Triforce! - Triforce Introduces - Zero Degrees feat. Lewis Brindley

Episode Date: December 24, 2022

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Please play responsibly. Manage expenses with the new TD Low Rate Visa Card. With an 8.99% promotional interest rate for the first six months, the new TD Low Rate Visa Card can help find some balance. Learn more at td.com slash low rate card conditions apply limited time offer. Hello, everyone. We're away this week, but please enjoy instead this episode of me on zero degrees, my second favorite podcast with the very, very funny Lydia Ravs and Harry. I had a great time. I really enjoyed doing this and i hope you enjoy it hello and welcome to zero degrees the podcast with no qualifications where we solve

your complications i'm harry and i'm joined by ravs lydia and lewis a degree haver a rare degree he's smarter than all of us you know i mean you did just beat us in university challenge so you are certainly smarter than all of us that degree mean, you did just beat us in University Challenge, so you are certainly smarter than all of us. That degree certainly paid off. Yeah, I was able to answer the questions from the Children's Encyclopedia of Science. Hey, hey, you clearly slashed me in raves, right? You're responsible for our lack of education.

What degree do you have, Lewis? What is your speciality? chemistry i have a master's in chemistry oh my god wow i was thinking the other day how i know nothing anyway it's been it's been sufficiently long that i can't remember any of it and i think it's the case with most people's degrees right like if you don't use it it goes away to keep it up right most most of the stuff people learn at school and they never use most of the stuff that people will learn at uni unless they go into that field they never use it kind of makes me worried in a sense because basically anyone who's 40 plus has kind of forgotten their education do you know what i mean yeah yeah all a waste of money and

time really do you ever get any trust of people like i went to the dentist recently and it was like someone who was like half my age and they were like so knowledgeable because they'd obviously just finished dental school and they went and they they like it was great it was like i feel like i have a whole new um healthy mouth nice that's great that like I have a whole new healthy mouth. Nice. That's great. That's great stuff. A whole new healthy mouth.

So I'm converted. I'm like, let's get the, like, why is the country ruled by 70 year old men? Right? Let's get these young bucks in here. Because normally they're not, we're firing those guys. If we had a 70 year old guy who worked for the Oxcast, I'd be like, fuck, this guy doesn't know shit. Do you know what he needs to be the Prime Minister let's get him out of here and run the country instead

no we wouldn't say that no no some geriatric old man with crazy ideas no get some youth in there what do we do with the oldies though

like is it what they reach a certain age and we just take them out back and put them down like like a grinder yeah there's probably quite

a few of them on grinder already to be sure i believe they're called polar bears that's the actual term for an old game because they're like white bears i like that amazing polar bears wow i've never heard of that that's great um so lewis on zero degrees people write into us with silly complications, silly questions. Usually, it's a lot of sexual stuff. I don't think we've got anything sexual today. I think we've got a lot of Christmas-related ones.

Are they very horny, the Zero Degrees listeners? Oh, God, yeah. Oh, very horny. Very horny. They're very aroused. How did it go in No Nut Vovember? Did that just make it worse? Oh, you know what?

I've not really looked at her in November. No, we kind of skipped over November submissions And went straight for Christmas Which is nice We are recording this In the midst of Jingle Jam That's why Rouse is wearing a suit I feel like we need to address this

For the Vision Watchers We're about to do poker And instead of dressing up As like Comstein Garfield I decided to not wear it You say wearing That shirt Could do with an extra button Rouse

No Get it down I'm keeping it out Me I'm keeping it out I do. I'm keeping it out. I do feel like Ravs looks like a drug dealer. He looks a lot like a man who would sell you some drugs. I've got the faintest ketamine you could ever get.

You're a grizzly bear, dude. You are a grizzly bear. Look at that. People have said that about me. I love mauling people and eating sandwiches. Shall we get into our first question then we've got some christmasy ones we've got some silly ones um lydia do you want to just take a pick and lead us in with something something you like something you fancy

all right i'll start with a christmasy one. It says, happy holidays, you Christmassy guys and gals. I'm in the spirit of the season, and I want to know what was the worst Christmas gift you ever received, and what was the gift you always wanted but never got? I once got three pairs of underpants from my aunt with a card that said, these didn't fit your cousins, so I'm giving them to you. Straight in the fucking bin. That's grim.

Like, what, they used them? Really grim. Just gave them a big wedgie, so they said you can give them to you straight in the fucking bin. Oh, that's grim. Like what? They used them and then really grim, just gave them a big wedgie. So they said, you can give them to our cousin. Disgusting. I hope they weren't used. Like stained,

like, like, like skid stains. Just make myself sad. What is the worst, worst present and something you always wish you'd gotten? I've told this story so many times. I don't even know if we've done it on this podcast we've probably already done it on this podcast and

probably in the last like two episodes but for me it was a pair of driving gloves a pair of leather driving gloves i didn't know i didn't know i don't know that what yeah i got given a pair of leather driving gloves by like my gran's friend that like god i thought you were gonna say me still friends with my lewis yeah still friends with the family and she like i was about 14 and she got me a pair of weather driving gloves and she got my like my brother an umbrella it's just like what the fuck what the fuck it's just such a weird gift for like a 14 year old boy that's certainly like a re-gifting thing right yeah but it's such a weird gift to give to me that's certainly

my weirdest what I always wanted was and I understand now why my parents didn't buy me it was Uno you know but the Uno

that had like the card shooter that's so amazing you're the one that spun around and shit cards all over the room yeah yeah

I always wanted that what? I can get you that we can make this dream come true I've always wanted that it can make this dream come true can we get it from Argos it's quite a reasonable ask it's not very expensive

it's just the one I always asked for and never got you know the thing that I always wanted as a kid did you guys ever go to those play parks where you could have like ride on little diggers I always was like dad can we build one of those in the garden and he was like no we're not like converting half of our And he was like No no We're not like

Converting half of our garden To your like Digger emporium As a kid I just loved Construction and diggers I was like This is the coolest shit

In the world So every Christmas It was I want to digger this Digger that And that was the one Digger thing I never got Aww

Well you can make Those dreams come true Now Harry We'll get your balcony Your balcony Make a sand pit With a We'll use all of the

Patreon money to get you a JCB please that's all I want I just want to drive a JCB around for a bit and dig some stuff up it's just fun

it's cool being able to dig is cool it's very macho and strong I like it what would be your worst gift my worst gift

I just got I feel like I have I have some of those relatives that just every year I just fucking gave you one, to be fair. I mean, Rams just gave me a fucking cock and bull warmer that was hand-knitted to make your bulls look like poker bulls

and your dick look like Pikachu. So that probably is actually the worst, but also most mind-blowing gift I've ever seen. That's probably up there, yeah? I think you can pull that off like at a certain age. I think this when you're a kid, it's disappointing, right?

When you're an adult, you're like, if I really wanted this, I would have bought it. And so like, I think it becomes harder and harder to not only buy presents for other people,

but to gain, to have memorable presents given to you, right? Yeah. I'm not a fan of the like the gifted experience or like oh have a day out at this fucking place you know that's like a chore you've now like given me a job it's like don't buy people pets do you know what i mean it's like yeah okay now you've given me a fucking chain this is the opposite of a gift. It's, yeah. And so, no, I think when I was a kid,

I remember two times when I asked for VHSs of things. Wait, what kind of VHS? Well, I asked for Thundercats. Oh, shit. Yeah, Thundercats VHS, right? Yeah, yeah. And I got Thunderbirds. Oh.

Thunderbirds are still pretty cool. To be, you know, one of my great aunts was very confused about the order and was like he must be in thunderbirds right um but it turned out well because thunderbirds is awesome yeah and i think i enjoyed that just as much conveniently it probably it probably was better than thundercats quite honestly honestly. And the other time, I asked for the Star Wars Special Edition because they'd remastered Star Wars in 1997 or something. Fuck me. Maybe even longer ago than that.

Just age yourself massively. I can't remember. Probably even earlier than that. What did you get instead? Do you remember? I got something else that was not that. And I remember being very upset about it and my parents being like oh shit don't worry it's the wrong one we'll get you the right one and um and i i did i did get it up to you son jesus i didn't know if there were a lot of happy endings on this podcast

you know i feel like a lot of people's questions are you know they're asking the question it's negative right and yeah it usually means there's not an obvious good outcome but in this case vhs is quite cheap um even back in the day that's like not a big fuck up do you know i mean getting the wrong color bicycle or something that's something that is like oh fuck you know he wanted a yellow bike instead of a red bike and it's like what was it pedwin did that recently um getting a push chair and or something some some piece of equipment and um got the wrong one and oh fuck if that was i said to him if that was me is it really that big of deal when he was like it was a really big deal because yeah she wanted the specific pattern on it so he had to

send the whole fucking thing back and i was like god those are fucking expensive as well the senate back it's so heavy like it's a nightmare the idea of sending something back to me out of the if if it's not already in the same box you got it in just dragging that back to the post office is a nightmare to me so wait what was the um uh what was the what was the worst gift lurs you had mistake gifts gifts you didn gifts, gifts you didn't get once you wanted, but what was something that you... Have you ever received something where you were like,

this is just trash? I don't know. I've lived a very blessed life, Harry. I've never... I think my parents were very careful to check with me what we were... There was a lot of organisation in the brindley family there wasn't a lot of like surprises yeah you know and it was very much you know what you

almost like which i prefer i like that you know i like knowing what you're gonna get and i don't that whole like surprise thing i don't think like people actually like surprises surprises give me anxiety and then you there's that afterwards anxiety like oh have i made't think like people actually like surprises surprises give me anxiety and then you there's that afterwards anxiety like oh have i made someone feel like they've done me well enough with the surprise showing and they feel like i thanked them enough or whatever i don't know that big surprise stuff i don't feel i don't think it's great i like him i feel like what what present giving has turned to into as you get older is literally saying i would like this and the other person's saying i want this and then you just buy it for them and it's something you could have bought yourself but but there's no

like magic in it there's no it's literally just i'm gonna go to the shop and get you this thing that you asked for rather than oh my god you got me this this is so cool thank you like that i have done that but what you have to do with that is you have to pay attention to that person yeah you can't just do it with anyone right and so like you have to buy in october you have to you have to like you know notice them when they're like oh i'd like to get one of these but maybe it's a bit too expensive and you write that down yeah and then a month later you you check if they've bought it themselves or anything or you like talk about it or something yeah but you don't want to bring up too much because you don't want to encourage them to actually buy it themselves yes you have to lay all this groundwork and then

finally you get them with something and it's actually like oh this is that thing that i wanted you noticed that you cared and oh my god i love you so much like that is that's excellent giving a good gift does feel amazing that is true giving a good gift and you know that does yeah especially if you've you feel like you've laid it's like a detective story it's like yeah like oh you gave hints about this and i i and it all slotted into place but i don't i feel like that's still quite an uncommon thing i don't i don't feel like all of the gifts you give are that you know i mean i feel like that's like a one in a hundred every gift is like that's perfectly planned i used to give everyone in the office a Christmas present every year. I remember. It was very generous. And the reason I stopped was because I overheard someone complaining about the presents they'd received.

No. Really? Yeah. And I think it was because it wasn't really... The presents I gave were not very thoughtful. That didn't go that far i didn't know everyone necessarily very well and so i don't know i would get nina some fancy japanese pens or whatever because she's an artist so she likes pens right and it was like i don't know like that that

was as far as i went i would get rich some like cycling gloves because he likes cycling whatever do you mean like it wasn't i didn't really put the that's hard buying presents for like 20 people but there is what i found you can't go full detective but i was i was almost i found it was almost worse to give someone an impersonal present than it was to give them nothing right it was better because they weren't expecting anything they didn't get anything from me and so them receiving something that was bad almost meant like oh i feel bad for not getting lewis a present but also he's got me something which isn't really very nice or i don't yeah it just shows he's lazy and so i don't know like it's almost like i've i've learned this a lot in my life

sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action even if it sounds bad right yeah which is a stupid thing to say um but no one feels bad if you don't do anything whereas some people could feel bad like some people might not get a present they're like well lewis got these guys presents but not me like why did i miss out like i don't know there was this whole well my present was better and oh he got a really cool present i would have liked his one the drama the drama of presents where do you like that's so on point we haven't had lydia's i need lydia's i need to know yeah yeah true well what's the worst gift i have a similar thing as The drama of presents. I feel like that's so on point for those. We haven't had Lydia's. I need Lydia's. I need to know Lydia.

Oh, yeah, yeah, true. What's the worst gift? I have a similar thing as Rav's. I feel like I have told this story a lot, but I don't think I've told it on this particular podcast. But the one that always sticks in my head is I was around 12 or 13, and my mum's friends that she'd been friends with for years and years and years, I opened the present in front of my brother and my mum, and maybe my dad, I can't remember. my mom's like friends that she'd been friends with for years and years and years um i opened

to the present in front of like my brother and my mom and maybe my dad i can't remember and it was like very sexy lingerie um and i took it out of the thing and it was like and i was such a like i was like a bit of a tomboy i was very shy didn't wear makeup how old were you again i was like 13 or something and i was like it's not like i was like i don't i don't know like i was the opposite it was my mom's like long-term friends like this couple i'd like i'd known them my whole childhood kind of thing is this the one you wanted we have talked about this on this podcast like this is i don't think you have i don't know you have talked about this raps on a stream but not stream, but not on this podcast. I don't know.

I'm dying of cringe. But it was mortifying. Like, I was so, like, tomboy, shy, introverted little dumbass. And opening up this sexy... And my brother was like, what's that? And I was like, nothing, nothing. It's nothing. Like, threw it away, never opened it again. Like, what a bizarre present.

What did they say? What a fucking insane present to give a 13 year old girl an absolutely insane present that is like you should be on a list if you do that is like straight up fucking crazy who does that that is jail time it's bizarre what did they say was there any like was there a funny

note was it like a gag no if I was your mum I'd have been like I'm never speaking to you guys again my mum's straight up like throwing hands if that happens like she's not Okay with that that's fucking mental I was and like it obviously had an impact because I remember like I can still think about how like embarrassed I was at like to this day. It's like just the most bizarre present But I should be embarrassed. I feel like the gift gives you

Embarrassed like what a weird thing to do and in terms of like presents i wanted but never got i feel like there was back in the 90s or whatever um there was always some present that present a toy that everyone wanted and like you said lewis like back then you couldn't buy your own things you had two chances a year to get what you wanted your birthdays and your christmases um and i remember like desperately wanting a frost was it a frosty man frosty machine frosty maker the snowman mr frosty oh mr frosty mr frosty so bad they made this slush and they're coming here right yeah they made a slush and i wanted one of them even now that's only 25 quid Really? But you know what

Back then it was probably like 50-60 quid Yeah for sure How would we be able to know how much it cost back then Because I remember it was expensive Those toys were always so expensive This is a fucked up thing, why are you taking it out of this snowman's stomach I'm eating his belly goo It's mortifying as a kid

What the fuck It cost £10.75 back in the day no seriously oh in my head i maybe because when you're a kid 10 pound is like a lot of money so you know i probably allowed one house with this money yeah exactly like holy shit 10 pound i think i was probably could have bought a house back then yeah well yeah back in the 90s but yeah any of that shit I wanted a bell costume from the Disney store I wanted a Polly Pocket

Polly Pocket love Polly Pocket love My Little Pony Brony for Life Baby like all of that shit I ate it up like a tasty vessel I think yeah

looking at these lists this is I mean I was of the age so I've got a list here of the toys from 1991 oh give us give us a couple. Oh, 1991, yes.

It's the Super Soaker 50. Super Soaker. I always wanted Super Soakers, but I didn't get good ones. It's a weird Christmas present, right? Yeah. By the time Christmas comes around, you don't want to be playing Super Soaker. You're not freezing cold outside. Duncan is a perfect example of someone who's living his childhood

fantasy like I went to Dungan's house he has like a million BB guns he has like a super you put it in the sink and it's like electrically powered and it shoots like an assault rifle of water it's insane so it auto sucketh up the water

from the sink and it sucks it all up from the sink and then you can just go out and shoot it wait you can shoot water bullets i don't know how it works that's so op that takes the fun out of like a water fight oh i just turned up with my like water laser like yeah for fuck's sake um i'm sorry you didn't want your mr frosty uh lydia one day i feel like it's a very achievable please no one send me a mr frosty to the office i do not want to eat his belly go now i'm over it we can set an excavator of harry's jcb playing uno second frosty this is how you get a fetish though do you know what i mean you mr frosty's

belly goo that's how you get up the rest of your life do you think that mr frosty like spawned some sort of fetish for people well i think this is why we've got so many furries now. It's because of Pokemon and stuff. It probably is. Sexy, like... Maybe. Like Sylvanians. Do you remember the Sylvanians?

Those sexy little animal, cute animal toys? Sexy, Harry. Did you just say sexy? Who was that sexy cartoon from Goofy? Just stupid sexy little mice, Lydia. Sexy cartoon from what? From Goofy. The sexy chick from Goofy.

Oh, Jessica Rabbit? No. No, she's hot. She is hot. That's Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Who's the one from Goofy? Who's the sexy one from Goofy? Please.

I'm just typing sexy Goofy into the internet. Sexy Goofy. I'm looking up Mr. Frosty Fetish. Oh, my God. Goofy's got a fucking bed cock wait who's who's goofy's girlfriend oh what's her name roxanne from goof troop is she's cute she's an anthropomorphic female dog she was she's a furry yeah i think responsible for furries. She's a furry. Yeah. I thought you were going to see the speech jam one. Oh, she is pretty though, isn't she?

I can't believe it. She's cute. I'm surprised I'm not a furry. Lewis, we talk about furries every fucking episode. There's not a single furry question. But we still managed to end it. I have a few theories about furries. Well, this is one of them, obviously.

Have you heard about the cum pizza? Did you hear about the cum pizza? Have you heard about the cum pizza? We had that as a question. That was a good one. I haven't, no. Do I need to? I don't know. I don't know if we need to go there.

TLDR, a bunch of furries came on a pizza and left it in a hotel lobby. And then one of them ate some. Well, this is the old soggy biscuit story which always goes around. No, no, no. This one actually happened. This is what actually happened This is photographed

There's pictures of it There's photographs It's an urban myth It's an urban myth La la la la la Alright let's move on Before we talk about that more Yeah yeah let's move on

Ravs do you want to grab one Alright Milestones aren't for looking back They remind us to keep moving forward to turn what we've done into what we can do turning everyday necessities into electrifying possibilities turning a new vehicle into the new standard introducing the first ever mazda c-70, our largest two-row SUV, available as a mild hybrid inline six turbo or as a plug-in hybrid, crafted to move every part of you. It's Christmas! Hello Zero Degrees Elves, I've just started dating a new partner and don't know what to

buy her for Christmas. Any suggestions for a woman in her mid-twenties who likes being outside, meeting with friends, the theatre, the occasional drink and games night? No baldos, water pistols filled with pee, mouse cum infused drinks or any pets that watch us fuck. Thank you, weirdos. I like the way just fucking doing this person's Christmas shopping for them.

Why the fuck is this a question? This seems like an easy dub to me. You just got to get them a theater, like theater tickets. Get them a Mr. Frosty, done. I mean, as a woman in her mid-twenties, it's very easy to work this out, you know? How about all three of us get a present that we think Lydia might like. We post it in chat and we see whether Lydia would like it. Oh.

Okay, all right. Okay. I'll just quickly have a little shot for you. Now, you're a classy lady. I am classy. You saw my dress and almost fell over. You like sitting outside at the pub. I love to sit outside at the pub.

I like the theatre. I've seen Les Mis like four or five times. You like... I love games nights. I am this woman just did you know 10 years time yes i probably i probably got you guys beat eagle all right here's what you got all right lydia you go through them in your own time are they in this group chat yeah they're in the chat here okay well why is that a link harry thing's so long Sorry This is actually

How long it takes men To do the average amount Of Christmas shopping as well Great So Ravs One of you linked Oh That is a good present

You can't just You can't pander to the crowd Oh that's perfect Okay You can't do that That's perfect So Ravs has posted A placebo tour poster

Which I assume means That he'd buy me Tickets to see placebo Yeah Tickets to see placebo Which actually is perfect I means that he'd buy me tickets to see placebo which actually is perfect i don't know anyone's gonna be able to beat that whereabouts raps because they're not playing locally yeah what you buy flight tickets this is an awful gift this is again you have to go for the whole day hotel and stay over and the whole thing you're going to Birmingham tonight yeah why not Glasgow it's a surprise gift surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise

surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise I mean, Ravs, they actually have cancelled the rest of their tour because Brian Mocha's ill. So that kind of is actually a little bit of a shit present.

There's no gigs tonight. That's the easy dub one. Well, that's not Ravs' fault. What's Lewis linked? All right, Lewis has linked, I'm sorry, but an incredibly ugly scarf. 55 pound cashmere, really ugly scarf. It looks like it's like a primary school kid's scarf. I'm sorry, Lewis.

That's really ugly. And it's 30% off, you cheapskate. Oh my God, that is originally an £80 scarf. I mean, it's cashmere. It's Marks and Spencer's original, Lydia. It's lovely. I mean, I would appreciate that and I would wear it sometimes. I like that they couldn't even get a fucking model to wear it.

All the other scarves have models for this one. Harry, you pecked good, but you should have pecked another musical. Oh, sorry. How expensive are those tickets, by the way, that you would have bought, Ravs? I don't fucking know. About 40 each, I'd say. I mean, it's even you buying me another one, so I have something to go with. No, no, I think I've got you'd say. I'm going to see when you buy me another one so I have something to go with.

No, you're right. I think I've got you all beat. I think I've got you all beat with this one. He pecked the wrong musical. He just pecked the wrong musical for idea. Oh, Harry. Look at that. I literally got so excited

because I was like, oh, you bought me Hamilton tickets? I want to see Hamilton so bad. Every day of your life, you get to be the star of Hamilton, Lydia. It's a Hamilton poster on a shower curtain. It's a shower curtain. You get to sing in the shower i guess i can sing i've never seen it but it will feel so good to see that every time i go to the deluge i like just the word spaghetti that's on it as well the kind

of illegible the illegible word spaghetti that's been everywhere. I like how underneath the star it says, the election of 1800. My shot helpless. The world was wide enough? What? The world was wide enough? Have you guys not seen Hamilton? No. Oh my god.

I've seen it. I've seen it. Is it good? It's banger. I thought it was great. Nice. I don't know anything about American history. I think it's better if you know about American history.

Okay. And all Americans have kind of been forced to learn all this shit about the fucking founding fathers and all that crap. Yeah. So they kind of... We don't know shit about it. They have a baseline knowledge of that.

My understanding of American history can be described by this Hamilton shower curtain. It's probably the same amount of knowledge. So what are you picking, Liz? What are you going for? What have you got? So you've got placebo tickets for tours that have already happened. You've got a brilliant scarf, lovely knitted scarf,

and a horrible, ugly Hamilton shower curtain. Okay, so this is the question the question it's a new partner right this is my new partner has bought me this your first first first christmas um all right one cashmere scarf i'm gonna be honest uh lewis it's a little bit soulless um there's not much not much thought behind it just a scarf wow there's no like personality there's no like knowing me also it's an ugly scarf I think Lewis is crying for the podcast I think Lewis has actually just shed a tear

yeah he's distraught he's distraught I appreciate that it's like a well made scarf but I wouldn't be that over the moon with it um sorry Harry your present fucking sucks not only have I not seen Hamilton but I don't I can't even put a shower

curtain up in my bathroom i've got one of those like glass door things so i guess i'll just wear it as like a poncho when it rains or something um i well rams is quite clearly the winner even though there's no gigs to go to he still wins he still wins brilliant brilliant well i hope that helps our questioner hopefully one of those three is a good gift for your partner

get them theatre tickets find out a theatre they like and go Hamilton take them out for a drink take them somewhere nice

just get them a shower curtain it's nice for a shower alright next question let's move off of something Christmassy and let's do a let's move off of something Christmassy and let's do a

let's do a silly one you get a phone call saying one of your fellow hosts has been arrested what do you think they were arrested for okay

should we also I feel like we should go around and do one of us do one of us at a time should we also say who do you think it is as well well I think around and do one of us. Do one of us at a time. Should we also see who do you think it is as well? Well, I think we should do each of us. Yeah, but I want to know who...

Yeah, yeah, we'll do one each and we'll give our opinion. But who do you... Wait, who we think it also is? Who do you think is getting arrested? One of... For some reason, the police says, one of your co-hosts of Zero Degrees has been arrested. And we have to guess which one.

Fuck. Okay, all right, go for it, Rav. So you're guessing. Fuck, I've set myself round so you get set myself up here are you saying you're so good on it I I am picking Lydia here I think it's gonna be Lydia I'm gonna assume it's Lydia for like drunken assault and battery Oh my god It's not even funny It's just It's just true Jesus I think You know Well he's arrested She's not convicted

She doesn't mean she's done it She's just been arrested She's under suspicion of Had one too many Apple juices At the pub And Some girl

Was acting Like a dick Oh my god Bit of a festy cuff situation Lids Yeah I am a bit of a feisty drunk You know

Like I can have a little bit of a sass to me once I've had a few so and with your gammy leg it's just not it's not gonna go great

it's all dirty fighting oh see you hit her with your walking stick oh nice yeah with the peg leg

yeah with my peg leg oh yeah it had like a knife in it it's like unsheathed oh oh I like that that's playing dirty.

Come on, mate. I think that's, you know. Some Hamilton dueling shit. I think that's my guess. I think that's my guess. You think Lydia would be arrested? Maybe. Out of all of us, I'm the most likely.

Harry, I just can't see it for you. Really? I can't see it for you. I think Harry could be like arrested by immigration. They finally got me, everyone. They finally got me, everyone. They finally got me. You know, there was, like, some Turkish guy they wanted, and they were like...

There was a mix-up. And they're called, Rams, I'm not Turkish, please! Let me out of this! Fuck! You've got to convince them I'm not Turkish! They'll think I'm your dad! It's not going to happen. They'll deport me as well!

True, true. I not going to happen. I'm not helping. They will deport me as well. True, true. I mean, that could happen. I mean, I do, I get pulled for extra security checks every time I go for an airport. I can confirm we were at the airport to go to America and I got randomly selected.

It's happened every time I go to America. It's the dark, the dark eyebrows, the dark hair. Yeah. It's fucked up. It's fucked up, man. I feel like,

oh, I wonder what it would be.. It's fucked up man. I I feel like um oh Oh, I wonder would be I feel like raves. I do feel like I'd get like cool guy like you know Just because you're in your Vegas outfit like security from a casino like yeah You just fucking absolutely drunk and just like grabbing chips off people and shit just figure belligerent gambler I can just I could just see that I be like yeah you've got to come down and pay two grand I'd bail you out I'd come down and pay like two grand and get you out of that hell hole yeah I appreciate that

I think more likely Ravs has like fallen down a man hole or something do you know what I mean why does he get arrested for that well it's trespass in a sewer I get a call from the police. We've got this guy here. He doesn't seem to know who he is.

He's very drunk. What are you getting arrested for, Lewis? Serial killer. Who do you think? Straight up serial killer. With that moustache, definitely. The only thing they can get me for is tax evasion. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, that was my other one. If it wasn't drunk lady, it was Lewis tax evasion. That was going to mean oh yeah yeah well that was my other one if it wasn't drunk lady it was Lewis tax evasion that was gonna be my guess he finally goes down some financial crime yeah by a best woman yeah

who do you think it is you got a pick between Perrion and Sips as your Triforce oh yeah what would they get arrested for you've got a phone call

one of the members of Triforce has been arrested it's not you Lewis come what have they done are you going to go bail them out which one do you think it is well Sips never goes anywhere

but he's from Jersey but he's like he's already in hiding do you know what I mean there's no way they can get him he's in the middle of nowhere is that why he's there is that the reason whereas I reckon PFLAX could be There's no way they can get him. He's in the middle of nowhere. Is that why he's there?

Is that the reason? Whereas I reckon PFLAX could be done for spying or something. Espionage. Oh, totally, yeah. He's been back and forth to China for a Dota tournament. He's been all over the place. And, you know, that's not a real job. He does look like a generic man.

He blends in well. I reckon he could secretly be working for, like, the security services as a double or triple agent, though. That's the thing. It would be like he'd be working for the government, but he'd actually be secretly working for the Russians or the Chinese. But then maybe he wasn't. He was just double, triple agent. That sounds like his bail would be quite high then.

Would you bail him out? Depends. Wow, that's brutal. Just fucking no. I don't want to get recruited. Well, Lydia, who do you think? I think Rav's for possession. Possession? Yeah. Wait, of what? Possession I think Rav's for possession. Possession?

Yeah. Wait, of what? Possession of what? Oh, my God. I think cocaine. Cocaine? I think cocaine. No, no, no.

I think it's an illegal weapon. A weapon? Some Scottish knife. Because he grew up on the streets of Glasgow, he had to defend himself. So he probably has like a six inch knife like in his underpants that's the only

six inch thing I have he's got a six inch something yeah big sheaf big sheaf but you know I had a little ski and do once

when I had a kilt it's nice little shit knife oh my god you had a shit knife in your pants yeah ski and do it's like you put it

in your ankle like your ankle and do it's like you put it in your ankle like your ankle goes around your your boot oh oh yeah is it actually sharp no it has to be blunt

they're not allowed sharp ones anymore some like mega OG OG boys will definitely have like these sharp ones but you're

supposed to have blunted ones you can't buy them sharp anymore what are you supposed to do with it if it's blunt I mean you don't stab anyone with it if it's blunt? I mean, you don't stab anyone

with it anyway. It's just decorative. Oh. It's a decorative knife, Lydia. Oh, alright. Okay, fair enough. It must have some history, right? Like... Wait, Lydia, why do you think I have possession of coke? What's going on there? I'm just imagining

they call me up and you've gone on like a mad one to Lanzarote you've like picked up some really cheap drugs you forget that it's in your kilt pocket

or whatever in your prison pocket in your prison pocket you get searched they call me up they're like you've got to bail him out he's trying to sneak back

crack cocaine take him take him away smuggling it back as well take him away boys call me up. They're like, you've got to bail him out. He's trying to sneak back crack cocaine. I'm like, take him. Take him away. Smuggling it back as well. Take him away, boys. He's a dirty smuggler. I'd be like,

I've never met that man before in my life. I've never in my life. Ignore the copious amounts of streams and podcasts. I do not know this man. I think it's just Vegas Ravs

giving me a bad rep here. It is. It's making you seem like such a criminal wearing that shirt. Such a dirtbag. Such a dirtbag outfit. here. It is. It's making you seem like such a criminal wearing that shirt. Such a dirtbag. Such a dirtbag outfit, yeah. This is actually a thing.

A Montreal bagpiper got a ticket from police from wearing a skein do and he fought it at court and they dropped the case and gave him his knife back. No fucking way. It's traditional.

It's a traditional dress. Is it Sikhs carry their knife as well? It's one of their five things they have to carry? Yeah, they carry the big knife, right? Yeah, you can tell that from... Also an armpit dagger, Ravs. I'm unaware of that one. A matu cashless.

How big? A skein ochils. Don't know what that one is either. A skein ochil. It it's like another you're covered in daggers apparently in scotland it's just everywhere in your armpit armpit just sounds such an awful place to keep it well it's a little pocket it's a little pocket place yeah no knives little secret stash well some shelves have have like a bit over one shoulder. Oh yeah, they're extra fabric. Yes they do. I was imagining it like a really short handbag. It feels like a really short handbag with a knife in it.

On what occasions have you had to wear a kilt then? Oh like weddings, I wore one for my confirmation because I was raised Catholic. Oh, nice. A little tiny one. A little tiny kilt. A little tiny kilt. The cutest thing I've ever heard. Wore it to my brother's wedding. Do you like wearing a kilt? I like wearing a kilt, yeah. It's oddly freeing.

Went through Scotsman, got a little breeze. Tried dancing, shouldn't have done because I did the twirl and my kilt came up do you what you got 100% traditional I went traditional yeah were you always going traditional

not as a child no I'm not I wasn't asking about that or boxers as an adult as an adult I I went traditional

and I was at my brother's wedding and you know I sat with my legs spread apart and one of my brother's mates was like just just closing the leg motion I was like oh brother's wedding and, you know, I sat with my legs spread apart and one of my brother's mates was like, just closing the leg motion. I was like, oh, yep, my balls are out.

Oh, no. It was like a nice windy, like, cold day. So I got a nice little breeze. I thought that was just not true. I thought that was all another urban myth. No, quite a lot of people do. Is it kind of frowned upon to wear underwear with a kilt?

I mean, maybe by some hard bastards, you know, the really devout national lads, maybe, but you can do whatever makes you comfortable. It's tradition, so I just did it. I like it.

Scottish infantry regiments used to ban soldiers from wearing anything under their kilts. Why? Every day a senior officer would use a mirror to look under them and anyone found

wearing underpants would be sent back to take them off. Oh my god, pervert. I think that guy just liked looking at cops. That is the original upskirt. That's the upskirt.

Oh my god. The Scots started it. You dirty perverts. Well, it's like that scene in Braveheart right where like one of them flashes the archers

and slaps his bare ass and he gets an arrow in his ass cheek yeah yeah yeah that's a classic scene that's a good scene for fuck's sake oh

it's good it's a distraction right right should we one last question take your pick Lewis of the ones we've sent in that group you can pick Lewis of the ones we've sent in that group

any of the ones we've not not done yet let's do I mean there's one we're woefully unqualified for which we'll probably

pass on let's do what about the P question sure let's end on the P question why not let's we've talked about it maybe seven times on this podcast already. Lewis, we need your take.

We need the final stamp of approval or disapproval. Is it okay to pee in the shower? And if it's okay to pee in the shower, is it okay to poo in the shower? Oh my god, Harry! And if it's okay to poo in the shower, is it okay to stomp it down the drain.

Oh, waffle stomp. Yep. Where do you land? Where do you feel? Who else is in the shower? Just you. Just you. Wait, does that change it? Does that change it? And your dad. If they want to, you know.

I feel like it's all the same, right? At the end of the day. Well, who showers it? Who's cleaning it? It's your shower. It's your shower. You're showering alone. You need to pee mid-shower.

Do you open the door and try and, like, arc your pee into the toilet, or do you just piss in the shower? Or do you get out and get water all over the floor while you piss and get back in the shower? Yeah, no, that's the worst option. That's the worst option. That is the worst. Well, I'm not peeing in the bath. Or do you get out and get water all over the floor while you piss? Yeah, that's the worst option. Well, I'm not peeing in the bath. No, then you are

literally soaking in your anus. So if I was in the bath, I'd have to get out. Yeah. As in you're showering, as in you have an overhead shower that goes into a bath? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I have. I have to step into the bath to shower. Yeah, me too. Why is that different from peeing in a shower like a walk-in shower yeah what's different about that i guess i don't like wading in pee but you won't be wading it would just go flush away

i don't like pee splashing all over my feet you could just wash you what you what do you wash your feet in the shower what if you angle it towards the plug, the drain? Yeah. Pest directly into the drain. I don't need to do that. A lot of piss is just urea, which is what comes out of our sweat anyway, right? So it's all kind of the same.

Are you all shower pissers? Is that what you're telling me? I mean, we do seem like we're very for it, don't we? We are really pushing for it. I don't want to. I know this is on your agenda. Piss in the shower. Come on.

Save the planet. I'm not saying I haven't pissed in the shower. You've dabbled. I avoid it. You avoid it. I don't need to. You're not enjoying it. What if you really need to pee and you're in the shower?

I usually pee before the shower. I have a routine. I know I'm going to shower, and the shower being on usually is like the sound makes me want to pee. But this time you've been caught at odds. You forgot to do it

and you're in there already. Are you holding? Are you holding? Yeah. No. No, you're pissing. He's a shower pisser. There we go.

We got him. We got him. We got him. But then again, here's a question. Okay. go we got him we got him we got him but then again here's a question do you poo in the sea? no what the fuck

now listen you're on the beach what? you really need to poo completely alone are you insane? are we talking desert island

or just like a beach? Brighton beach Brighton beach is fucking horrible Estonian horrible rammed with people it's hot day you're in your own beach desert island or just like a beach? Brighton Beach. Brighton Beach is fucking horrible. It's Estonian horrible. It's hot day. You're in your undies.

You've been to the... You went to the loo, but it was like shut down. There was some drunk guy in there passed out. Whatever. He called the police. I just got back from being as everyone. You were like... it was either that or you were going to poo yourself. Are you pooing on the pebbles

or are you pooing in the sea? You're out for a swim. You're going for a swim to disguise it. But wait, your question is either you literally have to be on the beach and shit yourself or go into the ocean. That is a very dramatic scenario

you're giving it no okay here's my question isn't will you deliberately go to the beach that's what it sounded like you were like well would you poop in the sea like you made it sound like you know we can take it back in stages from there okay you know like okay it's like it looks like quite a long way to get to a toilet or you're not sure if it'll be busy or gross in there. Have you done it before? Are you like, have you pooped in the sea? Is it bad to poop in the sea?

Is there like, I mean, all the sewage kind of ends up there anyway, right? Fish and shit, they're all shitting in the sea and they don't care. Why do they get to do it

and we don't? Yeah, why do they get to do it and we don't? It's inequality. It is inequality. It's fucking, it's mammal inequality. We get to do it and we don't? Yeah, why do they get to do it and we don't? It's inequality. It is inequality. It's fucking, it's mammal inequality. We get to poop in the sea. If I want to poop in the sea,

I'll poop in the sea and I'll be proud about it. Okay? So yes. Yes. You're a sea pooper. I'm a sea pooper. If I'm at the edge of a pier

shitting into the sea shore. That's different. No, that's different. That's not the same. But if I'm out swimming, I hate the shit. Isn't the motion of shitting, right? You push it out,

but then your butthole must get back in. Am I sucking seawater into my ass a little bit? You're giving yourself a little enema. A little free enema. Am I getting seawater in there? Because that's fucked. That's going to clean it right up. I think it's good for you.

I don't know. It's very antiseptic. I don't know. I don't think your butt sucks up replacement. I don't know. It's very antiseptic. I don't know. I don't think your butt sucks up replacement. I don't know. But a whole... It's a common exchange, Lewis. I mean, listen, Rebs.

When you take a shit normally, the air doesn't go in there and replace it. And then you have to... No, no, no, no. No, what I'm saying... No, no, no, but... My butthole will be open, okay, at some point. It's water not going to go in.

Well, no, but your butthole doesn't open. It's not like a door. It doesn't just widen. Open okay at some point is what are not going to go in Easy bag icing things where it squeezes it out There's only oh There's only oh Why are you worried about the water going into your butt? I can't see water in my ass. Am I fucking crazy for that? I don't think that's even that bad. Yeah.

I think that's chill. That should be the least of your worries. That's the best bit of the experience, to be honest. Gwyneth Paltrow is probably charging loads for that. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I just don't know if that's an enjoyable experience for me.

I feel like poo at least. But you're not willing to try. You're not going to do it? Maybe if I'm, like, near the shore. Are you guys doing it swimming, or are you doing it standing? Because I think doing it swimming causes me anxiety of me then bumping the poo.

Well, you know that thing... I feel like it's hard to, like, doggy paddle away from the... No, I would just float on my back and then shit directly down. No, because then it just rises up. That is the worst way to do it. No, but how many of them are floating?

Like, what are we talking about? I have a good diet. I don't tend to have a lot of floaters. So you're just lying on your back and it's just dropping straight to the bottom of the floor. It's like the heaviest mass known to man just rocketing to the ocean floor. Yeah, and then the crabs get a special dinner, you know.

Oh, my God. I don't want them anywhere near my ship. And your open butthole. I mean, I feel like it's okay. I mean, people pee in the ocean. It's not really a big deal, right? Is it bad to pee in the ocean? I don't know.

I don't think so. I probably would in a desperate situation. It's probably good for the ocean. I think the ocean likes it. Let's put more piss in the ocean. Yeah. Let's sort out its pee. There's so much sewage around our poor little island.

But no, peeing in water where there is, like, you know that terrifying urethra fish? Oh, yeah! I think it's like a river fish. I don't know if it's an ocean fish. Yeah, it's in the Amazon, I think. Can they jump up your pee hole? I'm too scared now.

I don't want any it's an ocean fish. Yeah, it's in the Amazon, I think. Can they jump up your pee hole? I'm too scared now. I don't want any fishies near my pee. You just get a massive trout trying to climb up your face. This trout's sucking me off. Jesus. It thinks it's a river. It's spawning. Perhaps you're scared of the ocean anyway. No, I don't.

I do hate deep open water. You literally wouldn't go to the beach because you hated the ocean anyway. I, no, I don't, I hate, I do hate deep open water. You literally wouldn't go, like, you wouldn't go to the beach because you hated the ocean. No, I hate sand, Harry.

You told me you hated deep water. I hate deep open water, but I also hate sand. Okay. Like, I was wearing nice shoes. I didn't want to fucking get sand in them. For fuck's sake.

I thought you just hated the ocean, full stop. No, like, shallow water's fine, and, like, Being on the beach and stuff that's lovely I think the sea is just A nice Opportunity

For A poo A safe Natural Nature Just give it a go. Just give it a go. I'm scared to pee or poo in the ocean now.

You've only made it worse for me. I think it will be fine. Don't worry about it. I don't remember doing it. But I feel like maybe the act of swimming or water stops you from... I don't remember. I can't remember a time when I have pooed underwater, but I feel like there must

have been a time it must be well we asked Harry do you remember we asked if you fart in the tub what was the fart in the tub

question oh if you fart in the tub does the gas get how does it work or something like that like does it smell like does it smell can you smell your fart

underwater oh yeah that was it just to fart smell underwater i think they must right um yes right anyway it's time to wrap it up and uh get the fuck out of here thank you so much for joining us for this Christmassy, pooey, related podcast. That was the Christmas episode, wasn't it? That was Christmas. That was our Christmas Day episode. This is a golden podcast, you guys. This is the greatest podcast you've ever been on.

Thank you very much for joining us. We really appreciate it. And thank you to everyone who's been sending in their questions. Thank you to all of our lovely patrons. Thank you to all our lovely listeners. Keep sending in your questions and your silly stories. We want to hear them. Lewis, any last words? Any thoughts any last ideas um be safe out there be safe out there be safe stay warm

happy holidays happy christmas see you guys later bye