Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #33: Triforce vs Drake vs Kendrick

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

Triforce Mailbag Special 33! We've been sent loads more Jingles thanks - unfortunately - to the power of AI, we're looking into the Drake vs Kendrick diss tracks and someone gets stuck in a Japanese Sex Hotel! Visit www.katoskoffee.com and use code TRIFORCE for 5% off your entire order. Find something to suit your taste today! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe Hello welcome once again to the mailbag with myself. The mail back! The mail back! Well, if you- Once again. Here once again indeed, but if that song drove you up the wall, fear not, because I have 12 songs, I think, more or less, maybe even more, that people have sent in. Shhh. We're not gonna listen to all of them in full length. Okay, hang on.

So, this is what happens though, right? We showed off some songs people have sent in, they made like, what, six, now we got 12. If you do this, you're gonna have 24-four next time, we gotta be careful. No, I'm filtering them. I'm filtering them. Okay. Okay, trust me. The gates are open. So, for example, this is from Brandon, this is a country song, I've placed, I've put it in general, if you guys are ready, we'll play it. Did he do one before?

I don't know. Are you ready? Oh, I recognise the name anyway, alright, sure. Three, two, one, play. Oh, I love the only show for dumb fucks like you and me. The mailbag, the mailbag. Really? It's awesome, bitch. It's so good. Wow, so a casual little burn in there. I love that, I love that.

So, so, so Brandon, the auto-tune twang is so strong in your country song. I know. I think that most of these are AI. So I think they've given them to an AI. I'd say 99% of the songs I've received. There are some where a lad has made them, but a lot of these are, they give the prompt to the AI. So for example, this is another song, this is for Lose News.

So this is your little news section, Lewis, alright? This is two minutes, so we're not gonna listen to all two minutes, because it gets repetitive. ALICE As if I need a song about my segment that doesn't exist. Okay. RILEY It exists at every Triforce, we're like, let's do some news. ALICE Oh, so we're forcing it to exist now.

RILEY We are, it now exists. ALICE Oh, I see, I see. RILEY So this is Lose News, ready? Three, two, 1, play. Lose News, Lose. Here comes your Lose News. Lose News, Lose. Here comes your Lose News. Lose News, Lose. Here comes your Lose News. Alright, you can stop that. It could be a jingle for a brand new show that's all about updates about Rebecca Luz.

It could be. Because it sounds like Luz, Luz, Luz, Luz, Luz, Luz. So here is Luz- Remind me who Rebecca Luz is. What is she up to now? She's the one who, um, allegedly had an affair with David Beckham back in the day, you remember? Right. Yeah.

I thought she was so stupid for- And then I think she went on to have a career at the Mirror, or the Mail, or something? Who knows. Yeah. But I don't know if it was ever proven. Maybe not. Maybe she just... Alright.

This is number two. This is Lose News 2. Right. Three, two, one, play. Oh, that's... That's got some pep. These are great. Oh, that's got some pep. These are great.

Just like a little j- that first bit, it's just such a good little jingle. They both have these- they both have like 10 second jingles. You can imagine being in a car, the smell of hot coffee in your car at 6am, stuck in traffic in this plan. So there is a theme here. This is Lose News 3. Okay. You ready? and this plan so there is a theme here this is this is loose news 3 play some of these it'll make the podcast sound so professional this sounds like absolute radio or something. You know, you're exactly right. It's some shitty car radio. You turn it on, this is playing. It sounds like music

has been made for either an advert or a crappy show jingle. All right, well get ready because here's Lose News 4. Oh my god, please. Three, two, one. ["Some of It Is About Gaming"] Some of it is about gaming. Oh, this is what we need for that to make things more highbrow. This is if the Loose News was some classic FM.

Some of it is about gaming. Some of it is about games. I don't know why it... I'm stopping that one by the way. I don't know why if they all have the feature, lose news, some of it is about gaming. Like, that line features in all of them. I think it's because, it's called Sono, right? The Suno, whatever, the, make a song about anything. A bunch of people in all my WhatsApp groups have been making them about various

things. You could just type in a dumb thing, you can literally type in a chat GBT prompt and it will say, it will start making something. Yeah. It's insane. Well here's Lose News 5. You ready? 3, 2, 1, play. Lose News, Lose News, here comes your Lose News, Lose News, Lose News, Fart News, something

that is about David... Alright, stop it now. Yeah, oh my god. Heheheheheheh. Hahahaha. Alright, stop it now. Yeah, oh my god. They're all far too long. Oh my god, I'm dying. These are so funny.

Here's Lose News 6. Oh my god. Who's making these? 5, 4, 3, 2, play. Here comes the loose news. Gotta spread the word. A jingle in the air. This is like the montage of Dawson's Creek, you know, when Pacey tells Joey that she doesn't want to date him anymore. Yeah, oh my god.

And that she's got incurable cancer. Yeah, but then he gets a job at a car wash and works really hard all summer to save up money so that he can go on a trip to Europe. So tragic. I know. Luznu's singing gonna make you smile. Alright, so this is another, this is just a mailbag jingle, this one. Right.

You ready? This is mailbag jingle. 3, 2, 1, play. Mailbag. What the fuck? Sounds like a sinister clown at a kids party. Why are there kids...kids cheering? I don't know.

Who is that? Mailbag bitch. It's too creepy for me. I love this. It's a banger. Ask the video questions. Animal bag. Mailbag. So I don't know if that was, uh, that was my, uh-

Mailbag. I kinda like that. Alad. Thank you, Alad, for that one. Alad, that is- Thank you. It's got something special about it, this one. This is Mailbag Jingle AI 01. Ready?

Yep. Three, two, one, play. It's the mail bag, it's the best time of the week. When you mail it we talk, and talk and talk, and shit all over it. It's the mail bag, it's the mail bag, here once again. I'm stopping that one. Okay. I'm stopping that one. It's very, there's a lot of like...

It's very Frank Ocean, I'd say. It's very descriptive as well. These are all very like... They kind of... The first line of the lyrics is what it is, the second line is like a shitty description of what it is. I know. Maybe you'll like this one.

This is Swinging Sassy Jingle. Are you ready for this one? Yeah. Three, two, one, play. Oh, this could be... We got a mailbag swinging in time. Two stamps and letters. The rhythm's just fine. Lewis, Sips and Perian, they know.

Through rain or sunshine, the mail must flow. This is silly. This is a silly one. Good, though. Good. It's impressive. This whole thing, it just makes you want to talk about the Drake-Bedrick-Lobar fuse. Well, we'll talk about that in a minute. That is fucking astonishing. This is the mailbag shuffle. This one I liked. Are you ready for this one?

3, 2, 1, play. Oh, this is more likely. This is like fucking? 3, 2, 1, play. Oh, this is more like... This is like fucking 11am radio 2, baby. God! It's every genre. They've set us every genre. This is like 90s... Yeah.

Poppy rock. It's... This is... I think this was our Eurovision entry in 1991. Yeah. It's two disco, two dance. No, this is great. It's a good one. It's a good one.

It is a good one. All right, so this is Triforce Mailbag Jingle 1. Okay. Three, two, one, play. The mailbag, mailbag, the mailbag here once again. The mailbag, the mailbag, the mailbag here once again. The singing sort of sounds like a blend of U2 combined. Oh, this is perfect. This one has a really weird bit here where it's just extended with no lyrics.

Just this. For like the rest of the jingle. It's kind of- I love how he says bag. The male big. The male big. So I'm not gonna stop it. That's it. It just has a massive outro. I don't really know why. It's actually spectacular.

It is great. Try this one. This is male black jingle 2. It's like a musical. Alright, 3, 2, 1, play. Oh yeah. The Mailman. Wow. Here once again. Here once again. Fucking hell.

Give me on Sips and Lewis. Have a tiny penis. Oh my god! Oh that's good! That's so good! Oh! I think that's amazing. That's incredible.

Oh it's so good! Have a tiny penis. Oh my god I'm dying. And then it's a long, very's so good. I have a tiny penis. Oh my God, I'm dying. And then it's a long, very long fade out. Very long fade out. Well, we can trim... The long fade outs and stuff we can trim out, right? I just think I have a tiny penis.

It's so good. For me, it's either that one that we just listened to, which is really good, or that that hip hop one we listened to a couple of weeks ago. So this is the last one. This is Mailbag. OK. So this is the last one, this is Mailbag. So just play this one. I fell in true, it's time for Mailbag, Mailbag, Mailbag. I like the country ones.

Mailbag. That's it. That's it. Perfect. That is so perfectly... Well, obviously it needs, like, the bit to fade out over, right? So I don't mind a little bit of music afterwards so it can fade out and, like, you know, just be under the first couple of sentences. But man, like, I fell into the Triforce mailbag. I love that.

I love that vibe of I fell in two, you know? I fell into the Traffors mailbag. You almost wanted to go on, but instead they just play the slide guitar. Well it's like, what's the next line though, after you fall in something? I have a tiny penis. Something like that. No, I mean in the story, and I was drowning in the shit. Like, what's the next sort of situation?

I don't, I genuinely don't know. Felt around to try to find a ladder. Thank you to Jack, Isaac, Aled, House of Hewitt, Frederick, Blizzan, Traven, thank you guys. I hope we didn't talk over any of the funniest bits, but Aled, oh my god, the one where it starts with dun-dun-dun-dun, MAIL BAG! Got me so good. Ugh. Ugh.

There's some such good ones here. We can't choose! We're spoiled for choice. I just think if, instead of having a specific jingle, every week I'll pick a few real good ones, if we've got any, and I'll chuck those in for the mailbag. Oh, I see, okay. And so, how about we just put the best ten, we give them to Tom, and we rotate them?

Sure. Yeah. I think we need to pick a jingle, though. We need to pick an iconic jingle that people will remember forever. I dunno, cause what if another iconic jingle comes along? People are gonna keep sending these in. Also, we gotta move with the time, Sit. Yeah. Gotta be updated.

I don't think we need a specific jingle. We gotta update our jingle every week, we won't have any consistency then. We never have, anyway. I mean, the rest of the highbrow podcasts will be consistent, of course. But I'm thinking of, like, the branding and the jingle, you know? You want some consistency, you want people to in a safe place for people to come to. What fits us most, right? It's not modern.

Chaos. Chaos! It's like, old... Let's chat about old stuff, usually. You know, we're older now, and so a 90s disco track or like a 90s rap track actually aren't too far away from what we like. I just like the weird shit. Yeah, me too, man.

I don't like the country music too much. I like the weird country shit too. Give it all to me. Most of it is hilarious. And impressive, too. I know people don't like AI-generated stuff or whatever, but it is funny and impressive at times. Oh, it's... again, we can't talk about the AI terrifying world.

Let's talk about Drake and Kendrick, have you followed any of this? No, not really. Not really. I mean, I know bits and pieces about it. Basically they're both calling each other paedophiles and bad parents and other stuff. We would have called this Bance back in the day, but apparently now this is Beef. So, explain it to us, Lulu. Well, I mean, I don't really know the background of diss track sips.

I mean, it was a thing in the 90s as well. It's always been a thing. I thought it was just a staged kind of... There's not as many famous ones as you'd think. Like, Tupac and Biggie, the big ones were Hit Em Up, and what was the biggie one? Who Shot Ya? Fuck yo bitch and the clique you claim! Yeah, Hit Em Up came out after Who Shot Ya.

Who Shot Ya, I don't know if it was written as a diss to Tupac, but Tupac certainly took it as a diss, and then wrote Hit Em Up, and Hit Em Up was quite clearly a big fuck you to B.I.G. The whole story is really weird, because they were friends and then they just had a massive falling out. ALICE Isn't that always the way? The former friends fall much harder than anybody else. FRANCESC Yeah.

That is the really big one that I can think of. And apart from that, there's been some minor ones, I would say. Really minor ones. Like Ghostface had a beef with Action Bronson. He also had a beef with Shkreli, you know, the pharmaceutical guy that bought the Wu-Tang album. They only made one copy of it. He had a big beef with him, it was quite public.

Yeah. I know Nicki Minaj has said a lot of shit in her music. And I think maybe even Megan Thee Stallion has said a few things and I'm sure she's put that into her music as well. So Nicki for sure. If you want to hear, in my opinion, as far as diss tracks go, and again, I'm old and I've listened to older stuff, but to me the all-time greatest diss track is by Nas, it's a song called Ether and it's about his beef with Jay-Z and he murders him. It's unbelievable. And apparently, the version of Ether that is available,

that was on the album, Stillmatic, is the tame version. There was a harder version than that one, but the tame version is just like, I think Jay-Z never spoke again after. He's just like, you know, him himself, Jay-Z's quite lyrically gifted or whatever, and had a few diss tracks against Nas at the time, but this just completely shut it down. Like this was unbelievable. I mean, the first lyric is, fuck Jay-Z. So, that's the first lyric. Yeah, it's sampled. It's like, fuck Jay-Z. It's a sampled bit, but... I've got a Wikipedia version. Throughout the song, Nas questions the veracity of Jay-Z's

drug lord persona and argues that he was never involved in crime. Instead, he describes Jay-Z as a sycophantic copycat who attempted to latch onto a string of mentors. Nas asserts that Jay-D is a weaker rapper than his contemporaries, challenging his claims to have surpassed B.I.G. and alleging that Eminem murdered Jay-Z on their collaboration Renegade. The lyrics go on to criticise Jay-Z's appearance and speculates that his misogynistic lyrics stem from resentment against women who once called him ugly. He is mocked for his appearance. Elsewhere in the song, Nas questions his originality, accusing him of rehashing B.I.G.'s lyrics and claiming that Jay-Z's album was imitating the title of Boogie Down Productions' 1989 album, Ghetto Music, the blueprint of hip hop.

Several lines in the song also feature homophobic insults. Very much so, yeah. Nas refers to Jay-Z as Gay-Z... Yes! And notable lyrics around that stuff is, uh, Rockefeller, which is Jay-Z's production company. Uh, Rockefeller died of AIDS, that was the end of his chapter, and that's the guy y'all chose to name your company after. Uh, put it together, I rock hoes, y'all rock fellas. And now y'all try to take my spot, fellas?

It was a different time. Yeah, It was a different time, yeah. If you want an example, Lewis reading those lyrics reminded me of an old YouTube video called Freestyle Rap Battle Translated. Yes, I remember this. You remember this one. It begins with like, and good day to you, sir. And it's like an old timey translation of Hydrogen versus Boost, but they translated it for white people is the gist of the video. So, if you google freestyle rap battle translated, it's a very very funny video, and it slays

me every single time, it's such a funny bit. I would like for you to go and masturbate forthwith and without explanation. That kind of stuff, right? So good, yeah. So, coming back to diss tracks, I haven't really followed the Drake-Kendrick stuff, because I can't say that I'm a huge fan of either, honestly. Drake, I've never listened to any of his music. And Kendrick, a little bit, but not much.

I know a lot of people fucking rate him to the moon and back. I get it, but I've just never really taken the time or had the inclination to really... Kendrick is amazing. He's a brilliant lyricist. He's got great flow. I love his songs. His albums are excellent. I think he's brilliant.

Absolutely brilliant. Drake is like pop music to me. So it's like, it's okay. I think he's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Drake is like pop music to me. So it's like, it's okay. I don't mind. It doesn't offend me. It's I don't understand why people lose their shit about it. It's I don't know there's ever been a line in a Drake song that has moved me. And a lot of Kendrick's songs I listen to, the lyrics themselves are enough. And then it's also got, you know, the sick beat and all the rest of it. So yeah, big Kendrick fan, I'm Team Kendrick. KL all the way. Fuck Drake. But Drake is Canadian, which means, as a half-Canadian, I'm fond of him, but I also think he's probably

a bellend. I'm a full Canadian and I probably think he's a bellend as well. There you go. There you go. So he's not a- It's quite... there's quite a lot happening. ALICE Is there a lot to unpack? LIAM As we speak. ALICE Yes. Because somebody died, right?

One of his security guards, one of Drake's security guards got shot outside his mansion. LIAM Wow. Oh, I hope it doesn't go that far. Can we stop with all that? Is that okay? Can the guys chill? Can they chill? I don't think they can chill.

ALICE Exactly. It does feel like it's... ALICE Escalating. It's just amazing that this kind of shit happens, right? I always thought it was kind of that these guys were multi-millionaires who were clearly doing this just because it was funny, like wrestling. I always thought it was kind of fake and kind of done on purpose to drum... Like, you know, when two boxers, like, a boxing match before they start, you know, they put them together and make it on purpose.

But it doesn't feel like it is, it feels like it a boxing match before they start, they put them together and make it on purpose. But it doesn't feel like it is, it feels like it's real, because they are literally just calling each other a wife beater and a paedophile and all this stuff, like, really, really loudly. And some of the lines are so good. So funny. I got a son to raise, but I can see nothing out there. I think that's why people love beef and diss tracks and stuff, because there is some very interesting wit and retorts that come back, y'know? People love the...

It's just interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Especially when it's two guys at the top of their game. Yeah. And it's a bit like, y'know, I hope it's not all super serious, I know some of it probably is, but I hope it's not completely, y'know, like, one or both of them is going to die as a result sort of thing. Oh, please none of that.

I think we're past all that. But y'know, as long as there is some beef going, it is kinda entertaining, right? And some really decent... It started off quite subtle, right? But then it's like, okay, so, on 3rd of May, so this is only seven days ago as recording this, Drake made a track that alleged that one of Lamar's children was biologically from a different person, Dave Free, Lamar's friend and co-founder, claimed that Lamar is a domestic abuser and unfaithful in his relationship with his fiancée.

Twenty minutes later, Lamar released a diss track, speaking directly to members of Drake's family, telling his son Adonis that he is sorry that his father is Drake. He alleges that Drake is hiding a second child, that he's sexually attracted to minors, that he is running a sex trafficking ring out of his mansion. Right. He predicts that Drake's mansion is about to get raided too, referring to the recent raids on Sean Coombs' mansion as part of an unrelated investigation. Oh my god. Do you know what's funny is, I like it when the rappers step into the beef, rather than...

Do you remember when Puff Daddy became P. Diddy, because he didn't want the heat. He stepped out of it, he said, I'm not Puff Daddy anymore. I'm P Diddy. Like, don't don't mind me. I'm small fry. You don't need to shoot me. He had he had a big beef with the locks. Have you ever heard the locks they did? They they kind of start. They came up in like the early 2000s. They did the rapid on Jenny from the block and a couple of other big hits.

They did some stuff with Mariah Carey or whatever, but they're pretty hardcore and they beefed with him. They were signed to- Like, if those kind of guys are coming after you, you're like, you know what, I'm out of this beef, you guys win, because you're the kind of crazy guys who will shoot a guy. They signed to Bad Boy, but, and then I think P Diddy kind of gave them the, let's get you all glitzed up and bling you out and everything." And they were like, no. And then they went and signed to, with Rough Riders instead of DMX. Do we want to read an actual email, by the way?

Yes! I've just been fascinated by this whole thing. I guess I just don't understand it. I need to watch a documentary about this in a year's time. Well let's research it and we'll come back in a later episode. Okay, thank you everyone. Send us a email back. This is from Sam.

This is a quick one. Just wanted to let Sips know that he has a special spot in Microsoft Teams. Nice. While at work today, I was chatting with a colleague who sits a few desks down from me, hence the use of Microsoft Teams, about his nut allergy. I clicked on the GIF icon and typed nut in the search bar, only to be surprised when greeted by a GIF of Sips moaning. Hovering over the GIF, the title read, Nutbust.gif.

ALICE. Nice! Okay. So there you go. ALICE. I've done it! I've made it! NUTBUST.GIF.

.jif, as I would like to say. So, yeah, I thought that was interesting. I don't know if that was added by a user. ALICE. That's gotta be a difficult one to Google. We need an AI-generated version of Tina Turner's Nutbust... Nutbust GIF-y. GIF-y limits, yeah.

Or something like that. Microsoft Teams. Okay. Today's sponsor is Kato's Coffee. Cheers to good coffee and good vibes. You can elevate your mornings with Kato's Coffee. Cheers to good coffee and good vibes. You can elevate your mornings with Kato's Coffee. I need to elevate my mornings with coffee. Where can I buy this? Well, it's at katoscoffee.com, spelled with K. Is the coffee spelled with K as well? Yes, it is. Wow. Named

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That's spelled K-A-T-O-S-K-O-F-F-E-E And use code TRIFORCE to get 5% off your entire order. Ho! You can find something to suit your taste today. On with the show. On with the show. On with the show! All right, so here you go. This is an email, a very long time listener from Canada. So I've looked it up. The Canadian government, the federal government, has programs where they provide substantial government grants to local media companies such as radio stations, movie productions, TV shows, news

networks, museums, etc. And the funding encourages Canadian content to be more, sort of, profoundly viewed locally and internationally. So there's a loophole by which the government is paying porn producers to make content. I say porn, but it's not, I looked it up. So it's called Naked News. And I looked it up, it is there, let me see if I have a link to a YouTube video of it. It is, yep, here we go, it's Naked News, I'll pop it in here. So if you click that, you see those two beautiful ladies there.

If you open that up and press play, this is Naked News TV, episode 57, from 2007. ALICE Oh my god, I know those girls! RILEY You fast forward a little bit, and they just take their clobber off and read the news, it's fantastic. ALICE They're my old neighbours, I can't believe it! RILEY Go to Two Minutes In. ALICE Uh, okay. ALICE Two minutes.

Oh my god. RILEY Yep. Two really, really lovely naked ladies, right there. Now, this is obviously happening... isn't it weird? It's... This has been a thing on telly though, lately as well. It's like, there's been all these TV shows where everyone's naked, right? It was a little bit of a thing, remember Keith Chegwin did a thing naked back in the day? Don't they still do this in Spain or something?

Naked jungle? They do the weather report, but it's like a woman who just slowly gets undressed or something? I seem to remember this. I mean, I pay attention. But I mean, having said that, if your programming is of such poor quality that you need nudity to retain my attention, maybe put some more work into your content production and your creativity.

Maybe that's how... But in the meantime, continue. ALICE I'm gonna start putting some nudity in my stream. And my YouTube content as well. ALICE Yeah, we should. We should do that. I get all my news from a naked news source. NICE. ALICE That's the only news I trust.

I feel like you've got nothing to hide when you're not wearing any clothes. NICE. ALICE Exactly. So, I don't know how you'll take this one, Lulu, but this is from Matt from Ohio. I know this could possibly be sensitive or viewed by some as offensive, so brace yourselves. But it is genuinely how my young and dumb self felt at the time. As a young person, this is about 13 years old, living in a very rural part of the USA, my first exposure to the British accent was Louis and Simon playing

Minecraft. Right. Yeah. At the time, I somehow thought that they talked that way because they were gay. Okay. I remember thinking, hey, these gay guys seem cool and like Minecraft. Maybe gay people are okay. It's super embarrassing, but this was genuinely how my young self interpreted this.

I'm not a crazy right wing nut, but I cannot pretend that this wasn't my experience the first time hearing a British accent. I think that's interesting because I guess if you're only used to hip da ba da ba kind of accents and suddenly you've got, oh, hello, we're here playing Minecraft. It may seem a little effeminate, I guess. And if you grow up in a place where don't speak like that boy, you sound like one of them queers, then fair enough. I think that's interesting. What are the cultural effects of the Minecraft series that Simon

and Lewis did? Was it your first exposure to something other than, you know, redneck accents? Let us know. Let us know. Yeah, let us know. That is fascinating. I think I can absolutely, exactly see where that's just the right reflexes. I don't think it's such a thing nowadays. It is sometimes. But, a couple of my gay friends don't sound like they're gay at all, but a couple of them do like to put on the affected accent a little bit. Do you guys find that... do you guys have a preference? Like, if you're watching a YouTube video, say, do you prefer to hear a British accent, or an American accent, or do you not care? You just...

It depends on the accent. I mean, when people say a British accent, what are we talking here? Scouse? I dunno. Are we talking Scottish? Are we talking Welsh? Well here's the thing, this is it, okay? If you watch, go back to the naked news, if you watch British porn, it's always very

northerly, British-y sounding people, right? Oh, shtick it off me, boom, that's right! Exactly! It really is! It's the same with, like, I imagine the same with any other thing, if you wanted to watch... if you wanted someone to do a Welsh accent, they're not just gonna do a really gentle one from Cardiff, right? They're gonna do a really exaggerated Valleys accent. Right, when Dav is hanging out with Welsh people and is drunk, he gets more Welsh, I would say.

Yes. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. I know that for some people, hearing a British accent in porn is a massive turn off. I mean, especially certain regional accents, there's nothing sexy, no offence, there's nothing sexy about the Brummie accent. There just isn't.

Like, it takes me out of the moment completely. Okay. It just softens you up real quick. Yeah, I'm just like, oh my god. Alright, so, hang on. I love that if you want to last longer in bed, you ask your wife to speak Brummie to you. If you put a Brummie X in love.

Speak Brummie to me, darling, for a bit. Alright, so let's raise the standard of the podcast here a little bit. Alright, this is state trivia about the US, alright? US state trivia. So, we're raising the bar a little bit here. What is New York's state bird? A, the cardinal. B, the blue jay.

C, the blue bird. Or D, the robin. It's gotta be a blue bird. That is correct, it is the blue bird. What is New York's state mammal? The beaver, the fox, the squirrel, or the cottontail rabbit? It's gotta be the cottontail rabbit. It's gotta be the cottontail rabbit. It is the beaver.

Oh, sorry. Oh, really? What is New York's state tree? White oak, red maple, poplar, or sugar maple? I think it's red maple. It's the sugar maple. What is New York's state insect? The praying mantis?

The ladybug? The carpenter? Ant? Or the honeybee? Fuck off! I think it's a mosquito. It is the ladybug. the carpenter, ant, or the honeybee. ALICE I think it's a mosquito. RILEY It is the ladybug. ALICE Oh my god.

So these are all sounding very Canadian, but what is this? The sugar maple? RILEY It's a northern state. ALICE It's a northern state. ALICE Oh, is it on the border? RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border.

RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border. RILEY New York State is not on the border couple of states in between. It's not the border with Canada, right? It does border with Canada. No, it doesn't. At one point, yeah, of course it does.

You can cross right into... I thought you had to go up into Vermont. No, you can, it does. I'm pretty sure it does. I mean, I've... New York state, oh, there you go. I think you can cross at Cornwall, Ontario, and get into Upper New York State. So there is, yeah, you can, look at that.

Like Watertown, Messina, Syracuse. Why did we go via Vermont then? It's a big state. Oh, because if you go straight north from New York on the 87, which is probably much easier, you go through Albany, you come up into Vermont. The Adirondacks. Cross there and go into Ottawa, so yeah. I didn't realize it actually bordered it, I thought Vermont was in the way, but that's fair enough.

New York State is big. Upper New York State accents are fucking weird too, man. You got like Rochester and shit up there too. It's very rural. It's not like New York City. You know how Data in Star Trek The Next Generation... I know very much about Data. What do you mean?

His accent is like a very specific one from an American sort of area. And as a result he kind of makes him sound like an alien or something, or like a robot. Robotic Fraser Crane. Yeah, and I think that's a common reason that you see sometimes specific regional accents being used for villains or posh people. It does sort of have a certain connotation in people's minds. I think the American accent has evolved a lot, I would even say in the last 30 years. If you look at personalities and entertainers, even in the 50s and 60s, the way they spoke and their accents were very different.

Except for the really southern states, like the, you know, the Purians like to do the accents for. Those haven't super changed, I would say. But I- Well, exactly. It's associated with old-fashionedness and old-timeness. Don't you think it's just the influence of Hollywood and the California accent, I think, has been huge?

Big time, yeah. Cause I mean, even in Britain now, you hear a Hollywood and the California accent I think has been huge. Big time, yeah. Because I mean, even in Britain now you hear a lot of the California accent. My kids speak like that. Same, same. Bruh. Dude and everything. Oh, for sure. And they're like, oh my god, like.

It was like, oh my god, like. Like is every other word. Yeah, saying like, every second word. I'm guilty of it too, I used to all the time, I try not to now, but it's hard. Oh, me too. Listening back to myself is so hard. Because exactly, I'm like, oh my goodness, I just speak, I um and er and say like a thousand times. But you're replacing ums and ahs with like, for the most part. If you listen back to older footage and stuff, it's very much a filler word.

There is a thing with that, though, as as well. Like the country accent that we have here is sort of associated with perhaps a bit more simple... like sometimes a farmer accent is... oh god, you wouldn't want a farmer piloting your plane, because they're common. Folks, we're gonna experience a little bit of turbulence here coming up, so you might have wanted to hold on to your asses. But don't worry, we're gonna sit her down in this field right here. Yeah. Exactly. So, it is a shame, but I think that's just... It's just sort of happened, hasn't it? We make these judgements based off these things. Partly because we've been... Yeah, Hollywood has taught us that... But it leans into that as well, right, Hollywood. It knows what sad

music is, and it'll play sad music, and make you feel sad. It all kind of... Well, you know what's funny? When it comes to accents, if you want to know what people think of accents, talk to advertisers. Because there are certain accents they don't use to advertise certain products. I'm sure we've spoken about this before, actually. That, for example, the scouse accent is seen as the least trustworthy accent. ALICE If you're advertising car insurance, you don't use a scouse accent, you'd use something more trustworthy. And the trustworthy... and by the way, this is not me having a pop at Scouse.

ALICE You get Joanna Lumley in to do it for you. RILEY Exactly. Or you get someone... the most trusted accent is the Yorkshire accent. Like, that's why Sean Bean is on all these fucking commercials. Or, that very... Well, he's Sheffield though, isn't he? He's Sheffield. That's in Yorkshire. Oh. I thought that was slightly different. No, I think Sheffield is in Yorkshire. I will check that for you. Sheffield. It's South Yorkshire.

Is in South Yorkshire. So what you're saying is, we should get that porn actress who wants to take it up the bum. Yeah, oh give it to me up me fucking arse, just like that, spunk on me tits. Instead she should do the accident insurance efforts. Yeah, but not a Brummie. Hey, you looking for car insurance are you mate, is that alright, you think you're gonna need trouble, call Churchill, he's bloody brilliant. That's no good.

Hey, you looking for car insurance, is it here, we'll take care of that for you. You know, it's bloody brilliant. That's no good. Hey, you're looking for car insurances, we'll take care of that for you." You know, it's like, untrustworthy. Yeah. Sean Bean saying, if you're looking for car insurance, you could do a lot worse than these lads. They're sound. You know, I trust him. Or someone like Olivia Coleman, just being all, you know, all clipped and fancy. People love that shit. So, they wrap it up. Yeah, that's true. Alright, this is from Andrew. Hi, about seven years ago, me and my football team went for a night out in Newcastle for

our end of season do. We went to a player's bar to watch the football and have a few drinks. For those who don't know, player's bar has scantily dressed women serving the drinks. I decided to wear the tightest pair of skinny jeans, so tight they may as well have been painted on. I was young, we all make bad choices. Right. I went to go to the toilet and as I went to zip up my fly, I found that the zip had broken and would not come back together. In my panic, I went back down next to the bar where my friends were standing and tried to put it back together somehow. As it was dimly lit, one of my mates got his phone torch out so I could see what I was doing.

After about a minute of trying to piece it back together, a bouncer comes over and asks if I'm wanking off in the pub to the barmaids and if my mate was filming it. I explained the situation to him. I said I obviously wouldn't be having a wank in the pub and showed him my birth zipper, but he didn't care and chucked us all out anyway. Morals of the story don't wear skinny jeans and bouncers are pricks." Indeed. Oh, how... I mean, what a place to arrive at, right? I just love the idea that... I mean, what a place to arrive at, right? Like, no, it couldn't be the simple explanation. It has to be the weird twisted idea in my mind

that somebody is publicly jacking off and his friend is filming it. His friend is filming it. Yes, cause you know, that's what tons of people do when they're on a night out, you know, just say, Hey, I'm just going to whip it out and start jacking off in public. Get your camera. Start rolling.

OK, three, two, one, Mark, I'm jacking. Like, come on, man. Well, you never know what that what that bounce is seen. True, true. All right. This is an interesting one. This is a longer email, but this is this is a good one from Jude, I think. I was recently traveled for six weeks in Japan, and I thought this awkward scrape of mine might be something you'd enjoy. I was a few days into my trip, culture shocked as hell, and was embarking on my first big

train journey north out of Tokyo when I realized I'd organized things very poorly and my hotel for the night was so remote it would take 23 hours to reach by public transport. As a result... Holy crap. As a result, I decided to rebook myself into a different hotel in the nearest city of Meibashi, sort of equivalent to the Middlesbrough of Japan. I picked the hotel with the best discount on Booking.com. When I arrived at my new hotel, however, I immediately knew something was a bit off,

as the entrance was outlined by neon pink LED strips and, upon stepping into the reception, I was greeted by a dimly lit room with a screen on a plinth in the middle. The screen displayed a list of scantily clad women and the reception desk was completely hidden by a big pane of blackout glass. There wasn't a staff member in sight. I waited around for a good 20 minutes until finally a hidden door slash wall panel opened and a flustered looking Japanese receptionist came out. She didn't speak any English, but through Google Translate and my limited Japanese, she confirmed all my fears. This was a love hotel.

Right, yes. If you aren't aware, love hotels are a phenomena in Japan whereby Japanese couples will book the evening to stay in a room, have sex, and then leave the same night. You don't generally book into a love hotel on your own for six nights in a row, hence the receptionist was rather confused. She did, however, agree to get a room ready for me, and before I knew it, I was checking into a room full of sex toys, that smelt so thickly it made my eyes water. Every cupboard in the room was packed with dildos of all shapes and sizes, and for those

who weren't yet satisfied there was a menu of weird and wacky contraptions you could order from. I was pretty overwhelmed by the whole thing, but decided I'd rebook somewhere else tomorrow and just go out and have dinner for now. I went to open the door to my room, but to my surprise, it was locked. The room had a strange kind of airlock system with two doors and a payment terminal in the middle. To open the second door, I would have to pay about 40,000 yen in cash, which was about

£200, money I didn't have. I was now trapped in a Japanese love hotel. After about two hours, I managed to get through to the same receptionist from earlier by DMing her on the Booking.com app. She came upstairs and essentially broke my machine for me using a screwdriver, so it read 10 yen instead of 40,000, and I was then able to escape. To her credit, the receptionist lady was extremely kind and she booked me a place at a local restaurant to make sure I was able to get some tea.

The next morning she refunded me five out of the six nights and sent me on my way with a packet of tissues, which I'm guessing she gave me as she caught me crying the previous night when I thought I was locked in. Anyway, all in all, Japan was such an amazing country. It certainly had its problems, but I've never come back from a holiday missing a country so much. So there you go. Oh man.

Holy crap. What a story! RILEY It's a great story, thank you, dude. ALICE That's a great story, holy shit. RILEY I love that. Oh my god. I didn't know where that was going, but I like the being trapped in. Oh no. And I also love the way the receptionist hacked it by changing the price.

So it's not like she had to break break it or, you know, do anything. Just bring the price down to one p or whatever. But you know what I also love is that this receptionist obviously realised, oh they've made a big mistake. Like absolutely understood what had happened. And fair play. Help this person out of this situation rather than cross their arms and be like, no, no, you gotta pay.

They're like, oh yes, I understand completely what's happened, you've made a big mistake, it's a cultural difference, you didn't understand, and help them out. Fair play. Fair play to that love hotel recessionist. What a life. What a life. Good god. Man, oh man.

Alright, mailbaggers, I gotta go. Sorry, I have a very important meeting I need to attend, and I must depart, so... Well, look, me and Lulu can carry on for another fifteen, otherwise it's only a forty minute podcast. How about we just do another fifteen, I'll just read some emails out. Do you guys wanna do some emails without me? We can't do it without Sips, let's just, we'll do it next week. Alright!

We'll just do a short one, sorry everyone, we're busy men! I mean, we're missing out on emails like, I can't burp, and train driver five mid-journey, we'll have to say! We'll do those next time! We'll do those next time for sure! Stay tuned next time. We'll do them next time for sure. Stay tuned everyone. Thank you for putting up with us. We've got busy lives. We love you. Keep those masks coming. Bye bye bye. Goodbye.