Triforce! - YoGPoD 18: You put the boom boom into the durr

Episode Date: September 7, 2009

Milkmen, ricicles, songs about werewolves and vyrian reviews District 9! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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you know, there's like a crazy old leper man and he really needs to get off and so he just starts whacking it. Right, that's just the... You know, his hand just goes flying off. His hand goes flying off. Wow.

So he's just there with his wrist. The thing is though, he'd use his other hand. He'd go and collect that dead hand. And it would be like... Oh no! What's that called when you sleep on your arm? Oh no! Dead arm!

No, what's it called when you... It's called a stranger. Oh no! Oh no! I don! What's that called? No, what's it called when you... It's called a stranger. Oh no! Oh no! I don't think it's called a stranger. There is something called dead up in this room. It's got a name though. Ugh.

That poor leper. What about that guy? That, um... That, like, crazy Islamic extremist cleric who's got the hook for a hand. Abu Hamza? What do you reckon he does? He's got to be very careful, isn't he? Do you think he puts a pork

chop onto the hook? That is horrible. He probably has an additional screw-on attachment. It's like a flashlight attached to his hand. Can you imagine if he accidentally came to the mosque one morning and he'd forgotten to change his hand attachment? He like shakes

hands with people and says, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lovely morning. Hello and welcome to TTTT Channel York Pod York Pod York Pod Okay Shall we just talk about How There aren't those Rice Krispies with sugar on anymore

What were they called? Rice-icles Rice-icles Rice-icles Rice Krispies with sugar on anymore. What were they called? Ricicles. Ricicles. Ricicles are just Rice Krispies with sugar on. And Cocoa Puffs are darky Rice Krispers. When we were kids, like, this was such a long time ago, that there were different stuff. Do you remember Lucky Charms?

They were like cereal with lumps of marshmallow in them. Do you remember lucky charms they were like it's like cereal with lumps of marshmallow in them remember those yes yes very american cereal even though it's kind of like yeah irish theme to it but they got like america they stopped making them after a while and there was all sorts of like um sweets and chocolate bars like Do you remember when all news agents used to have penny sweets? Oh God, how old do I sound? But you could get a little paper bag

and fill it up with sweets that cost about 1p each and you could have 25p's worth of cola bottles and cherries and What were those? Prawns? They were like little prawns, weren't they? Little pink, plasticky-tasting prawns.

What were they made of? Sugar. That's about it. Yeah. And rice-icles, man. I remember those. But I think they just... Those cereals were just so full of sugar.

It was like... just, the thing is, those cereals were just so full of sugar. It was like, ugh. Well, most cereals are. Then again, though, when I have, like, wheat bits, I just cover that damn thing in sugar, like, two spoonfuls for, like, each biscuit bits. Oh my god, why would you do that?

Because they're horrible. They're just all soggy and, like, gross without sugar. With sugar, they're horrible. They're just all soggy and gross without sugar. With sugar, they're lovely. It just seems unnecessary to me. I mean, if you're just going to throw sugar on it, why not get a sugary cereal or something that tastes a bit nicer? No, because it's healthy. It's not healthy if you're throwing fucking sugar over it, is it?

Well, this is true. This is true. You may as well just eat a bowl of Werther's Original, covered in milk. A bowl of Werther's Original's delicious. Oh, God, yeah. Can you still buy those? No.

All of my popular culture references are so out of date that the things I talk about aren't even around anymore. It's not really a popular culture reference talking about Words Originals anyway, is it? It was ten years ago. Oh man, the Words Originals adverts were always creeping me out a bit. It was always like, come sit on Grandad's knee and I'll give you a birth original. Yeah, you make it sound pretty sinister.

I remember it being sweet. He was a lovely old man. Do you reckon you'll be a lovely old man when you're that age? That bulge in his trousers, it was just where they'd ride up. It was the packet. You know? What do you mean? They were baggy.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah. And there was the packet. In his pocket. And sometimes he had to fiddle with that pocket to get a sweet out. And his hand was in there for like five minutes at a time. God, that is horrible. Oh, dear. But as he did it, he had such a serene look on his face.

He looked at peace. Oh dear god. I think this is the earliest I've gone up in a week. You should try and get used to it then because it's good for you to get up this early. It doesn't feel good because I just have to drink lots of coffee and smoke lots of cigarettes to get me up to some kind of normal level of awareness. My wits are very dulled early in the mornings. And by early in the morning I mean ten o'clock.

Yeah, it's ten o'clock in the morning and you are completely exhausted and like, useless. Ugh. It feels like 5am to me Like the birds have just woken up The cockerel

Is singing outside my window Announcing the start Of a brand new day The milkman arrives Whistling a merry tune Possibly Some Lady Gaga He drops off a couple of

Pinters upon the doorstep. A child... Do you like to be a milkman? Walks... What? Go on, carry on. A child what? A child walks out into the road

in front of the milk float and gets knocked over. So yeah, would I like to be a milkman? Could you be killed by a milk float as well? Well, the thing is, steamrollers move awfully slow, and they're fatal. You don't want to get under one of those.

There's a little bit of a difference, though. I mean, a milk float is like a glorified go-kart. Yeah, but it's carrying lots of weight, all that milk. I mean, it might give you a bruise. It's an awful lot of milk. Yeah, but their turning circle is very high as well. I mean, you're unlikely to be hit by one. And also, they've got good braking.

You know, they stop pretty quick. And they don't really get up to a dangerous level of speed, do they? What would happen if you got hit by a milk float? Would it just slowly push you along the road? And you'd be like, hey, oi, stop that. Stop. Stop that. And it's just gently nudging you along. Oi, oi.

He stops frequently, though, to drop off the pointers, so you'd be able to extricate yourself from the front. Do they still deliver milk? I mean, I don't get it delivered. No, no, no.

Milkmen deliver coal these days. No, I mean, do people still go around delivering milk properly in milk floats? Of course they do. Really? Well, they do in Gloucestershire. But then we're slightly backward here. Do you get it delivered in those bottles? The traditional pint bottles? Yes.

He also delivers potatoes, bottled water, butter. At Christmas, he does, like, boxes of chocolates and biscuits and cakes. He's like a little Santa Claus. When was the last time you saw a milkman? I don't know, Simon. I don't think I see them. The thing is, they're sort of these elusive creatures who probably have to get up at like...

You've never seen a milkman? Four o'clock in the morning. And then they're done by like, you know, half past seven. They go home and go to sleep. It's a good job. It's a good job to have. I've met honest work like i've never met someone who works as a milkman well maybe one of our listeners is a milkman or wants to be a milkman when he grows up which is probably more likely possibly yeah possibly what off what advice could you offer

someone who who wants to be A milk delivery person Which is probably what they're called these days It's the PC name What? Sorry what was the question? The question was What advice could you offer A Yogpod listener

Or Yogscast listener Who is interested in becoming a milkman right we've got our listener he's called Dave he wants to be a milkman when he grows up and he's just looking for some helpful tips a bit of friendly advice and

when you're here you can offer him some of that advice you can help him out you can offer him some of that advice. You can help him out. You can show him the way. The float way. The milk float way. The way of the float. The milky way. Do you reckon they have some sort of hazing thing when you become a milkman?

Or you get stripped naked and you have to ride a milk float out into the middle of a golf course or something. They just pour milk all over you. It's like waterboarding, but with milk. And they turn you loose in a nursery. And all the babies start sucking on you. And they're gummy, horrible, drooling mouths. You could so be arrested for that. They'd just eat you.

It'd be like the piranha death thing. Oh no. Like being eaten to death by the piranhas. The gummy mouth piranhas. That is the most revolting thing you've ever come up with. All day. All that's left is like the cap. There's just a cap left

and maybe a pacemaker or like a hip replacement. Oh, like a baseball cap that Milkman would wear. Not a baseball cap, like the Milkman's cap. Have you not seen a Milkman's cap? Sounds like some kind of toadstool, doesn't it? Milkman's cap. Causes hallucinations, nausea, diarrhea. There, in my comment, this is a Milkman's cap. As you can see it may look fairly old to you.

It does look very weird. It looks like some kind of fetish gear doesn't it, because it's like leather. It's got a chain on it. A leather strap. It looks like one of the village people would wear. Yeah. Did the village people have a milkman as a member? I don't know. There's the cop, the Indian, the builder, the milkman. Oh, dear. They missed out there.

They should have had the milkman. Milkman, there's no need to feel down. I say, milkman, get your feet off the ground. I say, milkman, cos you're in a new town and there's milk to be delivered. It's fun to deliver, M-I-L-K. Oh yes, it's great to deliver, M-I-L-K-A. Wow. Oh God.

See, the thing is, when we were like young, like five or five or six, and we were, like, brought to a disco... And our heart was an open book. Well, in fact, between the ages of five and fifteen, that song was played at every disco we went to, pretty much, wasn't it, Simon? Yeah, yeah. We went to a lot of gay clubs when we were fifteen. clubs when we were 15. School discos, you know, it was that and that George Michael song. Oh God, not George Michael as well!

The thing is, back in the 80s, the early 90s, the village people in George Michael, they weren't gay. They were they were normal strapping lads they were married they were fine upstanding members of the community and then all these horrible

rumours surfaced and it turns out that yes they were all gay and housewives across the country cried as did Nans You put the boom boom into the dirt Shit that fucking song man You did what?

You put the boom boom into the dirt Whatever Whatever You know You put the boom boom into my heart You put The boom boom Into my heart You put the boom boom Into the dirt

You know what I mean I'm not even gonna start Pretending to be able to sing Simon Am I okay? You're listening to the york boat delicious java flavored coo being poured directly over your face and into your brain holes where it fills you up with joy so uh so we recorded like an hour of footage which was really really good it was really good stuff it was amazing it was brilliant it was me ranting about werewolves and vampires and how

they're completely unrealistic right and then it was you saying how we should rip off loads of other podcasts and uh copy them so we have more features that's right isn't it yeah yeah i was saying it in a funny way though i didn't i didn't genuinely think that we should rip off everything yeah so then you suggested that we did like an adam and joe style song wars competition where we record like a song for like a song and um play them on the yog pod and whichever one gets the most votes by listeners wins right and instead of having a week to do it like adam and joe we have 15 minutes so actually i've only got i've got my stream still i've got my stream so i think what i'll have to do i only lost your stream by the way. So I think I'm just going to play what I have, alright?

And if it doesn't make sense then fuck it. Right. What were you saying? Sorry? Nothing. Shut up. So what? Are we going to... So we've got... Let's say quarter of an hour. We've got quarter of an hour to make songs about werewolves.

You have to write a song. I have to write a song i have to write a song we'll play them on the yog pod yeah and then the listeners will vote for what the best song is let's do it now come on have you got 15 minutes fuck you you're doing it i want you to get audacity you've got audacity just record yourself beatboxing on one stream and then sing over it on the other stream okay it's easy right so you i've recorded like 10 seconds of my the best way to do it is like record like a drum beat like like that okay and then just copy paste it and then it'll just keep going forever is yours that mine is really really bad mine is mine is gonna be the worst but thing is we don't decide whose is the worst oh no hang on who wins is it the best or the worst

it's the best isn't it so listeners have to vote for what they think is the best next week and then this is a brilliant feature uploading werewolves.mp3 we should warn

I should warn listeners who are expecting something from my ten minute attempt at making this fucking thing. That this is going to be awful. It's going to be awful. If they're expecting anything

like Adam and Joe style professionalism, they're going to be so disappointed. Have you got a coin to toss? I don't think I have any in here. Okay, I'm going to call heads. Did you know there's a 51% chance to get heads if you have the head up when you toss it? Right, so what does that mean though? What does that mean though? Right, okay.

Okay, you ready? You can play it now. Now. We're wolves. Also known as lycanthropes from the Greek, are mythological or folkloric humans with the ability to shift shape into werewolves or other anthropomorphological wolf-like creatures might be bitten or scratched by another werewolf, or after being placed under a curse, this kind of transformation often leads to extra human strength and senses

far beyond those of a man. If this is anything like that song you wrote before, what was that you fucking did? Really? Oh god, how bad is yours going to be? Oh god, no. Our listeners will just be fucking turning

off in droves. Everyone will be pressing unsubscribe. Right, can I listen to your one? I'm excited. I'm excited. It's 1 minute 3. Honeydew werewolf song Okay Oh, I love werewolves

Werewolves are really nice I love werewolves Werewolves are really cool I love to eat a little car I want to be a werewolf And I want to eat My old pig Oh, I love to eat Oh werewolf and I want to eat my old pigs. Oh, war, oh, war, I love the old werewolfy.

War, little claws, little claws they have. And fur, and fur they have. And they like to, to, um, to rut in the street like wolves do. Although I've never seen it, I imagine that's what they do. Oh, werewolves, oh, werewolves, oh, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, I'm a west country werewolf lover Oh god, it's awful It's just noise, isn't it? Oh god This is

The background noise is just fucking terrible. Well, that was awful, wasn't it? Yours was painful to listen to. Just the background. You didn't have any sort of steady background music. That's all. Oh, my God. I'm listening to yours again.

Okay. Okay, they can vote in there if they want to Good that's easy So which one of those Do you want to hear Played in full next week Without Us just laughing

That would be good right so that's that feature Out of the way. Let us know if you like that feature and we might do more. Love is like a butterfly This is Varian's Film Review Varian's Film Review of the Week More like month now, or sixth month Yeah Yeah, been bad at this, playing with suffers I'm reviewing District 9 in this

exciting and well, repetitive review. As you all know, District 9 was a low-key movie from the beginning and then people noticed that it's absolutely amazing. It's set in Johannesburg

and it's basically about the aliens that stopped there and decided to live there in a little concentration camp in Johannesburg. And, well, they're living there in the ghetto, getting used by Nigerian gangsters that like to eat them too, to get their powers. And this is probably one of the best parts of the movie. I mean, they manage to weave in Nigerian gangsters that eat aliens to get their powers. It's because they're Nigerian gangsters.

Well, they also extort them by selling cat food, which these aliens love. They absolutely fucking love cat food. They devour it in the can. Well, they don't even open the can. That absolutely fucking love cat food. They devour it in the can. Well, they don't even open the can. That's how good it is. And that's how good the movie is too.

If it was cat food, I'd eat it. That's how good this movie is. Let's get back to the plot. Well, normal guy gets sent from his company to relocate Sid aliens because the South Americans don't like these new intruders. Haven't we heard that before? Not liking intruders, no.

Like intruders, well, those goddamn nagas. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll have to cut that out. What? I said naga. Lotta and Bob. Can't say that.

I can say that. I did it. You can cut it out, I guess. So afraid. Sissy. Yeah. Living in your mum's basement. Spirian?

Yeah, you live with your parents right now. It's out. Sephiroth's living with his parents like a true boon. I can cut this, it's fine. You go ahead. Well, this guy goes to relocate these aliens and he managed to, one, abort alien babies and making them sound like popcorn when they're burning, and

then spray himself in the face with alien gook, which then leads to fun metamorphosis into said aliens, which also makes him the most hunted person in ghetto Johannesburg, because he can use the mighty, mighty alien weaponry. Which the aliens aren't smart enough to use by themselves to get free or get more cat food or anything. No, no, no. This is not a very logical part of the movie. But I'm disregarding it because it's awesome and it says cat food eating prawn eggs. because it's awesome and it says cat food eating prawn eggs.

And well, he gets hunted by MNU, who's like multinational, united, whatever, weapon dealer thing that handles the aliens. It's because he can use the weapons, so they want to harvest his organs. And well, he gets running and he ends up in the district again. And there he gets hunted by crazy Nigerian gangsters again. And he eats cat food.

This is the important part. He eats cat food. Delicious cat food. Devours it. Mmm, cat food. So yeah, Vickers, is that his name? Vickers van der Mer. Yeah, Vickers van der Mer. He's such a nice, like...

Yeah, like the Dutchman he is. Such a nice guy, though, isn't he? He's kind of like a... He wears a little knitted vest in the beginning, and he's so happy. He shows pictures of his wife. He's very likeable. Not really.

Not when he's, like, beating on the aliens and trying to kill the little ones. But really, I appreciate the fact that they did the aliens not as likeable or unlikable. They used to be very distasteful and, well, base. They used to eat and fight and have sex with Nigerian prostitutes, I guess. They're kind of like... I thought the CGI was very good, though, because often

in these films, they're CGI'd up to the eyeballs, and you just don't believe that the aliens are real at all. Yeah, it looks flawless. It's good, isn't it? It's realistic enough that you believe that the aliens are so real. It's really well done,

which you don't see. So how many stars are you going to give it? I'm going to give it 8 out of 10 prawns, obviously. Okay. Because it's a really good movie. It has its flaws, but you can disregard them.

So we recommend that you go and see District 9, because it is... I really enjoyed it. Yeah, I enjoyed it too. I'm going to watch it again sometime soon. Thank you, Varian, for participating in this episode of the Yogpod. Yeah. This is the end of the podcast!

This is the podcast! No! See you next week.