Triforce! - YoGPoD 33: My mum bought me a troll...

Episode Date: August 20, 2010

After a short break, Simon and Lewis go through some of your letters, getting confused and then questioning the sanity and general intelligence of yognau(gh)ts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. We'll be right back. Good evening and welcome. You are listening to The North. The North. Those crisps I lay in bed with a pair of thumbs strapped to my head. Testing a pager is all it takes. And soon I'll have the munchies for some Jeffa cakes. If I'm actually a barren horse, my wife, I'll probably have to run for my life Something new is not good and true So just stay tuned for the very next one

It's the Unborn Shining lights in a world of horror The Unborn The undisputed world of Warcraft Inside of two was a tiny man But even tiny men do the best they can The whale shark was the biggest thing Loose had seen Anywhere he turned it was still on the screen

Well, honey bear and honey bear were quite the pair But the honey bear ran off to an ipsy's lair Sips was a man with big strong arms At night his campfire kept us so warm It's the young boy Shining eyes in wonderfall The young boy And I have the dance I love this guitar solo This is Dave!

Exclamation mark. Jump not. And I have the balls. Have the balls. I have the balls. I have the balls. I have the balls I'll have the balls That song we've just opened the Yogpod with

that you heard with your ears right now is the song by Alex Arnoldson and then you say who it is yeah alex arnoldson and his friend axel and his friend axel axel dieberg they've got amazing names they're gonna be famous because that is brilliant isn't that brilliant they have some real talent there don't you think they do they certainly do and the lyrics god knows the lyrics are fantastic

shall I go through them just so you can like know what they are so I can sing along to it yeah yeah with a bag of crisps I lay in bed

with a pair of phones strapped to my head testing a beater is all it takes and soon I'll have the munchies for some Jaffa Cates. Headphones. If I mention Tina Barrett was my wife I'd probably have to run for my life.

Simon and Lewis are good and true, so just stay tuned for an hour or two. There's an awful lot of artistic licence going on, but that's fine. That's beautiful, that's your pod poetry, man. I believe that song lyrics are more poetic than

these fancy-ass perverts. Not perverts. Like pretentious bastards. What? Pervit? No, that's the wrong word. I'm not very poetic. You're very opinionated about poets. I don't like poets. But I think this is poetry, man.

This is good. And the lyrics... You don't like poets, but you like poetry. No, I like this song lyrics that are... That don't really mean anything, necessarily. I thought there was an awful lot of meaning in that. A lot of depth. I suppose there is, but...

It's not as important as the sound it makes, you know? Stuff doesn't have to make sense to sound good in your ears, does it? You know? Yeah, fuck knows, the Yogg pod's like that. Hello, and welcome to TTT Channel. I had fish fingers last night actually. Did you? Yeah. Microwaved fish fingers mind. Mmm.

I thought fish fingers were usually like frozen. Yeah they were but they're like special. They're fairly expensive but i guess normal fish fingers are pretty expensive anyway it's like four for a pound of these microwave ones and you just pop them in the microwave from frozen and they magically cook somehow i mean the technology. You know, they say that... You know, nuts say, rather, that there was a Roswell crash in New Mexico, and we stole alien technology, such as, like, you know, radar and microwaves and stuff.

I would go even as far as to say that we stole the technology to freeze fish fingers so that they're able to be edible after being cooked in the microwave. I know, it's cryogenics level crazy, isn't it? I mean, the thing is, radar and microwaves, it's complicated stuff, man. I don't even know how some of that stuff works. So, maybe we did see them from aliens. Do you believe in some of that stuff works. So, maybe we did see them from aliens. Do you believe in any of that? I'm quite relieved that you don't

know how radar and microwaves work, because otherwise I would strongly suspect that you were an alien. Yeah. A lot of people have suspected that you're an alien, because you're quite unneutral, Simon. You've got quite a different way of thinking. You're quite unneutral, Simon. You've got quite a different

way of thinking. You're just a bit odd. What does that mean? In a good way. You're unique. That doesn't really sound complimentary. Don't worry, it is. Trust me. It's fine. So,

okay, letters from the Yoggnaughts. There's quite a lot here. Shall I do the jingle? Yeah, go ahead. That would be appropriate. Letters from the Yoggnaughts, Noughts, Noughts, Noughts, Noughts, Noughts. notes notes notes notes um these that was that was beautiful these stretch back a little way because we haven't done any podcasts for a while so november 2008 we have a letter from jeremy saying why do you never respond to my correspondence sorry jeremy uh okay this is from Anton

he says hello Lewis and Simon this is just a follow up to an email I sent you earlier which we obviously just didn't know oh fuck see

I told you I was sitting in my room I was sitting in my room one night listening to the D&D Yacht Pod whilst playing WoW it was right at the part

where Simon or YozPoz calls the Irish Welsh Scottish sounding man a c**t. I was laughing my ass off when my mum came into my room to ask me something. She heard the voices talking and me giggling and said, I'll just leave you to talk to your friends for a bit. Thanks to the Yogpod, my mum now thinks I have friends. Many thanks, best regards, Anton. Wow. So, does he have no friends? I assume not.

Oh, Anton. Don't worry, we're your friend, Anton. What? I won't go that far. Are we friends on Facebook, Anton? If we are, then we are friends. We're real life friends. That's what it means. If you're Facebook friends, that means you're real friends.

This is from Jim Fredericks. There's a lot of misspellings in this. Oh, God. You're a bit of a fuckwit. I was trying to think of an epithet. Something that wasn't quite so offensive. I just went with fuckwit.

Sorry. Dear Lewis, I send this email with the promise of a real life Yoggmobile. This will be a manually controlled vehicle that I will design with my friends and engineers. I can't promise you when this will be done but it should be a maximum of two months.

I plan to have video in action and pictures of design while it lies out of use. I'm looking forward to making it. I hope you're looking forward to seeing it. Much love from Brandon. I feel a bit guilty for calling him a fuckwit now if he's going to this F. He does sound like he's going to put a lot of work into it and I am looking forward to it so Brandon

Godspeed gentle Yognort sire slash salute you have the balls Jaffa cakes Tina Barrett this is a really, really long story about someone's written.

Okay. About someone's written. Sorry, he's called Stephen and it's a massive wall of text. But I did actually read through this earlier. He's drawn a little picture as well to

go along with the story. Do you think I should show you the picture first of all? Illustrate. I think I'll show you the picture first of all. Now you can describe what's in the picture. How are any of the listeners going to see the picture? We'll put it on somewhere, but you can describe it.

On the internet somewhere. Okay, so there you go. There's the picture. That's a bit strange What the hell Why does my head look so very weird I mean it's pretty weird anyway But it looks even worse Just describe the picture Okay well it's a terrible

MS Paint Level Photoshop Manipulation of Photographs Over on the left we have MS Paint level Photoshop manipulation of photographs. Over on the left we have Hannah and her face looks very odd. She looks like she's unhappy. It's almost as though

they took her mouth and put it upside down. They've drawn in a fake arm of her sort of face palming. Yeah. She's got false legs and false drawn in red high

heels, I think. I don't know why they needed to do that, by the way. Because obviously the point is that you could just cut the picture up a little bit. You don't need to have that bottom bit on there. They've just seemed to have felt that there's this extra bit of space in the picture. They just thought it was nice to do.

So they should artistically redraw in the legs. Yeah, it's odd. And they've done the same thing to me as they've done to Hannah. It's me bending over. A very unflattering photograph at the best, anyway. And they sort of make my head look very odd shaped and again you know my my body is cut off at the knees and they've drawn these very stubby calves onto my legs and purple shoes it's not very flat it's awful and um me and hannah are in some sort of yellowy room with bright blue flooring.

And a door's just opened up and in has popped Warwick Davis with his actual face from a photograph. With a very, very tiny body drawn in using MS Paint. But the thing that really confuses me about this photo uh well this picture is what is that between me and hannah there's like a sort of door cage thing with something blue and red inside i'm not sure what that's supposed to be yeah i don't know whether that actually has anything to do with anything okay well it's... It's quite confusing. This is a story that... Okay, the story will explain it all. ...is written by a Yognor,

and it's very long, and apparently it's true. Okay, so... Today, this Yognor, he was sat down having dinner with his family, and his dad started to tell a story that had happened to one of his pals at work okay okay his pal has a son who is um warwick davis no no no no oh god retarded yeah oh jesus okay um

and she had to go into work early one day no sorry sorry so so so the son that's retarded they had to this kid had to be left alone one day because he had to go to work early and so they called the babysitter the babysitter said i can't get there immediately but i'll be i'll be around in about 20 minutes so the kid will have to be on his own for about 10 minutes okay is that okay so they they were like okay that that'll be fine why did they have to go again why did the parents have to leave they for about 10 minutes. Okay? Is that okay? So, they were like, okay, that'll be fine. Why did they have to go again? Why did the parents have to leave?

They had to go to work early. There was only one parent there at the time. It was so urgent that they had to leave their retarded kid alone for 10 minutes. Well, it's only 10 minutes, I guess.

It's fair enough, isn't it? It's fine. So, when the babysitter got there, the kid was really excited. Oh. No.

The kid was really excited. Of course he is. And the babysitter asked, why are you so excited? And the kid said that his mum had bought him a troll. A real life troll to play with oh god, ok

I've got this terrible feeling that I vaguely know where this might be going ok, a real life troll yeah, to play with and so the babysitter was a bit confused but she thought, ok you know, it's a bit of a retarded child. It's understandable, because, like, a troll?

It's like a mythical creature. I mean, I would be confused if I was the babysitter and not as quick-witted as I am. So, a little while later, so they're obviously playing around downstairs, you know, doing stuff. And the babysitter hears this knocking, this knock-knock sound from upstairs. And there's sort of a muffled voice. And so she was like, oh my god, that's a bit weird. And she asked the kid, do you know what it is? And the kid said, it's the troll.

It's my troll. Of course it is. Yeah, of course it's the troll. What else would it be? It's the troll. So she went upstairs. So she went upstairs and she heard this knocking and this noise. And she was a bit scared. So called she called um his mother not the police i mean a

strange person is in the house that might actually be a troll she didn't know what it was she thought it might be some sort of noisy toy but she was a bit sort of nervous about going upstairs and investigating okay so she called called the mother calls the mother, says is there someone else in the house? what's going on? and the mother says no, I don't know what's going on I'll come home immediately so she came home immediately so she's willing to leave her

retarded kid alone for 10 minutes it's urgent that she leaves for work 10 minutes earlier but when it comes to maybe a burglar being in the house, she's like a fucking shot out of work. Yeah. So she gets straight back home.

And obviously, he, yeah. So the mother comes home, okay, and she goes upstairs with the babysitter and looks inside The um The kids room And there's a troll there Which obviously has a lock on the door

Right And There's a dwarf there What In the kids room And he's He's wearing a suit He's very smart

Not a troll The dwarf They're quite different Yeah a dwarf And he The dwarf explains That he was a A um Follow me He says different. The dwarf explains that he was a census worker.

He says. Warwick Davis. The dwarf explains that he was a census worker and he came to the house in the five or ten minutes that the kid was on his own and the kid sort of

he said to your parents there and the kid said I'll come in and he kid was on his own. And the kid sort of, you know, he said, are your parents there? And the kid said, oh, come in. And he locked him in his room. So the kid locked this strange man in his bedroom? Yeah. What the fuck? And so the dwarf actually had been calling the police ever since he'd been locked in the room.

He was on the phone to her? And the police turned up about five minutes after the mother turned up. So he was like, I've been abducted by this kid. He thinks I'm a fucking troll. That's horrible. Poor man.

So there you go. I'm not entirely sure why I'm emailing you this. It might just be a combination of midgets and retards that made me think of your York pod. That's a brilliant story. It's a brilliant story. It's a good story, isn't it? It's very entertaining.

Thank you, Stephen, for that. Thank you, Stephen. I enjoyed it. What's his surname? It doesn't say. Thank you, Stephen, doesn't say. That's okay for that. Yeah, that's good.

It's a good story. Cheers. If you have any other good stories, please email us at yogscasts at gmail dot com. That's just for Stephen. No one else, obviously.

So I don't think anyone can ever top that. So, anything else, Stephen? I don't know. If you think you can, you know, send it through. If you think you can you know send it through.

If you think you can you're clearly fucking deranged because that is the best story that is the greatest story ever told.

They're going to have to rename that movie about the Bible because it clearly isn't the greatest story ever told anymore. Sorry I'm just

reading the next one through. This is from a guy called Victor Nobel who's got the same name as the This is from a guy called Victor Nobel. He's got the same name as the Nobel Prize. So maybe he's related.

The Nobel Prize is called Victor, is it? Tomorrow morning, I'm going on a plane trip to America from the Netherlands, which is around nine hours. Oh, God. I sat at my computer thinking, what the heck should I do on the flight? Then I remembered the YogPod. Hours of pure bliss on my iPod. Yay!

Keep it up, guys. From Victor. Nine hours. I haven't heard anything else from him since June 16th. He's probably dead now. He's probably dead. We're going to have to contact his parents dead now. He's probably dead. Oh, God. We're going to have to contact his parents and explain what happened to him.

He OD'd on Yogpod. Poor Victor. Well, if you're alright, Victor, do let us know. We're worried about you, man. You know, we haven't heard from you in... How long has it been? When did he... That's the email.

June 15th. June 16th. Oh, my God. It's been a very long time. He probably is dead. Just move on, Lewis. Just move on. Okay.

We need to find another victor. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh he says as I was watching some of your beta footage I noticed that I was surprised to find that Simon suffers similar microphone woes as me all of my

internet friends make fun of my terrible microphone errors and I felt the need to email the Yodpod so I could let Simon know that

he is not alone aww thank you you're welcome um that'll that'll keep me company on those long, dark nights.

I'm not alone. Because some man on the internet I've never met is also having microphone problems. Okay, yeah, yeah. Makes you feel better. This guy writes in Captain Conundrum. Hello, Simon. I was recently listening to your podcast where you had brought in Brian Blessed as a guest star. I know, as I was listening, that Simon posed the question of what Brian is most famous for.

Not knowing the answer, but seeing how it didn't really matter, I went on with my day. However, that night, my friend, who was a bit of an old movie lover decided that we would watch the 1980s movie Flash Gordon as the movie was going through it came to a point Gordon's alive it came to a part where a character named Voltan appears

with the wings of a hawk and loud booming voice instantly it came to me that this actor Dave this actor I have seen Flash that this actor... Guys! This actor... Yeah, I have seen Flash Gordon. This actor was none other than Brian Blessed. I started to crack up laughing seeing who it was

and my friends were staring at me like, what the hell are you doing? This is a really famous film and you're ruining it. I hope this answers some of the questions. Yeah, I mean... There we are. Oh, God. It's such a good movie, Flash Gordon.

It's absolutely amazing. Highly recommended by me. And not just because Brian Blessed's in it. Yeah, you should check it out, guys. It's got loads of famous people in it, actually, hasn't it? Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah, it's got...

See, this is the thing. It's like thinking of their names. Peter Duncan, who used to be a Blue Peter presenter, is in it. All right. Timothy Dalton's in it. He was James Bond.

The Welsh James Bond. I don't think that's how he's popularly known. The Welsh James Bond. Yeah. Yeah, the Welsh James Bond He was a good James Bond He was alright Richard O'Brien is in it

Famous for Rocky Horror Picture Show There's all these stars Veritable galaxy of stars One might describe them Okay Alex Dickin writes in The subject of his email is Funny Yoggpod story That's what you want writes in, the subject of his email is funny Yogpod story. That's what you want to have in the subject line.

Okay, so I was travelling from my aunt and uncle's house about two hours away from my house. We were driving at night and my mom got pulled over by a cop. So he's obviously in America. Yeah. The cops wasn't... It's amazing that you picked that up. That's quite insightful. The cops wasn't that old, maybe in his late 20s.

At the time, I had my iPod on and was oblivious to the fact that we were even pulled over. to the fact that we were even pulled over. I was listening to the Brian Blessed episode and cracked up as Simon began yelling scrambled very loudly. The police officer glanced at my iPod, turned to

me and said, I am Dave exclamation mark Yognort. We both laughed and my mom was like, what the fuck? In the end, the police officer lets us off with a warning. I was like, what the fuck? In the end, the police officer lets us off with a warning. I'm like, what the fuck? So basically, because the police officer was a yognaut, he got away with whatever it was his mother got stopped for.

It's probably like a body in the boot or something. It's his dad. His dad is in the boot. Yeah. It's probably like a body in the boot or something. It's his dad. His dad is in the boot. Whoa. Anyway, thank you Alex, that's good. Cheers Alex.

Liam Gilchrist writes in, help. Oh, I know him. Help Simon, how do I stop eating Jaffa Cakes?

You need to wean yourself off of them gently. Maybe have a substitute. I mean, I was quite successful for a while by... Instead of eating Jaffa Cakes, I would eat frozen raspberries when it was particularly hot. It sort of suited the weather. So you definitely need some form of substitute

so that you just don't go without anything. Because I think everyone needs a little treat now and again. I agree. I'm just looking through this other email which we had from a lady named Louise Purdy.

She's nice. You've heard of Louise Purdy? Yeah, you said you fancy no. You've heard of Louise Purdy. Yeah, you said you fancy her. You looked at her picture on the Facebook and you were like, oh, God, she's really hot, didn't you? Yeah. I'm going to have to cut this now. Hannah's not going to be pleased. No, don't.

Oh, shit. Yeah. I keep forgetting you have a girlfriend. Yeah. Um. Yeah. Um. Yeah. Dear Simon and Lewis, I'm Louise Purdy, a Brit-born dedicated Yognort living in the land of Oz. Oh. With great news.

All caps. Jaffa Cakes have reached the shores of Australia. Oh my god, our Facebook group worked. After searching for at least a year through three cities with minimal progress, besides finding the odd out-of-date tube and substitute branded Jaffas, After searching for at least a year through three cities with minimal progress, besides finding the odd out-of-date tube and substitute branded Jaffas, I have finally found a source for the McVitie's Jaffa Cakes. I squealed with excitement upon my first sight of the glorious 12-pack and had to resist eating them as soon as I touched the packet.

I bought three boxes. It's like as soon as I touched the packet. I bought three boxes. It's like me every time I buy a pack. I squeal and then I have to stop myself from scoffing all of them. I bought three boxes calculating $24. I don't know how many Australian dollars or pounds. Jesus!

So $8 a box. That sounds a lot. $8 a box $8 a box oh my goodness I gathered them up and ate them with my brother Joseph they were delicious a bit stale

to be honest but neither of us gave a crap oh my goodness so if any Yognauts want to find out where to buy Jaffa Cakes in Australia

you can add Louise Purdy to your Facebook $8 Australian dollars is about four and a half quid Where to buy Jaffa Cakes in Australia? You can add Louise Purdy to your Facebook. Eight Australian dollars is about four and a half quid. Wow. So that's per pack. So how much is that per Jaffa? Four and a half pounds.

It's like 40p a Jaffa. 40p. Jesus H. Christ on a bike. 35p a Jaffa. That's not too bad. Well, it is. Oh, a lovely Jaffa. 35p, a Jaffa, that's not too bad. Well it is! Oh a lovely Jaffa. Oh a lovely Jaffa.

Oh, lovely Jaffa. Okay. Err, someone... I've written that one. Err... Duncan Chubb. That's a nice name. It's written in.

He says, The other day I decided to buy Zelda Wind Waker off of eBay since I love Zelda but hadn't got around to playing it yet. When it arrived, I immediately started playing it. After an hour of playing it, I came across the God of the Winds, who was a frog, and he said that his name was Zephos. I thought to myself,

This can't be true. There is only one real Zephos and he makes podcasts. Then it struck me. Could Lewis be leading a secret double life where he is also the wind god of Zelda and a frog in his spare time? I thought you might be able to confirm my suspicions. Here is a picture

that I took with my iPhone. Is it true? P.S. I also have enclosed a picture of a preserved cat that we keep at work. I work in a history centre I thought you might be interested A preserved cat So there is a picture

Of a dead cat Oh my god It's labelled dead cat Thank you Duncan Chubb Yeah you fucking weirdo Jesus It's weird. Who's got...

What the fuck? That is really weird, isn't it? That's okay. That's fine, though. Does it have a name, this cat? Yeah, it's called Dead Cat. It's got like a... Dead Cat.

It's got like a... It's his name. You know those things That you have to see Tied around the toes Of like dead people They're like the body tag thing It's got one of those Tied around it's paw

Oh god And it has dead cat Written on it Yeah As if it's like Really? Yeah What the fuck?

Oh there we are That's nice It's all like Not really It's all like desiccated That's nice Oh god What the hell I Oh, there we are. That's nice. It's all like... Well, not really. It's all like desiccated. That's nice. Yeah. Oh, God.

What the hell? I want to hear more about your work, Duncan Chubb. But probably don't. Freeze-dried cat. Freeze-dried. Like those strawberries you get in certain kinds of cereal. Ooh. Delicious.

I've never eaten that cereal ever again. Thanks for ruining that for me Jesus Desiccated cat See normally The only context You hear the word desiccated I'm sure I've said this before

Is mummies or coconut There's never any other context is there Desiccated mummy Or desiccated coconut Never anything else. No, no, no, no. Very odd. Okay, this is from Brian Nickel.

Ahoy, greetings from Edinburgh. Today I was stuck on the bus in traffic due to all the tram fail going on in the city. I got on my phone, threw on the latest shop pod, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Um... Oh, thanks Sounds like he enjoyed it After a while

I burst into laughter and everyone turned to look at me, but I quickly recovered myself, almost as if nothing had happened So I mean, this is like This is like a pretty common thing, isn't it? That people will listen to the Yodpod on public transport and let us know how they've embarrassed themselves by laughing.

Now, have you ever done that? Have you ever done anything like that? Me, personally? Yeah. I tend to listen to most of my podcasts and stuff whilst just sat in front of the computer whilst doing other shit. I remember one time I did it on a plane

because I was listening to... I can't remember what I was listening to. I was listening to... When you're sitting on a plane, yeah, you know you sometimes have a little TV or you have a little radio thing in your seat arm? I don't know if you've ever been on a plane. But you have an armrest and it's got a radio built into it.

And you plug your headphones in there. Oh my god, that sounds amazing. You obviously have to pay about £7 for headphones if you buy them on the plane. But usually you can just bring your own and use them. So anyway, I plugged my headphones in. And there's a little selection of radio stations you can listen listen to and they're all kind of like hospital radio in that they are pre-recorded terrible radio shows by terrible people um so it's like a two-hour radio show it's a bit like a podcast i guess um with like joe wiley or some some radio one noob or some low-ranking... Steve Lamac, maybe.

Steve Lamac, yeah. Some terrible DJ. Anyway, there was sort of a comedy radio bit, and it was, like, playing old stuff by, like, George Carlin and stuff like this. And obviously George Carlin, I'm a big fan of him. And I think I'd obviously been listening to it for a while, and I'd like, you know, because to get, like, Giggly,

you have to have quite a good build. And I'd like, you know, because to get like Giggly, you have to have a quite good build up of comedy stuff. You know, you can't just launch into laughing out loud on the bus, like off nothing. It has to build up. So it's like there's like a few smirks, then, you know, a bit of inane grinning, a slight chuckle or two and then something will just catch you completely unawares and you'll just start bursting into laughter I think it happened when I was listening to

I think it changed over and it was Eddie Izzard and he was making some jokes about Star Trek and stuff and it was actually very funny it was sort of my humour Star Trek joke you're such a nerd and i remember laughing like really embarrassingly in the middle of this plane and normally planes

like like a drain like an like annoyingly and planes are annoyingly noisy though you know with a lot of background noise did you did you you like go did you bray like a donkey? Yeah. Like that. That's the worst laugh. That's how I normally laugh, yeah, when I'm in public transport. The people around me

were just like really offended as if I'd like slapped them in the face. Baby started crying. It was just a disaster. Anyway. Because at the time, the in-flight movie was like that Holocaust movie.

Fuck, what was it called? Oh, the one with Hitler. The Steven Spielberg one. No, no, not Downfall. Sorry, the one with Hitler. Downfall, that's what I was thinking of. Obviously a Holocaust movie without Hitler in it. Yeah, not that.

No. It'd be like a Yoggpod without you or I, Lewis. Basically, the Yoggpod is like the Holocaust. That's what I'm saying here. What's it fucking called? Schindler's List, that's it. What's it fucking called? Shinders List. That's it. Shinders List was the in-flight movie and you just start laughing like a drain.

It's like a really harrowing moment in which some Jewish woman gets raped or something. Oh god. You're a monster. It's a harrowing rape scene. I don't think anyone...

I don't think anyone else listens to the radio, though, so they all would have known. Oh, dear. Okay. So, yeah. So this guy's still on the bus. He's been listening to the Yogg pod. And the thing is, if you start losing control,

you start getting... It starts becoming even more difficult to control, doesn't it? It's like if you get the keels at a funeral. It's that whole thing that, you know, it's just... You can't... You can't come back from that once you've started. So anyway, after trying to cover my mouth from laughing, the girl sitting in front of me gave me a rather strange look and I began to lose it.

10 to 15 minutes later, I've done my best to control myself, but some random person in the Yoggpod starts saying, Yoggpod backwards, and after I've just taken a drink from my bottle of water, I manage to spray it all over the girl sitting in front of me. No! Oh dear. Everyone turned at me and I apologised profusely. Oh no. And thought, oh shit, I've made a total tit of myself.

Well you did. So this was a long bus ride and it had another 40 minutes to go. Oh man. The Yacht Pod was coming towards the end and as I was turning it off, some old lady next to me who was getting off the bus was really slow and I was stuck behind her. This is when

Kenny Baker starts trying to tell me he was the dwarf inside R2-D2 and I burst into laughter again and the old lady turned around to see what I was laughing at. This was where I was somewhat out of order, because she turned to face me, and instantly when I saw her face, I laughed even harder.

Oh, no. That's not really bad. Oh, no. That's bad. That's really bad. Oh, dear. That poor old lady. So he insulted an old lady,

and spat water all over a girl. I mean, the old lady might have had a really weird face, though. You can't really blame him if that was the case. Yeah, that's true. That is true. I'm an old man and I've fallen over. I can't get up but it's alright because I've got

my iPod and I'm listening to the Yacht Pod oh be back oh god oh god oh god

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god Oh god That was pretty funny That was very funny Okay there's two Big things that have been done this week One of them Is this guy who Called Timothy Stein

Who has made a compilation Of all the times We have said the thing is and I think it's probably mostly me actually saying the thing is so that's playable

would you like to listen to it? I would love to I can't really say that I notice you saying that all the time. I'm guessing you must do. This guy has, like... You know, you saying it a million times or whatever. Okay, you ready for this? I'm ready.

I'm going to play it in 3, 2, 1, play. The thing is, Sips only gave me his phone number because I was supposed to use it to text him if there were problems with the website or something. It's like an emergency number. It's like, do not ever call me, just text me. Yeah, and it took a lot of effort to get his number. The thing is, right, it's called swine flu. Oh, God, I say it. So you would think, okay, someone was working with pigs.

The pigs were a bit ill. The flu virus jumped from the pig to the person, and he started infecting other people. But that's not actually what happened at all. The thing is, most of our listeners don't listen to this. Like, listen as soon as it's downloaded. Oh, fuck off, Yowie! This isn't going very well, is it?

The thing is, Dave is Lord of Devon, and he has changed the name of Devon by depot to Devon. The thing is though, he'd use his other hand. He'd go and collect that dead hand. And it would be like... Oh no! What's that called when you use the dead... When you like sleep on your arm? Oh no!

Don't! Dead arm! No, what's it called? It's called a stranger. Oh no! Oh no! I don't think it's called a stranger. There is something called dead arm.

It's got a name though. Ugh. My poor leper. The thing is, though, how does it work if you're... I haven't seen this in sense for a while, but how could I be talking to you? Would it be in my mind? Um, I'm dead too. Oh, right.

The thing is, back in, you know, back in, like, the 80s, the early 90s... Fucking hell, we say things a lot, don't we? ...the British people and George't we they weren't gay they were just they were normal this is insane they were married you know they were

fine upstanding members of the community and then all these horrible rumours surfaced and it turns out

that yes they were all gay and housewives across the country cried the thing is they're sort of these elusive

creatures you've probably never seen a milkman four o'clock in the thing is, they're sort of these elusive creatures who've probably never seen a milkman. Four o'clock in the morning and then they're done by like, you know, half past seven. It's a good job to have. I've never met a milkman.

I've never met someone who works as a milkman. Maybe one of our listeners is a milkman or wants to be a milkman when he grows up. The thing is, we confused David Tennant with the fictional character of Doctor Who. This is a big problem. We do it very easily, whereas everyone else we sort of don't. The thing is, he's already started working on Girl A

and he's slowly getting there. And if he just stops things with Girl A and he switches to Girl 2, then things could... I mean, if he doesn't really know gull 2 that well then it could take an awful lot of work to to even get where he is right now with gull alpha the thing is oh no being like a pound pieces into it and when it knocks off some from the edge you might get say 20p back. The music's beautiful. I mean, I don't really understand why people are so excited about it, because it's fucking small change.

The thing is, this music is fucking lovely. It's money that I don't even carry around. Exactly. I don't carry around two pence pieces. No. What's the fucking point? The thing is, I've known this to go both ways. Hannah says it!

You go both ways! Hannah says it! No, I have known this situation could go both ways. Thing is, I mean I'm quite a big guy, let's be honest. So when I dress up as someone, I'm dressed up as a fat version of them. Oh! Oh, awful. Oh my god, we're terrible, aren't we? we're terrible aren't we

we're terrible that is so amazing I don't think it's a bad thing to say I don't think that phrase is necessarily

bad though do you well the thing is I think it comes across quite badly quite repetitive you think so

it does when it's joined together like that over the course of like a year and a bit I guess it's not so bad or however long it's been yeah it's not too bad

we say other things we over say oh god I don't want to know I don't want to know if anyone notices things that it seems

like we're repeating too much oh god that was terrible was that even a fucking sentence yeah yeah yeah it was that made sense If anyone notices things that it seems like we're repeating too much... Oh, God, that was terrible. Was that even a fucking sentence? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. That made sense. Don't let us know.

No, let us know. Do let us know. Yeah. Don't let us know. Let us know, but only if you have really nice background music accompanying a montage MP3 type thing. Superb. Thank you. I'm an old man. montage mp3 type thing superb thank you

I'm an old man and I've fallen over I can't get up but it's alright because I've got me iPod and I'm listening to the Yoggpod

oh be back. Oh, God. Oh, God. Did you see the challenge responses from last week? It was to build a plane. Do you remember that? It was a long, long, long time ago.

That was ages ago. The thing is, people get the challenges done really quick. The idea I had was that people gave us awards. They made a website saying that the Yogpod and Yogscast have won a prestigious award. Okay. We're going to be made Knights of the Realm. Yeah, okay. So if you either want to mock up a certificate or a badge or a...

A badge. A badge. I meant a medal. I didn't mean a badge. Like a Cub Scout sort of badge. That you'd sew on your arm. God, I'd love one of those, actually. It would show that you were a Yognaut.

Sort of like a Blue Peter badge. We should do our own version of the Blue Peter badge. It's a Jaffa Cake. That's it. It's just a jaffa cake just held onto your lapel oh with a um what a real paper just pinned on you like staple a real jaffa cake to your to your clothing to your chest or Or your blazer lapel To your bare chest I like the idea of badges Design a badge or medal or some sort of award For the Yoggpod

We want awards, damn it Yeah That would be great Did you see the planes I think the winner Is definitely that guy who built The massive plane in his back garden from a wheelbarrow and stuff.

Yeah, who didn't actually understand the challenge. It was absolutely... They said, have you actually paid attention to what they were... No! Let's do it! Let's build a plane! It was so good. It was amazing. And thank you for everyone else who sent them in. We did look at them all and loved them all.

Thanks, everyone everything we love you executive producer this week do we have one have you checked I'm just going to go on the internet right now and check ok so the date of the last podcast was June

June June my god well we've been making was June. June. I know. June. I know. My God. Well, we've been making we've been making videos and we're going to continue making videos so the podcast might

slow down a bit but it depends. If we find ourselves talking a lot of crap we might try and set aside a little bit of time to record a podcast every so often

and be a bit better. Sorry guys. We have been a bit better. Sorry guys, we have been a bit lazy recently, but we're not stopping by any means. By any means. It's going to be Carlos Larios. Is it? Executive producer. Oh no. Yeah. Really? But he's already executive

producer. Well, he's even more executive producer. He's an executive executive producer of production. Who else have we got to thank for... How much did he donate to win executive producer this time? It was just under 15 Canadian dollars

and that was enough. We have to thank... There's only been three donations in all that time. Can you believe it? It's terrible. After the June podcast, we received three donations in like two months. Thanks, guys. Brilliant.

We had to pay $140 for hosting. So just bear that in mind. That's for a year, though. No, it's daily. It's daily! The traffic that we get through Yogscast.com is extremely expensive to maintain.

Additionally, we had to pay what did we have to pay? We have to pay the upkeep on the podcast hosting. We have to pay the... Wear and tear on microphones. Oh, God. We've lost so much money on microphones. You're like recording on like your fourth one

this month or something. You just destroy them. Oh goodness me. I buy like Asda smart price microphones. Oh fuck. Okay. Thanks for listening.

Jack Franklin and Katie Capps. Thank you, Jack Franklin and Katie Capps. They're the other people who donated. Thank you, five of each. Cheers. Thank you. Love you. Love you, yes. And we will see you in the future.

Goodbye. I love you. Goodbye.