Triforce! - YoGPoD 12: Dungeons & Dragons Part II

Episode Date: July 18, 2009

Pack your magical whistles and conjured mana bread, we're going on another adventure into the land of dungeons! and dragons! OH MY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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at Real Canadian Superstore. In the darkest depths of the Direwood, the adventurer's brick, ancient vault guardian of yore, Maedawyn, the elven sorceress, and Dylan, the homosexual bard, continue their quest to save the town from the evil presence that lurks at the tower in the distance. before this isn't like this isn't gonna be a particularly amazing uh yog pod if you didn't like the last one there's a good chance you're not gonna like this one um so yeah part two of dnd hello and welcome to Yorkport! Yorkport! This is the Yorkport! Yorkport! Yorkport! Yorkport! Yorkport! Yorkport! This is the Yorkport! The Grey Vale is beautiful in the late summer, although a pronounced chill in the air, even during what should be the hottest part of the day, indicates that something is definitely amiss with the weather.

The first few hours of your journey pass uneventfully, but as you travel through the high forest the temperature drops steadily, and with a sharp wind carries with it the promise of winter, even though the leaves have not even begun their annual autumn change. More time passes until finally the sight of the stark white wood of the albino trees that mark the boundary of the dire wood informs you that Dregduruk Tower should be within a few miles of here. Even though you don't actually know what that tower is because you failed rolls. You still magically somehow know that it's a few miles away. That's alright. So you did 27 rolls of the dice. Yeah, not even kidding. 27 rolls to determine the outcome of the blizzard. It's a scenery setup, so how bad or good or weird or whatever,

what kind of weather conditions are we going to get? You're caught in the middle of a full-on blizzard. Right. As you're trudging through the woods. Wow. in the middle of a full on blizzard as you're trudging through the woods. And you have to use your skills to overcome that blizzard to find your way out of it and to make sure that you're not injured as you traipse around through all this blinding snow. So how do we do this?

How much snow are we talking here? Well, you don't have to do anything because I've done it all for you So I can't make an igloo Because it is purely just rolling What? Make an igloo What's his face? Made a win, you're in the middle of a blizzard

And you don't even worry about trying to find your way out of it No, because the man On Dave What are you making an igloo out of it. No, because the man on Dave... What are you making an igloo out of, anyway? No, you dig into a hill. No, that's the worst fucking plan ever, isn't it? It's the middle of summer, you're walking into a forest

and suddenly you're caught in a full-on blizzard. What do you do? Make an igloo. Well, no, you don't. Of course you don't. That's the last thing you do. Does anyone fancy doing some ice fishing Cut a hole in the ice in the middle of the forest

I think I see a penguin over there And drop a fishing line down there Fuck you Ray Mears says you should Ray Mears Never played Dungeons and Dragons You dig into the side Of the cliff

Or hill And make a little bunker and then you hide in there until it's passed. Just carry on. What happens in the end? Basically Maeda carries the group through due to her knowledge

of nature and her high perception. She just carries everyone through and just points the way forward. Hooray! Brick was very clumsy and he couldn't notice anything going on so he was pretty useless.

He was blinded by the snow and just going around in circles with his arm outstretched, pointing. Maedwyn just took his hand and led him to safety. As you come out of the blizzard you can see in the distance this enormous kind of glowing blue tower that resembles a stalagmite. You know what a stalagmite is, right? Yeah, it's like the opposite of a stalactite.

They don't hang from the ceiling. Yeah, tights fall down. That's how you determine the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite. Useful. Useful knowledge. Very useful. Yep. You've learnt something today, loyal listeners. Types fall down. Listening to this shit. You poor bastards. You've got a few hours of daylight still left, so you can decide whether you can make a camp now, or you can just trudge off straight to the tower, even though you're a bit knackered and you've just been through this blizzard.

Let's camp for the night, and make me fucking tired, and get some snooze on, and then wake up nice and fresh, have some beans in one of those camping tins. Did you bring any food with you? Actually, you don't need food. No, I don't need food. You're a robot. But you might want some of those. I was picking berries at the time. So you have some berries to save you. I don't know, I could probably gather some if I have them. How's Dylan doing? I don't think you probably could. You're in the middle, everything's covered in snow. I don't think you probably could You're in the middle Everything's covered in snow I don't think there's I'll just eat snow then It's fine

Dylan Dylan is just He's just chilling out He's relaxed He's He's rolling A cigarette A pipe?

No A pipe No he's rolling a cigarette He doesn't smoke pipes Pipes for For strange old bearded men. And hobbits. Like me, actually. Yeah, and hobbits. So you're camping down for the night, are you?

Yes. Yes. Okay, are you going to set up a little shelter of some kind Or start a fire No fire Because of being seen You don't want anyone to see you But then what if you like You're going to wake up stiff as a board Frozen

I suggest we have a little fire See I don't care If we all get murdered In the night it's not my fault. See, I mean, how do you think brick would fare out in the snow overnight?

Do you think it's like joints would seize up? I don't know. I could probably do with a little bit of shelter from the elements. I've got like a, I brought with me like one of those tarpaulins that you put over cars, you know, if like you leave your car out on your front drive. Cars? You put a tarpaulin over it. There aren't any cars.

We'll just stretch that between two trees, that'll be fine. Make a little tent. You just took it. No, it's like the equivalent. It was covering one of the ill donkeys in the inn, in Loudwater. You just whipped off this tarpaulin off of it and just draped it around your shoulders and stomped off with your arm outstretched pointing. You settle down for the night, you light a fire. It doesn't seem like anybody, you know, there's no weird voices or whispering there's no leaves being crunched underfoot or snow crunching as anyone approaches you you seem perfectly safe so you just you slowly drift off to sleep and you awaken the next morning freezing fucking cold but without any daggers in your eye sockets or anything.

Good news. So it's the next day. It's the next day. Do you have to roll some more fucking dice? It's bitchy cold. Not yet. Not yet. Thank god for that. But now you have to decide basically how you're going to approach this tower

and what you're going to do. Well I'm going to go and have a little scout around. So you're going to traipse off by yourself? Yeah. I'll send my cat with him. Oh, the cat is a good idea. Yeah. He's called Bubbles, apparently.

I'm sorry. Bubbles. Bubbles. Isn't that the name of the horse? Isn't that what Michael Jackson called his monkey? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It is, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God, is it? Yeah. Well, in that case, he's not called Bubbles. And then there's Bubbles Devere from Little Britain as well. That very overweight... Bubbles, darling! That lovely naked fat woman. Anyway, the cat is going with him.

Okay, so we have your cat and Brick going off by themselves into the hills. Just up to see if we can, yeah, just towards, to have a look and see what it is on the horizon. It's a mysterious looking tower in the middle of the dire wood. Okay so we have Brick and and the cat. Guess what happens to them? They get captured or fall down a well. Okay so you wander off by yourself, well no not by yourself, you're with the cat. What are you going to do with this cat following you? Are you going to pick it up and carry it around? It's just going to be stealthily tracking me.

I probably don't realise it's there. What's this cat look like, anyway? What does Bubbles resemble? Uh, a kitten. It's a kitten? Yeah, it's a kitten. So you are, you, a powerful sorceress, are sending off a tiny little kitten.

It's a little ginger furry kitten. Oh. Okay. So, go on then. What happens to us? So, around these foothills, you can see that the ground is very icy. It's getting a bit slippery for you and you're not the most agile person.

You're making quite a lot of noise as you're traipsing around. You just rolled a dice, didn't you? Could you... It's so obvious, isn't it? It's so obvious. Yeah, you... Yeah, oh dear.

So, as a scout, you're not the most efficient thing. This giant robot just crunching around on this ice. You're probably muttering to yourself or something as well. Yeah. You're attracting attention. Oh, this is bad. This is really bad. I need to do more rolls now. Oh dear. Let's see, what's your armour? 19, oh that's pretty good though. Hang on.

Oh Jesus. This is bad. This is quite bad. You do have 37 hit points though, so you shouldn't be too disheartened by this, okay? Your loud traipsing around in the ice attracts the attention of a little figure pops up from the hill, this little dark green skinned fellow. Before you can even you can just hear something. You turn around and before you know what's going on you have a

crossbow bolt shoot into you. Into your shoulder. It's a little sniper. A little goblin sniper. that's what he is. And he's hit you for 9 damage. So you go from 37 hit points to 28. However, it is your turn and you have to decide what you're going to do. I mean, you don't know if this goblin is alone, you don't know if he's got friends, should you try and fight him and take him out as

quick as possible? Yeah I'm going to charge at the goblin and smash him in the face. Oh Jesus, by yourself? Yeah. Okay. I guess I blunted the main attack now, So he's got the element surprise on me, he's done his main attack. I'm just gonna go and hit him now. I'm furious. Yeah, um... I can tell you right now that you're not gonna be able to reach him before he's able to fire again. Okay, it's fine.

So... Brilliant. Brilliant. Okay, you've closed the distance up to him. When it's your turn again you're going to be in his face and able to attack him. Hannah, you need to decide what your cat is going to do. It's seen that there's an ambush going on, that Brick's under attack and that he's charging in by himself. How can the cat just completely disappear and reappear at will or does it have to physically run back? It's going to have to run back which is going to take some time to get back to you.

Say meow meow meow meow meow meow meow What's that Bubbles? Rick's under attack from a goblin sniper? Is the cat American? And he needs me helping him? Meow meow meow Your cat really can't help Can it not? Can it not attack things?

It's... You yourself decided what it looked like It's got massive fangs In that mouth You didn't design it to be a tiger You designed it to be a hopeless kitten So the cat's on its way back Brick is charging

Towards this goblin sniper Alone And the goblin sniper's taking aim And he's going to fire again at you Poor Brick Let's see what he does dice rolls a natural one

a natural one owned ok this is where the house rules come in determining what he's going to do his crossbow is jammed clunk it fails, this is so fucking jammy because what he's going to do. His crossbow is jammed. Clunk. It fails.

This is so fucking jammy. Because if he'd done another nine damage to you you just would have started oh, you would have been in trouble. You would have been in fucking trouble. But yeah, his crossbow is jammed. He's not able to fight. He's not able to use it again for the rest of the encounter.

He was obviously panicked. He was obviously panicked. He was obviously panicked by the enraged robot charging towards him, pointing. And he was trying to get that shot off as quick as possible and he fucked up loading and firing. Does it injure him in any way? No, it doesn't. It doesn't injure him. Crossbows are notoriously...

He's not going to shoot the bolt back in his face, is it? Just think about it. Well, it might like the... I don't know. I mean, a few splinters shoot out of it and get into his face and he just wipes his face and that's it.

I mean, what did you expect would happen? Did you think, oh, a natural one. Oh, that means a meteorite falls out of the sky and hits the goblin and is instantly obliterated? No, I was thinking it was more to do with like, well crossbows don't jam, they're not like guns. I mean are you arguing it? Are you going to keep arguing that this is what happened? No, I'm just suggesting the physics of the crossbow action of the goblin firing at the giant charging robot. You're charging towards him. It's your turn again. I'm going to swing my flail.

In an angry way. By the way, when I got hit, don't I have an ability Which allows me to Heal a certain amount Of temporary hit points When you're in combat You get one second wind That heals you No Isn't it like

Something to do with my guardian Battle rager Vigor thing Is this a racial ability That warforged has Battle rager vigor Oh battle rager vigor Got it.

Temporary hit points when hit by melee or close. Welp. That doesn't count then, alright. Right, ignore that then. Is there any particular kind of attack you want to make against him? A high damaging one. I'll use just the standard single target damage attack. Okay, well you can do a good old fashioned cleave attack. Sounds good. Yeah. Which is a 1d10 plus 4 damage. So that's a possible 14 maximum damage.

Go on, let's do that. Your attack misses him completely. For fuck's sake! You fail to make contact with him. You know, perhaps you're a bit knackered from climbing up the hill towards him. He dodges easily out of the way of your slow attack. He tosses his wrecked crossbow to the ground, hissing as he does so, and he draws out his short sword and he just faces you with it. Right, well I'm going to attack him again then. Okay, so you close the distance towards him and you make another attack. Oh, you lucky shit!

What do you mean? There's no luck involved! him and you make another attack. Oh, you lucky shit. What do you mean? There's no luck involved. There is when it comes to dice rolls. You just take one step towards him, towering over him, and you bring your mace down squarely on his tiny little goblin head,

smashing him for the maximum amount of damage. God! I can't believe it. He rolls a 1 attacking you. You roll a 20 attacking him. So with this attack, you've actually bloodied the goblin.

Bloodied means that he's on half of his hit points or less. So you can tell that you've done decent damage to him. Okay. So he could be on like one hit point but he could be on half, basically. That's what you're saying.

Yes. Yes. I would probably give more of an indication if he was on nothing. I'd say, you know, the goblin's gasping for breath. He's letting out a heathen prayer past his lips. He crosses himself.

He clutches a little statuette of the Virgin Mary. He graphs a picture, a little photograph of his wife and kids. He kisses it tenderly. Give this to my wife! Oh god, I'm sorry goblin, I'm sorry.

Anyway, the goblin is fucking furious right now. He's livid and he's going to attack you with his shitty little short sword. Are you sure he's not dazed after I thumped him in the face with my fucking flail? No. He's going to attack me back after all this? Yeah. For God's sake.

Yeah. This guy's got balls. I'm going to give him credit for that. Are you going to say that to him? Are you going to say, you strong goblin friend? No, because obviously since he's attacking me, I'm just going to continue, I'm just going to suck it up and hit him again until he submits or shows some sign of weakness.

Okay. Well the goblin lunges at you with his short sword, but he's obviously still feeling that mighty blow that you struck him, and he completely misses you with it it's just a harmless little swipe with his sword so it's your turn again brick okay i'll i'll swing again you're gonna hit him again you're not gonna try and talk to him like you said you were going to you're just gonna well you got the bloodlust going through you No, alright, alright I'm gonna It's up to you, it's entirely up to you Can I do like a Shield bash or something

Like thump him and knock him on the floor So you're gonna whack at him Using your Once per encounter Shield bash power Knocking him to the ground And then I'm going to shout at him well your shield... oh dear the goblin easily misses

your clumsy swipe with the shield so it's the goblins turn again and he's going to swipe at you again with his little short sword. He lunges at you and drives his short sword into your knee. We're assuming that he's tiny and you're massive, so he's attacking your legs. He does six damage to you. Son of a bitch. You're now on 22 hit points

Out of 37 But don't I get some temporary hit points From Battle Rager Yes Gain 3 temporary hit points Right so I'm going to hit him again

Fucking hell I thought about being merciful but... You're gonna whack him with any particular attack. Cleave? You're gonna cleave him. Your cleave misses him. So again you failed to deal any damage to this fucking thing. He attacks you and again misses completely. You miss him with your cleave. Oh, for God's sake.

He attacks you and he misses you again. We're just standing there swinging and missing each other. We're like dancing around each other. For God's sake. It's awful. I'm going to hit him again. Fucking hell, die you son of a bitch. No, no, this is getting ridiculous. Shall I just shout stop, stop, stop? You just missed him.

You're not going to come back again. Oh God and he missed you again. Right, I'm going to hold my hands up. There's a lot of low rolling going on now. And say... She's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I just want to say,

like, I don't know how to open up with a goblin who's, like, shot me. I don't know. Is it possible to, like, open dialogue with these fucking people or not? Am I wasting my time? So, uh, it's a bit cold, innit, today?

Do you come here often? What are you gonna say to him? What are you gonna say to an angry goblin? What the fuck are you gonna say? Excuse me, um, look, this is just pointless. Do you mind... Can you just put the fucking sword down for a minute? And I'll put my mace away.

My flail away. And we can just have a chat about what's going on. Why did you shoot me? What's going on? Why are you just shooting random people in the snow? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? You've got no shame. You're born in a snow. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? You've got no shame.

You're born in a barn. I want to shout like, who are you? I'll shout that. Identify yourself. The goblin just kind of hisses at you. Oh, yeah.

You don't know if he can understand you. Alright, fuck it. I'll just swing my axe at him and fail him again. I'll swing my flail at him again. Fuck it. Fuck it. Let's finish him off. I've had enough of this. You miss with your flail and he misses you again. And I swing again.

This is karma, right? Because of those good rolls. This is fucking karma now. Is the cat back yet? Oh man. The cat's probably... You can see him approaching you in the distance, Hannah. He's racing towards you. Eyes wide open. A slight frosty tear in the corner of one. Okay, I swing again.

So, look... Rick... Oh... That's not good. That was a one. Okay, I swing again. So, brick... Oh. That's not good. That was a one. Oh. Shit. Okay. So you try and cleave him again, I guess. That was your attack that you were doing. As you wildly swing your flail

around, you catch part of his armour with the flail, and the handle that you're holding onto just flies out of your hand. And the goblin stood there with a flail stuck in his armour, dangling down. And I've just got a shield. Yeah, you've been disarmed. So you're standing, towering over this goblin who's furious at you and he's going to attack you. Oh and he hits you, that's nice. You just like the minimum damage,

he just 3 damaged you. That's your temporary hit points gone. You're back down to 22. I'm going to pick up the broken crossbow and swing it in with it. Does that even have like... I need some sort of weapon. I guess I can't just use my fists. I'm not going to back down. I'm going to keep like charging at him and trying to kill him. You can actually use... you've got tide of iron. You can smack it in with that shield using that. So yeah, you can make an attack and you... Oh, I can make an attack with my shield? Alright. Right, well let's hit him with my shield. I'm not gonna like, back down. So you're just gonna whack him with the shield?

Yeah. You do hit him. You do 4 damage to him. It's an epic battle between you and this one goblin. Can you imagine what it's like when there's like five people attacking ten monsters? I mean what the fuck? It must take all night. Well it does, yeah actually. From experience I know this. And you're not going to try and grab your weapon that's dangling off of him. You're not going to try and wrestle it off of him. Instead you just whack him with your shield. Alright, no, I'm just quite happy. I don't mind, I'll just whack him. I'll whack him

with my shield, who cares? I've still got a weapon. I'm going to carry on thumping him in the face. I mean, there's like a whole 1d10 difference of damage every turn. That's if you manage to fucking hit him. But I have to spend a turn trying to recover my weapon and I'm not really very agile. I mean that doesn't matter, you would just, you'd probably, probably be able to get it off of him quite easily. It is just dandling off of his armour. Anyway, there is some bad news because the goblin strikes at you and you're unable to defend yourself properly

and you do take quite a bit of damage from it. You take maximum damage from his sword. Eight damage. That's not so good. Okay, you're on 14 health now. He could conceivably kill you. Do I get some temporary hit points, though? Yes, you do. Only three. Right. I'm going toably kill you. Do I get some temporary hit points though? Yes you do, only three. Right.

I'm going to keep hitting him. You're just relentless. You're just absolutely relentless on this. Yeah. Like you suggested, it's probably going to be trying to get my mace back. So this turn you're going to actually get your weapon back

to hit him with. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you're going to be able to retrieve your weapon from him but you're not going to be able to attack with it. So you're kind of giving him a free hit. Okay. I can take it. I've got an arrow sticking in my shoulder. He's stabbed me in the knee a couple of times i mean i'm in good shape so he gets to attack you he gets to miss you and now you've actually got your weapon in your hand

you can do a proper attack on him right okay let's try and have a fucking proper attack you miss him with your cleave. Oh man, so bad. And he stabs you with his sword. But only for 4 damage. For God's sake. So that brings you to 13. Do I get temporary hit points back? Did you gain that every single fucking time?

I thought it was only on a miss. Oh no, when you're hit. Yeah, okay. Oh shit. Okay, so you've got... you're up to 16 with your temp hit points. Thank you for reminding me of this. Are you going to try and attack him again? Yeah.

Okay, you do nine damage to him. The goblin, he sinks to his knees, clutching a picture of his family. Oh, God. He's still alive. He's still breathing. There's still hope. There's still a chance. He starts sobbing softly, and he begs you for mercy, forgiveness. Alright, okay. Well I'm going to grab him by the scruff of the neck and drag him back

towards the camp. You're taking a dying goblin back to Maeduin. Oh, and Dylan I guess. Oh god, I forgot about Dylan. He's still in the camp. He's probably still asleep. He should have gone with you and helped you. Oh, Hannah's just gone AFK. After not having anything to do for all this time,

she now goes AFK. Hello, I'm back. Oh, okay. So I just had to get up for a minute your cat got back to the camp and it meowed at you that was lots of cats beautiful meowing in the special language that only you and your cat speak to each other with, it's informed you that Brick is in a spot of trouble with a little goblin. What's your reaction to this, given that Dylan is asleep in the camp?

Oh, for God's sake, he's asleep. The cat can, like, try and wake him and wake him up by biting him or something. And I'm going to go off and try and save Brick. So you race out of the camp. Because I'm slightly better at it than he is. So you're running through the snow. Dylan's somewhere behind you, traipsing away with the cat. And as you're running through the snow, you see this figure just rise up from the hills. Out of the snow and the mist

appears this enormous robot with his arm outstretched with a goblin in his hand with his fingers wrapped around its throat. So what do you, how do you react to this? Is the goblin stunned? I kind of missed that in the semi-AFK. Or is it still struggling? You can see that he's alive. He's not struggling. He's just letting Brick carry him around. Right, okay. I'm going to go over there,

and I'm going to attempt to talk to it, because I have a diplomacy of 11. But can you speak goblin? I don't know. It might speak common. All right, okay. Brick, what are you can you speak goblin? I don't know. It might speak common. Alright, okay. Brick, what are you doing to that goblin? I am returning him to

the camp. Please provide medical assistance. Yeah, Dylan can heal. I am bringing him to Dylan. Where is Dylan? Dylan's somewhere behind you. Just slowly making his way towards you Are you gonna heal yourself to your maximum? Yeah, do that. So you're back to your healthy 37 hit points. A bit of basic electronics

self repair module activate Repair successful So Repair successful! Beep! So... So Dylan... Dylan's with you two now and he's just kind of like gazing at this little goblin fella transfixed

Where did you find that man? Where did you find that man? This creature was up on the ridge overlooking the tower. He attacked me. Please, find information. I thought you wanted to heal him. I'm not sure why you wanted to heal him.

This guy who attacked you. I don't know. I've got a kind heart obviously. I'm warming to the goblin already. What? Why? Why are you warming to him? He tried to kill you! It's alright, it's alright. Motherfuck. My goblin friend. I was hoping, well, let's try and talk to him and heal him up, make sure he doesn't die and... He's not going to die. See if we can get any information off him.

He's perfectly fine. I can tell you right now he has two hit points. Well, shit. Dylan examines him. He knows a bit about medicine and healing and such. First aid. And he determines that

the goblin has two hit points that's a bit meta yes whoa man this goblin's only got two hit points can can either of you speak with him i wish to learn more about this tower With him, I wish to learn more about this tower. It is very suspicious. I sense an evil presence. I sense an evil presence? Haven't you got a wrong perception for that? No. I sensed it in the Southwood as well, remember? The Happywood? Which wood?

So my senses of evil presence aren't really very accurate. No, no. I mean a paladin has like detect evil, but you don't have that. You've got detect fuck all. Pffft. Luckily, Dylan tells you that he is well versed in Goblin and that he learned it whilst on an exchange trip with a Goblin student whilst he was at Bard College. Right, yeah. I trained with some Goblin Bards

many years ago. I can speak Goblin! He tells you. Right, go on then. Go on. Okay. Get on with it. Dylan says to the Goblin. Oh my god, I thought it was the Goblin.

No, no, Dylan, he's very fluent in Goblin. Goblinese. Good grief. I think is the technical term. Uh-huh. The goblin hisses at Dylan and then turns its puppy dog eyes towards Brick. Friend! I nod slowly. This is such a moving moment.

This is beautiful. Then I pat the goblin gently. Unfortunately, because the goblin's only on two hit points. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not like fucking George of Mice and Men. That's exactly what I was thinking, yeah. You're like Lenny. Oh, my God.. You're like many. Oh my god.

So you're patting. Oh man. Oh god. This is terrible. This is terri- Oh god. Why did you do it? Why did you pat him?

With your massive fucking robotic hand? I mean just think about it, with one hand you've got it wrapped tightly around his neck and with the other hand you're whacking the top of his head! He's a goblin, he's fucking tough as nails! Do you see what I went through to kill him? That only because you missed this! Jesus Christ, Marv, the fucking time! Look, put him down, we'll tie him up and then we can heal him. He's fine, he's fine. He has two hit points!

I pat him for strength damage. You do four damage to him. He's only got 2 hit points! Okay, so the goblin is on minus 2 hit points. It's not dead. He's not dead until he's on minus 10. I've decided. I'm treating him like a proper NPC, you know. A proper NPC now. Okay. So he's... he's pleading heavily.

He's like gurgling. It's like dark green blood just oozing out of him. I mean how does Brick react when he, when he does this to his little new goblin friend? I... You're never gonna get to this fucking tower. I can't find out what's going on. It's like the first episode, he was busy with this rapist, like, abusing Hannah, and this one is just this fucking goblin. The whole fucking episode. Oh my god. You're listening to episode 14 of the Yogg-Pon D&D session. We're outside

of the icy spire. About to go in. So, I mean, what are you going to do? Are you going to try and talk to him now that you know he can actually, you know, you're aware that he can speak at least a few rudimentary words of common greetings friend can you tell us about the tower in the distance help you can use first aid skill all right i'll stabilize it stabilize him

and make him in a yeah Yeah, stabilise him. You remove his armour, tenderly. You take his undershirt off, you rip it into bandages, and you patch him up. So you've got a naked bandage... Does he not have any pants on? Goblin. He has a little loincloth. Right. A tiny little loincloth.

Leather! Right, okay. I'm just going to point at the tower and tilt my head questioningly. Tower! Cold! Bad! He's not the most chatty. Oh, so he thinks it's bad. So he's obviously not affiliated with the tower. Well you need to ask him. I can't just answer. Well, no, he says it was bad. So if he says it was bad, then the enemy of our enemy is our friend.

So I'm going to perch him on my shoulder, and we're going to continue towards the tower again. Like you're a pirate and he's your parrot? Yeah. Well, partly because... For fuck's sake. I figure if any other goblin snipers come out of the woods,

they won't shoot one of their own. Ah, so you're using him as a goblin shield, you could almost say. Yeah. Not a human shield, a goblin shield. So you've got a goblin... You've got a goblin who's almost dying and is naked apart from a loincloth and bandages on one shoulder.

Yeah. On the other shoulder you've got Bubbles, this ginger kitten. I've got an arrow sticking out of my shoulder as well, I think. Well, that's helping the goblin be comfortable. He's kind of half on the arrow. So are you finally going to make your way towards the tower? Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. And so, Barry the Goblin guided our fearless adventurers to the mysterious tower where they camped for the night. To be continued.

Question mark. Yeah, we don't know. Are we going to continue? Um. Christ. I really don't know. Listen, if people like it and want us to do more, we'll do more. But I don't know how we're going to gauge whether people like it and wants to do more we'll do more but uh i don't know how we're going to gauge whether people like it there's no sort of decent rating system for podcasts you know if people think it's

shit there's no way they can say this was shit we need to i choose these individual podcasts we just have to rely on people's feedback people contact we only get like, if we get like 5 emails, feedback, or like 10 maybe, how are we going to get like, how are we going to use that to judge? It's difficult. We need to have like more of a site where we can have polls and like... We've got the forum, except we don't. Don't use the forum, it the forest anyway uh... this just got good time all over the place uh... people would like you sir how could they use a twitter

status messages on twitter like she was interested email or something i mean christ twitter us at a store if you really want extra followers then yeah you could say follow us on Twitter And send us your tweets And contact us on YouTube as well Just give us some fucking feedback So we know what the hell we're doing

Something really odd happened to the hair on my arm The hair on my arm It looks like an old woman's perm It's very peculiar. What? I don't know what's happened to it. You've got like a grey haired old woman's hair on your arm. What? All over your arm? No, no, I mean all the hair. Like a, like a yeti. It's like standing up. It's really long and it's curly. It's horrible. Only on one arm? I really don't like it. Um, actually it's worse on my right arm than my left.

Is it like a full moon? It's very beautiful. Are you like slowly turning into some sort of strange animal? Yeah, probably. I used to be a werewolf, but I'm alright nowoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo