Triforce! - YoGPoD 20: Miss, have you got any Dostoevsky?

Episode Date: October 13, 2009

Which celebrity would you like as your headmaster, and who would you be at a murder mystery? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. won't find anywhere else. Experience the excitement of the casino floor right on your phone. Download the app and play whatever, wherever, and whenever. Your options for fun are endless. On DraftKings Casino, your way is the only way to play. Join the fun on your time, in your space, and within your means. The best part is it's safe, secure, and reliable. So deposits and withdrawals happen when you're ready. Go all in on fun with DraftKings Casino. Head to the App Store to download.

Explore a full suite of games and find your favorites today. DraftKings Casino, the crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario, 1-866-531-2600. 19 and over and physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly. Sorry, what are you doing?

That's the sound effects of the battle Instead of having us That's the sound effects of the fight At the end Yeah, there we are That's it, that's all you need to do Okay, well I'll do that Just edit that in and that's it There you go

Okay Okay well I'll do that Just edit that in and that's it There you go Okay This is the next Yogscast we're recording now Are we? Are we on? Oh Jesus Okay hello Welcome to the Yogscast I'm Simon And that's Lewis there My friend

Hello Lewis You alright? Hello I'm okay I think Alright that's good To all of our listeners who listened to our previous podcast D&D 3 I'd just like to apologise

Believe me it was worse recording it And it was worse playing it It was so much worse We didn't talk to each other for a while recording it and it was worse playing it than it was listening to it. Oh, it was so much worse. We didn't talk to each other for a while after we did it, did we? We had a bit of a falling out. Well, the problem is... Not particularly me and Lewis,

but me and Lewis and Hannah, we all kind of... It was a strain. But it was so long. We did it all in one go And it took about Six hours And about four hours

Of that was Hannah Umming and ahhing About what skills should she use Be careful what you say Be careful what you say Because otherwise you're going to have to apologise to her again. Again? Yeah. Shall we just do it now?

Shall we just apologise again? Preemptively. I'm sorry, Hannah. I'm sorry. Apologise, Lewis. Say sorry. Sorry, Hannah. If we upset you. Sorry. We're sorry. Sorry Hannah if we upset you. Sorry.

We're sorry. So as for future D&D sessions I was thinking you know continue. What? You want to do more? You want to do more of this? We'll do more. Are you fucking kidding me? We won't do it with Hannah. We'll probably have someone else

maybe like someone completely different or something completely different. kidding me? We won't do it with Hannah. We'll probably have someone else. Oh, God. Maybe like someone completely different. Or something completely different. But I enjoy it, man. You can't say that on the podcast. What if that's the first time that Hannah hears of your new plans? And she's like, oh, you want to leave me

out? She doesn't want to do it again. She doesn't want to do it again as much as you don't want to do it again. Well, okay. What we should do is we should have the Ognauts join us. Anyway, shh! Yeah, because that would be fun, wouldn't it? Oh my god. Hello, and welcome to TTTTT Channel. This is the York Pod. This is the York Pod. This is the York Pod. This is the York Pod. This is the York Pod.

This is the York Pod. This is the York Pod. This is the York Pod. It's a survey commissioned by the National College for the Leadership of Schools and Children's Services It's a bit of a fucking mouthful What did they do? They conducted a poll They asked 9 to 11 year olds about their school They asked proper questions

Like, um, does your headteacher make you happy at school? They were asked, um, would you like a celebrity to be your headmaster or headteacher? And nearly half of them said, yes, we want a celebrity because it would be fun. And David Tennant came first with 26%. I think he'd be a good head teacher. Wouldn't he? I don't know, really.

You've got to remember that he's not actually Doctor Who. He's an actor. He's just a man. He's Scottish as well. Yeah, and I'm not sure he's qualified to be a head teacher. Don't you have to have some form of teaching qualification? Yeah, I think you need a degree and you've got to do two years. He might have

done that. He might have done that. He might have done. He might have done. I'm sure there were some very, you know, there were fallow years in his career where he wasn't doing much. But we've got David Tennant at top followed by Barack Obama.

Barack Obama? I'm sure he's got better things to do than be a headteacher. Well, you never know. When he gets voted out, or when he serves his second term, he'll be thinking, you know, what can I do to help the future

of this great country? And so he moves to England and works in a primary school. You know, it might happen. Yes, we can not pick our nose in assembly. I'm looking at you, Stuart. So who would we have as headteacher out of this list? We've got Tennant, Obama, J.K. Rowling,

Cheryl Cole, David Beckham Will Smith Will Smith Oh dear We can almost make a whole set of teachers We could make a whole school of celebrity staff

Can you imagine what the staff room would be like? It's fantasy football but with celebrities in a school I guess Rowling would be like? It's fantasy football but with celebrities in a school. I guess Rowling would be head of the English department. I don't know, what would Will Smith do if he worked in a school? Music. Music, yeah, why not? Why not?

Wicky wah, wicky wicky wah. Jamie Redknapp got 0% And Victoria Beckham did as well 0% This is rounded though So less than half a percent Of kids Wanted him to be their

Head teacher They'd rather have their existing head teacher I'm not sure kids really know who Jamie Redknapp is Of course they do He's not that famous kids really know who Jamie Redknapp is. Of course they do. He's not that famous. He's on TV. Jamie Redknapp?

Yeah, you know... Is he? He talks about the football. Does he? He got injured, and that's why he stopped playing. His dad's still managing, Harry, Harry Redknapp. He's married to Louise Nerding, now Louise Redknapp. He used to Louise Nerding Now Louise Redknapp He used to be in the pop group Eternal

Louise Nerding? Was that actually her name? Yeah No wonder she married someone super quick And took the name Redknapp They're on the Nintendo Wii advert On telly You can see their little happy family With their two kids

and Louise and Jamie are playing Wii tennis or something. So okay, we've got the staff of celebrities at St Mary's in Whitney and we need to decide what they're going to do. Should we have Alan Shearer

as our headmaster? I don't know. Who else was there? He's quite strict David Tennant, I think David Tennant's got to be the headmaster He can't really be anything else He can't be in charge of like Drama maybe? I don't think he's got the authority He's not really got the authority of a headmaster

I suppose so, the headmaster doesn't actually No, I think Alan Shearer would be a good deputy head You know? Because the headmasteradji would be a good deputy head. You know? Because the headmaster actually has to be a little bit... The deputy head's like the guy who does all the work. And the headmaster's just there

for, you know, decorative. I think Tennant's too likeable. He's too popular to actually be a head. He would be like one of the groovy, hip teachers. That you'd love... You know, he'd do like, I don't know, geography or something. And you'd be looking forward to geography.

Tenant would be geography. That would be good. That would fit with Doctor Who, I suppose. Oh, fuck! You know what he should be? He should be doing history. Because he's Doctor Who and he travels through time. He should be a history teacher.

Oh, shit. Yeah, right. But history teachers are traditionally extremely boring old men with glasses and beards. Well, he's got that to come in like 30 years' time. But at the moment, he's hip.

He gets all the kids interested in their history. He takes them into his little phone box and he tells them, you know, don't tell your daddy where we're going. Whoa. And they come out. That sounded a bit weird. What was that? to his little phone box and he tells them don't tell your daddy where we're going. Whoa. That sounded a bit weird. What was that?

Don't tell your daddy. I'm going to take you to Pompeii. Would you like that? Come into my little phone box. Okay. So Tennant is the history teacher. Wouldn't Barack Obama be the head? I mean it's hard to imagine him as like the cleaner or something. Is there a politics teacher?

Is this like a secondary school? Are we talking about a secondary school or a primary school? It's a primary school. I mean, in a primary school, all teachers pretty much just teach everything. No, this is St Mary's. It's a proper school. It's not, you know, they don't just colour and play in sand.

This is an advanced school for quick-witted children. Not for the feckless. No feckless people allowed. So we've got David Beckham and Jamie Redknapp, who's the PE teachers. I think that's fine, yeah.

They're suited to that pretty well. They're not qualified for anything else, really. I think Alan Shearer, deputy head. Barack Obama's head. Alright, okay, we'll go with that. Angelina Jolie. Oh my god, what would she do? The nurse.

Because I want to see her in a nurse's outfit. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Miss, I think I've got nits. Could you run your hands through my hair? Oh. Oh, I love you, Miss. Oh. That'd be me.

That's just horribly weird, isn't it? Not me as a 31-year-old. Just sat there. Thank you, Miss. You'd be like the parent coming in. Yeah, I can imagine the PTA meetings. I'm just staring intently at Angelina

Jolie, making her feel uncomfortable. It's what the dads do though. The dads, they're always eyeing up the hot teachers. You can see, you know, when the hot art teacher walks in. In this case, it's Cheryl Cole in our school, in St Mary's. But Cheryl Cole, she's the hot art teacher.

She walks in, and like 50 dads, they just snap their heads around. Right. And they're just all watching her across the room, just going, Does she, do you have a lot of classes with Miss Cole? Yeah? Yeah, she's a nice girl, isn't she? Is classes with Miss Cole? Yeah? She's a nice girl, isn't she? Is she a nice girl?

Woman. Are you doing alright in the class? Are you doing... You're struggling a bit? Okay, well, we'll go and talk to her. We'll go and talk to Miss Cole. And it's like a massive queue of all these dads with their poor little sons and daughters just dragging them to see Miss Cole.

Lewis Hamilton. What the hell is he going to teach? There's no way he can use... I mean, he's only good at one thing, driving. So, how are they going to use him? Maybe he can be in charge of computers and stuff.

No, because he's quite young. He's like the IT department. Yeah, he's quite young. He must know a bit about computers. Yeah. On every computer in the department, it's got a driving game installed onto it. And he shows the kids how to play the game. And they're like, you know, Sir,

didn't you used to be famous, Sir? He goes, yes. Yes, Ryan, I did. And then I lost it all. god it all started when i uh when i gave up on my relationship with the pussycat doll and it was all downhill from there i stopped getting the deals the money ran out and i was forced to come to the celebrity school of st mary Sir, what's this blue screen mean? Oh, for God's sake.

Have I won the game, sir? Sir? Shut up, Jessica. What about science? Who would do science? Surely, like, Tennant would be good at all this stuff. The thing is, we confused David Tennant with the fictional character of Doctor Who. This is a big problem. We do, very easily. Whereas everyone else, we sort of don't.

Alan Sugar. How about Alan Sugar? Economics. Yes, that's perfect. God, science. Maybe Jamie Oliver can be in charge of science. Cooking's all about science He mixes ingredients together There's a reaction that occurs

You know All of his science would just be about Cakes and things His classes would be quite popular I imagine All the kids would They'd be doing They'd be pouring all these ingredients into a bowl, mixing it up,

and they'd all have, you know, at the end of the day, they'd all come, you know, they'd open out the oven, and they would take out what they've made, and they'd just be like perfect soufflés. Like, every single one is absolutely perfect. Because that's all he teaches, how to make

a souffle. Nothing else. That's his science class. They don't know anything, anything about physics or biology. They're completely clueless, but they know how to make a perfect souffle. Well, the parents would probably be quite happy with that.

Yeah, they would be. J.K. Rowling, obviously she would be in charge of the library. Not English, or anything important be in charge of the library. Not English, or anything important. She's just a librarian. Unfortunately, in the library, the only books are just hers. Just lining the walls.

Just nothing but Harry Potter everywhere. Miss, have you got any Dostoevsky? Fuck off. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dostoevsky? Fuck off. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. Go read Harry Potter again. Read it from the start.

She's got quite a masculine voice, J.K. Rowling. Very attractive, yeah. I didn't realise. Oh, God. Who have we missed? Rebecca Adlington. I'm not sure who that is. Who is that? Let's Google her name.

She's a swimmer. She's a swimmer. She won two gold medals at the Olympics. She's got a really odd face. What would she be in charge of then? Swimming? Hmm. I didn't have a pool at my school. She's got a really odd face. Maybe that could be useful for something. Art?

No, Cheryl Cole's the art teacher. Yeah. Maybe she does PE for the girls, then. Rebecca Ablington. Just everyone who isn't qualified to do anything and just does sport, they're just PE. Spung them into PE. Yeah.

Oh, God. Victoria Beckham. What are we going to do with Victoria Beckham? Kitchens? Music. Music? Oh Kitchens. Music. Music? Oh, no. Music.

She can be there with Will Smith. Because she's really qualified. Yeah. Will Smith and Victoria Beckham. And everybody's praying that they get classes with Will Smith. But they end up... Half of them end up with Victoria Beckham. So, everybody open your notebooks

and we're going to write a song. Oh, my God. Oh, God. That would be her next number one. She'd be singing a song that St Mary's school kids had written. Flowers are really nice. Doggies are really sweet. That would be it.

That would be her song. Oh, my God. Number one. T-Pain would have a starring role in it. It'd be Victoria Beckham featuring T-Pain. Oh, yeah. Puppies are really nice. It'd be like...

It would have, like, auto-tune. Flowers smell really sweet! God. I think we're done with the list. Are there any roles that we might have missed out on? We don't have a geography teacher. I was thinking David Bellamy, but I'm not sure if he's alive. I don't think it'd be good to have, like, a dead geography teacher.

No. Who would be your ideal geography teacher? You could have anyone, any celebrity. Palin. Michael Palin. Ah, yeah. Oh, God. He would just put videos in, though, of himself.

Yeah. And now we've got another video. This lesson. This is me going around the world in 79 days. Yeah. I broke the record for that. Yeah maybe famous i did and he puts the video in he just he walks out of the classroom and the kids are watching the video and if they like they look over and outside of the window he's staring in he's got a fag in his mouth with a hateful look in his eyes why would he be doing that i i think he would just

put his feet up, get his laptop out, play a bit of Minesweeper. He's seen these so many times. Doing something constructive. To be honest, I wouldn't give a crap if that's what happens in my geography lessons. If we just watched Michael Palin go around the world, that would be awesome. What about the birds and the bees?

Who would be the best person to teach you about sex education? The birds around the world. That would be awesome. What about the birds and the bees? Who would be the best person to teach you about sex education? The birds and the bees. At primary school. I would quite like Barbara Windsor and Sid James to be like the sexual education teachers. They're definitely old enough.

They're just making smutty remarks that go over all the kids' heads. The kids have got no idea what's going on, what they're talking about. They're completely making smutty remarks that go over all the kids' heads. The kids have got no idea what's going on, what they're talking about. They're completely clueless. They're like, what? So the crackers go into the jubblies and then a baby comes out.

I don't understand. Good old Sid James. Is he dead now though? Yeah he's dead He's long dead So if our Yognuts have any ideas For who they would want to teach them At their schools

Or maybe you have been taught By a celebrity in your school Maybe someone famous Came into school and they Taught you about How to count cars Outside of Asda car park. Good times. Please write in to Lewis.

We can now use yogscast at gmail.com. Oh my god, really? Mm-hmm. So write in to yogscast at yogscast dot yogscast. yogscast at gmail dot com forward slash lol. Ugh. Right, okay. I'm getting that helium balloon.

I'm going to try and get into it without it popping. Hello? You're listening to the Odd Pod. Has it gone? Oh, it's going, sort of. You're not that much higher than normal. It just sounds like you doing a silly voice. I've still got a large amount of balloon left,

so I think if I like take a really... Hello, you're listening to the Yogg Pod. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground was where I spent most of my days,

chilling out, maxing, relaxing, all cool, and all soot and some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood. I got in one little fight and my mum got scared. Holy fucking shit. That was amazing. Wow. That was brilliant. We need to do something more role-play-y, I think, rather than combat-y.

So, maybe a murder mystery. Oh, God. Have you ever had one of those, you know, been to one of those dinners where there's like a murder mystery thing? It comes in like a pack, like a box, that you can buy. And you dress up in character you know you receive an invitation and everything

and you have to dress up in character and you have dinner with your friends and you do roleplaying it's really odd the box contains like a plastic moustache for one of the people oh my god and the people have to dress up as their particular character.

So there's all these weird characters, isn't there? Like the daughter with a tweed waistcoat on and the film actress. I was a racing driver. Racing driver? Do you have to wear some goggles? I was a racing driver.

Leather goggles. I had to dress up as a racing driver Despite the fact that I was at a dinner party I mean I'm pretty sure that when Lewis Hamilton Goes to a dinner party or Jenson Button They don't wear their like Fucking jumpsuit and a crash helmet

Yeah that's a good point But yeah I guess it's kind of like Combining fancy dress with With murder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you have to ask questions to people who are, you know, other guests, other players. And you're like, oh, so did you kill him?

And they go, actually, yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah, I didn't like him. He was a bit of a cunt, so I murdered him. Whoa. And you're like, all right. That's not what happens at all. Everyone, you have to, like, people have got sort of cards. They get given cards and have certain things that they know

and certain things that they have to keep secret. If you're questioned about a certain topic, you have to reveal certain information. That's right, yeah. I mean, these days, you just, like, waterboard the other guests until, you know, they revealed everything. I mean, you could...

You would be able to do it, you know, given... I mean, you'd need to, like, tilt the dinner table slightly. You put the tablecloth over their mouth. You pour, like, gravy onto their face. Gravy board. It could work. Yeah, gravy boarding. It's like a new form of very English

torture. Yeah. It can't be hot gravy, though. I mean, it can be slightly lumpy, lukewarm gravy. You'd quite enjoy that, wouldn't you? It's even worse. I just open my mouth and I go

unng, unng, unng, unng. Drinking just pure gravy. Delicious. I love gravy. You've got little lumps of fat and a bit of gristle, a small piece of broccoli that's floating around.

Tell me about this dinner party you went to then. Who else was there? This was university friends during one of our little meet-ups over New Year. Yeah, I had to

wear like a jumpsuit with my belly sticking out And of course, you know, you've got someone dressed up as like an heiress You've got someone dressed up as like a movie star You know, everyone else is like dressed really smartly And I'm like wearing a fucking jumpsuit because I'm a racing driver I mean, it would have been better if somebody else was worse Like if there was, like,

someone dressed up as a scarecrow. They're all supposed to be, like, they're all very Victorian, though, like members of high society, you know, like a bank manager. That was a member of Victorian high society. A bank manager. That was the best example

you could give. Yeah, but they're all sort of slightly gimmicky, though, aren't they? A bank manager, a doctor, an army officer. There's a female nurse. There's a female Marilyn Monroe-style person. Well, these days, it's all CSI, isn't it? That's how you solve crimes Using forensic science Who would be at a modern dinner party?

Like Modern murder mystery dinner party Would I be a bank manager? A racing driver? I'd be an overweight finance exec And his like Blonde wife with fake tits A runner

And there'd be A production assistant. Someone who wants to get into the media. Someone who wants to be on reality television. So, like, a Jade Goody type character.

Oh. Or maybe someone who's already been on it. You actually have a real one in your party. So you've got a reality television star. So you've got someone who...

They've got nothing better to do. Yeah. Yeah. You hire them for, got nothing better to do. Yeah, yeah. You hire them for like 50 quid. No. Well, who would you have? Page three girl. Who's glamorous?

Yeah, page three girl. Like a sexy secretary girl. And she takes off her glasses and she takes the hairpin out of her hair and she shakes her head slowly and centrally of her hair and she she like shakes her head slowly and centrally and her hair

just falls down around her shoulders that's right yeah and then onto the carpet and then you'd have James Bond as well wouldn't you

she was wearing a wig James Bond what he comes to every party James Bond every Halloween every fancy dress there's always someone

as James Bond because it's such a lazy fucking thing to dress up as. Instead of being Skeletor from He-Man, where you have to actually put effort to dress up as. Is that your dream costume? Everyone just goes as the members. Is that your dream costume that you just came out with?

I was just trying to think of something ridiculous looking that would be a lot of effort. I just thought Skeletor. But people tend to go as the guys out of Reservoir Dogs or James Bond, where they just wear a suit or tux and that's it. Maybe they could paint you silver, give you a plunger,

and then you could come as a Dalek. That would be a bit weird, though. If you don't have the plunger up by your head, you're just like carrying it. You just look like a plumber that's been in an industrial accident. You're just covered. You're covered in like molten metal. Much like Barry.

Yeah. So last week, last week, last month at the last Yogscast we did this werewolf song. Do you remember? The last proper Yogscast, we did this werewolf song. Do you remember? The last proper Yogscast, yes, the werewolf song. Yeah, yeah. Now, we actually only had two responses from Yognaught about this. Good effort.

One of them voted for me, and the other one didn't really understand what the idea of it was, and wrote their own werewolf song. People just aren't paying attention, are they? They're just not listening. And it was really dire. Actually, it was probably better than both of our attempts. So, in fact, I think... Mine was pretty bad.

I think he should win, because I'm going to vote for him. Oh, my God. So you're saying that neither of us win? I think Mine was pretty bad I think he should win Because I'm going to vote for him Oh Oh my god So you're saying that Neither of us win Well who are you going to vote for Because You've got the casting vote Simon

Oh god The pressure Yeah I'll vote for his as well Because ours are just Dog shit So So by default Someone else wins

A third party Yeah So we'll play that now Or at least as much of it we can take I stare up at the sky Wazing, anticipating Oh, that's enough, that's enough. Brilliant. So that was two seconds of his song. Yeah.

Well, he should be proud. Whoever he was, what's his name? You probably want to find that out. Dave. Dave. Oh, of course, of course, of course. Well done. Have we had any donations, by the way?

The thing is, the only thing I've actually trusted you with is the donations. Robert Howell of Canada. Thank you, Robert, from Canada. Bob. Bob Howell. Thank you, Bob, from Canada. Thank you for your donation. It wasn't much, but...

The only thing I've trusted you with, Simon, is handling the donations. I do 99% of the Yogscast everything. Thanks to your donations that helped me to buy Nine Inch Nails albums off of the internet. From their website. Thank you.

Yogscast listeners will be glad to know that their money is not being ill-spent. And it's Simon is using it to pay Nine Inch Nails So Trent Reznor It was five dollars It was five dollars Thank you Trent

Yeah this Yogpod It's sponsored by Nine Inch Nails So we've actually Paid them And how Are they sponsoring it? They're going to mention the Yogscast In their next No that's us sponsoring them

Fuck I got it the wrong way around I don't know I don't know what happened But I gave Trent Reznor lots of money And I think he's going to mention us At his gigs He's going to shout us at his gigs. He's going to shout,

I am Dave Yognort on stage. Yeah, he's going to say, Hello, Cleveland! Everyone listen to the Yogpods! And it's like silent. It's like the audience Everyone will be like Boo

They're not going to boo They're not going to boo The Yoggpod That's horrible They won't go boo Probably no Probably not So yeah

Thanks Trent For For letting us So how much money Have we got in there Simon Out of interest You could sponsor We interest You could sponsor

Who's sponsoring who I don't know Doesn't matter I don't know either hang on It's not much We've got like I don't know $30 or something It's alright we're on top of things

You know They're paying for our hosting We're still good Thank you very much alright, we're on top of things. You know, the Yoggnaughts are paying. They're paying for our hosting. We're still good. Thank you very much. Thanks, Bob. Did you know I put AdSense on the Yogscast site so I could see how many... so I could get revenue from ads?

How much have we made via that? Do you want to know? I'll tell you. 19 pence. 19 pence. That's Do you want to know? I'll tell you. Okay. 19 pence. 19 pence? That's terrible. Yes.

19p from Google AdWords. So Google is officially a sponsor of the YoggPod as well, since they owe us money. Cheers. Cheers, Google. Or are they sponsoring Are we sponsoring them I don't know I get confused about which way it goes Yeah

We need to do like a Halloween podcast Again Because Halloween's coming up At the end of this month Yeah What I want people to do is to send us Their scary stories, their true, real-life ghost stories and mysterious happenings,

and then we can read them out. Isn't that a great idea? That's a great idea, let's do that. We can read it out with spooky music. So you out there listening to this podcast right now, I want you to email or... How are they going to fucking send messages to us? Oh, we've got an email

address now. We've got an email address. Yeah. yogscast.gmail.com So, check that out. Check out the email address. Check out the email address, yeah. That's a lovely email address. We could talk about that new movie that's coming out. The Human Centipede.

What? It's horrible. I showed you this, didn't I? I showed you about this movie. I didn't read it. The synopsis, right? Of the movie The Human Centipede. Internationally respected

Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Joseph... Oh, God. Internationally respected Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Joseph Heiter. He wants to remove human beings... He wants to remove human beings...

What is wrong with you? I don't know. You're so rubbish at words. He wants to remove human beings' beings' human beings' brains. He wants to remove the kneecaps

from human beings. That's how it should be written. Yeah, kneecaps. So that you have to exist on all fours. What? That's how it's written. So you have to exist on all fours. What? That's how it's written. So you have to exist on all fours. So you have to walk around like an animal.

This isn't the worst thing about what he wants to do. Sorry, carry on then. He wants to surgically graft people mouth to anus to form a centipede chain. What? That is awful. See, this

is disgusting. This is the worst fucking film ever. Yeah. That is that sounds as a concept utterly horrifying, right, to begin with. I can't even imagine that it's actually

been made into a film. How did this get green-lighted by whatever sadistic film industry made it? Wouldn't the person at the front have to eat an awful lot to feed the rest of the chain? They'd be like, nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

That... No, no, no, no, no. This is too disgusting. I'm not sure we could use this now. Nom, nom, nom, now Nom nom nom nom nom nom You know what we should have We should have Varian watch it And give a review on the Yoggpod

Yeah well we're not the film experts in this Are we really No No Varian is She's the horror film expert of the Yoggpod I think we should just Leave it to her She's probably going to find it just too

awful as well though. It's an awful concept. No. She'll love it. She'll be like, Oh, it's fucking awesome. Hello. I'm Birian. It's fucking awesome, this movie. She's no longer Swedish. She's Welsh.

I want you to talk to her about this movie and flirt with her as she's talking about how Swedish. I want you to talk to her about this movie. And flirt with her as she's talking about how people are grumpy. Oh god. It's awkward enough as it is. I think you two could have something special going.

Can I go back to watching The Wire now? So have you been... Is that what you've been doing for the past three weeks? Yes, I've just been constantly watching The Wire. I watched all of them recently. I enjoyed it. It's great. It's a great series. It takes a while to get going and I think you have to...

It's a slow burner, but it's worth it, isn't it? I hope you enjoyed listening to this week's YorkPod. And it's goodbye from me, Simon. And it's goodbye from him, Lewis. Goodbye. Goodbye.