Triforce! - YoGPoD 51: Halloween Spack-10-cular

Episode Date: July 9, 2018

YoGPoD is back for the 10th anniversary of the Yogscast! Simon and Lewis explore the dark world of creepy pastas with Baby Face, Meat and Daddy Pig's Revenge!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome back to the Halloween Spooktacular 2018. Simon. Hello! It's time for me and you to come together as a little anniversary podcast-y thing and have a little look back maybe, but also... A look forward. A look forward, so... have a little look back maybe but also a look forward a look forward so but mostly a look back well i mean when it comes to podcasting originally it was literally me

recording you without your knowledge necessarily what do you remember the earliest podcast a lot of stuff that went to podcast was never really like considered to be a recording right no it wasn't like a we didn't sit down to record it we were just having sort of chats um in guild chat kind of in the evenings and that's the stuff that ended up making it into the podcast a lot because i could record like ventrilo without your permission oh my god um do you remember this yeah yeah so i don't know if you really ever listened to any of the podcasts back but maybe you shouldn't. Just check off.

My God, I didn't realise they recorded that. Oh, God. Now I'm terrified. So now what do you remember about the earliest days of the Yoggpod? This podcast is going to be me and Simon. We're going to look at some creepy stories because we like doing that. And also we're going to call it the Halloween Spectacular or whatever because it's July.

Yeah, and then whatever the number is uh which i'm not sure what we're up to it doesn't really matter let's call it 10 let's call it the 10th yeah 10 that makes sense spectacular oh there we go i mean that's perfect that's absolutely spot on so do you want to talk about what do you want to talk about you can talk about anything you want uh or we could just dive straight into a creepypasta uh that you found for us yeah i mean i've there's there's a number of ones that i found i found uh three stories and then a site that has a bunch of like really short ones yes some of these i've had a very quick browse and some of them are fucking awful i mean all i know is the length of them and the title,

and that's it, really. Yes. Do you want to start? Let's just dive straight into the idea of this, which is just one of us to read our fucking creepypasta, and then we'll just discuss it because it's just madness. Okay. The first one you sent me was called Babyface. It's from two years ago, and it has 10 upvotes.

So for some reason, this one resonated with you, even though it doesn't seem to be very famous. No, but it's called Babyface, which is really creepy. Like, if you imagine a full-grown person with the face of a baby, that is absolutely terrifying. Right. Yeah, like Cabbage Patch Kids terrifying right yeah like like cabbage patch kids terrifying kind of like that well i was thinking more you can get like uh those really convincing masks

like there's a mask of like it looks like a crying baby and like a full-grown person like like a naked man could be wearing it and just that it meant. Like the payday mask. Yeah, sure. Why not? Or like the boss baby. Just like a boss baby mask. Well, I mean, that's more cartoony. That's not... I mean, I want it to be ultra realistic that it looks so much like a baby. Do you want me to start reading this? No, I can

read it if you want. You want to do this one? Okay, you read this. I mean, I'm a little bit worried. I'll jump in and stop you at a certain point. I mean, this is... The fact that I'm going into this blind is not good. It's only got eight upvotes to me. Did you downvote it? No. Baby face.

Right. Silently, she lays flaccid on her bed, the threaded cotton blanket comforting her body from the dense air surrounding her dark bedroom. Okay, I need to stop you already. What's wrong? Well, first of all... Is it flaccid on the bed?

Is that what... Flaccid on her bed. Yeah, yeah. She's kind of limp, you know? It's a sad expression. She's not tumescent on her bed. Yes. And then the dense air surrounding her dark bedroom.

Yeah, it's humid. It's humid. It's very humid. But it doesn't make quite enough sense, this sentence. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Comforting her body from the dense air surrounding her dark bedroom. Maybe she's on a different planet. Maybe she's on Neptune and the atmosphere is really dense.

But the air is outside her bedroom. Well, it says surrounding her bedroom. Surrounding her in her dark bedroom? Okay, that's fine. I can deal with that. Let's carry on. I mean, there's quite a long... I know.

There's quite a bit more to go. I feel like I've already criticised a lot of things. All right, just jump in whenever you want to, though. All right? She has woken up yet again to the disappointment of another nightmare. So again, it's like my bedroom at home. A disappointment in a bedroom. Fucking hell.

And sighs, trying to tell herself that it's all okay now, but her brain won't stop telling her that something is still in error. Something is still in error? Yeah. In error. Is she a robot? I mean, you say something is still in error. Something is still in error? Yeah. In error. Is she a robot? I mean, you say something is wrong. That's how you would normally word it.

Something is wrong. Something is in error. That's how I say things. If I've got, like, the wrong... Trousers on. Yeah, I'll stop and look down and say, something is in error. Or you'd say, you know, something just isn't right.

Yeah. You wouldn't say something is in error. Yeah, it's like if you forget your keys or something, you pat your pockets and you're like, oh, you know something's in error. Yes. We're in the first paragraph. Carry on. We've finished the first paragraph.

Well, don't worry, it's not too long. Looking around her room, barely able to see a metre in front of her as the darkness dwells throughout. Her eyes wander over to her left, where the en suite bathroom resides. Have her eyes popped out there? And have they got a mind of their own? They've wandered off, yeah. She's still lying in bed.

Her eyes have popped out of her skull and have started walking towards the en suite. The en suite bathroom resides. Yeah, it's where it resides. Good. Carry on. A small glimmer of moonlight seeps through her frosted window with the shadow of the large leafy tree crawling across it in black lines.

Was this written by Stephanie Meyer? Did she write this? I mean, there's a lot of? Did she write this creepypasta? There's a lot of unnecessary descriptive words, adjectives, just thrown, just sprinkled liberally throughout. Generously. Yeah. A lovely seasoning of shit.

Carry on. The shadows used to terrify her. The branched out leaves looking almost like long, slender fingers reaching for the safety of the inside. But now as they sway in the soft breeze, she finds comfort from the sways, waving back and forth and a happy-like motion. Right. I mean, I'm confused by all of this, but...

That second paragraph, we're doing well. We're racing through this one. Her heart continues to race, even though she has already convinced herself the nightmare is over, and she tries to reach the top of the blanket laying across her chest. Now, this is where it takes a turn, all right? Okay. So, hold on to your fucking horses, all right? But her arms don't move. It's as if everything and nothing was...

It's as if everything and nothing was weighing down on her entire body and her movement is futile. Oh, no. Or futile, if you're American. With all her strength, she tries to pull her body into any movement. A cringe of her toes. A cringe of her toes. That's movement. A cringe of her toes. A cringe of her toes.

That's right, a cringe of her toes. It's almost poetic. It is, actually. I mean, I like the idea that the new song of Ice and Fire is called A Cringe of Toes. Something is in error. That would be the first sentence. A cringe of toes by George R.R. Martin. Something was in their aura.

The character laid flaccid on the bed. Yeah, that sounds like Game of Thrones. Okay, a cringe of her toes, a blink of her eyelids, or a wiggle of her small fingers, but nothing. Okay. Tears swell heavy in her puffy eyes as she realises she's paralysed. Staring to her left in a doll-like stature, the movement in the corner of her vision

attracts her out of her looping thoughts. Since she focuses... I think that's supposed to be and. I see why you've picked this one. And she focuses on the right bottom side of the doorframe where she had seen the sudden movement. Perhaps it was just my mind playing tricks on me. She justified, still trying to find some way to move.

If only she could move just enough to push her arm to her sleeping partner next to her. So she's sleeping with someone. She's not alone. In hopes of waking him up or even speak and cry out for help. Right. Or even speak and cry out for help. So this is the classic sleep paralysis fear, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, this is never good. Yeah. So, I mean, is this a nightmare? Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a lands good. Yeah. So, I mean, is this a nightmare? Is this real life? Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide. Something is in error. I guess we're going to see a baby face. Okay, carry on. She feels like hours she is laying there, paralytic and crying,

but it had only been minutes. Paralytic. I normally associate that word with drinking too much. Yeah, yeah. Oh, mate, I got fucking paralytic last night. I was lying in my bed, right, and I couldn't move, and it really wrecked my shadows.

I knew that something was in there, Roel, but I couldn't fucking tell you what it was, mate. I tried cringing my toes, but I just couldn't. Oh, you ever been like that? Oh, man. Fucking what? Okay. The shadow is back,

only this time it's not quickly shifting away when she focuses her eyes to it. It's small, but big enough for her to see its entire outline of the brim of the door's wooden frame one it's hang on let me just let me just it's small but big enough yeah for her to see its entire outline of the brim of the door's wooden frame right i'm no what none the wiser okay about how big that is. I mean, maybe this will, you know...

I think that should be a unit of measurement that everyone uses. The brim of the door's wooden frame. Not small but big enough for her to see its entire outline of the brim of the door's wooden frame. Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a very complicated... Maybe we need, like, an acronym or something. No, but if you're going to, like, Ikea,

and you want to buy like a wardrobe I'm looking for something small but big enough for me to see its entire outline of the brim of the doors wooden frame

and they'll be like oh yeah sure we got one oh yeah you want the David what's it called David oh in Swedish

it means brave okay sure I'll have a David wardrobe please or you'll have a David wardrobe, please. Or you could have a spunk. Sorry?

Did you just say spunk? No, spunk. It means courageous in Swedish. Yeah. One, two, three, four black fingers pressed tightly to the edge, holding on like gravity was not working for this being. The thumb comes quickly after, soothing the wood up and down as if it was taunting her for what was to come.

She watches the small bony fingers as they press firmly to the wood and then running them up and down, rubbing the wood, then holding the wood again. What's going on? There's a lot of rubbing of wood in this story. Flaccid, someone lying flaccid on the bed and now they're trying to rub the wood. Yeah.

Also, what was that counting? Like that was so kind of... It was the fingers appearing and, like, curling around. But it felt like it was kind of like some Sesame Street. He thought it was the count. Yeah. One. Ah, ah, ah.

Two. Ah, ah, ah. Three. Ah, ah, ah. Four. Ah, ah, ah. Black. Ah, ah, ah. Four. Ah, ah, ah. Black fingers pressed tightly to the edge, holding on like gravity was not working for this being.

Is that a David you've got there? Or is that a spunk? Oh, I think you've got the size. It's small, but big enough for you to see the entire outline of the brim of the door's wooden frame. Fucking hell. Oh, you've got it soothed. The wood's very well soothed.

All right, go on. Why is he rubbing? Okay, so he's rubbing the wood. A second set of fingers are now pressed to the frame. Just above the first set, this being was getting stronger, getting closer. With one quick movement, the hands pressed tighter than ever before, and a shape starts to appear beyond the fingers. A head.

This dark, silent creature begins to unfurl its head slowly, revealing its face. So its head was, like, furled its head was like furled up. Yeah. Like a towel. Like one of those... Like a fruit roll-up. Like a fruit roll-up. You mean like those sweets?

Yeah, you unfurl. Right. Yeah. So kind of like a party popper. A party favour. A party tutor. What's it called? They are party favours.

Are they? Which is a bit of a weird... Little party tutors. Yeah, a tutti-puta. Oh, God. People are... I can't see those things. I watched some ASMR of people doing those,

and I was like, oh, Jesus, I can't see them in the same light anymore. How is that ASMR? Well, I think people like to hear the crackly crinkling sound. And then they're... Imagine that's what sound this creature makes as it appears. I feel like someone's watched a horror movie here and you could tell the creature's getting closer because it's pulling itself into our dimension through the doorframe.

And I think her looking at it is making it more real. Yeah. It's pulling itself into our dimension through the doorframe. You know? And I think her looking at it is making it more real. Yeah. We're actually helping this now. We're making this better. It's like a tulpa. Just, like, discussing it makes it stronger and brings it more into our reality. Is that what's called a tulpa?

Yeah, yeah. It's like a... Is it like Bloody Mary? It's like a being that you can sort of like will into existence i see yeah just yeah by giving it credence there's a term for everything okay especially when it comes to you know people on the internet making things up right yes it probably has its own little um as wikipedia tv tropes page. Oh, God, definitely. Definitely. Okay. Okay, where the fuck was I? Okay.

She can barely see its face, but its black hair shimmers from the moonlight, raggedy and unkempt. She's scared, but she tries hard to focus. Rude. The face is not as she expected. Ooh. not as she expected. Its pale face with puffy cheeks and small grey lips are nothing compared... Nothing compared...

To you. To the massive black planets that were its eyes. There were no eyelids, lashes or eyebrows and its slender nose looked only a small shadow vertically down its rounded face. Right. They stared at each other

as if waiting on each other to make the next move. Right. Time passes. What? Time passes. She begins to feel tired.

Are they having this staring contest? Yeah, pretty much. Time passes? I mean, how long? Months? Well, it feels like months, but it's actually just seconds. But there's like, imagine there's like a montage, you know, of them like playing chess, like watching TV.

Well, she can't move. Oh. But maybe she can say, you know, Rook to Queen's Pawn Six. Ah, yes. The David defence. Not to be confused with the Spunk defence. No, that's something very different.

Time passes. She begins to feel tired and exhausted and slowly loses focus on the creature, whisking away into a dream. Okay. That's when it made the noise. Okay. The first noise she'd even heard since waking, and it shattered her inner being.

Holy shit. Its slit-like mouth opened, screeching and crackling, an unearthly sound that can only be explained by a drowning animal being possessed. Oh my god. No breaths, no change of pitch, just constant noise. Her breathing grew strong and heavy, pushing what energy she had left from her body,

and a shiver rushed throughout her entire A-body, giving her the sense of feeling back. I mean... Oh, the sense of feeling back. Okay, right, yeah. So, this is heavy. It's a heavy going. I'm into it. It might be too late, though,

as the creature builds up the stamina to move forward. It shifts its small, smooth, black body towards her in fast-paced crackles of its bones pushing forward the fight between her body trying to shift itself over to her partner and the creature pushing towards her is intense and she rips her body from its position hitting itself against her partner and screaming in fear just as the creature reaches the bed. It does say bed, which kind of adds to it. I think so.

Yeah. I think we should start using more kind of like... Bed. I think we should use more words that are kind of our theory words, right? Like crackles, you know, bones. Do you know what I mean? We should actually add extra letters. Oh, for fun! Yes.

So her partner, he wakes and sits up, holding her shivering body and soothes her cries. She looks over to her left and the creature is gone. What is it? Was it a nightmare? He whispers, pushing her hair back from her sweating face. There was something, there was a thing in the bathroom coming for me. It's eyes, they were so dark and large. She whimpers, his body goes stiff.

Finally. Oh, we've had enough flaccid bodies. We finally got a stiff one. Those fingers and the bones have finally, you know, done their work. His body goes stiff and she leans up to see his expressionless face staring into the distance. Baby face, he mouthed, closing his eyes in disappointment. What? She looked forward and froze in horror as a thick black cloud grew closer to them,

engulfing the entire room. When the smoky cloud... Is someone vaping in there? What's going on? When the smoky cloud had reached them, she could just make out a figure at the end of the bed. Baby face had climbed up onto the base and perched its sleek, black, claw-like feet onto the edge. There's so many descriptions for this thing.

It's been described as like... Now it's like some sort of bird, like perching, do you know what I mean? Like before it was like a sort of a weird ball. I was kind of picturing something like a sloth. It was like gripping onto the frame of the door. And it had that friendly face that came around the corner. It's like its head slowly turned and it had like a dopey look on its face. That would be pretty spooky.

I could see that being spooky. The familiar feeling of weight pushed through her body once again and she was stuck in place, only able to stare as Babyface drops onto the end of the bed and begins to crawl towards them. Right. You can't take her too! You can't take her too! He whispered, just as paralysed as she. two, he whispered, just as paralysed as she. Babyface shifts his heavy body onto her feet, then continues onto her legs, pushing forward with its sharp clawed feet, digging in with every

movement. It reaches to her chest and perches itself, pressing its claws into her ribs and staring into her eyes with its pure darkness that goes on forever. That's when she feels it. One, two, three, four fingers reaching reaching through her chest for her beating heart. The end. So, oh my God. Right, so, okay. Yeah. First of all. Not a lot of baby face.

Well, I thought she was going to be the baby face. Right. All the descriptions to begin with made me think that she was actually like a doll or something. Do you know what I mean? She was like paralysed. She had these glassy eyes that were like staring at one Right. All the descriptions to begin with made me think that she was actually like a doll or something. She was like paralyzed. She had these glossy eyes that were like staring at one and couldn't move because she was actually like trapped inside a baby doll or something. So the plot twist is the woman sleeping was a baby doll.

That's what I was thinking. Yeah. But then what was the monster? Well, the monster didn't seem like a baby face. I mean, he had like these planet-sized black eyes. Yeah, like babies have. And thin grey lips, like a baby has. Like babies have, of course.

And a slender black nose, like a baby has. Yeah, and no eyelids or eyelashes or eyebrows. I think it does mention... Does a baby not have those? It has puffy cheeks, right? And that's the only thing that makes it look like a baby. Puffy cheeks. Right.

But doesn't it perch? Doesn't it, like, hook? It perches like a baby. It doesn't, like, crawl or anything. It doesn't crawl up her, I guess. I suppose. The thing is, like, she said she rips her body from its position, hitting itself against her partner.

I mean, let's just analyse that little bit of a sentence there. She rips her body from its position, hitting itself against her partner. It's a little bit confusing there, isn't it? I mean, that's why I thought she was a baby, like a doll, and she'd finally moved, and he'd just wake up and be like, oh, just... He was like a creepo. You know, like a super, super just dodgy...

He collects, like, little dolls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe he just picks her up and puts her back on the shelf again. Like the elf on the shelf. Like... I don't know. Do you know what I mean? I'm just trying to feel like...

I feel like we could improve this. You know? I think there's a core of a really good story there yeah and that was uh that was tinny cupcake on a creepy pasta subreddit from two years ago so shout out to teeny cupcake what did you what did you what what do you what do you think i that was all right i think you know it wasn't good but it was it was all right no it was creepy you know it had the creepiness to it so that was something it definitely had a creepy vibe yeah i agree oh sorry that's my creepy vibe do you just turn yourself on sorry i'll just pop it back up oh my god um that's what makes it creepy.

Do you want to carry on? Do you want to read out one? Yes. Do you want to read out? Which one do you want me to do? So there's meat or the daddy one. I have... So Simon found these.

So meat is probably actually going to be scary. The daddy one is probably just going to be stupid. I don't know. Okay. Because I haven't read these no neither have i so well this meat is quite long it's called it's called this is this is called the meat are you sitting comfortably morning mum i greeted her from the kitchen seeing her pass by in the living room derrick derrick do a mum's voice Do a proper mum's voice, come on.

Derek? There you go. She simply gave a weak smile and continued to the TV to take her mind off of things. While I cooked breakfast, I was cooking up some meat that I needed to get rid of. It was starting to smell anyway. Oh, no, you shouldn't cook meat!

It's starting to go off! I know, like, come on. Why is this even... So first of all... Oh, it's looking a bit grey. It smells like farts. There's a weird dichotomy here. Like, first of all, mum's looking sick and has to take her mind off of things.

And so Derek's doing the cooking. Yeah. Okay, well, that's fair. He's looking after his mum. But he's cooking us some meat that he needed to get rid of. For breakfast. I mean, that already, alarm bells are going off. What is it, bacon?

What meat would you cook that started to smell a bit when you cooked it? I mean, I'm not a meat eater anymore, particularly. I mean, I get food poisoning incredibly easily. Right. So, you know, discretion is the better part of valor. I feel like we have a sense of smell for only like a couple of things nowadays. And I think eating food that is off is probably one of those things, right? Apart from smelling a gas leak.

Yeah. What other like survival things is smell actually useful for? Smelling catsick, so I don't accidentally tread on it. Okay. That's always good. Useful. Useful things. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. cat sick so i don't accidentally tread on it okay that's always good useful useful things exactly yeah uh anyway with the right seasonings it's a fine meal you know just put the chilies in there mum's not gonna know is she black pepper um the relationship between me and my mother was odd to say the least she wasn't abusive far from it she became very timid ever since that night when dad died oh changed both of, but we continued on without him. It was about three years ago when it happened. I was 16 and hadn't really developed an identity for myself yet. I was just kind of average, very unassuming. People didn't think much of me.

So hang on a second. Yeah. What do you mean he hadn't developed an identity for himself? Well, I mean, if he's at school, you know, there's like the jocks, there's like the nerds. You have to decide which one you're going to be part of. Yeah, yeah, he's like, you know, I don't really fit in with the other kids. I'm not really part of any of their groups.

I'm just Derek. Is it like when you watch that fucking, that Drive, have you seen Drive? And people just want to be Ryan Reynolds' character from Drive is that what I'm thinking of? where you just assume Ryan Gosling

sorry Ryan Gosling that's the one yeah because people watch Drive and I'm like I just became Ryan Gosling after I watched that movie I'm going to get that fucking jacket with a scorpion on

and that would be cool that's the developed identity that I imagine that this guy is now don't you have a jacket like that lewis yeah i've got a leather jacket because i have i watched i'm talking about me i'm this guy this guy is so he's real human being and a real hero so in retrospect i appreciated that people didn't think much of me. I still tried to keep that part of myself alive. Okay. It was a Friday night like any other.

School had let out for summer break. What? Breakfast? No, no, no. This is a flashback to when his dad died. Oh, I see. It was a Friday night like any other. I was going to say, it's a late time to have breakfast. School had let out for summer break and I was excited for the weekend.

We had dinner, and I watched TV on the couch with my dad. I wasn't really distant from my mum. We men just naturally spend time together due to our raunchy sense of humour and love of action. Oh, yeah. And like watching Die Hard. Yeah. Punching each other, talking about football,

a football and sharing a beer down the old pub. I went to bed that night thinking about how summer was going to go. Pool parties, barbecues every Saturday, all that good stuff. He sounds like a cool kid. I didn't have many friends, but the ones I had were near and dear to me. And that's all that mattered, really. Oh. I think an hour had passed and I hadn't got to sleep.

My mind was just racing with plans. Normally, it's the other way, isn't it? Like, you start thinking about something, and you just drop off immediately. Well, no, I mean, it's pretty common to have your mind racing when you're trying to get some sleep, and you just can't close your brain down. It's just whirling away away and he's excited.

So it's not that weird. That's when I suddenly heard footsteps passing by my door and the soft sound of talking. It was my dad and he seemed to be speaking in a hushed, frantic tone as if something was wrong. I quietly got out of bed and walked towards the door, which had been closed. With an ear against it, I could hear him much clearer than before. walked towards the door, which had been closed. With an

ear against it, I could hear him much clearer than before. Just bring it here, all right? Fuck, we don't need this shit here. I'll be in the garage. Don't attract any attention. My dad didn't work a job that relied on him being up at such a late hour, so this didn't sit right with me. It made my stomach churn hearing the cold tone in his voice, conflicted with worry about us. I'm certain it was us he was talking about in the end. I kept listening for his movements, and once he'd made his way down the hall and out of earshot, I quietly creaked open the door to confirm that he was out of sight. If I got caught, I'd just pretend I was getting water or something. I must have stood there for what felt like five minutes before I

thought it was safe to follow. Once I got to the kitchen and stood by the door leading to the garage, I could hear my dad talking to someone I recognised. Placing my bets, I slowly and gently turned the knob to creak open the door just to peek and see what could possibly

be happening. Placing his bets? What is he, what do you mean? Is he playing poker on his phone? What's going on? Why is he placing a bet? He doesn't mean literally, Lewis. What do you mean? I don't understand.

He's having a peek through the garage door. The smell was unbearable. The sight of it was burned into my memory. A red puddle pooled underneath a table that my dad had set up in the centre of the empty garage, and resting on it was a naked human body whose limbs and head had been

chopped off. Oh, Jesus Christ! I backed away from the crack in the door and leaned against the wall inside, catching my breath. I was dizzy enough to pass out. Oh, fuck. Got any idea how you'll cover this one up? The other voice said.

It sounded like a close friend to the family, who met my dad at work, Wilson Marks. Not Mark Wilson. Wilson Marks. Okay, sure. Don't sass me, asshole. My dad snapped at him. Oh, that's the character.

I could hear him chopping into the torso of the victim. Oh, Jesus. I didn't think their daughter was such a light sleeper. Wilson retorted. In any case, the clean-up crew will be here in half an hour, my dad continued. I wish the club would get the balls to set up a place for this so we don't have to. All part of the process, man, Wilson said simply. There was a moment of silence between the two and eventually my dad abruptly stopped chopping.

Wilson snapped a finger to get his attention And then I'm pretty sure he pointed towards the door Because it suddenly jolted open To find me sitting on the floor in silence Derek! My dad started Mother isn't here, is she? What did you do to that man? I asked him, looking up at him

My eyes tearing up. Tearing up! Your ears tearing off! My ears flying off! Shit! My dad hissed out in frustration, leaning against the doorway with his look of regret. Wilson stood behind him, watching his friend's spirit be crushed by this realisation. Just go to your room and don't...

Sirens wailed in the distance. My dad looked around, assessing the situation. He and his friend were bloodied with a dead body in our garage. As multiple police cars woke up the neighbourhood, an officer surrounded the house. He had no options left. How did the police know to go there? His secret was out, at least part of it.

The truth would go with him as he used the meat cleaver in his hand to slit his own neck. Oh my God. Unlike him, Wilson went down fighting. He tried taking on the multiple officers, rushing into the garage and was ultimately taken into custody.

Wow. Our family was shaken by this event. The neighbours knew that my mother and I were perfectly harmless up to this point and always wondered about him, since apparently he did leave the house at unusual hours. They just weren't aware that those outings were unusual for a nine-to-five job. This was how the official report went. My father, Robert Carroll, and his partner, Wilson Marks,

were two serial killers who kidnapped several people within the past month. The number kept going up as this information reached further parts of the city. But the lack of any bodies meant the connection was mostly speculation. Wilson only admitted to a few kidnappings that he committed with my dad. Based on this final victim, it could be assumed that they were disposed of, but the exact reasoning of those kidnappings were unknown, since he wasn't willing to answer. It's one crucial piece of evidence that police didn't have, however,

and I'm certain it was what Wilson wanted to take to the grave. A club was involved. Not like a weapon club? Or like a chocolate bar? No. If you love a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our club. I never told the police this since I was too speechless to give any useful information that night.

And once I regained my senses, I didn't think anything of it. My dad was dead. And I wasn't about to give Wilson Marks any slack when he just stood by and let it happen. I just let him go to death row like he seemed to deserve. But as I went through some old belongings of my father, I managed to find an old safe. He kept some personal belongings inside.

I found out inside what he was part of behind his family's back. So how did he get into the safe? Did he have the combination maybe he just put like in like his own birthday and that was like a combination yeah and like one one one one do you have well you have to say it musically one one one one one one one one yeah uh i'm not at liberty to say the name to strangers but i found my way around that eventually what i'll get to how in a moment the club was in essence a chocolate bar no no a private organization for cannibals which should explain why they preferred their privacy

well they would wouldn wouldn't they? They select people of considerably lower class in society. People who you wouldn't notice were missing in a big city. What I saw my father doing was just preparing another meal. Oh, just chop, chop, chop. You'd think that was bad enough, but they weren't cooking it for themselves. This club was connected to a few store-brand meat products. Oh, God. So if you've ever found yourself picking up the cheaper pork at the grocery store...

Pork! You probably tasted human flesh before and don't even realise it! Oh, my God. My dad once boasted about having connections to a local butcher who gave him discount pork, which we always had during summer barbecues. So I know that we've all been exposed to it for years. Joining the club to learn all of this was simple enough. And I was prepared to stomach whatever morbid task there was. When I collected the dots and realised that part about my dad's butcher, it wasn't really hard to stomach the taste of human flesh. Why? But why? Why? Why does he have to eat meat? The flesh? Why? Why has he become a cannibal?

I mean, maybe he's gone a bit mad, you know, after having, you know, see his dad, like butcher a body. Maybe he's just gone insane. Yeah, I've learned a lot about how they operate what their goals are and how they've rid themselves of most any moral fiber that could get in their way is there a lot of fiber in them in me uh no no there isn't uh it's helped me cope with the fact that my dad was a cannibal eventually i even started to take part in their killing sprees, or harvests, as they prefer to call it. That's nice. I grew so numb to the idea that by the time I went back to school,

I was practically unchanged in the eyes of my fellow students. But I couldn't share my lunch with them. Oh. Not yet. Hot pork sandwiches. And a club. And a club. And a club biscuit. Oh, my God, it's the perfect fucking packed lunch.

Oh, he's got one of those plastic containers you put the banana in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Everyone thought I was a perfectly normal person after all these years. That was, except for Mum. Oh. I'm sure she snooped around my room as a worrisome single mother trying to keep her boy on the straight path,

making sure my calm demeanour wasn't the result of some sort of drugs I was using to cope with it all. That's probably why she acted so timid now. She must know that if she said anything, she'd lose her son too. So she'll eat the meat I prepared for her this morning, smiling and telling herself that it was just bacon and life would carry on like always, just like the club wants. Oh, God.

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our club. Oh, well, that's horrible. Absolutely horrible. There you go. That was a little story. That was a's horrible. Absolutely horrible. There you go. That was a little story. That was a creepy story. The meat. I can't see who wrote it.

It doesn't actually say. Is that what you were searching around for? Yeah. Yeah. It's on the Creepypasta wiki. I'm sure someone wrote it. And it wasn't that bad, was it? Honestly, I feel like I knew it was human meat yeah i mean

it had to be i mean i i knew there was something off about that and i feel like when you make something that predictable you have you have to be aware that it is predictable right and you have to change it yeah like in a sense like the baby face one we had at the start when it turned out that they weren't actually a baby doll i was like oh that was i'm pleasantly surprised i didn't predict the ending okay is that do you agree with me on that or is that like a thing that you you prefer i mean i there was no like real twist was there was like, turns out they're cannibals. I mean, we knew that. As soon as there was a guy preparing odd meat, like in the second paragraph, I knew it was going to be human meat.

And it felt like at that point it was just going through the motions. Yeah. But there's not really enough explanation about why the kid just suddenly becomes a cannibal. I mean, if this club actually supported his father properly, he wouldn't have been caught and he wouldn't have lost his dad. So surely he would be angry about the club and not join in with them and happily be a cannibal.

Would you like to do the last one? Sure. It's called Peppa Pig, Daddy Pig's Revenge. Jesus Christ. Oh, it says, is it Tyler Dean 2004? It's behind Pepper Pig, Daddy Pig's Revenge. Jesus Christ. Oh, it says, is it Tyler Dean 2004? It's behind this one. Yeah.

Pepper Pig. Oh, Daddy Pig's Revenge. This is terrible. I liked Pepper Pig when I was a little boy, but what I watched scared the frick out of me. Okay. I wonder, I'm immediately thinking, we've just had a story about bacon and meat,

and now we've got Peppa Pig again. But I'm sure it's not going to be, I'm sure. Okay, go for it. We'll have to see. One time, I was going downtown to find some Peppa Pig DVDs. You know what you do? But everywhere I would go, I could not find anything.

I was about to give up and go back home, but I found one more shop. It was Walmart. I feel like you're like... I sell everything in Walmart. It's like you've gone down the whole high street and back up, and then you're like... Oh, why don't I try the biggest shop?

I'll try one more shop. That one. And it's a giant Walmart. Go for it. I asked myself, why is Walmart in the United Kingdom? Well, it's Asda, I guess. Okay. So, I mean, that's weird, isn't it?

You also spelled United wrong. Yeah, I mean, United Kingdom. So I took a look. In there, there was a bunch of DVDs of shows like Pocoyo. I don't even know what that is. Pingu. We all know Pingu. Bear in the Big Blue House, Teletubbies, and even Arthur.

I've seen almost every episode of those shows, but never seen those episodes on those DVDs. I found a Peppa Pig DVD with two episodes called Daddy Pig Loses the Race, Daddy Pig's Revenge. Okay, so let's just speculate what the episode Daddy Pig Loses the Race is about. So what kind of a race? Like a tough mudder, because mud pigs, right? Like, oh, you're thinking like one of those horrible, tough challenges.

It's like an assault course, right? Yeah. Where the Marines would have to run under a netting and, like, course right like yeah the marines would go where they have to run under a netting and like we'll crawl under a netting and do a rope swing across a sort of dirty mud lake and then i don't know fucking you get really you get covered in mud at the end of it and i feel like that would like be appropriate for i was originally thinking it would be some sort of egg and spoon race i mean or something more whimsical like a sports school sports day okay yeah yeah yeah

yeah I mean that's more appropriate for like a cartoon yeah that's what I'm thinking and he he loses the race on purpose because

oh he's because he sees that you know he's he doesn't want to beat you know Peppa Pig or whatever

do you know what I mean but then why does he want revenge if Daddy Pig's revenge I I don't know, maybe... It's unrelated to the race. Well, that's true. Okay, so that was my immediate thought. Okay. But then I saw that he revenged.

Maybe he got sabotaged in the race, in the egg and spoon race. Someone gave him a boiled egg instead of a fucking raw egg. I don't know what the rules are. Okay. Maybe someone was, like, spinning the egg so that the yolk was like a gy raw egg. I don't know what the rules are. Maybe someone was like spinning the egg so that the yolk was like a gyroscope. And it was, I don't, I don't know. You know, if you like,

if you like spin an egg in your hand, the yolk will like spin around. How does that help you win an egg and spoon race? I don't know. Right. Someone might've been messing with it. I know it'd be hard to get that across in a cartoon. I mean, wouldn't it be like they glued the egg to the spoon that would be okay yes the obvious and then daddy pig's gonna get his revenge

yeah by taking a shit in their bed oh wow something like that right i reckon i mean it was whimsical and now it's suddenly got dark oh okay but then that's why it's on the creepypasta website i mean it's on badcreepypasta.wikia um yes the finest website i didn't realize until just now it was on bad creepypasta um whoops well you would you were just googling these up it doesn't matter all right carry on okay i was decided to buy the dvd because it was the only peppa pig d there. I put it in my DVD. So I guess he's home now. I put it in my DVD and played all episodes. The beginning of the first one was normal, except in the background, it was nighttime

and there was blood on the title. There was blood on the title. Yeah, like the title sequence. So Daddy Pig Loses the Race was totally fine, was it? Oh, no, no, sorry, it carries on. Yeah, that's just the start of the episode. It's got blood dripping. Oh, in the beginning of the first one it was normal.

I see. So it's perfectly normal, except there was blood on the top. So not really normal at all then. Almost entirely not normal. No, I mean abnormal would be the word you'd use to describe it. Perfectly abnormal. Yeah. The episode started off with Pepper and her family watching TV.

Daddy Pig said that he wanted to a race in something, the Olympics or something. I like the use of two somethings in that sentence. Yeah. It's very, very vague. Daddy Pig said that he wanted to a race in something, the Olympics or something. Yeah. It's very, very vague. Daddy Pig said that he wanted to a race in something, the Olympics or something. Yeah.

It does sound like a thing a dad might say, though. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, yeah, your mother wants me to do a race in something, Olympics or something. He, like, cracks open his third beer. All right, carry on. The next day, Daddy Pig was in the race, with some people also racing. Well, you would hope so.

I mean, otherwise, what kind of a race is it? It's just a jog. That's you. That's an entirely different episode. Daddy Pig goes for a jog. A jog. Fucking hell. Andog. A jog. Fucking hell. And then the race started.

Daddy Pig was struggling to get first, but then he tripped over and came last lace, and then he lost. Oh, last place. I see. And then he lost. Daddy Pig was so sad, so Peppa and her family had to go home.

Daddy Pig and Mummy Pig were in bed. Mummy Pig were asleep but Daddy Pig was awake with hyper-realistic eyes and he looked very angry. He said, I have to get revenge on everyone. They have to pay for it. Episode ended.

Right. Okay. I mean, that's a perfect set-up for the next episode, Daddy Pig's Revenge. I like the sentence, Episode ended. Right. Okay. I mean, that's a perfect setup for the next episode, Daddy Pig's Revenge. I like the sentence, episode ended. Yeah, episode ended. Episode ended. It's concise. You know, it really just gets the point across of what's happened.

Okay, let's see how this next episode starts. I'm sure it's going to go fine. So Daddy Pig's Revenge. Okay. The next episode didn't have an intro. It started with Daddy Pig going Revenge. Okay. The next episode didn't have an intro. It started with Daddy Pig going outside, killing everyone. That was just the start. Very normal.

So it's a cold open. It was normal except Daddy Pig going outside, killing everyone. And you say, like, in the best writing, you start a story at, like, the last possible moment that you can. So there's no build-up, there's no introduction, it's not strung out. Bam, you're straight in the action with something happening, and it's Daddy Pig out there

murdering people. Yeah, and then you can fill in the gaps later for people's rationales. But yeah, this is fine. Pepper woke up and saw him kill everyone. Then Pepper Pig screamed silently and ran down the cellar. Right. Then Daddy Pig went back home and went into Pepper and George's room.

And then Daddy Pig holded the axe in the air. Then George woke up and gasped. And then the screen went black. And Daddy Pig chopped him up. George's crying sounded just like his crying from the episode Lunch. Do you remember that one? Lunch, the episode Lunch. Yeah, of course.

The classic episode Lunch, just where George cries. George cries. He loses his lunch or he has the wrong lunch. Someone steals his lunch. Oh, my God. I don't know. They forgot to put the club in his lunch. And he had like a weird bacon...

He had a bacon sandwich! Ah! Ah! I can see why George would be crying if he had a bacon sandwich for lunch. And even Daddy Pig said, Oh no, no, George. But it sounded like Grandpa Pig! Ha! Right.

After that, the screen went back to normal. And Daddy Pig killed Grandpa Pig. Right. After that, the screen went back to normal and Daddy Pig killed Mommy Pig. Right. Then he got a grenade and threw it at Susie Sheep's house and the school. After that, Peppa Pig... Which one? Sorry.

Both. One grenade. He's got one grenade. He threw it at the house. It didn't go off. He forgot to pull the pin out. I think Susie Sheep's mother may be a teacher. Right.

So maybe she lives at the school. Okay. Or is it like an annex office? The school is the same. So maybe one grenade would be enough to take out both. Okay. Is it a big grenade? Thank you for that. I mean, it's a cartoon.

You know, anything's possible. It's a big grenade. Thank you for that. I mean, it's a cartoon. You know, anything's possible. After that, Peppa Pig got out of the cellar and called the cops about Daddy Pig. Oh. Mrs Rabbit tried to get Daddy Pig,

but she got chopped up to pieces too. Okay. After that, everyone in Peppa Pig Land, including Peppa, tried to stop him. But he had an RPG and shot it to everyone, including Pepper. Then Daddy Pig said to the screen with hyper-realistic eyes that were bleeding, You humans! I will kill all of you! You made me lose and you made me do this!

Your next barnacle head! Episode ended. Episode ended. lose and you made me do this your next barnacle head episode ended episode ended so i mean that was that was not what you expected when you picked up that dvd from walmart was it oh god i mean this dad oh like he's not normally like this lewis i have to say daddy pig is not normally like this he's normally a lot more chill but this is the second story we've had in a row about a dad going on a killing spree. Dad killing spree, Dad. It's almost as though

the people that write these things may have some sort of underlying issues. Right. Yeah. OK. I was so scared that I got nightmares

about this episode. I tried telling some of my friends, but nobody believed me except my best friend. I showed him the DVDvd and he got scared also but i am beware daddy pig is somewhere and i will have to find out who made this amazing an amazing final final sentence that doesn't but i am beware daddy Daddy Pig is somewhere. Somewhere out there with an RPG. I mean... All because he lost a race.

I mean, I think it's... I mean, you can understand that it's been building up in some time. Okay, so this was like the straw that broke the camel's back. Exactly, it was just like the snapping moment. Yeah. He couldn't, you know, take it anymore and just had to go on. Where did he get this RPG and grenade and stuff from? Was he like a prepper? Did he have like all the, like a stockpile of like weapons and canned goods? Daddy Pig planned for the upcoming apocalypse. He had filled tens of jars with pickles and canned food.

And his own piss. Oh, God. Wow. Just, this is, well, look. That was fucking terrifying. I am real fucking spooked now.

That was everything that we hoped for from a Halloween spooktacular. I am spooked. Oh, God. I hope you guys are spooked too we're gonna go now and that'll be the end there is a possibility that we might bring back some new podcasts with this kind of thing because you've been talking to tom haven't you simon

about doing some sort of a horror-y spooky podcast yeah yeah we were going to start it uh about six months ago yeah so check that out in the past. Oh. No. It might still be a thing. So, yeah, I'm interested. If you guys have got any good creepypastas and things you want to send us, good stories,

we'll get suggestions thread up somewhere. And, yeah, thank you for listening to the podcast over these years. I do like doing stuff with them. I do like recording these podcasts with you, Simon. It's been an absolute pleasure. Well, there you go. Thank you.

We're going to go. Take care. Much love. Bye-bye.