Triforce! - We're your BEST friends | Triforce #349

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

Triforce! Episode 349! Your only real friend Pyrion talks about Parasocial Relationships, Lewis continues to explore extremely cursed and haunted home and Sips has been hate-watching "Handcuffed: Last Pair Standing". Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Hello, everyone. And welcome back to the Triforce podcast. God, that's good. I'm here in my spare room. Nice. I'm the microphone is balanced of a box.

Very nice. This is just how you're going to have to put up with my audio quality for a while until I get a room that is actually a desk. You should just do what I do. surround yourself with piles of junk that nobody wants or needs anymore. And let that be your audio insulation. You don't need to worry about any reverb if you've got mountains of crap all around you all the time. But doctor, I am the pile of junk.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Come on. Thanks, Doc. I think I would not be a great doctor technically, but my bedside man. I think would be excellent. Really? Very, I feel like I'm a very reassuring person, you know. It's true.

You're a very calming influence. I could be very calm and I could be very reassuring if I really try my best. You know Conan O'Brien, right? Yeah. So he went on, no, of course. He went on hot ones. It was a really legendary episode. He basically ate everything and was pouring sauce into his face and everything.

He had a guy that was meant to be like his doctor. It was just one of his writers. And he said something really funny when he was still, character as a doctor. They got him on their podcast. And he said he's a great first opinion, Doc. If you want a first opinion, you go to him. That was really good. Yeah. I think I could be as well. That could be a that could be a like a USP, right? You'd be like. I'm a in terms of first opinions, best, the best. Yeah, I can't be beat. You will want to get a second. You will, you will need a second and third opinion. But I feel like with Docs is there.

told between, well, in my experience, telling you what they feel you need to hear. Like, how about how serious this thing is? Like, are you really ought to stop smoking or you really ought to, whatever it is, right? They're very forthright. They need to, like, let you know how to be healthier. A little bit like when you go to the dentist, they always tell you that you should be flossing or whatever, but in a gentle way. Because they know it's not really their place.

They want you to come back. At least my dentist does. But with the doctor, I think they always. also, they don't want to upset you needlessly, because that can cause a lot of anguish and mental stress and mental stress and make you worse. They don't want to tell you exactly what's wrong with you. They're quite protective of what they've learned about you, right? Yes. Because they don't want you to get the wrong idea or anything like this, right? So it's kind of this cagey behavior, I find. Yeah, well, they say they don't really, you can't really look at their notes.

And oftentimes, even if you can look at their notes, they're like gibberish. Like, you can't make heads or tails. of it because they don't want you to know the sequences that they've gone through, the things that they've tested first to see and stuff like that. Because then you could come back and you could be like, I can do this. I can check for all these things. Like I could do this.

They don't want it. It's like a forbidden recipe. You know, they don't want. They're busy. They don't want to have to get drawn into a long discussion about how they've arrived at their conclusions. They just want you to believe their conclusions and take action based on that. Yeah. But in this day and

age is crazy though because you go to the doctors and you're like oh you know a lot of people just think they know everything because they google it or whatever but like you know obviously that's not always right and then you say like but what about this and they're like here let me just google that like they're sitting there right in front of you googling stuff and you're like well okay I get it like I know you need like the training and stuff as well but like uh like yeah if your fallback is just I'm going to google that well you know but maybe there maybe there should be like more to it or Or maybe they should make more of an effort to not just Google stuff in front of you if they really want people to like, you know, fully respect them.

I think people have lost a lot of respect for doctors in the modern, modern day, you know? I think unfairly they have. Yeah, unfairly. Yeah, I agree. I agree, yeah. Like, especially because you've now got these medical influences that are supposedly giving you all of the truth that they don't want you to know about, about vaccines and shit. Even get me started.

Like, I think Andrew Wakefield went and opened a fucking Pandora's box of dog shit with his stupid, discredited thing about vaccines and autism. And bingo bingo, a few years later, we've got measles outbreaks and kids aren't getting vaccinated and large swathes of the country of just rejecting vaccines because of some bullshit that some guy made up. It's incredible. You know what? When is someone going to make up some bullshit that's really beneficial to everyone, even if it's not true? How about that? Yeah. Yeah, make up something that would, like, lock up.

up a bunch of the billionaires for like sex scandals on an island or something like that. Are you saying that that was invented, Sips? Well, no, but I mean, like, that's the kind of thing that you're talking about, right? Like, I don't, I don't say, I'm not saying that's invented, but like, they should invent more stuff like that. My favorite TikTok influence was telling me about Q&R and how all the rich people of Peter Files ages ago, do you know what? Yeah. They were like, I don't know, I'm making it up.

The whole Citiate thing turns out, actually, it's, it is, it is, it is, it is, it, it is, it, it is, It is a dog of A great ring of paedophiles but they're not actually based in a pizza hut or whatever they're based in fucking the White House. And the idea that they were,

it's all Democrats was like, okay, what if it's just fucking all these rich influential people? It's crazy. It's just, it's team sports politics,

isn't it? It's just like, it's really, really shit. It's crazy. Like the, the gymnastics that you have to do mentally

to then defend this stuff that you were so against five minutes ago. But when it turns out that it's your guy doing it, it's all of a sudden it's like, oh, well, there's a million reasons why it's okay now. But yeah, I guess that's, I guess that's a lot down to like influencing and stuff too, isn't it? Yes. Yes. It's a dangerous game. I think people don't trust anyone. It's not the most dangerous game, Lewis. No, it isn't the most. The most dangerous game is hunting man. Oh, right. Yeah, no, you're right. It's a parish social problem.

It's people trust these people they've seen on TikTok. because there's this thing now where, like, I read that people of our generation are much more likely to do a big payment on our... When you say our generation, I'm not in your guys' generation. Millennials. Yeah, I'm not a millennial, so just barely. You're a Gen Xer, aren't you, Flax? I'm a pure X. Well, you're more likely to make big payments in person.

How much is it? God damn it. Let me get my wallet out. Oh, Christ. Let me get my checkbook out again. Let me get the checkbook out. Honey, get the abacus. We're going to need to do some adding up there.

Three, four, five, seven, 83. I don't know how this goddamn thing works. How much is one pound 15? Yeah, God change for a million. One pound 15 for a house. My God, all right. There's your one pound 15.

Yeah. Yeah, that's my generation. Yeah, take my soul when you're at it. It's, but the young. younger generation are much more comfortable making big payments on their phones. And so I think it is something you're familiar with, right? I think those people who are on TikTok and see this same influencer every day, they learn to trust it and they say it in such a way that is convincing.

You know, they say what you want to say what you want to hear. If you're ill, you're looking for something easy that you like. Oh, I'm eating chocolate makes me healthy again. Okay. That's something great. I believe that. R&K's entire career is basically just saying, well, you should eat more meat and chocolate.

That's the thing. I was like, great. This guy's great. Yeah, he should be healthy. What's the science on that? A very interesting study that I did. I ate a lot of meat and chocolate. I felt like a million bucks.

But as course you did, fucking idiot. What about long term? You look like a prune. Oh, shit. You mentioned parasit. social relationships. I went to York last week. Oh, yeah.

How was it? Yeah, yeah. It was great. It was great. Loads of TriForce fans. They love you guys. They give you their best. Thank you.

They were very, very sweet about you guys and the podcast. Oh, before I forget, there was a Triforce fan had invited us to their wedding. Yes. I saw that. I got the same invitation. Well, you guys got invited. I didn't get invited. You guys got invited.

I think it's a thing where people send wedding invitations to loads of people and and I don't think they intend for us to go but if you do, thank you very much, but we probably won't. Do they intend to receive a reply, though? Because there was a little like thing in there that said, will I be attending yes or no? Have you sent that back? Well, it's in Aberdeen, Sips.

I mean, we're going to say unlikely. But the wedding reception is, shall we, I don't know if we say their names. No, no, don't fucking say any names. No, you can't say names. Basically, they're, they put their, well, whatever. We said, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the marriage of a name, but in the middle of the name,

they've put first name, tiny penis, second name, and first name, gaping vagina, second name. Yes. In this beautiful, ornately done wedding invitation

sent to me and Sips, I hope, I hope that maybe I do not hope that all these didn't go out to the rest of their extended family in a great aunt had a heart attack. Oh my goodness. They'll never get along.

a tiny penis and a gaping vagina shall never meet oh, it is the end of days No, there is no pleasure in there oh yeah that's good Look there's no pleasure to have there that is a

You've got Forbidden Colbo The famous Maclugan gaping vagina that you all have And you've found one of those tiny penis havers From Aberdeen

It's a disaster We wish you all the best Thank you so much for... Yeah, good luck we did a wedding. We're not... I can't go off. For privacy reasons, but I think God bless you. They know it's the only people that have ever done this, so it's them.

It's so funny. Yeah. The students were lovely. One of the questions that I was asked was about parasycial relationships. Right. And the fact that when I'm talking to people, and they've been listening to the podcast for what is 10 years, they feel like they know me and know enough about me that they could talk about things I'd done and remind me of things I'd said.

And yet, I don't know anything about them at all. And the question was, what effect do you think parasycial relationships would have on the human brain? What do you think it does to people to know, quote, unquote, know someone as well as you do after listening to a podcast for 10 years, but they don't know you at all? I don't know what it does to the brain. I think it's like, it's a new thing if you like, because we've never had this sort of, you know, like this influencer culture.

Right. It's new. It's a new thing. But people have always been like obsessed with people that they don't know. You know, like old like Hollywood musicians and stuff like that. There's always been like a bit of this around, right? It's just more pronounced now. But I don't know. It's it seems like it's like a type of person that would do this. Like I don't think I would personally.

ever do that, you know? I wouldn't, I wouldn't follow somebody enough to, to, to be interested enough to, to want to really knows them or anything, you know? Again, I think you, we have seen this before, certainly with things like radio, you know, if you listen to a radio show, you know, I listened to Chris Miles every day for like 10 years. It felt like when I was a kid, you know, whatever, the breakfast show would go to school and stuff. I listened to a lot of these radio people that I felt like I had a parissocial relationship with in a sense, because I know, I felt like I knew so much about them because they were putting so much of themselves out there all the time that it felt like I was their confidant or whatever, or I was their friend.

And that's part of why we enjoy watching reality TV and all these other things, because we get a little glimpse into these people's lives, but also we start to become, feel like we're their friend, you know, in a way. A friend? A friend. A friend. A friend. Friend to know things about people that they don't tell.

other people. And so it is this, we, it is a strange idea, but I think it's always been there in some way like Sips said. I think Sips, your thing of people are being obsessed with strangers or celebrities, that fascination comes from a slightly different place, I think, because it comes from more of a, I want to know, I would like to know what it would be like to be this person that I admire and have this lifestyle that I don't know anything about. And so it must be what's glamorous, vibe. I mean, there's so much of that now with everyone, you know, with Instagram, everyone's got a glamorous life that you've got to be jealous of, right? And it's very hard to deal with. What was your response, P-Flex? Well, I said it is weird, but I was, I'm trying to think

back to exactly what I said. We did talk about it in the pub afterwards as well, a few of us. I feel like, like SIP said, there have always been people that have been obsessed with people they don't know. Not that a parasocial relationship is the same as being one of those obsessive stalkers. That's a very different thing that existed there and it still exists. I'm just saying that is different. Again, I think it's something which people don't even realize they have. That's the thing. And they're not doing it on purpose and they can't control it.

They do have people who listen to this podcast and have listened to all of it, do have a parissocial relationship with us in a sense because that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just an inevitability. Right. It just just happened. So I think that's the question. Of course. So someone that's like such a massive Elvis fan, like do you remember in the Alan Partridge when he goes to that guy's house

and it's all Alan Partridge merch all over the walls and he's got Alan Partridge tattoo on his chest and Alan Partridge is terrified. That kind of, oh, I'm your biggest fan, Alan, like that guy. That's always been a thing. Pre-internet people that were obsessed with Elvis or whatever celebrity and weird kind of stalkers and people that were obsessed.

That's like when parasycial stuff meets someone who already has mental problems. And I think that is always going to be the case. The internet hasn't made it worse or made it better. It's just those same number of people are out. there and some of them get obsessed with stuff that happens on the internet. It happens. Like Lewis says, the parasycial aspect is you might not even realize it's happening.

It's not a conscious thing. You've quote, know someone because you've heard so much about their life over 10 years, but you don't know them because they don't know you. You just know of them. I think one of the differences is that if you're a famous singer, those people are very careful about what they release to the public, podcasts by their nature, and this kind of modern influencer stuff is so much more personal and casual that a lot more about who you are leaks out than would do under traditional controls sort of situation like even today

I had an electrician just come around and I sort of said oh sorry I've got a work meeting to go to so I have to stop talking to you yeah and then my partner turned to me and said oh aren't you recording the podcast and I was like oh my god I immediately like died inside yeah I Just help me lie. Please. Help me lie. But it's, it's, it's, I, everyone tells little untruths to them, to make them, to make things smoother with social interactions.

Because I didn't want to then have to try and, you know, I don't, I don't necessarily want people to know that I have a podcast, um, or whatever. It's embarrassing. As soon as I find that out about someone, I'm going to listen to it, I'm going to go and find the. Oh, not me. I don't, I don't. I won't go listen to it.

I will judge you, though. If somebody says, I've got a podcast, you're in, like, you're on, like, the blacklist for me. I'm just like, I think differently of you when I hear this. You don't like people that have podcasts. It's not that I don't like them. I just don't, I don't trust them. You know?

I wouldn't touch you with a 10-foot pole. Got a podcast? Yeah. This podcast is brought to you by, uh, what will be? 10 foot poles. 10 foot poles. Meat and and what's

Chargoy and RLK Jr. Oh man. Your impression of him is absolutely I'm not heard of before. You're very good at impressions full stop I'd say but like that that is especially a good one. You guys are too kind.

His voice is so much crazier than you could conceive of that when you actually listen to him talk you realize that's the Like, the way I do it is the impression you have, but his voice is much worse than that. Like, it almost sounds like an impression of him. It's that weird. It's weird because he can't help it, but he's, he's a fucking lunatic, so I don't mind making it front of it.

And it's, it's weird because you think you'd hear far more from him because he's so crazy. You know what I mean? Like, you'd think that there'd be, like, more stuff said about it. But there, there isn't much. Every once in a while, something comes up. But it's not as, as consistent as I thought it was going to be. He first said that he was going to take up that position. I was like, here we go.

Like, every day there's going to be something. I mean, he posted that picture of him and Kid Rock on an exercise by Kid Saw. That was utterly bizarre. Just so weird. Oh, my God. Come on. Kid. Kid, God, God.

Come over to that house and sit on a sauna and work out. Sure, man. I got nothing. I don't know what he sounds. like, just hanging out with your bro in the order. I'm going to take my top off, kid. Is that all right? Yeah, man, I'm going to take my top off too. Oh, kid.

He calls him kid. He goes to kid. I don't know my pants are chafing on the sex as much. Mind if I take them off as well? He whatever walks your socks off, man. What's fucking girl? He sounds like fucking that guy from The Simpsons. What's it?

Jimbo, Jimbo Jones. Whatever, dude. Oh, now my pants are chafing. Yeah, that's right. Oh, man, that's so funny. Can I interest you in some meat and some chocolate? You sound like an old, donnery old shaky man when you do it.

It's so funny. Oh, fuck it. Oh, holy crap. Dying. Oh, God. So, no, I'm just, I'm loving their life. I said last couple of weeks ago that I feel like some sort of now. And I saw a bunch of comments that were like sort of as if I'm trying to steal your

valour. Yeah, that's kind of still like. Yeah, I guess. Let's not, let's not put that. I understand. I'm not trying to put that out there at all. I just, I'm getting a glimpse into the world that you guys have, have had to experience. I've basically been, because you got a house? I've been a teenager for years and years, you know, with no real responsibilities. And I can just everything, I think, I think everything where I lived was, was, was, was, done, right? Everything, I didn't have to buy furniture or... Yeah, you've had a easy.

Yeah. You've had a easy. Every day something is going wrong. You've been very privileged. Something is blocked or something is fallen off or, you know, it does get better. It's just home ownership, honestly. It does get better. Once you fix everything, then there'll be a long period of like you're not having to really do much and then stuff will start falling apart again.

I finally braved going into the loft and good God. Finally braved. What were you doing? He was doing that thing like in movies where he could hear noises from up there. And it was like dark at night and he thought it was too scary to go into. Well, okay. First of all, a lot of the light bulbs were broken around the house. So I was changing light bulbs.

And every time I would change a light bulb, there would be a different horrible prize for doing it. Right? Something would fall out of the fitting. It was either like a load of dead and half wasps in a wasps nest came out all over me. And then I sort of learned to like not be underneath the light fixtures when I was changing the bulbs. And it was just a random, different coloured goo and junk and crap. Grew! Like brown stuff. Like I know, not good.

Wood, woodlights. Like a hundred woodlights came out of one thing. All alive as well. I'm like, what is there? What are they doing? So I was like, it's time to go in a lot. Do you do another there? You got to wonder.

It took me like, I'd say, it took me like half an hour to get into the loft for a start. You know, I've got a step ladder, but like the hatch was like, like, I had to find a tool to like pry open the fucking loft. Was it moist up there? Yeah. Not really quite, it's quite warm. Quite warm up there. More than I thought. Don't like the sound of that.

Sounds like all the heat of your house is getting trapped up there. Might need to convert it. Open it up. Oh, get a dome. Get a dome roof on like you did for six months. You don't want to have any moisture in the house, Lulu. Like, that's lesson number one. There are the things you don't want in your house.

I don't want. Moisture is like right up there. Yeah, don't get any moisture. You got, what I want you to do. I want you to look inside the house. If there's a wall that feels very slightly damp, it won't be like make your hand wet, but it feels like a cold, slightly damp stone.

Yeah. That could mean you've got a crack in the wall that's letting moisture in. The wall feels like a little bit rubbery. That's a problem if you've got rubber walls. If anything's on fire, put that out right away. Oh, yeah. Is there a right away? TikTok influence, or I can get to reassure me that it's not a problem.

Probably. Someone just living in a fucking pile of ash. I just want someone to tell me not to worry about it, really. Yeah. Sips. Sips tips. Sips tips. Sips, home tips.

If your house is just a pile of rubble, a job done. You don't need to worry about it anymore. Rubble doesn't move much. My God. So I went up there and popped my, piqued my head through the loft hatch, and there was the biggest spider I think I've ever seen about an inch away from my face. It was like a hand. It was the size of my hand with fingers extended.

It was huge. It's like a house spider, but I guess it's been in there for 20 years, and it's grown to the size of its pots, whatever. I don't know how these things were. Or you might have some kind of an occult. like a stone of some kind seeping an evil dark energy that causes all insects to grow larger

and turn evil. I don't want to spookier but that does happen in older houses. That was the plot to the movie Araknophobia if you remember. So anyway, I've got like one of litter picker grabbers. I got used that to like grab up all of the crap that was in there and drop it down the hole,

the loft hole onto the floor below. So my partner's like comes into the room there's just crap flying out of the loft, you know, like old, just old shit. Longs of shit. Some old broken hornby train set. There's like old carpet, old. You might have found some treasures up there. You can go on Antiques Roadshow.

Yeah. Like, it was honestly nothing of any value. Like a random piece of wood in the shape of a shark, like painted green and brown. Do you know what? No sense. I would like you to take that spider in a small box to the Antiques Roadshow. Yeah. Right. What have we got here?

Well, I was poking around in my attic and I found this. Just open the box. Wee! Just jumps on a dude's face. What do you think it's worth? Oh, man. That's terrible. That would be so good.

That's such a good idea. Because sometimes people will bring a lot of crap into that show. And I imagine they get a lot of stuff that isn't worth anything. But also, stuff doesn't even have to be that old to be an antique. Doesn't a classic car have to be 25? years old. That's like, I think about a 25-year-old car. I wouldn't say that.

That's like a 2001 Ford Fiesta. Exactly. That's a classic car. That's not a classic car. Well, exactly. It is to collectors of Ford Fiestas. How many collectors, car collectors are going to go around and they're going to have a 2001 Ford Fiesta?

Well, maybe not as if a thousand one for Fiesta. But consider that, I mean, the main thing, it's called classic, because you don't have to pay road tax on it anymore, right? Isn't that the thing with classic cars? Can you imagine, though? You're at like a country house and you're bringing, there's the Antiques Road Show is like doing stuff. And it's like, oh, this is an original wee with a wee fit.

And it's got two Wii moats. These used to be used to dance around in your living room. And, you know, get fit. People would lose all the pounds before a Zempic. You know, it was very like, that's the world we live in, though. What's the other one? A Zempick and Manjaro. Manjaro.

I've been injecting myself with Monjaro. It sounds so posh, doesn't it? So I got the Hoover up there. I hoovered it around. I got my grab a stick. I got rid of all the cobwebs.

There was like, there's a lot of loose cables. Right. A lot of things that don't. There's a lot of cables that I think were just, they don't end in anything, but they also do go somewhere. So I can't get rid of them.

I guess I can clip them off. But, okay, there's a lot of wiring. There's TV aerials. There's phone lines. There's burglar alarm wiring. There's sort of weird sound system wiring. There's the doorbell wiring because the doorbell like goes up to a phone at the top of the house. So you can like, it's got one of these old fuzzy doorbells.

I think obviously it was the height of high tech back in 1890. But now it just means that there's all this redundant wiring. I mean, I guess I have the internet coming in via the phone line. But other than that, you got the internet coming in via the phone line. coming in by the phone line. Well, I don't have, I have a fiber connection. I have like a phone line, broadband. Jesus.

I have a cable cabinet. What's this. Christ. I can't believe we're making a podcast with this person. Well, they're due to bring in fiber to the area at some point in the few years. That's made me feel sick. I feel like I'm going to puke me.

I'm just saying, none of this, none of this stuff I need. And yet it is, it was, it was, it was, you needed everything, all of it, many years ago in order to function. You know, you needed to have your phone in your bedroom, you know, or else how would you ring your banker? How would you get on those sex lines whilst you're all comfy tucked in bed? You know, the high of luxury. Did you ever call one of those when you were younger?

A sex line. I called the Nintendo hotline a few times. It's a hot line. I've never phoned a sex line before. I'll be honest with you. I like, what do you do? I did it for a lot. They just talked dirty to you the whole time.

They're like, oh, I'm touching my Johnson right now. And do you have to like say back? Well, I didn't call a one about men. I called one where women was saying. No, so it's just as an example. Like, is that the kind of, is it just like you just talk dirty the whole time? It was a recording. It was a recording.

I mean, I think the live ones, you can get those probably provides a bit of a public service, really, because there are some dudes out there that just like to call women up and just breathe down the phone line, right? but not as big a thing anymore in the era of mobile phones and caller ID and stuff. I reckon though, like some people, that's how they still, they can't get off any other way. Yeah, but maybe they say to the sex worker on the other end of the phone line, look, could you just like pretend that I've called you and I'm kind of making you anxious? And they're probably like five pound a minute, sure, whatever. Exactly. Yeah.

I only take a couple of minutes, to be honest. Yeah. But I've read accounts of what it's like to work in those places. And it's all like a bunch of middle-aged women and are smoking a chain smoking and drinking coffee and just saying, oh yeah, love, put it in me. Oh, yeah, that's the biggest job I've ever seen. Yeah, absolutely. I'm cup in your balls now. Cup and them balls.

God, this is really turning me on, actually. What's a number that I can phone to get more of this? Dump your hot spunk right in the fucking chin. Oh, man. Right on the chin. It's really doing it. Oh, you've given me a spunky beard now. Thank you, Pet.

Oh, my God. If you want to continue the call, you've got to insert another 15 pounds. Yeah, that way. JFK Jr. can afford it. Yeah, but yeah, it's weird. You know, it's just a recording of, oh, you're so... It's so big. It's like, geez, this is lame.

You know, there's no personal touch. Yeah, thanks. I already knew that. Got anything else? Got any other compliments? Hey, tell me something I don't. What else have you got? You're a fine looking fella with a great car.

Thank you. Yeah, 2001. Ford Fiesta. Mrs. F told me the other day she was actually quite embarrassed about our car. Okay. I don't care about things like cars and that kind of thing. I'm not like out there polishing it up and washing it at the weekend and stuff. It's just to me, it's literally an A to B thing.

Yes. Never bought a new car. Phil, that's a complete waste of money. Just get a nice secondhand car that will do the job. Yeah. Job dumb. Yeah. However, we don't drive much and it just kind of sits there.

And because I don't clean it every weekend, because I don't take it to the car wash, it's a little bit dusty and a little bit mucky occasionally. It rains enough that it generally cleans it off. But it does have some moss growing on it. Yeah. And she did also find a plant growing up, right through the middle of the weather, you know, beneath the windshield and between the bottom of the windshield,

there's like a little grill, like a ventilation grill. A plant was growing up out of there. So she obviously had to deal with that before she could drive the car the other day. And she was embarrassed to think that there was a plant growing out of my car. Now, I'm the opposite. I think it would be great to have like a little farmstead going on top of the house. Oh, 100%. I want animals.

I remember that in the wing mirror behind the glass, in the plastic body of the wing mirror, we always have spiders living in there. You get to spider season in late summer. Our car is covered in web, and I'll go for a drive, and there'll be a spider chilling in there. I love it.

I'm like, I don't mind. I want nature to come with me. Your thoughts? Should I tidy up my car? Okay, no. My thoughts are twofold. One, isn't it strange how, on the one hand,

when we have something new and we want to do something up, we become obsessed with it for a brief period of time where, you know, we have to keep it perfect or, like, doing up a room, everything has to, you know, super anal, every single dot has to be filled. And then as soon as it's sort of that, at some point, that fades, and then you don't notice all of the, all the massive problems. Like, on the one hand, like some of these, you know, there's huge gaping holes, like,

in the walls and stuff like, you know, you just sort of live with it. You just put up with it. So on the one hand, we are both incredibly careful. and anal about something. But on this other hand, another part of our life is just a complete shit hole and a mess. And we just accept it.

We don't even ever think. You don't see it. It's like out of sight, out of mind, right? Yeah. Except it's like they're in plain sight. It's like my classic thing at home with my dad was always that something would go wrong

and he'd fix it with some like heart, you know, there'd be a live wire sticking out of war. And so he'd just sell a tape half a tennis ball on it and say don't touch, you know. And that would stay there for years because it was like, we don't need to, who cares? It's fine.

No one, it doesn't matter. No one's, it's not a big deal. But then, of course, when you have a visit around and they see it, they're like, what the fuck is this? But you think it reflects badly on you. But sometimes you don't even notice. I also don't know if it's a good idea for you to drive around an entire farmstead, beeflacks with a load of extra soil and weight.

Yes, I would love it. You want to have like a moving garden. You want to have a moving garden? Like the dumb and dumber van. It's like a garden themed instead of a dog. Exactly. I don't think it's very green. In what way is it not very green?

Well, because you're technically using loads more fuel to move it. I don't use my car much, though. I don't move it. So it's just, it's like a semi-mo. I mean, the most I drive really regularly is when I come down to Bristol. That's only a few times a year. Yeah. You don't like day-to-day.

You don't need to drive much? Hardly ever. Wow. Hardly ever. You get all your groceries delivered to your house? Yeah, get them delivered. And also, it's only a mile walk really to a supermarket. Yeah.

I guess you live like in the city. So it's like. Yeah. So it's not like we know about it. Very convenient. Yeah. There's all little shops around. We can stroll to and everything.

So having the dog as well, sometimes, you know, we'll take the dog for a walk and we'll go pick up the things we need for dinner and you make a nice little combined trip. Yes. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. I'm a big fan of, uh, of that too. I like doing the, uh, shopping on the day for the day sort of thing.

Like in the morning we'll drop our kids off at school and then we'll just go grab a coffee and then go shop for what we need like for lunch and dinner and stuff. Yeah. It's nice. We don't waste any food now because we do that. Well, I mean, we've always done that to some extent, but we're in like a much better routine with it now sort of thing where we're just buying and using up what we buy like that day.

And then there's a couple of things that you obviously need to have that'll like, you know, see you through like longer sort of thing. But we just pick those up as and when as well. But it's been so long since I've last done like a, you know, like a big like a shop for a week or a shop for like two weeks or something like that. Because I find we just end up wasting so much stuff. It's a lot of waste. And I also feel like if I plan like we do buy, we do the weekly shop and me and Mrs.

F will plan out some things that we want to cook. Yeah. And she'll go through the New York Times recipes. I love their recipes. They're really good. And she'll add things that she would like me to cook. And it's a lot of new things. Like I'll try and cook something, a couple of new things every week. So, for example, last night I did something called a white bean shakshuka. Nice. Which is white beans, tomatoes, a little bit of chili and heat in there and stuff, some marinaris sauce or tomato sauce. And then you cook eggs in it. So you sort of make a little divot in the beans and then the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the stew, if you like, and you'd crack eggs in there, and then you'd cover it. And when you uncover,

you got these lovely cooked eggs. So it's really, really nice. Nice. I did that. That is nice because I like to have some meals ready to go. But then sometimes on the day, you're like, do you know what? Let's have a fucking barbecue,

especially in the summer. Let's go get the stuff we need for that. And what are we fancy today? And it just, I don't know, it feels a bit more personal. Oh, shit, I forgot mentioning Mrs. F, I forgot to tell you guys something. When we were in York,

Yeah. Mrs. Mrs. F came with me. We went to York for a couple of days, so we had a nice trip there together. Right. And she came to the talk that I gave at the university. Yeah. And then afterwards, we went into town with a bunch of the students.

They got her autograph. No way. They were like, yeah, they were like, are you Mrs. F? And she was like, yeah, they're like, can I have your autograph? I know it sounds weird. She was like, of course. She was loving it. She's signed off.

That's great. But the fans, yeah, I thought it was so sweet. That's great. The rarest get in the whole of Yogs has to be the Mrs. F autograph. Yeah, that's got to be. be a rare one. Well, don't big it up as a rare one now because everyone's going to be hunting it down now. People are going to want that.

That's it. That's it. Oh, they're not going to be anymore. Three or four students and then she was like, that's it. Never happening again. Done. Never going anywhere with you again. Exactly.

That's why I leave my woman at home, flex. Well, otherwise they get ideas is what you say. That's it. They get ideas above their station. Did she have to come up with a autograph on the spot? Did she have to write Mrs. Flats? I think she just wrote her name. Did she write her name?

Did she just sign her name? She just signed it. Yeah, I think she's like her signature. It's like a legal document. Okay. Yeah, now it's the, yeah. She was signing away the house. It turns out that one of them got in there with a deed.

Was it Mr. Deeds himself? Mr. Deeds. Mr. Deeds. So Lewis, you'd be pleased. I cooked, it was vegetarian what I cooked last night. Oh my God. Yeah, no. It wasn't vegan, but it was vegetarian.

I'm happy to do that. I've had a shacks. I had beans for dinner last night as well. There you go. They're interested in. They're very good. I love beans. Yeah.

Just bake beans and some hulumi fries. Lovely. Well, I haven't had breakfast yet, so I might have to crack on with that. Tonight, however, I'm having sausage ragu. Oh. So, sorry, but I'm going back on that. He's going back. He's going back to his roots, his meat, meaty roots.

I do love a bit of meat. But then I'm having lends. Stew. Nice. You see? Lintel. I finished up, I hovered out some of the loft. I got myself really weasy doing it, actually.

I should have won like some sort of dustmaster. Well, like tuck it out. You were so tired from all the physical exertion. Well, I'm asthmatic, aren't I? And I guess I'm just, I'm a poor little weekly. Little Bubble boy. I've got terrible X-Mare and stuff on my hands as well, I haven't had it for years and years.

But I think it's, again, like, I think it's the dust. and like the countryside, it might be the stress, it's the drinking, it's the, it's all the chocolate and the me I've been eating. I've been following this diet from this guy on TikTok and I've been, you know, not injecting anything. I don't like injections and fortunately he says that I don't have to have any, so. Well, good. You know, it's great. It's really personalized. It's great when a professional weighs in, you know, like just puts your mind at ease. Yeah. But I went through and I've, I did, this whole system and then I sort of climbed through in the dark. I got had like a head torch and everything. I felt like I was, you know, going on a journey and adventure. But I guess at some point

it was actually, it's not too bad. They're loft up there. Actually, it's got a light and a plug socket stuff, you know what I mean? It's not, it wasn't completely abandoned. Um, but I got to a wall and I realized this was only half of the loft. There must be another loft entry in one of the other rooms. Um, and so I've put that off. I'm like, I'm like, I'm just, I have to drum up the courage to enter the other half. So I'm only half done with my loft cleaning out. I'm going to have to get a skip for all the crap. What are you going to put up there when it's all done? Oh, nothing. But I wanted to, but the thing is, it's not properly insulated up there. Oh, right. As I can tell. So I feel like, I want to, before I get a man to put some insulation in, I need to clear out all the old 20-year-old

children's creepy dolls and stuff out there. Sure. One of them was like talking to me, Annabelle or something. Right. I just threw in a fire. They actually or in your mind was talking to you? I don't know. You were up there so long, you can't tell the difference. Just so many, so much, so much interesting stuff. Sounds like a lot, you've been on a lot of adventures recently.

I'm not enjoying it. No. I just want to play video games. Yeah, you've got to get back to that. You're missing out. The new wow expansion just came out last week. I think this is the first one I've never, I've actually played at release. I've been in my loft.

Man. What have you been doing for two weeks? You can't have been doing that for two weeks. I don't know. That's the last time we recorded. It was two weeks ago. There's so much to do always. Like, every day, I'm just, nonstop.

All go. He wakes up in the morning and he just has so much to do. Cleaning. Have you, are you going back into the office ever? Are you just like at home all the time now? Because you got so much to do. I was in the office two days this week. Right.

And it was a good days. So on those days, did you feel a bit better? You felt like you had a little break from the housework? I remember, I went from being in the office literally every day for the last 15 years to going down to two days a week. And the thing is, people haven't quite adjusted to it yet because people are sort of saying to me, oh, can you do this thing on Thursday? And I'm like, well, no, I'm not in then. Oh, can you do this?

We're doing a stream on Friday. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to be. there, you know. So it is very, it's going to take time for people to adjust to that in the office. Because I can't, you know, I'm trying to force this change myself as well. I guess I could come in on Thursday Friday. But I don't want to try and have a different experience. But currently, you know, I enjoy it. I think I might just go back to the old way. The old way. Yeah. You know, you need to get a, you need to get a flat in the city center of Bristol that you can stay at when you're, when you decide to go in and work, you know, like they do in New York.

You can have like a separate apartment when you need to get away from the, yeah, from the house. Then I never have to come back out to this house again. Yeah. That sounds great. Yeah. And then when you do, you can be like really sulky and begrudging about it as well. If you like the mossy covered shit and crap and overgrown garbage, P-flax like your car, come to my house. It's all overgrown.

It's just a big mess and you'll love it. I feel like you're used to things being neat and tidy. I mean, you're so obsessed with the entireness. You never invited me to your flat in the entire time I've known you. No way. You've never invited me. I've never invited myself. I've been to Louis's flat a couple of times.

You never ever. One time I went out, actually the last time I went out to visit, I got some like tremendous diarrhea when we went for breakfast. And then I was invited back to his flat after that as well, which was a surprise to me. That is a surprise. There's no way I would invite somebody back to my house. tremendous diarrhea people so I would have invited you up.

Well, I wouldn't be able to use the toilet, remember? I'm not allowed to use the toilet. I used a public point. Well, I would have given you a bucket or something. Thank you so much. That's so nice of you. I don't know if I had a bucket. I don't even think I have a bucket now. Have you gotten a,

have you gotten a Port-a-Loo commissioned yet? No. Oh, man. No. Well, I haven't had any, I haven't found any suitable men to do all the work. big men to come out and do work yet.

No. Can I tell you about a show that we've been watching recently, which has been a bit of a trip? Please do. It's called handcuffed, last couple standing. Oh, well, I've seen adverts for it. It's hosted by Jonathan Ross, and it's two complete strangers are handcuffed to each other, and they have to survive as long as they can. They have to live at each other's houses and stuff, but they're handcuffed to each other.

So, like, you can't take a shit in private. it like the other person will just be close by while you're doing it, uh, showering, like all that. And some and, and the, the couples that they paired up are complete opposites. So people with opposing political views or, you know, somebody who's very opinionated, uh, paired up with somebody who's not. And, uh, there's, there's a, a homemaker, a woman who is, uh, she's a self-proamed prude. She's a homemaker.

She's got small children, a husband. She lives out in the country. and they paired her up with an only fan's gay porn influencer. Oh my God. He looks like a wrestler. He looks like Andre the Giant and he's covered in tattoos and he does gay porn. And she had to explain this to her husband because he came over. And she's like, oh, Barry, by the way, he does gay porn on Onlyfans.

And her husband was like, he's really posh and like quite softly spoken. And they like, they caught like a hot mic moment when they were speaking. He's like, I feel fucking sick to my stomach about this. This makes me feel fucking sick. He was really going for it. And then when confronted about it, he started to cry. Oh my God. Yeah.

Well, I've just looked it up with a review that says, last pair standing is demeaning for everyone involved, not least to Jonathan Ross, two stars. It says it's a cheap, cheap throwback to Wife Swap at best and Jeremy Kyle show at worst. Yeah, it's something else. It has been very funny, but it's exhausting to watch as well because the people are just insane.

Each pair has been clearly selected for maximum discomfort. Joe is the owner of a plus-sized, fashion brand and Ruben thinks fat people are lazy. Yeah. Rubin is a self, uh, a self-identified alpha male who spends two hours in the gym every day. And love those guys. Yeah. But he, but he's, he's very like chivalrous as well.

You know the type? He's got all these ideas about how, uh, how his lady should be treated properly by him. Yeah. Exactly. And if he treats her like that, she should stay in the kitchen and, uh, and, and be very grateful for it as well. And raise all of his children. Yeah.

Tilly spends her spare time helping homeless people, while millionaire Anthony reckons he's an expert because he's once been camping. Yeah. This guy lives out in the country and has a vast collection of classic cars, antique cars. George is a former prison officer who believes learning is the best way to empower himself, while Sir Ben is an aristocrat who chooses to own a painting by Adolf Hitler. Yes. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. So Ben, Ben is a, he's a very, very lowly minor member of the establishment, but it's all inherited and he's broke. So he lives in a manner that is just falling apart and it's all like it's just a museum of his families past victories or whatever. but he himself is completely broke. But hangs out with a bunch of Tories and big right wingers as well. There was, I mean, God, this looks awful. I remember there was, this isn't the first time stunts like this had been done.

But I remember there was an art piece that these sort of performance artists did where they tied each other together for a year. And I think they had some sort of blowout argument about six months in and didn't talk to each other for the rest of the time or something that they was. But they stayed chained together for the whole of the rest of it. And I think they never became friends again afterwards. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, like this is never going to create positive outcomes, is it? It's just going to, it's just all you're doing is irritating people until they show the worst parts of themselves.

That's it. That is exactly what happens. And then you're going to edit the episodes to show people having those moments where they snap. The moments where they snap, the boiling point seems consistently to be around them having access to their phones from what I've noticed. So the production team are like, you shouldn't really have your phone because you're not going to get to know the person that you're with if you're just on your phone the whole time. So we want to really limit like, you know, if it's an emergency or whatever, fine. but like, you know, otherwise, not really. And this seems to have been the cause of like the people who've left the show already.

I think all of them have been because they haven't been able to access their phone and they've really wanted to for whatever reason. Like it just, this just seems to be such a meltdown for them, you know. What it sounds like Sips is they could have just raised, done this show where they just take away people's phones for a day and see what happens. Yeah, it would have been the exact same. They wouldn't have even needed to. cause people to lose their minds.

Well, they do, though. They've lost their mind. That's exactly what's happened. They have just lost their minds because they wanted their phone and they just couldn't have their phone. But like, I'm not even exaggerating. They go crazy. They're like, I want my fucking phone right fucking now.

Like, they're like going insane. I would go crazy without my phone. I feel like it's so. Really? It's become so tied to us. You know, there's this huge anxiety. Like, I don't know if you've ever like lost your phone for a few minutes, P-Flax. But my God, it's like, so often I'm just like freaking out.

It's my vapism. The main thing. Just don't take my vape away. Yeah, well, exactly. Like, it must be similar, the feeling of like, oh, shit. Oh, God, because it's so, the amount of stuff that's tied into our phones now, it feels like everything. I don't know.

All of, it's ridiculous. I feel like I should, in fact, I was thinking about getting like a second phone to, like, take outside. Imagine you're good inside. It's all like a vape module onto your phone so it could be like a two and one. It'd be amazing. But they do with like cameras. Like you could have a camera, a phone and a vape all in one. The camera on this phone is a Google Pixel, I don't know which one it is, is so fucking

good. It's actually amazing. It's better than any camera I've ever owned. Right. It takes such good pictures. Yeah. And you can zoom in so fucking far. And I'm like, how is the lens just this tiny.

little thing. And then all the cameras I used to own had this massive fucking lens. It's incredible. It's obviously all software. It's such a good camera that when you take a picture of yourself, you've got like hair, you're all attractive, all of your spots are hidden. Why'd you have to go there? Why did you immediately go to that? This could be a fun one. What is the last thing you took a picture of on your phone? Oh, let me see. I take a lot of screenshots to remind me of stuff. It's a picture of me in a, in my hat, and I posted it on Instagram. And there's a telegraph pole behind me that's got like a big, I don't know how to describe it.

I'll send it to Discord. Okay, mine is a picture of a 19 kilogram gas cylinder that I found around the back of the shed that I need someone to come and pick up. Oh, nice. I need to take it to the tip. I don't know how, though, because it's so big it won't fit in my partner's car. There, I posted it in the general channel. General channel. That's the last picture I took.

And I posted on Instagram with the caption that I was taking my new helicopter backpack out for a spin because it looks like I've got a helicopter backpack. Oh, that's fun. Because I'm standing underneath that. It's a fun little bad joke. So that's what I, that's the last picture. You got like a stupid hat. Because I was waiting for a train and I was bored.

You're really cute. So that's the kind of thing I do. Don't try and make up for the meanness, Lulu by suddenly saying nice things. You are just immediately, I fat, bold, stupid, old cunt. And now you're like, oh, isn't he nice? I didn't give a shit. Fuck you. I hope that spider eats you.

Okay, listen to this. The last thing I took a picture of on my phone is a picture of a calendar that I got for Christmas. It's a Phil Mitchell calendar, 2026. And I took a picture of the picture of Phil Mitchell for March, 26. And it's him looking. His ex-wife, Shirley, is wearing like a flasher coat and opening it up. And Phil Mitchell is staring at her tits. Can you post it in the general?

What are you saying? Let me see. Is this like one of them? What the hell? So it's like, um... Discord. It's just the kind of thing that would be hanging up in the garage of, uh... It's in the garage now, yeah.

I sent it to my, uh, to my wife. My wife. My wife. She wanted to, well, I don't know if she wanted to see it, but it just, I looked at it. And I noticed it. I was like, man, that is hilarious. So I sent her a picture of it. And she also thought that that was hilarious.

Um, let me just send this picture. It should be in the general chat right now for you. Oh, my days. What a hell of I'm going to do with him, Shios. Yeah, so there you go. March 2026, Phil Mitchell and Shirley. Having a great time, as usual. Yeah, real authentic.

Great. Well, thank you for saying to me the cats. I got the Jersey calendar this year. Good. A few months late. Well, yeah. You were, you were, you were, you were, It was a mid-move. We weren't sure.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Turned it on to it. It's nice to hang on the wall. It's just themed around nice Jersey landmarks. Last year, it was cows, I seem to remember. Yeah, there's usually cows in there somewhere, honestly.

Like, most Jersey calendars will have some pictures of Jersey cows in there. I mean, what else do people know about Jersey? Potatoes. Jersey, but it's kind of boring to just have a picture of potatoes. Potatoes. I would love a calendar that was just potato. Well, let me tell you, we've started buying each other calendars, like fun calendars. So I got a Phil Mitchell calendar for 2026 and I got my wife an Alan Partridge calendar for

2026 with some great scenes from old, yeah, old Alan Partridge and some new as well. That's what he said. That's his big catchphrase. Can we get a lose news? Can we get some lose news, please? I've just seen like there's a couple of ants on the floor. I'm going to have to deal with those after. Right, let me get lose news.

Sure. I'm going to have to go in a minute as well. That's fine. Yeah, that's why we're doing lose news, man. Do you remember Ace Ventura? Yes. Of course I do. Do you remember when the rhinoceros gives birth

and Jim Carrey falls out of the back of a rhino and it's sort of the butt birth infamous. Not really. He's in a rhino and the calling fan gets blocked. He's in a rhino costume. It's too hot and he has to like hop out of the back of the rhino. It's quite a famous scene. Anyway, that rubber rhino, have you seen Away Sunny where...

Is this news news? Yes. How? Okay, the rhino is for sale. The prerequisites for this news is insane. It's too much detail. You can buy... I don't know.

The Ace Ventura rubber rhino now. We'll bid on it. Next. $8,000. Next. Next. World's oldest butthole. Okay.

Wow. Now we're talking. How old are we talking here? Around 299 million years ago. Who's it attached to? Well, apparently. Just some poor guy. What does it look like now?

Apparently an animal. Doctor, my butthole. killing me. Well, we've analyzed it and with carbon dating, turns out your butthole is 300 million years old. Jacob Vintner, a paleontologist at the University of Bristol, said that an animal sort of sat down in mud and it preserved a perfect impression of its butthole. So finding an impression of an animal... So it's not the butthole itself, it's an impression of a butthole. Exactly.

It's a really lovely image of an animal's butthole. That is literally cemented because it's fossilized. It's a fossilized butthole print. And you can check that out on the internet if you want. I will not. Thank you very much. Yeah, I'm good. A fossilized bottle.

A startup company wants to set up space mirrors to light up areas to light up areas. of the Earth at night. Okay, that is bad. Right. The whole point of the space mirror is that it was going to reflect sunlight away from the Earth to somehow mitigate some of the climate change damage we're doing. Like, that was a plan that's been mooted for a while was, if we put a space mirror, even if we just reflected like 1% of the sun's light, it would make a difference.

Well, it's the benefit though of doing this. Well, of shining it away. It says here. Shining it on to... So that if you live in a dark area, that gets no light. Now you get some sunlight. Yeah, so start up,

reflect orbital plans to launch low orbit satellites with giant mirrors to shine sunlight down to Earth at night, which will power solar panels, reduce seasonal depression, illuminate city streets or rescue sites. Dreadful. Don't let this happen.

It's unnatural. So that is... That's crazy. That is coming. You're going to fuck up nature if you shine lighted at 24-7. That's terrible. You don't like that?

I hate that. No, I don't want mirrors in the sky. Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Did you see that the, we already covered the McDonald's CEO, Sam. Sam, did you not listen to the last week's podcast? My God. Yeah, we talked about this. Great product.

Great product. He looks like he was going to puke eating his own product. Honey, swallow my product. Meaning hamburger, of course. Honey, open your mouth. I'm going to be sick. Open your mouth. I'm going to put some product in it.

Okay. Take that product, bitch. You have to pay $5 a minute a minute for this. It's a hamburger, by the way. Just to clarify. Yeah. And the other viral news that happened recently was Punch the Monkey, which went like unbelievably viral. Yeah, that went nuts.

I completely missed it. Everyone knew about it. I'd never heard about it. I never even heard of it. When I was at Dream League, they were like, We're going to do a bit this morning that's going to be like, punch the monkey. I was like, why are we going to punch a monkey?

I'm not heard of Punch the monkey. I've genuinely not heard of Punch the monkey. It's not even, it's over before it started. A monkey that was abandoned by its mother or something had a toy monkey. I didn't realize it went like super viral. It went to. It went to. We're so desperate for something nice to happen somewhere that a monkey with a toy is like,

exactly. It just exploded. Well, the internet freaked out. It's the new Harambe, except it's like... It's not. He didn't die. It's the opposite. He's still alive. He's fine.

But he could have died. That would have been a disaster. The other monkeys had ripped him limb from them, as they can do. Anyway... Why have you said it like that? Harambe. Why are you saying it like this? So you pronounce his name.

Harambe. But you put like a little flare on it when you... Harambe. Harambe. This is senior of harambi. with the start. Charame. Signor.

That's all I have. Someone made a game. And I normally enjoy lose news. This has got to be the worst lose news segment we've ever done. Well, someone has made a video game where you play as punch the monkey

and you like fight off bullies because it's like, exactly. It's already. It's already done. Moved on to something else. It's over. We moved on to harambe.

All right. Well, that's the podcast. Thank you for joining us. Harambe controls the cocaine industry in Venezuela. I have to go deal with ants and cleaning and loft and other things. I'll see you next week. Good luck with your aunts. Good luck with that. I love you. Goodbye.

In a non-paraisocial way. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988. Kanda Suu. suicide crisis hubline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the

government in Canada.