Triforce! - Triforce! #9: Soulmates and Superpowers [Team DD Archive]

Episode Date: May 18, 2016

Lewis is in America this week, so here's some Team Double Dragon goodness. Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. This week, I am in America. So I don't know if Sips and P-Flax are going to do a podcast, but probably not. So I'm just recording this in case it goes in front of the archived stuff that we have left over from Team Double Dragon. All of the finest bits of Sips and I waffling over gameplay as we talk ignorantly about stuff we don't really know about uh for you to get salty about so yeah enjoy this podcast it starts now hey we're back i don't typically have a lot of fun stuff to talk about anyway a lot of my

thought of the chat that we have together is kind of i don't know don't sell yourself short i mean i find it a riot you know um no i mean i could talk about really mundane things happening like i found some mold in my spare room cupboard you know on the wall nice so i reported it to the landlord and you know means you probably got a leak you know you shouldn't have done that because isn't he kicking you out like pretty soon well yeah but it's pretty important for me to like um not get in trouble when i leave and him saying oh look there's loads of mold you didn't report it you're gonna lose your deposit that's always the big fear with renting somewhere right that the landlord is gonna keep all of your deposit yeah i don't know if you're aware of this people who are out there but landlords oh man i never want to be one no um because they there's that it's not a good

thing to be right it's no it's always a fat guy with a greasy like string vest on he's always wearing a wife beater yeah he's always got some sort of accent like maybe he's from russia or something yeah his hairline is receding and he's holding a half open can of beer yeah so just imagine me uh i'm a landlord and um this is the some kind of accent tick half open can of beer tick receding hairline tick double yeah that's yeah double tick double tick you're right um yeah so imagine i'm your landlord i turn up and i say to you listen buster you better be reporting damp in the bathroom or guess guess who's going downtown to chinatown um and then you probably turn around and say I didn't have a dad

and I've always wanted someone to take me to Chinatown for a day out so that's me and you raise your hand you realize hang on a second that's not what this guy's talking about at all and then I beat your ass no no no no no no in a fight no no you he raised your hand yeah and you realize it's the same as his his hands and you you realize that he is actually your dad your dad he's like your long lost oh my god this guy has the same birthmark on his hand that i have that's right means that we must be either related or maybe soulmates but maybe being related is closer to the mark yeah you kiss for a second and you realize oh maybe we're maybe maybe we're not soulmates just a really friendly kiss though not like a not like a passionate love kiss it's more like a that you found a soulmate

is it the kiss no i don't you know what i think it is i think you know you found your soulmate when you do that thing where you're like yeah and then I got on the bus and then I and then the person's like slipped. You're like, yeah, that's exactly what happened. You know, you like you complete each other's sentences. You just have this this ability to like know what the person is thinking and how they feel and feel. That's how you know. No, that's how you know you've got a soulmate yeah okay yeah uh well do you know do you not think it's more of a physical thing okay almost like how um animals animals you know a lot of animals sort of relationships done through smells and pheromones and stuff so maybe your soulmate maybe

you you like the smell of their farts or something like that i don't know maybe i don't know can you be attracted to somebody based on the smell of their farts i'm just trying to find like a way to identify the soulmate okay there must be some it there's always this are you a huge narcissist if you really love the smell of your own farts and are attracted to yourself based on that on the smell of your own farts yeah that shows that you have a really big ego yeah probably nice i don't know i don't think i don't think your own farts are supposed to be unpleasant to you but they probably i don't know i don't know sips i'm not an evolutionary biologist okay

i like to pretend i'm a polymath at everything but actually do you know what i'm i am some people were were getting mad at me last time right because i was talking about marriage and stuff in a really weird way yeah yeah yeah you're being super cynical about it you're like oh you just got married for green card and stuff and you know what i left my garage after that last recording and i broke down on my driveway which is two steps away from my house you put your fist through the through the garage i broke down on my driveway i dropped down onto my knees yeah i held my arms up in the air platoon style yeah it started raining and i said my whole life is a lie. I married for a green card. And then I realized, no, hang on, actually.

Lewis is just like a bit of an angry man. And that's not the case at all. Rain stopped. I instantly dried off and went inside and I felt good. So, do you think this is one of these things that people sort of say about millennials or the younger generation? And we are part of that well i suppose well i'm on the very i think you could be a millennial if you were born from about 1981 81 onwards yes so i was 83 so i'm i'm like the oldest millennial that you know

um well not quite but but i mean i joke about this sometimes with hat films because they're I'm like the oldest millennial that you know. Well, not quite. I mean, I joke about this sometimes with hat films because they're younger, right? And I always say like they're a bunch of filthy millennials who are like entitled and they don't appreciate the good things and all this stuff. And like, you know, the reality is that, you know, they're not that. Well, it's a weird thing, isn't it? When you're really young, you can tell when somebody's, you know, one or two years younger than you or, you know, five years younger than you. There's like huge difference. Oh, yeah.

In that when you're older, there's not much difference. People sort of like, in terms of like personality and sort of like things that you do and you're into, you kind of like plateau in your mid-20s, don't you? You just sort of like... Hat films and me and you and Duncan are all much of a muchness, I think. We feel very like kindred spirits. And I think Harry in the same way, even though we know he's young, still he is just one of us and there's no age boundaries there whereas i think when i was at school associating with people in the year below me was kind of frowned upon you know yeah um but i did have a few friends in

those years it's not it's not that we didn't but it kind of just wasn't wasn't done were they real friends or were they just like drug friends? Did you have any just drug friends? Like people that you would never invite over to your house or introduce to your parents or even really talk on the phone, but people that you were more than happy to just like stand outside and smoke cigarettes with and stuff? Weirdly, the drug friends that i had were actually this was a pretty

unique thing in my school they actually overlapped with the computer the nerdiest computer room guys okay oh so the there were this group of people who hung out in the computer room all every day and they were all these mega mega nerds and. Was that you? No, I wasn't. Oh, good. I was going to say, holy shit, I got to go. I mean, I think that like a bus just hit my garage or something. I kind of hovered around between groups. I wasn't one of the guys who went out clubbing when I was 16 and drank a lot of beer and, you know, was the cool guys who got to sit at the back of the bus kind of

the cool club i wasn't in that no i wasn't in the computer room guys i wasn't in the real chess club problem but that yeah there was this kind of group of um they were cool guys and they they were smoking a lot of weed at lunchtime uh in school uniform and they all got expelled and nice it just happened that the it was a group of about sort of six of them but only like three or four of them were there on that day and if you know if you were happy if you were unlucky because i you know i'd been down with him if i had been unlucky my life would have completely changed yeah you would have got done for the weed done for smoking and oh man you would have gone to jail because that's really strict too you know

if you get caught with doing a weed you're fucking back then it was it was prison it was prison hard time hard labor to in but nowadays they probably say oh he's just got a bit of affluenza um let's put him in a special class for it and uh give him a little trophy that says well done yeah it says well overcoming on your weed your weed problem addiction yeah kick that weed habit well and truly you know i what do you think about people getting true what do you think about the generation being a bit coddled or people say this all the time okay about millennials when i say stuff okay you have to understand that i'm not saying it but i'm i'm just saying what i've heard as being a general perception what

do you judge you feel about millennials being coddled and being given awards for not achieving and being patted on the back even though they don't work hard and i think it's bullshit i think you know earn it stop crying about it and get out there and earn it you big babies that's my message to millennials i think i think millennials are quite happy in terms of their outlook you know i think they're more upbeat than yeah the older generations are they're all like bohemians and stuff too aren't they you know they millennials traditionally all wear turtlenecks hang out in coffee shops they have like a lot of apple products yeah they're very liberal they're very yeah socially liberal in

terms of they uh want they would never fight back if they got mugged they care about this is the thing generation x gay right if you're part of generation x and you got mugged at knife point you'd fucking fight back okay because that's the generation that you're from if you're a millennial you're a pussy okay you get mugged at knife point you're like crying and pissing your pants and you can't get your wallet out of your pocket fast enough to give it over and stuff and that's the difference that is the difference yeah that's the difference right there but also those those millennials they probably wouldn't have any money in their wallet okay no they because they they pay for everything on their iWatch right or whatever yeah and so it's it's like but they'll be laughing at the mugger they'd be like like i carry my bitcoins around in my

pocket but even then they probably just say oh you know you could take take my phone you know here you go and because i know i can just get a new one from insurance or whatever from my dad my dad who's like the president of a fortune 500 company because everyone's dad is nowadays aren't they or they're looking forward to tweeting about it they're like oh i can't wait to get home and tweet about can't wait to tweet about this like this is such a good traumatic experience yeah yeah yeah it's they're a funny breed aren't they millennials i mean having said that we you know we did sort of say that you are a millennial and you don't really do those things it's a weird it's weird how the generations like the labels for generations cut off at certain points because

i would say that you and i are from the same generation you were born three years after me you know early 80s going into like the 90s growing up in the 90s and stuff we're we're from like the same sort of generation aren't we but yeah we're not classed as being part of the same generation which i think is like kind of sad you know it'd be like if they had to put people from generation x on a boat and people from millennials uh on a boat we'd be standing at the dock thinking oh cool you know we like grew up in the same time and you know we're familiar with the same things we're going to be totally on the same boat and then no we're on different boats and then it's like the titanic we're crying and stuff at sea longing to be at

each other's company because you're just going to be stuck with a bunch of crying millennials who are like trying to buy you know food on their watch or whatever and i'm with all the cool tough generation x kids who are just fighting each other and headbutting each other all over the boat what would be your ultimate ability what kind of ability would you like to have that was a little bit out of the norm i kind of don't like applying these kind of unrealistic supernatural things to to to answer its questions because i think you don't give enough bounds for it okay you don't want people to know that you're a pervert that's why right because you're probably just thinking to yourself it always says it says more about you than it says

all the time and it is interesting i've seen i've seen everything i've seen i've seen every breast it's it's it's it's a problem because i i there's no bounds the classic thing is that when you set a story this is one of brandon sanderson's laws um when you set a story or magic in a magical world or a fancy, you have to set the boundaries for how powerful the powers can be and what their drawbacks are. Because sometimes the best thing about when we play D&D and when we pick heroes

and when we pick things like this is not necessarily what the superpowers or strengths are. It's what their corresponding weaknesses are. I feel like I'm always overpowered, though. I always carry the team when we play that's d and d that is true but but i when i but what makes interesting characters is not their strengths it's their flaws okay oh um and so that's you know pretty typical of somebody who's

like massively flawed would say that though you know because they want to you know they want to justify like why they're so shit at everything all right well let's compromise then let's say you're stranded on a desert island but you have like a supernatural power as well okay what would that power be and what would you do to survive is that i can summon uh anything any objects out of into existence right now. That's bullshit though. You wouldn't be able to do that just by unlocking a dormant part of your brain. I'd be like, and then I could summon out a load of...

That's fucking garbage. What do you mean? A dormant part of my brain? You can't say that's garbage. According to the laws of Sanderson, there has to be a limit to the power. You can't just fucking... Well, you haven't given me a limit, Sips. It's not Star Trek with the fucking food creator.

I will heal cancer with my hands. Okay. Is that any more realistic than someone else? It's a little bit more. Okay, it's a little bit more. It's not realistic at all. It's bollocks. Come on.

It's a lot more so than being like, oh, shit, I need a shovel. Pring. Here's a shovel. It's not ice cream or tea. When I oh, shit, I need a shovel. Pring! Here's a shovel! When I take a shit, it's made of gold. But only when it hits the toilet bowl, so it doesn't injure me. I never thought of that. Mine was shit-related, funnily enough, but it wasn't the ability to shit gold. Again, the problem with that is that there'd be lots of problems, right?

But these questions, I don't find them very rewarding unless there are hard like you haven't heard my answer yet okay go on fine what's your stupid answer okay my stupid answer is the ability to cause people to shit their pants whenever i want them to do you know how fucking useful that would be listen it'd be so useful you don't understand that's probably already a thing you know there's the you've heard of the brown sound okay well i know okay well elaborate okay there's a thing called there was a theorized thing called the brown sound where it's like a really low pitch sound that vibrates at the same frequency as your butthole right so it makes you poop yourself whenever you hear the brown sound okay so theoretically well it's much more scientifically likely that we'll be able to come up with something

that makes you shit yourself right there are already plenty of things that make you shit yourself right so all we need to do is scientifically figure out something which will do that that's realistic just having hands which radiate a fucking the cure to any disease that someone's suffering from is bollocks in the same way that is bollocks that i would come up with the idea that i was on a beach snap my fingers and there's a copacabana bath right and then i could just have a mojito and you know lie on the beach and have a great time and then whenever i'm done i'll be like bam satellite phone hey i'm on an island send a yacht bam yachts appears do you know what i mean like it'll be fucking great that superpower but no one talks about that as if that's that's oh

that's too unrealistic that's true it's too you know what it is to it's too crazy because the thing is right okay you can cure cancer with your hands, but it has a detriment on you, though. It sucks the life out of you when you do it. You being able to summon a bus whenever you want, what is the detriment to you? Maybe you have to

have something where it's like you were saying before. There has to be a great strength, but there has to be a drawback to a weakness. So anything that you summon has to be a great strength, but there has to be like a drawback to a weakness. So anything that you summon has to land on your head first. An equivalent. Well, I like the idea that a superpower has an equivalent weakness relative to how

strong it is. So for example, there's this really classic old anime called darker than black. Okay. Where the guys, guys have super, it does sound racist, but it isn't, uh, the guys have super it does sound racist but it isn't uh the guys have superpowers but they have a contract okay so what the contract is is that

it's something they have to do that either they don't want to do is always very unpleasant um after they've used their superpower so maybe like maybe this one guy can like fire electricity out of his hands okay but his contract but then he has to like strangle a baby every time he does it well okay i don't think i've seen any that that have been that extreme no it's usually something like break each of your fingers or something like that or maybe or maybe something like maybe something less like if your power's a little bit weaker how the hell would you play video games if you had to break all your fingers that's well maybe it's only on one hand um and maybe they heal up and also maybe maybe that's a more

extreme end maybe more instead it would be like uh you have to do something really tedious okay like go like fold each of the pages of books like over like 500 book like 100 books or whatever so you have to go through a load of books it's so it's it's like quite-consuming thing so you can't just use your power whenever you want you have to you have this cool down where you have to satisfy a contract okay um and so that's an interesting concept there's lots of interesting concepts for for having just having weaknesses yeah as a result it like i like that the power creep of your of your ability right that's the that's the point you don't want it to get too out of control because that's why no one's interested in superman right that's why he's sort of a bit sucky because he's not got you know you can shoot a bullet at

his eyeball and it bounces off and i'm just like oh for crying out loud you're the guy you know you're that guy they're like your weakness is is kryptonite it's kind of the the the one and it's like oh kryptonite it's like it's like the rarest thing on earth like it's never a problem except for when some some fucking bozo yeah mines it from outer space and puts together a huge conspiracy against superman i think we should maybe rename this whole thing to one and a half guys because i'm kind of i'm kind of here talking to you and you're always only paying half attention it's like when your mom tells you something and you're playing on a video game you're like yeah mom okay whatever i'll do it meatloaf for dinner again yeah okay fine sure thanks whatever It's like when your mom tells you something and you're playing on a video game. You're like, yeah, mom, okay, whatever.

I'll do it in a minute. Meatloaf for dinner again? Yeah, okay, fine. Oh, sure, thanks. Whatever. You just don't listen, you know? I had that a lot. I had that an awful lot.

I had that for like 15 years, probably, with my parents. Where you didn't listen to your mom? Yeah. Well, I only half listened, right? What if she had like really important things to say to you? Like, Lewis, you're inheriting the family fortune. Again, there wasn't anything important like that in my family. And I guess it'd be the same for you.

As soon as your kid starts, you know, getting a couple of years older and they don't start listening. Actually, no, no, because your dad, I always listen to my dad because he kind of was quite selective about when he talked to me mom talked to me all the time okay right and so i just got this sort of layer of ignore all over it so it's all kind of pointless stuff whereas when my dad let me know something it was like lewis the house is on fire quick let's leave and i'd be like okay do you know what i mean he didn't bother me with trivial crap right no but the thing with dads is that i don't know about

your dad but like my dad never said anything so when he did say something you knew you had to listen because it was like going to be profound or that's right important or whatever that's right like with your mom i mean moms just talk all the time don't they they do like tell you about all this crap that you don't want to know and stuff so when something serious happens you're still not listening to them that's right it's like the boy who cried wolf that's right that's exactly what it's like yeah yeah it's exactly like that the boy who cried wolf oh he cried wolf so many times nobody Nobody... Shit. Nobody listened. We know the parable of the boy who cried wolf. Okay.

That is a classic tale of... Anyway, it's Monday morning. Oh, shit, yeah. The main news from the weekend. What did you think the main news was that came out over the weekend? Terry Wogan died. That's right. Man, poor guy. You know, guy and oh wogan honestly you made me realize how much of an asshole i've been lately to people who are upset that someone else has died

like for example lemmy from motahead died and then yeah that's right yeah god and then alan rickman and also david bowie died right oh yeah i forgot about alan rickman and also david bowie died right oh yeah i forgot about alan rickman i wasn't really bothered about any of those okay and i was quite cynical about it okay i was quite i was quite well you know uh poor old david bowie yeah yeah you were doing the singing thing with bowie as well, which is ultra offensive. And obviously Terry Wogan dying is actually pretty sad for me. Because I don't realize that these other people probably have the same effect on other people. But I was a big Wogan fan. I used to listen to Wogan every morning for about about 20 years it felt like you know every morning

i would says a lot i would have a radio alarm clock it would wake me up you know i'd go to school and i'd listen to wogan and then when i went to work in university i would listen to wogan and again and i you know he was kind of this just let me get through this sips because it's emotional okay it's hard it's hard for me well this the thing is i just wanted to sort of say like you know you you clearly like wogan and i feel like maybe now people who really like bowie and were really upset with the fact that you were almost making fun of the fact that he died by doing the singing voice thing to offend them now they can get a little bit of sort of vengeance back on you i wasn't trying to offend them i was you can do like a i was terry wogan impersonation by bowie to some extent

oh lads terry wogan here oh no honestly i used to love i used to love father he was just such a terry wogan he was just such a nice gentle gentle, kind of good guy. You know, he did all sorts of good stuff as well. You know, he did Children in Need. He did Eurovision classically. You know, there were a lot of things which I guess you don't realize how certain people have an impact on your life sometimes. Is it just me or did they you know when terry wogan left bbc2 radio 2 yeah um they found a guy who sounded exactly like him to replace him did you notice that oh no no no no no i mean that's ken bruce okay he's been doing

radio for fucking probably just as long as wogan has uh except that he used to run i think he's like 65 as well but he used to run after wogan um on radio too i think he probably still does um right he used yeah so he's he's scottish though not he sounds just like him i find well he's got that same kind of like radio voice slow radio classic radio voice yeah he does sound he doesn't know the thing is i can see why you get confused okay if you don't if you're not a big bogan listener but he is very different it's a little bit like duncan and simon okay the first time we started getting duncan on the channel well i don't know i find they sound similar as well like simon um but no if if you know if as soon as you know them they sound very different um but I think

sometimes it takes a little bit of time to get used to that their eccentricities and tell be able to tell them apart um I still can't really tell them apart I think when you get up exactly when you when you get a bunch of people together like uh roosterteeth you know i can't tell those guys apart because i don't watch enough of their stuff but as soon as i start watching it i'd very quickly know who's who you know it's easy i recognize the guy the is it michael who does rage quit or whatever sure he's he's more distinctive than the others i find but i don't know so yeah i mean i don't watch that much of their stuff so i mean i remember watching wogan you know just savagely take the piss out of uh eurovision song contest you know

yeah you seem like really sort of beat up about this i'm surprised actually i figured that you were just like really angry cynical and you didn't really care about anything but now sort of turns out that you sort of had like some secret obsession with wogan or maybe you're just feeling a bit down and like the whole sort of wogan thing has you know revived some old feelings in you or something i'm surprised man i didn't think i didn't expect this from you at all i'm a bit emotional about it yeah actually it's pretty pretty bad so no it's it's sad because i don't know i just i just i have a long history i guess um talk about poop for a bit or something cheer you up sure let's talk about what have you been dealing with a lot of that?

Is that a normal thing in your everyday life? No, I just like talking about it. I just like talking about poop a lot. You are doing the diapers and stuff, so I can understand why you'd bring that up. Have you dealt with some poop already this morning? No. No, actually, today so far has been a poop-free day. It's been nice.

I haven't done a poop myself because I don't poop in the morning, and I haven't had to deal with a baby's poop either day it's been nice i haven't done a poop myself i don't poop in the morning and i haven't had to deal with the baby's poop either it's been pretty good well today by the way is apparently the most national poop day no it's national sicky day oh is it it's apparently the worst day of the year for worker uh absenteeism i.e ringing up and saying oh i'm not feeling very well today nice yeah and so it's it's it's i don't like this is something in which i guess you're gonna turn up to the office nobody gonna be there now just wait for it i guess you're gonna i guess it just happens to be one of these times okay it's the first of february it's um it's just it's a it's a long way from christmas but it's very cold christmas is one of these uh celebrations that kind of keeps you going

right yeah through the kind of cold misery because yeah summer is okay okay summer is fine it's warm weather you wake up especially a uk summer right it's it's never really hot enough to you know be be horrible it's always even the hottest nicest day you wake up you think oh it's nice and warm better get up uh have a shower get get into get into it you know you enjoy it it's really good there's lots of light you're full of energy okay and as soon as the wait we're talking about the uk here right yeah yeah okay yeah it's never like horrible it's never like overwhelming it's never it's never like so humid that you don't want to leave because you know you're in your nice air we don't we don't have air conditioning really here this isn't a yeah a british thing you know

we don't have it maybe we have it in our cars but then it's used to heat them up in the winter you know if anything oh yeah i think before we carry on we need to say a quick thank you to our sponsor which is uh visit the uk 2016 the uh the travel board kindly sponsored us our little chat this morning which almost deviated to poop but now has um turned into a sort of weird come visit britain whether it's really nice here it's well it's obviously a lie hold on i was it for the summer months okay from june through to late august are pleasant okay and then it starts to get dreary and miserable and by no december really it's pretty shit here it really sucks and it's really depressing remember how nice the weather was when you came to visit in the summer holy shit oh it was so nice oh god the weather was crazy we were

outside like a day basically france okay and what a france way was for wine and so therefore why but why grapes need a lot of sun you know they grow in california france let's get a lot of sun anyway i'm just saying that you're basically living in France. So that's a little bit different. Up here in the UK, we get a good chunk more shitty weather. And I think that December and Christmas are a good excuse to kind of get out of that kind of down in the dumps and really just have a fun time and accept that the weather might be shitty and, you know, be okay. But February now is just about the peak of the worst weather that we're going to get. It's been a really long time since Christmas, so everyone's forgotten about it.

There's nothing good coming, right? Because it's just like February is pretty shitty. March is pretty shitty. And it's, you know, it's a good old fucking couple of months to go, and so, I think we're just about at the trough, right, of the worst day of the year, and so

obviously this is the day when people just think, I want to stay in bed. What do you think? Yeah, I've kind of felt like that this morning when I woke up. So, first of all, well, you were half an hour late to our recording, so what were you doing with that? Was he just having a lie-in? No, I was playing...

I don't know if you do this, Kate. Reason with me a minute or listen to me or something because I'm half paying attention, of course. But do you do this thing where you're like, I feel like I need to just get stuck into something. And sometimes that thing is just a really crappy iOS game do this thing where you're like i feel like i need to just get stuck into something and like sometimes that thing is just a really crappy ios game that you randomly find on the app store do you ever do that um i do i have i've had a few stupid ios games that i've played to death yeah

yeah like what um one of them i can't i can't sometimes i can't even remember the fucking names well that's not helpful but i don't want to tell you what they are in case you get hooked on them like like like a digital crack i don't think it's probably too late actually well no go on because i'm already addicted to a couple actually are you well no i'm not gonna tell you well only since yesterday but that's enough for me anyway. Well, obviously, one of the ones I talked about over Christmas was Dream Quest. And I played another game similar to that a lot. I think that Duncan did an iOS, free-meme iOS game for a brand deal.

And he said, we were chatting the other day and he he looked me straight in the eyes and he was like oh my god that game i can't believe it i spend like 25 minutes every morning i wake up and i play it for like 25 minutes every every morning i can't stop it's just what is it i don't want to tell you what these games are i might be playing it though this is the thing i don't think so i don't want to tell you. It's not good. It's not good. It's like a crack dealer. It's like, oh, just give me a little snifter of the crack.

No, I'm not giving you any snifters of crack. Because then you will like the crack. And then you will have crack every morning with your cereal. Crack for breakfast. For fuck's sake. Dinner. Crack for your lunch. No, anyway.

So I went on to the Apple Store the apple store thing and i was like fuck just want like a game because i was playing this game called tap tycoon tap tycoon okay which is terrible is it like a venture capitalist yeah i i really like that as well yeah tycoon is one of these games where you have to like furiously tap your screen like an asshole for the rest of your life and your hands get sore doing it. Wow. To make money. Yeah. So in the end, I thought, fuck this.

I'm not playing this one anymore. I'm going to move on to like something a bit better. But I like games where you build stuff and there's like some progress and whatever, you know, like kind of like city builders. But like on iOS, you don't get like good city builders you just get these shitty things where it's like hey buy a key for 500 bucks and then you know you can speed up building a school or whatever i didn't want to do any of that either but then i did opt for farmville 2 escape for the Oh, for Christ's sake. I can't stop playing it. I can understand.

I can't. Right, here's the thing, okay, about this. There's something about agriculture that really wets my whistle. I don't know what it is. Yeah, in the depths of winter, okay, in this miserable weather where it's pouring rain outside or snowy or shitty or just cold and wet, it's sometimes nice to play a game where you're farming watermelons on a tropical island in the summer yeah yeah that's the key i think that when it comes to summer you're not going to be doing that stuff right anyway but probably you know maybe then you can

play like a game which is like winter i guess this is why i don't like the whole dota 2 uh winter map thing that they've given me because it just makes me even more depressed you know i't like the whole Dota 2 winter map thing that they've given me because it just makes me even more depressed you know I quite like the green sunny map you know at least it makes me feel like it's not quite as horrible oh yeah I haven't

played like in a while they give you a winter map I forgot about that some people do absolutely love winter though so to you people i say good for you good for you that's true actually yeah so good for you well good for you well anyway we'll uh we'll talk to you next time more about my obsessions with ios games crap your eyes because there's another one as well that i play like in between because one is never enough, right? Because you always run out of things

to do in one. So you need like a backup. Right. So you switch between them. You rotate them, yeah. Yeah, you rotate around like during the day. So I'll tell you what my other one is

next time. I'm excited. Team dribbling doggy. Bye. Bye. Lewis is mad because i ended the last episode without using the team double dragon generator i don't have it open lewis i'm busy trying to win dispassionate drywall okay team dispassionate

drywall that sounds good to me anyway we're back um back. Thank you. We were talking about iOS games and the games that we all love to hate to play. Well, you were. I was talking about Sick Days. You were getting all depressed about Wogan. I still am. And it wasn't becoming of you. Get out of the dumpster, Lewis. Come on.

Okay. Get your pecker up. Come on. So tell me about what other- Get it up and start... Start pounding away. Start pounding away. Come on.

Just hide your troubles in a woman. Just masturbate. Just masturbate a lot. In a warm vagina. In a what? A warm vagina. You can't say that. You can't say that you can't say that the problem with radio one is they play all this music that i

have no idea what it is you know like it's all and here's the latest from uh super zoomer zoomer five million and it's dubstep and i'm just like what the fuck is this it's like all right everybody get ready for breakfast let's listen to dubstep well what what what what what well well and i'm just like well i'm not sure that's what it's like i don't want to listen to radio one ever again now it's very pop okay they have a set playlist which is assigned by some guy uh so they have like 20 songs on loop so you hear the same songs over and over again because they only change them every like couple of weeks um so it's almost like playing or maybe radio one's just pushing a millennial agenda maybe do you remember when you had uh like an album okay a musical album

yeah uh on a cd or something this is like a completely forgotten thing, I guess, now. And it was the only one you had, or it was in your CD player, and you just played it on loop. Did you have any albums like that that you played on loop? I lived with a guy who had The Killers, the first Killers album. On CD?

On CD. Killers were like Napster era, though, weren't they? No, it was called Mr. Bright bright side the one with that on it uh is that which album is it well we'll find out i'll google it but basically he had it on loop for about a year and i heard that album probably five times a day i mean for us it was smells like teen spirit that was on loop a lot just that one sandman by metallica was on constant loop a lot and what else oh yeah that house of pain song you know jump around oh Back it up, back it in. Let me begin. Some songs you end up hearing so much.

We actually wore a cassette tape out re-listening to that song. Like it was just huge when it came out. I don't know if you remember, but. You had a big boom box on your shoulder. No, nothing like that. No, it was just, we had, you know, I had one of those cassette players, like a double. So you could tape other cassettes on it. Okay.

Piracy. Piracy. Yes, it was like early piracy. And so basically. Home taping is piracy. That's right. So you'd borrow the tape from your friend or whatever. And then you'd be like, just lend it to me tonight so I can tape it.

And then you'd tape like just lend it to me tonight so i can tape it and then you tape it onto your own cassette and you'd like photocopy like the album art and stuff to make it like almost like you have the tape but it's not quite the tape sort of thing i never quite went that far it was never quite the same either to have did you ever make your own mixtapes and stuff um did you ever make a mixtape and give it to a friend no here's a mixtape well do you know what my um weirdly my granddad made me maybe a mixtape and it was all frank sinatra to try and get me into his sort of kind of music so he had bought um some he was a big cassette player musical guy and he had a lot of jazz and he was putting a lot of jazz onto cassettes to listen to in the car i think or something like this and so he gave me a collection he made me um a tape with a load of jazz on it

which is quite a nice a nice thing i remember being about, I think I was only about six or seven. He made you a jazz mixtape? Yeah. So, it was about 1990 when he did it. What the fuck, man? Seriously? It was a very long time ago. Are you for real?

That actually happened? That actually happened, yeah. Jesus. So, it had all the greats on there. Right. All the greats. Chattanooga Choo Choo. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Classic, yeah. Vintage granddad jazz that one i can't really remember any other what's on it just like a ton of little richard on there for some reason fucking i don't know we were talking about this yesterday we were saying i was talking to shin and alex about it and we were saying remember when napster first came out and i was saying yeah remember when it came out like when when it came out and i downloaded napster for the first time searched for a song i think the first song i searched for was you Can't Touch This by MC Hammer. Okay. And it was just sort of like to show my household that I had this ability now to obtain random music whenever I wanted to. And like I didn't have to own the CD or go out and buy anything.

Like I could just download this music. And everybody was like so fucking blown away. They were like, what the hell? And here we are, the whole house listening to You Can't Touch This by MC Hammer on full blast, like out of my computer. And then that sort of, you know, prompted this whole like, find some Brian Ferry. Hey, can you find some talking heads? Like these are my parents asking for all this stuff. And, you know, they're like're like oh find this one obscure song that

i don't have like on a cd somewhere or whatever and it was like this huge thing right because everybody was like oh my god we can listen to whatever music we want to whenever we want to we don't have to have like a gigantic cabinet filled with cds and stuff like that and it was pretty exciting napster coming out was huge it was a different world wasn't it and it's really sometimes nice to show off things like that to people as well say hey look yeah i could just it makes you feel powerful in a way when you talk to someone from an older generation who yeah is blown away by your mc hammer at my fingertips here everybody what do you think about that so going back to something we were talking about um earlier

have you ever taken a sickie or like thrown a sick day or you know all the time god yeah like even now to this day like i have a pretty cool job now and like still i'm like finding reasons to like not do it i was sort of thinking really of of when you used to have a real job yeah and oh no all the time like at least once a month i would be like fuck this i need to stay home and play wow but like i'd phone up and be like oh god i'm so sick i can't even see i don't know what's wrong with me i'll go to the doctors tomorrow if it's not better i might need three days off because that's like the the standard thing at a job isn't it you know like they'll give you like three days off

without needing a doctor's note i i don't think that's a standard thing at all i think that i'm not even sure you can technically have one day off without a doctor's note but i think most people are fairly maybe it's more lax over here jersey jersey attitudes are a little bit laid back yeah i think i think if it's more than a day you have to you couldn't i couldn't ask for a doctor's no i think i'm not sure it's tricky i i guess um it's something i've not really thought too much about either um since i but i used to throw sickies quite regularly. And I guess it's one of these things that I always complain about on the news. They say, oh, Britain has lost 36 billion pounds worth of work to sick days. But I don't know.

I think it's one of those things that it makes people... Some days at work, I wouldn't do anything anyway, even if I was at work. I would just browse Facebook. That's the thing i think your average job like most companies and places and managers and in my experience you know they value you occupying a seat and being there more so than you actually doing any work like it's a weird thing isn't it it's like we need you here in case something happens but you know if nothing happens then just want you around so you can have coffee with you and stuff like you know what i mean it's like such a weird thing i used to always think like just fucking let me come in do my work if it takes me an hour to do my work i'll go home

and you know rest and then i'll come back ready for more work next time sort of thing but you had to like do your nine hours a day or whatever it is and stuff like i think the bigger the company the more people could justify exploiting it okay if they if they're working for a huge huge company where they're just a tiny cog in in the machine i think it's very easy for you to realistically justify in your head that oh it doesn't matter if i'm kind of you know that if i'm taking advantage of them doesn't matter they probably deserve it they can afford it you know i've worked hard for them i've done a lot of stuff for them it's really easy to justify in your head to be shitty or lazy or not do anything. But sometimes these companies don't reward people for their integral parts of things.

You know, especially, you know, when I worked in the chemistry, chemical industry, you know, coming up with a solution to a major problem wouldn't be your solution. You know, it was made at work, during work hours, on work time, and therefore, you know, you own 0% of that. You know, if you created something that was very revolutionary,

you had no ownership on it, despite, you know, the value it had to the company. You could save the company potentially millions of pounds, and sometimes it wouldn't be valued or seen, or, you know, and that's the problem when you have a very large, potentially soulless company that you work for who really are just trying to exploit you. It's very kind of corporate. I think that corporate is not moral by its very nature.

It's about money. And it's more robotic, I think. It's more kind of... So, anyway, the Oxcast has a whole bunch of very exciting job openings for potential candidates. If you'd like to send your CV to lewisbrinley at... Whippingboytiders.com. You can send him all of your skills and abilities,

and I'm sure he'd be pleased to consider you for a future position. We have a small... The crew? A small group of people, and there's not too much room for for that kind of thing massive breasts but i will do everything i can right to make room for those massive massive breasts anyway here's some common or do you want to hear some outrageous excuses from people who have shirked off work they're really anticlimactic

actually i've just read them and i i'm i'm disappointed uh yeah i can't come in today my dog farted it's very similar to that uh here here they are from my dog farts a lot and he farted five times today it's bad luck i can I can't make it in. Sorry, boss. It says, I've accidentally locked myself in the bathroom and I'm having to wait until someone with a key to the house can come around to let me out. Really? Does that work?

Well, I assume you lock yourself in the bathroom every time you go in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. So I'm not sure how you can... But maybe you have like... Maybe it's like a system in certain houses where it's like yeah i lock the bathroom door there's no way for me to unlock it but i always have a buddy that can unlock it for me whether that be your dad or your mom or cousin or i can understand

if you're living in a house where the lock has like fallen off or something like that has like fallen off or something like that um but actually that do you reckon people have died because they locked themselves in the bathroom and then suddenly oh my god it's like a new horror horror story they and they go to the handle and the handle is like breaks okay and they can't get out of that bathroom and that you know they haven't got their phone in there because they could never get out in there for a poop and and they die in there and they die't get out of that bathroom. And they haven't got their phone in there because they just went in there for a poop. And they die in there. And they die in there. The whole time they're thinking,

why did I even lock the door? Somebody comes along and they're like, what's going on here? And then they see like, oh shit, somebody died in the crapper. It might not even be that much time. At best, rigor mortis and all that. They've been dead for a long time.

Oh, I bet that happens. I bet more people die from locking themselves in the bathroom than are killed by sharks or something. I wonder. Yeah. That kind of reminds me of... Have you ever seen that documentary about that woman who died in her apartment? And she was dead for like three years before anybody found her? And she was still watching television.

And the TV was still on that was the fucking creepiest shit like i can just about handle somebody dying and being dead for three years or whatever but when the tv is on and like you think over the past three years like all the stuff that would have been on tv that creeped me the fuck out actually i just thought and like her heaters were still on and stuff like oh man yeah i think i think no one noticed until her bank um ran out of money to pay her bills yeah and so i guess everything you know the rent was ticking over on direct debit the gas and electricity were ticking by everything was ticking over and her you know bank account

was just slowly ticking down man that is that is pretty that's fucked up isn't it it is isn't it but right anyway let's move on uh number three my plastic surgery has gone wrong and i need to go and get it fixed that seems like a fairly unlikely excuse well you say that but in this day and age i mean with all the millennials out there and their plastic surgery and stuff that's true i mean come on you know what do you think about plastic probably happens more than you think uh because i think that people who have plastic surgery end up all looking the same it's that plastic surgery face right yeah it's a stretched face look isn't it yeah and that stretch look all stretched out instantly makes you look like either a lizard

or you know a very fixed age of creepy plastic surgery person age so you know they're not going to be young usually um no unless they say oh i was i was badly burned or something it's a bit of a shame when some people do it as well because some people some people have aged well and would look all right without it but you can tell that they've still had it done anyway for whatever reason and it's like why did you do that i'd say i didn't have much then i just had a little pinch and it's like well well did you do that? And so I didn't have much. I just had a little pinch. And it's like, well. Well, that little pinch now has made you look like a clown. Maybe we can call you Pinchy. Pinchy the clown.

Pinchy the clown. Yeah. You know, it's like sometimes it's a bit of a shame, you know, like I find that it's definitely more so women than men. It's very rare that you see a man with like excessive cosmetic surgery, isn't it? Let's give a good example of a woman who has aged really well, okay? Yeah. And doesn't need plastic surgery. Have you got one?

Liz Hurley. Liz Hurley. Do you know how old she is? Oh, man. I don't even care. She is 50. So she's not really very old what about jesse's kind of old though jessica lang is wrinkle territory 66 jessica lang from jessica lansbury jessica lange murder she wrote american horror story from American Horror Story. The fuck? How have you seen that?

Jessica Lansbury. I think you're thinking of Angela Lansbury. That's who you're thinking of. She's very dead. Isn't her name Jessica in Murder, She Wrote, though? No, she's not dead. Angela Lansbury is still alive. She's still going.

Bedknobs and broomsticks, motherfucker. 90. Well, she's probably going to... She's 90? There's a lot of fuck. Celebrities are pretty old, actually. Yeah, yeah. Most of them are dying this year as well. We're just going to...

Well, we know... I'm not going to say we know more, but there are more. We know of more upcoming deaths more we know of more upcoming deaths we know of more celebrities right this is the thing we're exposed to because of the internet and things like this we are exposed to a larger pool of celebrities

than we used to be and so therefore there will be more regular tragedies although I think I don't know so yeah i i i think that women sometimes age very gracefully indeed um yeah and obviously for you that would be some i think liz hurley has aged phenomenally okay like she still looks like she's 20 i'm not convinced she's not had anything done, though.

You don't think she's had anything done? Oh, I don't know. Even if she has, though, I think it's subtle. Like, it doesn't look too bad. Oh, it looks like she's had some stuff done. Like, injections of stuff to get rid of wrinkles or whatever. Yeah. You know, a bit of the old Botox or something.

A bit of the old this and that. I don't know if she has, you know that I don't know if she has you know I don't know if she's maybe she has I'd like to have a good example of some old Maggie Smith there you go she looks great

Maggie Smith she's 81 Maggie Smith Maggie Smith oh for god's sakes just is that one from um the walking dead oh no just ask ask that's not maggie your dad um my dad i mean my dad's not british though is it a british woman that only british people know about? A British woman for British men only? Oh, Julie Dench. She's in Jace Bond. She's 81.

Julie Dench. And she, well, I don't think she's ever had anything done. No, I don't think she has either, actually. But I'm glad because they just turn into a lizard and it's very spooky. You know, it's careful. Yeah, but lizards have feelings too and they need lovers as well lewis yeah maybe they're trying to look more like the could you love a lizard they're all lizards make 2016 the year that you finally love a lizard love a lizard

yeah okay i'll think about it love this is lizard love is driving me mad it's making me crazy crazy huh lizard i don't know the next odd reason that someone's given for taking the day off i thought it was a bank holiday today and i'm 500 miles away fuck that that does not work i mean that is well i mean it's an excuse but and it's a legit it sounds like a legitimate excuse like oh i thought it was about college today oh that's next week oh right you know it sounds like so excuse it sounds like an easily made excuse is all i'm saying i'm not giving them the benefit of the doubt i think that's bullshit i don't think that ever hold up in a court of law, for example. I think maybe for alibi purposes, you could be like,

I was locked in my bathroom and here my dad can testify to that because he spent three hours trying to get me out. Yeah. But the bank holiday thing, I don't think would work. Okay, and here's the last excuse. I missed my stop on the train this morning and now I can't get off it until London. That is from a worker in Glasgow.

That is fucking bullshit, too. I don't think that would work at all. What do you mean? Because you'd just get off at the next stop, wouldn't you? You wouldn't have to go straight to London. There's trains every half an hour each way, so you just get off. You need to think of a better excuse than that.

I have fallen asleep on buses and trains before and gone to the end of the line and ended up a long way. Fuck. One time I fell asleep on the bus. I had an exam at school. I fell asleep on the bus and I woke up and I was like at the other end of the city. And I was late for my exam and i was like oh shit it's not actually a really interesting story though because in the end i just got to the exam a little bit late they let me sit it wow past one time i woke up in crew um in wales well i think it's in wales it might not be in wales honestly i don't even

know where it is yeah i i woke up in crew all right it was like the end of the railway woke up in crew i was like fuck were you wearing pants i was still partially clothed yeah i think it was i think it was pants maybe a dress i don't know what i was wearing at the weekend it was it was crazy it was a crazy crazy time It was a crazy, crazy time. It was one of the craziest weekends you've ever had. And you woke up in Wales. I still don't know where it is. It might not be.

I think it's on the Welsh border somewhere. But it actually might not be in Wales. At first, I thought you said Peru. Holy shit. That's why I was like, whoa. That's nuts. How the hell? It was me and Paddy to bed.

We were on a wild fucking stag do. Too many marmalade sandwiches and fucking one thing led to another. Next thing you know, we're in deepest, darkest Peru. Shit, that's crazy. Yeah, what do you think about all-day breakfast? What? What do you think about all day breakfast what what do you think about all day breakfast uh i think they're pretty good actually because sometimes you don't realize it but actually it's late in the day and fuck all you want is a breakfast and there's nothing more

disappointing i don't think than turning up to a place wanting a breakfast and then somebody turn around be like oh we stopped serving breakfast approximately 50 seconds ago so uh couldn't possibly cook you an egg no but it's stupid because it's like we stopped serving breakfast but you can still get like an egg sandwich you can still get a bacon sandwich you can still get like a sausage so all the stuff basically that goes into a breakfast they're still making they're just not making it in that specific format which i find bullshit i think um there's when i hear for example that mcdonald's is now serving all day breakfast every day okay yeah i guess you think it's mcdonald's they should have just been doing

it all along like what's this big revelation all of a sudden? Like, well, everybody, it looks like we've advanced the science enough. We've pushed forward the science to the point where we can finally happily announce to you that breakfast can be served all day instead of just until 10 o'clock. All it took was we had to hire another guy, breakfast guy, to work longer. That's it. I think my feeling about this is that I don't really know how many people go to McDonald's for breakfast anyway. Okay, I assume it's people who are working or busy or up early. Do people still eat at McDonald's for real though?

I mean, i think the last time i ate at mcdonald's was literally when i was like 12 years old well i me too i think so i mean i i'm looking at this article and there's a picture of the mcdonald's chief guy in the uk or whatever sitting here and he looks the most uncomfortable so he sat there smiling with a mcdonald's breakfast in front of him and he looks like he's so out of place. He's never eaten a McDonald's breakfast before. Does the breakfast consist of hotcakes? He clearly doesn't want to eat it. As soon as this picture is going to be finished taking, it's like, oh, sorry, I already had breakfast.

I ate a whole burger earlier. I couldn't possibly eat this. Somebody save me from this fresh hell. I have eaten 50, 000 hash browns today well the thing is there's a lot of competition it's always been a lot of competition okay but this kind of new hipper competitors like five guys um for example coming in on the burger space and you can see why because they're they're pretty pretty much better and so the other so i get a very reddit news perspective so i hear some news

like mcdonald's are now doing a really breakfast and the first comment i know in reddit it's going to be someone saying i work at mcdonald's and this is a real pain for us we already have 16 menu items we don't have to do the salads oh why do people we will want salads it means we have to have lettuce and tomatoes and now we have to keep the eggs ready all day oh how it's so stressful working about us and they won't be you know shut the fuck up it's so i get this whole sort of angle of like woe is me from the people who work there i get the the woe is me from the people who work there i get the the woe is me from the people who eat there the next comment i'll be like something i eat breakfast at mcdonald's every day now i could

eat breakfast every day and every night like shut up if you're what that sounds as good that's a good thing though why are they complaining about that more breakfast i guess they're not complaining actually that's a positive comment you know, I read them in that voice. Oh, right. Yeah. So basically what you're saying is you read every Reddit thread as a whining complaint. No, I kind of, there's a formula. You kind of learn that there's this formula that goes down with how these comment threads work and how.

There's a formula in news articles too. Okay. how these comment threads work and how there's a formula in news articles too. Okay. Um, you know, it's, it's a quirky, quirky tagline,

a quirky introduction, a little bit of introduction as if people have never heard of a breakfast before or never heard of McDonald's. It's like, you know, uh, so the first, the first paragraph will be for, for people who,

who have never, ever set foot. I think the headline will be egg-cellent now you can have breakfast all damn day it's gonna be like really it's gonna be really exciting i mean that's good actually i think the They got to get on the horn to me next. The classic problem is that McDonald's has this view of being unhealthy. Okay. Yeah.

Still, they can't shake it. I think that there's... When someone's like really, really overweight, you know, one of the go-to things that they'll say is stop going to mcdonald's and do some exercise okay those two things are probably not the things that are causing that person to be overweight no no because that's the thing they They're like, what did you eat today? And they're like, well, you know, I had a salad. I had, you know, a glass of milk. And I had, you know, a Nutri-Grain bar and stuff. And you think, what? Hang on a second.

You know, if that's all this person's eaten, how come they're so fat? But it's what they're not telling you. And that's that they're waking up in the middle of the night and eating like 10 gallons of ice cream but they don't count that as food for the day and they don't realize it no that's the worrying thing i didn't i didn't eat that i was just i didn't eat that it just sort of melted all over me and then dripped into my mouth but i didn't i didn't mean to eat it so the thing that i kind of always the thing about that that always shocked me was the hidden calories in things like yogurt for example a sort of a pret a manger healthy looking yogurt with nuts on it or whatever has more calories than a five guys burger or

something crazy like that because well i'm not sure that's entirely true but uh you'll have to check and that's the thing i think that we don't quite realize how many calories are in the stuff we eat and especially how much sugar i think and also you know you watch these these things like supersize me um yeah or something where there's some guy eats some crazy diet and he you know you watch these these things like supersize me um yeah or something where there's some guy eats some crazy diet and he says oh you know i'm gonna gain weight and there's some some other guy does exactly the same thing and loses weight and i think it's if you if you start taking control of your diet in a crazy way and stuffing yourself and and drinking a load of sugary stuff then yeah you're gonna get fat. Well, they say that like Coke and stuff

is the worst for gaining weight. Like if you drink a lot of Coke, you'll put on weight so fast. That's becoming this defining sort of consensus. Yeah, that sugar is way, way, way worse for you than we should ever realize. And also something like 70%, or I don't know, you have to check these facts,

of things that you can buy in supermarkets have some sort of sugar in them yeah um and fruit juice is just as bad as coke uh full fat full sugar coke um because i don't know about that actually but well it has so much sugar in it you know yeah but you know naturally occurring sugar and fruit and fruit juices is not as bad as no it's exactly the same heaving tablespoons it's exactly it's exactly the same the shitty sugar that is in coke again it's the same it's the same sugar it's not it's not the same and it's not the same amount it's the's the same chemical. It's the same. And it is the same amount. It's much, much worse. People don't realize that, you know, a glass of fruit juice.

Okay, if you're listening to this right now, don't let Lewis convince you that eating fruit is bad because it's not. Eating fruit is not drinking fruit juice. Eat fruit and don't drink Coke and you'll be healthy. That is the key. If you drink a glass of apple juice how many apples is that it's like 10 apples squash down to one glass so but if you eat an apple a day if you eat one apple that's very different you're eating a lot of um you know fiber and starch and all sorts of other stuff which which i think like smoothies and fruit juices and stuff

came about because of the just the way that we live now though you know like just the way that and all sorts of other stuff which which i think like smoothies and fruit juices and stuff came about because of the just the way that we live now though you know like just the way that we are because nobody really wants eating healthy is such a huge lifestyle change nobody wants to commit to it right everybody wants to every like people want to get it over with and that's why it's like well i could just drink one drink that has all of my five a day in it at once. And then it's done and I can go back to eating cake. That's the mentality. But it doesn't work.

You know, it's like a whole lifestyle change, isn't it? Like you can't cheat health like that. You can't do it. No. So if you're trying to like cheat it what you gotta think of again i think you should just look into yourself and i think that the fact is that you can be eating without even realizing it 20 teaspoons of sugar for breakfast okay by having a bowl of special k followed by a yogurt followed by a glass of apple juice and that will be 20 teaspoons of sugar and there's

no way you still are in better shape than somebody who's had a jumbo coke and 20 burgers yeah if you were having instead but here's the fucking thing if you instead went to mcdonald's and you had an uh a cheese and egg bap or whatever and uh and a whatever else i don't know is in a breakfast i don't think that would be as bad as 20 teaspoons of sugar i think well no but processed food is infinitely worse for you than um sugar that occurs naturally in like fruits i think you're no again i think that it's different i think the sugar no it's the teaspoons of sugar what i say categorically i'm actually right it's just the same as that sugar no it's not it's not a different chemical compound it's still better for you than

eating at mcdonald's anything at mcdonald's you don't even know half the stuff in that thing at mcdonald's so that's the thing You know what doctors say to you, though? Every doctor will say to you, if you don't know what's in it, don't eat it. I'm not advocating McDonald's breakfast as a healthy option instead of special K orange juice for yogurt. But I think that you should be able to make up your own mind about that and realize that actually 20 teaspoons of sugar could be worse. I mean, fats do have more calories per gram so you know fats are more easily turned into calories than sugar is um i by ratio i think about two to three so there is a lot of sugar and stuff that you wouldn't expect it to be in though it's true yeah i'm i'm could this is all

this isn't very funny but it's pretty serious it's pretty serious chat i think that that that you know you should know what you're eating and since i started putting stuff into um like my fitness pal my blender it makes me realize like blending it all up how is that thing super cocoa no like it makes me the app that my fitness pal app once i put stuff in there it makes me realize like i eat something and i'm like holy crap how did i just eat that thing that had 300 calories in it what what where are those come from and then i realize it's got a load of added sugar and i'm like holy crap i didn't realize um and it could be anything you know so it's nice to know what you got to consider how many calories you're burning in a day as well though too i mean if

you're not very active it's not gonna be many but no simple things add up over the over the course of a day to to actually burn off quite a few calories too well you don't always realize this is the thing this is the thing about gyms though as well and that's that's the second thing that like you know so the first thing is people say to fat people they say stop going to mcdonald's the second thing they say is is go to the gym and so we've already addressed that stop you know if you think you're eating healthily and you're having special k apple juice and you know yogurt every morning that yeah is 20 that's a lot of that's gonna that's no good okay that's a lot of sugar and and so first of all i think dieting sometimes is a trick people say

eat healthily i don't think people know what eat healthily is okay the second thing is go to the gym people say go to the gym and you'll lose weight that's no good you could go to the gym if you can't do a proper workout in the gym because you're very overweight or or you you're you're you're not very flexible able to do stuff properly and but you still go home and eat a huge amount of food you think oh i've gone to the gym for an hour i'm gonna eat this tub of ice cream as a result yeah that's no good i think no i think losing weight is really really hard because and putting it on is really really fun that's the that's the problem putting it on it's really enjoyable yeah it's fucking great isn't it i i feel i feel very lucky

that i am genetically predisposed i think to be thin uh as opposed to as opposed to people i think i think i think people who are genetically indisposed to being a bit, I'm lucky. I'm just genetically predisposed to be buff as shit. Like I don't work out at all. And like, I'm ripped to the gills. Like it's crazy. I don't even know how I do it. I mean,

you do. Well, it's all that exercise. You do at least one sit up every day when you wake up. Right. Yeah. Add those up over 35 years that's a lot of sit-ups yeah it's like you can you can see it in my abs too like

my abs are the abs of a guy who's at least done 365 sit-ups in a year that's right you can tell it's a lot of motion of actually hoisting myself out of bed, yeah. Yeah, respect to that. See, that's the thing. Never underestimate just your day-to-day. You know, go to the gym, fine. But don't forget, you're getting at least one free sit-up a day just by getting out of bed. So, I'm not saying that you should not go to the gym if you're overweight, right?

I'm just saying that... That would go against today gym if you're overweight right i'm just saying that that would go against our losing weight today's sponsor which is fitness first for all your fitness needs losing weight would never imply that you shouldn't go yeah okay and that is first of all involves just taking control over what you actually eat so good luck if you're trying to do that because it's hard it's really really hard it's really hard yeah yeah i think like again it's a lifestyle choice right you have to want to be healthy but you have to live being healthy like you can't just you can't game it you know you can't can't you can't count calories and have a super smoothie to,

to be healthy sort of thing. You have to like be active, eat right, you know, eat fresh. You should always eat fresh food. You should always make your own food, eat fresh,

make it, eat it as fresh as you can. Um, thanks. Big thanks to Subway for sponsoring our little chat today and fitness first as well. And, um, I think Subway is a problem too. Okay. Always brush your teeth, tie your shoelaces, for sponsoring our little chat today and fitness first as well and um i think some ways too okay always brush your teeth tie your shoelaces and wear a coat when it's cold outside right yeah

you it's very hard to write down in your calorie counter what you've eaten if you go to a subway because it's not clear you know so sometimes for example uh you can have like an entire salad like a huge huge bowl of salad with all sorts of stuff on it and it'll be yeah the dressing okay yeah the dressing a little cup of the dressing it'll be like three times the entire salad so yeah but let's face it that salad's gonna taste like ass without it that salad's gonna taste like ass without it well that's the sad truth yeah it is i went to disney world one time and had a salad there and honestly it was as good as eating an ice cream it was so fucking good but like the dressing was crazy there's got to be a balance between and again i'm not again i think it's tough for people because I sometimes feel down and eating is nice and cheers me up.

And so there's got to be a balance between making yourself miserable and trying to lose weight. And so I think that finding that balance is very difficult for people. And at the end of the day, it's a little bit like we talked about with new year's resolutions before it's sometimes good what did we talk about that yeah i think we talked a little bit about that and it was it's a little bit like trying to um keep your motivation by not letting yourself get too too down So sometimes, you know, they say, well, look, even if you're on a diet, you should still have your favorite, you know,

double cheese pizza or whatever once every so often, as long as you put it in the calorie counter and you accept that that, you know, or else you're going to make yourself miserable. I'm not saying you should just have a top of ice cream as a treat every day. No, no. Maybe every other day.

Yeah. To start with. Yeah, to start with and work your way there. It's a slow. Yeah. These things don't happen overnight. I think people would assume they will, but gradual change is always better. And start now.

Yeah. Well, for more health tips and general well-being uh you can visit our um health blog health sponsor yeah something like that and uh health and if obviously it goes without saying that if you truly do want to be healthy don't take our advice no don't listen to what we say for god's sake go to the doctor i am so sick of people saying like lewis doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about he's going to make us all you know it's like i followed lewis's diet and now i'm in i've got a it's like and now i'm hitler just i i i don't care right don't follow my advice fucking figure it out yourself

jesus i'm not taking any responsibility for you being a dumbass right there wise words anyway goodbye