Triforce! - YoGPoD 10: Hanging to the left

Episode Date: June 1, 2009

A classic podcast in which Yohi or Drahl or someone discusses the phenomenon in which one's banana and oranges tends to drift in a specific direction depending on your sexual orientation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Seffles? What up, Yoey? How you doing, bro? Doing totally fine. How's it hanging? It's hanging to the left, like half stiff, half normal. Okay. Like, in between.

Because I was scratching it a minute ago. Yeah. Well, um... Okay. I'm gonna do a Yogpod, right? But, Honeydew's not here. So, you're gonna have to step in for a while. That's Honeydew. Hello, my name is Simon. I'm a Hollywood player, Holy Paladin.

So where are we going to talk about tonight? What's the subject in the latest Yogscast? Well, you know the Yogpod song that one of our fans made. Have you heard it? I shall say yes, but I have no clue. You haven't heard it? No. Go to our forums, the Yogscast forums on the Yogsforums. Can you not sing it for me?

No, no, no, someone actually like... What happened was, in episode 3 of the YogsPod, we said we need an intro song, okay? And, I don't know if you remember this but we like made one up with honeydew singing out of tune so we wouldn't break copyright and um i was like snapping my fingers to it remember yeah yeah yeah well someone has remixed it one of our insane fans has remixed it and uh made it into like a real song and it's actually quite good anyway is it this topic i made a yogs music yeah really i did yeah okay and what i'll do is on the yogs yog pod i will just play that that audio now um so everyone can listen so this is the new

Yogs theme I'm downloading it hang on so you're seriously using someone a fan mail a fan mail because like real artists do never use something a fan

says I know most fans are like totally completely nuts and very weird a fan says I know I know because most fans are like totally completely nuts and very weird like most of our fanbase

well you need to make a theme tune to the Yoggpod that's like an intro we've already got the Star Wars theme we just have the Star Wars disco theme

with us singing you know Yoggpod this is the Yoggpod you, like that. Okay, let's try again. You have to sing out of tune. There's the only go and fall Go fall Let's try again. I'm a fishing seagull Oh oh oh oh oh I'm a fishing seagull

Oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh I'm a fishing seagull Oh oh oh oh oh I'm a fishing seagull Oh oh oh oh oh I'm a fishing seagull Oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh I'm not going to do it. ༼� ༼ Alright, okay. That's it, that's it, that's it. That's beautiful. That's gonna be beautiful. When you listen back to that, you're gonna be amazed. Really? This song is so fucking awesome.

I know, man. It's really good, isn't it? The beat is fucking awesome. I just love the beat. So yeah, that's Captain Rhythm with This Is The York Pod. Yeah, I really, really did enjoy it. And I want to thank the fan of the Yorks cast who did this, because I really appreciate it. The one thing I'm a bit worried by is that we've set the bar a little bit too high now,

so people won't send in. We'll be scared to send in. No, the coolest thing is they were like, wow, what a great opening, and then we come and it all crushes, and they're like, ah, it's funny. When you eat, you always start with the best thing, right? Yeah.

What? Because otherwise it gets cold and it's not as good as it is, or as it should be. I don't always start with the best thing when you go to McDonald's and you order a Big Mac menu you have fries you have a milkshake and you have a burger where do you start with what do you like the most I usually start with a few fries and then I have a bit of burger then I have a bit of milkshake then I have a bit of the burger. Then I have a bit of the milkshake. Then I have a few more fries. I tend to rotate like that. That's so gay.

Now what I do is I take the hamburger. I open it. I put my fries on top of my burger. Yeah. Right. I take a bite from the burger. So I have the fries and the burger. And then I do some milkshake to help me chewing.

Right. Do you dip it in the milkshake, or do you just sort of slurp the milkshake while you've got a big mouthful of burger and chips? Yes, the second one. This is a very attractive image, Joey. Now, I'm first eating my burger until it's totally finished, then I'm doing my fries, and then my milkshake. Why? Because the milkshake is always so cold in the starter. And you will get a really dry mouth from just sucking up the milkshake in the strove.

You know what I mean? It really hurts. Well, there you go, guys. That's some good advice from Joey. Now, we're going to have some previously recorded stuff from this week. So enjoy the rest of the YogPod. It's letters from the Yognauts. I'm the Yogg-Nauts, Nauts, Nauts, Nauts, Nauts. Yes. Okay, so, Droll, what's up man, how you doing?

Yeah, not bad, not bad. I heard, I heard, um, well we were talking about this the other night, um, because you had a big date with a girl. Yowie suggested that you shave under your arms, because that was a good suggestion from Yowie. And I said, well, that's no good if you were a really hairy man and you had hair all over the place, but not under your arms. And it was a bit sort of weird. Do you remember that conversation? I do, I do. We even talked about shaving backs, because we are goons.

That's right. So, I mean, what was... So the result of that was that you didn't shave anything, I assume. I shaved my nuts. I cut my testicles for this woman. She was very appreciative, because she did perform fellatio that evening. Oh. Well, there you go.

Do not move your headset around. Yeah, as a result. So, Joel, apparently something other... Is that it? No, it... Well, there was some other stuff, but it's quite embarrassing. I don't want this to be broadcast. Oh. Yeah, so I mean... Well, basically, what happened was, I got down and jiggy with this girl, and you know how you do, I read it in a lot of novels, and I saw it in a lot of movies, that you

put on some music whilst you were making love, as it were. So, I put on a Winamp on a random playlist and stuff started happening. And as we were getting down and jiggy with it, you and fucking Simon come on in the Yogs fucking fast whilst I'm fucking having my dick sucked.

It was horrible! Actually, no. I found the entire moment very stimulating, very, very weirdly. And I've just got to say that Yogspod is actually better than Viagra because my orgasm was 5,000 times as strong. Wow. Wow, so that's the story. Yeah.

That's amazing. In a nutshell. It was pretty embarrassing. I don't think she realised what was going on Because I managed to carefully jump up And run over to the PC And change what was on So it was all good, but at the back of my mind

I knew that I was listening to you two Talking about people changing their names No less Whilst my dick was in her mouth Well I mean that's incredible. That's an incredible tale. I mean, actually, I'm a

little bit disappointed that you didn't lean over and turn the volume up a little bit. Maybe if she'd got up and looked you in the eye and then saluted and said I am Dave! Can you imagine

she would have had to have gone because of what we were listening to at the exact time would have been dave of devon that's exactly what was being said and simon had a very shrill voice at the time and it kind of embarrassed me. So you got quite far into the Yogg pod then it seems. Until I realised it was on, yeah. It was a good 20 minutes of this thing playing before I realised.

Remarkable. Remarkable. But seriously, I think you should start a competition up of how far sexually you can get whilst listening to Yoggspot before people realise. No. No. Loads of people would say that they would just talk about themselves having a wank listening to it. I don't want that kind of correspondence.

We've already had that, actually. And I don't want any more of it. You've had what? bit. You've had that? If any of our listeners do have any, you know, funny things that happened to them whilst they were listening to the Yoggpod, oh god. Don't you have, um, didn't you have some correspondence about someone who did the Dave! Yoggpod salute thing? Yeah, I did. Someone did a Dave Yorknaut to someone, which you didn't believe, but I'm pretty sure it's the truth. Because you are a naive fool.

Okay, here you go. Hello, this is from MattyB1500. And he says, Thought you would like to know I had a very interesting time in physics a few days ago We were doing a practice paper in preparation for GCSEs And in my class there is a weird kid who I thought listened to the yog pod because of some of the random things he Says so I went up to him and I said I am Dave exclamation Yogs naught and did the salute. And to my surprise, instead of asking me what the fuck I was doing,

he said it straight back to me, but people near us was looking at us like, what the fuck? And I was listening to the dragon quiz. I thought I would be able to say, like, when you just mentioned a dragon existed, it wouldn't be able to fly. Also, a bumblebee should not be able to fly because the

body weight is all wrong and the laws of physics don't work for it because the wings are too small for the body. Anywho, looking forward to the next Yolks cast. And I have to just say, I'm sorry if I said this to you twice, I had to go pee. Bye. What? I had to go pee? No, someone's already done... Oh, he's referencing. He's trying to be funny by saying that. Oh, he's referencing. He's trying to be funny by saying that.

So, I mean, I'm kind of in agreement with him on the bumblebee thing. You know. So, I mean, what he's trying to say is, I think really badly, that if a bumblebee can fly with a really fat body and little wings, a dragon should be able to fly. So he's kind of disagreeing with my

suggestion that dragons can't fly. Okay. Right. Thanks Matt. Matty. I mean, do you think... I think that's true. I think people can iron-blade your claw at each other. It sounds genuine. It does sound genuine. So yeah, cheers for letting us know of that time when that happened in physics. Zeth? Yeah, what is it, Troll?

If you and Simon were to live together, would you salute each other every day in the morning when you woke up and were making a cup of tea? Would we salute each other? Hell yes we would. I always salute in the morning. If you know what I mean. Oh, tent post? Love is like a butterfly. This is Varian's Film Review. Oh my god, yes.

Okay, go. Oh, thank you, Cephas. I've been watching some horror movies lately, and I decided to watch Quarantine, which is a remake of the Spanish movie Wreck, which, well, the leading actress is Dexter's sister from the TV series Dexter. And as soon as you notice this you know it will be good. Because she's quite awesome and she swears a lot here too. I would give the movie maybe 7 out of 9 stars.

Because it was very entertaining and very very believable. With the set and all the people and nasty nasty zombies because we all know that everyone loves a zombie movie especially a remake of it when the zombies bounce around and scream and stuff and chew on human corpses in all the houses while being

surrounded by the police and the CDC. Good movie. Good zombies. I liked it. Thank you very much. Into the mind. Into the mind. Of woman.

Okay. Here's the question. This is from Scram Zero He says, hi Lomadia I have a problem for your agony Aunt Colin The other day I was sitting at my computer playing WoW and then I accidentally My whole cola

Bottle Please help me That's it, yeah He was telling you. That's it, yeah. He was telling you this. That's the message. He accidentally what? He accidentally my whole cola bottle.

These are our fans. There's no verb. There's no verb. So he might have eaten it. Yeah. He might have, I don't know Done some awful stuff with it Right, okay

My answer would be If you've eaten it, seek medical assistance If you've drunk it, drink lots of water So that the caffeine doesn't fuck you up And if you've done something else like stuck it up your arse then I would suggest you seek counselling. Is this some sort of a meme? I don't know.

Okay, so that's that one sorted out, that's the Maddy's thing for the week. If you have any more questions for Maddy I'll send them in. I accidentally my whole head. Excellent. That was how good that feature was. This one is, I'd like to register a complaint. From a guy called Pat the Priest. He says, earlier this evening I was attending a quiz at my school. Okay, immediately, this guy's obviously...

School. Weird. He says, one of the questions in the test was, What numerical value is a monkey? At this point, I went, ooh, I might know that, and started listening to your yogpod. And there was much celebration when you did in fact mention a monkey as an amount of money.

However, you failed to mention what value said monkey was worth. This is why I would like to register this complaint, as you, my main revision tool, have failed to tell me what a monkey is. Kindest regards from Pat. Wow. Well Pat, a monkey is 47 pounds and 11 pence. Hope that helps. It's not.

Incredible. I hope that helps. It's not. Incredible. For the record, a monkey is £500 or £50,000. We have to be a bit more responsible, I think. We have to say, you know, don't do drugs, kids. Drugs are bad for you, they mess you up. Stay in school, work hard, respect your elders, always brush your teeth before

you go to bed. If you have feelings for a member of the same sex, that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. So it's a sign of homosexuality if you share your iPod headphones with a member of the same sex. That's like the thing that Yoey said today to me, which is that... Dude, you can't talk about that. Children. Why not? School children listen to this. Use an analogy so it's not so vulgar and graphic.

Okay. What can you do it? You're better at analogies than I am. Okay. If you have... Imagine you have a bag of shopping tied around your waist. Okay. And in that shopping, you have a couple of oranges and a banana. I like where this is going. This is excellent.

Oh, God. Apparently, research shows or tells us that if your banana strays towards the left-hand side of the shopping bag, you are a straight person. But if it goes over to the right-hand side of the shopping bag, it means that you like members of the same sex. Yeah. Well done. We're never going to be invited to Raw Variety Performance. I said that it was good

that Ulrika Johnson got slapped from her boyfriend. What's going to happen if I ever meet Ulrika Johnson? It's going to be so awkward. I'll just have her slap her. Video it. Put it on YouTube. That'll be like a Yogscast special. If you actually met her, you'd just be like totally starstruck though, wouldn't you? You wouldn't be able to do anything, you'd just be standing there like gawping at her.

By Ulrika Johnson. Yeah. Yeah, you would. Of course you would. Who do you think you would be starstruck with? Have we had this conversation? Which celebrities have you met in real life? Warwick Davis, that's got to be the biggest name. What, the dwarf? Yep. The dwarf from Austin Powers? You've met Mini-Me, basically. No, he's not from Austin Powers, he's from Star Wars. He means the other one. The flip-wick one.

Oh, so you've met the less famous dwarf. You've met the dwarf who was in R2-D2. No, he's better. No, that's Kenny Baker. Warwick Davis was wicked. How many dwarves worked on fucking Star Wars? Chris. So this is what worries me.

Zef was this clear lack of any cultural knowledge that's not from 20 years ago. About the warps, you mean. I've met Tom Baker. Wow. Doctor Who. And er... Patrick Stewart.

You've met Patrick Stewart, Lamella. Well, technically when you say, when I say met, I mean... almost dropped something on his head whilst he was on stage. Who else have I met? I've met the Chuckle Brothers. Oh my god. That's amazing.

Shit. That's fucking brilliant. I shook both their hands. I've met the Chuckle Brothers as well. They came to my town. Look how many fucking people are in the channel! What the fuck? Sorry who's met the Chuckle Brothers? Vashi and Lauma.

I've met Hermione as well because I was an extra in the Harry Potter films. Did you touch her? Did you smell her hair? No. You weren't allowed close to her. She had bodyguards. Holy shit. Bodyguards. What were you doing in the Harry Potter then? Actually, I don't care about Harry Potter. I don't care. I wanna know about the Chuckle Brothers. They were filming, like, at my local priest shopping precinct. What, the Chuckle Brothers? Yeah, and they were meeting people and giving out autographs and stuff. Oh wow.

Man, that is the best TV show of all time. I can imagine what it would be like when they were passing the pen over to sign something. It would be like, to me, to you, to me, to you. I never actually liked that one. Oh man. Oh wow. pen over to sign something you'd be like, to me, to you, to me, to you. I never actually liked that one. Oh man. Oh wow. They're just the best aren't they? Yeah, I love the Chuckle Brothers. They're so awesome. I wish I was like them.

Do you think they have a podcast? I'm totally serious. The Chuckle Cast. I don't know if they know what the internet is. Chucklecast. Maybe we should do like a tribute yogpod where we just talk about We should do it. No, we should set up another podcast. The chucklevision

fan podcast. Where we talk about them and say, you know, what they're up to. We'll put that on the list. Of your insane ideas that we haven't used yet. The Chucklecast. We should do that.

We should so fucking do that. What? Sorry, we should do the Chucklecast? Yes. Latest news. The Chuckle Brothers in A Christmas Chuckle. An adaptation of Charles Donut's A Christmas Chuckle. Do you really think we could fill an entire podcast with Chucklevision news? What they've done there is they took Charles Dickens and they turned it into Charles Donut. Or an entire series of podcasts with Chucklevision News. This is terrible, this sounds... I mean to be fair it is aimed at children so perhaps

I should, I should view it like that. When was the last time you watched Chucklevision? Um, quite a few years ago, yeah. I mean, we are looking through this one. Is it even still on TV? The nostalgic mist of time. We should do a Tina Barrett and Chucklevision. The Chuckle Brothers podcast. Like a joint one. Fan podcast.

Tina Barrett and the Chuckle Brothers. Combine it. Oh my god. Yes. The Barrett Chucklecast. That's to look forward to next week. Do you think she's ever... Do you think Tina Barrett's ever met the Chuckle Brothers? Because she probably watched them on TV when she was

a kid. We should do an interview with Tina Barrett and ask her. Just ask her no questions about anything other than the Chuckle Brothers. Not, you know, how's your latest album going? Have you kept in touch with any of the other members

of S Club 7? None of that. Just, so, growing up, did you enjoy the Chuckle Brothers on television? Have you ever met the Chuckle Brothers? Which is your favourite Chuckle Brother? Is it Barry or the other one? What is he called?

What is the other one called? I don't think we're really experts on Chucklevision, are we?