Triforce! - YoGPoD 41: Bear Claws

Episode Date: February 9, 2012

Lewis, Simon and Sips answer more of your burning questions, including "What would you do if you woke up and had bear claws for hands?". This will probably be the last YoGPoD to feature Toaster Mic, r...ejoice/mourn (delete as appropriate). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:33 Please play responsibly. Previously on the Yacht Pod. See what's going to happen is I'm going to get this new mic and I'm going to lose all my subscribers in one day. I would have hoped you'd done a little bit more preparation. Oh my god, why are you the best? Sips, have you ever considered running for leader of Canada? Are your other names anagrams of Sips?
Starting point is 00:00:58 There's a lot of questions. So like a picture of Ed from Twilight sellotaped to your bicep? I asked if he had beautiful hands. It's only a game so put up a real good fight! And now... Hello and welcome to TTTTT Channel. You're a boy, you're a boy You're a boy, you're a boy You're a boy, you're a boy You're a boy, you're a boy
Starting point is 00:01:33 Okay, questions for Sips. Okay, here's a decent one. This is from DanceBittle. He asks, What is your favorite childhood film? Mine is probably Jurassic Park, which I would watch every hour, on the hour, all day, although it's over an hour long, so...
Starting point is 00:01:56 Yeah, how does that work? Well, it doesn't work, but I think... Would you have, like, multiple VCRs set up? Yeah. And you would just put a new tape in every hour. It'd be like singing London's Burning. A round, it's called. You'd need four VCRs and you'd have to
Starting point is 00:02:11 stage them all around turning them on on the hour. You'd get so much crossover. And think of how many times you'd have to listen to the theme music too. It's good, but... Of course it's good. It's John Williams. It is good. It's not that
Starting point is 00:02:28 good, though. I wouldn't want to hear it that many times. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- I think they just ran out of ideas. I don't know if I've even watched that. I never watched it either. Even when it was on, I wasn't watching it. But I think they just ran out of ideas, so they just over-egged the music big time. Every scene had just that music playing. And it was totally inappropriate at times, too. Some guy was getting killed by a velociraptor,
Starting point is 00:03:01 and it was just like... And he's just getting torn to shreds and stuff. That's terrible. And I didn't think that was very good. I think it's interesting that you say you think they ran out of ideas when essentially it's just one idea, isn't it? Dinosaurs attack people. That's the whole concept. Wasn't Jurassic Park 3 straight to DVD?
Starting point is 00:03:22 And wasn't it also set in New York or something? Wasn't there dinosaurs actually invading a city? I don't know but actually if I'd realised that that was the case I might have watched it. Yeah. From what I saw there was no city attack by dinosaurs
Starting point is 00:03:37 and it was just pretty bad. Was it just more island in the middle of nowhere stuff? Yeah, it had the guy. It had the actor from the first one. I can't remember his name. Sam Neill, you mean? Jeff Goldblum? The old guy. The old guy that cries every time he sees a dinosaur.
Starting point is 00:04:00 I mean, you don't need to cry every time you see a dinosaur, Foxy. Why does he cry when he sees a dinosaur? I don't know Because he's so emotionally happy That he's brought back dinosaurs So he just can't hold it in He just bursts into happy tears Every time Yeah, but it wasn't him though
Starting point is 00:04:16 It was that other old guy That looks like Colonel Sanders But just like 20 stone heavier 20 stone Colonel Sanders I'm not sure he... Was he in the third one? I don't... Didn't he die in the first one? He got eaten.
Starting point is 00:04:31 Are you talking about Richard Attenborough? Are you actually talking about Richard Attenborough? That old guy who looks like Colonel Sanders? In Jurassic Park 1? I think he is, yes. He directed Gandhi with
Starting point is 00:04:46 Ben Kingsley. Are you going to start crying now? Because it's bad enough that that other guy is always crying when he sees the dinosaurs. We don't need you to start crying. It's a shame that Colonel Sanders just bursts into tears every time he sees a dinosaur.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Let's not spread it out too much. I know. It's because he's thinking, like, when he sees, like, the big dinosaurs, he's thinking, oh, God, think of all the chicken I could get out of those dinosaurs. Oh, my God. Because apparently they do taste like chicken, dinosaurs. They do. I wrote an article about it once.
Starting point is 00:05:21 Yeah, it's true. Because, remember, birds are, are like the nearest descendant to dinosaurs, aren't they? Because dinosaurs turn into pterodactyls, which turn into birds. There is a big problem with this, in that no one's eaten a dinosaur. Yeah, but genetic analysis...
Starting point is 00:05:37 Well, they could have in Jurassic Park, they had the chance. They analysed it genetically and they looked at dinosaur meat and stuff and how the proteins and all stuff were lined up. It looked most like chicken. I think Colonel Silas was eyeing it up, thinking about putting the spice mix on it.
Starting point is 00:05:53 I would eat the hell out of a T-Rex steak or a Triceratops wing. I'd eat the hell out of it. I would eat the ever-loving shit out of a brontosaurus. It's like in the Flintstones, when they order that dinosaur thing
Starting point is 00:06:09 and they put it on the side of the car and it tips the car over. Yeah. The ribs. I would love that. The car falls over. Hannah's writing me a note. She says dinosaurs
Starting point is 00:06:24 they turned into pterodactyls. She's writing me a note. She says dinosaurs, they turned into pterodactyls. She's drawing me a little dinosaur family tree here. And apparently they also split up into archi-a-ter-ricks. Archaeopteryx. I don't know way you're right in over a okay well not sure she knows so much about dinosaurs she she's what she these guys she was a kid dinosaurs were like really big these guys died out right they I'm glad I'm glad we're doing I up good
Starting point is 00:06:59 good stuff to turn it to burn cause wrapped a feathers is that why'd like in what a warcraft rappers have feathers, in World of Warcraft, raptors have feathers? Yeah, because they're more related to raptors. Those are separate species of dinosaurs. Ah, it all makes sense now. So birds didn't evolve from pterodactyls, they evolved from raptors, apparently. Aren't predatory birds known as raptors? Which is why raptors are called raptors.
Starting point is 00:07:21 They're dinosaurs. Okay, alright, but they can't hear you, Hannah, but yeah, okay. Thank you for that. No, we can hear it fine. Oh, from across the room. It's like being in school again. Yeah. She felt she had to inform, she had to step in and inform
Starting point is 00:07:38 that I was an idiot then. Which is fair enough, but they do taste like chicken. Um, so that doesn't change the fact. How long do you think it would take you to eat a whole dinosaur? You could probably fill your basement full of tins of dinosaur chicken that would last you well over ten years. I mean, dinosaurs are huge.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Oh, God. Oh, God. Do you remember that you can actually get like a tin of chicken in jelly? It's like a whole boned chicken in jelly. Oh no, it's a really big tin, that sounds horrible. It's the most disgusting thing in the world. Hey, on that subject, one of the things that shocked me the most when I first moved to England was that you guys buy hot dogs like in a can.
Starting point is 00:08:21 And I think there's just something wrong with putting a hot dog, or like six hot dogs in a can with hot dog juice hot dog juice that's probably the healthiest thing that's ever been done to that hot dog I mean they're made of like disgusting stuff anyway putting them in a can probably like actually gets rid of most of the agents that are like make them all horrible I know but why not just vacuum pack them in plastic like normal places? Well, you can get them in
Starting point is 00:08:49 vacuum pack, yeah, in frankfurters, yeah. I don't go out there to buy them in cans. No, but just your average wieners, like Oscar Meyer wieners. I beg your pardon? Why would you get them in a can? That's disgusting. You can get anything in a can, Sips.
Starting point is 00:09:05 You can get cakes in cans and meals, a whole lot of meals. You can't get cakes in cans. Get out of town. You can get Jaffa Cakes in a tube. I think that's almost the same thing, isn't it? Cakes in cans, yeah, definitely, Sips. It's like a cylindrical cake. It looks quite good.
Starting point is 00:09:26 I mean, I can understand how it would work, but I just can't visualize it. And I don't think it exists either. Well, I'm sure you're wrong, so that's cool. Shall we move on? No, no, we're not even done yet. We haven't answered the question yet. What is your actual favorite childhood
Starting point is 00:09:42 film? This guy said Jurassic Park. From what I remember, Jurassic Park was in theatres for like three years. Like seriously, every time I went by a theatre, Jurassic Park was playing. So that's not even your answer, that's his answer. That was his answer, yeah. So we haven't even gotten around to you. No. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:09:58 I think my favourite childhood film was the original Home Alone. I just thought that that was the best movie ever. Oh my God. at the time. I remembered that as well because I remember when I was at Center Parcs on holiday with the family. Center Parcs is like a kind of forest that you go to and you have to ride around on a bike everywhere.
Starting point is 00:10:16 I fell off the bike and I actually dislocated my jaw when I was like 7 or 8 and I was trapped indoors for this whole holiday what the hell and it was the best holiday
Starting point is 00:10:28 of my life right because I got to watch Home Alone and all these kids films it was fucking great and I had to the only thing I could eat
Starting point is 00:10:36 was ice cream and soup you know so it was like amazing it was just fantastic I had the best holiday ever what kind of soup though
Starting point is 00:10:44 it had to be, like, purely liquid soup, right? Like, it couldn't have, like... Couldn't have lumps in it. I'm not a big fan of the lumpy soup, though. I mean, because they're, like, always, like, red-hot magma bits, and they kind of just burn you to death. Well, no, I mean, they're not that bad. Well, they
Starting point is 00:10:59 are the way my parents used to cook them. My parents only eat food that is, like, at one million degrees centigrade what's up with that i like lukewarm food like i don't really like like steaming hot food my parents the kind of people who send stuff back if it's like lukewarm you know they're like this is cooked enough and then they put it in the microwave for like 30 seconds and bring it back out or whatever oh god yeah are your parents like the type of people that like sort of do that kind of stuff every time you go out somewhere to eat yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:11:31 they always talk about how hot the food is that's the biggest like that's top of the list with mine it's always like how long things are taking like within within two minutes of ordering something they have to like flag someone down and be like, where's our food, by the way? These people just get so angry. You can see it in their face. I'm just sitting at the back with my face in my hands, trying to hide, wishing I was dead.
Starting point is 00:11:56 They're just like, oh yeah, it'll be probably be about 20 minutes. Then they'll flag them down a good two or three more times in between that time. We don't do fast food. We do good food as fast as we can. They probably have one of those signs up. Are your parents people who, do they order tap water?
Starting point is 00:12:16 A jug of tap water, specifically. What do your parents like to drink, Sips? I don't know. I never really paid attention, actually. What about your parents? Are they like wine drinkers? Do your parents do that thing where they have to sniff the wine and slush it around
Starting point is 00:12:32 in their mouth a bit? And spit it out into a bucket? Yeah, no. They don't do that. No, I don't know. I think they're fairly normal. What about your parents, Simon? Well, my dad does that whole swishing around thing, but he does it with a bottle of whiskey. You can see the hair sprouting from his chin.
Starting point is 00:12:52 But like the whole bottle, he just chugs the whole bottle and swishes it around. Yeah, he doesn't really taste it, it just sort of goes straight down is is cali and uh... my mom doesn't really you know drink uh... except to uh... to forget she only drinks to deal with your dad uh... who well uh...
Starting point is 00:13:17 i hope they don't listen to this they were right it's fine childhood films that simon what was yours you didn't say uh... ghostbusters two i think. What a great film. Why 2? Because it was the better one, that's why. Don't get me wrong it was good but nothing beats the first one. Nothing beats the first one apart from 2. No. Which does beat it. It was a rare sequel that was actually
Starting point is 00:13:39 as good. 2 had Vigo in it. Was it Vigo? A child. It had the guy from Ally McBeal. Yeah, yeah. I remember. And he was always like, Vigo. And then they had that pink slime, the happy slime. Or was it the angry slime?
Starting point is 00:13:59 It was amazing, wasn't it? The slime that collected underneath New York because everybody was so angry. Yeah. And then the Statue of Liberty started walking. That's such a kids film premise isn't it? The slime collects all the anger of people in the city. These are kind of films that were like
Starting point is 00:14:17 these are all cult classics really. When you ask childhood film the instant thing I think of is the Disney film that you remember most strongly from your youth. And the one I remember was Dumbo, for some reason. I think it's because my gran had the VHS of Dumbo, and that was basically the only VHS she had. And so through the age of four to about seven, every time I went to my nan's, we always watched Dumbo. And I must have seen that film like 30 or 40 times and also this is the other thing i remember them having a vhs of spider-man
Starting point is 00:14:51 like a really old spider-man film from like 19 i don't know 80 something early 80s but when i kind of looked for it on imdb i couldn't really find one so i don't know what this film i used to watch as a kid was they taped it off the telly I mean it had the adverts and stuff in it as well so I remember like watching this same thing was taped off the telly with the adverts over and over again my childhood oh my god great grandparents always have such a shitty collection of VHS tape I know like it makes no sense whatsoever. Like, my grandmother was married to, like, she remarried to a guy that I never even called Grandpa.
Starting point is 00:15:31 His name was just Ray. So it was like... And his VHS collection was... He, like, taped Charlie Chaplin movies, like, off TV, like, off public broadcasting. And then he just taped, like, a bunch of, like, American football games. And then he just taped a bunch of American football games. And that's all he had on tape in his
Starting point is 00:15:50 whole tape collection. And he had like a hundred tapes. It was crazy. But nobody could watch them. He was nuts. He was very protective of his tapes, was he? He sounds like a scary man. He was. He was pretty scary.
Starting point is 00:16:06 And, like, you'd try to, like, watch Charlie Chaplin, and he'd be, like, laughing his head off. And, like, I'm sure that was, like, pretty funny, like, in the 1920s or whatever, but, like, this is the 80s. It wasn't that funny, and I'm just sitting there. It was, like, really awkward. Like, wasn't even laughing.
Starting point is 00:16:22 And, uh, god. Jeez. I'm just, like, I'm just glad I'm not a kid anymore. I didn't really watch Disney movies as a kid. I watched, sort of, I don't know, goofy things. Movies that,
Starting point is 00:16:37 you know, aren't used certificate, but are like, PGs. So, I wouldn't be watching animations of like, deers crying or flying lion king or anything i think a bit old for the lion king actually uh that would have been pretty weird if i was watching it at like 18 or something so i just watched i don't know action movies and things terrible things things that kids probably shouldn't watch which probably explains why i'm like i am So I just watched, I don't know, action movies and things. Terrible things. Things that kids probably shouldn't watch.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Which probably explains why I'm like I am. Aww. Don't worry about it. It's fine. So there you go, there's a moral there, kids. If you want to be like me, don't watch movies for children. Watch lots of violent movies and stuff with ghosts in, I guess, as well. Did your parents ever try to prevent you from watching an excessively violent movie when you were younger? Well, Akira got mysteriously wiped, because I had a VHS of that, and that just disappeared
Starting point is 00:17:38 one day. God, that's a bit of a... I didn't really get that when I watched it when I was about 20. Do you think it's because it was anime or because it had violence in it? It's pretty violent and pretty grotesque. Either that or, you know, my parents really, really, really wanted to watch that episode of Antiques Roadshow. I don't know. Some of them are really good.
Starting point is 00:18:01 I mean, I can't blame them. Okay, I've got another question. I've got another question. This one is from Jimma769, and he asks, If you woke up one morning with a pair of bear claws for fingers, what would your first course of action be? That's an interesting question, actually. I'd never really considered ever having bear claws for fingers. What if you had really itchy balls? I know, you would like
Starting point is 00:18:45 just completely like mutilate your balls like just scratch them You'd have to also make the bear noise when you did it Yeah that stalk bear noise from like every game and movie ever. Bears might seem you know lumbering and careless but in fact they're very delicate creatures
Starting point is 00:19:02 and you would find that you'd be able to scratch your balls very accurately and it would feel very nice and relaxing. Unless, of course, you also had more bare parts to your body, not just claws, like bare balls and bare feet and stuff as well, in which case you'd be perfectly suited. I know, but do you think maybe maybe your balls would be tough like in relation to the setup of your fingers?
Starting point is 00:19:28 Like if you had claws, like your balls would probably be like tough enough to withstand like the scratching from those claws. But like because we just have fingers, maybe our balls are like softer. How sharp are bear claws? They're pretty sharp. Is the
Starting point is 00:19:43 implication here that bears have evolved very tough balls because when they need to scratch them, they don't want to rip them off? That would work quite well, evolutionary-wise, wouldn't it? Because bears with really weak balls would just swipe them off, so they wouldn't be able to procreate. Survival of the fittest. Yeah, but a bear wouldn't be able to just do the stuff that it would do normally
Starting point is 00:20:08 if it just constantly had scratched up, gashed balls from its claws. Wow, that's horrible. You'd just be in pain all the time. It was. Oh my goodness. I don't know what I would do. I'd probably go to the doctor and say
Starting point is 00:20:21 holy shit, what has happened here to my hands? Why have they suddenly become bear claws? And then I might join a travelling circus and become famous across the world. I don't know what I would do, but I have a good list of things that I wouldn't do. I wouldn't scratch my balls, for instance.
Starting point is 00:20:43 That's right at the top. I wouldn't scratch my inner, for instance. That's right at the top. I wouldn't scratch my inner ass either with bear claws. Your inner ass? I probably wouldn't pick my nose. I wouldn't pick my nose with bear claws. I wouldn't pick my ears either with bear claws.
Starting point is 00:20:59 So most of the things you wouldn't do with bear claws involve anything to do with your own body. Is there anything else that you wouldn't do? I you wouldn't do with bear claws involve anything to do with your own body? Okay, is there anything else that you wouldn't do? I mean, I probably wouldn't pet a cat or a dog with bear claws either.
Starting point is 00:21:12 I assume that would be... What about another bear? Well, another bear I think could take it. Yeah. Like just a gentle stroking. Not like... Nothing too rigorous. No. So yeah, I can think of more things I wouldn't do then things I would do but I don't know like you if you woke up you had bear claws you could be like oh I'm gonna get revenge from all those people that did
Starting point is 00:21:35 me wrong I'm gonna show them who's boss of this pair of claw but um you know what kind of person would that make you not a nice one no well you. Well, you wouldn't be a person, you'd be part bear. It's true, yeah, actually, when you put it that way. Then you could almost justify acting like a total asshole. Who fucking cares? I'm not fully human anymore, I'm half bear. Suck on it, bitches. Would it... Well, you have got sort of an idea of what happens when you do become sort of a bear,
Starting point is 00:22:04 because you drove that car around, didn't you, as an EnviroBear? That's true, yeah. Where you have to hibernate in caves. Good wheel handling, actually. They know how to drive, don't they, bears? So maybe you could become like a racing driver? Yeah, it could be like the next Colin McRae with my bear claw. Yeah, I guess that's it.
Starting point is 00:22:25 I guess that's what I would do. Anyone else have anything in particular they would do with a pair of bear claws? I'd pretend to be Wolverine a lot, I think. I'd just be stood in front of a mirror going, you know, shnickety-shnick. And then after two minutes, I'd get bored and I'd go, Oh, God, what have I become? And I'd just look down at my hands and stop crying. Crying salty tears into your bare hands.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Like, not like his bare hands. Yeah, very careful. Bare animal bare hands. I'd sit on the loo, I'd do my business, and I'd go, oh god, how am I going to wipe? Oh god, it'd be terrible. Yeah, it would be bad. The things you wouldn't be able to do. You'd have to, like,
Starting point is 00:23:07 enlist somebody to, like, do your wiping for you, I think. Like the Queen has? Yeah. What? Do you think she uses, like, normal toilet paper? Do you think she uses, like, that really soft toilet paper with aloe vera, like, inside it? She probably has, like, a commissioned
Starting point is 00:23:24 factory that only produces, like produces toilet paper for the queen. It has the royal seal stamped on every sheet. And it's like 12-ply. Us mere mortals can only get two or four-ply. 12-ply? She gets 12-ply. Each sheet is like an entire packet of tissues. It's like wiping your ass with a cloud.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Oh, wow. Wow. There of tissues. It's like wiping your ass with a cloud. Oh, wow. Wow. There you go. That's right. Shall we move on to the next question? There you go. Let's move on to the next one. Yeah, let me just find one. Hang on. Okay, here's a good one. This is from
Starting point is 00:23:58 Selassnape. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. The question is, Would you rather win the lottery or be the king of Zimbabwe? I'm going to go for the lottery. What would you do if you won the lottery? What's like the first thing you would do? I'd go out and I'd go and buy a pasty from Gregg's and I'd treat myself straight to Gregg's.
Starting point is 00:24:21 The Oxcast, sponsored by Gregg's. What? New branch opening in the Isle of Wight 2013. Yeah. I know Simon would buy the Millennium Falcon Lego kit. Would you buy
Starting point is 00:24:40 a Porsche though? Like, do you guys like cars? Would you buy like a really fancy car if you won the lottery? Well I wouldn't have anywhere to park it for a start. If I parked it on the street it would just get ruined. My current car has had two people drive into it, so it's got massive dents on either side. I parked it facing one way down the road and then made the mistake of pointing it the other way down the road like the next week and basically just got two big dents in each side so it's kind of evened out the um
Starting point is 00:25:08 aerodynamics of the car because with one dent on one side you know it was like not quite right it's a blessing really isn't it yeah it was like veering off to like the side when you were trying to drive and stuff yeah yeah so if i got a porsche I don't think, I mean... But then again, I don't really drive anywhere either, so I wouldn't really... I don't really need a car. Would you buy a helicopter then? Well, I can't fly a helicopter, can I? You could have lessons. Or you could have someone fly it for you.
Starting point is 00:25:36 A heli-chauffeur. You could be, like, one of those people that because places don't cater for, like, your specific needs, you could just, like, not go. So, like, with a helicopter, that's, like, everywhere. needs, you could just not go. So with a helicopter, that's everywhere. Hey, you want to go to Tesco? Do they have a helicopter landing pad?
Starting point is 00:25:51 No. Well, fuck that. I'm not going there. You could just say that about everywhere. You could buy one for Tesco. Have it installed on the roof. I'm sure they probably do already have helipads. And they're really posh, like the rich people. They go, right, let rich people. They go,
Starting point is 00:26:08 they go, right, let's go to Tesco, darling. So they go up to their roof, they get in the heli-hop, so they fly to Tesco. And they go, like, into a, like, down a secret staircase in Tesco to, like, a special private Tesco. Why are they still shopping at Tesco? Yeah, why don't they just order online instead? Well, no, then they have to have... Morrisons? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Sainsbury's. They have to shop somewhere, all the millionaires. Well, no, then they have to have... Morrisons? I don't know. Sainsbury's. They have to shop somewhere, all the millionaires. Well, they just order online from Harrods, and a posh man turns up with a molecule and says, Your lettuce, sir, and here is your packet of Jaffa cakes. That's exactly what they would do, yeah. I mean, it's... Ooh, lovely Jaffa kegs. That's exactly what they would do, yeah. I mean, it's... Ooh, lovely Jaffa.
Starting point is 00:27:01 Um, alright. Let's close that one. Nobody wants to be the king of Zimbabwe. No. And none of us have any real idea what we'd do if we won the lottery. No. But we'd prefer the lottery. This is from Chasor11.
Starting point is 00:27:17 If you were held at gunpoint, which would you choose, milk or toast? Okay. If I was held at gunpoint, I wouldn't be thinking about milk or toast. Okay. If I was held at gunpoint, I wouldn't be thinking about milk or toast, in all honesty. No, but he's like saying, like, someone comes up to you like an armed robber, and he points a gun in your face, and he just says that question.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Like, shouts it at you. Which one would you go for? I would just say milk. Milk every time. I think you'd survive longer off just drinking milk than you would off just eating toast. What kind of toast is it? What kind of milk is it?
Starting point is 00:27:52 It's difficult. It's not a question you can just answer under a high-pressure situation. I know, but I'm pretty good with most milk. I mean, unless it's like goat's milk or like soy milk. But I mean, that's only a small fraction of all the available types of milk. So the odds are I'd probably get a milk that I could deal with. Oh, skim milk though, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:28:15 I mean, what if you had to drink like a pint of like really watery, thin goat's milk or something? You know, like, oh. I'd barf everywhere. I don't like that. Yeah. Simon's been drinking soy milk, haven't you? Simon, what the hell's your problem? Why don't you just get some, like, normal milk? 1%. What's wrong with 1% milk?
Starting point is 00:28:35 Well, soy milk's good for you. There's this whole thing that we're all slightly lactose intolerant because we're not supposed to drink milk beyond, you know, teething age. We not supposed to drink milk beyond you know teething age we're supposed to like eat solid food and not milk so it makes everyone slightly ill so by drinking milk that doesn't have fats in then you you aren't so ill what a weird what a weird topic of course though um we don't want to discourage people from drinking milk because it is extremely you aren't so ill. What a weird topic. Of course, though.
Starting point is 00:29:06 We don't want to discourage people from drinking milk because it is extremely good for you and a lot of people don't get enough vitamin whatever you get from milk. So, drink milk. I just like, I think cold milk, if you just have a glass
Starting point is 00:29:24 of cold milk, it's so refreshing and delicious. I know. I drink think like cold milk, if you just have like a glass of cold milk, it's like so refreshing and delicious. I know. Like I drink like a ton of milk. It's really the best thing to drink. I know that a lot of the population of the world are lactose intolerant, all the sort of people in India and China. And, you know, none of them drink milk. And lactose intolerant is actually the wrong word because there's more people in the world who are intolerant to milk than there are who are tolerant of it in the western world so we are the we are over here you know we are in the minority the people who drink milk are the minority so simon
Starting point is 00:29:56 has a good point well that's good that means there's more more milk for me i mean if china and india were drinking milk there'd be none left, like, really fast. Because, like, a lot of people live in those countries. And if all of them started drinking milk, that would be a catastrophe. We just wouldn't be able to keep up. I think that's probably the real reason they don't all drink milk. Because their country doesn't have the infrastructure to have that many cows around providing milk for people. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:30:25 I think it's a cultural thing. They've never drunk milk, though, have they, of any type? Toast, though. Oh, toast. I mean, I like toast, too. Not as much as milk. I see what you mean, though. If it was just a dry piece of dry toast,
Starting point is 00:30:42 I can see that the advantage of milk over that is, you know, obvious. Because you don't really eat toast on its own, do you? You have to have something on it. You have to have something on it, and you have to have something with it, too. Like, you can't just have, like, toast with peanut butter and then nothing to drink.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Because you're, like, your mouth is just, like, stuck together for, like, the whole morning. So you have to have some milk to wash it down. Or some orange juice. Or some apple juice, maybe. I think milk's a good option under those circumstances. Okay, we've made a decision as a group. Voted 2-1 against Simon.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Who would have gone for toast? Simon, you wouldn't have gone for toast for me, though. I don't believe it. Well, it's strange because milk can be replaced easily with soy milk, and yet toast, what do you replace that with? Crackers? It's madness. It's crackers. That's where
Starting point is 00:31:35 it came from, saying that things are crackers, because just eating crackers is madness. It's crackers. Crackers. Okay. Good. Okay, David Callow asks, madness is crackers. Crack of. Okay. Good. Okay, David Callow asks, what would be your dream job?
Starting point is 00:31:52 That's a good question. What would be your dream job, Lewis? Jaffa tester. What did you say? Jaffa tester. Okay. Do you want to describe your average day as a Jaffa tester? Yeah, what if you get, like, a bad bat? What if they accidentally just put, like, cat shit in instead of the orange stuff? AIDS.
Starting point is 00:32:14 AIDS and cat shit in a Jaffa cake. Well, it would be a bad day at work. If it was a Monday, I mean, that would just ruin the week, wouldn't it? You get, like, some sick days. Like a work-related injury. Well, you'd have AIDS, right? So work gave you AIDS. They'd have to, like, compensate you somehow.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Oh, my God. I can picture it. There's, like, I'm sat at a desk, and in front of me there's a tray that says in and a tray that says out. And on the in, there's loads of Jaffa cakesakes and I've got like a cup of tea in front of me and I'm steaming hot. And I take the Jaffa Cakes and I sort of dip them in the tea a little bit to make the chocolate melt and for the
Starting point is 00:32:55 sponge to go a little bit soggy. And then I eat it. Are you sweating right now while you describe this? After a few hours I then, like, squat on the out tray. The out tray and bucket.
Starting point is 00:33:12 The out tray is actually a toilet. It's like a litter tray. It's like a little litter tray. It's gotta be a toilet with, like, a shelf built into, like, the outside of the toilet so that you can put all your plates and
Starting point is 00:33:27 empty tea mugs on top. So just be plates with lots of little crumbs on the plate. Like a big stack and then empty tea mugs too. And then obviously your poops. That is a dream job, isn't it? Oh my goodness. People normally
Starting point is 00:33:44 answer that question semi-seriously. Like, I'd like to be an astronaut, or I'd like to be a... That's a serious answer. Yeah. I mean, that's a serious career they could actually get involved in. But it's a career that actually involves a lot of work. They don't quite realise what they're getting themselves in for. It's more likely the average person will get a job testing jaffa cakes and being a fucking astronaut but what i'm saying is people don't like choose people people choose like things like like like rocket
Starting point is 00:34:15 car test pilot and crazy stuff but they don't factor in at what goes with that you know people choose to be like oh i'd love to be a vet. But it's hard work being a vet. You have to do all sorts of horrible stuff. They'd like to be a racehorse or a racing car driver, right? Like Lewis Hamilton. They want to be a racehorse. Good grief.
Starting point is 00:34:40 When I grow up, I want to be a racehorse. Timmy, I don't think... Wouldn't you want to be an astronaut or a Jaffa Cake tester? Racehorse! Racehorse! Timmy, come on, be reasonable. I want to be an ambulance. It's very hard to think up a... I mean, the word dream job... As soon as something becomes a job, it's not what you imagine it to be anymore you know even like the best you know most dreams of people think oh i'd love to be a king and like you know just like sleep with all the princesses but once you actually be king it's
Starting point is 00:35:12 like oh god i have to run the whole country there's people trying to assassinate me like the king of zimbabwe you know it would be a real pain in the ass to be the king of zimbabwe as soon as it's a job it's not what you dreamed it would be. That's the problem. Job is like such a tedious word. You know, it's like, oh god, I have to go to my job. Oh god, I have to go to my dream job tomorrow. Oh, I hate it. You know, you'd get sick of
Starting point is 00:35:36 Jaffa cake so quickly at your dream job wouldn't you? That would never happen. That would never happen. You'd go like, you'd get all like super serious. You'd take your job super seriously. Like you'd be testing the Jaffas and you'd be like, I wonder if like they just added a hint of like cinnamon or something, it would taste better. And then you'd like go to the CEO's office and be like, yeah, I'm your head Jaffa cake
Starting point is 00:35:58 tester. I have this great idea to make your Jaffa cakes taste better. And then you'd just like totally ignore it because like they've just been making Jaffa Cakes that way for, like, 300 years or whatever, and they had no plans to change the formula whatsoever, and who is this guy coming into my office? Let's fire him, and then that'd be it. That'd be your dream job done, because you would just screw it all up, because you would just take it too seriously.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Oh, God. that's terrible and then you'd eat like a cat shit jaffa and your out tray would be full and it would just be disgusting i mean this is you would throw up all over your out tray your out tray would just be overflowing all over your room it It would be revolting. You'd pass out in your own vomit on the floor of your room, and you wouldn't wake up for like three days, and it would have solidified and stuck to your face
Starting point is 00:36:55 and your chest. And then your intray will be full of Jaffas to test, and they're like, eat these Jaffas now. Can you imagine? The CEO would come down and wonder why the Jaffas now can you imagine the CEO would come down and wonder why the Jaffas are being tested and he would slip in your vomit and then he would like get vomit all over his pants it would just be terrible I don't want to be a Jaffa Cake tester anymore! Oh, that's that little Timmy.
Starting point is 00:37:26 See, oh dear. Well, there you go. I think my dream job, we covered it in livestream, I'd want to be that guy that animates all that stupid shit in Anno. Like the pig vacuum thing and stuff. You just get to sit around all day and draw
Starting point is 00:37:41 this factory that accepts pigs in by a vacuum and then slaughters them. And that would take you a whole week to draw all that and animate it and everything. And I think that would be good. You want to be a 3D artist designing pig vacuums and various
Starting point is 00:37:58 other farm yards. And other really dumb stuff. Yeah, machinery. Okay. That's a good one. I think that would be pretty stress-free too. I mean, you know, it wouldn't be a lot of work. And you get to sit around and draw pretty interesting stuff and then animate it.
Starting point is 00:38:14 But I don't know, eventually deadlines and stuff like that, you'd probably get a bit stressed out. Then you'd probably start hating it. God, yeah. They'll be demanding. The thing is, the better you do at the job as well um the more people expect you to like you know keep to those deadlines that you you were doing in your first week that's why if any of you get a job right don't do too much work in the first
Starting point is 00:38:36 week because if you work really hard in the first week they'll sort of expect you to like you know continue that like level of work but if you work like really crappy in the first week you to like you know continue that like level of work but if you work like really crappy in the first week you can like build up and they'll be like oh my god he's got so much better look what let's give him a promotion you know there's there's a fine balance though because if you start your first week and you and you don't do shit like the whole time you'll lose your job too like you can't set the bar too low or too high. You got to find that sweet spot. Yeah. Where you can just about get away with not doing anything.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Do the minimum. Like if you were Jaffa testing, for example, you should really just like, you know, make sure that there's always like a little bit of a Jaffa left in your in-trade to do all the time. So if someone comes in and they're like, they look in and see if you've got any work to do, they always see that your inbox still got a little bit left in it.
Starting point is 00:39:25 And they're like, oh, right, good. I'm managing him well, you see. So always make sure there's still a little bit. Otherwise, I'll just be taking on too many Jaffas. Yeah, you got to pace yourself. And that can lead to the whole situation that we previously described. Well, maybe not Simon's situation, because that was kind of disgusting. I mean, in an average job, I don't think that would happen.
Starting point is 00:39:46 No, probably not. It was like a Final Destination-style catastrophe, wasn't it? Just all these factors came together. Yeah. Oh, man. So that was meant to be a really positive question, and we sort of ended that negatively. But whatever. It's all good. be like a really positive question and we sort of ended that negatively.
Starting point is 00:40:05 But whatever. It's all good. This one is video game related. It's from somebody named Spartan114Caz. And he wants to know, Sips, how do you feel about EVE Online? Um, I don't know. I mean, I don't feel anything about EVE Online.
Starting point is 00:40:44 I tried it a couple of times. And yeah, I can see why people like it, but it's not for me. It's not for me at all. I couldn't play for very long. And one time I tried to get into a big fleet battle, and my frames per second dropped to like five, and I didn't know what was going on and I got killed. And then I rage uninstalled
Starting point is 00:41:08 EVE Online and never played it again. But apparently that's all been fixed now and it's a lot better. I don't know. I just don't have as much time as I used to to play big MMOs that take up a lot of time. That's what I think about EVE Online. What about you guys? Did you guys ever play
Starting point is 00:41:24 EVE Online? I played it briefly. I did the sort of tutorial thing and messed around and flew about and it just didn't seem terribly interesting to me. It's quite beautiful but then you realise that everything all looks the same in space, so you kind of get bored of just looking at the same backgrounds and the same ships, the same sort of space stations. And also the whole crafting and buying of everything and the skills, it just wasn't very interesting at all. It was kind of cool that you could train skills without actually being online, though. Some skills took five days to train or whatever, and they would just train while you were offline and stuff.
Starting point is 00:42:15 That's kind of cool, but maybe totally unnecessary as well because they could have just made it level-based or something instead. But EVE Online is pretty popular, and a lot of people like it i think as far as i know the community is like pretty tight with evil online too and like they do this thing like i think the developers have like this this thing where they they have like an in-game like a government kind of thing and it's all made up of players. And they get to go to Iceland like every year and not like the store like the country.
Starting point is 00:42:49 And they get to meet and convene and talk about like galactic matters and stuff like that. Galactic politics. Yeah, whatever. That sounds pretty good too. If you're into that sort of thing, that's a nice touch. Like a good way to sort of keep people playing and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Alright, Carlos EFT asks, hi Sips. I found a can of tuna from 1993 in my shed. Can I still eat it or should I just save it as a memento for when all sea creatures die off? Thanks. I love you. Bye. There's a couple of things with that question. Why was there a can of tuna in your shed? And do you normally store food in your shed? Is it a garden shed? I would never store food out in a shed.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Because you could get raccoons or bears or anything. Just trying to get into the shed to get the food. Where is he living? I don't know, but I'm just, you know, I'm just saying. It may not necessarily be bears or raccoons, but like you could get like, I don't know, like a ferret or something like might like dig in underneath the shed and try to break in and like eat all of your canned food.
Starting point is 00:44:02 I mean, only if you have like bear claws. You know, you woke up one morning and you had bear claws. But no, I mean canned food, it typically lasts... If I know anything about Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas, you know, food's still good for like ages after the apocalypse. You know, it's still fine.
Starting point is 00:44:20 I think I read somewhere that it lasts about 30 years on average. You know, so I think if it was that it lasts about 30 years on average, you know, so... I think if it was 1993, it should be totally fine. I mean, that's only, like, 18 years old. God, that does sound really old. I mean, that's older than some of the people who will be listening to this, for sure. Should you go ahead and eat food if it's older than you if it's been in a can longer
Starting point is 00:44:47 than you've been alive what oh wow i some some stuff's safe i think so like spam is probably like pretty safe i guess it's it's probably like not so bad if it's things that when they go bad they don't like cause massively toxic byproducts like Like, if you were eating, like, fruit or something like that, which is also highly acidic, I mean, some problems can be that if it's quite acidic in the can, it can etch the can and get poisonous, like, if it was a kind of specific type of
Starting point is 00:45:16 very old can. But also, I mean, if it's something like meat or poultry or something like that, I probably wouldn't really go for it if it was really really old. I mean, if it's off then it's going to be pretty bad for you. Do you think it's appropriate, though, to hang on to a can of tuna, like, as a memento for when all sea creatures die off? I mean, if all sea creatures died off, like, honestly, I don't really give a shit about tuna.
Starting point is 00:45:39 It's not, tuna fish isn't something I'd want to really remember either. I'd be pretty good with tuna fish just becoming extinct. I don't eat tuna, so I don't know. Maybe if I had a tin of killer whale meat or something, that'd be something to remember. But I wouldn't... I mean, you could make it into a necklace, I guess. Just attach the tin to a chain and wear it as a necklace.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Maybe that would be totally fashionable in years to come now i think there's something to do with tuna i mean there's there's different types of tuna obviously there's like sort of certain tuna that are being overfished so if it was a if it was a tin of tuna that was going to go and disappear then maybe it's worth it but other types of tuna are being like commercially farmed you know so they're basically never going to go inverted commas extinct except in in the wild but i mean i think most tuna isn't really threatened i think you're better off if you had some sort of fish that was going to go extinct you know like um like a cod or something tin of cod maybe that would be more valuable you know something a little bit less common um since like tuna's like common, isn't it? So that's
Starting point is 00:46:45 my advice. On this topic though, how do you feel about sell-by dates and stuff? Because if this guy's had a can of tuna in his shed from 1993, it probably says somewhere on the tin, like, best before November 1994 or something. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Which obviously is well over the sell by date and consume by date. But, like, do you follow those? Are you the type of person that if it says that it's got to be used by the 10th of January, you just throw it in the garbage
Starting point is 00:47:18 on the 10th of January, or do you sort of chance it and just do you do the mold check? What do you do? Do you open it up and smell it? I give it a good sniff to see if it's still edible. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:32 But it sort of tricks you sometimes, though, because if you smelt it the day before the sell-by date, you'd be like, oh, yeah, it smells fine. And it could smell the exact same three days later, but because it's past the sell-by date that's written on the tin you're like oh shit this doesn't really smell too good but like it probably just smells the exact same as it smelled like a couple of days ago anyway i think it's one of those things which you you care about it more if it's meat like if it's like chicken and it's like
Starting point is 00:47:58 hitting the sell-by date you're like yeah let's get rid of this whereas if it's like um i don't know like a packet of tomatoes, they're usually fine for like another week after it, you know. And like some fruit just looks exactly the same as it was when you bought it. So you're like, well, it's obviously fine. So I don't know, there are guidelines. No, it's a hard one. Some people are so extreme though.
Starting point is 00:48:19 Like personally, I wouldn't eat a banana that was like overly bruised. You know, like because it goes like all mushy and it's like kind of disgusting. I don't eat a banana that was overly bruised. Because it goes all mushy and it's kind of disgusting. I don't eat those. I've seen people eat a banana that's just totally black. Yeah, you can buy them. Like plantains. It's like, why would you? I don't get it.
Starting point is 00:48:37 It's so gross. It's just so mushy and disgusting. Why do you eat that? Just throw it out. Was this tin of tuna in his shed part of a nuclear apocalypse survival kit or zombie survival kit?
Starting point is 00:48:51 If you heard that a zombie apocalypse was coming, Simon, and you had advanced knowledge of it, and you knew that you had to stock up your house to prepare, what would you go and buy from the supermarket? A gun and a single
Starting point is 00:49:08 bullet. Wow. I don't know if I'd want to shoot myself with a gun. There's got to be a better way to toast yourself before the zombies come. Whiskey and that tin of tuna you were
Starting point is 00:49:25 saving yeah just just like shit and barf your guts right out there was this movie on like a couple years ago i can't remember what it was called but it was like it was like the lead-up to like an asteroid hitting earth and like you know wiping know, wiping out everybody on Earth. And, like, it just showed, like, the couple of hours before that happened. And, like, all these people were doing different things. And the only thing I remember from the movie was, like, there was this couple. They were just sitting
Starting point is 00:49:56 on the roof of, like, the building they live in. And they were each pointing a gun at, like, each other's head and hoping that they could both, like, pull the trigger, like, at the same time and kill each other I guess before like the asteroid hit that's pretty depressing but we had way to do it that's certainly not you'd not the normal way to do it is it what's not normal and I don't think it would work either no you you're depending on two people having like perfect timing mmm
Starting point is 00:50:21 would never work it would be it would work but it would be more more likely to work if they were slightly further away from each other, but then they had less coordination if they were further away from each other. Well that's a bit depressing, isn't it? Yeah, sorry about that. That's okay. What do you think would be worse? Do you think a zombie apocalypse would be far worse than just like a normal sort of... Well, I say normal, but like, you know, like say an asteroid just hit the Earth and just, you know, killed everybody instantly.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Would you rather go that way, or would you rather, like, just try to, like, tough it out and survive a zombie apocalypse? Would I rather everyone on the Earth was killed instantly, or everyone on the Earth was slowly infected into zombies? Yeah, and if everybody on the Earth was killed instantly,
Starting point is 00:51:03 would you feel better about dying? Are you one of those people that you feel better about things when other people get affected by other people at the same time? No. Like, if you died in a plane crash, would you be like, ah, yeah, but at least 250 other people died too? No, I don't
Starting point is 00:51:19 feel like that at all. I don't. Wow. Really? Because some people are kind of like that. Yeah. I've met people who've said that. Dude, that's fucked up. Which makes... That actually doesn't make any sense. It doesn't. But there you go. That's a bit
Starting point is 00:51:35 messed up, isn't it? Yeah. So what you're saying is if you're going to go down, you're going to take down a lot of people with you? I guess so, yeah. I don't think that's a normal healthy psychological viewpoint, is it? No, but to take down a lot of people with you. I guess so, yeah. I don't think that's a normal, healthy, psychological viewpoint, is it? No, but if you were going to go down, would you try to take a couple of people with you?
Starting point is 00:51:54 Most people are willing to die to save other people. I think if you asked one person, you know, if they were to die to save one other random person, they would usually sort of say no. But if it was, like, greater numbers, I think there must be tests done on this. It depends on the people, too., like I mean. It does. I wouldn't take a bullet for like the Chuckle Brothers for instance.
Starting point is 00:52:14 No. Wow. No, or like Noel Edmonds or something. Jeremy Clarkson. No, I mean man, Jeremy Clarkson's got a 21 year old daughter. How the hell is that? Really? Somebody actually slept with Jeremy. Oh man, Jeremy Clarkson's got a 21-year-old daughter. How the hell is that? Really?
Starting point is 00:52:28 Somebody actually slept with Jeremy. Oh, no, not Clarkson. Sorry, I'm thinking Jeremy Kyle. Yeah. Wow. Just as bad. Well, no, I think Jeremy Kyle's a lot worse. I don't know. Clarkson's pretty bad. I think Clarkson does have a kid, though. I'm not sure. He probably does, actually.
Starting point is 00:52:49 And that means that Jeremy Kyle and Jeremy Clarkson have both actually had sex, which is mind-boggling really. I mean, somebody would have had to have been pretty desperate. Quite right. Wow. I'm not sure... I just don't see the appeal. I'm almost 100% positive if I was a woman. I wouldn't go anywhere near either of those guys.
Starting point is 00:53:08 They're just the worst. What if you had a gun to your head and they said, Milk or Jeremy Clarkson? No, if they had a gun to your head and they said, Clarkson or Kyle, which would you choose? God, that is a hard one. Okay, let's move on, Sips, before we get into strange territory.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Stranger territory. Um, alright. Raging Cookie asks, Do you like ponies? I do. They are delicious. Um, I've never eaten a pony. Can you even eat ponies? I don't know. I think they taste a bit like chicken.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Because they're, um, descended from... Oh, Christ. Everything. Everything tastes like chicken. I don't know if they taste like chicken because they're um descended from oh christ everything everything tastes like i don't know if they taste like chicken apparently there's this whole thing to do with whether or not horses should be eaten right because apparently horses are supposed to be quite course meets quite social quite nice like kind of um yeah like beefy but you know quite sort of different horses are these kind of things that are on the borderline between like man's best friend and farm animals you know like you would never eat a dog or a cat or a dolphin um but horses are like on the kind of borderline and i know that you know in some countries they definitely do eat horses and you can buy like sushi horse sushi and stuff in japan it's quite common and i think there was a thing about sort of bringing it back recently and making it kind of okay where do you stand on that simon i don't
Starting point is 00:54:57 think that i would eat a horse unless i really had to if someone put a gun against my head and said milk or horse then i'd have to think long and hard about that one if someone put a gun against my head and said milk or horse then i'd have to think long and hard about that one if somebody put a gun against my head and said horse or dolphin i don't know what i would say oh god i i don't think i'd eat either i've never eaten horse or pony and i don't plan on eating either either i mean i like i like horses and ponies like as much as the next person. Like when they're just like galloping around in the field and showering them with sugar lumps and riding them over fences.
Starting point is 00:55:32 Oh yeah. But I would never eat one. No. Really? You would never even give it a go? I mean it's a taboo. I'm not one of these people that would just try something. It's understandable. You always hear in like kind of stories about war and fantasy and stuff as well, that the last resort is to eat their horse kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:55:51 But I mean, also, they're certainly not farmed animals, are they? They're useful. They have a use. So there's definitely a taboo there. I don't think I would really feel comfortable eating a horse, and it can't really be that nice, can it? Even vegetarians talk about eating bacon and saying oh well i tried bacon once you know i had to try and it was it was all right you know it wasn't as big as a bigger deal as you know people were saying and stuff what vegetarians have said that oh uh one of hannah's friends is a big vegetarian
Starting point is 00:56:22 and she was away sort of told that Big vegetarian who tried bacon. Yep, yep, yep. Well, because you know, everyone was saying, oh, you know, you're missing out you know, you should try bacon. So she sort of tried it and she was like, oh, well, that wasn't right. But it was a special reason, there was some reason for it, just to kind of confirm her vegetarianism
Starting point is 00:56:39 by eating some bacon. Some people seem to like go out of their way, though, to like eat like just the most outlandish shit, though. Like, some cultures, too. Yeah. Like, in China, they just, like, eat all sorts of different shit, and it's, like, it's kind of gross. Like, anything that walks, basically,
Starting point is 00:56:54 they'll, like, stew it up or, like, eat its legs or something. You know, like, some people, like, go to restaurants to, like, try, like, new stuff or whatever. It's the reason that they don't drink loads of milk in these places. They simply don't have the infrastructure, so people have to eat weird shit because there's nothing else that they can fucking eat. Yeah, but why don't they just grow a lot of vegetables and eat those?
Starting point is 00:57:15 It's like a cultural thing, right? So we go to a foreign culture and we say, here we go, this is what we're eating. We're eating some lovely sliced lamb and we're eating you know some some lovely sliced lamb and we're gonna have some lovely cheese on it and so they say oh what you're killing this wonderful creature we would never eat lamb here they're sacred to culture you know and then they say cheese you leave milk out until it goes moldy and then you eat the mold it's like what it's so weird to them you know these things that we find like normal you know in our culture but instead they say do you want this
Starting point is 00:57:45 you know fried scorpion on a stick and this like you know cockroach that we've cooked up you know this is like totally normal here they're lovely why don't you eat them like jellyfish who the fuck would eat jellyfish i don't even want to look at jellyfish like in their natural habitat let alone eat them but we're getting a lot of anti-jelly prejudice going on here. You don't like jellyfish. What was that other thing you didn't like? The jelly in pork pies and jelly chicken in tins? I mean, what about like nice jelly, you know, strawberry jelly with like strawberries in it?
Starting point is 00:58:16 What's wrong with that? Like jello. What's wrong with jello? I like jello. I like jello. But I mean, isn't that just the same? There's nothing wrong with it, okay? Listen, I didn't mean to offend you, like- Like ground up animal bones. I mean, it's horrible when you think about it.
Starting point is 00:58:28 Now, like, most of those just end up in those tinned hot dogs anyway, though, right? Like, hot dogs are like- they're like 5% meat. The rest of it is all just like, all sorts of other shit. They just put like all sorts of weird shit inside hot dogs for some reason. You know, like in Indiana Jones when they were eating monkey brains and stuff like that. Yeah. You gotta draw a line somewhere, I think. You know, like, nobody really wants to eat that stuff. I think the line is probably drawn way before
Starting point is 00:58:53 monkey brain. Yeah, I think so. That's like quite far over the line. Like, raw monkey brains right out of their heads as well. Yeah. There's no need for that. That's not nice. It's distasteful, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:09 Let's move on. Last question. Whiteslate asks, You've got an incredible ability for making up names for things, but what's your favorite name in the world? This is a good question. If you didn't like your name, for whatever reason, what name would you have for yourself? And would you have
Starting point is 00:59:28 the balls to go to Deedpole and have a change? I would call myself Candy. Surname? Or is that just the one? Like a footballer? Like Pele? Kane. Candy Kane. I think Candy Kane is like a...
Starting point is 00:59:43 She sounds like a Batman villain, doesn't she? Candy Cane! Like a geriatric villain. She supports herself on a candy cane. I can imagine you dressed up as her as well, Simon, in this horrible lipstick that's smeared all over your face. Yeah, like the Joker. Oh, God, yeah yeah that's a hard one
Starting point is 01:00:07 sips happy reversible spanners was a good name which i always i always liked that someone came up with that when they changed their name it's already been taken though you can't you can't pick the same name i'm gonna have happy reversible spanners because that'll be that'll be sufficiently different also what do you mean someone's already got the name, and so I can't have it? How many people out there are called, like, James Smith? Yeah, they didn't pick those names, and they're not called Mr. Spanners, though, are they? Their parents did.
Starting point is 01:00:35 It's weird, though, because there's probably a lot, but I've never met anybody named James Smith before. Like, you'd think, like, the odds were that you would. But actually, I don't think I've ever met anybody with the last name Smith. And it's like the most common last name. So I don't know how that works. I don't think I know anyone called Mr. Smith, even. LL Cool J, by the way.
Starting point is 01:00:55 His original name was James Smith, just saying. Yeah, but you don't know LL Cool J. I know of him. I mean, Will Smith. Yeah, you know of Will Smith, too, but you don't know him. Would you go for a classic name, though, Lewis? Or would you go for something like Outlandish?
Starting point is 01:01:10 Like Simon Wentz? Outlandish. I think I'd go for something old school. Like, um... Desmond... Glenn. Desmond Glenn. Desmond Glenn. Yeah, he sounds like a character on The Archers or something, doesn't he? Wasn't there a show called Desmond with like some Jamaican guys in it?
Starting point is 01:01:28 Yeah. Oh yeah. Set in hairdressers. That was a good show, that was. With Pork Pie, a man named after a style of hat. What was the question again? What about you Sips? What would you call yourself?
Starting point is 01:01:43 I'd just go for a classic, like Charles or maybe, like, Gary or something. With two R's or one R? Gary with one R. I don't think you should spell Gary with two R's. Okay, that's a controversial viewpoint. Well, I'm sticking to it. I mean, if anybody wants to fight about it, then, you know, they can fight Simon. Well, there you go. Thank you very much. And we've tied it all together.
Starting point is 01:02:09 That'll do for now. Yes. And we will see you in a nice tidy package. There we go. We will see you next time for more questions with Sips. And me. And Simon. I'm going to kill myself. Okay. Goodbye, Sips and me and Simon. I'm going to kill myself.
Starting point is 01:02:25 Okay, goodbye, Sips. Goodbye. Do you want to say goodbye, Simon? Goodbye, Simon. You've been listening to The Yog Pod, episode 41, which was produced by the Yogs cast and starred Lewis Brindley, Simon Lane and Sips. My name is Sparkles and I wrote the music you can hear right now. And I also survived many near-death experiences to deliver this podcast to your ears.
Starting point is 01:02:55 I have to go now as I've not seen daylight in over a week. Bye! Outro Music

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