Triforce! - Triforce Introduces - Hat Chat: Hogwarts or The Shire? (with Sips)

Episode Date: July 9, 2022

Whilst we are on holiday we thought you might enjoy this episode of Hat Chat featuring Sips. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to give them a follow https://www.pickaxe.uk/Hat-Chat ------------------------------------------------- The Hat Chat Podcast consists of a trio of comedy entertainers who run a YouTube channel called 'Hat Films'. Ross Hornby, Chris Trott and Alex Smith make up the three voices you'll hear chatting about absolutely anything and everything. No holds barred! Apologies if the sound is a little 'off' we've had to adjust to recording from home with different setups. We hope you can enjoy it all the same! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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But here's the podcast that I was on not long ago. It's Hatch at 100. Believe it or not, we'll be back soon. Beep. Beep. wow nice aka leak proof yeah bob aka leak proof and our special guest today for episode 100 is none other than our dear friend, acquaintance, father, Sips. Hello, Sips. He's not our father, I'll point out. He's our dad.

I could be. If you guys want me, I could adopt you all if you want. You could adopt us. Yeah, that's the only way. Join the club. I've got kids everywhere. And we go around convincing people we meet after the adoptions happen that you're our biological father as well.

And they're like, so he had all three of you at about nine or ten years old? Yeah, yeah, it was crazy. That's why he had to move to the end because we had to leave Canada. The police are still investigating. Okay, right.

It's darker than you'd think. But yeah, welcome. Sipsips i know you probably watched all episodes up till now so you understand the format of course so feel free to do the usual spiel for us if you could right yeah well uh you know it goes without saying uh congratulations on your big 100 and i hope you guys are happy with yourselves and proud of yourselves as well thanks man and um you know know, just keep going. You know, number 200 is just around the corner. Number 300, not too far beyond that.

400, 500, you know, 1,000. That's a pretty big landmark, too. That's too many really. Big milestone to hit as well. So, you know, cheers to the finest crew in Starfleet. Well done, motherfuckers we actually like to keep things strictly on a harry potter universe thing here to the finest wizard in hogwarts the finest wizard trio what what what what would you like many wizards i guess is just the plural is just wizards but wizards yeah but like

it's like a gang of wizards though right there's got to be a better name or a plan i guess in a way they're all a gang it's that much now we're concentrated into one group of people deserves a better does a cootery a cootery i think is uh is is what it's could be called. It's used in another fantasy series. Yeah. That's something we should be worried about. There's another one. The Gangs of Wizards. By the way, I just did the math in my head, guys.

Gangs of Grand Wizards for you to worry about. It's Gangs of Grand Wizards. Well, there's only ever one. That's the thing. Of course. It's the Grand Wizard. We'd only be 55 when we hit episode 1,000. If we consistently did a podcast once a week

uh we would make it to 1000 about the age of 55 that's not too bad you guys have to live through your 40s though which is a rough time especially with the amount of cocaine that you guys are doing it's like a pacing thing it speeds life life up, doesn't it? Yeah. You're not wrong. But what about the members of the Rolling Stones, though? Because the theory goes, right, with cocaine, you take years off the end of your life to make the years at the beginning of your life more intense, right? Right.

But they just seem to have extended it beyond mortal realms. I don't even think they're human anymore, though. I think it's all prosthetics and like iron lungs and stuff you know like they don't iron lungs they're not they're not you know what iron lung is they're they're well like uh yeah it's like a machine though right like yeah it's like a giant like machine you go inside and then it works your lungs using pressure well i mean like you think like keith richards he doesn't even have any of his own blood in his system or anything right like it's just it's it's all been like transfused and

everything he's just he's not even keith richards anymore i think he ceased to be keith rich probably in like the 80s realistically and this whole time he's like a cyborg i guess just like yeah how old is he i heard that they replaced his blood with the um the embalming fluid of uh one of those like mammoths they have in the natural history museum yeah they took all of that embalming syrup out and just put it straight into keith richards they just basically had to find some blood out there that just wasn't uh heavily um influenced by drugs right so yeah they just any blood that they could blood of an innocent child of course yes of course yeah there's been a couple of rivers in major major cities that um have

tested positive for like mdma and party drugs because like the populace of the local area was taking so much of it that they were peeing it was going out into local water sources and it was just all coming up positive with with with a class drugs like london's had it i think bristol had it at one point they were detectable levels of drugs in the water nice i was watching uh i don't even know why i haven't kept up with any of it because i really just don't give a shit but the uh the johnny depp amber heard a trial yeah and when uh it's everywhere when he was being cross-examined or he was on the bench and they were saying, is it true, Mr. Depp, that you took 10 MDMAs in one day at one point? He's like, well, no, because I'd be dead.

Just a matter of fact about it. Like, everybody has their limits, okay? It's so funny oh man that's all i've seen from the from the whole trial i haven't i haven't kept up with it at all because like i said you just tend to see these little little clips here and there i think it's um yeah it's odd viewing it's weird how how much it has become well it's not weird really because of things like like netflix have dramatized like the oj simpson trials and stuff like i think people are like i can be a part of this weird celebrity trial history thing it's like happening in real time i think that's

where the party appeal probably comes from oh it's just yeah celebrity culture and people are like obviously really wanting to know the next gossip and rooting for people it's just yeah it's it's it's quite ugly really when you think about the seriousness of the accusations but um well they're totems that are held up by different people with different opinions right like it's just the same thing it's just like i'm going to use this as a stronger implement of my opinion which is what happens yeah um but anyway what else has been going on this week um the queen it's not really uh so you're gonna be celebrating the queen's jubilees coming up okay yeah i just need to know bikini cut underpants that i'm going to be wearing with a um you know those

hats that like the butcher wears um i don't know what you call those but that's got a union jack on it as well that and uh a bow tie that twirls but that's got a union jack on it as well that and uh a bowtie that twirls around it's got a union jack on it yeah i'm really celebrating the queen not necessarily celebrating the union um so i mean you're gonna need to send that all back and get it reprinted with queen faces on no no i don't want to celebrate that because it doesn't fit with my color scheme and my roleplay. Oh, your roleplay as well. Yeah, I'm going as planned. I'm not changing it up.

Okay. I don't want that woman's face anywhere near my junk, okay? She's like 96 years old. Nobody's going to put that on you, don't worry. The irony is it's always near your junk if you put your wallet in your pocket. Her face is everywhere. That must be weird. That's true, actually.

Her face has spent so much time near my ass when you think about it that way. And in a desperate time, if you can't find a toilet roll, a £5 note comes in handy. Maybe not the new plastic ones. That's even better. You wipe and then you wash them in the sink.

Yeah, yeah. Of of course actually great for it i don't think you'd be able to get right in there and shovel it out like i like to though you know it'd be sliding around too much shovel it out yeah god you gotta get really in there you know like you're dipping a fucking nacho in the guacamole yeah pretty much yeah you gotta get right in there you take uh you take one of those bad ones, like one of those messy ones. Your mom's not around to help you either. Like, I don't know about you guys, but my mom lives far away. I can't just phone her up and say, you've done a messy one.

I need some help. Of course. Mom, get the hose. But a five-pound hose is not going to solve my problems there either. I need some. I need, like, some really cheap toilet paper. Like, I don't even want like the four ply. I want just like, you know, the one.

Sponge on a stick. Well, you just double up if your hands bust. Get a singing toilet. Trot's got a singing toilet. Yeah. It's not true. The song weighs his shit and says, thank you, father. Yum, yum.

There's a variety of cameras in there. It takes, you know, LiDAR imaging of my anus. Yeah. Oh, nice. Very accurate. Full LiDAR imaging of my anus. Oh, nice. Very accurate. There's sensors on Trump's toilet and they put on Apache gunships. Hey, you know what? This hat chat isn't about general conversation.

Not like Triforce. We have a format here. Sips, would you like to hear about it? He knows. Of course you know. i've watched all the other ones so i know of course you don't even you save your breath so i mean he's actually a competition winner that's why he's here yes i entered the sweepstakes it was my one wish oh man what a thrill i'm so happy to win we have something we do as like you know the theme for head chat is right we we get a

hypothetical question from our wonderful patrons voted right and uh we discuss it so what at length or do you have like do you do multiples there's a couple there can be a couple yeah it doesn't have to be super deep into it we go yeah sure or how deep the question is in fact so here we go the first one is you hit your head on a rock and now you're only able to say a single phrase to everything for the rest of your life what would the phrase be oh my god you've been hodored you've been mine for sure is who's your barber that's for sure is who's your barber who's your barber that's it that's a confusing one because obviously like so somebody asks you a simple yes or no question you you need a good react you need something that can cover all bases there maybe just say just maybe yeah you're really in ground there. I'll get back to you on that one.

I'll get back to you. That's a good one. I'll get back to you. Are you allowed to write stuff down, or is that just against the rules? This is a phrase you can say. It doesn't say that you can't write stuff down. It's just you hit your head on the rock and you can only say one phrase in response to everything. Oh, man.

I would say then, so if you can write things and sign i would say help me is the phrase that i because i think that if you were in a situation where your ability to sign or your ability to write is compromised you need to be able to shout something that gets people to come and see what the fuck is the matter so you can sign at them right so help me it'd be the best thing to do because if you shout help me that's the best thing to say that's what you you could sign instead

like the boy who cried wolf though like what if you become known as the help me guy who never actually needs help and then I think he might become known as the guy that can only say help me though fucking help me guy again help me guy again request Here's help me guy again. Request for help.

Exactly. It's very complex. I mean, I guess there's no one sentence that covers all grounds really. But yeah, if you go to drive through and you're like, oh, do you want more bacon? And they're like, help me. More bacon? Help me. Help me.

Help me. Yes, I'd like some bacon. Is that what your phrase is then? Yes, please. More bacon. No, that wouldn't be my phrase. more bacon. Yes, I'd like some bacon. Is that what your phrase is then? Yes, please, more bacon. No, that wouldn't be my phrase. More bacon. I'm trying to think of something that covers... It's very easy to take my phrase apart

without suggesting your own phrase. I mean, that was a min-max answer. Somebody come up with a funny one as well. Fuck me, daddy. Yes, please, more bacon. Fuck me, daddy. Fuck me, daddy. I guess what is the worst thing you'd be stuck saying

yeah fuck me daddy probably just yes right is the worst thing yes is quite a good one because you would just you would end up getting

pranked all the god damn time right like soon as everybody realised that all you could do was agree yes

it would take advantage of you I don't think it would be as whimsical let's workshop it jim carrey film either no what no it wouldn't be as nice it would be as nice as yes man would it it'd be liar liar it would definitely be more a liar liar yeah than a yes man situation uh so sips you walk into a sandwich shop yeah um we meet you and i both walk in at different times of the day i walk in first and the person at the shop counter looks at me and they're like what do you want what sandwich do you want and i look at them and say help me right and they're like okay and um and then there's

a sandwich there's probably a sandwich board or some ingredients in front of them or at least a sandwich yeah i can just point at one right and they go okay yeah here you go that's three pounds 75 i smile at them pay leave well i mean i could do that now you walk into the shop yeah you walk into the shop so i walk in the shop and i and they say how can i help you and i'd say let me get back to you on that one but then with my eyes and my hand i'd be like so your phrase now, let me get back to you on that one. That's always been that way. That was my original one. Oh, well, I mean, yes works as well.

Yes! Yes, I would be pointing at the one I wanted. So it's all non-verbal, right? So really you're relying on the non-verbals. Non-verbal communication is huge, though. You can say a lot just with, like, a glance. You guys all have long-term partners, right?

You go to an awkward social setting with them, and you can give them that glance, and they know you've said a thousand things in one look. They know what's up. We've got to go, and in roughly five minutes, or you've got to steer this conversation away. Yeah, you don't even have to do, like, we've got to steer this conversation away yeah you don't even have to do like we gotta we gotta go like you don't have to even be like super obvious about it you could just be like uh why is he violently i think we gotta go soon like one little glance and then they're

like yep we gotta go you you know right like it's it's a it's a cue like you you don't even need to to say a lot of words to get the point across so i bust open the door at this point shop and says yes more bacon please more bacon please more bacon please and trot trot would walk in and say fuck me daddy fuck me daddy fuck me daddy more bacon please oh man i love the enthusiasm too you know it's not like you don't just walk in you're like fuck me daddy you're just like yeah fuck me daddy more bacon please oh man i love the enthusiasm too you know it's not like you don't just walk in you're like fuck me daddy you're just like yeah fuck me daddy he rushes in and yells the only thing he can ever say rather than looking around what do i want from the shop fuck me daddy yeah it's like okay you gotta be upbeat about it one phrase it doesn't mean that your whole personality and purpose changes it's like why shouldn't it though why can't i like

if i could you can that's what makes it funny you can you can yeah it's just funny the idea that you know i live my life around doesn't say anything about this yeah you are the fuck me daddy man you could also make it sound conversational you could just say like uh fuck me daddy man. You could also make it sound conversational. You could just say fuck me daddy. Fuck me daddy Fuck me daddy. Fuck me daddy Yeah, can you can you stop the sentence at some point like fuck me daddy? Yeah, I mean your volume changes fuck me Daddy yeah You have to say all but. Help me, Daddy-o. I reckon we could min-max it. Me, Daddy.

Yeah. Daddy. You get all the grammar. You get all the grammar and sentence structure in there. You know, like the eat, shoot, sleeves thing. You could get wild with it, right? You could. You certainly could.

But not as wild as our next patron question. You ready? Okay. Go on. Hit us with it. Smash us with it. Thank you again once to our patrons. There you go.

Covering up Sips' face there. Thank you so much. Kind, kind patrons. Thanks, patrons. Don't cover my face with that. Sips at the top of that list. Come on. Much appreciated. So the second question is as follows.

If you could pick one robot or cyborg from any movie to be your lifelong companion, which one would you pick? That's an easy one for me. Who would it be? For me, it'd be Wally every time. Wally. He's so fucking loyal, stupidly so. He's loyal, but is he good?

He's a fucking idiot. You could just get him to do anything clean up my trash asshole yeah you know you can get him to do anything

you can get him to clean up trash yeah but there's not much else he can do with the spinning arms and shit yeah

that's so easy wouldn't you rather the one that he befriends the Sigourney Weaver voiced one no no she's Evie that's it's that's so easy wouldn't you rather the one that he befriends uh the sigourney weaver voiced one no no she's uh that's the one yeah she's like um you know like a bit dramatic maybe like almost hormonal you know like you know she's got she's got her her prime directive does not align with mine okay right wall-, okay. Wally's does because I'm a messy-ass guy.

Like, he can clean up after me. We'd have a great partnership for sure. What about... Eve, not so much. Yeah, Eve, not so much, I guess. But, like, what about... I mean, Westworld is filled with robots. And those are real people, basically.

I feel like that would be a problem. You could really fuck that. That would be... problem that would be you could really fuck all oh it depends on what you're asking yeah it depends on what you want from the robot for example you wouldn't really want to fuck wally um you're not gonna fuck wally no no not not really i mean maybe you would like you said you'd do a little bit like banging a toolbox wouldn't it would be like fucking like nightmarish it looks like trash yeah yeah yeah i personally would pick as a lifelong companion ed209 from robocop now that is is that the big why not just robocop though because this one's way more imposing also he's half robot half human right yeah but he's still he's yeah he's too hormonal you want just a bipedal huge tank it's the fucking flash to follow you around everywhere

he's a liability you know because every once in a while he'll be like you know he'll be lining up for the shot and you'll be like i remember my old life i can't shoot now change the fucking record Robocop Jesus Christ get a life Robocop what about

the energizer bunny from the energizer bunny yeah Jesus what about

the kid from AI that would be I mean he could be your child you could just have a fake

kid without any of the real responsibilities I mean other than obviously the fact that you can You could just have a fake kid without any of the real responsibilities. I mean, other than obviously the fact that you can leave him by the roadside when you want. There's the robot from Short Circuit. You could get the Short Circuit robot. Johnny. Johnny Five?

No, Johnny Five is the Johnny Cabs from Total Recall. Remember when they go to Mars and it's a robotic taxi driver? Johnny Five? Johnny Cabs from Total Recall. Remember when they go to Mars and it's a robotic taxi driver? Johnny Five? Johnny Cabs? Welcome to Johnny Cabs. Johnny Five in Short Circuit as well. Oh, is it? Maybe it is then.

I would choose Razor from Robot Wars. Okay. Yeah. I guess he is a robot, but you have to control him all the time it's called robot wars you'd have a controller what are the pros what are the pros of having razor as your lifelong companion then well razor from robot wars had like a crushing strength of of like a ton or something like that it would crush every robot it would it would run up to them it would hit you in the shins and it would put a goddamn crushing blade straight through your foot guys i mean it'd be the tyranny

the tyranny i could enact this is a lifelong companion that's it though like he can't do the dishes or anything like useful crush the dishes he just crushed everything he can crush the dishes and he'd only be able to crush things at ankle height as well so you'd have to put all the dishes on the ground first. Or we'd need an elaborate ramp set up for him getting around. Yeah, I'd have a whole tram put inside my house. You're retrofitting your whole house for ramps for this guy. You're essentially adding stair lifts for a robot into your house. Guys, what happens when one of your fancy Android choices breaks down

and you've got no way to fix it i've got ed209 well i've picked such a killing machine i picked such a crappy robot i just wouldn't care like i'd just leave them you choose a really crappy one that you can i guess wally is just a really expendable one a scrap bot oh oh he broke down well what now what i just wouldn't fix him. I'd just leave him. How about the Iron Giant from the film The Iron Giant? The Iron Giant. Yeah.

He's a bit big. He's a bit big. Massive, yeah. But ultimately, you know, he would fuck off. Think about where you'd go with him. Yeah. Where the hell would you store him? I mean, everything costs so much nowadays, too.

You can't put him in a shed or whatever you'd have to have like a warehouse or whatever he'd be an outdoor in the city center you know be an outdoor but he'd be an outdoor he wouldn't be domesticated you get rusty yeah he's iron you could build a really cool like like you know how outside of like buckingham palace and stuff like that where they have those guard houses that the guards like stand in they're like a little garden shed but really tall so they can stand up in them right really narrow yeah yeah one for an ed605 was it 209 209 of course sorry 605 was the later models when they took them into war rather than urban pacification um but imagine that you could build a fun little shed for your kill bot what about the what about the

the fallout robots the the housemaid ones oh yeah the little helpers Cogsworth they are terrifying aren't they

didn't we discuss this last week about like having a kitchen robot that we could like make all your food for you yeah imagine they're on a similar kind of level where

that would be useful I'd have Weebo from Flubber a sentient woman trapped in a flying uh vacuum cleaner what about bender webo like fell in love yeah that'd be quite funny i mean it seems like he fucks with people annoying he'd be chaotic you'd fuck with the paranoid android will also be just depressing i think yeah have you seen Big Hero 6 no I haven't

the robot from that it's not really a robot it's kind of like a more of a squishy big squishy he is a robot I guess he's an AI yeah so like

Baymax he'd be cute yeah that'd be pretty cool but again he's got a size problem he'd be knocking stuff over well he's not that much bigger I guess it's just like

yeah I mean he's tall and bulky big and tall R2D22 isn't useful. What about Bishop from Aliens? Oh, shit. Rampage. That'd be terrifying.

You could like push him down the stairs and all of his tubes would burst and there'd be milk everywhere. He's got all that fucking milk blood and shit. Why is he powered with it? Just for fun every once in a while. Hey Bishop, what? Everyone keeps jizzing in Bishop.

The Bishop part. Push him down the stairs. Fuck you Bishop. So sinister. Oh no, I'm full of cum. Oh, that's my cum. You didn't have cum in you before you were his owner. My circuits are overloaded.

That's strange. You can get a toy. You can get an action figure of Bishop that's bisected. So the top half of him is out and he's got all the jizz all over him. And there's like an... Oh, God, it's so funny. Man, I'd be just jacking off way too much. I would never leave the house.

Yeah, it'd be a huge distraction. Dangerous toy. There's plenty of options there, though. Yeah, there's plenty of options. There's loads of options. I yeah there's plenty of loads of options i mean there's a lot of different robots i mean if you wanted a humanoid one there's there's so many to choose from so many realistic ones but do you want a realistic rebel do you want something more subservient well i think probably the ideal would be like uh the west world robots right

right yeah but you'd have to have you seen humans no they seem human enough and they just crack on with it but then yeah then things took a turn that was a weird show interesting but yeah

alright well we'll stick with the idea of having sex bots which are as lifelike as possible like Bishop right okay

realistically I think that's the only way forward I mean you're gonna wanna have sex at some point. You're not really going to have sex with Robocop or Bishop or Wally or the Flubber woman. Or Razor.

You're saying you can't come on. You could definitely do it with Razor. He's crushing Kate and Peter. I'm crushing. I want to crush my ass. Oh, man. Well, now that you put it that way, I'm thinking about it. We can make an exception in that case, but the other ones, come on.

They're good for nothing in that sense, right? So I put a bunch of... As it's episode 100, I put way more than just three options. Oh options oh shit me so it's up to us whether we want to move on to some news of the week or get hit with another incredible hypothetical here's another one i think okay yeah because some of the news is yeah it's okay it's not so funny nowadays what with you know wars and stuff and i know shootings and stuff going on. I know. Finding fun is a tricky task. I mean, there's some OK news. Some things are meant to be shared,

like sunsets over the Pacific, picnics in Central Park, or aeroplane points. Up to eight family members can share aeroplane points together. With the TD Aeroplane Visa Infinite card, earn up to 50,000 Aeroplan points. Aeroplan family sharing is a feature of the Aeroplan program. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 3rd, 2024.

Visit tdaeroplan.com for details. All right. Not really, actually. The news has been Ray Liotta died. I know, yeah. The guy from depeche mode died like so many people yes apparently i don't know who that is specifically but another yesterday was a massive really crazy yeah oh boy well i know let's bring it back up

with the question truck okay um so next up these are actually joint third and fourth so we've got would you choose to live in the worlds of harry potter or lord of the rings and i really think you need to consider i honestly think that the world of lord of the rings would be miserable because oh god yeah because it's like medieval times like the the movies they're only showing all the guts and glory parts of it but yeah all the other days of the year you're farming potatoes the harvest is probably gonna fail every time like it sucks and like those times have been voted in in history as some of the worst times to be alive right right? Voted. Yeah, voted by the five people who were around at the time and hated every minute of it.

It's got to be, at least in Harry Potter, you know, you got to go to a boarding school or whatever, but at least it's like in modern times, you know, like when the school year is done, you can just go home and, I don't know, whatever you do. The only objectively bad thing that ever happened to Harry Potter was that his parents died. Everything else from there on was the life of, like, basically Boris Johnson, right? Like, endless money, private school, privilege.

He became a wizard. He was hunted by Lord Voldemort, of course. This is all because he could do magic, right? Well, partly. Also because he had rich parents. He had rich parents that were part of the popular kids at school before. We've been through it a few times. I would say you're right, though, about Lord of the Rings.

Apart from, it depends on where you live. Because if you live in the Shire, you're having a lovely old time. They've got a lovely community, lovely houses. You wouldn't know about the life you have now. The thing is, you're not going have like honey mead all the time because like you have to grow all this you know what i mean like you're you're getting a snapshot of this the shire where it just so happens that like it's been a bountiful harvest everybody's happy and good mood and stuff what about next year yeah when like everything fails and then you got every day oh i'm worried that we're not going to have enough food for the rest of the year

turn up and eat out of house and home and sing a song about chucking some plates around your kitchen yeah you know what if that happens as well then you're really also just the weird mythical creatures i mean i'm saying that there are weird creatures in harry potter too there's more of a variety of weird yeah you could just stumble across them in in the shire maybe wandering out just a little bit further beyond the verge i feel like the balrog of morgoth i'm not super keen on the education system of the harry potter world but I've yet to see it in Lord of the Rings. I've not seen a single school in Lord of the Rings. That's a good point.

I think the world of Harry Potter is probably safer as well, right? Because in Lord of the Rings, there are some major evil forces. There's like an eye, like a devil eye, that monitors the realm and stuff. And there's Mordor and everything. You don't want to live next to it. Saying that, that's what we know about. Obviously, we've seen various perspectives.

If you just stayed in the Shire, I think you would be far away enough. Way past his gaze. What is all that stuff? Yeah. You're so far away from it, you wouldn't even know it exists. All we know of Middle-Earth is the skewed perspective from the side of the champions of the light sort of thing. Right, of course. But realistically, you know,

what if, like, Mordor really decided to get its shit together and conquer Middle-Earth for, like... And gentrify. Guys, I think Sips might have gone alt-light. Nice. No, I was thinking this as well. I was like like how the fuck do the people of ministereth actually survive there was no discernible industry or farming it was just a really nice layer of houses and like a basket of corn it's like where are they getting all this like they might be mining sure but like where is everything else to feed

people they're out in the middle of nowhere there's that giant space in front of them like you know they all lined up on and all of the orcs were like here comes another big boulder step slightly to the side you know they probably had really good border control and they kept it you know to their own people and that's probably what allowed them to thrive no imports no exports keeping it real locally sourced produce right so apparently the farms are in the books but they forgot about it in the films the pelenor fields which i think is that huge area in front of ministerius was probably farmland it's probably a chapter or two into the politics and they don't yeah also it looks as though it's slightly marshy to do

because of their how near the river was where faramir made his it looks as though it's slightly marshy because of how near the river was where Faramir made his final stand. It's entirely unrealistic that there would be dwellings in such a situation with these shifting sands underneath the swamp. Really concerned about climate change? Yeah. The volcano spitting things up into the sky

with vastly over the current climate. Go on, Trot. I think Harry Potter's terrifying. You literally have any sort of capability of being slightly magic, you know, magical in any sort of sense. You're conscripted into a school and put on the front lines

to defeat Dementors and shit. Of a magical magical war yeah yeah you're literally put into a war and trained though most yeah also i think you had to apply to get in you don't necessarily get straight in um are there any uh anti-mages in uh the harry potter universe that like that attempt to like purge the magical properties of the children or anything. Like mega muggles. I don't know because muggles didn't know about it. This is the issue. I thought the whole thing.

They're just living in bliss. They're completely unaware. Are there any inhibitor collars or anything in Harry Potter where you put like a magical dampening collar around a child's neck to prevent them from doing magic or anything like that? No, they just get punished immediately, don't they? They get punished for using magic outside. Suddenly Dementors turn up and they start getting like

whooped hands. That's only if they're a kid and they have the mark on them until they're of adult age or whatever. Then that no longer... No, Dementors don't come. It don't go into much detail we start really rattling it down yeah you can have somebody thinking hang on where are all the adults as well it feels like adults are uh going extinct in the harry potter world and you're like where the hell is all of this structure and where like not all of the

magical buildings can be within hidden compressible houses. You know, like where is everyone living? You can't suddenly have like, um, what's it called? The ministry of magic have tons of people from everywhere where like the Weasleys live in the middle of fucking nowhere. Uh, serious lives in a house disappears,

you know, like they, they all hiding under our beds and in cupboards and like, where is it? Yeah. It doesn't flesh out. It's basically all about the school. Yeah.

That's all we need to know. That's all they ever tell us, really. Maybe Fantastic Beasts goes into it further, but I couldn't... I've never read any of the books, and I saw the first Harry Potter movie when it came out, and that's it. So I'm not super familiar with the universe.

So your kids haven't watched it or anything? My son started reading the books, and he didn't really like it. He didn't like the book that much. Fair enough. So fair enough so i don't know it's not fleshed out maybe it's like it might just be like a genetic thing like uh just a disinterest in harry potter somehow yeah believe me my dad is very disinterested in harry potter as well i'm not um well i'm obviously not a super fan that makes me sound mental I love Harry Potter me too

how old were you guys when Harry Potter came out though were you like were you young 13 14 I think the books were already out

yeah before I read the first one the second one was already out yeah I think it was at the end of primary school

they started coming out that's about right then that's like I read all of them apart from the last one or two i don't know the films did it most of the work for me so i was like oh that's pretty cool yeah what about the silmarillion is he reading that reading that yet sips you're gonna get you're gonna get on that i don't know i don't even know what that

is there's so many songs in this book dad what is that i don't I don't know, son. There's no music sheets or anything, and I don't really know what I'm going to do with this. It's Lord of the Rings again. Tolkien did, like, an extra book that he never finished. Oh, right, right. Yeah, I've heard of this. Yeah, no, he's not. He hasn't read any of those.

He reads, like, these series books, like Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Dog. I think it's Dog Man or something. It's like a superhero dog. But it's not just one book. There's like fucking 20 books. Yeah, I remember going into those kind of things. Series of books.

They're like decent length, but not like full length novels. Is it like Animorphs? Did you ever read Animorphs? I never read Animorphs. Well, Iorphs well i used to read like the hardy boys and uh bruno and boots um i don't i think it might have been a canadian thing though but it was like these kids that were at boarding school stuff yeah i see the famous five the famous famous five Five Have you seen the rip off of The Famous Five Which has I will find out Anyway continue talking I'll find out the actual

What about Goosebumps Yeah I like Goosebumps I used to watch the show and read the books and stuff Yeah And the show was ultimately a lot more Disappointing than the books and your imagination Could go I don't know the The show had its moments.

Some episodes were better than others for sure. I remember being cheesy as hell even as a kid. It was, but it wasn't impossible to watch either. You could have it on the background. Enjoyable enough, yeah. There's no Aquila or Demon Headmaster. Demon Headmaster sucked. I actually really disliked Demon Headmaster.

I'm not sure Sips even had those. It was really well made though, wasn't it? It was well written or Demon Headmaster. Actually, Demon Headmaster sucked. I actually really disliked Demon Headmaster. I'm not sure Sips even had those. No, I don't know. It was really well-made, though, wasn't it? It was well-written, Demon Headmaster. I really did think it was actually a well-made show because it freaked me the fuck out. It had an effect. And then you'd flip onto the next show on that evening

and it would be awful in comparison. But yeah, it was a really weird show. Did you guys ever get... Aquila was amazing. Did you get Captain Power over here? He had a blue and golden um costume and he had like this gigantic power no it wasn't like a throne it looked like a big wall-mounted torture device that he would like plug himself into the power again

captain power it was uh it was i think it was on in the 80s this guy looks like Judge Dredd yeah it was awesome oh really what about Bionic 6 have you ever heard of the Bionic 6 I've heard of

I think I have yeah I never watched it it's a cartoon and they had some toys as well Bionic 6 Captain Power Captain Power

was pretty fucking cool any of those bad boys look at that guy Captain Power was like really Judge Dredd vibe meets Power Rangers Captain Power does a really Judge Dredd vibe meets Power Rangers. Yeah, Captain Power was like pre-Power Rangers,

but it seemed like very Power Ranger-y, right? I would have loved that. What about, they had Captain Power and they had, what was the fucking Nintendo one? It wasn't Captain Power. Maybe it was Captain Power. you do you guys do you guys ever remember that show where the kid had uh his belt buckle was an nes controller and he had the light gun and the power glove and he would just go around and like fucking solve crimes and shit

like but he was incredible yeah he could like go into into Nintendo games and stuff. I can't remember what the name of him was. Oh, man. It was so good. No, I remember... Probably more American, actually. Was it Mac something? She would melt into a pool of toxic liquids. Annie Mac.

The secret world of Annie Mac. Annie Mac is a DJ. Oh, wait. The secret world of something Mac? Yeah, Alex. Alex Mac? Well, she would justlex into a puddle of yellow goo and then just like go places i can't even remember the context was that like a was it a british show like or was it no it was an american show but like it was on nickelodeon so like i'm not sure if that translated over there but then i guess there's probably a

couple of years before that you would probably have phased out some of the probably yeah we would like i didn't get into i was i was a i was a teenager when pokemon came out so i was like oh right yeah like not not interested in it really no i wasn't a massive fan of pokemon when it came out either that was on ss i was huge yeah loved it i is. I loved the cards. I wasn't a fan of the cartoon as much. But yeah. Lap it up. Alex Mack. I've never heard of that. It seems like something I would probably have watched if it was around during my time.

I don't really remember any of the stories. I just remember her being affected by some nuclear issue and then like covered in toxic waste and then now have the ability to kind of blink your eyes hard and then suddenly turn into a puddle of goo and just like travel places did you guys she had other powers too she had like the ability to transfer electricity there was another one where she ate some really spicy chili and it gave her super strength wow it was a weird show but i used to watch it a lot yeah she also combined coming of age issues with that issue with that as well so it's just like i'm trying to get a boyfriend but also i can turn into a puddle

of goo it's like well okay sure did you guys ever watch uh ren and stimpy or uh and did you watch beavis and butthead when it was i cannot I cannot believe Ren's tip was for kids. It's so bizarre and dark and creepy. The earlier seasons especially were weird. I loved it, though. I found it just really bizarre. It was entertaining for how weird it was. It was very good, yeah. But I remember my mum walked in and we were watching it,

and she was just like, what the hell is this? It was zooming in on Ren's ass. Rotastic detail. The oil on it was like zooming in and like like Ren's ass on it was like popping or something when he was pulling out the strands of his like nerve

endings oh I think the guy who voice acts in the noises Fry in Futurama is the same guy that voice acts Ren and Ren and Stimpy which is crazy

I didn't know that yeah yeah there's loads of voice acting um oh round the, someone mentioned. Holy shit. Did you ever get that? That's Australian.

Round the Twist? No, I've never even heard of it. That was weird. That's such a good show. That was like really just, yeah, bizarre stuff. The only Australian show I remember from being a kid was, I think, The Littlest Hobo. Was it about a dog? Yeah, I know.

The Littlest Hobo. What a fucking name for a show, eh? It was The Littlest Hobo. What's the context? I don't know. It was just like a show right it was it's called the littlest context i don't know it's just like i think it was like one of those it was like a uh like a stray dog that would just like you know travel from town to town and when it arrived in a town it would like help solve the town's problem or whatever just by you know being smart and being a good boy and wagging its tail and stuff, you know. Like, I think it was one of those where, like, I think the people actually had the capabilities of solving the problems in the town themselves. But they just needed that little extra, you know, I don't know, push forward from the dog, you know.

Like, they didn't realize it, you know, I don't know, push forward from the dog, you know, like they didn't, they didn't, they didn't realize it, you know, they just couldn't unlock their, their true potential unless they had the dog there to unlock it for them sort of thing. So like that was his job.

I've seen the dog. Yeah. Oh, it reminds me of the dog I had when I was a child. Let's solve all the problems. Okay. Yes. See you later,

dog. Good luck in your next town. I'm going gonna jump now. I'm gonna jump. Thank you, dog. You've made that decision. I'm about to ingest all of these pills, but now that I've seen your cute-ass face...

You're terrible at solving problems, dog. Fuck off. Fuck off. Oh, man. Yeah yeah I'm pretty sure it was called the Lillis Hobo yeah maybe

yeah you're right yeah I'm familiar with it the Lillis Hobo Ross why don't we you wrap this up with a little bit of really funny news

okay there's a couple of stories here one involves Jimi Hendrix penis another one involves a majestic elk pissing on his own face

I quite like this other one about Banksy. Someone actually sent this one as well. I'm not sure who it was, but thank you for sending that in. It says Banksy allegations cause Pembroke Dock councillor to resign. A town councillor has resigned stating he is unable to do his job

due to ongoing allegations that he is the artist Banksy. William Gannon of Pembroke Dock's Bufferland Ward is stepping down with immediate effect due to allegations he is secretly the cult graffiti artist known as Banksy. In a statement released on Facebook today, it says, as you may be aware, an allegation has been repeatedly made that I am not who I say I am, but that I am the artist Banksy.

This allegation is undermining my ability to do the work of councillor and council rep properly. I do not want this allegation to undermine the reputation of Pembroke Dock Town Council. Therefore, I have decided to step down as both town councillor and council rep. I picture this guy to look like Steve Buscemi from Airheads. This guy, he's just a bald dude with glasses he's not like i mean

how old is he did you say how he was on the article yeah it should be it should be in the article like it's insane that i mean how much flack must this guy have been getting for him to have to quit his job because i like backseat backseat he's backseat this random guy who's like no i'm just uh it's just a counselor his office as well it's just this man imagine imagine he starts turning up to like uh to like parties and stuff post this wearing like uh like skater clothes like with the hat on backwards like for the time and stuff like to live up like yeah it was it was me all along I am actually Banksy Flexing paint on his hand and face He's got a little rebellious streak in him He's got to dress up every day

Just to keep the He knows he's done something wrong But to be pushed to the lengths To actually quit his job That's insane to me That is very odd How much was he getting How much harassment was he getting quit his job. That's insane to me. That is very odd. That's, yeah. But, um... How much was he getting?

How much harassment was he getting? I know you're Banksy. I know it. You must be. You have to be Banksy. I don't know who's... I don't even know where that is. But people...

Also, like, what was he looking at in that photo? He must have been looking into the sun to get that much reflection on those glasses. Like, what are you... When they took that photo, they're like,

oh, hold on a minute. I can't see your eyes because it looks like a fucking constellation. He's got like a Steve Brule facial expression as well, right? With like the big glint off the glasses and stuff. Never seen Steve Brule before? Dr. Steve Brule, for your health? No.

Is he a real doctor? John C. Reilly, but he plays as as this television doctor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's the zany one where they said they... Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. He's got that kind of far away look of not quite... He looks a bit crazed. Yeah. He's not in front of a camera very often, yeah. That man's been forced to quit his job because they keep saying he's Banksy. But maybe the fact that he quit, I think maybe he is Banksy now that he's been forced to quit his job because they keep saying he's banksy i mean maybe the

fact that he quit i think maybe he is banksy yeah but now that he's quit maybe he wants that people people really like banksy though right and and nobody actually knows quite divisive divisive so i i wouldn't see it as something to be embarrassed about if you actually were Banksy, right? Because people would be... Literally, just follow the guy. He's just going to go home. Yeah. And it's just to his family.

It's just like... Pond is Balaclava. He'll be out of the house any time. Watch his house. Get his bag of spray paints. Yeah. There he goes. He's got his stencils.

What are those? I knew it was from work. Get back here, Nigel. stencils what those it's a good excuse to quit your job though like yeah I'm gonna be like you know what I gotta quit because it turns out actually I'm Banksy and I'm wanted by the law. So I got to go. Sorry. Sorry. I was the one to find.

Apparently Massive Attacks, Robert Del Naja is Banksy. That's the most popular theory. It's the ongoing. Yeah. And that seems most reasonable, right? In terms of like when he started being more prolific and also Massive Attack being the way it is and starting in Bristol. I mean, come on. Do you think it's better to not know?

Do you think you'd rather not know? Yeah. I'd rather not know. I would rather not know, yeah. I think it makes the whole thing more interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And then when you do find out,

it's going to be like, ah, okay. So whenever you see a painting pop up, it's not the myth of Legend Banks anymore. It just derrick from pembroke yeah it's called colin colin colin smith well it's a guy from art attack sorry that's a good that's oh yeah oh no that's not uh art attack so i'm thinking Art Ninja. He's from Bristol. I don't know if you're familiar with that guy. You'd think his big Art Attacks would be a bit better if that

was the case. He seems to be constantly doing spray paint art, which is weird. He's got another laser stencil car. That girl with the balloon. Weird. Rats. Sipsips thank you very much for being a part of our huge milestone here my pleasure get the oldest guy for the oldest episode we've done so

yeah crazy thanks so much for all the hypotheticals and for the news and stuff so i don't even need to read the news today now i'm all all up to date. Of course, that's the important stuff. Covered up today. You are up to the good stuff. And I hope you've got your brain whirring away for the rest of the day. Oh, big time. Yeah, thanks very much. I get to spend the rest of my day

with 10-year-old kids. So I'm going to be asking them, what's your favorite robot, kids? That's going to be awesome. Can't wait. I'll report back. I'll do a trip report for you guys and let you know what some of the answers are. Tell them that Razor's coming for their feet and shins and they need to be careful.

Oh, my God, yeah. If they start... They're not listening to me when I'm helping them cross the road and stuff. I'll bust that one out. Razor's going to get your toes. Look into the mirror tonight at midnight and say razor three times for a big surprise your dishes are all broken when you wake up what the fuck hey huge thanks to our patrons out there for giving us all the support keeping hat chat

you know just on that defibrillator keep going thank you very much for keeping that heart sustained and also uh to leak proof for doing the fingal and sending it in the email all those years ago much appreciated if you've got any more news um send it that way or fingals that'd be great thank you sips thank you we'll see you at episode 200 right yeah for sure 200 yeah yeah come on in he'll be like 100 by then oh yeah um yeah yeah we're not here next week uh so there'll be a podcast the following week indeed sorry see you in a fortnight everybody for 101 until then have a great day. Goodbye, everyone. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.