Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #3: We can't talk about anything anymore

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Triforce! Mailbag Special #3! Sips recovers from a dramatic Tommee Tippee event, Pyrion is the J Jonah Jameson of the Mailbag and Lewis gets psycho-analysed! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly all right this is the mailbag special number three um that's the that's a perfect intro by the way because i think it should be really low-key the mailbag you're right

welcome back to the world today so if you're hearing this it's one of us is either somewhere and that means that there's no podcast but this is this is recorded in advance but yeah it doesn't matter because it's already old emails none of it's timely because most of it is to deal with people's stories from being a kid and somehow visiting a strip club as well. Oh, are we doing a mailbag? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let me fire it up.

Oh, man. Low-key AF. Oh, I got a nice... You know what I'm enjoying this morning? Well, I had to go do some um some some uh time sensitive dad chores today because our tommy tippy perfect prep machine uh that we use to make um uh bottles for the baby the filter is due to be changed so i had to we had to run out and get a new filter and while i was there i got some diapers perfect prep yeah yeah look it up. Tommy Tippy Perfect Prep Bottle Making Machine.

That's Tommy Tippy, T-I-P-P-E-E, I believe. Yes, that's exactly the one. Tommy Tippy. Tommy Tippy, it annoys me. He sounds like a 1930s vaudeville comedian. And now, the comedy stylings of Tommy Tippy. Oi, oi, governor. I've got knackers in a band belt.

In a band belt. Tommy Tippy is deploying his Tupperware sippy cup for all to enjoy. Wonderful. Up yours, seller. A travelling salesman would walk from door to door. Hey, man, I'm Tommy Tippy. Look at that.

So you got any babies in there? King of the road. Got any babies? Get out of here. I got a selection of brushes. I got some Tupperware for those babies. You guys need any sippy cups around here? Hey, kid, you want to see a sippy cup?

No. I got a sippy cup that'll really make you fly. Yeah, we found a sippy cup down by the quarry. cup that'll really make you fly yeah we found a sippy cup down by the quarry anyway uh so well it's a it's a great machine it's nice it does it's got uh hot shot technology i don't know if you guys are really into like uh formula fed babies what does that mean is that for when your baby needs like an espresso it's uh it's a it's a it's a shot of scalding hot water to uh kill the germs that may be present in powdered formula so you so the idea is that like the perfect prep machine will start by deploying one hot shot of like uh really really hot water like it this it coils it up and just

like makes it makes like uh it's like an ounce of super hot water and then you add however many measures of formula you need to to the hot water stir it up a little bit press the button again and then it tops it up with cold water right because the germs will be dead by then so the rest of the bottle uh with with colder water would be the right and then uh and then when you mix it all up, it's perfect temperature to drink. It's getting a bit like some kind of NASA control system now, the whole hotshot. Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, though.

Launching stage three, hotshot deployed. With my son, we had to do the old... Deploy the nipple. We had to boil up water and then sit it in a pan with cold water to cool it down and shit like that and it just took forever you know like he wants he wants a bottle and then it's got to replicate two hours before he wants one i guess you know like does that emit a hot shot of uh scalding hot liquid well it's not not really no it's it's very different but yes so anyway so i

went and got that and then i had to and then while i was there you know as you do i just ended up getting a bunch of other shit too and i had to do all that within 45 minutes of us starting this so i just want you guys to know how committed i am you know i'm out there thanks running around town doing all this shit getting back here more or less on time. This isn't even the normal Triforce day. We don't normally record today. Congratulations, Sips. You've really taken one for the team here.

The viewers are fucking grateful. Thanks for the recognition. That's what I live for. It's my life force when you guys recognize how much of a contributor I am. It just makes me feel so good hi triforce i recently graduated in geography from the university of portsmouth fucking hell poor bastard anyway here's a follow-up on our salt water email from episode 216 this is all about the thermohaline circulation brackets thc which is the active ingredient in weed dude thc dude 420 it's so hard the th what's

the thc count on this weed you've got my full attention i love weed i love weed dude so cool the earth's oceans and it works like a conveyor belt of moisture and warmth from the equator to the north that's why the south of england is warm compared to canada and russia even though they're all on similar latitudes however thc could stop due to global warming as the ice melt causes the saltiness to decrease thus no salt water sinking and no movement of water from north to south this could ultimately cause a runaway albedo effect and potentially cause an ice age jesus oh my god i've seen that cartoon and it is rough this guy works at the printers for eight hours this is it got graduate in geography from the university of portsmouth knows about thermohyline circulation works at

a fucking printers sorry tom is that the is that the bloody 2022 everybody yeah was it 28 days later what's the movie where the ice age comes down and it gets all cold i think it's actually called ice age and with the uh with the voice talent of ray romano amongst others there's a movie where it gets cold remember remember? I'm a man, man. I hate my wife. I'm abusive. I've never seen that movie, but I can recognize the voice of the characters.

Ray Romano. Ray Romano from the Bronx. Yeah, from Long Island. Everyone loves him, don't they? That's right. God, they love him. God, I bet an email from someone who claims that

they're still a fan of Chairman Mao. Holy shit. I'm not reading this. He's not going to get into debunking any of the usual anti-communist talking points. That's good stuff. Put that in the bin. Red Devil you. He's not going to get into debunking any of the usual anti-communist talking points. Right. Okay.

All right. Have fun. Good stuff. Put that in the bin. Red devil you. Trifle. Here's one about the little red hen. This is from Tanner. Do you remember I went off about the little red hen?

Yes. And it being a whole thing. Massive capitalist propaganda. I should follow the teachings of chairman mao apparently because you're either one thing or the other now you're either a rampant capitalist or you're a uh or a terrible communist i guess i could be either but anyway greetings from seattle i've been catching up with some of the old triforces blah blah blah during this episode little red yeah i don't need this fucking setup just get into it i thought pierre's take on the meaning of the story

was pretty bad and surprise surprise he admitted the most important part of the story the fact the little red hen asked the other animals for help at every stage of the bread making process but they refused that's the point tanner that's the whole point wait let me get this straight the poor little red hen aka the factory owner the person who owns the means of production she just wants you to help her out and she'll give you an equal share of the bread that's the propaganda you're missing my point brother you didn't listen did you that the little red hen is this benevolent force she owns the factory oh i just want to help and share with everybody fuck off and the reason they don't take the work oh they're too lazy that's why they don't work that's my point you have missed the point i have not missed the point you have missed the

point carry on um do you know what you've addressed everything i was gonna ask actually i i would listen to that one minute rant 60 times if this mailbag episode was just you crushing crushing what's his name tanner tanner from seattle yeah does he know jim gahooly um dale chihuly sorry yeah dale baby knows but baby baby knows jim Chihuly Joe Joe Chihuly oh man poor guy he can never get his name right he's got an eye patch he does yeah he fucking does man

we speculated that was related to a hot glass but I don't think it was I think it was unrelated someone's written a script for us as if we were Noam Chomsky and me and Sips and Lewis were Noam Chomsky and me and Sips and Lewis debating Noam Chomsky for some reason.

You guys have a very high... You think we're really smart, don't you? No, they don't. I'm flattered. And equally annoyed as well. Noam Chomsky is like a fucking intellectual of our time. He's still going. He's like a genuine philosopher of our time, he's still going he's like a genuine philosopher

yeah he is I've watched some of his stuff on YouTube and I'm lost after five minutes yeah I'm completely gone he's someone who is a brain he's a brainy for sure have you ever seen ones where he makes

like a joke and the audience laughs he makes a joke but it'll be something like some some joke that you'd only get if you were some kind of philosopher economist genius and the audience is like i mean fucking hell i'd just be in the audience looking around trying to make myself as small as possible yeah that was a good good one no that's me yeah if i'm around around, if somebody like who is a lot smarter than me is talking and people start laughing, that's my cue. I will join in and laugh too. I don't know what's going on. So I just need to make sure that at least I'm pretending to fit in.

Well, that's my job in this podcast is to sycophantically laugh every time you guys say anything marginally funny I don't think that's your job. No, I don't think that's your job. You don't have to do that. I'm comfortable with it. I'm used to it. He's accepted that role. Don't ever diminish all of the contributions that we all make to the podcast. It wouldn't work. Yeah. If you take away one side of the triangle, what are you left with? Just a big V. Yeah.

That's no good. That side of the triangle exists for a reason. Being awkward to your personal trainer. We need this. Just yet. Having questionable views on retail establishments and stuff. Okay, that's weird because you think of each of us.

You're holding down on one of the power corners there. I think of us as the corners of the triangle joined together by the lines. So if one of us was removed, it would just be a straight line. The Triforce is three triangles of power that form to make one very powerful triangle. But I see us as the points. No, we're not the points. Imagine if you took three triangles and lined them up.

No, I can see that. Imagine two triangles in your mind. Visual them up. All right. So take- No, I can see that. Yeah. No, no. Imagine two triangles in your mind. Visualize it. Right? I am.

Use your mental visualization skills or a piece of paper and a pencil. Draw two triangles side by side. Now put a third on top. I'm struggling. In the middle, the triforce is formed. The central, the negative space between the three triangles is the triforce, because this is just a negative space. Oh, I see.

No, that's the void where all of the solved mysteries go. But that the triforce because this is just a negative no that's the void where all of the uh the solved mysteries go but that is triforce so when you take away one of the triangles of course all the mysteries escape see when we're working through all of these problems um in real time on the podcast and then we solve them which we often do because we're pretty smart guys um it's a case close put the stamp on boom into the void job done next filed away we put it in our little pipe and it shoots off towards triforce central exactly thank you for explaining i feel feel more comfortable now all right let me just be right back you carry on okay all right hit me with another one can i just say as well the mailbag could be a bit better that so far it has not been great.

I'm sorry. I mean, we need some better mails. I know. I'm working through these, okay? Our viewers, the reason they listen to the podcast, because they can't come up with anything good to think of themselves. They need us to do that for them. So we shouldn't really expect them to be good at emails.

Anyway, here we go. Hi, fellas. Oi, mate. Josh here from Australia. Long time. That's their first time writer. Just wanted. Oi, mate. Josh here from Australia. Long time. That's the first time, right? Just wanted to say a massive thank you and pitch you a quick question.

This is genuinely the best podcast. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He wants to know, what made you start the podcast and why is it still going? That's a good question. What made us start the podcast? I think we just thought that it would be...

We were doing... We were playing games and stuff together, right? The three of us? We were doing the Team Double Dragon, which became Team Triple Dragon when I shoehorned my way in. Yes. Of course, because I just force you guys

to allow me to be part of these things using threats of violence, intimidation, and blackmail. Hey, you don't get unless you try yeah you gotta you gotta stab your way in there you you you can't win the game if you're not playing the game or something like that i don't know you don't miss a hundred percent of the podcast slots you don't apply for uh exactly yeah we were doing that and then i think we realized that we don't actually like playing games together because we really have quite different ideas of what games we enjoy. And then we said, well, why don't we just do a podcast?

I think Lewis probably suggested it. We were like, yeah, all right. And it's much easier. And we just have to record audio because that was a big problem for me was recording footage. It always fucked up. And I would put it in the wrong place. It would be the wrong format. Or I'd fucking press the wrong button.

It was a technical disaster. So we we just like let's just do this you could just fucking record your audio and audacity job done yeah it was it was weird because at the time I don't think we really thought too much about it it just seemed like a fun thing to do but like like a lot of things in life I don't know if you can relate to this but it uh it was easy to do but enjoyable as well and it's never been for me it's never been something like oh fuck you know i've got to do that this week or whatever it's always just been like yeah i'm just i'm ready to go yeah catch up with the guys and see what's going on and uh and i think that's why it's kept going because none of us actually find it uh to be you know like a pain or an overhead or anything like that we just

all like doing it we have a time to do it we can plan things around that time that we always do it and man we've we've recorded a lot of them too right like we're well into the 200s yeah it's insane crazy so uh yeah i think that's it's probably the longest i've ever kept anything going really like uh and and i don't even really think about it much you know like it's just one I think that's probably the longest I've ever kept anything going, really. And I don't even really think about it much. It's just one of those naturally fun things to do that we just kind of do all the time. You know what? As well, I think, assuming that YouTube never goes away, in 30 years' time or whatever,

you could fire up an old Triforce and think, God, listen to me back when I was 30-something. I didn't know what I was talking about. Now that I'm 75 years old, I'm back on my 40-year-old self, and I think, geez, could have done things a little different there, Buckaroo. Maybe better, but probably not. I'm perfect. We were just talking about one of the mailbag questions, Lewis, because you missed it was what made you start doing this podcast and what keeps you still doing it? And we said that it's just fun. And I wouldn't say I don't remember.

And I don't know. But it's one of those things where it's not it's not it's not a pain in the ass to do. Right. where it's not um it's not it's not a pain in the ass to do right yeah it's just you know we we sort of plan our weeks around it and stuff and we we cover for if we're away sometimes i don't have many friends it's easy it's it's easy fun laid back um talking right which yeah i talk to myself a lot but i don't talk to other people we do it for your mental health yes it's for me yes otherwise you'd be driven completely mad i know pflex has to go and um oh no so mrs f is coming home uh she's been away for a week when the doorbell goes i'll run down okay give her a quick smooch and say i love you and then

run back upstairs tell her tell her i love her as well i'll tell her while you're in it thanks lewis is there anything you'd like me to pass on to her? Oh, no, just a nod of respect. Okay. Nods respectfully. A quiet nod. Just tip your fedora. I'll give her an asterisk.

Nods respectfully. Oh, man. God, this is such a long email. Katie, this is a really long email. General Ramblings post episode 222. Triforce, cosplay, Lord of the Rings, and thanks. Look, this is great. You've got five pictures, five photos attached to this.

I'm just saying. Five pictures of what? Cosplay. Oh, right. Is this like a PhD study? Download and save these. No, I'm only kidding. It's just, it's a lot of reading here,

but basically stuff about the competitive cosplay scene, because I said I don't know if it's competitive or if they just want to turn up. Oh, I'm sure it is. A lot of this stuff is relative, though. If you're in the scene, your perception of it will be a lot different, right? Like, I mean, we don't know anything about it, so we just assume that it's just a bunch of people having fun

obviously people take it very seriously and there is competitions and shit for sure some people could launch their career off the back of it there's plenty of cosplayers that are very very big and then go to twitch streams and stuff like that because i know i know quite a few people who've done that uh anyway esl apparently is an entirely craftsmanship based competition where craftsmanship is normally composed of a range of accuracy to reference quality of execution difficulty and this is english as a second language yeah indeed many uk international european esl driving license performance element where you'll have 90 to 120 seconds to deliver an entertaining and understandable skit to the audience, which is also judge.

So it can involve 3D printing, wig styling, casting, and more. Thank you, Katie. Very, very long email. I can't read it all out. I apologize. This is from Jonas. Hello. This is regarding Sips' state-of-the-art peg leg from episode 223.

Do you remember that? Okay. Yes. Is this when I refer to a peg leg as a state-of-the-art peg leg from episode 223 you remember that okay uh yes what is this when i refer to a peg leg as a state-of-the-art peg leg i think so yeah i hope this isn't going to be negative blowback because i can't take it this is positive i'm a nurse i'm a nurse working in physical rehabilitation and from time to time with amputees in various degrees and i can confirm that it is not as simple as fixing a titanium bolt to the extremity in question.

The bolt needs time to create a strong bond so that it can carry the weight. I imagine your body works very hard to reject the bolt. You know, like it doesn't understand what this bolt is. Why is there a bolt on my leg? You're not part of my club. My leg is not a bolt. My leg is a leg.

Where's my leg? What I would like to ask is how much of a sense of humor... Can we let Jonas finish? Oh, yeah. Sorry. For a second. Okay. How much of a sense of humor do these folks have?

Because I'm sure some of them might want a peg leg or a hook or some kind of weird looking... The double hamzer. For their pirate cosplay. They want to win that competition, is what I'm saying. I feel like it'll vary. some kind of looking weird looking the double hands for their pirate cosplay you know they want to win that competition is what i'm saying i feel like it'll vary some people it'll hit them real hard and uh like lieutenant dan for example right they just won't get over it they'll be so fucking pissed about the whole thing and then other people will be embrace it well i say embrace it obviously you'll always feel a little bit like, fuck, this sucks. But, you know, it's not even making the most of it. I think it's just

kind of accepting it, and then trying to have a good humor about it or whatever. But equally, I think if you'd lost your leg in some terrible accident, or because of a grenade or something like that, you'd be thinking, thinking christ at least i'm alive like but if it was some virus that you got from some minor operation you think well what's the what this fucking sucks like that your perception of the luck involved varies from at least i'm still alive i lost a leg but could have been the rest of me so yeah you're absolutely it depends how close you came to the person oh of course like like i think that people's outlook on things varies massively like when i was watching this um this documentary about the

doctor the the fertility doctor who basically ran out of spunk so he just gave his own spunk to all of these what a nice guy is that how this story is meant to end that we're meant to say what a good guy so it turns out that obviously he did this in the sort of 70s and ended up with hundreds of children okay like barney gumbo so you know the idea basically he was one of these early pioneers of fertility doctors back before they were sperm donors and he was supposed to be getting all of his sperm from medical students but he just couldn't be asked or whatever reason or weren't available not being funny but he's a doctor! You know, most people should be happy to get some doctor's sperm.

Not some fucking student. Some greasy geography student in Portsmouth, and now works in a printer's. That's a throwback to earlier in the episode. A callback, actually. Carry on. Well, I don't think his sperm would probably be fine, too. You know? Because, I mean, just because he works at printers,

it doesn't make his sperm any less valuable. He's put in the work. He's qualified. He just happens to have a shitty job off the back of it. If you think about when people go to get sperm, they go through a fucking catalog. And if they're trying for a baby and they want the good sperm, they'll think, look, let's get- It's basically like Tinder, but for spunk.

So they're going through and looking for the hottest most qualified rich guy get his sperm because that'll mean our baby will likely be successful they're gonna pick a doctor or some shit this guy was yeah you so you're wayne and wayne edda and uh and you get doctor sperm and you think your baby's not going to turn out to be like you i mean why aren't you a doctor yet yeah i mean come on be a doctor we got that good spunk from that doctor i don't know if anybody will even get that reference i think that's from harry enfield isn't it is yeah the fast show possibly yeah what was their baby called can you remember wayne and wayne had a slob and they had the baby had a big two liter possibly? Yeah, what was their baby called? Can you remember? Wayne and Waynetta Slob. And the baby had a big two-liter bottle of Coke all the time.

And what was the name of the baby? Fuck, I can't remember. Frog Miller. Frog Miller. Now I remember. Frog Miller. So here's a question for you. We just mentioned fucking Forrest Gump, right?

And Lieutenant Dan. What happened to Gary Sinise or Gary Sinise? What happened to his career, man? He's, uh, he is a big philanthropist. Um, if you look him up, he does a lot of, uh, charitable work. Apparently he does. He does a lot. But here's my question.

I believe it's for war amps, isn't it? Or maybe it's for something else. He did a bunch of things in the 2000s. Then it seems like he did CSI Miami and CSI New York. He basically did CSI for 10 years. Yeah. And barely any movies. Right.

It's a pretty good gig, though. I mean, that's when TV really exploded, right? This, like, CSI was a really big... He was Mack on TV. Yeah, but he was Mack on CSI. He was in so many movies. He was in Forrest Gump, Apollo 13, The Quick and the Dead, Rance,

Snake Eyes, Green Mile, Mission to Mars. And then it just started to dry up. You get into a routine, and this CSI had like 24 episodes per season. He was doing it for 10 years. It just absorbed his whole fucking... It was exhausting, I'm sure. I think he does tons of charity stuff.

Because I was reading about him just for, for no reason recently. Uh, it just so happens, but yeah, I think he's still, he's got,

um, I think called the Lieutenant Dan band, which is a cover band. Is that like the Spider-Man band? Anyone remember the Spider-Man band? Anyone from Bournemouth out there listening? Remember the Spider-Man band? No idea what that is.

I don't remember, but he was, his character was, um, very popular from forrest gump with uh with with war vets who had had amputations and stuff like that because of his depiction of that character and a lot of them you know would would come up to him and be like oh you know thanks for thanks for portraying that uh in the way that you did or whatever i found it helpful and stuff like that.

And I think this happened so often that basically he set up sort of a charitable foundation to help these people out. Kind of went on the road to visit people in hospitals and stuff like that. And I think he's just been doing that since. But then, you know, with like TV shows and acting and stuff as well. Yeah, definitely on CSI. He seems like, I mean, you you never know but he seems like a like a legitimately really nice guy yeah before we carry on though i just wanted to the reason i was talking about that doctor was that um obviously what happened was the reason he got caught was because people started doing these dna tests and 23andme and stuff and they would go on there and it would

turn out that they had 59 siblings or whatever or 67 siblings that they didn't know about and of course um they could all get in contact with each other and a lot of the trace it all back to dr spunk some of them some of them some of them were obviously very like okay sure look you know my parents wanted a baby they had a baby they were happy for a long long time and everything was fine you know there was no real harm done here, but some people were very obviously, and rightly so, very upset that he had kind of lied

and not sort of provided this. I think part of the problem was that as these children were getting older, they were starting to, and the reason they were doing this 23andMe sort of testing was to look at their genetic susceptibility to disease you know and so these days you know it is important to know what your lineage is because it might make you more prone to heart or you know butt cancer or god knows what right so you have to like you know know

about this stuff and I think that a couple of people were incredibly um violently angry about this and really and what one of the one of his kids really took it upon herself to be this kind of campaigner to get him in trouble somehow. And they looked a lot at how they could prosecute him, but there really just wasn't any way to do it because he kind of wasn't doing, you know, it was very much... It was an ethical concern rather than an illegal one. It was a very strange thing. But anyway, I think when you looked at the spectrum of children, he kind of wasn't doing you know it was very much it was an ethical concern rather than it was it

was a very strange thing but anyway i think when you looked at the the spectrum of children i think some people did have like you said pflex earlier where some people just looked at it differently and were like yeah you know so what like you know i'm glad to be here my parents were fine we were all fine nothing really bad happened and other people are like my whole life is a lie um everything is is built on a lie i've this guy's ruined my life and they've really let it ruin their life as well and made it like an awful cause so and what happens is is that i got the impression from the documentary that whenever a new sibling was found this woman rings them up and instantly gives them her side

and her angle on it which is that it's a terrible thing and it's now ruined your life and your life is ruined from now on and it really upsets everyone yeah that's sad and and and there's no there's no alternative right there's no guy who rings up the sibling and it's like hey look there's this crazy one who really wants this to be the worst thing in the world and has ruined her life and it's going to ruin your life with this so just to let you know that maybe you should just take a more positive outlook on this thing

because, you know, you're not going to be able to change it. Yeah. And he's not going to go to prison. You can't let this thing ruin your life. I mean, geez, come on. Yeah. And you know what?

You've actually, and it just focused, it dwelled really on the negatives of this rather than the positives, which is that all these guys get an extra sibling and this whole community of people who vaguely look like them anyway i just just quickly going back to the spider-man band because they're one of my favorite thing one of my favorite memories as a kid they're still going if you google spider-man band in quotes you'll see pictures of the spider-man band it's just a band they operate seemingly in the

south of england mainly around dorset and just go, they're a carnival band. Oh yeah, Born With A Carnival Spider-Man Band 2019. Yeah. So they'll just go around. It's a bunch of lads dressed as Spider-Man. Some of them have got beer guts. Some of them are very tall. Some of them are quite short with glasses on and stuff. And they just, it's like a band. It's like a marching band, but they all dress as Spider-Man. When I was a kid, this was the most exciting thing i'd ever seen because i loved spider-man i still do and i was like i cannot believe there is a spider-man band like i thought they were somehow associated with marvel and spider-man well this is just a bunch of this is why i'm saying i'm sure

it's gonna be shut down no we got locally we have a uh we have two two groups of enthusiasts one around star wars and one around ghostbusters and anytime there's anything like like a street party or like um during the summer they do like battle of flowers like a big parade and stuff like that these guys are always there and sometimes they even turn up to like corporate events and stuff but it's just a bunch of guys who dress up with like they got really really great stormtrooper costumes and all sorts of different ones right like they got like first order ones the speeder bike ones uh there's like i'm pretty sure there was like a emperor's imperial guard like the red one um there was a pilot one you know like uh you like the the darth vader-ish looking costume but it's like for tie fighter pilots yeah yeah with the pipes and they and but they all have the voice change

modulator in there and everything so like they're walking around they're like sector clear and stuff like that the kids love it it's hilarious um and then they got ghostbusters as well um they've got they got like a van done up like the ecto one and they turn up and they have all the all the gear and everything and they pretend like they're gonna be busting some ghosts and stuff that's awesome yeah i i'm just looking at this i always find it interesting that like that when people find their thing and that's their thing you know what i mean like it's it's not for me i would never do that that's what these guys are i'm glad that they exist like a little video of this now and it's just a bunch of guys with beer guts.

And I mean, the Spider-Man suit is not... No, they're not great. It's very revealing. They're not great. Yeah, they are very revealing. Yeah. And so it's a lot of, you know, slightly middle-aged men. And it's slightly terrifying because the masks kind of have this big gap for their mouths.

There's a kid in my grade one class who dressed up as spider-man for halloween one year he came to school we had to wear our our our costumes to school he came to school and uh the the pants didn't fit very well so you could see exposed his tighty whities and every once in a while like if he bent over you could see the crack of his ass which was like kind of immersion breaking right yeah real spider-man you would never get any of that i really believed he was spider-man there for a second until i saw his ass i guess at a certain point they realized that the spider-man mask looked really fucking weird when it had a mouth yes and for a long time they haven't they haven't included the mouth on anything yeah but these ones do have that yeah as a result they look

they're real people, not cartoon characters. I guess he rolls up the mask, doesn't he, normally? Anyway, back to Jonas's email from 10 minutes ago. He says the most common practice for peg legs is to shape the stump as it heals from the amputation with a liner, and then later you use that to wear the prosthesis. Anyway, end. That's the end of that one.

Okay, well, thanks very much for that. Just wanted to round it out. Wow, this is an essay, a literal literal essay that will not be getting read out from uh what is it relating to is it uh correcting you on something no i'll read you a subject ncis the tv show ncis is better than game of thrones right a response to your slander of the hit american tv show ncis 100 episodes ago oh my god an essay for that it is like seven or eight paragraphs right i mean here's a summary that being said gibbs is a classic american character his character is symbolic in a way that i think any american especially if you have older family that served in the military can relate to in some way.

Lots of spelling mistakes in here, lots of grammatical errors. That's pretty much the way it goes. Matty, oh, I'm glad you're delighted at this Simpletons TV show, NCIS. So enjoy. So I'm just looking at it. Your email is never getting well. Is that the one that Gary Sinise was in? No.

Related. Similar. It's the one that Gary Sinise was in? No. Related. Similar. It's the Navy crime scene investigation, isn't it? So it's like military themed or focused, right? I've watched a few episodes, I'm sure. So this is the rating graph for NCIS. I've just posted it in chat. And I can post you the rating graph for Game of Thrones.

Now, I think on average, Game of Thrones is actually more because every episode of Game of Thrones is higher apart from the last season. Yeah. So every episode of Game of Thrones is higher than almost every episode of NCIS. And NCIS apparently does have some real stinkers, but nothing as stinky as the last season of Game of Thrones.

And the last season, the thing with the last season of Game of Thrones. And the last season, the thing with the last season of Game of Thrones that people didn't like was the urgency of it, right? And in the sense that they would skip a vast amount of time very quickly and nonchalantly, right? They traveled, suddenly traveling all over the fucking place. They would travel very far, very quickly, just because they were just so desperate to wrap up the show that and also

characters stopped making decisions in line with everything we'd seen in the previous series and the way they were people didn't have their there was no consistency there was huge problems yeah obviously but I'm not saying that either is better but according to this

on average, the average rating of an NCIS episode is 8 out of 10, and it's very consistent throughout. NCIS. NCIS, whereas the average episode of Game of Thrones is 8.8. Right. But either way, I'm saying I've watched NCIS, and it's garbage, and it's a show for simpletons.

Right. Okay. Well, that's that. Into the void with that one. Case closed. You won't believe this, but my name is actually Colin, Right. Okay. Well, that's that. Into the void with that one. Case closed. You won't believe this, but my name is actually Colin, and I'm a stripper who works as a part-time filer, and I also have two peg legs.

That's Colin, aka Chris, making a funny... This is some trivia about sunburn. Sunburn, as you pointed out, are caused by a UV radiation from the sun, rather than the high temperature that causes a thermal burn. The reason we a burn is due to dna damage of our cells yeah like 20 people have emailed me this chris uh we don't really care as another one second and third degree sunburn and you would you would tell this this is from morton um okay in the team no fear episode i spoke about being sunburned from a cool May sun, and this has happened to them as well. I had a terrifyingly blistering scalp.

So a few episodes ago, you spoke briefly about magnet fishing. I don't remember. Yeah, it's all over the TikToks. You can't stop. Oh, where they fish stuff out. No, they fish stuff out of a river with a magnet, right? Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is Morton's hobby. People a magnet, right? Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is Morton's hobby. People in the local Facebook group have caught guns, rifles, I suppose they're different from guns, grenades, World War II items, I'm guessing that would be guns, rifles, or grenades, safes, knives, and tons of ammunition. How are you pulling a safe out of a river with a magnet? Get real here.

I caught a shopping cart with a coin still inside. Wow. He caught a shopping cart with a coin still inside wow he caught a shopping cart and the coin was still in it bikes what kind of string are you using like i'm i'm just imagining you like a little bit of sewing thread with a magnet like attached to it like what are you using like some like some no no no it's like titanium wire yeah so it's either a uh electromagnet okay where they have uh the wire is actually the power cable built in and so it's the whole wow reinforced chain power yeah yeah or it's a very strong neodymium magnet on a on a on a bit of rope but like a magnet why aren't the police using these things then because like every time i see the police, they got the scuba gear on

and they're like, they're combing the river and stuff. They're not looking for a robot. They're looking for a body and shit. Yeah, but they're looking for guns too, right? Like there's always a gun thrown in the river. Get the fucking magnet out. Like these guys seem to have a good success rate

with this stuff. I think a lot of guns aren't magnet. I think dots, for example, are plastic, right? I think there's metal in them. They do have metal in them. They have to have for example, are plastic, right? Subcontracted, then. I think there's metal in them. They do have metal in them. They have to have metal in them. Also, here's how the case would go down.

Well, we dredged the lake, chief. Here's what we found. Well, it looks like the murder weapon was a bicycle. Or a shopping cart. Eh, this is a tough one. That's why you can't do it. The shopping cart still has got a coin in it! Still got a coin in it!

It's- ah, that coin! Gibbs- Gibbs the walk-in. I know how to do this. Morton said a picture- Naval crime scene in Tennessee. Naval- If you it it's that coin gives a walk-in i i know how to do this if you remember the uh the hit 90s movie in the line of fire starring clint eastwood and john malkovich yeah one of the big problems with john malkovich attempting to assassinate the president was uh having a weapon that could uh that could spoof the metal detectors. He made himself out of resin, didn't he?

He made it out of resin and stuff. But he really struggled to find a blueprint that didn't include any metal whatsoever. Do you know what I've done for my country? Some pretty fucking horrible things. I think you owe me some goddamn respect. That movie. Yes, that's the one. And then it turns out when when clint eastwood

gets into the line of fire the thing that saves them the door a bible or is it his badge on his heart he's gotta go i love how p flex was so excited about that coin coming out why is his wife ringing the doorbell like uh was she like a guest i don't know i guess she didn't bring her keys that's weird maybe it's not even his wife you don't take your keys when you go away like on vacation like i always take my keys i want to lose them i always just think like what if i get back and nobody's home i gotta let myself in yeah but i mean you're only gonna let yourself back in but they knew he was gonna be what else is he doing well i mean come on he's a busy guy he's a man about town you know he said he's out there in twickers like you know he's got his pimp cane and he's going around to the to the local butchers and mr butcher and

he's going to the bakery every day and stuff like watching the spider-man band doing their march with all their guts yeah he could be he could be doing anything i mean he's got two he's got two kids to look after and stuff it's crazy i got five kids if you have what do you mean we were just uh we were just wondering why your wife rings the doorbell uh she never takes her fucking key right uh i would like to do that on the fucking record for the millionth time if you leave the house take a key i don't care if i'm home i might be taking a poo i I love that this guy sent you a picture of the coin from the shopping trolley. He sent me a picture with the coin.

Like it was some fucking Viking hoard or Roman coin. Has he got it in one of those plastic boxes and it's verified? No, he's still got it in the little part of the shopping trolley. So he's taken it. You can't get that out until you return the trolley. Exactly.

So it's useless. It's a really rusted looking 10 kroner coin you can just see the the nub of it uh here's one from ethan weird jobs this email is a resend according to your new rules thank you nice holy crap appreciate the appreciate you good afternoon i hope this email finds you well my name is ethan and something i hear you guys often talk about in the podcast is weird jobs such as people who file i thought you and the gang would find it interesting that i listened to you guys while building guns this might come as a surprise to you but i live in the united states my official job title is gunsmith gunsmith sparks some interesting conversation i'd like to

hear your thoughts on it by the way i won't be offended if you guys are critical of my job and gun culture as a whole no i got that subject out of the way. I just want to say I love the podcast. Thank you. I think, I mean, I come from a country where hunting is a big deal. And there's enough guns around that and stuff. And it's whatever. But I think if you can do that, if you are a gunsmith, that's your job title.

And you know how to make guns and stuff like that i i i feel like i feel like that's that's pretty cool actually like and it is a little bit weird too i don't think i've ever met somebody who um who does a job like that but there's there's obviously like uh a place for for somebody with those skills right like i mean there are professions that rely on on weapons you know some people need them for like pest control some people need them for all sorts of reasons i don't think him being some sort of consciousness projector and not making guns would would change anything no i don't think i think it's part it's it's a necessary skill and it's probably quite a rare one and also an old one i imagine

people have been making guns and smithing them since colonial times um well of course they have i don't know to what extent gun smithing is now done by individuals i guess it's maybe repairs and things like this as opposed to or just just knowledge of all the different ones i guess is that a thing in the u.s i've never considered it like like is there would you take your gun in to get it repaired because i'm sure they break like they jam up and break and stuff like where do you take that just back to the shop that you got it at and they can repair it or what because like i wonder if it's like an iphone where you just chuck it in the river and go buy a new one. Oh my God. What? This is the best email I've ever received.

Okay, are we moving on? Yes, we're moving on. From gunsmithing. I can talk about this for ages, but we won't, sorry. This is from Ross. Okay. Who apparently works at...

No, works at Forbidden Planet. All right, listen to me. Not sure if you saw my previous email, but I'm a huge fan of the Trorce on the ox cost and i was messaging about brian boland brian boland was one of the great judge dread artists right right seminal work he came in for a signing at forbidden planet but sadly you were casting dope stuff at the same time i went ahead and got a copy of the judge dread apex edition signed for you as i know you're a big fan of classic comics

and Mr. Bowen. I've attached a photo and he can post it. Tom! I mean, Ross! Please, yes! Tom, Tom! I'm reading another email at the same time.

Ross, please send that to the Yog's offices. I'd be so happy. Send it to Yog Towers. Oh my God! You're like in a room with papers strewn around you, like one of those crazy rooms. It's like, Tom! Ross!

Steve! Barry! Throwing them up! Yes, no, very much. Please, yes, yes, please, thank you. Brian Bolland. Oh my god. That would be an absolute amazing thing to get.

Still going. That's nice. What a nice thing to do. I'd love for Bink Planet. That is my eldest daughter's favourite shop in the entire universe. I take her there every time we're in central London. Man, I thought this was going to be like a sex-related thing. When you said Forbidden Planet, I thought, oh, wait for it.

No, it's a comic store. The comic shop. And not just comics. It does a bunch of other stuff. It's my favorite shop in London. There's one in Bristol. Yeah, there's a good one here. The one in London is like three floors and shit.

It's amazing. Anyway. It's very cool. It's nerd heaven and shit. It's amazing. Anyway. It's very cool. It's nerd heaven. Yeah. I always go. Yeah. Talk amongst yourself for a second to find a good email.

Yeah. I would imagine most of the guns are just made by, like, you know, in industrial scale. But there are people crafting, like, special ones for shooting and stuff. You know, maybe, like, people commission a a specific like component to for their sport or something you know or to shoot around corners i don't know what people do with guns well i think it's one from from ethan who he says name's ethan is this the gunsmith again no i work in the u.s navy he's based in japan right i've been listening to the podcast for

what may be years and i want to thank you for the hours of entertainment this is weird i don't know i don't know if i like hearing that all of our listeners are professional people i listen i listen to the triforce podcast every day while the ship is at sea usually during cleaning stations which is a 30 minute to hour long period every morning where you have to clear rooms and hallways and shit like that right and uh it keeps the sanity while he lives on a ship for months at a time with 3 000 stinky sailors and marines 3 000 yeah that's a big ship that's fucking huge that's out there to you know in case the the chinese army and navy get all get all cray-cray so uh good luck brother wow yeah good luck holy crap man lots and lots of emails about how dangerous and i'm glad it's not me jesus christ damn right so this is uh can can people

stop sending me emails with the title tony sent me one here slaughter at the amusement park can we chill i get it occasionally people die on roller coasters my point wasn't i've got like 10 of these my point was not that nobody dies on them my point was it's still super rare and people are sending me videos of people getting decapitated people yeah yeah it is pretty rare you can also find a lot of car crashes yeah my point anyway when you think of the volume of people that go through these places it is it is relatively rare yeah that sounds like a great like point and click haunted adventure you know slaughter at the amusement park i would love to see i would love to play that yeah it sounds like a campaign scenario for left for dead like uh that would be what it would be called

right like it does going around some abandoned horror. I've used the publicizer for clowns and stuff. Yeah. Loads of zombies dressed up as clowns. Because, of course, you would just end up in that place. Nowhere else. You wouldn't just be in a city all the time. No, you would end up going to all these interesting places

during a zombie apocalypse. Through the tunnel of love. Of course you would yeah well we got an email here this is from wannis uh i think they're probably dutch uh so it might be vannis uh how have you spelled it w how have i spelled it i didn't write the email there's vannis did he's writing emails to himself now i knew it w-a-n-n-e-s it might be one s it might be once anyway hey guys long time listening here i've been a long time fan of the podcast listening to them as they come out and no i am listening to the old ones as i'm walking with 20 kilogram backpack all the way from land

san diego with john obroks in northern scotland as i will be passing bristol in a few days i thought it would be fun to send you guys an email so just in case you see some guy with a huge backpack awkwardly waving at you on the streets yeah that's me many thanks and then he says in dutch which means i have a tiny penis nice enjoy your trip to bristol man you're gonna have a fun time hopefully you don't go during a massive heat wave though like wait for the weather to cool down a little bit oh this guy this guy has sent me a key to a fucking game uh using the triforce mail tag yeah i ain't playing wow no no that's good that's a good idea you know

shit this actually does look pretty good. Well, also, we're going to Holland or the Netherlands, whatever they call them. Dutchland. I'm not sure what its official name is, but we're going there for TwitchCon in about a couple of months. Well, this is not a couple of months. It's in like two weeks or something, isn't it?

Isn't it like July? We'd have done it before this podcast comes out. This game actually looks good. It's called We Who Are About to Die. It's a gladiator thing. Oh. He sent me a key. I'm just going to activate this.

Sorry. This does actually look quite good, Geordie. I've played it. It's got really sort of Mountain Blade style combat control. Yeah, that does look quite vance. He's an interesting fella. This is Nate from Utah. I'm a letter carrier. Wouldn't that just be a postman? combat control yeah that's quite vance he's an interesting fella this is nate from utah i'm a letter carrier wouldn't that just be a postman well it depends like uh like a courier

is kind of like postman too but it's like a bit different right so maybe a letter carrier is similar to that anyway right oh my god guess what this one's about. Correcting one of your bad takes. No. The bath plug story. No. Star Trek. No. I'm writing about episode 223, Team No Fear.

In Utah, there's a theme park called Lagoon. The rides there have had some problems with death. Yeah, I know. Some problems with death. That's such a nice way to put it. Problem problems with death yeah i know some problems with death that's such a nice way to put it problems with death well i mean these are the thing is like uh i mean i don't go on these rides because not that i'm scared of dying like i'd just be sick all the time or whatever but i mean it's it's it's i think it's gonna happen right, right? People fucking die in like falling off a fucking escalator. People die in the shower.

In the fucking shopping mall. They fall on their bread knife in the kitchen. I think they do a pretty good job at keeping these things as safe as they are. We are pretty fucking hopeless. People fall off everything. You're relying on people not waving their arms where they're not supposed to and stuff like that. You know, like accidents are going to happen. You could literally type in like anything then death, and there will be some

story about some idiot dying there. Yeah. Oh, this is from Sips. This is kind of directed at you, sir. Uh-oh. In a pleasing way. Okay, good, good. In regards to... This is your reference about people assuming where you were from based on your last name. Lavish. Yeah, Yeah. So the writer's maiden name is Dubek.

Right. Which is a Polish name. It was previously Dubek, D-J-B-E-K. Yeah. But when my ancestors made it to America, the Census Bureau heard it as Dubek and changed it. And they always get asked, she always gets asked to know how to speak Polish, but she doesn't and she's never even been to Europe.

Right. So there you go. It does happen. It happens all the time. I've been a fan since Sips' Happy Wheels days. I don't know what that is, but that sounds like a long time ago. Do you know what? Actually, I played Happy Wheels on YouTube in 2011, it must have been.

No, no, 2012 for Father's Day. I did a Father's Day special. So that's a long time ago it's like 2012 was that when was that when your first one yeah was born yeah 2011 december 2011 so i would have done was it on the day of his birth you were playing happy wheels no on the day of his birth um i came home that night i left uh my wife and child in the maternity ward safely. You cried. I came home and I played OpenTTD on the Jingle Jam with you. Oh, shit.

I know. That's amazing. Wow, that is nuts. This is an email from James. James is a chemist and studied nanoscience in college. Listen to me, James. Do you honestly think we're going to take the 10 minutes it would take to read this email?

Please, please, lads. What did I say last week? Concise emails only are going to get read. This is insane. What's the TLDR? Fuck knows, dude. Here's a clip. UV rays come in two main types, UVA and UVB.

It's like thermal radiation. UVA, UVB, skin cells, big ones. Genetic control apoptosis. Big ones? Yeah. I like big ones. This ain't getting read. It's too long.

You're giving us too much credit again here, guys. We're stupid. We're too dumb to read this stuff. Guess what? The next one is from Chris. Episode 223, we're talking about UV radiation. I work as a medical physicist with the NHS in Belfast. Another several paragraphs of our x-rays.

Chris, God bless you. Thank you. Good work and everything. Here's another email about radiation. I'm sorry. God, we mustn't mention anything. We can't talk about anything. What are you talking about?

If we talk about it, people end up... What makes me feel bad is that someone's taken the time to write this huge email, incredibly detailed, very interesting, but it's just never going to get read. It's too long. I think the problem is that... I bet you what happened was we talked about the mailbag thing, and then we talked about this. And then at the end of it, we were like,

why not write in if you know the answer? Oh, my God. And that's what's happened. And now we're getting the answers, and we don't like them. No one's replying to all of our interesting other things. It's just so long, dude. It's all signs. Like fucking crypto scams or whatever.

Crypto scams. What else do we talk about? Oh, I get emails about that. Perfect. Actually, CryptoP period is incredibly useful blockchain all that i just skim them um oh god here's oh this sounds like a dreadful idea but this is from alfie you why are you so miserable reading through these lovely things do you want do you want to get the triforce mailbag well i don't think so. I'm just saying,

if you're going to take on the job, at least have a bit of positivity. I'm trying, but give me some. We had a positive email. I think we need a more positive mail maestro here. All right. Do you want me to read you one and we can see how it goes?

No, I don't. I want you to continue being the moderator. You're doing a great job. You don't like me. You can hate me all you like, but viewers and fellow members of the Triforce included, you can hate me all you like, but you need me.

You're fine. You need me. I am the JJ Jameson of this podcast. You need me to edit this. Otherwise, the entire podcast would consist of me reading three emails because they're that long. I'd say you were at least as good as NCIS, if not better. Thank you.

That's apparently one of the best TV shows ever made it's really highly rated on imdb people who like it they really like it i think that's that's the thing though right i think it's very comforting and familiar and there's just thousands of episodes of the exact same shit with slightly different characters okay well here's one this is from eli you guys ready this is this is the kind of quality email that i like it's it's like two lines hello my wife and i are avid listeners of the triforce podcast we usually put it on as we clean the house the past episode to do with peg legs had her absolutely hysterical you see my dear wife is a double amputee at the hips and upon listening to the podcast she yelled at me from downstairs honey that's it i've got to get some pegs so she's gonna get peg legs but you just gotta be aware that sometimes your body needs some time to adjust to the new bolts.

Yeah, just be aware of the bolts. They might reject the bolts. That's the only thing. They might reject the bolts. Oh, that's so good. Fucking awesome. That's so appropriate. That's what I'm talking about.

See, that's a good email, right? Here's another one. Trifor's a good email right here's another one triforce disney injury this is another one about no okay let's hear it if it's a disney injury i want to hear because i think that their whole fucking uh morose setup for dealing with injury at disney is so fascinating with the fucking underground tunnels for the ambulances and how the members of staff like just like uh you know like they got all those little like it looks like fucking uh you know you know little little hullabaloo's uh hidey hole cave but it's actually an entrance to the

to the catacombs so that you can drag like an incapacitated body down there for the ambulance and shit i love that man i think it's so fucking funny i wish they would add shit like that to planet coaster you know you could just have this like really fucking uh like miserable shitty um logistics level to it you know yeah comes out and like drags a fucking unconscious fucking hamburger is trying to drag you away so that nobody gets upset it's like gesturing like a princess or whatever yeah and ray comes running over and go kind of red and like drags this guy unconsciously down a hole well this is this is from jesse hello period my name is jesse i have a story about getting injured at disney world

it wasn't as bad as losing an arm or a foot, but you might still find it interesting. When I was four, my family went to Disney. Being four and an idiot child, I was playing on a park bench outside Space Mountain. Right. I fell quite hard and broke my two front teeth. Jeez. What I was told ensued was quite the scene.

Moments after I fell and started bleeding and screaming, about half a dozen park employees came running from all sides. I was scooped up by a man. My mom was grabbed by the hand, bleeding and screaming about half a dozen park employees came running from all sides i was scooped up by a man my mom was grabbed by the hand and we started sprinting to an emergency dentist hidden behind some shops yeah they did they did a full x-ray stopped the bleeding determined i was okay gave me a stuffed donald duck and we were on our way my grandfather told me later the bench and the surrounding area was cleaned by the rest of the staff within five minutes to the point you couldn't even tell. Of course it was.

They were dressed like normal park goers, but had backpacks on with emergency supplies and cleaning equipment. It's insane. So yeah, Disney probably wouldn't let people report anything bad. Everything was free as long as we didn't make a big deal about it. Exactly. Thanks for listening to my story from 20 years ago that I barely remember. A man with a tiny penis, Jesse. There you but that's that that's what they do though they they spend a ton of money because it's still less than they would have to spend on uh on lawsuits and stuff

for people getting injured or whatever but isn't that amazing though that that is so efficient and i mean they must have cameras and just all be really aware absolutely yeah but it just shows as well because i don't really consider this but you look around you see you see clearly members of staff but then amongst you as well and they just look like park goers there's like undercover members of staff for like emergencies and whatnot right like uh yeah i i'm assuming especially in the u.s right where um because it's like a big place with lots of people in it. It's like, it's probably part of their security and stuff as well, right? Probably.

I'm assuming, I'm saying, especially in the US, but I'm assuming that it's probably everywhere. Do you remember knocking your teeth out when you were a kid? No, I never broke a bone. I never lost a tooth. Nothing. I just played video games. It happened to me a couple times.

I fell off. I was in, it wasn't like a Toys R Us, but I was in like a retail park next to a Toys R Us. And I was in like the one next door, which was like so beds and things. And I was playing around on this bunk bed. Because I don't know. When I was a kid, I really wanted a bunk bed for some reason so it would be really nice to yeah i think every kid like the top likes a bunk bed and um and i think i fell off the top

bunk and just knocked my whole front teeth out you know in the middle of this shop and obviously kids uh you know i just obviously was a little kid and that happens all the time. I was a little kid. I think my parents were quite shocked about it. And yeah, I definitely remember that very vividly. And I also remember, I remember I was playing once and I'm running around with some other kids and I banged heads with some kids and we had our teeth like clashed, you know,

and I was like spitting out bits of teeth. That is such a horrible sound when you hear teeth hitting oh my god they're clonking oh my gosh i bang teeth with someone and it rattles through your whole skull vibrates with well i think we were young enough that the teeth were not like down they just straight out yeah you know and so i think i ended up with some teeth in my mouth that were like, I think I didn't know whether they were mine or his. That's like some MMA shit. I don't know whose teeth they are, but

let's fight. Let's wrestle. This is a really, this is quite an emotional email from Alec. Oh my God. This is a fucking rollercoaster. It's like swinging me back and forth. It's like TikTok of the fucking podcast. It's crazy. Get ready to get swung.

My name is Alec from the US. I've watched the Yogscast since I could even remember talking in games and media and I've easily watched and listened to more Yogscast content than anything else. So thank you for that. I love hearing you guys talk about random MacGuffins and making fun of the French. Right. I am a French

Thai mix. Dutch today. We made fun of the Dutch today. Well, Flax made fun of the french right i am a french thai mix as my today we made fun of the dutch i am a french thai made fun of the dutch i did as my grandfather on my father's side emigrated here from france shortly after vietnam where he found uh his grandmother uh my other grandmother on my mother's side that raised me since a toddler passed away last year due to due to a surprising case of aggressive cancer. But through the dozens of hour-long car rides and sitting in hospitals, she always loved hearing the Triforce podcast and getting a look into the group I've watched since she started raising me.

This is not why I chose to read this out. She especially loves Pyrrhon and his sense of humor. Oh, here we go. And the way he looks at the world. You guys always kept her laughing, even when it was getting hard to think about laughing anymore. I world you guys always kept her laughing even when i was getting hard to thinking about laughing anymore i owe you guys a lot and you'll never know it thank you for being the oxcast and for being the grandmas love you p flex well i'm just old and

irascible enough that old people will like me so i think you're starting to and you're like you're like the where there's original of the group like that well people like where there's originals i'm more like well old people's glassier mint yeah. Well, people like Werther's Originals. I'm more like Fox's Glacier Mint. Nobody likes Fox's Glacier Mints, but old people still eat them. Well, my grandma was French. My nana was French. Your Mare Mary was French. Your Mare Mary, you mean?

Do not break your teeth again, Lewis. How will you eat this pan of chocolate? I have no teeth, Lewis. Well, she was called Agnes, which is a sort of French word. But obviously, everyone just called her Anne because Agnes isn't really. It's not her name you hear very often anymore. But I think what happened was it was World War I. Her parents, her father, so my great-grandfather,

was a lorry driver in the war um and he might have been world war ii i think it was world war one though and he this was the generation removed from world war world war ii i think she was born during world war ii anyway um world war one lorry drive during the war met this sort of french peasant uh family sort of became friends you know friends inverted commas you, with one of the daughters. And then went back and forth from London to France a bit.

And then eventually came back to London and settled down. So yeah, I've got a French side. A little French side. There might be another explanation for why you are how you are. Because this is from Cal. And they say a possible explanation for lewis's lewisness right oh right somebody's figured it out they've cracked the case uh over the course

of the lewis card there's been a lot of hilarious stories to a lot so they could you know they might have figured it out they've had a lot of things to analyze me you know a lot of time to here's what they say this is about your as they put it, various foibles. I highly suspect he may be on the spectrum of ADHD. Oh. Right. People focus on the H

in ADHD far too much. It does not always present as hyperactivity. It can also primarily present as inattention. Personally, this cow also has ADHD. They experience daydreaming,

poor working memory, distractibility, a cluttered mind and racing thoughts, hypersensitivity to external stimuli, poor impulse control, and emotional regulation and hypersfixations that they then get bored of very quickly. And they see a lot of these in you with rambling anecdotes, self-reported messiness, frequent hobby switching, and of course, blurting out inappropriate things to his personal trainer. I think it is a part of being human, but more specifically, I think it's part of being a human with ADHD.

Which it sounds like you have it. You got it. I think there's a good chance that I do have some neurodevelopmental issues, but I don't know if it's ever. I think that everyone must be some. Everyone's brains are different, right? And I think you could probably classify everyone's brains as... You know, everyone's differently levels of inattentiveness or... What is normal?

You know, hyperactiveness or... You know, hyperactive brain. Yeah, but what is normal? That's what I'm saying. Define it. Anyway, Kel signs off by saying that they think they saw me in Twickenham recently. I was on my way to teach a drum lesson and the guy in the car behind me was vaping bold and had glasses on. Yeah, that's me then, isn't it?

It probably was, to be fair. I think there's, I think talking about this is interesting, right? Because you change as you grow. You know, I'm definitely more forgetful than I used to be. And I'm more, I don't know, sometimes I go through phases where i'm not i'm very quickly bored of stuff like at the moment i'm struggling to like find a game i really like but once i get into one i'm fine i think um it's the same with tv shows i'll like flick around and i'll get bored and what's the i think partly it's just because i've seen a lot of shit before i think as you get older you're

like i've seen this you know i've seen and that's the problem with tv shows and movies too like they may make the same old fucking things you know avatar was a remake of the fucking dust with wolves which you know i even when i saw avatar 20 years ago i was like i've seen this fucking movie do you mean i don't want to watch it again when it comes out next he's looking for a new thrill fuck it people are like i think it's just old is it adds its own thing and then also as you get older you start to forget and then i guess it reverses and then you're like you just can keep watching the same shit over and over again because you've forgotten that you've seen it well i mean this is someone oliver's just sent me an incredibly old joke that's another thing

you get older you've heard all these jokes so thank you oliver go then i'll listen you want to hear it one day i was at the beach i was like swimming you know relaxing whatever and i noticed this woman she was lying somewhere away from me she had no arms and no legs uh before i could react to her limblessness i noticed a guy walking by and as he did the woman started to cry and the guy walked up and said what's wrong and she said through the tears i've never been hugged before so he picked her up and gave her a big hug put her back down as he started to walk away she started crying again he said what's wrong she replied through even more tears i've never been kissed before so he picked her up and gave

her a kiss put her back down can you even see where this is going i know you know exactly where it's going so we all know where it's going uh these are old jokes oliver I know what happens do you want me to do the rest of it? you can if you like so the third so she carries on crying then another guy comes back and she's crying and she says what's wrong?

she says I've never been fucked before so he buries her in the sand and says well you're fucked now aren't you? well in this version he throws her in the sea. That's it. And Sips has never heard that. You know what? I think I have heard it but it's one of those ones

where like you just out of respect for the old joke you just gotta laugh right? you gotta give it its due i think this is uh this is from josh just quickly says has anyone used their pizza oven since the last time we heard about it i don't have i don't have anyone used it once it's really hard to get the temperature consistent um so we just gave up but uh but no so it's one of those things we bought we use it was like this is amazing i'm never gonna have pizza any other way ever again and then we just haven't used it

um and then someone asked that i i did uh josh asks you mentioned a family history dna test i never told anyone the results apparently well the results were super boring it's just just britain like england scotland ireland that's it yeah that's my whole dna history so very boring that's fine that's nothing boring about that you should be proud there's no secret like stepbrothers or anything out there like no no no no no missing siblings or or um you know you weren't artificially inseminated there There's loads of people who are now. Like, loads of people were given assistance. More and more, you know, as our... As our... As we age, you know, we're having kids later.

Yeah. You know, so... This is an email from James. Please tell Sips that when he cried at the Gmail advert about the dad who sent an email to his unborn child that later up grew to read it... Yeah. That James then did this and has sent an email to his unborn child that later up to grew to read it yeah that james then did this and has sent an email to his yet unborn child you cried at the gmail advert well a little bit yeah i was like i was talking about those um i think it was on stream

i was he caught him off guard yeah i was talking about like you know sometimes you just cry when you hear music and then sometimes very occasionally like a commercial make you cry or like you know watching a movie or whatever there was other stuff probably there's other stuff that day and i just had like a little i could feel a little tear well a comedy show right like a comedy show has a warm-up act you know to get you get you ready for for laughing you know the same way maybe he watched titanic right before the gmail i'm just i just hadn't heard that story that's quite sweet well you know i'm a person this is from you are a person this is talk about inattentive that was like two episodes ago i

didn't notice this is from ben uh i i'm a secondary school teacher at a school in witton which is right near me it's the other side of the a316 from from twickenham uh in reference to your door using t as slang do you remember i said what's the t like there's good t it means gossip right oh yeah yeah i thought this is one that that uh that he overheard on lunchtime duty i'll keep an eye on the kids playing football fair few of them are brentford fans but mostly chelsea and liverpool at one point the other week one of the year seven kids came flying in for a tackle and screamed bre Brexit as he swung his leg at his pal completely missing the ball uh and he had to blow the whistle because he was laughing so much they probably heard someone referring to Brexit football which is for anyone who knows Sean Dyche uh the Burnley manager it's

like booting people up in the air Brexitxit football uh and as a half chinese brick can confirm that where are you really from question they get that a lot which is fucking sad and people should stop doing it sorry what is brexit brexit boys just booting people up in the air it's like old school british style football right people so brexit this kid just shouting people up in the air i still don't understand what you're talking about what does that mean all right well if we ever play football I'll show you some Brexit football

alright I don't want you to fucking boot me up exactly so you can guess what it is exactly so that's Brexit football

it's very physical you say what high tackles yeah booting them right up in the air just fucking clobbering people what booting them up in the air that doesn't seem

like that's allowed it's not allowed that's what makes it Brexit football okay right anyway that's all the It's not allowed. That's what makes it Brexit football. Okay, right. Anyway. That's all the emails for this week. Nice.

Thank fuck. Done it. We emptied the bag. The sack has been voided. Well, it's either been read or discarded. Don't explain Brexit football to me. I don't want to. Don't send that in an email.

What do we want in emails? Let's just put some ground rules down. We want more emails like the woman who decided to get pigs. That was great. Interesting facts. Give me some... She didn't decide to... She just liked the idea.

She was tickled by the idea. She's not gonna go out and get the pegs. Yeah, but still, I mean, it's nice to think that maybe she might. She's not bought a boat and a fucking pirate hat. She's not gone pirate. She's not gone like... She's not cosplaying in front of the cosplay competition. I think you're bordering rudeness now, actually.

I wasn't insinuating that she's becoming a stereotypical pirate in the process. I just thought the whole interaction was sweet. I think you just need to lean into the things that you... Like Jim Chihuly, he'd make a good pirate. Because he's got the eye patch. I knew you were going to say that. Jam Gil Hooley, surely. What other pirates are jamming glass artworks up their ass, though,

as their M.O.? None, I would say. Well, they've all got some weird shit going on, you know. What I think we would like to see from future emails, if I may, gentlemen, is the sort of concise brevity that we saw in some of the emails this week, or if it's going to be long... Is that because you just don't have time to filter them out?

No, dude, literally nine paragraphs about radiation. Do you want me to read that out? No. Would that be entertaining for the viewers and listeners? I'm going to say no. I'm going to say that that would be very boring. Yeah, I'm not even going to try and make that funny. Whilst they get it,

and these guys are incredibly clever, and thank you, the one that we had from the lad at CERN where he just said there were pigeons in the loop that's more interesting to me that's gonna get it out i like i like loose anecdotes from listeners that have no that sound real simple things that i can understand basically teeth getting knocked out of disney world and people zooming in to cover it up and And a pigeon existing alongside some very technical shizzle-wizzle. Also interesting. I want to hear interesting rumors and shit from your work. We want to know what the tea is.

Give us the tea. Also, enough about the strippers. Everybody sent me their stripper stories. I had a couple of interesting ones from women who were actually strippers. That was interesting. But a lot of these stripper stories are very long and inappropriate. So they ain't getting read out. What's wrong with that? No one minds. No, they're super inappropriate. How inappropriate?

Well, too inappropriate for this podcast. Too hot for the Triforce. How bad does it go? We've never had a line have we before with the too inappropriate? We have to have a Triforce After Dark. To save all those inappropriate stripper stories, we'll do a one-off special. We talk about people drowning in cum.

How bad is it? It's just too much. It's too much. Okay, well, I'm fascinated to know what they are now. Just too sexy. Just way too sexy. You might get too excited merely listening to it. It's too hot for daytime.

It's like the articles in Playboy. Also, remember, our listeners in the main are doing something very boring. His rock-hard throbbing love pump approached her. Exactly. We don't want to put that in their brain. Now they're trying to scrub a floor. The guy cleaning the ship doesn't want to have a raging boat.

Exactly. Because it's too hot hot too hot to trot that makes sense I didn't consider that as a concern for our this is why I'm the editor of the mailbag because I understand you're the most senior member of the Trifles team

just happy to make that call he sees our own mail marshal the maestro of male uh the master of male the um the purveyor of post the um the leader of the letter uh we gotta pick up some more names for you flax this is such a good role for you a roll. The hag with the bag. The hag with the bag. Right. That's right. The penis with the package. Okay. Well, anyway,

thanks for listening to this episode. Jesus. This was a quote-unquote bonus episode, so enjoy. Oh, man.

All right. Bye. Well, I'll see you next time, I guess, and stay... Keep those emails coming in. Frosty. Take your chances. Roll the dice. You I guess. And stay frosty. Take your chances. Roll the dice.

You never know. I might be nice. Bye.