Triforce! - YoGPoD 27: Warwick Davis Exclusive Interview

Episode Date: March 9, 2010

Back from our short hiatus, Lewis and Simon begin the new season of the YoGPoD with the usual high quality chat, exclusive interviews, letter from fans and the rest. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Oh. Fucking dammit. Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Yolk Pod. YoggPod. We're going to make some big changes for the podcast. We're being on hiatus. This new series. Is that how you pronounce it? You're going to see a lot of changes. Okay.

Hiatus. There's big changes coming our way after hiatus. What are they going to be? I mean, are we going to get some new blood in, or are we going to just fuck around with the features? What are we going to do? It's going to be a completely different format. The start of every show, we're going to play a bit of music,

and then... Sorry, that's my chair creaking. After the music, we're then going to have some of the news. We'll cover the news of the day. And after that, we'll do the sport of the day. And then we'll do the weather forecast after that. Right. And then we'll have an ad break.

Where have you got this format from? Is it ITV News? Just everything. Every radio station ever. That's where I got the format. We're going to have celebrity guests. Oh. Such as Tina Barrett.

Right. Tina Barrett. The guy who plays Keith from The Office is joining us okay Warwick Davis who played Wicket the Ewok and Willow

in the eponymous movie but not Mini-Me actually he's here now hello Warwick Davis hello so glad you could join us yes absolutely He's here now. Hello, Warwick Davis. Welcome. Hello. Oh. So glad you could join us. Yes, absolutely.

I'm glad to be here. Thank you for gracing us with your presence. You're very well admired by Simon and I. We are big fans of your work. Yeah, absolutely. We'd just like to talk about your new project. Thank you. Which I hear is coming out very shortly at Cinemas. It's called Little Man Town.

Little Man Town. Little Man Town. Little Man Town. Where you play a... I play a little man. In the town, Working at the... At the mill. The mill!

The mill. He's milling. He's a milliner. Working at the mill. That's right. You're taking over the... Milliner make hat. That's right, Warwick. Milliners do make hats. Yeah. So tell us about the film. Sorry about the confusion there. Directed by James Cameron I believe i believe so it's gonna be full

of special effects yes um actually boric i heard that um the special effects of cgi is going to be similar to that in um lord of the rings but instead of shrinking you to hobbit size they're going to grow you to like giant size no No, that's not true at all. Oh, okay. Sorry. Oh, there was a bit of confusion there. Wires crossed. So, hmm. They're actually making me smaller. Right, okay. Because in fact, you are actually about five foot five in real life, which isn't actually that small, is it? Have you been looking at his Wikipedia? No, I don't think he is actually 5'5, I did make that up.

I think he probably is actually a real dwarf. He is. It's not like Andy Hamilton. Andy Hamilton isn't a real dwarf, he's just a small man. He's 3'6. Warwick Davis is actually a dwarf. A three foot six. There we go. There's confirmation there. Thanks, Warwick.

I have to go away now. Okay. Well, thank you for joining us on the show. I'm sorry we haven't prepared any better questions. He's not actually... He's not leaving through the door, Lewis. He's actually just burrowing a hole in the ground. That's how he's... Warwick?

Warwick? I'll see you later, Salmon. Warwick? He's off. He's gone down his little hole. Thank you. I don't know what to say. That was a great

celebrity guest. Wow, are we going to have celebrity guests like that every week? Because, goodness me. Yes.

Yeah, the likes of Warwick Davis is going to be that level of famous people. I sort of feel guilty that I didn't, you know,

really draw out anything, you know, about what it's like to be. I should have warned you in advance. I should have told you about what it's like to be... I should have warned you in advance. I should have told you last night. But it was good to surprise. It was good to surprise of having him here.

I really enjoyed it, man. It was great. Now, he lives just down the road from me. Sometimes he pops by to borrow a cup of sugar. A cup of sugar. Borrowed a cup of sugar. Never returns it, though. Never.

Never returns it. Yeah, no one ever returns it. I don't think he buys sugar. He just borrows sugar. Literally every day, he comes round for a cup of sugar. I don't think... We've had this conversation before. I must spend ten quid a week on sugar.

You have to keep filling up your sugar supply. Do you reckon that's all he eats like some sort of horse oh yeah because he takes it all he lives in a little hobbit hole and he just eats bowls of sugar in the morning for breakfast that's it that's pretty much what i do except with wheat he does that's why he's so small that's why he's so small lewis he doesn't eat a proper nutritional diet he just eats sugar well there's a lesson for you kids out there doesn't eat a proper nutritional diet. He just eats sugar.

Well, there's a lesson for you kids out there. Every single one of our listeners is about 18. He just eats sugar. Don't eat sugar. Well, in moderation. Everything in moderation. Everything. Even heroin. Are we going to keep... Yes. Everything in moderation.

So heroin... Everyone should be having heroin. But in moderation, obviously. Only a heroin But in moderation Only a little bit A tiny little bit A crumb A crumb of heroin Hello and welcome to There's the only York Pod York Pod York Pod There's the only York Pod

York Pod York Pod York Pod York Pod York Pod York Pod There's the only York Pod

Let's start this up Come on YORK POD No! Oh, I missed a fucking mushroom. Fucking bullshit this game. Jump in. Easy. Killing things. I don't know what goombas are, they look like mushrooms. I don't know. Oh, I forgot you can't break the blocks when you're little. Ooh. I forgot you can't break the blocks when you're little. Sorry. I'm at the end of the level. Come on!

Yeah... That's what I'm talking about. Hello, I am Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II. And this, your part, is my royal appointment. Hello, hello, hello. One fancies a Jaffa cake! I'm just posting a picture of a lemon wearing a monocle holding a whisk to the yogscast.com page. Oh right, okay. Who's actually doing these

drawings? I don't know, man. Like, just weird yognauts, I guess. They're desperate for something to do. They're so bored. They're drawing fruit with weird shit drawings.

I don't know what's going on. Someone's actually drawn the end bit of our D&D things. Dylan lying down almost dead with his loot. Brick is actually a robot. No pretence. Hannah's got green skin for some reason. Oh, and it's got little Barry on top of Brick. It's quite good, isn't it?

It does look like it's done by a six-year-old. That's my only criticism. If we ever had an audiobook brought out of D&D sessions, that would be the front cover art, wouldn't it? You know, that's all that's needed. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. To show the professionalism

of our recording. For some reason, I don't know how this has happened, it's probably because of me keep on swearing and saying Jesus Christ all the time, but the Google ads on our website have changed over to Jesus T-shirts.

So if anyone wants Jesus t-shirts Just click on Just click on the Google ads on our website Jesus t-shirts I actually went to it And it's like a Superman t-shirt But instead of the S it's been morphed into a J

And then there's like one which says There's a picture of a lettuce Lettuce pray Lettuce, lettuce, lettuce. Lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce. Lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce. Lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce. Lettuce. Oh, that's terrible. That is terrible. So have you let Christ into your life, Lewis?

There's one which says, you know, you know FC UK, which is really the dodgy like French Connection UK, but it looks like fuck. Does it say P-R p r a y or something no this is jc uk jesus christ connection uk no that would be jcc uk well was it all right it says jc uk jesus christ united king that's what it says Thing is though I would have thought like If anyone would have been offended by the whole

FC UK t-shirts it would be like Religious people Yeah but they're not all fuddy duddies You know there's a lot of hip Young Christians out there these days Is there? Yeah I mean they're not all you know middle aged Women who are in the WI

I'm not sure middle aged women are any more religious than anyone else. I think, like, old women are fairly religious, just because it's like somewhere to go and get a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit for free, you know, on a Sunday morning. What, heaven? No! Church! Oh, right. So it's an excuse to get out of the house. Oh, Doris, I'm just off to heaven. I'll see you there. All right, dear.

Oh, God. Off to heaven on a Sunday for a cup of tea and a biscuit. In the 47 bus. It's always late. Oh, I was waiting there for five minutes last time. You do speak a bit like, um, is it Terry Jones from The Life of Brian?

From Monty Python? His old woman voice, yeah. Ah! All of the Pythons had really terrible female voices, didn't they? Really, like... Yeah, but that's what made it funny. Burger King T-shirt.

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Highly effective antiperspirants. Very gentle to skin with aloe vera. Why are there so many things about... Oh. The melon. Oh, the melon was sweating.

It says sweaty armpits. Oh, fucking hell. So it's picked that up, has it? Yeah. End facial sweating. Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm a man. And when I'm not having a pint in the pub

or working on chip building site, I listen to Yogpod. So, I mean, what features are going to stay in this season of the Yogpod? Do you know? We're going to have more cooking. Subtitles by Subtitle Workshop a boob without asking permission? No, that was the previous argument. Because whenever I touch a girl's boob, I always ask for their permission first. Excuse me, my good lady, do you mind if I touch your boob? No, of course not. Go ahead, Simon. And then they invariably say no.

Oh. That feels lovely. God. You've been hanging out with um, God. You've been hanging out with... Yeah. I've been hanging out with men who would rather be ladies. Which is interesting, to say the least. Because they are often better at computer games than me.

They've got the best of both worlds, haven't they? Which, oddly enough, is a movie. So they have the wisdom of a man and the intelligence of a lady. They've got the strength of a man and the dexterity of a lady. Absolutely. The constitution of a man but the charisma of a lady.

I'm just going through the D&D stats. You could make. If you had to make a character in D&D that was exceptionally strong-willed, tough, vigorous, you need to make a lady man. A lady man. Is that what we call them these days?

Sorry. Yeah, I don't know what to... I just sort of fall apart when I'm trying to talk about this sort of stuff. It's just... It's such an awkward subject to kind of... You just don't know whether you're going to offend someone. It's like... Me and... I was sitting in a... in lunch with my gran

and my dad yesterday. Is she one as well? You know. Call me Gareth. My nan's not very well. Anyway, so we were in hospital. You know, like having a sandwich. Oh god. Oh god. Sorry.

I'm sorry. We're sitting there and my dad and my nan just don't have any sort of understanding of the modern lingo that goes about. And so my dad was like, oh yeah, I'm going to cook some turkey. But I was thinking, I haven't had faggots for a while. And my nan was like, oh, I love faggots.

And then it just went off into this conversation with those two. Faggots are lovely. Delicious. Shouting the word faggots at the top of their lungs. And I was like, could you still do this in modern Britain comfortably? Yes, of course you can. They had no problem. Faggots is a delicious food. It's a kind of mushroomy...

No, it's not mushroomy, you idiots. What is it? It's kind of like off awful in a ball shape. And typically it comes with its own gravy. And you pop it in the oven. And you have a delicious kind of, like, meatball-y thing. But it's all, like, really... Oh, it's like a meatball.

Yeah, kind of. But it's, like, really poor meat in it. Porky. Cheap. Cheap meat. And that's a faggot. And they're alright. kinda but it's like really poor meat in it porky cheap meat and that's a faggot and they're alright they're usually pork faggots

yeah I mean what do you think about words pork faggots engraved do you feel disappointed that

this word has been stolen and can no longer be used stolen by the gay community well I guess by the anti-gay

community I suppose more than well I can't say I'm angry really no I mean do we have Stolen by the gay community? Well, I guess by the anti-gay community, I suppose, more than... Well, I can't say I'm angry, really. No. I mean, do we have any gay listeners, do you think? We must have a couple of gay listeners. No. No. We don't have any. I made sure. What do you mean?

I made sure. You checked their computers before they downloaded the Yodpod. Yes, I found some pictures of penises on this one, and so therefore you're not going to be allowed to download it. There were a couple of homosexual men who added me on Facebook, and as soon as I found out they were gay, I just went round their houses and shot them. Whoa! So, I won't be listening again.

You mean you didn't just listening again. You mean, you didn't just remove them from your profile, you left them there. You just went round to their house and shot them. Yeah, we're still friends. Oh, good.

You know, I wanted to check on the memorial pages about them. Okay, then. Jolly good. I think we've gone off on...

That tangent. On a really distasteful tangent. I think we should just, like a really distasteful tangent. Yeah, I think we should just reverse back for a while. It's your nan's fault. She started it. Yeah, my nan. Oh, God. Oh, I love faggots. I haven't had one in ages. Oh, a lovely faggot. Is that what she was saying, like that?

Yeah, pretty much. Almost exactly like that. Oh, God. My dad was, like, totally agreeing, because he's from up north, you know, my dad, a little bit. He's sort of... He hasn't really got a northern accent anymore. He's just sort of been blurred because he's lived down south for the past 30 years.

He had elocution lessons. I think I need them. You need speech lessons. Come now, Simon, this is an apple. Say it with me. A is for apple. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. Hi-nay, brine-coy.

What does that mean? How now, brown cow? Hi-nay, brine-coy. Why Coy What does that mean? How now, brown cow Hi-noy, Brian Coy Why do you say it like that? What we need to do Sorry, there's a bit of drilling going on What we need to do is to have Our own version of My Fair Lady

You'd be Rex Harrison And I would be I don't know what you're talking about My Fair Lady, thisburn? My Fair Lady. This is ancient. My Fair Lady. 19... Yeah.

50... It's a really cool old movie. It's still touring. It's got musical bits to it. All I want is a room somewhere Some place out of the cold night air It's that one? There's some

Oh god There's some really good fucking songs in it as well Memorable Wouldn't it be lovely It's like a cockney Wouldn't it be lovely Lovely Lovely

Your Audrey Harrison impression Is the same as my nan impression Yeah basically Yeah Your Audrey Harrison impression is the same as my nan impression. Yeah, basically, yeah. I'm Simon's uncle, and when I'm not running away from spiders, and farming, and cleaning up pig shit, I like listening to the Yoggpod. Hello?

I forgot how difficult fucking Super Mario is. It's a hard game. It's hardcore. It's a hard game, man. But that was back in the days when games were hard, you know. And, you know, you didn't have, like... You know, you only had one game on your whole computer, so you had to make it last a long time. You are listening to the YARG POD! You are listening to the YARG POD! Oh shit. God this is a difficult game. Really the best thing about Dr. Mario is the music. The actual game is pretty shit.

But the music is just amazing. Okay, stop playing now. So I was going to ask, can you remember what the first game you ever played was? Yeah, there was ZX Spectrum game. And they took ages to load up. It was like cassette tapes that you had to put in and that stored all the information. But in order to load it up, it would make all this really weird noise

and on screen you'd have all these flickering stripes. They would go... Is it loaded up? And I got this game from a friend, and I loaded it up, and the menu came up, like the start menu, and it was a picture of my uncle, like digitised, and he was naked. For God's sake! What do you mean?

It was like a really... You know, do you remember Teletext? I don't know if anyone who listens would remember Teletext. Right, yeah. But how they used to have really poor pixel images of happy faces or whatever. It was kind of like that, but it was my uncle's pink, naked, nude body. Right. What game was this?

And the game was called... The game was called Simon's Magic Uncle. Right. What game was this? And the game was called Simon's Magic Uncle. Right. Dot com. You've got to get that domain now. Dot com. See, this is before the fucking internet. But it's still dot com.

Oh, man. But yeah, oddly enough, I think the first game I ever played probably would have been Jet Set Willy or something. Mummy? Mummy? Can I listen to the Yelp pod? Fuck off! Mummy! No!

Obviously that's J.K. Rowling in their childhood. Obviously that's JK Rowling And her child Well it seems that we've got About under half an hour Of material in the podcast So we need to pad it out So that means It's time for

Letters from The Ognords Nords It's that time again Let me open up this Letters from the Yogg-nords, nords, nords, nords. It's that time again, Lewis. Let me open up this email. Your email account at yoggscast at gmail.com. That one, Lewis?

That's correct. Do you see what I did there? Because now the people listening, they know the email address. I slipped that in gently. Okay. Timothy Stein writes in. He says, people listening they know the email address i've i slipped that in gently okay timothy stein writes in he says upon hearing about simon's most unusual wardrobe malfunction in a recent yog pod what was that oh god it's when my my pants kind of like slipped down my body but my jeans stayed in place under your trousers yeah right And that happened last night, actually.

Did it? I was in Kingston, got off the bus, and it happened before I got on the bus. So there must have been like 20 minutes when my boxers were like below the undercarriage. But I couldn't do anything.

I mean, what can you do? There's people all around you. do anything. What can you do? There's people all around you. You know? What can you do? This happens to no one else. This happens to no one else. It must have been the same pair of pants. I've got to remember. New pants.

If anyone wants to donate any pairs of pants, any second hand, worn, donate any pairs of pants, any second-hand, worn, dirty, still pairs of pants... Oh my god, no, what? Don't do that at all. Don't send them anywhere. Just throw them in the bin. Okay, so Timothy Stein decided to try and mimic or replicate the conditions under which this might be possible. It's like a scientific experiment. It's like a scientific experiment. It's like Mythbusters. Under the cloak of darkness

in the privacy of my own home when everyone was asleep, I prepped myself and walked around my living room. The feeling isn't so much a lack of a barrier between one's banana and oranges, but the feeling of your box of sorts

around your hips rather than your waist. An eye-opening experience. Sounds like he enjoyed it. Maybe a bit too much. Yeah. So our guild is in mid-fight with Valithia Dreamwalker today when a

fellow guildie logs on vent returning from work. We carried the fight for a minute or so and then the member, who's called Gaz, with an H, says, Mag, I spoke with Simon from the Yoggpod today. Naturally, I thought he was lying. I didn't believe him, but he was very persistent in the fact that he did, in fact, meet Simon in the co-op. So I asked him on vent, what does he look like? He replied, glasses with a stubbly beard. what does he look like? He replied, glasses with a stubbly beard. I thought to myself, yeah, that's reasonably accurate,

so I carried on asking questions. In front of 22 other people in the raid, we didn't have a clue what was going on, but listened in quietly. We carried on this conversation for about 15 minutes, and the whole road was put to a stop whilst we did so. I asked him, what did you say to him then, and how did you know it was him? And at first he said he noticed a laugh.

Then he saw what you had in your hand, the almighty Jaffa Cake. So he started laughing to himself, began to get excited. By now he was sure it was Simon. So I went in for it and asked him, is your name Simon? The man replied, yes. and then he said do you know the yog pod? Simon answered yes and then walked out of the door. So I said okay I think that's quite believable. He said can you find me a picture? So I scouted around found a picture of Simon with the hood up where you are next to a sign at Burger King. He replied

oh shit I don't think that's him. Have you got another one without the hood? So I carried on my search, found the one where you're standing next to a Dalek, and sent that to him. He says, Oh crap, that's not the same person. Who was I talking to?

So everyone started laughing on vent. While he was like, Oh Jesus, I have been harassing a stranger, asking him really weird questions. All because he had glasses, a beard, was holding jaffa cake. And he was in the co-op. I mean, that is

quite a small niche of people. If by some insane chance it was in fact Simon, then great. But I don't think it was. No, I don't think it was insane chance it was in fact Simon, then great. But I don't think it was. No, I don't think it was.

Because it was in Kent. And you don't live in Kent. No. No. I have been to Kent years back,

but I haven't been there since. So no. No. It wouldn't have been me. You were harassing an innocent man. I'm the been there since. So no, no, it wouldn't have been me. You were harassing an innocent man.

I'm the real guilty party. You got the wrong man. So, thank you for sending that in, Jamie. I love that someone finds the picture of me and shows it him. And he's like, oh, shit. Oh, God, that's a good one. That's a good letter. That's our letter of the week. Cheers Jamie,

isn't it? Yes, yes. Cheers Jamie. I think I know, yeah, I think I might know Jamie. Oh man. Juliana writes in, she says, You're that guy from the internet! At which point, Lewis pulls out some speakers and begins singing a song about Jaffa Cakes. I forget how the song went, but that's too much detail for me to remember in a dream. But it was pretty fucking awesome.

While you two were singing the song, Lewis was swimming with a stingray, who was also singing the song. Partway through, you all became undead. I'm not quite sure why, and at the end, a really big fucking shark came out of nowhere and ate the stingray anyway that's my story

I'm sure Tina Barrett was involved somehow I just can't remember that part Juliana maybe you should stop eating cheese before bed just a helpful bit of advice there I love your yogpods they're wonderful

aww thanks Juliana thank you helpful bit of advice there. I love your yogpods, they're wonderful. Aw, thanks, Juliana. Thank you. Thank you. You listen, yogi pood. Is that a caveman or a Russian? I don't know. Russian caveman, yogi pood.

Yogi pood. Oh god, there was a shit ton of questions that I never asked you. Oh god. Okay, I'm going to go through some of them now. You ready? I'm ready. And you want quick, short, snappy answers, don't you? You don't want me to just start talking.

Yeah. Talking. These are all from a person called Gerg. But also from another Yognauts fan to me, so sorry if I don't credit you. How much is one pound in dollars? 56 cents or something? Isn't it?

Or is it the other way around? No. I think 56p is a dollar. So, I don't know know that's the easy answer i've got no idea okay have you ever been to another country this is obviously a question from americans because americans don't tend to leave their own country isn't that right so i'm i'm american i've never left um the united kingdom i've been a little i've been a lot of places around. I haven't been to Northern Ireland, but I've been to the Isle of Wight, been up in Scotland, lived in Wales

for a bit, been up to Yorkshire... Hold on. You've never left the United Kingdom? I've never left these hallowed isles. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. Really? You've never left these hallowed aisles. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. Really? You've never been abroad? I've never been... Have people just sent in the same question 20 times?

We've talked about this before. We haven't. I don't think we have. I didn't know you'd never, ever been abroad. Oh, my God. And then you asked, do you not have a passport? And I said, yeah, I've got a passport. And you say, well, why have you got a passport?

You've never been abroad. And then you just keep going on and on, whinging and whining. I'll have to take you abroad sometime, Simon. Like a honeymoon. Is that a euphemism? Oh. I'll have to take you abroad.

Do you wear glasses? And if you do, are you near or far-sighted? We know you wear glasses, don't we? Yeah, I wear glasses and I'm near-sighted. One eye is much, much worse than the other. So I look a little bit strange. It looks like one of my eyes is bigger than the other. Because of the lenses.

Yeah. Why are you laughing? That's horrible. Why are you laughing? Can people draw what they think Simon now looks like? With one eye much, much bigger than the other. Is it typical to tuck your pants into your socks in England? Because I went paintballing one time,

and there were these two British kids with their pants tucked into their socks. First of all, we don't call them pants. We call them trousers. Yes, sorry. Thank you very much. Pants are underpants. So, I mean, in this case, Simon could probably actually tuck his in if they're hanging loose.

But it would be a bit odd. Oh, God. What kind of phone do you have? I have a BlackBerry. What kind of camera do you have? The one in the BlackBerry. Do you ever feel like there are too many cords going into the back of your computer? Yes, totally.

How do magnets work? I get the concept, but is it magic or something pulling them together or invisible little fairies? It's magic. Do you write your eights like two little zeros, sorry, two little O's stacked on top of each other or in a fluid, curvy motion?

A fluid, curvy motion, like an infinity sign. Do you like roller coasters? I like... I basically like the kids ones that you go on. Like, there's the runaway train. I quite like that one because it doesn't really do anything. Oh my god, sorry. You know, it's just a nice little ride.

The kids ones? Yeah, yeah. I don't like the hardcore... The thing is... You're dangling. You're like fairly old, you've got untidy hair, you've

got a pair of glasses and you're going to be on like a kiddie ride at the fun fair. Yeah. God, you sound like a disaster.

Oh. The thing is, like the big scary... Who's the most attractive... Oh, sorry, sorry. Are we just going to move on?

No, move on with the next question. The big scary... the big scary ride where you're basically held in oh you're too scared you fucking bitch the rides in which you're held in and basically you've got like some kind of

harness around your testicles and the rest of you is just dangling off the edge of this ride and you're like swooping upside down and around and about and you'll plunge through water and there's like rings of fire that the ride goes through and there's explosions in your face you know i don't like those kinds of rides anyway next question what's your favorite drink Alcoholic or non-alcoholic? Either. What do you...

Well, both. My favourite drink is this new tea that I bought in Tesco's. Oh. OK, go on then. Tesco got into contact with the people who originally blended the tea that Scott used on his expedition to the Antarctic to reach the South Pole. Are they still alive, these people there? So they talked to these people who blended the tea. They were all dead, so they talked to their sons and daughters, and they were all dead. So they traced the company company and it was bought

out by like seven companies since then so they then talked to this tiny little company which is two men who live in a broom cupboard together and they blend tea in that cupboard and they they found the original recipe of this tea that was blended together. It's two parts tea leaves, and that's it. It's put in a bag. Okay. So they recreated the original tea,

so the tea will taste the same as the tea that Scott and, you know, Oates and all of his friends down there, that other one I can't remember I can only remember Scott and Oates

Because Oates was You know I'm going outside I may be No that was Scott Wasn't it Scott was like The lead guy

No No It was Captain Oates Captain Oates He went out That's such a good name Captain Oates Yeah

Delicious Oates Captain Oates This is Major Barley Hello This is Chairman Barley. Hello, this is Chairman Rice. Nice. No, no, no, no, no. That's so bad. That is a little bit racist.

So bad. I'm sorry. I've got to apologise to any of our Chinese listeners. Do you prefer carpet, wood, stone or rubber flooring? Rubber flooring. Because you can jump up and down with a trampoline on it. Boing.

Is light a wave? Because how does it travel through space? And if you say it's a particle, then why doesn't it weigh anything? It is part wave, part particle. There's a duality. I mean, really, when we say particle,

it's just an easy way for us to explain how something is. And when we describe something as a wave, it's just an easy way for us to try and explain how something moves through another thing. What is your area code? My area code? 020, I guess. The thing is, this is a really odd series of questions.

It's like, random, mixed in with really hardcore science, mixed in with really personal stuff. I'm trying to find out where you live. That one was obviously dropped in quickly to try and trick you. What is your postcode? That would have been a bit more disturbing.

Do you know who Miles Davis is? Yes. He's a quite fat black man who plays the trumpet. Have you ever seen someone waving and waved back at them only to find out that they were actually waving to someone behind you?

Yes. What's the most baller thing you have ever done? Baller? The most baller thing I've ever done? Yes. I once punched a woman whilst wearing a bear suit.

How long does D&D take to play? Jesus Christ. Oh my god. It always takes longer than you think. It's like the opposite of sex. Did you have

your wisdom teeth taken out? No. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? Um, I think I would like to be, like, a bull used for breeding. Oh my god. So I have, like, a field full of cows that I have to service. I think that would be good. Oh my god, that's really weird.

That means you want to have sex with cows, Simon. For god's sake. Yeah, but if I'm a bull, that's perfectly fine. It's no longer illegal. I suppose. That means I won't get into trouble again. Oh god, was your uncle with you last time you went? I'm Simon's uncle.

Why are you bringing my uncle into this? What the hell, man? It's probably his farm. Leave him out of this. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Oh, for fuck's sake. How many of these questions are there? Loads.

Oh, if I was a plant, I'd be a cow slip. Because I like to slip it into cows. I get that. No, yes, we understood. We understood. Do you believe in aliens? Well, that's a weird question. Do you believe in aliens?

Yeah. I think there probably are intelligent creatures, other species out there. Because the universe is a very, very, very big place. We may never ever meet them. I find it highly doubtful that we have ever had contact with them in the past. Yeah, I agree. I mean,

the Drake equation and stuff suggests there is intelligent life somewhere in the universe, but it's unlikely that it's been abducting cows in, you knowtshire oh that's that was you those lucky cows those lucky aliens uh oh how big is the universe really big yeah it's big. Try and think of the biggest thing you possibly can, and it's much, much bigger than that. How does a vacuum tube work? What?

How does a vacuum tube work? Yeah. It's a tube in which the air has been removed from so that you can just crack open the end and hold it against your carpet, and it sucks the dirt out of the carpet. What a fucking weird question. What are you talking about? It's like a vacuum tube is like an electron tube.

It's like a valve thing. How does it work? I mean, were they actually expecting a genuine answer? Are they doing their homework? Is this the same person who asked me about light? What colour are dinosaurs? Pink. What's the worst...

Except for Barney. Barney's purple. What's the very worst curse word there is? Well, it has to be c***, doesn't it? There's no worse word than that. I mean, you say that in front of your girlfriend's mother, and that's it, it's all over. You're not allowed back in the house. The police are called,

and then they discover you in the field outside the house. Your trousers around your ankle, because they've fallen down. And it just so happens to be a cow in the field. And, you know, they jump to conclusions. Do you have different wall sockets than in America? Yes, we do. Yes, we do. We do. They've got

three holes in because electricity is wired with three wires and stuff in this country. Is it? Yeah. Thing is, though, when you actually look at half these plugs, like... Hang on, let me just unplug a plug.

Hello? Lewis? Well, I guess that's the end of the podcast. Um, so, so yeah. Um, bye.