Triforce! - Triforce! #99.3: 101 Ways to Spook Your Kids

Episode Date: May 29, 2019

Triforce! Episode 99.3! I'm calling Grandpa, Countdowns and Trashbags are the tried and tested ways to spook your kids. Or you can act like a serial killer! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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a new workout routine. With the weather warming up, it feels easier to get into the rhythm of things. Whether you have 20 minutes or an hour for a Pilates class or an outdoor guided walk, Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast with me, Lewis. Basically like one of those delicious, healthy breakfast bars. Also sips. Yeah. Probably like a deep fried chocolate milkshake.

Right. With chips blended in. Okay. Also, period flax and egg. Welcome back. Hard boiled. Wow. What an intro.

Episode 99.3 on your dial. Dial. Sound effects. Ah, we're doing it. Welcome back, everyone. How's it been? How's your week been? Are you all right?

Is everyone okay? Just about, yeah. Just getting there, you know, getting through the week. So, sips said she was just getting a bit of a cold because yeah it's just just developing yeah my daughter had her open day at nursery well she had two they do like two open days just to sort of like give them some exposure to where they're going to be spending a large portion of a year of their life sort of thing right so what so what there's like a three-year-old is now toured around the yeah the nursery the nursery yeah so she gets right no no you don't know you you go there just apply to university no no it's not like you we didn't

go to multiple nurseries we went to the one that she's going to so they like show you a good time there and stuff and like give you all the finger paints and say oh these are the crayons you'll be using it's all there but you could like assess them kids at that age are so reluctant to to do anything when they're out of their comfort zone so you sort of go and look at cool stuff and try to convince them to do the cool stuff and they're like no no well look at these finger paints you want to try this this looks awesome like we can have a lot of fun here no all right yeah they're weird yeah they don't want to finger paints. You want to try this? This looks awesome. We could have a lot of fun here. No. All right. Yeah, they're weird. Yeah, they don't really want to do anything.

But the idea is they get exposed to it, and then they get more used to it, so it doesn't come as such a shock when they're left there for the whole day come September. You know what I mean? I don't know if it actually works. That's the idea but kids minds are so beautiful and odd and strange and they work differently to the uh mind of an adult

so you know i don't know if it really applies but it's a nice thought anyway i'm sure we talked anyway we took her there and it's a it's like a fucking uh germ colony a nursery so we're all sick yeah it's like a breeding ground for every possible yeah like you have to pay to put your children in a petri dish pretty much alongside a terrible germ culture yeah yeah i i have a a story related to my kids uh from the last week um i don't know if you saw i tweeted that my eldest uh now if there are any younger viewers listening first of all you shouldn't be listening this is a mature podcast and second of all spoiler alert the tooth fairy isn't real okay oh so my eldest my eldest broke this news to my youngest um so my eldest is 10 my youngest is 7 and she's she's she's a real

innocent right she's very sweet that the younger girl she believes in in pretty much anything convinced that fairies are real um and my eldest is just a bit of a cow sometimes gets bored and just thinks i'm just gonna fucking screw with my little sister so uh hey tooth fairy's not real it's mummy and daddy and she'd figured this out because she lost the tooth and because she's in an insane genius she thought i know what i'll do i'll hide the tooth under my pillow for the tooth fairy but i won't tell mom and dad because that way i'll know that is that is clever yeah yeah so a week goes past no money this was this was about two years ago i think and she suddenly she comes to me and she says uh i uh didn't get any money from the tooth fairy i said oh well i i didn't know you'd lost a tooth maybe

she didn't know and she said well put it under my pillow with a note waited a week nothing i was like oh i'm really sorry and then money turned up that night and also dead giveaway there were a couple of uh a couple of times when she told me and I just plum forgot to put any money under her pillow because after they've lost like 20 teeth or whatever you kind of the first one is a big deal and everyone after that is kind of

yeah it's like diminishing returns as a parent you're like this is just costing me money first of all I like how you thought you could still make up for it I like how you're holding on to this. I think you're quite, in a sense, believing in these little charming. You want them to believe in the Tooth Fairy for as long as possible. And in a way, you're doing your best.

You're like, what can we do? We can say like, oh, you know, Tooth Fairy's real busy. Or like, I'm going to have to be in contact with her myself. You know, she's got a real backlog of teeth. You know, it just happens around this time of the year. Kids knocking themselves out, left, right, and center. All the teeth are falling out. It's a real busy time.

I'm sure she'll be around to you tonight. The story gets more complicated. I'll give her a ring on the old tooth phone on the tooth line and she'll be right around. We'll prioritize. I'll email the toothoth Fairy right now.

We'll prime it over. The fake phone call to the Tooth Fairy is a good one, too. Or to anyone, for that matter. Yeah, that's true. You do the fake phone call to threaten them or to get them excited about something or whatever. I could get them to pretend, Tooth Fairy here.

Now your mom and dad have told me you've been mugging him off with all his toothbrushes you listen to me you little shit you want any money under that fucking pillow flying right hangs up the phone so she was in big trouble we took away her her laptop access for like a week no screen time all the rest of it she was very very upset but she took her punishment oh well this is after she told her little sister about this is after that she told him yeah so uh she told her little sister about it big trouble and you could tell she she didn't

moan when she got her punishment she realized like i fucked up like that that was a fuck up she saw how much it upset her little sister so my my wife and the kids go out at the weekend and they buy a new fairy door a fairy door for anyone who doesn't know there's no reason you would i've got is a little door yeah a little door you affix it to a low down point skirting board or the bottom of your bed or something yeah for the fairies to live it's like a little imagine gluing a mouse hole onto yeah man we've got furniture and everything outside of ours it's crazy you got a little they got more than a fairy door there's a little fairy fucking yeah yeah they got like a fucking fairy patio out there and a fairy picnic bench and uh you

name it it's all kind of like the equivalent of putting a mouse trap outside a mouse hole the idea is that you'll catch the fairies lounging on the homeless fairies you'll lure in homeless fairies so this this fairy door was downstairs in the kitchen and my youngest was like there's no visitors to this fairy door i think we need a new one and we need to reposition it like she's still clinging to the idea but you can see her her faith in fairies is waning so she comes to me one day like earlier this week i think it was monday she comes to me with a little note and it says i would like to buy this house could you let me know how much you want for it and uh my name is lily and i'm 11

years old and i'm a fairy in this area um my youngest my youngest replied like wrote her a little note left it out for her they exchanged letters for a few days and then wrote her a little note, left it out for her. They exchanged letters for a few days, and then she left a little jelly bean out for her as a sort of thank you and a welcoming gift. Okay, well, first of all, one jelly bean. One jelly bean? It's big for a fairy. They're little. Did they go through the conveyancer to get a survey done? I assume so.

Okay, they went through the full fairy legal system. Is there any chain on the selling and acquisition of the new house? I hope not. As far as I know, it's gone through because she's moved in. Because we got this note yesterday. I would very much like a shelf. That's the note. That's the entirety of the note.

That's the whole note. The big candy was delicious. I shared it with my friends. You're like some sort of weird landlord for fairies now. Dear Mr. Landlord, can I please have a shelf? How much? That's gonna cost

me fairies! Fairy shelves don't come cheap! So get this, I said to my wife I said to my wife about these to my wife uh about these fairy notes and she said i went yeah i laughed and i was like oh it must be her doing it but then one appeared in the middle of the day and i thought must be my youngest writing these notes to herself and stringing it along so i asked my eldest i said are you writing these fairy notes she goes yeah so she she's been writing these notes to make up for the guilt. Oh my God.

That's pretty sweet. I cried my eyes out when she told me. What if it takes like a sinister turn or something though? No. What if she starts writing the notes like, I'll be upset if it does. Oh, thanks for the shelf. By the way,

I wasn't too pleased with the dress that you were wearing yesterday. And then the next note is just like, never wear that dress again. It's more sinister in tone. I like never wear that dress again it's more sinister until i saw you in that dress again punishment forthcoming yeah but i mean i think that's really really sweet of my eldest to do that she didn't have to we didn't make her she came up with the idea herself she's the the fairy and she's very clever because she doesn't write in her handwriting and she misspells things like words that she my my eldest knows how to spell and she's very clever because she doesn't write in her handwriting and she misspells things like words that she my my eldest knows how to spell and she misspells her own name when the fairy is talking about her she misspells her name deliberately she's like oh look she spelt my name

wrong so my youngest is completely believes that this is 100 real okay it's very sweet oh that is she is an evil genius or an evil genius. A good one. A good evil good genius. Very good, yeah. A positive evil genius. Oh, that's some high-level stuff. Yeah. Man, the fake phone call is both a curse and a blessing, though,

because we use it quite often. We've used it in terms of the tooth fairy before as well. Is it a little bit like it works once and then really well? Well, it works all the time, but it has side effects that sometimes you can't foresee. And that's the problem. So like one that we use, the fake phone call. Fake phone call is usually part of the arsenal of trying to convince a child to do something that they don't want to do. Right?

Or you're just like, you're fed up. You're trying to get them to do something simple and they're not doing it so you just bust out the oh well i'm gonna have to phone grandpa and we'll see what he has to say about this and then they're like no no no no no like that you know they really don't want you to phone grandpa for whatever reason like i don't know why we even started using grandpa but we just did okay so every time not every time but like a lot of the time it's like you know if something's starting to like go a bit sour you know the mood is starting to change or there's like some some sort of like reluctance to do something that we're trying to get them to do or whatever we'll we'll occasionally bust out the well i'm gonna i'll phone grandpa then we'll just

phone grandpa and we'll get him to fly all the way over here and then he'll have to do it and he will not be happy and then the kids are like okay oh i'll do it i'll do it don't phone grandpa i'll do it um but now the problem is is that sometimes when we facetime my parents and grandpa comes on they're like shitting themselves they're like really fucking worried they're like no no like grandpa just wants to say hi to you and then when they visited um you know like they see my they see my mom they're like hey grandma like and then and then it's sort of like like all the music and all the all the festivities stop and they just both turn around and like look at my dad and he's like what the fuck like what do you be doing kids

why haven't you got your shoes on we can't tell him that we use him as like a like a control tool for the kids because you know it's kind of mean so he's just left in the dark he just doesn't understand why like our kids are just very slightly afraid of them it's because of that yeah it's really so so my my advice is to you as a lawyer one of the only ones on jersey uh is be careful what tools you employ to uh yeah to to to to gain some sort of control over your children because sometimes they can backfire in ways that you never thought were possible. I've developed two things that I do. If I need them to come downstairs or I need their attention, if I call their names, they just don't listen. They just zone it out.

But through years of Pavlovian response technique, every time dinner is ready, I do this. Which is like the sound they make when someone boards a ship. A friend of mine's dad used to do it when he came home. Now, it's just a naval thing. But my friend's dad, whenever he came home from work, we'd be upstairs playing and we'd hear his whistle and we'd know he was home, we'd go and say hello. So I do that every time their dinner is ready. But I also do it every time that I need their attention. And if I make that sound and they're anywhere in the house, they're and they come charging up so what is it what is it what is it like it's amazing this is this is literally eight years of hard work that's nice you know it actually

works you know what we do we just start eating like we just say dinner and then we just fucking start straight away because it's like oh okay great you know maybe we'll get like five minutes of not like the you know the comedy hour that is dinner um we can avoid some of it so then we just start eating and that's usually enough to just spur them on they're like oh shit i'm missing out on something i better go down right right uh that's pretty that's pretty it's fair it's fairly effective but then sometimes it's like oh you better get down here i'm gonna phone grandpa and he's gonna come and hand feed you. Oh, man. He's going to come and eat all of the chips. Yeah, yeah.

He hates chips, so he's going to be really mad. Well, he's going to have to come all the way. He's going to be all tired and sweaty. Yeah. He's going to have to portage halfway across Canada. And then he's going to get here. He's going to be real angry because you don't got your shoes on either, like you said you were going to do.

And then he's going to eat all of your chips. There's going to be none left for you oh so my cut my my my cousins um who i didn't really know super well growing up but um it was similar to like the the threats that we use to phone grandpa we used to get threatened with uh what used to happen to my cousins which was kind of weird okay like so if they didn't eat their dinner right my aunt would put whatever they left on their plate into the fridge and they would have to finish it for breakfast it didn't it didn't matter what it was okay and and me and my brother just thought that holy fuck that is just the weirdest fucking thing so like every once in a

while we get threatened with like because you know what kids are like you put a whole plate of food in front of them and they're like there you go and they like you know look at a piece of food they're like no i'm full yeah like what you haven't eaten anything so so my parents were like would used to say well you're just gonna have to have that for breakfast tomorrow if you don't eat it now we were like fuck, that is awful. Okay, I'll eat. You just like start eating this mountain of food just so you don't have to have it for breakfast. What a weird thing, though.

I would never dream of doing that to anybody, let alone my own child. Like that is just such a weird fucking thing to do, in my opinion. I mean, I also think like, you know, when people say eat your crusts, that used to be a big thing. When I was at primary school and we'd have our little packed lunches, we had to eat all our lunch. We had to eat it. And I'm not sure why they were obsessed with us eating the crusts of our sandwich. Because it's just the burnt outer shell of the bread. Like that's basically what it is.

It's not as tasty it's it's there's no moisture to it's just dried out hard baked cooked crust yeah like some crust they're gonna be wrong there's some bread the crust is delicious sourdough i love the crust of the sourdough but just a basic hovis brown loaf of bread tastes like but the the dinner ladies would not let us leave the dinner room until we'd eaten our crust. So what we used to do is stuff them inside our thermos flasks. Like I'd drink all my squash and then hide them like prison. And all the other bits and bobs I wouldn't eat, I'd conceal them because they inspected your lunchbox on the way out.

To make sure that you'd eaten all your crust. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is this obsession with crust? And we had to pray. Every single lunchtime we had to pray. And one kid, one one time instead of saying amen He said attack because he was hungry and he was gonna attack his lunch massive, but you wouldn't believe how much trouble I can Was his name well legend he went down in the Yeah, that's like that's like when you used to do when they used to do homeroom and they do

Attendance and they and you'd have to say president. And there was always some clown who would say president and everybody would laugh. I don't know why. It's not even remotely funny. But it was just, I guess, like the context of the situation. Anything to lighten the mood of that dull experience. President. Billy.

Present. Marty. President. Ah! Like, what the fuck? It's like so stupid. present billy present marty president it's like so stupid but everybody used to always laugh i don't know why that's good that's a good president i i i started doing um i've been doing this for years this is counting down towards an unknown fate so my kids won't go up to bed. I'll just start counting. Three, two, and they're like, like running around in a panic.

That's also a good one. And I'll be like, one and a half. And they're like, like running with, it's like bedlam. The other one I like is like, is you have to be really calm about it

and not like get sort of like worked up or show any emotion around it or whatsoever. And oftentimes I'll find I'm doing this like while I'm eating or something like that, something where it looks like I'm just concentrating on something else, but I'm not really, you know, like I'm kind of eating. So like something will be kicking off or, you know, something will be going wrong or, you know, somebody will be getting told off or whatever. And then it'll always come back to, what do you think about this, daddy? I was like, oh, I'll tell you what I think about this.

I'll be thinking long and hard about whether or not I want to buy toys next time we're at the toy store, for instance. But like, I'll be eating my dinner. So it's kind of like passive as I'm saying it, but like with like, you know, like the threat and the meaning. And usually that's a pretty good one too.

That usually that's like, oh, okay, I better stop doing what I'm doing and play ball here. It's like, well, I'll remember that next time we're looking at fun stuff to buy on Amazon.co.uk. I'll really have to remember that one. You know what's tough is when I feel that an unjust punishment has been put on the kids by Mrs. F. And I'm sure she feels the same way but sometimes she'll punish them for something or she'll be angry with them about something and telling them off and she'll punish them and I'm thinking this is unjust you know I feel like daredevil in that moment like I I must speak out like yes justice you know justice is blind right daredevil justice is blind which is you know that's the I think that's the whole way

they came up with that character thinking about it. But sometimes she'll do stuff and I'm thinking, I've got to follow through with this because I'm the one looking after him. So with this punishment, You're constantly flip flopping. It's tough though, because they can pick up on that, you know, they can divide and conquer. Yeah. But that's the thing I've got to make, we've got to maintain a united front. So sometimes she punches us and I'm going to back them up. Occasionally I'll say, I think that's a bit unfair and she'll be like you know we'll discuss it but not in front of them it's a bit like the police you know it's the law even though it's unjust you got to uphold

the law i feel like i hate that idea like i never wanted to do anything in the police or the armory anything because i hated the idea of having to do something that i didn't agree with because i was ordered to like that was i admire absolutely what those people do but sometimes there's a law that you know that they might think this is bullshit but they've got to do it I couldn't do that yeah I think that's that takes a lot to like um like stand up against being told by authority what to do um but but honestly like you're constantly I guess you're constantly flip-flopping between Matt being mad at the kids for for being naughty or doing pushing pushing like that's what kids do right they just learn the boundaries yeah they're constantly pushing i mean mine are mine are older they're pretty

good yeah no they are you sometimes i guess the punishments that you come up with you know you it seems to hurt them so much that you're like oh god i feel guilty about it but i'm still angry and now i feel angry again that they've got you know because they're smart enough to like i'm sure they're smart enough to like fake oh this is so horrible daddy why are you making me do this you know i'm cleaning the floor again like what's tidying their room that's the big oh my god tidying their fucking room that's another one where i'm just like all right well you got you got about five minutes to tidy up all this stuff or else i'm gonna tidy it and they're like oh shit you see them scrambling around starting to tidy and stuff because i just chuck it all in the in the garbage yeah what i've

done now is like i'll say to them you you have 20 minutes to tidy your room wow you have 20 minutes yeah because if i give them any more if i just give them an undetermined amount of time, they're just in there for, I mean, literally, there was about two or three months ago, their room was a real mess. They'd been playing

late into the evening. I told them to go to bed. They hadn't gone to bed. They'd carried on playing. So the room was a state. I said, you're tidying this tomorrow. And they were like,

so the next day, I said to them, tidy up. What do you think they do? I go down there half an hour later. They're just playing. I'm like, no, tidy, put put things away so they'll like move things to the side of the room

so there's like a heap of lego against the wall like a like a landfill site rather than being put in the lego box i was like you just tidy so now now i get a bin bag big black bin bag and i come in there and i'm like cool and i just I just start picking up rubbish. I'm like, there's rubbish all over the floor. It's like a reverse Santa. Yeah. I'm just like, look at all this rubbish from my bin bag. They're like, no, no, no. They're like scrambling. You know, they do that thing as well when you're like,

okay, come on, start tidying up. And they're like, oh. And then they pick up like one little piece of Lego and just sort of like limply throw it across the room hoping to get in the bin. You're like, all right, I'm going to get the garbage bag like i'm not sending through this the worst thing is one of them will be really trying and then the other one is just half arsing it because she's thinking oh she's taking care of this i can just sit here and then she was

always saying you're not helping and now i am helping you oh and then sometimes they start fighting about who's tidying what right they're like, okay, I'll start tidying this. No, I'm tidying that. No, I'm done. They start screaming at each other. So I just start rustling the bags. Here we go. I'm getting my bin bags ready.

Three. Three. Woo! I'm tidying. Two. It's funny. It's funny because it works. And it's not like in relation to what's happening.

It's not that creepy. But I guess like when they make movies about weird like serial killers that like abduct people and hold them hostage and sort of like torment and torture them. This is a segue. Yeah. A lot of that is stuff that you probably – tactics that you employ while you're parenting as well. But it's a lot more sinister when you're a serial killer and you've abducted. So you mean like the terror elements, like the slow approach of footsteps, like the slow approach of an angry person.

Yeah, yeah, because the slow, oh, God. If I hear something going on upstairs, I just stomp up the stairs slowly just so, like, people know that I'm coming boogie man yeah yeah but like shit like that works right but if you're a serial killer and you've got you've abducted 10 people and they're in your dungeon and you do that fucking stomp down the stairs and guaranteed they are going to be shitting their pants yeah oh my god this guy's doing the slow stomp down the stairs I haven't I haven't experienced this since I was a little boy. He's counting down from three.

What's going to happen? Three. Two. If you don't clean up your cells, I'm going to rustle this bed back. If you guys don't keep it down down here, I'm going to have to phone grandpa. Oh my god. Who the fuck is grandpa oh man god you're right it is like the thing is i can still i can still feel the shudder of of both apprehension and terror and like an uncontrollable laughter when me and my sister were doing something

and like in our room and my mom would come here and down the hallway in her slippers because they'd be like Still remember that sound me and my sister laughs about it all the time because at the time it was like Like it was like something's about to explode. You know what I mean? Yeah, we kind of we want to see what's gonna happen. But the same time we know what absolutely fucked. Yeah, it's weird I wonder if a lot of those movies it is that that terror is based on that deep-rooted childhood fear it's gotta be right it's gotta be yeah because like sometimes things that you're scared of as a kid you grow up and you're like why the fuck was i scared about that but then if you just put like a little slant on you're like

oh fuck yeah i am still scared about that yeah i used to i used to imagine like sometimes i'd be walking home at night uh from like a friend's house or whatever and uh you know like nighttime is fucking really eerie you can see why they use it so heavily like oh man to build mood and stuff like that because it's just so fucking odd isn't it like you go out in the day there's tons of people out uh you know the whole like it's like the place you live is alive with people going out and about doing stuff it's very hard to be scared in the sunshine you know when there's like people driving around cycling about i think you can though i think you could be scared like conventionally horror movie scared it's super sunny all right and you're in you're in like a uh a field with tall grass, tall sort of grass.

And you're surrounded by trees. So this is a big clearing in the forest. And it's tall grass. And you can hear those fucking bugs that do that. Cicadas? Whatever they are. I don't know. And it's really hot.

And you can hear the hot bugs making their noise and stuff and you can see and there's birds and shit like that it's like it's like fairly quiet around you but like it's not you know it's daytime so it feels like you know it's not it's not so spooky or whatever and then you're sort of looking around and you look and then in the middle of the field just like quite far away there's just a clown standing there staring at you like and grinning okay and it's daytime yeah i mean yeah that would be i would be scared i would absolutely shit my pants but imagine now if it was night time right you're passing a torch around over the field and you see the clown and then he ducks down in the grass yeah yeah he's like it's scarier because it's dark play no okay but

so sometimes i'd be walking home at night or whatever on my way home and like i pass by like a sewer grate and you look at it, and you're like, oh, whatever. But then you think, fuck, how creepy would it be if all of a sudden it spoke to you? But it's nighttime, and it's like, hey there. It's just a fucking sewer grate. You mean like in the movie? And then maybe some fucking eyes appear on it or something? Yeah, you've seen it, right? Yeah.

So you put little slants on it, like something you're scared of when you're kid like i was like scared of like the dark or whatever right but i didn't know why it was just dark i was scared of it sort of thing but then if you add like an element to the darkness as an adult it can still scare the shit out of you right but like just the dark itself maybe doesn't scare you so much sort of thing so it's like you know what i still get scared about i don't know why but i i had a very very profound fear of the dark when i was a kid like it always used to scare me but even now like if i get downstairs and i gotta get some water go to the toilet it's not a problem it's when i'm coming back up the stairs right i feel like something's gonna reach through the

banisters and get me yeah so i always like hurry up the stairs. I'm thinking, you're 43. What are you doing? I'm still a little bit scared of the dark. Yeah. My staircase is enclosed by walls. And sometimes if you look down at it, it can almost be like a bit trippy sort of thing. So you come out of the bathroom at the top of the landing and you can look straight down. And if it's like dark and stuff, it's like, I don't know. Sometimes it's just really fucking terrifying. Like I down and i'm like oh fuck just imagine like i'm just looking

down my staircase it's dark down there and then somebody just fucking like appears at the bottom you know like comes from around the corner and you're like yeah it's scary maybe maybe it's because like something deep inside you knows that like if you fell down the stairs and i couldn't move then no one would find you till morning you know maybe and that's i never really thought about that but thanks thanks for that i just add that to the other pile of things that terrify me well yeah though i get it like it's more pronounced after watching a horror movie at home yeah sure yeah if you watch something that has like some suspense in it or whatever like going to watch you one at the cinema and coming back is not ever a problem usually because by the time you got home you've kind of slightly forgotten about what you were scared of but

like watching a horror movie or something spooky and then going straight to bed oh i stopped watching horror for that reason like i found that it was just what's what am i doing you know what i mean i don't enjoy being scared it's got to be something like i watched hereditary have you seen that yeah i really really liked i thought it was great i really liked it is that the one with that creepy looking kid yes so and she's she's like she does this thing where she goes yes like that that's that one so it started off some people said oh it was schlocky and i have trouble saying that word schlocky and stupid and trash horror at the end but I thought it was like a really tense psychological horror for like three quarters of the movie yeah punctuated with moments of actual horror and then it built into like a really scary ending like I'm not going

to spoil it but I found it very scary and sort of quite disturbing yeah well that's the thing I don't mind I don't mind if things are disturbing or unsettling, but I don't like jump scares I don't want to like be scared like just because you like of a loud sound that's like, you know Random or something like that. You know what I mean? That's why I don't play those jump scare games because it's just too much. Yeah, I know it's coming I like it's like you're pushing a button, you know You're gonna get an electric shock at some point point but you don't know when but you have to hold the button down it's too much i like um like psychological like thrillers and stuff like that

you know like i like stuff that is like a bit creepy weird or unsettling yeah creepy stuff like that kind of stuff i really like uh it really it really makes you think a lot of that stuff like it stays with me yeah and that that i find scarier as I start thinking about it a lot. I'm thinking, damn. Rosemary's Baby, right? That's a really creepy movie. Have you guys seen it? Yeah, we talk about it a bit.

I think I have. I don't know. It's in the 70s. It's got Mia Farrow in it. It's quite well known in the point that I think it's beautiful. It is, yeah. It's a famous movie. But I'm sure I've seen it.

I just can't place it so the the creepy thing for me is she moves into this apartment building with her husband and what always freaks me about these things is like he becomes part of the thing that she's scared of so the person you trust the most the one person you can turn to is is part of it that's that's always a consistently good scary thing so basically these the people in this apartment building are all members of a satanic cult and they get her pregnant with satan's baby and this baby's going to be like the the antichrist and stuff that's the plot right and it's it's really well done it's very very creepy and she feels so isolated as a character and that's what

makes it really scary that's why when i watch these horror movies and there's like a whole gaggle of fucking idiots and they're all getting iced one by one i'm like who cares it's one person against a bunch of normal-ish people that suddenly are revealed to have a creepy side that's what's freaky i think rather than just standard jump out well i think that's a thing that you can't get in books right like but a story written a horror story isn't going to have jump scares in it right but in a video game or in a movie it's very easy to do that and it's a very cheap effect right and only the worst things really take advantage of it except some people actually like it i mean there was this guy that came down and showed us um his his game

which was kind of a jump scary kind of running game where and he was like oh yeah this bit really gets you sweaty and i'm like i don't really want that from a game i don't i mean that's not selling that's not selling i spent my whole life trying to avoid sweating it does not work for me i'm 35 now i've just fine without sweating what was that game that came out a few years ago? Resident Evil 7? That was a fucking creepy one too. It was before that. It was quite a long time before that. Layers of Fear.

No. Is it Amnesia? The one with the little girl in a dress with hollow eyes. It appears at the top of ladders. Was that F-E-a-r was that that one oh probably like i feel like a shooter right i feel like every horror game has a small girl wearing a dress that appears at the end of a hallway or like alex yeah yeah yeah i think amnesia was the one where you are in like a creepy huge house it's set in like yes amnesia is the one century and there's like some sort of

weird fucking tentacle face thing right i never got to that stage no no i quit way before that creepy i hid in a cupboard for like half of the yeah i was in there and there's nothing out there i'm just hiding in a fucking cupboard i'm like what am i doing yeah this is terrifying yeah the mood and everything is super unsettling very much so and your character's teeth chatter when he gets scared and i was like this is actually making me my heart is going and i'm playing a game how is this a game well i think it's incredible though i think that's incredible right that like somebody's created that experience and i think that's why i'm terribly terrifying well done for you but you know some people will love it and also i think it i think it's amazing that it that that exists regardless of whether i like it or not i don't personally like it i would not play a game

like that i don't like the way it makes me feel but it's incredible that somebody is or a team has made a game that can make people feel like that you know what i mean and it's i don't think it's a bad thing i just think it's not it's a piece of work it's definitely like a genre that some people really love like some people love it yeah i'm really stoked for the next big spookums you know and they they're spookums it's a little spookums i can't wait for this year's big spookums. Instead of a shoot-em-up, it's a spook-em-up. Is that what you're saying?

I think it's quite an accomplishment, though, to be able to create that sort of mood and setting. I was the same. I was playing it, and I felt like I was going to have a fucking heart attack. But at the same time, I thought, man, I can't believe that a team got together and created this atmosphere that is now leading to me potentially having a heart attack and like i just but at the same time i thought man i can't believe that a team got together and created this like atmosphere that is now leading to me potentially having a heart attack like it's it's impressive i think yeah yeah i mean i've talked about this before but like i've been doing this thing where i try and play a different game every day and i've as a result been playing a lot of weird shit um yeah well i told you you would get to that point you'll

you get through like the good games and then you'll just be left with the the rest of steam basically well there's new shit coming out every day and actually i'm finding pretty much new shit new shit every day is i've got a way to describe i think that's the problem that i think you have nailed it the thing is like the reason it a lot of it i think is fairly shit is because actually they're good games but i don't really like them. Do you know what I mean? Right. I think I like turn-based stuff. I like a little bit of decent story.

I like stuff that I can kind of, you know, use my brain a bit to play. And it's not just super mindless grinding or like, you know, oh, let me just walk around this forest and chop wood for fucking three hours in order to like afford to build a block. Do you know what I mean? Or whatever. Didn't you play Minecraft for many years? i know and world of warcraft you're still actively playing minecraft aren't you well but that that's more of a social thing right it's a good it's a good engine to kind of chat and talk shit and build so creatively with other people like when you've got

three or four people building alongside you it's it gets rid of the grind really well i think that i think that extends to so many other games and stuff as well like and like you know a lot of people have been asking me recently if i'm going to play wow classic now that you know it's it's right it's been announced for the summer and i don't i'm i'm not going to personally. I don't have any interest in playing it again. But the thing is, I think that people who are looking forward to playing it are, A, people who didn't play it when it first came out because they were either too young or they just missed the boat or whatever. And they want to have that experience, which, you know, fair enough.

Cool. Enjoy yourself. And B, people who think that they're going to somehow be able to recreate the fun that they had in the original with the same people that they had fun with in the original, the community and everything. But I don't think – personally, I don't think that's possible. I don't think – I think that the way that communities have sprung up around games and stuff like that have changed a lot since WoW. And WoW was a really big sort of like um jump starter for that stuff but i don't think that wow works as well as it used to in that sense for the community and stuff and especially with all the game systems that they've added in recently like or you know not so recently

like the quality of life stuff you know like dungeon finder and all that kind of stuff has sort of uh segregated off parts of the community as well all right so i have some questions about well vanilla well is it literally the same as it was at release but with better graphics like if they literally said we're going back the exact same way it's just the same same graphics same mechanics and everything so so all of the stuff that they've undone it's bizarrely authentic it's kind of so okay I played a bit of it on Sunday and everyone in the office is stoked about it

Terps is obviously a huge huge Blizzard fanboy he's bought up on eBay all of the rewards for Blizzard employees so when you get 15 years working at Blizzard they give you a shield and a sword and all this crap and then some of them obviously sell disgruntled sell them on ebay and for about a grand and a half whatever and terps buys them up right so he's got everything

he's got every blizzard collectible he's got every collector's edition of every version including the original which is worth about three grand now wow right um it's he's got like huge fucking he's a huge wow super fan he ran the official wow podcast anyway he's got beta huge fucking he's a huge WoW super fan he ran the official WoW podcast anyway he's got beta access so Shin has got beta access as well

because he's been like poking the right people but I was on Discord yesterday and Zyliss and Rithian and everyone was

like where do we get in it we really want to play and I so I played it with Terz for a bit and I did three hours

and it was the original three hours that I did back in the day the first two when I bought WoW I took it home spending your time fighting a boar for the first three hours and I did back in the day. Yeah. The first, so when I bought WoW, I took it home. Spending your time fighting a boar for the first three hours.

And it was. I got to level six after three hours. And I knew what I was doing as well, really. And it was like, so to the point where it's so authentic that there's a graphic setting, which is WoW Classic. That's enabled. Then you've also got all of the interface stuff is all like the the defaults like literally you have to enable auto loot you have to go into the go into the settings menu which is the same as it was back then and figure out how to turn on these

basic quality of your life things um there's no you know there's no aoe looting there's like you know it's very very very slow like the quests are literally the grindiest i mean it would put a korean mmo to shame a modern one like i had a level four quest was to get like 10 gold dust and i had to kill in excess of 30 kobolds and each one took like 20 to 30 seconds you know to kill um yeah and it took ages it took it took ages and ages but i met other people doing it, and I helped them out, and we had a little group, and we made friends, and it was like, it was weirdly authentic, you know? Weirdly, like, I think it has things in it that modern WoW lacks, and what happened with WoW

was that they made all these improvements and iterations and listened to community feedback and changed the game and changed the game and changed the game, and in changing it, they a little bit, like, they lost something somewhere along the line. You know it they they a little bit like they lost something somewhere along the line you know it's still the same game but something changed something was lost and and people couldn't quite put a finger on it and i think yes it is partly what sip said and it is partly like what what what the ability to to kind of have all these websites telling you

all the secrets and stuff you know all all the external stuff and all of the guides and reaching max level and how the game changed when you reached max level. The game wasn't about that in the first place. But also, the wow is everyone expects it to be more than that. They expect it to be this game that lasts forever, when in fact, it doesn't have to be that. It can be a leveling experience where you play it for a week

and you're done. But I think people expect it to be more, and it feels like it should be more because you're paying the subscription. And that's part of it it all it's all a big confusing mess of a game and i agree with sips completely about what he said about wow classic just earlier you know i don't think it's very good and i won't be playing it's not it was great at the time there was nothing else like it at the time and people were ready to have a game that sort of really uh encompassed all of your your gaming and gave you a community of people to hang out with i mean like goon squad

and everything was great back in the day it was awesome everybody had a really fun time uh everybody was having fun experiencing this new game and the new content and stuff but like fucking 12 years later i just want to do other things with my time my life is not the same i've got was my my question was who's going to be playing vanilla wow like i assume it's a nostalgia trip well that's it but i think that's all it is and i think if you're in it for that cool enjoy yourself i think you know you might have fun doing it or whatever but i know for for sure i won't have fun doing it i'm too i just i just feel like a lot of the people that played wow back then like me and like you guys

i don't want to fucking go back and do that shit like i did it then because it was new but the idea of like lewis says killing 30 kobold i'm like fuck this like why would i do that i think that you the wonder the wonder of the game is gone I remember like the first time I went to like Loc Modane and stuff like that. I was like, oh, fuck, this is so cool. Like I can't believe this looks really neat. And what are all these quests and stuff? That's all gone now. You know what I mean?

Like I've been to these places a billion times, like even against my will. You know, when they try to crowbar quests in later on in the in the life cycle the game where they're like you have to go back in time and go back to this place you're like fuck no i don't want to oh man and just shit like that you know but man people who are going to play it though i hope you have a fun time and i hope it lives up to your expectations and you know i hope that it you know it scratches that itch for you but i i will not be there with you i'm sorry wow i'm just not gonna play it you know they we there's that and and the next thing that is coming out from blizzard is is warcraft 3 like remastered

right so it's just like it's like two old games being brought back a lot of people are really hyped for that i think yeah because they're looking forward to the new mods the new mods that people are going to bring out yeah the new engine of course yeah and i think you know there's reasons to be excited about it and stuff but and i would probably play the mods more than i would play the original game again you know what i mean like i'm i'm a big warcraft fan and i always have been but man i just don't really want to play the old games again. You know what I mean? Like, I've played them already.

I've done them. There's so many games out now as well that you could just be playing instead, right? Yeah, I guess so. Maybe I'm just, like, a bit cynical or something. But I just... No, I think... I mean, we've played a lot of these games, right? Like, a lot of these games...

A lot of the stuff that we enjoyed back then was either because it was new or we had more free time i mean i this was when i played wow i wasn't doing any streaming i didn't have any kids yeah uh my the hours that i worked were kind of funky so i sometimes had like a whole fucking day yeah and i was like what am i gonna do today so i was like well i'll just fucking play wow all day and i did yeah and i would do things like say i can't uh hang out with you to this evening mrs f because we've got a fucking raid and she's like all right how long is that gonna take i was like but four hours you know so it's like she's like what like this was a whole new idea that games would actually become something i would schedule around yeah right there's no way

i'd fucking take a weekend now to go raid somewhere and prepare for there is no fucking way like i i feel like nowadays maybe the i i wouldn't do that but like like the horror games like you guys said maybe there are people out there who fucking love that shit they are there are for sure people who love it and will really enjoy it and hope to have a a great time i think it'll be i think it'll be good if you're really looking forward to it and you're hyped for it and stuff i think it'll be awesome but um but i i personally am not i don't i don't know why i feel like i should be that's the weirdest thing but i just i'm just not yeah i can't really put my finger five years i did it it's crazy i think lewis is dead lewis maybe he uh maybe grandpa paid him a

visit maybe maybe grandpa paid him a visit did he really just fuck off in the middle of the podcast i think he did yeah that's incredible that is incredible isn't it you know what that if there's one word that sums that up for me sips it's professionalism yeah i think maybe it's like uh maybe it's like a throwback to like the conversation we were having about creepy stuff maybe he's maybe like he's been killed where he's sitting and we couldn't hear it because we were too busy talking and with as his brain function is starting to slow down the last thing he can hear is us shit talking him yeah i hope nothing's happened to him legitimately no i think honestly i think he's fine you know what he's

probably hit like the um he's probably hit like uh mute talk button by accident. He was probably joining in that conversation the whole time. And he probably just didn't realize that he's muted. If he's recorded all kinds of audio of us ignoring him and he's saying, yeah, I just said that period. Can I make all these like editing cuts and stuff so that he can join the conversation after the fact? What do you,

what do you think for Triforce 100 at YodCon I've been thinking like are we gonna do it like we're gonna do like a live stage thing so I figured it'll be like you me and and Lulu sitting on the stage just doing live Triforce are we just gonna talk like normal or are we gonna like have a section where we take questions from the audience I think we should take questions I think I think taking questions could be fun the problem is with taking questions in my experience at a convention is that there's no real way to vet the good ones right right so here's what you will get people asking things like what your favorite type of cheese is and stuff like that but they write them down uh and then we have a chance like we have a triforce question box the question suggestion for the triforce uh digestion

yeah and we people put oh hello welcome back sorry oh we thought you died we have to know we have to know where you've been you know what flax i just want to say you were saying that uh when you think about lewis you think professionalism but i think the way that you handled an abrupt missing Lewis was also very professionally well done. Really? You didn't even skip a beat. Yeah. You didn't lose your stride once. That's incredible.

Thank you. I said, I just need to loo real quick. Be right back. No. I said that and then I just disappeared. I thought you heard me. No, we did not. I think we were too busy having a conversation about video games.

Yeah. You hadn't spoken for like five minutes. We were like, oh, he just popped off. Popped to the loo. Sorry, guys. So people submit questions. I had my leftover Indian last night. So we have a chance to read the questions. Wait, hang on a second.

I need to hear about this. You had what last night? A leftover Indian. Oh. What, did you have to have it for your breakfast? Is that what happened well i just thought it would be a quick trip to the loo but it was like a more more labored one right i'm sorry to hear that sorry guys what was the shape like was it malformed

or was it like just normal kind of like a chocolate milkshake oh right like a like a moose mud butt mud butt it's like a mud slide nice Mud sled. Nice. Okay, good. Good to know. So we take questions from the audience, but they have to write them down, submit them, and then we somehow have to identify them in the audience. Because I think that the nice thing about asking a question in the audience is that you get your time to shine in the audience as well, right? Like we say, this one is from...

I guess the is from some people are very shy Rodrigo Rodrigo are you out there anybody can you oh there he is there there he is and then everybody waves stand up Tiffany Tiffany in the audience wants to ask a question so Tiffany can stand up and wave hi you know yeah that would be kind of sweet um and but but but some people are shy a lot of time they're like I wanted to ask a question but i didn't want to have to stand up in front of a room full of people and ask i get that yeah so i think if people write it down that's more chill and like an anonymous question box yeah but you write your name on it or your twitch username if you want you don't have to stand up do it your car i think we could do that what if somebody puts in a question writes

it down and they're like okay we have a question here from Jerry. Jerry, are you out there? Okay, Jerry's got a question. Go. And then Jerry gets the mic. He's like, you suck. And that's it. Right.

That's why we don't want Jerry to be able to ask a question live. That would trigger me so hard, though. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything. I have a fairly thick skin but somebody yelling this is me you suck is enough to set me off so i can say something about your con um we we trifles is currently scheduled in for uh day one 11 30 on the first day wow so is that like right after the what so what so is there going to be like an opening ceremony and a closing ceremony and stuff?

Yeah, it'll be right after the opening ceremony. Fuck me, on the main stage? On the main stage, yeah. On the mythic stage? Is that what are we calling... How many stages are there at YoggCon? Three. Whoa, really?

Yeah. So wait, what's going to be on at the same time as us? I've got a big problem with this. We don't want to do it... You don't blow your load instantly. Try Force Live. It's going to be a big thing we want to have it slightly later no no we want it straight away that's like the that's like the premier time to do it right away when everybody's still jazzed up from the opening ceremony and then we can all bring them down i think it's a bad idea boys i've got to got to say. Okay. I've got to say. We want our audience nice and lubricated and relaxed.

They want to be able to sit down. As always, they're going to answer their pants. Let me just make a quick phone call here. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. No, Flax thinks it's a bad idea, actually.

I don't know if maybe we can. No? Really? Oh, really? Oh, okay. All right. Okay. Yeah.

See you later. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Yeah. No. They said that it's going. See you later. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Yeah. No, they said that it's going to still happen anyway.

Who? Who? Was that grandpa on the fucking phone? That was grandpa. Yeah, no, it was the toy store. I was just saying, can you guys not let, my daughter refuses to eat her carrots and potatoes. All she's done is she's eaten her fake meat chicken nuggets so could you please put a picture of her up in the door so that she's not allowed

into the toy store until i phone you back and let you know that she's eaten thank you very much okay thank you that fucking works like a charm too actually oh my god it's crazy it's really good oh what about the, what about the what about the tooth fairy? What's she gonna say about all this? Yeah, exactly. What's grandpa gonna say? What's he gonna think? What would grandpa say? Let me tell you about one more thing about the tooth fairy I just remembered. This was this was something that they came up with. I listened in on their conversation sometimes because they're so funny because there's no one there to correct the truth. You know what I mean?

Whatever they could think of, if they both agree that sounds reasonable, well, that must be what happened. There's no one to come in and say, no, no, no, no, no. That doesn't happen. So I just listen in because some of it's hysterical. So they were like, my youngest says to the eldest, she says, why do you think the tooth fairy stopped coming then? Because she started believing it. My eldest said, look, I was just fucking with you.

The tooth fairy's real. And she said, well, you know, maybe she got injured or she was sick. She goes, yeah, she got injured on a mission. And I'm thinking, what mission? Like a special forces mission. And then they said, what if the cat ate her? And the cat hangs out with the kids a lot, like sitting in their room and the cat sort of looking at them like'm i didn't do anything and they're like yeah maybe the cat ate our last tooth fairy now we have to wait for a replacement tooth fairy to be sent in and then they were like captured trying to overthrow the government of zimbabwe on a mission and i could i could see them telling the cat like don't eat lily like don't eat the

new fairy we're going to be really angry with you cat and the cat's just like staring at him like a cat yeah now they think the cat maybe ate the last fairy but i love the idea of the fairy on a mission got killed killed in action i like to uh number four eight four seven six i just say my kids have pretty funny conversations that are fun to listen into but um one thing that i i like listening into that i always find funny it makes me laugh is that my daughter does not know how to read yet. She's still too small. Right, right. She pretends to read.

So like we'll finish reading like a bedtime story or whatever. Maybe it's like Mr. Men, like Mr. Happy or Mr. Tickle or whatever. Then she's like, can I take that book with me? I'm like, yeah, of course you can. So she goes downstairs because she usually like falls asleep like on on my wife's lap like to go to bed sort of thing so they so they go downstairs she takes the book with her and so like my wife will say good night to my son or whatever and then i'll take my my daughter downstairs to get her ready so that she can like have some milk and go to sleep or whatever and

she always takes the book with her so like so i always say like okay just wait there mommy will be down in a minute and then i pretend to go off and do something because I know that she's going to start fake reading the book. So she opens the book and she's like, Mr. Tickle was having a fun day. She always does it in this really, really soft, quiet voice. She's like, and then Mr. Tickle tickled somebody. It's like this whole thing. She goes through each page and just invents what she thinks is happening based on like the picture but she can't read fuck me it's so funny like every night every night i'm just like around the corner like it's like giggling and listening to

this happening it's great that's that sounds great don't have kids no that's a terrible thing to say no i'm just joking have them i think we've got the best and the worst. You know, it's got ups and downs, right? It ain't smooth sailing, but it's a voyage worth taking. Nothing's perfect. You know, life is what you make it. You know, you have to choose to... I don't know what I'm saying. Well, there you go.

That's the triforce motto, isn't it? Thanks, everyone. We'll see you next time for another 99-point-something episode. Hey, which one was this? 99.3? .3. Yeah. Cool FM in the morning.

Now we've had like a little reset on the number. You know, we're remembering which fucking episode it is. Normally we're like, which one is this? Andy Chaplin? Wait, so is this going to take us up nicely to fully 100? I've planned it out. I've planned it out. And yes, it is. Normally we're like, which one is this? Ernie Sheppard? Wait, so is this going to take us up nicely to fully 100 when the time comes? I've planned it out. I've planned it out, and yes, it will. Holy shit. Well, that's fucking crazy. It hasn't really.

I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping. I'm pretty sure I'm right. Crazy. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Fuck it. Alright, see you next week. Bye! Thanks, everybody. Bye!