Triforce! - Triforce Mailbag Special #5: Toilet Story Pioneers

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

Triforce Mailbag Special 5! The gang give some genuinely nice advice about break-ups, we pride ourself in our bravery to tell toilet stories and we recieve a message from someone who was actually at Woodstock '99! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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for a mailbag uh what's what people have sent us stuff through the mail we have got some absolute rip snorters this week they've been really yes really yes i've been going through and i was like so it's not just the usual mix of complaints and he's curated uh he's curated a uh an a plus 10 out of 10 i've got some goodies people have been upping their their fucking comment game have they after the success of the mailbag yes good and also quite honestly a little wake-up call from me a little bit of a can we please take some time here? If you send in junk, it won't get read.

It'll go straight to the no folder. All right. But honestly, folks out there listening, and I say folks, you're crushing it this week. Some top notch emails. They'll all be going in the capital yes folder. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Nice. Nice. We're going to get started. Okay. This is from Atomic Snow Globe, a name I believe I recognize from Twitch chat. Anyway, got a wholesome story about... This is a nice start to the mailbag. This is about a wholesome story about their interaction with Louis Brindley, do Yogscast.

Oh. 2017, wind your mind back five years Insomnia 62 in Birmingham well what was happening then so well you were at Insomnia I guess

he was there apparently a bunch of you were long story short Thomas Stowe goes a bit of a loner has a few issues went to the convention

on their own trying to which is I think admirable to go there I want to get out of my shell I want to put myself

in a situation where I'm going to feel a little awkward you know get out there I think that's a good put myself in a situation where I'm going to feel a little awkward. Get out there. I think that's a good way of challenging it. Rather than retreat and say, no, I'm a loner. Say, I feel like I'm a loner.

I don't want to be. I'm going to do something about it. Goes to iSeries. Nice start. Meets a bunch of you lads at the booth. Great friendly interactions all around. Fast forward to 2019. YogCon.

We all remember it well. Yeah. Has fallen in with a pretty cool crowd of fellow Yogg's fans, if he does say so himself, who's attending the convention with, doing a bit better these days, I'm still pretty rough. Then a moment happens I'll never forget. Lewis is walking about in his Steve Jobs getup. I figure he's been sworn by enough fans

for one day, so I intend to let him go about his day. Instead he stops me and says, holy shit man, how are you doing? And they had a conversation, you guys had a conversation about how they were doing and how much he loved the Steve Jobs character. During this conversation and later conversation at the signing booth and around the convention, you demonstrated that you clearly remembered some details about this lad's life. He'd obviously overshared a little bit. And he was very, very cheered by the that that you had helped him out by even just remembering

who this lad was and now to this day that man is raves well done well done lewis you did you done it again you found another one you were right there you you helped this lad out when he was feeling down and uh you should be commended for it lewis well done well obviously obviously i do vaguely remember that i definitely recognize the name um it's been you'd recognize the face right i don't know if i can i don't know if i can recall what he looks like but maybe if i met him again you if you bumped into him in the road you probably recognize him right i tell you what this doesn't sound great right but atomic snow globe if you're listening i think you you probably have, I don't want to

say weird, but a recognizable face. You got a big goiter, son of a- Didn't want to say it at the time. It's my goiter! It's just huge. No, I don't think it's bad, I just think it's more... Because you know Ben is a generic human being, right? He is, yeah. Printed from a 3D printer man think it's like more... Because you know Ben is like a generic human being.

He is, yeah. He's like a very forgettable face. 3D printer man, yeah. Gosh, that's not nice to say, but I find Ben actually has a very memorable face. I actually think that Ben reminds me a bit of Bruno from the Dota scene, you know? They share similarities. I would say that they look nothing alike. No, I don't know. I think there's definitely some likenesses there i mean that's a joke too all of this is i think sometimes people just leave an impression on you sometimes and that sticks with you so i hope you're doing well because yeah big

fan so here's here's a request a request for aid okay i'm a guy about to just have his 21st birthday just recently had the first big breakup, struggling with accepting the newfound situation. They've moved back in with their parents in their hometown. I was just wondering if you had any advice on how to deal with such a breakup and how to create a new life for myself. Listen to me, Scott. You're 20.

You're 20 years old. All right? You don't need to create a new life for yourself. Your life has barely begun, my friend. Do not let this setback. Do not let this... Hold has barely begun, my friend. Do not let this setback. Do not let this. Hold on. Just let me say, do not let this setback.

Because you're only seven years older than my eldest daughter. I wouldn't like her to think that after a breakup, that's it. Got to create a new life for myself. You're 20. It feels that way, though, at the time, though, right? A breakup at that age feels kind of devastating. Take the broad view. You don't have the experience. You don't have the life experience. But let view you don't have the experience you don't have the life experience but let me tell you this my friend hot shot listen

to this i've been married for 20 years if i suddenly found myself single holy crap i would go mental i'd be all over the damn place i'd be like watching tv in my underpants even more than i do now yeah i'd be eating sun chips on the sofa which i'm not allowed to do now i'd be man i would go crazy and just enjoy being being single for a little bit especially while you're so young you know like christ just get out there uh be be single have a mingle and uh see where life takes you don't take it don't take it too seriously especially at that age just get in with a good group of people have some fun you know see where life takes you and then you can meet somebody else probably and then settle down or whatever it's not it's not nothing's written in stone at that age for sure it does get harder as you get older

for sure but uh 2021 come on man just uh just don't think about it too much sometimes things just happen as well you know you just got to be out there have you ever had a breakup either of you no in my teens but like none none none so devastating that were like you know i didn't i i wasn't oh shit terry's just flipped over hang on i just got to flip him carry on oh my gosh the care and attention that man gives well look i mean i have had a couple of big long-term breakups in my time and they've usually happened because something was wrong right and it was it wasn't like hollywood it wasn't this shouting and explosions or dramatic stuff it was just yeah look this isn't working it's better for both of us you know i think you don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you you know i think like

i don't want to say look on the bright side but realistically um you know as someone who is currently experiencing something similar it's difficult to it's difficult to get perspective you're very confused yeah you're very like you're very sad about all the memories that you've made together and they're somehow tainted now you You're like, oh, my God. Everybody handles things differently as well. I think the main thing to take note of is it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be emotional about it.

It is an emotional thing, right? Like if it knocks you for a day, for a week or whatever, then that's what it is. You know what I mean? You just got to work through it and just get to the other side, get to the better spot. you for a day for a week or whatever then then then that's what it is you know what i mean like you just gotta you just gotta work through it and just get to the other side get to the better spot you know there's that you know you've got to there's a lot of disentangling of of your lives and and you know who gets the who gets terry you know who gets who gets all the dvds you know there's a lot of like you know there's a lot of also like just you know you had a lot of thoughts about where you were going and you know you felt very safe and now suddenly there's

this idea that you have to meet someone else and find someone else and are they going to be as good or are they gonna are they you know all of these like stupid fears for the future that's what it is it's like a confusion and this idea of what am i gonna do what's gonna happen to me um but no you don't need to to worry too much about that because you made it this far and uh and you will you've got you know you've got a whole you know wait till you're 40 then then stop i remember one one one particular uh teenage breakup that i had again i didn't really take it too bad. And I don't think the other person took it too bad either. But I remember at the time, and maybe this is me, like, wise beyond my years or whatever. I just like, I was like, maybe like a little bit put out, but it was like

a mutual thing, right? It wasn't like, I wasn't just like out of the nowhere, out of nowhere, I wasn't just out of nowhere dumped or whatever. But I remember playing a lot of Pharaoh by Impressions, you know, the city builder game? I just got stuck in. Yeah, I was just like, oh, man. Well, time to play some Pharaoh. I sat around in my underpants for a whole weekend just no-lifing this game.

And at the end, felt great so good stuff play some pharaoh there you go play some that's a great bit of suggestion yeah yeah all right here's a here's the next email my name's vince and i'm from new jersey over in the u.s that's that's how vince is gonna speak of course i didn't realize we had an audio message from him that's so interesting some time ago use guys i gotta record this uh message for you guys it's a voicemail i'm in new jersey some time ago youse guys had a discussion about locks on doors and i got a great story for the pro locks team during college i rented an apartment with two friends who were and are still dating the apartment was fairly old townhouse no doors except the bathroom having

locks one night i was having trouble falling asleep because my roommates had a TV too loud, and the bedroom was right behind the wall with my headboard on it. In short, I knocked, I entered the room, I asked them, could you turn the fucking volume down a little bit? And I walked in on them having sex. All three of us are basically screaming like we witnessed the murder. I purged the whole moment from my memory, but the embarrassment still stays with me to this day. Keep up the great content.

I love listening to the episodes on my tree. I would drive to wake. There's degrees of it, though. I feel like there's degrees of it. I feel like if you barge into somebody's room and there's two people just kind of like moving under the covers it's like okay whatever if you barge in the room and somebody is just fucking balls deep uh unclogging the drain sort of thing legs all over the place legs all over the damn place it stinks like that's different right that's gonna hit you this has happened to me right um so in uni i was uh good friends with this guy who was um just down the hall and we used to play the mostly just multiplayer online video games together

pre this was pre wow but we played dark age of camelot and we played um star wars galaxies right right right and he had one of those guidebooks, right? One of those, what was it called? Brady Games. Brady Games, those big guidebooks, right? To Star Wars Galaxies. A Brady Games guide to Star Wars Galaxies. Anyway. With all the maps and everything in there. I borrowed it occasionally, you know, and it was always, you know, I needed it for some reason.

And we always just used to fairly freely go into each other's rooms. And I just thought he probably wasn't going to be in we didn't leave our doors unlocked it was in the uni halls for president so we i just sort of pushed my way in to get it and he was he was getting a blow job oh my goodness nice oh my goodness oh and it was it was quite striking actually he was like stood up he had his back to me oh wow now listen he might have been getting a bow or she might have just been like inspecting his yeah his area yeah it might have been some other they might have been braiding his bush or something or yeah there

was there might be something else going on so fortunately he's standing up he had his he's standing up have a sit down i mean that's gonna be it's gonna be hard i know sometimes you just want to have a stand up though too you know it's like sit down you ever just eaten your lunch standing up before you're like i'm sick of sitting down i'm gonna stand up i think he might have been sat down but i think he jumped up as it was happening you know as i came out in her mouth no i think he was like like trying to hide you know like i don't know like a sudden emergency like when your mom you know bangs on the door or whatever and you're like oh i was gonna say that that's that pivot move if let's say he's sat facing the door sees the door opening and whilst

maintaining blow job situational awareness is able to keep the job going whilst turning his back and standing that's some some skill. That's like some fucking Cirque du Soleil shit right there, I'm just saying. I think he was in like a dressing gown, so it was quite- Where is this guy, Hugh Hefner? Where the fuck is he going? There's always one at university, right, that has like a fucking kimono or a dressing gown or whatever. And just gets BJs all the time.

And just gets blown all the damn time. Well, I guess, maybe ease of access is a big attractor for women that want to give a man oral sex, or anyone who wants to give a fellow oral sex. Ease of access might be one of the biggest sort of, you know what, I will give this person a blowjob because a dressing gown is very easy to open, it's going to be much simpler than trousers. So if you want to get uh fellated uh perhaps just wear a loose robed dressing gown more often smoking jacket perhaps so yeah that's what that's oh it's happened to all of us um that's what i'm saying no i mean i've definitely i've

never like barged in on somebody uh mid uh mid deed but i've definitely heard a lot uh way more than i care to uh to remember but oh my god neighbors randoms like oh god damn like uh university we had a big house share they were like eight of us in there and the there was a girl we never really got along with her she kept herself to herself i think she was danish her boyfriend who also sold weed would come around and they would have incredibly loud sex and we could all hear it and then she'd just come out and say hey what's up it's like geez could you yeah you know it's a little bit much i this was how this was at a ti this is a ti one time a little bit it's a little much i mean it's just it's so loud like we're trying to watch the telly some people just really like to be overly vocal well she loved she fucking loved it anyway i was

at ti one time i was in my room watching some baseball about to go to sleep and i could hear that a lot of sex happening in the hotel room next to mine right there were several dudes in there and one lady and whoa i was like i wonder if this is one of those hotel gangbangs I've seen on Pornhub. I hate the thought of that. I just feel like that's so, I don't know. The whole idea of it just makes me feel a bit sick. Just a bunch of dudes. What are you doing when it's not your turn and there's a bunch of you?

Are you chatting? That too. But the whole thing just feels really... So have you seen House of the Dragon? What do you think about the new House of the Dragon? I thought it kind of... Maybe it needed to pay so much service to what had gone before in the previous...

Oh, it's your turn. No, sorry, I'll wait. Oh, did you actually... Did you watch it, Flex? Did you watch the... I did watch it, yeah, yeah, yeah. And? Was it good? It's a bit like watching...

It's a bit like a fanfic of something that you really liked. Right. So because it's leading into Game of Thronesfic of something that you really liked right so because it's leading into game of thrones it can't really suddenly introduce anything particularly new or interesting certainly not in the first episode no so we've got all the targaryens have all got the blonde hair they reference all the other places like oh i'm so and so baratheon like oh it's a baratheon i recognize that name so it felt a bit like yeah tropey you know so like I remember

all this and also it's just sort of like you know so much of the world has already been sort of laid out in the previous series yeah it's kind of like I think the same problem they have with all the Star Wars stuff is it's so that's enough it's my go I'm gonna get in on this oh wait sorry no no yep go for it just just uh I don't mind going last. That's fine. In this, in the same, in the same vein of this. I want everyone to picture the three of us in a hotel room. No, don't picture us in a hotel room. It's so gross, man.

I hate that. I hate the thought of like 12 dudes and one girl in a hotel room. It just like, it's really uncomfortable. I think they're all into it. I mean, what's the problem? I guess so. I mean, you know, live and let live or whatever, but there's just something about it, you know?

Like, I just feel like it's kind of weird. Do you know what? If it was 12 women and one dude, would you feel the same way? Yeah, I would actually, yeah. Like, it's just, I think it's that mass consensual, you know, like 13 people all consenting to one thing. I just call bullshit like it just it feels like it happens right it feels like it's weird yeah it's too weird you're right i i do

like the the one-on-one intimacy yeah you know i pay attention to one person usually myself um yeah you know um let's move on p flat listen uh the this in the same way that the house of dragons being a prequel of of well definitely a prequel um i've been watching catching up on better call saul which is which is also been watching that as well yeah and uh i mean i i enjoy it i really like the whole sort of um you know breaking bad universe that's been created too yeah and elaborated on and stuff like that but the the one thing that always gets me with uh with prequels that if you if you think about it hard enough like there's no um there's not really any surprises right like something there's nothing at stake no that's it because you're like okay well i know that this person survives like this is interesting but

there's no um there's not really much consequence involved right like at worst this person is gonna get injured and then recover probably yeah you know but like i think that's my only thing like i think it's brilliant i think the whole thing has been really good i've really enjoyed it but well they have got the set the whole scenes where you know it's him in the future though as well so i haven't gotten to those yet actually i i'm just just arriving at them now i just watched the last um in the past episode and now i have four episodes of black and white gene who works at cinnabon which i'm looking forward to but yeah that's my only that's my my only real sort of uh criticism i guess of uh prequel stuff you know but um again i've really

enjoyed it it hasn't taken away any enjoyment i've i've thought it was amazing but yeah yeah it's nice to have a refresh of that universe because it was a good time you had good memories with breaking bad it was a good relationship that you know sadly was it was ended um and you want more of it you know yeah and that's understandable we've got the next one this is this is do you remember we talked about real ale yes i remember this is from someone call themselves real the real ale youth right uh this uh so i'm 22 years old the real ale bandit yeah i'm 22 years old fresh out of uni i see myself as a young hip trendy guy okay i mean that statement alone tells me yeah you are not a young straight away from me yeah because uh no they say but no apparently

my enjoyment of real l has influenced my lifestyle in a way i've previously overlooked allow me to pick apart my interest and i'll let you decide if i have passed the point of no return in the real l drinkers community if you'll remember I gave a list of typical what I consider typical personality traits of a real ale drinker Mrs F when I told her this said to me that sounds like anecdata which is like anecdotal data and I was like all right calm down love right you're not you're not I don't know what that means podcast yeah yeah shut up and then she told me to fuck off well she's not gonna listen to this she doesn't listen anymore

I think she got sick of the bullshit anyway this is how real youth I have long hippie hair god I've been told

to fuck off a lot recently I don't know what it's like something in the air or I don't know what's going on you got all sassy

the women got all sassy I think it's because Beyonce's albums come out it's in power that must be it it's the new Beyonce album.

Jesus. I have long hippie-ish hair and a beard. I mostly wear blue Levi's because they last a long time and I can't be asked to buy new trousers. My Spotify is full of Rush, Simon and Garfunkel, The Grateful Dead, and Willie Nelson. On the weekend, I'll go down to my local. Has no TV, no fruit machine, no dartboard,

no pool table, no music. I'll see who's about at the pub, have a few pints of Hen Harry or Blonde Witch. And occasionally, Jameson's on ice if I'm in the mood on the last friday of every month it's open mic night and i listen to the folk songs the worst thing is all my friends are the same it's as if old man culture is a staple of my hometown if the pub is quiet i'll go home early possibly roll a joint and flick through my collection of 70s vinyl or play a bass guitar by myself i work in environmental services know way too much about local wildlife,

and have very strong opinions about the way the RSPB is run nowadays. I feel like I should change my ways before I end up collecting Airthix models. I'm going straight out to stock up on Strongbow Dark Fruits and get a haircut. Oh, man.

I'm just saying. You just got small town syndrome. That's all it is. Is he written? Is that true? This is it. I don't know if it's a joke, but this sounds like the real L.U. fit- I mean, that is pretty much what I said. I do know people that do this stuff, like that's how they live. They tend to be a little older, but-

Yeah. Wow. I think that's fine. This guy exists? Yeah, he does, yeah. Sounds like a fake life, doesn't it? Felt like a fake, but it's true. It sounds like a fake life, doesn't it? It sounds like a joke.

Well, it could be. It's either this or stand-up kimono blowjob man. So take your pick, you know? Pick your poison. Right. That's the youth of these- well, actually, no. That was the youth of your time, I guess, Lewis. Yeah.

Well, he did a PhD in astrophysics, then went into game design. Oh, wow. So he wasn't the fullest of things. And his name, then went into game design. Oh, wow. So he wasn't the full- And his name was Peter Molyneux. Oh my God. Oh my God. My mind is blown. So yeah, all right.

People like this do exist, but he does feel like a stereotype. His whole life is like- That's what I'm saying. Like I'm not saying that's all real ale drinkers, obviously. I'm just saying, you know, that it made me laugh that this was exactly what i'm saying like i'm not saying that's all real ale drinkers obviously i'm just saying you know that it made me laugh that that this was exactly what is this is this the the tail wagging the dog though or the the dog wagging the tail do you mean like has has all of this was this just the one he dipped his toe into this world and then all of it no i think he's just

realized that this is his life and no but do you know what i mean like he every single one of those things wasn't chosen by him it was just he picked one either the real ale or going to that pub and that changed what he drank what he listened to what he did who he hung out with in his job and his whole life you know yeah but there's got to be some influences in there as well into a hipster vortex you know and it was out of his control maybe a maybe a like a sibling or a parent or some somebody that took him to some of these places in the first place which and then they stuck you know what i mean like you don't just rock up at a small town and then just decide okay time to fit in where's the where's the local where's the where's my spotify

music yeah exactly like it's all it's all it It's a slow process of being sort of, you know, influenced. Assimilated. Yeah. Like Borg. Yeah. This is a cracking follow-up for the Real Ale stuff, all right? This is amazing. Hi, Pyrium.

Hope all's good. I assume he meets the rest of you guys as well. I'll try to keep this brief. I was listening to you and the boys talk about Real Ale on the triforce podcast and it made me smile to hear you talk about naked ladies which is one of the ales that i mentioned right oh god okay i'm one of the brewers at twickenham brewery and was actually brewing that beer whilst listening to you talk about it holy you are fucking joking i'm not kidding so this brewery is a really close to where i live i have been there a bunch of times one of my daughters did a school project uh about that brewery i've bought ale from there a

bunch of times i know this brewery super super well holy crap we're a tiny brewery of three brewers nine staff in total so i'm not used to hearing our beer mentioned outside of camera festivals which is the campaign for real ale if you ever fancy a couple of pints on the house, then pop on down, ask for Max, and I'll sort you out some takeaways. Max, I will literally be there this afternoon. I'm going down this afternoon to get some fucking Real L. Hell yes.

Wow. Hell yes. That is like the first, that is I think the first free thing that we've had from an audience member. From an audience member, yeah. It's sweet. I mean, I got some free manscape stuff including a pair of underpants really really soft underpants we got and also i've met a few people who've bought me a pint over the years or some people

have asked oh can i sometimes at a restaurant some you know that weird thing that happens in movies where uh someone says like oh that gentleman on the table over there has bought you a glass of wine yeah and you're like when you turn around and he's like a nice dressed man in a suit that's what happened to me except for it was someone in like an anime shirt you know and um and a cap you know you look over to see who it is sips cap and then you notice and then you spit the drink out and do a V sign to them as well, right? And it's usually not a glass of wine.

One time someone actually paid for my meal. Wow. The waiter came up and was like, oh, the guy on this table here has paid for your meal. And I was like,

right, fuck. Wasn't that when I took you out for dinner one time? Oh, shit. Was that you? Yeah. He was like, this gentleman has paid for your meal.

Like, oh, I wish I knew him. Oh, thank you. I was like, Lewis, we've been talking for hours yeah all right uh no so yes if you did that thank you if you're listening there you go anonymous fan it was me here's one from uh from someone regarding driving in america this is from james uh you're absolutely right about drivers in america on the whole we suck right um anyway he goes on to list how much all the different drivers blame

this state's bad, that state's bad. Oh, it's those people in this area that we're all good. They're terrible. The conclusion that they come to is, I think it's because since we have such bad public transport, the drivers and instructors

can't fail students that they otherwise would because there's really no other option due to decades of lobbying by car manufacturers oil companies highway designer maintenance is handled on a state the last mailbag somebody's mentioned something similar the same thing so i think it might well be severing a lifeline i don't i don't know whether this is this is true i i i don't feel like driving instructors are swayed well at least these testers certainly not here are swayed by sob stories like oh i'd not be able to get to work if you don't pass me they i think they'd

lose their job if they were just right but that's the point is that you can get the bus here you can get the bus or the train or something here in the states you can't are driving instructors really just like getting sucked into these sob stories i think they just try to create more work for themselves because it's so easy to drive over there there's nothing to really teach it's just like uh because they use automatic cars too right so it's just like all right put your foot on the pedal now drive straight for 800 miles okay i don't know if it's on an individual instructor basis where they get to call the shots so much as the state has just made passing so fucking easy man basically as long as you don't hit anybody you're good to go if you want to learn how to

drive i feel like they should have a system where they fly people over to jersey and just do like a one week intensive where you're just driving all day every day if you want to learn how to drive come over here and learn how to drive because it's fucking crazy over here driving. I know. It's fucking mental. Like, I think if you can drive here, you can fucking drive anywhere. Why is it so crazy? Because all of the roads were designed for, like, one farmer with a horse and a cart to take his goods to market once a year.

And then they just kind of paved them over and said, OK, now these are four lane roads. And everybody just sort of said, holy shit. So you got so you gotta like pull into fields to let people go by on it it's like a driver's education course where it is it's like a double roundabout then a triple roundabout then a single roundabout with weird exits and then there's like a dual lane merge thing and then suddenly you're in like the countryside and nothing's, there's like single lanes everywhere with like blind corners. Head rows, everything. Yeah. It's a, it's a whole, it's a whole, it's all of it in one small 15 minute drive.

When my parents come over to visit, my, my mom looks like she's going to rip the handle off of the, the front, uh, the front door, like the inner front door. She's like, she's clutching so tight. Cause she thinks that we're going to get in a head on collision. Like every time I pass somebody, but you have to like it is tight like there's you know we've lost like wing mirrors everything like it's just it's just the way it happens just the way the roads are over here you know just gotta well you get another email uh this is from already this is from becky hi becky okay so i when i was down in bristol i i can i can relate to this for a little

bit i'll discuss that in a moment i'd like to share my electric scooter story with you i used a voy in bristol voy is a brand of i believe is the only brand of electric scooter that is available for hire in bristol they have some exclusivity thing that's voi yeah i rode them while i was down last week all right i didn't like it and tried to park it in an empty designated parking spot, but the app told me I couldn't because it was full. I carried on to find another parking spot when the scooter unexpectedly slowed down. I pressed the accelerator again and the scooter shot off. I lost control and then ended up with a scooter crashing into my inner left leg,

just above the ankle. I had to hobble my way from the bear pit to A&E, trying to keep bits of subcutaneous tissue from falling out i did it with 12 stitches a horrendous infection and a now gnarly scar i've got pictures but it takes one hell of a strong stomach so didn't attach them fuck those electric scooters never again becky becky i feel like you had a bad experience no oh that's not average bad at riding electric scooters no no that's a typical experience the typical like like like they do slow down around the city center specific past pedestrian

little turtle pops up and says slow zone or whatever and you just go slower yeah the the fact that you can just jump on those things and not wear a helmet and stuff though is well they do tell you to i know they tell you to because they're covering themselves but they don't actually give a shit if you do or not because it's up to you but who's gonna be carrying around their hell yeah oh wow look impromptu scooter oh let me just get my helmet that i carry around everywhere with me on like you know what i mean it's it doesn't make much sense i agree they they are dangerous yeah obviously i mean i look at them and i think you know what i'm just gonna gamble here because i'm just so lazy yeah you're you're you're riding these things in a city you're unfamiliar with as well right which adds to the danger level i know this

bit i'd say uh pretty well the issue the issue i have with bristol in particular is it's very bubbly okay it's very bubbly you like cobblestones a lot of ups and downs a lot of hills a lot of quite tight turns it's not honestly the best place no no but what if you're not in bristol let's you're you're on vacation you're in tokyo or something you're like oh fuck i love scootering oh wow look scooters i'm just gonna go on one you don't know right you don't know that in stockholm you don't know the lay of the land right no i didn't no it's more dangerous is is the point yeah 100 but i'm saying it if you generally speak oh here's the other thing the voice scooters lock at 11 30 at night they say no and if it's after eight o'clock you have to take a sobriety test to ride it all right

oh you just gotta blow into a little tube no it's like a it pops up with a little reaction based mini game and you have to click on things in a certain time and if it's raining i think it says fuck off so it's quite finicky right but uh i mean the lime scooters just fucking let you on anywhere yeah yeah and get on uh and the parking zones were very specific in bristol which is quite quite a nuisance at times but yeah becky i'm sorry to hear you had a negative experience with the voice. Yeah, but I mean, it sucks. But honestly, like it's no surprise either. Like it's a wonder that it doesn't happen way more often

or maybe it's just you don't hear about it too much. But I think they are pretty dangerous, honestly. I've got another story if you guys want to hear it. This is... Yeah, keep going. This is from someone who wants to remain anonymous. Right. I am a student studying at the University of Birmingham.

Right. But they grew up in Portsmouth. My name is Steve and my postal code is... Don't tell you any of this stuff. They can confirm it is a shithole. Right. So, toilet-related story. I would like to say, we really have given the impression haven't we that the number one topic

for this podcast is toilets because i'll be honest with you about 25 of all the emails i get for the podcast mailbag are about toilets you can't beat a good toilet story though well we look the reality is is that that we are not scared to talk about you know embarrassing shit that's happened to us. True, true. And we're real pioneers and we're confronting this issue. Yeah. And making people feel comfortable with the embarrassing shit that's happened to them.

Yeah. Like this anonymous guy. They should not be. Who's about to tell us some embarrassing shit. They really should not feel good about this. This is on a lad's on a lad's holiday, the Magaluf. One of my friends was obsessed with shitting in one of the five liter water

bottles as it had a big rim. Stop you right there. What the fuck are you? I feel like these are the same guys that are all fucking standing around a hotel room with one girl in it. Like, yeah, same.

Yeah. One girl. No problem. Hey right benny what are you doing i'm doing my bottle shitting trick over here okay well it's my turn to go let's go i'm getting back to the room we realized this is after they've been out the empty bottles we had stashed for this experiment the maids had thrown away oh thank god yeah being the penultimate night of the holiday my friend opted to use a lip to nice tea bottle which is much smaller 10 minutes later he comes out of the toilet with a big poo flopped over the bottle he started chasing us around our tiny room until he slipped and dropped the poo over the balcony which landed on the balcony of the room below us we got kicked out of the hotel and lost

our deposit oh my god imagine being in the fucking room below these guys disgusting oh my lord what the fuck are they doing up there and then all of a sudden just a fucking turd on your balcony revolt well listen that guy clearly was uh had healthy gut bacteria holy shit yeah a nice solid snake yeah and yeah i mean that that shows good gut health you know and you know obviously he's eating enough fiber or not enough fiber or whatever it is you know the right amount of fiber yeah you don't even know just a nice tube in there yeah there The sub amount of fiber that's the right amount. Whatever is the correct amount. Well done. Good.

Had an email from someone called Caleb, who is a US Army medic. Right. And listens to the podcast whilst deployed. Right. And I want to say thank you for all the entertainment. There's a picture of a whole bunch of them about to get on a fucking helicopter in Afghanistan. Nice.

And he was one of the guys that assisted in the refugee uh rescue effort in 2021 from afghanistan thank you whilst listening to the triforce fucking podcast of all that's what they say in america thank you for your service so thank you for your service big up to caleb for his service on this uh that's the big up for the big up. Caleb gets the big up for his service. Yeah, thanking you for your service. Well, I'd like to give our next emailer a big up as well.

Hey, Perrion. Oh, hang on. I'm a window cleaner in Baltimore. Oh, shit. I dangle off buildings and clean some crazy buildings. Right.

Just wanted to say thanks for getting me through my work days with Triforce. If you ever want a tour of the most dangerous city in America, you should stop by on your American road trip. Shout to you eric all right thank you man you should start a tv show

called dangling where you just go and wash like extreme windows in all these dangerous cities you can go to like fucking honduras and stuff and just clean some windows there dang lost under fire season five of dangling so i was i was cleaning these windows in this hotel in magaluf i looked in and i saw 12 naked men chasing each other around with a poo flopping out of a nice tea bottle next thing you know poo lands on my head from the balcony above i got them kicked out. Got rid of their deposit. Well, that's the job, isn't it?

That's the job. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service as well. Holy shit. This is another good one. This is about Woodstock. It's from someone who was there. Woodstock 99 is what we're talking about here.

Oh, sweet. Somebody was there. Somebody was there. They signed off as G. G, okay. As a 16-year-old who'd stood next to bonfires, the trucks when they exploded, the ATMs when they were lifted and smashed on the ground,

when you are treated, and I'm not picking a side here. I'm reading this in the manner in which I believe it was written. Right. When you are treated like a walking wallet with zero respect, the reaction a lot of people had during this investment wasn't shocking no yeah i agree completely right some things they didn't fully include in the documentaries by the night of the first by the the first night some of the restrooms had shit mounded above the seat just piled up shit they had two trucks servicing hundreds of bathrooms the water fountains

showed a chunk of them didn't work if you were near one of the main stages you were hundreds of feet from the free water fountains so add a couple hundred more feet if you were front and center the prices sound like nothing these days but back then it was a real sticker shock i bought a couple hundred bucks it still does yeah four dollar four dollar water is like a lot like i bought a couple hundred bucks and almost ran out saturday morning just feeding me and my girlfriend had to start managing party favors which i was foreign to just to feed us till sunday night i don't know what that means managing party favors i have no idea i don't mean he's selling drugs or managing party favors which i was foreign to i don't know what that means yeah i don't know either.

Yeah. No. I no unnoticed all weekend at the age of 16 yeah even in the documentary you can tell they didn't give a shit all they were concerned with was covering themselves you know like they were they were doing fucking the the most ridiculous mental gymnastics around every goddamn thing that happened yeah to to to help them sleep better at night totally it was it's insane like i think anybody who knew anything about it could see that as well i think it just goes to credit like that i mean i wasn't crediting the organizers with with no no one dying i think you know i think they were they were trying to create this illusion that the the crowd was some sort of violent hooligans when

yeah you know obviously and obviously there were horrible but they were also trying to make it seem like it was um you know like you know a couple of assholes doing it which sure everywhere there's going to be a couple of assholes right like that's it's not you know it's not exclusive even right here woodstock 99 but it doesn't it it doesn't make sense That like You know That that's That's the line Against all of the shit That they pulled Right

Yeah I wonder how How much would it take For you to like Get riled up If the queue is longer Than 10 minutes It's a rile

Yeah like Especially Nowadays Yeah But I mean I've been to I've been to festivals before Like I've been to Reading I've been to v festival like i've been to big outdoor uh concerts and stuff and what year

did you go to v festival i went to the v festival in it must have been like 2005 2006 you know what we might have been there that same year it was the it was the year that uh the pixies were playing they did a reunion tour and they played the V Festival. So I didn't see them that year. The Strokes headlined as well. Okay, then no. We stuck around for that too. This was a different year.

Yeah. And then I think the year before that we went to Reading where... So that looks like 2004. Reading, 2000... Muse, the Strokes, Pixies. Yeah. And then I think I went to Reading and maybe it was 2003 where like blur had had come back and they were headlining but also uh one night you had metallica lincoln park blink

182 and a couple other bands i mean it was like it was a fairly busy weekend like i didn't even see every show but to be fair i didn't want to see every show i just went to see like i want to see like blur and the strokes i reckon i was there 2003 you were there 2004 so we just missed each other yeah no no but but even then like it's a i would have loved it if you'd gone through your pictures and found like one of you in the background like yeah that'd be hilarious yeah shitting in a bottle you know it's a big it's a big busy festival but i never felt unsafe at any point honestly like uh you know it seemed to be pretty well run but i don't know if i would have felt the same at woodstock 99 which felt like it was not very well run at all you know like compared to some of the other things like the last minute shit i also think you know if you think about if

you've been putting on a festival for years you've got all this expertise in the company about how to put it on what came up last time yeah because most of the time if you're putting on something that big yeah the problems if it's the first time you've done it i mean we haven't done woodstock in 30 years it's going to be completely different of course it was completely cack handed and they basically thought oh it'll be fine but not only that they skimped on a lot of stuff too a lot of stuff yeah yeah like even like the security they didn't have proper security detail they just hired a bunch of kids and said we'll give you 500 bucks to be security for the weekend right you know it's crazy like you know it's you know these festivals are run by big companies that just do that that is their job running this festival and they know it inside

out and all the people that work there have been doing it for years so they understand all the problems and how to get him get ahead of them and cut them off at the source and everything really and they know exactly how much of everything you're going to need yeah it's all expertise that's been built up not just a bunch of fucking guys who say we want to make some money let's do woodstock so you don't know what the fuck you're doing and they showed yeah well they had the they had the Woodstock in 94 as well didn't they they tried to do one in 94 and that was the one I don't you probably remember seeing the footage of Green Day back before Green Day were were super duper popular like they are now or whatever um but Green Day playing on a stage and like tons of clumps of mud being thrown at them and the lead singer puts like

a big clump in his mouth like it's it's a fairly famous uh clip but the whole thing was uh again just a mess like they didn't they didn't have proper anything yeah the the weather was terrible so there was just mud everywhere and people it was just like mud slides all over the place people were throwing clumps of mud at the stage they couldn't um they couldn't properly fence in the whole event so in the end they just had like a thousand percent more people than capacity because people were just breaking the fences down and walking in and stuff like it was a disaster it was it was amazing that they even tried to do another one after that it went so badly but then sure enough, five years later, they tried.

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casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly. All right, here's another email. This is from Winston. I recently started working as an apprentice electrician in Ottawa. And one of the contracts the company does is with the OCH, which is Ottawa Community Housing. These buildings, I was told and later saw,

are notorious for poopy hallways pissy balconies and needly equipment jesus christ can we my childhood all we were talking about i thought we'd fucking left would stop one morning we were sent out for a reason for a scheduled shutdown where we turn off all the power to the building and service repair the electrical equipment this tends to cause issues with the cracked up residence on its own but he's not the focus of today when we arrived there were a full half dozen cop cars in front of the building and upon further inquiry from the more friendly residents we found out the kool-aid man had thrown a tantrum and started throwing his shit as in like items because his cat had eaten his

pulled pork upon further inquiry we found out the Kool-Aid man was so named because the night before he got so drunk, he'd run through the wall into his neighbor's apartment. Nice. Just smashed through the wall. Sure. My co-workers tell me this is pretty standard for these buildings, and I've had many more tales to tell

from the depths of the Ottawa Community Housing Project. Were they in Vanier? Actually, you know what? Vanier used to be kind kind of rough i don't know if it still is but it was like known as like kind of a rougher part of town but may you know with gentrification and stuff maybe it's like maybe coming and become like a you know some bohemian paradise or whatever but um but but back in the day it was pretty rough i i wager that this experience took place in vanier but i could be wrong well we'll find out more details to follow good i can't wait uh here's an email this is a this is pretty much specifically to me i apologize hope all of you are well ti this year

is in singapore and i'm singaporean but i'm extremely pissed at the fact that ti allowed people to buy five tickets and then he repeats it. Five tickets! In caps with an exclamation mark. It's like they put out still water so that mosquitoes could come breed and cause havoc. The regular price tickets were 88 SGD. I guess it's Singaporean dollars for the playoffs. Singapore dollars, yeah, yeah. But Scalpers bought and it all sold out within seconds

and now it's going for 10 times the price. The finals tickets are now going for 1.8 thousand. Jeez. I hate it it will you be coming i really want to come to ti and tell you i had an extravagantly small penis now that may not happen you're a powerful person in ti do something sadly i cannot yeah and i am not he can't he can't he can't put in measures to combat the scalpers, unfortunately. I cannot. It's sadly beyond me. It's way above his pay grade. Well, this is a problem, right? Because there's a whole web.

When you see Reddit or whatever, they always say, what's the worst company in the world? And almost always someone says Ticketmaster. Blizzard, right? Ticketmaster, yeah. There's this whole mess where the stadiums have a deal with Ticketmaster, so they have to sell them through that. And then obviously Ticketmaster just don't care.

They just want to sell them. And so they do provide some sort of windows and stuff for people to buy them. But of course, all the scalpers are the kings of how this works. They know their way around it. They can just buy these and resell them for twice the price, three times the price so easily.

And once a couple of people are doing it, everyone's like, oh, I can get on the action and double my money here and before you know it everyone's you know scamming left right center obviously unless you have like proper registration where people register with their account or their passport or something in the first place you're going to end up with this stuff but obviously that that is dangerous for ticket master because they they just don't care they just want to sell they just want to get them out the door as fast as possible yeah yeah and then move on with the next project like they they and as a result it's a really shitty situation for people actually want to attend these events also i think the scalpers this is the biggest problem with with the whole

scalping thing is people buy the scalpers tickets yeah they want to get into the event there are gigs i'm like i've got to see this band i am gonna pay and it sucks and i know i'm perpetuating this whole system i'm sorry but everybody does it because i go to these gigs that are sold out everybody's buying tickets from the scalpers or they bought them online from scalpers because we keep doing it they keep being able to do it unless we all collectively stop doing it which is never going to happen no is you're going to think i've got to see them this is their final tour but what you're saying there is such a risk right because there's so many scams like 90 of the the people offering

tickets either don't have them or just trying to get your money off you you know it is so shady like even doing it right outside the gig i'm always like fucking this is a bit dodgy even though it's like usually gonna be okay yeah it's just it's it's too much of a risk right i'm always like fucking this is a bit dodgy even though it's like usually gonna be okay yeah it's just it's it's too much of a risk right i'm just scared of doing it um and it's shitty you know it doesn't need to be that way um you know it also just kind of creates like this different community of people who are actually there like the ones you've had to go through scalping and stuff maybe i don't know i don't know i to do. It's a tough one. It's a tough one. I don't know if it's...

So yeah, sorry to hear that, dude. Sorry. I was trying to get a ticket off UPflex, but you were like, I don't know if I can get you one because you don't even know if you're going. Right. I mean, I don't know.

And then I don't know if I get plus ones. As soon as I know, I will, of course, try to see if I can get any plus ones and all the rest of it. But if I end up going to Singapore and you see me walking about, come up and say hi, if you're a Triforceles fan and well you might not be able to at those prices and then factor in the price of gas in this economy no no pflax is saying he's got a

plus one so he can get you in how much how much you want for the well well i i mean i would charge a hefty markup for my plus one ticket 300 singapore dollars 10 10 grand 10 10 10k for one ticket holy crap 10 grand 20 grand 20 grand you know it's gone up a lot was it 80 80 80 singapore million dollars i don't know what that translates into in uh 50 pounds yeah so i'm charging i'll charge you 8 000 pounds for one ticket holy crap so it's like 10 000 singapore dollars i'm gonna say actually 20 000 singapore dollars i want to have a good time in Singapore. I want you to turn up with the money in cash in a suitcase and we'll do the transfer in a public place like a bus terminal.

Yeah. Actually, I do have some gold bars in Singapore. Perfect. Yeah, there you go. Do you actually- Not every day you meet somebody who can claim that. Wait, you have some gold bars stashed somewhere in Singapore. In Singapore, yeah.

When I set it up like 10 years ago, because I looked around at places that I could buy like bullion. There's a bullion place in Singapore called Bullion Star. Of course there is. You don't own anything in Singapore. When I went to the bank, they thought I was fucking James Bond or something, transferring money to Singapore.

I'd love to see the office of this place it's just like it's like the back of like the the tie nail place just a fucking phone on the floor that's it it's like a big showroom in there where they've got a whole thing because it's like one of these places where people you know yeah invest and put money and they've got like a vault and stuff in in the shop it's interesting are Are you thinking that we'll go to Singapore and we'll do the greatest Boolean heist in history? Well, no, I went to the Storks. No, he just wants to go admire his Boolean. Can I see my gold Boolean, please?

So yeah, that's the thing, actually. Yeah, I went there when I was in Singapore. But yeah, I still got it as far as I know. It wasn't very much, actually. It wasn't even a proper gold bar. It was like a share of a gold bar. It was like the size of a KitKat segment. Well, because a gold bar is like, what, 40, 50 grand? So what you can do is you can buy like a portion of it.

A corner. You can buy like, yeah, like a corner of a gold bar. Nice. Which is not the best way to do it. You should have sort of a more allocated storage. Where do you store all your bitcoins i thought it would be funny don't have any of those but they're so i haven't got any crypto any at all i never bought a single one right but you know it's only a matter of time but if i did if i did store it it would be on a external hard drive that i would lose of Of course. Like that guy that lost it in the tip

and spends his weekends scurrying around. He's still going. He's still going. Then it's safe, right? No one's going to find his Bitcoin. He's got that forever. It's gone. He's still scouring, though.

He's still at it. He's still looking. So here's one from Millie. After my first entry for the mailbag. No, sadly not. After my first entry for the mailbag was deemed too generic, I decided to write to you once again. I'm sorry if I called it generic, but-

Millie, sorry. It probably was Millie. There's something you need to know about us, Millie. We're only impressed by toilet stories, so. Although this is weird, and I'd not heard this before, and it makes me think that Millie might be wrong. And people will need to confirm. When I was 18, I moved, and it makes me think that Millie might be wrong. People will need to confirm. When I was 18, I moved out and started my first real job.

After a couple of weeks being there, I was walking through the warehouse, saw a woodlouse on the floor, and I exclaimed to my new colleagues, look at the size of that cheesy log, to which I received startled looks of confusion, and the question, what the fuck is a cheesy log? It was this day that I found out that these creatures were actually called woodlice i did some research it turns out that cheesy log is a term for wood lice that originates and is only used in redding oh fuck redding it's such a dump what are you doing cheesy log what is that what is that oh my god you're right a cheese log never at these names for wood lice and on the isle of man they call them a granny grunter what i know in in they're called like a billy baker in somerset

a boat builder in newfoundland what the hell newfoundland what is going on they're called charlie pigs in norfolk they're called cheesy bobs in gilford cheese there's nothing to do with there's nothing cheesy about they don't look cheesy at all they're called they're called chuggy pigs and crawly bakers and daddy gramphers and peasy bugs and penny sows and piggy wigs they just look like really small versions of the fucking bugs in act two of diablo 2 you know like in the tunnels and shit like i've always called them woodlice i i don't know i don't think there's any is there a dorset nickname for wood like hobby horse yeah never from the isle of purbeck oh okay yeah well that is it wood lice

or is it also button they're called in dorset is there what i always thought i didn't think it was maybe i'm wrong though i think the the plural is woodlice. The singular is woodlouse. Woodlouse. Do you reckon people have just edited this Wikipedia page with weird shit? Yeah, I think so. Probably, yeah. A load of rubbish.

It's just a joke now. It's mental. This is a crazy one. I love this. This is a crazy one, yeah. I like that. I like that, Millie. Thank you.

That was great. I'd like to hear those moments where everyone is like, what are you saying? You spotted a cheesy bob and nobody knew what you're talking about yeah well you're cheesy look don't be daft it's a billy bunter or whatever the fuck it was called it's a shipbuilder what do you mean so strange all right this is from uh i guess i'll keep the name anonymous they haven't asked for that but i i will i will do that yeah granny grunter this person's hey i thought i'd try my hand at offering my perspective on your chat about that sperm doctor i think that was the one where we discovered that the sperm doctor had been uh impregnating people with his

own sperm that's right that's right that's a while back holy crap yeah that was yeah as the child of two women who eventually met my biological father, I have to say that responding aggressively, even when disappointed in him, is bizarre to me, and I think my collection of half-siblings would all agree, though I know them to varying degrees. In the end, her biological father turned out to be kind of a creep, not just because he's a hunter, and I believe that this person is a vegetarian,

so shout-out to you, apparently. That's not our shout-out, that's their shout-out to you. Right. Likes to slip obscure patriarchal and white nationalist great replacement articles into my inbox so this guy became a sperm donor to put white sperm out there into the world right uh and that that's quite an interesting motivation for becoming a sperm donor yeah is to make sure the white sperm is quite quite ironic though that that the lesbian parents yeah quite beautiful i think yeah quite good that they were able to you never know what you're gonna get i guess it's like life is a box of chocolates life

is uh is a sperm bank you never know you never know what you're gonna what you're gonna get that's crazy yeah so uh but the point is uh not an original one they're going to say but in the end it is true that your dna should only matter to your doctor any investment in it other than as practical data is nothing more than crystal slinging mysticism i would be fine as the child of mr rogue fertility doctor to anyone who wouldn't be i would suggest seriously considering the dangers of placing so much emphasis on your heritage and the dark past that can lead society down i think that's interesting because yeah you shouldn't worry too much about where you came from it doesn't determine who you are no of course you wouldn't say well i have to be x because my family was so

yeah interesting yeah i can see both sides but i think the the southern american attitude is very filled with honor and this kind of i i don't know i just i just feel like possibly different cultures might respond to it differently and and southern americans do have an ever so slightly different culture to others around the world in that they in the way they respond to things is there too about this yeah i read about this yeah i think yeah i think you told us about it. Yeah, I did. It's really interesting. This is a cracker of an email.

This is from someone I'm going to call Jay. Okay. They have attached a picture of a massive fire in Washington. Okay. Right. I am a wildland firefighter in Washington. Right. We get sent out on two to three week dispatches

where we work 16 hour shifts a day on fires in the pacific northwest and beyond not only this is washington state so northwest yeah not only are fires a part of life here they are a massive industry an individual fire camp may well have over a thousand people at it imagine a music festival with no music there are contractors galore hand hand wash trailers, showers, truck drivers, caterers, pilots, copy shop suppliers, anything you can imagine. We pay schools, parks, and private owners

to use their property for camps. The cost for fighting a single fire often run into the hundreds of millions, even billions. If you are convicted of causing a fire, you are on the hook for the entire cost. Think of all the contractors and fire personnel who rely on these yearly disasters to make their money. The worse the

fires get, the bigger the industry grows. Not to mention the local towns who are hungry for the income a thousand person fire camp brings in. Not sure what the takeaway here is, but most people don't realize how much of an economic industry wildlife response is. If the fires went away, you'd have a lot of people out of a job.

The irony. And and triforce helps uh helps jay get through the 60 nowadays god bless good luck to you yeah thanks for your services well that's a that's an eye-opener i never even thought about it never and never thought that there would be an industry built around no kind of disaster but if you just think about it for a second of course there is yeah of course there's fuck yeah i see i see what he's saying in the you know you don't want people to start fires deliberately to fund that industry it's like oh you know crikey we're gonna fire this year where everyone's gonna be out of a job but at the same time i think with fires aren't gonna go anywhere with the with the climate change and the weather and stuff like this it's always a natural occurring thing in a lot of

cases too right like big wildfires like it's uh well one of the worst things i've read about this as well is that what you find is that a lot of these climate change um people are very much like oh you know i've got a forest i can sell you climate credits i won't cut down this forest and of course then it gets burned down in a wild fire anyway and then you know these these big corporations managed to whitewash their carbon footprint um it's all very it's very frustrating you know the idea that oh i like an owner of a forest a private owner i guess of land in america can you know sell these carbon credits and then yeah be off the hook you know on the idea that they would have cut them down otherwise yeah which is pretty problematic but that's a problem for another day happy a happy one to end wait no no i've got a really good one though i've got one really good

one i want to do this is really interesting better than this one we can finish this is yes this is really interesting this is from tim okay just tim tim this is going nice but dim right going back as far as yes episode 73 of the triforce podcast what happened in that one we have no idea but we obviously talked about jury duty because that's what this email is oh i was the foreman for a crown court case the jury foreman for a crown court case regarding a man who had allegedly forced himself on his nephew, who was a child. And a few things stand out for me

that I'm sure you'll find interesting, if not a little horrifying. Not about the details of the case, don't worry. Okay, good, good. Firstly, the jury is not allowed to know the legal definition of the crime that the person is accused of. Right.

Which seems completely fucking bonkers. What this means is I still have zero idea whether he was actually guilty of that crime specifically or instead of a different crime. Secondly, the judge told us that... Well, so you're only allowed to talk about the crime that they've been accused of and whether they're guilty of it. The jury is not allowed to do any kind of...

Speculation or anything. Well, maybe it was a different thing. Sometimes you just have to evaluate it on those specifics. and i think the jury has given as little information as possible so that it's up to the prosecution the defense to sway them which is essentially what a jury trial is all about is winning the jury yes we have google and also we have years of education you're not allowed to tap into any of those resources well you know the details of every you're in a hotel you're eating the buffet every morning, and you're deliberating.

That's why you've got a jury, though. One of the guys might well know what he says he knows. So hang on. Secondly, the judge told us we were not allowed, we were allowed to infer evidence, which I'm 99.999% sure isn't allowed. On top of that, the judge told us that if we declared guilt for one count, we had to declare guilt on all the rest too.

Where was this happening? They also mentioned an unrelated crime in Australia and then told us not to let that affect our decision making. Thirdly, we had an ex-police officer in our jury, so they definitely weren't impartial. For legal reasons, I can't talk about specifics and deliberation, but I can say that they

definitely were encouraging people to vote a specific way fourth where is this where is this this is the uk i think it might have been australia actually fourthly the best legal advice i can ever give you is shut your flabbing mouth if this man had been quiet throughout the trial he'd be a free man which leads me to my final point if your public public defender is hot garbage, you are done. At no point in this trial did the defendant's representation ever ask the witnesses if they had any hard evidence to prove that this man did it. A jury will decide your fate within five seconds of seeing you and spend the rest of the trial fighting that initial opinion.

It keeps me up sometimes because as soon as the words guilty left my mouth, I realized I played a crucial part in putting an innocent man in prison. There was no evidence to suggest he'd done it no eyewitnesses no smoking gun just an alleged victim with an obvious grudge over a failed business proposition for your own sake actively discourage anyone from ever doing jury duty it's a shambles it's unjust and it makes the trial a matter of showmanship good heavens tim yeah i think there's so much to unpack there i wanted to put that in there because i think a lot of people email in about whatever the last thing we spoke about was if you have had jury duty experience if you are a lawyer or ambassador or judge or something email in we

would love to hear some more details about this personally i'm fascinated that's crazy yeah i am also fascinated by it but it's also something i never want to do in my whole life i haven't had to do it yet so there's a good chance i make it through without having to do it i can i can completely understand his sentiment of the brain fog of being in a new place with weird people telling you what to do being very authoritative you being scared there being criminals and policemen around you know and all this weird formality and all the wigs and your honors and all strange wooden paneled rooms and strange smells and being shut away and being commanded to do all these things it must be very

disorientating and then having to make like rational decisions you know the accused is doing that like uh neck slicing motion from the from the dock as well like you know if you talk you're dead and stuff like yeah like all of this stuff like you could see it could be very hard to make a make a sense like a rational sensible decision and after you've done it regret it immediately and think what was i forced to do you know what what was i to party to and and don't feel bad like i guess this is just uh dated it's the way it works it's over it's i think it's uh it's a bit of both worlds, isn't it? We've been spoiled by these murder shows where everyone confesses or they have CSI and they have genetic evidence linking all the people to the crime.

And, you know, in reality, you know, we don't get that. And we've been having to make these decisions. courts have been frustrated by this and certainly the police services where they almost know someone did it but they have no evidence and they have to you know rely on getting them in the jury and convincing you know i think they did it if you um there's a there's a guy called the secret barrister he's on twitter he has a book and everything i have definitely spoken about him before his book is really interesting there's currently a strike on in this country um amongst the sort of public defenders i guess you'd call them in in the states but over here it's like you know the sort of uh the council that you're given the the the cuts that have been made to the legal system

in this country are unbelievable the people in charge of solving it at the top obviously politicians and all those are completely clueless about how the system works i don't even know what a surprise yeah if they have any idea how it functions because the conclusions and suggestions they come up with are all appallingly misguided and they obviously don't understand the system at all no um how little these people are paid to do the job how much work is expected of them it's basically like the nhs but for the law. So they're overworked, understaffed, underpaid. All of that stuff may well be the way it works in the UK.

I think we, I have more understanding of the American legal system than the one we've got here. Yeah, for sure. There's all kinds of weird details about it. Anyway, we would love more emails about that. That was really interesting.

That is fascinating. All right. Well, thank you, everyone. It's great to do a mailbag. These are better episodes now, Rick. Yeah, can I just say as well, this episode is particularly blessed because Terry flipped over. It's kind of like, you know, when they watch that dog to see if it farts five times before the World Cup to see if England's going to win or not or whatever. Well, Terry flipped onto his back.

So that means that this has been the best episode we've ever done. Boom. So there you go. Fantastic news. All right. Take it easy, everyone. done. Boom. So there you go. Fantastic news. All right. Take it easy. Peace. Bye.

Bye. Bye.