Triforce! - YoGPoD 5: The LHC and politics

Episode Date: March 13, 2009

A Pakistani Frenchmen calls tech support at the LHC because it's broken. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Spring is a great time to start a new workout routine. With the weather warming up, it feels easier to get into the rhythm of things. Whether you have 20 minutes or an hour for a Pilates class or an outdoor guided walk, Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Yogscast. All right, yo, are you there? Yeah. I'm making a Yogpod of all the outtakes that we haven't used.

What's an outtake? An outtake? Yes. It's like... It's like something that wasn't good enough to go in the real... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The left out stuff, basically. I wanted you to do like a, um, an introduction. Oh, like Marius always does in the movies. Yeah.

So something like, Hello, welcome to Yorkspot. To Yorkspot. You're alright, you sound a bit stoned. No, I have something in my lungs. The bottom of my lungs are like diseased with some sort of infection. Because of the cold weather and shit. Right.

What I'm just doing, I'm not making myself clear. Some letters will like fade when I speak. Welcome to the Yorkscast. Welcome to the Yorkscast. Welcome to the Yorkscast. How do you enjoy more, Jeffles? Welcome to the Yorkscast. This is the Yorkspot. Welcome to Yorkspot.

This is the finest quality homegrown grass. This will be the edition Where we're showing you guys What we never showed you What we're not showing anything How do you say it like Showing but then for like Music in English Like I'm letting you hear

Something no but it doesn't make sense. You basically want to just say, Yowie, welcome to the Yacht Pod. This is the special edition where all the bits that weren't good enough to go into the Yacht Pod are condensed down into a big lump and smoked. Yes.

Welcome to special Yacht Pod. The left-out Yacht Pod. Welcome to special YarkPod. The left out YarkPod. Welcome to the left out YarkPod. You're listening to the YarkPod. Oh shit, now I'm singing the fucking Pokemon music. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Char Lizard. Char Lizard! He's not Char Lizard! There's no L! Char Lizard! Because all the Pokemon say their own names, so he's going, Char Lizard! Char Lizard! There's no L!

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Char Lizard! Hello? There's no lizard! Is my mic working? Is my mic on? Char Lizard!

Roar! That's how he, he like fires the fire, he belches. Lovely. Then he sounds like he's tiny, but he's a giant dragon. Try lizard. Wow, LHC delays give the Tevatron a shot at getting the Higgs boson. To be continued... I love this. I love this. The post that starts off like, and the first reply on SA is, great, now we have two doomsday generators

that are almost functional. I think that is actually the official term for the LHC. The doomsday generator. And it is Tom Hanks who's turning it on again. Shut up. What do you mean? Yeah, Tom Hanks who's turning it on again. Shut up. What do you mean? Yeah, Tom Hanks is turning it on so they get some publicity. Tom Hanks is turning the Doomsday Generator on.

What is this, like some fucking superhero film? Is Christian Bale going to come out and start shouting at people? Don't fucking break my LHC! Amateurs! It's quite typical, isn't it? I mean, just think the people in charge of the Large Hadron Collider, when it broke, called up tech support in India,

and they were advised to turn it off and back on again. And that's exactly what they're doing. Yeah. You be the tech support, and I'll ring up from the LHC. Oh no, I've got to do a racist accent again. No, you haven't, you're just an Indian. Okay, okay. Okay, I'm a French person in charge of the LHC. Hang on, let me ring the tech

support. You're Pakistani, Frenchman. Hello, I'm just going to ring the tech support. My LHC is broken down. Hello, who is that? Who is that please? That's not Indian. No, I'm being the Frenchman because you can't do a French accent. I can't do Indian either. Hello there please, what is your problem?

Right, so our Lhc's crashed uh lhc we say the cassie we're going to ring the text board if that is sims i'm gonna fucking kill you Oh my god That would be hilarious Don't Don't even fucking think about it We're calling tech support

Ring ring ring I'll put some ring sounds in there Hello You have reached the tech support Very nice. Hello? Who are you? Supposed to be. Where is this tech support based?

I am Mr Patel. You have reached us. The tech support. You sound like you're in France. No, no. I am in Delhi. It's very warm here. Have I called the wrong number? Have I called the local French pizza shop or something?

French pizza. That would have been one hell of a misdial, wouldn't it? French pizza. What did they say in France? They don't have pizza in France. Right, the baguette shop. Baguette. The baguette shop. So yeah, you just call and you can Right, the baguette shop. The baguette shop.

So yeah, you just call and you can have like a take away baguette. Yeah, like made to order. Like any shape you want. I'd like four baguettes please. White ones. The long thin ones please. Thanks. La Madia said she'd like a little knob excuse me do you know what I would like Lamadia

I would like a couple of flowery baps have you got any hot buns for me no sorry you're listening to the Yonk Pod yeah our friendship cannot be measured in rating no You're listening to The Yonk Pod. Yeah.

Our friendship cannot be measured in rating. No. Lewis. Yes. If our friendship had a rating, it would be over 9,000. That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me. How do I do it in a murloc? How do I do a murloc speaking? They don't speak, they just... I'm escorting this weird level 1 gnome from Ironforge to Stormwind so that he can sell cats to people. What the fuck?

We just rode on the bike to the tram station, took the tram together, and now he's going back on the bike to the Trade District in Stormwind. It's like, my wife is sick, you buy cat. I don't even know this guy has any cats. Hello mister, you buy cat? Is this person talking to you in Ironforge? Well he was in Ironforge, but I took him to Stormwind. So now he's bothering people there.

Stormwind? How did you do that? Did you invite him to your group? Yeah. So you're basically joining in with his like, cat selling? His madness, yeah. He's a mad cat... what is he, is he a dwarf? He's a gnome. Hello mister, you buy cat? One cat, 50 MSK. Two cat, 75 MSK. God quality. My wife is sick. My wife is sick? Why is his wife sick? Ask him, oh my god. What's MSK?

She's probably allergic to cats! Please mister, I need to get rid of the cats. My wife is sick. Oh, we're going to Goldshire. My wife is sick. My wife are sick. Have you bought one? By the way, does beautiful spells right? Beautiful lady, you buy cat. Have you bought one? By the way, does beautiful spells right?

Beautiful lady, you buy cat. He's still saying to me, please my wife is sick, you buy cat. I just bought him an eight slot bag. And gave him a dozen cats. And he's asking me if I want to buy a cat. Both kittens and fully grown, please buy cat. Because I asked him earlier, are they kittens or are they fully grown? I just bought him three more bags.

Oh god. Stephanie. Who's Stephanie? Is that Collower? Yes. Stephanie. Oh, I like kittens. Who's Stephanie? Is that Collower? Yes. Stephanie. Oh, I like kittens. How soft are the bones? My teeth aren't very strong.

He just ran off, saying, cat no for sale. You are listening to your heart. That is terrible. Terrible. I'm just going to end up saying this after every one that I do. I'm just going to be going, that's terrible. The air raid crush can be described as a shoulder back to belly pile driver. You're still reading about wrestling moves on Wikipedia. There's a million fucking wrestling moves.

My God. Are you interested in the million fucking wrestling moves. My god. Are you interested in the sport of wrestling? It's ancient. It's one of the oldest sports. I have a problem with wrestling. of the Greeks oiling each other up and accidentally buggering each other. Deliberately, I think, the Greeks. They did do it naked again, didn't they?

They... What is it about wrestling? And, je wrestling? And women in mud or jelly or jello if you're American. Or baked beans. In an inflatable pool. I've never really found anything of that particularly arousing, have you? No. Like mud wrestling have you? No. Like mud resting and stuff. No.

There's something they have in Japan. I forget what it's called. It might just be called lotion or something. They have this really thick stuff. It basically looks like spunk. It's like a really thick slime, pretty much. Like, um...

You remember Nell's House Party and all those, you know, Saturday morning TV shows where they'd, like, gunge someone? It's like that, but porn. They gunge people. So they cover people with, like, this weird gunge... I don't know what it's in it. It must be, like, cornstarch. In, like, a... You know what it's in it. It must be like cornstarch in like a, you know, in a weird mix. It's very odd.

And they just throw it over each other. And I don't know if they wrestle, actually. Maybe I should do some research on this. Don't. I think there's a strange human condition that they like to be covered in weird stuff like foam parties and things. Have you ever been to a foam party at nightclub? A what? A foam party. Oh, a foam... yeah.

Yeah, but that's not messy at all, though, is it? It all just comes off anyway. It doesn't like stain or... Yeah, you just sort of leave it sort of dripping wet. ...stick to you. Probably wouldn't be so good to go to in this weather. I mean, bearing in mind as soon as you stepped outside you'd probably like freeze solid.

Lemadia sent you something apparently. And I don't get it. Do you not know what the erm... Pokemon is? No. Is it Squirtle? No. It's Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur. Bulb. It's got a bulb on it. It's like a dinosaur with a bulb on it.

Oh, it's going to leave your bulb a saw. Ah, Jesus. Terrible joke. You've obviously... You weren't around when we were talking about the Pokemon thread in GBS, which is absolutely... I didn't understand at all, and the Madia identified every single Pokemon in the thread, like,

instantly. Oh, that's sad. Very sad. Well, it's because she was the right age. Pokemon gotta catch em all! Er, right. We could be like the Team Rocket of Yogs, you and I. I don't know who's in, what are they called, Team Rocket? Isn't there one, like one woman with purple hair? Bill and Jill or something. Bill I am. They've got really long hair, haven't they?

Jill or I am. Jessie and James. Jessie's quite a movie. Meowth! Meowth! I can't quite remember how he talks. Thank God! It's been a very long time.

Meowth! The fact that you've watched any of Pokemon at all is quite worrying, since when it was released you were probably about 25. I think it's older than you think. Maybe... maybe. Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light. Surrender now, or prepare to fight. Meowth, that's right! God!

That's apparently what they say. Meowth, that's right! Hang on, does he always... Oh, that's right, they always say their name, don't they? Whenever Pokemon talk, they always say their name, and then they say something. Pika! Pikachu! Oh god! What does that really stupid duck say?

What's he called? Psyduck? Does he actually say Psyduck? Psyduck! Yeah, probably. Just like that. I like how Lemaddy is, like, sending me these chat things. Telling me how Psyduck says Psyduck. How does he say Psyduck? Apparently he says Psyduck.

Really? Thanks. Thanks. That's really helpful. It's five o'clock. If you say it's five o'clock like that, I can edit it out very easily. You have to say it's five o'clock in the middle of a sentence in order for me not to be able to edit it out. It's five o'clock in the middle of a sentence.

No, but you have to say it in the middle of a sentence in order for me not it's five o'clock in the middle of a sentence no but you have to say in a middle of a topical sentence so uh how about that gordon brown a what a complete it's five o'clock idiot he is say what's wrong with gordon brown i thought we were praising him for only having one eye yet still be able to lead the country. So, I don't think you can really... I mean, that's not really how you should judge how successful a Prime Minister is by, you know, how few eyes he has that work. So, I mean, if we had... But it's an indication... that work. So, I mean, if we had... God help us all, if David Blunkett became Prime Minister,

that wouldn't automatically qualify him as the greatest Prime Minister of all time. No. Although, actually, he does have a dog. So, the dog has two working eyes. So, if he was made Prime Minister, the Prime Minister of the country would be him and his dog.

I forget what his dog's called, actually. I think it may have died. Excellent. Erm... Sadie. He had a dog called Sadie. So Sadie was the one who died. In one memorable incident, Lucy, a black Labrador,

vomited during a speech by opposition member David Willits. Apparently one time, a new guide dog that he got accidentally took him to the Conservative Party front bench instead of the label. Oh, the comedy of the House of Commons. He must know, though. You know, it's veering off to the right instead of the left, and he doesn't question this. I'm fairly certain the front bench is over on the left. Where's my dog taking me?

Oh, it's going... Oh, oh, oh dear. Oh, what's the confusion? Oh, hello, Mr Major. Hello. Is that John Major? John Majors, yeah. That was a very good impression.

Thank you. I could do an impression of anyone saying hello badly. Can you? Can you do Tom Cruise? Thank you I could do an impression of anyone Saying hello Badly Can you? Can you do Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise? I don't know how Tom

How does Tom Cruise even talk? You said you could do anyone Hello That's him going mad and laughing Because he's like in love. Yeah. Do Mr Blobby. Blippi blobbi blippi.

Beautiful. That's how he says hello. That was beautiful. Do Nathan Explosion from, um... What? ...that show. Hello! Nathan Explosion does not talk like that. Who's Nathan Explosion? What kind of a name is that?

From Metalocalypse. Have you ever watched that? Metalocalypse? Yeah. From, um, the, um, the comedy thing. I forget what it's called. What the fuck is it called? Robot Chicken and... Adult Swim. Adult Swim, yeah. Jesus. Is it like a typical death metal voice?

They turn explosion. Yeah, it's like that. HELLO! Uh, does anyone else have any requests for Honeydew? Amadia wants Yoda. This is like request hour, Yogscast request hour. Mmm, say hello I will! Lovely.

Um, Mr Bean? Hello, hello, Hello. Hello. Hello. The Sesame Street Vampire Man, the Count. Hello. Ah, ah, ah. I can't. I, I, it's so long since I've seen it.

I've no idea. That was really good. One. Ah, ah, ah. He's called the Count, and he counts. I mean, how genius is that? I mean, that was one of their best ideas ever, wasn't it? A count, and he counts.

I mean, what other titles could you have? Could you have a knight who is black? Like the knight. Oh, actually, that's a bit dodgy. is black like the night oh actually that's a bit dodgy uh uh lamedia asks if you've seen the patrick stewart b episode could you do i want to engage there are four lights four lights how can you not get that reference it's from an episode of Star Trek The Next Generation. What's it from? Sorry?

It's from Star Trek The Next Generation, starring Patrick Stewart. Hence, Patrick Stewart's impression of him saying... It's seven minutes past five. That's when you should do it. That's when you should do it. That's when you should do it.