Triforce! - Triforce! #85: The Nightmare of Christmas

Episode Date: December 8, 2018

Triforce! Episode 85! Sips' house is decorated, Pyrion is getting a tree and Lewis is scared of the ghost of Santa!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. The first one for Christmas. We're actually recording this day six of Jingle Jam. Whoa. Just after the Civ stream happened. Oh. A little bit hungover, but actually, I'm okay.

I was well behaved. I was well behaved. Good. Civs P-Flex, how you doing? Looking good. Feeling awesome. Yeah. Same. Looking amazing. Feeling Minnesota minnesota you know the same so have you got christmas decorations up yet uh yeah i do

unfortunately what have you got tree give me the rundown some lights we got like a garland and uh i had to buy some like um some of those zip ties to tie the garland because it's going outside. You mean like a wreath, right? Nah, it's like because we have a balcony off of our bedroom. It sounds better than it is. It's never used. It's covered in bird shit too, but it has a railing

and we're going to put some whatever, leaves or something on it with lights in it. I haven't put it up yet. You're making it sound like some hillbilly Christmas tree. Yeah, we've got a couple of deer carcasses and some human skulls as well. And a whole bunch of dream catchers that we're going to hang up all over the garden too. Nice and very multi-religious of you Nice and festive We're getting the tree this weekend Just didn't get a chance last weekend Do you guys get a real tree?

Where's it come from? Squire's Garden Centre So where do they source their trees? I'm sure they get them from a special work camp set up for political detainees yes um and it sounds about right tortured and forced to tend to a crop of christmas i don't know a fucking field a christmas tree field i mean if they if you've got to ethically source a tree

nowadays what are you telling me some trees are bad come on man it's a tree they grow the trees in a field they They cut them down. You buy the tree. And then it rots away in your living room for like a month. I think it's about 10 years it takes to grow a tree. Not a Christmas tree. That's what it says here. Well, how long would a Christmas tree take to grow?

It takes one night. Santa flies over the top of it, letting out special pine tree magic pixie dust. All over it. Yeah, it grows. Thanks, Santa. Enjoy your profits, young tree-goer. over the top of it letting out special pine tree sprinkles magic all over it yeah thanks santa enjoy your profits young tree man these guys like the um the the amount of planning that like uh you know they're not much to look at christmas tree lots are they they're just like some wire fence around them and a wooden sign and like some dude wearing a lot of warm clothing but like that guy's a genius he had to start planning like 20 years in advance to make sure that his stock

levels were full uh for 20 years in the future you know what i mean yeah that's a huge investment in time and stuff for potent you know he had to sort of say is christmas still going to be big in 20 years time after all these trees have grown and I'm ready to start selling them? What if there's a drought? What if there's another great to fuck impression? Nobody celebrates Christmas anymore

and I'm stuck with all these fucking trees. That's true. I mean, the cheap plastic tree market, that must eat into his profits, right? Yeah. I have a plastic tree, but it wasn't a cheap one. I can attest to that. So it's a plastic tree that has tinsel on it already,

like built in. Also, it has lights built into it as well with different settings. Was it also made at Santa's workshop? I'm sure it was, yeah. Santa just flew over. It's fairly magical. Enjoy your profits, Chinese factory worker.

So this thing sits in the attic all year round. And this year I went up to get it and there's no light in the attic. So I had to fumble around. I got these like, you've seen these like LED light switches, you know, you don't plug it. They have batteries and

they're just like a it's just a switch so i put a couple of those up in the attic because i very rarely go up there and when i do need to go up there obviously you need light so i put a couple of those up there it's like a saturday's grotto up there it is pretty much yeah with the christmas tree on the floor from last year and the christ lights because I couldn't be bothered to hook anything else up. That's it. So I'm up there rummaging around for all the decorations and stuff. And then I look. Oh, there's a man up here in a suit.

Hello, little boy. What are you doing up here in Santa's grotto? And it's like a dirty mattress on the floor. Chained to the wall. Oh, my God. So the corner of my eye, I just see this massive heap of junk and you know that's not overly surprising there's a lot of junk up in the attic i'm already getting a fucking horror film vibe from this just just so i look over and my heart my heart just sinks because the fucking

tree sprung out of the box like i guess the tape just went a bit rotten the tape that was holding the box closed right a break for it lost its stick and then at some point it just sprung open and the fucking all the parts of the tree because it comes in like three or four parts like you you take it down and apart sort of thing are all over the place and i just thought you know what fuck i wish somehow they would just cancel christmas this year so i could just leave this in a pile and not jesus christ not sort it out and bring it okay bring it down now i will say i've been um after the streams after my stuff i've been going home and watching haunting of hill house on netflix right i've been watching episode by episode and it's good it's really good it's really spooky though and it's really oh god there's

like in like every scene there's like a horrible ghost face or something. It's terrifying, man. Right. I'm not good with horror stuff anyway. Yeah, I've stopped watching horror stuff. I'm totally getting a haunted vibe from your house. With the deacarcus over the door, the dreamcatchers, you go in. I've just been playing a lot of Red Dead.

I swear I put this Christmas tree away, and there's like a horrible ghost face over your shoulder, so you're like picking up the bits off the floor. Also, what the fuck was this Christmas tree? A jack-in-the-box? Come on, Sips. No, it's like a fake tree, isn't it? It's a fake tree that comes in parts,

and when you put it back in the box, it never fits back in the box the way that you bought it. We had one for years, and then we were like, do you know what? This thing is, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. So we just chucked it and got a real tree because i've you know it's just it's just nicer isn't it the smell of the tree yeah do you do the whole griswold like

thing where you go out to the lot with your whole family in the station wagon and yeah so i strap it to the top of the car and everything we're going on saturday so i actually do the the proper dad christmas tree run always buy a tree that mrs f says oh don't get that one it's too big i'm like we're getting the biggest one we can get you know and it's like yay stuff like that it's just that's christmas to me and then it like barely fits in it's like bent over and scratches the ceiling exactly but the decorations every year i like here's the the trick to keeping your christmas lights in order is you get a cereal box or any piece of cardboard and you cut so you have one sort of flat piece like a single pane of

cardboard if you like and then in the top in the long edges you cut a little curve into it so it's sort of shaped a bit like a big really fat capital letter i right right and then you wrap the lights around that to keep them in order because they don't provide any way to tidy the lights in the box. You just shove them in a box. But you'll never get them to stay that way. I wrap them around my fist.

I like to wrap them around my fist to make a ball. You just keep them there all year? No, I put them back in the little box that they came in. Well, let me tell you, try the cereal box technique, all right? Here's the only problem, though, is when it comes time to take down the lights obviously you wrap them back or hold on this might do the trifles podcast alarm yeah i'm doing it um ahead of schedule too very efficient

the uh lewis is always late right i thought you needed some christmas music for this podcast and so that was what it was played it that's very thoughtful of you but here's the thing every year i think was i too lazy last year to correctly put away the lights did i just go like fuck it shove them in a box or did i wrap them carefully planning ahead for future me well this is exactly the thing isn't it it's like christmas like summer is just that little bit far away when it's over yeah so you think i will worry about it next year do you know what i mean and you're like that's future periods problem you know that's not current problem periods yeah current periods problem is like you know there's like a dog like scratching one of our children to death and like you know future period can deal with the bird's

nest of christmas lights but did did past period because i'm future period it's coming up future period is now yeah it's like two days till future period has to unwind the christmas lights and i'm worried about about past period and whether he actually whether he got his fucking finger out and didn't wasn't a cunt about it and just put the fucking lights away properly so i haven't looked yet i hope i was good last year i really do because it's a pain in the ass although it's like so good because otherwise you're going to have to lay down on that dirty mattress no profits for you this year just a deposit a deposit from santa so what else you got what else you got in the christmas christmas planning you bought any

presents yet sips you got any like yeah we sort of start buying presents like we we accumulate presents like throughout the year so it's like thinking we don't just do last minute shopping like although some last minute shopping does take place um generally just like a mountain of toys starts to develop in my garage like early on in the year and then we sort of forget what's in here and then we end up slowly playing too much stuff and then um but yeah i mean it's good though i like the kids obviously love it and stuff they're like looking forward to it and both of their birthdays are kind of like right before christmas too yeah one of my daughters is in november part of the lead up to christmas is

not only putting up the decorations but then sorting through all their old toys and giving a bunch of them away to make room for like the new stuff because otherwise it's just a fucking mess like there's just toys everywhere they're they're so quick to dump their old toys if there is a replacement and the requirement is if you want x you'll have to get rid of y they're like don't fuck y get y out i don't give a shit about it i was like okay we just don't even that last year you begged for it and now you're happy to see the back of it so do you even want x oh yeah i really want i want to show better i mean our kids are so small there's not not even any consultation required it's just like yeah you know they don't notice if it's gone i have to consult yeah every once in a while like they'll come out of left field six months later and be like,

remember that red car I used to have? Yeah, let me just go find that for you. Yeah, here, let me distract you for five seconds and you'll forget about it. Those sips has to go into his dad garage and sadly pick up that red car that he's really been enjoying playing with for the past six months

and then bring it back into the house it's just like covered in Vaseline and smells like condoms it's like laying up in two condoms yuck that's gross that is gross I went too far I'm sorry guys so like do you do cards?

Because when I was a kid, right, our, like, office and study or whatever, the spare room, would be, we had so many cards that what mum and dad would do is they would, like, put strings up on the wall

and hang the cards as if they were Christmas decorations, right? So, because we would get cards from everyone. It was just, like, a kind of thing that was done back then. Everyone in my dad's office and my mom's office would get them a card. I think that's the key, though. Back then, it was done.

I don't think people are nice anymore. I hate it. I hate it. That's Mrs. F's purview. I am not interested in cards. I don't send my friends birthday cards. I don't send anybody Christmas cards. It's all Mrs. F. Because I don't send my friends birthday cards. I don't send, you know, anybody Christmas cards. It's all Mrs. F.

Because I don't care. I think in every marriage, there's one nominated card writer, isn't there? Yeah, I think sadly, it's generally speaking, it's the woman in any partnership. Because I think they're the ones that get shit from other women. Like my mom, if she didn't get a Christmas card, she ain't complaining to me. She's complaining to Mrs. F. You know what I mean? Thank you cards.

Fucking thank you cards. Surely giving a gift and the person saying thank you is enough. You need a card? Like you need a card to say thank you? And I've read a post sometimes when I'm feeling really parent-y. I read Mumsnet. Have you ever read Mumsnet? Oh, good for you.

Yeah, well, Mumsnet comes up on all the Google searches when you're like, my kid is barfing. And then Mumsnet's like, I had a kid one time who was barfing too. And then there's like 20,000 fucking posts about kids barfing. Yeah, I mean, I really like it. It's funny. There's a sub-forum called Am I Being Unreasonable, which is my favorite. And it's literally women saying, someone pushed in front of me in a bus queue and I called them an old cow and everyone looked really horrified.

Am I being unreasonable to call someone an old cow for pushing in front of me in a bus queue? It's like, don't be so worried about shit. You know what I mean? But I think a lot of the time, that's the way people are. They're terrified. Did I do something wrong? Am I being unreasonable? And everybody's going, oh my God, you are not being unreasonable, which is Y-A-M-B-U.

So it's Yambu or Wabu, depending on what you are being a reason. But on Reddit, that's am I the asshole? Right. So it's like someone says like, My wife is hanging out with this new guy at work, and so I followed her, and it turned out that they were having sex. So I shot her. Am I the asshole?

It's like, P.S. I'm in jail yeah I don't know they're a lot of them are the asshole yeah

you are an asshole but people need to I think a lot of people some of them are just very polite people well some people often times seek out the consultation

of other assholes to make them feel better you know cause other assholes will be like yo I'll fucking kill him I would have done it too good for you but I'm not in jail you are but still i would have

done it yeah yeah exactly but i mean i think a lot of the time you feel like something has happened you think my world view has been shaken because these other people seem to think this was fine it's to me it's clearly not fine surely i'm not insane here and you need someone else to step in that that has no stake in the game sometimes. And I think that's one of the good things about the internet is you can ask for feedback and you get 100% honest feedback because people don't know you.

Whereas you're asking your friends. You get a mix of feedback and you can scroll down to the feedback you want and you're like, oh, yes. You do get a mix of feedback because I think on the internet, there's a lot of people who are projecting their ideal selves and not actually themselves.

Well, some of us do that. I don't do that. I project one of the worst me's there is. Me too. God, I'm so self-deprecating and everything. But some people, like, their real lives are terrible for whatever reason or it's not quite what they expected or whatever. But then they can make up for that on the internet by sort of reinventing themselves yeah sort of thing you know what i mean it's good though so it's hard to get

legit feedback sometimes from people who are so um you know broken i guess jesus broken well i mean yeah but there was anyway there was one on the am I being unreasonable where it was more of a sort of holy shit is this even a thing their daughter had received

some presents and they'd sent a thank you card and they'd received the thank you card for the thank

you card and they're like am I being unreasonable to think that this is a bridge too far in the thank you game

and kind of ridiculous because now she's thinking so hang on a sec does that mean that if I get a thank you card and kind of ridiculous because now she's thinking so hang on a sec it's just to say that mean that if i get a thank you card from this person i need to now thank them for the thank you card like where does it end and well exactly i mean that is causing an infinite

loop right there isn't it that's probably like that's like trying to divide by zero p flex it's ridiculous that kind of stuff is dangerous it is you know those are the kind of things that reddit posts are made of, though, right? It's true. Like, for the past 20 years, I have been responding thank you to a thank you card that was originally sent to me in 1931. And every year since, a thank you card has been sent back off the back of another thank you card in a long exchange of thank yous spanning decades. I will not be the first to break. It was originally started

by my great-great-grandmother who was thanking her sister then for... For making a beautiful Christmas pudding. Every generation since has taken over the polite courtesy of thanking you in order to keep relations good. I think these days, though, right?

Back in the day, social media wasn't a thing. You didn't really sometimes know what some of your family members were doing. I mean, now you can just look at their Facebook or Twitter and it's like, just go down to Greg's and get myself a pasty. Just, here's a bit to me. It's all in your face, right? But now, but back then, you know, you opened their Christmas card and it was like,

Dear Lewis, just popped down to Greg's and got myself a pasty. What a lovely Christmas day it is. Hope you're doing well. Included is your $5 gift voucher for Greg's. Do you know what I mean? That was how it was back then. Also,

men never need this communication, right? Two men can have a year apart and they still consider each other best buds, you know, and just not say a thing. Man, it's so true. Whereas if a woman has to reply to a text

in, you know, seven hours, they're like, oh my God, are we still friends? I don't know. Does she still like me? What did they say wrong? Oh my God, do i look okay in this and they were just both just waiting for the other

one to reply you know that's how it works that's kind of how it works yeah i mean yeah guys are totally different right jesus guys oh yeah women oh women hey we talk about this all the time but it's so true we don't understand them will. We don't understand them at all. They're so emotional over weird stuff, too. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I don't get it. I'm being unreasonable about the –

My husband keeps going up the loft. I keep hearing ho-ho-hoing from up there and the sound of a whip. There's a lot of clicking as well. I think he seems to be turning off and on a light switch all the time. Possibly LED, I'm not sure.

It's really weird. I hear him clanging as he tries to, I think he must be trying to put the Christmas tree back in the box or he's beating someone with a pipe.

Every time I go up there though, I'm like, fuck, it'd be really nice to have this plate like converted and useful. And then,

I'm always like, you know, we could put up a partition here and we could put in like a sunroof and we could put this we could hide the kids up here oh wait hang on a second how the hell is anyone gonna get up here because it's one of those retractable ladders to get up and then i'll tell you what they do when we had our loft done they they rejig the corridor below it a bit and you put a staircase in so it's quite a big job like i mean they have to move some walls like it's not a small job but you get like a whole nother floor of your house yeah we had it done it was it's changed the house completely we have so much more space than

we did i just don't know who i mean i'm in there right now i don't know who i dislike enough to put up there though like it's not well it's not a nice big room right yeah but it's slanted roofs and stuff you know like yeah i know i'll probably end up up there right but but they it's slanted roofs but they flatten one out so you don't live in a triangle it's more like a rhombus oh okay so they sort of they take one of the the sloping bits and they flatten it and they put a skylight in there so then you can have either one huge room you can have your little bathroom up there if you want i've never gone for that we had another room put in so that's my office that i'm in now and then the bedroom is next door

which is a problem if it's a really intense game of dota and i'm shouting a lot mrs the main bedroom mrs f is asleep is right next door so right it's not ideal i looked into soundproofing i contacted multiple soundproofing companies to see if it was possible they all said right it's not ideal i looked into soundproofing i contacted multiple soundproofing companies to see if it was possible they all said no it's not possible to soundproof your room i was like really they're like yes i was like isn't soundproofing a thing they were like yeah it is but not what you want it for i was like oh you need to get like a garage that's not attached to your house man that's the best i can yell out here until i blew in the face nobody can hear me it's great

i mean i god knows what the neighbors must think because when i'm shouting they must they have their loft converted and they're in the next room so they must hear me screaming at one in the morning man maybe they're big fans maybe they're on the stream they're like this is just a bonus i can actually hear them through the wall but we're just we're sitting here cuddled up together in bed watching flax play whatever and we can hear them it's like like we're there wow god i hope not yeah it'd be weird right it'd be a little bit weird yeah oh my god fucking you wake up every morning go outside pick up the milk like great stream last night flax oh thanks buddy thanks thanks thanks bill how's how's margaret Thanks, buddy. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks, Bill. How's Margaret doing?

Here's a preview for tonight. That's what you'll hear about midnight. And then this. You'll hear that about one in the morning. So have you guys been playing any video games lately? Do you guys still play video games? Yeah, I do. I've been playing a whole bunch of stuff.

So you know the way you guys, or I should say us guys, because we're going to be there next week, are doing the Jingle Jam. So my my boy monticus shout out to monticus who's like the anchor of my stream if you like um he organizes a lot of stuff he's like he's like my bro he set up something called gameageddon okay which is just a month of different games because normally i just play dotes obviously and csgo and stuff so we've been doing different games every night um and it's been really good like we did secret hitler i've never played secret hitler before um on the tabletop simulator thing we did like town of salem and solaris and stuff so

it's been a nice break because you know me i'm normally like a one or two game kind of person and i'll just play that game night after night i saw you mixing it up and that's very, sounds very healthy. It's a lot of fun actually. And, um, it's, it's interesting because one thing I'd forgotten about when you're streaming is certain people want to play certain games,

but not others. So when you play so-and-so game, suddenly you get other people that you recognize from the stream actually playing. Cause they're like, Oh, I play that. It's like,

Oh, that's interesting. Cause I've never played Dota with this guy, but they like to play town of Salemem or whatever i just thought it was interesting like it opens it up a bit more because i like i try to we've got like a little community thing going on you know on the discord and everything like that so yeah i think it's nice it's actually changed my opinion of uh what game game i'm going to stream i'm going to try and open it up a bit more regularly because normally i'll play dota dota dota dota dota and then i'll be like oh shit x-com and play that for like a week solidly and

they just go back to dota again i saw you play battle brothers on stream oh my god that game is so hard it's so ridiculously ball-lakingly hard you get to a point where you just lose a battle and you're like well i'm fucked yeah you're fucked like there is an iron man mode i mean x-com's a little bit like that. Oh, no, dude. This is completely different. Because in XCOM, you've got some control, for one thing. You see the odds of a shot landing,

and you're kind of surprised if you miss, like, a whole bunch of shots. And you can plan ahead, and it's turn-based in a way where you can keep range and all the rest of it. Whereas this is like, okay, the enemy goes first. Like, it's not turn, like, your turn, their turn. It's more like, all right, the initiative like okay the enemy goes first like it's not turn like your turn their turn it's more like all right the initiative means that this guy goes first he has a crossbow your guy doesn't have a shield he shoots your guy your guy is dead turn one you're like well what the fuck like what am i meant to do about that or there are monsters that are almost unbeatable

with but you've never seen before either you're not even introduced to these ones just like walking along and your guys are scared and run away it's like a one before either you're not even reintroduced to them you're just like walking along and your guys are scared and run away it's like a one skull quest you're like go and clear out this fucking hut full of skeletons

you're like no problem you go there it's like oh it's ghosts I wonder what they do oh my guys are dead what the fuck

it's so bad okay I guess that six hour playthrough is over I'll start again but that's why you've got to save scum like I save scum

the shit out of it because some of the fights like the terrain will just be bad you'll start and they'll all be on a hill and you're at the bottom of the hill rip reload you can't do it you cannot get up that hill in time they'll own you or you spawn in and there's like eight bandits and four of them are archers you're gonna lose like three or four guys exactly but

it's a great great game like i think if you i think people who play a lot really get to know it right and they get like they recruit a load of shitty like beggars and stuff and throw them out to their death at the front row you know maybe people play it in a really like different i'm sure there's more interesting ways to um i also think that it's so grindy that it actually a lot of the game is just grinding like it's not the progression is not like an excom where you feel especially the most recent one there's like a mission and you get a little bit of technology each time and you know you can get items and you level up your guys it's kind of exciting the level ups in this are like your dude leveled up and you can now add two to his melee skill which is 51 so now you have 53 you're like wow to the point where it's like such

a tiny upgrade yeah a random statted new guy might already be better i mean it mean, it seems to be mainly about the gear you have. Like, the heavier your armor, the better your chance of actually making it through the battle and stuff. But it's just, I don't know, it's super grindy. It's definitely worth it at Sips Battlefront. It's nuts. Don't do it at Sips.

Don't do it, okay. I won't. I won't do it. I've got stuff to play. But the thing is, there's so few games like it. And I love that style of game. So I play it, and I hate myself games like it. And I love that style of game. So I play it and I hate myself for doing it. And I hate the grind.

Any game where there's one of the tips on the loading screen is, it's fun to lose. I'm like, fuck you. I know what you've done. I already know what this game is going to be from that one comment. It's going to be, oh, fuck off. My wife, what the fuck? Oh, come on, like that.

And you're going to have to reload. It's fun to lose. It's not have to reload. It's fun to lose. It's not fun to lose. It's fine to lose, I think would be the better way to put it. It's fun to lose sometimes if it's not too bullshitty, right? But if it feels really unfair and bullshitty, then it sucks to lose. I think any time it's out of your hands. If I lose a game of dota i know that

we either got out drafted or outplayed or we fucked up i like that i don't mind but if i lose because some fucking monster just goes rawr and kills my guy in one shot i'm like there's nothing i could have done about that yeah you didn't give me a chance to not die it i just died it's just oh you just got unlucky so that's not a mechanic in any game i hate that i absolutely hate that same god i hate that so um so guys we didn't do a podcast last week so i wasn't able to tell you about the apprentice um but i watched it last night and it was it was just much much of the same that surprises me a couple times i had to close my eyes uh it was uh i don't understand this is one thing i'll never understand about that show in what world would you ever develop a product and brand it and then turn up to a pitch um for like a big retail uh giant you know pitching your product to them um and then

why would you do do a gimmicky dance or something stupid and awkward like that? Who would ever think that that's a good idea? I'm not even very business-minded, but I would never do that. I would go in and I would say, hi, this is what we've made. It's really good.

We're happy with the branding, but it can change if you need it to change. And, you know, there you go. Do you want to buy some of these? And I would leave. Like, you know, I wouldn't ham it up or anything. I wouldn't do a dance, nothing. I'd just be like, hopefully this product just speaks for itself

and you guys think that you can sell it. You know what I mean? You're talking to business people. It's not an advert. That's it. Like these people just like you know they they want to make money i i want to make money there there's no dancing involved in that like but yeah so anyway they they go to this pitch and they fucking start

dancing and stuff and it was just so fucking painfully awkward it was nuts like these i don't know what kind of crack they're smoking and honestly i don't even want any of that kind of crack that they're smoking if it makes you act like that you want some alan sugar crack the good shit i've laid on some crack pipes i've laid on some crack for the for the winners of this week's uh challenge we'll get a shitload of crack and yeah some hookers so i've laid on some some laid on yeah yeah so um yeah so he laid on um he laid on a bunch of crack for the contestants this week it appears and um and they had some uh some bad side effects of them performing a dance in front of a sales pitch which well I think you should try the next

series of Lego Masters when that comes out because oh yeah and you know what i watched some of that that's the one where kids make um there's like kids with adults yeah right and sometimes just that two adults yeah that's yeah that's true actually yeah it mixes it up but i i loved it my kids love that show i love that show so yeah we watch it together it's a great show they just finished i just finished this week i've cried every single episode whenever they send the kids home the kids are crying the host is crying i'm crying because these little kids have had their heart broken you know they built this shitty lego thing and it fell over and they had to get knocked out it's sad and it's i think it's yeah i think it's kind of cruel to subject kids to that

though at that age the young lads were like yeah we didn't expect to get this far we think we do really well good luck to the other teams. And they're like, 10. And I was like, holy shit. That's the most mature little kid. That is so cool. Yeah. Like, the little kids were the ones that could hack it.

They were like, yeah, we did great. I had a great time. There's the adults who were like, oh, God. It's tragic. But, like, there was a father and daughter couple who did really well. And he was, like, really proud of his daughter. I was welling up. I was like, oh, I just love that show. Was it like one of those things where like the daughter's like, hey, dad, maybe we should do this?

No, no. I know exactly what we're going to do. I know exactly the pieces that we need. Go and get some red blocks, you little piece of shit. We're going to do this. We're going to win the whole thing. I feel like that's every adult on that show. It happened a little bit.

Like there was this one, it was an uncle and his nephew. And you could tell the uncle was like, just, just hand me the blocks. Just hand me the boxes. I asked for them. And you can build like the little accessories or whatever.

And he was like building this big head. They had to build a head of Johnny Vegas, like a bus. So he's just using the kid as like a prop like the kid was just to justify himself being on the show so it felt a bit like that because his head was garbage like it was but the little whenever he got the kid involved the kid was really good and inventive and imaginative and this guy was just kind of not so it was like they kept saying why can't he see that this he needs to involve his nephew more if his build is going to be any good? Oh, my God.

I know. That's so embarrassing. Like imagine watching back that footage and hearing that criticism of yourself. Also, it is edited as well. Bear that in mind. Sure, but still like Jesus. I mean, he seemed like a nice guy and his nephew was really, you know, he's obviously his cool uncle who has like a million Lego blocks in his garage. really you know he's obviously his cool uncle who has like a million lego blocks in his garage but it was just it was i just kind of felt like man get that kid involved front and center because

he's really good sounding less and less normal yeah i mean i think yeah cool cool is oh cool is not the term i would use for that uncle i love conversion. Not cool by our standards. No. But cool by a kid's standards. I guess so, yeah. I bet he thinks he's his cool uncle. He doesn't think, yeah, my uncle's really lame. He's into all the same stuff as I am.

He fucking watches anime all day long. Yeah, I watched a bit of that show. It was pretty good. I liked it. Recommended. Recommended. I mean, I don't actually really like The Apprentice that much,

but it's like watching a car crash or a train you're watching it the same way i'm watching the halting of hill house like through your fingers but it's different different kind of horror it's a different type of horror yeah it's psychological i always feel like a bit torn when i watch the apprentice because i can see what they're doing is wrong but at the same time i'm not an expert you know like i don't know what i would do in that situation but all i know is that what they're doing is wrong, but at the same time, I'm not an expert. I don't know what I would do in that situation. But all I know is that what they're doing is not right. I don't know. I don't know much, but I know what I don't like.

Yeah, I know what I don't like, and it's all these contestants, every single one of them. Goddamn. Is it just the people? Is it just the culture? Is it just like that whole thing? Because we had the BBC come down to do a little interview with us yesterday, right? On the Jingle Jig. Yeah, I know.

Pam came down, and she's lovely. And she came down with her camera lady, who was, I'm not saying old, but I think she said she was 55. And she's sort of quite a scrawny lady holding this huge camera. And obviously they're a two-man team. They go out and they film local stories and stuff and bring them back,

and then the news decides what's actually going to go on the news. Right. But they were very much like, they got excited because Briony from the Great British Bake Off came down onto the Jingle Jam. And I think that was like the lead story. It wasn't necessarily that we were involved. It was that Bryony was doing something.

She's a local celebrity. She's helping out with a charity initiative. Because she was on Bake Off. Is that right? Because she was a Bake Off runner-up. Wow. That's amazing. Did she bring down some cakes? Well, we were on the Bake Off as well. because she was a Bake Off runner up wow that's amazing did she bring down

some cakes well we were on the Bake Off as well so does that make us celebrities it was the Jurassic Bake Off

it was a different one it was I guess that does Bake Off it's still a Bake Off it was really good that actually

that I really enjoyed that summer day with Game Grumps that was fucking awesome actually it was really really hot remember how hot it was

so they came down they were on the boat they were like oh we're very excited to beat Bryony I was like okay cool great

she's in she's down in the boat she's getting ready to go on camera so is Bryony the feminine for Brian right

good question ask her ask her should have asked that question one Bryony is that the feminine version of the name Brian?

Yeah. Sure. All right, well, do some baking. That will be the answer. Ask her next time for me, okay? And if you're too embarrassed to ask, just say, my friend Flax really wants to know.

Fuck off. No, don't rope me into this. She's gone now. I'm not going to be able to ask her. I've got a personal phone number. Get her on the phone. Get her back. Just WhatsApp her.

By the way, Bryony, her Twitter handle is the first result for Bryony on Google. And the only Bryony on the internet, according to Google, is her. She's the most famous Bryony. She is. I've got a stepsister called Bryony. She's not even on here. Or wait, is Brianna the feminine for Bryony? Because there's always a feminine.

Like, you know, for like Christopher, it's like Christine or Christina. For Steve, it's Stevie. For like, you know, George, it's Georgina. There's always an equivalent, right? You have to try to find... I'll tell you what, though. What do you think

the feminine name for Kevin is? Kevina? Kevini. Kevinette? Kendra? Kevleen. Kevin, female name. These is Kevina. Keviny. Kevinette. Kendra. Kevleen. Kevin, female name. These are not real names.

The variant Kevan is anglicized from Kevan, an Irish diminutive form. The feminine version of the name is Kiva. Kiva or Kweeva. Kweeva. It can't be Kweeva. Kweeva is short for Queen Latifah. Kweeva. I like that.

Lewis. Lewis. Lewis is, of course, Louise. What's the feminine for Ted or Theodore? What would it be? Edwina. Edwina. Edwina. Yeah, you see that.

Edwina, that's got to be for Edward, though, right? Yeah, but that's what my name is. Edward. Tedward. Tedward. That's the name I've been called before tedward theodore when my friends want to mock me for being once upon a time living in america they call me theodore theodore foresight like that it's a very american presidential name it is a very presidential name speaking of presidents george Sr., did you guys hear? He passed away.

He was like 95 years old. Yep, dude did it all. He did it all. He was a World War II vet as well. He bombed stuff, didn't he? Yeah. In the war. Probably.

Or Japan or whatever. Something like that. Something important. He single-handedly bombed Japan. Yeah. Just him. George, someone needs to drop some bombs on Japan, and I'm thinking you're the young fellow for the task.

What do you say? Anything to do to help out the war efforts, sir. That's a good answer, boy. Now get in your plane and drop those bombs on the Japanese. Drop them all on the Japanese. On them there Japanese. Drop them on the Japanese. Make sure you hit the islands. Some of them are living on the Japanese. Make sure you hit the islands

as some of them are living on the islands. But not that North Centadel Island. They're our side. Those boys are going to live on forever thinking that it's the war. Leave some of them boys raggling around out there to remind the Japanese they lost. That's right. Let's remember, George, Japanese, not Sentinelese.

Don't get them mixed up, boy. Don't you get them mixed up. Don't you do it. So, guys, I still play Red Dead Redemption every day, Red Dead Redemption 2. And every day I think I make a lot of progress. And every day I make like 0.3% progress, even though I do missions and stuff. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but the game is huge. It's all the collectibles and all the things like dino bones and stuff like that.

Did you find all those? No, I found none. I found the lady who said, help me find dino bones. stuff like that you've got oh did you find all those no i found none i found the lady who said help me find dino bones i looked i found none but the problem is that i found four so i got caught up in a storyline in the last two or three days i got caught up in the storyline and just caned it through right finished the game um so i kind of i want to go back and play it again but um i don't know whether to wait for the i know what you mean it's the old skyrim the old sale problem of if you came the main storyline you feel like you don't want to go back and play it again, but I don't know whether to wait for the PC version. It's the old Skyrim, the old problem of if you came to the main storyline, you feel like you don't want to explore the world anymore,

and you feel like you're done. I'm doing both at the same time. If you do the side quests too much, you get bored of the game. I don't know if you came across the side quests, but the two brothers that are trying to impress the woman, you have to shoot bottles off their head and punch them in the balls and stuff. Kick them in the nuts as hard as you can.

I love that. Fuck me. That's funny. Yeah. I like that one. Rockstar. Very good. I mean,

the story I think is done really well. This very, very adult, very self, self. What happened to rewind to Triforce episode a few weeks ago? I don't care about Red Dead. Don't care.

Not interested. Don't care. You were all about Fallout 76 back then. Oh, macho man, Randy Lewis with his fucking, I don't care you were all about fallout 76 back then macho man randy lewis with his fucking i don't cares that's right macho man randy let me tell you something about i don't care about it macho man lewis bring me doesn't care about red dead redemption yeah that's right but now look at him come crawling back. Yeah, now he's on the wall. I'm kind of glad.

It's my game of the year. I love it. I can't stop playing it. So let me just talk a little bit about trying to play the online. Me and Ben and Tom and Shin have played the online for about eight or nine, maybe ten hours. And obviously there's not much to do, but also just doing stuff. It's really hard to make money as well.

We've managed to raise about 70 bucks between us. It's hard. And we need 200 to form a posse, a permanent posse, which is insane. I think they said they're going to make some economic changes. I mean, even just to get a bog standard rifle is like 220 bucks. And you need to be ranked like whatever. And you don't rank up that quickly. Fishing, you need to be ranked 14 to even buy a fishing rod.

Well, this is what I saw on Reddit. It was like, the only way to make money in the game is to do fishing. And I'm like, yeah, fuck that. I mean, there was a lot of chat in the thread about, as if it was totally reasonable. Hi, does anyone know anyone who needs a job, maybe in China,

that I could pay minimum wage to play the game for me and raise some money? Because, you know, I really, I'm lazy. And I've got better things to do with my time. Is there any way we could pay real money to get stuff in the game? People are like begging for microtransactions. Oh my God.

Not even joking. That's crazy. That is crazy. That's the world we've come to. On the topic of Macho Man Randy Savage, there was a, I can't remember the name of the podcast actually. Joe Rogan Experience?

Yes. And they had Jake the Snake Roberts. Yes. It's a really good episode. Yeah, it was awesome. He talks about Andre the the giant did you hear yeah yeah yeah he was like a chaperone for him like when before he was like actually pro he was like like doing like refereeing and stuff but this is before jake the snake was pro not before

andre was a pro at the time and he had to drive him around didn't he that's right yeah and he was telling the story about um how andre the giant like in between shows jake the snake had to drive him to like the next show and it was like 80 miles away uh and andre the giant was like beer he's like oh okay i'll yeah i'll get you some beer for the trip no problem he's just like sitting in the back of this van so he goes in and buys like uh like a case of beer 24 beers he buys two cases he's he thinks he just wants a six-pack yeah he's like how much do you want he buys he buys like he buys like a reasonable amount of beer and then andre the giant's like two cases so he's like what two 24 cases he's like

two cases so he goes and buys two cases of beers so 48 beers just for andre the giant just for this 80 mile trip and he doesn't pee once and he finishes all of the beer yeah it was insane that's insane is that the guy was huge too i mean he also said that when he had to take a shit he had to shit in the bathtub because his ass couldn't fit on the toilet so he would shit in the tub and then just leave the shower running to sort of dissipate the poop down the drain i'm thinking that's one big poop and one smelly bathroom like if you're going into a public toilet and andre the giant is coming out yeah i'm holding it in i ain't going in that fucking toilet imagine it you know what people say an absolute

unit i think that he is the andre the giant giant was the the one right like he's there's nobody bigger maybe jaws from james bond but no he was a big guy would eat him for breakfast homie under the job i don't know though like it would take it it would be a long breakfast that guy's pretty big not not andre the giant big but he's like tall and gangly and he's got the metal teeth and stuff that's true he did have metal teeth yeah so i don't have to miss that's what andre the giant says it's really good i like that i mean i only watched that bit i didn't watch the the rest of the podcast but it just it was interesting seeing jake the snake roberts yeah you know it was really good later on in life and his stories he's really good at sort of telling stories and stuff too.

It's interesting. It's very funny. It is weird how visually things can affect your impression of someone, even if you sort of know them right. Because me and Hat Films went out to get facial tattoos. Well, we went out and got some facial tattoos, like temporary ones, just stuck on our face when we were doing this shoot the other day.

And as soon as I turned around to trot with all these facial tissues, I was like, holy shit. And I was suddenly actually really scared of him. If I'd just met him, I would be like, I would totally be, if only the giant loomed up on you with his fucking big metal teeth,

you'd be like, holy shit. Hey, I'd rather join that metal teeth. Well, jaws guy i mean i mean yeah um he was like lurch wasn't he as well who am i thinking he might have been actually he might have been yeah it's a good point actually richard keel was the guy who played um the baddie and moonraker dude lived to be 74 holy seven and a half foot tall sorry seven foot and a half and one and a half inches tall i normally guys that tall don't make it to fucking 74 no i know yeah usually like the taller you are like how tall is shaquille o'neal he's pretty tall too he is a big guy let's look it up he's still going i'm pretty sure oh he's alive of course he's alive he's only

46 shit shaq is only three years and a bit older than me wow he's four years old he's alive of course he's alive he's only 46 shit Shaq is only three years and a bit older than me wow he's four years old he's accomplished I know he's on space jam legend I know fucking unbelievable the Shaq attack time NBA all-star 15 he was incredible though I mean the thing is like he didn't even need to jump to get a slam dunk. Like, you just walk up to the net. He's half an inch shorter than Jaws from Moonraker. How about that? Jesus. Yeah, he's a fucking, Shaq is an absolute unit as well. Yeah, he is.

If you ever watch Inside the NBA, I don't know. I don't really even like basketball that much, but I really love that show. That is a funny show. He is very funny on that. Him and Charles Barkley. Very funny. Those two were always pretty funny like they were always like in their in their prime they were always on commercials and they they did appearances on like saturday night live and stuff like that they were always sort of you know for for for sports personalities

they they had like good crossover and stuff i mean if you think about what fame has done to those guys and money and everything they're still funny and seem like nice guys yeah if you think about what it did to dennis rodman obviously he's gone the other way and he's insane yeah well it happens it's just you know it's the way it's the ebb and flow of life that that life isn't it yeah it was like a punchline for every fucking late night guys jokes blah blah blah blah blah blah Dennis Rodman yeah like like it's just you know it's whatever like the all it takes for you is to be like in the in the limelight for two seconds for doing something stupid and then you'll be the the butt of jokes on late night for like a month

monica lewinsky yeah yeah god yeah monica lewinsky is another one that's like that's why i fucking hate that celebrity based humor that a lot of those shows have it's it could be any joke and they just insert celebrity name at the end yeah of course whatever the product whatever like the like the the the the go-to you know let's talk about or roast this celebrity that's that's like the the butt of the jokes for the time that they're relevant in that capacity or whatever it's always been like that i bet you could take the monologue here's here's a here's a um here's a project for any listener or a challenge challenge yourselves I want you to take

the opening monologue from like a Johnny Carson or one of those old school yeah from like 20 years ago and see if you can just replace the names with other celebrities now and see if it's almost

the exact same monologue I'd be interested to see if that would be a thing see if you can do that same jokes yeah same jokes and just drop any other names in there for celebrities

that are even halfway relevant and I bet it's the exact same fucking monologue yeah you've just described the Triforce podcast and send all your

submissions to lewisbrinley at hotmail.co.uk when you're done lewisbrinley14 at hotmail.co.uk yeah hey

don't dox me hotmail god shout out to your friends thatx me hotmail god shout out to your friends that still use hotmail and you think why how

lewis brinley at blueyonder.co.uk aol.com aol.com perfect yeah got those cds

hanging in my garden yeah I think we're gonna have to cut this one short because I've got a stream and we're actually gonna be back next week live we're going to have to cut this one short because I've got a stream. And we're actually going to be back next week live. Hopefully we'll try and get this one put out slightly early.

We should have an opening monologue. We should do an opening monologue like those TV shows. Let's do it. You can write it. I'll try and write one. Get a user to write it and then we'll just replace names with a user. We'll do Yodskars references and shit like that. We'll see if we can do that.

Alright, well thank you. I hope you guys don't have any spooky nightmares names with references and shit like that yeah yeah yeah yeah all right well thank you I hope you guys don't have any spooky nightmares about Santa being in your attic I'm sure it'll be fine yeah

we'll see you all yeah good bye bye