Triforce! - Triforce! #86: ASMR Diaper Furries

Episode Date: December 12, 2018

Triforce! Episode 86! Recorded live in front of the Jingle Jam audience, Pyrion learns about Diaper ASMR, Sips has children song trauma and Lewis wants to cut everything. Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. The first one for Christmas. Just play this one. The second one for Christmas. Welcome back, everyone. That's it. We're doing it. It's Triforce Live, guys. Yeah, it's live. So normally when we record Triforce, it's early in the morning for all of us, right? It feels early in the morning right now, though. Yeah, I guess that's early these days.

I mean, it's pretty late, really. I will have already been up for three hours by the time we start. I struggle to get there on time. No. Pirion started setting his alarm for 10 0 5 10 10 past 10 10 so wait what do you do do you go home and have a nap before like after because it's a thursday right it's a thursday take your kids to school come home kids to school come home i sit around for an hour waiting for lewis to mess and say can't make it today lads i have to get a

coffee and then i think oh we are doing it i just. I just check. 9 a.m. WhatsApp. Are we on for Triforce today? We've done it consistently for months now, and you're still surprised every day. I am. And you disturbed the Triforce podcast last week with an alarm. I was very offended. I don't know why.

It was an offensive alarm. It just goes do-do-do-do-do-do or something, some alarm, do Triforce podcast. It's interrupting the professionalism of the Trorce podcast i don't get that david attenborough would not fucking rock up to record it by the way i heard that he does record locally at the studios i heard this this week and he says he's on location i've just watched dynasty and he's like unless that's a really good green screen he is there standing in front of a jeep the voiceover surely no but he's on the voice as well he doesn't do the voiceover he's on the he's on the savannah they just have a boom mic and he just says i'm literally here on the serengeti you know the classic attenborough line he always makes you feel

bad though right because he's always like he always has some comment about how humans are so terrible and like treating these animals he said he was late he was reigning that back in did he yeah he said the problem is like the one of the most powerful episodes from the blue planet 2 series was when they showed like a fucking turtle fighting with a carrier bag right like it's not a great look for the ocean and for plastic and stuff so he was like it was an important message but you can't have a documentary that people watch where you're literally going here's a zebra and by the way it's now going to be killed and eaten by this poacher. And then its balls are going to be sold to China.

So he was like, we can't just do that. It's political correctness gone mad. No, I think he's just saying... We can't represent that carrier bag that bad. That carrier bag has got as much respect

for us as the turtle. We should treat it equally. This is a good point. So David Attenborough rocks up at the studio in Bristol and he has a pint of milk. Okay.

A full pint of whole milk. That's for the throaty growl. Exactly. It is. It is. It's to get him all soft and he goes in there

and he apparently does the whole thing in one take in like an hour. They're like, say this and he does it in one take.

Say this, he's like the most professional guy ever. What a fucking absolute boy. Doesn't do nothing. this he's like the most professional guy ever what a fucking absolute boy doesn't do nothing and he's like 90 something years old he's a national treasure

that guy he is the definition of a national treasure like if you had to say what's a national treasure you'd say well like David Attenborough you never hear anyone

saying David Attenborough I guess he's a bit like Bruce Forsyth in the sense that he probably won't retire he'll just pass away. Yeah. In the middle of filming a documentary.

Exactly. It'll be pretty sad. He'll be like, fucking, I'm here in the surrogacy again. And, oh, oh, oh, something's not right. Ask me that glass of whole milk. I just need some more milk and I'll get through it. Poor Dave. I'm here in A&E.

I've just suffered crippling heart attack. Mind stroke. I'm here on my deathbed. What you can't see, minuscule MRSA bugs crawling through my body. Destroying everything. Poor DA. Poor fucking DA. Poor DA. Poor DA. through my body destroying everything poor da poor fucking d da yeah poor da or da why is he called that well darkwing duck was called uh dd and uh what was that dw who's who is dw yeah no dw was another duck that they called him they called him dw but i can't remember what duck it was now let me just get How many ducks were there?

A lot of ducks. You got your Daffy, you got your Scrooge McDuck, you got your Darkwing Duck. Dave Wellington. No, it's not Dave Wellington. Dave Wellington, yeah. That was my personal trainer. D-D-D-W Duck. I'm sure they called him a...

Darkwing Duck. Oh, wait, maybe that's... Oh, yeah, Darkwing Duck. They called him a right bad thing. Darkwing Duck. Oh, wait, maybe that's... Oh, yeah, Darkwing Duck. They called him DW because of Darkwing and not DD. Darkwing Duck. That makes sense. It should have been DD, but yeah, no, it was DW. His real name's Drake Mallard.

Darkwing Duck. What a great name. Now I've got a new house. It's quite sort of Arthur Morgan-ish looking ranch. For those of you who are listening to the podcast, we're doing this live. I would do a podcast from there. Steve has set us up with backgrounds reminiscent of our

actual normal surroundings. It's a bit strange not having your comfy, natural surroundings. The dad garage. Live and direct from the old west. What's your routine for normal Triforce podcast recording? Do you have a cup?

Do you have a cup of tea with you? Do you have anything supplied? You know what? I was talking to my wife about this the other day, and she was like, oh, I cleaned your keyboard the other day. I was like, oh, my God, really? She's like, yeah, no, it wasn't too bad. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I guess it wouldn't be

because I'd never eat food near my computer. I used to always when it was in the house, but now I never take food out there. So I don't have like any grimy hands to befoul my computer keyboard. So it's pretty clean. Holy shit. Well, that's not what we expected from that. No, I know.

I get a big glass of water and that's it. That's all I have. Big glass of water. Not a pint of milk. You get those like, I remember when I get a big glass of water and that's it. That's all I have. Big glass of water. Not a pint of milk. You get those like, I remember when I used to play WoW and I used to eat Cheetos at my keyboard. You were the literal Cheeto finger.

And I had like those congealed horseshoe shapes of like Cheeto cheese. That was actually you. You were one of those guys. No, not really. I'm here in Sips' garage looking at all of the tiny animals crawling across his keyboard. There's a cheetah on the side of a pack of cheetahs.

There's a horseshoe-shaped bit of congenial cheeto cheese. There is a tiger on the side of this box of Frosties. The Tony Tigers are a dying breed. Did you know Tony Tiger, a lot of furries went mad for Tony Tiger. I was reading about this. And he became like their thing. So they'd sort of tweet at him all these kind of vile fantasies about what they wanted Tony Tiger to do to them.

And the Frosties people were not down with this. But the Cheeto Cheetah was cool with it. And he was sort of like, it was a whole back and forth between tony the tiger i had a dream last night that i shit all over your chest and then i had sex with you in your mouth and exactly that's literally what it was yeah that was that was at the forefront of that that movement yeah holy shit all these fucking other stuff as well like there's there's what about coco monkey the coco pops character i mean jesus was he and it was anyone to him he's like a ottery kind of too

fucking annoying he's too similar to a human being he's way too annoying i mean he's like i see we share too much dna so a furry wouldn't want to be i don't i assume i've never seen monkeys because you've got to have that little furry tail. A monkey's tail is kind of prehensile and a bit creepy. I've never seen a furry dressed as a monkey. They tend to dress up as birds or foxes, in my experience. And cats is a big one. Cats, yeah.

Yeah, and grooming themselves and stuff. I've seen that. But their costumes are always very sort of big and elaborate. They're always very clean. You'd imagine they're probably sweaty. Very well turned out. Sweaty in there for sexual reasons, but also it's probably just really hot.

They wear nappies. And when you're walking around wearing a nappy, they call it crinkling, which is because the crinkling noise the nappies make. I watched a video about it. Crinkling. It's like an ASMR thing, like the diaper crinkler. So they try video about it. Crinkling. Is that like an ASMR thing? Like the

diaper crinkler? So they try and normalise things that aren't really super normal. I don't think they're normalising it. That's why they have conventions where they date and go. But that's what it is though, isn't it? It's like doing something like wearing a nappy. It's like taking it to it's like, oh, okay.

It's just taking it one step too far, isn't it? Don't you know what I mean? It's a fetish. I'm okay with the fursuits, but I'm not really okay with them wearing nappies in the fursuits. It's gross. It's all gross. It's another level of disgusting, and it's too much for me.

How dark? How deep down the well can they dive? I mean, how much worse can it be? What, furrydom? Yeah. I mean, already wearing a nappy in a fursuit it's already to me like getting into

a multiple it's crossing over into like that baby fetish you know where you're like dressing up as a baby and pooping your pants

yeah I feel like once you've gone down that road the road that they've gone down everything's game it's just you know

who cares you've already committed to a lifestyle it's just an open open meadow yeah it's literally of bollocking anything goes

and everybody else is like yay it's terrible but Anything goes. And everybody else is like, yay. It's terrible. But the internet. The wild animals here are in fact people dressed up as animals. Fucking furry runs past him. I quit. 80 years in broadcasting, I'm out.

I mean, I don't have a problem with people who just want to wear costumes and stuff and go to conventions and whatever. But if they're wearing diapers under there and pooping and getting boners because they're doing that, I draw the line. It's too much. I don't want to hear diapers, pooping, and boners in the same sentence. And I feel like it's too far. It's just too much. Yeah, I don't understand that. I think when you go for a poop, your body is saying, let's get rid of this. like it's too far. It's just too much. Yeah, I don't understand that.

I think when you go for a poop, your body is saying, let's get rid of this. It's no good. We don't need it anymore. And your brain sort of says, yep, I agree. There's nothing sexual about this. It's a full consensus from the whole body.

The whole body decides together. Everyone's being consulted. The brain. Everyone's on board. No one is disagreeing with that. No, nothing. We're getting rid of this waste. We're not going to get horny because of this waste or anything.

We're just getting rid of it. And that's that. No, the dick has been contacted. He's like, I'm not interested. The dick is like, you know what? I've got no investment in that whatsoever. We're out. Get rid of it.

It's very close to our department. It's close. We share the same building, but we have no contact on a daily basis. Yeah, we don't agree with what those guys are doing on the other side of the building. Sometimes we do our work at the same time. It's related, but it's not attacked. It's mutually beneficial. It can happen.

It's like having computer geeks in the same building. They help fix our PCs, but we don't let them anywhere near the content. They're not allowed anywhere near the YouTube channel. Do you guys watch any ASMR or have you ever? Only unintentionally. Unintentionally, okay. Do we know if there's any ASMR that revolves around like an adult wearing a crinkly diaper?

I'm sure there is. And the sound of the crinkling? 100%. It triggers your ASMR? I'm going to Google. I'm going to look for ASMR and nappiesies can you not do that shut it down i don't know whose computer this is damn well fortunately the second biggest stream on twitch right now just so happens to be that exact mr poopy diaper 69 oh my god Diaper 69. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

No, no. It's got 150,000 views. Mommy role play. Babied before bed. Personal attention. Diaper crinkles. Hair brushing. ASMR changing your diaper.

ASMR changing your diaper. Parking. Get a grip. I don't know. Stop. Yeah, stop doing that. Oh, God. What's wrong with people? Oh, wait.

Cat's got a video down here with diapers. Be careful. He hasn't. He hasn't. He hasn't. It's not the crinkling of the diaper for his, though. It's the sound of his tongue licking the inside of the diaper. Oh, my God.

Steve. What? What? What? That would work for some people, I'm sure. No? Yeah, well, Jesus Christ. Ruined this day.

You guys want to restart? Get the music back on. Take two. Okay, here we go. Welcome back to the Triforce pod. Can you guys hear that? I guess you can't. You have to do it on yours.

I know how it goes. I've heard it enough times. I know how it goes. Let's have a reboot. Okay, new conversation topic. Let's take a topic from chat. Oh, yeah. Okay, chat, hit us with the topic.

No diapers, pooping, boners from pooping, no ASMR. We've covered it all already. So it has to be something new. Warhammer, anybody? No? No. I give literally minus 10 fucks about Warhammer. Minus 10.

BlizzCon. Did you go to BlizzCon? No, I didn't go. No, I didn't go this year. It was a bit of a mess this year. I'm glad I didn't actually. You're listing regular topics. We need fresh material.

We need brand new stuff. Yeah, we need some brand. Somebody hit us with something that's just going to blow us away. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about ASMR. Neither of you are wearing an ugly Christmas jumper. Why is that? It's back at the hotel. Okay, you have got one.

You don't want to waste it. I've got like three. Yeah, I've bought all Christmas jumpers. So you've got three to go? Yeah, yeah. Because you're here all week. Yeah, so I figured let's stagger it. You know, yeah.

I've got loads of spare ones, man. That's all right. I might borrow. I detest going outside, so I didn't prepare at all. I didn't get anything. So it's not that you have aversion to ugly Christmas jumpers?

No. I'll wear anything. I don't mind. Also, mine is not ugly. I have a really, really good one. I need a haircut. I don't mind. So mine is not ugly. I have a really, really good one. I need a haircut. I haven't had a haircut in a while. We can sort you out.

We can look after you. I'm just, you know, I'm letting go. You're a hardworking dad. I'm letting go. I'm just, you know, complacent. You're streaming like 12 hours a day. What could you do? It's like, you know, you haven't got time to go and get a haircut.

It's tough. It's true, yeah. There's no time to get a haircut. You could practice last hitting in Doha. That's something you could do. What could you do? It's like, you know, you haven't got time to go and get hair cut. It's tough. It's true, yeah. There's no time to get a haircut. You could practice last hitting in Dota. That's something you could do. I could do, yeah. That would improve

all of our games if we got better at last hitting. You should have someone come around and haircut you live. Do you know what I mean? And like, give you a shave and stuff. Now that would be something

we could talk about. The awkward conversations that you have with your barber. Because they're always super awkward, aren't they? small talk yeah you're from different worlds they they start off the i think that i think that uh barbers and hairdressers are anywhere nice and holiday yeah well that's what that's what they say and then you're like yeah i went to africa and they're like you never guess where i went and then you have to listen about their

fucking vacation for to me however long it takes for you to get your hair cut you're like you never guess where i went and then you have to listen about their fucking vacation for to me however long it takes for you to get your hair cut you're like well i went somewhere better than that actually let's talk about that but no you have to talk about their stupid vacation surely they'd be telling everyone about their stupid vacation right and they'd be sick of telling people about this no they're not though like they're so proud of the fact they went on one vacation it's like yeah okay what are you 12 like you've been on vacation once in your life you fucking you have to tell everybody about it like i heard the same conversation while i was waiting to get my hair cut and then i get into

the chair it's the same thing fuck you were sat there you're waiting listening why didn't you just tell them i've heard this story? Did you have any questions? Because I'm not like you with your personal trainer. I don't want to walk the boat too much. I see, you want to just get in and get that haircut. I just like grin and bear it, just get through it. And I figure this will be done in like 15 minutes

and then I can just carry on with my life. I don't need to pick a fight with this person or or whatever yeah so i mean when was the last time you went for yeah oh yeah yeah let's pick a good topic okay well you can go get a beard trim no come on no like a manicure or pedicure you can go to like one of those those guys that that do do you like an old-fashioned they'll do me like a what they'll do like the old-fashioned thing oh no no i never clean shave i haven't been clean shaven in years so do you ever think about toupees because they're the new thing right we need can we get some photoshop work done on pflex let's have a look at some

some hairstyles that i could if he wasn't like such an egg have a look at some hairstyles that I could have. If he wasn't like such an egg. Let's get some good hairstyles that I could have. If you need me to pose with my headset off. I think people would know, right? But I think you could just own it. I think you would really suit a Billy Ray. Let me get you some hair. You know what? I think a Billy Ray would be a big deal.

I don't think people would even notice. It's not like people constantly reference the fact that I've got a big shiny dome egghead. David Bowie's hair in labs. It is a constant streaming egg. It's a literal reference constantly. Look, there's even an egg emote from my channel. Hang on, let's just think about it.

I don't expect you to go full young person hair. I mean, surely you should have middle-aged man hair, balding a bit. Why would you do that? I think you should go from just just completely bald to nearly bald i think he wears a wig but who would wear such a wig exactly it must be real yeah like uh george costanza yeah that's mid-season sign yeah that was you know like that's what you need. I like that. That's a good shout. Like, definitely halfway there. That's a good shout.

It's like, it's definitely like, it's retreating. The retreat is a full, it's a full-on retreat. It's a full-on, it's a route. Why don't we talk, what's YouTube Rewind? Why is everybody saying YouTube Rewind? I don't know. I've seen lots of memes about it. I haven't watched it yet.

YouTube Rewind is their idea of the greatest hits of YouTube over the last year. It's almost like, imagine, you like imagine you make a channel trailer. If YouTube made a YouTube trailer, it would be like all the cool stuff that's happened, all the funniest, best moments. Is it absolutely hilarious? No, it's trash. You're saying it's terrible.

But they usually – I think it's bespoke. I don't think it's like clips of stuff that's happened. I think it's like originally made. So they get all the's I don't think it's it's like clips of stuff that's happened I think it's like originally made so they get all the big creators they pay them about 100 grand each and they

get them to like record some garbage for like 10 seconds and they clip it all together that's nuts and yeah why aren't I in

YouTube Rewind good question why the fuck am I not in YouTube Rewind over the past year I had some real standout moments what did you

how many uploads did you in 2018? Zero. Zero. Not single. Not even on Sips Live? Oh, on Sips Live, yeah. Well, I guess, yeah, on Sips Live.

What about, what about when we played, what was that game? Kingdom Come Deliverance. And we had the sex scene. That should have been on, on YouTube Rewind. Yeah.

Sips, Sips reacts to bare tits in a video game on and is terrified of being banned on twitch see that could have been in there no well i mean there's not it's not twitch rewind is it i think if i was going to go for it i'd go for such a ridiculous wig that people would think all right he just doesn't give a fuck like he doesn't care if people know he's wearing a wig or not. I wouldn't try and hide it. What about an Elvis wig? I think you'd suit an Elvis wig.

Maybe. I think the only way you could do it is if you had it burned into your scalp so that you couldn't remove it. You said to people, technically, it is attached to my body. Doesn't that count as hair? I see. Right. So it's literally sewn on.

Yeah. I mean, I think, like, Elvis, you're talking just about greasy, like the Fonz kind of big 80s leather jacket. Like Ross Geller. I don't know. Like, you've got to be careful. You certainly don't want to wear any hats because the Himmler thing is a big deal, you know?

You know, you don't want to be... Yeah, the Himmler thing, that's just too close for comfort. Yeah. It is really close. Watch the rewind. How long is the rewind, chat? We ain't going to watch the...

We can't watch the rewind. Are you kidding me? Yeah. We could watch it, but if it's long and stupid, I don't want to watch it. If it's like a minute long, we could watch it. If it's 10 minutes... It's eight minutes long. Oh, jeez.

Eight minutes long of what? Well, do you know how much we're worth? Eight minutes. We're never going to get that time back. I mean, giving YouTube that kind of free exposure. No, hell no. That up-and-coming

young company. Hell no. Well, they are going to pay us. Let's get it on. Oh, no, honestly. Wait, are they going to actually pay us to watch this? If they paid us, I'd do it,

but I ain't going to watch another one. No, of course they're not going to pay us. I mean, I love money, so we love money. If YouTube donates $100,000 right now,

we'll watch it bbc trending youtube rewind 2018 becomes the site's second most disliked video is it really that bad wait so which is the most disliked video who are all those people on the front it's one of mine isn't it so it didn't include some of the biggest people for a start. PewDiePie, I'd guess. PewDiePie wasn't in it. Neither was Logan Paul or Shane Dawson. Are they big deals? Who's Shane Dawson? List of YouTubers that should have been in YouTube Rewind. PewDiePie, T-Series, Shane Dawson, KSI, Logan and Jake Paul,

Comedy Shorts Gamer, Joe Weller, Colleen Ballinger, Joe Sugg, and Louis Brinley. And so, so many more doesn't actually say that so you weren't on there either Louis what the hell you're like the king of YouTube

well at least that's what I told my son anyway it's it's it's yeah I don't know like it's different audience though right

this is a whole it's like do you know what I mean this is like the equivalent of Neighbors or EastEnders right we're not interested but a whole it's like joey this is like the equivalent of neighbors or eastenders right well we don't we're not interested but a lot of people like it right okay we don't have to be involved in this crap it's it's a different side of the youtube and i don't think we should be mad about people enjoying that shitty terrible things a little bit like the furries

okay people are welcome to put their nappies on and do the crinkling i think i think i'm also welcome to judge the shit out of them so hang on it's the second most disliked video what is the top what i'm saying what's the most dislike because i think diab the diablo immortal trailer was up there too wasn't it baby by justin bieber is the most disliked video on YouTube. So this has 7 million dislikes, the YouTube Rewind thing. It starts off with Will Smith.

Why is Will Smith doing that? Wow. All right, the Justin Bieber one. I feel like Will Smith is the opposite of YouTube, right? The whole YouTube is about ads. Do you think any of those YouTubers got to meet Will Smith? I don't think so. I think they paid Will Smith

hundreds of thousands of pounds to be in the first 15 seconds. Hey, everyone, I'm Will Smith. I've got nothing to do with YouTube, but my son sometimes looks at it on his iPhone. And I sure do like money. So it's 9.7 million

distro likes on Justin Bieber's baby featuring Ludacris watch it why do so why are we watching it though

chat what is the it's just terrible I think they want us to watch it the hard art for watching it because you

you guys know that none of us watch this stuff in the first place guys Ninja he's in it Ninja's in it

wait he's a Twitch streamer though. But he's got a YouTube channel that's like 20 million subs because of just how big he is on Twitch. Oh, because of how big he was on Twitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have they got that lad in that is the most financially successful YouTuber this year?

Made $16 million. He's seven years old. Whoa. He does toy reviews. Holy crap. That was my son. He just turned seven. Does toy reviews on YouTube.

That's a little channel called, what's the name of the channel? Well, I forgot. It's got to be an American, right? Job my memory, wouldn't you? Ethan Plays or something.

Something very American like that, right? I was also, you know that song, I hesitate to sing it because it'll get stuck in your head. The one about the baby shark. Everyone knows this one. Hat Films did a version, didn't they,

on their music stream this year of Baby Shark. Of Baby Shark? I think they did one. There is a Baby Shark dance compilations. I think they did one. So there is a, what's this? Baby Shark Dance Compilations, the Baby Shark Challenge, Happy New Year.

It's live now. What about that song? Have you ever heard that one? It's a live streaming Baby Shark. Oh, Baby Shark. 24-7. Right now. Go.

It's just, open it up. This is what the internet is now. It's just live streaming baby shark 24-7. Would you... If you were a furry... This is a breach of my imagination, but go on.

Could you be a shark? I don't think so, because... What are they called again, Lewis? If you were... Furries. I see. How much fur does a shark have?

But they're scalies, though, remember? Oh, scalies. Is that a thing? Have you heard of them? I don't think that... Has anybody? It's a thing. They're a real thing. Sc remember? Oh, scalies. Is that a thing? Have you heard of them? I don't think so. Is that a thing? They're a real thing. Scalies, look it up. They're like furries,

but they dress up. I think some sharks do have fur. Yeah, reptiles. I think there is a shark. God, it's real. It is real. Shark hair. And there's other ones too. There's like featheries, I think, of people who dress up as like birds or whatever. So is there a fishy?

A fishy? Sharks. No, when I Google it, it just says fishy vagina smell. That was the autocomplete. Fishy vagina smell. That was the first. Sharks with hair. Was that just automatic filling in?

That auto-filled it, yeah. That's because Zylus was here. Zylus was here. Yeah, yeah. All right. Listen, Steve, do me a big favor, okay? On the screen we need to see we get cut we need to see a a browser window with a google image search okay and the the term that you're searching for is sharks with hair okay right i see wow now there are. Now there are some sharks here

with not only hair, but funny human teeth as well. This guy has a badger on his head. So this is terrifying. This is like out of Red Dead Redemption 2. Here, look. I see. That's what your character looks like.

You got Trump's hair here. You got this dolphin with Trump's hair here. You got this dolphin with Trump's hair, I think. This guy's got a shark shaved into the back of his head. That's kind of cool. Do you know what? Trump's hair does look a bit like a sort of sea creature. It looks like an animal, doesn't it?

A little. Bizarre. A little bit, yeah. Yeah, okay. And then it sort of drops off a bit and it's like nothing to do with sharks and hair at all anymore but the top results are pretty damn good like this one here but i feel like if people were born as an animal okay and they really believe strongly that they were an animal okay surely it could just apply to anything at that point. If I told you that I was a bowling ball, and I'd been born that way,

and as soon as I could talk, and they'd say, who's a pretty baby? And you'd go, bowling ball. Do you think the parents would go, well, our son's a bowling ball? Or do you think they would say, we should seek help from this child?

Are you talking about you right now? Not because I specifically resemble one. You do, though. I do a little bit. bit i mean please don't drill three holes in my head but if someone says i'm a bowling ball or i'm a i don't know i'm an ipod or whatever pin yeah anything a bowling pin or any other bowling related apparatus i'd say you diagnose him with some kind of condition you wouldn't say well we've got to respect his choice our son is a bowling ball you'd say no we've got to do something about this. Take him bowling.

He'll see he's not. That's what he wants. That's what he wants. He wants to be launched down the alley by his parents. Maybe he's really good. You got a strike, son. Now, that was only a spare, son. You're going to have to go down again.

Why are we looking up feathery? Because I think feathery is a, I don't know, there was another thing, isn't there, if you're interested in to go down again why why are we looking up feathery because i think feathery's a i don't know there was a another thing isn't there if you're interested being a bird or whatever even saying the word baby shark song means it's stuck in my head baby shark damn it there's another one that my kids listen to all the time like i i i think they change the like baby shark they change the lyrics to sometimes too right it's one of those songs multiple versions there's this one that my kids listen to and it's so annoying.

It goes like, I think it's like, I think the one they listen to is Snowflake. It might be Snowflake. I can never like quite hear it, but it goes, Snowflake, Snowflake, Snowflake. And it just goes on like that forever. It never stops. Like they have like the 10 hour edition of this

and it goes on and on and on and on it drives me crazy there is a live channel right now playing that non-stop and you can just tune it right the fuck in it's like oh and yes papa as well fuck that's a really really it's like how people just want to fill like niches okay so for example a new live stream platform will go and someone will just throw up on there an automatic thing. It's like Bitcoin mining, right? So imagine instead of Bitcoin mining, you had a rack of 200 computers and you were like, okay, this one's just going to stream Baby Shark

on Twitch all fucking day. And you know that's going to have 400 people watching it all day. What's the snowflake point to that? Yeah, yeah. Do you know the name of it? It's like Bitcoin mining. You're right. You're just hoovering up these people.

The muffin song. That's what it is. I don't think it's like... Yeah, yeah. Do you know the name of it? It's like Bitcoin mining. You're right. You're just hoovering up these people. The Muffin Song. That's what it is. I don't think it's The Muffin Song. The Muffin Song. No, I don't think it is. Jesus. People are filling those gaps though, right? Because some people do want to watch that.

People want to watch... It's called Little Snowflake. Little Snowflake. Put it on right now, Lewis. Little Snowflake. Little Snowflake. You guys have to hear this. It's so fucking annoying. Do we really want to play this right now yeah just

hear it i want to see what's up is it this yeah probably super simple songs little snowflake it might be copywritten it's all right just kind of lewis loves cutting stuff out of this podcast million views cut it out after it's fine uh 250 million views guys mate baby shark's got two billion has it okay chat you're ready it's gonna be the new one are you ready all right let's go okay turn it off i can't i can't handle it all right it's too much is it triggering you yeah it really is actually yeah have you heard that one before flag no dude no more it hurts i'm so sorry it hurts a lot what listen it hurts parents more little snowflake it just goes it fucking never stops oh my god you managed to last literally

less than two seconds yeah that's enough you just triggered me so hard is this is this a problem with like is this do you think this is why some parents just go mad? I think this is why some parents say, here's the fucking iPad. I'm going to put the 10-hour baby shark mix on. Please just shut up. And sometimes you just need peace. Right.

And it's a terrible thing to do, but I'm sure it's better than locking them in the understairs cupboard or whatever. You can see this, I've seen these things before where it's like, you know, like being the president. Okay. It's like, you know, like being the president. Okay. It's back.

I can hear it. It's not like being the president. Can you hear this? It's not happening. I can't hear it. Can you hear it in your ears? It's Steve piping it through to you as a patrol.

Steve, he's going red. Don't stop it. Look at this. This is actually causing serious mental harm. It's boiling up. Jesus Christ. So, like, the thing is thing is, you see these things.

I saw George Bush before president. Which one? On the day he was elected. He looked all young and fresh. Young and young with energy. And then on the day he left office, he was gray and dead. And the same thing with Obama.

He was young and he just looked pale and haggard. And then there's John Major, who entered office gray and dead and left office gray. I think it's a lot of work. It's a breeze. You've got to sit on Twitter all day, watch the telly, eat eight hamburgers,

and do fuck all. Well, maybe you should be it. That's what I know about it. But I'm just saying, I don't know whether it's the same with Trump, because I think he doesn't do fuck all. From what I've read on Reddit, oh, Trump has taken less hours and played more golf

than any other president. Than any other man in history. But maybe he needs it. Maybe it's too much. Maybe it's too much to do, you know? I mean, can you imagine if at the end of the presidency, he will look exactly the same? I'd love it.

Exactly the same. Well, Donald Trump already looks like different to when he first started though, right? No, I think he looks the same. I think it's. Exactly the same. Well, Donald Trump already looks like different to when he first started though, right? No, I think he looks the same. I think it's more orange now. He was always a little bit orange. Just imagine getting elected and being like, okay, Mr. President.

Even more orange. So here's all the alien stuff. Here's all the stuff we now have to tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And here, by the way, is the button to start a nuclear war and end the world. And there's going to be people trying to kill you 24 7 like we have to treat every single time you leave the white house as like a military

operation we have to have a rpg proof car motorcades they'll have secret service men with uzis tucked down their their pants constantly wait i don't constantly service use uzis well whatever they use i don't know what they use. P90s or whatever. Who even uses an Uzi? Apart from like a gangster. A gangster in the 90s. No, but like honestly, what is the Uzi used for? I don't think they're...

Who Uzi the Uzi? Who Uzi the Uzi? No, no, but like... Tom Caruzzi. Tom Caruzzi. Wait, but did anyone ever use an Uzi? Yeah, they were really popular. Yeah, yeah.

The Israeli Defense Force used Uzis. They were good for urban fighting, as I understand it. The Secret Service used Uzis. A lot of people needed them. The Secret Service used Uzis? Get on target. Get on target. Yeah, yeah.

When Ronald Reagan was shot, you can see a lad in the background with an Uzi straight away. You have to be so close to get the spray with those things. So, like, you can't be at distance and hit anything. Have you shot an Uzi? Yeah, in TTT many times.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, he should have had an AWP. Noob. Fucking noobs. Learned to no-scope. Yeah. Fucking 360. Dude closing on the president. 360. The 180 no-scope. Fucking 360.

Dude closing on the president. 360. The 180 no-ee. Bang. Oh, good shot. Yeah. Just give one to Trump. Just why not?

There is no Uzi and TTT. Orp is traitor only. Good point. These are all good points, nerds. Not true. Not true. So no, like, man this this is what happens in the travels podcast it just sort of goes a bit off this is this is stuff this is the point in the

podcast we'll cut all this yeah no this is where we all have nothing left to say okay let's find a new conversation topic and then we'll we'll launch into that as if it were just natural you know what i was i was actually listening because mrs f listens to the podcast as i've said before yeah she's catching up so she was listening to one the other day now you have to say that that thing as you said before because if you don't say that you don't acknowledge that you've said it before and you make this and then everyone's like you've said this before and they make you sound like we're all we're so well trained on this podcast we know lewis has yelled at us so many times for things like that. I noticed the conversation was a little tighter in the cut than it had been.

I remember thinking, shit, I'm sure I spent like three minutes Googling something and we were just chatting. Lewis was like, cut that. Well, actually, we only recorded the last 50 minutes, and I said to Tom, dude, you need to cut this down because it was full of crap. And it ended up being like 48 minutes or something. And I was like, Jesus Christ. That's because Tom knows gold of crap and it ended up being like 48 minutes or something because I was like Jesus Christ

another thing that Lewis doesn't like us doing is saying the date as well we're never allowed to say the date you're allowed to say the date I don't have a problem with that

he does he does have a problem with the date every time we say the date you've got to cut the date out what if we want to put this up like a month later or something

people think we recorded it a month earlier we never do that because we talk about stuff in the news and local news topics, like what's going on. But you always say, of course, by the time you hear this, obviously this will be happening a week away.

This will be different now. Everyone will be bored about the Sentinelese or whatever. What happened to that? See, that didn't get carried on. No one's heard from them lately, have they? They haven't been kicking up in the news. Any fuss? Fucking 50 minutes of fame there.

I heard this morning, I heard that a British tourist was killed, murdered in New Zealand. Well, they haven't done the body though, right? The Prime Minister of New Zealand apologized. Yeah. Good for him. Her.

Her. She said, Good for her. You should be able to come here and be safe. We're sorry. Sorry. That's nice. But also, honestly,

the fact that the Prime Minister can take the time to comment on a murder in the country and apologize like international that's great isn't it that goes to show what a chill place new zealand must be it's a tragedy it's a tragic story well they obviously want tourism and they rely on tourism so everybody relies well no but new zealand more so than anything else there because they they worked very very hard to ensure that the hobbit movies were you know who doesn't rely on tourism though and they gave a massive north korea that the Hobbit movies were made in Korea. You know who doesn't rely on tourism, though? North Korea. That's true.

They get like five a year. That's true. Good point. Thank God you're here to throw a helpful bit of advice. Should I just chime in there? Oh, by the way, guys, North Korea's a shithole. No one goes there. North Korea, they don't need tourism.

They're doing just fine without it, aren't they? Yeah, well, they've got other stuff. They've got bigger fish to fry. They don't need tourism They're doing just fine Without it Aren't they? Yeah well they got other stuff They got bigger fish to fry They got loads of things going on They don't need tourism Yeah

Is that how they get by They have a giant fish That they fry That's it yeah They got other fish to fry Everybody gets a bite What kind of fish They fry in North Korea

Oh you know It's worth visiting to find out Swampy Old Mahoney Crawdads Crawdads They have shrimps out there and pickering pickerels. Pickering pickerels. My fish knowledge is at an end.

He sounds like MP for the local constituency. Vote for pickering pickerels. We all have change, positive change. Brexit. He would have to be a UKIP minister with a name like Pickering Pickerels. Yeah. UKIP.

He'd be like fucking Sir. Sir Pickering Pickerels of the Somerset Pickerels. A little pissington on the wold. Yes. Very fucking fun. Ronnie Pickering. Who's Ronnie Pickering? Oh, you remember Ronnie Pickering?

You remember him? Ronnie fucking Pickering. He was, oh, Ronnie fucking Pickering. Oh, Ronnie fucking Pickering. He was the guy who fucking used to be a boxer and just shouted at someone out of his car or whatever. Right. Ronnie Pickering. The name rings a bell, but...

Do you know who I am? I'm Ronnie fucking Pickering. I'm Ronnie fucking Pickering. Who? Ronnie fucking Pickering. I've never heard of you. Should I have heard of you? He had an argument with a cyclist.

No one's heard of me. Oh, I think I saw that that was like kind of recent they showed that footage yeah like two like two or three years ago yeah the most watched video on youtube is it most dislike trillion views behind uh fuck's sake it's just slightly less dislike than the youtube rewind wait what is what is legitimately the highest viewed video on YouTube? Is it still Gangnam style? Maybe. I would guess. Old style.

YouTube video. That's really interesting. I watched a thing about Korea and how they've geared up to create viral stuff like that. They've built their culture as sort of an export thing. So whereas New Zealand is like, okay, let's get people in to visit our lovely Hobbit land. that right like they've built their culture as sort of an export thing so whereas new zealand they're like okay let's let's get people in to visit our lovely hobbit land it's baby by justin bieber korea like let's manufacture crazy music and crazy tv shows snowflake is most snowflake Yeah, it's Despacito, might be. Despacito. What is that? Get out.

Despacito. This is how we do it in Puerto Rico. That one? Yeah. Motherfuck. You too. Why is that the most viewed? 5.7 billion views. In a world where tro-lo-lo-lo-lo exists,

how is that the highest viewed? It's crazy. It's multilanguage. It's all music. You've heard about this T-Series stuff, right? T-Series? You heard about T-Series? T-Series, no. So it's going to overtake PewDiePie as the biggest channel on YouTube.

T-Series. Is it about tea? No, nothing to do with tea. Today we talk about English breakfast tea with a slight flaking of feces from my butt. We got a special guest. Will Smith is here. We paid him

$100,000. He'll do anything for money. He's coming in and he's just going to fucking be here for five seconds and then he's going to leave just to try and get some. Because the only way YouTube is going to promote our video is if we have a legitimized pro celebrity there. He must cost a fortune. Like we could get him on here and it would be like, all right, we're really happy to announce our next guest.

Will Smith! Everybody goes crazy. Hey, guys. All right. Well, anyway, so on to the next segment without Will Smith in it because he was too expensive yeah

we get like each word probably costs like a million bucks or whatever so of course I'm only worth two million Ninja charges like

a huge amount something like so did so when Drake went on to his live stream did Drake have to pay to go on there I don't think so

no I think it was the other way around because it was like you know the promo and stuff maybe he did yeah maybe Ninja's like Drake what the fuck

like 50 grand an hour give me some money to come on my live stream for Christ's sake that would be nice wouldn't it so T-Series is

music from India so it's like an Indian channel and basically I think the way it works I don't know if citation needed is that

when you sign up to a new account in India, it pops up, would you like to subscribe to these channels automatically? And if you press OK, it puts you in. And I think at one point on YouTube, they had that in Europe as well. Like when you made a new YouTube account, it gave you like this list of recommended channels.

It might still do it. And you can auto sign up to these ones. T-Series, I think, is an auto-sign up in India. That's a big boon for them. And as a result, it's rapidly approaching to be bigger than PewDiePie. But what kind of stuff is on their channel? It's just music from India.

It's like Bollywood music. One of my favorite things about the music, a lot of the pop music in India is, is they've got like a modern beat and dancing and sort of a dress and accoutrement, but the dancing is still very traditional

and the song, you can still instantly identify it as being from India. Like, it makes me laugh. I think it's kind of... It's very iconic. I find, maybe this is just me

being like a bit ignorant, but it is going to be me being really ignorant. Here it comes. Pretty path to the core. I find a lot of Indian music very whiny personally

lots of whining right and stuff like that but they have a different tonal system I don't go for that their notes are different I believe

but their musical structure is different do you think so the men even the men's singing is whiny like yeah a little bit

I see what you're saying I get it but it's like an instrument. Like they do have like the sitar and stuff. Like sort of that's part of it. I'm not racist. I'm just saying like, you know what I mean?

Like, it's like a little bit, I guess like Flack said, they have a different tonal system or whatever, but like, it's definitely like instrumental. It's a style, right?

It's like a style. You know, give me like Nickelback any day. I like that raspy, like, that kind of, you know, like I want a singer that's not like that raspy like that kind of you want to kind of like i want a singer that's not like and stuff like that you are stuck back in the day of music that you love because you see it with older people that they they always listen to music from when they were

20 i just want to say for the record don't give me nickelback but nickelback is you know what i mean possibly the worst yeah yeah like myback video My favorite Nickelback moment and video is the one where he's on stage and I think they were in Portugal or Brazil and the crowd is really losing their mind. And he's going, he says that thing that these guys say, we want to play a rock and roll show for all of you guys.

So if you could stop throwing stuff, who wants to hear a rock and roll show? And this bumblebee just comes spinning out of the crowd and bonks right in the head he just goes good night and leave i was like that was a great shot you know the guy was like fuck you nickelback oh my god everybody in the crowd must have just been celebrating oh it's so great it was the best shot yeah that's just like twitch chat though do you know what i mean i think i feel like even if twitch chat wanted to see nickelback they would still yeah that was twitch chat right in a concert crowd yeah but he said anyone who we want to play a rock and roll show and i'm like instantly bottle

this lad like no one says that yeah no one that actually plays we want to play a really intense rock and roll show so could everybody please find your seats and sit down nicely and be quiet, please, so that I can concentrate on my rock and roll? Stop jumping up and down. But these singers confuse that people like their music with them liking them. That people don't like the individual personalities of rock and roll band members. Well, it doesn't hurt, but it's different. If you like someone's music, it doesn't hurt, but it's different. If you like someone's music,

it doesn't mean you like them. I don't know. I think people really like people that they like. Their men, their music. Look at a lot of pop stars. People love the pop star as much as they love the music.

I think it's different. It's not necessarily a tactic. People dress like them, act like them. Britney Spears just had her birthday. She's a year younger than me. I think I look better. I was going to say it.

I'd say your hair's better. I think I look better. Yeah, I think you've aged better. I think I've aged better than Britney Spears. You didn't see me hit me baby one more time back in the day, but who's that now? I think you've done a lot less drugs. That's true, yeah.

I've had a less dramatic life for sure, probably. But now? I think you've done a lot less drugs. That's true, yeah. Maybe. I've had a less dramatic life, for sure, probably, but still. I think... I never thought I'd hear you comparing your life to Britney Spears. I mean, think, Chad. Look, yeah, see?

Chad agrees. So, I mean, when you'll get to, like, David Attenborough's age, you're going to be, like, 90. Do you reckon you'll be able to, like, bash out an entire 12-hour stream

in, like, an hour with a pint of milk? Because, I mean, it's, like's like, you know what I mean? Like rather than doing like taking ages because you're an amateur now, right? But after 60 years of doing this more. Man, he probably does nature documentaries in his sleep now. Like he probably doesn't even need to think about it. He probably just like turns up and like somebody says like, okay, David, do it.

And then he just does a 20-minute monologue without even thinking of it. He's like, the poor creature. Anybody have any more milk? Trapped in this. Give me a pint of milk, and I'll tell you a little tale. Let's do a documentary on cows, shall we? They make lovely, lovely milk. And he's just there squirting it into his mouth like Luke.

Now, this cow is actually a man in a suit. Delicious. If you push aside the nappy underneath, you could get at his udder. I love milk so much that I'm sucking on his penis. Give it a little tug and it will inflate inside

making it the perfect shape for your mouth. Almost as if it were designed for it. Oh, fuck. Poor David. This kind of milk is very rare and exclusive. Get your throat really lubed up so you can do voiceovers

all day long. I don't think you want to have exclusive man milk. You want yours to be widely available, surely. Pasteurized. I wouldn't mind pasteurized I wouldn't mind pasteurized every time pasteurized that's a facial then

yeah pasteurized get it oh pasteurized thank wow that was the one you needed to explain

see this is normally where we would end the podcast I think on that bombshell Lewis's recovery from a joke like that would be

alright well I think it's time to wrap up the podcast I think that is time to wrap up the podcast. I think that is time to wrap up the podcast. What are we going to do? Thank you, everyone. That was Travel's Podcast Christmas Special live here on Twitch TV and hopefully also live.

By the way, this is the first time we've done one of these with all three of us in the room. Really? Yeah, because every other time we've had an unexpected guest, right? We had Duncan one time. Do you know what? We had to beat them off with a stick. Literally.

Yeah, I know. We had some very, very interesting emails from some people who were trying to bully their way onto this. We had to keep it tight.

So I hope you guys appreciate it. It's real. You're at home. You do know who you are, right? Yeah. He knows who he is.

Thank you, everyone.