Triforce! - YoGPoD 32: I am Michael Macdonald and I listen to the yogpod all day

Episode Date: June 10, 2010

The ghost of Gary Coleman pops in as Lewis and Simon play the terrible fan-made liners, discuss expensive liquids and set a high-flying brand new challenge! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Michael A. Donald and I'll listen to the Yacht Pod all day. This is Michael A. Donald and I'll listen to the Yacht Pod all day. Yes, this is Mr. Burns and I think the Yacht Pod is excellent.

I think that one's good. The Mr Burns. This is Michael McDonald and I'm going to listen to the Yacht Pod all day. Who is Michael McDonald? I don't know. What is going on?

This is Michael McDonald and I'm going to the York Final Day. What is... What the fuck? What is that? I've got no idea. No idea. This is Michael McDonald and I'm listening to the York Final Day.

Oh, goodness me. Hello and welcome to the... To do the art for the old age! To do the art for the old age! Oh, goodness me. Hello, and welcome to the... Yorkport Yorkport Yorkport Yorkport So this was when you posted on Facebook that you wanted people to send in their own versions of little... Artist liners, they're called, Lewis. That's the phrase that you're struggling for

in the darkness of your ignorance. And so who are these from? Peter Maserati. So he's not called Michael McDonald? No, he's not called Malcolm McDonald. This is Malcolm McDonald. This is Malcolm McDonald, have a listen to the Yacht for Dirty. No, it's not him.

What a fucking weirdo. But they were good. Oh, God. I don't know who Michael McDonald is. Malcolm McDonald. Michael McDonald. Hey! I'm a 1980s hairband singer, and I like to listen to the Yacht McDonald. Hey! I'm an 18-year-old hairband singer and I like to

listen to the Yacht Pod. No! Wow. Oh my goodness. Oh, hey. I'm a big fat Italian from New York.

When I'm not telling everybody how bad their fucking pizza sucks, I like to listen to the Yacht Pod, alright? He kind of fancies himself, this guy,

as a bit of a He does, as a little oppressionist. isn't he? He's a bit of a person, doesn't he? He's a bit of a person. He's got ideas. We're going to have to use these, you realise. He's put literally minutes of effort into this.

This is the beginning and the end of the Yoggpod. What's that supposed to be? Is that a reference to something? It's called Marrowgear. No, Marrowgar.mp3. So I guess it's a reference to the thing. First boss of Icecrown. It's a bit strange, isn't it? It's a bit strange.

Okay. Let's look at the next one. Oh, fuck. This is... Hang on. Did you think we had forgotten? Did you think the Yoggpod had forgiven? What?

What? Is that it? Yeah It must be quoting something Probably like another fucking World of Warcraft boss Did you think we had forgotten? Did you think we had forgiven? What is that?

What is that? I don't get that I don't know I don't know It's really weird isn't it? Thank you for that. Did people not get the brief when you described what you wanted? Did you just say, could you please spaz into your microphone?

Is that what you said when you requested these things? Pretty much. I am... Okay, I got one from James Goodman that you've replied to. So you must have heard this one before. Okay, James Goodman. You're listening to the Yodpod. See, that's good I like that a lot

It's the kind of thing we want man It's so deadpan You're listening to The Yogpod The Yogpod The Yogpod The Yogpod Robin Vigiani He's done a few The Yogpod. The Yogpod. Robin

Vigiani. He's done a few. He's done a few of them. Oh my god. Welcome, and you are listening to the Yogpod. Welcome, and you are listening to the Yogpod. Hey, I'm a really

old man, and I like listening to the Yoggpod. Oi, Grandad, what are you doing out of that PC? It's mine. Get off it. Now. He's a really old man. Sounds like he's from Liverpool or something, you know? He sounds like a member of the Beatles. Or maybe the only old men that Robin Rigiani knows are all, er, Liverpoolian, maybe. You didn't think of that? Okay.

Yo, sup, darkies. So here is my liner, inverted commas. It makes me think of Doctor Evil. Here is my liner. Feel free to pay me for my good work. Lost my lame DLL, so it's a wav. I don't... what does that mean? Technical mumbo jumbo and gibberish. I don't know.

Oh, there's another robot. Is that... is that it? What the f- What was that? It's one second long. You're fucking kidding me. Hang on, let's listen to this again, just in case you missed it somewhere.

Oh, there's another Yop-Op. Oh, there's another Yop-Op. Oh, there's another Yop-Op. Well, thanks. Thanks for that Thanks Matt Rawcliffe You've put a lot of effort into that That was awesome That must have taken him longer To like save

Than to record Right click save as took longer Than the actual recording. Right click save as. Right click save as. Anyway, Nick Fuckface sends us this lovely story about the Yogpod challenge that we did ages ago about

the shaking up a can of pop. And he says, Good afternoon, my main man Lewis. Today, the purpose of this email is to inform you of something that happened recently in my life after hearing Simon challenge my manly authority by saying that if I had the balls to record myself shaking up a soda can really well

and having a friend record me... Oh, that's it. He doesn't know how to construct a sentence. Okay, that's it. Like most spell listeners, yeah. Immediately, I rung up a few friends and said, Hey, want to come over to my house and quickly help me with something? Of course they rejected, since most of them do not like me,

after I showed them your yoghurt. Anyway, I thought, okay, well this will be terrible, since I have no one to record me, and you will just think I am a nutter. But then I remembered I have a sister. She is about 14 years old. I am 17. I said, hey, come over here and record this for me.

I need it for a science assignment. I guess since she was doing nothing, she accepted and held the camera for me. Right. So she starts recording me and I say, Hello, I'm Dave! and I have the balls. I immediately toss the can at a wall

in order for it to be a legit test. Hang on, stop, stop, stop. Here we go. Hello, I am Dave! and I have the balls. That is now

our official phrase. That should be on you. I have the balls. That is now our official phrase. That should be on you. I have the balls. I am Dave, exclamation mark, you're ignored, and I have the balls. Wow. That's amazing.

So he tosses the can of cola, or whatever it is, at the wall in order to shake it up. So he throws it at the wall. I have the balls! Throws it at the wall. Suddenly, shake it up so he throws it at the wall i have the balls throws at the wall suddenly the can starts shrieking me and my sister quickly look at each other in shock i begin to make my way towards the can to tap it in order to continue with the test i guess

and i hear a loud banging noise from the can. I am scared. I am nervous. I am sweating, and my sister is laughing while recording me watching this can screech and make loud banging noises. I leap towards the can and grab hold of it. The can starts resisting my grasp. I hold on as tightly as I can and annihilate the top of the can.

I grab the little handle while the can shakes furiously and screeches at me. Handle? I don't know. I don't know what he's talking about. What kind of can is this? I've no idea. Handle. And he annihilates the top of the can. This is a nightmare.

Anyway, he says, I grab the little handle while the can shakes furiously and screeches at me, and without thinking, I pull the handle. Oh, he means the tab on the top, I guess. You ready for this? No. The can explodes. Giant beams of Coca-Cola shoot all over my room.

One surges towards my sister and blows a hole in her head killing her instantly my house begins to fall apart i hear the loudest noise i've ever heard in my life i slowly turn around to see a rip in the space-time continuum. It is sucking in everything it can. My neighbours, my pets, my house, my sister's corpse, my property, my street, my region, my city, my state, my country, Australia,

and then it overloaded and exploded. All that was left was a small island, me and my computer and video camera. A single tear was running down my eye as I thought about the things I would never do again, the people I would never see again. I then went on my computer and began this email. In conclusion, no, tapping the top of a soda can will not stop it from exploding if it is shaken. It does work do not try it ever okay sincerely

a true australian yogpod fan thanks nick that's nick fuckface and then he's got a ps ps my sister didn't even record what the fuck stupid bitch that's not very nice. It's not a nice thing to say about your dead sister. No. You shouldn't do that. It's terrible. Well, we got there in the end,

finally reading out this email after many, many months. Can you see why I didn't read that one out before, though? I mean, you are scraping the bottom of the poo barrel basically. It's brilliant. It's delicious creamy poo and I'm happy to rub it over my face.

I am Dave Yognort and I have the balls. Oh god. I mean that's good isn't it? Come on.

I am Dave Yognort and I have the balls. Okay I've got That's good, isn't it? Come on. I obey if you're put on and I have the balls. Okay, I've got some more. There's some more liners. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.

Okay. Francesco Borg Bonacci which is the weirdest fucking... Everyone's got a weird name if they're not English.

Yep. I always find that. Isn't that strange how, to me, an English person, non-English names seem weird? You are listening to the YoggPod. Serial killer in the making. Thank you, Francesco. Goodness, it's terrifying. Francesco.

Whatever. I think he's Italian with a name like that. Wackim. It's another Wackim. I don't think it's our Wackim though, it's a different one. You are listening to me. You're good. I like the way you felt that he had to play that three times in a row. Yeah. I liked it when it was just one. Two okay. I thought it was good.

Thank you, Joaquin. I think it's good. I like it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Casper. This you. Thank you. Casper. This is his... This is his weird email.

Casper... Lutkisson. Possibly is his name. I recorded the phrase, you are listening to the Yoggpod normally, then reversed it and taught myself how that sounded. Okay? Right, okay okay that's amazing so he's he's he's learned how to phonetically say you're listening to yog pod backwards and then he

recorded that and reversed it so he's actually got him saying the right way around but it's going to sound weird because he actually said it backward and then he recorded it and then reversed it. Okay. Which is just, I don't even know. Yeah, yeah. I do not even know. So hang on, we're going to have to listen to this beautiful,

beautiful, magnificent shit. Not by this loose insect. La-wee. Ugh. Not by this loose insult that we... You are listening through your mind. that is terrifying so the first one is him saying it backwards and this the one that I just played is him right yeah I got that

reversing him saying it backwards so it's like something out of fucking Twin Peaks let's listen to that

again I love it. It's brilliant. It's how deaf people talk, isn't it? That makes me feel just a little bit weird. So that's Casper. Casper Larkison. Larkison. Well, that's hilarious.

I love that one. You are listening to the Larkboy. Lurkerson well that's that's hilarious I love that one yeah I love it see it took me literally seconds to do it myself and you went to all the effort of learning

how to say it backwards oh that is genius that is absolutely genius he's from Denmark bless him someone has to be That is genius. That is absolutely genius. He's from Denmark. Bless him.

Someone has to be. It's a brilliant one. It could be me doing it. It's that good. Hang on. It's from Oliver Halsworth Baines. I actually remember. He's on Facebook.

He's a friend on Facebook. All right, okay. Oliver Halsworth Baines. It's not a name you forget in a hurry, is it? Oliver Halsworth Baines. He's a friend on Facebook. All right, okay. Oliver Horsworth Baines. It's not a name you forget in a hurry, is it? Oliver Horsworth Baines. It's a good British name. Normal name. Hello!

I am Oliver Horsworth Baines. That's pretty much it. Yeah. He's a lord. He lives in, like, a mansion. You are listening to the Yorg Pod. Pod. Pod. Pod!

Pod! Beautiful. Thank you, Oliver. Pod! Pod! Thank you, Oliver! Pod! Pod!

Thank you, Oliver. That's good. I like that one. That's very good. Very professionally done. And perfect. Perfect. That's exactly what we wanted. That, uh, perfect. Perfect. That's exactly what we wanted.

That fits the job spec. None of this, This is Malcolm McDonald! I'm the little tomey of the day! Or any of this, uh, This is Michael McDonald! I'm the little tomey of the day! It's funny because, I mean, Peter Mazzioi did loads of good liners. He did like eight liners in total.

Yet that is the one that we're going to remember. Yeah, that is the one we're going to remember forever. I'll be singing that on my deathbed. Hello, this is Kenny Baker and I listen to the Young Bud. That is just weird. You want to say, this is Kenny Baker and then what he's famous for. Hello, this is Kenny Baker. then what he's famous for. Hello, this is Kenny Baker.

I'm famous for being a dwarf. And I listen... No. Hello. God, I can't do it now. Hello, this is Kenny Baker. And I'm famous for being the dwarf who was inside of R2-D2

in a Star Wars franchise of movies. And I listen to the old pod. So what's happened since the last podcast? I think we've actually got a new government for a start. Yeah, we've got a new government, and summer has been and gone in britain yeah uh it's been all changed miserable day outside but it was lovely last week um and i'm sure the sunny weather will come back it'll be fine it's so fucking british talking

about the weather we could be talking about politics but it's like oh oh no. Yeah, so our new Prime Minister is called Dave. I think he's like the first Dave to be Prime Minister. Really? It's kind of cool. Really? I think I heard that somewhere. Are you sure about that? All of them before have all been called a bit more posh things.

Like Clement. Yeah, and... Winston. William. Margaret. Edward. Margaret. Edward. Has there ever been a Prime Minister Simon, do you think? Um, no. No, there hasn't, and there never will be.

There was a law that was passed. The Queen decided that she didn't like the name Simon. You may have noticed she never named any of her children Simon. Which just goes to prove my case Nor Lewis though either Oh that's a good point Maybe she doesn't like Lewis either There's been a lot of promises called Robert and William and Edward And Henry

Spencer Herbert Henry Asquith Stanley Baldwin Ramsay MacDonald Neville Chamberlain There's a lot of Williams. What's going on? Anthony Eden, Edward Heath, Harold Wilson. David Lloyd George. Oh, fuck.

Oh, no, really? I didn't realise it was David Lloyd George. Damn. Shit. I don't think anyone referred to him as David. So this is the second Dave. Oh, well, we were wrong. You heard it here first.

The Yogscast, Yogpod even, was wrong about something. Rarely happens. We're often so on the ball and so factually accurate. So do you think David Cameron is a Yognaut? Or a Yognaut, even? I think so. Yeah. I think so. Yeah, I think he probably... I'm friends with Nick Clegg on Facebook.

Are you? He's my island paradise neighbour. What's his island look like? It's quite boring. It's quite bland and boring and uninteresting. Like him?

Much like the new government. I wouldn't have gone that far. He's quite a nice, charismatic man. There's something of the Blair about him. Well, there we are. There is a little bit, I suppose. I steal his pineapples. You see, what he does is he doesn't actually look after his island

Very much he obviously doesn't log on to Island Paradise because he's busy Running the country So I steal his pineapples I see there wasn't going to be anything Not helping out there at all I like the way he plants pineapples Because they're like a long crop.

Well, sometimes I... Come back to them. I restore his withered crop. Oh, that's nice. And then I steal them. That's nice of you. So, what else is there to talk about in the news? The BP oil leak.

Oh, yeah. Have you heard about this? Yeah, I have heard about it. It's quite a big fucking deal. It's been going on for about a month now it's kind of funny because an awful lot of America doesn't give a shit about it and yet it is just

going to royally fuck over part of their country it's like they don't care it's kind of ironic because a lot of America doesn't give a shit about the rest of the world unless there's oil there and now they don't give a shit about the rest of the world unless there's oil there. And now they don't give a shit about part of their own country because there is oil there.

I don't understand. There's some bizarre... Some bizarreness about the bizarrarity. Well, it started 40 days ago. And apparently they're now reporting that it's been... Like, um... Stopped. But the thing is... Unfortunately, another four leaks have sprung up on the ocean bed. Have they? They're now reporting that it's been stopped. Unfortunately, another four leaks have sprung up on the ocean bed.

Have they? Apart from that, it's over. It's over. They've just got to clean up and then it's just done. Just ignore the other cracks in the bottom of the sea. What would you do if you had a bucket of oil? What do you do if you had a bucket of oil? What do you mean if I had a bucket of oil? Would you try and sell it?

You've got a bucket of oil, right? A bucket of oil? It's your birthday. Just one bucket. I'm like, happy birthday, Lewis. And I hand over a bucket of oil. We've flown over to wherever this thing's happening. Mississippi, River Delta, right? And we've got our buckets and we've been bucketing some oil, and we've got loads of buckets of oil.

Yeah. A big pile of buckets of oil. Yeah. So what do we do with it? What do we do with all these buckets that we've got? Well, I guess we can't take them as hand luggage. Oh, God, it would be a bit awkward getting them back. I imagine that there's probably a law against carrying, you know...

Open buckets of oil. I can't think of it like petrol, but it's not actually petrol, is it? Petrol doesn't come out of the fucking ground. No. Obviously, anyone who's done a bit of science knows that you have to go through this thing called fractional distillation to extract petroleum. So, the thing is... Chemistry, no. We've got lots of

sort of buckets of black sticky oil. And what are we going to do with it? There's not a lot we can do. I mean, in fact, it's pretty much worthless, you know, because it will cost like... It costs like... It's so cheap,

relatively speaking. A bucket of oil, maybe what's that going to be? A bucket, like five litres in a bucket? I mean, I guess when you think about it, a bucket of oil... what's that going to be A bucket Like five litres In a bucket I mean I guess When you think about it Oil is A bucket of oil

It is pretty cheap Because like Bottled water Is more expensive Much Much more expensive Than fucking oil Than petrol

Yeah Actually it's about the same These things You may as well just take Loads of bottled water Back home It'd be easier Getting it on the fucking plane

I imagine Probably No actually it won't be What you're talking about You can't take bottled water back home. It'd be easier getting it on the fucking plane, I imagine. Probably. No, actually, it won't be. What are you talking about? You can't take bottled water on the plane. Have you ever been to an airport, Simon? Of course you can. It's like millions of bottles of...

No, no, no, because it might be like liquid explosive, man. It's a common way of bringing... Oh, right. ...of explosives onto the plane. Whereas oil, we could just say, no, no um it's chocolate fondue stuff that's what it is and then i dip my finger into it and i go stick it in my mouth and suck on my finger delicious i give like a cheeky little grin

as i do it fingers just all sticky and... Oh my god. Delicious. And I get some of my shirt and I have to like take my shirt off. I'm like, ooh. God, you'll be like a bird covered in oil after a very short period of time. You'll be like rolling around on the ground. I'm like a bird covered in oil. Oh god, they should make that song.

That should be like a charity song. So yeah, I don't know. It's difficult. I think if we did have a load of buckets of oil, it would just be worth about 25p per bucket. It wouldn't be worth anything. There was this graph

or chart that I saw about how expensive different liquids are. Oh yeah. Printer ink is like the most expensive liquid known to man. Yeah. It's more expensive than like pedigree horse semen.

Which is like the second most expensive. Pedigree horse semen. Goodness me. Yeah. I mean, human blood is on the list, but like horse se, like, one of the higher things. I think, like, caviar, like Russian beluga caviar would be high up on there. But that's not really a liquid, I suppose, is it? No.

It's a little bit liquidy. You know you're caviar, don't you? You're quite... You are quite the foodie. I'm not really that much. Have you ever tasted pedigree horse semen? Oh, yeah. It probably tastes a lot like caviar.

It's a delicacy. It's like this salty horrible mess. You, like, scoop some up, you put it on a cracker and you're like, mmm! Delicious! No, no, no. It'll be served in, like, a little tiny glass thimble, you know, on, like, a big plate, you know, in a restaurant.

It'll be, like, a course plate, you know, in a restaurant. It would be like a course. Because in really, really posh restaurants you have like seven or eight courses and they're all like a little like saucer. The horse semen course. Green foam. Yeah, you know, you'll have a horse semen. Is that after the main course? Human blood is

one of them. Oh. Printer ink. Oh, really? Printer ink is dessert. Printer ink. That's probably the dessert. Yeah, yeah. Very expensive stuff. It's exclusive. Oh, hello. I'm Tina Barrett,

formerly of S Club 7. I still have yet to release my debut solo album because it's not really going very well. But in the meanwhile, I like to listen to the Yoggpod. Oh, it's really good. Oh, Lewis and Simon are really amazing. Goodbye. Goodbye.

I don't know why I said goodbye there. I just felt like it was polite. Recently, though, like, I was talking about this to Hannah, like, it's actually cheaper to buy a new printer than it is to buy a printer ink cartridge sometimes. Because obviously these printers are, like, on offer and they come with a few free ink cartridges. Yeah.

Isn't that ridiculous? Lots of people, I have about three printers just the old printers in the garage from where I actually went into the shop to buy an ink cartridge and found that the printer and an ink cartridge was actually cheaper. It's got to be bad for the environment though, isn't it? People just keep buying printers all the time.

Well, maybe we should do something with them. I don't know, maybe we should do something with them. I don't know, like... Open a print shop or something. But then again, you just need more ink for that. So you just have to buy more printers. I don't know what you'd be able to do. You'd just end up with infinite printers. Christ.

Oh my god. So going off a bit of a tangent here... I was in a shopping centre in Reading with Hannah and we were walking around and... Why were you with Hannah? Was it just the two of you?

Yeah, just the two of us. Why are you hanging out with Hannah alone? Anyway, we're trying to kill some... We're trying to kill some time before the evening and we're walking around kill some time before the evening. What are we going to do in the evening? What's going on in this? Nothing, Simon. Don't read anything into this.

Just a totally normal... Look, that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is, we were going into all these shops, like this Swarovski crystal shop, just looking at stuff and blah, blah, blah. All these little fancy shops. Crystal shops? Oh, it's quite a good little gift shop to buy stuff. My mum likes these little crystal hedgehogs and things.

Anyway, we went into the Disney shop. Right. Okay, which I haven't been into, I don't think, ever. And I was like, as soon as I What would you expect to find in the Disney store, Simon? Like lots of cuddly toys of

Tigger. Exactly. That's what I was expecting to find. Shit, basically. Just little toys, little princess carriages, stuff like that. That's what I thought would be in there. Do you know what was actually in there? Twilight merchandise. No, no, no, that was in pretty much

every other shop ever. What was in the Disney shop was racks and racks of kids' underwear. Ah! With, like, Disney stuff on them. And they were so many! They were, like, you could buy literally, it was girl underwear.

Like thongs. No, it was like little girls, like one piece bikini thing. Not bikini, one piece like swimming costume thing. That's a bit weird. And there were so many of them that I just felt really, really uncomfortable.

If I was in there on my own, as like a mid-twenties boy, man, like single man, I think I would have been like arrested or something. A boy man. You couldn't turn around without seeing some sort of children's lingerie. Lingerie?

It was weird. Like Winnie the Pooh on the front or something. Man, it was really... You'd have to go in there. Actually, I wouldn't recommend it. I'd probably never see you again. You'd be on the Child Sex Offenders Register or something. It was terrible. I'd suggest

no one ever go in the Disney store unless you want to dress your three-year-old girl up in some sort of tigger bikini. The thing is, we've got listeners who have children. I'm sure they're like, what's all the fuss about? I often go into the Disney shop and I buy my young daughter some pants. It's where you get most of your kids' clothing from, apparently.

Well, no, but it wasn't clothing. It was only underwear and swimming costumes. I don't know whether we went in a really specific branch of the Disney store. There wasn't any jumpers or jeans, nothing like that. It was all undergarments. Just pants. Just knickers and pants.

That was a bit weird. That was weird. I just thought I had to tell you that. I don't know why you felt the need to share that. If any of our Yoggnaughts go into it, see like a Disney shop, That's weird. I just thought I had to tell you that. I don't know why you felt the need to share that. I thought I had to tell you that. Well, thanks. If any of our Yognorcs go into it, see like a Disney shop, you know, don't feel the need to go in there. Because it's just... Do you reckon like you go into certain shops when you're a certain age though, with your certain, like, you know, family?

Like Quadrant. Have you ever been in Quadrant? I've never heard of Quadrant in my life. It's like a... I think it's like a chain. It might not be a chain, though. It's like a sort of slightly elderly people's shop and furniture and blinds. It's a bit like Debenhams. So they sell old people there.

No, but my nan loves it. I think the clothing is slightly aimed towards the older lady. They sell faggots. Oh, lovely faggots. Yeah, they do. Bless her. Lovely meaty gravy. Mmm.

Yum, yum. and I've fallen over I can't get up but it's alright because I've got my iPod and I'm listening to the Yacht Pod oh, be back oh god oh god

oh god that was pretty funny that was very funny Oh, God. That was pretty funny. That was very funny. So, Gary Coleman... Poor old Gary Coleman has died. What you talking about, Lewis? Oh, Gary. Hello.

How you doing, man? I thought you were dead. Oh, God. I am dead. I'm a ghost. Hello. You'll have to explain to me what you're really famous for. I'm famous for being a dwarf. Like everyone on the fucking Yacht Pod. Oh, God.

Hello, Lewis. I'm Gary Coleman. Hello, Lewis. I'm Gary Coleman. Did you make a lean meat grilling machine? Is that what you're famous for? That's George Foreman. Oh. Yeah, Lewis, get it right.

Sorry, I thought that was you for some reason. I think the only thing Gary Coleman made was the headlines, When He Died. Is he actually a dwarf? No, he's basically a babby. He's a grown man, but he's a babby forever. Oh, he's like a... There's a name for it. So he did have some sort of congenital disease, though, which stunted his growth. Yeah, stunted him. So he's only about four of congenital disease, though, which stunted his growth.

Yeah, stunted. So he's only about four foot. That's what it's called. Stuntedness. So he is actually a dwarf. Oh, my God. Everyone on this fucking show is a dwarf. What the hell?

I'm a dwarf. A ghost dwarf. So tell me about, you know, your life, Gary. I'm more interested in my death. I'm Gary Coleman. Oh, God. He was in Avenue Q. Have you seen Avenue Q?

Oh, the internet is for porn, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very famous. It uses Muppets, doesn't it? Pretty much. Yeah. Is that right? I don't know what it's like on Broadway. Does it actually use Muppets on Broadway as well?

I assume it does, yeah. It's part of the cast. So what was Gary Coleman? We could ask him, but I don't think he knows. Oh, hang on. I don't think he actually was in there. I think he was parodied in it. But he gave permission, apparently.

That's very good of him. I mean, of course he didn't have to. He was considered to play the role, but he decided... Hang on, no. In 2005, Coleman announced his intention to sue Avenue Q for their depiction of him. Oh, he gave his permission, did he. That's why he was suing them. So hang on, he was going to sue them, and then he died. No, no, no, he decided not to sue them, I think. I think they must have paid him off or something.

He decided to die instead. No, no, no, that was like ten years, five years ago, wasn't it? Do you expect me to sue? No, Gary Coleman, I expect you to die. Oh, no! Apparently he fell and hit his head, and that's what killed him. Oh.

Gary. That's unfortunate. He would have thought, because he's so short, that, you know, he wouldn't his head wouldn't have fallen that far down, so it wouldn't have fallen that far down, so it wouldn't have hurt him so much. But alas, no. That's a bit sad, isn't it?

I don't think that's very funny. I don't give a shit. Who gives a fucking shit about Gary Coleman, anyway? I literally do not care if he lives or dies. That's not very nice, Simon. Sorry, Gary Coleman. With your strange fucking voice.

Ghost Gary Coleman. What the hell? Ghost Gary Coleman. So, Ghost Gary Coleman, what's the ghost world like? It's like the living world, only it's shadowy and silver. Do you... Have you met any other

ghosts? I met Michael Jackson's ghost. Right, how was he? He touched me. Oh god. I don't get it because Gary Coleman, you're like 40 years old or something. Why would Michael Jackson

want to touch you? I don't get it Can you explain it to me Lewis? I don't understand Because of his childlike qualities I believe His stature His childlike stature I don't think we need to explain that joke Fuck me

That was very very funny though I think we could have like scripted that Oh man i did actually script that just in case you were going to talk about gary coleman why are we talking about gary fucking coleman because you just celebrate these people's lives you know they're never gonna do anything else there's never gonna be a remake of different strokes is there now, he's dead there might be, like Michael Bay might buy the rights

it's like Jade Goody, she's gone there's no more Jade Goody related news thank god doesn't Michael Bay basically do horrible horrible films yeah but it would liven up

different strokes wouldn't it? If you did it. It'd actually make it interesting. Random explosions now and again. Gary Coleman! I like his ghost voice. So, Gary, is there any... What's the news from the ghost world?

I mean, why aren't you allowed to move on? Have you got some unfinished business or something? I really needed the toilet when I died. Right. So, how do we solve... I need to do a ghost pool. Right. How do we get that organised?

Is there some sort of a ghost toilet we can take your remains to in a sort of supernatural way and then, like, you know, flush them down the toilet? Yes! I love supernatural. They're always doing some bullshit like that, aren't they? You know, they have to find the remains. There's always some bit of the remains that's left over and they have to like, fucking burn it or something. I don't know. Jesus Christ. And they always burn it on a lighter.

Burn and salt the bodies, Lewis. Yeah, salt the bodies. Sorry. So we're going to have to go on a road trip to maybe we could like burn and salt Gary Coleman's dead body. Yeah. That would be nice.

If we could collect some oil while we're there. Yeah, that's what we could burn him with. See, there is a use for it, after all. Yeah, a couple of buckets, he'll go up like a house on fire. Gary Coleman! Actually, he only needs like half a bucket will probably do the job. He's only a small man. Because he's so small

That's the joke Economy Hello I am Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II And this your court Is by royal appointment Hello Hello And this, Yoggport, is my royal appointment.

Hello? Hello? Hello? One fancies a Jaffa cake. Right, so a lot of people have mentioned, actually, that we didn't do a challenge. Oh, Yoggport last 30th anniversary spectacular. Spectacular. Don't worry, we didn't forget about it. Some people did some excellent treasure hunting videos and photos. Nothing there!

Who was that? That was Robin, wasn't it? It was the lovely Robin, yep. Nothing there! Nothing there! That was lovely. Someone convinced their kid brother to like... I thought that was his son. You can check them all out at yogscast.com. Yeah, we posted them on the site.

You might have to scroll down a bit through a lot of bum fluff. Like meeting Warwick Davis and stuff, which was amazing. And the Star Trek Photoshop. Yeah, yeah, the Star Trek Photoshop. Lots of people have been sending in lots of good stuff. So we need a new challenge. What's the challenge going to be this time? What's the challenge?

We haven't really thought about this, have we? I had an idea. I had an idea. Oh, God. Well, my Uncle Dan... All right, just prepare yourself for an anecdote here. My Uncle Dan, who's not really my uncle, he lives in Canada.

Okay. And he is a nice chap, a bit weird and eccentric. He likes to build Airfix models of planes and things. Of course he does. Which is like a forgotten art, really, isn't it? It's like before consoles,

the generation before computer games, kids played with Airfix models, you know? It's like the sort of people who I mean, if you've ever painted a Warhammer model, you're almost there, you're almost at Airfix. You get like a cardboard box full of plastic bits of

Yeah, really cheap looking plastic trays with like You have to break off bits of plastic. Yeah, and then stick them together with superglue pretty much. Or clip them together. And they fit together in a sort of 3D jigsaw into like an aeroplane. You know, like a Spitfire or something. That's sort of the classic one.

Sorry, we have to explain this because a lot of people won't know what the fuck Airfix is, you know. Oh, you have to explain this, because a lot of people won't know what the fuck Airfix is, you know. Anyway, my uncle Dan built the world's smallest... Oh, shit, I'm going to have to find it. It's just so fucking stupid. Is he in the Guinness Book of Records? Because this is what it sounds like. He tried to submit it to the Guinness Book of Records, but they turned him down. Oh. Oh. Oh, God.

It was so... Uninteresting. Ah, here we are, yes. Okay, he has built... Okay, get this. The world's smallest cross-sectional airliner model of a Vickers Vanguard plane.

A Vickers Vanguard plane. plane okay it's motorized it's got little motors in it oh and i'll just read just look at this video how big is it it's not very big it's like well the thing is this is we can't actually show people on audio this i'll link it i'll link it when the outputod comes out. No, we have to describe it. Can you describe this then? So it's 1 to 144th scale. So it's 144 times

smaller than a real plane. And he... So it doesn't fly around. It's just on a stick. It's a tiny plastic plane on a stick. It's got all these seats inside it's got flashing lights over it the things are moving around what they called the engine things propellers propellers that's it yeah yeah props mad props to your uncle who's not really your uncle

for coming up with this that's fascinating so he made this basically from like an air fix model but he cut away the sides and he made all the seats individually by like snapping off little bits of plastic and like super gluing 108 seats each seat is made of seven parts holy parts. Holy shit. And painted in three colours. Oh my god. Just out of interest, is he married? No. No, of course he's not. Oh god. He lives by himself.

He's got like an attic or something completely devoted to his Airfix models, his collection of toys. Yeah. He's probably got like some trains. Look at the comments. Model trains as well.

Look at the comments and read the first comment. This was a joy to watch. In 1980, I flew on Europe Aero Services, a V952F BVUI, and most of the AC cabin was still intact including the bulkhead decorations and the laminated maple leaf designs in the washroom doors. I must say the Vanguard was a rumbling giant.

In cruise you could feel vibration waves travelling down that long fuselage. Still, I am pleased to have had had the experience. Oh my god. Isn't that a wonderful comment? Anyway, I want people to watch this video, leave

comments, nice comments, no horrible comments, alright? I'm going to be furious if people like start insulting my

uncle. He's a nice man. Your nephew is a fag. Always be nice to me. Do not write that. He's a lovely man.

I want everyone to watch this video, leave nice comments. And I think the challenge should be... You have to create a little model. Make a plane, yes. Make a plane out of like... Toilet roll. Household rubbish. Sticky back plastic.

Blue Peter style. Yolkpod Airlines. Yolkpod Airlines plane. We want a little plane. out of like toilet roll household rubbish sticky back plastic blue peter style yogpod airlines yogpod airlines we want a little plane yeah that's exactly what we want if me and lewis get shrunk down

and we're like tiny little people the size of a pinhead then we want like a special plane so that we can travel around the living room

yeah the living room of yogpod towers where we live together. And I want you to make a... Ideally, I want you to make a video of it against a blue towel background, like this one is, and put it on YouTube and say it's the world's smallest Yogpod plane.

Or the world's... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And contact Guinness Records. Like my uncle did. I can't believe he contacted Guinness Records. He was really disappointed as well. It's a bit of a specific category for a world record, isn't it?

World's smallest motorised cutaway airliner. Poor man. They said no. We've got to draw the line somewhere. I mean we've got a man who eats

baked beans with a fucking cocktail stick. That's pretty ridiculous. Yeah. But your stuff, your little

Yogpod airliner, no. We're not allowing So that's the challenge this week. Make a Blue Peter style Yogpod plane. Videos are best

but pictures are amazing too. Pictures would be fantastic too. And we'll put them all on the site. And the best one... What does the best one win? I don't know. Does anyone ever win anything from these things? You say that they'll win,

but they don't actually ever receive anything. Glory. You'll win glory. And a mention on the Yog og pod and the best one wins all right that's worth it uh so who won the last one by the way who won the who won the hole digging oh god nothing there robin's legs win yeah that was that cheered me and simon up immensely there's nothing pervy about it. Okay, well, there is. There is, a little bit.

But no, no, no. The one with the kid in was awesome, and the guys who used fireworks was pretty cool. The fireworks were awesome. Those guys who basically dug a trench, like a massive time team trench in their garden. I could just see their mother's face

just being furious with them afterwards. Like your mother was furious when you and your dad dug a hole. She was not best pleased. You'd better fill that back up. Dear... This is from Rick Wright. That's a good name.

Dear Simon, I stumbled across this gem with my mates the other day. Hello. He's linked me to a Facebook page. Even though you stabbed my nan, you're still the one for me. Oh my god. This is dedicated to my baby boy. Although he broke my heart by stabbing my nan, I still forgive him and am willing to give him one more chance.

That's lovely. P.S. I was walking through Boots the other day and they had a display of toaster bags. I thought Simon was just spouting retarded bullshit like usual, but the advert genuinely showed a woman cooking salmon and shit in them. Mental. Thanks, Rick. Thanks a lot. That's a good email. I just found that Facebook group and I liked it.

Jake Railton. Hello, Simon and Lewis. I'm a person who listens to your show for fun and joy. I was just wondering if you had ever had A Jaffa cake that has had its chocolate topping melted If not you should try it Sent from my Jaffa cake His eye Jaffa

The eye Jaffa It's like a phone Shaped like a Jaffa cake Well I guess the only time I have melty chocolate Jaffa cakes Is if I have a hot drink and I dunk them in briefly because the sponge disintegrates. So you've got to be careful when you do that.

Yep, you have. Jesse Green writes, Dear Simon and Lewis... Fraught with peril. Dear Simon and Lewis, just thought I would show you this. He sent a picture in of when he searched in iTunes for Yogpod, it it said did you mean Godpod then buggers must be copycats

he says we're bigger than Jesus at the Yogpod I think we probably have more more views than Jesus more people listen to the Yogpod than have read the Bible I'm willing to say that

Michael Langdon has written in he says about a week ago I saw Warwick Davis in than have read the Bible. Yeah. I'm willing to say that. Michael Langdon has written in. He says, About a week ago I saw Warwick Davis in Wimbledon. Concerned for Simon's clear derangement after he went missing, I chased after him with a paper bag. But the police got involved and it all went a bit wrong from there. Just wanted to say I'm here to help and together we'll find him, catch him and bring him home soon.

This is all a bit late now because we've met Warwick. We've seen that he's okay. He's safe. He put his arm around me. He helped me get up off the floor where I was kneeling down. That picture when he just looked, that look of concern on Warwick Davis' face. I know. It's unbelievable.

He was terrified that you'd injure something. It's like... Tom Hinsley writes, Dear Simon, My friends and I have been loyal Yoggpod listeners for a while and are friends with you on Facebook. After quoting Simon's impression of Warwick Davis, our friend Sam asked what we were talking about.

We told him to check out the Yoggpod. He came to school and said, Very funny, you tried to make me listen to a podcast about monster trucks. Turns out he had heard the beginning of one podcast where you pretend to talk about monster trucks and it fooled him. What an idiot.

Needless to say, we laughed at him for ten minutes. I should hope so too. Oh man, what an idiot oh well maybe i'm just very convincing maybe that's it maybe i should give myself props and not this this young gentleman what was his name this foolish sam young chap sam but people who write in were tom john matt alex and dave you're an idiot sam but we love you anyway. Not in that way.

This is Michael McDonald and I listen to the Yacht Pod all day. So that's all from the Yacht Pod this week. Thank you very much for listening and I hope you enjoyed yourself and didn't gain any strange looks from people on your local public transport. Who's the executive producer this week, Simon? The executive producer is Thomas Mermelum.

He is a man. Okay. And he donated £50 to us. Let's see, where is he from? He's from... Horderland. Hang on. I'm sure we've already been through this.

I'm sure Thomas Mermelum's already been... Hordaland. I remember that. Haven't you got a list of who's been executive producers before? It's your one job. This is your one job to do with the organisation of the Yolk Pod.

It was Yolk Pod 30B. Second part. In which it was Magnus Tenman. organisation of the Yolk Pod? It was Yolk Pod 30B, the second part, in which it was Magnus Tenman was the executive producer. And he's from Norway and he's from the county of Hordaland.

And this week it's Thomas Mermelom and he's from Norway from the county of Hordaland. I don't know whether they know each other, whether they're mates, or what. They must do. They must be pals. This is the confusion.

Because I knew Hordaland was familiar. So, like, 90% of our donations so far have come from Hordaland. Hordaland. Basically, Hordaland own the Yoggpod now. It's like a foreign-owned company. We're Norwegian. We're going to have to talk about Norwegian topics.

Like reindeer and stuff. Oh, God. What? Like reindeer news. It's like a little segment. Reindeer news! This just in. There's a reindeer outside. He's terribly lonely and he needs a home. If you could find a home for this reindeer, write in to the Yacht Pod today.

People only in Scandinavia need apply. Good. Well, thank you, Thomas Mermelom and Michael Beck and Magnus Tenman EP Thomas Mermelom EP and all those guys thank you Carlos Larios again

for donating and we will see you next time how much money do you think Carlos has given us it's all of his pocket money he must be giving us Next time How much money do you think Carlos has given us? It's all of his pocket money he must be giving us He's only nine years old I suppose it's just Carlos' mum who's really keeping us going then in that case Her stolen credit card

Thank you Mrs. Larios Thank you Mrs. Larios