Triforce! - YoGPoD 16: Boobles, Man-man, Cowboy MMO and floating Jaffas

Episode Date: August 14, 2009

Jam-packed with nonsense this week, with topics from cow tetris to fantasy football. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's how I picture every woman abroad to be. In Europe. They're all like that. They wear little corsets. They serve you beer. They've got ponytails. Massive boobages. And for some reason they've got words painted

over their chest. I wonder what pandemonium looks like. Christ. She's got to be pretty wide to fit that on her. Hi. Hello, you himmits. Oh, you checked the wicked weasel pictures. If you just check the picture where she's laying in the yellow beach bed,

you see those huge fucking camel toes. Oh my god. The one with the yellow beach toe where she's tautless and you can see a blemish beside her nipple. A blemish. Maybe it's like a third nipple or something. Oh. Third nipple. Or it could be...

You'll have to do that in Amsterdam when you go there, Barry. You'll have to find a woman with three nipples. These girls have small tits, though. Someone texted me. Is that Hannah? Hannah! What's up, Chuck?

What strange things you'll ask me. Do you think Hannah's bikini pictures will look like this? Yeah, I imagine she'll... I doubt it. I imagine it would look just like one of those Wicked Weasel pictures, Barry. It would be like the British version of Wicked Weasel. Naughty ferret! I just thought I'd reply to Hannah. You know, what's up, Chuck? Looking at breasts. With Lewis Barry and Yowie. Hello and welcome to TTT Channel. This is the York Pod York Pod York Pod York Pod

This is the York Pod Would you play, like, a western MMO in which you're like a gunslinger or a sheriff or just like a standard cowboy with skills at herding cattle or like a madam

in a bawdy house, whatever the fuck they called them. Or you could be like a bartender. A bawdy house. A bawdy house. Or whatever the fuck they called them. Or you could be like a bartender. A bawdy house. A bawdy house. Or you could be a blacksmith. Like a real blacksmith. Not some tosser who makes

14 pairs of fucking cobalt boots to give to his mate to diggy. No, no, no. You're a real blacksmith. That's your class. That's what you are. You carry around, you know,

great big fucking pieces of metal that you whack people over the head with because you're a nutter fucking blacksmith. I mean, just... Sounds quite fun. Sounds like a nice idea. The thing I have a problem with is this, right? Look at Fallout 3. How difficult would it

be to add the code to make fallout 3 into a multiplayer you can probably just patch it just download a little patch there you go suddenly it's an mmorpg i don't i'm no i'm no computer game design expert or anything, clearly. But we have games that are very, very good and game worlds that are as good as they need to be. I would love to play Fallout 3 with someone else. They are making a new Fallout game already. What class would you play in my western MMO? You could be the weird dude who always wears like a teller's visor like they use in poker games and stuff.

But he doesn't work in the bank, he works in the telegraph office. And all he does all day is just tap that telegraph thing. And that's it. And you would be pressing that button on your keyboard. You'd be like sending telegrams to people. 1111 1111 1111 1111 1111 1111 Wow, well I mean I'm sold already That would be the only way to communicate

With people in different towns and stuff Because there'd be like a whole different You know, there'd be like a whole world Of all these little towns across the wild west But you couldn't just send In-game mails and you know They magically pop up in the next town No, you have to send telegraphs.

I got a message, it's from Dave. He's up in Hopesville. The telegraph reads... I think someone fucked up somewhere along the line. I'm surprised that people who used to send telegraphs didn't get RSI. They probably did. Only they didn't call it RSI. Telegraphers Finger. Telegraphers Finger, yeah. That's perfectly descriptive of it.

Telegraphers Finger. Poor old boy Johnson. He's got Telegraphers Finger. That's perfectly descriptive of it. Telegraphers Finger. Poor Oldboy Johnson. He's got Telegraphers Finger. Oldboy Johnson. Would that be the name of your character in this? What would this game be called? Wild of Westcraft. It's the Wild West.

Wild of Westcraft. West of Wildcraft. That might work. And it could use the name Wow as well. Yeah, so you could leech off people who bought the wrong NMO. It's like, have you played Wow? No.

Go out and buy it, man. It's great. And then you go out and there's Wild of Westcraft on there. And you're like, holy shit, this game looks awesome. And then you buy it and you get RSI. Well, only if you play a telegrapher. You don't have to play that class. looks awesome! And then you buy it, and you get RSI. Well, only if you play a telegrapher. You don't have to play

that class. You could be like a cowboy herding cattle all day. I mean, again, that would come down to just pressing 1 a lot, probably. It's like, whip cow would be 1. Whip cow. Whip cow.

Whip cow. Whip cow. Whip cow. Whip cow. Whip cow. You don't want to know what one would do if you were a prostitute class. Except one of the options. Can you choose

gender on the prostitute class? Or are you like fixed? Can you choose Can you choose gender On the prostitute class Or are you like fixed This isn't fucking Brokeback Mountain You have to be a girl prostitute I mean you saw how they treated The um The young queer fellas

In Brokeback You know it wasn't an open free society Back then Men were men Indeed You know, it wasn't an open, free society back then. Men were men. Indeed. What's that stupid saying? Men were real men, and women were real women. No, when men were men.

And... Women were also men. Oh, I guess they're... They must be Indians. I guess that would be like the Horde and the Alliance. The Alliance would be the Cowboys. And the Horde would be the Indians. I'm not sure what classes the Indians would have.

I guess Archers. They're great Archers. I guess Skinning and Tanning probably isn't an interesting class to play. Cutting the skin off of a buffalo hanging it up to try Would this game be like one of those like Puzzle Pirates or something or like one of those free

like a big fish game you know where it's like a puzzle game and it's full of all like little mini games you know and like so the tanning game would be like you know where it's like a puzzle game and it's full of all little mini games. So the tanning game would be like cutting up... It's a bit like a jigsaw. You know, like fitting together different kinds of animal skins to make

a piece of clothing or something. A teepee. Oh my god. What a mental image of playing a fucking video game where you're piecing parts of a cow's ass together to make a tent. And you have to do it faster than someone else.

I mean, that would be the online aspect or something. Or someone else helps you by providing the skins to you by butchering the animal. That would be like Tetris or something. All the animals coming down into your shop and you have to fit them into... That herding cattle would be like Tetris or something. All the animals coming down into your shop and you have to fit them into...

That herding cattle would be like Tetris because you're fitting all the different shaped cows into a pen. It would just be one shape of cow. It would all be the square.

It would be Tetris. It'll be Tetris with squares. Yeah, that would be it. Amazing. What a fun game. Oh my god. Hello? you are listening to the Yorke board. Vanas, Vanas. Hello.

Oh la la. C'est bon. C'est très bon. Do you think it would be possible to create a character that looks completely normal? Doesn't look like a superhero at all. And your name is Man-Man. Not Superman, not Spider-Man, not Batman, but Man-Man. You're just a man. That's it.

Your superhero power is that you're a man. But really, you're a lady. It's your secret. This is a terrible idea. It's the most useless power. We've already come up with shitty ideas for superheroes.

Man, that is on the list now. What are you called? Man-man. Man-man. Man-man. Yeah. You just look like a normal bloke. You've got a pair of jeans and a shirt on. That's your outfit. That's your superhero outfit. No spandex. No floating orbs around

you. None of that weird shit. No mask. You've got like a slightly Trendy haircut But nothing special Maybe a bit of highlights in it You know You've got a scarf Instead of a cape Because people don't wear capes

To keep warm They just put a scarf on That's it Amazing What do you mean? The cape isn't to keep warm Yeah it is It's to keep you warm That's why Amazing What do you mean? The cape isn't to keep warm Yeah it is It's to keep you warm

That's why people wore capes Is that the justification for a cape? To keep them warm? Why does Superman need to keep warm? The justification No the justification for wearing a cape Is so that it looks impressive When it moves around

It's just to do with the movement. The fluidity. It's a way of displaying you know, an unmoving drawing actually looks like something's going on with a big cape billowing around.

Sorry, so you were telling me about Man Man. He just looks like an ordinary bloke. Jeans and a t-shirt. He's got a nice pair of sunglasses. No, no, no, no, no. He doesn't wear sunglasses. He doesn't wear sunglasses. Oh, what does he...

Are you sure? What does he drive? No, yeah. He drives... A BMW. A Prius. A hybrid? No, a Prius.

Surely he wouldn't drive a Prius. He cares about the environment. He's got a Prius. A hybrid? No, a Prius. Surely he wouldn't drive a Prius. He cares about the environment. He's got a Prius. That doesn't make sense. I'm not sure I agree with you. Man-Man would drive a Ferrari or something, wouldn't he? Man-Man drives a Prius. No, no.

A Ferrari? He drives a Ferrari. Jamiroquai. What? What's he called? JK. JK from Jamiroquai. He drives a Ferrari.

You know, Michael Schumacher drives a Ferrari. Man-Man, he drives a Prius. Like Brian Cox. Man-Man. He likes Starbucks. He goes to Starbucks a lot. He has an Apple Mac. Man-Man is sounding less and less manly.

I think he's a man's man. Do you see what I did there? Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, no, it didn't go like that when you did it before. How did I do it before? It went... It went like that. Isn't that completely insane? Yes. The other thing I need you to do...

Hello. Hello, Fist. Hello. I came into the channel to hear Honeydew mooing the theme from Tetris. I'm curious. I mean, as ways to log on, it's better than Nearest talking about gay sex, but it's still very strange. Oh, good lord.

What was he doing talking about that? Some raid or something, I don't know. What's up, pals? Zeph, I did all your shit. I know, man. I didn't even manage to get it all out of my mailbox, it was too much. Why have I got that song in my head now? I had that song in my head last time we did this as well. Play that Tequila song instead. The Tequila song is the anti-Tetris mooing.

But then I'll have that in his head. It's the kryptonite to the Superman power of the Tetris moo. Hello, I am a Mexican. It's very nice. Wow. Keep trying. Hello, I am Terry Walker. You are listening to the Yorkport.

It's very nice. What is that very nice thing? Because no one I know who does a French impression ever says that. Isn't that Borat? Very nice. Oh, it's from Monty Python. We've been doing the Yoggpod and Yoggcast for like a year now.

We're getting more popular. What we've had to do is we've had to get a new hosting. So the website's moved and so has the Yoggpod. So hopefully, if you're listening to this on Yoggpod right now, you've managed to this on the Yoggpod right now, you've managed to get connected up to the new server.

If you haven't, then hang on, how would that work? Because they wouldn't be able to listen. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how we get around that. The other thing, what else do we need to talk about? If you're deaf, and you're Hitler, and you're listening to the Ogpods,

Hail me! Hail me. Yeah. You mean, Heil me. Yeah, whatever. He's deaf. It's not going to come out properly,

is it? I mean, you're splitting hairs. He's not fucking illiterate. He can read. Yeah, but he can't speak properly, because he's all deaf.

Hail me! Hail me. Yeah, he doesn't know how Heil's pronounced because he's, you know, he's not German and he's deaf. He's a deaf English Hitler. I wrote down all this stuff we need to chat about but I can't find it anywhere.

Anyway, the other thing is, what were we fucking saying? Hail me! I kind of wanted to mention some of the fan stuff. but I can't find it anywhere. Anyway, the other thing is, what were we fucking saying? Oh, man! I kind of wanted to mention some of the fan stuff. Letters from the Yognauts. Yeah. If we had any decent letters. We have a lot of good letters, actually. A lot of people send me messages and stuff,

and I'd love to read out everyone's names. I mean, I'm interested to know what people have to say. Well, we had about 30 or 35 contact us about the D&D Yacht Pod saying they wanted more. So if we use that to think... You know, they say that only one in, you know, a couple of hundred people actually write in. Who listen, actually write in. Who listen,

actually write in. Only a fraction of people. What? Are you high or something? Are you drunk? My brain's just melting. We need to start again. You've been working hard, haven't you,

lately? And your brain's just kind of melted and poured out of your ears. I've got a lot of work to do. I'm not really with it. Anyway, we had a lot of people contact us from the D&D saying that they wanted more,

so we're going to do another one of them. We're not going to talk to fans on Skype or any of this rubbish. Why not? Piss off. Some people liked the story. I think other people didn't. We'll see what happens in the future. We might do more stories.

We might not. We'll mix it up. We'll see what happens in the future. We might do more stories, we might not. We'll mix it up. We'll see what we're going to do. I've got another couple of stories that I'm in the process of writing and I would like to have Honeydew read. And they're not that long and tight, so if you don't like them, then fuck off.

Dine a fire. Faggots. The other thing is we have set up on the website the ability for people to donate either a packet of Jaffa Cakes or an S Club 7 album

to Simon. What this will do is this will just help us pay for the hosting and stuff and any extra money we get it will probably go back into the Yacht Pod in some form. We might do a competition or something. You're not actually buying Jaffa Cakes or an

album. You're actually contributing the same amount of money in cash to the Yogpod to help us pay. We're not a Jaffa Cake vendor. We're not going to actually send you Jaffa Cake vendor. We're not, like, going to actually

send you Jaffa Cakes from... No. No. Simon's just going to eat them. From the co-op. So donate.

If they're on offer, though. Donate. If somebody wants a pack, I'm sure we can work something out. We're going with I think it's £1.65

a pack of Jaffa Cakes. Is that on offer or not? Yeah. That's two packs of Jaffa Cakes. Is that on offer or not? Yeah. That's two packs of Jaffa Cakes. So, it's a twin pack. That's how much it is from Tesco. Yeah, a twin pack of Jaffa Cakes.

That's 24 Jaffas. Right. £1.65. Sure, it's 24. And you can donate the equivalent. Yes. It's £12 in a pack. £110 in a pack.

No. £12 in a pack. No, it's 12 We've been through this before Next you'll be saying Oh is it a biscuit Or is it a cake I can't remember

And we'll have this conversation For like the third fucking time Sorry That's the beauty of a poor memory man You can enjoy the same conversations Over and over again You're like a fucking goldfish A goldfish with like A Jaffa cake floating around in its fishbowl.

And it's like, what is this? I don't understand. Is this a biscuit or a cake? And then they figure it out and then they just forget. The goldfish wouldn't be thinking that, would it? It would just be thinking about how tasty it would be. Jaffa cake. Oh, I wish I had a cup of tea I could dunk it in.

Have you ever put your hand into a goldfish bowl and had the Jaffa cake? Have you ever put your hand into a Jaffa cake nibble on me? I've put my willy in it before. But unfortunately it was a piranha

tank. So I don't have a willy anymore. It's gone. Oh dear. There's a little bit of knobbly flesh there. That's delightful. It's like a b****. That's all that's left of my penis. I'm sorry. There's no need for that. Sorry, that's going too far. That's going to get cut. Right. Jesus Christ. So if you want to donate some money towards helping

us finance the stuff that we're already paying for and also encourage us to do more Yoggpods that would be good we're not doing this to make money but we're not doing it to lose money either, that's how it is that's true

the other thing is, it's kind of a bit late because it starts on August 15th, the season kicks off, but there's a fantasy football league going on fantasy.premierleague.com it's fantasy soccer for those of our american buddies um we have a league and it's free so you can just sign up on fantasy.premierleague.com make your football team

and you can join the jogfoot league and i think whoever wins the league will get some sort of little prize for them. Maybe get them on the Yacht Pod and say how they won the football. This starts in two days' time. This podcast is not going to be out in two days' time. It's just not going to happen. It is. I'm going to put it up.

Also, people need the code. They need to write down the URL and they also need to know the code. It's very complicated. It's not worth it, really. It's just not worth it. Pause the odd pod now

and get a pen and pencil and come back in a second. Hang on. Now and get a pen and pencil And Okay Come back in a second Okay Welcome back Welcome back The code is

349 295 hyphen 157596 Alright So it's secret code for Yodpod listeners 295-157-596 295-157-596 So it's secret code for Yodpod listeners Join our Fancy Football League team

And it'll be fun Nobody's going to join Nobody's going to join Because this podcast isn't going to be out in time Also It's not going to be out Well, no In two days time

It's not going to happen You can still join After the season started You know It's just a bit late That's all There's only like Four of us In the fucking league

Our little league Our Yogfoot league The Yogfoot So I think There probably is A good chance Of someone winning Seeing how there's

Such a small You know Group of people Taking part Also It's like entering a raffle And the only people of someone winning, seeing how there's such a small group of people taking part. It's like entering a raffle, and the only people who have bought raffle tickets is the vicar and the woman running the raffle.

And there's four prizes, so the vicar and the woman who runs the raffle get two prizes each. Yeah, you're going to walk home with a big box of shortbread and a little basket of soaps That's what you're going to do Yeah a little basket of hand washes

And you're going to get a little fake plant That's stuck in that green felt stuff That Oasis stuff You know what I'm talking about That green stuff that you stick plants in It's called Oasis I'm quite impressed that you knew that. Yeah, man. I know. I know about that kind of stuff.

Have you worked in a flower shop? There'll be a box of Ferrero Rocher there. Did you just ignore my question? Are you embarrassed because you did actually work in a flower shop? I go to the horticultural show, don't I, every year and stuff.

You took part, didn't you? Didn't you do some flower arranging? I didn't really do any flower arranging as much as picked five flowers, put them in a vase. Did you wear a dress? Hang on, you did actually do flower arranging. I didn't do any actual arranging. You did

enter some flowers. Dude, I am comfortable with my masculinity. It's fine. Wow. It's fine. Wow. Everything was fine. Was there like a lady there, like a friend of your mother's

and she said, Oh, Lewis, you're such a nice boy. Such a lovely boy. There's actually, there's a friend of my son's that you might be interested in meeting. He's called Graham. He's a hairdresser. Right. I can see where this is going.

He owns a Ford car. Ford car. It's obviously well to do. Yeah, that was like the gayest car that I could think of I don't really know much about Gay cars No I don't really know much about gay cars either

Is there a stereotypical car For gays I'm not really sure Gays aren't really into cars Are they Motorbikes Because they have to dress up in leather For gays? I'm not really sure Gays aren't really into cars, are they? Motorbikes Because they have to dress up in leather They have to basically wear a leather catsuit

Like Emma Peel From the Avengers I'm not sure that's Quite right To be honest There's a lovely friend of my son's called Graham He rides a motorbike and he's a hairdresser. He's fond of musicals.

He's a friend of Dorothy's. Dorothy? He likes flower arranging as well. Is that the lady she plays Scrabble with? A friend of Dorothy's? Have you never heard that term before? No, I haven't. Isn't that like the time of the month? You know, I'm just off to Dorothy's. Oh, my God. No, I haven't. Isn't that like the time of the month? You know,

I'm just off to Dorothy's. No. That's Aunt Edna. Dorothy's coming round to visit. Aunt Edna. Aunt Irma.

Yeah. Aunt Irma, that's it. Aunt Irma, yeah. From the It Crowds. Oh, classic. Oh, classic. Cultural references. Woo-hoo! Pew, pew, pew! We're like firing the references. Classic Classic Classic References Woohoo

Pew pew pew We're like firing The references Like bullets So basically What happened is We've like Told people

The fantasy football league thing But we've told them it In the middle of the podcast And if they're listening To the podcast Like When they're On the bus

Yeah To school On the way to school Because they're all're on the bus to school. Because they're all going to school. Every single one of our subscribers. Or if they're in their car maybe driving to work. Or if maybe they're playing WoW and they've

got it on in the background. I've got an idea. What I'm trying to say is that they probably won't have had a chance to write down the number of the league in time. Why are we even doing this? Because the thing is, most of our listeners don't listen to this. As soon as it's downloaded, anyway. Oh, fuck off, Yowie.

This isn't going very well, is it? Oh, dear. Hello, honeydrew. Hello, Yoey. This isn't going very well, is it? Oh, dear. Hello, Honey Drew. Hello, Yo, he bits and... Just check ilkscast.com and we'll put it

on there. Jesus.