Triforce! - Triforce! #99.1: Not Quite Hundo

Episode Date: May 15, 2019

Triforce! Episode... 99.1? Sips is thinking about popping in to Gib, Lewis is buying buckets of pills and Pyrion will watch anything! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. 99.1. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Flax, what do you mean 99.1? Explain yourself, young man. This is not official episode 100. This is episode 99.1 because we're going to do episode 100 live at YogCon. Oh, right.

Okay. So the lead up is going to be 99.1, 99.2, 99.3, all the way to YogCon. And then the 100th episode will be very special because it'll be recorded live in front of five people at YogCon. Exactly. Cool. And one of those will be Terps, hoping that he can sneak away. This is the 100th episode. No, this is the 99.1th episode, actually.

Yeah, right. But I guess we can call it whatever we wanted, though, in that case. Yeah, it's our podcast. We can call it like Alpha. Yeah. We don't have could call it whatever we wanted though in that case we could call it like podcast we can call it like alpha yeah you know we could call it like we don't have to call it 99.1

I think to celebrate 100 episodes we should rebrand yeah at like at episode 100 so like we'll just be well now just call it like something totally different with like all

new branding and we'll get some cool sponsorships the coca-cola podcast brought to you by pepsi yeah we'll we'll get some we'll get some new patreon stuff like we'll just completely revamp it for the what you're

saying is we've spent 100 sorry we've spent 99.1 episodes building a building a name that people recognize and like and we'll just rebrand yeah and we got all those accolades along the way we won all those awards at the podcast industry awards shows and stuff and like all that means nothing because we haven't won rebrand we haven't won shit we've been nominated for stuff by by our loyal listeners that's true but we've never won shit because we haven't got a podcast about football or cooking or dare i say it about women's issues i mean we should do that i well i mean we cover most of those things on a weekly basis, though. That's why I'm surprised we haven't. Yeah. In our own

special way. I mean, we talk about women's issues by talking about dicks and poop a lot. They're involved in both of those things in some way. Yeah. So what's up to be yesterday? So what how do you plan out what you're talking about in the podcast? And I said, What do you mean? And they were like, well, I write down these bullet points and we go through them and we talk about these things and we plan it out.

And I'm like, what? We don't do any of that. We literally turn up and manage to fill an hour with just off the top of our head garbage. Mostly ending up being- Well, speak for yourself. I usually come equipped with a list of bullet points. For instance, this week, my list of bullet points uh my first one is uh climate change

okay yeah that went down well last and my second my second bullet point is i intensely hate women as well so i was hoping that we could you know those are two things that i'm up for talking about at length this week if you guys you know what in terms of in terms of uh the topics that you've got on offer there sips part one i think we've covered it part two i think we should totally rebrand as one of those podcasts where men hate women yeah make a lot of money there's a lot of angry dudes out there and we could just say like what is it men go in their own way that's a big one. Yeah. Incels and stuff like that. We could get, there's a whole market of lads out there that hate women.

Right. And I'm just saying, we could play that role. We could capitalize on that. We could act like we hate women. As two happily married dads, I feel like you're the perfect people to host that. Yes. But I think it's like, you have to be careful not to fall into the trap, right, of hairdresser chat where you just talk about holidays.

Oh, are you going on holiday then? Oh, I'm going to Gibraltar. Yeah, I'm going to spend the week there. It's lovely and hot, you know, but they drive on the same side of the road as us. Oh, no, do they? Do they have the red post boxes? Oh, yeah, they do. Do you know what I mean? The whole, that stupid nonsense chat, which is just,

you know, that you try and like just get through it out of politeness because you can't. But you also don't want to distract the hairdresser too much from cutting your hair.

Yeah. Or else you end up with a shitty haircut. Because she's a woman, Lewis, and they're easily distracted and stupider than us. What do you mean?

I've had a male hairdresser for a long time. I'm just playing to our new demographic, dude. Oh my God, dude. I'm just saying. our new demographic, dude. Oh my god, dude. I'm just saying. Fucking way out. Fucking women.

Oh shit. Oh, sorry. You're supposed to insult them. Because they're not sleeping with us. They're withholding sex from us. They have all the power. Bloody women. They cut our hair. They clean our dishes. They make our sandwiches. What can't they do? They control the world. Those women and their...

Fucking women. Pussies. Pfft. I hate them. they make our sandwiches what can't they do they control the world those women and their fucking women pussies vagina having bitches god god damn long legs and thighs

oh jesus now they've got legs they've got legs thighs lucky bitches fucking leg having they've got arms as well

that's headbags fucking bitches oh those big birthing did you say sandbags big birthing... Did you say sandbags? Big birthing hips of earrings and hairbags. Oh, fucking... Sorry. You know what they have got that I haven't got?

Hair? Hair. Oh, yeah. That's something you could do. Like a kind of hair support group podcast. Like as a podcast? Hair today, gone tomorrow, or... Once again, I think two of us here at least are uh are wholly unqualified

to uh to speak about that about that topic you've got fairly luscious hair though lewis you like you go to a stylist and stuff like that like you probably have a couple of things to weigh in on in the in the realms of hair but little do you know i don't know if me and flax have much to offer every time i go there i say, make me look beautiful. And the guy just runs out the door. I can't do it. It's impossible. So are you guys therefore concerned

that with this like 99.1, 99.2 that we're falling into maybe the same trap as Game of Thrones with like this just crazy amount of hype leading up to the end or well, it's not even really the end, but it's just like something special. Well, I'll tell you what. That might not be able to live up to all of the hype

that we've generated around it. There's a big difference here, so you're forgetting. Right. The makers of Game of Thrones really give a shit if the audience has a good time. We don't. So if episode 100 is a colossal failure we'll be like shut the fuck up and drink it this is the this is the soup we've served if you don't like it go listen to one of the other more popular podcasts don't do that though don't do that listen to us actually listen

i take what you shout out to all our patreons by the way you guys are awesome thank you for that yeah thanks so much really cool and thanks for all the continuing influx of images of people on route commuting and taking pictures

it's almost always the same picture but it's super interesting it is really interesting it's like a road in America with nothing on it it's just

it's just barren America yeah someone's art class like someone's like drawing a picture of an exports controller here on like painting it. Like someone else, some of the, some of the jobs that I've got sent, um, from the bridge of an expedition ship.

Wow. That was quite cool. Some expeditions, some like fucking oil, I guess they're seeking out oil or something. Um, people like their work bench, uh, their lab that they're working in. It's like a fish feeding place. Some guy was working in a metal shop. Like this big fucking, yeah, it's like, I guess, making pieces of metal or something. I don't know. Oh, I thought you meant metals like a Timpsons or something, you know, where they make trophies.

No, no, no. This was like, I don't know. It was like, it looked like some sort of foundry or something. It looked interesting. Shout out to Timpsons, by the way. I didn't know this. Mrs. This was like, I don't know. It was like, it looked like some sort of foundry or something. It was, it looked interesting. Shout out to Timpsons, by the way. I didn't know this. Mrs. F was telling me their business practices. They're very cool. Right. Very cool company to work for.

They like, they take on a lot of people that other people wouldn't employ, like ex-cons and stuff trying to help them turn their life around. They're not service oriented and they don't do crunches and stuff. So people don't tend to walk out from them and things like that yeah that's just like this is the new like gaming industry thing isn't it like all of a sudden oh right everybody's decided to come out and start talking about how how how overworked they are because of the way that games are nowadays and they have these like crunch periods leading up to patch releases or whatever and stuff. But I guess Timpsons isn't like that.

No, Timpsons does keys. I think the only crunches they're doing is where they're standing behind the counter at Timpsons because they have to stand up all day. And the only crunch I'm doing is the fucking Captain Crunch, if you know what I mean, every morning. Crunchy bars, yeah. The only crunch I'm doing is these Pringles that I've got here. Oh, Jesus. Nice. See, I took them literally, andingles that I've got here. Oh, Jesus. Nice.

See, I took them literally and I had a Pringle about 20 years ago. And of course, once I popped, I was legally bound and contractually not to stop. So we've had to keep buying them even though they're not a great crisp. But you know, once you pop, you can't stop. I bought into that when I bought my first Pringle. So fair enough. That was my favorite first world problem. My hand is too big to reach to the bottom of the Pringles tin.

That's why you had kids, right, to help you out with that stuff. Yeah, that's right, exactly. Yeah, they've got... If only there were a smaller version of this hand that could help me... Yeah, it could just reach right down there. Very carefully underfed them for their formative years, so they'll always have small, weedy arms.

Yeah. So they'll always be able to reach down there. Atrophied limbs is the key. Like Donald's tiny arms. It's like that time Kramer had those Cubans rolling up pancakes in Seinfeld. Remember that? Fuck me, that was funny. Fucking hell.

It's a good one. Hey, you were asking about Gibraltar sips before we started. Yeah, well, Lewis kind of like mockingly mentioned it as well. Right. And that reminded me again. So let me tell you, Mrs. F, in one of our older jobs, she had a job in Gibraltar. And because a lot of gambling websites based themselves in Gibraltar for tax reasons, right? So she's out there dealing with this case. And she was out there for like, I think two weeks, might have been two weeks. And I came out, this is pre-kids, I was out there for like i think two weeks might have been two weeks um and i came out this is pre-kids i flew out there just to keep a couple for a weekend kids period just okay set the scene

long hair flowing locks you know yeah like trim beard like quite tight board like leisure suit wearing trainers yeah leisure suit crocodile skin like boots yeah like briefcase Like cigar Smoke cigars Constantly Yeah Like fucking Hey yo Name's P-Flex Great to meet you I'm a Very confident And muscular young man

I don't see that changing Anytime soon Here By the way I own 14 businesses And I'm a billionaire My virility Is directly tied to my hair

And as soon as it goes I'm fucked I'm done And then Mrs. F got pregnant, hair flew out of my head, withered into a slightly pudgy gap. It was like a raven just perched on your head,

ready to go. Yeah. Just flew away. But Gibraltar's weird because it is like England in that the streets all have names like Queen Elizabeth Way

and Queen Victoria Avenue and stuff like that. But it's kind of vaguely Spanish architecture. Everybody walks around wearing Burberry, but they're all called Pedro and they all speak Spanish. But they're all like, it's like this sort of ersatz version of the UK. So it feels like a bunch of expats have set up their own, which basically will happen, set up their own community, but they're fiercely British. Like there's flags everywhere.

Yeah, I feel like a lot of British sort of like territories where they're like quite clearly directly in the middle of another nation, but, you know, they're British. Very British. I'd imagine Hong Kong was probably like that for a time as well before it was given back. But apparently Spain won it back, which is understandable, I guess, because it is. It's literally attached to Spain.

It is attached to Spain, yeah. But I guess it was very strategic back in the day. Oh, yeah. Maybe not so much. Well, maybe it still is. I don't know, actually. I'd hate to just like assume, but, you know, I assume a lot. But anyway.

That's what a conversation is. Yeah, it's an interesting place. The context for this conversation is that I just thought it was an interesting place to go and I've never been. It's not worth it. The flax has been. I'll be honest with you. It's not worth it. I think it's a lot like Jersey, right?

It's a lot like one of these British enclaves that kind of is just a little bit hotter. Slightly isolated. Has its own little quirks because it's like near to spain right you know a lot of a lot of kind of spanish culture and stuff it's it's weird because you land like the airport is like a strip because it's like a spit of land ending with the rock the rock is amazing like it is actually amazing it's it looks like it fell from space and just plonked onto a beach so if you you know it's so weird to see yeah and it's completely out of place like it is it really does feel like it was just a very slow moving asteroid that just sort of gently nestled

into the earth rather than smash into it somehow that's what it feels like right and it's covered in monkeys which is the other weird thing the but what is it barbary apes or something they call it i can't remember but anyway there's some weird fucking they're very very friendly but very unpleasant. So they'll just come right up to you like they're not scared of people at all. Do they take parts off of your car and stuff like if you know, you don't have to drive it like you I don't know if you could even drive up to the rock but you did the we walked up there with a one of Mrs. F's colleagues who was a nice guy and it was just climbed on him. Just a monkey just climbed on him. And they're big like they big they're like a like a like a medium-sized dog you know they're not little cheeky like indiana jones's monkey in uh raiders of the lost ark and

they're pretty scary looking you know they're gray bristly fur big teeth but they're just they just want what you've got so if you've got an ice cream that's coming with them you know uh food though they don't want your yeah yeah okay no they don't steal you they don't want any money from you or anything like that no okay um but you when you when you fly in there you have to land on this sort of spit of runway that cuts across and everything all the traffic on the island has to stop like a level crossing but for planes yeah so when the planes come in you all have to wait the plane lands and then you can drive across sort of thing wow um yeah and there's the checkpoint to spain it's just like a couple of very bored looking border lads and you just come and go people come and go um

yeah it's weird and there's like some very old-fashioned kind of hotels there um and quite a lot of rich brits seem to go there yeah they call it jib. They call it jib. Yeah, they do. You never called your buddy, you called it jib. Are you popping to jib? Yes, we just popped to jib this weekend to see my aunt or something. And they're like, on the plane, I was like, some of these lasses are quite posh. But yeah, I don't know what the attraction is. It's weird.

I think it's just hot. They just all want to go to jib. Hit the jib. So is it jib or is it gib? That's a throwback. That's a good one so yeah that's a good throwback because i did ask last time for 100th episode kind of messages to see if people they can save them for the 100th episode lewis oh yeah all right yeah i gotta save them all up now lewis for

yog con i forgot yeah but we're gonna be doing the 100th the official 100th episode live at YodCon. You decided this. I was outvoted on it. It was like a two-to-one vote. Welcome to democracy, bitch. You lost. Get over it. Yeah, yeah.

I can be salty about it, though, guys. I'm allowed. No, I'm not having a fucking second referendum on this shit. I'll tell you. That's it. 99.1th episode. If the fans don't like it all right fine alternative make their protest known at your oh my god can you imagine pays right have you ever

thought about a toupee pfx have i ever yeah i thought about i've thought about toupees quite often yeah um no i've never thought about a toupee for one thing well it's not like i think if i'd started losing it and then tried a toupee, I might have gotten away with it. You could sew in bits at a time to fill in the gaps. Have you seen these new ones that are basically like a bald cap with hair already stuck to it? Do you know what I mean? And then you wear it for like a month, you shave your head completely,

you put it on, they stick it down with latex and stuff. Yeah, I've heard they glue it on. And then it just looks like an amazing head of hair all right question go for what's wrong with being bald nothing nothing at all it's it's you're loud and proud with it and you rock it and you look great um i think that you look fine i think it would be quite funny to see you i mean if someone said to you you're gonna go bald if that fills you with mortal terror i think you're a little too attached and vain to a sim a simple appendage your hair if you can call it an appendage mine was an appendage i could pick things up with it it was uh like a monkey's tail um so in a way i lost more than the my hair i lost a my fifth limb in gibraltar yeah it was

cut off by monkeys so there's a monkey somewhere with a fabulous head of hair it's got it stuck down with latex on his well I guess what I'm saying is your your your your baldness gives you a power right to be flexible and have anything you could have like a pink mohawk you could have like dreads you could have like uh youtuber hair like green hair I'm not this isn't a character creation mode in an rpg you can't just cycle through the haircuts and see which one you fancy on my head you're stuck with none all right if i live with you i would dress you up all the time in a little hat i'd be like got a new hat for you today unlock this one it's like a golf cap um can i expect you

to wear this and the the pink afro if i if i wear a hat which i very do occasionally if it's like a golf cap um can i expect you to wear this and the the pink afro if i if i wear a hat which i very do occasionally if it's very sunny i'll wear a hat because you know you gotta be careful when you bowl you burn your head real easy yeah if when i wear a hat even when you're like the ladies just won't leave me alone yeah when you when your hair is like thinning as well your head burns very easily when it does when you're in the sun you have to be very careful there's nothing worse than getting a sunburned head yeah sunburned head sucks yeah because you touch your head yeah like that all the time and it feels hot all the time yeah it's like you've got a temperature but that's so weird about sunburn isn't it it's like uh it's like where

it burns it retains the heat of the sun for for days and days and days like your skin is hot it's still burning like you know when they say like when you get a burn that one of the reasons you should run it under cold water is to remove the latent heat because otherwise you know you're still the burn is still going on i don't know i do that like if i get a sunburn on my arm and and i can feel my skin super hot and then if i run it under cold water my skin is still super hot like underneath the cold water what's going on there is it hot because your body is reacting to the pain maybe i think so because it's full of heat yeah it's got to be your body i think it's inflammation caused by the burn

it's like i don't think it's not like photosynthesis you're not like a plant absorbing the sun's energy and then like you kind of do a little you kind of absorb some of the sun's energy not like in the same way that plants do no here it is don't worry we got the internet guys when the skin is burned your body responds by increasing blood flow to the area this makes the skin look red and feel warm your body also releases histamine which triggers the inflammatory response behind the pain and warmth so there you go that's yeah right so yeah so does that mean if you took an antihistamine uh like like as if you were having allergic reaction and then some after sun

that that would help yeah do you think probably yeah i mean that's how anti i don't know if it would actually i think i think it's one of those things you just power through you don't do anything dr sip says just power through this just i guess it thinks like... Dr. Sips, I'm in agony. Power through. Are you bleeding from your ass? No? You'll be fine. Power through. I've been really... My ears have been really achy since I came back from San Francisco.

And it was my own fault, first of all. Letting that guy put his dirty dick in your ear? Is that what it was? Yeah, letting that filthy prostitute lick my ears. When you clean out your ears with a that what it was? Yeah, people... That filthy prostitute licked my ears. Dude, when you clean out your ears with a Q-tip, Lewis, do you go really deep? Because you're not men. So, first of all,

apparently you're not supposed to put Q-tips anywhere near your fucking ears at all. It's like a total disaster. Well, you could do, like, the rim of your ears. It's kind of like when you're... Yeah, you could do the outside bit. That's fine. Have you ever wiped your ass with a wet wipe before?

Yeah. So there's a bit of this wet wipe that's not dirty. It's just cleaning the ears out with it. Oh, God. Yeah, anyway. No, that's not how I got. I think it was like the pressure plus like I think they were just a bit bunged up. And so what I did was I was kind of like poking my finger in there.

And all that does is that pushes the wax kind of further back. Yeah, it's like a really bad version of swimmer's ear, isn't it? You get all the wax. Yeah, so that's kind of what I've got now. Just like a bit of a painful ear. But I mean, it's kind of got better and it's gotten worse. It's gotten better. I think I need to go and have it looked at.

But I'd be taking like, because when I was out in America, I had the same problem. I got some Nurofen or, you know, ibuprofen, right? But I accidentally brought the American version, Advil, and I accidentally bought Advil PM, which has got antihistamines in it. And if you take one of those, it's like, it's supposed to be one that you take at night

and it makes you drowsy and knocks you out anyway. I guess I'm just not used to the ridiculousness of the American system where you can just buy much stronger drugs than you can possibly get here. Yeah, just over the counter. Just in big fucking barrels as well. you can just buy much stronger drugs than yeah Just in big fucking barrels as well. You can just buy like so can I get like 12 of these no no no We only sell them in 500 packs. It's like a fucking protein top of drugs Yeah, why is that? Why can you get all that stronger stuff visit because people are less are more reluctant to go to a doctor I don't know i think it's simply

because they can make more money that way oh like literally if you just open it up and say like i i know that what is it is it the fda over there like you can sell drugs before they're fda approved right like it says on the adverts pending fda approval on some of their drugs there's a lot of there's a lot of ads for drugs over there. Yeah. And I think it's it's more just Americans like to buy big packets of things. No one wants to go in and buy four tablets of something they want to buy 400. You know what I mean? And for eight bucks. That's the very like American way though, because then they'll put that big tub of

pills in the garage and they won't need those ever again, you know, until they're out. They go to space, like I was saying, they've got space. The thing is like, you know, it's always about convenience, right? It's like, I want a painkiller, but I don't have any, so I'm going to pop into a pharmacy and buy one, right? Like, kind of thing. Like, because I'm not necessarily going to know when I'm going to have my ears aching or whatever, like, unexpectedly anyway.

I took one with lunch, just one, like, of these things, and I was, like, fucking almost knocked out in the middle of the afternoon. I was like fucking, I thought Jetlag had like caught up with me. But no, I realized later on that I just had one of these drowsy pills. Like it's properly dangerous. If I'd been like driving somewhere or like, do you know what I mean? Operating heavy machinery, for example? Well, I was playing a few games, like Farming Sim.

What if you were in charge of pivoting a crane? That would be awful. He'd be pushing people in the canals all over Bristol with a crane. Oh my God, it's the ultimate alibi. I could get the old medical industry. I don't know if it's an alibi. Lewis is pushing ways to have an industrial revolution. He uses a crane.

I push 50 people at once with this thing. This technology is incredible. All I need to do is get them all to line up on the banks. So we've had a big old thunderstorm yesterday and there was a leak

in the ceiling. It's nice to see in a way, I went out yesterday and there's like a food market that i normally go to right on tuesdays and um or wednesdays wherever day it was yesterday um and and of course like because it's been shitty weather it's quite empty and i could don't have to queue up and there's lots of choice and i could get wherever i want you know i mean it's i like it i like that and because, like a couple of weeks ago when it was busy and sunny and lovely,

I went there at two o'clock, you know, after morning recording and everyone was, it was fucking, it was empty. You know, it was like fucking locusts

had descended and just eaten everything. Right. So I'm just saying, keep this terrible weather going because it means that I can get my lunch quite happily.

I'm just, yeah, nice. Do you know why the leak happened, right? Because there's an internal gutter, right, on the building that is open. So it's literally open. So rather than...

So what they've done is they've run the gutter right around the side of the building, but then it cuts through inside the roof and then it goes out the other side of the building, right? But the internal gutter, they've not bothered to, like, spend the five quid or whatever on the plastic piping to make it the it's only a half half half hemicircle so if it gets blocked up inside the

building it just overflows inside the building and just runs down the walls inside and last time it got blocked up they said oh yeah a bit of paper we found a bit of paper up there so what do you mean a bit of paper it must have blown in off the street i was like, a bit of paper. We found a bit of paper up there. I was like, what do you mean a bit of paper? It must have blown in off the street. I was like, what, a bit of A4 paper? So they're telling me that rather than fix it and spend another, like, 10 quid on piping, I mean, how fucking cheap is piping? They're going to come around and send a guy up there every six months to clear out any, like, bits of A4 paper that blew up there

or any of your fucking Twix wrappers. Like, oh, yeah, it's blocked by a Twix wrapper, mate. You don't want to get in there. So we got there as an internal gutter, mate. What we've decided is we're banning paper and Twixes in the building. So that's the solution. But it must have blown up from the outside. That's the system they use in a little place I like to call Mexico City.

Their entire sewage solution or whatever, I guess it's an old one, but it receives all liquid waste. It doesn't matter where it's from. So it's like residential, commercial, industrial, hospital. It all goes into the same place, okay? And then it all collects in these big fucking processing vats just outside of the city. The problem is there's so much junk in the sewage.

It's like, it looks like the garbage compactor seen from Star Wars in there. It's just like all this, you can't even see water. It's just, there's just crap floating around at the top of it. Oh my God. Do you know what this sounds like to me, Sips? What?

This sounds like the best video game ever. I know, yeah. So listen. You could build a factory that like sorts out all of the sewage into shit and like treasure and like good bits don't you'll get me too excited anyway listen so this so so the solution is every time this thing gets blocked up or gummed up or whatever they've got like two or three for the entire city okay like there's fucking millions and millions of people

there's like two or three trained certified like shit divers basically who gear up. They use like a shark cage to get lowered down into this like sewage pit. Oh my God. They have to like duct tape every crack on the suit so that nothing gets in and stuff. Like it's crazy. And then they go down there and the visibility is just nothing. There's just like big logs of shit floating around like and stuff. So guy goes down and there's a blockage he comes up the thing that was blocking it this time was a fucking horse's skull like just a full horse skull he's like yeah here

it is like this is the problem we just flushed this down the toilet it's back to working again that's crazy isn't it like it's fucking crazy i think they're changing it now but it's um it's back to working again that's crazy isn't it like it's fucking crazy i think they're changing it now but it's um it's been like that for years so this guy wasn't mexico city built on lake tex coco or whatever they built like i think it's built in a crater that's sinking as well wasn't it originally like a lake with a city in the middle and then what they did was they like drained the whole fucking lake and just built i don just built i think i'm pretty sure that parts of it are are sinking though because then they have like a yeah it's built on like a school building collapsed not long ago i think it could have been anything honestly i think it's prone to like a lot of sinkholes and stuff i might be wrong though but

it's an interesting place it's really big but um but the biggest the biggest city on earth is now tokyo it has like 38 million people living in it or something damn it's one tokyo was really cool fucking i know i've been watching this this show on uh on on bbc one i think it is called earth from space right man it's really interesting it's awesome man it's like all these pictures of earth from space i think i would really love to just live in your house and sit on the sofa and watch tv with you every evening and watch like you know mexico sea giant sewage inside the factory yeah you have access to all of these shows on your tv i don't but i want sips is like passionate like commentary going you know just that's what the podcast is for.

Yeah, that's why I'm just debriefing you. It's like you're there now. It's so refreshing. I think that's my favourite thing of 100 podcasts. 100 years of Tribals. 99.1 podcasts. 99.1.

It is. Just listen to Sips' viewpoint on the world and how how so how he could get so excited about a billion pound ship pipe or whatever it is exciting though it is exciting it is exciting he does have a unique viewpoint on the world but the stuff like you don't think about like the the sewage system you know like and stuff like that for fucking Mexico I never watched those kind of shows so I actually really like the the sewage system you know like and stuff like that for fucking mexico i i never watch those kind of shows so i actually really like the the summary of what is out there on tv that i'm not watching yeah um and it's interesting i i you know what i watch a lot of

fucking whatever youtube recommends me i'll watch it oh see i don't watch anything it recommends some weird shit really weird stuff it's like why am i being recommended this and oh we'll still watch it i'm like actually that was a good idea youtube like i really enjoyed stuff it's like why am i being recommended this and oh we'll still watch it i'm like actually that was a good idea youtube like i really enjoyed that it's bizarre some of the stuff it recommends i mean my recommended right now is the brake test for an airbus a380 800 oh that's a video that is recommended i'm gonna watch that it's a minute long definitely watching what a plane what a what a marvel of engineering that thing is. Holy crap. It's huge. Garden gadgets tested. So they just test a bunch of garden gadgets. I'll watch that. I'll watch it.

Oh, I'm there. Yeah, I know. I noticed last time we were in Bristol, you do watch a lot of YouTube. Like every time, every time you had any downtime, you were just sitting at a desk watching YouTube videos. Well, to be fair, it's not my desk. So I don't want to log into anything. So I just have to watch something that I can just watch it on a in a browser desk so i don't want to log into anything so i just have to watch something that i can just watch it on a in a browser like i don't want to have to connect to my netflix or get a hulu account or whatever or play games and like log in my steam account because it's not my desk right i don't want to piss whoever's desk it is off speaking of netflix i

watched the uh motley crew biopic uh the dirt any good uh yeah you know it's it wasn't bad it was um it was it was it was too predictable because everybody knows all the motley crew stories so like you know when when you see it being acted out and stuff you're like oh yeah whatever like they they were totally fucking nuts i mean maybe the younger audience doesn't know about motley maybe like to them it's like hearing about led zeppelin and you know all that kind of stuff They were totally fucking nuts. I mean, maybe the younger audience doesn't know about Motley Crue. Maybe. To them, it's like hearing about Led Zeppelin and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Or like the old big rock band tales of partying and cocaine and heroin.

My God, holy jeez. So a lot of heroin. So much heroin. In the dirt, it turns out yeah um but that was pretty good and then um and and you know what i started watching recently which is fucking awesome and i i don't know why it took me so long to get around to watching it because i really liked uh season one and season two of uh twin peaks they did a season three 25 years after right yeah yeah and it's fucking really good it's really

really good um i think i'm on episode six or something but there's like 17 episodes so it's a it's a big long thing but it's just a continuation of the the weird and wacky story of twin peaks right um but it's it's super fucking good it came out i think like two years ago or something but yeah it's uh i i highly recommend it if you like if you like david lynch stuff and you like if you and you like twin peaks i'm a big fan of his well yeah i mean i watched the original series so that was something me and my mom used to watch a lot of telly together back in the day yeah that's what my sister was doing i don't know what she was doing but anyway we'd be watching telly we watched like twin peaks there was a whole bunch of shows that my mom would be like twin peaks is starting and i'd come down and we'd watch it

it was great it was really nice like we there was quite a few shows that i can remember specifically because of you know me and my mom loved the bill classic the bill when it used to be good used to love the bill it's gone now isn't it they canceled it yeah i mean it was good back in the day yeah but yeah they kind of ruined it but uh yeah it was weird because i remember watching it and i was i don't know it must have been a young teenager at the time i guess they had no fucking idea what was going on but in twin peaks yeah like it was very confused if you watched it when you were like young in your teens or whatever i'd recommend watching it again now just to get like a a better idea of like the story is pretty neat i i think the i think like the i don't know how to really explain it i think the thing i like the best about it is the the sort of

the the david lynch sort of style of presenting a story but leaving it open enough for interpretation not yeah really spelling everything out so that you're interested enough to seek out more but it's not too far one way or the other sort of thing like i feel like he's he's he's doing what jj abrams tries to do a lot of the time which is create a bunch of scenarios that are interesting not necessarily finish them off but he still gives you a satisfying conclusion i feel whereas. Whereas J.J. Abrams just kind of doesn't. Like, if you think about Lost, loved that show because I thought, man, I can't wait to understand how all this shit fits together.

And then he never did. Like, he just never. It was like, it was interesting up until the storylines just fizzled out or just. Yeah, you just kind of realized, oh, they're just not going to tell us. There's no plan for it. At all. Yeah. I've got a couple of shows that that are weird like lost i really like the idea of but it

just got a it just got really silly in the end and i just couldn't watch it like it was it was i i genuinely loved it yeah because i was like that with walking dead as well i really loved the the setting i you know the the the first like couple of seasons were really good the characters i really liked and stuff and then again it just sort of got like a bit weird or not not even weird it just parts of it just got just felt a bit weak and i get and i i didn't i just stopped watching it and then there's this other show that i watch called the 100 no way fucking begrudgingly watch because i like again i really like the idea of it. I like the setting and the theme and stuff.

It's had like six seasons of it. Yeah, well, the sixth season is being aired now and I just finished watching the fifth season because I just waited for it to be on Amazon Prime. It's one of those stories about human nature being really shitty, but then you have to slog through the shittiness of human nature to the point where oftentimes each episode you're shaking your head and and audibly sighing because of how stupid the characters are like uh but i keep

watching it i don't know why it's a it's a weird one i watched this show i don't know if they ever made a second series it It was on Netflix. And I can't remember what it was called. It was something like The Rift or The Big Hole or something. I can't remember anyway. Basically, the gist of it is these people turn up in the ocean. Right. And they all wash up on a beach.

And they're all from the future. Right. And they've come back through some portal to escape the horrors of the future they come back to the past right to try and change it um and that you know it was kind of like an intriguing idea these people will turn up in the sea where are they from yeah you know why don't they remember and then they gradually starts to come back and they explain that this is all in episode one or so that basically there's some future race of genetically superior engineered humans that have taken over and future race of genetically superior engineered humans that have taken over and if you're not genetically engineered they they've you know enslave you or

kill you or something like that and i thought that's an interesting setup because you find out obviously there are some of these people some of the bad guys have also come back quite intriguing but then it just turns into shit and it was like horribly written dragged out for god knows how many episodes because it's a netflix series and that's what pisses me off about a lot of these shows. I feel like they come up with one core idea and never add to it. Well, that's it. Like it's about that one idea.

And once you know what that idea is, all the mystery's gone out of it often. And then you've just got a bit of soap opera drama in there. And that's all that's left. And it feels like, you know, that the people who are running it want to keep it going And the people who were starring in it they keep wanted to get this because they it's very hard to kind of kick out and Kill like staff like crew members. I mean, they're almost like staff. They're like kind of like

they're part of the the fabric of the show and as a result they kind of have to stick around like The people you know And as a result, they kind of have to stick around. It's hard to get these actors and cast the right people in the first place. They can't constantly have that dramatic moment of bumping someone off. They're scared to bump off main characters often. And so you end up with this no drama. It's nice when there's a movie of it, I guess, because then at least you can have twists and stuff and and it's over in a comfortable period of time i guess game of thrones is different in

that way because it does kill off a lot of characters like i mean how many how many like big characters were killed off throughout game of thrones like fucking hundreds right but you know like some shows will never kill off a main character and then like a show like game of thrones will kill off a lot of main characters and i think it's like i don't know like the problem with game of thrones now is that i i feel like coming up to the end of it there's barely anybody left alive that i like in the show like all the all the cool dudes are dead like and they some of them died like a really long time ago, or, you know, some of them, some of them are just gone. And that with them, their storylines and like, in a lot of cases, like their families and like their interesting families are just sort of like left to the dust as well.

You never hear about them again because they're no longer relevant or whatever. There's got to be like a middle ground between killing too many characters and then never killing a single character, right? Yeah, there's definitely a middle ground there between you've got to let enough people alive for the story to carry on in a way that's not lame you know but at the same time i think that that you need to be willing to surprise people and and subvert like the medium and try and just be be unpredictable you know be be edgy and like you know not be not be so safe and and kind to the point where like i was watching the new star trek on on netflix and obviously one of the characters sort of dies fairly fairly off fairly

soon in in the first season and then they come back from a parallel universe it's like oh well i guess that character was... I guess that actor needed to stay in the show or whatever, so we're just going to have her come back from a parallel universe. I'm OK with that, I guess, but it feels like a little bit of a... I don't know, not a cop-out. The problem is, I think, any show where you've got... Like, if you think about Game of Thrones, in its peak,

there wasn't a main character, know what I mean there were multiple plots and threads that we were following yeah but any show where you start to focus on a very few characters they're the driving force for the narrative you can't suddenly say oh yeah we killed all them and with only one season left to go we're now going to introduce a whole bunch new characters make you care about them give you an entire backstory and a character arc. You can't do that. So as the show starts to narrow to a point and finish, you have to basically remove the risk to those main characters.

Whereas in earlier Game of Thrones, you didn't. You could kill off whoever the fuck you wanted and you'll have three seasons to introduce new people. Even now with Game of Thrones, it feels like they're bringing back a side character just to kill them. You haven't seen a character for ages. They come in for an episode and then they're dead.

It feels like they've got enough to work with. They've introduced thousands of characters over the course of Game of Thrones. A lot of them are just now completely ignored. I don't know. I think it's a bit weird, that's all. I'm a big fan but this last i think i think we've talked about a lot about game of thrones and and stuff over the last couple

of weeks because it's just been it's a huge thing it's a huge thing there's like two episodes left and then it's done i'm kind of looking forward to it being done just to get the closure and then move on with my life i want to know i want to know there was a really quite a sad article um i think it was in the guardian and it's a woman who's got terminal cancer and she said that tragically one of the first things she thought was i hope i live to see how game of thrones finishes right she said it it brings to mind how trivial things actually become quite important in a way i mean it doesn't matter if she doesn't know how game of thrones finishes but that was the first thing that occurred to her and i think that's an interesting thing to think about i i also i've also thought the same thing sometimes like i hope i don't die before game of thrones finishes you know what i mean i want to know how it ends not because it's

the most important thing in my life but i just i don't want it my my final thought to be how does game of thrones end and that's it i'm dead you know that would be the worst way to go i think I don't want my final thought to be, how does Game of Thrones end? And that's it. I'm dead. That would be the worst way to go. I think overall it's been a really good series. I think even with the most recent episode and maybe the last two seasons or so being viewed as weaker seasons or whatever,

I still think overall it's been fantastic. It's a great show. Compared to a lot of this shit, it's a it's a great show yeah i mean compared to a lot of this shit it's better than watching uh yeah yeah the bill you know i'll put it that way sorry i'll be right he's just walking out in the middle of the no no he's gotta go check on his uh on his price collection of uh the bill dvds just all this talk of the bills got him got him feeling that reminds me sweaty he's been worried He's been worried about his stuff. That was Mrs. F at the door.

She's an avid listener, by the way. She'll send me comments about the previous episode. And obviously, like a lot of Triforce fans, assumes I remember anything that we've fucking spoken about. So she's met Lewis before, right? I've never met your wife before. No, you haven't met her. So she does she hate us like with a passion now like without even knowing she fucking loves it oh okay good she she sent me she sent me a picture of where she was listening to the triforce podcast and as it happens this last couple weeks she's been in ethiopia in addis

ababa in ethiopia for work so she sent me a picture of addis ababa saying catching up with the triforce podcast in Addis. She didn't post it on Twitter like everybody else? No, no. Oh, right. She doesn't follow us on Twitter? Yeah, she does. She often has a go at me about things.

She's there. Yeah, she'll send me little clips, like not clips, but like little quotes. And I'll be like, huh? And she'll be like, it was. clips like not clips but like little quotes and i'll be like huh and she'll be like it was my wife doesn't want to have a uh my wife doesn't want social media accounts right it's like she doesn't want to be on facebook she doesn't want to be on twitter or anything like that but she like spies on me on twitter like she's like she looks up my tweets every day to see like what i'm up to and stuff and then similarly to your wife i guess she'll like comment once in a while on like,

you know, whatever I'm, you know, ranting on about or. Why did you retweet that cosplayer? That kind of shit. Yeah. That kind of shit.

Yeah. It's pretty funny. Yeah. It's weird. So listen to this. The other day I was in the kitchen and the kids were listening to some music on Alexa, right? I can't remember what song it was,

but it had a really great bass line, and I was doing like this air bass, but it was kind of like doing Elaine Bennis' dance from Seinfeld, you know that episode where she does- The thumb jerking thing? Yeah, the thumb jerking with the foot sticking out. I was just like joking around. I was trying to make my kids laugh and stuff,

and they were laughing, doing this like stupid like dance, like with this like air bass guitar and stuff. And I knew the song like well enough to know like when the pauses were and stuff. And like they were laughing at that and everything. And this was going on and on and on for like, it had to have been like half an hour solid. We're just doing this. And like, so we're just like joking around and stuff.

And my wife was sitting like at the table i think just like drinking tea or whatever and every once in a while i look over and she was like laughing and stuff and then uh and then the song ended and we're all like oh that was great wasn't it oh yeah perfect whatever and then my wife just sort of gave me this look and i was like what what's up she's like you know what i just realized and and it's kind of weird i was like what she like, you pay the fucking bills around here. You've just been playing air bass guitar for like half an hour, like some idiot. And you're like the sole breadwinner of this whole household.

It's like, oh, yeah? We hitched our horses to this wagon. I guess so. I can't believe it. It was just such a funny remark, like after this weird fucking half hour of playing Arabesque guitar. You've got to feel bad for wives, man. I mean, they see their husbands, especially when they've got kids.

I don't know why. It always seems to be dads that are the biggest fucking clowns for their kids. I'm constantly doing stupid shit to entertain my kids and just being an absolute twat. And Mrs. F must just look at me sometimes and think, what is this? What am I involved in? Why did I marry this yutz? Like just what's going on? Just like a clown.

Like she's married Bobo the fucking clown. Yeah. I feel like that in my household also in public and on the internet as well. Yeah. Some fucking clown. As thick as the skin that you think you've cultivated, some type of stuff does the internet as well yeah some fucking clown as thick as the skin that you you think you've cultivated uh sometimes stuff does get through as well just sometimes you think fuck up i'm done with people taking the piss at me for this or whatever do you mean you're right

you're right there lewis just like the realest fucking talk you've ever heard. Yeah, guys, we should all just kill ourselves. We should just fucking hang ourselves right now. God damn, your skin can only be so thick, you know. Oh, man. What can I say? That was like a super chill conversation.

Now it's just right down in the basement of emotion. I didn't realize what I'd come back into. He just thought I'd wade in with some zen shit. That'll liven it up. Oh yeah, remember What happened to Lewis' zen phase? Yeah, what happened to your zen phase? It was very short-lived. It was around the time I went

to Japan and came back. The personal training phase which was also quite short-lived It was around the time I went to Japan and came back. Oh, of course. The personal training phase, which was also quite short-lived. Oh, personal training phase. Massive inappropriateness, I guess. It turns out it wasn't physical training you needed. It was personality training. That was the problem.

You should have gone in for that. Yeah, you need some sort of life coach, I think, Lewis. You need somebody who's going to like just, you know. Yeah, like a life coach. You could do like a guru. Yeah. That overlaps with the whole Zen thing. Yeah.

Get a guru. Yeah, get a guru. The thing is that he'd follow me around, or she would follow me around the whole time, and I'd have to have her on the podcast. It'd be like, this is my life coach, Susan. And she'd be like, hello. I'd be like, oh, God, you know what I mean?

They kind of, they start becoming part of your, it's like, you know, hi, I'm Lewis, I'm vegan and I have a life coach. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's part of the way you introduce yourself. A vegan life, with a life coach. Yeah, you're right. It's too much. Yeah.

You'll be making your own shoes and cutting your own hair. I'm working my way through all the trends slowly. It's all right. You've got, a man's got to find himself. Wait, did you make your own shoes? Whowis yeah do you not not yet it's only a matter of time though i think like episode 200 i'll be like talking about how how i've been fucking skinning a skinning a cow organically grown though you know it didn't organically grown cows skinning it as opposed to those vat grown cows they make all the other shoes out of.

Yeah, making it into shoes. I was talking about Burger King having meat-free burgers last week or whatever. Yeah, in America anyway. I mean, I never would have thought Gregg's would make a vegan sausage roll and that it would be incredibly popular. I know a lot of people have eaten them and said they're really good. I mean, it would be really good for the environment. Man, I'm sure I've mentioned it before,

but the way that they make those micro proteins is incredible it's food conjured out of nothing what they do is they get all of the shit pipe stuff out of Mexico City they separate it out and all the lumpy bits go into this vat and then it just gets made into corn

it's never given me that idea you know that corn when it comes out of the vat yeah and then it just gets made into corn yeah it's never given me you know that corn that like when it comes out of the vat and it's in that i thought you could see when it comes out of your ass that's rubbery sort of like congealed almost like jello form that it comes out of when it when when they first start to like process it and cook it and stuff like that it looks like um have you ever played uh oxygen not included yeah you know that you know like the mush bar uh machine yeah where like that you know it makes like the a bar of mush and it just sort of like poops it out of the machine yeah yeah yeah it's

like that it's like it's it the process is incredible though holy shit it's just like it's just little tiny bacterias that they put into uh like a a petri dish and it they just grow and grow and grow and grow and grow and then they just have this way of exponentially growing it and then they just create like tons and tons of this stuff and then they just like cook it and flavor it and make it make it taste like meat it's it's fucking incredible and it comes from nothing it's like a little it starts off as a little fucking tiny bacteria like it like microscopic and then and then just grows into like these these weird foods that is the way you can get steaks you get sausages you gotta feed it something right you can get burgers chicken nuggets all of your favorites

what are they feeding aren't they feeding yeah i don't think they feed it anything. I think it's just a combination of like temperature and fucking water or something. There must be something. Nothing grows without energy coming in. They put it into like one of those little like things that looks like a fridge, but, you know, they can set the temperature exactly and that's like the ideal growing conditions for it or something. It's like they don't think they feed it anything i think it just i think it just grows it's like it's it's like uh it comes from like a like a mushroom it's like glucose and fixed nitrogen are added as a food so they add stuff

it's they do add glucose right okay and then and then these things just like grow and grow and grow and then they've got towers of it like and it's a yeah it's in the north of england so so it's like extra depressing it's like it's in sheffield it's like just outside of sheffield there's just these gigantic towers north yorkshire yeah we make corn up here used to be a steel mill with your cows and your sheep we've got corn we grow it in vat. From Fusarium Venenatum. Strain PTA 2684. Thank you very much. If you like corn, come to Yorkshire. Stokesley in North Yorkshire. If you cover it in gravy, it'll taste fine anyway.

All right, that's enough. Thank you very much. We'll see you next week, everyone, for episode 99.2. 99.2 FM, the soul of rock. All right. don't be disappointed that this isn't 100 100 will be live

it'll be exciting 100 will be a better one crowds will be involved this was a rubbish 100 so I think I felt like there was enough enough hype

leading up to what should have been 100 today and now we're adding another layer of hype we're never going to be able to live up to this you know it's just going to be disappointing I'll get nice and drunk we're adding another layer of hype we're never going to be able to live up to this you know it's just going to be disappointing i'll get nice and drunk we'll do a live podcast it'll

be fucking great maybe we can take pictures of where we do the live podcast and send them to people on twitter and say turn the tables on this is where i'm watching you from and then we can be like well this is where i'm podcasting from yeah sounds good all right okay thanks everyone lewis seems excited. All right, peace out. Bye. See you later. Bye.