. But yeah, like you said, when you say something and either people don't laugh, you think, fuck. And when they do, you think, wow, like it's it was I could see how people get addicted to that. It was. But also it's kind of off putting in a sense, like it sometimes does cloud your head and you start like it's like you can see how people freeze up. Oh, God. In these situations. Like it's a real different experience. It's my up as well, right? In these situations. Like,

it's a real, it's a real different experience. It's my greatest fear speaking in front of a group of people. Any, any small group of people, my greatest fear used to be even in front of three or four people. If I had to stand up and talk, I would start sweating and it's,

oh my God. And I would forget. Well, even if, even if we're like an office thing and there's like 10 of us in a room or even five of us in a room and someone says, Lewis, what do you think? And I'm like, Oh, you don't mean it's like, it thing and there's like 10 of us in a room or even five of us in a room and someone says lewis what do you think and i'm like oh like you don't mean it's like i it's it's like real strange that that affects you so heavily when you know like millions of people are watching

through that camera yeah it's weird but you're worried about the 15 people in front of you i always take frazier's advice in that what's that, which is to imagine your entire audience naked and wearing black socks. And that makes you feel like more superior than them. That would not work for me. That would feel even weirder. Just get a boner. Just a super seducing out.

It was just, yeah, it was weird. But also you suddenly realize that if something funny happens, you have to pause. So the conversation flow was kind of disrupted by you have to wait for the audience reaction before you keep going. So it changes your whole flow. It was very strange. And I kind of dried up thinking of things to say

because I was just thinking, holy shit, look at all these people. That was the first thing I was thinking. It's bizarre. But luckily DJ Wheat was there. And DJ's fucking, no problem. Like, he's done this stuff loads of times. Exactly. And honestly, like, I think he was a really,

I think the Valve is great at this, right? They're very, very good at taking, like, a good idea and turning it into something that works, right? Like, you know, they obviously thought, okay, having some sort of parallel show would work. Like, how are we going to do it? But let's make it this thing that's good and we need this guy that we know is going to be able to do it you know dj wheat he's he's a legend really he's he's he's obviously i think he's director at twitch doing some some some head of something something important

he's a little bit like turps in a sense that he's kind of he has a has an actual day job where he actually does do really important responsible stuff yeah but he can then he comes and just does this thing because he loves being out there as a personality good at it too he's really good yeah really good i think he makes the he's the head of their content production i think i could have his title wrong but it's something like that um but yeah he you know he knows twitch he knows everybody at twitch and talking about the business and everything. It's crazy. Really interesting.

It's definitely the same thing for Terps. So Terps went out to Gamescom and was working for Blizzard as their host. He's done it for three years now. And so he gets to get there at nine in the morning and be there all day. And he had to be there a couple of days earlier to do the rehearsals.

And he did six days of getting up on stage and chatting up exciting stuff and ad-libbing and presenting stuff and you know like I don't know for example there was this one time I think where Hearthstone the internet was down or something so Terps got his phone out and you know played a game on his phone against this guy on stage you know you have to kind of be just it's intense that's his exact fucking role but Terps does it because he loves it

and he loves Blizzard it's like his favorite thing but he's always been much more of an extroverted character like as opposed to almost everyone else

in the office that's why you've got to find more paperwork for we've got to keep him down we don't want him to steal the show we've got to

bog him down in TPS reports we've got to find a whole bunch of shit that he has to rubber stamp. We can have that by the end of the day. That would be great. That would be great. Oh, man. I remember that.

Fucking hell. So we haven't heard really what Sips has been doing for so long. I think it's pretty much been. Then I had a whole bunch of other trips. I went to Munich for a Smelly Boys weekend, which is nice. What did you think of Munich? It's great, man.

Oh, I loved it. I'm going back again in like two and a half weeks, three weeks. Okay, why? For Oktoberfest, baby. What do you mean Smelly Boys weekend? Have you got all these new football friends? Football friends?

Old football friends. Old Canada friends who happen to be in and around Europe. Join my fantasy football team on Facebook, Chris. The jealousy. The jealousy. The jealousy. Lewis, just be happy for another person that you know to have the smelly friends. What's wrong? I got some smelly alcoholic friends that I like to meet up with every once in a while.

Is this all just dads escaping off, like wealthy Jersey dads? No, some of them are dads. So there's a group of guys. No, some of them are dads. So there's a group of guys. One of the guys was my neighbor when I was like six or seven years old, and we've been friends ever since. And he has a large group of friends who I all know who are all in various stages of marriage with children and stuff like that.

And a bunch of them are turning 40, so they're going to Oktoberfest. There's like 10 of them going. And so I'm going and I'm going to stay with them. And then my other friend that I went to high school with who lives in Italy is going to meet us there as well. And I was also in a band with him. What a cool dude! What?

Called the Dope Joes. Yeah, yeah, we were called the Dope Joes. We played shows and stuff in Ottawa when I was like 20. Bass. Bass guitar, baby. You can play the bass guitar? I used to be able to. How have we only hearing this now?

So anyway, so he's meeting me there as well. And he's staying with, because he's been to Oktoberfest. I think this is like his 10th year on the trot. And he has like Oktoberfest friends I think this is like his 10th year on the trot. And he has Oktoberfest friends who live in Germany who have an apartment in Munich. So he can stay with them. And then I'm going to stay with these other guys. I feel like I've been duped.

I thought you were just one of us. I didn't realize you had sweaty friends. I got some sweaty friends. Yeah, I got some sweaty ass friends. I thought you were like just one of us nerds who was a basement dwelling golem i am needing old richards to help us try and pick up a chick i used to not want to go i didn't want to go downtown and go drinking because i wanted to stay home and play pharaoh by impression studios i used to do that

as well so i am a nerd too but you don't need to qualify that we know i just have so what do you do in munich what's this holiday idea you just go there and drink what and just be hung over last time i went we just went and drank we like for a couple of days because they have these like it was summer they have these like really nice outdoor beer gardens with like you just walk from bar to bar hosenpah bands and stuff which is really good we went to like there's this big uh there's this big like public river that runs right through munich it goes through a park charlie the fucking chocolate factory yeah everybody likes to go swimming there this place was this park was fucking packed okay there was like 5 000 people there i'm not even joking it

was nuts and they were all like in bikinis and their swim shorts you know what i want to see swimming and playing volleyball and they they would like cool their beers they had like these milk crates that they would attach to like a log on the side of the bank and they'd let it float in the river to keep their beers cold and stuff it was awesome so much fucking confidence right he's confidence tricked his way into this group of friends. I don't believe it. He's been watching. He played the original Super Seducer, and he seduced himself. A load of friends.

I watched the World Cup. They're not real zips. It's not the real you. They'll find out. You're not cool. You're one of us. We're losing him. We're losing him.

Oh, baby, fine. So I'm going to Oktoberfest for like three or four days, I think. Three or four days. So that'll be fun. All right, one question. Are you going to miss a Triforce podcast while you're away? No, I should be back in time. I think I get back on Wednesday.

So I should be. Well, the audience won't be too unhappy alright well there you go that is a good time to end holy shit fuck let's see you next week

I feel bad now do you want me to not go and just stay home or fuck I want you to be fly free fly free

fly free if you love them let them go poor Lewis oh fuck oh man alright alright everyone

thank you for listening we'll see you all next week with some more of this see you next time until then peace goodbye bye