Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #45: Freaky Eaters and Freakier Hotels

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

Triforce Mailbag Special 45! We got a ton of emails about "weird" eaters, we journey through a choose-your-own-worst-date story and we review the banned words list from a popular brand! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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her young son But her maternal instincts take a wild and surreal turn as she discovers the best yet fiercest part of herself Based on the acclaimed novel Night Bitch is a thought-provoking and wickedly humorous film from Searchlight Pictures Stream Night Bitch January 24 only on Disney Plus. Oh, baby, it's been a while since we did a mail bag. So let me tell you, my bag, it overflows with mail. It's wow. It's ridiculous, lads. How many emails this guy just turned up with his overflowing bag. I did. I apologize for that.

But it's time again for us to chat about the mail. As a result, this podcast will be probably not out for a while. We usually do these when we want to get backups. Yeah. To cover us for a while. So we read out of date stuff and it comes out out of date. It's fine. I don't mind. It's fine. I don't mind. A lot of them are just like I've picked out. It's mostly just responses to stuff that we've talked about. So it's not really time sensitive. So I'll be honest with you, that is definitely a thing. But I also try to pick maybe one or

two responses to things we've already done. Right. I'll cover a few of those, I'm sure. But let me say something. First of all, yes, we're all aware of the Greg Wallace news. You don't need to send me the mail article on Instagram. Oh, it was front page news for weeks. We are well aware. And nowhere else.

I don't think anywhere else would even know who he is. Right. Like he's not on American MasterChef or anything like that. No, I mean, I have no idea who this guy is. So please stop with the Greg Wallace stuff. Another thing I'm only going to read one, maybe two mathematics emails out after I had to go at maths, got a lot of angry mathematicians emailing in because they can't take a joke because you know, one plus one equals serious business apparently.

Well, yeah, mathematicians don't have a sense of humor. Apart from that standup maths guy on YouTube who does, he's great. What about the RDRR thing on the Simpsons? Such a good joke. Get it? RDRR. Yeah, that's the only funny math joke I can think of though. Yeah. Or reference. Um, yes.

Greg, Greg, is there a triforce curse? Is this something I remember? Do we talk about people when they get cancelled? Or do we talk about weird people that we suspect are going to get cancelled? Yeah, I think we have a feeling, if we don't like someone, generally speaking, we're probably right. I think that's been proven with that that's been proven with, with both, uh, Carl Walker and Greg Wallace.

Yeah, I never really had a problem with Greg Wallace, uh, like I, I, up until, you know, all of, all of this stuff, because I, you know, I watched inside the factory and, uh, that other one, you know, cook more for less or whatever. And, you know, I've seen him in stuff and I just thought he you know he didn't really bother me that much you know like he could be kind of kind of annoying sometimes but overall he didn't really bother me that much but you know obviously now that I know that he is of such low moral fiber I am the lowest yeah so I know, I actively dislike him now, but he didn't really bug me that much.

I always thought he was boring, unfunny and fake. Yeah, but he kind of need that for daytime TV. Yeah, that's why maybe that's why I don't like daytime TV. Yeah. Well, you're not meant to. I don't think you're the target. Yeah, true. Well, I'm old as fuck. I'm an old person that stays at home all day. So yeah. All right. Let's talk about some emails. We've had weird...

Just because you hung out with the cooled young Jack Manifold for three hours. Oh, that's true. And did this great, great run. Honestly, if no one's, if you didn't miss it, um, period did this interview with Jack for three hours. He threw it in for Bob because she was sick and it was one of the best streams of Jingle Jam. You had, it was funny because you were definitely from different generations, right? But at the same time, you had great chemistry and like you obviously meet, you have this thing, Pflac, where you can just immediately rapport with someone. And I don't know, it was just, it was just really, a really good street. What about me? Do you think I have that too? I think you would have.

Here it comes. No, no, no. You have a different, um, Oh, should we read an email? Eating food in weird ways. I can't remember what sparked this off. I think it was cause I told about my mate who eats a banana by unwrapping the entire banana and then eating it. Yeah, sure, sure.

I think we talked about it. So here we go. You asked for weird ways we eat food. This is Robert. I think I have an, oh, and not weird things we eat, but I think I have an example of both. I came home to my friend slash roommate eating a kiwi fruit. After eating the innards of the kiwi fruit,

he then put salted peanuts in the kiwi skin and fondled the skin around to shake up the nuts. He claimed it added zing to the peanuts. Still unsure what that means. I like the word fondle. I. Yeah, weird. It's a weird thing. I mean, certainly it's a weird thing to do, but it's one of those things that,

you know, if if it if that does it for you, you know, and it's not, it's not like that weird, you know, doing something like that, you know, it's not like he's, you know, he's not like sucking them up through his asshole to eat them or something, you know, that would be really weird. Right. Well, yeah. I mean, obviously we're drawing the line at things that would be impossible, but that is, that is weird. Yeah. It's kind of weird. Yeah. People have their own things, right? Like some people, I think my Nana would not eat

things that were vaguely furry or hairy. Like peach. Wouldn't suck on a pair of nuts. Averse to the idea of that, you know? Averse to it. It rubbed out the wrong way. For sure. Tea bagging in food form. That's fair. this is, this is, this is from an author. We got so many emails.

We got so many emails. Don't get caught up on just this one. Okay. Please. I've literally, I, I, if I, I want to find as many emails. Because it's ridiculous. How many I've got every time I get like four emails out and then someone says, I will cut down my responses to the most premium funny comments and I will not give winding anecdotes.

People send these in, I'm trying to read them out. It's like, well, this reminds me of an interesting story about a guy I knew. This reminds me of an interesting story about a guy I knew. Listen, this is my time every week where I get to grumble like a crazy old man about my grandpapa used to freeze lemon juice and he would put it in his tea. It's like, just get on with it. That's the kind of emails we get actually. Those are kind of doors, yeah. I just, I want to get the writers in.

I want to give a chance to get as many of these out as I can. Cause then they start sending them again and they start having a pop at me for not reading out these good emails. Get on with it. I want to. I just lay in the fucking groundwork. Oh my god. This is from Lackland.

I eat avocados in a weird way. Alright. Most normal people slicing avocado, if you lay the avocado down, you'll get starting like top to bottom all the way around the sort of seed. And then you open it up where this guy goes around like the equator and then, and then takes it off. That is weird. I think just even cutting it weird, weird Lachlan stop doing that.

Stop doing that. Okay. Do you know what? That is weird. That is weird. I think it's kind of cool. It's kind of cool. I'm going to try it. Try it. I'm going to try it out.

This is from Tom. I'll report back in about six months. You mentioned people wanting to hear weird food. When I eat peas and baked beans, I don't chew them. I just swallow them whole. Why? With peas, I think it started with being forced to eat them as a kid, but I didn't like the taste, so I just swallowed them whole. With beans, I honestly have no idea.

I still swallow both peas and beans whole as a 23 year old. Is this weird to you guys? No, I mean, if that's how you were, if that's if you did it as a kid, then it is something that will just follow you. The thing I don't get is how can you not like the taste of peas? They taste, they're so good. They're like one of the best vegetables. Taste-wise, they taste amazing. Compared to like some of the really bland ones that don't really taste like anything or whatever, you know?

I think peas are great. They're one of the ones my kids will always love it when I say peas. My kids also hate peas. So you're not alone there. They don't like them at all. They don't want peas in anything. What vegetables do they like? None. They don't like any of them.

Yeah. Yeah. I see. My youngest is really good. My oldest is awful. Yeah. It's just I think it's just, you know, kids. I like vegetables more now as an adult than I ever did as a kid, for sure. But yeah, I'll never understand why people don't like peas though. Peas feels like cheating. You have to eat like a vegetable.

Okay. So the things I heard were that kids have much stronger taste of bitter things. So that's why they don't like green vegetables because they taste much more bitter to them than they do to us. And that goes away over time. Yeah. And the second thing is, that's why kids always don't like coffee or people don't really like coffee until they grow up a bit. The other thing is, if you're swallowing without chewing, that's really bad for you actually. You should, it's not good for your digestion. It's actually probably not harmful actually,

but it's more like it will just not digest properly. You don't get the benefit of it. digest you won't get all the nutrients at the whole point of eating green peas is it and beans is that they're good for you and you should try to eat a couple of them every a couple of days because they have stuff in the other other vegetables don't have any so it's very important if you don't chew them you're not actually really gonna digest them properly and you won't get the good stuff so what's the point of eating green stuff in the first place we're not gonna it? Please masticate properly.

Yeah, here's a weird one. She's chewed 13 times. I had a colleague who would eat a whole sharing bag of crisps with a spoon. That's the whole email. Just at the end, just to get all the crumbs. No, they would eat the whole bag with a spoon. The crumbs bit is just, you build the bag into a little triangle shape and you know, there's an art to the crumbs at the end. Yeah, exactly. AKA the crisp tritus, that's what it's called. I do like that.

You know what I hate though? I've been in a cinema and we were watching a movie, it was quite a serious movie. And there was these two girls in front of us who'd come in and to save a bit of money, they obviously brought their own bag of crisps in with them. But they brought the most crinkly bag of kettle chips possible. And they're like, Russell, Russell, Russell, Russell. And this old fella next to me leaned forward. He went, would you mind keeping it down, please?

And they tried to be as quiet as possible for the remainder of the film and then just gave up. But I've been in a cinema before with people and they're like crinkling, wrinkling away. And then they're like tipping the bag. And you're looking at the movie and there's this guy tipping a bag a couple of rows in front of you it's just crumbs I used to be it used to be you got like a like a cardboard box of popcorn which wasn't loud smart and then you'd get like a drink yeah they still do it but the thing is movie food at the movie theaters changed so much you can get

everything now you can have like a hot dog in there. You can get pizza. You can get like nachos with cheese and stuff like, and some of these things, I think, you know, they haven't thought about them. They all they thought about it was, oh, wow, here's more money. But they haven't thought about how they might affect like the people in the in the cinema, you know, because some? Because some of the hot food obviously smells,

and you know, it might smell kind of gross if you don't like that sort of thing. And some of it can be noisy too, like noisier than you'd expect. It used to not be allowed to bring your own stuff in either. That used to be a big thing, wasn't it? We used to sneak it in. You'd have to sneak it. When we went to the cinema in the States, we'd go, this one, one of the mums would take like a bunch of us all at once.

And she would bring a supermarket bag, like a carrier bag, like she'd been shopping. But in it was popcorn. Oh, yeah, that's that's yeah. And you could just make a huge batch. Yeah. You could bring your own. Sometimes you bring like caramel corn or whatever. Yeah. But she'd bring a huge bag. And because no one's going to search your shopping bag.

No, because they're just going to think, oh, they just got their shopping with her. Yeah. And then she'd in there, she'd have like little cups and give everyone. You'd have everything. Yeah. All right. Here's one from Alex with a grilled cheese sandwich or a toasted cheese as we call it over here. I'll eat the crust off of three sides first so that the core of the grilled cheese is pure deliciousness without the crust. And as a kid, I ate Fruit Loops one color at a time.

Fair enough. So you've got a lot of time on your hands. But with the grilled cheese, I'll be honest with you, just cut the crust off. That's just going down the hatch. It doesn't matter how it's. Yeah, I'm not even thinking about it. For a fork and a knife to eat that thing, there'd be fucking sparks coming off my plate. Like I'm not. I do love a fork and a knife to eat that thing, there'd be fucking sparks coming off my plate. Like I'm not, I'm not waiting around.

I do love a toasted cheese sandwich. My God. Yeah. I might have one. I might have one today. Damn, they're so good. No, I've got a microwave toasty maker. I'd be meaning to show you Sips when you next come down.

A microwave toasty maker? Yeah. What? I was going to do like, I was going to make you, I was going to do for like a members video, like a toasty challenge where I was going to make you like a microwave toasty maker. What do you mean a microwave toasty maker? Well it's, it's, it's like, basically it's too hot ceramic to get the crispness.

You wouldn't get any of the crispy cheesy bits on the crusts. Morphy, Morphy Richards, myco microwave toastie sandwich maker. I've had it for a few years. I hate Morphy Richards. He's brilliant. I hate that guy. I know. Simon, I watched Ashen's video where he was making some dumb stuff with it.

He made like ice cream toasties and all sorts of dumb stuff with it. And it was like, it was just, it was like, it got like a Tesco chicken sandwich and it put that in the toastie. You can't make anything crispy in it. It's very clever. It's very clever. How do you make something crispy in the microwave? Yeah you can. I know it's very clever. It heats up these two ceramic plates in this rubber thing. It's just very clever. I don't understand it. It's got some wisdom inside it.

All right here's one from... The ceramic must be aligned to the microwave. From Tony. This is from Tony. I eat pizza backwards, starting at the crust and working my way to the tip. I didn't like the crust as a kid and would only eat the part of the pizza with toppings on eating the pizza this way. Let's make it the toppings with the crust bites instead of being stuck with plain bread at the end.

One of the things that my kids don't like to eat, I'm so grateful that they don't like the crusts on pizza because it just means more crust for me. Like we never waste any crusts in this household. I eat them all. I eat them all. You're not going to eat these crusts? I'm just eating all the crusts. I get some nice extra virgin olive oil and dip the crust in it afterwards.

It's delicious. The crust is great. If it's a good pizza, oh come on. Mason- I just think the crust is the handle. So how's this guy handling his pizza? Is he just sort of sloppy and like saggy? Like, I get it. I get it. Like, I agree. Like, eat the crust with a bit of topping. Good advice. Build it in. I mean, a lot of people do fold, you know, and that solves the problem. But I think like, oh man, these fucking emails, man, blow my mind. I don't know how you eat the crust first. Well, just here's another impressive way. This is from Colm. I had a friend in sixth form who ate pizza in the most reprehensible way.

If you could think of a worse way than this. Number one, pick off the toppings and eat them. Number two, bite off the cheese. Number three, scrape the sauce off with his front teeth. Number four, detach crust. Number five, roll up remaining base and squish into a sausage shape. I hope this guy is in jail, to be honest. For crimes against humanity.

That is too much. Definitely. There are certain people who disassemble things. I mean, they used to be the people who would eat biscuits in a very disassembling way where they would carefully pull everything apart and... When you were kids, did you ever have a friend that would eat things really slow? Because they were like, oh, I don't want to finish it because then I won't have... So they just nibble at something. You're just like wolfing down. You get like three cookies, you wolf them down, you turn around, your friend's just like nibbling one of the chocolate chips

on the cookie and you're like, what are you doing? They're making it last longer. What the fuck are you doing? Give me those. I do remember at Easter, there was a my mum would give me and my sister an Easter egg and it's gone that day. Yeah. Like we would scarf it down. Yeah. I went to see my friend and this was like three weeks later and he still had an Easter egg.

Like he'd just take a little bit every day. Yeah. And they'd be like, how when did you get this? He's like Easter. It's like that was three weeks later and he still had an Easter egg. Like he'd just take a little bit every day. Yeah. And they'd be like, how, when did you get this? He's like, Easter. It's like that was three weeks ago, man. How have you not eaten it? It's like you just have a little bit every day. Get fucked.

Scarf that fucker down. I have done the little bit every day Easter egg as well. But it's I've only done it because I got so many other chocolates that I felt sick and I just couldn't finish it, you know? I had these big ideas like, I'm gonna eat this whole egg. And then I got halfway through and was like, I'm gonna barf actually.

I should slow down and maybe eat the rest tomorrow or something. So I have- I've definitely seen this before. I have had an Easter egg last a little bit longer than a day, but not much. Yeah. Sometimes you buy this massive like Tony's

Chocolonely thing and you're like Tony, Tony Chocolonely chocolate is really good by the way. Oh it's the best fit. And then it's gone in like a day and I'm like, oh how did this happen? I got a big, I got like a big slab of it because you know it's like thick. I got a big slab of it. I think it was for Easter or Christmas. And it had like these little fragments of salted caramel inside. Holy shit. So I went to a really fancy dinner the other day with a couple of people, I won't name them, but it was like one of the Yorshka crew and this cutesy girl streamer. Do I meet the cutesy girls streamer. Do I meet the cutesy girls streamer? I don't know, maybe, but she's quite small and dinky.

So we went to this semi posh Brasserie restaurant. A Brasserie? Not a bistro? Not only to Brasserie? I went there with my parents. So I thought, I'll take this guy out as a treat. Because he's on a jingle jam community stream. And so had she actually. And so I was like, I'll just this guy out as a treat, you know, cause he's done a jingle jam community stream, you know, and, um, and so itchy actually. And so I was like, Oh, I'll just take him out for a nice dinner.

So I said to them, the portions weren't too big because, um, you know, it's a fancy place. So they were like, okay. And they ordered the sausages and mash. And when it came, it was fucking massive. It was this gigantic pile of mash with three sausages that were like... Like, if you look at sausages, one of those is enough. Right. Why do you go to a fancy restaurant to just eat what you could just warm up in a microwave

at home? Well, I thought the point of going to a place like that was to try something, you know, new and exciting or whatever, not just, I will say that sometimes basically a microwave dinner at a restaurant, but they take that basic meal and they're like, they make it like 10 X. Sometimes it's nice to have the old ultimate bacon sandwich by Heston Blumenthal. You're like, Oh my God, this is amazing. Yeah. I don't recommend that. I don't recommend it because then it ruins baker's sandwiches for you, for example. Forever.

Yeah, you're like, this isn't as good as Heston's. I'll never have another one, yeah. But actually these fancy places tend to eat like the guy who deconstructs the fucking, you know, Oreos or whatever. They take stuff apart. They're like, oh, this is official chips, except for we've taken it into three different parts. The Jeffrey Dah the Jeffrey Dahmer of pizza. Eating is who you're referring to. All right. So we got another, this is from Justin. You asked for weird ways of eating. I eat lasagna by flipping it over and eating it layer by layer. You get two layers of tomato sauce pasta, one layer of ricotta pasta and another tomato layer. And then the best part, the cheesy

crust. I also eat apple strudels layer by layer. No way, man. I'm a pasta and another tomato layer. And then the best part, the cheesy crust. I also eat apple strudel's layer by layer. No way, man. I'm a big mixer when I eat. So I like for lasagna for me, it's top down. I've got to get a bit of everything in there. But even like if I eat, you know, like a like a breakfast, I get like a bit of eggs on my fork and a bit of beans and a bit of like I like to have a mix, you know, I like to have a little bit of everything.

I'll mix a bit. I'll mix it. I mean, for example, yesterday, me and Mrs. F had very, very middle-class lunch. We had avocado on sourdough toast with a poached egg on top. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. So really tasty.

And I'll happily mix all three of those things together. And if I'm having a fry up, sometimes I just want a delicious bit of sausage. Yeah. And then a nice bit of fried egg. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nice. Some beads or whatever. So I'm not a big mixer, because sometimes I'm like one flavor is going to overpower the others quite often. I think man knew what I had for dinner the other day.

Jack of potatoes with cheese and beans. Love it. Cheesy bean. Oh, JP is the business. My God. Yeah. We've gone back bean hope JP is the bee's knees. Oh my god. Yeah. We've gone back into a bit of a jackpot potato era. Yeah. Because often when we're working at home together, it'll get lunchtime.

She's like, do you fancy some lunch? I was like, fuck yeah, let's have some JP's. Boshamon, nice and crispy on the outside. Cheese, beans if you want. Oh, beans. Unbeatable mate. Unbeatable. Alright, this is, I'm not going to say this person's name because it's an unusual name.

They didn't say not to read it out, but I'm gonna... I'll save you from this. Typically, when I'm having a sandwich or sandwich related item, I'll eat them in circles. That's the best word I could find to describe what I do. The inner bite of the sandwich is the best. It has the most additions and bread to innard ratio. So to saour this bite for last, I'll eat the crust first and work my way around until I have one last glorious

bite. This is the same for burgers, subs, burritos and tacos. The only time I don't partake in this ritual is if I'm at the in-laws because I don't want them to judge me. That's surgical the way that you... That's very methodical. It is. Surgical the way that you that's very methodical it is yeah But I mean like I mean like the way I would eat a sandwich for example is I would eat it Kind of like you know left to right all the way down like I don't like the middle and then just save like writer like Yeah, kind of like I'll eat like the corner So like I'll eat a bit of crust and the kind of like I'll eat like the corner.

So like I'll eat a bit of crust and then the main bit and then I'll work my way across to the other corner. OK, and then I say, you know, zigzag my way down sort of thing to. I generally go in a left to right middle, left, right, middle, left, right. And then you save. So you save like the U shape of crust for the end. You'll have like a whole crust. No, what I'm saying is like middle and then eat the triangle. You crust for the end. You'll have like a whole crust. No, what I'm saying is like a little and then eat the triangle. You've got a square sandwich, cut it into a triangle.

I'll go like top left. I'm numb. Num. Top right. I'm numb. Num. And to reward myself for eating the crust, I'll go for two middle bites. I'm numb.

I'm numb. You got to animate this whole thing. This whole thing needs to be animated properly. I'm numb. I'm numb.. Um nom. Um nom nom. Um nom. You know what? Most of these are essentially saving the best bit for last. And it makes me think, this is like, people in their average lives, really, one of the

few things that everybody takes pleasure in is eating. And if you've just got your sandwich on your lunch breaker work, that's like the highlight of your middle of the day is like, oh, lunch. Thank God. And so you want to make the most of it. And if making your sandwich very slightly more enjoyable for yourself, fucking go for it. Ignore the haters. Yeah. No, no, no judgments here.

I'm just it's just some of it is a little bit, uh, different to what I'm used to, you know? Yeah. Um, but I mean, I, I don't mind. Like if somebody, if somebody wants to eat their sandwich all the way around and then just save the middle bit for the last. It's weird. I'll laugh at it cause it's funny, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna hate on you. No, no, I won't hate on you. This is from Ben. I am really against, this is in relation to what you were just saying, Chris, I am really against mixing wet and absorbent solid foods.

Really? Beans have to be in a separate bowl in a fry up or they make the hash brown soggy. Gravy cannot touch roast potatoes on the plate. They have to be dipped. Mayonnaise has to not touch the fries. They also have to be dipped. Kind regards Ben. I can kind of relate to that.

A little bit, but like I don't, I honestly don't mind beans making anything soggy. Like I'll just have like a, you know, I'll just eat the soggy bit with some beans and I won't really notice. Like it doesn't, it doesn't. But I think what Ben's point is, is the hash brown is meant to be crispy yes and same for a good roast potato so i understand what you're saying where you want to retain as much of the crispiness as you can and dip it when you're ready i think if it's crispy not on the beans time i think if it's crispy enough to begin with those beans aren't aren't going to be making a dent on those bad boys. Like, they'll still be pretty crispy.

Okay. I guess. I feel like I don't want them all mixed up or liquidized in a big fucking blender. No, I mean that is extreme. But at the same time, I feel like things that touch is like a serendipitous accidental saving me work, right? I won't be dipping those hashbrowns in the bean juice anyway. So if they start next to each other, it saved me the effort is what I think. I always think of it as an axe, you know, a combination that I wouldn't

have necessarily. I don't care. I'm on board. You know, it's best to just look at things as a happy accident. You know, the Bob Ross way of food, I call it. Do you know what would be nice if in a restaurant they said to you when you order, touching or not touching? Yeah. And you could say not touching and they'll bring you a special plate with separate parts like a baby plate.

That's what happens to me. So would you like. You have to be juice. You like to be said of all those shows. I love that touching that way to touch. Would you like the juice? I imagine he's leaning right in. He's pr- Well actually, what you'll find though, you will find that most fancy places, they

bring you the beans in a little, a crus-e pot or whatever it is. A little, what's it called? Like, them- They're like those little, they look like, they look like, um, you know, people get like those almost Spanish themed Aramequins outside, outside, uh, like, um, you know, bowls and cups and stuff for the summer. You know, if you, you get those little tiny bowls and they always have like, you know, they look like they were, they look like they come from, you know, like Mexico or something

like that. Those are little tiny little, little balls. Yeah. Put are ramekins. Little tiny ones. Little little balls. Yeah. Put your beans in those maybe. Get the beans in those. Get your beans in those. All right. Here's one from Felix.

I eat Kiwi's skin on basically like an apple. I wash it first. I'm not a complete apple. I don't like it. My wife thinks I'm crazy stating it's too hairy, but I find it's much like eating a peach. Nice. There you go.

Yeah. I've tried it and I think this, I think this, this, this skin has its own weird taste. I think the only time I've ever had a kiwi is if it's part of like a fruit salad, you know, like a store bought one. Yeah. I don't think I've eaten one. I don't think I've ever just eaten a kiwi on its own. My youngest is allergic to them, weirdly enough.

Oh, weird. Yeah. I've never heard of someone being allergic to kiwis. You know, have you ever, you know what a banana peel tastes like? No, really no. I've never eaten one. Oh, they're like, if you accidentally bite it, it's really bitter. Yeah.

I think sometimes you do open a bone with your teeth. And so everyone's sort of done it. Orange peel is kind of citrusy. I wouldn't eat an orange peel though. No, you can't. It's too tough. I don't think you can even digest it. They're both not very pleasant.

Yeah. What about using a potato peeler on an apple and then eating the apple without any skin on it? I like that. My grandmother always used to peel her apples. Yeah, always. I don't mind. I like the skin, but she would always peel.

I mean, the whole thing is you're meant to try and get the peel off in one go. But the thing we used to do at school, if you were peeling an apple was that the shape that the- Well, you can kind of do that with tomatoes when they're in a real rough state, you know? You could. You could take like the whole skin off, but then it's the tomato inside's like really mushy as well. But you do that if you're like making a passata or something.

Yeah. But the shape of the peel when it lands on the floor is the initial of the first name of the person you're going to marry. Right. That was primary school. We got one from Brian. It's tricky if your name's like, you know, Rodney or yeah, well, so you're Brian. My wife was telling me that she had a friend growing up at school who had a tortoise and the tortoise's name was Patrick. That's a good name. That's a great name, isn't it? It's a good name for a tortoise.

It's not a name you hear much anymore. It's like, it's fallen out. How did you guys, did you ever meet anyone who did the thing where they cut apple fruit with a big knife into a specific shape and they'd sort of stab it and, you know, they have this knife based routine for eating. What? No, like you're talking about like people in like the 1920s with their, they've got their pocket knife and they eat an apple.

Like a hobo leading on a caboose. You see it in those World War II movies all the time as well. They take their knife out and they cut a big piece of cheese and they just eat it with a bit of bread. Yeah. They're like, meh, see? Meh. Meh. Meh.

Let me get my pocket knife, see? This apple doesn't stand a chance. They just cut a big piece of apple off and eat it. So it's like the pre-war version of the guy with the samurai sword and then Fedora, is that what you're saying? Yeah. The lady of its era. Alright, this is from Brian.

When I was in my mid-twenties I worked in a call centre with a Yeah. The lady of its era. All right. This is from Brian. When I was in my mid-twenties, I worked in a call center with a ragtag bunch of weirdos. Brian, I can absolutely relate to this. One of them being Adrian. That's his real name, but I think I'm safe because he doesn't listen to podcasts. Adrian was in his mid-thirties at the time, but always brought in lunch made by his mother. His lunch would consist of a buttered demi-baguette with ham and a bottle of Coke. Every day, Adrian would take the ham out of the roll and set it on

the table, then eat it slice by slice. He never ate the bread. When asked about it, he would say he doesn't like crusty bread. The concept of making whatever the fuck he wants himself didn't occur to him. Also, I fully peel the banana before I eat it, and my brother-in-law is afraid of potatoes, which is ironic because he's Irish. There you go. We're afraid of potatoes. Well, because they can be poisoned, can't they, if they go green and you eat them when they're green.

But I don't think this is true. I'm not sure how... I've never been poisoned by a potato or even like heard of anyone who has. No. Where did you hear that? What a sort of a thing, isn't it? No, it's bollocks. I think a bit of green on a potato is poison. It's not a poison. It's not like a cartoon. Solanine. Sometimes you get a potato chip that's got a bit of green on it and

still eat it. Yeah. It could occur naturally in potatoes. Green potatoes. Yeah. It can be dangerous because yeah, solanine, the chemical that potatoes produce to fight off insects. Can be dangerous. Ah, come on. Yeah, I think you're supposed to be too much green potato. Yeah, a little bit on a tripping, you'll be fine. A little bit of poison is okay. This is from Josh. I've just been caning through all the weird ways because I think these are really funny. So, this line always gets flack for this, and he's trying to argue his case. I eat KitKats, the standard two finger version, as if they're any kind of chocolate bar. I don't snap them into two parts, I just pick one end

and start chomping. I always forget this is weird, and whenever I've had a KitKat, someone has pointed it out to me as if I'm some kind of anarchist. I would argue that snapping the chocolate into two is much less satisfying, as a single finger is very thin. The double is a much more satisfying bite. Kit Kat also makes a Kit Kat Chunky, which most people agree is the superior version. Newsflash! These are essentially just two and a bit fingers stacked together. Yeah, but they're so good. Why are we beholden to some imaginary rule for eating a chocolate bar that, in my opinion, makes the overall experience worse?

I will concede that the snapping is necessary for the four finger version for practicality's sake. Well, thank you, Josh. Debate. Discuss. You ever eat in a KitKat and you get the four bars and you're meant to snap them off one at a time, but have you ever done it so that you kind of like eat diagonally and it looks like panflutes? Oh my god, uh, like pan flutes.

Oh my God. No, I haven't. That is psychopathic. The whole thing. I agree with the original. I agree with the original guy. Um, a two finger Kit Kat snap is the perfect version and the chunky superior. I'm fully on board.

This man is correct. Give him a Nobel prize. The chunky is your band. I did it one time. Okay. I did. It's not a regular thing, but I do really like Kit Kat chunky. I just think. I like, I like Kit Kat chunky. You're going to put your face on all bars of Kit Kats and you're blacklisted. This man is not allowed to buy Kit Kats.

I tend to eat Kit Kats. I'll kind of nibble the chocolate off until there's a bit of wafer and then eat that and then keep doing that. Yeah. Kind of. I just liked a little bit of chocolate and then a little bit of chocolate. I can't remember which one would suck the chocolate off of the, like, so you just have wafer leftover. You suck all the chocolate off. They did it one time and we got mad. And then I just think like if you were wolfing down a chocolate bar like it's fuel. Yeah. You know, let's say let's enjoy it a little bit. It's a treat.

It should be treated as such. Yeah. Oh my God. I was at the store this morning. You can get four whisper bars for one pound 50. That's insane. I think I'm still deeply uncomfortable about the ham guy. That really gave me a very visual image of the office. You can absolutely imagine it. One of the guys from the office coming in and doing that. Alright, well, I think I've exhausted my weird eating emails for this mailbag. So let's move on to some others. Oh my god, we got through them.

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This is from Joseph. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure that Joseph has written for us. And the topic is the worst date of all time. OK? OK. This is about a guy they live next door to. It's one of my favorite to tell in a multiple choice slash choose your own adventure format. The objective is to have the worst date imaginable, which this.

So this is a real story, which this guy somehow managed to accomplish by making the worst decision every step of the way. OK, so you choose the worst decision. This guy matches with a girl on Tinder who also knew my friend and told them everything that happened after a brief chat. They decide to plan a date and agree that he will come pick her up to drive her to a restaurant. Here is choice number one.

Do you take your date to a nice restaurant in the center of town, or do you take her to a McDonald's? Oh my God. He's gonna take her to a McDonald's, obviously. Do you go to a McDonald's? This is what he chose? So yeah, so this is like a choose your own adventure,

where we have to pick the worst one to progress the story. Oh right, we have to pick the worst one to progress the story. Which I think is a great form. Listen, listen, if... There's arguments for and against, honestly. Well, not really. There's only a few arguments for McDonald's. And I think that is if you had had some sort of in-joke going or like they had mentioned

it specifically, you know, in the chat. Like, I really am hankering for a McDonald's right now. Taking someone to McDonald's is a steady relationship thing. Yeah. Where you're like, let's just get a Mackie's. Like that's the point where you're getting lazy. No, no, no. Taking someone to McDonald's is a desperation. No, no, no, no, no.

It's like, there is nothing else available. No, no, no. It's not a treat, is it? You know each other well enough to know. It is a treat. Of course everybody fucking loves a Mackie's, mate. Yeah, but it's not a, it's not somewhere treat. You know each other well enough to know. It is a treat. Of course, everybody fucking loves a Mackeys, right? Yeah, but it's not a day. It's not somewhere you plan to go. I feel like it's not somewhere on a whim that you're like, oh, shit, I'm hungry. Let's go boyfriend girlfriend. Yeah, this is it's like, let's get fucking Mackeys and then go in the picture.

You've just been you've just been shopping for like three hours. And you're like, I got to have something to eat. Yeah. I'm like, it's not a date. Yeah, it's not like it's and you're like, I got to have something to eat. Yeah. I'm going to... Like it's not a date. Yeah, it's not. Like it's some way you'd go... Like a brassiere. You don't pick somebody up. You know, I need three hours to get ready.

I'm coming to pick you up. We're looking for a brassiere. At a pinch a bistro will do. Not a restaurant. Not a restaurant. We want somewhere where the beans are served in a little ramekin pot. A ramekin of beans is the sort of thing I would expect in a brasserie. And only a brasserie.

Not a restaurant. We require the things not to touch one another. Excuse me, is it possible to order 50 nuggets from this brasserie? You do nuggets in a brasserie and a larger, what is it called, a French fry? And what are the dessert options? I don't know if this is possible here, but could you dino-size my fries, please? Would you dino-size it? Perhaps a bag with some wet fruit in it, if you have it. So we picked two. We take it to a McDonald's. Do you go to McDonald's in the centre of town,

so at least you have somewhere nice to walk around after eating, or- No, you go to a McDonald's. Do you go to McDonald's in the center of town? So at least you have somewhere nice to walk around after eating or you go to a truck stop one. You drive to McDonald's at a rest stop by the highway. Yeah, yeah. Exactly right. That's the one. Wow. This is now option three. Do you chill in the restaurant so you can chat comfortably or do you go through the drive-through to pick up food? What the fuck? OK, so this is a motorway services McDonald's now. This is a very different scenario for the regular McDonald's. We are taking the drive through because we're taking the worst option every time. OK, so we go to the drive through. Where are you stopping to eat?

It's got to be an industrial estate. So do you drive somewhere nice to have the food or do you just eat the food in the car park? Yeah, or that. Wow. You eat the food in the car park. Yeah. And then you open the door and throw all of the garbage just out onto the ground. No, it just goes on the back seat with the rest of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So here's the final option, the final chance to save the date. Do you say, uh, you have a nice relaxed chat in the car or turn to your date who is holding a Big Mac and say, I have a condom. Wow. Do they have big mac juice like all around their lips? Like you caught them at the point where they hadn't wiped their mouth yet. They're still eating. I want the freeze frame. I want the most miserable option possible. Then that would probably be it. Right.

I don't want to hear any more emails from people who say, I can't get a day on. I went on one day on Twitter and she didn't call me back. I don't know what I'm doing wrong guys. I don't want to hear any more of those emails from you guys. Cause that's what I'm assuming you are. I assume you are that guy. This email was the Kaiser Soze reveal moment. This was the mug drop. This made it all make sense, you know?

Oh, Jesus Christ. Is there more? Please. Because I cannot imagine. There's more emails. No, that's the end of that one. That was the end of the day. He just dropped her home at the end.

So wait, so we picked all of the worst options and that was his date. Yes, that was that guy's actual date. And then he dropped them home. Yeah, she was like, they ate in silence and then he dropped her. Oh my God. What did she have? A Big Mac? A Big Mac. Fair play. Although honestly, I will say a lot of women would say that that was not their worst date ever.

No, I feel like he would have been in real trouble if she'd not gotten anything. That would have been worse. If he'd gotten like a full McDonald's meal and she was like, I'm not hungry and just sat there and waited to be dropped off. Guy drove me to McDonald's and I ate at McDonald's in the car park and then he drove me home. That doesn't actually make sense. As far as these things go, it could have been way worse. I think, I think what made that email, I mean, because if the email had just been, I made a mind one on a first date and all he did was take a girl to McDonald's and they ate in the

car park, I probably wouldn't have read it out. But it made it interesting when you broke it down and you realized that this guy had to make those decisions at every stage he made the worst decision available. And that is impressive. That is impressive. Did he? Was he not? He must have not been feeling the date either. He must have. No, I think he was just a fucking idiot. Oh. I mean, he picked her up and they went straight to the back. He's on the motorway and ate in the car park. I just think he was clueless. Good God. Right. So long time list, the first time writer. As a bit of background, I work in the maritime industry. So I worked with a lot of people who were on the older side and liked to tell

tall tales. During the course of one of my colleagues, he started talking stories. He started talking about a certain pub that was a strip club as well, and where you put one pound in the glass to view the act. I thought that I'd heard of this before some moons ago from yourself. Yes. Mr. Flax, he said he frequented the pub when he was a car salesman in his younger years and would regularly get pissed with his Scottish friend. I thought you would find this amusing. It's true. Yeah, it's true. It really was. In a glass.

Older lads would be in there popping quids in the pint glass. That is like a Triforce episode. Good God. That's a long time ago. Early teens maybe? Yeah, a long time ago. That would have been like seven or eight years ago that we talked about that. It would have been, yeah. Yeah, it was animated.

And now it's all fancy. Yes, it was even animated. Now it's all fancy. You've got to put dollar bills down their thongs instead. You've got to swipe them. You've got to swipe their butt cheeks. You've got to swipe their butt cracks with the plastic. No, they've got like a, it's just, you pay all your, if they've got a phone scanner thing,

you don't even need to get the plastic QR code to hold your phone up. They've got QR codes covering up their nipples. You've got to scan them. To reveal. Fucking hell. By the way, we did a, I know this is not the mail bag. We did a sponsored thing this week. Let me just show you what the little things say.

So I'm just going to post this in the Yolk's recording studio. So sometimes people are really with it. Okay. So the people are like, we want you to do a video. We want this. We want it to be like, you know, like, like they'll, they'll have like a really good idea of what videos are doing well on YouTube. And they'll be like, can you do something like this? Or, and they'll give all these great suggestions. They're like, we work with you really closely and it's brilliant. Other times they'll just be like

absolute nightmare. This one group we worked with, they sent us this list of banned words. Right. I'm just looking at this. This is such a long list. Yes. And there are some words on here that are insane. There are anal leakages on there. Well, exactly. That's a bad word. Ass fucker. There's like an ass hat. Arse. Arsehole. Ass. Ass. It's alphabetical. Yeah. They don't even let you, you can't even say willy. Just, you can't, ball kicking. You can't even say Willie. Just you can't.

I'm thinking ball licking ball. So wait, wait, wait. They've banned the word. They banned the word prude fruit. You can't say prude. That's banger banging. Bare back. Barely legal.

Say they're naked. Race. Race. You can't say the word sex. You can't say the word sex. You can't say the word beat your meat with no spaces. Just just one word. Beat your meat. You can't say octopus.

You can't say, be at. They keep going on about two girls, one cup. Yeah, like that's it. Those will come in every one guy. One jar. Look at this one. I'll say the panties bloody. You can't say bloody hell. Bloody hell.

Blow job. Blow me. Blow you. Bollocks. Bollock. Bollick. Sips is still at B, right? This goes, this is A to Z.

And some of the words on this are insane. I've never even heard of them. Bumfuck, bummer, bung, bunghole. Bunnyfucker. Bust-a-load. You can't say loin. You can't say lech. heard of them. Bumfuck bummer bung, bunghole, bunny fucker, bust a load. You can't say loin. You can't say you can't say, but pirate, you can't say, but man, you can't say, but whole, but has been, but much.

You can't say, oh, jelly doughnut. What does that mean? You can't say, you can't say dick sneeze. You can't say dickish. Dick shy. You can't say dummy. Dick bag. You can't say dummy.

Eat hair pie. Eat my ass. Eat pussy. Oh God. So, okay, there's a lot of nonsense on here, but some of them are so weird. Like cyber fucker. What is that? You can't say fat ass.

Fat fuck. fat fucker. I mean, I think they banned every single word, pretty much. This is so dumb. Bull turns. Umble fuck. I mean, it's just nonsense. Some of these words just don't... And when you get to K, it's cum cummer cumming cum comes, but with a K.

God, you can't say lemon party. You can't say leper lesbian lesbians. And then you get to masturbate, which they've also covered. And four or five turbate as well. So, you know, if you're trying to get around it with, uh, you know, numbers as well, you can't, uh, yeah, it's very strange and very specific. Muff, Muff diver, motherfucking. I just thought, I just thought you'd get a kick out of it. This is insane. Who compiled this? This is, I know it's, it's wild. You know, it's the dude that fucking eats a sandwich in a circle, gets to the middle. He's that's his job. He's making me say it was a meeting.

There was a meeting somewhere where someone read out all these words and they all had to be approved. I guarantee you this meeting. Okay. Can we think of any, okay. We're moving on to B now. I think we've covered all the A's. It's been ten hours. God.

Fucking hell. Alright, here's one I'm not sure about this email, because I hadn't noticed this myself. Dear triangles, I have noticed over the years that your logo has slowly begun to become less and less triforce shaped. Your original logo had you three in perfect Triforce orientation. The second logo, Chaos entered the room, and you grew dishevelled but still vaguely Triforce-esque. Now your logo just has U3 in a line, not at all like a proper Triforce. Is this a sign that the podcast is falling apart? Well, the name soon changed to Three Triangles. Scared and small-penised, Noah.

No. Oh no. I think. Hello to, where is this? Hello to Brongus. Where is this line? I think you're looking too much into it on the channel header. Is that what this I don't know. I didn't ever knew what, no, we had a logo.

Yeah. I think you're, I think you're looking too far into it. But we have, we would like to announce that actually we're changing the format of the podcast and we're not going to be calling it Triforce anymore. It's going to be two triangles. Yeah. No, I think, I don't think there's, there's no, no thought goes into any of that. Well, not from us anyway.

We have done great not to fall foul of being shut down by Nintendo's copyrights. They have copyrighted the Triforce now. At the start of the podcast, when we started it, they hadn't done it. But now they have. And I think maybe, maybe because we started before they copyrighted it, we're okay. But you know what it's like on YouTube. Honestly, the amount of copyright strikes we get on YouTube these days is so cheeky. You can just... You can do it for anything. The game is you just upload some track that maybe isn't even yours, or you've bought somewhere. And the big record companies will do it as well. They'll buy up a song that used to be copyright

free or something. So it's loads of people have used it. And then they'll put it on their back end as a claim. They'll claim millions of videos overnight. They'll make millions of pounds just leeching those that money. And it's just out of control. What a shit industry. Just a shit industry run by cunts basically. Music, the thing is now, now they will copyright melody as well. So you sing a song.

So on, for example, on the, um, did the longest John's thing, all of that stuff was like basically a cappella. But because we were a cappella ring, a song, you know, like idol vice or whatever that got claimed. Right. Um, well, I guess it should do cause it's a cover, but, but it, it, YouTube is so hot on these things. You can't jokingily sing a song in a YouTube video, right? Because the owner of that song will copyright claim you for the melody. It's just dumb shit, isn't it? I mean, it's like, I understand if somebody else was just putting your exact song up.

Yeah. But the idea that it's fair enough to say, well, you sang it and I own the copyright. Fuck off. Like, what kind of world is that? Go fuck yourself. The music world is fucked and it always has been. It just means that we have to be so careful around music and not listen to music and not use music in any way, shape or form. Because it just mutes our VODs or it can mute the whole VOD sometimes. Like use one track that's the wrong track and your entire, you know, channel gets claimed,

right? Or something like that. Or you get limited. This copyright stuff is inherently a good thing because it protects artists from having their work nicked. And I get that. But of course it's been ruined. Of course it's been fucking ruined.

Because people suck! It's a problem, right? Like I get it, right? Like we we don't... We're stealing your work. But if we're listening to your thing in the radio in the background or whatever, that shouldn't claim the whole thing. We have to be so careful when we go and film outside, right? As well. Although there is some degree of protection against that. Like background music being played. It's not... Yes, legally we're protected, but YouTube will still claim it and block your video for potentially weeks while you submit accounts and then you've

lost all the revenue from it. I'm not saying there's not rules that protect us and I'm not saying that we're not allowed to use the stuff in a fair use way, but YouTube's algorithms are so knee jerky. There's so many people out there who are making money off of it, that they don't care. These companies don't care about doing false claims, because they get so much money from it. I mean, that whole act, the DMCA act, was so ill thought out, that it was always going to lead to this. Where they were like, if it happens, YouTube is at fault. So they have to have this stupid knee-jerk thing. Like they automatically, if you claim, they side with you. You have to defend yourself against that claim. And

like you said, in the meantime, they get all the revenue because YouTube literally cannot take a chance because of this fucking DMCA Act. That's my understanding of it anyway. All right, let's do another anyway. Let's do another email. Yeah. All right. We'll move on. Sorry. I'm grumpy about it. I'm just like, it's just like all of our- It's understandable. VODs, this Jingle Jam were claimed basically by some thing. Oh, God. So are we fucked then? We can't put any of the VODs on YouTube or anything? They're all on YouTube. They're just, none of them are monetized. Damn. Oh, well.

I've been going through and actually trimming out chunks of it to try and get them monetizable. God damn. But it'll be, but some of them will just definitely get monetized. It's just, but that's part of it. We expect certain streams that we do to just not be, and that's okay. All right, this is from someone who, they didn't tell me to be an honest, but they didn't sign the emails when I read it.

And you never know. I was just wondering how you lads would define the term sword fighting. Right. Is this on that banned words list? No, just tell me how you would define the term sword fighting. Well, it depends on the context, I guess. Well, just give me the first one that pops to mind. Well, I mean, you know, I would just imagine some pirate sword fighting.

Lewis? Sure. Two humans holding bladed weapons, engaging in a battle, engaging in trying to try to try to strike each other with it. Right? Okay. I only ask because I had a very awkward conversation with someone I was dating recently. We'll call them Sam for the sake of the story. Now, just to be clear, the person

emailing in is also a fella. Okay. So this is these two gay lads. They asked me if they were in a McDonald's car park. They're having their first date. Cause this is what they asked me if I'd ever tried sword fighting, which I've always defined as the act of crossing P streams with another man in the bathroom, which I have heard of. Crossed pee streams? Yeah, so you pee into the toilet at the same time. The streams cross, it's like sword fighting. I answered yes, I've done it more often than I should probably admit. When I've been drunk at house parties or in my early uni days, now a few of the close friends I've crossed streams with

Sam also knew pretty well, and they were absolutely baffled. Really? With them? You've done it multiple times? Sam asked. I felt a little awkward admitting it, but his reaction completely threw me. It's undoubtedly pretty weird, but I didn't think they'd be so surprised. After about ten minutes of confusion and me slowly digging a hole, it finally clicked that we weren't talking about the same thing. Apparently, according to Sam, sword fighting is when two men bash each other's erect penises together repeatedly, usually to the point of finishing. Really? Apparently so.

That would do it? Well, I guess. If you're super into hitting another dude's cock with your own, maybe, you know. I mean, it was not for me, but… I mean, I just… you know what? That fucking… that sounds hilarious. How could you keep a straight face? I don't know.

Maybe, maybe part of like the fun is that you're just laughing a lot as well too. You know, like you're creasing up. Oh my goodness. Oh God. I can only come with, I'm really sad and angry. I can only come if somebody's eating a Big Mac in front of me. Alright, last email for this mailbag, because this is quite a long one. Okay.

So this is stories from working in a hotel. Oh god, these are always the worst. There's always a shit somewhere in these stories. Do you want me to skip it? No, no. I'm about to go away. I don't want to go to a hotel for two weeks. I don't want this in the background. It's always the ham guy. The ham sandwich guy in the background.

I found his shit in the shower. I used to work for a very well-known American hotel chain. I'm not going to say which one. Best Western. Hilton. For their front office department, otherwise known as the reception desk, here's some things I still remember from my time there. Number one, hotel rooms are disgusting and people will do all sorts of weird shit in them that you wouldn't think about.

People use the underside of mattresses to shine their shoes, the bedding protectors which are those colourful sort of sheets on the duvet, to wipe up dodgy liquids, and we've had some Asian customers that boiled rice and instant noodles in the kettles, which caused the hotel to remove all the kettles from every room. The Bellboys and the concierge are some of the best people in the hotel. They know so much about the area and they can get almost anything done for you. But if you leave anything in their care for a long time, they might get suspicious and have a look. We had someone leave their suitcase with the concierge for almost a year. This person, a male in the late 50s,

would return to the hotel, retrieve their bag, stay a few nights and leave, depositing their bag back in the concierge's care. Oh no. After about six months on this, we were all dying to know what was in there. What could be left for so long? Couldn't be clothes, they had no tricleaning bills.

Eventually, one of the bellboys decided to have a sneaky peek. He found a huge variety of leather bondage gear, donned most of the waist up gear to have a sneaky peek. He found a huge variety of leather bondage gear, donned most of the waist-up gear, including a ball gag, and strode into the lobby when it was empty to show it all off. We died laughing and never let the concierge live it down. Oh my god. I used to work at the front desk slash reception and we had to do everything in the evening and night when the rest of the hotel went home. The night shift was usually quite fun, you usually

saw some interesting characters and it was generally quite quiet. But we also had to fill in for housekeeping, room service, and the kitchen while all these departments went home for the night. This meant that I had to take someone's 3am pizza order, go to the kitchen and cook it, deliver it, and collect the dirty tray and dishes afterwards, all while I was supposed to be manning the front desk. I didn't realize they had to do everything. That's crazy. Some places, yeah. I guess it just depends. So speaking of interesting characters, we had quite a few sex workers come through, escorts or similar. They were obvious the moment they came to the front door,

and would come right up to the desk and say, I need to visit room XYZ. We would have to call up to the room while investigating the customer's loyalty profile and seeing how his wife and how many kids he had, and say, excuse me, sir, you have a guest for you in the lobby. Shall we send them up? I would then escort the escort up to the room, knock and drop them off, which was always super awkward. Once I was tired and feeling quite cheeky, so I asked one of them why she did it. She said it pays for university. I stayed silent after. Oh my god. We had to call security to a room after a guest reported strange sounds from a cupboard

after they checked in. I was summoned to the room along with the head of the hotel security, the head of housekeeping, and we all found the largest vibrating dill boat you can imagine. The thing made the whole cupboard unit shake like a pneumatic drill and was rather emasculating. Where did it fit? We had a brief argument amongst the staff as to whose problem it was. Security lost and he had to bag it up for lost and found. Jesus Christ. Lost and found! Uh-huh, yes. I stayed with you last month and I seem to be missing my industrial-grade dildo. I left my analyzer 4000 behind. If you could plug it into charge for me, please, I'd appreciate it. You could plug it into charge for me, please. I appreciate it.

Fucking hell. My assholes returned to a completely normal size. It's been away from me and I cannot possibly live like this. Oh my God. Did grief. Okay. Well, that was a fucking great little mailbag. Thank you so much. You can get mails. Mailbaggers. Oh, don't thank me. Thanks to all the people that write in.

Thank you. People who've sent that in. I've all the people that write in. Thank you. People who've sent that in. I've lived, I've laughed, I've loved. Yes. I've made my day. Thank you. I enjoyed it. We're sated. Thank you so much. We're fully sated.

Thank you. Oh, delicious. An entire kiwi fruit with the skin on and everything. And a sandwich that's a circle. Thank you. Keep them coming. Thank you. Keep them coming. The email address is perianflax at gmail.com for the people that have been asking. Perianflax at gmail.com. That's where you send your, send your emails. Send them in. All right. We'll see you next time.