Triforce! - YoGPoD 23: Simon's Cheesecake Surprise

Episode Date: November 30, 2009

In the only official monster truck podcast, you'll find talk about the history of Jägermeister, snoring, and how to make the most delicious of cheesecakes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. So people who are new listeners to the Yacht Pod won't really know who we are, what we do. They wouldn't really know anything. They'll have just watched the Icecrown video. So do you want to give them a brief intro as to what we do? No. We love monster trucks! Oh yeah! This is your number one pit stop, you might say, for your Monster Truck-related news and views

and current Monster Truck events and future events and events that have happened in the past, recently. So what's going on? What's going on in Monster Truck News, man? Okay, we know... Big Al. Sam Davidson. Yeah.

No, no, not Big Al. Oh, I've got some news from Big Al, but that I can wait till later. Right. Sam Davidson. You know, they call him the monster. Do they call him the monster. Do they call him the monster? Sam

the Monster Davidson. Yeah. That's what people call him. Not many people. Currently, I think two people call him that. But yeah, Sam the Monster Davidson, he got injured.

I mean, this is terrible news for the 2010 Monster Truck Cleveland Rally that's coming up in January. Yeah. Because he was headlining it. So, he looks doubtful

if he'll recover. He's lost both of his legs. He's broken both of his arms. Good lord. And the top of his head got cut off as well in a freak accident involving a windshield.

Hopefully he'll be recovering in time for next season. But we don't know. Who's going to take his place? No, I was thinking... Oh, who do you think? Panther Foot Reynolds. Lewis, who do you think is going to take his place?

Was up there. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll give you a clue. You mentioned... Oh, yeah, Big Al McFarlane. Oh, Big Al! Big Al McFarlane. He is

stepping up to the plate. This could be really his time to shine at the Cleveland 2010 Monster Truck Rally that's coming up in January. I think that this could be... This is his big shot. Is he still in the

turbo 8000 Speed Slick Powerglide machine? the turbo 8000 speed slick power glide machine machine um god should we just keep this up for 40 minutes? Oh god

I wish I actually knew something about monster trucks Because then this would have been a lot easier to talk about Hello and welcome to TTTT. Yorkpaw Yorkpaw Yorkpaw It's letters from the Yorknords This one's from Sam Caruthers Me and my girlfriend love your podcasts. While she may have a bit iffy about them at the start,

she got into them after a while. Secretly, I think she harbours a bit of raging passion for one Mr Honeydew. But it's cool. Like, seriously, who could resist that ginger ball of sex machine? I'm not sure I appreciate being called that. There you go. I mean, that's a bit... Ginger ball of sex machine? I'm not sure I appreciate being called that. There you go. I mean, that's a bit...

Ginger ball of sex machine? What the fuck? Yeah, man. Don't you like that? Is that what he came up with, or was that something that his girlfriend said? Uh, he... Uh...

Ooh. I think he came up with that. Oh. That's me. He says he's... Yeah, so they're currently in Norway, so I'm afraid that's not going to work, is it? It's not going to work out. We've got feedback from...

We should put out a warning at the start of the podcast about the recipe from last week's show, because... Oh, no because people have been screwing it up and giving themselves food poisoning and stuff. I don't want to take any responsibility for you guys screwing up. Well,

not cooking the fish properly or putting the bowls in the oven. One guy put the bowls in the oven and they broke the bowls. It's just awful. putting the bowls in the oven. One guy put the bowls in the oven and they, like, broke the bowls. Oh. It's just awful. I mean, to me, it's not a big deal if someone puts a bowl in the oven with a bag of fish and the bowl breaks.

But if people actually get ill, they fall sick because of Hannah's recipe. They could probably sue us, Lewis. Or sue Hannah. I'm a bit worried, that's recipe. They could probably sue us, Lewis. Or sue Hannah. I'm a bit worried, that's all. Because I think we started off with something way, way, way too complicated. We should have started with eggy bread or something. Cheese on toast.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cheese on toast, man. How do you do cheese on toast? Maybe that's a bit too advanced. Do you toast the toast first? No, no, no, no. How do you do cheese and toast? Maybe that's a bit too advanced. Do you toast the toast first? No, no, no, no. Maybe we should just start with toast by itself. Let's learn to walk before we can run here.

So that's the recipe of the week. We have a jingle, by the way, for the new Hannah's cooking segment. Have you heard it? No. What's this jingle? It's made by our Captain Rhythm guy. Oh, right. We'll play it here, and then we'll do cooking segment. Have you heard it? No. What's this jingle? It's made by our Captain Rhythm guy. Oh, right. We'll play it here

and then we'll do cooking segment. That was lovely. You haven't heard it yet. I'm not going to hear it, am I? Until the podcast is actually published,

I'm not going to hear it. Shall I just pretend that I've heard it? Put it in my comment, download it. Oh, that was amazing, Captain Rhythm. Well done. download it oh that was amazing Captain R Cooking Segment Well that's lovely

What the fuck So this week Hannah's not here So we're just going to fill in for her Would you like to explain the recipe this week Simon Actually People could visit www.cookingwithhannah.com for Hannah's very own cooking website for all

your cooking needs. Oh, wow. Look, some guy, Daniel Killick, sent us some videos, even pictures, of his Hannah's hot haddock. And it looks amazing. But it looks rather lonely. Like he only made it for one. Oh, God.

You know? Oh, man. I feel a bit sorry for him. Well done, Daniel Killick. He did it. Carlos Larios contacted us again. DJ Cinema. He's the guy that

donated like 100 Canadian dollars. A million pounds. This is again DJ Cinema. He's the guy that... Carlos. Donated like 100 Canadian dollars. A million pounds. Yeah. So he's basically... A million pounds of real money. On his own. He's a super fan.

That's what he is, Lewis. He said, My parents were away for the weekend, so I had my GF over. After properly cooking the Thai fish in a bag and putting the bags on a baking sheet and not into the bowls and putting them in the oven. Wow, so he did it properly. We watched a movie.

Success. I got some. It wasn't a home run as I am still a virgin, but I'm almost there. What? Well, there we go. Um, it's a bit TMI. TBH.

M8. LOL. Yes, but he has a message. He has a question for Hannah, but since she's not here, I'll just pose it to you instead. Oh, God. I really like my girlfriend. She is cool. Even though she is nice and all, I still have

feelings for another girl, too. On a few occasions, I have pictured the other girl as I was snogging this girl. Is this bad? Is it cheating? Even though I haven't done anything with the other girl, just hugs and innocent texting during class maybe a smile here or there nothing big is it bad that i'm thinking about another girl while i'm being intimate with another should i leave this girl for the other girl i can't ask my friends because let's face it in high school you just can't tell people these things what should i do stay with the girl I like or go for the girl I can't stop dreaming of wow I feel like Jeremy Kyle

reading that out this is a tricky one well what would you suggest this is a dilemma isn't it I would suggest well the thing is he's already started working on Girl A

and he's slowly getting there and if he just stops things with girl a and he switches to girl two then things could i mean if he doesn't really know girl two that well then it could take an awful lot of work to even get where he is right now with girl alpha. I think what we have to say here is that, yeah, stick with the current girl. I feel under pressure. I feel like that Carlos should get his money's worth. That we should actually provide

helpful information to him. No, no, no, no, no. Look, well, don't do anything that would get you arrested. Don't ply with alcohol. Don't do anything like that. Oh. Just...

Oh, God. I've got some good advice. Instead of donating to two people that you've never met on the internet, spend that money on the girl instead. No, no, no, no, no. That's the last thing you want to do. The last thing you want to do is buy girls gifts.

That's the last thing you want to do. It doesn't work. It's not like computer games. It's not like Dragon Age Origins, i.e. to get Morrigan to like you, all you have to do is give her an absolute pile of crap. Maybe not a pile of crap. I mean, that would be a bit horrible. Chivalry isn't dead but

You should always It's in a coma When we're thinking about switching off the life support You shouldn't buy them gifts But Christmas is coming up So you can buy A lovely pearl necklace You can buy a lovely pearl necklace for your girlfriend

If you know that she's gonna like it if she knows about it already and if you're actually going out if it's someone you're not going out with they're not going to go out with you if you buy them a pearl necklace for christmas it's like it's like repping up with the new faction first you have to actually do the quest yeah that's what it is and the final thing that you do is the hand-in so yeah so you have to do all the quests basically first which are you know basic stuff you know like take them out to the cinema whatever kids do these days they still go to the cinema they must do we're not that old gained 500 faction um 550 if you're human.

Not text them too much. That's another thing you don't want to do. You don't want to seem needy. You have to reply to their texts, but not too much. Treat them mean, keep them keen. That's exactly what it is. It really is so true.

Because if they start thinking that you're too much into them, they'll start thinking that you're too much into them, they'll start thinking that they're too good for you. And that way they'll never be interested in you. So never show your interest. Unless they're a slut, in which case you're fine. Alex Dursky

says he's disappointed that he's asking us to cook a dish because I'm not a woman. Oh dear. He wants us to assign a more manly quest for Yognauts to do that doesn't involve cooking. But that requires a completely different segment. What kind of manly things do you think

are manly though? What like doing the lawn mowing or painting the shed? I mean what's what counts as manly? Painting the shed competition. God we don't want to like turn into who are getting yognals to do their chores and stuff. Jesus. What kind of manly stuff can you do that kind of is a waste of time?

You know? That doesn't have any useful merit. Building something. With wood. How about like a spice rack? Building a spice rack. That's quite manly. Putting up a shelf.

No, I don't know. Okay, mate. Maybe the spice rack part isn't that manly. The thing is, that's difficult as well, because then we just have Yoggnaughts like cutting themselves with saws and hitting their thumbs with hammers. We need something safer.

Getting splinters. Manly but safe. Manly but safe and not a chore. Something from sport. It's quite dangerous. No, no, no, Yognauts aren't very fit. What? What are you trying to say?

I think all Yognauts are like me and you, Simon, i.e. they probably couldn't run around a football field. They were probably the last person running around a football field, you know, in PE. I was really quick quick I have you know this guy sends me a message Sam Blackmore he says I have a proposal

for you Yogg the video game if you could design a relatively simple game based on the Yogg pod what would it be it doesn't have to relate to anything you've covered in the episodes as long as it involves you guys and someone named Dave in some way.

Preferably as the main playable character. Anyone could help by drawing things. Characters, backgrounds, etc. So this guy wants to make a video game. Like a really terrible Mario style I guess it's like a platformer.

Yeah, a 2D platformer. Man, that would be incredible, wouldn't it? I quite like the idea of it's like a platformer. Yeah, a 2D platformer. Man, that would be incredible, wouldn't it? I quite like the idea of... It's like Mario, but instead of coins, it's Jaffa Cakes that are floating around in the air. I quite like the idea of... Instead of the princess that you've got to rescue, it's Tina Barrett.

Or Katy Perry, one or the other. At the end of the map, yeah. But who's stolen her away who could be the bowser the bad guy who's the nemesis of the pod your pod Meris

maybe oh my friend Dave he could have done it he's evil the man who tasers you on a regular basis he just comes round to your house, knocks on the door.

You open the door and... You're tasered. Maybe we need a nemesis and maybe listeners could help us with that. Someone who sits in a large black leather chair and has a white cat that they stroke. Ah, Yogpod. I see you've released a new video on YouTube. He sounds a little bit like James Mason. Ah,

I see. Hmm. I'm stroking my cat in a slightly sinister way. So the answer to that is yes. We definitely want to see a Yogpod video game and anyone who wants to contribute artwork, ideas, anything like that, send it all in, yogscast.gmail.com. So tell me about the snoring audio.

Well, one morning, my new housemate, James, heard a strange noise coming from my room, and he knelt down before the door with his iPhone and recorded a snippet of my snoring. I mean, if I was James, I would have come into the room and walked right up to you so I could get a proper recording. But it shows that he's a good friend, that he didn't do that. It's a bit freaky, isn't it?

It's a little bit weird. It's not creepy if it's outside the door. It's like the police sort of, you know, seeing something inside the house and saying, you know, it's in plain sight, therefore we can use it as evidence. Rather than, you know, coming in, shoving the iPhone in your face and then you waking up suddenly and freaking out. Oh, God, that would be horrible. Waking up and he's just stood over me holding out his iPhone.

And you'd be like, good morning, and you're listening to the Yacht Pod. Because that's how I wake up in the morning. I just say that. Even if I'm just by myself. I just say that. It could have been worse.

He could have actually took pictures of me and uploaded them to that. It could have been worse. He could have actually, like, took pictures of me and uploaded them to Facebook. That would have been much, much worse. Yeah. Anyway, um... Okay, so that's that done.

Do you want to do, like, a little Hannah thing? Mentioning about the song which she just sings. Um, what song was she even singing? I fell in love with a boy. I fell in love with a boy. I fell in love with a rose completely.

I'm not sure. Why was she singing it? I fell in love with the world. Why was she singing it anyway? I don't know. Did it happen at like 3am or something? What was the deal? Yeah, she was probably drunk or high or something. I don't know whether I should use it. It's a bit sort of embarrassing. Well, that's a perfectly whether I should use it. It's a bit sort of embarrassing. Well, that's a perfectly

good reason to use it. The whole point was that she recorded it just for us to use. Really? Yes. Okay. So what is this? Is this Hannah's X Factor audition tape or something? It's exactly that, yes. Okay.

So Hannah's singing I Fell In Love With A Boy by whoever that is. Who is that by? Or is it I Fell In Love With A Girl? I've got no idea. I Kissed A Girl. It's not that. It's definitely not that. Anyway, we don't know what the song

is. But Hannah's singing it. It's Joss Stone. It was Joss Stone. It was Joss Stone. So yeah, let us know what you think of her chances, really. But. Fell in love with a boy. I fell in love once and almost completely. He's in love with the world.

And sometimes his feelings can be so misleading. He turns and says Are you alright? Oh I must be fine Cause my heart's to be taken Come and kiss me by the riverside Sarah says it's cool She don't consider it cheating Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Ventrilo was completely broken earlier This is the voice software we use To typically talk to each other over the internet And so we resorted to using Skype instead So the audio quality It's not going to be quite what you're used to But I think you'll enjoy it anyway

It'll probably be better, I think Actually, yeah, it probably is It'll probably be better than what Don't're used to, but I think you'll enjoy it anyway. It'll probably be better, I think. Actually, yeah, it probably is. It'll probably be better than what... Don't get used to it, okay? Don't get used to that high-quality audio. And hopefully you can't hear me fart in the background as I'm talking. Yeah, that's what we were most concerned about. For some reason.

I was literally farting for two minutes solidly when we ended that conversation. It just all came out. You were holding it in so it didn't appear on the audio. I nearly gassed myself. That's lovely. Well, that's just lovely, isn't it? Thank you very much. You're welcome, friend.

Hello? Hello. Okay, hi. I think we'll just talk a little bit on the phone And if I record it And something happens that's funny Then we can use it But otherwise we won't worry too much about it

We've missed out on Thanksgiving It's been and gone Yeah Thanksgiving's been and gone People have stuffed their faces And you know, blah blah blah. The usual crap. Delicious turkey and yams. Mmm.

I don't know what a yam is. What is a yam? Sounds like jam, but it's not anything to do with jam, I don't think. Is it like a parsnip or something? I don't know. Maybe. They do have different words for vegetables. Like sauerkraut.

Sweet potato. That might be yams. I don't know. No, sweet potato is sometimes called a yam. But a yam isn't necessarily a sweet potato. Oh, for fuck's sake. So it's some sort of root vegetable that we probably don't eat just because

no one really knows what it is so therefore no one would buy it in Sainsbury's. Yams. List of sweet potato diseases. Thank you Wikipedia. They have like, what else do they have at Thanksgiving? Is it like cranberry?

There's been an event in WoW where you have to basically stuff your face with these things. And it's like spice bread stuffing, cranberry chutney, pumpkin pie... Have you ever suffered from stubby root

on your yam? No. Terrible disease. It sounds debilitating. There's also stunt, and this is a good one. Brown ring of roots. It's a terrible disease. Brown ring of roots. Oh, dear.

Hairy roots. Lovely. Motile necrosis. That sounds terrifying. Punky rot. Southern blight. Or scurf. Are these the list of diseases that can affect sweet potatoes?

Oh my god. There's a disease called false broom rape. I've got no idea How on earth What is that The thing is this is on Wikipedia So someone might have just made that up Yeah yeah yeah

I don't think they have It actually exists Like Furry Baubles That's a common illness amongst cranberries. Oh no.

Just be careful of your false broom rape. If you share a lavatory seat with someone, make sure that you just wipe it off with a bit of toilet paper before you sit down. Otherwise you can get false broom rape.

And a brown ring of... What was it called? Brown ring of... Roots. Brown ring of roots. I don't want to get that. At Christmas you want to hang that on your door. Like a garland. Yeah.

Brown ring of roots. Lovely. You've got a burning brown ring of roots Lovely You've got a burning brown ring of roots What are the other things? Slow roasted turkey Candied sweet potato Mmm Candied sweet potato

Is that like a candy apple? I don't think A candy potato. Oh, God! It's like a potato dipped in a sugary coating and then on a stick, I guess. Mmm.

Oh! I've been drinking a drink. Krabby's Green Ginger Wine. John Krabby's Green Ginger Wine John Crabby created his old Scottish Green Ginger Wine in the ancient

port of Leith in 1801 it contains ginger, lemon and orange zest, lemon and orange zest I should say, wild cow slips from Eastern Europe fragrant oriental cinnamon and cloves Wild cowslips from Eastern Europe. Fragrant oriental cinnamon and cloves.

Cowslips? Why would you put cowslips in a drink? What is cowslip? Isn't it like... A weed that grows near a river. It's like cow parsley. Is it that white flower? It's not what I'm thinking of. It's floodplains, isn't it?

Cowslip. Cowparsley. Is that what I'm thinking of? Floodplains, isn't it? Cowslip. Cowparsley. Is that what I'm thinking of? Is that right? Possibly. It's called Primula Veris. I hope this helps. Oh, thanks, Wikipedia. This is me being Hannah. Primula Veris, Cowslip, is a flowering plant in the genus Primula. The species is native throughout most of temperate

Europe and Asia, although absent from more northerly areas, including much of northwest Scotland, it appears in northernmost Sutherland and Orkney. Nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nom nom. So is that... I mean, is that your... Is that what you think Hannah sounds like?

Yes. Yes! Jaegermeister, meaning Huntmaster, is a German bitter liqueur. Have you had Jägermeister? Yeah, I've heard of it. I think I've had it. It's got like a deer

on the bottle. It's a green bottle. It's weird. It's very weird. It contains a complex blend of 56 herbs fruits and spices good grief is it like heinz beans you know 57 varieties hang on a sec how many herbs and spices are we talking about 56 is that like all of them no how are they it's just like yeah it's just what he's done is he's got a spice rack and he's just put a bit of everything in.

That's what he's done. Look, this is the story of Jägermeister, okay? Oh, goodness, okay. Jägermeister Herblicure's founder is called Herbitus. He lost his wife and so he went off into the woods alone to go hunting. Hold on, hold on, stop, stop. I'm just going to stop you for a second. Herbitus?

Yeah, Herbitus. That's his name. So who's this man? What year was this? He is the Jägermeister. He is the Huntmaster. Right. And this was in...

It was a long time ago. I mean, we're talking, you know, 18th, 17th century or something. Okay. So his wife died, and so he would go hunting, for he is the Huntmaster. Okay. So completely on his own, he goes off into the woods, Okay. So completely on his own, he goes off into the woods, and one day he sees a magnificent stag just stood there,

and between its antlers there's floating this little cross, just floating in the air between the antlers of this stag. And Herbertus took this as being like a vision that god sent him and he his life changed completely he gave away everything that he owned and he started founding monasteries around germany and eventually he became known as the Patron Saint of Hunters. And obviously one day at a monastery he's making some beer or something

and it goes off and it's got this really weird, complex taste to it. And he thinks, it's like a horrible kind of greeny browny colour it was like Alexander Flebbing discovering penicillin

that's what it was like and he's got this large vat of beer and it's gone off and by complete coincidence Anders who's like... I'm not sure who he is.

So you've introduced a new character here. Very late in the story. A man named Anders. Anders. He's like... He does odd jobs around the monastery. Right. He's like a janitor.

Yeah. He's kind of like the janitor of the monastery. And he's putting up aitor. Yeah, he's kind of like the janitor of the monastery. And he's putting up a spice rack in the kitchen. And the kitchen is where the beer's made. Okay, obviously. He's putting this spice rack up. And it's right above where the vat is of this beer that's gone off.

It's an unprecedentedly large spice rack. You know, we've never seen the like before in the world. There's so many. It had 56 different spices. And instead of just putting the empty spice rack up on the wall and then nailing in the brackets and stuff, he, like, loads all the spices onto it first and then attempts to nail it. Oh, silly Anders.

He's trying to, like like save time by cutting corners which is very un-german and disaster strikes lewis disaster strikes you're not going to believe this but the spice rack falls off of its brackets, its faulty brackets and these 56 herbs and spices fall into this vat of gone off horrible beer. And that is how

Jägermeister Liqueur was born. What a terrific story. What the hell was that? It's being born. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry. I thought a baby had got in here or something. I didn't mean to scare you like that.

It sounded quite alien. Terrifying. The sound effects I keep on file. There's a baby crying. It could also be a seagull, couldn't it? No, that's more... But yeah, it's Jägermeister, Huntmaster, and he really did think that he saw...

Careful wording. master and he really did think that he saw careful wording, he really did believe that he thought that he might have seen a stag with magnificent antlers and a cross just hovering between the antlers. It's a little bit weird, isn't it?

A little bit, yeah. But, uh... He looked down and he's got, like, this bottle of Jäger in his hand. And then he, like, does a double take at the stag. And then he throws the bottle away. Vowing never to drink again. Yeah. to drink again yeah i mean um you hear about all these like um trappist monks and stuff living out in the the middle of you know little monasteries and making their own brewing their own beer um

and you know they often win awards don't they you know they win like the um best beer in the world it's some completely obscure beer that no one's ever heard of and it's from some bunch of isolated monks out in belgium somewhere or just in the middle of bloody nowhere you know bishop's finger not to be confused with um stinky bishop which is a cheese. Yeah. Yes. Well, it could well be confused. Some of these beers are very odd tasting, aren't they? And they're all very, very niche.

Very, very niche beers. They're not very nice often. Or they're very, very dark. Or they're very hoppy. Or they're very cloudy. They're not what you typically buy in a pub. I'm browsing Cheezopedia. Is there like a Wikipedia for everything now?

I heard about this enormous Star Trek Wikipedia and Star Wars Wiki and everything Wiki. Oh, Red Windsor. Now that's a nice looking cheese. That could also be a Trappist beer,

couldn't it? Made in Her Majesty's Commission. Red Windsor is a pale cream English cheddar cheese made using pasteurised cow's milk marbled with a wine, often a Bordeaux wine, or a blend of port and brandy.

How is cheese made? What? I mean, what... Yeah, how is cheese made, Simon? Well, if you browse Cheesopedia, I'm sure it would tell you. No, but tell me. Just tell me. Since the dawn of time, mankind has struggled to deal with great questions of life. Why am I here? Why do the stars spin in the sky? And most important of all, the great great question what is cheese?

This is a question which has puzzled scientists, theologians and an everyday man in the street for centuries. The very nature of cheese is hard to pin down, Lewis. What is cheese made of? Can it be used as a

wall insulation? Is it sentient? Where are you reading this? Oh. Told you.... Now, we also know that cheese can be used as a wall insulation, albeit fairly poor insulation and terribly pungent. The final question, is cheese sentient, remains unanswerable by the modern brain of science. Experiments have shown that some cheeses are capable of simple mathematical equations, such as adding the numbers 1 and 2, or calculating the value of pi to no more than 200 places.

Other cheeses have shown a much less impressive display of intelligence, by responding to fairly banal stimuli, such as the daytime television program, The Jeremy Kyle Show. Brilliant. I hope this has helped. Thank you. I guess this has helped. Thank you. I guess my question is that

you can obviously leave milk to go off and it turns to cheese, right? Under certain conditions. So it has to be fairly controlled. Because if you just leave milk to go off in the fridge, it goes all green and sour and disgusting. And that's not cheese. Is it? No. green and sour and disgusting and that's not cheese um is it no uh how do they do it you know

and how do they get all the different varieties because obviously they must have different bacteria to have all the different varieties how do they control them and how have it how has it been controlled so long is it just the nature in which they're stored or is it the, like, do they have to cover it? Often they cover it in wax, don't they, to seal it up. And do they make it from butter or do they make it from milk?

Does it depend on the cheese? But isn't butter effectively just made from milk? It's completely different butter and cheese is crazy the only thing that is similar to butter and cheese is dairy because that's kind of like half butter half cheese sometimes you may have run out of butter you want something to put on your toast. So all you have is Dairy Lee.

So you put Dairy Lee on and then you smear your jam on. Oh, I've never done that. Have you ever done that? That sounds horrible. I might have done. Like cheesy jam. It's like cheesecake. It is like cheesecake.

You've got the hard toast base, which is like the base, the biscuity base. Yeah, but they don't really use cheese in cheesecake. Dairy-ly instead of cheese. Yeah, cheesecake is made with cheese. Yeah, but not like Stilton or anything. It's like a very sort of soft Philadelphia style cheese. It's not like

gowder. It's not just like a layer of edam and then a layer of soft... Did I mention any of those cheeses, Lewis? No, I didn't. I mentioned the cheese spread Dairy League, which you could make cheesecake with. If you made a cake with Dairy League,

I would vomit out of my eyeballs. Imagine. You'd have to spend ages. Those fucking triangles individually. It'd take days. Jesus. Oh, can you imagine

what that would look like? Just this pile of Dereli triangles in your bowl. Mix them all up. Oh, lovely. And then you put the strawberry jam in. Mix it up. Oh, that'd be delicious. Fucking hell.

Sounds disgusting. That's our recipe of the week, because we're not having Hannah do one this week. No. I said another one. Oh, www.cookingwithhannah.com. Oh, www.cookingwithhannah.com. So, this week, me and Lewis, we're going to be cooking cheesecake with verily and strawberry jam.

Instead of a biscuit base of, like, digestive biscuits crumbled up, we're using old toast the crumbs of old toast old toast you make it sound like some sort of wizard you know old toast old toast's peculiar so

if you don't have any toast what you should do is toast some bread and then you have toast then you can crumble it up i guess into what you could do is if you have a toaster that you use fairly frequently that you've never cleaned out just get a bowl tip the toaster upside down oh no and then you have like lots of lovely delicious toast crumbs to use as your your cheesecake base okay so what do we get we get a nice cheesecake cooking dish we pop in a bit of butter to start with and smear that around so it doesn't stick and then yeah the toast crumbs go in

toast crumbs and then you pat them down to make a firm base okay uh then you add a layer of dairy triangles this is so fucked up a layer of dairy triangles and then on top of the derrily triangles you have a lovely thin no actually quite a generous thick layer of strawberry or raspberry jam

raspberry no other kinds it has to be strawberry or raspberry for this recipe oh I wonder if anyone's going to make this this would be amazing

oh dear no I don't think you can I don't think you can it's just That's not how cheesecake is made Is it Is it really made Using cheese

Yes Of course it is I thought that was just A word that was Was just used To describe Like carrot cake It's made with carrot

Cheesecake is made with cheese I don't believe you man I just don't believe you Look a recipe Look a recipe for cheesecake And it'll say is made with cheese. I don't believe you, man. I just don't believe you. Look a recipe for cheesecake and it'll say, you know, use 14 Daryl-y triangles. Oh, God.

I really want people to make this cheesecake. My delicious recipe for cheesecake. That's fine. It's fine, isn't it? It's all pasteurised. It's all nice stuff. I'm not entirely sure about the toaster crumbs bit.

Maybe people could just grind up some bourbons or something or put a layer of custard creams in or something. No, no, no. You have to use toast. It has to be toast, dairy-leaf and jam. That's the holy trilogy, trinity even,

of Simon's Cheesecake Surprise. What's the surprise? Yeah. The surprise is it's not really cheesecake, it's just toast with dairy-leaf and jam. The surprise is it? It's just toast with dairy and jam. The surprise is it tastes great.

How about that? It does. It's amazing. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing those. Seeing the pictures of that coming in. Email your pictures of Simon's Cheesecake Surprise to yogscast

at gmail.com forward slash How do you spell that? ML I don't know. How do you spell that? I don't know. How do you spell that? I don't know. P

F F F F F F F F F F F F F F What kind of cheese is your favourite cheese, Ben? I don't even know, really. I mean, if you're in Sainsbury's, you pick up your butter. Brat singles. Oh, no.

Oh, no. In America, you pick up your butter oh no those horrible bright oranges in America they call that American cheese do they? that kind of cheese so it's just like squeezed into a flat disgusting slice and you just pop it on your

burger oh dear it's awful if you're at the cheese section just pop it on your burger. Oh, dear. It's awful. I mean, no, if you're at the cheese-like section of Sainsbury's, what do you tend to... Hello, my man, I say to the man behind the counter. He says, oh, Simon, you've returned. Oh, what cheese can I help you with today?

I'm like oh let me think and I'm browsing this amazing selection of cheese that's on offer my mouth is watering and I say can I have a mature Irish cheddar please

and he says oh excellent choice Simon oh excellent and he cuts off a bit of it and I say no no can I have a little bit more He says, oh, excellent choice, Simon. Oh, excellent. And he cuts off a bit of it. And I say, no, no, can I have a little bit more than that, please? And he says, oh, certainly, Simon. He cuts another bit off. And I say, no, no, can I have a little bit more?

He says, oh, certainly. And then he gets a cheeseburger and he cuts a little bit more. And then I say, actually, just forget it. You can't do it right. Fuck off! What do you mean? That's a very strange desire of yours.

It happens to me sometimes. I just turn in an instant. It's such an odd fantasy. You just end getting furious with him and just saying, forget it. And let's just end the podcast now. So, thanks for listening to this week's YoggPod.

Tune in next week for more rubbish. Is it really going to be a week? You know, when the next one's out? I mean, two weeks is probably more reasonable. Send your donations and mail to yogscast at gmail.com Goodbye. Goodbye. But...