Triforce! - YoGPoD 34: Fridge Tax

Episode Date: November 28, 2010

In the first YoGPoD for a while, Simon and Lewis discuss many topics - from terrible jokes to multi-shot.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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at Real Canadian Superstore. Find it all here with more ways to save at Real Canadian Superstore. People have said that I sound a bit like Freddie Mercury. So here I am doing a video of me singing like Freddie Mercury. I want to break free! I want to break free! People have said that I sound like an anime. Cuckoo!

Hi! Meow-a-na-na-na-na! That's just, that's borderline racist. That's not borderline racist! That's how anime sounds. What, me going, ching ching chong ching ching? Yeah, that's fine. That's basically what I was doing.

That's absolutely fine. Oh, Christ. And welcome to TTTT Channel. If you think you're a fool If you think you're a fool If you think you're a fool If you think you're a fool If you think you're a fool You're a fool You're a fool

If you think you're a fool So how's your toe feeling Simon? What's the verdict? Is it still like... Shit! Is it still bent the wrong way? It's fucked up! It's broken, I'm gonna die...

If it is broken, there's a high chance of it getting... Well not a high chance, but it might get infected. It might get infected. How could it get infected? There's not a cut. That's ridiculous. What do you mean? It's internal bleeding. You could it get infected? There's not a cut. That's ridiculous. What do you mean? It's internal bleeding.

You have to have blood. Yeah. But where's the germs gonna come from? What, inside of me? Yeah. Do you think I'm just like a big fucking bag of pus? You fucking bastard. How dare you? We all are! Everyone's a big bag of pus. No, I drink disinfectant to clear me out. Do you? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm My chest is very hollow. Is that normal?

That's probably where my heart used to be. Stop hitting yourself! You're like a silver bat, eh? Simon is doing the mating call HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Mommy! No! Obviously that's JK Rowling in their childhood. There's a request for a Simon soundboard. Which you just press buttons and I say things that I usually say. Like you press a button and I go, ahhhh! You press a button and I go, AHHHHH! You press a button and I go, FOLLOW ME!

You press another button and I just start talking about Jaffa Cakes for 30 seconds. See, I'm worried about that, because if you actually created a soundboard like that, then you wouldn't need me anymore. It'd be like, um, the

Stepford Wives. Yeah. They get the women to read out a dictionary so that the robot that they make can say anything in their voice. Can say anything in their voice. Except for a word that isn't in the dictionary. Which they say in a robotic voice. Am I a robot again what no no no

but the point is that if they didn't have like if they didn't have a word that if they had to say a word that wasn't in the dictionary what would they what would happen to the robot would they still say it in a robotic voice or would they be able to say it. It would just be like silence. So if there's like... They'd say like, Era 404 word missing. Would they say it like that? Probably.

Probably. Someone would, you know, say, oh Monika, Monika's the name of the robot, oh Monika I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, he's called, um, Ikebaku Higaboku you to meet a friend of mine. He's called, um, Egabaku Egaboku. He's come over from Kenya. And Maria the robot goes, hello.

Oh no, they don't say that, they speak normally. They don't speak like a robot. That would give the game away, wouldn't it? Hello. Hello, it is great. What if the real Maria actually did speak like a robot? It would completely fuck things up, wouldn't it? She's got like a speech impediment. Hello, I am Maria. Why do you want me to read out from a dictionary? So yeah, Maria should go,

Hello, it is nice to meet you mister I hope you enjoy your visit here I'm an old man and I've fallen over I can't get up but But it's alright. Because I've got my iPod. And I'm listening to the Yoggpod. Ooh, be back. Oh god. Oh god. That was pretty funny.

That was very funny. That was very funny. You know, you're doing an instance or whatever and there's a big pack of mobs. What do I do? I hit multi-shot three times, shooting three mobs. So that's like nine attacks. And then I'm out of focus.

And then what? I just use steady shot on one mob. Meanwhile, the mage is fucking AOEing the shit out of everything. The rogue's bouncing around using Fan of Knives. The moonkin's stood at the back with this massive fucking, like, storm going on. The shaman's using his, like, level 10 fucking AOE. And I'm just, like, shooting one target with Steady Shot until I have enough focus so I can cast multi-shot. That's so lame.

I mean the alternative is what, I drop explosive trap? And it explodes for what, 600 damage on all the mobs and then ticks for 170 or something? Wow, amazing. I mean think of all the boss fights in which, like, a whole load of fucking mobs spawn and you have to kill them off as soon as fucking possible. And hunters can't do anything. They just have

to keep shooting the boss or whatever. Although, to be fair, that's what I would do anyway. I would say, sorry, no, I'm not dealing with the ads on the boss. I don't want my debuffs to drop off of it and have to put them reapplied. Oh, God. They must be adding a new AoE, because, I mean, fuck me.

It pisses me off that fucking druids basically always have fucking everything. Everything. Best tank, best DPS, best healer, ooh let's give you lots of extra spells and abilities. Oh look, you can fly around and pick flowers at the same time because you're a little druid. Neee, smelly thing. Hunters, what?

You don't like mana? Okay, well get rid of it. It's gone, that's it. How'd you like that, you fuckers? What? You don't like mana? Okay, well get rid of it. It's gone. That's it. How'd you like that you fuckers? Thanks Ghostcrawler! That's it. That's how they deal with the problem. It's like great. Cheers mate. Awesome. I can't believe our AOE is explosive trap and multi-shot on three mobs. That's it now. That's the strength of our AoE. I don't know, they might make multi-shot hit as many as there are in the area or something, you know, instead. They might make it so it does. Like a conal attack.

Yeah. Maybe, maybe maybe not maybe not do you know what i would like them to do i would like them so that we can this the stable master is pretty much not really needed because you have like cool pet and admittedly you can store like 25 pets or 20 pets yeah but you're not gonna get the stable master much what we need is like a groomer we like go into like Brianna's shop or whatever her pet shop and there's like a groomer and you as like you talk to the groomer and it opens this window. And your pet is there, the 3D model of your pet.

And it's like you having a haircut. Only the pet's having the haircut. Right, that's a good idea. Different styles for the pet. So the pet can have anime hair on its head. Can you imagine my monkey, but with that human male haircut with the spiky hair on his head? With a big mohawk. You can give them tattoos or piercings. You can shave them naked.

I could have a naked monkey running around. You can dye their hair, so it could be like bright pink hair. Give it a little handbag. A little bit of clothing. So his chest is all hairy and it's bouffant and puffy

and pink. And then from the waist down he's shaved. Christ. He's got a bow in his hair. He's the prettiest monkey in all of Azeroth. Who else have we forgotten? Can you do something ridiculous?

You're gonna say, Old man with haemorrhoids who's riding a horse. And I'm gonna be like, what? Can you do that? Oh god. Hang on. See if I can... I want to make some kind of noise that sounds like I'm on a horse. You need some coconuts or something. It's too chilling isn't it? Hang on.

I'M AN OLD MAN! WITH HAMMEROIDS! It's ridiculous! This is absolutely ridiculous! What am I doing? I'm hitting my fucking keyboard with a comb! Okay Simon, you ready? I'm gonna tell you a joke, and you're gonna tell me whether you think it's funny or not. I'm half hanging out the window having a fag at this exact moment, by the way. I'm gonna do a few actually.

Okay, go, go, go. Okay, can you reply with laughter if you think it's funny? It's a one-liner. These are all one-liners. I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what. Never again. Fucking hell. Okay, that's awful. Okay.

That won the funniest joke prize from this year's Edinburgh Fringe. Written by award-winning comic Tim Vine. Tim Vine, yeah. And it's apparently the funniest joke this year he's a one liner act the award was judged by 8 comedy critics whose short list

of 24 jokes went forward to a public vote would you like the next one on the list oh god this is apparently not as good it's apparently not as good holy shit but it only came number 2 one on the list. Oh, God. This is apparently not as good. It's apparently not as good? Holy shit. But it only came number two, so, yeah.

I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics, two birds, one stone. Yeah, but they're not going to be half a stone each, are they?

I mean, even babies weigh more than that. This one, that one was by David Gibson. I don't know who that is, but apparently he's a comedian. Good effort. Good effort, Dave. Emo Phillips is the next one on the list. This is...

Oh, yeah, yeah. I picked up a hitchhiker. You got to when you hit them. Yeah. He's fairly funny, actually. I quite like him. This next one was by Jack Whitehall. I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out.

I say bought, I actually stole it off a short fat ginger kid. Buh, awful, awful. As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog. That's appalling. That's appalling. Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day. That's kid fat. There's another pirate-related one here. What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names.

Awful. Here's another one. With no arms and an eye patch. Names. Awful. Here's another one. Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life belt. Well, it's what he would have wanted. It's what he would have wanted. That makes it.

That makes it. For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates. Empty. Oh, God! Oh, my God! That's good. That one came number nine, and you finally laughed. That's nine!

Holy shit! That is nine. The last one to make the list is Gareth Richards. Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub. Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg Competition organisers Dave, TV channel, said that each judge sat through an average of 60 performances, totalling 3600 minutes of comedy material. Wow, that's a lot. Those are some big numbers you just said there. The judges also worked on selecting the worst jokes from this year's Fringe. Would you like to hear those? Oh! I would love to. Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side. Aww. You know city centre beat officers? Well, are they police who rap? That's great, yeah. I made a Battenberg, where the two colours ran alongside one another. I called it Apartheid Sponge. I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them. Oooh. That's not bad, is it? That's not terrible. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb? Juan. Juan! Oh dear. That's a good one isn't

it? Do you not think that's good? It's like a joke you'd find in a cracker though. Still I think it's better than some of the ones from the top list. Yeah. Oh, so what's been happening with you after your... From the top, from the top list. Yeah. Oh, so what's been happening with you after your TV licence trouble? A lot of people were talking about it possibly being a scam, but I don't think it was, was it? He had a uniform and a badge and everything, didn't he? The people who thought it was a scam don't actually know what a TV licence is. Yeah. I mean...

They just didn't understand the concept. It's unlikely. They thought it was a man who walked in and was just saying, oh have you got a chimney? Have you got a chimney licence? Oh that chimney, you know, you can't, you've got to have a licence for it. You know, it's people who didn't actually know that it was a real thing. According to our records, you're not paid your fridge tax. It's quite an important tax.

Do you have a fridge? God. Do you have a fridge, Simon? I do, I do, I do, officer. Well, in that case, I'm going to have to read you your rights. You may be under oath to not say anything, but anything you do say under this next minute of me talking is going to be given in evidence.

Oh, shit. What can I do? I don't want to get arrested. Can I see the offending fridge? Would that be all right? I just need to have a quick look at it. Check its fridge. Yeah, yeah, sure.

It's here in the kitchen. It's the rectangular white thing. Oh, yeah, I've seen one of these. This is a fridge. Yeah, you've got a fridge in your kitchen. This is a fridge, that's right. That's right, you know your fridges, you certainly do. I do.

I've had years of fridge attacks. I thought you might just be some random man. No, no, no. I can see that you're an expert in fridges. Look at my badge here. It's made of plastic and stuff. It's got my name, no, no. I can see that you're like an expert in fridges. Look at my badge here. It's made of plastic and stuff. It's got my name on it. Look. It says

five today. Oh, what? It says five today. Wrong badge. Wrong badge. This one. There you go. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, the badge over there. Yeah, yeah. The badge there. Yeah. That one that's pinned on to my... Next to the Yogscast best podcast badge. You see yogscast best podcast badge

yogpod best podcast badge it's a great yeah beautiful so you got any money to pay this tax it's uh... it's quite expensive oh god let's look in my wallet. I've got... let's see... I have £1.80! How much is the fridge tax? It's £49.99.

Oh, God. I can't afford it. £1.80. That is a lovely lamp you've got there, though. I do like that lamp. It's an antique, that lamp. Also... I recently went on Antiques Roadshow... Do you play World of Warcraft?

I went to Antiques Roadshow... I take World of Warcraft pets as payment. Don't let me talk you fucking bitch! Oh sorry. I went to Antiques Roadshow and they valued... Did you? That lamp at £49. Good lads. £49 and, no actually £48 something.

Basically it's worth £1.80 less than the amount that you just said that the fridge tax is. Perfect. Perfect. I'll take it then. Maybe we can work something out. Yeah, well I'll take it then. Maybe we can work something out? Yeah, well I'll take the lamp. Take this lamp.

And I'll give you all the money I've got in my wallet. Okay. Alright, that'll cover it. I'll write it down. I'll run a Pound 80 of it. Let me type it into this electronic machine I've got here. Okay. Yeah, I've typed it in. That's a Nintendo DS.

No, no, no. It's hooked up to the central fridge tax network of England. I mean, I know it's got like a touch screen and a stylus, but that is just a Nintendo DS. Oh, no, no, no. You might have heard the little start-up sound, but that is not... That is not anything

to do with... That was the Mario music. No, startup sound to the Frigitax software. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I've played Mario quite a bit. It's quite good software, actually.

It detects fridges. Oh, right. See, that's how I came here, really. This thing told me that you were... That I'm taxed. You had no fidget tax. Yeah.

So yeah, erm... Oh god. Well you caught me bang to rights there. Yeah thanks for this lamp though, this is good. I mean we do take, like I was trying to say... Yeah mind how you go with that, it's quite every... World of Warcraft payments for you know, pets, in game stuff. If you've er... Alright. in-game stuff if you've uh all right to give one of those to uh to me this but that's obviously uh you accept pandaren as currency we do we do we accept all kind of uh all kind of vanity

places did that that's good good all right well see you then. Mate, thank you. And I will make sure you're paid up for the next few months. Thank you. And again, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry we didn't pay the... That's alright. Lots of people forget. Sorry about that. I didn't realise it was a real thing. It's new. Yeah. Alright. Yeah, it's a new thing okay take care

love you you too man bye bye mwah fucking hell sorry did you just swear I still got the door open sorry Sorry, sorry. I'll just close it now.

Can you do... I'm gonna grow meat in vats. Isn't that utterly fucking revolting? Meat grown in vats. I mean, Jesus Christ. You're gonna be a vegetarian alternative. Yeah. Why don't you just eat, like, corn and... What's it called?

Mactoprotein... Mactoprotein... Mac... Micto... Muktu? What? What? Muktu.

What? Mac... Macroprotein. Macroprotein? It's not macroprotein. Is it? Is it? No.

What are you saying? It's stuff like corn. Mycoprotein. M-Y-C-O. Mycoprotein. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Because myco just means fungus. Like, protein from fungus. See, that's the stuff you could use instead of fucking vats of meat. I mean, what? Can you imagine what that would look like? A vat of meat.

This is what, um... Major academic assessment of future global food supplies led by John Beddington, UK government chief scientist, suggests that with new technologies such as genetic modification and nanotechnology, hundreds of millions of people may still go hungry. And then there's a set of 21 papers published by the Royal Society saying, oh, we're all going to starve. One in seven people don't have enough protein and energy.

Blah, blah, blah. It still hasn't gotten to the vat bit. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Still no mention of a vat of meat. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here we go. Dr. Philip Thornton, scientist for the International

Livestock Research Institute in Nairobi, says two wild cards could transform global meat and milk production. One is artificial meat, which is made in a giant vat. Meat grown in vats by 2050. That is such a ridiculous fucking headline, isn't it? Ooh, hello. I'm Tina Barrett, formerly of S Club 7. I still have yet to release my debut solo album

because it's not really going very well. But in the meanwhile, I like to listen to the Yogg pod. Oh, it's really good. Ooh, Lewis and Simon are really amazing. Goodbye! Goodbye? I don't know why I said goodbye there. I just felt like it was polite.

It's been a long, long time. It's been a long, long time It's been a long time Since we did the last Yoggpod It's been a long wait And the wait is finally over I'm not very good at singing Keep going I'm moving God, Enterprise music is awful, isn't it?

It's awful. What were they thinking? It's supposed to be a sci-fi show about aliens and shooting lasers and stuff. And that's the best they could come up with. So it's half past ten. It's half ten. You're in your room.

I'm in my room. My bare room. PM, by the way Yognauts PM I'm sitting on a bare bed Because I just washed my bed clothes And they're still wet

Oh did you today? From ten hours ago Whatever They're still wet Amazing So you did all of your washing today And you adorned the house You covered every radiator with your pants

All the radiators are covered in my pants My towels My hoodies T-shirts, more pants Another pair of pants There's a pair of trousers hanging off of a lamp I'm not even kidding A pair of trousers hanging off of a lamp

And your housemate, your new-ish housemate, Simon Rickards. Can we say his full name? Oh, don't say his full name.

Oh shit, sorry. He's crying. He's come home with a... Yeah, he's brought a lady back. He's got a lady

downstairs right now. And she's like looking at my pants and going, Oh those are some nice pants! I wonder whose those are? Are those your pants? And he's gonna go, no. Has he had to move all of your pants so she can free up some space on the sofa?

Uh, no. Oddly enough I didn't put my pants on the fucking sofa. Why'd I put my pants on the sofa? Uh, no. Oddly enough, I didn't put my pants on the fucking sofa. Why did I put my pants on the sofa? Well, every spare... Is it hanging off the TV? I'm just a bit worried where they are. I mean, how many of your pants

are they going to have to move? Not every single available surface is covered with my pants. Your pants... You did... You washed all of your pants, though, pretty much,

didn't you? So... Yeah. So that's like all three pairs. That's a lot. Your pants, you did, you washed all of your pants though, pretty much, didn't you? So. Yeah. So that's like all three pairs. That's a lot. They're like all Superman pants as well. Oh no, there's a Superman pair, there's a Spider-Man pair, and there's a Batman pair.

Oh, for goodness sake. I wear them for like a few days at a time days. Have you got Superman duvet cover as well? And Superman wallpaper? No, don't be ridiculous. I've got a Miley Cyrus bed cover. Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus, best of both worlds bed cover. I've got posters of the Jonas Brothers.

Oh, man. I love the Jonas Brothers. And JLS. Have you got any Bieber merchandise? I don't have the Bieber fever. No, no. My mother did buy me a pencil case

of Justin Bieber. I threw it away. Why did you do that? No, I didn't. I didn't throw it away. That would be a terrible waste. I gave it to Oxfam. Okay. The shop.

That's very generous of you. And they took it off of me. The old lady smiled at me. Because it's always an old lady who works at Oxfam. It's always an old lady. She looked at me. She said, oh, thank you very much. Because she's Londoner.

She said, thank you very much. And she put a little sticker on it and it said 10p and I looked at her and I looked at the sticker I looked at her and I looked her right in the eye and I said are you fucking kidding me my mother bought that for me it was 10 quid

and you put a fucking sticker on it for 10p you piece of shit and I looked her in the eye and I spat at her oh my god that's exactly what happened oh dear so I was wondering

what if Rickard started getting hot and heavy with this lady down in the lounge he could be doing that right now although I think it's more likely they're eating pizza and potato wedges because he just cooked some oh god I mean later though likely they're eating pizza and potato wedges because he just cooked some. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, later though, imagine that they're getting, you know, bit of kissy action going on. And then... I will imagine, Lewis. I will imagine.

And then they sort of start, they push over the lamp by accident and your Superman pants fall onto... Sorry, your wet Superman pants fall onto their face. Yeah. Well, that would be the most action my pants have seen in quite some time, so I wouldn't be too worried about that. Apart from that time you saved that woman from the burning building. Yeah, but to be fair, I did set the building on fire myself.

So... She wasn't too happy when I saved her. It was sort of expected, really. It's like when you bump into someone and you knock their drink over. It's expected that you buy them another drink. It's the same thing when you set a building on fire. You're expected to save everyone. So I'm doing this quest.

I'm doing Rain's Cleansing in Ashenvale. Um, because this quest is going to be gone from the game in about 36 hours time of recording. So, I'm kind of anxious to get my magical... Rains Cleansing. Mm-hmm. You get a, um, the rod that turns you into a furborg. Furlborg? Furlborg.

Fur-furborg. Furborg. So I wanted to get one before it's gone from the game forever. Probably a good idea. So I never bothered to get it on my Hunter. Never bothered. Couldn't be arsed. But now it's like a do or die situation. I will die IRL if I don't get it.

That's okay, we can carry on recording this stuff. I mean, we haven't done a Yogpod for a while obviously. I just thought I'd let people know. You know, if I seem a bit distracted, that's the reason why. I mean, we're recording this thing. There's a big challenge. There's the reason why. We're recording this thing for the F4 Revenants. There's a big challenge ahead of me. I've got to kill level 20 murlocs. It's difficult stuff. I'll just carry on, shall I?

I've got a pair of canvas pants just then. Right. Just keeping you up to date with all the drops. Well, let me know when you get it. Okay, I will. I was just going to say, obviously, like, we haven't done a podcast for a while, and a lot of people have been very kind and donating.

And so what I thought we'd do is, we'd obviously keep the EP thing going, as it is, so whoever donates the most by the next podcast, you know, will be the EP thing going as it is. So whoever donates the most by the next podcast will be the EP. But also we will have it so if anyone ends up donating more than £100 in total, they get

to be EP as well. Because we've noticed that a few people have given us regular donations and it's totaled up to over £100 in total. So I kind of feel that we should reward those people with EP as well.

Ridiculous amounts of money. Really fantastic. It's like three times as much as we're getting from YouTube. It's kept us going. It's kept us going because we're not getting all that much money from YouTube. Not right now, anyway. It takes a while for it to sort of build up

and for the money to actually come in. So this has kept us going. And it's been very, very, very welcome indeed. Yeah. It meant that I could actually afford rent, which was good. So thanks. You're paying for me to live.

I mean, I've obviously been devoting a lot of my time towards this, you know, making the characters and videos and stuff. And, you know, we're kind of considering doing this sort of thing full time. And if that happens, you know, we will obviously be able to put out podcasts and videos much more regularly. And have them come out reliably every couple of weeks or maybe even weekly. But, I mean, we do have to... Oh, God, don't even say that. Weekly. A weekly Yogpod.

We haven't done one in, like, four months. You've been thinking about taking over the editing, haven't you? Yeah, but we don't have to do, like, an hour like we usually do. We could do like half an hour on a Saturday and then you could do the editing during the week and then

that would be released. That would be a slick way of doing it. See this is more a discussion between the two of us and not for any listeners. That's the thing. Because you're not going to do anything. So if I say it on the podcast though it might force you to do it

thank you very very much for your donations who are the EPs oh you're killing murlocs but I guess you can look up who the EPs are for this week yeah I have been collecting

some guff so this podcast is going to be made out of guff from the last couple of months so this will have some stuff in it there's going to be three of them three of them? yeah our three executive producers

and super 100 crazy donators club members that's what I've decided to call them the super 100 crazy Donators Club. Okay. They are Colin Smith, Joachim Setteberg, and

Johan Schnitt. Oh, man. These are three of the nicest people I've ever had the privilege of receiving donations from on the internet. So these are now members of the exclusive executive producer club. I think there's about, how many are there, seven or eight now in total?

Or is it more than that? These are the super people who have actually donated ridiculously large amounts of money. So they are like in a league of their own, that's how I think of money. So they... They're like in a league of their own. That's how I think of it. And we are going to start sending out... They're in a terrible movie starring Madonna. You're going to get some Christmas presents from us. And you're also...

Are you definitely going to send them stuff? Yeah. We're going to send some Christmas presents out to the EPs. There's some cracking stuff in this... Yeah. In this care package, there's some... Top notch stuff. Yeah, you won't want to's some top notch merchandise stuff yeah you won't want to miss out on that so yeah the people who it's not official merchandise it's sort of

appropriated because it's official from oh is it official it doesn't have like our logos or or anything on it we made it so it is it is kind of official. It's licensed by us. It's the only stuff we've ever signed. Some fake knock-off Yogpod stuff with the word Yogpod spelt wrong. Like, dog pod. Can you imagine that? You go to a marketplace and there's all this knock-off Yogpod gear.

What the hell? It's all like... Simon and Lewis, like the pictures of us are like, you know, a blonde haired Jacob style guy

from Twilight and like... Oh god, yeah, it's Edward and Jacob but it has our names underneath. Oh dear.

So yeah, thanks, I mean, thanks for the support fans and I hope you enjoy this special Yogpod. Why is it special, exactly? Is it special because it's the first one we've done in forever? Well... Okay, well that's fairly special, isn't it? Yeah, but it's the start of something beautiful, after this one You're going to be editing them

Also can we talk about a few things What were we going to talk about Okay BBC News I've bookmarked it It was a story from the 28th of October About how the pronunciation Of British words has changed

Oh right Pronunciation Remember this one how the pronunciation of British words has changed. Oh, right. Pronunciation. Pronunciation. Remember this one? Remember this link? Perchance is the word pronunciation changed over the course of the years. Perchance.

I'm not sure, actually. Perchance. Could you look in the comment of mine and give me a rundown of the article. H or H. How do you pronounce H? Which obviously doesn't really work if you read out that headline. Well, no, I mean, the letter H, we say H, don't we? The H is silent. H. You're saying the H in H is silent. That doesn't even make sense.

That doesn't even make sense. What is that? So, yeah, the article is basically the British Library of... They've got nothing better to do. So they're checking on how words used to be pronounced because it turns out that how we pronounce words today are very different from how we used to pronounce them in yesteryear. Well at least on the BBC, on the BBC we used to pronounce words properly. None of this nonsense about you know

using H's and all that nonsense we had proper words and proper grammar none of this shilly-shallying about shilly-shallying? good grief but yeah there was a particular way that people had to talk

on the BBC many years ago. And that was like the standard. And you wouldn't get any work if you talked like a normal person. A normal human being. It's called Received Pronunciation

or RP. That's the classic sort of BBC voice. It's the royal family's sort of way of speaking. Basically the way Total Biscuit tries to speak. No, it's the opposite of that, I think, isn't it? It's more to do with... It's just extremely posh, isn't it?

Extremely British and correct. And royal. It's royal. Very proper, isn't it? The only people who really speak that way are very posh people in England these days. And people who actually are on telly, on radio. One exhibit is the BBC's guide to pronunciation from 1928. It informs announcers that pristine rhymes with wine,

respite is pronounced as if there were no E. Combat is what you do when you fight with someone. I'm sorry? Yes. We are engaged in mortal combat. Mortal combat. Mortal combat!

Din din din din din din din din din din din din. Yeah, yeah. Combat. That's ridiculous. If you were engaged Mortal Kombat! Kombat. That's ridiculous. If you were engaged in banking, you would be in finance. Finance. And additionally,

if you were a lady staying at home whilst her husband went to work and you did all of the housework. You would be... It's what they're bred for, Lewis. Woman must know her place. Hussif. That's what you would be. Hussif.

Hussif. Housewife is pronounced... See, I don't even know how to pronounce words properly. Hussif. Good God. I need this guide, Lewis. I need to read this guide. Isn't that bonkers? That was only in 1928.

Only in 1928? Yeah, it was virtually yesterday, wasn't it? Yeah. 1928. That was before Hitler rose to power. I mean, for God's sake, that was a long time ago. I don't know about that Simon. I can only imagine Paul Rickards is downstairs trying to get it on with this girl and he can just hear me shouting at you on the internet.

Recording in your bra. Oh god. Do you reckon if you shout loud enough the pants that are hanging on the door will fall loose. It's a pair of jeans that are hanging off of the door. It's a pair of jeans. On his pizza. Oh my god. It's terrible.

I'm terrible. So yeah, very odd. Very odd how people... The thing is... I'm not even going to say that. I'm going to stop right there. I'm not going to say the thing is... Christ almighty. You've been saying that more and more often.

And Hannah's been saying it, and I've been saying it. I think we've just been noticing it. I don't think we've been saying it more often. I think we've just been noticing ourselves saying it. I mean, what happens is one person will say it, and then someone else've been saying it more often, I think we've just been noticing ourselves saying it. I mean what happens is one person will say it and then someone else will start saying it and it sort of catches on and it becomes sort of like memetic and people just... I mean we've had like emails from people and comments on YouTube saying that they've started

to talk like us because they've watched and listened to so many things that we've done. There are people out there who are actually starting to talk as we talk oh no i don't think they talk as we talk they probably just use certain things which i did like certain mannerisms though like the way you we call people friend and calling babies babbies that kind of thing just that sort of small stuff i don't think they're actually like like you. They do. And start going into Brian Blessed on like a five minute... They start doing like the

terrible dwarven Scottish voice. Follow me! They start saying that. They talk like that. They'll be in like Asda buying grapes and milk. And at the checkout, you know, they hand over the money. they go,

like that out of nowhere. Even though they're like Lithuanian or something and they don't have that sort of accent at all. They'll just break out into that strange voice. That's terrifying. It is. It is.

So how do you pronounce schedule, according to this guide? Oh, is it... No, I think it's schedule. Schedule. Not schedule. Schedule. There is no K. No K in schedule.

Something I noticed. There was an old... There was like this... There was a game show, Lewis. 15 to 1. Do you remember that? With William G. Stewart. Oh, God! 15 to 1! 15 to 1. Which there were 15 people, 15 contestants, and it was whittled down to one, hence 15 to 1. It was mostly featuring old people and watched by old people.

And students, obviously. All the contestants were old people. It's kind of a weird demographic, isn't it? It's like the countdown demographic, isn't it? It's like the Countdown demographic, isn't it? Oh yeah, that's good, yes. And I remember William G. Stewart, whenever he would ask a question about something that was on the stage, he would always pronounce the word theatre like that. Theatre. Not theatre. He would say theatre.

Darling, we must go to the theatre. Not theatre. He'd say theatre. And that used to drive me balmy. Darling, we must go to the theatre. That is pretty annoying. Oh my god. Okay. Thank you all for being so patient with us and waiting for this.

Obviously we've been very busy with the Cataclysm beta. I'm really sorry that we haven't been more up to date with the podcast. I'm sorry. And thank you all very much for keeping subscribed and supporting us for all this time. I love you. Also, Banana, I love you. Who's Banana?

I don't know. Okay. Well, thank you, and farewell. I was asked to say that. By who? Uh, a banana. Just a random person who whispered me.