Triforce! - Triforce! #88: Weird Cultures

Episode Date: January 30, 2019

Triforce! Episode 88! Foreign Cuisine, Haggling and Tips... Are these weird standards or are we socially inept?   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Triforce. Bad news for you. Flax is sick. But I'm trooping it. He's trooping it, buddy. I'm trooping it.

What kind of sick are you? Is it the kind of sickness you just get? Both ends. Let me guess. Both ends. Well, let me tell you something. Monday, my youngest daughter is complaining. This is on actually Sunday evening.

Sunday evening, she's complaining. Toddler's naughtiness. Well, they're not toddlers. You've got to watch out when they barf though, because sometimes it means chicken pox. Sunday night, they both had chicken pox as have I, so it's not that. So Sunday night, my daughter, my youngest is saying,

like, she's like, I'm hungry, I'm hungry. So I give her dinner and she takes one look at it. It was lasagna. It was delicious. It was an amazing lasagna. I serve it up to her. She takes one look at it and goes, I don't feel very well. I said, you're just saying that because you don it. It was lasagna. It was delicious. It was an amazing lasagna. I serve it up to her. She takes one look at it and goes, I don't feel very well.

I said, you're just saying that because you don't want to eat lasagna. You've suddenly decided you don't want it. It's more that she doesn't want to eat. She doesn't trust your cooking. Well, let me tell you. She doesn't like fine Italian cuisine. She really doesn't.

So she takes a couple of mouthfuls. Ten minutes later, she's sick. I was like, God damn it. She wasn't lying. I was like, I'm going to send you to a room with no dessert if you lie to me again about having a sore stomach she actually did have a sore stomach i said to her how did it come on exactly when you're eating a dinner that you don't really want to eat like they pull all kinds of shit like that oh man so it turns out i was you know what's gonna happen she has to spend the next day off school

what in like 30 years she's gonna be on a talk show because she's gonna be like rich and famous one day i'm guessing and she's going to break down crying she's going to be like and then one time my dad served me lasagna delicious i had a sore stomach and he forced me to eat it that's exactly it i puked everywhere and it was that day that i knew that if i did cure baldness one day, because I'm a Nobel Prize winning scientist, I'd never let him have that cure. He would always be bald. Listen, Flax. That's right.

I feel like I need to make amends because last week on the Triforce podcast, I don't know if you listened to it, ladies and gentlemen, but I was saying that people who fold their shirts and put them in their drawers need to get a life and uh and i i only realized after the podcast was done that that whole thing was prompted by flax telling a story about his wife doing that and i'm pretty sure flax's wife listens to this or at least that's what she does yeah she does so i i'm just saying, Flax's wife, if you're listening, get a life, for God's sake. No, I didn't mean you! I meant everyone else, okay? Please don't hate me.

Let me start with an apology as well, because we've already been going two minutes, and I've already called Flax bald, I've questioned his parenting, and... And I'm not feeling well. I'm sorry, Flax, I love you, man. And I haven't provided any sympathy, because he's not very well today. So, I'm not feeling well I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry damn it it's i've caught whatever my youngest had the my eldest is like a she's made of iron

she never seems to get sick it's about midnight i'm just about to go to bed i didn't bother streaming last night because i wasn't feeling well suddenly my daughter started screaming oh no she hates she hates sick the smell of it other people being sick it doesn't bother me honestly it's just one of those things except for those people who get off on it though have you ever seen those those barfing people oh my god yeah it's hard sex with each other like in barf and stuff yeah i'm not gonna get that far all right no obviously it just it just doesn't bother me i'm not i'm not saying that your daughter is like gonna be into that either i'm just you know it's just she was sick all over her pillow all over her duvet so i and she's it's all over her so she's just standing in the bathroom weeping so i was like

i think i clean her up yeah i know i had to clean her off i'm feeling ill and i'm feeling more sick because i'm around this sick it's like oh so i just bundled up all her bedding took it downstairs and cleaned it off just burn it yeah and then i made her sleep in a sleeping bag again ashes it's on fire outside it's it's been sullied with your vomit so i made her sleep on the sofa in a sleeping bag and she seems fine like she honestly seems fine but you can't take them into school 24 hours after they've been sick i can't sleep in a sleeping bag i need to have like it's too confined i need to like stick a leg out of my duvet from time to time or sometimes just my foot or something you know like if i'm if i'm all wrapped up like that it's no good i can't she loves it she loves it but yeah

so she's off school today very kindly one of the other m mums took my youngest in because she's in the same class. So I didn't even... I'm not going to leave the house. She's going to bring her back as well. I just feel shit. It reminds me of when I came back from China last year and I was sick for like three fucking weeks. It feels like flu to be honest with you.

But there's a Dota 2 major going on right now in Chongqing or Chongqing in rural China. and my mate is there and he was telling me that one of the problems they've got is getting food because it's just not a place that caters to western food at all what so that oh it's in the middle they've got food but it's very Chinese it's in the middle of like the country. If you look, it's C-H-O-N-G-Q-I-N-G. So it's like Chongqing, I think it's pronounced. I swear by packed lunches. Like you have to have...

Yeah, you can't take two weeks worth of packed lunches though, can you? You can. If you're organized, you can. Okay, I'll make that point to my friend. But he said that the only food they've been given is KFC every day. They're like, this is all we've got. It's either that or the local cuisine. And he said, well, what's said that the only food they've been given is kfc every day they're like this is all we've got it's either that or the local cuisine and he said well what's wrong with the local food about right here's some people would kill for that every day breakfast lunch

and dinner kfc it's a limited menu it sounds like a tree well you can't eat that since you'd have the chips that was the thing kfc chips kfc chips oh my god you'd have the chips that was the thing KFC chips KFC chips oh my god you just have the runs every goddamn day but this is the problem the food is so spicy

that's the local food it's like it's not just spicy it's like it will kill you spicy you know if you're not used to it and you're some westernie

you're just gonna shit your heart out well they've got to do it I think they've lit two of the pros have died already and they're burning them just in the streets

four of them are in hospital two pros two pros have died already and they're burning them just in the streets. Four of them are in hospital. Two pros have come down sick and four people in total have been into hospital. Okay, I was joking about that. Yeah, I know. They literally have. One of the teams, the player that they had that was standing in for them is sick in hospital

with food poisoning and all the spicy food. It's too much for people and they're just getting ill. It's one of the 10 most polluted places in the world world and they're well not just that i think that region of the world is also uh it's like all root vegetables right and they're they're so bland you have to spice them up somehow really no i don't know i'm just guessing well first of all like my my current like my current like food I'm eating is almost all vegetables, right? Almost. Here it comes.

Set your alarms for three minutes time, listeners, because Lewis will stop talking about vegetables in three minutes. I want to know more about this chunking vegetables. What else have you been eating? I'm intrigued. Well, like some oatmeal and stuff. Oh, right. Other things, like some soup. Oh, okay.

There are vegetables in that? There's a good mix of stuff. A lot of people have pointed out that you're attempting, Lewis, to subvert the cause of us meat eaters by constantly referencing how bad it is for people and banging on about veganism. Well, no, but I'm wondering, like, for me and Sips, though, like KFC wouldn't cut it. We'd have to have the local food. Oh, you could eat I'm wondering, like, for being sips, though, like, KFC wouldn't cut it.

We'd have to have the local food. Oh, you could eat the chips. And they do milkshakes there, too. You can't eat chips and milkshakes for, like, two weeks. You can. Yeah, one could. I mean, I do eat a lot of chips, to be fair. And drink a lot of milkshakes, too.

Where do you get those chips? Various places. Really? Just chips. Not just chips. Not just chips. Not just just chips. That's their advert, actually. They do a TV advert.

We can't have just chips. Yes, we can. At Just Chips. Come on down. Come on down! Not just. Just chips. Yeah.

Yes. Anyway, so I want to know, like, what, I don't know what this Chinese food is so bad. It's just incredibly spicy. It's killing people as well. so so i i want to know like what i don't know what what this chinese food is so bad like it's just incredibly spicy it's killing people as well no it's just like imagine if like i if you have a really strong curry uh or really really spicy food in general i like really spicy i know i know i have a lot of really i know and you and i both think we'd be fine right you both think i think i'd be fine you would not like literally i've heard unbelievable things about just how spicy this stuff is like this they serve it i'm sure someone in the comments will be

able to explain it better than i do but it's so spicy that if you are not accustomed to it it's not just a question of oh that's got some spice to it this is like oh my god i'm dying levels yeah you have to build up like a tolerance to it over time from birth from birth before they cut the umbilical cord they're shoving chilies in the baby's mouth it's called hot pot city the problem with really spicy food is that it would make me sweat a lot right and because um i have a gigantic forehead you would be able to see every single bead of sweat that would destroy my street cred so yeah i basically i don't think i can go to china which is a shame actually old sweaty sips yeah drips they call you drips to get get me all

sweaty on on the spicy hot food no thanks i'll just stick to the bland food that doesn't make me sweat like chips and milkshakes like chips and milkshakes here's the here's the things right here's suggestions for for the hot pot well first of all it says here uh hot pot city over 50 000 uh like restaurants you know with like every other shop front has a neon flame on it and a sack of chilies by the door right that's downtown uh chong chong king i think it's chong ching by the way which is interesting because there was a huge hullabaloo ahead of this major when i don't know some player basically used the racial epithet ching chong in a game oh my god and this was serious business and you know this was like valve stepped in like it was a big fucking to do players getting banned

players getting stepped aside or you know all the rest of it and organization you know if you've listened to this and you want to know more go ahead and look it up but the fact that they they called it the like the minor was in a play the major sorry is in a place called Chongqing after this drama that's about Ching Chong was not lost to me and I thought if I go out there I'm going to get horribly sick and I'm also at some point I'm going to say Ching Chong because all the it's the place is called Chongqing like it's going to happen someone's going to misspeak at some point I'm going to say ching chong because all the it's the place is called Chongqing like it's gonna happen someone's gonna misspeak at some point because it's so close and you're thinking don't say it don't say it because it's this huge drama I was terrified that was one of the many reasons I didn't go that was so sorry that fact that it's your decision to going out

there was it the fact that it was just called something slightly racist. You were worried that you might accidentally slip. I'm terrified of that. Like, I'm seriously... That's career ending if you accidentally say something like that. In China as well, it'd be like, I'd be so mortified. And the fact is that,

oh my God, I just couldn't deal with it. It would be awful. It would be awful. Let's just hope that they never have a major in Niger then, right? The African major. major well you never know i mean god my god i think it's pronounced uh anyway isn't it yeah yeah yeah it's french isn't it

let's um god so anyway the hot pot right okay so it's they're really spicy and they they have the popular things that are thrown in are poor pig intestines pig's blood duck intestine um chinese sausage that's very kind of yeah jesus christ i go for that on the menu tell you do you have anything in say some rocks or some dirt Because I would eat those ahead of the mysterious Chinese sausage. Because you've already listed guts on the menu. Why do they use all that stuff? It's crazy. Like seagull testicles and like, what the fuck?

Just eat the fucking brush like everyone else does. Like Christ almighty. They're telling you what's in everything else. This is guts. Some cat anus. This is blood. This is cat butt. Oh, but there's also a telling you what's in everything else. This is guts. Some cat anus. This is blood. This is cat butt. Oh, but there's also a sausage.

What's in the sausage? Nothing. Nothing for you to worry about. Just eat the sausage. It's just a mix of guts. So, I mean, it's spicy for your guts, I guess, as well. Maybe that's the point. I don't know.

Maybe they think that by eating other animals' guts, it will strengthen your own guts. It's the super spicy. That's how it works. So it says here, blah, blah, blah. You'll be asked a series of questions when you walk into a hot pot joint. You can describe the type of broth, the level of heat, what kind of oil you want. There you go.

If you can't speak Chinese, why not just point to what other people are eating? How's that going to help? How's that going to help you? This advice is terrible. That is absolutely shocking advice. I'll have what he's having and the camera pans over to a dude, bright red, sweating, with a t-shirt that says Chili Master but in Chinese so you don't know. And he's there to set the national record for eating the spiciest food in the world and you say, I'll have what he's having please. This guy over here, the guy looks

like he's dying. That's dangerous advice. It's OK. There's got to be more. There's got to be more stuff here. The thing is, though, I remember going to go to Singapore and Japan and there was like Chinese breakfasts there quite commonly. And in fact, also in some of the American cities in like where it's like a big Chinese community like Vancouver and Seattle. We have Vancouver. It's like 50 percent Chinese community like Vancouver and Seattle. Vancouver is like 50%. Yeah, there's like the Chinese breakfast at the buffet in the morning,

and it's pretty weird. It's pretty like... A lot of porridge, a lot of light cheese. Yeah, it's quite... A lot of soups. It's quite a lot of flavors that we're not used to. Yeah, there are. Like their version of sweet things is not sweet to a

western palate i would suggest like i've had um a friend of ours is vietnamese and she was like try this fruit it's so sweet and delicious and i tried it and it just didn't taste of anything like it was just super bland and i was like this is this precious sweet dessert fruit i was like damn like it's literally a palate difference so i was like this is not fruit like this doesn't taste like a fruit at all just like isn't it sweet it's so sweet i was like no it just tastes like so i think they just yeah it's just a palette difference thing i want to know more about the the chunk the chunking chunking i think it's the place it's called pronounced as chung king what used to be you know because we used to have it anglic words for everything when we went over there and we called them well no no

it doesn't matter what you're calling it we're going to call it this we're more comfortable with Chun King Bombay right Bombay yeah no we're going to call it

Bombay there you go that too is your first remember never after something of ours yeah no so it's like totally do you have any more stories

from China or the Dota majors? What's going on at the moment? I'm interested in getting the inside track. We went to Seattle for, I think it was TI4. The hotel was tasked with laying on breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all the players, right? Because we're all staying at the same hotel.

All the players and all the talent, we're all staying at the same hotel. So pretty much there was like half the teams were Western teams and half the teams were from either China or Southeast Asia. So the hotel was not used to catering for that many people from Asia. So their answer for lunchtime was a huge platter of rice. That's it. There was literally, you walked in there and there was a huge, huge thing of rice. That was it. Like there was no actual food. It would be like saying, oh yeah, you're from the West, aren't you?

Here's your food, chips and milkshake. Like literally that's it. Like heaven. So that was, so they literally went and got takeaway every day. Um, like they'd find a Chinese place and they'd order a huge buffet and all the Chinese played would sit around a series of tables eating what looked like amazing food but I thought it was really insulting do you not think that's like imagine the big Chinese delegation had visited Italy right and they were like totally overwhelmed and so what they did was they only cooked a massive tray of pasta right and they put

that out at lunch well like one of those those ones that you get at pizza hut like it's just like a big pasta bake tray right looks like it's been microwaved just be dry pasta because they'd be like oh they can't they're lactose intolerant right or whatever we can't put cheese on it so it's just gonna be it's just gonna be dry pasta they can eat that yeah they love that that's that's what they eat yeah no so that was that was kind of embarrassing it's weird a lot of the time the food that you get is just it's very variable like you go to some events the food is like amazing you get other events and the food is just terrible um but it's really tricky for these organizations who are like if you're a chinese organization uh based in china you've never had to deal with catering for western players and and talents so it's like what do we what do they eat it's just

not like in the middle of rural china just like if i went to the middle of the fucking midwestern america i doubt i'm gonna find a cracking hot pot place you know what i mean it's like no you're gonna get steak and grits hamburgers and grits maybe gravy you know all that kind of stuff yeah actually that's more of a southern thing honestly rather than gravy exactly it's like gray gravy oh it's so gross's like gravy. Oh, it's so gross. Yeah, it's really gross. Oh, it's so gross. catering for people has also become an absolute fucking nightmare because of people like me. You know, because like, I'm allergic to all sorts of shit. And I'm a pain in the ass. And it never used to, I think it did used to be a bit like it. Well, when I so I used to work as like a waiter back when I was like 1516.

I worked at like a country house thing and they had a lot of weddings there and every every weekend they would have like a two weddings on friday two weddings on saturday and two weddings on sunday kind of thing but it would be a very much a a profitable thing that they'd bring these people it would be very the same every time that we had these big conference rooms we'd get the wedding in they'd get their meals and blah blah and we'd we'd do it do everything and it would be be crazy sometimes there'd be like multiple weddings going on in like different areas as well but we had a very like sort of very standardized menu that were that they'd obviously picked and you know some there were obviously some vegetarians i'm sure

they got something different you know instead of a instead of a tray of melon and ham they got a tray of melon and carrots or whatever you know you know because that was that was back in the days when people we were literally serving parma ham or i think it's not even allowed to be called that anymore because it's like cooked ham because it's one of those plates things from parma like Mel and Mo report pies. It's like a specialized thing. And so I remember we just, everyone got a piece of meat and we served the vegetables and it was all very like shit and very standardized, right? And you got what you got. And there wasn't like a lot of kind of complaining about it,

but Martin's getting married soon. And I was just thinking about his his wedding and and they're gonna have to cater for all sorts of of people and what what a fiddle everyone everyone's allergic to nuts yeah oh i can't eat this i'm i'm gluten intolerant and you know there's like hundreds i don't think you bother with any of that like fuck i i've been to plenty of things before where it's been catered, but I barely ever eat like at those places. You know what I mean? Like, I don't depend on that meal in my day.

Like, I usually just eat, you know, here and there or at home before I leave or something like that. So I'm not actually hungry when I turn up to an event or something like that. So it doesn't matter what they're serving. I'm probably not going to eat it anyway. You know what I mean? I don't know why people bother serving food at these events. It's completely unnecessary. Just go to the wedding, say congratulations,

have a couple of beers and do a dance and go home. You don't need to eat as well. What the fuck? It's crazy. Just eat at home. Eat at home. And then whatever your fucking crazy-ass diet requirements are, you don't have to burden anyone else with them.

Just fucking go home and eat your whatever. I don't know what you eat. Cheese whiz on toast or fucking whatever. Nobody cares. Just fucking eat it and shut up and stop bugging everybody christ drives me nuts i mean i've got i've got dietary requirements i don't burden anybody with them like fucking i just won't eat i don't care who cares i do wonder what people did 30 years ago or so like i hate to go on about the past but i remember at school there was like one kid that was allergic to

everything yeah and he never got to eat anything like if we had a snack a kindergarten he didn't get shit you know he had to bring his own stuff in and i feel like people decided that it was everyone else's problem instead of just bringing your own shit with you like the dude the kid brought his own stuff his mom would bring his own snack you see this all the time though like yeah like like um i've i had some like friends from india and china and they, when they come and visit here, they bring with them, like, a suitcase full of fucking ingredients. Yeah. But, I mean, they can't find that stuff over here easily,

and that's the kind of stuff they want to eat, so good for them. Like, I mean, if that's... Bring your own. Yeah, exactly. No, it's good. It's, like, proactive. Yeah, bring your own, goddammit. Every time we go somewhere that is like to mostly to it used to be to things like gaming events like we went to play dawn of war

two three the new one the newest one that didn't do very well we went to see that and um went to the offices and they were like oh yeah we got we got you some lunch guys don't worry so okay cool cool cool and we're in like um you know like this this swanky place. It's like in the middle of the swanky stitches, like artisan coffee shops and vegan smoothie places downstairs. And they bring us like dominoes and like, you know, fucking Krispy Kremes and gamer fuel. Monster energy. Where's the Mountain Dew and Cheetos? That's what my people consume. We're just man children Oh my god

Look I just I just gotta I just gotta interrupt Because I found this sentence Very funny I was reading a news story today Because you know I went on a cruise last summer

So I kind of read about Cruises all the time Yeah First of all The ship that we were on A couple of weeks ago Had a norovirus outbreak And everybody was

Shitting themselves on the ship We were lucky to avoid that Norovirus is fucking horrible winter vomiting virus yeah it's what i knew so here you go bobby and mary jackson aged 64 and 62 from county antrim northern ireland were offered 200 pound each of their next journey with norwegian cruise line it's because they found a man and a woman having sex in their cabin now here's what's what Mrs. Jackson told the Sunday Post. I was traumatized and I needed a glass of water. She walks in on two people having sex. She's like, oh, my God, get me a glass of water.

Wait, how did that happen, though? They were just the crew, a pair of the crew were fucking in their cabin. I guess they figured there was no one in there. Oh, it was the crew. Okay. But you walk in. I mean, I'll be honest with you. Fair play. If I've seen something shocking, I'm not relating that to you by saying oh my god i was so shocked i had to have a glass of water like

that's not gonna you know what i mean like that to me that is not evidence what a life that is what having sex in someone else's fucking somebody in a in a cabin on a on a cruise ship how how do they do it well how does that even come about? there's just a big lead up of working on a cruise ship to having sex in somebody else's cabin it's a bit risque let's say they really liked each other

and then if the man is able to achieve an erection he can put it in the woman's vagina and then they have sex it doesn't really matter where it just happens I'm saying like what an exciting life that that's the kind of stuff you get up to.

I think it's a little bit like being in prison on a cruise liner, though. You know, you get, like, you're trapped there. You sign up for this cruise, and you're stuck on board this flippant thing for ages out at sea. And sure, you have a few nights off, and you get drunk. You get chatting with one of the cleaning people and they're like oh i think room suite 606 is free why do you want to pop around yeah all this shit i mean men and women in close proximity at sea didn't you have like a

thing wait didn't you tell me a story about how wait i'm sure it was on this podcast where you you checked into your hotel room and you walked up and you got the key and you went upstairs and you opened the door and there was like a naked man there in the room and he didn't see you. And then you closed the door. This hotel knows me so well. It was not me. Thank you very much, guys. I have never heard that story before in my life.

That was a lovely present. I think he was like facing away. So the guy didn't even see them open the door and they went down and were like there's a man in my room and they're like oh shit I gave you the wrong fucking I'm sorry god no that was not me can you imagine that happened to you though imagine you you're like you get into your hotel room and you you like place all your lube up on the up on the the dresser and you put out your your special anime blanket on the floor and you're just like rubbing down.

You're getting ready to put on some anime on the TV with the Chromecast built in and stuff. And, you know, you got some music on in the back room. And then somebody just fucking barges in. And they're like, oh, shit, they gave me the wrong key. Yeah, that would suck. What the fuck? I was just i was just i

was just lubing lubing up here getting ready to go when i was in what kind of compensation would you get for that because i don't know like i the dude almost walked in on me in my pajamas in romania when i was in the hotel he was coming to the you know what hotels are obsessed with a couple of things one of them is when you check out like they want you out the fucking door sap the other thing they're obsessed with is the minibar so i had a couple of beers in the minibar the previous night never like that and i'm chilling there i don't have to go until quite late in the day so i'm chilling in my hotel room i'm playing video games on my laptop maybe watching netflix i'm just there in my pajamas and i'm thinking shit maybe i'll have a nap so because i was fucking exhausted so i go to get in my bed and uh there's this fucking dude just there and he's just opened

the door and come in he goes minibar i was like dude you're just walking in like no knock nothing he just barges in and shouts minibar i couldn't believe it what if you were in the middle of strangling yourself while masturbating to anime porn i mean some more erotic asphyxiation is going on excuse me i think he is he is he's a perv i think he is oh you think he does this on purpose like to see as an and he just he's got a gopro on as well right as soon as you this is what people do it's a psychological thing people get like they find a little trick in their head like oh i can perv on people if i bust into their room and say minibar and that's my little excuse yeah you know it's like a little bit like um if you're gonna rob someone's house you know you can like i don't know you but like you you i don't know maybe like you dress as like a jehovah's witness or whatever you ding on all the doorbells and that

way you find somewhere that's empty but that's your excuse if anyone answers you're just like jehovah's witnesses and they're like no thanks you know and then that way we find someone's empty burglarise that like you know it's like people find these little ways to be disgusting and I think

I think he's probably creepo he's probably he's probably just looking for a naked woman right or a man I'm you know

I don't know I don't judge and he saw you there and maybe that was what he wanted he wanted like a balding a bald bald man asleep and that was what he wanted. He wanted like a balding, a bald,

bald man asleep and that was his fetish. Yeah. And then after that, he went back to room 606, suite 606, started jacking off, didn't realize it was someone else's room. They came in there.

And then a lady burst in and said, I've seen something horrendous. She needed to go. I need a glass of water. Give me water. And then, you know, it went out of control

and they got a 200 pound off on their next Norwegian cruise. I mean, you got £200. Jeez. I mean, fucking hell. I mean, why do that? Why not just say here you can have... Why not subject yourself to another one of these traumatic cruises? Here, have a free cruise.

Like, it's probably not that much more than £200. Like, why... Why not just fucking give her a refund? Christ. I think that's stupid when people give, like, a monetary amount as compensation when they could just give. In vouchers. Yeah. It's like, oh, here, just have this car or something, you know?

Like, something that doesn't have, like, an immediately apparent value attached to it sort of thing. You know what I mean? Like, 200 pounds like i don't know it just seems like a it seems like a bit of a kick in the balls doesn't it you know like yeah it doesn't seem like it doesn't seem like much in the balls some people are into that though some people are yeah it's true i it's like this one time i was flying i think i was flying to bristol and um the airport's like 15 minutes away from my house. It's not far at all. And, but there's a lot of fog because the, where the airport is, it just gets, it just gets foggy

there all the time. So there's lots of delays and cancellations like specific times of year. And I was flying, I was flying over to do something, set the airport and the flight was delayed. Okay. So the airline was like, oh yeah, you know, the flight's delayed by like three hours or whatever. So go to the customer service desk, collect a voucher. So I go to the desk and collect the voucher. And it was like for, it was so specific.

You had to spend it at, you had to use it at this one place and it was worth five pounds. I was like, what? What the fuck am I going to get with that? Like it's. That was like. I the fuck am I going to get with that? Like, it's, that was like,

I wish you just didn't give me anything. Like, I'm angry now. They were like, I went to the, there was a hotel and they gave me like,

they were like, oh, sorry, we haven't got your room ready or whatever, blah, blah, blah. We'll give you a free drinks voucher

and if you come back in like two hours or whatever. So I just left my luggage down. I went to wander around town and I came back. back anyway got into the room and um then later i went down to barty's friend this spend this free fucking drinks voucher and it was it was like you could have either a bottle of like becks or a shot of baileys or like a diserano and coke i mean it was so specific and they're so anal about it too right like

there's no leeway there if you if you present that voucher it's like it has to be for this one thing like you couldn't possibly get like can i have the bottle of becks in a glass like no yeah no for fuck's sake i mean oh it's crazy drink out the bottle it's like but why it's so annoying but i'm sort of same way with with stuff like certain stuff like on on a menu of restaurant it was sometimes like you you want to ask like for a small adjustment but but you're not you're a bit scared to do that it's like could you could you possibly like maybe do this without the egg on it and they're like no no we can't do that we have to have to put the egg on top i love i love um i love when you say

like oh can you make sure that there's um can you ask like the chef to to see if there's nuts in this or whatever and like the when they come back the answer is always the answer is always very like elaborate and and tries to sound somewhat technical or whatever but but it always boils down to the same thing is that the chef doesn't give a fuck about your dietary requirements and probably just like had a fucking fiesta of nuts all over the kitchen he's just like yeah our chef likes to sprinkle nuts all over the place and uh and prance around like a fairy in the back well our chef looked at the packet yeah and on the microwave he just opens it up and it just chucks nuts all over the place so there could be nuts in this food. Oh, my God.

Fucking, oh, no, that's like a common issue. And the other thing is that I found in restaurants is that if you want to order something that's in like a meal deal, okay, it's like, I don't know, it's like the lunch meal deal or whatever. And you're like, you don't want a part of it. It's like, can I get the thing off the meal deal? But I don't want the, like, there's the free dessert or whatever. And they're like, oh, no, you have to have that.

And it's like in the meal deal. And I'm like, well, but can I just have that with, like, but not the free dessert? And they're like, no, no, no, we'll bring you the dessert for free. And I'm like, no, but I don't want it. And they're like, well, okay,'ll you're not going to be able to have the lunch the burger i think you offer to sell it back to them at twice the price it's like at the grocery store when they do two for one as well how about just one for half price because like i don't need um a million toilet paper rolls like i just want one one normal size box of toilet paper or

whatever instead of two for one just give me one one for half price they never do it though no i like that it's not as catchy as it one for half yeah there used to be a book um it might have become a website i can't remember saying that you can actually haggle like it's it's within the law to haggle in a shop well it's like a cultural thing isn't it certain cultures like um love to haggle and they can well it's like a cultural thing isn't it certain cultures like um love to haggle and they can't stop like i remember i would always go my my friend's dad would always when we were in dixon's or whatever buying like a fucking mini disc player he would always haggle and it always fucking worked oh man as well like every time like he was like yeah i got managed to like

fucking get 20 quid off this every time okay every time i've tried to haggle it's never worked okay and and a big reason why it never works is because for some reason i well for some reason i'm always with with my wife when i attempt to haggle okay and she gets she gets all excited like because it's a novelty right because we don't haggle ever oh you're you're so, you're such an exciting man. So I go in. You're like, oh my God. I go in for a heavy haggle, okay? And then, so he's like, seven rupees.

And I'm like, five rupees. And he's like, no. And then my wife's like, 650. Like, she gets all excited. I'm like, what are you doing? You can't. You can't just butt in on the haggle. I'm working. I'm working the angles here. And it always gets wrecked. What are you doing? You can't. You can't just butt in on the haggle.

I'm working. I'm working the angles here. And it always gets wrecked. Because the guy knows he's won at that point. Because he sees my wife is really excited at the novelty of haggling. And then he's just like, I've got this guy. Seven rupees. Ah, fuck.

Fuck. He's standing hard. He's not going to back down now. He knows what we're all about. So every time has been ruined. So I used to watch a lot of Bargain Hunt and Antiques Roadshow and all these things. Whenever there are car boot sales, they always have to haggle, right? They always have to try and get the shit as cheap as possible to sell it. Not Antiques Roadshow, obviously Bargain Hunt,

where they have to buy stuff at a shitty car boot and sell it on auction. And they almost always haggle with the store owners and the best place the best place to start is actually at half the price and to appear like you don't really want it and it's like that's it it's like a casual offer it's like 10 pound give you give five for it you know kind of like a really and that tends to be like i think the thing with haggling is that you're you're you're haggling for something that you don't really want anyway so you so you so you go in really low but then you're you're more than willing to walk away because you don't really want it anyway it's just the thrill of getting something for super cheap like i think the thing is like if you actually

wanted something and imagine there was like a painting or something you i feel like incredibly like i'd be super rude if i offered someone like oh i'd give you 50 quid for it it feels super rude to do that well i mean i think it's super rude for them to to charge the prices that they do for some of that shit anyway like in the first place so there's a counterpoint to that. Because like you smearing your diarrhea on a canvas and then saying it's worth, you know, a thousand pounds. No, it's not. It's worth nothing. It's worth minus a thousand pounds.

Those vomit enthusiasts pay good money for my paintings. Well, I'm just saying like, you know, some of that shit is just like, it's kind of like the people on The Apprentice. You know, they emulate successful people, right? And I find some artists are like that as well. They try to emulate people that have had successes with like, you know, a style of art or whatever. And you're just thinking to yourself, okay, well, this isn't actually any good at all. Like, I mean, I'm not an art critic or whatever, but sometimes you see these people on TV and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, just go work in an office or whatever. You suck at art. Like, big time.

Nobody will buy this. It's their dream. You're just pretending to be a good artist, but you're not actually a good artist. You know what I mean? Fake it till you make it, sis. You know what I mean, though? Do you guys recognize these people as well? Have you seen these people like on TV and stuff before? Yeah, all over the fucking place. Yeah, it's crazy. Hold on. What?

He's barfing. No, I didn't, sweetie. Oh, he's gone. No, that wasn't me. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, his daughter's sick. My daughter's crazy. Hold on. What? He's barfing. No, I didn't, sweetie. Oh, he's gone. No, that wasn't me. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, his daughter's sick. My daughter's downstairs. Is she all right? No, no, she's okay.

She's chill. She just thought I'd said her name, but I think I just laughed. So, sorry, imagine like you're in a car boot sale and you're buying like a vase, okay? And it's obviously like a specific price and they have a market value for them. and it's obviously like a specific price and that they have a market value for them. You can, I think everything, like certain things are okay to like, kind of try and get some money off of without it being rude. But I think you just have to be willing to be rude to people. I don't think a lot of people in a lot of cultures are comfortable with that. Like, like kind of in Japan or something, it's very,

I don't think that people are particularly haggling. And because everyone's so polite with everyone. And also you don't tip even because that's even considered a bit kind of impolite in a weird way, which is bizarre. Well, it's kind of weird because the whole exchange of money in Japan is such a formal thing as well, right? There's not really a, there doesn't seem to be an opportunity for you to just tip on top of bowing and receiving the money on the plates and giving the change back on the plate and bowing again and stuff like where at what what point do you just say like oh here's an extra here's a bit extra whatever like it'd be kind of awkward right there was a there was a thing where i was at some sort of a place in

london and i i tried like, there was like a coat check place and I checked my jacket or whatever and my bag and stuff and all this other stuff and it had been a right faff because I'd left a load of stuff there because I think I was capacity through London with loads of luggage.

Anyway, when I picked it all up later, I left a tip. I was like, oh, here's a fiver. And he was like, I don't want that. I'm like, but it's like a tip. And he's like, well, I'm not taking it. All right. Okay.

So I didn't want to offend you. I just thought it's like a tip and he's like well I'm not taking it alright okay I didn't want to offend you I just thought it was like a thing that you did just crumple it up and throw it in the garbage jeez

I should have haggled him down 250 I'll give you 250 he's like no I don't want anything go on I'll give you

I'll give you tenner give me tenner I'll go it up now £1 coin would you take 20 would you take it to you guys do you guys ever tip like i get groceries delivered to the house because i'm a lazy fucker and it's easier to shop online honestly the guy comes with all the carrier bags he hands them over he says any carrier bags to go back and i say not this time because we either reuse them or i gave them away last time or whatever but here's a 10 and then he stands there for a second and I'm like thanks and he's like have a nice evening and off he goes and I'm

like do people tip the shopping delivery guys because I don't even I don't tip anybody unless it's in a restaurant right that's where honestly I think what happened there is is fine you know like I think you know a momentary pause because he thinks he might have a chance to get one but then you're not willing to give him one I don't even know if it's a thing I think that momentary pause because he thinks he might have a chance to get one, but then you're not willing to give him one. I don't even know if it's a thing. I think that's perfectly acceptable. I am constantly hit by these moments in everyday life of people thinking, do I have to tip them, especially when I'm in America.

I'm never sure. Well, you're meant to tip everybody in America. They have a very tipping culture there, right? Yeah, they do. But it's also, as far as I understand it, they include tips, right? In Canada, it's less so. I don't think you're necessarily helping somebody sell. I think in Canada, I think they have to pay people properly

and not have them rely on tips. But it's just the nature of Canadians to tip anyway for everything and be apologetic about it too. But in America, it's definitely like they're not getting paid that much. So they need the tips. I don't know if that's a myth or not, but as far as I understood it, they included the average amount you would expect to get in tips into your salary, which is fucking bullshit, by the way like this is ridiculous i'm

not even sure if it's true i used to work at what my first job was at a grocery store and i used to pack groceries which i don't even know if that job exists anymore i can't remember the last time i went into a grocery store and somebody packed your bags for you i feel like the only people who are doing that are ex-cons or people that have some kind of learning difficulty you sometimes see them well guilty on both counts but um i was like i was like 15 and this was it was just the way that this place worked right you had there was like the cashiers and then for every cashier there was like a you know guy who like packed the groceries and we we had to like help people out to the car and then if it wasn't too busy we had to just like you out to the car. And then if it wasn't too busy, we had to just like, you know,

clean up the store and collect carts out of the parking lot and do all that kind of, there's all these like little jobs and stuff. But they were always super like, okay, you can't accept any tips, but they never explained why. And they're just like,

what the fuck? Like you can't, we can't accept any tips. They're like, no, it's, you just can't, you're not supposed to accept any tips from anybody.

It's like, okay. But like we fucking did all from anybody. I was like, okay. But we fucking did all the time because it was awkward. You'd help a lady out to her car with $500 worth of groceries. That's the culture over there. You go grocery shopping once a month and you fill up your bomb shelter with fucking industrial-sized ketchups and stuff like that. So I helped this

lady out to her car uh i unloaded all it takes like half an hour because she bought so much stuff um and then i was like all right well there you go see you later and she's like oh here this is for you and she gave me like like five bucks i was like oh sorry i'm not allowed to accept this tip like you know she's like what the fuck are you talking about? Just take the money. I was like, all right. So I just. I think it just upsets everyone if you don't. I guess so. Yeah.

Like I felt like really awkward saying it as well. Cause I was like, yeah, sure. Five bucks. I'll take it. Like I was a 15 year old kid at the time. Like, but maybe you just take it and put it in a charity fucking box. If you feel bad about it or whatever. I bought so many cheese buns on my break with that money it was crazy so it's a thing like actually that they do have restaurants now when you pay

the bill they always say that like you can tip in the on with your card and i'm always a little bit things i don't ever have like a lot of cash in my wallet so as much as i want to like i i obviously want to tip but i don't necessarily trust like putting it on, on the card. But then sometimes you go to a place and they don't have it on the card machine. And you're like, Oh,

now I don't have any cash either. So I'm, am I not tipping now? And then like other times, like you'll go somewhere where they've done like, like a, like a, like a Pret a Manger or like a fucking Yo Sushi or something.

And it's like, do you want to tip for your sandwich or your like fucking thing that you know you got off the belt like no one fucking who am i tipping here like do you mean like i feel like but part of me feels like always wants it's like like clicking past that button do you want to tip no makes you feel like i wonder what they'd say if they turn up with the bill and you were like no this doesn't work for me how about 20 pounds so the bill is 480 pounds well i start low we'll find a place in the middle i will include a tip of two pounds honestly i'm kind of glad that the haggling is not a thing yeah i find it i find it a chore to be out of my house enough in the first place uh let alone

having to like have long drawn out social interactions with people over like you know five bucks or whatever like you know i'm a real big fan of actually i love i love eating at pubs i love ordering and paying and then sitting down eating and then just going when i'm ready you know know what I mean? That is actually really nice. That is my favorite interaction for food outside of my house. I love that. The standard way of doing it in Japan is that when you order, you finish your meal, and then you stand up, and as you're leaving, you pay.

So it's like you pay it like a little till by the door often. Yeah, that's pretty good too. But definitely my favorite is paying. I mean, it kind of sucks sometimes because you pay before you eat. And if you eat and it tastes like crap, you're like, oh, should I pay for this or whatever? But like-

How are you ever going to not pay for it afterwards? How many times have you eaten crap food and then gone, I'm not paying for this? Never. I've never gone to a restaurant and complained that the food is bad or anything. Like, because you just sort of write it off, right've never complained like oh this tastes like shit let's go like i'm not gonna fucking stand around and complain about it or try to get money back

or whatever because what's you know time is money friends oh god exactly fucking i don't know we we don't know are we socially inept i definitely am so what's the culture like in china when all these dota nerds go over there and you know have to eat kfc for three meals a day i mean are they complaining about that or are they just getting on with it i mean are they playing in these games from hospital they're getting sick in the hospital flax told us already it's the situation is dire it sounds like it is it is bad not radiant we need to send some fucking vegetables let's pack them up some fucking milkshakes and send him a bag of like uh microwavable lasagnas and just frozen fucking pizzas yeah hot pockets get that out

there save the fucking dota players guys jesus jesus those crispy creams and i love that i love that when people travel from like places like america and stuff they're like no this food is no good and and it's right you're right they're probably just eating fucking pizza pockets like 24 7 at home it's pretty funny yeah people are people are very quick especially to judge british food they're like britain oh god the food's garbage it's that's like maybe 30 years ago that was the case but it drives me up the wall you can get anything you want in london now it's amazing there's loads of places to eat anything you want there's there's a pizza hut

in chong chong here's the problem it's it's a city of like 20 million people all right it is i mean it may be in the middle of nowhere in china but the middle of nowhere in china is still there's probably god knows how many millions of people living in the area and then the city is something like 20 million people so it's unbelievable it's big it's twice the size over twice the size of london so although you think pizza hut has like one star it has one star will not subject myself to this probably like this this food was so bland i actually was offended where's where the spice at that's pretty much all the reviews i guess but yeah they're just it's you know you either eat the local food or

you're fucked that's pretty much how it is in china which is fair enough they've got a billion potential customers they don't have got a k to you i'm kind of sad you're not there reporting back i'm so glad i'm not there i want you i want you to be like just in a hospital eating kfc being like so fucking miserable thank you i just want that so bad you fucking arsehole why would you wish that on me you want it you want it for the story that's all you want i want you to go out there and have a terrible time period so you can tell us about this terrible time i love hearing about you having a miserable time loves all that like we almost get like uh we get like pep talks before we do stuff from lewis sometimes he's like okay guys try to have a really bad time so we have stuff to talk

about triforce podcast like make sure try to fuck something up on purpose so it'll sound funny when we talk about it on the Triforce podcast and stuff like that he's very mean mean yeah

I love you he's driven and he drives us to do better and be better through suffering so I got you these two tickets

on the Norwegian Cruise Line yeah you're sharing a room wonderful cabin 606 the scene of the crime we're gonna hopefully

somebody else will be in there fucking when you turn up so we'll have something new to talk about on the Triforce podcast next week yeah

but yeah enjoy your cruise try not to get the shits too much and barfs and always haggle always haggle always haggle

thanks everyone thanks everybody bye see you next time bye