Triforce! - YoGPoD 50: New Year's Resolutions

Episode Date: January 30, 2016

Me and Simon have a lovely chat about New Year's Resolutions.    Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. in Brandon, Manitoba. Here, we take the best from one side of the world and mix it with the other. And you can shop that whole world right here in our aisles. Find it all here with more ways to save at Real Canadian Superstore. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome back to the Yogpod, the first podcast of 2016. Happy New Year, Simon, for 2016.

Happy New Year. That's right. It's 2016. Happy New Year, Simon, for 2016. Happy New Year. That's right. Yeah. It's 2016. Actually, this is episode 2016. It's already getting into 2016 as I record this. Have you broken all of your New Year's resolutions already? We are balls deep in 2016, Lewis. I'm not sure we're that deep I think it's just the tip at the moment Wow, just the tip Just the tip, we're just getting warmed up You have to warm up a year before you fully penetrate the year

Oh my god! You have to excite that year, you have to tweak the nipples of the year. We're going to get an explicit label on this podcast You have to tell the year that you love them before you fully enter the year. Oh, right. And that gets them prepared.

Yeah, well, it depends, doesn't it? I love you! That's how I do it. A nipple tweak and then straight in. And then bosh. Bob's your uncle. So how are you feeling? Yeah, all right, I guess.

All right. 2015 was not a very good year for you. No. No, it wasn't. It was horrible. You spent a month in the hospital, at least. Yeah, yeah, that was nice. That was a month you couldn't get back.

That was a lovely, like, birthday that I had. Oh, it was a birthday month. Yeah, yeah. That was fun. And Pillars of Eternity came out that I had. Oh, it was a birthday month. Yeah, yeah. That was fun. And Pillars of Eternity came out that I backed. I spent $1,000 on that game. Still haven't played it.

I played it. Still haven't played it. Yeah, it's okay. It came out when I was in a hospital and I was like, oh, I guess I'm not playing this game any time soon. I'll tell you what you have played a lot of,

Fallout 4. Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, I played solidly two months of that game. I'm surprised there's that much content, but you've replayed it a couple of times, I think. I'm a bit worried about that, because Fallout 4 is a bit of a depressing game. I will say that.

It's a bit depressing being out on that post-apocalyptic sort of wasteland. Yeah, but if you've got, like, a big gun and you're just owning everyone, it's a lot more... Well, it's a dystopian sort of nightmare, though, isn't it, really? It's not got a very sort of positive message of survival. And it also, I don't know, Fallout 4, I just think it feels very empty, and I guess I'm just getting a bit tired of Bethesda's...

..of Bethesda's sort of attitude. You know, the world just feels very empty. And, you know, you're supposed to believe that these people have survived. Yet, you know, there's like two guys hanging on farming. It was like a bandit camp right next door. Welcome to the village. There are two of us and we've farmed some gourds. That's right.

Oh, that's nice. I like your gourds. Why are they purple? They're just a... Yes. Okay. We're not going to talk about Fallout 4. What? We might pick it up again. Do you want to pick it up, Grognak's Adventure? Maybe. Maybe.

I mean, you could tell people what I got you for Christmas, actually. Yes, you got me a giant inflatable swan. That's right. That's right. That's whatatable swan that's right that's right that's what swan wears uh around his waist and um i thought it's on his head might be on his head actually yeah i like to imagine it's around his waist though and he paddles like a belt oh right yeah yeah so i'm gonna go paddling with that i guess uh one day in the summer that'll be nice to that yeah i no promises down the bristol channel uh so yeah so

do you do what do you what do you think about new year's resolutions do you have any resolutions um god or did you have any um i'm not i'm not sure really i mean i don't know how helpful they can be because it's so easy to break them if you've got terrible willpower well here you go and i think i've got pretty bad you know willpower so the percentage of people who make news resolutions is about 45 percent of people that's that's you know it's not a lot of people but almost half of people make some sort of revolution and obviously 20 make it infrequently, and 40% absolutely never make them, apparently. The amount of people who are successful in achieving their resolution, however,

is 8%. Eight? Eight, yeah. Eight out of the 45 that make them? Eight percent. No, eight percent, yeah, out of the 45 that make them, yeah. So what's eight% of 45? Imagine 45 was 100 and then...

About 4% of people actually make a New Year's resolution and stick to it. Okay, so that's one in 20 about, right? Yeah, and that's pretty poor, isn't it? But it's better than none. That's true. Because, and do you know what? The thing about New Year's resolutions,

people always shit all over them, but a lot of people... People do always shit all over them. A lot of people, one in 20 people, do actually achieve their resolution. So well done, then. Yeah. Round of applause. And it shows that it's a good thing to have. Well done to the 4% of people that do actually stick to the New Year's resolution.

But it's way better than zero. And in fact, you find that, you know, health improves dramatically and hospital submissions go down and things as a result of that New Year's effect. Yeah, all those men that have, you know, got their New Year's resolution is to stop beating their wife. Well, do you know what?

That might be it. God bless them. God bless those guys. So what do you think the top ten New Year's resolutions are? Number one. No, no, no, no. Number ten. You start at ten and then you go.

But you're going to guess one of the ones which is. How about we do it like a Family Fortunes thing? Oh, no, Pop Pickers. Now then. Now then. No, no, no. We can't do Jimmy Savile. We can't have him.

Besides Pop Pickers, who is going to get that reference? Can you do a Family Fortune style thing instead? No. Who did that? It was Les Dennis, wasn't it? Who did... It was actually Steve, was it the black guy? It's like, why are you doing...

Because you do impressions of people, but you do impressions of people from the 1980s. And people would be like, what are you doing an impression of? And he'd say, you know, some mothers do have them. And then, you know, like the teens would just stare blankly into nothing. Oh, for God's sake. Steve Harvey is the one who does it in America. Who the hell is that?

He's that black guy who called out the wrong name on Miss World. Oh, brilliant. Do you remember him? Yeah. So go on, give us a guess at top ten news resolutions. Okay. So, giving up smoking. Okay.

Bang. That is answer number seven. What was that? That was the noise. That was the like the bing. That's a good answer. That's like, well, I didn't want to give you like a ding, ding, ding, ding. How many points out of 100 people asked, how many people?

Number seven on the list. Okay. Seventh most. I guess like five. Okay. So it's quite low, but it's up there. It's up there. Yeah.

Okay. So drinking, giving up booze. That's not actually on the list. Not a lot of people are apparently giving up booze. How can that not be on there? It's not in the top ten. Not a lot of people are apparently giving up booze. How can that not be on there? It's not in the top ten. Wow. No.

That's so... So I get three. I can have, you know, three... Three N's, yeah. And then I can steal. Okay. Dieting. That is number one.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Top answer. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You've won a holiday to Monfort. To Monmouth. Where's Monfort? Monfort. It's on the Isle of Flarkle.

Oh, the lovely Isle of Flarkle. Oh, lovely. And how are you going to get there? On this wonderful jet ski. Come sailboat. Come helicopter. Come jet ski. Come sailboat. Come helicopter. Come jet pack.

Oh, wow. That's amazing. I know. You can't put a brand in, though. Remember, in the UK, the rules are that you can't say what brand it is. Oh, yeah. You can't say it's a Mercedes. That's right.

You have to say a sports car. That's right. You can show it afterwards um but only from the back so no one will know what it is all right go on then next answer um exercise going to the gym uh that's uh staying fit and healthy yeah number five sure okay you're getting good you're getting good at these now there's a couple Which are quite Those are the easy ones There's a couple that you won't quite get Because they're not something That you probably have ever considered doing

In your life ever Having sex with a lady Ah, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding Yeah, that's on there Number nine It actually says fall in love But we're going to go with that one Oh my god

You asshole. Number nine. That's on there. You wouldn't have considered that, I guess. That's good. Any more? What do we do every day? What do we love to do? Sleep. Sleep.

That's not on there. One more wrong. They're a bit sort of... Learn a new language. Oh, yes, that is it. Yes. Dig, dig, dig, dig. Six, learn something exciting, it actually says.

Oh, okay. So you still have number two, three, four. Oh, shit. And eight and ten. So that's, oh, my God. So that's three of the top four that I haven't got. Yeah. Oh, man.

There's something that just, I guess they wouldn't have occurred to you as sort of things, but they're a little bit kind of loosey-goosey resolutions. It's kind of hard to like really sort of... Loosey-goosey? Well, when you have lose weight as a measurement,

you know, I'm ten stone right now, I want to be eight stone. That's kind of easy, right? Right. But if it's number two, I'll give you a clue. This is definitely,

you would never got this. Getting organised. Okay. I mean, when you have something that looses... Yeah, it's a bit vague.. This is definitely, you would never got this. Getting organised. Okay. I mean, when you have something that loose. Yeah, it's a bit vague. It's very vague, isn't it? Very vague. So that's the word that you wanted, vague, not loosey-goosey.

I couldn't sort of describe it well in my brain. Number three, this one would have never occurred to you either. Spend less, save more. Oh. The thing is, we don't really spend anything anyway we're pretty hopeless spenders aren't we uh apart from frivolous things like a giant inflatable swan or a thunderbird's tracy island yeah that's why i got you for christmas thanks for that by the way that's lovely it's better than one that you made out of like loo roll from

blue peter and like plastic cups and sticky back yeah so number four is something that we do every day enjoy life to the fullest oh because i was gonna go with wanking that's all of your points well it's close the one you didn't put in was help others in their dreams yeah help others help others in their dreams what when they're sleeping i guess so yeah like inception oh my god so maybe you have to sort of go up to their bed put the injector thing in their arm knock yourself out go into their dream what if help them out what if they're what if helping them out means like making their bed but they're asleep in their bed in their dream yeah so what they're two layers deep are you saying yeah okay we have to go deeper so you have to go deeper to

help them out you have to put another you'd have to go deeper but you'd have to precariously balance their chair over a bathtub before risking that you know so that you wake up fall backwards yeah into the bathtub and then wake up what would your um inception little dongle be um the thing which tells you that it's a dream or not my dongle oh my um your what do they call it whatever it's called your thing that tells you what's it called talisman talisman yeah whatisman, yeah. What would your talisman be? My talisman would be a Jaffa cake. Okay, and how would it tell you if the dream was real or not? If it had a half moon, then I would know that it was real.

But if it was a full moon, then I would know that I was still in the dream. Okay, so... And then when I woke up, my pillow was gone. I love that. I love that. I love that. That's one of my favourite little sayings. Anytime you can get

the pillow thing out, great. So there you go, New Year's resolutions. I think New Year's resolutions are a good thing. If you've made them, try and stick to them. And do you know what?

I think the very act of making them and trying to stick to them makes you a better person. It takes at least a little bit of a step. But the other classic thing... This is brilliant. You should be an agony uncle with that kind of brilliant advice.

I think they're a good thing and I think well done to you. There are some little psychological tricks that can help you to keep New Year's resolutions. Oh, is this like some Derren Brown shit here? Some mentalism... Mind tricks. I don't know. This is what Ben has given me as research.

So it says here, four psychological tricks. Do you want to hear them? They might be bollocks. Okay. Sure. So the first thing is form implementation intentions. Okay. Right.

Rather than just intending to exercise more, form the intention to set off jogging when the alarm goes off. Jesus, what? So you have to do it slightly abstract. So, for example, I think it's more like make a kind of – so rather than say I'm not going to eat cookies, you say I'm not going to buy cookies in a shop. Or you say every time I was going to eat cookies, okay, you say, I'm not going to buy cookies in a shop. Or you say, every time I was going to eat a donut, instead I'm going to eat a banana.

So it's kind of like abstract ways to, you've got to trick yourself, okay? All right. So what else is there? The other thing I think I read from this was that one thing that they say you shouldn't do is totally deny yourself because then you kind of crack and then you think, oh, I fucked it all up. I'm giving up now.

I'm just going to eat whatever I want. So instead, you should deliberately like say, OK, on Sundays I am allowed to eat cookies and doughnuts and whatever I want. But the rest of the week. Saturday is cheat day. Like that. Yeah. For the next 24 hours, eat as much as you like. That's right. Literally like that's right literally that

yeah literally that um and all stuff like uh you know just put tracking your calories in my fitness pal and not worrying about any other bit and i think these things kind of these small steps lead to a greater awareness um and just a general improvement so yeah tricks trick stuff there was also a thing that ben got here which i noticed is from buzzfeed so i'm a little bit apprehensive about it uh when you're feeling under pressure do something different roll up your sleeves or eat an orange new year's resolutions that will prevent a quarter life crisis in 2016 this is aFeed article. And it's full of bollocks. Of course it is. Number one. This is the number one

thing. Buy a second hand analogue camera and learn how to shoot film. It'll give you a great reason to go exploring on the weekends. That sounds amazing actually. That's some good advice. Do you think that's a good one, do you?

I retract my poo-pooing. Well, no, no, you can have a poo if you want. Don't retract it. I'm retracting. It's not good to hold it in. The poo-poo is coming back up inside of me. Jesus. Detail.

So, yeah, the turtle's head is hidden away. Don't you think that's a little bit hipstery? It's back in the shell. How do you feel about hipster stuff like that? Are you okay with it? I think it's good, I mean, because, like, film cameras capture light in a different way mechanically than digital cameras.

Right. And I think that there's a lot to be said for using you know that kind of technology that people would just assume is you know should all be chucked out on a bonfire and then burn but and i think it's a good excuse to go exploring my my dad does the same thing you know he he goes walking with the dog and what he does is he puts the dog in the back of the Land Rover that he got himself. I thought you were going to say

fucking motorcycle sidecar. He puts the goggles on him. Oh my god that would be amazing. He gets his goggles and his like

steampunk hat. He gets his second hand analogue hammer. He puts like a pair of like leather trousers on the dog. With a handheld flash.

Yes. And a little crash helmet with flash. Yes. And a little crash helmet with the flying goggles. And he says, come on, Biggles. Let's go. And off he goes. Suki. Come on, Suki. Come on. Off we go. Today we're off to the Midlands.

Down the road. Off he's going. And then he gets out his Super 8 camera and he makes movies with the dog as motorway they go. Off he's going. Yeah. And then he gets out his, like, Super 8 camera, and he, like, makes movies with the dog as, like, the hero of them. Oh, my God. Okay. So it's like The Rocketeer. I take it back.

With Timothy Dalton, everyone. Well, maybe I shouldn't have chucked out these. I picked out the worst ones, I thought. Number two, get your friends together and take silly, sexy and dreamy portraits. Now that is disturbing. Right. And that, I mean, that's like, that's a court case waiting to happen, isn't it? I think it is, yeah.

So you had a New Year's party, which I couldn't come to because I'm allergic to cats. Yes. So everyone who isn't allergic to cats went to your place. How was it? Everyone in Bristol who wasn't allergic to cats went to your place. How was it? Everyone in Bristol who wasn't allergic to cats came round. Yeah. We played Werewolf. And Chris Trott was there, oddly enough.

Wow. Chris Trott, everyone. Well, there you go. Timothy Dalton. Who was, I think, Alex. Was Alex and Bryony there? Yes. I think Alex said to me, I had a great time,

but after midnight I could tell that Simon wanted us to go. Wow. I think he wanted to go to sleep or something, and so we got out of there. I just turned the lights off. Oh, right. And they heard me snoring. It's normally the opposite.

Like in a nightclub, they turn the lights on to get everyone out. But in your house, you turn them off. I've got actually one of those light bulbs in the living room that can change colour. So I can make it like blue using my phone. I thought you were going to say like a dimmer switch. You slowly like dim the lights. I turned it like bright purple. Okay.

Until everyone just, you know, their eyes were stinging. And they had headaches and migraines. It's tough to like play board games. And thenof-the-lighting. And then I had it like flash, like a strobe. And then the alarm went off. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I think it's getting later, everyone. You better go home.

Good job. So, number three, take a basic gymnastics class and finally learn how to do a proper cartwheel. Now, do you think that's a good one for you? I would prefer to do the splits. Okay. And know how to do it, like, on command

and just drop to the floor into a splits position. I don't know if you've seen, there was a guy who would do it. It was kind of like a prank video but not cruel before they were a thing before, no no I think it was fairly modern

but it wasn't about pranking other people it was more about him acting a fool in public so he would just be standing and then suddenly he would fall and he would fall straight down his torso would stay straight and he would just be standing and then suddenly he would fall and he'd fall straight down his torso would stay straight and he'd go into a splits it just instantly in a split i mean from a standing position and it's terrifying and everyone just like goes what the it's so weird that you can do that and i would love to be able to just do that to just go

and fall into a splits position everyone Everyone around me would be like, and a round of applause. The one thing I always have a problem with with the splits is the problem of testicles. I mean, how are they dealt with? I think you've just got to have them removed. Oh, right. Or moved somewhere else on the body.

Put elsewhere. Under the chin or somewhere, out of the way. You could just hang them off something else instead. Like, was it Hugh Jackman had balls on his chin? Ah, yeah. His own balls on his chin. That's right. I don't want to start rumours.

He's very happily married. He kept them warm up there. Yeah. Actually, you're not supposed to keep them warm. You're supposed to keep them cool. To a degree. Yeah. Well, don't put them in the freezer, guys.

No. No, because that's not good. No. You, don't put them in the freezer, guys. No. No, because that's not good. No. You don't want to have frozen balls. Unless they are from Ikea. Unless you're a snowman. Christmas joke coming out there. It's a bit late now, isn't it?

Or early. It's not really a Christmas joke. It's a winter joke. That's okay. You can still make a snowman in winter. Number seven. Go on a date with your BFF, right? Right. So I guess that would be me and you.

Like we'd go on a special date, like a romantic one, with like a fancy dinner, candlelight, expensive wine, back to my place. And then a nipple tweak. Oh no. And then tell you I love you. And then we'll see where it goes.

Number nine. Number nine on the New Year's resolutions that will prevent a quarter life crisis. That would cause one. I think a lot of these would cause one. This one would cause one. Cook a five course meal for for your parents what the fuck a quarter life crisis hang on what is this for people in their like early 20s i guess so like 2025 yeah it's relevant to our audience you know yeah that's but not us because we're old we've already had a quarter life crisis we're moving

towards the mid-life 40s now. By the time this goes out we'll be in our early 50s. That's true. Some of you might be listening to this when we're in our early 60s. Oh my God.

Imagine that. They could be listening to this like 200 years from now. And we're both just skeletons. They wouldn't understand half the things we're talking about.

They'd be like, nipples? We didn't have those. We don't have those. What are they talking about? Oh my God. They would have out evolved the things we're talking about. They'd be like, nipples? We didn't have those. We don't have those. What are they talking about? Oh, my God, because... They would have out-evolved the need for nipples. Yeah.

Yeah. The evolutionary need for nipples would have gone. Yeah. There'd be no difference between men and women either. Oh, my God. We'd have just all squashed into one, like, kind of androgynous mess. Oh, my God. Like David Bowie.

Yeah. Or RuPaul. Somewhere between the two. Well, rip David Bowie, by the way. We did record this post... Post Bowie. Post Bowie. How do you feel about that?

I'm glad that, you know, he was around as long as he was and that he created all the things that he did. You know, the effect he had on our culture was incredibly significant and... Even though some of it felt like it was complete nonsense, like Life on Mars was, like, the lyrics for that song are just, like, psychedelically nuts. I think it was during the period of time in which they would write,

with Brian Eno, he'd, like, write random lyrics, put them in a hat and pull them out, and that would be sort of the lyrics for a song. He's a conceptual artist as well as a musician. You've got to remember. You're a big fan? Yes, yeah, I think so. So, cooking a five-course meal for your parents,

do you think that's something that you would ever want to consider doing? No. Okay. Invest, number 11, invest in a colouring book and fancy pencils. Oh, no, not those. Spend an hour colouring. See, I bought that for my mother for her birthday last year. Did you? Okay. I got her some nice pencils and, you know,

a big old selection of pencils and some of those, you know, relaxation colour therapy books. Do you, I mean, do you kind of like get, I guess like as you go through life, you tend to get kind of, I don't want to say exposed, but you kind of go in the proximity of children sometimes and sometimes you just spend hours colouring. And sometimes being exposed to that kind of stuff is fun and good

and rewarding. And I spent some time with Sips' kid and it was crazy. He's just so full of energy and different and completely, his mind works in a completely unexpected way did you feel younger being around him no i felt older i felt a lot older i felt like tired because he has so much energy just like running up and down bouncing around like constantly ask you to do stuff and man i just was like i'm too old for this i'm just i can't deal with it so yeah it made me want to behave younger and it gave me more energy to be be more silly and open and less

scared and nervous you know but i think that was only for five minutes and then after that you wanted to go and sleep yeah pretty much i think it would be good for like these teenagers who are like really nervous and and can't get out of their shell just to spend time with like a four-year-old who is just outgoing doesn't give a fuck spend time with a four-year-old yeah would that be one of the if you can right but sometimes you can't avoid it you know sometimes you're just visiting a friend and he's got a four-year-old and it's starting to happen i'm starting to get to that age where my friends have children now, which is kind of starting to get strange.

Scary. Previously, it was my friends were getting married, and now it's my friends have children. So I don't know what the next one is. I guess my friends are starting to die. Oh, my God. That's maybe the next phase. No, it's not that.

It's my friends are going on holiday to Spain, and would I like to come? Or my friends are playing cards and would I like to come at the local old people place? Oh, my God. I don't want to think about this. I think it's, you know, like... I'm having a quarter-life crisis, Simon. Like bowling, green bowling, you know?

Oh, yeah. And what's an old people thing? Hosting dinner parties. Yeah, I think that's probably on this flipping list. Going for wine tasting. I'm going wine tasting. Would you like to come along and have some tasting of wine? Would you like to have some more of these terrible resolutions?

Number 15, clear out your wardrobe and host a massive clothes swap. Would you like to swap some of your clothes for mine? Just imagine like the mess, just all these clothes everywhere. And then you've got other people coming around with all their horrible old moth eating clothes that they haven't worn in years. The place would just stink, wouldn't it? Imagine all the dust and and crap going around. Number 18, turn your flat into a spa for the weekend and invite your best pals for a pampering session. So is that when you just plug up all the plug holes

and you just turn on all the taps and you fill the place with water? Super hot, yeah. It's very steamy. And then I guess you employ a local man to come round. You need a cabana boy. Yeah. And with a big leaf thing, fan. Bowls of oil.

A palm frond. He's pouring oil over you. Yeah. And giving you like a Turkish massage or whatever. And his name's Tomash or whatever. And his name's, you know, Tomash or whatever. He's from Poland. Go to your nearest beach on a super windy day and scream as loud as you can.

Do you know what? That's a bit messed up, isn't it? That's like a nutter would do that. What do you mean? That sounds like... Do you know what these sound like? Not New Year's resolutions so much, but ways to save your ailing relationship, you know what these sound like? Not New Year's resolutions so much, but ways to save your ailing relationship.

It's like things you should do with your partner that get you out of the house. Go to your nearest beach on a super windy day and scream as loud as you can. I like to do that, but instead I go to a crowded public place, like a train station, and then I just scream at the top of my voice.

You rip all your clothes off. And then I just scream at the top of my voice you ripple your clothes off and then and then I you know I go ahhhh it's a bomb but they know

it's not on you because you're naked yeah but it might be on you search me oh my god number 27 visit the first pub you ever went to.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. It's like saying go back to your childhood home. That might not be a good idea for some people. I think I did that at Christmas anyway, you know. Did you? You know, you go back home and you end up in the pub and there you go. Wow.

So what do you think that that what was like what was what was that like in your head well you know you bump into you know the weird locals that are you know still living around the place and you know you you maybe make high contact with them and you recognize each other but you've never really liked each other. So you don't even say hello. Maybe there's an old school friend working behind the bar and you say, oh, how's life going? And he says, oh, you know, I'm 36.

I'm working behind a bar in the pub in the village where I grew up. It's going great. Oh, God. Awkward conversations like that. 31, learn a magic trick. Hide the sausage. 33, throw out all your faded underwear and replace with ones that make you feel sexy.

That does work for men as well as women. Do you feel sexy in nice new underpants? Not particularly. I mean, they're more comfortable. It's like new socks as well. New socks, yeah. Nothing feels as good as new socks and new pants. Number 43.

I'm skipping a few because they're weird. Host a friend Olympics in the local park with games like Tug of War, sack racing and egg and spoon egg and spoon now i mean you have to be very i don't know some of these seem like quite mothery things to do you know like almost like this is a suggestion for that your mum would come up with you take look we're gonna have a fun day out in the park i boiled some eggs we're gonna take some spoons we'll have an egg and spoon race uh i made a picnic some honey sandwiches eggs we're going to take some spoons we'll have an egg and spoon race I made a picnic some honey sandwiches

and we're going to have a sack race your dad's got some sacks and we're going to have a race and I'm bringing your uncle because he needs to go out he doesn't go out and see anything these days

so we're going to have a fun day it's one of these things where you see this awkward family doing it and you sort of walk by them and you think part of you thinks they look like they're having a lot of them and you think part of you thinks they look

like they're having a lot of fun yeah and i'm really jealous you see the parents the parents are dressed in a similar sort of you know jumpsuit outfit you know they're you know with complementary colors you know and they've got like bluetooth headsets on oh my god uh all the kids are wearing like sweat bandsbands that are bright pink. And they're all sort of... A couple of them are into it, the younger ones, but the older ones are just like, oh my god, I can't believe it. I'm so

embarrassed to be here. What is going on? Yeah, that's right. I'd rather be home listening to the dubsteps. It's my favourite band. And they're just playing Candy Crush on their phone. That's what the dub steps. Yeah. It's my favourite band. And they're just playing Candy Crush on their phone. Yeah. That's what the kids do.

Right, so number 56 is cook a meal for a friendly neighbour as opposed to an unfriendly neighbour. Does anyone know their neighbours these days? Do you know your neighbours? There's a neighbour on the street that I live, next door, and I don't know their names. Right. There's a couple of kids.

There's a mummy and a daddy, and they're very middle class. It's a very nice area to live in. Okay. I mean, you own your house. Yes. I mean, I live in a flat, and I don't know. i mean i live in a flat and i don't know i've lived in the same flat for four years now and i don't know my next one i never have and i never will but this this family is lovely and you know if if there's a parcel that might have been left behind

you know it might be left at theirs because you know i wasn't in okay so i'll have to pop around and i'll see them and i'll say hello and i'll thank them. I've got no idea what, you know, the mother's name is, what the dad's name is, what the kids are called. But I know that their dog's named Chloe. Right. Because they shout it. Chloe! Right. Chloe!

Okay. Go back in! Chloe! Chloe! What do they probably think about you? Do they know you? Oh, God, maybe. Well, they know the cat's names, probably.

I don't even know the cat's names. They've got such weirdos like Meckins and Feckins or something. They're called Fuckface and Wankchops. No, no, no, they're not called that. That's their names. That's your affection. You can't shout that out the door, can you? They're called Bobbins and Gubbins.

They're called bobbins and gubbins. Number 59. Host an old-fashioned sleepover with popcorn, truth or dare, and face masks. Now, maybe this is more directed at women. Oh, face masks. I thought that was like Halloween. Oh, no. But like putting mashed up avocado on your face. Yeah, yeah.

You don't have to make it yourself. You can buy it, but yeah. Yeah, you don't have to make avocados. You can just buy them. You can buy face masks with chemicals in from a shop. You don't have to make it out of food. Everything's made of chemicals, Lewis. You should know this.

It's true, but when I say chemicals, I mean it in a negative sense. Number 65. Take up a hobby you enjoy not one that looks good on your cv right so i guess hobbies that look good on your cv what are they like snowboarding right sailing yeah um something active something involving sort of cooperative stuff with other people something competitive something that requires sort of skill or agility not, not looking at porn on the internet. Well, that's the thing. It says here, take up a hobby that you enjoy,

but it says specifically not one that looks good on your CV. So does that mean it has to look bad on your CV? It's like a secret hobby? What about drawing anime furry porn? Okay, so yeah, something like that. That would be a good example of something you should take up. Not something you would put down on your CV. Well, maybe you'd just say, yeah, I like that. That would be a good example of something you should take up. Not something you would put down on your CV. Well, maybe you'd just, you know, you'd say, yeah, I like drawing.

Maybe you'd sketch, like, a little picture of a fox with a big dick at the bottom of your CV. Oh, no, no, you would put, like, a box over the dick so it just looks like, you know, a nice friendly fox. That's right. And it's giving, like, a thumbs up. Yeah. Yeah.

And winking. Yeah. And, like, it's got a thumbs up. Yeah. And winking. Yeah. And like, he's got a finger up his ass. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. Number 66. In its foxhole. Run into the sea. Brilliant. Run into the sea

in the middle of winter. How about no? Not in the UK anyway. Number 67. Dance on your own for no reason other than the fact that you feel like it. That's such a woolly, stupid thing. Dancing with tears in my eyes. Do you like that? Yeah.

It's Ultravox. Magnificent. that? Ultravox. Magnificent. So the other things what got done, got prepared for me were some of the worst baby names that came out of 2015. Do you want to hear some of the worst baby

names? Justin. Have a guess. No, they are way, way, way worse than that. They're not racist, are they? For example... If there's La Dasha on there, I'm not going to be impressed. There's a name which looks on paper like a good one.

Yeah. So it's I-Munique. Right? I- Munich. I- Munich. Right. We've got Helsel, which according to her, her mother liked Hazel but her dad was a biker. Helsel. So it's like Hell's Angel.

Yeah. Wow. Two hippie parents wanted to include the mother's grandmother, so they came up with Ermengarde. Jesus. Ermengarde. What an incredible name. Instead of Paisley, someone has gone with Kaisley,

but with a Z and a Y in the middle of it. Kaisley. Yeah, I don't know about that. What's wrong with David? Or Emma? Well, exactly. Some years ago, I ran into an ex-boyfriend at the gas station with his new girlfriend and her little boy in the back seat.

His name was Rage. Rage. R-A-G-E, yes that's uh via not gen oh my goodness and uh i don't i i'm not sure if that's like genius or not why i mean what if if you know if he has like tantrums and stuff and you've got to like tell him off in public for, like, having a tantrum. His name sounds like a superhero. Oh, my God. Rage. Rage.

I wonder if he is a superhero. Is there a Rage? It is quite a macho name for a man. There must be a superhero called Rage, because, I mean, that's so obvious. It really is. Rage. Yeah, yeah. There's a Marvel hero called Rage.

I mean, the story writes itself. There's a little girl called Abstinence. Abstinence. Abstinence. Brilliant. A little girl in my crush, Brittany Shakira Beyonce. Oh, brilliant. What about Taylor? There's a boy

called Revlon. Jesus Christ. Like the cosmetics company. What about Maybelline? That's a good one. I think I could see that. Maybelline! Your dinner's ready! There's a girl who named her kid Maisyn because it was Maisyn when he was born. Oh, God. Mais born. Oh, God. Amazing.

Oh, God. A girl in my school whose surname is Tiles and her first name is Jenna with a G. Genitals. Is that what we're getting at? Really? Genitals. At my high school, there were two twins called Romulus and Remus. That's clever.

Why would you do that? Yeah. Gabriel. Oh, two 11-year-old twins named Gabriel and Grabiel. I cannot make this up. Gabriel and Grabiel. What's Grabiel? Well, it's like a kind of misspelling of Gabriel.

Like an anagram. Yeah, the A and the R are swapped round. Grabiel. I don't... I mean, that's... They thought that was clever. If there were two twins called Gabriel and Grabiel, which one would you like to be called? I mean, would you really...

I think I'll go for Gabriel. Wouldn't it suck? I'll go for the one that's a name. If you were called Grabiel. It sounds like a kind of... Like a sort of sex pest, doesn't it suck? I'll go for the one that's a name. If you were called Grabiel. It sounds like a kind of, like a sort of sex pest, doesn't it? Grabbin. Grabiel. I'm a teacher at an early education centre.

My favourites are Rex and a pair of brothers, Bricks and Riot. Jesus. Bricks with two X's. Are they superheroes as well? And Riot. R-Y-O-T. Rage and Riot, they're mates. What an incredible name.

I mean, we talked before about people renaming themselves, but it's amazing what you can get away with naming your kids. There's, like, so many Khaleeses. Oh, my God. And Jon Snow. Daenerys. Daenerys, yeah. This is little Daenerys, yeah. This is little Daenerys and this is Jon.

Yeah. I chose my daughter's name Lenezra because it was unique and romantic. It wasn't till she was two that my husband revealed to me that actually it was his favourite soccer

team, Arsenal, spelled backwards. Oh, for fuck's sake. So he obviously suggested Lenezra and she was like, oh, that sounds lovely. And then he's like, yes, I tricked her. Jesus Christ. I can believe that completely. That is embarrassing.

They got away with that. Well, it's better than Rupstow Marnetot. I guess now that it's out there that this has happened Tottenham Hotspur backwards. If, you know, if a suspicious, you know, mother was to Google it

it would come up with this saying that it's Arsenal backwards. Lenezra. Yeah, maybe. So it can't, you know, it's something you can only do once and you can't tell people because otherwise you ruin it for everyone else.

There's a BBC article that says babies called Lanesra are more common than you think. Really? So apparently it's happened quite a lot. Oh, for God's sake. How many Lanesras are there out there? I think there's quite a lot, weirdly. There's at least three in the same year. A schoolteacher's written in Saying that in the class

There were actually four Lanesras Now, obviously The thing about names is that If one of those Lanesras gets famous Yeah Right, that name is going to spiral out of control You know, if she If the new pop star is Lanesra

Yeah Yeah It could happen, right? If the new pop star is Lenezra... Yeah. Yeah, it could happen, right? Maybe David Beckham or Kanye West will name their next child Lenezra. Who knows? I can't imagine David Beckham would, though, in fairness. There was a bunch of fake headlines for stuff that would happen in 2016. Okay. And one of them is Kanye West.

So someone tweeted... So these are all made up. They're sort of like trying to predict future news. Hashtag likely 2016 headlines. Okay. I'm moving on. Sorry, I'm just rapidly moving on to the next. Kanye divorces Kim Kardashian, marries himself instead. Oh, my God.

That might work, right? I'm not sure you can legally do that. Millions dead after chain mail curse from 2006 proves to be true. That might happen in 2016. Steve Harvey calls Leonardo DiCaprio on stage to accept an Oscar. Oh, and it's a mistake. Oh, no. We already talked about Steve Harvey in this podcast.

That works. These work. Global warming, leading cause of global warming. That is a good headline. That will come out. What? The leading cause of global warming is global warming? Yeah.

I mean, people don't seem to understand that's the case. So I think that's pretty much how it's been for the last few years. If they say, you know, global warming's a thing, but how come, you know,

it's so cold? Every time. That's exactly what happens. Brilliant. Random woman still famous for some reason. There you go. There's a Kardashian.

I mean, that could be any sort of period of time. Yeah. And also, it applies for, like, you go, there's a Kardashian. I mean, that could be any sort of period of time. Yeah. And also, it applies for like, you know, men as well. Let's not forget

the situation. Who the fuck is the situation? Game of Thrones fans say goodbye to a popular character. Well, that's almost a given,

isn't it? Well, they say welcome back to another character. Oh. Maybe. So, yeah yeah that that i think i just wanted to get through these because these are related to the new year and i thought this was like the new year podcast so we've done the resolutions there's any more new year shit that

we need to get out of the way baby names we've done babies we've done new years we've done babies. We've done New Year's. We've done predictions for the year to come. Yeah. I think that's everything. That's ticked off everything I wanted to get through on the list. Thank you. What is your favourite of the year? Last year, 2015. If you could give an award for best something of 2015,

what would the award be and who would you give it to? Oh, my God. Best podcast to the YogPod. Well, no, but I don't think that really works, does it? No, it doesn't. We didn't really come back till the end of the year, so we probably won't be considered in this year's awards yet. No, no.

It's like those TV shows. Have we ever won any awards for the podcast? I mean, the podcast, in its day, was very, very popular. It was top of all the lists on iTunes. We never won shit, did we? I think one of the early podcasts we talked about whether we'd ever win an award, like the Yogpod Best Podcast Trophy. And I laughed at it and I was like, there's no way we'd win an award.

And then we actually got really popular and I was like, oh my God, the awards are going to come rolling in. Never did. Never did. And now I'm bitter about not winning the awards that I didn't think we would get. And I don't know who to be angry at. Well, just, I don't know, just be angry at Well just Just I don't know

Just be angry in all directions Just go up to the sea I'm angry at our fucking listeners On a windy day For not voting for us And shout at the sea Or nominating us Yeah

Get it out Yeah Cook your gran a meal Right Give up artificial sweeteners Colour in your dad's artificial hip maybe buy an AdLog camera

stick all your old underwear in it and then stick it up your fucking arse have a good year everyone Merry Christmas now what I mean what is that the end can we end it

New Year's resolution New Year's resolution for our listeners should be we're gonna like nominate and vote for the Yogpod as best podcast of the year. Well, this isn't the best podcast. This is crap.

Yeah, but, you know, we're still winning awards. I want a little badge that we can put on a website, right? A little bit of graphic. This isn't GeoCities. That says award winning. And then there's a little picture of a gold cup. Okay. Right, well, look, send in...

And a star next to it. Send in physical or virtual versions of your awards. Send in trophies and medals. Okay. So the following address... You will have to make up... Someone edit in the address of the PO box. Hang on, I'll Google

our PO Box. You do that and we'll put it at the end of this podcast. Oh my god, you can add that to your news resolutions then. Yogscast PO Box 3125 Bristol, Avon BS2 2G

DG. Okay, it's in the description of any of our videos, but you can Google it. Send us medals and trophies. Okay, cool. Best podcast. Thank you, everyone. And then we can say that we're award-winning

because you sent in awards. Okay. That's how it works. All right, that is that. See you all next time. I love you. Thank you for listening. Goodbye. Thank you, and don't forget, that is that see you all next time I love you thank you for listening goodbye thank you

and don't forget best podcast Yugpod if the Queen's don't rub it in if the Queen's they know shut up Lewis

if the Queen's listening you know OBE's oh right okay to us as well I don't know if she's a listener though the annoying thing is that Prince Harry and Prince Edward...

He's the gay one. Which one's the one that got married? Was it Andrew? No. But Andrew's the one that slept with... Oh, God. Well, there goes the OBE. Fuck.

William and Harry are too old, right? If they were ten years younger, if they were only 10 years younger oh if only they were they would be listeners probably they would be yeah

but they're not we missed it we missed it missed the opportunity oh well if only we blew it I would

I would invite them round I'd say I love you what I'd tweak their nipple Oh no We'd make sweet sweet pancakes together and then we'd eat them

and we'd invite our neighbour round and Chloe and uh Alright Goodbye Goodbye everyone Let this be the end thank you oh wait warwick's here hello it's too late we finished get out

jesus christ oh that was really funny