Triforce! - YoGPoD 1: Snowcast

Episode Date: February 5, 2009

The first episode of the YoGPoD is recorded from snowed-in Great Britain during a freezing February afternoon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Spring is a great time to start a new workout routine. With the weather warming up, it feels easier to get into the rhythm of things. Whether you have 20 minutes or an hour for a Pilates class or an outdoor guided walk, Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Yogscast. Hello, and welcome to Yogscast. Maddy, can you say, um, you are listening to the Yogpod with Zephyrus and Honeychew.

Does it have to be called Yogpod? Yes. Hello, and welcome to the Yog- oh shit, the Yogs- the Yogpod? PodYog, what was it? Brilliant. That'll do. No! You're listening to The Yogpod. Hellos.

I'm back. Hope everything is, uh... Good, aware, where you are. I'm fine. How was the walk in the snow? It was a bit slippery out there. It was scary. Did you have any adventures? I just bought lots of stuff to drink. Water, one small bottle of Coke Some milkshake Some Ribena I'd kind of like to record a snowy I think we should

Snowcast Snowcast Snowcast Snogscast Snogscast That would be something completely different It's like four fucking Threads

On the front page of GBS about snow and of course everybody's playing, oh you call that snow oh this only happens once a year where you are and where we are oh fuss about nothing

oh a lot of people just sort of get on with it, don't they? Snowing, deal with it. Finland, you know, snow is like part of their way of life. But the fact is that in England, we don't actually have any proper facilities to deal with snow. We don't have really any snow trucks that go out and, like, salt the roads and stuff.

Because it snows so rarely, we don't have the infrastructure to deal with snow on a daily basis, because it doesn't happen on a daily basis. So, of course, we get caught out. Well, I don't know whether we get caught out as much as we know it's going to happen. We just accept that everything's just going to shut down for a whole day. The inevitability.

It's cheaper, probably, to just write off three days a year rather than put all of those millions or tens of millions hundreds of millions into you know shoring up our infrastructure against snow it's just not worth it you'd rather just you know say okay the entire workforce of england can have the day off it i love the fact that like certain old people say things when it snows that like yeah global warming and stuff like this when global warming doesn't actually mean hotter well it does mean hotter temperatures but it it also means more extremities hotter summers but colder winters potentially you don't make any sense you're ill illogical. You're not thinking this through, are you?

No, but global warming doesn't just mean warming. This false misinformation that's being spread around, saying, oh, the world's in trouble, oh, we've got to stop using CFCs, and oh... CFCs have pretty much completely

stopped being used, by the way, now. Not by me. I have to order my deodorant from fucking Iraq, have it shipped over here. It cost me £8 a bottle of deodorant, just so that I can stick two fingers up to Brussels. It's Al Gore. Brussels.

Fuck you, Brussels. Brussels. Sorry, plural. And Al Gore's plural again. Brussels Sprout. Fuck you, Brussels. Fuck you, Brussels, sorry, plural, and Al Gore's, plural again. Brussels Sprout. Fuck you, Brussels! Fuck you, Russell Brand. Brussels Brand. Fuck you. Brussels Brand. Al Gore's.

Brussels Brand. Al Gore's. Al Gore's. What's the Al actually short for, is it Alan or Alfred? Albert. Or Albert. Albert. I think it's Albert.

Albert Gore. Albuquerque Gore Boar Alonso He's actually Latino Alonso Boar He's Gore He sounds like a racing driver

His surname isn't really Gore It's Hemines What? Hemines Hemines Jimenez Marks and Terence Jimenez

No, Jimenez But it's pronounced Jimenez. Why are you saying it so quickly? Jimenez. Everybody who speaks Spanish talks quickly because they know that other people who only have the barest grasp of Spanish won't understand what they're saying when they talk quickly. Yeah, but it's probably the same thing with us now.

We're talking rather quickly, and we probably don't appreciate other people who don't speak english i've got a chinese guy here who knows he he does he plays well for me and like farms and stuff i have him like okay i'll just get him hello what's your name? Uh, my name is Swang Ji I've got to be careful actually, there's these people who have a Chinese restaurant, just like a couple of doors up, they might hear me

I don't think that's the most that's the biggest worry here, bearing in mind I'm putting it on the internet Oh shit Swang Ji, can you put him back on again? Okay, I'll just go and get him. Can you hear my footsteps as I walk away?

Yeah, yeah. Hello! Hello. So you're honeydews, you work for honeydews, is that right? Yeah, that is right. Do you, what's your your what would you consider your main job you know to be uh what is it gold farming fluffing oh right okay so you're from china originally have you ever you know does it snow in china at all not really

no i can't do the accent i can't do the accent it's can't do the accent. It's terrible. I can't even do the stereotypical fucking, you know, old northern comedian Chinese accent. I can't, I can't even do that. What do you mean? That was beautiful. That was perfect. Not really. I mean, how do you... what the fuck? That's fine. That's fine. Uh, can I have, uh... Leary? Not Learly, really? I can't do it. Hello?

Do you perhaps make food? Do you make Chinese food? What kind of food? I make fish and chip. Just the one chip. Fishes and chip, ja? Ja? What's ja? What's ja? Where does ja come from? That's German. Ja? Goodness me. Well, it's been very enjoyable talking to you. Thank you very much. Could you possibly say goodbye to the viewers of the Yogscast? Hello!

No. Goodbye. Goodbye! Oh, God! Awful. Absolutely awful. Awful. Awful.

Awful. Awful. I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed I feel dirty You're listening to The Yog Pod Do you think we could get Shang

Shang-Chi To read out some famous Works of fiction Only if it's got like a low reading age Because he doesn't know an awful lot of English. Or, like, spot the dog. So... No, um, was it

Green Eggs and Ham that was written using, um, less than 50 words? 50 different words of the English language. Uh, what? Eggs, Green, Ham, Hat, Cat? Yeah, I'll ham, hat, cat? Yeah, I'll just find it on Wikipedia.

I'm fairly certain he made it as like, you know, like a challenge. Er... Dr Seuss. Vocabulary text consists of just 50 different words, of which 49 are monocephalic. I can't even pronounce that. Molo what? I don't know. They've only got one syllable. Can Shane Z pronounce it? Molocephalic! No, he can't even pronounce that. I don't know. They've only got one syllable. Can Shane Z pronounce it?

Momo Sibalik. No, he can't. Momo Sibalik. The 50 words are... A, am, and, anywhere, are, be, boat, box, car, cook, duck, do, eat, eggs, fox, goat. 50 is quite a lot of words. Good, green, ham, here, house, I, if, in, let, like, eggs, fox, goat? Fifty is quite a lot of words. Good green ham here. House I, if in.

Stop it. Let like may me. How long is this book? On or rain. Sam, say see. So thank that. The. Them.

There. They. Train. Tree. Try. Will. With. Would.

You. I would not. Could not. In a box. I could not, could not, in a box. I could not, would not, with a fox. I will not eat them with a mouse. I will not eat them in a house. I will not eat them here or there.

I will not eat them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am. Does that mean Sam I am, as in I am Sam? It's like Will I am, the famous singer and artist from the Black Eyed Peas. No, he's called Will I Am. So when he says, I do not like them, Sam I Am, is Sam I Am the person he's talking to?

Yeah, Sam I Am. Sam I Am is called Sam I Am, much like Will I am is called Will I am. Do you reckon the name William originally came from people saying Will I am? Yes. Like William the Consular? And in the future lots of people will be called Sam I am. Do you reckon more people will be called like... Lewis I am.

Yeah, like Honeydew I am. Simon I am. Will I am I am. Craig I am. Dave I am like yeah like honeydew I am Simon I am will I am I am Craig I am Dave I am oh man off on a tangent here but to discover that Fallout 3 has a Republic of Dave I was so happy with that the Republic of Dave goodness the Republic of Dave with President Dave that sounds incredible it is it absolutely is it's the very northeast of the map and it's just like a shitty little farm with like seven people there and that's his Republic don't you have to have a certain amount of people in order to have a republic like so people the Senate or whatever I don't know ask that cunt dally

wallace about it who he wrote the yes man starring will carey he's a british comedian he he who did he used to live with did you say will carey jim carey did i say will carey i'm sorry will i am on the brain will i am carey yes man that film that's just come out i've seen it it's actually it's okay i thought oh is it is it yeah i mean jim carrey's already starred in a movie where he has to tell the truth for 24 hours and now he's in a movie where he has to say yes to everything for 24 hours or whatever what's the next fucking movie he's going to be in You know every time someone asks him for anal sex He has to like agree with it Or something

People are saying It's similar to like Liar Liar In a kind of many ways But people are saying that that new one with Brad Pitt in it Oh let me guess He's got like a little son or a little daughter And he's distanced himself You, his relationship isn't going so well because, you know, his career has come first. And so, you know, a magical pixie grants a wish or curses him or some shit. Oh, it's awful.

Oh, it's awful. No, what happens is, he like... Yeah, basically he gets into a situation where he has to say yes to everything. And he goes on a journey and he grows as a person, doesn't he? He grows as a person. There are some horrible bits. There are some very cringeworthy bits. But it's actually generally okay. So the other film which I was talking about was The Secret...

Yes. The Strange Life of Benjamin Button or something. The weird... Oh, right, yeah. Which is basically Forrester Gump. This kid is born who's, like, old. He's all arthritic and, like, old and weird. And then he grows up, right?

But as he grows up, he sort of becomes younger. Now, what I had a problem with this story is that he was born as a little baby, but really old baby, and then he grew up, and then he shrank again, right? Now, I don't have the problem with him getting younger.

Okay, fair enough, he can get younger. But he shouldn't shrink into a little kid and then shrink into a baby. So when he's born, he's a tiny old man because he's just come out of like a womb yeah and a vagina so he's small he's a small old man and when he's dying he he's a baby but he's not a big baby he's shrunk again and he's now a little baby yeah he shrinks back into a little baby that That doesn't make sense. Yeah, he should have been

like a massive baby. Like a man-sized baby. Hmm. But that wouldn't have been the same, That's quite scary. That would be terrifying, wouldn't it? A man-sized baby. But obviously they couldn't do that in the film, because that would have been absolutely

terrifying, and it would have kind of given the wrong message at the end of the film.'s basically forrest gump redone in another kind of way is he an idiot is he you know a fucking idiot yeah he's like a struggling kid with like you know with like you know the leg braces thing and then he goes to war and then he makes some old war friends and they get blown up in the war you know and exactly the same thing that happens and his mum like tells him these things like life is

what you make of it and it's just exactly the same it's sort of a long love interest that he meets when he's like a kid and he kind of you know never really gets together with her throughout loads of things and then finally gets together with her and then they just have to split up you know, never really gets together with her throughout loads of things, and then finally gets together with her, and then they just have to split up, you know, because he's getting younger and she's getting older.

Oh, God, she'd basically be like a paedophile, wouldn't she? She was, like, doing him as a kid. That's a bit disturbing. Especially the whole shrinking back down to a beautiful baby part. I mean, ridiculous. Aww, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed babe. Go, go, coo, coo, coo. Ah.

I kind of agree with, like, Carl Pilgrimton on this, but children are not beautiful to anyone other than their direct parents, are they? And paedophiles. No, I mean, really young. I mean, not children, like babies. There are some very ugly babies. There are some very hairy babies. Was there like a Scottish woman, you know,

imparting her words of wisdom there? Some Father Ted with the milkman. The milkman's going around and getting all these women pregnant. And they're judging like a Bonnie baby competition. And all the babies have got like, you know, a moustache and big sideburns and stuff. Because the milkman has that. Oh, I see. Oh, God.

That was a good episode. I remember now. Is that the same one with the milk float? Yeah. It can't go below five miles an hour or something. Yeah, speed three it's called. You're listening to The Yog Pod. So where were we?

I mean, this was originally supposed to be about snow and stuff, because it's snowing. Hello? Hello. Snowing? Snow. We've got to talk about snow again, have we? Yeah, yeah. Is there anything you want to say particularly about snow?

Or Shang-Chi has to say about snow. Why do we make snowmen when it snows and not snowwomen? Well, you'd have to put boobs on a snowwoman. Well, that'd be quite easy to do. Hang on, hang on, hang on. A couple of snowballs on the front,

on the chest. Well, maybe it's just like milkmen, postmen, maybe it's just like that, you know, there's never been any reason. It's just a genderless expression. Sexist. No, it doesn't matter, it's not sexist. It's just one of those things which has always been, you know, like...

Why is it a snowperson? It should be a snowperson, it shouldn't be a snowman. Yeah, but it's tradition. You don't say milkperson, well, you do say milkperson, postperson, postperson. I mean, it's a milk delivery technician. Ah, the postperson has arrived with my package. You say postee. Even though it's... Or mailman, if you're American. And sexist.

Wow. Instead of firemen, we have firefighters now. So perhaps, instead of calling them snowmen, we should call them snowfighters. They're not really fighting, though, are they? Ah! But... Ah! Ah!

But you see... If you gave it like a sword and a shield and a gun. You do not understand, my child. Ah! You're confusing me, Gav. Ah! Why do you do this? I... Is this how... It's is what Leon Herring used to say fat man and fat fighters I'm not sure about that I think it's used in a

different way what are the fighters are there ultimate fighters fight ultimate fighters in cages. Yeah. Hitting each other with planks of wood with barbed wire around. Wearing like a lycra. Wearing very small shorts. Yeah. Ah! Ah! We should do that.

That's sort of a weird go-to. You and I, we should do that as a Yogscast. God, really? Ultimate fighting Yogscast. What, like being you in a cage? Wearing very small shorts. In our pants. Grappling each other.

You'd be wearing, like, wrestling each other to the ground. Ugh! That's terrifying. It would be quite scary. It'd be very scary to watch. Jesus. It'd be...

Actually, there's, um... God, it would get a lot of hits on YouTube, though, just for the sheer novelty. Ah! Women in Love. The film adaptation of the D.H. Lawrence novel, starring Oliver Reed and Alan Bates and Glenda

Jackson as well. Alan Bates and Oliver Reed wrestle each other. It would be like... It's ridiculous. What you'd like to see in Borat, in the hotel room. It is like that, yeah, basically. It is. It's very homoerotic. It's one of the first mainstream movies to feature full frontal male news.

Male Borat? It's nice. High five. Nice. I think it's a bit late to be doing Borat impressions. It was nice! High five! Niiiice! I think it's a bit late to be doing Borat impressions. I mean, that was a long time ago, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I called you on making, like, Portal references,

because that was, you know, like, eight months... previous. And Borat was fucking ages ago. Well, I mean, at this rate as well, with the rate of the All-Star's production, this Snow one will be releasing like mid-fucking summer. And people... Yeah, it'll be fine though for our Antipodean friends in the Australias.

Our Australis drongos will be listening and they'll be going, you know, fair do's. Yeah, sipping their fosters. Watching the kangaroos go by in the snow. Kangaroos box each other. Oh, right. Kangaroo fighting.

What's that, Skippy? Skippy? Oh, Timmy's gone and fallen down a... I'm sorry. Oh, my god. Timmy's gone and fallen down the well. Fallen down the well? Crikey!

What's that, Skip? Blimey. That crocodile's got a great bunch of teeth. Shall I play me wobble board? I don't know! Shall I play me Wobbleboard? I don't know where I'm going! Wobbleboard?! I don't know. I'm gonna creep up behind him and stick me thumb up his ass!

Yeah, that's South Park. Wow. Look at all these pop culture references! Fining in! Pew pew pew pew! From every direction! Jeez. Father Ted. South Park. Rolf Harris. Steve Irwin. from every direction jeez father ted south park rolf harris steve irwin all we all we do is just sit in and watch tv and shit oh man so we we're kind of forced into talking about popular culture and film and television and so on because that's all we do. We can't tell anecdotes

of conversations we've had with people because we don't have them. We don't know anybody. We don't go. That's because it's snowing outside. We can't go out. We're stuck. It hasn't.

England's shut down. How long has it been snowing? Has it been snowing for the last four and a half years? We've got nothing to talk about because it's been snowing solidly for four and a half years and we've been trapped inside our houses, surrounded by snowdrifts. Our only communication with the outside world is through Yogscast. Can someone... Mum? Mum? If you're listening to this, Mum...

I love you! If you're listening, please send me some cocoa in the mail. The posty... the post-fighter will bring it... Post-fighter!...will fight their way through the snow and bring me hot chocolates and tins We will fight them in the snow! That's me being Winston Churchill It's another popular culture reference there It sounded a little bit like a sheep

That was a bit like Melt Shit From Blackadder Yeah, okay that's a bit more nice isn't it. We will fight them on the beaches. I don't know, he had a very sort of deep voice, I can't really do it. We will fight them on the beaches. Sort of became a little bit of a farmer at the end there. It did didn't yeah oh don't worry so bugger you'll

fucking anger is the old bugger right in here i have an uncle right i have an uncle who's like he was born in gloucestershire he's lived his whole life in gloucestershire and he's going to die in gloucestershire. And he does literally talk. He's called Bill. Actually, Bill I am. He does talk. Like that.

I'm sorry. Nobody can understand what he says. He's completely incomprehensible. It's a true British farmer dialect that, you know, I bet he's got sort of a ruddy, sort of shiny face, you know, quite tan, very wrinkly, looks about 70. He's very wrinkly. I think he's about 80 now, but he's always looked 80.

That's the thing. Ever since he was born, like Benjamin Button. Yeah, except he hasn't actually gotten younger or smaller. He's just stayed 80 for his whole life. He's very tall, actually. I think he's just kept growing. He hasn't stopped growing. You know, puberty hit and it didn't go away.

Puberty hit, he turned 80 years old when he was 13, and he just kept growing. He went through some spots and stuff. Went through a period of, like, you know, being rude to his parents, who were long dead. That was just a weekend. And then once that weekend was over, he just became an 80-year-old man. He was just swearing at their graves. Fuck you, I'm not...

Oh, man. No, but old men like that are resilient people, aren't they? No! What do you mean? Like a reverse Peter Pyle. I'm not saying I love old people. Hang on, that's not what I was

going to say. Old people like that are just the most, like, hardy, tough-as-nails people you will ever meet. You know, that's not what I was going to say. Old people like that are just the most hardy, tough as nails people you'll ever meet. They've got these thick old wiry muscles and they just... My dad's about 70, okay? One time I came home from work. Whoa, what? He's 70? What the fuck? Yeah, my dad's pretty old. He's about 70. Holy shit. Yeah, he's a player. My mum's quite young.

Anyway, respect. You can't play. Your mum's 30. I think this was when I was living somewhere else, and I'd come home. And it was sort of wintertime like this, you know. It was cold, it was miserable, it was raining down and stuff. And I came home, and the first thing i saw was like a ladder now you know your dad probably has everyone's dad has a ladder in the garage right which they yeah step ladder or something yeah

like no like a proper ladder like an extendable ladder like there's two ladders stuck together that's right there's two ladders stuck together and's right, there's two ladders stuck together And it's like It looks like the most unstable thing in the world But when it gets Put out to full length You can go on top of a house So we've got like this Just a standard detached two storey house

I was actually given the wrong type of ladder I fell and hurt me shoulder and hand I called Claims Direct And I got £2000 Oh god I fell and hurt me shoulder and hand. I called Claims Del Rect and I got £2,000. Oh, God. I was actually given the wrong type of ladder. What does that mean?

I was actually given the wrong type of ladder. What a thing to say. I was actually given the wrong type of ladder. That's what he says. So I came home and my dad was there, on the roof, right? Which is obviously not like a flat roof, it's one of these slanty roofs, you know, with like tiles on it. And he's like,

you know, throwing like broken tiles off the roof and like replacing them, you know. Really precariously. Balanced on top. I mean, he's like 70, right? So, hang on, what was he doing up on the roof? Was the old world starting to get him down? Were people just too much for him to face?

No. So he climbed the way to the top of the stairs and all of his cares just drifted right off into space. Up on the roof. Is that how it goes? Yes. Except in tune. Thanks.

So he's on the roof, right? And I was like, hi, Dad, what's up? Why are you on the roof? He's like, I'm just mending some tiles. And so I was like, all right. So I went in, and I was like, hi, Mom. She was like, you haven't seen your dad ever. He crashed.

And this... You saw him, like, flash past the window. The upstairs bathroom window. Oh, my God. But the moral of the story is that, you know... So, was he all right? Yeah, it was quite a story. Did he hurt?

Did he badgy... No. Did he badly injure his shoulder and hand? Quite the opposite. I think he was, like, you know, better off for it, you know, afterwards. You know, he felt like... know Better off for it You know afterwards You know he felt like He's better off What

Well He's one of these You know he's one of these Old Things when you're I think when you get old It's one of these things That you don't

You kind of misjudge What you're capable of doing Physically You know You forget that you can't Climb onto the roof And just do these things Or ride a motorbike

Or You know Walk ten miles Or whatever You just sort of forget You just assume That you can't climb onto the roof and just do these things or ride a motorbike or you know walk 10 miles or whatever you just sort of forget you just assume that you can do it and a lot of the time i think you probably can't but there's no way you can stop people it's like being a kid again you have to kind of let people make their own mistakes i'm not saying falling off the roof is probably a good one and there's's no way I could have stopped, any of us could have stopped him doing the stuff he does. You have to physically hold him

back from retrieving his double ladder from the shed. Oh my god, the double ladder. I mean, they are the weirdest things. Have you seen how they work? Yes, I am aware of how a double ladder works. Do you reckon a double ladder works Do you reckon like

A double ladder is one of those Sort of qualifications For being an old man The day you think, do you know what I need I need to go and buy a double ladder That day you know that you're an old man I just, you know The aerial's a bit dodgy

The satellite dish is a bit dodgy So I won't call anyone To do it for me. No. I'll go to B&Q. I'll just go to Ikea. Yeah. DHS. DHS? What? DHS. Don't they sell sofas?

I mean, they do. DFS. Well, isn't that DFS? That's DFS. Oh, for fuck's sake. There's always a sale on at DFS. Yeah, there's an old joke about the unluckiest person in the world. They went to DFS and there wasn't a sale on. Oh my God. Where will we be?

Can you imagine that? You look at the sofa and you look at the price tag and it's 599 is crossed out and instead it says 999 and you're like, oh, for fuck's sake. And you fucking, and the day you went as well was the day when it was snowing,

and it took you ages to get there, and you were like, oh. Well, I'm here now. I may as well buy a fucking snowman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It will cost me 30 quid in petrol, you know, to drive back here next week anyway. To save myself

400 pounds. It's just not worth it. So, this is going to be horrible for you to edit. Because I'm eating. Actually, you know what I should do? I should periodically say what time

it is as well. That'll really fuck you up. Just in mid-sentence, I'll say what the time is. So when you edit it together, it'll just be me saying all these different times hours apart. So you're just going to say different times as well, are you? As well, like randomly. It's 7.44. I'll just randomly, half past four, say the time.

So you've gone to DFS, you've bought a double ladder, strapped it to the roof of your car, you know, you drive all the way back home precariously with this thing hanging off your car. You're probably featured on police camera action.

Narrated by Dermot Murgner. Look at this idiot. He's driving with a ladder strapped to his car swinging wildly across the road endangering pedestrians.

Look here. Dozens of people could have been killed. So you get back home you get your double ladder out and you like you know put it up against the side of your house.

You're like the happiest person in the world yeah oh fuck i i have a double ladder i've always wanted one and now i have it so you go up onto the roof and you fiddle with your satellite dish or whatever it is and then you go back in and your tv works perfectly and you sit down and you have a nice cup of tea and a shortbread, shortcake and you watch like... You slip your slippers on. You watch like half of it. You watch Countdown.

Countdown and Deal or No Deal. 15 to 1. With a cup of tea. And then you realise, suddenly it hits you. You're an old man and you've turned into your father

yeah and then you go up into the attic you take out your grandfather's service revolver load it what do you mean

you take out your old service revolver from what you were in hold it against your chin facing up and you blow your fucking brains out No you don't You go back downstairs and you wave it at the kids outside

Who are like doing graffiti on your On your like front fence And then the police have the audacity To come and arrest you You who haven't committed any crime Absolutely Just defending your property To some young fucking youth of today They take the kids crime. Absolutely. Just defending your property And do you know what they do? Do you know what

they do to those kids? Fucking youth of today. They take the kids right? They take the kids to the police

station. They give them a warning. It's not even on their permanent record. And then they have to go on a

course. So what you do is? To South America. You go back home. And do you know who pays for that? Do you know who pays for that? Do you know who pays for that?

You and I. Our taxes go towards that. You pay for them to go to school, to get an education. You pay for their holidays. Do you know what we should do? We should just, like, go to the cash point, withdraw all of our money, and just, like, go to a playground and just hand out money and then

ask the kids for favours and then we'll be arrested again and get arrested and the police have the audacity and they look at you you've still got your service revolver to arrest you for trying to solicit sexual favours

from children they have the audacity to arrest you I mean what solicit sexual favours from children. They have the audacity to arrest you. I mean, what kind of a world is it that we live in? A whole world's going to dogs. Richard Littlejohn and John Gaunt, they've got the right idea. You know, they should be elected. They should be Prime Minister.

Both of them should be joint Prime Minister. Richard Littlejohn and John Gaunt Do you reckon conjoined twins Could be Prime Minister Or would they have to like just one of them I think they would die before they You know got to like Any high public office

What do you mean In the time that it took them to advance through the ranks What are you saying You're saying that a disabled person could never be like Prime Minister No I'm saying that co-joinedined twins have a low life expectancy and would die probably in their teens. No, they don't. Some of them are quite old. There are not very many of them.

Like, most of them die, you know, in childbirth or in the womb. All right, all right. Let's say... So, a lot of them don't even make it to, you know, childhood. Those that do reach childhood often have lots of complications with their internal organs because they're sharing it. Let's say there's like a disability which is quite severe, right? Like mental retardation.

Oh, look at George W. Bush. Whoa! Woo-hoo! Oh! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! W. Bush. Oh, snap. Wow. You're listening to The Yog Pod. I mean, what is, what do you think is the most severe

physical disability that someone could have and they could still become like president or prime minister of a country? Well, think about it.

Blunkett is blind, isn't he? David Blunkett. He's blind, yeah. But did he, was he born blind? Or did he go blind? He was a cabinet minister.

He was pretty close. What is he doing now? Um, I go blind? He was a cabinet minister. He was pretty close. What is he doing now? I think he got hit by a car. God, I'm not even sure what he is now. I think he's not in the... He might be still in the government. I don't know. Anyway, he's blind, so that's pretty good for the old blindies. Yeah.

What the fuck does he do now? I think death would probably be okay as well. Although it might be a bit annoying in the House of Commons. I think he's just like a backbencher now. He's not got any position in the government at all. Didn't he used to be the treasurer? Or the

chancellor of the... He used to be the home secretary. Oh, did he? Secretary of State for Education, I don't really know what any of those things are. Chancellor of all these nonsense names, yeah. The Home Secretary. Is that like National Security? It's pretty much, yeah.

It's the prison system and lots of stuff to do with immigration, essentially. Oh, the police and stuff, of course. What do you think? Could we have, like, a one-legged Prime Minister? We probably have had one. Actually, Gordon Brown has only got one working eye, so that's pretty good. Oh, God. That's pretty good. He lost his sight in one eye when he was playing rugby, when he was at uni or something.

Well, that's the way you want to do it, isn't it? You don't want to say, oh yeah, I got poked in a Chinese restaurant. Someone poked his fucking eye out, gouged at his eye. Isn't that horrible? Well, that's what they do, isn't it? Eye gouging, common in rugby. Pretty scary sport. Do you reckon we had a pirate as a Prime Minister with one leg previously? We had Admiral Nelson who only had

one working arm and one eye. Who was the cripple president? I don't really want to get called cripple president. He didn't allow people to take photographs of him in his wheelchair or something. It was Franklin D. Oh, here we go. Polio.

He was paralysed from the waist down. Oh dear. In 2003, a peer-reviewed study found it was more likely that Roosevelt's paralytic illness was actually Guillain-Barre syndrome. Oh, Guillain-Barre. That was on Earth. What is that? I think it's Guil-Gil-Om-Barre.

Guil-Om-Barre. It's very nice. It's very rich. It's called GBS, for short. Oh, bugger me. It's called GBS for short. Oh bugger me. No thanks. Not even if we wrestle and you accidentally slip out of your shorts.

And... I don't want to go on. That would be bugger me by accident, wouldn't it? Accidental buggery. It's on the increase. It's a particularly high risk of it occurring if you're a wrestler. And you're aroused in the ring

with all the slippery oils around. Not a sumo wrestler. I think it can happen, though. I mean, if you're doing something, if you're exerting yourself, sometimes you can get an erection. I don't know what it is. Do you reckon?

No. Yeah, it happens. I can't remember what it's called. When was the last time you exerted yourself? This morning, actually. Did your temarun, did you? There's a name for it. Guillain-Barre. The thing is, I don't want to Google it, because fuck knows what I'll find.

Accidental buggery. Accidental buggery. I mean, I was trying to say that among sumo wrestlers, do you reckon that would actually be possible? Oh, they're very large, aren't they? They're both so large. So you're saying that it's impossible for a sumo wrestler to have sex, essentially? No, but with another sumo wrestler.

Two sumo wrestlers? Jesus. God, that would be quite a sight. I think I would pay to see that. I'm sure there's a website you can pay to see it on. www.sumolove.com Don't type that in, it may or may not exist. If it doesn't exist, can someone please buy it and link it to yogscast.com, thanks. God, what's the personal life of a sumo wrestler like?

They're very famous. You know, they're almost revered in their country. They are gods amongst men. They kind of look a bit like Buddha. No, because Japan isn't a Hindu country or a Buddhist country, is it? Traditionally, they've been a very... They worship their house god, whatever. Yeah. Their little goblin fella who looks after their house.

They're ghosts. They're ancestors. They worship their ghostly ancestors i mean the way i kind of think about it is that you know back in like henry the eighth sort of times tudor times and that people didn't have as much food as they did these days and it wasn't as easy to get overweight you know today we have processed foods which are extremely nutritious and extremely you know know, nourishing. And it's very, very easy to get overweight.

In those days, you really had to eat a lot and you had to live a very life of luxury in order to get overweight. So people, you know, you see these classical images of overweight people and they're kind of, you know, that was the beauty back then. So you're saying you find fat people attractive? They did back then, but they weren't horrifically obese. What about you personally? You personally find great big heifers beautiful? I wouldn't call them that, but I wouldn't say they were particularly attractive either. I guess sumo wrestling is the kind of Japanese equivalent of that, isn't it?

So, I mean, in ye olden days, when food was rare and it was a privilege to have a meal, what the local village would do is they would pick one person, a big strong man, and they would

give him all of their food and then they would go to the next village and they would give him all of their food and then they would go to the next village and they would have the two giant men fight each other in a sand ring with a rope around it i don't think that's too far from what may have happened yeah so i mean was this guy like the chief or like the mascot of the village or the champion of the village or he was the hero the big strong warrior of the village yeah and if anybody you know if any like raiders or you know vagabonds or pirates decided to attack their village they would send out their giant man and he would just like howl and gnash his teeth

and they would all just run with their tails between their legs figuratively speaking this doesn't actually sound all that far fetched I don't know whether they're necessarily like as fat as we would imagine I mean we are like we get a lot of images from

like you know America and the internet of like really disgustingly fat people. And I don't think sumo wrestlers are actually that disgustingly fat. They're just big, hefty guys. They are. They eat, like, a lot. What? What do they eat?

Pork noodles? Maybe we can get Shang-G on the phone and tell us what he knows about them. What they do is they don't eat breakfast so their metabolism stays slow. Look, I'd like Shang Ji to tell me. Hello!

Hello! He's not Japanese, he's Chinese. He doesn't know anything about Shimo. Shit, have I just insulted his family? Yes. I'm sorry. Can you apologise for me? What they do is they get up in the morning

and they don't eat breakfast to keep their metabolism down. When they exercise, they do it on an empty stomach to keep their metabolism down again. Every time they eat, they have a nap so they don't burn off any of that energy. And they eat shitloads late at night before they go to bed.

Actually, shit, this is what I do. You've got the perfect physique of a sumo wrestler. Fuck! They do say that foreigners are allowed to participate. Would you consider wrestling? I would like to be, like, the big show from WWE. The Big Show? Oh my god.

I don't even know who that is. Some of your pop culture references are even a little bit obscure for me. He's called Paul Randall Wright. Paul Randall White Jr. Maybe Shang-Chi should try and say it. The Big Show. Paul Randall White Jr. Maybe Shang-Chi should try and say it. The Big Show. Paul Randall White. He's called The Big Show.

He's seven feet tall. Right? He's seven feet tall and he weighs 440 pounds. Now, I don't know how much that is. Because we don't use... It's 200 kilograms. How many pounds in a stone? 13 pounds in a stone. 14. It stone 13 pounds in a stone 14 it's 14 pounds

in stone you sure learn to imperial 441 divided by 14 let's see what google says see i can't do like basic math in my head anymore 31 he's 31 and a half stone he's 31 and a half stone And he's 7 feet tall Good god He's a monster He is a fucking monster And he's awesome He doesn't look like he has a fat belly on him From pictures Well no I mean he's quite well

He's well built He carries it well Bearing in mind he's literally wearing A lycra one piece And knee supports Pairing in my tease of literally wearing a Lycra one-piece. And knee supports, I guess, to support the 32 stone. Jesus. Finishing moves.

The choke slam. The cobra clutch backbreaker segued into a cobra clutch. I don't know what that is. Apparently it's used as a regular move. I know the choke slam that he does. Final cut spinning headlock elbow drop. The right-handed knockout hook. Just ignore that. That's all nonsense.

The choke slam. He puts his massive fucking hand around the guy's neck, picks them up, and then throws them to the floor. That's what a choke slam is. It is beautiful. Oh my god. What's a cobra clutch?

Picking someone up by their fucking neck. Can you believe? I mean, Jesus. This monster of a man. Forehand chop. Signature moves. Bear hug. Head butt. Hip attack. What's the hip attack? A really cool way to hurt someone. Also known as a butt bump, this attack is usually performed with a running start when a wrestler jumps into the air, spins around and thrusts his pelvis backwards,

hitting the opponent's head or chest with his buttocks. It can often occur. It's quarter to five. It's quarter to five. It's quarter to five. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Oh, for fuck's sake. Why are we getting time stamps now? This is a disaster.

Because it fucks up your editing. Did you not remember me saying this? So when you edit it together, it's going to consist of me just saying the time an awful lot. And instead of like a simple 10 minute conversation, it'll be revealed to be like a 4 hour conversation that's been edited down to appear as though it only lasted 10 minutes. Oh my god. A choke slam. I would do a choke slam on you if we wrestled. I would so fucking do that to you.

Why are you so excited to like wrestle with me? You would, you would be fucked. I would just grab you by the fucking neck, hurt my arm. I'd do a tombstone On you Oh shit what is a tombstone That's like a kind of Clothesline Undertaker is the only wrestler that I know Oh it's a pile driver

Yeah Yeah a pile driver What the hell It's the throw where you like mash their head Into the floor or something. Yeah. What's a go-go platter? The Maddy's chatting with me.

We're talking to each other. Shall I ask her what she's wearing? Yeah. She's probably wearing that blue hoodie from that photo. In the snow. And she's wearing a pair of sumo wrestler pants. Put your hands back on your keyboard. She's wearing UGG boots.

Oh for fuck's sake. Why aren't you talking on the vent? You fucking idiots. Because we can't just have random people like talking in the Yogscast It's ten to five It would confuse the listener

It's eleven to five It's ten to five And you're listening to The Yogscast Snowed in special With Zephos and Honeydew Ding This is dedicated to

Shika by the way This show is dedicated to Shika, by the way. This show is dedicated to Shika. I love her. Oh, God. I love her. Tune in for part two of the Oxcast next week.