Triforce! - Triforce Introduces - Zero Degrees feat. PyrionFlax

Episode Date: August 6, 2022

Whilst we are on holiday we thought you might enjoy this episode of Zero Degrees featuring Pyrion. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to give them a follow https://www.pickaxe.uk/zero-degrees ------------------------------------------------- Internet sensation, host of Triforce and Dota superstar, PyrionFlax joins the gang to answer your questions! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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hola amigos we're all away this week but here's an episode of zero degrees that i was on with actually for a change three people i like harry lydia and ravs yeah not these two chodes this is like your fucking answering machine message. They must feel so blessed to be liked by you of all people. They really did. They really did feel blessed. And if you think it's called Zero Degrees because it's cold, I've got news for you. It's a red hot podcast, especially with yours truly on it.

Peace. Hello and welcome to Zero Degrees, the podcast with no qualifications where we solve your complications. I'm Harry and I'm joined by Ravs and Lydia. How are you guys doing? Not bad. Good, thank you. Hello, hello, hello. We are also joined by an esteemed podcasting expert.

You know, one of the finest podcasters in the Yogscast. I mean, what a special guest. First special guest. Pyrene Flax. How are you doing? Oh, me? Oh, thank you. I'm sorry, I thought there was another guest. No, that's very sweet of you. Thank you.

How are you doing, Pirian? You are a podcasting expert. How long have you been doing podcasts? It's been years. I think about six years or something like that. Really? God. Is that how all the Triforce has been going? Yeah, I think so. Holy crap. Yeah, it's nuts. It's nuts.

What are your podcasting highs and lows? We're all newbies. This has kind of been our first little foray into it. I would say consistency is key. People come to expect it every week, same time, same place. Don't mix up the format too much, but people do love a surprise edition. But some people think they just want to hear you guys talking, and I think i like

the idea of people writing their questions and you guys answer them right that that's the gist of it am i wrong yeah okay zero degrees is you know me me me rams and lydia none of us have any qualifications we literally never went to university we are not learned people of the world academically none of you went to university no i went i went twice but I dropped out twice Fair I'm extra, extra failure So I guess period We should probably start with that Do you have any qualifications? I do, I have a degree in computing

What are you doing on here then? You're going to ruin it with your Articulate answers I'm going to finish I did very poorly I scraped a 2-2 so i did yeah i did make a 2-2 so that is at least a grade where people go oh so you did pass but that's like c minus nobody's impressed by that so and it was computing do you feel like your qualification helped you throughout

life do you reference back to those those academic teachings those lectures no no i regret it deeply i wish i'd never done it um how much money did it cost you nothing nothing back in the day back in the olden days yeah they gave us money i still got half of a grant not the full grant but i got half the grant that they'd got the year previously. And you had to take out a student loan for living costs. If your parents had money, you didn't have to. You could finish university with no debt. I graduated in

1999. So Harry was just a babby. Ravs was also a babby. Liz was also a babby. I was 10. We were blooming primary school, goers. At best. Some of you weren't even able to spell your names at all like him.

That is optimistic, yeah. I wouldn't have been writing. So it was way back then. And then, of course, now all you young'uns have been fucked over by... Oh, can we swear on this book? Yeah, you can say cunt. You can say it all, Perrion. Go for it. There's no need to go that far.

Not with a lady present. Perrion, I'm just giving you permission. People from this generation. I've never said the word cunt. You can say it all, period. Go for it. There's no need to go that far. Not with a lady present. You know, period. I'm just giving you permission. We've never said the word cunt in front of Lydia before. Of course, yes. No. Wow.

That's a lie and you know it. That is a lie. That is a lie. Yes, me either. So period. Zero Degrees is a podcast where people write in

with their usually just insufferable questions, these long-winded things that don't go anywhere, or their snappy little quandaries and queries that, you know, our grand expertise will not help them with. Right, but it's like you guys have life experience and opinions.

True. You may not have qualifications, but look, I know plenty of people with very fancy degrees they're complete idiots so don't worry it's this i mean if the question is about you know i don't know i don't know let's pick around i think a toilet training or something like that there's no way that you could go to like university to learn how to do that i suppose but no one's going to listen to you and that's the point of having a podcast really isn't it it's just to share your opinion out to the world and make people listen to it whether they want it or not they don't have to listen they can do whatever they like they don't like listen to the podcast they can fuck off and listen to a

different one like uh the triforce podcast for example hey you can come back well i know that you guys have started doing your mailbag section so what am i doing there when you guys were saying some of these emails are so fucking long reading the questions dick is i'm serious i had to do like i got so angry at the end of the last mailbag episode we did the lewis and sims were like ted calm down like i was like listen to me it's very simple your email is a page long it's not getting fucking read stop sending me these things and then occasionally you'll get one that's really long where it's like, oh, this is actually really good and this is worth reading.

Some people just think, I'm just going to go into so much detail. I'm going to be fucking hilarious in this email. Their jokes are just awful. Shut up. Just let us do the podcasting. You guys, I don't want to spend 10 minutes reading email. People sending us corrections about physics. Actually, the clock is up.

Not down in this case. It's on the positive charge, and it's like, this isn't getting read. So, yes, for these questions, background information. My wife, blah, blah, blah. I find this, what is the solution? Not, I first met my wife in the spring of 1987. It was a great spring. You know. Keep it snappy.

Keep it snappy. Exactly. I'm not even You know. Keep it snappy. Come on. Keep it snappy. Exactly. I'm not even going to say keep it snappy. Just snap your fingers. That's how snappy I want. Lydia can't snap her fingers. Hey, all right.

I'm recovering from COVID. Lydia needs to be careful so she doesn't snap all of her bones. Oh, my COVID fingers. My bones are brittle. I've got to be careful. All right, should we kick it off With a question then? Should we get into it?

Let's get Let's get There's so many There's so many questions to do I just feel like I feel bad that we usually Only do like three an episode This backlog is just building

Alright Shall I start us off? Alright Fire away Dear exalted brethren All right, fire away. 13-year-old me deeply embarrassingly attempt to ask out a girl I had a crush on at school. The short version of the story is that I wrote an anonymous poem about her and sellotaped it on the door of her locker. She didn't find the idea of a secret admirer that romantic, though,

and she spent the next couple of days mocking my heartfelt confession of love. Why do my embarrassing teenage actions still haunt me all these years later? And do you have any of those memories that keep you up at night? Do you think she also remembers the poem? Help me, Zero Degrees. You're my only hope. Hmm. Do you take turns here?

Is that how it works? It's a free form. You can jump up. Lids had a thought. I'd like to hear it. I was just going to say, why is it always when you're just drifting off to sleep That you always have this sudden memory Of something really embarrassing you've done Why does your brain do that Why is it there

Your brain is weak That slipping point Between consciousness and unconsciousness Your brain goes Do you remember when that was You tried to impress me That's why between consciousness and unconsciousness, your brain goes, do you remember when that was? You tried to impress me, but you were truly bad.

Oh, no. That's why. The barriers that you keep up during the day to keep all those terrible memories out. Ah, like that. The thing is, it's such a horrible thing. That last kind of thought before you do drift off is just something that it's like... It's like super cringe.

Stomach turningly cringe. Is there anything that you guys have that comes to mind? Do you guys have like one of those moments that even you can share? I've got a couple of them. I remember the first girl I ever asked out, I got down on one knee and when I think back to that,

I cringed so hard, dude. I know, I know, man. Oh, I feel so bad for you though. I was like, you know, like seven or something and I was just like, oh, that's romantic, right? It's like romantic to get down on one knee, isn't it? Right.

Did she say yes? She did, yeah. But, you know, I felt like a fucking tit. I think back to it and I'm like, ugh. Ugh. And that was when I was seven. So, you know, I can kind of forgive myself for that one. I'm not going to share any of the other ones that creep into the back

of my mind but you know do you think she do you think she thinks about that very often well I read a very comforting fact that I'm going to that people are too busy

thinking about their own cringe moments they've had in their life before they go to bed rather than thinking of your weird weird bit right like

they're probably fucking thinking about that time they spelled all the M&M's out of their briefcase or whatever you know i mean like rather than fucking the the time you got down on one knee and asked them do you want to be my girlfriend i think about that raps i would be thinking about that but in that situation she might also be cringing because she's like actually that was a really lovely you know what a cute moment from from

ravs and i didn't reciprocate and that was really cringe of me well she's supposed to do get back if you turn on one knee and fucking you say yes what i'm saying is i think you have a lover out there that you need to reconnect with oh no opportunity lover harry she's seven she's not still seven yeah oh my god She's not still, is she? Yeah. Noted. Don't go back in a tame machine. The tame parents will get you. I was just imagining you're at a busy meeting and someone turns and goes, gentlemen, let's get started.

Bangs their suitcase, the briefcase at the table and it opens and M&M's are everywhere. Just hundreds and hundreds of M&M's. Yep. I'll be back in a moment. Leave the M&M's. Yeah. be back in a moment. Leave the M&M's. Yeah, that would be a hell of an entrance. Do you have a memory period?

Do you have a memory that you... Oh, so many, so many. How do you deal with it? Do you have like a coping mechanism? I drink. You're in good company. Amen to that. Blacks out the horror.

I try to remember things like that but i remember that um well i've done a few doter events live and stuff like that and the first few that i did i was really nervous um and uh you get through it with people saying it's just us talking just imagine it's a conversation all that kind of stuff but it kind of something occurred to me, if you're ever going to watch a live show, and we've all been to see a comedian or a play or something like that, you're not hoping, well, some people might, but they're fucking assholes. You're not hoping that something goes wrong

or someone fucks up or makes a tear themselves. You're hoping, I hope this goes great and it's entertaining and that's why I'm here. Even if you are some bastard who thinks, oh, I hope the lead actor falls and smacks his face on that table, you're in a minority. I genuinely think most people go there for a good time

and a laugh. It's the same in any social setting. If you go to the pub, you want to have a laugh with your mates. You don't want someone to fucking beans it and spill their pint all over themselves in their briefcase full of Smarties opens up. You don't want that. You want, everyone wants everyone to be cool and happy and have a good time. That's the general gist. If this does happen, though though you're one of the lads that go whoa when someone

drops a glass or something no especially if it's the someone that works at the bar or in a restaurant someone drops a plate you never dropped anything in your life yeah mr plate spinner over here is laughing at it off yeah i do hate that when people just jeer jeer at people who are doing their job or working or just make a mistake like it's such an unsupportive moment of society where we're just oh let's all laugh at someone who's clearly really anxious about this really upset really you know oh it's like that everyone like for them that is their sleepless night cringe moment you know yeah yeah i hate cringe comedy and i hate when people are obviously embarrassing themselves it really i feel for them so much

which is yeah which is bad sometimes i cringe about things that other people have done that were really embarrassing because you can empathize you can be like oh my god that really could have been me um so yeah there's a ton of embarrassing things i've done um and i think in general you just have to remember that, like you said, I think Raz was just right. Most people aren't thinking about other things. The last thought, how often has your last thought ever been someone else's embarrassing moment? Never.

It's always your own, right? Because we're, as human beings, we're very self-obsessed, really. We have to be. That's all we know. You don't know what's good or not good. At the end of the day, it's like self-reflectionlection you know it's like yeah you're thinking more about your own shit than other people's shit i do think i would have a lot better sleep since my brain wouldn't bring them up though i just feel like it does feel like a self-destructive kind of painful

experience to continually relive i do know that they do say that that at night part of your dreams and part of what your brain is doing is processing and unpacking everything that happened that day and i think figuring out what's worth saving and binning off the rest you know so saving something because sometimes you wake up the next morning you're like that's what i was going to do and your brain has sort of had some time to chill and figure stuff out and make some new connections or whatever yeah by the way if anyone thinks that's not true don't fucking write in because i don't come on this podcast so i reckon that as your brain is winding down and you're getting ready for sleep maybe that's

when it starts unpacking and sometimes it starts at the back goes what's this this old memory where you made a tit yourself oh no i'll draw that one i'm sorry boss i'll put it back on the pile you know it's like stop bringing it up i'm put it back on the pile you know it's like stop bringing it up i'm remembering it and that's making you remember it more just leave it getting the engine going you know sometimes it throws up some old memories and you're forced to deal with them i like to imagine my brain is just a very badly organized set of machines and workers i wonder if there's ways to kind of like you know remove memories is there ways to like overwrite memories and just like get rid of them i mean they don't say they do say that don't they because you use that movie

with the with kate winslet and uh so it's a carry yeah they all die that one yeah they ended so many memories freeze did happen on ice cream what Is it Eternal Spotless Sunshine Mind? Isn't that about changing your memories because they don't want to remember the fact that they broke up? I don't know. That whole concept of being able to do that. Have you ever watched it? A long time ago.

And I have a shit memory. I basically have that brain, that self-wiping brain. I don't remember anything. Well, I was put off the film because the title annoys me. The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I was like, I can't be bothered. It's a really wanky title. I think there's one called The Englishman Who Went

Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain. Oh, come on. It's got Hugh fucking Grant in it as well. I can't be dealing with this. Have you heard of The Birdman's full title? No. The Birdman's full title? No. The Birdman or the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance or something like that it's called.

Oh, fuck off. The Birdman was a better title, I'm just saying. Yeah, the Birdman was a pretty good title. Yeah, just pick your mind up and pick a title. Yeah, little waffly titles. What do you think of Everything Everywhere All at Once? I don't like it. But as a title.

I think it's alright and it does sum up the film. It sums up what's going on, yeah. It is a bit lengthy. It could just be called Everything or All at Once or something like that. But in a way, I think the title does fit with the film well enough. And I did think, oh, what's this? Is this going to be another pile of wank? But it is actually really

really good so even if the title is a little bit self sort of you know uh what's the word wanky wanky will do um you know the film is great so i i can forgive it that um i guess we didn't really answer their question of how we how we helped them i i i don't think she probably does remember the poem i think she doesn't even know that it was him. She doesn't remember it at all. She was seven. You're fine. Also, I don't think that's that cringe. I think you did a nice thing and

she was unlucky to not read it. Although, I will say this, and I don't want to pop any balloons here. Oh no. Mrs. F in primary school, she would have been about seven or eight years old. I've bumped into a lot of people that were at the same primary school as her back in the day, hadn't seen in years.

They're like, oh, my God, Mrs. F, I haven't seen you in like 30 years. How's it going? Blah, blah, blah. And they always say, do you remember that time when we were getting changed for PE and instead of just taking your skirt off, you took everything off and you were completely naked from the waist down. She was like,

yes, I do remember that. And they remember it. Oh, no. And everyone that was there seems to remember Mrs. F flashing the entire class when she was getting changed for PE. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And she laughs about it now. I mean, you know. Fucking hell. She's had two kids she doesn't give a fuck yeah yeah but it was like

it was just so funny that people we hadn't seen in years still remember that so some things do stay with people but I don't think they you would have to be

in front of them and they would not say it in a mean way I think they would look back at it as the folly of youth and it's just one of those funny things and in a way

we look back and we were all kids once and all silly things happened. And also, there's only a chance that you might see these people a handful of times. So you'll only ever have to painfully remember that every now and then. Yeah, it's not that bad, is it?

I feel like I know people that have done some fucking atrociously embarrassing things. But I never think about it. You know what I mean? Like you said, I'm never lying in bed thinking, God, remember when that happened? And they shat themselves and blah blah blah like it doesn't even occur to me so even if people are remembering they might bring it up with their friends as a haha remember when that happened or I don't know but it's never really going to come up that often

no I wouldn't worry about it it's not worth worrying don't add that worry to your list of yeah that's not needed. It doesn't need any more worries. Okay. All right. Let's move on. Next question time. All right.

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19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. All right, next question. I'll be going to a wedding in England later this year. Is there anything I, and they wrote this, not me, a filthy European, need to know about English weddings?

Any weird wedding traditions? And have you got any good ideas for a nice wedding gift? See, I'm Scottish, so I've never been to an English wedding. I've only done Scottish weddings and they're pretty fucking crazy. So I'm going to have to defer to you three. What are you guys thinking?

I've been to a bunch and obviously I am married, so I've got a decent idea, but I would love to hear your guys' wedding stories if you have any. Yeah, weddings. Anything you need to know. Well, didn't you literally just go to one harry i literally just got back from a wedding i feel like the the bit that you probably need to be forewarned on i don't know if i don't know if this happens at other weddings but certainly

happens a lot of weddings in england is there's a lot of speeches and the speeches do go on oh boy look sometimes they're really funny sometimes Sometimes it is, you know, you get someone who's a great public speaker or they just have some great stories and it can be really entertaining. But that also depends on how well you're connected to the person getting married as to whether you give a shit.

Because if you don't really know the person, hearing about their tiny, you know, childhood dramas for an hour from their dad is not the most important. It's boring as fuck, yeah. So I think the speeches are like probably something I would instantly flag up also it's like again I don't

know how it works in other countries but like English weddings if you're there for all of it it's quite a long day yeah oh yeah or like a room you know midday maybe late morning and it's there until you know the evening ends and two three in the morning four in the morning whatever did you have to wear a mask it's there until, you know, the evening ends and two, three in the morning, four in the morning, whatever.

Did you have to wear a mask? It's a marathon. Did you have to wear a mask at the wedding? No, no masks. Last one I was at, I had to wear a mask. It was really strange. That's really weird. Everyone wearing masks in the church and stuff.

The wedding I was just at, though, it was, sorry, I'd never seen it at a wedding. It was a couple getting married, I guess I can say where it was. It was in sorry, I'd never seen it at a wedding. It was a couple getting married, I guess I can say where it was. It was in Liverpool Town Hall. And it had this kind of like circular room. It was where all the committee members were sitting. And so it actually meant that everyone in the room could see each other.

Because usually at a wedding, my experience with weddings in the past is you sit in a church, somewhere near the back with a draft, staring at some tall guy's back of his head, not be able to see anything. But it was really nice to be able to actually see other people in the wedding and just, you know, point and laugh at people. Felt really good. So really nice. But yeah, wedding's long, just long. Everything is long about it.

It's really fucking long. And weird wedding traditions. I guess I don't know how much these traditions are just an everywhere kind of thing, like throwing the bouquet. Is that an every one thing? Definitely in America as well. Yeah.

Yeah. But they do that thing in America where when the bride and groom cut the cake, they then smush it into each other's face. I don't know. What? Is that actually a thing? Yeah. Yeah.

I thought that was just like movie stuff. No, they really do it. It's revolting. That's horrible. I'm sure a lot of Americans don't do that But to me that is a sign of a fucking Trashy piece of shit wedding couple What do you make of the

What's like the Taking off the garter It's weird and sexy That's a weird part of a wedding That's the one I like I've never heard of that Did you participate in that one? I don't know if that's a weird that's a weird part of a wedding that's what I like I've never heard of that did you did you participate

in that one there's like I don't know if that's an American as well isn't the guy you're supposed to use his mouth

or something I think so yeah with his teeth he takes it off with his teeth this is the stag do you guys have picked up

no no I'm certain that I've been to a wedding one of my family members wedding where they did that and I was very young

so I was a bit like that is mortifying that's a creepy joke! Very Randy Marshall. I've never heard of that. Christ. I know that, like you said, the speeches... Oh, here's one that you might be confused

if you're coming from abroad especially. The wedding breakfast is not breakfast. Oh, no, it's not. Prepare to be disappointed if you're a fan of breakfast. The wedding breakfast is just the meal you have straight after the wedding. They've just given it this stupid name, the wedding breakfast. I guess it's the first meal you're eating after being married, so that's why it's a breakfast?

Whatever. I guess weddings in England, usually, if you're going to, like, a very English wedding, it does feel like tradition to the nines, right? It's everyone's little moment of, we're going to pretend to be in downton abbey or whatever it's like everyone just kind of pretends to be kind of posh for a little bit it's very weird everyone's dressed a lot of people they don't normally wear suits wearing suits yeah you know uh lads who would normally be wearing like mechanics uniforms are dressed up i think uh

i think if you go to a wedding and i have been to a few where you know everyone there it is one of the best days oh yeah your own wedding like if it's your own wedding there's nothing like it because you're it's like being the star of the show you know yeah it's but not the groom so much but certainly for the bride it's fantastic and just seeing all your mates and all your family and everyone's so happy to be there happy to see you they've all got lovely things to say that's great um if it's a friend's wedding it's amazing because you can relax you don't have to do anything like i've been to a lot of weddings where i knew everybody there apart from a few people and it's such a good piss up it's just a massive party and you're celebrating two people that you love and it's brilliant so i would say if you but i've also been to a lot of weddings where i knew

the bride kind of or the groom sort of what's your been to a lot of weddings where I knew the bride, kind of, or the groom, sort of. What's your tactic for those kind of weddings? When you go, because this person doesn't say. I assume if they're traveling from out of country, they must know them quite well, I guess. You'd think so, yeah. What's your tactic for turning up to a rogue wedding? You know one person vaguely because you worked together 10 years ago. Harry, can you remember what my response was to

how do I block out bad memories? Yes. Start early and drink often. I would say in general you don't want to get pissed if nobody knows you. Oh my god, yeah. Buy yourself a wine. But you definitely want to have a few, take the edge off

and that'll loosen you up to go up and say, how do you know so-and-so? And they'll be like, oh, well, I'm his brother. Oh, I didn't know that. I'll make up somebody to meet you. You'll be yourself like, I served with him and Nam. I saved his life. Many times.

Yeah, exactly. What about wedding gifts? They have a list. If they don't have a list, they're amateurs, and you shouldn't get them anything. Yeah, exactly. What about wedding gifts? Like, do we... They have a list. If they don't have a list, they're amateurs and you shouldn't get them anything. Yeah.

Have a fucking list. Like, it's not... It's not like some choosy beggars thing. It's literally... It saves so much trouble. You don't turn up with the same gift

as five other people. You get a list, honestly. What did you... What was on your list, Perrion? What was, like, top of your list? This is an interesting one. I had a bunch of things on my list let me let me tell you something my best man and my mates who i've been in school with it uh didn't get me a present for our wedding didn't get us okay a present they were meant to but my best man delegated it to probably the least

capable member of my group of mates and he, and they've never made up for it. That's heartbreaking. I remind him about it often. Mrs. F reminds me to remind them about it quite often. But yeah, lazy bastards. And we were young. We were like 25. Just by age, that's fine.

Yeah, I could see that happening. I could see that happening. It's the sort of thing. Nowadays, we'd have bought it months before because old people, we don't have anything else to do. Young people are like, yeah, we'll be there, mate. Yeah, we'll be there. When is it?

Next weekend. Yeah, yeah, I'll be there. And then you turn up at last minute, you've forgotten the present, and it's going to be last anyway. Who cares? That's weddings in your 20s, so it's going to be great fun.

So what did they not get you? What were you looking for? What was it? Nothing in particular, but they were going to get us a microwave, which was great because we didn't have one. Fucking great. They just fucking forgot.

I mean, we needed stuff. We were literally, I had just got a flight in London. We'd just moved up to London. This was 2001. So we needed shit like that. Yeah.

We had to go out and fucking buy a microwave. I guess that's the usually, like, that's usually the beats, right? Is, you know, you bought a place or something and then you're getting married and the wedding gifts are

the shit that you need for a house. Yeah. I see a lot of people nowadays do like a honeymoon fund um because usually like yeah people are living together and have bought all the stuff they need right when they get married so they don't need like toasts and stuff because they already got that shit so they'll do a honeymoon fund that you can just they'll like give the bank details of it and it's just like contribute if you want kind of thing i think that's pretty good. I think that's a really good idea. We would have done that, but my dad's gift to us was the honeymoon.

Oh, lovely. Nice. It was great. It was great. We went to Bali for two weeks. Yeah, it was great. Very nice. Two weeks in Bali.

Holy shit, what a honeymoon. Oh my God. And the hotel that then became a Trump hotel. Oh. It wasn't theninger it wasn't then it was something else it's what he claims it's what he claims

but I can see what he bought it's got a golf course attached to it so of course he bought it it's nice for some have any of you

been to a Scottish wedding no I was going to ask you about it what is the difference then what have we said that you wouldn't align with

I mean it pretty much all sounds the same except more people are wearing kilts What is the difference then? What have we said that you wouldn't align with? I mean, it pretty much all sounds the same, except more people are wearing kilts. And, you know, at the end of the night, this happens at a lot of Scottish parties, not just like... Yes, yes, fights. Not just weddings, but we did,

like we played this fucking Loch Lomond song. And everyone... Can you give us some rendition? Can you sing for us, perhaps? I'll take the high road and you take the low road. And I'll be in Scotland for me and my true love. You know, you get the gist. Nice. But you just form this fucking massive circle.

And the bride and the groom will be in the middle and everyone just like goes around in a circle going in and out on them it's it's fucking amazing

sounds great that sounds great it's fucking amazing you do see a lot of kilts at English weddings as well yeah if any Scotsman goes to a wedding

he's wearing a fucking kilt oh yeah I'm fucking wearing a kilt to any motherfuckers wedding of course are you going are you going full kilt razzle are you going covered up slightly kilt uh you're asking me if i'm gonna wear undies because uh well at my brother's wedding i didn't wear any and i did a fucking twirl on the dance floor and i might have flashed a few people but um yeah that's a cringe moment to think about when you're trying to fall no i didn't feel bad though because my brother's mate did a cartwheel while he was doing a speech.

What? Why? Was he not wearing undies? He wasn't wearing undies, no. So he just flashed everyone his dick? Everyone was looking up at my brother giving the speech, and he was walking in the back, so my brother looking out could see him. And I happened to turn my head, because I knew he was going to do something daft

and he just did a running cartwheel mid speech and flashed like the mother-in-law and all that stuff, it was fucking great I mean it does feel like if you're not wearing any underwear of a kilt, you're kind of just you're kind of looking for that moment there's kind of an objective

and a decision made in the morning that there's going to be a party for kind of forgot that i was didn't have any undies on so i was sitting up on like the front bench of the church and like my brother's best man was like just like to me saying like close your legs the poor vicar yeah my balls were just like sitting on the bench. Oh my God. Would you wear a kilt if you could, Perrion? I am a Forsyth, so that is a Scottish name.

So we do have a tartan. I could, but Mrs. F wanted me to. But I said as someone that was born in England, I think it would be offensive if I was Scottish. I'll give you a kilt pass. You've got a kilt pass. I appreciate that, Ravs. If I ever go to a wedding with you, I'll wear a kilt.

I'm going to give you the underwear pass, though, Perrion. I will definitely wear underwear. I will definitely wear underwear. I'm not going to flash anybody, believe me. Nobody wants to see that. Yes, I will definitely wear underwear. But yeah, I feel like it would be offensive in a way to wear it because I know if I was Scottish,

I would be especially for an Englishman to wear a kilt. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if I was from somewhere else, maybe you could get away with it. Be like, look at this Italian lad wearing a kilt. Way one of us. But for an Englishman, you're like, fucking sass. Yeah.

Which wedding do you think is more drunken, an English wedding or a Scottish wedding? It's got to be the Scottish wedding. Honestly. It's got to be Scottish. It's not even a debate. No. I think maybe an Irish wedding would be in the mix.

Yeah, I think that would be certainly in the mix. I've been to a couple of Welsh weddings, and those are also pretty boozy. So I don't know. I think English probably would be the least boozy. Yeah, actually, maybe. Out of all those, it would be the least paralytic. Well, we're a bit more fine down here.

No, we're not. We've all got drinking problems. Raises pinky. All right, shall we move on? Next question then. Yeah. Alright, should we move on? Next question then.

What is the worst liquid to put in a water gun? There's a certain liquid I want to use here as a crutch and I'm not going to do it. Was it jism? It was jism. Is it cum? It would be too thick. It would be a terrible liquid to have in the water pistol

you'd want to water it down a bit you'd have to water that shit down it would dribble out it would be terrible I was going to say period blood

would be pretty bad oh my god that's pretty bad I was just going to say like an acid like you know like you know just pure chlorine

or something but yeah fuck it what if you're faking a vampire and he's like oh he's loving it he's absolutely loving it what kind of fucked movie is this where just there's a priest firing period blood at vampires i'm not getting splashed i'm good good I feel like that question is just answered

period fucking right out the bat done I can't think of a single thing worse than period blood I don't know what about like like liquid shit like diarrhea which is just like I'll be honest with you I would rather get period blood on me than cum on me and I would definitely rather get cum on me

than shit so I was like, shit's the worst one of those, right? Yeah. Yeah, just spraying on you with one of those super soakers,

you know. Just blasting you with shit. Oh no. It's going in my mouth. What am I screaming? It's going in my mouth. That's gotta be worse. That's got to be worse. That's got to be the worst one.

Yeah, that would suck. Okay, great. Good question. I love that question. I thought we had to throw it in. It was a short one. It was a quick fire one.

Yeah. Dear Zero Degrees, I attended the final day of Glastonbury Festival the other weekend with some friends and ended up getting very drunk. Unfortunately, I had to drive to London to go to work on the Monday morning. Shouldn't have done that. Getting up early, still a little hungover, i.e. a little drunk. This is why you shouldn't get drunk. Yes, it's not good. I left my friends to pack up and headed off on the three hour long drive. As I entered the city, my stomach began began grumbling caused no doubt by the copious amounts of beer and fast food we'd all ingested

during the festival began to gurgle worse and worse he needs a water pistol is what he needs as you get closer to the car park near my office after getting stuck in traffic caused i after getting stuck in traffic caused i finally pulled into that these people can't write these people these people aren't intelligent they don't go to university finally pulled into the... These people can't write. These people aren't intelligent, they don't go to university, remember? I pulled into the underground car park, and I knew there was no way I'd make it on the 15 minute walk without shitting my pants. I quickly parked up in a

free space, using the car door as cover, pulled down my trousers, actually squatted down, and sprayed shit all over the place, for what felt like a lifetime. Quickly cleaning... I'm going to skip that because it's disgusting quickly cleaning myself up some fast food napkins left in the car i drove away from the crime scene and parked on another level before exiting to work the problem is i was caught on cctv and my company was notified do you think i have grounds for unfair dismissal

as technically shitting diarrhea in a public car park. Can I just say, the words technically and shitting diarrhea in a public car park proves you have no kids. Yeah.

Okay. It's nothing to do with my employers. So I don't see how I can be fired for it. Please help. Sacked. Sacked. Yeah. You're sacked.

There's no helping you. Well, I don't, you could claim, if he went to the doctors and you know claimed that he was ill you can't fire someone because they were sick people have stomach issues you know when you gotta go you gotta go go in your car

why wouldn't you go in your car because it would be disgusting yeah well now it's disgusting in a car park thanks mate actually that's true if you're gonna do you've got to just shit all over the floor of your car, don't you? I don't know. But I mean, what if like, you know,

he did it and then came back like two minutes later and like, you know, had some water and was like, you know, washing it away and stuff. Would that make it better?

I think that would be acceptable. Yeah, but he came back and washed it. He just did the shitting dash, you know what I mean? Something terrible has happened. Something awful has happened.

He had an emergency situation. You wanted to go to work. You don't want to turn up work with shitty clothes. Yeah. He poops in the car park wanted to go to work. You don't want to turn up work with shitty clothes. Yeah. He poops in the car park. He's like, guys, I'm going to need 10 minutes. I'm going to sort something out.

I'll be back. And goes and cleans it up as best he can. He'd at least say, well, we did catch one CCTV going, oh, behind the car door, shitting in a car park, which is like, that's a bad B-side to any record. I want to know how did they know that they were caught on CCTV?

The license plate. The company said to us, we saw your car. You pulled over. You clearly shit in the car because Steve had to go clean it up. It's so bad. It's grim as fuck. There's something also about public defecation that I'm just not okay with in any way.

It says desperate. It really says desperate. Either you're a desperate person in dire need of help or it's a desperate situation and you couldn't help it or you just don't give a fuck. I just imagine going for a poo, you're in such a vulnerable moment, such a vulnerable state,

and just him squatted over. He's teetering because he's drunk. And he thinks he gets away with it. That's the bit. You're like, yeah, it's all worked out. I wouldn't want to work there anymore. It's all golden. I wouldn't want to work there.

Yes, it might be too embarrassed. That would be the cringe moment. If my boss said to me, if Lewis came up to me and said, I've got video footage, Lydia, of you shitting on Queen Square. We've just tweeted a TikTok on the Yogscast official account of you shitting in Queen Square. I'd be like, fair enough. I'm gone.

I'm changing my name and moving country. Like, I wouldn't be fighting for anything. I like that the question is, is it crowns for unfair dismissal? Like, you're 100% it is. It's not like... He's saying, is it unfair dismissal? So can he sue them and say,

how dare you fire me for shitting in the car? He's claiming that he's been wronged in some way. I feel like we need lawyers who are listening to Zero Degrees to come and represent this person just because I want this to go to court. I want this to go to court. Boo!

Send him down, Your Honour! Boo! Yeah, same. I hope I get jury duty or something. I don't know how they can do a jury trial for this. They've got to go all the way. They've got to go all the way. All the way to the top.

Come on. That actually reminded me. Sorry, um no no go i remember this is when we we just moved to westbourne which is where i grew up in bournemouth we've been there for like a week or so went to the shop and an old lady who was obviously a homeless old lady but when you were younger she just looked like a slightly disheveled old lady came out of the marx and spencer's i think it was at the time took down her trousers and just peed right there in the middle of the pavement in front of like dozens of us and I was like nine and I was so shocked she was about about my granny's age she looked an old lady kind of almost old ladies kind of look

like my granny back then oh my god why is someone's granny peeing on the pavement I was horrified I hadn't thought of it in years. Thank you, Harry, for bringing that up. I've actually got a worse one than that. I was working retail in a Dunn store, which is like this Irish retailer and this old lady was in the homeware

aisle looking at cushions and lamps and shit and then she just shit everywhere. All down her dress, all over the floor oh no gagging people were gagging we had to take her into the staff elevator they were gagging for it to go get her changed and the rest of the day the staff elevator and for the next couple of days

just fucking reeked of shit oh that's really sad the thing is when it's like an old person or something like that like I don't it

I just feel bad you know it just sucks it just sucks yeah like you know they clearly there's something clearly going very wrong

and it's a disastrous moment for them. But when it is just some hungover young lad who's been to Glastonbury, who's popping a squat and shitting in a car park, I think my levels of empathy have probably actually dropped quite a lot. This is entirely a self-inflicted misery.

Like, he went and got trollied. You guys must have been in a situation like this before, though, where you're like, your stomach's just like, oh, shit, I'm in the middle of nowhere. What the fuck am I going to do? It's awful. I've had that before. I remember I was coming back from work.

It was about a half-hour train ride. We'd been to the pub, and we'd sunk a few pints quickly. I got on the train not needing the toilet. But by the time I got near my stop, I was actually doubled over in pain. My bladder was, like, close to bursting, and I was just cl over in pain my bladder was like close to bursting and I was just clinging on to the pole like oh my god and I managed to I was limping off the train because I was in so much pain I had like three pints worth desperate to go out and I hadn't taken the tactical wee before I got on the train and as I'm getting on the train as I get in I'm

thinking oh shit I kind of need the toilet and I would every station we got to I was getting increasingly desperate and the doors would open I'd be like trying to get fresh air see if there was a toilet on the platform like next one shh next year's long oh there's me going to the toilet and everything's going so slowly that train is moving so slowly right now come on no this was on the overground couldn it have just popped off and had a wee-wee? Well, no, because it's broad daylight. Yeah, but men always do that. They're always whipping it out and swinging it about and pissing everywhere.

Typical men. If that had happened, Liz, typical men shitting in car parks and winging on train platforms. I mean, they have people, there are constantly trains coming and going. It's a train platform. It's not in the countryside where you can go into a bush. It's like a literal platform with people on both sides.

And you're like, I'm sorry, I've got to. Also, wait. At that point, are you pissing onto the rails? Or are you pissing like... You can die. Yes, you wouldn't pee on the rails, Harry. What are you talking about? Someone died doing that on the underground.

The pee can't go back up. The electric doesn't go up the pee, does it? Yes, it can. Someone died. It's a stream of liquid. The pee, it's not actually a stream. There's little breaks in it, right? Also, it's moving quite quickly. You urinate faster than electricity.

Are you single-firing your piss as well? That's the tactic. When you're pissing down onto rails, you've got to do single shot. You'd have to make sure there was no connection. Yeah, no solution. He'd be flying around everywhere. He's doing it. He's taking the biggest gamble.

This is unbelievable. People would be filming it. A Russian tourist I think went to piss on the rails in an underground station in London and got electrocuted and died, like, during the middle of the day. This could be false.

No, no, no. I read it in a newspaper. What a way to go. I read it in a newspaper. It definitely, I think it's very rare. Man urinates on, well, the first result is fellow passenger. We'll skip that one.

Live rail. Polish tourist. Polish tourist. There we go. There we go. Kibbled by urinating on 750-volt electric railway line. There we go. There we go There we go Kibbled by urinating On 750 volt Electric railway line There we go

There we go Was that underground Or overground He was 41 He was on a trip to London It was at a South London station So it wouldn't have been

On the underground It would have been The overground Oh my god Gotta be careful What a way to go Yeah what a way Getting electrocuted

Whilst you're taking a piss God You've got a family You have to tell your wife The police Sorry way getting electrocuted. Why should taking a piss? They have to tell your wife the police God you would die with your decade you'd be dying with your decade. I don't think the dick could be left I think that They want to do an open casket. He's working a kibble, so he's riding out. There's been such a little match that gets a husk. People are alive right now, aren't they? That idiot. I was always telling him to stop doing that.

He was addicted to it. He loved the thrill. He loved the thrill. The single shot thrill. Single shots. It's so fast. How the electricity travel that fast oh oh fuck sake fuck sake uh right yeah brilliant what was our uh our final words to this man who willingly shat um we say that he sort of shat in his van. But I think he does have a chance

if he tries to spin it like he was very ill and it caught him unaware. He should have just tucked in. He should have just tucked in, put his clothes into his socks and just accepted fate. And just got on with his day. But what is our advice

if this happens to people in the future, though? How do we avoid this apart from, you know... Make the situation right. People will look much more favourably on you if you own up to a mistake and try to put it right.

Admit your fault. Not always, but you're much better standing than if you just try and hide it and go park in another space. Play your hangover off as food poisoning or something

and that's what you had to... Lie. You should have driven back over it a couple of times and just like smeared it out. No one would have noticed then. You could have just said you were driving through cow pat or something. That's what you should have done. Yeah. Or, you know, keep a couple of plastic Asda bags in the back of your car.

Oh, yeah. Some wet wipes as well. No, because they have breathable holes. They have holes you can't suffocate yourself. Terribly designed for capturing liquid shit. I got told a story about someone that was in a van with some workmates and he went to fart and it turned out it wasn't a fart and was driving along and no one said anything.

And he thought, OK, I've got to wait with this. But he had to obviously get out of the van. I'm saying they must have smelled it and they were being polite. Oh, 100%. There's no way they wouldn't have. And I think he had to ask one of his mates to go into like an Asda and go buy him another pair of trousers

and just tell them, look, I've shat myself. Like, just have to be open about it. I just shat myself. I really need someone to help me out. Like, that would be mortifying. I would never be able to sleep at night after something like that.

I used to work as a window cleaner and I was working with one of my mates and i'm not gonna name him obviously but he john shit he shit himself and then like it was just like he kept saying mate mate me mate i need to shit i need to shit and nobody's in to let me in to use their toilet fuck i need to shit so he just shit himself and then just took those boxes off and threw them away like wiped his ass with his box shitty boxes and threw them into the scottish countryside oh my god oh my god is this like bad belly like diarrhea or is this just like i think it was just a full-on shit how can you not hold that in until a little bit longer yeah that feels like a choice

I feel like he made a choice it certainly wasn't me it definitely wasn't me I feel like I would have held

it in until I got to someone or down tools and went to go find somewhere to do it but oh yeah like

was there not a bush or something he just just shat himself you know what they should sell you know the way we've got i don't know if you've seen this it's a collapsible laundry basket it's like a plastic

laundry yes it's got a solid bottom it's not like one of those ones that folds out yeah it's like corrugated so you pull it up so you just need everybody needs you're having your car you've got a spare tire yeah you've got a jack now you'vea-loo. And I don't know if that name's taken at all. No, I think that's it. Innovation. I'm thinking portable and loo. I've combined the two. Port-a-loo.

And you just go cluck, cluck, cluck. And it forms like a bucket, a little lid, that you can just about crouch over, do your business. And then you just seal it up. It's airtight. You put it back in the boot. You get home. Oh, tip it away. Put it back in the boot. You get home. Oh tip it away

Clean it out with the hose And then you're ready to go I thought you were gonna propose something different period I think you proposed is this kind of shame like like consecrated shame thing that you could just raise up around yourself Oh I hate that Just shit yourself with no one being able to see Then leave the shit on the floor and leave. Oh, but then you're in a hot box of your own shit

for a minute before you get back. It's just a curtain. It's very airy. Yeah, it's a shame. And then you wheel away in the curtain and see TV

and be like, who's watching that shame curtain? It's like when you have to eat the bird and you have to put the napkin over your head. Autoland, I think. Yeah, like that.

Yeah, disgusting. To hide your shame from God, I think that's why they wear the napkin on their head yeah yeah like that yeah disgusting yeah you'll be weird god i think that that's why they wear the uh the napkin on their face when they eat that did you speak about that on a previous episode no no one of my one of my favorite subjects it's a good it's a good little i don't know what it is i don't know tiny baby bird that they stuff they force feed it like corn and stuff like that and then you eat the bird home and you wear a towel or a napkin you wear like a cloth over a napkin you wear like a cloth over your head while you do it to hide your face from god because it's shameful

wait who does who's eating this bird the french yeah yeah yeah and it's it's beak and its little claws cut up your gums and the blood is meant to add to the flavorless kind of only god it's pretty crazy i read about it on hannibal they did it in the tv Only in France. It's pretty crazy. I read about it on Hannibal. They did it in the TV show with Mads. It was pretty cool. Yeah, it's revolting. I think Jeremy Clarkson ate it on an episode or something. He would have, wouldn't he?

Yeah. On that note, I think this is a perfect place to call it. One question each. I like that. I think we've done good. You guys did four questions. That's good. That's good going.

Last week, Raps and I did two. To be fair, they were very lengthy. They were like A4 pages. Wait, Harry, have we got a run update? I feel like without context, we might have to do a run update another week because without context, period, it's a run update another week because without context period it's such a long story of just

nothingness next time I come down you guys can fill me in on whatever I'll fill you in on the run update we'll have a run update next week where we can fill Lydia in exactly on Ron and all of that goodness thank you for joining us you're our first guest

yeah our most special we're going to be making guests pretty special as well so you're going to be our first guest for a while it's going to be a rarity I am genuinely honoured it's always a privilege to come on someone else's podcast because it feels like you're intruding but you guys have made me feel

very welcome thank you so much thank you for coming on thanks for having us you're welcome fuck so thank you and I can't wait to see all you guys

I'm going to try and come down in August or something like that that'll be sick yeah maybe we'll do round two round two with Pirian

IRL with some pints yes let's go very nice alright we well stay tuned for that if you've enjoyed listening

make sure to rate the podcast whether you're listening to it send in some more questions we are overloaded still but I did go through some of the new ones today and there's some amazing ones I feel like the consistency

gets better with time as they learn what we want the pain centre ones are my favourite as well when people say like please help in three days help I'm trapped

in an elevator and it's like oh that was edited four weeks ago. Yeah. That's always good. And go and check out Mailbag, Triforce Mailbag. Give it a little listen if you've been listening to Zero Degrees. That's all you're going to get for the next few weeks

because we're all away. So we've pre-recorded all the Mailbag episodes, which is something you guys, you budding young podcasters will have to start thinking about, is pre-recording and putting out an episode while you're away. Otherwise people go, where's the episode? We're far not, we're not organised

enough for that. We've been trying to get ahead and here we are. Here we are. We're going to be late this week. Your first tip to us was consistency was keep you live on the same day. And this week we're going to be... I didn't want to break his heart and tell to be I didn't want to break his heart and tell him I didn't

want to break his heart and tell him this one's going to be the only one that's late shocking oh it's quality thank you though

period appreciate it we'll catch you guys next time see you later bye