Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #2: Bangin' Wiis and Showin' Crack

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Triforce! Mailbag Special #2! Falling over in the shower? Buying a second-hand Wii? Want access to the secret bathroom party? The Triforce Mailbag is here to help you! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh, hello. Welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Mmm. Ooh. Welcome back. This is actually Hello, welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Welcome back. This is actually one that we're recording in advance because we're probably on holiday this week. Yeah. But that shouldn't change the tone of it too much. But we are going through your mailbox.

Oh, yes, that too. Replies. Mailbag. It's the mailbag and so on yeah have a happy happy mailbag this is where we listen

to your complaints about the things we've said and we will feel slightly bad and embarrassed about the things that we've said and confused because we're really stupid please

don't beat that mean to us in the mailbag if you have a complaint then you can shove it up your please shove it up your please Triforce Oh man What a theme song We should It's a shame We should do a proper version of that But it's probably a copywritten tune You can just change a couple of notes

And it's fine It's old though now I'm pretty sure we nailed it It doesn't matter if it's old I'm sure that Warner Brothers Or Hanna-Barbera Or whoever it was They're all dead anyway

They're long gone very litigious you're right all right well let's get on with it what we got all right so this is uh which i'm just gonna dive right in some of these are diving right in some of them i have and this is from jake just wanted to email you in a story about a catastrophic event that befell me on account of your podcast right oh dear around two years ago i was listening to the trifles podcast around episode 80 or something and you were having a talk about older cars and how reliable they are now right away i'm pretty sure this was more recent than two years ago but we'll see period then ask the listeners if you're

listening to this and are driving an old reliable car give your dashboard a tap to say thank you being a good triforce listener i did as i was told as my 2009 toyota has been very reliable okay come on that's not an old vintage car but i was just saying if you know i mean that's a that's a 13 year old car it's done its job as he's tapping it as i leant across to tap the dashboard a bend came out of nowhere and i dramatically lost control suddenly i was all the road in a ditch and very shook up was i overconfident with my ancient car was triforced to blame after a call to the rac and taking a hit to my pride whilst being winched out of the ditch my car was off for repairs and a new number plate my pride however may never be the same well i'm sorry jake

but if you can't drive and tap the dashboard without taking your eyes off the road and being aware of the the bend in the road ahead of you which on most british roads is very clearly signposted with those little arrows those black and white arrows saying go left there's a fucking bend here i don't know you deserve what you got i'm glad you didn't get hurt and i'm sorry to hear that your car got well i'm guessing he he wanted to he wanted to lean forward though to tap the dashboard because it's right there well but some people considered the dashboard to be a bit further forward. Not everybody's dashboard is where you expect it to be, much like those aliens on Star Trek VI when they're in prison.

Remember when he kicks them in the knee and he's like, oh, shit, that was my penis, actually? Yes, yeah. Maybe Jake's dashboard was in the back seat. It's a Toyota. How different can it be? It's a dashboard. It's the dashboard.

He was reaching across the instrumentation panel to the bit below the window and tapping that, I bet. Just tap the dashboard. It's right in front of you. Well, listen, you don't want to accidentally touch a button though, you know, because that might throw a spanner in the works as well. There's no button that says deploy crash and ditch. Like that's not a button. The worst you do is turn the ac on or change the radio station come on jake well jake we're glad that you're alive to tell the tale and that you weren't too um busted up about it but uh technically a 2009 car is not a old vintage car um it's it and they're not it's not reliable that's where he went wrong is that what you say it was built in correctly to the yeah it was built in the era of throwaway mass manufacturing so that one doesn't

count well we were talking about like really old handcrafted like box cars and stuff like that you know like what like like your great-grandfather would have been spending most of his free time assembling one in his garage or whatever, like after a long hardship at the stapler factory. Did I mention the old tractors? How like people are going back and buying the old non-digital tractors because they're just- you can actually repair them and not send them back to the factory in some weird country.

There's like some component on farming equipment. It's like- is it like a computer or something that is very popular to steal nowadays? Like people are stealing all this stuff. People are running and stealing their GPS and stuff. Yeah. So now I think they're opting for like some older, more reliable machinery and not using like the GPS and stuff. You know, they're just using their farming instincts like we used to do. You know're going back to our roots i watched um there was a tom scott video this week

where he went out to this place in germany and and this rich back in the day these rich um germans used to build water features basically like yeah that was a good one water parks and the nice thing about it was it was all non-electricity based. It's amazing. It just uses gravity. So they let this reservoir fill up. And then they would just, over the winter, when it was too cold to go through the pipes and stuff, because it might freeze and bust them. So during the summers, you just go in and it's a little shed

and you turn all the cranks on. It's like a 50-foot fountain comes out of that gravity fountain. And the trumpets that sound as the water comes down the trumpets it there's air pressure builds up because the water is displacing the air and it comes out of these trumpets to go like that to announce the water fountain it's really cool water's incredible and i think it should be um received that way with with great fanfare you know whenever i a shower. Clean running water. One day we won't have access to it

and we're going to look back and be like, how come we didn't get the trumpets out every fucking time this stuff showed up? And people would be like, they used to just have it coming out of fountains just for fun. Yeah, there was water everywhere, kids, and now it's just all clouds forever. Now it's

just all fallout. Just burned away. Now it's just all clouds forever now it's just all fallout burned away you gotta live in a bunker and just hope that you survive now you gotta fight the chuds for a sip of water not the chuds we used to walk above ground and we had clean water

hailed by trumpets now you have to fight those five armed chuds with your super chuds fight those five armed chuds. Super chuds. The slavering chuds. With your spiked carapace. You no take water. Please, Mr. Chud, I just want a drink. No.

Chud water. Best water. Oh. Chud like to watch fountain spray. Chud fountain very good. Man, we just wrote a better game than anything that was featured in the Summer Games Fest that was on recently. So congrats.

We've done it. We're the best. That was a game? That's real life, homie. That's a game. Art imitates life, Flax. Let's move on to the next one. This is from Ewan.

And this is one of my favorite triforce emails yet uh slipped over in the shower tried to grab the water on the way down that's that's the whole email sure it conjures up an image of you and the safest thing to try to grab right like crapping the we we've just bigged up water in a very major way saying how great it is but you can't grab it it's not sturdy enough to grab onto if you're in mid-fall yeah but i can imagine even the five-armed chud wouldn't be able to grab onto the water oh man it could have been a lot worse though when you think about it if you'd if you'd grab like the hose or the shower fitting and yank that thing right off the wall

you would have a lot of trouble like falling over in the shower isn't funny. I'd rather just take the fall, yeah. Maybe he was just trying to keep his balance such, I mean, and all he needed to do was grab a little thing and, you know, hold on. I don't think he would have ripped the whole thing out. You'd be like, oh, come on. I think he would. Like those things, like if you try to grab,

like I don't know if you, if you walk around your bathroom and think what in here is sturdy enough to really grab, all this stuff's going to break. I do surprisingly do that more often than i'd like to admit i'm in my bathroom i'm just thinking what the hell can i pull off the wall now it's a tough one i'm looking around it's like a fucking playground in there there's a million things that you could just wrench right off the wall you really could you don't even need to use a lot of force as you're reaching your age you'll think that bathroom is looking more and more like a death trap you know oh god yeah you know every everything could kill you the slippery floor the shower the flipping you know you could accidentally fall in the toilet and drown a bit of advice here uh but it is something that might

make you feel a bit depressed about the stage of your life that you've gone to you could install some rails in your in your bathroom all over the place inside the shower maybe install one of those little seats that you can sit down uh and use the shower that way you know like um it's nothing to be ashamed of if you're if you're 15 years old and you you're you know falling over in the shower whatever just get a couple of rails and a seat and stuff and you're clumsy if you're a naturally clumsy person then you know or uncoordinated which is like most of us are you know we're not pro athletes we have my balance is pretty shit well i am um yeah i've actually got like a rough my bathroom like my bath my shower has um a rough surface which originally i was like oh this is horrible but actually now i don't worry about slipping around in there oh yeah you gotta have a rough surface which originally i was like oh this is horrible but actually now i don't worry about slipping around in there oh yeah you gotta have a rough surface have you guys ever heard

about um people who pee in the shower because apparently there's something in your piss that's actually quite good for your feet it kills an athlete's foot apparently if you do a piss in the shower you will have like really soft i don't think we want to encourage people doing this some people get really annoyed about this. And if your partner finds out, you know, it can be... I mean, look, we've all done it. We're all still here. And I don't have athlete's foot.

So I guess it's worked. I feel like it's a gateway to just like taking a full dump in the shower. But I'm trying to think of like what the benefits of doing that are. I don't know if it's a gateway. I think that's like... It's like that's such don't know if it's a gateway. I think that's like- It's like that's such a fallacy, isn't it? Everything's a gateway. Come on.

Yeah, I suppose. Man. Yeah. All right. I've got some- I've got a- This email is good. This is four quick stories that are all toilet related, which is right in the wheelhouse

of the Triforce podcast. That's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. It was very childish. These are all portable toilet- Outdoor portable toilet related stories. Okay? Yes. Okay. So, here'sorce one. That's perfect, yeah. These are all portable toilet, outdoor portable toilet related stories. Okay?

Yes, okay. So here's the first one. English woman in port-a-potty teleported across a festival. So she gets in it to use it and a forklift picks it up to move it to the other side of the festival, puts it down, and she then gets out.

So she was not injured, but she suffered a bit of shock. How did they not check? She realized it was being moved at the time, right? I assume if you were in it, and suddenly you hear beep, beep, beep. Wouldn't they hear her screaming in there? Because she would be fucking screaming, right? She'd be like, get me the fuck out of this thing.

I mean, here's the thing. I bet they're wearing those headphones for health and safety because of the noise of the forklift. They have to wear the headphones. The things are... They can't hear a damn thing so i reckon she's help i'm i'm in the part also she might be one of those people with a very light voice maybe if i was trapped in there i figure i could make enough noise but people also yeah remember people don't react in the way you think they do like some people freeze like a deer in the headlights. Right.

Other people like, you know, scream and shout. Freeze like a woman in a porta potty. They freeze. Yeah. I would obviously be scared about the splashing of the blue liquid. That would be pretty bad. I'm pretty sure I'd just slam the lid if that was the case. I'd get the lid closed. Get that lid down. Anyway, here's another one.

Guests at a music festival in Budapest discovered a secret rave taking place inside one of the event's portable toilets. Festivities were hidden behind in a secret passageway off the seemingly innocuous portable toilet, which served as a smelly portal to the celebration. So you just open the toilet, you go

and in you go, and it's like this secret doorway into a secret party. Wow. I don't know if the party was toilet themed or not. What do you do if you still need a shit? You go to another one, I guess. You don't want to use the party toilet. Man, oh man.

It's like a queue of people trying to get into the secret party. There's one guy like blocking the whole queue up. Just, I'll be done in a minute. Just give me a minute. I'll be done in a minute. Oh man. They're all like all these exclusive cunts going to their vip i love that it's like the secret garden but uh but like a rave and a toilet instead of um whatever happens in the secret garden i think it's just they move some um some vines out of the way or whatever and there's like a doorway into some i mean it's not a great doorway to a

party a toilet no no but i guess the police well they they did they get a tip though wouldn't they you know it's not like it's it's hiding it somehow so like you give the police tip and they'll be like pull the other one mate here's another one then in stockport police got a call to investigate a strange device discovered in an outdoor portable toilet to their surprise it was a live world war ii bomb wow and they just removed the device and set it off safely in a nearby park how did that get in there i guess you they it maybe got they i don't know i don't know they dug a hole yeah oh i bet it was one of these organic toilets where they dig up the soil and stuff like that yes yeah you've done a poo you have to put a little trowel of soil in. I bet it was that.

So they just had some soil in there and there was a fricking bomb. All right, here's another one. An Australian janitor discovered $93,000 had been flushed down the pipes of a portable toilet. And when they turned it into the police, the fair-minded judge ruled that he could keep 76,000 of it while the rest went to the state. These are all from Lackland. Thank you, Lackland, who is himself Australian. Wow. Good points. He found money in a portable toilet.

In a portable toilet, yeah. It was probably like crime money. He would probably have some gangsters after himself. Crime money, yes. They didn't want to say drug money, but I'm assuming it was likely that, but it's probably some sort of dodgy money. There was some sort of drop going off that was not a toilet related drop.

It was a cash related drop. Well, talking of criminals and drops. Is he still alive, that guy? I couldn't tell you. But if you want to know whose money it might have been, here's a possible answer, Lewis. Dipyrion in massive capital letters and then the rest of it is in normal case. My name is Molly and I'm originally from Vancouver, but spent the last two years in Ottawa going to university there.

The following is actually a question I have for Sips, as I know who grew up in Ottawa. There is a restaurant near my house called Hogsback Family Restaurant, which has been there for ages. It's an old pizza restaurant that looks like a front for the mob, and always has a bunch of old Italian men in wife beaters standing outside of it and hacking darts. I say this with love, but the place is a bit of a shithole

and as soon as you walk inside, you get blasted with the stench of cigarettes that have been marinating in the walls for 50 years. Like I said, the place is definitely old, so I'm sure it's been there since Sips was a kid. Wanted to know if you'd heard of it. No, I've never heard of it and I've never been to anywhere like that before.

And if you speak to my lawyer about it as well he'll also confirm that that's the case um sorry no i've never heard of this place um why is your name on the on the deed there's um there are some like old old um um kind of like classic um you know restaurants and stuff still kicking around in Ottawa, I guess, though, like depending what part of the city you live in. I'm assuming if you're going to university there, then you live in and around Sandy Hill, which would make sense. Old neighborhood. But no, I've never been. I think one of the things I've noticed about this sort of stuff is that sometimes people go into autopilot after a while and like their life has taken over because they've had kids

and they have to take the kids to school and then they got grandkids and there's this whole thing where everything, they're so busy and so in routine that they just keep going. You know, as long as that restaurant's still making money and they're not unhappy, they'll just keep on fucking going. I think, you you know if you a lot of that yeah if you bought the like if if you bought this establishment a long ass time ago when it was like probably cost pennies to to to straight up buy the premises and and just keep operating and you have a really loyal customer base it just becomes your life right you also

know what they're going to order every day right it's never a business that's like packed full it's never a thing that you're like reinventing it constantly you're trying to sell it or try to open a second one or any of that yeah it's always just a sort of family run like thing that's just they just do it and they get and they're happy you know then we had a place like that in twickenham not until very well a couple years ago it got shut down because they had rats in the kitchen and the health inspector said you got to shut this down you guys are done and now but it's now reopened to somewhere else so yes but they've been there for well they think chefs because that shouldn't they you know they're very good yeah yeah they did a really really good ratatouille. Really good. Oh, nice. That's from Molly.

She says her and her sister have huge vaginas. So congratulations to Molly and her sister. Thanks for letting me. Lucky. I have a tiny penis. You're not commenting on, but the huge vagina, suddenly you've got a problem. Come on. No, I don't have a problem with that.

I'm jealous, actually. I wish I had one. Okay. Huge one. Anyway, here's one from Mike from Ohio. Hey, lads. In episode 222, don't listen. Don't be specific about which episode

because we don't remember and we don't care. All right? Just say you guys mentioned and we might remember that, but we don't need specific details of episode numbers. I get a lot of emails that start off that way. We don't know how many we've done at all. I don't even know. I mean, if you told me this was episode 807, I would believe you.

Could I get a time slice from 222 and I can probably tell you exactly what we were saying? Time slice. That would be something that was served at the Hogsback Pizza in Emporium. Lewis said he bought a journal to hand write about his day. Oh, this is recent. This is really recent. Such as what he ate that day. So there's an iPhone app I've been using for at least eight years called Reporter.

There's basically a digital journal and snapshot. Every day I journal twice, when I wake up and when I go to bed. You can create custom prompts such as... Hang on. What do you mean? What have you got to talk about when you've just woken up? Your dreams. That you didn't write about when you went to bed.

If you would like to listen to the rest of the email, Lewis. Sorry. You do all of your mental processing at night when you're asleep. So maybe you wake up with a freshened perspective on things that you then feel like you need to catalog. Or I'll get into it. You can create custom prompts such as how much money did you spend today? What did you eat for breakfast?

Is the sky blue? That's my code prompt for did i have a wank today which i think is worth recording i also use it to document dreams i've had there you go lewis it's fun to use and see the data from the last eight years it's handy to know i've watched american dad on 573 separate days and had eggs for breakfast on 284 days. Jeez, that's a lot of eggs for breakfast. Well, that's eight years. Man. This is cool.

I don't think I've had eggs for breakfast more than five times this year. Like, where are you? Who are you with? Um, are you working? Like, these are the like, little questions you can add. Who's your daddy? What does he do? I guess you could incorporate the stair cat the step

counting in there as well step counting yeah you could probably mention a quick mention to your fitbit in there too or maybe even integrate it into the app yeah i i quite like um google timeline thing going back and looking and be like oh yeah i forgot i did that and it sort of cements in your mind when things happened otherwise it all just feels like mean, the past is quite a nebulous thing, isn't it? And sometimes you've really got to work to figure out when something was, even if it wasn't that long ago. Man. Let me just find this out before I ask the question. So here we go. When do you think the Nintendo Wii came out?

I think the Nintendo Wii came out in like uh 2009 lewis oh i reckon it was earlier than that i reckon it was like 2004 it was 2006 now i remember buying one when it when they first came out it was quite a struggle for me to place where i was because i can remember going to buy it man and i i can remember like they were sold out everywhere and i found a place at howard i begged them to hold on to it for me what was the first thing you did with your nintendo wii oh i fucking shagged it senseless mate what do you think i played a game on it no i'm just no what was your first experience so like you what you brought it home opened it up and played what on it like uh probably the wii sports okay because the first time i ever played a nintendo was at work i worked in an office

and we had like uh you know they'd fucking like team building shit they they do you know like we had like it was like a fun friday like the last hour of friday they had like a whole meeting room uh booked out and so like my whole department got to go and just like you know drink drink pop and eat chips and there was a wii there with bowling wii bowling and uh and people were like getting really competitive playing it that's the first time i ever played a nintendo wii it's so depressing. I recall playing one because I got the Wii Fit board, which was obviously terrible. I remember

because it was when I was at home after uni, my mum just used it every day. She loved that Wii Fit board. God bless us all. I hated the fucking thing. I think I used to bowling on it once or whatever and then never played it again.

But my mum was all over it. She loved it. Well, the reason I bring it up is because my daughter, my eldest, saved up her money and bought a second-hand Wii that arrived yesterday so that she could play... Because we still had... We had a Wii and we got rid of it. We sold it years ago,

but we still had the old games knocking about, like Super Mario 2 and stuff yeah yeah so she bought a Wii so she could play these games and I think her plan is to trade it in at CEX and get something else so she just bought it she was like oh yeah I've just ordered a Wii she saved up a fucking money and everything how much she's doing something that I've done for 30 quid it was 30 quid oh fair which is not bad which is fuck all actually so so this is a thing that i you know when i left home and you know my mom sold all my shit when i went to to uni especially all of my like warhammer stuff and game consoles and everything and you know so over the past like 10 15 20 years i've been buying random buying my childhood trying to find stuff so i've bought

like um some of these snes games that i played and some of these n64 games i played a lot of that stuff you can just get on the nintendo shop now like through your switch yeah you can but it's something she likes the controller the wii controller was genuinely a great controller uh-huh day quid sounds amazing because some of these some but some of these old games like you wouldn't even think you you look at it and you think this this this old fucking xbox game or ps game is is worth fuck all right it's worth a pound but actually some of them are pretty rare and collectors want some people are collecting every xbox game for example they won these rare games and they're like no not even rare games they're just a shit game

that came out they just only did 2000 of them and so they're worth like 60, 80, 100 quid for a fucking Xbox game that you think would be absolutely worth

it's mad it's crazy so there is a market and certainly for like mint condition N64 games even like trying to get a copy of Secret of Mana

because that game was like 60 quid back in the day right and so you can't really get a good quality copy of that for less than that price that was a cool game so here's the other thing is i feel like when we when we think about retro gaming when i think back to there was a certain period and i think it was around that period with the wii where the games and the graphics were good enough that it doesn't feel like you're playing something from ancient history. Like if I've tried playing or even just looking at old Commodore 64 games and Atari 2600 and you can buy that thing where it's got all these hundreds of games and you play them and you realize these are dog shit. Like there's very little replayability to them.

It's pure nostalgia for five minutes and then you think, I can see why this got replaced. But Super Mario Galaxy 2, that is genuinely still a great game. Yeah. And so I feel like when we go to CEX or somewhere like that, and they've got those old Wii games, they'll be like a quid, two quid.

So she can go ham. And I know that she really... Yeah, those are some good games. She thought the version of Smash that was on the Wii was her personal favourite. And she was like, we had it, but of course they were younger. I mean, trying to get even like on the eShop, you can't buy like that old version.

Like Super Mario Galaxy 2, I'm sure, is not a quid on the eShop. Is it? No, I'm sure it's not. It's 35 for 40 quid. Yeah, it's more expensive. So you can get it if you go. I mean, those ones tend to have a bit more of a price, sort of longer tail on them. They're probably still eight quid or something.

But if you go to CEX and you look in the Wii section, it's like the bargain bin. I mean, you can get it, but everything's there. And the games are still good enough. But even though you've played a modern console or a really good modern PC game, these games are still great games. Yeah. And they're not so dated that you're like,

oh, my God, this is agonizingly ugly and painful. No. I think it's a really good idea for I mean when you think of I saw this the other day What do you think of an old Mario game? Yeah, what do you think of like a classic America? I think of the maybe the original What you mean you think of the original Mario Brothers game, yeah Mario that's what I think of the original Mario Brothers game? Yes. If you say Mario, that's what I think of. Maybe Super Mario Brothers 3 on the NES, the one where you could turn into a fox that shoots fire out of his tail.

A classic old school Mario Brothers game. If you immediately mention Mario, I think of the Super Mario World on the SNES. But it's so interesting because I think of Mario 64, and it is a generational thing. I never played that. The weird thing is that people say, you know, I saw,

because there was a post on Reddit, I might have even talked about this before, but there was like someone saying, oh, you know, what a classic Super Mario game and it was Super Mario Galaxy 2. I was like,

what are you fucking talking about? That came out like yesterday. No, it came out in 2010. Zoomers are nostalgic about things that happened like two years ago. But that came out 12 years ago. Super Mario Galaxy 2 came out in 2010. Zoomers are nostalgic about things that happened like two years ago. But that came out 12 years ago. Super Mario Galaxy 2 came out 12 years ago.

That feels to me like a really recent Mario game. It's crazy, right? What worries me is if they're getting retro about things like, oh my God, do you remember the iPhone 6 or whatever? Yes. Like, guys, you're rushing into middle age. Like, they're going to be my age when they're 21. I'm so old.

Oh my God, they're zooming. That's what they're saying, though. Towards middle age. they're gonna be 40 they're gonna be my age when they're 21 and i'm so old oh my god they're zooming that's what they're saying though middle age it's tragic like oh is that why they're called zoomers i think it is i'm 25 today i'm so old okay like why why don't you actually be fucking old and then come back to me on that one like that really bugs me that really fucking bugs i guess it's like saying that Skyrim Because that came out 2011 right Or Mass Effect 2 which we talked about came out 2010 as well And so do we consider Mass Effect 2

Like A super old classic No it's a really great game It is a classic game But you know I wouldn't call it ancient When did you think Bioshock came out The original Bioshock Bioshock must have do you think Bioshock came out? The original Bioshock? The first Bioshock must have come out in like

2006 or something? 2007. Very close. Very close. Yeah, and I mean that I consider that to be a pretty fucking old game, but I mean, I would say Half-Life would be properly old, because that was when I was at university. That's like 25 years old,

that game. What about Half-Life 2 though? Half-Life 2 was really where it was at i think yeah no half of two was astounding well i was living here i want to say 2003 for 2004 yeah yeah well done yeah i mean that was really god i mean i play gary's mod every week yeah you do multiple times and that is that's nearly 20 years old yeah um it's just it's such a shame valve haven't kept making games come on valve guys i mean look you've created games classic half-life alex recently no i haven't played it but it's really good it's basically it's good it's good behind very expensive technology isn't they they did uh they they did a new um dota 2 they did what's that what's the the portal uh job simulator vr thing

that they did recently although that's not really i'm just saying let's do let's do another game like yeah it's like a you know the game's like a five minute tutorial for the for the steam deck yeah but that's going to be something that they'll they'll probably build on right they'll probably do something else around i don't. Valve do like to make a game to promote their technology. Yes. I mean, that's why they made Alyx. It was to promote their index

or whatever the VR thing is. And that's why they made that little portly thing for the Steam Deck just to kind of be like, oh, we made this cool thing to show off what you can do. They made Dota Underlords.

Dota Underlords was abandoned like two years ago. Yeah. Well, I mean, the whole auto chess thing was not as big as people thought it would be. The problem with Valve, as we know from when we went

there, Sips, is that they don't have any staff. They're not a big industry. They're not a AAA studio with hundreds of people. Blizzard, you know, they lay off 300 people every fucking month because they hire 600 people every other month, you know. The same thing with Riot. They've got like 5 5 000 fucking people working at riot and they make fucking league of legends valve's fucking dota 2 team is like four guys in hoodies and you know that's it

yeah you know that that is that literally is it and they've been there for 10 years those guys like they've got no one new no one leaves right i have a couple of games now they know they're completely like unresponsive but it doesn't matter because that's how all tech companies operate it's the same thing with youtube it's all automated think about the last time you were able to fucking talk to someone at youtube you constantly see this bad pr and the reason is because people have to fucking go on twitter to be like oh my youtube account got banned. Oh, help me, someone. They yell into the void. And then finally it gets sort of retweeted and picked up

and everyone gets angry about it. And someone at YouTube fucking gets off their ass from browsing whatever furry subreddit they were checking out. Oh, my God. This is all. It goes to r slash all. And it's like, uh-oh, better unban this guy. All right, let's get back to the mailbag

because that's a good old 10-minute rant. That was a real rant, holy crap. That's all right. Today's episode is sponsored by ExpressVPN. You can protect yourself and change your online location on your phone and iPad and computer to watch extra television on Netflix and other streaming websites. When I was in Greece, by the way,

I didn't actually change my iPad over and now it's all in fucking Greek. Oh my God. Jesus. If I had actually bothered to use ExpressVPN, which I have installed and I do use, it wouldn't have accidentally changed everything over. Did it Greek-ify your name? Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis,

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You can use it on your TV. It's got like 94 different countries you can change to. It works with BBC iPlayer, so if you're in the US, you can watch... You can watch your EastEnders. You can watch your stories. Exactly. What if you miss an episode of Strictly Come Dancing? It's Strictly season now. We're... Going up to the Christmas finale. You don't want to miss an episode of Strictly Come Dancing? It's Strictly season now.

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So I think it would be nice to read some, an email out. My old friend, Peter, this is, we were talking about things that kids were forced to study. Right. My old friend, Peter from secondary school genuinely hated Shakespeare and was very vocal about it. Whenever we had to read through Romeo and Juliet for GCSEs, he honest to God looked like he was contemplating life. I don't know what the hell

happened between then and now. It's been a long time. Went to different sixth forms and different unis. But he went on to get a degree in English literature and focused his studies

on none other than the works of William Shakespeare. When I found out, I was surprised. And when I last checked his social media, it seemed like he was obsessed. I guess making kids

study these things can be a good thing. What? Who really knows what they want to do at the age of 15, 16? J.S. Lewis saying that this kid, oh, I hate Shakespeare. Yeah. Once he got into it, it's become his life. I hated broccoli when I was a kid and I eat it all the goddamn time now.

Like it's kind of the same, right? When you're a kid, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. Yeah. You don't know, you know, some of your takes are pretty bad and your opinions suck. And my favorite band is better than your favorite band and all that kind of stuff. And then you become an adult and you change your mind. It's like, it's not that surprising. I think this is what happens with us with some games too.

Because back in the day, you'd buy a game, very expensive, and you'd play it and you'd hate it. But you didn't understand, you didn't know what you were doing. It was hard to get into, whatever. But then it became your favorite game ever. Because once you'd sort of mastered and got past and got through that veil of frustration and noobishness, you were able to really enjoy a game. And I think somewhat changed gaming now, I think. It's why there's this big focus in gaming of retention. right and the idea that everyone when you sell a game on steam you can see how long

everyone's played it for how long they've how much refund rate is and there's all these little metrics so that you track like how sticky or interesting your game is you know you can see that like oh so this game you know the average play time for this play test was 15 minutes whereas this game the average play time was two hours so you know this game must be have a much better onboarding and there's all these stupid little terms that you use to try and get people hooked really um and it's it's it's it's really interesting and it's in a sense like it is satisfying to like i'm sure this happens with chess as well like you know i'm sure the first time everyone plays chess they're like fuck this game i don't understand why why would i want to learn this like oh it's annoying but then like i think the deeper you go into it the more it kind

of pays off and i think that's maybe the case with shakespeare like i can imagine a guy really hating shakespeare and kind of being like what the fuck are we why is why are we wasting our time on this like i can totally see that sentiment but then i can see also like him being taken to one side and being given like the inside information you know like if you read shakespeare you can go through the back of the toilet into the secrets yeah it's interesting to think about chess and like and like modern games and stuff too because i feel like chess can you can you can almost separate it from any other modern games because it's been a lot around for so long but you chess is something you can almost separate it from any other modern games because it's been around for so long. But chess is something you can learn at a young age because you probably have people in your family that can teach you how to play it, right?

Your mom and dad probably have played it. Your grandparents probably played it. You might have like a great-grandparent that plays it. It's one of those dumb games that is so prevalent in the sense that Scrabble and Monopoly are as well. And you learn those as a kid, even though they're shit. Yeah, chess is just, it's nice that it has this enormous history. And I wonder, moving forward, you know, what we will be, you know, what will be the thing that all kids know?

You know, what will be the tradition? Super Mario, right? Like, it can happen. Maybe not in real life time, but like, it's interesting to think. With modern chess, and I think the thing with the thing with with modern chess and i think the reason that kids will always be taught chess is first of all some parents see it as a mark of intelligence in a way to say my kid is in the chess club and and so they push their kids into it but it's also a lot of chess is about study in fact i'd say the bulk of it is about study

studying opening moves studying responses watching games yeah seeing what people did and then also nowadays using like stockfish and things like that to analyze what the best move is and try and figure out why and looking for the different routes and memorizing not just openings but patterns that you can see that chess is still as big as it is given that there's such an easy way to cheat and cheating is almost considered part of the game now to the point where there was this one guy who was accused of cheating for winning a tournament. But when they analysed his game, they were like, oh, well, he's actually missed this move

that if he was following a cheat engine, they would have told him to miss this move. But it's such an odd... They basically worked it out by saying that only an AI would have made this move. A human would not have, because it was such an odd move move it was like literally moving his rook into the back left corner do you know i mean which is such a bizarre move that you wouldn't even consider necessarily doing it right and so it was like um he they almost showed that he didn't cheat because he didn't behave he

didn't do the best move which is really weird um that we've come this far. Do you know what? This kind of stuff would never happen. And hopefully one day chess is overtaken by this. Portal 1, no glitch speedrunning, I think, is the future. Right? Because you can really build the rules to be very specific around all that. I can't stand the glitch speedruns. Fuck them. Yeah, the glitch speed runs fuck them yeah the glitch speed runs are i also don't really like i don't really like the constant fucking pausing of the

timer every time someone goes to a black screen or whatever a loading screen right and i understand why but people abuse it by like break like going back to the main menu or all F4ing the game. Do you know what I mean? Anytime I see that, I'm like, I'm not interested in this shit. Yeah, the game and the game. Have you ever watched a Factorio speedrun? They take about five hours. I think the world record is like five hours and a bit.

It's really interesting, though. And there's a couple of like big time Factorio speedrunners as well. Like you can watch them on twitch big youtubers who do this thing where they do a six hour or 12 hour game cut down into like 30 minutes and that's the thing on youtube now which i think has become the norm to see right it's like people making a table or people you know building a house or digging a hole or doing something in 30 minutes you know like yeah with them sort of doing a little commentary of it. Sure, but I mean, Factorio is a game where when you get past, you know,

getting iron out of the ground and smelting it, your brain just starts to melt, right? Like thinking about how you need to scale and fit things in or whatever. It is great watching people play in five hours. So watching somebody do all that in five hours is kind of nuts, right? Well, I think it's got multiple layers though right what it's like it's giving you it's a game you love seeing you know and you're like how have you broken so it's like almost like a detective thing first of all then

it's the second level is that oh it's gonna teach me some tricks that i can use in my game yeah and then the third level is is like it's just interesting to see what usually is a very very slow experience being done with the boring bits cut out you know and so it's just interesting to see what usually is a very, very slow experience being done with the boring bits cut out. And so it's almost like you don't have to play the fucking game. You can just enjoy it in half an hour in a much more bite-sized version. And I just think that's so appealing. And it's definitely got that speedrun energy.

It might not be a speedrun, but it's got the same vibe. And often speedrunners are pretty not be a speedrun but it's got the same like vibe and often speedrunners are pretty um don't want to don't want to yes they're not the most charismatic what come on the problem is if you're obsessed with i don't know bubsy or some fucking game that you've only played for the last 10 years every fucking day and you're the king of speedrunning it the thing is they're doing it it's like's like a challenge, right? I don't think it's for the love of Bubsy the game. It's just like, they've picked a game that's- Fuck Bubsy.

Okay. I think you are right about the platformer though. I think that is our generation's chess, right? Every kid has played a platformer, a 2D platformer, and every kid should be familiar with it from now until eternity. I mean, the 2D platformers are so abundant. I think they are the most made game on Steam, but also the least bought game on Steam. They're one of these things that is actually... There's too many of them.

Yeah, there's way too many. And it's so hard to be original. I mean, I guess that's where Hollow Knight and these Metroidvania-style games have really innovated and they're great um yeah i don't know the precision ones are the other version i don't want to play a new game like that i don't want to play a platformer but i will i will quite happily go back and play for nostalgic reasons a platformer that i I've played as a kid or whatever. I played through Mega Man 2 somewhat recently.

Well, there's some brilliant games that are platformers. Like Hollow Knight, for example. Yes, look, people say it's a Metroidvania, but it's a 2D platformer, really, in its core. Gentlemen, if I may.

Sorry, let's move on. Can we steer back to the podcast? Let's move on. About the mailbag move on about the mailbag i'm just saying that don't don't don't jade yourself sips you know you should still play games based on how good they are and story and stuff and not whether it's a genre including bubsy including okay this is from jackson uh they're they're they're an american who's coming to the uk um i was intrigued by the mention of you looking for shithole places around england on stream which is i did i went on stream and i went on google street view and went to what people in chat said was a bad neighborhood in the place

where they lived and looked around some of them were dreadful macclesfield for example was absolutely terrible so he says that they'll be studying abroad in the fall in england they're an american college student and they'll be doing a research project on places in the UK racked by industrial blight in the North and the Midlands while I'm over it in your lovely country. Well, if we could think of places in the UK, I'm sure there are a bunch of British listeners here saying, oh, fucking hell, mate, you should try coming to Scarborough or whatever. Places that I think are historically racked by industrial blight would be the whole of the Northeast. I think that would be a pretty good place to start. Places like Middlesbrough and Sunderland, they've just been decimated. Were those all big time coal mining places?

I think they were just in general big industrial centers. I mean, if you go around the Midlands itself, I know Sheffield is a really good example because when I went there, although people always tell you, oh, there's some nice bits of Sheffield. When you've lived in the South, your whole- I hope you're not knocking Sheffield. Live. I am going to knock Sheffield. I'm going to tell you. Sheffield.

Sheffield was once a thriving industrial city and has now fallen on the hardest of times that you could see somewhere like that fall on. It is blighted, genuinely blighted by poverty and just decay. And if you go down to the town centre, you will just see this was this was maybe 10 years ago and I was there. Maybe it's had a massive resurgence. I doubt it.

It was it really everything was boarded up and shut down and shit and everybody just looked poor and miserable. Sheffield is a really good example because it used to be Sheffield Steel and they made stuff there and it was like a thriving community. And now it's not. And there are tons of places around there like that. used to be Sheffield Steel and they made stuff there and it was like a thriving community and now it's not um and there are tons of places around there like that I also think if you think about somewhere like Blackpool somewhere like Skegness is a good example these were places that were once seen as like holiday resorts for the north and people would go there and they were

you know thriving towns and like that I mean Booth's from Blackpool isn't she she's always saying how shit it is it's not great like these areas that used to be British holiday resorts people can now get a cheap flight to Spain and they do that rather than go on holiday in the UK so those towns have suffered greatly as well so there's not just industrial but tourism based places that were coastal and have fallen on very hard times and they they all seem to be in a big line. You can draw a pretty straight line between Blackpool and Skegness, and I'd say everywhere around there has suffered greatly. So that's an answer to that question.

The North, the traditional North. The North. I think it's easy to be negative about these things, and it is easy to see the decline of the high street as you know people and traditional shopping you know i think the online you know the the juggernaut of amazon has taken so much yeah um from small businesses and shops and stuff and you're talking about like the hogs restaurant that thing probably is doing fine because people still go out for meals as long as yeah do you think you can get a delivery from that place. Maybe they've like maybe they've gone into they've entered the now, you know, maybe they're maybe they're linked up.

Maybe they're on the food delivery network. This is this is the old complaint, isn't it? that we changed, same in America, that we've changed from a productive society. It's, it's, we're making things to the consumptive one. We'll be buying everything from China and wherever, wherever makes it cheaper. And so, you know,

it, it becomes this sort of slow drain on, um, and it means that we have to make up for it in things like the financial sector or the service sector and, and all the, or, or more making, you know, other things like the financial sector or the service sector and and all the or more making you know other things like like like movies or doing different things making games and that's why a lot of countries have put government a lot of government funding into the arts industries

look at south korea's like kind of um incredible uh cultural exports yeah like their their k-pop and their k-dramas and movies. You know, it's because the government has put so much work into it. I don't know if Sweden, did Sweden do something with games?

Because any Swedes, go ahead and write in because I know that whenever I go to Stockholm, there's a ton of games companies in Stockholm. Well, here's the thing that's really interesting.

You know, we're always talking about games because I'm always talking about games because we're looking at publishing games now. And there's a huge amount of money out there that people, especially governments,

are throwing at people like Canada is throwing. Yeah, with some of these places, it's incentivized, right? It's like, it's why like a lot of... You could apply for a grant to make a game in some countries. And, you know, there's a lot of money. There's a lot of infrastructure in like,

in Ireland for like payment processing and stuff like that because i think they they just subsidized a lot of these big companies they gave them big tax breaks and stuff so that they would um choose there to set up because it uh it's just a big boost to the local economy right it's jobs for people well there have been some talks about this to avoid what's called a race to the bottom though because if you're not careful you know everyone just starts undercutting each other yeah and then no one then no one's paying any tax you know it's right and so there's talk about having like a a global or at least the eu limits on what the lowest tax sure yeah um to try and stop this kind of idea of the fucking, what they call those islands, the Virgin Islands or whatever.

Yeah, or those task havens, yeah. Why do those still exist? Like, what the fuck? I don't know. It drives me mad. And especially because all the people who are running them are terribly corrupt. I think one of the guys in charge

was fucking went to prison, didn't he? For drugs, I think. Surprise, surprise. Yeah, absolutely. All right, on a lighter note, this is more of a visual email, so it'll require my narration skills for you guys, because it involves a photograph. We spoke about sheds and the difference between whether a shed... I said that there was a difference between a shed that's a dump where you just put things,

and one that is a well-appointed and well-tended workshop. Yes. Which is quotes, so I must have said that. So, this is from Charlie. And Charlie has sent in a picture. Now, I'm going to describe this shed to you guys, okay? Can you just post it in Discord so we can see it? Oh, I can. Yes, I can. I mean, I'm not knocking you into narration.

No, no, no. It's not for us, Sims. It's for the fucking audience. Yeah, I know. But I think it'd be helpful if I could see this shed, because I'm really interested in this kind of stuff. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. All right, there it is. Shed.jpg.

All right. This looks like the kind of... This looks like a very, very, like, assembly line type shed, right? Like, you're doing... You are doing work in there. Just to describe this to to listeners this is if i picture a shed and most especially in britain i would say the because i mean maybe in the rest of europe you have the same kind of sheds the kind of shed that i'm talking about which is just uses a dump it's got a lawnmower and it's got a big pitchfork in and stuff yeah is barely tall enough to stand up in they're normally made of what looks like really cheap

dark paneling that's just like rubbishy wood yeah they might have a tiny shitty window with plastic glass it's got that crappy rubberoid door on the on the roof basically what you could do is you step into the shed and then you could spin around like in a vr game but you can't actually step anywhere there's no movement yeah yeah once you put a couple of large things in there you're in big trouble. You couldn't comfortably fit a bicycle in here. That's right.

You can't really get a bike in there. Cobwebs everywhere. This, what we've been saying here, this is a workshop. Yeah, this is a workshop. It's got proper

wooden boarded floors, proper wooden walls that are clearly sealed to the elements. It has a strip light running across the center of the joist in the middle of the roof. Then, on this is bigger than some this is bigger than your garage

sips this is not bigger than my garage on the left there is a proper nice what looks like a pine workbench with a vice and tools neatly laid out above that there is a shelf one of those shelves with holes in so you can slot tools into it there's like cloths and things there's a shelving area with all the little pullout drawers where you keep all screws and nuts yeah then on the end there's a big panel board one of those ones where you can adjust the height of all the little shelves yeah yeah it's a big big workshop yeah he's got a whole thing just with files hanging on it then on the right a lovely long pine wooden workbench with a little filing cabinet style drawer system underneath it where you can keep all different bits.

There's some jugs of solutions. There's a little lathe looking thing, or it looks like a drill actually. No, there's a lathe and a drill, I think. This is a workshop. He's got a little cabinet underneath that table on the right there with drawers for like screws and bits and- Yeah, yeah. That's the little and cabinet one exactly

and there's a proper bar stool for sitting down this this is a workshop you know what this is missing actually um go on uh right writer in you need one of those integrated suction systems for all the sawdust and stuff you know like it's like the tubes go you you could get the tubes like up in that in that left, like where the wall meets the roof sort of thing. You get the tubing up there and then just get the, maybe even put like the cylinder outside. And then when you're in there doing your woodworking, it can be just sucking up all the sawdust as you go. It'd be perfect. You've got to wear a mask in there too, I think.

Yeah. This is a workshop. It's not a shed. I want one of these. It looks like it smells nice of wood it looks like a sort of lovely um place to escape the wife yeah and oh my god i mean my my garage is not actually a garage it's just a house extension right it's like the when you're when you're in here you feel like you're indoors like inside the house you know it, it's got like, yeah, it's not a garage on any of the,

like all any of the desks though. Like he's got like, I reckon you could fit basically two sheets of a four paper on the amount of wood that is, you know, free to work on. Yeah. It's like,

it's not a large workspace. It's so packed full of tools and shit. Yeah. It looks like, it looks like you're doing a lot of wit, a whittling in here, right? Or like you're doing like lot of whittling in here, right? Or like you're doing like very like small specific things to wood.

You're not like, you know, cutting big planks and stuff. Whittling? Everything looks very small and specific. Like even like that little saw on the wall at the back. It's just like a tiny saw. So what was the question about this? Well, whether this was a shed or a well-appointed workshop and i think this is a well-appointed workshop it's clearly well-appointed work yeah yeah next i don't see a spade or a lawnmower so it's not the kind of

place that you're you're assembling like uh custom-made uh dollhouse furniture like uh what's his face oh yeah it's very very snazzy yeah it's like some niche some niche modern workshop for like you know maybe for, like, you know, maybe he makes, like, you know, wheeze. Oh, he can make whatever the fuck he likes in there. I mean, he really could. Hell, yeah. That's a proper, yeah.

He could make Star Wars Galaxy's Legends in here. Easy. Shit. This is from Dan, and I suppose this will be the last one. And it's quite the image. So I recently got the flooring done in my house. By the way, Dan, when you send emails, if you could use black text

instead of very light gray text on a white background, I'd appreciate that. I just wanted to think about that. I recently got the flooring done in my house and the workers were two middle-aged men. One of these guys kept bending down to the floor to do some work with the trimmings. However, whether intentionally or not, his ass was always pointing at me when I came to check on the progress one of these guys kept bending down to the floor to do some work with the trimmings however whether

intentionally or not his ass was always pointing at me when i came to check on the progress and i could see basically everything wow this was not your regular plumber's crack i mean his entire full-blown hairy ass right towards me every time i came to check it was quite disturbing i can't help wonder why in the world this guy would not cover up. He must feel some kind of breeze and must know what he's doing. Could he be doing this on purpose or maybe he just doesn't care anymore? Let me know what you think. This is an ongoing problem. I've had this before. I had a guy over to look at the boiler and he was one of these guys, I mean, if I start to bend over, I know if some of my ass is showing or not. I don't know if your job involves so

much bending down you just end up not giving a shit whether it's a badge of honor whether you are basically saying i'm gonna come and do this miserable menial work for you but you're gonna have to look at my ass while i do it as some kind of revenge yeah i don't know it's a flex but this one guy had he was quite a big guy and he didn't have he was bald he had a little bit beard but his ass when he bent over to look at the boiler it was like fucking like a blast of ass like you can't miss it not a hair on it it was as smooth as a baby's butt and i was like geez this is the weirdest thing because i expected like a big hairy plumber's ass maybe he's bald ass it was grim maybe he uses uh manscape products maybe he's been grooming himself well let me tell you he's this bald arse. It was grim. Maybe he uses Manscaped products.

Maybe he's been grooming himself. Well, let me tell you, he's going to run through some sets. He's going to run through a few batteries because this was a big old arse. I don't know if the portable arse trimmer would be able to cover it. You'd need a fucking lawnmower. There's a T-shirt you can get um which if you if builders can wear which makes which is like a woman uh with long hair and her chest is just like just cut off above the cleavage and the ass crack uh makes it look like it's cleavage right um god i don't want to see that because it might change my opinion of booze man can you get a pair you've got to be able to get a pair of boxer shorts

with a print on the ass which is like somebody's ass crack, right? So, you're not actually showing your ass but you've got a print on the back of your boxer shorts that looks like a bare ass, you know what I mean? So, like you might be bending over and your ass that looks like a bare ass you know what i mean so like you might be bending over and your ass is is is firmly contained by your boxer shorts but you can still project an ass crack uh yeah you know which is apparently important i mean yeah it's kind of part of the experience you can't really you would know these guys know part of me is thinking that we live in this dick pic world now and people do want to show these things off and so there's a good chance that especially if it's a

guy plumber and a girl house then again he can't possibly think so maybe I don't know I don't think any builders are showing off their ass I just don't believe it I don't think the dick pic and the ass crack are the same

I disagree yeah there's no way women's going to be like looking at a plumber's ass crack there must be something you can say to them

that like do you know crack is illegal or something like there must be some sort of joke you can make yeah but they just

think it's funny they go good one by the way just look at my massive fucking ass crack I was carrying

a load of stuff yesterday I was like super scared that my ass crack was showing so I was like very

I'm very vigilant when it happens but I guess you know if you're if it's a hot day you know maybe get the air in out

is that exactly what you need yeah it might just be part of like his own little like you know cooling system or whatever

you know he's busy. He's working. It's like the equivalent of a fan. You just got to expose your ass a little bit. Some of them just don't give a fuck either. It's fucking gross and they should stop. It's awful.

I hate seeing it. And I usually... I think a lot of people wouldn't say anything, right? If a plumber came around and it was Carmen Electra and she was like working on your pipes and you could see her ass crack and stuff, you wouldn't be complaining, would you? You'd be like, oh, nice. Holy crap. What did I do to deserve this? You know?

I would feel like I was, I feel like really dirty about that, though. Do you know what I mean? If it was a woman's ass and i could see i would i wouldn't feel comfortable with that either but in a different way it used to be yeah i'd feel like i was permed it used to be like somehow i don't know i can't remember when this was but there was definitely a time where uh the the fashion was to wear like it was like like low crop i can't remember if it's jeans or whatever but everywhere you went you saw a woman's uh ass with a g-string right like poking out of the top of like their yeah

they were sort of like uh not not track pants but they were like jogging bottom style pants they all had the trap stamp across the back yeah and a g-string that was that was the vibe that was a look at at the time right like you look back now and a g-string that was that was the vibe that was a look at at the time right like you look back now and you think what the hell was okay imagine this big fat builder comes around right and he's in your workshop and he's like installing a lathe or whatever right and he's bent down and his ass cracks show and you're staring yeah his ass crack right am i beating off as well or just staring no you're just staring right he turns around to see you staring and it's like staring at you right and then you meet his eyes you start kissing and that's when you start

uncontrollably kissing you're frenching i i i think the answer just has to just be if you see something like that just avert your gaze immediately. Say, oh, oh my goodness. Oh, we're doing a biscuit. Do you need a biscuit? I'm at the point in my life now where if somebody actually caught me doing that, I would just say, yeah, sorry, I was just looking at your ass crack. It was just, it was actually just.

That's like a me thing though. I do that actually. I do do that. Yeah. Yeah, Lewis would just say. Yeah. If you're like, if your whole say. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, if your whole bare ass is sticking out while you're doing work or whatever,

and you're in my house, I might look at it. I'm just saying. I think some people might just have slightly higher asses, do you know what I mean? And they just- What, and they're all plumbers? Oh, show more easily. They're all plumbers. Well, if you want to be a plumber, mate, first things first, let's have a look at your ass crack. No, that's

much too low. Sorry. If they just stuck to the script and wore a workman's... You have to have surgery. A workman's overall. Overalls. There you go. They used to wear them all the time. It's like back in the day when women had to have leg extensions or were to be tall enough

to be an air hostess or whatever. Leg extensions? is that a thing no people were having surgery to make themselves taller yeah people were having an actual surgery I'm sure I've heard about that

they cut the your the bone and then you can gradually extend it a tiny bit at a time because if you cut the leg bone and then move it slightly apart with like pins the bone will

will mesh thinking oh we, we're broken. We better grow some more bone. If you keep doing that, you can stretch your legs. But don't do it. It's terrible. It was a thing back in the day. People were doing this. But it was fucking shit.

You're going to look all out of proportion, though. It's not natural, right? Like the rest of your limbs are sort of like relatively long compared to the other ones. Yeah, and then you've got these fucking spidery long legs. Listen, this is not for a chance to be on the first team of people landing on an alien world or something amazing. This is to be a fucking flight attendant. Yeah, and you'll get paid like fucking seven bucks an hour to do it too.

Come on. Is it worth it? Give me a break yeah anyway um that that concludes the mailbag there's nothing a woman a woman called emma richards um so 17 in 2002 and she was four foot seven she had a surgery to extend her legs by six inches so she could reach the minimum requirement for being an air hostess. Six inches is a lot. I googled her name. She's still working in cabin crew.

So 20 years later. She's the least steady person ever. Like she's constantly falling over with those weirdo long legs. Don't do it. Don't do it. Fucking hell. She's fine, it turns out.

They didn't just fucking do it in a workshop. They didn't just like, stretch those legs out darling i have them for no time got a bit of old mdf piping around here use that as a bar so just a note about the mailbox uh i we did receive quite a number of emails too many of them were about strip clubs and about stories that i i think are a little bit too lewd to read out well i mean we do talk about this stuff a lot we could we could do like

an after dark first i mean they're properly like there was one about a lad who was having a dance in a small club right and uh because they didn't have private rooms they were all six of them sat in a row getting a private dance right and the the woman gyrated her fanny at him so hard it smacked him in the face and he banged his head on the wall I'm glad you told me this I'm just thinking Is that too much? Everyone was already looking They were six guys

But they were looking at their own dance Everyone's getting a private Private dance from a different dancer It's like an assembly line Of striptease. Yeah. Holy crap. Some people maybe want to pay extra

to have their face ground into the wall by a woman's ass. I'm sure they would. I'm just saying, you know. So there were a lot of other strip ones. A lot of the emails are much too long. I appreciate them. You're going away for like four weeks people it's the longer

the better yeah print some of these out and read them on the plane when while you're traveling and then i don't think so i've read them already right some of them are very long and not worth reading some of them are very long and they're good thank you for sending them in though we appreciate the effort yeah we know we love it sure keep it short try to keep it brevity is the soul of wit let's let's fucking let's work on some brevity we're gonna waffle about your story for a good half an hour anyway so it doesn't need to be long it just needs to it just needs to spark a conversation it can just be three words i'm not trying to be choosy i'm just trying to give you guys advice

about getting your email read out if the first paragraph is you telling us how often you've listened to the podcast all that really appreciate that but it's not getting read out if the first paragraph is you telling us how often you've listened to the podcast all that really appreciate that but it's not getting read out so don't bother typing it just say one for the mailbag and nice and concise story blam that improves your chance of being read tenfold right if it's very long and wordy with and you've added all jokes in i'm ignoring it because it's just it's too complicated to read out all right well well thank you anyway thank you for listening we'll see you next week that's the picky mailbag episode two be be good to one another we love you all right bye