Triforce! - Triforce! #77: The Cult Masters

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Triforce! Episode 77! Sips went on a disgusting Oktoberfest holiday and Pyrion sets up his cult!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast with me, Perion Flax. You're not Perion Flax. With me, Perion Flax. Sorry. With me, Lewis. Perion Flax. You're not Pyrrhon Flax. With me, Pyrrhon Flax. And Sips. Sorry. With me, Lewis. Pyrrhon Flax. This guy. Bald guy.

Hello. Can't tell he's bald. Cut a cat. You can hear it. We are sponsored by Jugs.com. You could get a jug for all of your jugging needs. Whether you're a prisoner and you want to jug someone. I thought that was like a pornographic thing for a minute.

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Yeah, you might need to have your prostate milked as well. Use the code TRIBORCE at checkout for 0% off. Oh, sorry. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts. They have like a minute of adverts at the start, guys. So I felt like we need to make fake ones. Got any products you want to flog? Got any shit you want to promote?

I think we did this before, didn't we? The fake ads at the start of the podcast I know I just it just annoys me a bit can I give shout outs to products that I do enjoy yeah sure

go for it shout outs to things we like Sainsbury's own max strength cold and flu day and night capsules have been getting me through this week

so shout out to those Sainsbury's all day night contain very dangerous things may cause drowsiness. Do not take while driving. And terms and conditions apply. Contains paracetamol. Do not

take anything else containing paracetamol while taking this medicine. Talk to a doctor at once if you take too much of this medicine, even if you feel fine. I do wonder how many people do that. 999 What's your emergency? Well, I've taken four paracetamol

instead of two i feel fine but it said to contact the doctor immediately okay we're removing you from the register of phones that can call 999 yeah good idea i think i think that actually happens more than you think i'd also like to give a shout out to mini cheddars yeah i think they're underappreciated i love them no they are fantastic holy crap though when you eat too many of them it feels like there's a cannonball in your stomach like it oh really yeah they just don't god and you know they take a long time to come out the other end like they just they sit in there for a long time like your mouth feels like just you've eaten a fucking cardboard box you know i mean they're They're so dry. I would like to do a big shout out to Highland Spring, 500 milliliter bottles of water. Still spring water, naturally from the Scotland's

Oak Hill Hills. Really refreshing. Tastes very clean. I mean, I haven't tested it, so I don't know if it is actually clean, but I'm assuming that it meets all of the bottling standards for drinkable liquids by human beings and stuff like that. So good job, guys. I want to just quickly give a – You drink bottled water? Yeah, well, you know.

Yeah, I just bring out a bottle of water with me to the garage, you know. But couldn't you just have a bottle and fill it from the tap? What's wrong with tap water on Jersey well you know there's nothing i drink plenty of tap water as well but they say that you shouldn't refill a bottle too much because you get a lot of gross germs and stuff in the bottles that's why i use a product i'd like to give a shout out to called glass yeah yeah used for centuries for various things. It's like eating hot food on plastic is like something that I don't tend to do either. Because I always just think, you know, the plastic will melt.

Yeah. Even if it just melts slightly and you get some like weird plastic molecules into your body or something. Well, look, I got news for you, fella. There's plastic in everything now. look i got news for you fella there's plastic in everything now that's why i'd like to great give a great old shout out to rubbermaid uh kitchen plates and forks and knives as well it is now do you have a tumble dryer in your house sir yes of course i do i do guess what all those little bits of synthetic fiber they get blasted out of the hot air vent and on your uh tumble dryer that probably leads outside get zoed out of the hot air vent and on your tumble dryer that probably

leads outside get zooped out into the environment right absorbed by it and then comes back into you a shout out to tiny pieces of synthetic fiber shout out to those tiny tiny pieces of synthetic fiber that are ruining the environment when i think about when i think about plastic now i think about plastic it makes me want to be sick well oh my god this is like a big sort of almost feels like a conspiracy theory that's going on right where it's like phthalates and they're called phthalates right whatever they're in they're in your fucking bloodstream everyone has like a high quantity of phthalates in them and i read actually relatively recently that tight pants type men's tight briefs okay cause lower testosterone because of the

plastic in underpants right touching your balls they say that um they say the same about having a laptop on your lap it heats up your balls too much that's true that i can understand and could also lead to similar problems the hot balls that you get from a laptop like everyone every bloke that has testicles see how inclusive i am i'm i'm gender specific and testicle specific i don't have a laptop but i have a tablet and i find my big my biggest gripe with the tablet is when i rested on my big man belly i get a mark across my my belly like where the tablet rests and that that it doesn't hurt or anything but it just it looks terrible of you lying on your bed like with your neck like a really awkward angle yeah when i'm examining myself in the mirror and sucking my stomach in to make myself look not so fat i see this big

line on my stomach and i'm just like oh it's ruining the whole vibe that I'm going for here. It reminds you of your hysterectomy. So speaking of fat man bellies, you went to Oktoberfest this week. I got back last night. I just got back. Now, the dads you went with, I assume they're all dads from your local kids' school, right? Do they all have fat man bellies or are they all quite nicely put together dads? No, I mean, they're like, mostly as I remember them, just like slightly fatter and slightly older sort of thing. There were eight of us all together. Eight.

And we were sharing. An octuplet at Oktoberfest. An octuplet fest, yeah. So we shared a stunning apartment in Munich. It was huge. It was this really big apartment um and i i was amazed by how quickly the whole apartment smelt like farts um almost instantly as soon as eight men got in there right and uh are any of them vegetarians like you because my god i don't know i i wasn't really keeping track of who was

eating what and stuff it was a bit of a messy trip so i had to open the door to my fucking bedroom last night because i went in there and i was like my god this is this is a bad one like i couldn't get rid of the smell i was like shaking the covers like up and down i was just trying to get there yeah but man you know when they come back from war and um some of them have to use like night lights and stuff because they've been traumatized because Because nighttime during war is like scary, right? There's like a shit always seems to happen at night, like when people aren't expecting it. You know, you can hear like the sound of, you know, critters out there in the woods, but then also like whispering Viet Cong and stuff like that.

And that traumatizes the shit out of you, right? You're like there on your back, you know, with your head at an awkward angle, your iPad on your belly, and you're just trying to relax, but, you know, the sound of the gunfire from the iPad game you're playing triggers the memories. So some shit has happened to you,

and you'll never forget it, right? And it stays with you. I feel the same way about sharing an apartment in Munich with eight guys. The sounds that I heard in the middle of the night, occasionally when I woke up, were unbelievable. I thought at one point somebody was dying, like choke snoring.

That was very worrying. Constant, constant farting. All you'd hear, it was like a symphony of flatulence all across this apartment all night long. And then mixed in with snoring, strange yelling and talking occasionally in your sleep and stuff. And I'm sure I was part of that. Contributing. At points while I was asleep.

But I don't know how women put up with men at all. It's just crazy. It's a miracle. It's a complete and utter miracle. Like, especially as men get older, they just get exponentially more disgusting as time goes on. You know, they get fatter, they fart more, they snore more. Honestly. Burping in your sleep? Who burps in their sleep?

But I heard burping in sleep. Are they drinking in their sleep as well? They just carry it on the beard? I think the thing, to be fair fair every night was drunken sleeping so maybe that had made it a lot worse but were these guys just passed out around the lounge or were they actually did they make it to the bedroom no no like made it like consistently made it to i'll tell you what german beer i don't know what they put into it but holy crap i was not hung over once while i was there it's so good dude it's my favorite beer in the world it's crazy it's so good there's only one

problem dude once you've had it you can't go back no once you've had it like i've been there a bunch of times and i i hardly ever drink beer you know i'm a cider man yeah yeah but when i'm in germany the deutsche beer is the best and beer yeah i'm gross bitter Der deutsche Bier ist die beste Bier. Ein gross bitte. Ja, sehr gut. Bringen Sie Bier coming, please, Frau Lein. Und keine stoppen. Don't stoppen. Just keep hopping.

Don't stoppen. Ja, oh man. So it was a really, really fun time. I mean't i can't rate it any higher than 12 out of 10 it was fantastic fuck i would do it again every year so what was the idea you got so how long were you there like a few days or just yeah three nights which was enough my my body my body is is is like in shutdown now it it's screaming at me constantly shitting like even when i don't need to shit there's like shit leaking out of my ass now so you went away in september though for oktoberfest how does that work is it just a long season of it now no no it bleeds into october so it's september

is german for october right i didn't realize uh it goes on for two weeks and three weekends so like it's it started basically when i got there and it'll go on for the next for two weeks and three weekends. So like it started basically when I got there and it'll go on for the next like two weeks or whatever. So I think it's to bring in October. Were there any like women in maid outfits and stuff? And like also, what did you fucking eat, Sips? Because when I was in Germany for Gamescom, it was fucking impossible to eat anything.

It was either pretzels or meat ke just said yeah a lot of the time i just drank instead of right obviously it's just liquid bread did you see anything green in the three days you were there any anything green not a single goddamn thing except for uh myself in the mirror sick like a couple times no i wasn't i wasn't sick at all i'm happy to report i was not not once sick uh you're fucking literally before this podcast started, you were complaining how you were sick. Well, no, I've got a cold now, and I think that's just from being in a tent with, like, billions of other people.

Do you know what you need? Sainsbury's cold and flu capsules. Just a shout-out. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm currently downing a 500-milliliter bottle of still spring water from Highland Spring. Right. milliliter bottle of still spring water from highland spring um and um and very aware of microfibers uh being in my garage right now and also in the air and stuff too yeah traditional wear tons tons of people dundles they call dundles you're on the uh you're on like the metro or the

the the u-bond going like to to the to the grounds or whatever and And there's just like old, young, kids, women, they're all dressed up like in their lederhosen and they've got their overalls and their yodeling hats on and the women look fantastic. Holy shit. Oh God, I love it. Is there much dancing or is it mostly just sitting around drinking? Lots of standing on tables yelling and dancing

and it's super easy to meet people because everybody is in very close proximity to each other and drunk. So you're constantly meeting new people and getting dragged off to go out and smoke with them and come back and losing everybody. And it's crazy. It's super fun. Tell me about some of the people you met. I snorted some candy cocaine while I was there, which was unbelievable. What the fuck are you saying? It's not drugs.

It's like, it's like, it's called like snoof, I think. It's like, it comes in a little violin. It's just like, it's, it's candy, but you snort it. And it's very minty. It's like, imagine snorting Vicks Vapor Rub. It's, oh my God. That sounds terrible. You snorted, you mean you had to snuff?

It was really, really bad. Apparently it's Weissencox. Oktoberfest cocaine. It's made of glucose and menthol. Yeah, that's the stuff. Oh my god, can you ever feel it too? I've never been in so much pain. It was unbelievable. Okay, so the powder

is cut into lines on beer tables, or since they're usually covered in sticky beer, tapped onto the back of hands. But actually the second time, this third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time I did, it wasn't too bad. It's just that first time it was, it was pretty good.

How many times did you do Weiss, Weiss Cox? Weiss and Cox? Oh my God, it's everywhere. Like you can't get away from it. People love it. Like it's, you have that, you know, you've got like uh you know like the paint sniffer mouth when you're done it's just like fucking powder all over your beard

now what your sinus is all fucked up oh fuck my god you were snorting fucking fucking octoberfest cocaine off the fucking table yeah right out of the crack so tell me about some of these crazy people you met i want to know did you meet Hans and Claudia were they like fucking just getting pissed were they like abandoning their jobs were they like

well I don't understand how the how the people who are serving the beers do it because like each beer is a gigantic

gigantic mug with a liter of beer in it they get used to it but they bring over like 20 at a time it's insane like it's yeah but again it's like what they're used to when it. But they bring over like 20 at a time. It's insane. Yeah, but again, it's like what they're used to, right?

When you start off there, you're carrying one at a time. But before long, you know. No, I never saw one person carrying just one. They always had like at least 10. It's crazy. But honestly, if you've never been Lewis and you want to have a good time, fucking go. It's really great. Jeez, I can't recommend it enough.

It's so good. I don't know if I'd like it, though. I feel like for me it would be like, I don't really like those kind of big drunken party things. I never really have. And so for me it's like. They play like Bon Jovi and everything. It's crazy.

They play a lot of traditional German chanty songs during the day, but then in the evening um they start belting out like uh you know i will survive and it's raining men and bon jovi and like all the classics you know country roads you say it's like a a sort of a fairground so is it more like a kind of like is it more like a specific like festival area that you have to get trained it is yeah so yeah it's's in the same space every time. Normally it's just this big. How many people would you say were there?

I think over the course of the time that it's open, they receive about 6.5 million people. So it's like... Get the fuck out. It's fucking super busy. It's insane. Wow. Yeah, it's nuts.

There's like a temporary police station there. Like, there's everything. There's like a temporary police station there. There's everything. There's medical tents, obviously, because people... They have a medical tent where if they find somebody passed out or whatever, they'll take you to the tent. They'll take your ID out of your wallet and hold it at the reception so that if somebody is looking for you, they can just say at the reception, like, oh, we're looking for Hans.

Yeah, where's Wilhelm? Yeah, and then they just pull out this deck of fucking driver's licenses and like, oh, yeah, Hans. How old is Wilhelm? He's here, he's passed out. We have 14 Wilhelms. So they've got like all of these

really good systems for fucking... This is the Wilhelm's room. Come in here, see if any of these Wilhelms is yours. This one is covered in cocaine. You can see his beard is full of cocaine. He smells a lot of it. Check the hands room.

We might have overflowed the Wilhelms into the hands. The Wilhelms needed more Lebensraum, so we moved them into the hands room. So it's very busy place, right? You get there. Sorry, Germans. Sorry. Imagine like a tent that can hold like 5,000 people,

but every table is absolutely rammed with people. You can't get a table. So you just have to wait and luck out, basically, if people are leaving. And then you can just grab their table sort of thing, right? So a couple of times we were stuck outside, which was all right because the weather was super nice. And there's lots of tables outside and stuff too. So we're outside and we're just having a couple of times we were stuck outside, which was all right because the weather was super nice and there's lots of tables outside and stuff too.

So we're outside and we're just having a couple of drinks and, you know, just like talking. You're having a couple of drinks? Looking around and stuff. At Oktoberfest? At Oktoberfest? Jesus. And this girl and like a couple of other people walk out of a tent and she just, I've never seen this person before in my life, but I could tell that she was just so fucking sick. You know, like, you know, like she was just so fucking sick You know like She was pale, she just looked like She wasn't with it at all

She was stumbling everywhere and stuff And we were all like oh fuck That's it, she's dead They're probably going to take her to the medical tent or whatever And as we're discussing this Just like this explosion of vomit Came out of her mouth And went like all down her front And the front of her friend who was dressed up really nicely in like this like traditional fucking, you know, Oktoberfest gear or whatever.

Oh, my God. It stunk so fucking bad. We were just sitting there and all of a sudden you just smelt somebody's – the smell of somebody's insides just waft over the whole place. And it was like this whole patio, which is like an exodus of people. Everyone's like, ah! Everyone's getting up and leaving and stuff. Oh, fuck, it was so gross.

I feel like that's inevitable, right? I feel like that's part of, that's like a risk factor that you're going to. You don't want to be that person. You don't want to be the sick person that causes this domino effect. Fuck, it was awful. It was so bad. Oh, shit.

I mean, that's just part of it, right? Yeah, it is. It really is. The thing is, in a sense, because the beer is very drinkable, it's very much like low alcohol content, and you really have to go really fucking hard on it to get that kind of wasted. It's open for 12 hours a day, too, and most people will get there very early to get a table.

Yeah, my table was on this table. I love Germany, and I like German people, but there's something about making fun of them that just, I mean, I just can't help myself. No. It's just their accent to me is brilliant. When I do my stupid comedy german accent it makes me happy and i like joking about the war even though it was the worst thing that

ever happened in humanity there's something about it would you consider that uh racist though like um mocking somebody fucking love it they love it okay yeah most of them are cool with it yeah they can't talk about it they come here and we tease them about it. Ja, so far. And they're like, finally. Finally, we can talk about the Krieg in peace. Oh, fuck. No, honestly. If you're listening to this podcast, Germany in general, man, what a great time. Big fans.

Big fans here. Huge fan. Loved it. Everything from 1946 onwards, you're cool. So I guess I've used a good number to always have some sort of conversation flowing, right? Between old friends. It was good, yeah. Occasionally when some people would get up and go off to get food or whatever,

we were just using WhatsApp, so it's so fucking easy to keep in touch post like live locations of where you are and stuff like that and joke around as to where you were like posting a live location from like a dumpster and stuff and did anyone get out of hand i mean we won't name any names no no actually like i think i think if we'd gone 20 years ago when we weren't all 40 or or pushing 40 probably but everybody was fairly sensible you know like they're all just so fucking happy to know their limits yeah most of them were happy to have a break from family life and stuff and they didn't go don't go too crazy though age for the whole crowd like was it generally like your guys of your age as well was it like a younger crowd

or was it like they're like two years older than me. My main friend from that group is somebody that was my neighbor growing up. I think he means... I mean Oktoberfest in general. Of Oktoberfest. Oh, sorry. Oktoberfest in general was a big mix of families, everything. There's fair rides and stuff there.

There was kids, teenagers, adults Old people Make sure you drink up all of your beer Or you will not be allowed your dinner I think the culture over there is generally Because when I was in Munich Not for Oktoberfest We went to like beer gardens and stuff And it was the same

It was like kids and stuff Families, like generations of families All just drinking together What, like grandma grandma yeah yeah yeah yeah and the eating eating radishes mostly i don't know what the fucking german obsession is with radishes but pickled radish like sauerkraut and stuff or i guess so but yeah just so um so yeah it sounds healthier than fucking pretzels and beef or i guess so yeah sausage jesus sausage. Jesus. Yeah, it was good. It was good. Like I said, Luis, we should go.

Maybe we'll take everybody next year. It'll be fun. Take the whole family out. We can vlog the whole thing. You'll love it. Jeez. I don't know, man. It's a strange recommendation.

It's something that I have never considered doing as a holiday. I never really considered it either i was always i heard my friends like talking about it saying that we should go and stuff and i was always like fuck you know i'm a bit older now i don't know if i want to drink that much like it sounds like intense i don't want to be stuck in a tent all day drinking getting sick and stuff but it's not really like that at all it's it's it's really good i i feel like a question i've got a question for you guys because that's 22 minutes of oktoberfest chat so i've got another topic that's been burning in my brain all week i don't know why i've been thinking

about this right so i was thinking about cults like religious cults that that start up and first of all i'm thinking how do you get into one of those in the first place like how do you start your own religious cult? Not because I want to, but I'm just curious about the phrase. You have to be an incredible public speaker. That's the one. That's the one and only true thing about it. The guy from the Heaven's Gate cult, he just looked like a weirdo.

A lot of them just look like weirdos. I think some of them are good public speakers. Yeah, I know. Some of them do look like weirdos, but they make very compelling speeches. But they wouldn't compel most people. No, but this is the thing, that's why these cults aren't that big. Like, you know, Heaven's Gate was what, like 40 people or something? It was small, but like the Jonestown, that was a pretty big cult. Like, that was a lot of people that killed themselves there.

Well, look at... There are lots of cults. But anyway, my point is this. You get your cult going, and I'm wondering if, like the cult leader obviously, some of them are probably just delusional, right? Like genuinely believe this shit. I'd say most of them are, yeah. Like the heavens gave it to them.

But I think a lot of them are just thinking, you know what, this'll be a laugh, won't it? We'll just start a cult, and I'll make it one of those sex cults where we all have sex with each other, and I'll be the leader, and I'll have lots of sex, and we'll say it one of those sex cults where we all have sex with each other and I'll be the leader and I'll have lots of sex. I think it comes sort of from the same place as like revolutionaries come from. But obviously like the end goal of what they're trying to do isn't the same as starting a revolution.

I think it just comes from people who are very disenfranchised. They don't feel like anyone. You think they get people that are like outliers or outsiders, they're off the grid types and they're like exactly they they appeal to people who have nobody and can't relate to anybody in society and convince themselves that oh hang on a second if we know better than everybody else we know that

there's the fucking you know god is gonna welcome us with open arms if we fucking all chop our dicks off or you know whatever whatever the whatever the uh the the operational procedure is for that cult you know what i mean they believe it in the end because they have nothing else to believe in like they i reckon i reckon that's probably true for quite a few of them but they're always going to be some guys that are going to know exactly what this is and they're just along for the ride they're just like well because a lot of these cults have like a leadership thing you know you've got the guy in charge and he's got some honchos below him they've got some honchos below them and they've probably all got perks like they get to have sex

with five of the women instead of all of them well yeah i mean i think that's always like a part of it there's always like some side play that you know right so i'm wondering if some of the guys that come in there they they know like what's up and they know that the cult leader is pulling the wool over people's eyes right so like some people just get involved because they know that there's a chance for them to have sex is what you're saying and do drugs and live in a cult and not have to pay taxes and just basically have a laugh yeah but i'm wondering if sometimes they accidentally sort of let slip to the rest of them what's going on. Like I was imagining the cult leader's given some speech about the ancient text

and you know, that he found like, um, in Mormonism, I was trying to explain Mormons to my, my kids last night. Cause I was, they were like, well, what, what's a Mormon? Like they'd heard it mentioned on TV or something. Is Mormon the one where the book fell from the sky in a field? No, no, no, no. It didn't fall from the sky. The key Mormon belief is that Jesus and some of his lads took a boat to America and just sort of sailed over there and now buried some sacred texts, the Book of Mormon. In America? In America, that they'd written on some golden plates. Right. And my daughter's first question is, where'd they get gold?

And it's like, if you read the Bible, it's pretty clear that Jesus and his pals are poor lads, right? They're not rich. He was a carpenter. None of the other lads are rich. He has a lot of shit to say about rich people in the Bible. He ain't going to rock up with no gold tablets. But you're in America now, in the Book of Mormon, so it's all got to be pretty fancy, Trump Tower style, lots of gold.

So Joseph Smith found- He gambled, he went to Vegas. He put it all on red. He put it all on red. And the house said, we can't pay it, we'll have to pay it in these golden tablets we found underneath the Bellagio. That's right. But yeah, so he found these tablets under a tree or something.

Some angel came to him and said, go to the tree and dig up the tablets. And he could read them. Only he could read them through a special magnifying glass or a pair of glasses. And he had to have his head in a bag so no one else could see these tablets. How long did Jesus stay in America for then?

Was he just... Just a few months, I guess. Just two weeks or whatever? Just a quick vacation and then went back? And then popped back went back yeah they didn't mention it in the bible for being crucified just gonna pop back sorry guys the romans got to meet with the romans um pod just pilot's been up my ass all week i've got to if i if i postpone again he's gonna fucking crucify me i better go back so i was trying to explain about Mormons

and I'm thinking like a lot of people believe this shit a lot of people didn't weirdly like the tablets though it's nice that he translated them

because they said that he could have like a second wife and stuff and like a third wife I mean if we didn't know that we would have thought

that was tablets yeah they just google translated it fourth wife yeah but so he started writing it out and

then the guy like you can look up all these details yourself i've read a lot about it because it fascinates me and but i've misremembered a lot of it i'm sure the guy that originally was transcribing for joseph smith he lost the notes and joseph smith had to do it all again and he was like super angry and the guy was like well we can just do it again you've got the tablets and joseph smith is obviously thinking fuck dude i was making all that shit up on the fly reading out of a bag you can't expect to remember it verbatim like there were a lot of differences between the original draft that they lost and the second one um but i'm thinking did this guy know on some level this is what got me thinking about the cult thing that joseph smith

was full of shit like he called it mormons which is one letter away, basically, from the morons, right? Like, it's not that difficult to understand that Joseph Smith was a con artist. And obviously, I don't think he believed for one second, because you couldn't, because you're lying to people's faces all day long. And the idea that, oh, well, eventually you believe the lie, I don't believe that.

I think he knew exactly what was going on. Honestly, you sound, when you started saying about these, how do you form a religious cult, you sound like L. Ron Hubbard originally when he said, you know, because didn't he say something like, if you want to get rich, make a religious cult? And then he did. I think that's a true quote.

It might be apocryphal, but I can believe it because he was a sci-fi author. I can believe it. He was a sci-fi author. He wrote tons of stupid sci-fi books. Terrible sci-fi, yeah. And then he just did it. So, I mean, there's no...

You can listen on YouTube to speeches that he gave, which are bonkers, where he talks about how he was sitting on a comet and he describes all these... The spacecraft that the Thetans or whoever used looked like B-52 bombers. I mean, why would you come up with such a shitty detail as to say that their planes their spacecraft happened to look exactly like b-52

bombers what a weird detail because it applies to the people at the time right like nowadays you'd say oh it looks like um uh uh fucking a boeing seven or seven or whatever i mean you could just say they arrive in their spaceships and if someone says what do they look like you could say i don't know they're spaceships it maybe it's just to test boundaries as well they just like push and push to see what they can get away with and they're like oh fuck they believe that that's crazy and then it sort of opens up doors for more shit it's just fucking with them that's what my thing about some cult leaders are literally just seeing how far can i push it and it gives them an ego trip much like there are some

people that cheat just because they enjoy cheating they don't need to cheat they can afford not to cheat but they cheat or they they lie like because it gives them a thrill sol goodman from uh better call sol he's a bit like that isn't he like he's interesting doesn't have to be a hustler but enjoys it so he is right so i think a lot of these cult leaders not all of them some of them like the heavens gate guy killed himself fair play to him you know he bought into his own bullshit fair play there's a lot of people who are called what they call a german mitlaufer which means like with runner or like um fellow traveler so when when they did all the denazification stuff out after after world war ii they took a lot of the germans they put them through these denazification hearings where they basically classified Germans

into like, I think it was like five groups. And there were the major offenders who were, you know, fully involved. There were people who profited off the German activities. There were people who were lesser offenders. And then there were these followers who were kind of just people who were involved but weren't sufficiently tied

to the Nazi regime, that they could really be sort of... Part-time Nazis. And a lot of people got put in that category, like, hang around. Zero-hour contract Nazis. And a lot of people, the same with religious cults or religion in general, a lot of people are just there because their wife is in it, or because their husband is in it, or because their brother is in it, and they just don't want to cause trouble. They don't want to rock the boat. It's better for them to just be like, sure, you know what, I'll make some cakes for the Heaven's Gate

thing. Whatever. They just want to help out. You want me to put this little bottle into the cakes? Sure, do you know what I mean? Is that just vanilla flavouring? Okay, it'll go in there you know i mean they didn't they weren't a lot of people are just chill you know yeah i think i think everyone knows someone who is deluded and convinced about this crap but but most of the time it's not worth trying to change their mind because it causes more trouble than it's worth the worst are the worst are people who are like are you know like they like that that are recent converts you know they have like that the zeal of the recently converted you know what i mean like somebody who's like just

getting into becoming a vegan or something like that that's all they'll talk about and they'll lecture everybody eating meat but they're excited about it they're like they're excited about it secret the holy grail they're like damn i didn't. Did you know there's a fucking spaceship behind the moon and it's going to pick us all up? And then we're going to get massive dicks and then we're going to be able to fuck all the space aliens? It's like, wow. Sounds amazing.

But they're easier to convince to do crazy shit as well. That's why a lot of these cults and religions and political parties need to recruit like fresh blood, right? Because all of the old guard are all fucking old, lazy, disillusioned with what they were doing in the first place, because it hasn't really gone anywhere or whatever. So they need these like new people, like fresh meat to come in and be all excited for what they're doing and do all of this crazy shit, right? Like through history, it's always been like that

there's there's always like the the the sort of uh recent recent joinees are always the ones that end up doing like the hitler youth the craziest shit yeah i think i think for me like you know like the whole anal probing and stuff right people saying oh no look i got abducted by aliens so they shoved things up my butt and it's, I know that these guys are probably the ones shoving stuff up their own butt. Do you know what I mean? They're the guys going to hospital saying, oh, I've got a seven dildo stuck up my ass again.

No, they're probably not a dildo. It's an alien probe. It's the shame of shoving something into your own butt, and that's why you have to really search deep for something else to blame, right? Yeah. I like the idea that the the cult leader like some guy one day accidentally pulls the wrong curtain and reveals something behind the curtain

that the rest of the crowd wasn't meant to see and the cult leaders to says to the what are you doing dude it's what so what are you gonna blow the whole fucking thing we get to have sex with all these women and do drugs and pretend that we're going to escape on a spaceship he's just fucking it all up I'm sorry dude so I do wonder if they're going to form like a little bond

that are winking at each other you know he'll say yeah and then the spaceship arrives and he looks at it and he's like wink and it's like it's like

and it's like yeah yeah yeah we got this thing here because the aliens like fucking sucking the jam off my dick you know so

that's why I've got jam all over it. The aliens love jam dick. But then you'll lie. If you're a serial liar... You think the aliens don't like peanut butter? Or hot Nutella? I don't like jam! Go for it.

Any preserve is fine. Any preserve is fine. And then that's how it gets out of control. It's like lies that compound upon each other. It's like that scene in The Life of Brian, where they start to add stuff

to his details. He's just there saying, look, I don't know, and they're just like, he doesn't know, and they take everything he says and expand upon it. You don't need other voices. I think that's where the cult leader has to be almost totally in charge, because if he lets other's not you can't have a fucking democracy in a cult you're gonna have people voting on what well what kind of space you're gonna pick them up no the cult leader's word is final i think the other thing is too is that depending on how long this

organization has been around for a change in management is is usually what sort of starts making it, you know, like a shadow of what it formerly was, right? Like, you look at somebody who, like, you know, starts a, somebody who starts a political party or like a culture, whatever, and they have very, very specific, like, demands for what they want. And they have a very specific idea of how that's going to go. And they have very specific contingencies in place for when things don't go their way or whatever and then normally that person

gets old inevitably and either loses the energy to carry on going or dies for whatever reason or whatever and then it's arrested or yeah or something and then it and then you know control of this group is taken over by somebody else who has completely completely different ideas of how things they missed the point completely done yeah their interpretation of what but the point is it doesn't even have to be that much i mean the thing is like it could be obviously a major sticking point but this is what happens like like if if it's like a schism in the church. Like, it's how we got Catholicism, I guess. Do you know what I mean? Or Protestantism or whichever.

That's how they all broke off, right? It was all small disagreements. I believe Catholicism came first. Well, I think probably Judaism came first. Right, but you're talking about Christianity. You said Protestantism and Catholicism. Yeah, but they all came from Abrahamic faiths but they all came from Zoroastrianism and Buddhism and all this shit probably predated all that.

In any case, it's all like... But it's the same thing with kings. If you were a king of a kingdom, your biggest problem was other people wanting to become king. And you had to keep them happy that they were happy with their station and not either going to

rebel against you or have you killed or do something to take your power away. And you're constantly, as a king, you're more worried about your own vassals underneath you than you are about threats from outside, you know, because of how hungry people are for power. You know, someone in the Mormons could easily be like, well, come on, Joseph Smith,

you can't possibly let us believe that they were made of gold. Surely they were made of iron. And it's like the iron Mormons are formed at that point and they split off. Which leads us neatly into thanking our next sponsor, which is, of course, Paradox Crusader Kings 2, which is available on PC. It's got many DLC, but there's a sale on right now.

You can pick it up from Steam or any other reputable retailer. It's only $359.99 to buy. The longest lead up to a sponsorship disclosure of all time. It's taken us 38 minutes to get to this point. Oh my god.

We're so proud to be sponsored by Crusader Kings 2. It is interesting, man. I love all that stuff. Yeah, it is. It's super interesting. Super cool. If you were to make your own cult, P-Flex, what would you do? I don't think cults are super cool.

I disagree with that. But I think it's interesting. You have to have something in your life which requires something which is a big problem. I think Joseph Smith maybe was like, oh God, I'm having an affair, but I need to cover this up. A little bit like, even like Mary, being like, oh God, I had sex out of wedlock, but

let's just say God done it. Kind of like Plan A in Interstellar, like how it was never going to work, and there's a big reveal at the end. I'm messing with a lot of people here. You can see how, you know like i need to get a supernatural way out of my problem you know what's your problem pflax and how do you how do you like solve it do you mean i have a cold right i mean generally the only sort of culty thing i do is stream on twitch and i have a very specific mindset i guess for how i want the twitch

chat of my stream to be right i'm kind of kind of um mean to people that don't fit that particular scheme so for example so like you know exclusionary i was streaming x comma um for the last few days because i'm back on it right and i saw this guy pops up yeah this guy pops up and says well i'm i'm having to rip my dick off too much so uh i'm gonna go i'll see you guys later and i just banned him i was like get the fuck out and don't come back so don't let the door hit you all the way out yeah like my whole thing with twitch is if you're turning up there and the only thing you say is i'm not enjoying this why don't you just fucking push a little x at the top of that tab and leave it's not as straightforward as that yeah i mean no it isn't you watch football right on tv right but i don't call up no no no you don't

yeah i went to watch no no you might tweet him though you might tweet him no okay because i just fucking don't watch you. You don't, but a lot of people. If it's my team, that's different. Okay, you're sitting around in your living room. You weigh 500 pounds. You haven't walked in like a couple of weeks because it's hard to do, right? But you're the same guy who sits there

and criticizes somebody who's at peak physical form, who is capable of scoring a goal against other equally talented people who are in peak physical form, right? You somehow qualify to weigh in and have some opinion as to how that team should be run, how they're not playing well enough for your tastes, right? That's Twitch chat.

Twitch chat are the same. It's like the armchair general syndrome. No, no, no. I'll tell you why it's different. It's the exact same. No, it's not. I will tell you why it's different. I don't get the chance to go up to the footballer on the pitch

as he's about to take a penalty and say, you should really put it to the goalkeeper's left. I don't know why you keep putting it to his right. It's more interactive. He's taking the penalty. I don't get to do that. No, but you can't just choose to ignore it as well. From the stands, I can do that.

But everybody's doing it. He's not listening. But everyone can still boo him, though, from the stands. You can get the whole Twitch chat in the stadium going, boo. Yeah, you could, yeah. But what do players do? They have nothing to do with the fans, if they can help it. Everybody thinks there's a huge connection between the players and the fans.

There is not. There is a massive wall between the players and the fans. The players fucking hate the fans. They do not see them as their friends. They really don't. And it's the same with you in Twitch chat. Exactly. Now, my guys that have been in the chat and know how it works,

I love them to bits. They're fantastic. They're funny. There's like 10 guys that you like. If you and know how it works I love them to bits they're fantastic they're funny there's like 10 guys that you like if you're gonna flame me be funny like some of the flames

are genuinely funny but some of them are just painfully unfunny and awful and just why bother you're not part of a conversation here

you turn up like half of the things we say are just garbage like some of them are funny sure but like you can't always hit the jackpot

with stuff it's experimental but they're not experimenting this is bad this guy's bad only comment i was like well what the fuck off like it's a it's an option like if it's if it's your football team you're bound i'm sorry for making those comments p flex i just can't help it sometimes do you think maybe it irks you so much because deep down, you know, he has a point? Oh, I know I'm bad. That's the other thing. I've never said I'm good. I am known for being bad at every game I play. No, no, but it's true.

Like, it's not like I advertise my stream as like the home of professional games. This guy knows what he's doing. Like someone, how long has he been playing Dota 4 and he's still this bad? It's like, yeah, I just have fun playing it. Well, I don't understand you don't even have fun you yell at people you have a horrible time well that's part of the fun i think it's part of it but i just feel it's weird that people turn up and the only comment they make is i'm not enjoying this i'm like do you do that in the movies just stand up in the middle of theater

surprisingly yeah people do that as well i'm having a bad time and i'm leaving this movie i've been like shut up and get out. I've been in proximity to people who have done that before. Yeah, it's stupid. It is stupid, but fucking that's people for you. Most people are pretty dumb. Exactly. That's why I ban them.

Case closed. Case closed. Was it George Carlin who said, like, think of the average guy in the street. You know, 50 fucking percent of people are dumber than that guy. Do you know what I mean? So it's like that's a lot by definition I mean I'm dumb we're definitely like in that bottom 50 holy shit I've got to be for sure like I don't think I'm man I missed the point of so many things sometimes somebody makes a joke and I'm so what like pretend to laugh and like feel like I'm part of the group or whatever but deep down i'm crying i'm lost i

don't know where i'm i'm at i don't know what that joke is in reference to is it if is it something about me like i'm a narcissist as well so i'm like oh fuck are they making fun of me here like you're a bit weird tips though but we love you for it like thanks what a classic lewis comment you're weird i think that's part of your charm those sips that you're a little bit kind of but you have that sort of slightly sideways the ability to be funny is to look at the world on a tilt you know

look at the square from a different angle I mean I was just joking but thanks no I definitely think like you have a bit of that we all do though I think a little bit yeah if you're deadly serious I think you have a bit of that. We all do, though, I think, a little bit. Yeah, if you're deadly serious. But apparently comedy also comes with intelligence.

It's like smart people are slightly more able to be funny. I don't know if that's anything to go by, but personally, I have my iq if uh do you know what i hate is when i'm i'm in a the wrong mood for for finding things funny like i'm just i'm in a serious mood for some reason and someone will say something or something is obviously funny and i find myself doing that thing where you go well actually and you sort of explain it or you just try and you don't get it like you know you're just not in the right frame of mind for something to be funny. If someone says something funny, I'm just like,

well, that's clearly not the case. The chicken is clearly not going to cross a road. Not for the sole purpose of getting to the other side. Yeah, that's ridiculous. And I find myself doing that sometimes. It's like, what are you doing? Like, I need to be in the right frame of mind. You momentarily forget how to have any fun in this world.

Exactly. I become very unfun if it's been a bad day or something like that i find that does happen i haven't had enough sleep when you just when you when you've got like emotions boiling in you and you're just you have a very short fuse and you just you know someone makes a joke at you and just blink at them and i wonder if humor is the first thing to go when you're in a bad mood having a sense of humor just goes straight out the fucking window it definitely is like a thing where i've noticed i've said this before but when we meet fans and the fan is clearly nervous sometimes making a joke is actually not they

won't get it um right whereas they're obviously fans they obviously like know us and and get everything and most of them you know when you're talking to any fans and you make a joke and because and when they're comfortable, they're like, they totally get it. But if they're like suddenly on edge, they're like,

yeah, they're just, their brain is like, it's like maybe that section just gets shut off. Yeah, like you said. Like people get nervous when they meet people

that they know from the internet, which is crazy to me, but they're like, like trying to catch their breath. You're like, dude. Well,

I think it's because they don't really know what to say. They don't want to come off as being like a nerd. I wouldn't even say it dude. Well, I think it's because they don't really know what to say. They don't want to come off as being like a nerd. I wouldn't even say it was like half. I think it's like less than half. It's a small number. But I've been at like, I've been at the International before.

And there's obviously some really, really huge names in Doha. And people come up and they're like practically sweating with nerves about meeting this person. And the first thing they say is like, the first thing they can think of is a time that this person fucked up so i've seen them meet like their favorite player and they're like oh wow such a pleasure to meet you i was do you remember that time you lost that game to so and so you guys got knocked out oh and they're like yeah i do remember that thanks and they're just and they're just like oh why did i say that um i didn't mean to be a dick oh it's just like their brain just completely i think that's dota trolls though right that's like dota people make that automatically you do see the trolly people like i remember one

time there was a guy and all they did was shout out like i was with blitz right and they shouted out hey blitz you remember the time you accidentally destroyed your bloodstone he's like get the fuck you fuck boys or something like that you know he was like fuck you and that's what they wanted those pros are actually upset by recalling that moment unless they're super childish like yeah well dota dota is a very banter-ish game isn't it yeah it's highly competitive i think any of those pros saying fuck you back are actually saying it's a joke though right but i think sometimes the people who said that didn't mean it as a joke right but that's what i'm saying there are times when there are

times when the person is deliberately trolling and there are times when they literally just couldn't think of something else to say and they they just their brain completely fired and they just spat out something that you would say to someone you didn't like and i just think i just think it's funny people just sometimes get a bit messed up what was that like someone's phone not mine turps what's up fucking we're just recording the podcast right now so your dream has come true you're actually on the podcast put him on speaker yeah get him on speaker we're gonna be done in like probably 10 minutes you want me to phone you back okay Okay. Okay, bye. Bye. Why couldn't he make... He could have made a guest appearance, Sips.

He didn't want to. He sounded really nervous. It was weird. He was really nervous, and he's like, hey, hey, just before I let you go on. You remember that time you really fucked up that Upper Black Rock Spire run in WoW? And it was recorded, and everybody laughed at you that's what tips is never getting on i'll tell you he needed to talk to me about something top secret so i don't know maybe i'm fired shit or maybe i'm fired maybe maybe this might be the

last podcast let's make it count boys oh you know i just realized i just realized that when I do the poker streams, when I do the poker streams, all I do is flame the other people's poker play constantly and get triggered and say, oh my God, I can't believe this stuff like that. And people are going to point that out, but they're not listening. So that's fine.

Like I'm commentating for the audience at home and the people in the fucking room are not they can't hear the but that's what makes it good right but my point is imagine if i was sat there while they were playing it's not a serious game either it's a bit of fun right like you wouldn't you wouldn't catch people necessarily doing that to like a pro hearthstone player or whatever you know like it's not just saying it's not as acceptable because... It was in the middle. Yeah.

No, but I think people will like that, that you don't want to hold back. Like, do you know what I mean? Like people don't want to see censored period and they want to see your actual thoughts coming out of your actual brain. And, you know, it's funny and fun to experience the way that we play poker through your eyes, you know?

And it's funny to see that frustration and that that reality you know what talking about talking about poker um i was at my mate's birthday party at the weekend and uh he's a guy i used to play poker with like we used to have a home game we ran it was ran for years actually there was about eight or ten of us regulars and we'd rotate at people's houses and one of the guys there that that I met, he was a friend of my friends, I was chatting to him for about 15 minutes. And he suddenly says, are you Pyrrhon Flax? Like out of nowhere. I was like, yeah, he goes, oh, I'm a massive Yogscast fan. I was like, oh, cool. And then I was like, how do I continue this conversation now? Because we were talking about

nothing to do with anything really. But then the moment people heard about it, all these guys came over, they're talking about Crusader Kings, talking about like this one guy wanted to send me his crusader kings save so i could see how it was going and this kind of stuff and i was like please don't send me your crusader king save like i i don't want to look at someone else's crusader king save but it was it was just funny like the moment they heard that that i did something to do with games all these guys that previously had weren't talking about games at all was something like oh video games yeah i'm all over that and they all fucking love exactly the same games as we do it's given that permission to talk about

stuff that they're actually because no one wants to say they're a nerd they want to march up to a stranger it only happens when you're you know comfortable with people though like yeah certainly like it's like that keeping that that persona on when you meet new people that you're a specific way. And if you're not careful, you become that way. But I think a lot of people have that general sort of, have to have that demeanour to stand out and go up the ladder at work or with the other lads. Oh, you know, Wilhelm came in today,

fucking talking about computer games. Let's go for a beer after work, everyone. Do you know what I mean? Wilhelm. On a British building site. Fucking Wilhelm. Fucking Wilhelm. That's the first name

that popped into your head. He fucking came from Oktoberfest. He was completely wankered. He's come home in his fucking lederhosen. What's he doing? He's got a massive

pint glass in one hand and a hod in the other. Oh, fuck. Anyway, holy shit. I think that is enough for today, guys. Oh, man. So thanks for listening to the Trials Podcast, everyone. Be sure to check out our sponsors, BigFuckingJugs.com.

Mini Cheddars.com. Highland Spring. Cold and Flu. Highland Spring. And Paradox, of course. And, of course. And of course, those little fucking microfibers in the...

Oh, microfibers in plastic. In plastic, yeah. Just shout out to those guys. But yeah, also big,

big fans. So, thanks very much and see you next time. And don't forget two joy periods, new religion, come in 2019.

Bald people only. I'll come up with a name. Flaxology. You've got to be bald if you shave your head actually women have to have long flowing hair ah women women in the car have to have long flowing hair to balance out all the drape over your bald head exactly and if i get enough hair in my head that i have a 10 foot tall hairdo of women's hair all stacked up god will come and save us all okay that's the that's theist of it. And we all have to have sex all the time.

That sounds great. Sign me up. I'll do the baking. Bye everyone!