Triforce! - Triforce! #83: The Dog Kicker

Episode Date: November 21, 2018

Triforce! Episode 83! Lewis played One Hour One Life, Pyrion is battling Flat Earthers and Sips kicks dogs. Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Coming at you through reams of static. Sips, how are you doing? Oh, man. Can we hear you? I'm so sorry. Last week, how are you doing? Oh, man. Can we hear you? I'm so sorry. Last week, there was no podcast because my audio was all screwed up. It was all static. It was probably the funniest podcast we ever recorded as well.

We had a guest and everything. It was alien intervention, I think. They didn't want to get the word out. You said some things that needed to be silenced. That's true. By a governmental agency. I mean, Terps was on the podcast. That was the only time he's ever been on it. word out you said some things that needed to be silenced that's a governmental agency i mean we we had that the terps was on the podcast that was the only time he's ever been on it only will every

time he will be on it it's gone oh my god that's it i know that's it this is one one chance to shine and unfortunately so his voice on the podcast like cracked the camera lens of sips his audio yeah i mean like that's how we record audio at yoke towers with a camera that's the one of the issues we have i'm using it as a metaphor i see we use our phones to record we use the um but i use my house phone like a landline so it's not even that good i just talk to someone and hope they're recording it sometimes they forward it on sometimes nothing so you phone a call center and then you get them to record your call and then uh and then you phone them back later and you demand that they release that audio to you or you're gonna see information

freedom of information oh my god who's who's getting a phone call have we already started you already you guys need to be better at this it's somewhat at the door what what what what first of all first of all it was an alarm telling me to record the Triforce podcast. If you don't... That's literally what it was. So the thing that interrupted our podcast and the background was... A reminder. We started a little bit late, so the phone is... Do you have to have emergency phones just in case the school calls

and it's like your child has fallen over? Yeah, of course. I've been called for that exact reason yeah what the hell are they gonna do if they can't get a hold of you like they just release the child into the wild yeah they just they just kick them out onto the street that's what you get for falling down now you gotta figure it out it's if you don't if it's like it's like three missed calls and then it's like ready for being released literally out of the building so i played a game yesterday,

which I'm going to sort of talk about on tip and stuff, but it impacted me, okay? It's called One Hour, One Life, right? It's made by one guy. And the idea is that you're basically, you're born, okay, to another player, like another player gives birth to you. And then you're a baby and you're helpless

and you can't feed yourself or anything. Over the course of an hour you grow up and then that's how long your lifespan is at an hour okay so you have to like find food and like build shelter it's a bit like don't starve right it looks like that except everyone's naked and like tribal and you could give birth to to more children and try and keep them alive but it's harrowing and like tribal and you could give birth to more children and try and keep them alive. But it's harrowing and like hard and weird. It sounds like a description of my penis, actually. And I don't know, like it just, you reminded me, you reminded me of it when you said like just releasing children.

So that's what it sort of felt a bit like when I was playing this last night. Well, you know, back in the day, that's what they did. It's like animals too. After a certain point, without all the modern technologies and stuff like that, stuff is just ready to go at a certain age. Humans, it takes a little bit longer. But back in the caveman days,

you didn't live with your mom and dad in the cave until you were like 20 because no probably died when you were 15 of old age they wanted to keep you out of there because they wanted to get nookie and stuff so everything everything was like accelerated back then you know like at the age of six you had to be able to hunt and forage and stuff like that yeah you had to survive for yourself yeah that's it you had to pull your weight or else. Yeah. The cave community would shun you and kick you out.

You'd be like Howie Mandel that time when he was raised by wolves. The cave community. Walk like a man. I've got something to tell you guys related to all of this stuff. This is remarkable. I mean, we don't plan these, but God does, and he's set this path for me, set it on a platter. Am I hearing the good news?

Yeah, my Mormon God has finally set the path out for me. Anyway, so for the last week, Big Mama Flax, my mum, has been in hospital. Big Mama Flax! She's been in hospital. Oh, no. It's all right. She's okay. She's fine. Otherwise, I wouldn't be talking about it.

I love how Siv just went, but that's the thing about old people, right? It's always, the news you hear about them is always health related. It's sad. Of course. I mean, that's what your life becomes

is battling against your decaying body. So she had something wrong with her throat and she was retching and it was pretty bad. They didn't know what it was. And she spent a week in hospital and they're poking her, they're blood testing, endoscopy. They were going to do a colonoscopy and she was like, God almighty. But luckily the endoscopy sorted it. She had like all these scans and everything. They looked after her unbelievably well.

So I just wanted to say, when I talked about the NHS a few podcasts ago, and I was very negative. I think that was last week's actually that we lost the audio for. So nobody has any context of this whatsoever. There was actually the Croggy episode. But anyway.

You were worried about the karma. I just want to say they did right by her. And she was very well looked after and i respect them for that so maybe they had to podcast their own best behavior i think there's something wrong with the nhs maybe we should you know fix it like let's do it in two weeks and they did you know they took care of my mom real good so uh it's fine it's all fine they're right with me my mom has this year she was earlier this year she got a dog right because you know she's on her own and she she wanted some company so she got a dog big mistake this fucking thing is the worst dog i've ever met like i've met a lot of shit dogs but this dog takes the fucking biscuit is this the dog we've heard about multiple times

yes the yap little yappy one that yapped at your kids and spooked them? His name is Chewbacca, right? He's bitten pretty much everyone he's ever met. Who named him that? Not my mum. Is your mother a big Star Wars fan? No, no, rescue dog, right? Well, she could be.

Rescue dogs. Do you know what I mean? Because Star Wars has been going a while. It is. The emotional baggage that comes with a rescue dog. I don't think it's worth it. So she got this thing. It's a warning sign if it's called Chewbacca as well.

I agree. And it's also a warning if it had to be rescued as well. Rescued from what exactly? Lots of trauma. Well, no, that's not necessary. Who was rescued from who in this situation? God. So he's half Pomeranian, half fucking Jack Russell, I think.

Oh, jeez. What like what a he's the ultimate insane dog he has he has little dog syndrome as they call it yeah yeah which is and he's in charge it's like no you're like is he like danny devito yeah but but not funny or i don't know is danny devito an alpha male though no i wouldn't know he's like a nice guy right yeah right yeah so anyway this dog was a nightmare my mom couldn't come up to stay because who's gonna look after the dog and she'd have to bring the dog so she was like i'll bring him it'll be fine it was a disaster attacked our cat i think i've mentioned this before attacked the cat bit me chased the kids attacked the kids

i was like get this fucking animal out of my house so we finally she goes back she hasn't been up to stay uh for some time so now she's decided because she was in hospital for a week my sister had to look after this fucking mutt right and she's looking after it living at my mom's house she has to take time off work to help out looking after my mom in the hospital anyway but she's also had to look after this sodding dog and it's bitten her multiple times it's chasing around she wanted it to go out and do a shit wanted it to go out and do a shit it refused to go outside it finally comes inside and just explosive diarrhea or all in the hallway it's like what the fuck are we doing with this thing so my mom decided she's going to

get rid of it she's going to give it back to the people that uh that gave her the rescue rescued it from um well no it's like a company or a charity or whatever right so it's like, they actually made us sign a piece of paper saying, if you change your mind and you don't want the dog, you have to give it back to us. I assume because they want to get the fee for rehousing or whatever. But at the same time, I said, Mom, you could have just fucking given it to someone and just told this company, yeah, he died. What are they going to do? There's no check.

You could say he died and we buried him at sea. They're not going to say, well, let's check the Earth. We buried him. We gave him a Viking funeral. The torpedo bay in space, he passed away. He's actually the furthest man-made object from the Earth right now, thank God. Yeah, we cryogenically froze him. We've got to wake him up in a hundred years.

I just love the idea that they sign a piece of paper saying you have to give him back to us. So how is that enforceable? What, are you going to go to the police oh yeah he died actually i lied we didn't give him away he died imagine you imagine they took you to court and sued you and stuff and you lost try it because there's no justice in this world he didn't die you don't have to call up the coroner get the you know the cops come down and there's little tiny dog-shaped chalk line yeah looks like another case of bad dog syndrome, Rob. Well, the chief's got to have my ass in a sling about this one. This is something you don't hear about, right?

You only hear about the other side, right? Like of good boys and, you know, the best boys not being looked after by bad people. You don't hear about bad dogs trying to be looked after by good people. Well, we don't know if Flax's mum is good, though. My mum's very, very much an animal lover. She loves dogs. looked after by good people well we don't know if flax's mom is good though like my mom's my mom's very very much an animal we take you know we're just taking it for granted that she's yeah yeah

she might be abusing the crap out of that dog don't defame my mother how dare you well i don't know her i mean it's possible right look first of all she's my mom right so therefore i'm biased i understand that but secondly look the evidence is here she made me how bad can she be i see so what evidence have you collected if there's some blood spatter have you done some science work on this as well there was a staircase and the dog had multiple lacerations and heavy bruising in his ribs as well. I'm not quite sure what happened. It was an owl. An owl attacked the dog. Yeah. Listen, on the topic of dogs and hating dogs, I want to just make it clear.

I don't actually hate dogs in real life. I think that most dogs are pretty cute. I would stop and cuddle a dog in real life if I saw one and it was cute and friendly and stuff. No problem. When I play Red Dead Redemption 2, though, it's a bit of a running joke in my chat and stuff that I like to kick dogs in the game. So every time I see one,

I basically kick the shit out of a dog and oftentimes kill it as well if it doesn't run away or whatever. I'm disturbed by this information. I was aware of it, but I'm also disturbed. But this is the thing, though. I mean, they're wild wolves mostly, right? Or are they like pets?

No, no, like most of them are like border collies. They're like fairly friendly and stuff. And you just trample them with a horse or whatever. I mean, A, they're virtual dogs. So who gives a shit, right? It's just, you know, it's in a game. I don't buy that argument. Would you kill a virtual representation of your father?

I mean, the thing is, there's probably people in that game that look like my dad, and I've killed countless amounts of them. Is he one of the guys that falls asleep on the table in the saloon? I walked into a shack the other day and blew away a granny sitting in a rocking chair with a shotgun. Oh, you don't know about that. And Chad was just like, oh, whatever. And then I walked outside and kicked a dog and there was a meltdown how can you kick a dog i just killed a granny what are you talking about like

honestly if it makes no sense to me i would do it like if it triggered people i'd do it yeah well that's it's part of the joke right like some people it is funny seeing people's reactions yeah stuff and it's just a fucking video game i mean i so like people are branding me as some sort of psycho and i think it's unfair i mean in a game where you can't get to the end of that game without killing about 10 000 you know storm troopers or men it's a rock star game right imagine it's like gta so we're saying that we we value dogs over hillbillies? We're setting up for fucking, we're setting up for like a game of GTA and I just casually,

we play GTA all the time on the main channel, right? And I casually like load up GTA before I do a session and I'm just driving around doing stuff and I am like a fucking psychopath. I like walk up to a car, I pull the guy out, you know, I fucking stamp on him or whatever,

get in his car, run over a fucking pedestrian, shoot a guy through the head, steal his car. Do that thing where you just drive on the sidewalk and plow through every pedestrian in the city. Now I'm telling you the story, though. It makes you sound like a fucking, like I'm some sort of psychopath.

But that is like, to me, that is like not even... It doesn't even register. It doesn't even register on the threat meter. No, it's like part of it, right? That you've done a million times, so you don't care. Because Red Dead is newer and more realistic and more sort of slow-paced and different, it feels fresher and slightly more new and risque. Like, for example, I played this shit game yesterday.

Was it Fallout 76? No, so I was born to this 76 no so i was born to this this woman right and i was like a bawling baby it's the same game one hour one life right and um and she was like she should she names you right as you're born and so so she said like you are hope and i was like oh my god my name's hope and when you're a baby you can only like type one letter so i type out like m u m and then i type out like l o v e and she's like oh anyway she like breastfeeds me as a baby right because i can't do it but you can't like do anything you you grow up and she like comes and looks after you and puts you by the fire and stuff keeps you warm anyway the cycle for kicking dogs when you're playing this game sounds anyway it took like it took like two minutes to get to this stage right

and so then i start feeding for myself i start eating berries and i start doing stuff anyway is this a new place for hot couples to meet it's just me it's just me and my mom there and my gran okay and um she gives birth to another baby and that baby like grows up a little bit to my little sister and um and and what happens is like a Fucking like what happens is a fucking that's a bit weird too. Okay a bear caves nearby and the bear like savages my mum Okay, and so she bleeds to death. Okay, so it's just me my gran and my sister Right and but my little sister now mum's dead granny can't like breastfeed her so she dies of starvation okay and it's just me and gran and so gran is like i'm going to die soon

we need some magical beans i'm gonna have to die soon i'm so sorry you're such a beautiful boy or whatever she's like, I'm going to have to die soon. I'm so sorry. You're such a beautiful boy or whatever. And she's like, you're going to have to go find a tribe for yourself. And then she died. So I fucking ran off into the wilderness. All of this has happened in like fucking 10 minutes, right? But is this other people are playing these other? These are other players, yes. So other players were my mum, my gran, and the baby.

That is fucking ridiculous. What a game. That sounds crazy. Is it on PC? What a fucking... This is on PC. It's like 10 pounds made by a single man it looks like crap but it's fucking hilarious a single man made this game made exactly a single man and i fucking i fucking well so i started running okay and i want to tell you

that i found a tribe and i fucking set up and i found a woman and we like had a baby together and we grew up that baby. I fucking, I ran for like two minutes and a wolf just like fucking bit me on the heel. That sounds about right. And I slowly fucking bled to death and I didn't see anyone else. And it was like just horrible. I'm getting this game. Is it on Steam? It's on Steam.

Yeah. It's dumb as fuck. And it's so fucking funny. Oh, it looks amazing. Man. It's fucking funny as fuck oh it looks absolutely whack but me telling

it looks whack me telling you me telling you these stories some games right you tell people what you did in the game and it's like

listening to the most boring shit you've ever fucking heard in your life like they're like there's certain games like that right Dwarf Fortress is like that

so I was playing Dota and I went top lane on Phantom Assassin and there was this fucking noob on the off lane and he was shit but we did it without him I don't care about your Dota game where you overcame the odds

if you're telling someone about Red Dead and you said that you kicked a dog you know that is like gonna fucking set everyone off i because i remember telling you guys about this before but like um i saw one of those things where it was like a like a pro like an ai wants to make decisions or if it's driving a car yeah yeah whether it should swerve or not right and people were people were sort of programming this thing by choosing their own morality, right? And so many people would be like, you know, would you swerve to like avoid a granny if you hit a dog, right?

And people would be like, save the dog. The granny's had a good life. You know, she doesn't need to be around anymore. It was nuts. It was absolutely nuts. What people would pick. what people would would pick um sometimes people would even pick like a granny over like a fucking woman with a baby in a puss chair it was it was mental this is why the machines cannot take over soon enough and not only that

this is why you should never poll the public for their opinion because this world is filled with fucking idiots it's crazy oh god just look just look at any any public polling that's ever taken place to elect somebody or vote for brexit or whatever people have proven time and time again that they're fucking stupid and hopeless and useless like the whole world round it's crazy I don't know why they keep doing it. I think I'm an asshole. I mean, I hate kids. We're all assholes in our own unique ways. I hate kids, right?

I can't stand them. They're so annoying. It's because you don't have any. It's because you don't have one, yeah. They're like the worst. Any time I have to spend any time with anyone under 15, I'm like, ah. The thing is, I'm the same. I can't stand other people's kids as well.

I think they're the worst. But when you have your own. Mine are awesome. Yeah, your own are great. But everyone else's can just fuck right off. Like, I have no time for them at all. Let the cars run over other people's kids. Yeah, that's weird.

And grandmothers, but not mine. Random. I'll have a divine bubble around my whole family and everyone else can get random. I think it's like your friend's kids are okay because they're like well enough. I don't know, but random kids and random people are just... You can see why like people aren't very kind to other people sometimes. It's the old story that you only really notice them.

If you're out and about, you're not like really noticing most people like you're surrounded by people all the time most of them you just walk past them or they're on the train you don't notice you notice the assholes yeah you notice the people who like who send out a memo in the morning to say that they're going to be unleashing themselves on the world and not queue properly and be really shitty to everybody and honk their horn and you know those guys that drive motorcycles and scooters who just think that you know the rules don't apply to them and they could just fucking swerve in between all the traffic and get to the front of the the lights and stuff i mean fuck me like what what hope is there for this world when people

like that exist it's crazy the other day i was i was crossing the zebra crossing near me and um i was standing there waiting to cross and a car goes he the guy i see him look at me and he goes straight across and sort of checks his rearview mirror see if i'm flipping him off and of course i am and then as i go to step out a motorcycle comes and he looks at me and goes straight over and then i start to cross in another car you know the way it's two lanes right the other car going the other way he fucking goes across and i literally shouted what are you all doing like i just couldn't believe it it was like this collective what is happening i i just could not believe it and nobody nobody paid me any attention so i probably stood out in some people's mind i saw this crazy guy shouting on the zebra crossing the other day i'm the crazy guy in this story i'm the sane one in this story everybody

ignoring the massive zebra crossing i just i was like what are you all doing like i couldn't believe it was like what is the fucking conspiracy we live in a society we live in a society yeah but i see it like it made me think for some weird reason last night and when i was thinking about triforce i was thinking about the old flat earthers who still uh pop up in my my uh my twitter feed because i follow a few accounts that make fun of them and stuff and you still see flat earth videos on youtube if you ever watch a couple of flat earth videos on youtube youtube thinks you're a flat earther and recommends a shitload of them. I want to understand this. Why? So what are the arguments for this? Because it seems crazy to me that anybody could not be trolling and believe that.

Well, this is exactly, that's exactly it, Sips, right? Okay, I assume any idiotic thing I hear anywhere is trolling. I just automatically, my brain is like, okay, anywhere is trolling. I just automatically my brain is like, okay, yeah, like, I feel like internet culture exists, like way beyond the internet. Like I'm the same. Like if somebody says something really fucking stupid, I'm like, ah, he's he's trolling for sure. But the thing is, I sort of have to though, I almost restores my faith in humanity, right? Because trolling is quite, quite good, right? It's quite smart. It's quite funny. I like it. And so I assume that all these people who watch these flat earth videos even the people who make them

themselves are just very elaborate trolls and i'm sure a couple of them are actually idiots a lot of them i really believe it dude i really feel like there's no middle ground i feel like it's like on a sliding scale it's like absolutely stupid idiot idiot idiot idiots and then it goes a crossover to troll like germany like there's a if it's not trolling it's like absolutely stupid idiot idiot idiot idiots and then it goes a crossover to troll like jermaine like there's a if it's not trolling it's got to be a byproduct of like some some really uh massive narcissism though like to to think that you somehow have figured out something that nobody else knows or believes or whatever that's a big part of it i mean i've read about this a lot right and i think i'm pretty sure it's a triforce fucking catchphrase at this point but pretty sure we spoke about this before

but anyway i'm gonna do it i'm gonna keep talking about it because i'm obsessed with it so okay there's a few different subsects of of of uh flat earthers there's the religious like the absolute super religious it's said in the bible that god laid the earth on the pillars of the earth so they literally think there are pillars holding up a big flat plate because you couldn't put a ball on pillars we'd see the pillars right okay so those guys are like bible literalists and those guys they're not even funny it's just kind of sad and then you've got the conspiracy nuts so all this flat earth stuff comes out of 9-11 conspiracy theorists. Of course it does.

Of course. Every conspiracy is born in 9-11, pretty much. It really was like... We said this before, though, as well, like conspiracy theorists are more likely to believe in other conspiracies even if they're counteracted. Because it has many of the same actors as they see it, right? If you believe that Bush did 9-11, you're likely to also believe that the jews did 9-11 exactly despite the fact that the

earth is fine all this stuff so yeah there's an awful lot of people that are not religious they're not religious at all they don't even refer to the bible they they they think that there's science behind this whole flat earth thing because they don't understand that stuff that you can see with your naked eye is not necessarily the truth right so for example when you look at the sky and you see a cloud and you can see you know the way you see rays of sunlight sometimes coming from from uh when the sun is occluded by a cloud you can literally see the rays and they're very divergent right so they're saying this must mean the sun is really close because otherwise the sun would all be coming in the same direction if it's that far away.

It must be much closer in order to spread the sunlight in that sort of divergent pattern. It's not true. It's just an optical illusion. If you have parallel lines and you can do this yourself at home, get three sticks, tape them together and hold them pointing right at your face. And you'll notice that the ones either side look like they're coming out at a wacky angle, it's just the way optics works. It's just a weird trick of the eye, but they are absolutely parallel, it's just the way it appears. So they're taking, the Earth looks flat, therefore it must be flat, as like the biggest foundation of flat Earth is. They take all these pictures of the Earth

looking pretty flat, which it does because it's so fucking big and they say the earth is flat but then they expand upon that to obviously i mean we all know the moon landings are faked right guys because that's like another part of the conspiracy nasa's in on it yeah so my biggest question to them is right first of all i watched a really good video about the fact that it would have been harder to fake the moon landings than to actually do it because of the fact that they did this huge, long live TV broadcast in the 60s. And they didn't have the capacity back then to actually film something and run it that long without changing reels. Like film in those days, you had to change the reel as the, you know, it gave you a certain amount of time per reel. those days you had to change the reel as the you know you gave you a certain amount of time per reel yeah and the other problem is that it was all supposedly shot in slow motion because of course

you can see them slow-mo jumping around on the moon so you're gonna need even more film so this guy describes what kind of camera equipment they had what kind of video recording equipment they had and all you know how you would have had to splice the film and it would have to been perfect like not a single scratch or hair you couldn't have had a flicker you couldn't have had the the the join in the movies would have to be perfectly concealed and all this stuff and it would have been almost like literally impossible given the technology of the time whereas going to the moon actually wasn't impossible and that was quite interesting but they don't they don't believe that anyway so my questions to them are as follows first of all who's involved in this conspiracy think about it yeah everyone

going back hundreds of years because sailors navigated the world they all have to be on it right all map makers throughout history all scientists throughout history who have said and demonstrated that the earth is a globe they're all in on it and why because nasa wants to take taxpayers money from u.s citizens i think is one of the biggest things that they're saying that the Earth is a globe. They're all in on it. And why? Because NASA wants to take taxpayers' money from US citizens, I think, is one of the biggest things that they're saying. NASA's funding has fallen

year on year since the space race and is so powerful, Lewis, that at this point, they control not just NASA, but every space agency in the world, even rival countries

that would love to show the Americans up as liars. Russia, during the space race, even said, yeah, you did it. Like, who's involved in this? It's such a huge conspiracy. Well, listen, I think it's more of a problem of, like, a psychological problem, right, of people who have had no fucking education,

okay, no education to the point where they can rationally think scientifically at all, right, just being stubborn and like like they they want to believe i think i think it comes down a lot to there being no consequence to them believing in something so stupid as well like it you know what i mean it like maybe they think it makes them interesting or something but that's true they have conferences they go to conventions about it well yeah no but it's like but there's no consequences no there is because if i hear you're a flat earther i don't want to fucking know you anymore why aren't people doing that if you have a flat earther in your life

disown them shame them get rid of them they're fucking morons yeah but what's around yourself what if there's more to it though what if they're what if what if they they they they take on this role and they put out this information and stuff and they go to their seminars and conferences and stuff and what if like massive plot twist a couple years down the line they realized that this was uh a place where like all the major cartels were like doing deals and like dealing drugs and stuff but like all under all under the guys in the front of this like fucking insane society of people that nobody wanted to bother with because they they're all just such fucking looney tunes and it's because they're harmless

right it's not like that they believe that like the aliens are behind the moon and they all have to drink the fucking yeah yeah poison to like kill themselves it's not like they're a suicide there's gotta be more to it right i say they should be investigated like i bet you they'll find some shit there like big time they've got to be hiding something this is the thing if you got like some kind of government agency to investigate them they would they would think that that's valid like valid validation for what they think like as they see the government's onto us they know that we know too much and they get like it's a growing movement and it does worry me because it's anti-science it's anti-reason

and it's pro i watched a video on youtube so now i know the truth like they always say do some research they literally just look on youtube and there's some fucking idiot lying to them and claiming the earth is flat and doing this guy did this experiment i call it an experiment he put a camera on the end of a gate post and swung it around it's it's quite a popular one you can watch it it's hilarious i don't know what he's trying to prove but they well everybody's a genius nowadays because they read um wikipedia right like you don't have to have any skills or expertise in any field anymore you can just go on the internet and say that you do and people will believe you that you say whatever you like there's you know there's

no there's no consequence to it whatsoever it's crazy no it's just gonna get worse yeah honestly pflax this isn't the first time it's happened like i'm pretty sure a while back uh there was this guy going around saying that this guy in the sky with a big grey beard had sex with a woman but he was like a ghost man or something and he could see everyone all the time and he knew everything that everyone did and one of one of these men was his son and he was just like a virgin birth and he he kind of preached all this stuff about being good to each other and there was no evidence for it but a lot of people picked up on it and

you know, there were a lot of wars fought over it and a lot of people have died I think it's still sticking around today You're talking about Santa Claus, right? Yes, that's the one A couple of people didn't get their presents they got really mad But there was a government investigation into it and you know elves were his children. A couple of people didn't get their presents. They got really mad.

But there was a government investigation into it and, you know, that only caused more, you know. Big corporations getting involved, like, to hide the profits. Like, you know, big Coca-Cola, you know. They're involved. Yeah, Coca-Cola is the root of all evil, for sure. Big Coke is in on it.

It's Santa. I don't know um it just worries me because they're i could know someone and be friends with them and they they suddenly say to me hey how about that flat earth huh pretty interesting and i'm just i don't know what i do in that situation i i'm worried that it's going to become a thing and there's going to be a fucking if it was somebody i knew i would definitely just think they were trolling like i would just brush it off i wouldn't you would assume so but i've known people friends of mine who suddenly started telling me that 9-11 was an inside job in all seriousness and i'm just thinking what who are you like how desperate are you to be in on something i mean it's one of those things

isolation of the internet has led to this being a place to feel like you belong and you're in on the you're in the club and you understand and you and your buddies are the only ones who are out they've got to spread i have all this information i know all of the conspiracies and you know what i'm gonna do nothing about it i'm gonna yeah what am i gonna make no no impact on this whatsoever but i'm gonna sit here and i'm gonna know but then you have stuff like that guy do you remember pizza gate you remember pizza gate this thing where fucking info wars which is an appalling website and and and uh they they call themselves a news source but i think but they're not they said that there was this pizza parlor in washington that was like the epicenter of this pedophile ring that all the politicians ran on and it was like satanic and all the rest of it the problem is this fucking guy

went in there with an assault rifle and shot the place up and he was like threatening to kill people and he wanted he was there to uncover the pedo ring and rescue the kids this is dangerous stuff people out there believe these things crosses over and gets pretty i just think it is dangerous to fill people's heads with this junk and for it to just go untested as oh they're just a bunch of kooks that's how all this shit starts and i just i'm really fearful that this kind of shit there's that many people out there that can be conned by this where does it end it's gonna get worse Like, listen, it's like anti-vaxxing, right? We should get all the anti-vaxxers together

and make them live in a community and then what the hell will happen is some horrible diseases will get out and just kill them all, right? We need to seed, okay? We need to seed the conspiracy theories. You've got to teach them by example. Okay, what we need to do is

we need to tell the flat earthers that if they fucking jump really high, or if they hang themselves upside down, I don't know, for like 10 minutes a day. Put them on a forced march to the edge of the world and let's see. Because it's got to end somewhere, right? No. They believe it ends in a big ice wall. Right.

And I'm not joking. This is part of it. It keeps the water from falling over the edge. Because they also, get this, don't believe in gravity right yeah so there's this huge ice wall and if you try to approach it and this is this is all from fucking verbatim from them i'm not making this up and i quote the un will turn you back with their vast fleet of ships so someone calculated how many ships you would need to patrol the edge of the Earth, and it's like thousands

and thousands and thousands of ships. Does the UN even have any ships? No, of course it doesn't fucking have 10,000 ships or however many you'd need. Why do these people not have anything better to do with their time? How do they have so much time? But think of this, you'd need everyone that's working on those ships,

all the crews, all the captains, and when they die or retire, you need to replace them. How do you advertise for that? The UN needs people for a top secret project, and if you ever breathe a word of it, we'll kill you. Put the ice wall blocking. It's just incredible that they honestly think that anyone could do this in the world, throughout history. So as I said, right, I think we need to just not, we don't need to round them up or do anything like that

because that's crazy. That won't convince them. What we need to do is we need to just insidiously seed into their theories, even bonkers-y things, like that they believe that, like if it was like,

I don't know, like thing is like, even if this happened in caveman times, right? And the one tribe got the idea that, you know, these specific berries would make you have a bigger dick, right? Or bigger erection or whatever. Then people would be fucking cramming those berries down

and that idea would spread. What are these berries called? I've got a piece of paper here. Hang on a second. Called them the dick berries. You didn't specify the name of the berries. I just wanted to double check to... I'll go on a fact-checking exercise after the podcast. You might know them as deadly nightshade.

Oh, deadly nightshade. Okay. So if you have to swallow a whole load of them at once, and if you feel a bit sick or anything, just make sure you just hold that, force that down. Just jerk off and you'll be fine. Just jerk off. Because that means it's kicking in. Some guy dying of deadly nightshade poisoning and masturbating in a cave somewhere right

now. Wanted a bigger dick. I'm making this tomb. I'm small. I'm dying. Too small. Did you mention the archaeologist fucking digging that up? It's like, today we're investigating an old tomb found from caveman times.

It appears that all the men of the tribe jerked themselves off to death while simultaneously dying of deadly nightshade poisoning. They've also drawn on the wall these primitive cave paintings that show that the earth is in fact flat, in their opinion. And the edge is blocked by a wall of ice and thousands of seaborne vessels. What's the point, though? Like, that's the thing. If it's a conspiracy theory, usually it comes back to some sort of profit or something, right?

Where's the money in blockading an ice wall? As I understand it, it's because NASA is stealing taxpayers' dollars, right? So they're all in on the con which is like again i go back to the fact that other space agencies around the world would all have to be in on this and none of them would ever have spoken about it because there's never anyone or any evidence that this is a thing but they still believe it right so that's part one part two like i said is religious people who think that this is a satanic plot and all these satanists out there are keeping the secret because obviously if the earth was a fucking plate on some pillars we'd all suddenly say well i guess there is a god because this is

fucking bonkers and doesn't make any sense so they're trying to keep the word of god like suppressed uh by saying the earth is a globe and because the bible doesn't mention that it would prove the bible wrong even though the bible barely mentions the fucking shape of the planet god there's the door fuck me fuck i i'd love it if they just dug really really deep into the earth and they unleashed some sort of like uh terror from the deep like there's just it turns out all this time there's this massive fucking snake living in the center of the earth just waiting to be like you know let out of its prison or whatever and man people would be so shocked wouldn't they because like all this stuff

that we think we know about like life and the universe and planets and stuff like that and then all of a sudden just a gigantic spanner in the works, like what is this big fucking snake? And it wants to like devour all of humanity and stuff. And nobody saw it coming. I mean, part of me hopes that that happens someday, but the other part of me obviously thinks,

you know, let's leave that buried evil buried forever because I don't want to die. Like from that, I, you know, I just want to get old to die like uh from that i you know i just want to get old and die naturally sort of thing you know right rather be killed by a giant snake from a world a dormant evil snake that's huge too like i'm talking like the biggest snake you've ever seen sort of thing like a terrifying lava snake well how big is it like huge like you know it it it coils around like the core of the earth. That's where it gets its power from.

Holy shit. So like miles in size. Yeah, huge, yeah. But nobody knows. You know, everybody's like, oh, there's a plant. And nobody went to the moon. And there's no life outside the solar system and blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden, bam, gigantic lava snake that just lives in the center of the earth and nobody saw it coming.

Fuck, I believe in that. It would shatter so many conspiracy theories and stuff, right? What's its name? Has it got a name? Steve. Gary. Steve and Gary. Steve and Gary.

Gary the snake so like love a snake hey i've been dormant for quite some time um but i'm back i'm gonna wreak havoc across the world and fuck your conspiracy theories as well i bet you never saw me coming how deep do you think that a hole has ever been drilled oh uh isn't it isn't it like 10 kilometers or something like that? Jesus. Yeah, it's about, it's almost, it's seven and a half miles deep. So I guess it's about 10 kilometers. I think it's in Russia. They drilled really, really, really deep.

Well, I thank all those people for their service because that is not my journey. Man, I do not, one of my worst fears is getting caught in a mine in a cave. Oh man, same. They didn't fucking do it themselves. They didn't, like, go down there and dig it out like Minecraft. No, it was like a borehole, right? It was done by a machine.

But carry on, Sips. Do you think they sent people down there? No, no. Down there? Well, I guess the pressure down there is going to be so fucking high, too, right? I think it's the heat, actually. It gets really hot down there as well, yeah. So do too right yeah it's fucking boiling down there as well yeah so do you think okay here's a question pflex do you think this is a conspiracy that

there are any people who actually believe in conspiracies or is it just angry people who are watching all those youtube videos because you see these youtube videos with hundreds and hundreds of likes is it just like one or two people like like you know and hundreds of thousands of angry people watching them no i don't i i don't think it's necessarily angry people an awful lot of people are angry if the symbol if the only factor that joined them all together was they're angry then maybe but i mean that that's also who's more angry, right? Because angry nutcases who believe in Flat Earth and Nightshade dickberries, those kind of nutcases

are very angry about their belief. Okay, they're not like quietly, secretly, they're very shouty. Why? Because they think they've been duped? Is that why they're angry? I don't know,

but it's weird, isn't it? So are there lots of people who believe in these things that quietly believe in them? Yeah, yeah, they're not like furious like furious i mean you're not seeing protests saying we want the truth now outside the fucking white house and everything it's like they're not well they don't need the truth they already hold the truth right so they don't but if you held the truth sips to something like that cockberries and you were really serious about it wouldn't you be an organized

movement that gets together like Occupy Wall Street or something I would have to give a shit in the first place I'm saying not you obviously I mean you never would

but I'm saying like a regular person right that would go out not you Sips isn't a protester if you found the secret to ultimate cockberries

you wouldn't tell anyone you'd keep that secret you'd be like huh interesting hmm kinda cool kinda cool I'll make use of these I'll make use of these dog how about that yeah yeah i'll blow guys head off right after but the dog kicking obviously the bad one jesus christ don't cook a

dog yeah that's weird actually i blew a dude's head off with a shotgun yeah just went oh that's gross but yeah i'm sure if i i mean when, when I killed my horse by mistake, everybody was furious. I drowned mine by mistake. Yeah, that was funny. You told me that. Oh, fuck. It turns out that the horses don't go over waterfalls very well. Well, I think that's just something you experience, isn't it? Well, I think that's just part of growing up, really, isn't it?

He didn't seem to mind. He was like fully compliant all the way to the end. He was just like, yeah, okay. Yeah, it's a good horse we're doing this trust you i trust you yeah i kind of hit a log on the way down you know um i was watching uh georgia you know g star g star uh games yeah she posted a clip where she's driving she's driving riding her horse through the train station it's the kind of stupid shit i do ride the horse places you're obviously not meant to ride the horse. She hits a bunch of like boxes and she goes over the edge of the horse. And I think, oh, here we go.

And a train was passing at that exact moment and just fucking took her out. I love the idea of crashing. Crashing in Red Dead is, you can feel it in your bones. Like when you hit a tree real good, your horse goes sliding down. I think that my new horse since the

drowned horse my new horse seems to crash a whole lot more i don't know like some of them seem clumsier than others somehow i think it's the i never had these problems with my other horse is it i don't know it just the game i think felt bad for me and randomly gave me a horse that i haven't even stabled yet or anything if you get the horses that have the twitchy kind of racing handling and stuff, you crash a lot more because they turn real quick and it's easy to bash into something. Equally, the really slow horses can't respond

in time. That's why you've got to use the drift move. The drift move. Oh, yes. I'm drifting through crowds in Saint-Denis and then obviously you run over a dog and everybody starts shooting you. Yeah, they go nuts about you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they go nuts about that. They love dogs.

That puppy, what a boy. So, you're going to give him back? I mean, Chewbacca, does that mean that Chewbacca is now

going to be picked up by some other family and torment them and ruin their life? Yeah, and quite honestly, lied to, because, not by us,

but by these people that handle this dog, because they told my mom very good with kids great with other pets he's a real family pet he's no you know what's gonna happen he's gonna go to this new family and he's gonna just be the new family are gonna be like oh he's the best dog he's he's so good he's he's never bitten anybody and he never barks and he always shits outside and stuff and and just to make you feel like an asshole like he's gonna be awarded dog of the year that's the real conspiracy

in this world isn't it it's like other people's like perceptions and opinions conflicting with your own experiences and making you feel like some sort of asshole right that's ladies and gentlemen your dog of the year chewbacca he's such a good boy your whole family just sitting there with open mouth mouths wide open what he's had a hard life his last donors were frightful old woman she would beat him daily and feed him not but gruel and ground up rocks and dick berries whatever they are yeah no he's a piece of shit and uh i mean i you know i feel bad for him because he's not had the best of starts not because he was he's never been mistreated it's just that everyone that had him realized he was an asshole and moved him on and i

feel bad in a way that he's just a shit dog but you have to ask the question what is a pet if it makes you feel bad and your life has to be structured around how awful this animal is and the things you want to do with your remaining years because my mum's getting on is spend time with her grandkids and come and see us not have to worry about this miserable fucking dog okay well listen to this right so first of all like 50 of the fucking like fauna or whatever on earth has has been like made extinct since like every year or so the statistics on us making stuff extinct on earth is nuts we're killing animals by the boatload every fucking day right just and everyone's cool with it right well some people

aren't cool with it i'm not cool with it but but don't seems like the government and most of the regulations of they're cool with it right they're cool with just killing loads of all sorts of different animals birds and cats and wild shit anything that's out there in nature is fair game on the rest on the other side of the scale everything else all the other animals we're fucking eating them we're breeding them in tiny little pens over and over again feeding them like fucking off them themselves like like you know a lot of the time we were grinding up dead fucking bits of the animals that we ate and feeding them back to the animals

that's how we got like BSE that's a relatively recent thing I was looking at the fucking fish food for Duncan's fish fish food's made

of fucking fish are they okay with that I don't know well yeah fish kind of tend to eat like other fish though yeah they do eat

each other right yeah that's a fucking liability way it's happened I don't know I'm sure that's fine anyway

what are you gonna feed a whale in captivity other fish you have to there are that's fine. What are you going to feed a whale in captivity? Other fish you have to. There are no whales in captivity. What are you talking about? Hypothetically. I'm saying hypothetically. That's a big time. So the second thing,

we're farming like They did it in Star Trek, Flax. They got it on a spaceship. They did. Some like insane amount of land on earth is like

handed over to breeding cows something like 40% of the US land is for like grazing animals that we're gonna kill

okay and then they're producing huge amounts of greenhouse gases and stuff because everyone's eating meat

and everyone has to have meat for every meal not a huge amount number three obviously zoos so we're putting the rest of the fucking animals in zoos to look at and stare at in tiny cages sometimes you know some of these other countries i went to some places when i was away in um in japan and it was like man it was like super cruel looking at some of these these situations and i was really upset by some of the stuff i saw and then and it's pretty bad in some countries i'm sure it is and i'm sure it's good like in some countries and stuff i'm

sure it's balanced anyway that's the third thing we do with animals the fourth thing we're doing animals is we're keeping them as pets and we're breeding them until they're all mutated and messed up and can't breathe properly like bulldogs and other things they're so inbred and messed up that they can't function on their own right these animals that we have as pets you can't release them into the wild because they can't live out there they're not native anymore they're not foxes or wolves or you know whatever they used to be they're like the bird even birds like you know a lot of the time they won't even like try and fly away because they can't live or if they did escape from a cage they just die instantly you can't like just release a parrot out the window it'll fucking get killed

and then the icing on the cake is that we also create pornography with them in small amounts so literally actually fucking them from every angle so okay in in the broadest scheme of things if the very least they can do is like it's like fucking be nice to you and your pet that you're having that you've mutated and grown in your fucking house i mean sure they probably they probably wants to get you back for a start right he's like thinking look at what you've done i'm sick of it he's giving you a horrible time he's thinking after all this i'm not gonna be nice to you i'm gonna be a little bitch i'm gonna be a little cunt you're humanizing the dog they don't think like that they don't want they just want to eat and go for walkies.

I think he knows that. So, okay. So let's just round that off by saying, how about, why is it so bad if you had that dog put down? At the first sight, if it being a little cunt, you were like, hey, dog, do you know what? Fuck you. Bam.

Here's a little injection. You're dead. I'll fucking throw you in the bin. Nobody wants to shoulder that responsibility. How do you tell your kids that? I'll fucking do it. I realize how awful that sounds. We killed the dog.

Okay, I realize how awful that sounds, but we're eating animals all the time. You'll probably listen to this eating a fucking ham sandwich, right? Like, I mean, we're doing all sorts of horrible stuff to animals across the world you know why why not like if he's being a little bit horrible thing just fucking kick it to death just kick it to death who cares kick it to death kick it to death yeah and if you can't do it in real life there's a game called red dead redemption 2 which will um allow you to do

that all your dog kicking fantasy literally fill your boots right up to the brim with that it is weird but but that's that's morality isn't it that's the way people make moral judgments because it's like yeah all right there's all kinds of massive horrible shit going on but you still got to mind your corner we have to start somewhere with fixing this stuff and it starts at home right it starts at like you know figuring out what is wrong with this dog this podcast you're making you're making like three arguments at once. One, something must be done to save the animals. Two, who really cares about this animal though?

And three, Perion should kill this animal. I'm making three arguments at once because it's a complex thing. Yeah, who cares about badgers? Yeah, but you've made it complex. You've made it complex. I'm a complex person. This is the kind of stuff I like having balanced arguments on both sides

it's not balanced on both sides if you're making both sides as part of one argument it doesn't make sense you're saying we've got to save

the animals these poor animals what's one more dog dead one more dead dog it's a bad argument bring him over here I'll kick him for you. I'm Lewis Brindley.

I'm representing both pro and con at the same time. This may be a confusing argument for some of you, but it has to be made. Now, listen up. I'm right in the middle. I'm for and against dog killing. There's not enough space. You want to save your grands?

Kill dogs. Save grands. Kill dogs. Save grands. Kill dogs. He's an animal rights centrist, basically. Yeah, he can't quite commit. Would you

have picked the dog or the Gran in the AI driving thing, P-Flex? Save the fucking human being! Yeah, the human being must be saved. If a dog, I mean, what I put it down to is this. If an animal dies, it's sad, right? It's sad. Unless it's delicious, in which case that's a good thing.

It's happy. If you are honestly saying that people are horrible, I'd rather kill people, you're an example of why people are horrible. You're killing a complete stranger to save an animal that's going to live 10 years, and when it's gone, the only people that will miss it will be its owners. This grandmother has a legacy. What if that granny has like a chronic condition, okay? She's crossing the road.

I don't care if she has an hour to live. She deserves that hour more than a dog. No, no, no, no. Listen, hear me out. I've heard you out. For years now, she's just been battling. She's just had this chronic pain in her wherever. She's got a sore pussy.

She's just like, I knew you were going to say that. I knew the pussy was going to come out of her. Every single day is a living hell for me. But I still have to go and do stuff. I have to go to the grocery store. And she's walking across the street and out of the corner of her eye. And she pauses there because she's hoping a truck will hit her. And for a very brief, you know, fraction of a millisecond,

a thought enters her mind. I hope this guy just plows me over. I hope this is it. I don't have to deal with this pain or anything anymore. And then he swerves and hits the dog instead. Her dog. And the only thing that was giving her any pleasure in

life. Her last companion. He's such a good dog. That yappy little shit. He terrorized her grandchildren who she hates. This dog would really take the burn off of my pussy condition. Oh my god. Christ. Such a soft tongue.

Jesus, Webb. End it. End it. That is the end of this podcast. That is enough for today. Yeah, we're done. We're done. That's some fucked up shit.

Oh god. Anyway, enjoy yourselves. Stay frosty. Thanks very much as usual for listening, I guess. And hopefully this one will actually make it out onto the interwebs. It'll make it. All right. Bye.

Bye. Bye.