Triforce! - Triforce! #99.5: Trash Tier Super Hype

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

Triforce! Episode 99.5! Pyrion's out of water, Sips is burning through Rimworld and Lewis is struggling with all the E3 hype. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And you can shop that whole world right here in our aisles. Find it all here with more ways to save at Real Canadian Superstore. Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. That's right, coming at you live from Yogg Towers where it's pouring with rain. It's like 10 degrees outside in like the middle of June. Live from Twickenham where it's been raining for 10 years. And it's horrible. It's raining in your heart, I think. Let me tell you something. It's episode 99.5, boys.

99.5. We are closing in hard on 100. Sips is here also. I'm here. It's raining in Sips'. It's raining in my heart as well, guys, because, oh, fuck, I hate computers so much. God, they drive me crazy. You got a new computer.

It's really annoying when, like, you get an issue with your computer and just it seems to shut down the world. Like back before I had a smartphone or like anything like this. You know, if my computer was broken, I just felt completely unplugged. Yes. It yes like when the internet goes down oh my god fuck what have i got installed that will run without the internet well do you know what happened to me yesterday and this this this brought it back to home of me realizing shit maybe the internet isn't the only thing i need to worry about the water went out for the whole day there's no water in the whole of southwest London. Like, not just me. It was like the whole fucking area.

Some big, I don't know what you'd call it, pipe, I guess, something, burst. Hang on. Sips, were they doing a shit pipe? No, it was not a shit pipe. It was some big filtration thing. It might have been like an offshoot of the installation of the shit pipe, though. No, it definitely wasn't. Because it was water coming in.

Right. It's nothing to do with the sewers. So is just there's some some big turbine thing i don't know something like this somewhere just went and burst water everywhere i presume but it meant but not where you were not where we were so the water pressure dropped to zero wow so i like it was fine i turned on the tap and i came down at 7 30 made a cup of tea filled up the kettle no problem off we go but then when i went to get a cup of water just before we left I was like oh shit there's no water and the shower I was like oh shit there's no water for the shower and the toilet I flushed it and then it just there was no there was silence I was like okay this is

bad so yeah it was out all day so I went to the shop and I bought some bottles of water to bring back with me because I thought you know I'll have some some drink of water for during the day and when the kids come home and everything and there was a picture on twitter of this guy in my area this is just at the waitress just up the road from me he filled a shopping trolley with bottle after bottle of highland spring mineral water and i mean he must have bought 50 to 60 big bottles of this it was piled up yeah and he's wheeling them up the road in a panic and i'm like we've been without water for like two hours and this guy's already like it's the end everybody it's the end start stop piling it's i just can't believe it well the thing is what they say is that or obviously you've got a tank in your loft right or have you not got that with like

some no no no tank nothing like that's gone we have no time we just have cold water all right so you're actually just everything but i thought there was like a like a system in houses where it stored a small amount they call it your septic tank right no i'm not sure why like that was what my all the the old people right i know those are things you don't want to be drinking out of the septic tank i'm pretty sure i know but but for some reason people always called it the septic tank like i don't know why like that was what my my father-in-law and other people always called it the septic tank even though it absolutely was not that it was not that you you should have a water tank for unless you have like a a combi boiler you should have a water tank i

have a combi boiler we have no that's why okay so yeah yeah so if you have an like if you have an electric um boiler then yeah you'll have a big tank with water what so if you have an like if you have an electric um boiler then yeah you'll have a big tank with water what do they call it a combi boiler just uh nukes the water as it comes in an induction boiler right is that what they call it so it's basically like a giant cathode like yeah it's got a heating element in it yeah that's what my mom's got like those fancy showers yeah i've got we've got one but we we have gas we like gas heats up the water but the element is just for backup so we have we have a tank well we just got like uh the boiler freaked out like it didn't it didn't know what to do the pressure dropped i turned on the water it was like

oh it just turned itself off which is a good thing you don't want the pilot like chugging away with no water in there so it just it's just like i'm just gonna shut it's like it's like chernobyl yes it was like chernobyl which is a great show about a big you could have it could have had a meltdown my kids were saying dad the boilers it's gonna go critical i was like don't be ridiculous the safety measures would never allow that to happen yeah and i ordered them into the bathroom they came out and their skin was peeling off their faces yeah combi boiler can't explode shut the fuck up there's no way there's anything wrong with the combi boiler now get back to the fuck up. There's no way there's anything wrong with the combi boiler. Now get back to work, kids.

And then they were like melting and stuff. It's just like your churn and wool. Did you throw a book at them as well? Throw a book at them? I didn't. You should have thrown a book at them. There's graphene everywhere in the bathroom, Dad. Brush your sodding teeth.

Get up there and brush your teeth. Oh, my God. What a show. What a dad. I love that guy. That show has ruined me, by the way, because it was so fucking good. I can't watch anything. I can't find anything worth watching now.

Like every time I watch something, I just get depressed. I think, oh, God, I wish this was Chernobyl. I wish they just had, I wish they just, you know, dragged it on for on for like you know eight seasons and the writing got progressively worse god i'm glad they didn't yeah i know i am yeah it was just so well done though holy they did it right because it wasn't it wasn't like the usual netflix series which are 20 episodes long and half of those episodes would have just been people having conversations that you've heard before in another show they just slightly reworded them it's just like come on man like it's too many cliches like it was nice and taut but it still felt like it didn't rush it was great five episodes

done that's all you fucking need don't need to do 20 billion episodes everybody loved this show nice and neat and tidy bingo done it was i loved the guy in charge with the mustache who was just like ignoring everything don't be ridiculous he was like a cockney kind of russian guy yeah which seems to be the thing i like the i like the the uh head of the the mining guild that goes down so hot he has to take his clothes off and he's like stark naked fucking trudging out of that tunnel apparently this was all real and stuff yeah like some of the most ridiculous things from the show are like actually have a lot of evidence or at least like they were in the book that this um there was a book that was written i think yeah it's a weird thing i think it's hard to get like the uh the definitive answer because of how secretive the soviets were and how um how how glossed over everything was right it took them

forever to even admit that there was an issue not only to the world but to themselves because they just couldn't handle the fact that they'd somehow failed or whatever like the it's such a weird weird system yeah it was fucked up what a fucked up government because it didn't last for very very much longer after that so obviously they had trouble with clean water as well yeah jesus what did you so what did you do like did you went to come back on and it was all okay were there any like obvious issues with having no water well you can't you can't have a cup of tea luckily i'm because i only put as much water as i need for like a cup of tea and a bit more to allow for you know some

of it it's lost its steam you could have um you could have just gone and bought, if that guy hadn't bought all the Highland Springs, you could have, you could have got it yourself a couple of bottles and then I bought three bottles of Volvic cause that's what they had in the, uh, the shop around the corner. And I thought that would do it. It'll be all right. And by about six o'clock it was back on. So it wasn't too bad, but it was like, you turn on the tap and it was like, and then the water started to come out i was worried it would be like black grisly water but it wasn't it was fine it's weird the things that you like take for granted you never think about and then uh and then and it doesn't work one day and you're just completely

you realize how uh exposed you become right yeah like how how ill-equipped you are for these things to to not work sort of thing like imagine imagine that lasted for longer than it did imagine you had no water for like a week what the fuck would you do it would be like that'd be crazy apparently they come around with big trucks and they and give you big plastic containers filled with water but it's like i mean the here's the other thing, the school closed. So I got a phone call, I actually got text messages at 10 past nine, I was I was just playing Dotes and chilling. And I never look at my phone during the when I'm streaming, it's just it's going away. If I get a phone call, I'll answer it. So there's another one at like quarter past nine, 20 plus nine. Finally, they call me at 10

past 10 and say, the school's closed. Can you come get your kids? I was like, yeah, cool. I'll be there in a sec. Finished my game. Finished my game game of dote went down there to get them and they were like where have you been i was like what do you mean they just called me and they were like no the school's been closed pretty much since we got here i was like jesus so they my kids were just at school watching movies with all the other kids who also had bad parents and just chilling and i was like i was like yeah you were right no problem so they just had a parents yeah I mean some some parents obviously got the message and legged it back in to grab their kids I didn't I didn't get the call till 10 past 10 rocked up at half 10 and

they said where were you so mrs f is gonna listen to this but I lied to the kids I told them that I I was in Richmond and it took me a while to get to the school and they were they were that's a good excuse yeah I thought yeah I don't want to tell them, oh, daddy just didn't check his phone. There was water spraying out of the road. That's what I tell my kids too. I say, ah, fuck, I was in Richmond. Yeah, I was in Richmond. Sorry, kids.

And they were like, why did you go to Richmond? I was like, you know, just do some shopping, nosing about. And they were like, huh. And then my youngest said, I thought you might have been playing Dota with your friends and not bothered to come to get us. I was like, no, that would would never happen but that was exactly what happened but they were what do you think i am some sort of piece of shit or something what am i a bad guy geez she's like a member of the kgb she is she is canny as fuck the youngest

she is a real she's come up with her new thing she's decided that i can't call her by a name anymore i have to call her the almighty peb p-e-b i don't know where the fuck this name came from but she is now the almighty peb and she she said to me that i was her head minion which i thought i was happy with that and she gives orders as the mighty peb in this kind of booming voice and we all have to scuttle around and do what she said she thinks it's hilarious right well that's the first mark of a megalomaniacal tyrant yeah she's nuts she might be the next starling yeah let's vote for her because i mean it's got to be better than what anything else on offer right bojo or or the mighty peb bojo yeah we've we've okay talking a bit about this this is a good topic because i sometimes get this feeling right like

we're not talking about politics are we uh no okay no we're not all right so sometimes i get this feeling right when i am like attracted to exposed right somewhere you feel exposed yeah for example right like exposed well the other day i went to get a Deliveroo, okay, from the street. And obviously I walked out of my place and didn't bring my wallet, keys, and actually I didn't even bring my phone, okay? And I was down outside and I was like there holding the sort of front door open. Man, this just has all the hallmarks leading up to the worst story ever. Like it's going to be something really dumb like this isn't a story i was locked out of my house all night long and i'm so stupid i couldn't

figure out what to do or something like that's gonna be the whole story right but that's kind of like yeah basically like give me a chance like give him a chance this isn't a story this story is an example it's just a feeling tell us that yeah us that you know how like anyway long story short I got locked out I've done it before I had to like ring random numbers

till they let me back in and I felt really stupid it's happened before and it will probably happen again and luckily someone answered you know

and was like look I'm not a nutcase I'm sorry so the last time it happened it was on Halloween and I was like ringing people. I was like, sorry.

Imagine you are sitting in your house or your apartment in this case, I guess. And somebody rings the buzzer and you answer. You're like, hello. They're like, oh, I've locked myself out of the front door. Can you buzz me in? I live at, you know, 201 or something. And you're like, oh, yeah, sure. I'll just buzz you in.

You don't think anything of it. No. Then like five minutes later, there's like a soft knock at your door. Like, oh, weird. I wasn't expecting any company. Go and answer the door. And then somebody just standing there kind of creepily staring at you. And they're like, hi.

And you recognize the voice as the person that got locked out. You're like, oh, you got back in there. And they're like, yeah, thanks for letting me in. And then they kill you because they were so wicked. Imagine that. That would be so fucking creepy, right? Like you'd be shitting your pants the whole time.

You're like, oh, because you'd have it running through your mind. Like, oh fuck, I did let this person in. You know, I invited them in. Well, that's the thing. It could be vampires. I am polite, but then instantly in the back of my mind, I put, like, is that supposed to be in here?

Yeah. Could he be robbing something? Yeah. Am I causing a criminal to gain entry illegally? Yeah. But then at the same time, I'm polite, aren't I? If someone asks, I'm like, you know, I'm going to let them pass. I'm not going to.

Sure. I don't think I'm, you know, I think your politeness overrules a lot of your, like, anxieties around that stuff. But I mean, sometimes, like, you know, sometimes, for example, we rely so heavily on our phones, you know. So maybe, like, I don't know, you're off walking around somewhere and your phone dies or you lose your phone or whatever. I say, oh, fuck. How am I going to find any? I've got like my card on my phone now and stuff. I don't even carry a wallet. You know, I've got like, if this piece of kit, I just fucking, you know, accidentally

drop it or drop it down the toilet or just something nicks it or whatever. Like when I was on holiday, you know, I was just thinking, fuck, it wasn't actually that bad. But you know what I mean? Like there were these occasional moments where you were confronted by the vulnerability that you're in. A bit like with the electricity or the power or the internet or the wall going out. There's a lot of things that we rely on and we just totally take for granted. It makes me scared.

Listen, I had a similar situation not long ago either. We have this mechanism for our bathtub with the plug. You just twist it to the side and the plug pops open, drain the water out or whatever. And then you twist it back to the other side to close it. So like you leave it open. Then when you run it back, obviously close it and stuff. So I'd run a bath.

Did you just explain how a plug hole works? Just in case you didn't know. You never know nowadays. You never know. There's people out there who probably never had a bath before. They just have showers or whatever. They don't understand how a plug works. It's understandable, I guess, but at the same time, kind of alarming, but whatever.

I thought I should explain. So I have. Anyway, so I run a bath. I don't normally take baths. Every once in a while, like, I feel like a bit sorry for myself. I'm like, fuck, I could really go for a nice hot bath, you know? Like, why not? I'll just like, just to have a soak and have a nice bath.

So I run a bath, take a bath. It's really nice. Watched a bit of Netflix while I was in the bath. Controversial. I know my wife doesn't like it, but whatever. I do it anyway. So I'm done. I get out and um i go to twist

the fucking thing for the plug and it's just like not working it's like all loose and it's not catching so oh fuck so this bathtub is just full of like gross water my gross water that i've left in there with no way of draining it out and it took like two days before like the plug loosened up enough for me to like get a knife under there and of course it's all murky water right it's all soapy murky water so you can't see so I'm like in there fiddling around this like bread knife trying to get this plug open and stuff the bath is just completely off limits and every time I go into the bathroom it was so depressing you look in this there's like just this gross like you know the soap had started like leaving a film along around like the edges

and stuff and it was oh fuck it was just the worst and at that moment i thought like oh christ you like i took this plug for granted just like busted it out into the toilet no i mean that's a lot of effort when you could just like you know eventually get it wait two days a butter knife yeah so once i got once i got it open um i found out the what the problem was there's like a screw thing that had gone in too far i think like from misuse or something so i had to like unscrew it a little bit to give it a little bit more leverage so that it would start popping again i had to like unscrew it a little bit to give it a little bit more leverage so that it would start popping again i have to say something at this point you criticized lewis

for his story about being locked out and you've just spoken for five minutes about a plug that was stuck in a plug hole i know it's pretty bad isn't it it highlights though just how stupid we've all become like as a race you know like we've got all these comforts and luxuries that we take total totally for granted we didn't have to fend off a pack of wolves no we didn't have you know we didn't have to a wagon train from uh angry natives yeah we had a stuck plug hole and lewis was locked out for five minutes to secure our watering hole and stuff. We're not nomadic in any way either.

We just stay in the same place all the time. Oh, man. Flax, I did three back-to-back playthroughs of RimWorld, which in retrospect was not the best. I'm having an allergic reaction to that concept. Yeah, I know. It's a very anger-inducing game. Did you complete the playthroughs?

I did, yeah. Well, all three of them were sort of successful. The first two were definitely successful in that we launched the ship and stuff and it was fine. There's a couple of deaths along the way, but nothing major. It was all right. So the third one, we were playing on rough,

which was which was pretty rough but we had a um we had a colony value of like almost half a million so the the raids were getting tough like right i go to uh start up the ship which starts the 15 days of raids and um the first raid we get is a big mechanoid raid with like 16 centipedes which is tough yeah i mean they're they they're they're they're tanky as fuck and how many guys do you have at this point uh like 20 maybe i think and are they do you have any mods like the glitter world weaponry mod and stuff like that i was using a smoke leaf industries mod which um seemed to artificially inflate my colony value which i

think is why we're getting yeah we were getting such huge raids in the end uh but nothing like there wasn't anything that i got from it that was like super op or anything so you were basically these raids like pablo escobar in space yes and the the other cartels were raiding you to try and steal your yeah so so we're dealing with this this raid and it's not going well and then as this is happening we get uh raided by pirates who oh man i decided to use sappers yeah so we're fighting like in this kill box and these guys are sapping in and stuff and basically everything went to shit really quickly and everybody ended up dying or getting kidnapped or whatever but the ship is still

powering up and in the ship is terry the torto, who's been in a crypto sleep casket for like five years at this point, just waiting to go. And then so I rage quit because I was so angry because we'd spent so much time building up this colony and everything. It started off as a rich explorer run. So we started with one person and managed to get all that way. Yeah, it's pretty fun. So then I started playing something else. i got bored of it very quickly and then uh people were talking about the rim world playthrough in chat so i was like oh fuck i still want to launch this ship so i'll go back so i i didn't save scum because i was playing commitment mode so it saved exactly where

i left off sort of thing but we saw we we kept playing even though everybody had died we said okay let's keep playing so raid after raid would come in burn down the crop steal a bit of shit or whatever uh some guys would die to like landmines or whatever it was pretty funny uh and this whole time nobody's going anywhere near the ship so the ship is just slowly powering up with terry in it and every and and everybody's just like it looked like something out of Fallout. The whole base was in total disrepair. There's crap everywhere, blood and dirt and dead bodies everywhere and stuff. But then like where the ship was,

was just like fine. It had been like sieged a couple of times as well. So it had taken some damage, but it was still fine. And then we managed to launch just Terry. God bless him. I know. So Terry went to space for his third time.

So some ancient, some future civilization will find this mysterious ship with this cryo turtle and they'll throw him out. With a 94 year old. He had Alzheimer's and he was missing an eye as well. This must be a very special creature. Yeah, they must have really liked this guy a lot. He's swizey in space even he built this entire craft to rescue this sacred turtle that's right so yeah it was man

that game makes me so angry but also makes me so happy at the same time it's such a it's such an odd game that just elicits such a a weird medley of emotions oh god there's nothing like it it's there is nothing like it it's a great it's a great game but at the same time man i passionately hate it as well fuck me it's the worst sounds like football manager it sounds like football yeah it's pretty much exactly like football manager yeah it's rage inducing you you guys haven't played football manager so you don't know but it trust me it is fucking rage-inducing. And then there'll be moments when it's genuine elation and it's great. So it's just one of those games.

I think if a really good game should evoke rage at times because you're invested in it, deeply invested in it. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't particularly enjoy feeling angry, but it's like frustration. Frustration is a funny one, too, because you're, you know, deep down when you when you think about it, you're just you're just mad at yourself, right? You're angry because you've made a mistake. And you kind of realize that you have made a mistake, like even in that playthrough, like thinking back on it, I could have handled things better, but I didn't at the time. You know know what i mean like it was just it was a it was a tricky situation and the decisions i made weren't the best you look back and you're like ah fuck i could have done that better maybe i would have survived or whatever so yeah i don't know i don't think it's a bad thing it doesn't it doesn't leave you feeling great though i felt like really bummed out for the rest of the day unfortunate really but i don't get that far

into it but yeah no but this was like this this was like sort of on top of the audio issues i'm having and stuff as well it just felt like everything was going wrong sort of thing so yeah not that not the best but whatever you know you win some and you lose some so this week we've had e3 going yeah yeah oh my god which my God. Which is obviously like a big event that I've been to quite a few times. Do you guys not find it just like total fucking cringe? Like I couldn't even watch it for longer than like 10 minutes. It was so bad.

I watched the EA thing on the Friday because I noticed the EA have done their own thing just before E3 rather than go to E3. Even though I don't think that what they had to show off was big enough to warrant your own thing. Like I think they should have gone to E3, but I don't know what the deal is anyway, whatever. I watched it and they had this guy presenting it.

And whenever I watch these presenters, I realized that even though like what we all do is very sort of in front of a camera and an audience and stuff like that. And then, you know, I've done that live stage. So stuff, and I've done big audiences and I've done live streaming. I could never do that

because they come on and they go, hey guys, super excited to be here. Really hyped. Who's hyped? The crowd goes, woo! I couldn't do that. Like that fake, I'm so into this and laughing.

Ha ha ha. People's awful jokes and stuff. I couldn't do it. Like I'd go out there and be, hey, welcome to E3. This is the game we've got to show you. I hope like the trailer like that's it you know what i mean no hype that's what a lot of people do end up doing but yeah some some of these people it's like they're a blue peter presenter you know yeah and that that's what i'm realizing that they probably

get paid decent money for that sure and everybody knows them and i'm sure that when they live stream or do their fucking stupid podcast that it's real popular and people really like them. And I don't know why I'm never going to be that likable guy. And I feel like it's a big hole. Who's decided that that's what people want to hear though. Like it makes it, it just, it puts me off.

I couldn't watch the rest of it. Like, like what you were describing there, the weird hamminess and like the robotic corporate messages and stuff. And it's just like, well, who are you talking to i assume there's an audience like i i play these games all day every day and i like them i like

it's not it's not a sales pitch at this point like just be humble and fucking present your game and let's move on here you know like they had the one for star wars fallen order or whatever it's called fallen over did they have a fake crowd of people cheering? Well, they had a crowd. Now, I assume that they were shills. Yeah, apparently. For Bethesda, it seemed like... They were paid shills.

They must have been. I've been to E3, and I feel like those people aren't. Those people are... Maybe it's just an American thing. You know, the kind of people who... Get excited about things. ...shout in movies and cheer. I don't know.

We're a bit more reserved. But they're not scared to show that they're passionate about something that like consoles yeah but you're passionate passionate about a product

yeah like passionate about a product really yeah Call of Duty I love Call of Duty God God yes

Call of Duty just do one yes FIFA yes FIFA I love FIFA! Yes!

Madden! Oh, John Madden! Yes! Why? Why do they do that? I don't know. Who are those people? I don't know.

I'm excited about certain things and I would never be like that. I would never. When I was at TI and they unveiled a new hero people lost their shit like absolutely lost their shit like they had a big live thing it was like a now special presentation and then they rolled this cgi trailer of monkey king and everybody went nuts and then they had this stage with all these guys dancing around dressed as monkeys like i'm serious and

they did all this big dance and it was a big production everyone was super hyped and then they announced it like another hero and people like oh shit like when pango and they did all this big dance and it was a big production everyone was super hyped and then they announced like another hero and people were like oh shit like when Pango and Willow and all this

like the crowd went fucking nuts and I was like oh shit like I was hyped and I'm thinking maybe they just feel the same way about

the new Madden game as I feel about Dota even though we can't believe it I think my issue is that they're hyped about loads about everything I know like you gotta be hyped about one thing like I can't believe it i think my issue is that they're hyped about loads about everything i know

like you gotta be hyped about one thing like i can't believe you're just hyped about i just love everything like then i i don't buy your hype like you can't be excited about everything this is this because i remember at blizzcon you know we had the crowd kind of being the opposite of hyped about diablo immortal and stuff like this yeah so it does happen I don't know though because I always thought those conferences were packed full of journalists you know and but but I'm beginning to think that there must be some shills in there must be can't be and they must just be there to to rile up the crowd and to to make the crowd more yeah maybe people cheer more if other people are cheering yeah maybe a little seed to like start

it's like the context though right like sometimes you can i think like the infectious crowd thing exists like if you're at the world cup and your team scores or something you know what i mean sure i could imagine like cheering and going nuts and stuff there but for the announcement of a video game i don't think i could ever be moved to cheer to that extent. You know what I mean? Like, like, if you show me a trailer for something like, oh, wow, that looks really cool. You know, like, that's the extent of it for me. Yeah, I don't think I would be any more sort of animated than that. I can't imagine it anyway. Like, it's just, I don't know. It's just not not it's just not that sort of thing i don't think it's like watching a trailer for a movie you know like i guess like people do whoop and go crazy

when they see star wars trailers and stuff so maybe it is a thing i don't know i think they used to because there's these fake well i say fake but these real i guess react this it's a big thing on on youtube that you get there's always some fucking guy crying as he's watching the star wars trailer i love that it's so funny yeah god it's like weird but i mean that dude that dude lives for lives for that it's fair enough that's his that's his whole thing sure yeah and i guess if you're super into something more lore and more canon stuff and more characters being poured on gives you more stuff to be a massive nerd about and that's fine like i support that i can the problem is that when they had the

the they had the battlefield 5 guys on and it was like the designer and some guy who does like the plot or some shit and something else it was just super lame because no one's getting fucking excited about battlefield 5 come on bro and they kept pointing to people he knows what i'm talking about because it's like they work for the company so they're pointing to people who work for the company they're like in the front row i'm like what the other thing that i can't excited for battlefield 5 i can't get my head around how people are getting so excited for remakes i mean holy fuck like you've you've already paid for this game and played it like back when it was first made and now you're gonna just buy it

again and play it and because it's been remade and with like better graphics or something come on i mean that's not like an announcement to get hyped about and people are just like absolutely gobbling it up it's crazy i don't know like i i don't know like like i think it's a lot of i like i like seeing that real actual if it is real raw emotion and passion because it makes me jealous in a way that i'm not as excited as i was when i was a kid you know like when you're a kid and you're excited about a new thing that's coming out it's like oh my god you know that level of excitement is like you know something you don't necessarily feel that much as you start growing i know but you're not like even fully emotionally

developed at that point in your life that's the big difference right like you have no fucking way to handle certain news like your brain isn't quite there yet sort of thing so you don't know what it is it might be a combination you're never gonna be like that well you shouldn't really be like that as an adult but i guess like some people still are i guess also we've been eroded down by disappointments and, you know, reality. I don't want to say this like really, but what are you guys actually genuinely excited for? Like what are you excited for? Sex. Right.

Titties. With your significant other? Like what are you anticipating? Any kind of sex. I really like sex. You know what gets me excited? Knowing that the next day I don't have much to do in the morning you what you anticipate any kind of sex i really like you know what gets me excited knowing that the next day i don't have much to do in the morning and i'm probably not going to get woken

up and when i go to bed i get a bit giddy i'm like oh fuck i'm gonna be able to like sleep longer than usual that gets yeah a lie in is a big one like i get excited for things like mrs f is gonna be taking the kids away for a week and I can just fucking slob out for a week. That's genuine excitement. Like that's really edge of my seat, rollercoaster level of excitement. It's just so fun. What do you do? You go buy some beers at some highland spring just in case the war goes out.

You get some Doritos. I actually eat pretty well. I'm going to a stag party in Portugal next month. And that's exciting. I'm excited for that. Where are you going? To Lisbon. Oh, nice.

Yeah, yeah. Three nights. Yeah. Like it's a long stag party. It's going to be great. I'm excited for that. I did that about, God, it must have been about 10 years ago with my mate Tim. And we went to somewhere.

I think it's called Albufeira. I think that's right. I might have the name right. And it's literally a place that's been constructed for British people to go and drink. Right. And there's a beach. That's it. Perfect.

It's pretty terrible. No, that's great. I like that. It was great. I'm excited about that. We were in a hotel, woke up at like 11 in the bar by 12. You know, we were just sitting there by the pool drinking until we got enough energy to go into town nice and we were sitting there drinking and there were these very attractive

women about 50 meters away top topless sunbathing uh probably not even 50 probably more like 30 like we've got a good look at me like holy shit right and we're looking at them and uh i mean they're like literally they just walked up they looked around like tops off and they were just sunbathing right there on the grass i was like wow that's ballsy like well played and we're drinking and we're chatting and then this we're me and my mate are having a good look at them there's like 15 of us sitting around and this guy comes up behind me and he plants his hand on the table and he goes you see those girls over there and i thought i'm fucked like i'm absolutely fucked and i see my mate sparky sitting opposite me and he's sort of he's looking at me like oh shit so I thought this guy was about I thought he was gonna say

that's my fucking daughter you cunt and just wallop me one and I would have just been destroyed but instead he goes they're Spanish brass mate and I said oh really I'm having no idea what Spanish brass meant I thought he meant they were like senior politicians from Spain like the high brass from Spain that was the first thing that popped into my head no i mean that's yeah i can see how that would be i have still no idea what spanish brass means it means they're top military officials for spain part of the hunter no it means that yeah they're they're prostitutes like brass means prostitutes i don't know i i don't know if it's rhyming slang or um or if it's just a slang word or whatever. But

apparently there was Spanish prostitutes. And he then went on to tell us that some of his mates had already partaken of these ladies. And he said, fill your boots, lads. And I was like, thank you very much. proposition them or is that their downtime? This is them in broad daylight and you say, Hey, let's do it. And they're like, and they say cool and they have a hotel room and you go to the hotel room and in broad daylight and you say hey let's do it and they're like and they say cool and they have a hotel room and you go to the hotel room and you have sex and you pay them like that's it right when he went for a moment i thought my my my head was about to be stoved in

by a very large very tattooed this is good to know where does this happen in portugal you said portugal yeah where i'm going yeah okay perfect but the place we were staying at was an absolute fucking dive it was awful yeah like we were like three to a room it was filthy there were people there lots of families there but like the worst kind of families like this little kids running around with no sunscreen on and it was fucking boiling like it was so hot yeah these kids were just lobstering right there in front of you i just was just like damn these parents don't have any idea but yeah it was an interesting weekend

we got absolutely fucked up I tell you what my goodness nice well I look see that's so Lewis back to what

you're saying I'm looking forward to that I think that's going to be fun but conservatively looking forward to it you know what I mean

I'm not like whooping in my chair and stuff like I don't I don't need to like I don't need to hoop and holler about it I can tell Lewis has more questions I'm not like whooping in my chair and stuff. Like I don't need to like, I don't need to hoop and holler about it. Like it's just like, yeah.

I can tell Lewis has more questions. I'm jealous, right? I want to be that guy who is passionate about Star Wars. I want to be on holiday. I want to be in Portugal. I want to be excited about stuff. I just feel like I need more. There's nothing really on my radar at the moment,

which I'm like, oh, I'm really anticipating this thing. Yeah, but we're older now. I think being super excited for things is something that younger people feel because they haven't been let down this is life's way of preparing you know life is a death sentence lewis and life has a way of preparing you for your inevitable death and that's as slowly as you get older and you're approaching this age now lewis i can i can safely say you get less excited about things. Things on your body stop working.

And this all leads up to the point at which you die. And then it's by design so that when you get to that point, you're like, well, fuck, my dick doesn't work anymore. It hasn't worked for years. You're sat in a murky bath of water for two days. I can't fart properly anymore. It doesn't feel good i can't even sleep you know like all the things that you like start to like become problematic for you

and then when you're on your deathbed you're like you know what fuck this gay world anyway it sucks you know i can't even sleep properly anymore my dick doesn't work anymore all video games suck now then they're just remaking old games and trying to sell them as new games and duping all the gamers out there life is miserable so you don't mind dying no i think it progressively gets more so so that you don't mind dying yeah i think we do get more cynical as we get older yeah it's exciting up to a point like everything seems exciting like my kids now still look at toy adverts and think that looks amazing when they get it and they're like oh it's pretty garbage actually like they're still at that point where they get excited about stuff that i'm i know to be suspicious because i

remember having those disappointments yeah i think as your life goes on you you get more and more familiar with the feeling of disappointment and that wasn't as good as i thought it was but that's why i don't that's why we don't get excited because you don't want to invest too much in i think you can actually get yourself excited about stuff if you like go um start looking around because remember sips was really excited about getting that nissan leaf or whatever the car yeah hey you know what i got an update on that actually i got to uh sit inside a uh a reno is Renault? Renault Zoe, you know, the electric cars. Wow. I got to sit in one.

It was just pure chance as well. We went to this. Oh, my gosh. What a lucky day. What a boon. What a boon. No, no. There's a motor show over here.

It's all outside and there's a fun fair. Lady Luck really shined upon you there. Yeah, no. No, listen, listen. So we're walking over there. There's bouncy castles for the kids and stuff and i thought oh fuck wait for it's just gonna be a whole day of standing around watching kids on a bouncy castle you know like that's the only reason we were going because the kids knew that there was bouncy castles like an ice cream but had one before it's like oh fuck it whatever we'll go and stuff so we're

walking over there and then there's like and then there was like racing and stuff. There's like motorbike racing. There was all these like vintage cars on display and stuff. And then there's this huge area with food and everything. So we're walking through there and then there's all these like brand new cars on display. So I'm walking by and I see this fucking electric car, the Renault Zoe.

It's like a dream car. Oh my God. It's like a dream car. Oh my God. It's like one of those moments where like a hot woman catches your eye and walks by you in the street. I'm working on my wife with this, right? She still is like, no way, we're not getting an electric car. They're not big enough. They suck.

They're too quiet. They're dangerous and shit. So I was like, hey, look, look what's here. She's like, oh, great. And then, of course, like this fucking, you know, Stan the Coffin Salesman appears out of nowhere with his arms flailing everywhere. And he's like, hey, I noticed that you're interested in this car.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, you know, trying to sell it hard and stuff. He's like, why don't you sit inside it and try it out? He says, all right, fine. So I sat inside it and I got to turn it on and everything. In your mind, you're like, I'm going to get one over. I was looking at the instrumentation and stuff.

My family had like, you know, in the 20 minutes I was doing that, immediately just walked away and started continuing towards the bouncy castles and stuff.

So it was good. But then afterwards, my wife was like asking a few more questions than she normally would about an electric car. So we might be getting somewhere guys, we might get like, it might be working. Oh, I forgot.

I forgot to say, um, on the last Triforce, I went to Birmingham for the Birmingham Dota tournament that we had. Oh, yeah. And I just wanted to say that an awful lot of people came up and said how much they like the Triforce podcast. I want to say thank you to them. I also up and said how much they liked the Triforce podcast. I want to say thank you to them. And I also had something.

This is the first time this has ever happened. I don't know if you guys experienced this. This very, very nice girl came over. She was in the cosplay competition. I don't want to out her as a Triforce fan because you never know. We might, you know, people might not appreciate it. It's a stigma. And she said to me, oh, hi, Perion. Thanks very much for, you know, doing the cosplay thing.

I was like, no problem. And then she said, oh, by the way, I have a a gaping vagina although she said i have a cavernous vagina which of course was i don't know if that necessarily means she's a fan she might just be you know she might just be stating a fact no she didn't she she said i i love the podcast she followed up with that and i said you are the first woman that's ever actually used what i thought was the the the gendered version of i have a tiny penis women women could say they have a gaping vagina and she did it i was like you're the first one because normally women say to me i have a tiny penis i was like i got you i really hope someone overheard they did a couple of people with old 45 year old

man talking to hot 20 something cosplay vengeful spirit or whatever she was dressed as she's like all of her makeup on and she turns to you oh i really hope someone overheard that and just double take the fuck it was magic it was a great a great birmingham moment i'll tell you what nice it was right in the middle of the arena like there's all the you know we're just on the floor near the stage and everything and she says that i was like cool say i was happy wow that's the right i gotta say we do get a lot of compliments on the triforce podcast surprisingly i don't know why but they do all seem to come from guys like there there are a lot of women that listen to the podcast a lot of them um i've actually got uh

shout out to mrs flax yeah she listens to it yeah there's a surprising number to check up on you so it feels like no she loves it. She loves it. She really does. She's trying to find out your inner workings through this podcast. Because she's like, so I heard you were on a stag do in Spanish Beach. I heard that you were admiring some Spanish brass. No dinner for you tonight. I believe I've already told her the story.

And I cooked the dinner. Sex is busted. Thank you very much. I'm so old fashioned told her the story. And I cooked the dinner. You sexist bastard. Thank you very much. I'm so old-fashioned. Sorry. Sorry to interrupt anyway. Yes, thank you everyone. It was a great event. Birmingham was great. And yeah, thank you to all the people that came up and said you liked the podcast. Yeah, thanks. I got some news too. It was my

birthday last week, but everybody forgot. Oh, happy birthday. Thanks. You kept that quiet. Who cares? I'll be honest. Who cares? We're too old. Imagine if you said that to anyone else in the office or your kids

who are like, it's my birthday today, and you just said who cares? Just in their face. We know that none of us gives a shit. like that's it that's why this is a safe space about our birthday we don't show i don't care i don't want you guys to give a shit about my birthday who cares it's like a hangover from being a kid you know and

having a special day all for you yeah i guess people remembered your guys's birthdays so you have that confidence to say who cares, but everybody forgot mine. Wait, even your wife? Yeah. No, I don't believe you. That pause tells everything. No, she remembered. Of course, she did.

She remembered. Go on, let's see. What are you? 37? 37? Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Okay. So, 39 maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Second try. If it was the big one, I'd understand. But yeah, it's, it's, you know, I mean, geez, my birthday now, I get the I get a card from the kids.

That means everything. Yeah, because they write it themselves. Like, I prefer them to draw a card or they choose a card, which always makes me laugh because they're always really insulting. They choose the meanest card that they can. I'm like, cool. That's funny. My kids said, what do you want to have for dinner tonight because it's your birthday so i said oh you know what i would really like for my dinner

tonight for my birthday just like uh broccoli with spinach sauce all over it for my birthday dinner and they're like uh so i didn't get my birthday dinner the one that i wanted we had pizza instead which was you know secretly what i really wanted but oh i see that's very clever it's just a little she knew just a little joke i like to do with my kids you know just a little that's a good fun little joke i like it's a good one i like it yeah it's a great one yeah it's a real nice one i could just see the kids faces fall when you told them oh my god they look mortified like because they because they thought there was an actual chance of that happening but fuck i wouldn't even right talking of food talking

of food this is a good segue into a yougov poll that came out a couple of days yesterday actually uh the best classic british foods brackets savory oh yeah i saw this so they had god tier top tier mid-tier low tier and crap tier i have a lot of problems with this list. Because first of all, Beef Wellington is not low tier. All right. Pork pies and steak and kidney pies are not low tier. To many people, scotch eggs are not low tier. Bubble and squeak is great.

And then listen to crap tier. They've got... Do they have a category for beef gravy on there? Because that's pretty popular. Sorry, so what's in the God tier? God tier is Yorkshire pudding. Oh, right. Sunday roast.

Sunday roast, yeah. Fish and chips. Yeah. crumpets full english breakfast what about a vindaloo curry bacon sandwich well here's the thing mid-tier is chicken tikka masala because that's the actual only food that well here's the thing there was a guy on twitter who was upset when i when we claimed the chicken tikka masala was British. But if you look up the origins of chicken tikka masala, when the first sort of waves of immigrants coming from from India and the subcontinent were coming to England, and establishing restaurants and things, that was when the big boom in Indian food, I should say, like South Asian cuisine really started to come out in the UK. And chicken tika masala was a dish that they,

I assume, devised for Western palates and British palates because it wasn't too spicy. It was nice. Yeah, I think a lot of the Indian food that you get in Britain is like, it's kind of like Chinese food in America, you know, it's like, Yeah, it's all for the locals. I mean, I've eaten Chinese food in China. And it's I mean, for one thing, you can't really say Chinese food because it's like huge variance in cuisines and styles from all over. But what we think of as Chinese food, you cannot get over there. Like you have to go to a restaurant over here, which has a lot of Chinese customers. And if you go to Chinatown, you kind of get that a bit but there's there's a few restaurants around

there's one in Teddington actually, which is hot and if you go there on a sunday for dim sum it's it's literally you'll be the only non-chinese person in there no and that's how you know it's good yeah and it's it's authentic shit and really really really good it's so weird none of those would make the list for for classic british foods because they're they're just not like they're imported styles of food that have been slightly changed but chicken tikka masala the actual recipe apparently adapted for a british palette yeah well well apparently chicken tikka masala specifically was created in britain for british people so it was in liverpool wasn't it somewhere probably somewhere like that yeah weird fucking story but cauliflower cheese is mid-tier well really cheese is god tier i i think it's i think it depends on first of all you

where you brought up because i think in different parts of Britain, people don't have these things. I never had cauliflower cheese, really, as a kid or growing up. All right, here's a problem. Cornish pasties, mid-tier. Now, here's my problem. Some people point it out that you can get some really garbage pasties and that maybe that's what people are judging it by,

but then they shouldn't call it Cornish pasty, because if it's a Cornish pasty it's from fucking cornwall maybe devon and they're the fucking business you can't put them in mid-tier that really ticked me off right so this whole list can fucking do one honestly what do you think needs to be added i mean where's the cup of builder's tea that surely goes up there at god tier what about like a kick no no these are classic britches like savory for one thing that was sweet what you mentioned there so this is like dishes that you would serve, not just like a thing you can buy in Tesco's, you know, for 50p.

I'm talking about like an actual thing that you could serve for dinner, really, or for lunch, most of these, or breakfast. So these are like meals rather than just a specific thing. I mean, the thing is, it definitely has to depend. I grew up in a little village, and we had a little chip shop called Wong's Fish Bar. It was like a little chinese chip shop and they always they sold chips saveloys um and some bits of fried fish yeah like pork balls and prawn balls and chicken chow mein regular stuff cream of some young guy you can order you could order all the

regular stuff right it was not chinese at all really it was very it was very anglicized yeah i think it there's a there's a chip shop uh near me that's um run by uh i think they're chinese i always wondered why would you come all the way to england with all this endowed knowledge of chinese cuisine just to do fish and chips i kind of feel like because it's so popular and they make money off of it i guess but chinese food is pretty popular there's loads of feel like it's so popular and they make money off of it, I guess. But Chinese food is pretty popular. There's loads of Chinese restaurants. It is but chips are more popular, I would say. I think they like having their own business. I also think that often people actually find that these these shops have been run for like 5034 years.

Oh, you think maybe they bought it from someone else? And they were like, cool, we can keep running this and Yeah, but I think like, I think they probably start off with like i know like the takeaway place that's close to to my place does all sorts of stuff like you can get pizza there you can get curries there you can get chips you can get like chinese food like they do everything you know what it reminded me of you'll know this reference do you remember in in seinfeld when he goes into that restaurant where the guy, the Indian guy is Babu is running the he's serving like macaroni cheese and stuff. And he says, Babu, you should cook

your own cuisine and Babu does and the restaurant goes under. And he's like, you're a very bad man. He keeps saying to Jerry. Yeah. So I thought I'll just keep out of it. I'm sure they know what they're doing. It has you have to adapt to the taste of the local people. That's it. If you went and set up a fucking restaurant in that Chinese place that you went to with a hot pot and they love their spicy food, you can't fucking serve bland shit there, can you? You're telling me Greggs wouldn't go down a storm in Shanghai? I'm telling you right now.

Greggs didn't work in Jersey, for Christ's sake. Yeah, well, you guys are crazy. They came over here. You guys are nuts. They opened up like 10 Greggs. You shoot them away with pitchforks and flaming my island you fuckers no no but it's the same subway came over here too and the same thing happened they opened like five subways nobody went because locally there's already like a million nice sandwich shops so like why the

fuck would you go get rubbery subway when you can get like a nice sandwich from a local place you leave subway out of this all right no i'm just saying though that's it it's so true and greg's was the same like there's a whole bunch of because there never has been a greg's there was like uh i guess a niche for like local bakeries to do sausage rolls and all that shit yeah so people are more accustomed to going there already so greg's just failed instantly because everybody's like, well, what the fuck would I go to Greg's when I could just go to like this local bakery this see that's rare million times better in Twickenham. We used to have bakeries and then Greg's turned

up and the bakeries went out of business like pretty quick. Yeah, shit bakeries. They were pretty shit. Yeah. See, you gotta be good. Bigger than bakery and Twickenham High Street had to shut down had to shut down because of mice, mice infestation shut the whole place down. Had to shut down because of mice. Mice infestation. Shut the whole place down. I'm serious.

Now it's a place where you can take your baby to learn to swim. That's literally Twickenham in a nutshell. Incredible. It's a lovely place. Talking of mice, I have mice. I had to buy humane mousetraps. Haven't caught any yet. We'll keep you updated.

Hey, you know what you should do, Flax? Fucking put them on ice and sell them to a pet shop so that snake owners can buy them. Ice mice. I'm not going to feed a mouse. You can make a little bit of money on the side, you know? Yeah, how much? A couple of pounds. I think I had an iced mice before I went on the bouncy castle, actually.

Iced mice. I'm not going to freeze a mouse to feed the snakes. Why not? It's horrible. Because I'm going to set it free. It's a little mouse. Let him live his life. Yeah, but he's just going to get eaten by a snake in the wild.

You might as well just freeze him. He won't know it's coming. First of all, he's not going to get eaten by a snake. How many you might as well just freeze them you won't know he's not gonna get any snakes are in twickenham none you know the snake is grass snake eats a mouse like that just swallows it whole and then doesn't eat again for like a week because his insides just like work on that on that i ain't gonna i ain't gonna freeze a mouse that's not cool i can't do that when i went to buy terry there was a guy at the pet shop ahead of me who recognized me turned around he's like oh hey sips what's up it's like oh hey what's up gaping vagina blah blah tiny penis uh no he didn't say anything like that and then he had these plastic ziploc bags filled with like frozen dead mice it's like what the fuck are you doing he's like i got snakes at home it's like holy shit there's like a special fridge at the back of the pet shop that just has

ziploc bags filled with frozen dead mice and rats and shit so you think you got a problem he's you know having mice he's got snakes that's awesome well i mean that's i don't know man like uh it's weird like because because now that i have a tortoise i i appreciate how difficult it is and tricky it is to like keep reptiles and stuff so props to a snake owner guy there that's yeah you've got like dependents you know they lead you to give a leaf you gotta like you gotta you gotta heat them properly and light them properly and it's almost like they're not designed to be kept in a house or take another environment like crazy yeah it's crazy but anyway thanks everybody uh that's the Shrivels podcast.

9.5. On your dial. You're going to have to end it here. Patreon, thank you. We'll see you next week. Peace. Bye.