Triforce! - YoGPoD 35: Christmas Special 2010

Episode Date: December 23, 2010

Simon and Lewis are heading off for Christmas, so here's a quick podcast to tide you over into 2011! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Merry Christmas! Hello Simon! Hello! Hello Lewis! How are you doing? It's two days before Christmas and you're going off to see your family.

It is! You were a bit worried that you weren't going to go because your car was just completely knackered and you were going to be stuck in Putney. But in fact, your uncle is the same uncle

from Simon's Magic Uncle. Thank you, Uncle Geoff. Or is it the farmer uncle? The one who doesn't like spiders? No, it's a different uncle. Is that the one? Oh, how many uncles have you got? I think he's an engineer, actually.

He's an engineer. He builds aeroplanes or something. Oh my god. Like my Uncle Dan, you mean. The guy, the aeroplane guy. Maybe they'd get on well. What? My uncle ain't gay.

Not like you're... Oh god. Can't say that. Can't say that. Shh, shh. Family secrets. Don't want skeletons coming out of cup that. Shh, shh. Family secrets. Don't want skeletons coming out of cupboards. No, so yeah.

So here we are. We're at York Tower, aren't we, Lewis? We're both here. Yeah. York Tower. We're sitting in our comfortable leather armchairs. The roaring fire. In front of our roaring fire.

Oh, it's such a lovely, cosy, warm fire. We've got our stockings hanging up. Yep, yep. I've got a fishnet, one, just hanging up. Don't ask how I got that. We've got a lovely, like, a map table with our Minecraft world laid out on it, and we're sort of plotting and making, moving things around, like, pawns. We're like two great generals, aren't we?

Just like a tank parked outside the Yogg castle laying siege to defend us from Israfil. So yeah. That's what it takes. It's been an interesting year.

At the start of the year, I said I'd work hard on the podcast and that didn't happen.'d work hard on the podcast and I and that didn't happen so we worked on the videos instead and it's good it's all going very well and we started making actual money didn't we yeah

well barely ho ho ho so yeah I mean thank you this is a little Christmasy podcast for you fans and you, we do love you. And we sent out the Christmas gift packs to the executive producers. They have been receiving those. They loved them, didn't they?

And we'll keep sending out stuff to the crazy people in the future. We'll probably do some special stuff and send it out in about a few months' time in the new year. On maybe a quarterly sort of basis. Yeah. It's not going to be anything as special as this Christmas one but it'll be

it'll be cool stuff sending out promotional awesome stuff for the people who've supported us over the years over the year

um but yeah over the years Christmas time a time to to look back and reflect over what you've done

and also to plan for the future. So what's going to happen next year, Simon? What do you think is going to happen with the Oscar? Aren't you thinking of New Year? Isn't that New Year? It's not Christmas. You're getting confused. Your holiday is totally confused.

We're not going to put out a podcast for Christmas and New Year, are we? We might do one for New Year. We might do one. Okay Year. We might do one. Okay. Alright, well. You can't count these things out. So stay tuned.

And then our next one's like in March. Hello and welcome to the spring special of the Yoggpod. We're just going to go with seasons now for the specials. This is the winter one. So Christmas, are you looking forward to Santa bringing you anything down the chimney this year, Simon?

I can't wait for Santa to unload his bulging sack into my awaiting face. I can't wait. I can't wait. I literally cannot wait. Is anyone else in your house? You know, Warwick, Brian, are they looking for anything special from Santa?

Warwick, he told me he left out... Well, he didn't tell me. He left out a list for Santa. But we don't have a chimney, so we couldn't put it up the chimney. So he left it on the mantelpiece above the gas fire in clear view. So I picked it up, I had a little flick through it, and he asked for all sorts of things, Lewis.

He asked for all sorts of magical things. Do you have it there, actually, with you? Can you read it out, possibly in Warwick's voice? I have it here, yeah. I have... Oh, fuck. I've got a Christmas card From you For you actually

Oh That I never sent to you Okay From Natalie Well Shall I open it And read it to you Yeah

Okay Hang on It's got a It's got a picture of a robin On the front Mmhmm Um It says

Lewis and Hannah I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas with your families and I wish you Peace, love and happiness in 2011 Only one more year To 2012 Love Natalie Not another fan

Sorry I should have sent that to you But I think it's a bit late now isn't it Don't worry about it You can give it to me next time. Whenever. Okay. So go on, what's this Warwick's List thing? Okay, here.

This is Warwick's List. I've got it in front of me. The things that he asked for Christmas from Santa Claus. Here we go. Dear Santa Claus, I would very much like a step ladder so I can kiss a lady under the mistletoe. Oh, poor Warwick.

That's lovely. He can't reach them. He can't reach them. Of course, he does, you know, the ladies he hangs out with, they're all like supermodels. So they're all about seven feet tall. Yeah.

Which must be, you know, very awkward for him. Poor Warwick. Poor guy. Um, what else has he got on this list? I feel like I have to flutter the piece of paper

around to prove that I've got a piece of paper in my hand. So I'm actually reading a list that Warwick Davis has written and it's not just something I'm making up.

On the spot. Yeah. Okay, it also says... It also says here... I would also very much like, from you, Santa Claus, I would very much like a post-it notepad and a new pen. A post-it notepad? Because this is... Oh, if I look at the back of the list, it's got a piece of cardboard on it.

So obviously this was the last post-it note that he wrote it on. So he's gone through his whole pad. So he needs a new pad of post-it notes. Oh, poor Warwick. There we are. That's a good... I don't know why he just doesn't get a Staples or somewhere. It's a very humble request.

Yeah. I mean, it's probably like 50p or something. Come on, Warwick. You made a lot selling your fucking book, surely. Yeah.

Poor Warwick. Which is... Size matters not. It's available in the shops I'm looking at my copy over there behind me signed copy signed

did that this year by the real Warwick Davis that was good oh god so yeah yeah and also

there's also another note here on a completely different piece of paper that I'm holding in my hands that I picked up. It's not the same one. It's not the same one that I just picked up. This is a different one in my hand now. And this is from... Where are we? A Little Bearded Man.

Oh, it's from Brian. It's from Brian. Oh, a Big Bearded Man. Oh, it's from Brian. It's from Brian. Oh, a big bearded man. It's from Brian Blessed. It's quite a short note, what he asked for Christmas. Do you have any job sandwiches? That's all it says. That's all it says.

There's no Dear Santa, Hope You're Doing Well. Nope. Up there in the cold. Although, actually, he does sign it off at the end. Love, Brian! That's what it said. It didn't actually say moi, it's an X. But I added the moi to it.

That's how he would have said it. That's how he would have said it, yeah. You know, there's lots of stuff we can talk about with Christmas. You know, I'm going off to my family back... Well, no, I'm going to Hannah's family this year. That'll be nice. Well, they are your family now. I suppose so, yeah.

And you're going off to your family. And you know what, I mean, Christmas Day, you might be sitting back just, you know, on the sofa having eaten a big, full Christmas dinner. And you're all full up. Stuffed full of turkey. And you flip on the telly. Sausage. And there's the Queen there doing her Christmas message.

So I was thinking that perhaps you could do your own Christmassy message to the nation, Simon. As the Queen? As the Queen, yeah. Oh God. So what she might say this year? Yeah. So how she might say it. Hello! A lot of preparation goes into

these podcasts, you know. Yes, they do! My husband and I would very much like to thank you all this year for all the support you've given us.

She would just waffle. It's all waffle, Lewis. I don't know if you've ever watched a Queen's speech. It is. It's all fluff. It is just all bollocks. It is just all bollocks. She'll mention, you know, i give all of my support to those overseas solving in my armies she would always mention that because

they've always got to give the support to the army and stuff which you know fair enough yeah fair enough and but then that would sort of be countered by her saying, you know, we've had a very troubling year and blah, blah, blah. And then she would go on, you know, she would slightly talk about or sort of, you know, glance upon some scandal that has happened over the year. So a scandal to do with the government or, you know, a member of the royal family being caught out doing something. And then that would be immediately glossed over by mentioning the upcoming wedding of the prince.

Oh, of course. That's what it's going to be this year, isn't it? Yeah. My grandson, William, is getting married to some little hussy. She hasn't got blue blood in her. They're not even related. They're not even related. They're not even related. Oh, God.

Oh, dear. Yeah, so if people don't know what this is, I'm sure you have your own sort of country-wide Christmas traditions and stupid shit that happens, and this is kind of the British thing, isn't it, that everyone watches the Queen's speech on telly in their living room with a nice cup of tea. It's very stereotypical, but it's like, you know,

actually the case, you know, kind of thing. Well, people from Commonwealth countries would also probably watch the Queen's speech. It'd be part of their tradition as well. Like Australia. So, like, our Australian listeners and those in Canada or whatever, they would probably watch it as well. Like Australia. So like our Australian listeners and those in Canada or whatever,

they would probably watch it as well. Where else are the Commonwealth countries though other than those two? I mean... Lots of shitty

islands all over the place. That's perfect. You know. Like St Helena and... Places like the Falklands. Oh yeah.

Did you hear that the Pope's giving a speech to the UK? He's already recorded, yeah. Did you hear that the Pope's giving a speech to the UK? He's already recorded it. I didn't hear that. The ex-member of the Hitler Youth, Joseph Ratzenberger,

whatever he's called. Is that his name? Yeah. He gave a speech to the UK. I didn't even know he could speak English. I don't even know what he sounds like. I've never heard him talk.

I've just seen him on telly or whatever, just walking about waving, looking a bit like the Emperor out of Star Wars. He does, doesn't he? Yeah, he looks like he's about to fire lightning Out of his fingers He's a bit of a creepy old git Still they don't last very long these popes They don't have very much of a life expectancy These days do they

Because they're always old men that's why I know they're really old men when they get made pope They need to get They need to like jazz things up They need to have like A young person be the next Pope. Maybe even a woman. They've already had one woman Pope, so there's a precedent that's been set.

Really? I did not know that. I've been thinking about who the next Pope could be. A young woman, who's hip, who's with currently, you know, a big deal in the world. Do you know who I'm thinking of? Ginger Spice. That's who I'm thinking of. Geri Halliwell. Geri Halliwell.

I'm not sure she was... She's down with the kids. You know, she's always up there in the charts. Everyone's walking around singing her songs. You know, she's... I think you're about ten years out of date, but I think that

would probably appeal to the people who decide the Pope committee. Probably. They probably would think that

she would be an ideal Pope. No, actually no, they wouldn't. That's ridiculous. She's probably

not quite old enough, really. You have to be young in Pope terms, it. You know, you have to be... Young in Pope terms is like 55, you know? Yeah. Someone like Madonna, maybe? Madonna? No, she's Jewish. Well, she's not even Jewish.

She's like a sect of Judaism, Kabbalah. Is she? So I don't think she would be Pope. Oh, of course she is. It's probably a big deal. One of the qualifications of being Pope is believing that Jesus Christ was the Messiah, the Son of God.

And if you don't believe that, you're probably not allowed to be Pope. That's a good call. So, presents. Simon, I was thinking... Presents! When you were a kid, right? and Santa came and got you presents, were there any sort of things that were very memorable to you?

What was Christmas morning like for you in the Simon household? Christmas morning, I remember, right, the most memorable Christmas morning. I got up at about six o'clock. The most memorable Christmas morning. I got up at about 6 o'clock. You know, my mum and dad opened the door to my bedroom. And they were like, come downstairs, Simon. Santa's been.

And I was like, yay. And I rushed down the stairs. And there underneath the tree, there were all these gifts lined up. And I rushed over to them. And my parents said, no. no no those aren't your gifts that's your gift over there and they pointed and lewis i turned around and over in the corner of the room was the tiniest littlest plain cardboard box i'd ever seen. Okay. And I looked at my parents, and my eyes started to, like, water a bit, and my dad said, Oh, go on, open your present! Open your present!

And I went over to that little corner of the room where it was all dark, and it was quite cold, and I was shivering. I bent over, and I opened the cardboard box, and do you know what was in that box, Lewis? Do you know what was in there? Inside of that box was the greatest gift of all. It was love. Simon.

Of course, love isn't a physical object. So the box was actually empty. So the box was actually empty But But I In my mind In that box there was love And it was the best It was the best Christmas I ever had

Oh god Well that is a wonderful Wonderful tale I wanted a big yellow teapot Oh of course you did I wanted a big yellow teapot And I, of course you did. I wanted a big yellow teapot. I never got it. Well, we'll have to remember that.

I've got an empty little box. The future. I've been promising you that big yellow teapot, and I've not made good on my promise. I'm sorry, Simon. One day. There's two days left, Lewis. There's two days left.

I could FedEx you one over. You can still... So, yes, we've got some... Lewis. There's two days left. I could FedEx you one over. So yes, we've got some. So the new members of the Super Crazy 100 Donators Club and also the executive producer for this podcast. Who are they, Simon? Do you know? The reason why we're doing this super special podcast on Christmas.

Because thanks to the donations of our wonderful listeners, our wonderful Yognauts, viewers of our YouTube channel, listeners of the podcast who adore us, and we adore likewise, the executive producer, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, hoo-hoo-hoo,

for this Christmas edition, is Colin Smith, from the United States of the Americas. Thank you very much, Colin Smith. He's rivaling Carlos Larios then in his level of support. I think he's passed Carlos, actually. Oh my God, what about Carlos' mum?

Has he beaten her as well? Is he beaten Carlos' mum? That's not an appropriate thing to ask. Oh my God. Has he given her a good going over? I'm sorry? I don't know. I don't know where this is going.

Sorry. We'll backtrack. Who else was on the list this month? Our other fabulous donators and members of our Super 100 Special Bonus Alpha Club, or whatever it was they called it before in a previous podcast that I can't remember. Mm-hmm.

Oh. Henning Nielsen from Oslo, Norway. Thank you very much, Henning, for your amazing generosity. Stephen Law from Marco Island in the United States of the Americas. Thank you very much, Stephen. Michael Hayen from Norwalk, again from the United States of the Americas. Thank you very much, Stephen. Michael Hayen from Norwalk,

again from the United States of the Americas. Thank you, Michael, very much for your donation. Represent. Mick Christensen

from Horsens in Denmark. Oh, right. He also donated. Thank you very much. He's in charge now of Danish

operations. He's the only executive from Denmark, isn't he? He must be. Wow. Well, do you have the data to back up that statement, Lewis? Or is this just...

I think so. Well, I sent out all the EP packs. We sent out about eight, didn't we? So, with those extra four people. So, it was Marcus Horsens. Is that his name? No, he's from Horsens. Marcus Horsens?

No, no, no. Stephen Law is from Marco Island. Oh. And Mick Christensen is from Horsens. This is why you're confused. Stephen Law from Marco Island. So thank you for your donation, Marco Horsens. That was very generous.

Idiots. I got a bit confused. I got a bit confused. Stephen Law from Marco Island. I'm surprised those packages... I'm surprised the packages he sent off actually got to people.

I don't know what the fuck you were writing on the labels. Just random drivel, probably. Jesus. What was the guy... Marco Horsens. What was the guy... Marco Island?

Where is that? That sounds amazing. It's in the United States. That's where Stephen Law, our generous donator, is from He was in America With Michael Hayen In Norwalk

Michael Hayen Nick Christensen from Denmark Horsens Heading Nielsen from Oslo, Norway And of course our executive producer The man of the moment The man who we owe everything to We owe our lives to

Colin Smith Colin Smith, ladies and gentlemen Colin Smith oh well done thank you there we go how are you clapping with one finger holding down your

I've got three hands I've got a third hand for Christmas that's true that's quite a good gift have you opened your present early, though? It is. It is two days before Christmas. Have you been peeking, Simon?

No. It let itself out, because it's a hand. It unwrapped the box it was in. Right. Ah. Hoo, hoo, hoo! So, yeah. So, we're just waiting for your uncle to come pick you up in the car.

We're passing a bit of time here. Have you packed up? You've got nice lots of clean pants. You've got all your presents. What have you got for your family? What have you got for your mum and dad? I told you earlier, Lewis. I told you earlier.

Have you forgotten? Have you forgotten? For this year, I got my dad a box of chocolate liqueurs the signature collection which has little chocolates with little

bits of alcohol inside Cointreau Cognac Harvest Bristol Cream some Bailey's stuff Drambuie Grant's Whiskey

flavoured all very nice that's for my father and for my mother I've got was that from Thornton a whole series of forms that I have her

that she needs to fill in from the Department of Social Security that she has to fill in but thank you there we go mum That'll be a nice present for you She loves doing that Have you not actually got any

Like Thing for your mother Like any kind of I think I got my mum A little Grow your own herbs kit And it's kind of like A little pot

And you plant All these herbs in it And they grow Drugs No no no You've given your mum some illegal drugs. No, no, no. Unless you count basil and coriander as illegal drugs.

Coriander, also known as cilantro to our American listeners. Cilantro. And other kinds of... We call it coriander. Of herbs. Coriander. Yeah, so that was good. And other kinds of coriander. Yes, that was good. And you call it cilantro. And we say basil. And you say basil.

Because you're fucking idiots. Anyway. So did you get those chocolates from the local garage? We call it parsley. You call it Parsley. You call it Parsley. I got my dad a walking stick,

but it's kind of like a hiking stick. Oh, your dad is house, isn't he? Your dad is Hugh Laurie in house. Yeah, no, he's just old. He's a grumpy old man with a limp. He doesn't have a limp, but I figure, like, it's one of these, like, multi-purpose hiking sticks. He will do when you're done with him.

What do you mean? You give him the walking stick and he says, oh, thank you. Thank you, Lewis, but I don't need this. I can walk perfectly fine. And then you just do, like, a round don't need this. I can walk perfectly fine. And then he'd just do like a roundhouse kick to his knee. Oh, my poor father. No, I wouldn't dare do such a thing.

He's a lovely man. Yeah, so I was supposed to be going to see them really this Christmas, but unfortunately we got snowed in and they're busy. They always go off on holiday over Christmas. they're not big fans of the cold weather so I was supposed to be seeing them last weekend but because of all the snow in England I couldn't really get through in the car

it would have taken me like 8 hours on the M25 kind of thing so I didn't go but hopefully we'll see them after Christmas sometime and then hand over all the presents and stuff Got my brother a set of steak knives for his house And some body butter

Hannah's got a lot of spare body butter hanging around That she gets as, like, presents from people Oh my god, what? Girls tend to, like, give each other, like, cream And, like, you know and stuff like this. Like cosmetics. Nice cosmetics, though. And Hannah's just ended up with far too much of it, so we're

giving it out to people who just save money, sort of thing. Don't have a huge amount of money. So recycling Christmas presents is always fine. Yeah, so my nan's getting some body butter as well I think. Some like Brazil nut

body butter. It's not really for your body really. It's more for like hands and stuff. I'm just seeing how long you can just go on about fucking body butter for. That's like five minutes of you just talking about body butter.

No man should be able to talk for five minutes straight about fucking body butter. Oh my god. What are you... At least I've got my mother something. What have you got? Yours? I've got her forms. Are you going to buy her a fucking crossword puzzle book from the newsagents on the way down?

It comes with a free pen. I'll get her a People's Friend Christmas edition. Oh god. Do you remember that magazine? Fucking hell

that's an old People's magazine. People's Friend. My god. I've updated my Facebook to say that I'm off on a winter cruise

and that I won't be back until the spring. If only. I just want to see what people, you know, how people react if they panic and they're like, you know, what about the Yogscast?

Surely it'll be difficult for you to do a Yogscast if you're on a winter cruise until the spring. I don't know. Sorry, I'm just eating a jam sandwich. Most of these are like cruise ship. Jam sandwich! You shouldn't have said that Jam sandwich! You shouldn't have said that, Lewis.

You shouldn't have said that. I've set him off. Oh my god. That's such an old person thing to do. What?

Go on a spring cruise. A winter cruise until the spring. A winter cruise. Sorry, a winter cruise. It's cold and you think,

you know what, I'll just go on holiday for three months. You know, when you're in that position to be able to do that. it's cold and you think you know what I'll just go on holiday for three months when you're in that position to be able to do that you're like fuck this it's fucking cold I'm just going to go on holiday for a few months

until it gets warmer back home it's madness isn't it cruises are such odd things though because you know you just it's like you go into you go on a boat and there's basically nothing to see for a long

time until you pull into a harbour somewhere so it's like a week of just being in your cabin or you know socialising and then you like emerge in the sunny climes of some tropical place and then you know for like a day you're there

and then you get back on the boat again and you spend another week locked in your cabin well no you're not in the cabin Lewis, on these cruise ships there's a lot of things to do there's like shuffleboard there's ballroom dancing you know there's

loads of activities loads of... I thought you were going to say ball in cup game. There's loads of activities to do. Ball in cup game, shuffleboard. Shuffleboard. Do you not like a good game of shuffleboard? Shuffleboard. I'm not really sure what shuffleboarding is. I don't know either.

I don't know. Is it like shove-ha'penny, where you put a coin on a wooden surface, but slightly hanging off the edge of it, and you hit it with the palm of your hand, and it flies up the board, and you have to judge how hard to hit it? Basically, you can do that, yeah. But on cruise ships, you play it like on the deck. So on the wooden planks of the decking, you have the marked out areas and you just

whack these... They're like hockey pucks. You whack the hockey pucks with a spade thing, a shovel thing. You just shove it. Yeah, it is sort of like a macro version

of Shovehapenny. Shove Hapenny and Shuffleboard. What the fuck are we talking about? This isn't Christmassy at all. It's like we've gone back in time to Victorian times. Shove Hapenny. I think I remember getting like a pinball. A little tiny pinball machine.

One Christmas even. I think I'd asked for it or something. I think I'd asked for it. Imagining that I wanted one of those massive pinball tables. You know. Like in old films. Like in Back to the Future and stuff like this. There's always these big pinball games.

That people were playing in 80's arcades. This is like before Minecraft. People used to go and play pinball. With people were playing in 80s arcades. This is like before Minecraft. People used to go and play pinball with their friends. Before Minecraft. And they used to try and beat each

other's high score. I can't even remember a time before Minecraft, Lewis. It's been with us for so long. Before Street Fighter

2 Turbo. Oh my god. It was around about the same time as Pong. But I always wanted one of those big pinball tables.

They're really big. They stick out. There's flashy lights. And there's like 80s teenagers crowded around it. Putting like 10 peas in it to get bonus balls and stuff. I think I wanted one of those. And when I actually got it, it turned out to be about the size of a chessboard. Just tiny.

Such a disappointment. I think a lot of the, you know, just tiny. Such a disappointment. I think a lot of the time things are disappointments though, because when you, when kids ask for stuff... Christmas is all about disappointments. Oh God. Sometimes when kids ask for stuff... When you unwrap that present and you realise that your mother got you the wrong thing.

Well, yeah. You know? There was, I told you the time about... Instead of Street Fighter 2 Turbo it's the normal Street Fighter 2 You know That's a very common thing You know And that's That's a disaster

If that happens What the fuck is this mum Because I remember I remember I probably told you this already But I asked for Thundercats Like VHS You know

Because I was like You know A child of the 80s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles And all that And I got a Thunderbirds Video instead Oh Snap Which is completely Yeah you know, a child of the 80s, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all that. And I got a Thunderbirds video instead. Oh, snap.

Which is completely... Yeah. Which is completely not the right thing at all. Oh, God. But actually, Thunderbirds is pretty fucking awesome. Well, yeah, it is. So, in fact, it was probably better. Well, I don't know about that.

Thundercats was pretty goddamn cool. Thundercats. Thundercats. Thundercats. Snap. Meow. Snap. I mean, dunder, dunder, dunder. Schnaff. Meow. Schnaff. When you were a kid, what was the kind of stuff that you were really

into? The ball and cup game. That was a cracking one. The hoop and stick game. Were there any crazies going on? Pogs? I don't know. I mean, people who are listening to this will say things like

Pogs, Tamagotchis, like... Marbles? Playing with fucking marbles? Marbles. I like marbles. But that is a bit old. Jumping jacks, maybe? That thing where you bounce the ball and you have to pick up the jacks off the floor? I guess the biggest thing was with the release of Star Wars and stuff, or at least The Empire Strikes Back.

Oh, of course. Because you were just sort of into that generation, weren't you? When you were a kid, that was what... Was that the first film you ever saw? Yeah. Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back. So there were loads of Star Wars games and Star Wars figurines.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. I mean, I was like... I guess I was like two years old when Empire came out. But it wasn't too long afterwards that all the... Yeah. You know, all the merchandising really kicked in. And so... It was everywhere.

And I loved my Star Wars figures. I was really upset when my R2-D2's sticker that had all the detailing that was wrapped around him. Because basically, he was like a white cylinder was his body. And all the details of all the components, circuitry and all of that, that was just a sticker that was attached to him. And I was gutted when that sticker fell off

because he just looked like a white fucking tube after that. And I was like, oh, no, he's no longer R2. I don't know what he is now. That's really depressing.

But that's what happens when you... When you love something. That's what happens when you give him to Derry Tustin To play with in the sand pit It's not Derry Tustin You fucking piece of shit

Ruining my R2D2 figure Oh man that's like I can imagine you sitting and hugging it at night Rather than a normal child hugging like a teddy bear You've just got your R2D2 figurine. Aww. Yeah.

That's a really good memory. I've just remembered something that I remember from my childhood, and it was before Pokemon. There were these things called Monster in My Pocket, and they were like little rubberized figures, okay, that you could buy, and you had to try and like collect the whole set and there was like a plastic sort of display box that came and it was sort of a pyramid shape

and there was the monsters in my pocket were kind of like tiered so you had like the crappy ones then you had like more and more scary monsters up to the top. But they were all very rubberised. They were just a single colour. They looked like a bit of jelly. Sort of like something you'd probably eat these days, like buy in the shop. The idea was that you had them in your pocket and you could challenge people to duels with them, other kids. But it was just one of these gimmicks at the time.

I seem to remember I had quite a lot of those um just one christmas the other thing i remember is uh boglins do you remember what those were this is going back a ways as well yes but these were like terribly ugly hand puppets um much like something out of... I think they looked like that dragon out of The NeverEnding Story. You know that fucking creepy dragon who goes, Hello! You know him? Yeah, I think I know whatever his name was. I think I know what you mean.

It was like a hand puppet and you put your hand into it. They were really rubbery and weird, weren't they? It was really, really rubbery and really ugly looking thing. And you could move the mouth with your hand like a sock puppet. But it also had like eyes that you could move.

Like they were big eyes. And you had like little things on your fingers and you could like move the eyes left and right to look around. They were really big when I was a kid. I remember a lot of people had those and they were quite freaky. I seem to remember my nan didn't really like them. I was a kid. I remember a lot of people had those, and they were quite freaky. I seem to remember my nan didn't really like them.

She was a bit scared by them. She just thought that my four-year-old self should have had one, kind of thing. Because they were a bit fucking weird. Oh, no. And she was probably right. Yeah. You probably had nightmares about those puppets coming to life. You know, you'd be lying there in bed, you'd look over,

and they'd all be staring at you. What else did I have? I had... I remember getting a Game Boy for Christmas one year. I think I probably was a little bit older by then. But there was one year when the Game Boy was a big Christmas present for everyone and everyone wanted one and everyone was playing Tetris

on it. I think I was obviously a little bit older by then, but I had a very limited series of games. Because when you're a kid, games are expensive and you don't really know any better which ones are good, which ones are bad. It's still the same today

and a lot of kids kind of end up with a lot of crappy games that aren't particularly good bought for them by aunts or uncles or people who don't know going into game in the high street

and just saying my son, my nephew wants a game, what should I get him? I want to get him one that he probably hasn't got already. You know, so it'll be like something terrible. Does he like games about unicorns?

Like, whoa, well I don't know! And the kid actually wants like Black Ops and instead he gets like, you know, Rainbow Pony Adventures or something. Yeah, and Harry Potter. Thanks, like, Black Ops, and instead he gets, like, you know, Rainbow Pony Adventures or something. Yeah, and Harry Potter. Thanks, Nan.

Thanks. Harry Potter and the Terrible Video Game. Oh, God. That was a good video, that one. People didn't see that. It was on the game station. Stupid fly! Stupid fly!

That was so irritating. I was just the most irritating fucker ever on that video. Oh, God. It was pretty bad, because our last Game Station video was... The gnome one with the ball, the Katamari quest. Oh, yeah, and you were really annoying on that as well. Gnome obliteration. Yes!

I don't know what it is. It's like our most irritating videos go up on there. Well, to be fair, they did reject our Fred one, which was extremely irritating.

It was amazing. That was amazing. That was such a genius idea. It was my idea. Yeah, you have the best ideas, Fred. Oh, dear.

I think it was Duncan who first came up with the idea of an advent thing for a Christmas video. That's been really good, actually. They've been really fun to make and have been quite cool. I can't wait to open door 24 when I get back from visiting my parents after Christmas. Well, it's the presents, isn't it? It's where we gave each other presents. It's quite a good little one, actually, number 24. I thought I saved it till late.

Oh, it is a very Christmassy one, isn't it? So, yeah, I'm glad you're going to visit your parents. It's always good to sort of just, you know, have a few days off. I'm going to miss you, buddy. I'm going to miss you. No, you're, have a few days off. I'm going to miss you, buddy. I'm going to miss you. No, you're not. Get a good book.

Get a bit George R.R. Martin or something and get some good reading on. I thought you said a good book. I like George R.R. Martin. I just wish he'd actually finished the damn series. It's been too long now. Come on, man. Come on now.

Isn't he, like, dying? Or is that someone else? No! He's helping, like, HBO to make the Sopranos version of

his series of books. It's like a big... It's like the new Wire. It's like the new... It's like, you know, it's just his series of books.

How is it like the Sopranos or the Wire? Well, because it's made by the same group of people. I guess it's a huge cast of characters. Really? HBO? The Sopranos or The Wire? Well, because it's made by the same group of people. I guess it's a huge cast of characters. Really?

HBO? Yeah. They're doing... Oh my God, it's going to be amazing then. They're using the same production team and stuff as well, so...

And it's got Sean Bean in it, and it's got some awesome people in it. So, yeah. Sean Bean. He does... It's going to be big.

Oh, God. It's going to be big. He does good stuff. I like Sean Bean. I like Sean Pertwee, though. Who? Because he does all the voiceovers. Sean P B. I like Sean Pertwee, though. Who? Because he does all the voiceovers. Sean Pertwee.

John Pertwee, who was Doctor Who. Sean Pertwee's his son. You would know him. You would know his voice. Because he does loads of voiceover work for adverts and stuff. So, I mean, at the moment, there's loads of Christmassy adverts. And he's the guy who I can't I can't imitate

his voice at all because he has such a distinctive voice. Do you have like something there where you're rolling a coin

around or something is that you're getting a bit anxious about your uncle turning up? I was just making sure that I took the

change out of my wallet. Oh. And I was making sure I didn't forget it. Why were you doing that? Because I don't really want to take a 2p, two 1ps, 5p and a 10p with me in my wallet.

What do you do with all your loose change that you gradually get in a wallet? It's all plonked here. It's all plonked here on my desk. So it sort of builds up, does it? I don't know what I'm going to do with it How many one piece two pieces of stuff have you got there Not too many actually Because I tend to use my card

When I go out and buy stuff really Oh okay It's the more convenient way of paying for things When I go shopping it will just all go on the card Debit card Not a credit one So yeah Fascinating Simon's finances card. Debit card, not a credit one, you know. So, yeah.

Fascinating. Simon's finances. Ho, ho! Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. We are just passing the time. Very Christmassy themed stuff. We are just gonna pass the time until your uncle arrives, so, so, yeah. I hope your knots are enjoying this.

They might be sitting there. He's gonna knock on the door and then I'm gonna be gone. I've got most of my clothes. I've your knots are enjoying this. They might be sitting there. It's going to knock on the door and then I'm going to be gone. I've got most of my clothes. I've got my beard trimmer with the settings for also doing hair, just in case my mother fancies going over my hair quickly. Oh! My mother, she always wanted to be a hairdresser, but instead she became a telephone operator and then got into administration oh i thought

you're gonna say at a sex line or something what no no no no telephone operator at a sordid backdoor business how dare you be funny if she met your parents and she started speaking to your dad and they're like, I'm sure I recognise your voice from somewhere. Oh my god. Oh, oh. This could be my uncle calling, actually.

Oh, unrecognised number. Hello? Hello? Hello? How's it going? You're outside already? Oh my goodness. Okay, um... Would you fancy a cup of tea before you go off?

Alright then. Okay, I'll come down and see you. Alright then. Okay, I'll come down and see you. Alright then. Okay, alright. So there we go. This is the end of the Christmas podcast. Thank you everyone for listening. Have a very Merry Christmas.

Ho ho ho. Bye Lewis. Bye Simon. See you after Christmas. Bye bye.