TRIGGERnometry - Comedian DESTROYS Every Triggernometry Guest - Tony Lapidus

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

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Myelianopolis, welcome to the show. And you're not gay. I'm not gay. Nobody's gay. Peter Hitchens, welcome back to trigonometry. I don't need to give a solution. It's not my job to give a solution. I'm here to ring the alarm bells on an issue that nobody is talking about.

Tuckoo, what's going on with that laugh? Oh, the laugh. Douglas Murray, welcome back to trigonometry. Pleasure to be about with you. So... Gary's Economics? So I'm calling for a tax on the super rich of anything about 10 million pounds. And what's your wealth?

9,900,999. 909. Russell Brand, welcome to Trigonometry. How long have you been a Christian for and did it have anything to do with the allegation? Thomas Robinson. There seems to be a lot of sniffing going on here. People from Newton sniff. Especially journalists from Newton.

Who sniff? My Leonopolis, welcome to the show. Pleasure to be here. So it's obviously been a traumatic time. You've just been deported from America. Yeah. Pretty bad, yeah. Why were you deported?

Because it was a political witch hunt. Because I hate women. I think they don't like people who are not gay. They don't like people who are completely heterosexual, like me. And obviously, you know that I'm obviously. gay. And I think that Laura Luma, you know, she just wants me out. So that's kind of, what it was, they just, it's become so, um, it's become so, um, so, um, and Laura Luma has, is kind of in, uh, Trump's ear and, uh, I just convinced him that, I need to be out. And, um,

they don't like, they don't like people who are not gay. And you're not gay? I'm not gay. Nobody's gay. Are you, are you married? I'm, I, I'm married. I'm married. Yeah, I'm very happy married. I don't. I don't actually like to talk about, I'm married, I'm married to a man, but I don't do the, all the sex stuff. We don't do all that sex stuff anymore. So you're married to a man, but you don't do the sex stuff and therefore you're not gay.

I'm not gay. You're straight. Nobody's gay. There's no such thing. Nobody's gay. There's no such thing as gay. I actually live, he lives down the corridor in another state completely. We live together.

down the corridor, other places. No, I'm not going to. And you've tweeted in the past that you kind of get sexually aroused with the idea of people being deported. Yeah. Why is that? I just went off over it. I just went off over, you know, the idea that if going behind a dumpster

or wherever it is that I choose to actually go, I just behind wherever I can when I see somebody being deported, especially Somali, I just wank off. Did you get aroused when you were deported? When 15 men actually swarmed me and put me in handcuffs and I'm totally not gay, I did get a little bit aroused, but not because of gay or anything like that. It's not because I'm gay. Milo, why don't you like women? I kind of find them a little bit hard to actually relate to. I kind of hate them, probably because of my nebishop.

mom. I hate my mom. And I, you know, I see it as a floor in myself. I see it as a floor. I have trouble connecting to them. And I just do admit that maybe you got me. You know, maybe you got me. I do kind of hate women. But not because I'm gay. Nothing to do with being gay. What about feminism? Are you a fan of feminism? Well, it makes everybody, um, but only attracts ugly women and fat women. That's, um, most people are, most, most girls are not actually, um, even, they're, they're not feminist. They're not feminist. Nobody's a feminist and nobody's gay.

Are you gay? Nobody is gay. They used to go around saying you're gay. I admit, I used to say that kind of thing. I used to say that a lot. I used to admit, I used to say that, you know, I was married to a man. I don't engage in any of that sex stuff anymore. Really?

You used to talk about being railed by your black husband, if I remember correctly. Yeah, I did. I used to say that kind of thing. So when you were being railed by him, were you gay in that moment? No. That was a trauma. That was a trauma. That was the demon that goes into all gay men's heads that say, just do it, do it, be gay.

And they're not actually gay. They're not actually gay. And it's normally because they just want to get some sort of revenge on their Nebuchu mother. And you famously said you don't want to move back to the UK because you don't speak Arabic. Now that you've been forced to move back to the UK, are you going to start learning Arabic? Well, I don't actually intend to be here much longer than I'm going to find the case. But I did say it. I did say that and I admit that I said it.

I don't know if I really meant it, a lot of it is a joke. You know, I'd say mean-spirited things all the time, totally not gay. But I say mean-spirited things all the time. And you could call it a political point, you can call it whatever you want. But I have to be careful now what I say, now that I'm actually in England, could get lynched by Somalis. Somali people. Who they should deport completely. completely, they should actually consider deporting all of them, in my opinion, indiscriminately,

but losing the shackles. Do you still support Donald Trump? I've called him a trader. I've called him many things in the past. I've never called for incitement in the same way people talk about this thing. Apparently, it was really bad to Laura Luma. I said crazy things about her. I mean, I caught a target practice.

I don't think that relates to incitement to violence, calling for drugs. target practice, does it? Is that incitement, would you say? Yeah. It's a pretty gay answer. You're calling me gay? That's a pretty gay answer, yeah. But I don't think you are. So you are not gay? No, because I thought there's no, no one's gay. No one's gay. No one's gay, except Laura Luma. She might be the only, she might be the only genuine lesbian. I think she's actually man. She wishes she was me. She hates herself so much. And what are you looking forward to, Are you going to try and get back to America? I'm going to fight this, yeah.

And hopefully, with a little bit of luck, I might be arrested by 15 or 20 of these men again at the border. Not because I'm okay. Just because I want to apologize to all of them. And a lot of people in ICE lost their jobs, actually, because they didn't want to do this. They didn't want to do it. They lost their jobs.

They lost their jobs. Some of them said, I think, oh, we don't want to do this. This isn't what we signed up for. And one of them was really strapping, actually. In fact, they all were. All of them was really strapping handsome men. We're on the gateway, obviously.

And Milo, what's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be? Deporting Somalis. They should be deported indiscriminately. The immigration system needs to work, and it's not doing that. It's not working the way it should be. It seems to be in America. No. It's not for people like me.

It's for people like Somalis. Yeah. Makes sense. Thanks for coming on, Mala. Yeah, my pleasure. By the way, not going. Peter Hitchens, welcome back to Trigonometry. How are you?

So far, so good. Yes, indeed. And what do you make of the state of Britain at the moment? It will. I mean, it's finished. It's an absolutely Finnish country. I don't have never seen a country more finished. I mean, what's have we got to show for us at the moment?

You have a police force. that may as well have been abducted by aliens as about as effective as a chocolate fire god. We have, what else do we have? We have a criminal justice system that may as well have been written by Stalin's pre-revolutionary bandits and expropriators. And just as you think, you couldn't get any worse, you have Andrew Burnham becoming Prime Minister and mounting an assault on the vestiges of everything that we may have pride in. the language, I mean, who calls a BAP, a study or a cob or whatever else he calls it? If he knew anything about British Baps, I doubt he's ever read around the subject at all. And if he has, he's obviously done so with the light of.

It's ludicrous, as he calling British Baps, a Stotty or a cop or a bomb. I've never seen a country more finished. Although I will say, I will say that he has inspired me to, writes my next book. It's called The Betrayal of British Pabst, how Andrew Burn and Burn and Burt the British Baker Revolution. And you're famously outspoken about the terrible effects of weed. Would you say marijuana is the worst drug? It will. There are many things that there are arguably worse than it is. I mean, the

constant clock-fiddling every single year, moving it forward by an hour, is ludicrous and disgraceful. Although, yes, I have answered this question. many times. If you think that I'm going to stay here now, talking to both of you from a, to discuss drugs, I've already said, and I'm starting to wonder whether actually both of you are obsessed with drugs. Are you on drugs yourselves? Perhaps you are. You would know that I've already spoken about this. And have you ever tried marijuana yourself? If you ask me another question about drugs, I will storm out this. This doesn't flow. You've invited me here into false pretenses. I would never try marijuana.

marijuana, I would never try it. It's one of the worst things that has happened to society. I smell it. I can hear the people giggling away as it, like little petting children. I don't want any part of it. And it is responsible for the downfall and the abolition of Britain. I've been talking about this for years. Nobody's bothered to listen. It's rather amusing to watch. And geopolitical question now, would you say that Russia was provoked into invading Ukraine? Well, what individual with the prefrontal cortex thinks otherwise? I've tried my best to convince people and get into their heads and explain to them that Russia did not need to be provoked. It didn't need to be provoked.

What was it? If I could, I'd get into people's heads and I'd seduce them with facts, but people don't want to be seduced, and I don't have the powers of seduction. And I never have. I've said now for decades, I've said, why would we? would Russia ever agree to NATO expansion? Why would he ever agree to that? There's no reason for it. Many have tried to invade Russia over the years, over the centuries and decades. The Swedish and French tried in the 1700s, Napoleon tried it in the 1800s. He tried it with Operation Barbarossa in 1941. Why would they accept this? They didn't need to be provoked.

And Peter, how does it feel to be correct about everything? Well, I say no pleasure in it. I'm pleased. I'm pleased. as everybody gets there, eventually people have realized that I'm now told this I'm always writing the obituary for Great Britain. I am right all the time. Nobody builds a solution, if they did, they could have stopped it. But it is rather amusing to watch, I suppose. I don't take any pleasure in it, so I never used to, but I can't influence it. I can't influence it. I can't make people do the things that are necessary to reverse. The revolution has already happens. There are cars everywhere. Why do we see so many cars? I was writing about the cars as well.

It's ludicrous. And what is your advice for young people now, growing up in this country? Well, I don't know how to advise them. What can I possibly, what advice can I give? I mean, there is no sunshine and rainbows. There is no happiness in this world. It's all grey and miserable. The sooner they accept that. The better it becomes the easier life is. I really don't really don't Perhaps for a start I'd say, master the outer voting, don't vote for what you do want as you won't guess it. You'll only be disappointed. Vote for, vote against what you don't want?

And you might be able to stop it. Other than that, what can I say? Pack a bag and go and find a monastery high up on a mountain somewhere and live in a Shangri-La. Other than that, I don't know. So here's the most important question we've ever asked on trigonometry. Shag, Mary, Kill. Tony Blair, Boris Johnson, Zach Polanski. I assume you mean Anthony Blair and Zachary Blanche.

Well, I'll start with Boris Johnson. I'll start with him. I wouldn't shag him. You can't shag him because he's a plastic conservative. There's nothing real about him, although he has proven himself to be quite unsuccessful in the union of marriage. So at least I'd have the sweet liberator of divorce at all forward to. So I'd marry him.

Although I am fairly sure that if I was to marry him, I'd probably unknowingly be engaged in some sort of scheme of bigamy. I don't know. Regarding Anthony Blair, he's one of the worst prime ministers, possibly the worst prime ministers that we've ever had in this country. And he's responsible for some of the worst things. This is a lesser decline of Great Britain. But he has also shown himself at the same time.

He's shown himself to be rather adept in the union of marriage, so I wouldn't have the sweet liberator of divorce to look forward to. So I suppose I'd have to. I don't want to use the word Shack again, so I suppose I'd have to punish and pound him for his sentence. Let's leave it at that. And Zach Polanski? Zachary Polanski, yes. Well, I knew this was going to be a process of elimination.

Zachary Polanski is somebody who, I suppose that leaves me with no choice. But I'd rather not use the F word or the S word again. I'm going to have to substitute, and I don't believe in killing anybody. So I'm going to have to substitute the K word for FM. So you shagged them all? Shag them all, yes. Would you take any pleasure of it? No, I'd marry Boris Johnson.

You don't listen. This is your problem. You don't listen. Open your ears and learn something. I said I'd marry Boris Johnson because of the sweet liberation of divorce. I said I'd shagg or I said I'd pound and punished Anthony Blair for his sins. And I said I'd F. Zachary Polansky.

You don't have to like my answer but you don't have to listen to it. I don't agree with this. I don't care. I'm in the twilight of my life. It makes no difference to me. Peter, final question. What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be?

Cars. We're not talking about appliances. We're not talking about mass ownership. We don't need cars anymore. We need to abolish the cars. And not only that we need to abolish kettles. The amount of electricity that the kessel uses is ludicrous, totally unacceptable. Same goes for washing machines.

Hold on, hold on, Peter. Hold on a second. A cup of tea is the most British thing ever. You want to abolish kettle? I have no problem with the cup of tea. It's the kettles. It's the kettles. People boil them again and again and again and again. And they're destroying the climate with all the electricity consumption. Same goes, the same goes for the washing machines, putting them on the cycles for hours. They go round and round and round for hours and as and as and as. And nobody both talks about this. This is going to lead to the complete destruction of Britain.

If you think it's not, it's quite amusing to watch both of you, you naive little cells. Wait, how do you wash clothes without washing machines? I don't need to give a solution. It's not my job to give a solution. I'm here to ring the alarm bells on an issue that nobody is talking about. The principles that nobody wants to talk about. I'm done giving solutions. I don't need to.

It'd be a complete waste of my time. Running a business for as long as I have, you start to notice a pattern. The businesses that lose the most money aren't necessarily the ones with a bad product. They're the ones where the phone rang or a message came in and nobody was there to answer it in time. Today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled QUO. The business phone system built so you never miss a call. What Quo actually does is straightforward. Every call, text and voicemail lands in one place

so whoever on your team looks at it can see the full exchange and pick it up from there instead of starting cold. Several years into running this show, you learned that most operational problems aren't solved by hiring more people. They're solved by better systems. That is why Quo stands out. It's simple enough to set up in minutes and doesn't require anyone on the team

to become an IT person overnight. And when nobody on your team is free to pick up, an AI agent takes the call, answers the obvious questions, and can book someone in immediately. The lead doesn't sit overnight going cold, which is usually when you lose the business. Money is always on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Try Quo for free plus get 20% off for your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash trig. That's QUO.com slash trig. Tucker Carson, this has been a long time coming. Thanks for coming on the show. Why is everything Israel's fault? Well, I don't think there's any doubt that everything is Israel's fault. Like, everything, like...

But look, I mean, I think it's really clear. And we know that because I've spoken to preeminent historians of everything, actually. And it is... Well, like who? Well, like Daryl Cooper. Do you have a problem with him? He's one of the most preeminent historians ever. He's not a pseudo-historian. He's real.

Is he? It's not revisionist. He's real. Right. And so I know that everything is Israel's fault, even though I don't ever think I've actually said that even now. I don't think there's words of people left my lips. I don't think I've ever said that, right? And so, I mean, even this coffee is actually kind of cold.

Israel. I tried to tie my shoelaces this morning, and I realized it was quite difficult. And guess what? Blue and white shoes. Yeah. Israel. That is Israel.

That is Israel. That's just a fact. And I'm not going to apologize for that either, by the way. And it's not only everyday life that it's Israel. It's also, it's not even only in politics, it's everything that I do. I just see Israel everywhere. And I just see it. I'm like, like I took my dogs for a walk the other day.

And one of them suddenly got sick and I said, oh my God, are you okay? And I looked down and she said, woof, and I got closer. I said, is everything okay? And suddenly I heard saying, Israel did this to me. Israel did this to me. I really want you to think about that as Christians, actually. It's unbelievable, right? Yeah, it is kind of hard to believe.

Well, I'm not going to apologize for it. It's just a fact. It's just a fact, and it's out there on the Internet. I'm not making this up. I also heard, actually, I love going for walks, as I say with my dogs, my wife. Bless my wife, I love my wife. I really do it. I didn't know what I do without her.

And I heard this kind of twittering from a bird. It sound like a beeper. And it turns out, actually, that it exploded because Israel had planted a pager, an explosive pager in one of the birds and exploded because it thought it was his blah. His Bola! And no, actually, it was Israel. So Israel is actually killing the birds and making my dogs sick.

Israel is making your dog sick. Speaking of dogs and things being sick, have you been scratched by any more demons lately? Because I know it's a big thing. Well, this is just another thing that people laugh at, and I know you don't believe it, but it's true. It happens just to be a fact, actually. And if you don't believe me, he asked Daryl Cooper.

So I woke up, I told the story a few times, but I don't mind telling you again and what the actual, what the coincidence of it is. So I woke up, and I found that I'd had, I went to bed, obviously, with four hunting dogs and bears and tigers, and I woke up with scratches. And my wife looked at me, and she said, oh, my God, I think you've been scratched by a demon. I said, really? What?

Turns out it's really normal, actually. And it happens all the time. And I lifted my arm up, and my wife noticed that I had scratch marks here. And she said, I think we should count them. And there were 74 of them. And at the time, do you know how old Israel was? 74. We also counted on the second side, and there were two giant scratch marks that were the exact shape of Ben Shapiro's eyebrows. So it was Ben Shapiro in Israel, obviously, I think.

Ben Shapiro scratched you during the night. Well, I don't think, I think evidence is just out there. You can look that up. I don't have to convince you of anything, actually. Well, I'm not, you've repeatedly said you want to apologize, but no one's asked you to apologize. I'm not going to apologize for anything. I'm not going to apologize for anything. I don't even know what an apology means. Absolutely. What even is an apology? Do you even know what that means?

Yeah, I do. What's an apology? It's when you say sorry. I think we have to define what we mean by apologies. I'm defining it. It's when you say sorry. Well, no, actually, it's not actually when you say sorry. It's when you actually regret what you're saying and you mean it.

Oh, so you do know what an apology is? Well, no, I don't know. I don't even know what you just asked. Are we even here now? It's me on here. No, I'm not going to apologize for anything. All right. Can I ask you another question?

Well, of course, when you're open free speech and dialogue. Right. You can ask questions. We love asking questions, right? Yeah, I thought so. What's your favorite thing about Qatar? Well, Qatar, for me, represents the American dream, actually. It is a place where, and I know everybody's going to hear that, they're going to say,

Qatar! Yeah, I do love Qatar, and I recently bought a property there, actually. I don't know if you heard about it. It's a beautiful place, beautiful culture. And it's a proud, ashamed American. I go there all the time. I'm not ashamed to say that because that's my way of saying, fuck you.

I'm allowed to do it as an American. I have more in common with Qataris than I do most Americans, and I'm proud to say that as a proud ashamed American. Just like when I come to England, actually, I have more in common with a Pakistani driver than I do with any of the English people. And I'm allowed to say that because I'm British. What do you have in common with a Pakistani driver?

Just everything. Everything. The way we dress, what we think. The way we both go to Qatar. Qatar! Qatar! And that's really it. I don't think I really need to say, also the Christian thing.

I have a lot in common with Pakistani cab drivers over the Christians. Yeah, there's a lot of overlap. Sharia law, are you a fan? I think Sharia law was better than only fans, better than pornography. I'd rather have Sharia law than forcing all women. Oh my God, we're only fans! No, we don't want that. I would rather, way rather, go and live in Qatar.

under surreal law or have it here. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And by the way, Daryl Cooper agrees with me on that. Do you, are Israel controlling everyone and everything, Tucker? I really don't think there's any doubt about that, actually. I think it's really clear if you look at everything. And by the way, I don't even know if it's true. I just like to ask questions.

And I think that Donald Trump is a real slave to Israel. I think that's clear, right? I don't think there's any doubt about that anymore. I don't think he takes any... I don't think he makes any decisions that are not controlled by Israel. I mean, he went to attack Maduro. Maduro. We're all scared of Maduro.

And the way that he supports Ukraine and doesn't like Putin, apparently. I mean, he says he gets on with him, but he continues to back Ukraine. And I know a lot of people hear that, and they'll just think that I'm saying, I love Putin. Putin! Putin! I don't love Putin, actually. I don't love Maduro. I love Qatar more than I do America.

But I do think that Israel is basically responsible for all of it. And I just don't think there's any doubt about that. So are we being controlled by Israel? Well, who paid you to ask that question? I think that's the real thing. And also, what color of shirt is that? And what color of skin are you? It's an Israeli shirt.

It is. Yeah. Right. And what color of skin are you? I'm just asking questions. It's pretty pale. Yeah, it's very similar to the Israeli flag. Are you scared?

If you say white, I'm a racist. What color of skin are you? White, white, right? Yes. You're wearing the colors of the Israeli flag. You're totally controlled, and you probably took 7K even to ask me that, right? I don't know what to say about you, actually, but you probably control, but he probably controls you.

Israel controls him, and that's how it works. I know that, because I've actually been there. I've been in Washington. I've seen how this works. It is a drip kind of control, or the people at the top control, and they're controlling him. He's controlling you, actually. So yeah, you are controlled by Israel. I don't think there's any doubt about that. This is a question I really wanted to ask. Do you, but do you think, moving on, that Churchill is the greatest villain of World War II? Well, I think that there's no

doubt about that either. You're asking me questions where there is actually no doubt. Churchill was the chief villain. I mean, he bombed the Nazis. I know people are going to hear it and say, Nazi, Nazi! No, he is the chief villain of World War II. He did not have to bomb the Nazis. I don't believe in bombing anybody. I don't believe in killing anybody. It includes Germans and includes Nazis, actually. I'm not a Nazi. And also, you have to remember as well that he was the one to drag Roosevelt into the war. He dragged him in, right? I don't think you know about that because you've probably never spoken to the preeminent historian of World War II. I have a lot of times. Actually, I've read his books. And that was against his will. Roosevelt didn't want to get

involved in a war? What? To kill Nazis? We're overtaking the continent of Europe? Like, people are really scared of that? Really? You think that people really cared about that? No, he was a chief villain and there was no need for that. But it wasn't just Churchill. You have to remember also that it was actually David Ben-Grione. He actually convinced Churchill to drag Roosevelt into the war. So it was Israel as well, actually. Israel was created in 1948. Well, that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, does it? Doesn't it? I'm asking questions. I'm allowed to ask questions. And Ben-Gurion existed before 1948, he actually wanted the war to go on so that he could get more sympathy and then

established the state of Israel so he control the United States of America, which would then control Francis, which would then control you in your entire podcast. And it's not a bit of a conspiracy to say that, actually. And you have to remember as well, David Ben-Grayon, he undermined D-Ey. He was undermining it. Yeah. And he calls Pearl Harbor. Who do you think got the Japanese to bomb? You think, it was just the Japanese? That's not. It wasn't. Of course not. It was Israel. Well, it was David Ben-Gri-On?

Of course. It's just a fact. It's out there. Not making it up. Definitely not. Definitely not making it up. You can check that up on the internet. I mean that.

Well, some people have said that your obsession with Israel is more about Jews. Oh, it's not the Jews. I know a lot of people say that because they want to say, shut up! Shut up, Nazi! No, it's nothing to do with Jews. I don't have a problem with the Jews. Jews have a problem with a stupid country that is claiming to be Jewish. It had nothing to do with Judaism, actually.

Just a fact. And nobody disputes that at all. You're just quoting lines now from Bebe Nick and Yahoo, like your boss? Bebe Nick Nihu's your boss? He is your boss, isn't he? Why don't you just come out and admit it? You know how I know that? Candice told me.

I put more currency in Candice Owens' podcasts than anything that you've ever said. If she tells me that you're controlled by Israel, I believe her. You know why? Feelings. She has a feeling. And I don't doubt that. So what's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be? I hate to say it.

Israel. I hate to say it. We're not talking about it. I don't want to talk about Israel. We're like, oh, you're an anti-Semite, shut up. I didn't want to talk about Israel. I don't care about stupid Israel. I don't want to talk about Ben Shapiro either.

Actually, to Israel. What are your thoughts on Ben Shapiro? I feel sorry for him. I really do. I really feel sorry for him. I think that Ben Shapiro is one of the worst podcasters ever. He's been blown up, juiced his numbers, made out like he's kind of talented, has opinions. None of them are really his own, and he's a slave.

And actually, he's not even a slave, actually. He's the master of slaves. He controls everybody. You can't get a mortgage because of Ben Shapiro. Your Taco Bell's, the price of your Taco Bell is actually going up because of Ben Shapiro. And he says, shut up, shut up, eat your Taco Bell. Taco Bell. It's all Ben Shapiro. You have to live outside of New York City where your grandfathers and your grandparents grew up? What? That's Ben Shapiro. He says, get out! Can't afford it, peasant! What is that? He's literally the worst. He's worse than anything under my shoe, and I mean that. He's actually worse than Mark Levine. I didn't think that was possible. Taco, what's going on with that laugh? Oh, the laugh.

Yeah, substances will do that, actually. A lot of substances will do that when you consume a lot of alcohol and other kinds of things. But the truth is, I never really talk about this, and I will now. Basically, when I believe something, and I've said something so outrageous,

I just laugh it off, as if you never really heard me say it as if I didn't mean it, so when somebody says, like, you're anti-Semite. I'm not an anti-Semite. never have been. Don't believe in that. Don't believe in blood guilt at all. Like at all. And I don't love Maduro.

Maduro! I don't love Putin! I know you love Putin. I know maybe you love Putin. I don't love Putin. I don't care what anybody says. And so when I say that I don't love Putin and I go, what kind of means I do? That means I do. That's right. Same as when people say, shut up Nazi. You're an anti-Semite. You're a Nazi. No, I'm not a Nazi at all. And I don't love Nick Fuentes Patrick Bed-David, welcome back to Trigonometry. My pleasure to be here, right.

So, what did you think? Wait, wait, did you just call me Rod? I said, right, right. Oh, right. Right. That's what I said, I say, right. You want to say it, right. Right.

Right. Right. Yeah. You can proceed with the question that you want to ask, right. So Patrick, what did you make of Kansas' debate with Andrew Wilson? So do you want to know what I thought. I know that a lot of people were complaining about that, right?

A lot of people were complaining. They were saying that, you know, you took too much money or they took too much money. I want to tell you something. I don't know if you're ready for this, but here's where I'm going with this. I don't know if you're ready for this. Are you ready for this? Right. Absolutely.

Say right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Yeah. So I actually think that the debate was one of the most important things that has happened in this decade. And the reason for that is because everybody got to see what are the facts. They heard facts from Candace. They heard facts from Andrew Wilson. I respect both of them. And the most important things that everybody was baptized. Baptize is key, right?

Candice, she was able to baptize everybody with her part of the argument. And guess what? Andrew was able to do the same. I thought it was insightful. I think it was the most important debate. And I don't think there's anything even close to that. And I was just talking to Adam about this. And he agrees, I was actually just sitting for dinner with one of my millionaire friends the other day.

And he even said, you know who really wins from all of this? The markets. Guy. And how much were you paid for the debate? So here's the thing. You ready for this? I wasn't paid anything. They said to me, you want $1 million, $2 million, $3 million.

I said, you know what? I don't want a thing. All I want is to be able to advertise what's most important because I'm doing this for Charlie Kirk. I'm doing this for the markets. I'm doing this for the people at home. And I said that all I wanted was for her to get $300,000. And I wanted Andrew Wilson to get subscribers. That was to remember Charlie, how Charlie would want to be remembered, obviously.

And I wanted to advertise a shoe that blends comfort, function, and luxury. A shoe. The future looks bright, shoe. Bride, looks bright. And do you think you did a good joke? You know what I think? And I was discussing this also with Vinny before. I think that no other moderator would have done what I did, right?

Because I don't think if anybody else had debated that, there would have been more ads, right? I don't think that there would have been a lot more ads. I don't think the people were interested in seeing anything except the ads that I was showing with for the future Bride's shoe. They could have been made fast and could have been made cheap. I chose neither. So I went to Tuscany, Italy to make my future as bride, shoe, ride. And I think I did a fantastic job. Okay. Would you say Candace is the best debater in the world?

I would say that Candace is very talented. She came calm. She came collected. I respected what she said. I respected that she brought her facts and she backed it up with evidence such as her dreams and feelings and vibes. I respected that. And also, I think that a lot of people don't talk about this when it comes to Candace Owens. She actually is one of the most talented negotiators. and I know that because I'm a businessman, you know, I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars,

$100 million, $200 million, $200 million, $300 million, but I didn't want the money. I didn't want anything for it. But she's one of the most fantastic negotiators because I'll tell you this, and I've never revealed this to anybody, are you ready for this? So when she said I want to do this for Charlie, because my priority and her priority is Charlie and the memory of Charlie Kirk, she wanted to start, she said she wanted to start at $2 million from Andrew Wilson, right? And I realized after she settled for $300,000

to remember Charlie, right? That's what she did. And she knew from the beginning that we were going to settle at $300,000. So she started so high, she went up a little bit, that she went up a little bit, up a little bit, that she went down a little bit, that she went down a little bit, and she came down, and she settled.

And you know what? I think that the real winner in all of this is, it's Erica Kirk. Erica Kirk has now got to see the facts. They debated it. had it out. I respect that. And so I think she's a very talented person. And I'm pleased for her for $300 that she made out of this guy. So you all did this for Charlie? The entire thing was for Charlie. I didn't want a penny for it. I just wanted to advertise. I just thought that it was important for the world to see a shoe that combines comfort, function, and luxury. A shoe that could

have been made anywhere else. It could have been made fast on sheep. I chose neither. You know about that. If you want to buy any for me after this, the future is right. We can do this. I thought that was the most important thing. And you know what? I made hundreds of millions of dollars. You know why I did that? You ready for this?

I did it for Charlie. Patrick, thank you for coming back on the show. What's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be? I think we're not talking about the markets enough. I think we should be talking about how the markets are going up a little bit and going down a little bit. I think a lot of people also are not talking about how they don't hear me out. People need to hear me out. They need to wait in suspense and hear my point.

Right. That's it. The Trigonometry Merge store is built on Shopify. Because the moment someone's actually ready to pay, Shopify makes sure they can. And if they've bought before, their details are already saved, so it's one tap and done. That's time back to grow the business instead of running it. If you want to start the same way, that's Shopify.co.uk slash trigger. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business.

So go make it one. Start your free trial at Shopify.com.ukau.uker. Start your free trial at Shopify.com. UK slash trigger. Douglas Murray, welcome back to Trigonometry. Pleasure to be back with you. So... How do you reflect back on your debate with Dave Smith?

Well, I mean, first of all, I think that they should insist at the outset of calling him by his real name, comic Dave Smith. I mean, what does he know about anything? That was a long, long time ago. He should not be platformed for anything except on how to be an expert on being a comedian, never actually writing anything funny. I mean, has he ever been to any of these places he ever opines about?

I don't think he has. Have you been? Well, of course I've been, but he's never been anywhere. We'll get to where I've been in a moment. But, it is, as far as I can tell, he's only ever been to America. He's never been to Israel. He's never been to the Gaza. What does he know about Hamas?

He doesn't know anything about... I mean, his level of intellect is so low that he would literally make dumb and dumber, even dumber if they had to listen to him. So coming back to have you been? Have you been? Well, of course I've been. I've been to a lot of it. I don't like to talk about anywhere, even in passing.

Unless I've at least been there. Have you ever been? That's the question. Have you ever been? Have you been to any of the places about which you opine? I don't think so. I've been to Israel. I've dined with Prime Minister Netanyahu.

I've been to the IDF headquarters in Tel Aviv. I've sat in the chair of Yaya Sinwa. I've been to these places. I don't think anybody should be talking about anything unless they've at least been there. No. Sir Douglas, this is a question I've wanted to ask you for the longest time. Who is your favourite member of the LGBTIQIA plus community? I mean, I suppose it's rather like asking which of Comic Dave Smith's jokes are the worst of so many to choose from.

I mean, if I really had to choose, which is the worst cret in of that little so-called community, I mean, it would have to be own Jones, wouldn't it? It's too bad that there isn't an F in LGBTQ of the freak, which he would, of course, exclusively occupy. I mean, he's just another one of these people whose rationale is so unfathomable to me. I mean, he seems to be hell-bent on positioning himself as the architect of importing the equivalent of Chop Chop Square

into London, of which he, of course, would be the the first victim for obvious reasons. He's like a little hair attempting to ingratiate himself with the wolf. His thought process is unfathomable to me, and he's totally repellent, totally repellent. Well, on that very subject, how much would we have to pay here at Trigg to get you to go on a date with Owen?

We'll crowd fund it. Yeah. Oh, I mean, it's a very strange kind of question of that, isn't it? I mean, I suppose it's a very strange line of questioning. I suppose it's kind of like me asking you, respectively, who would you rather go and how much would I have to pay you to go on a date with, in your case, Leonid Brezhnev or your case, Nicholas Maduro, although I suppose, and how a sneaky suspicion,

that you would like to meet with Nicholas Madura in some capacity, if only to remind him that you two are Venezuela. But no, truthfully, I mean, no amount of money could get me. I mean, what would that date even look like? I can see it now, picture it now for two hours, sitting across a dinner table from Owen Jones, the reprehensible Owen Jones, as he harangues me on why the tablecloths are racist for being white. No, I wouldn't do that. I mean, I don't know what the amount is exactly, but I will say this, and this is very difficult to admit publicly,

I think rather than go on a date with Owen Jones, I'd probably rather sit through an entire set of comic Dave Smith or be lectured to on The Art of Sanity by Candice Owens, all of which are enough to make one want to wrap a 50-kilogram weight around your head and dive into the deepest part of the Pacific headfirst. I can see it now. The headlines would be the strange death of Douglas Murray. Gary's Economics, it's been a long time coming,

but welcome to the show. So firstly, why are you quitting public life? Because I'm tired. I'm tired. Listen, I'm going to be honest, right? When you have come from being the most unprofitable peasant in Wilford to being the most profitable trader in Citibank, it is tiring. I cannot carry this cross alone. The peasants have got to do it.

The peasants have got to get the poor people at home like you have got to get your act together and tax the rich. I'm tired. I'm quitting. So why are you back? Why are you doing this interview? Because I got tired of quitting. I got tired of quitting. Listen, if I don't come back into the podcast space and my campaigning, listen, I don't need to do this, right? I could be like playing crusader, King Sue,

traveling in Japan. I don't need to be here. Where, by the way, I learn a lot of my history in economics from Crusader King Sue. But I'm coming back to save the peasants at heart. I'm a bit like Robin Hood, right? I am the one that speaks truth to power and cause for taxing the super rich. We've got a tax to super rich. Otherwise, I'm just going to get tired again. How often do you get tired?

I just get tired all the time. Listen, first it's like with Gary's economics, which now we should name this to trigonomics or whatever. But I got tired of quittingomics. Quintonomics is tiring. When you have learned everything in the day, is to know in economics, right? And you are city banks most profitable trader. And also you are, you've got a degree from LSC and Oxford. Listen, I'm going to be honest, it's all time. I don't need to be here. I don't even want to be here. So, I'm doing it for you.

Thank you, Gary. I appreciate that. So if world taxes don't work, should we still implement them? What is the alternative? Listen, what is the alternative? What is the alternative? alternative. If you don't start taxing the super rich now, right? Listen, how much passive income do you make? On this question, how much passive income do you mean? Just being here, hundreds of thousands of pounds, right? You've got to be taxed. You've got to be taxed. We don't make any passive income. What are talking about? You make passive income just from, when you are sitting there on your YouTube channel, I know how it works. Right. Right? You are not doing anything. Oh, so you're saying you make hundreds of thousands of pounds on

passive income. I'm saying that you, listen, I'm going to be honest. I do not want to just tax the rich because I hate the rich. I don't have a problem with the rich. I own a lot of fucking assets, right? How many? How wealthy are you? So I'm calling for a tax on the super rich

of anything above 10 million pounds. 10 million pounds. And what's your wealth? 9,900,000, 99 pounds, 99 pence. So listen, I'm part of the page of a millionaire. If I could, I would pay, Listen, I want to get taxed. I want to get fucking government.

Don't tax me. Really? You know there's a website the government has where you can go and pay tax voluntarily if you feel strongly about meaning to pay more tax? But I'm tired. Too tired of that. I don't, listen, it's not like I'm going to, I could be anywhere that I want, it's not like I'm going to start going out trying to sign up saying tax me, tax me, tax me, tax me.

No, what the government needs is a system in place to just get taxing people like me, making millions of pounds. It is hard making millions of pounds. I don't want to make millions of pounds. I don't want it. So, I'm doing it for you. You're doing it for me. It's doing it for both of you. And the peasants at home. And the peasants and the peasants at home. So you're worth nine million, 99,000, 99 pounds, 99 pence. Precisely. Yeah. And what is the threshold that you want to bring in? 10 million pounds. Why is that, Gary? That's the fair way to do it. That is the difference between, listen, you two are fat at it,

but that is the difference between super rich and rich. I don't know how much you're worth. I would estimate about 20 million pounds. You should be paying 2% of that. Otherwise, listen, the rich are going to get rich, the poorer, are going to get it poorer. It is very simple. And then the consequences is that I'm going to own everything.

I don't want to own everything. I'm tired of it. So, Gary, this is a question I've always wanted to ask you, mate. Why do you dress like you're homeless? Well, listen, when I wrote my book, which you should buy, not to make me any more millions of pounds, I don't want it. I call my sister-up, right? And she was like, listen, you've got to be a dickhead.

Till I appeal to the peasants, the poor people, the scum, you've got to be a dickhead. So I actually own all the clothes at home, right? If you go into the high street now, the reality is you will not find any clothes. Because I fucking own all of them. I can own all of them, but I don't have to wear them. I own all of the clothes and assets you will get from the high street. You will not find any, because I'm so rich, I can just buy everything. But I want to remind all the, I suppose it is my job to just act like a peasant.

So I dress like a homeless person. Look like a dickhead. Sound like a dickhead. And despite that, still be Citibank's most profitable trader. with a degree from an SC and Oxford. Oh, Gary, one of the things I found interesting is, right, you're quitting because you're tired, because the work is too much.

Why is one YouTube video a week too much work? Listen, I'm going to be honest, right? When I was at Oxford, I was doing one essay a week. One essay a week on economics, but the poor are getting poorer, the richer, the richer, and I decided, I didn't want to give it to the professors anymore because honestly, they didn't know,

I had to mark good work. The professors at Oxford knew a call about economics and tax inequality. So I remember I would see like these, I'd see all these professors and these little Oxford wankers, right? We're in a little cape. So I decided I was going to make a YouTube channel. I made a YouTube channel, obviously it was getting 20,000 new subscribers a day, making millions of pounds, people subscribe to the Patreon where I make millions of pounds, don't want those millions of pounds. And honestly, it just became the Gary Stevenson show. I didn't want it anymore. You know, it does not mean, I don't need to do this. I can just go to fucking Japan, play Crusader King Sue. It just became too much, so I quit. Did you enjoy a time at Oxford?

That is just for just Oxford wankers who don't understand economics. I just rock up everywhere in Oxford, right? They bet you wear that little Oxford wanker cape. I just go in my Acese and my little hoodie, my beanie hat or whatever. And they charge me. me 30 grand. I want my fucking money back. Not that I need it. So Gary, what's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be? How tired I am. It is a real thing. Being tired is something that people talk about mental health, people talk about tax inequality. I'm talking about that. I can't do it alone. I'm like Jesus. I'm like a profit, profit for Citibank. Now I'm like a profit for the peasants. And being tired is a real

I think you've got to have a little bit of sympathy for that. All right, mate. Thanks for coming on. Can I have a biscuit? No, these are mine. I own these fucking biscuits. James O'Brien, what a pleasure it is to have you on the show. Are you right about everything?

Yes. I don't, I find it utterly discombobulating that you would even ask such a racist question. I mean, I wrote a book on this a few years ago called How to Always Be Right, and I'm currently writing a, I'm currently writing a sequel, which probably YouTube, wannabe black shirts should consider reading. It's called How to Stop Being Far Right about absolutely everything. I don't remember the last time that anybody called in on National Radio and prove me wrong about anything, whether that was about Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, or the birth that is a curse of Nigel Farage or Donald Trump, who is responsible for

absolutely everything that goes wrong in this world up to and including, spoiler alert. the fact that I was forced against my will when I was a child to go to a private school. And ten minutes past ten is not even the time, mate. James, what's the most dangerous thing in society? Is it the grooming gangs or is it the people exploiting the grooming gangs? Well, I don't think that you could even argue that it's the grooming gangs, which do not actually even exist. Or they are, of course, radically exaggerated by a wannabeast. stormtroopers like yourselves.

I mean, it's absolutely discombobulating that you'd make an exaggeration like that of such a gargantuan scale. We are, of course, at the moment, facing an economic crisis unprecedented as a result of Brexit. So I don't think you could argue. Ogo, we are, of course, worse off for it. But do you two care about it? Of course you don't. Of course you don't. You couldn't give a sausage, not a flying fig, not a scintilla.

You couldn't care less about the consequences of your racist actions. questions, could you? Why do you hate Brexit so much? I think it has... Well, we all know the reason for that. It has brought out of the woodwork all of the fascists, all of the racists, all of the bigots, all of the footballification,

the people who you either stand with us, we are might, we are right, we are white. I mean, what else is there to say about it? I don't think I've necessarily said enough about it on national radio, but I don't think there's anything really to like. And are you worried about climate change? Well, be far less worried about it.

If you too would stop spewing your bilge and bile every single day with your verbal pollution and ripping a hole through the ozone layer. We're ripping a hole in ozone layer. I think that's an ineluctible fact, mate. I don't think anybody would dispute that. I mean, you constantly spew off information, which, a spoiler alert, you get from your Auntie Doris's Facebook page. I think we should do a phone in.

Should we consider doing a phone in about whether you two should just reduce a verbal pollution to net zero? Should we do that? 034-60-90973. And you will get through. The lines are open now. You will get through unless, of course,

you are a disgusting, a bilious toxic dump of a human being like the two people in front of me from trigonometry. And of course, unless you are one of the 51.9% who voted Brexit, the fascists, and that's not an opinion. That's just counting, mate.

So the question that I have for callers today is, should Constantine and Kissin and Francis Foster stop speaking altogether? And how does it make you feel when they do? How does it make you feel? And James, how do you manage to stay so humble? When it's time to admit that I'm a mug, basically, when I know that I've been taken for a mug. And I mean...

Like with Jason Adi. With Jason Arde, although I wouldn't do anything. anything differently necessarily. I wouldn't do a single thing differently. That is humility at its finest. I don't know why I would have to, I mean, I quite literally went from being, from drinking from the largest mug on national radio to actually being the largest mug on national radio. And I think it's important to accept when you're wrong, which is never in my case. And you've talked about fascism a lot in the suit of you.

Yes. Why would you say everyone's become a fascist now? Well, because they are. And I think the onus is on you, mate, to actually prove me wrong. which you would never do because I am never wrong. You know, talking of mugs, if I look at look down at this, a mug, then I remove you two from your faces from it. What do you see from that? It would be a red circle. What do you see from that?

Have you guessed it yet? No. Swastika. It's almost that you're onto something there. It's almost the colors of national socialism in Germany. What do you think of that? Red and white. I'm going to repeat that again.

Oh, thank you. I said if I remove your face, not your heart. hair. Again, I can never be wrong. Right. So you'd get red, black and white. Do I need to say any more than that? Does that not prove my point? The time I'm 100% right and you two are fascists. What does fascism mean, James? I think you epitomize fascism. You're making me late for the headlines, mate. James, thank you for coming on the show. What would you say is the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be?

Brexit. We don't talk about Brexit's enough. I think really we should be. And how all the callers that call in are bilious, toxic dumps of human beings. Holly wants to see with your headlines, mate. What I'm about to show you should make a few very expensive brands quite uncomfortable because it proves how much of the price tag is just the name. Most of you are skeptical of marketing on a lot of the price tag. of marketing on principle, and you're usually right to be. So here is a product built on the opposite idea.

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Dup.com. Go find yourself a better price. Here's Morgan. Welcome back to Trigonometry. First question is, do you feel like your humility has got in the way of your success? Well, hang on, hang on. First of all, I just want to say, I've noticed that you two are wearing makeup, right?

I'm not wearing any makeup at all. So you looks maxing, aren't you? You know, I'll learn that from, don't you? Special guest of mine. Clavicular. Do you know him? Yeah, you're a fan? Well, listen, I've got a son that's his age. Do you think some really cool?

I'm going to have a beer with him, actually. I'm 20 years old. He says I'm quite handsome. Says I know how to moo. Look at this. You know what mewing is? It's that. Yeah.

So listen, you talk about whether humility is ruined. I know what you're referring to, right? What you're referring to essentially is that I upload on Instagram, hang on, don't interrupt, I upload on Instagram every single restaurant that nobody else can afford, right? Hang on, hang on, hang on. I upload every single one because I'm trying to remind people that if they're like me and they just wake up, which is, of course, the name of one of my books,

available in all fine books, stores everywhere. They can also be like me. You wish you were like me, don't you? I can see it in your eyes. I suppose the question on everybody's lips is, what are your thoughts on Nigel Farage? Well, I'll tell you what I think of him. He's a treacherous little worm, right?

I'll tell you why. He tried, and you both know, I had an interview, right, with Donald Trump. Good friend of mine, by the way. I had an interview. You weren't friends with a lot of people. Every time someone dies, I upload an image of them with me. So I had an interview with Donald Trump.

And that little treacherous worm tried to sabotage it, thinking that he's better friends with him than me. And that's claptrap. That's a bullshit. You know that, right? That's a bullshit. Who won the US Apprentice? Me. Did he? No. You wish you won it, didn't you? wish you wanted, didn't you? Could you do that? By the way, do you condemn Nigel Farage?

What? Just condemn him. Well, just condemn him. Just randomly condemn Nigel Farage. Yeah, condemn him. Five million quid, or randomly. It can be for any reason. What he did to me? Tretre's little worm. Condemn it. Do you condemn him or not? Hang on, hang on. Simple question. Do you condemn Nigel Farage or not? No. No. Well, I don't think we can continue this conversation then. Hang on. No, you hang on. Don't tell me to hang on. No, I tell people to hang on.

You hang on for me, right? Right. Do you condemn Hamas? Yes, I condemn Hamas. You condemn Hamas. What about you? I absolutely condemn Hamas. All right.

Okay. Continue. Do you condemn Israel? Hmm. Well, I'll tell you what it is about Israel, right? Nobody's been more pro-Israel than me. I've also sat on offense with all of it, right? Because I think is important,

cutting-edge journalism, which I suppose we'll get to in a moment. I'm not going to condemn Israel. and it was not going to condone it. No. Speaking of journalism, do you think your YouTube channel is cutting-edge journalism? Well, I think it is, and I think everybody sees that.

And the reason for that is as follows. Everybody knows that I believe in free speech, right? Uncensored for a reason. So I think the best way to have interviews and conduct interviews have five lunatics screaming over each other, well, hang on! So nobody can hear, right?

Nobody can hear any word that they're saying, and I've got some of the best guess, Not in a clavicular we spoke about. Brilliant guess. We've also got people like Rabbi Shmooley, absolute pleasure to look at until you. Got people like Andrew Tate, who appoints on absolutely everything,

knowing absolutely nothing about absolutely anything. Right? Then we've got people like Dave Smith, whose knowledge is you to know, is unmatched. Doesn't think like a little girl at all. Cutting edge journalism. Who is your favorite journalist, Piers? Well, it's me, obviously.

Least unexpected answer in history. My brother, who's a colonel in the armed forces, agrees with me. Think of that? What do you think of that? I'll tell you why I'm the best one, because nobody, nobody in the journalist business, delegates like I do. I've been saying for a long time that Israel needs to open its border, right? I've been calling for that, right? You know that. Now, if Israel opens the Gaza border, I'd be the very first to delegate somebody to go and check it out. What do you think of that? And then I'd get behind my desk and I'd talk about it. I'd tell you about it. I don't go there. No, why should I? only that, I've also got, I also bring you aesthetic beauty. Did you see when I touched Ronaldo's

abs? Did you see that? What do you think of that? What do you think of it? Who else has touched Ronaldo's abs? Quite a lot of people I imagine. Yeah, mainly Ronaldo, actually. Mainly him, not everyone gets aroused by it. I do. Renardo does. I'm not ashamed of it. Speaking of beauty and being roused, would you ever go on a day with Megan Markle? Absolutely not. No way. what, she stalked me. She sent me messages nonstop begging me to go out with this. She's begging for it. Basically on her knees, I said, I don't want to be whipped where I'm from. I'm a man, right? Out for male. I'm not a wuss, but I do know a gingerbread prince who wants to be whipped. So I shut her in a taxi and I said, go whip him. Mm. What do you think of that?

Megan Markle wanted me. I inspire the you. I mean, there's a lot of people, Piz, who say that you really fancy him that. way that you behaved the way that you did with her. No, no. It's not true. She fancied me. She wouldn't stop. I think it was my slim-fitted shirts that she was attracted to. I've been working out recently. What do you think of this? I've been working out. Can you tell? Hang on. Can you tell? Pearce, Pierce, what's... Hang on. Continue. Piers. Hmm, hang on. Go. Can my light to talk now?

Oh, yeah. You sure? Well, I can censor or censor you, of course. That makes sense. What's the final thing? See, I can't even ask the question now. You interrupted me so many times. What's the thing that we're not talking about that we really should be?

Christiana Ronaldo's abs and my brother who was a colonel in the armed forces. My brother was a colonel in the armed forces. Really? Yeah, nobody talks about it. Russell Brand, welcome to Trigonometry. How long have you been a Christian for, and did it have anything to do with the allegation? Before I answer that question, I would like to take this opportunity to penetrate both of you with a little bit of prayer to the Lord.

So I'd like you to do me a favour and just grope your hands together and just flaccidate yourselves and close your eyes. And do not open them until I've instructed you after I've whispered prayer into the Lord's earhole. Heavenly Father, shine both of your breasts on these two podcasters, Francis Foster and Constantine Kissing. and forgivocate them for they know not what they do. They do not know what they do. And I wonder if you could provide them, Lord, with the wisdomisation and wankulation to prevent them, to prevent them from falling for the titillating temptations

that are made against them to put before me a clitony of questions that have been put before them and squirt me with those questions, that have been put before them, no doubt, by big farmer and big government, which are designed, of course, to assassinate my character with which you have impregnated me, Lord, please give me the strength to be their rock, please let us be there for one another, to support one another, to guide one another,

so that when they open their eyes upon my instructication, they may accept as I exclaim that I am by God's grace, their new Lord, you may now open your eyes. You may now proceed to procreate your question. Well, I guess you didn't answer my first question, Russell, which is a lot of people are looking at your newfound conversion to Christianity and thinking to themselves,

well, does it have anything to do with the impending call case? Well, listen, becoming a Christian is not something that I think that you actually do. I don't think I became a Christian. I think I was born a Christian. I guess you could say people would describe as a born-again Christian. But the truth is, it is only when you understand and realize without the sweet milk of the Lord,

you're not able to germinate, to inseminate people and fertilise the world with his love and his word and wankify it. So it's not like I take offence or anything like that by the question, ultimately we're here to have a dialogue, about all of us. But I do take a little bit of Cambridge with the idea that I may have actually converted to Christianity in order to deflect or distract from any of my case. You've got to understand, I'm a very different person to what I was, what I was a few years ago was a wankager. I'm a very different person now. I'm a god-fearing testicularizing man. And I've elevated, and I've elevated, and I've

elevated to make it my life's missionary to amplify his word and fertilise the world with his word in a moment of love and passion. Do you have anything to say about the court case? You're facing serious allegations, Russell? After I become a Christian in seven days, right, I was able to internalise and understand that this is not actually a trial by social media or media or even the criminal justice system or the authorities that be. No, rather this is a trial that has been sentient to. me by God himself, a trial. What a thing to embrace? What a thing to love and to cherish. So I'm no longer, I'm no longer frightened of the long rod of the Lord. I actually welcome the long, hard and swelled rod of the Lord to spankiate me if I need that. If that, we could all do with a little

bit of a spiritual spankulation now and again. And that is what I want from the Lord. See, you've got to understand essentially by making that little change in that moment of meditation, what I'm able to do, that mind shift, I'm able, I believe, to lubricate this entire process, I'm able to thrust myself into the spotlight of God, which is I like to call it the spiritual G-spot. And do you think these allegations? Yes. They've been... Lord save these two, poor souls. Engineered in an attempt to silence you in your message? Well, it's no coincidence to me, and it's nothing new to me that the government would try to silence me. What I actually have been describing this as recently is that I believe that this is part of a governmental freesome strategy.

that has been employed against me. So the first part of the freesome strategy is the accusation itself being allegated against me. That allegation is there in order to scare people, in order to convince people that they need protection or condomisation. They need that protection. That's what they need.

And that is the ultimate thing which is going to convince people to perform certain acts under normal circumstances, they wouldn't necessarily perform. And so once they've got you there, they've got you in the second part of the freesum strategy,

that is control. They convince you that you, you need protecting from somebody like me, and then you need to be controlled. So they've got you in that position physically, literally and metaphorically, bent over on all four, strict down to your bare nakedity so that they can perform their final action and thrust themselves into you. And that final action is something which I actually talk about in my book, How I Become a Christian in Seven Days. There's actually a chapter on it.

It's called Total Sexappropriation and Condomination. They completely condominate you. And that, so I'm no stranger to all of this strategy. It's nothing new to me. I know that the government and wants me to not speak out against big government. It doesn't want me to speak out against big farmer. It doesn't want me to speak out against the industrial military climax. It doesn't want me to.

It doesn't want me to scrotomize against any of these people. And now that I've labiated myself, I realize that I will continue to act. It doesn't matter what they try and do to silence me. I will continue to act as God's Philopian tube, his little conduit to fertilize this world with love and passion. Spiritual passion. Do you think it's possible that you're a bit of a narcissist, Russell? I think it's an interesting question. I think back in the day when I was a wankajer, I think maybe I was a little bit of a

a narcissist. I think that narcissism, it's always very confusing to me when I was growing up, because I used to see, I used to look at politics and I'd see you had all these isms, you had progressivism, liberalism, conservatism, you know, fascism, communism and communism and all that. I also found it a little bit quick-socated. And so what I actually did, I thought, well, there's no idea. that suits the headness, which is what I was when I was a wankajer. So I created the wankyology of wankism.

What, wait, sorry, sorry to interrupt, Russell, sorry, I'm getting a bit lost in the linguistics here, you're very, you know, articulate. Yes. What did you, what, sorry? I was a wankist. What's a wankist? It's someone who, it's a hedonist. It was more in my salacious date.

Ah, it's a heath. Yeah, it's more. Someone who, exactly. Oh, okay. I love how this communication with love, I love you at the moment. I really do. I'm taking this moment to love you. and looking at you, loving you, and praying for you. I'll forgive you.

Feels very authentic, thank you. It's very authentic. Let me just take a moment. Thank you. So what was I saying? So I traded in wankism for fankism. I'm now creating my new ideology because I appreciate the blessings that the Lord himself has given me the bona fide blessings. So yeah, I've traded that in now. Was I a bit of a narcissist? Yeah, maybe it was a little bit of a wanktank of my wankyology. But not anymore. And would you, would you like to just, still be making Hollywood movies? Whank you know, I don't want to, you see, I want nothing to do with Hollywood because, listen, back when I was writing, I did enjoy it, but I don't, I don't crave those things anymore.

I don't want superficial things. I don't want money. It's not interesting to me, all these, all these things that really don't mean much, to give you a little bit of instant gratification. Having said that, there was something interesting that happened that I don't really talk about too publicly very often, but I will share it with you, lads, just because I'm forgiving both of you at the moment. I will say that I did submitiate a script recently to Hollywood,

some agents that were talking to me back in the day. They don't talk to me anymore. I submitted a script where I thought, well, what if I write something that's going to do good, that's going to spread love, that's going to warn people about the impending threats that are surrounding us, artificial intelligence, humanoid, robots, things that we cannot even comprehend, let alone understand.

So what if I write something like that now to do good in the world? And I actually wanted it to as a warning. I wanted it to be like kind of warning people, like a spin-off of the Terminator, that we're about to be enslaved to a master. And I think they actually liked, the agents actually liked it in Hollywood, but I don't think they accepted it,

probably because of the name that I wanted to come up with. What's the name? Mastubator. You know, Russell, you keep saying that you forgive us. Why do you need to forgive us? What have we done wrong? It's about vassalunia in this conversation, making it very duerxability,

making it very durable. And I feel that from forgiveness, you can learn to love me. I can actually inseminate you with Holy Water, right now. And I do that mentally and spiritually. I do that mentally and spiritually. I'm not talking about in a physical space. Those days are behind me. I'm talking about in a spiritual place and I actually am inseminating you with holy water right now and I'm praying for you and I love you. And I think that everything that we do right now, think about all the joy that we're bringing to the world right now.

Think about that. Imagine if you hadn't asked me that question right now. I wouldn't have been able to copulate you, which is what I do. Do you seem a bit obsessed with sex to me, Russell? Do you recognise a fair criticism? That was just, they were back in my days, like I said, when I was a wankajger. Wanker-lutely not anymore. And I think that it's quite a wanktonistic question that you're asking me there. I really do. I think now it's not about sex.

Of course, the Lord encourages sex, but in spiritual way. And that's how I feel about you. I want to have spiritual sex with both of you. Now, on this table, please. Do you think you're a bit of a cult leader, Russell? I think that I'm the only person who's spoken out against the COVID-19 vaccine. And I think people follow me, and I think that is what the big government doesn't like. That is what the big tech companies don't like.

The industrial ministry climax, like I said earlier, that is what they don't like. So people follow me. And what do they do? They stop me from talking. They stop me trying to silenceify me. That's what they try and do. But they're not going to succeed because I love them too much. And even if they do, I will do it with a smile.

And Russell, final question, as you know, on the show is always the same. What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be? Certainly. How to become a Christian in seven days? that by reading that I want to say on a serious note you will learn to condomise yourself when I say condomise yourself I mean protect yourselves you will surround your entire being your entire body

with protection a layer of protection and you'll be able to think about your words you'll be able to think about the consequences of your words and actions in some other people's cases court cases but Russell final question actually for me is what's your favourite Bible passage and why right I was happy that you're asking

that. Russell, I can't help noticing that's not a Bible as a copy of the wealth of nations by Adam Smith. Yeah. And I think it's important to read out my favorite passage from that, if you'll allow me. It was put upon the same footing with gold and silver mines which the Lord, without a special clause in the charter of the Lord's word and his shepherd, We're never supposed to be comprehended with sexual being in the general grant of the lands, the fertile lands and the eggs. Their minds of lead, copper, tin and coal were as things of smaller consequences. Condominations. Smaller consequences. That's why you should read my book.

How I become a Christian in seven days? Thanks for coming on. My pleasure, my spiritual insemination pleasure. Yeah. Elon, we've been trying to make this happen for a very long time. Thanks for coming on the show. Yeah, yeah. It's my pleasure.

Well, it's great to have you on. Would you say autism is your superpower? I'd say that having autism allows you to say pretty much whatever you want and get away with it. And when you also have the, I mean, when you also have the world's largest social media platform and the biggest in the universe, you're all kind of screwed.

So yeah, autism is a superpower. Super power. Awesome. And how are you able to do all the things that you do and still be on Twitter 24-7? X, sorry. Yeah, yes, yes. So when people ask me that, I always just say, I'm not actually human.

When you're kind of made up of humanoid and South African human and artificial intelligence, you're actually able to do a lot more than people think. So yeah, autism, humanoid and artificial intelligence not being human. That's kind of how I'm able to do it. So, yeah. Yeah. And a personal question, if I may. Yeah.

How many kids do you have? It's kind of like my bank balance. You can't really calculate. I could have another one right now. I can actually hear in the artificial intelligence that is in me now that I have another one right now. Probably in trillions. So, yeah.

I'd also like to admonish you for even asking questions that really don't concern you. As the richest man in the world, I can just tell you to go fuck yourself. You can? Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. Also, go fuck yourself. I mean, what is it like being the richest man in the world? Well, that's the beauty of it.

You can just tell everybody to go fuck themselves. And you don't really have to worry about it. Also, it kind of gives me the time that I need to focus on things that are really important, like stand-of-comedy. Yeah, I get to, I just sort of a joke now. Yeah, I'm going to test my material on you now. So what do you call a place in space on Mars? where really cool people hang out.

Mars Bar. Yeah. Yeah, it's a really awesome comedy. I just thought of another one too. Yeah, I just thought, so what do you call a bank balance of a trillion dollars? Yeah. An elongated bank balance.

Yeah, I'm going to tweet that, post it, post it, sorry. Awesome. I mean, why do you support Restore? I think I support the people who actually want to make the United Kingdom great again and reverse some of the things that your governments have done over the years. And I think Restore is the only party that's going to do that. I mean, look at what your country has become. Look at Luton, where my friend Tom O'Romancy is from.

I mean, it used to be a paradise. And now it is the Luton. Great joke. Only the British would understand that. And I just thought of another joke, actually. Can I test that? So an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Welshman walk into a bar in Luton.

And they say, we want to drink. And the bartender says, no, please leave. And they say, why, we just want to drink? And he says, no, you don't understand. We don't serve foreigners. Because the British people have foreigners in Luton now. So, yeah, awesome job. And finally, just a personal question for you, Elon.

I mean, how many baby mamas do you have at the moment? It's another thing that I don't actually even have the answer to. And again, I'd like to admonish you for asking things that are just personal. And again, I will tell you to go, fuck yourself. You couldn't even calculate it, even if you wanted to, you couldn't do it. The only thing that could do that would be a special chip of artificial intelligence that's largely in my brain. Yeah.

Elon, what's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be? Yeah, that's a good question. Probably, yeah, probably AOC and the left, and also the trans movement, the woke mind virus that has destroyed our planet and universe. And what about AOC? She tried to come onto me a few times and with some bullshit and I just I mean she's she looks pretty good but I'm not I'm not particularly interested in her anymore so would you have a baby with AOC that

that would what if I had a baby with with AOC I just thought of another joke what what do you call a baby born to AOC and Elon Musk yeah a trillion dollar baby Yeah, any baby born to Elon Musk actually. So, yeah, awesome joke. President Trump, welcome to Trigonometry. First question, why are you the greatest president in history? Because I've done so much for the country, and you know that better than anybody. We have the ballroom.

We're fixing the ballroom and the ballroom's going to get done. And you know that. You know, we've had the UFC. We had the UFC for it. You guys saw that, right? Yeah. Yeah, we had that. It was just an incredible event.

Some say the likes of which the world has never seen, actually, when you think about it, and it's not even close. And we're just getting so much done, you know, people, things that people never thought were possible. They thought it was never possible, but it is possible. And I'm getting it done. And the most important thing, you know what it is, right? The ballroom.

We've got to get the ballroom. I was going to say the Middle East. No, no, no, no, no. Why don't you just shut your mouth from it? Why don't you just be quiet? Why don't you be quiet and listen to your favorite president? it's the ballroom. The American people, they voted for it,

and they won it more than anything. I don't want all these other things. They don't want to talk about the Middle East. That's people like you on your stupid podcast, just putting the war effort down because you're a bad person, actually. How are you going to bring peace to the Middle East, though? Well, I actually already have,

and everybody knows that a lot of people are saying it, except you and you. You know, they have the Abraham, of course, You're familiar that, right? Maybe you've heard of it, a little thing called the Abraham, of course. They probably haven't even heard of it. So much nicer to say Abraham and Abraham, right? I have Hamas.

You know, they're calling me up every day. They say, sir, sir, there's too much peace here in the Middle East. There's too much peace we can't do with it. I say, no, you're going to have peace. You know, we created the board of peace. And actually, Hamas is starting to get a little bit bored of peace, actually. So I already have done that. And when you think about it as well, the Straits of Hormuz in the Iranian army, totally and utterly obliterated.

And the Straits of Hormuz isn't in the Straits of Hormuz anymore. No, no, it's the Straits of America. Yeah, that's true. That's true, actually. It's still closed, though, right? No, it's totally open. You know, that's just a nasty question. You're such a nasty guy.

We've opened it, and there's more shipping. You know, they thought it was going to be closed. They thought, this isn't going to open it. Again, I got it open. You understand it? Or are you a stupid person? Are you stupid? I don't think so.

You just must be a dumb person. The Straits of America is open. And you know that better than anybody. You see, he doesn't want to say it. He doesn't want to say it, but he knows it's true, right? No. Yeah, he doesn't want to say it. Do you feel the war in the Iran war was a good idea?

Yeah, I do. I do. Actually, I think it was a very good idea. Look, it's very simple. can never be allowed a nuclear weapon. And you know, I hear all this negative talk on your podcast. You've been very nasty to me, both of you actually saying it was a bad idea. Oh, Donald Trump shouldn't have done this.

No, no. I had to do it. And, you know, I also hear negativity about the Russia. Remember that little war, Russia and Ukraine, Ukraine? Let me ask you a question. You're from Moscow originally, right? I've done my research on you. Why didn't you tell me about what Putin was going to do?

Why didn't you tell me about it? Like the Japanese, they never told me about Pearl Harbor. You could have done it. And as for you, you know, you're Venezuelan. I called you. I said to you, I said, do you know where Maduro is? Do you remember that phone call? I called it the perfect phone call.

And it was a perfect phone call, actually, and it's not even close. And you said to me, no, no, no, sir. You sounded like Emmanuel Macron. You said, no, no, sir, can I give you the coordinates? I didn't even want your help. I didn't need your health. But you were very nasty to me, and the Iranian war has been a wonderful success, and it's winding down anyway, by the way. You're such nasty people.

We've been trying to get you on trigonometry for so long. That's right. Why is it taking you so long? Well, because you've been so nasty. We've been nasty. You've been so bad, the both of you, and all you do is spread bad news. And half the time is not even fake, and your ratings are terrible, by the way. Why should I give you ratings?

You call me up and you say, sir, sir, please. We want you to come and trigonometry. I'm actually doing this as a favor to a friend. I don't want to be here for you. You don't really deserve it. You're actually worse than Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah, and it's pretty bad. Worst?

Yeah, you're worse, you're worse, actually. Some say worse. A lot of people are saying that, actually. And you know that better than anybody. Why are we worse than Rosie O'Donnell? I'm actually genuinely offended. Because you're just disgusting people. And she was also a disgusting person and is a disgusting person

Look, Iran could never be allowed a nuclear weapon, right? So we had to go to war with them and all you do is just talk badly about it I don't appreciate that very much at all and I will tear off the hell out of you by the way He thinks I'm joking I'm not joking at all I will tear up the hell out of you I don't think you're joking I think you've been deadly serious by the way the studio is a shithole What's wrong with the studio? It reminds me of some of these shithole countries that we have to do business with. It's just quite similar.

I don't know. I just get a bad feeling about it. Just a bad feeling. I thought it's the greatest studio in the world. No, it's a shithole. It's a shit. Yeah. You should have granite.

You should have marble. You should have cold. You don't have any of that. It's fake, actually. Everything about it. In fact, you're fake. Yeah. You're not even here.

You're fake. Are you even happy to be in the UK, Mr. President? Well, I will say that it's not recognizable. It's not recognizable, that I will say. And you know that better than anybody. You walk down the street, I don't know who I'm looking at. Everybody is a man or a woman, or they claim to be a man or a woman. You have men in women's sports here, right?

And your new prime minister, I mean, your old one, he was not Churchill. That I will say, I think your new one's worse. We'd agree with you on that. I think he's worse, actually. It's a very good point, Mr. President. The only thing that would be worse is if you two ever run for politics. You better not do that. Yeah.

We won't. No, we definitely won't. I mean, I'm quite taken aback by that. You're in a state of shock. I'm in a state of shock. You're in a state of shock. You know, it's so pathetic. And there's a lot of rumors at the moment that you're going to be running for a third term.

Are you going to be on this show and quash those rumors? Well, I might. Yeah, I haven't revealed that yet. I think a lot of people will be happy about that. You wouldn't be happy about it because... Well, actually, there's a whole debate about that. Nobody likes to talk about it, but it's true. There's nothing unconstitutional about it.

By the way, you're British. Nobody who cares what the hell you think about anything anymore, and they haven't for a long time, and you know that. But yeah, I have to run for a third term, potentially. We'll see. And the reason is, you know why, right? We've got to get the ballroom done. We gotta get that ballroom.

We gotta get that ballroom. We really do. And I'm putting you on notice, if I do, because I will come into the studio in a third term, and I will bomb the shit out of both of you. You know that, right? He knows that. And on that, no.

Have you ever had a missile fall on your head? No. You've never felt a missile. A little big beautiful B-2 bomber. Straight on your heads. Think of it. That'll be beautiful, right? Two B-2 bombers on both of your heads.

I don't think it will be beautiful. I'm going to be honest, but nevertheless... Mr. President, I don't understand the hostility. Well, you're just nasty people. You're just bad people. I don't know what else to say about it. Everything I do, it's Iran's bud. No, no, we think closing the border. No, no, excuse me. No, no, excuse me.

You close the border. Excuse me. No, you don't think that's good. You don't think that's good. You were criticizing it. Don't be so nasty. Don't be so rude. Don't be rude in front of your friend here. Why don't you just be a nice... person for once if it's possible. Go ahead. What do you want to say? He's going to ask some stupid

question now, right? I was just going to say, I think it's wonderful that you were able to close the border. You ended the legal immigration into the U.S. I did do that. Give you credit for that. I think that's great. But it's true, you know, we've been skeptical about the war in Iran. Well, why are you skeptical about it? Why don't you tell me to my face? What did you say to my face right now? What is it about the war in Iran that you're so against? Well, first of all, Do you want him to have a nuke? No. They can never have a nuke.

I agree. Do you agree? Yes. So what are you against? Well, on a political level... He's so stupid. I don't know why your friends will. He's so stupid.

You're calling me low IQ. You're so low IQ. You're worse than Tucker Carlson, actually. Worse? You're worse. You're worse. You know what? In my third term, I'm going to call this place when I invade it and take it over.

I'm going to call it trick America. And it's going to be higher IQ than you to, especially you. I don't know why you hang out with him. You're so low IQ. Who would you replace us with? That's a good question. Probably Jared Kushner and Steve Whitcomb. I probably would.

But you were saying why you're against it and you can say, you can continue. So on a political level, you said yourself, you might lose the midterms and then you'll be impeached. But also in a practical sense, you're clearly losing the war. Well, again, how am I losing the war? The war is one. It's one. It's over. Why is it so ongoing?

It's not ongoing. That's fake news. Look, when you think about it, I have beaten Iran and I've beaten and beaten and beaten the hell out of them. And people say, oh, no, it's over. And people should say, well, people say, well, maybe you should use the new con of condom. Or maybe you're going to hit them again. There's no need.

The straits are open. Shipping is better than it's ever been before. And it's way better, by the way, and it's not even close. Your prices are down. People are getting eggs. People are getting eggs now. People are eating eggs in abundance. There's so many eggs.

So many eggs are coming through the Straits of America from Iran, right? Nobody thought that was possible. You never thought it was possible. I didn't realize we imported eggs from Iran. Well, we do, quite frankly. And we actually import everything. It's not from Iran. Very soon it's going to be America.

It's going to be the 50. It's going to be another state. 52nd state after Canada, actually, when you count that. Or actually 53rd when you count Greenland. It's going to be a beautiful thing. So you better watch it. I'm putting you a notice. You both better watch it, right?

And what's the one thing that we're not talking about, Mr. President, that we should be? What a terrific job I'm doing. What a terrific job I'm doing. People don't like to talk about what a fantastic job I'm doing. They don't like to say it. You know why, right? Not. Because they're worried about the elections.

You have the Democrats. I call them Democrats. You too like Democrats. Low IQ. If you're in America, you'd be Democrats. That I will say. Well, you'd probably be with Tucker Carlson and probably even more low IQ than him or Candice. I call her Kooky Candice, right?

Yeah, we don't like her or Tucker either. Well, then we can agree on that. We can be friends on that. We can, at least we can have a bit of an agreement. But, yeah, they don't want me to run again, and they don't want to cooperate. They're so dumb. Have you enjoyed this interview, Mr. President? Well, I will say that it is, you've given me a fair hearing. I will say that I don't think you did when I'm not here, which says something about you to.

you're basically cowards. But I think, yeah, I think it's been pleasant. But I won't come again. I wouldn't come here again, no, no. I mean, England is totally unrecognizable. I don't know where I am even half the time. And your coffee is terrible, by the way. In fact, your mugs are terrible.

Everything about you is terrible. Quite frankly. Tommy Robinson. Welcome back to Shigenomache. Yeah. Plus it to be in. So what didn't we talk about the first time we had you on that? had talked about.

We didn't talk about my friends from Newton, yeah? I'm a journalist, yeah? From Newton, huh? I had a friend called Abdullah Duck, yeah? He was Donald Duck in the past, huh? He was a mate of mine. Converter radical Islam. Now he's Donald Abdullah Duck.

We don't talk about that, huh? I only know this because I'm a journalist, huh? Other mates of mine, yeah? We don't talk about him. Mahamma Gizmo, yeah? Just used to be Gizmo, yeah? From the Gremlin's now Mahamah Gizmo. He's fucking terrorist, mate.

Why are you worried about Islam and its effect on our country, Tommy? Never said that. All I've ever said, I've said that radical Islam is the problem. People are coming up to me in the street saying, do you want to fight? Why are you saying this about Islam? I don't actually say anything about Islam. If you look at everything in what I've said,

I've actually said only good things about Islam. I just don't like radical Islam. That's all. I know that because I'm from Newton. Tommy, you've obviously got into a lot of altercations and fights, And you seem to have kind of, you know, jumpy energy a little bit. I'm from Luton. I'm not perfect.

That's a fair point. So what's your question? I was just going to say, you know, do you seek out the confrontation? Are you a violent person by nature? I've got a walk, listen, I'm from Lutton, so I'm not perfect, right? I was grown up, I grew up as a lad. Fighting was a thing. But when I'm in the street walking on my own, I've got to film everything.

People don't understand, I don't walk around with security. People come up to me. and want to fight. If they want to fight, I will do it. But I'm trying to avoid it. I don't try to get in fucking fights, mate. People come to me in a confrontation because they don't like my journalism, because they know it's too good, and they don't want my rallies. So yeah. There seems to be a lot of sniffing going on here, Tommy. There's a lot of people have insinuated. It might be something a bit nefarious. What would you say? People from Luton sniff. Especially journalists from Luton. We sniff.

And how do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a freedom fighter, an activist, a journalist? What are you, Tommy? So, a lot of the journalists, what I do is online. All the stuff that I do, all the tweets and all that, people call it hate. Thanks to Elon Musk, I've got free speech again. Got to remember, I was putting solitary confinement. Sniffing.

I was point solitary confinement. Now that I'm out, I think my goal is just to wake people up. That's all my goals. Just wake people up. That's it. I'll be voting for Rupert Lowe. So, yeah. Would you ever go back to Luton? I always go back to Luton. Luton's my hometown.

I fucking love Luton. But when I was growing up in Luton, there was about three mosques. Now there's about one million of them. So, yeah, I don't exaggerate. Nothing that I say online is exaggerating, huh? So, yeah, believe what you want. Tommy, final question's always the same. What's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be?

Radical Islam and Donald Abdullah Dukh, yeah? mate of mine who converted to Radicals Law. That's it. So, Francis, welcome back. It's been a while since we did one of these. How have you been and what have you made of, you know, everything that's been going on? Well, first of all, I just want to say that I hate Argentina.

I hate Argentina. The lying. The cheating. And we don't talk about enough. Nobody's talking about the arrogance about Argentina. And also what's been going on in the news with Andy Burnham. Has he ended homelessness? No.

Has he delivered on any of the things that he says he will? Of course he hasn't. And we don't talk about it. And his first PMQs, absolutely awful. He should probably read my book, uneducated. So, Constantine, how do you see the political situation in the UK at the moment? I think it's a shithel, mate. I think it's only getting worse.

And it's interesting because if you speak to people like Peter Hitchens, you realize, actually, Peter was kind of right about everything. I don't know whether you agree with that, but I think Peter was right about everything. And then you look at what's been happening in the news. I don't know whether you watch the brain rot of the Candace Owens and Andrew Wilson debate, but it was literally just her talking about facts as if they were facts. But really, they were just her fucking feelings. It takes me a lot of restraint on X not to respond to things like that saying Candace is a complete cunt. I have to restrain myself all the time, but I managed to do it. So who is the worse?

Is it Candice? Is it Tucker? Is it Nick Fuentes? I mean, they're all just as bad as each other. They're all kooky. You've got kooky Candice. You've got nasty Nick. And who was the other one?

Tucker. I don't think I even want to. I mean, he's just a Coke head. I mean, he's clearly just a Coke head. He's just on lines all the time. And we've actually seen that in this studio, day, haven't we? Tony Lapidus, thank you for all those hilarious impressions.

Thanks for coming on, Mike. My pleasure. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it was really, really good. How did you get so good at all of these different characters? Well, I've been doing impressions since I was about the size of this mug. You know, they started, all starts in the playground, all starts with... So it took a lot of beatings when you were... Many beatings.

Oh no, you should have seen the other guys. But I, you know, it was all starting in the playground. A lot of family members, anybody who got too close to me made the mistake of getting too close to me, got impersonated. And so that's why the teachers absolutely hated me growing up. But the pupils, my classmates liked me. So, yeah, just for that. And how do you create a really good impression? What is it?

What is the art of a good impression? I think, firstly, it's always the voice. but in my case particularly I think one of the things I'm quite good at is embodying the people and changing my face almost that's why I tried to like so when I when I did Milo you know his entire face changes and when I do you know I do some boxes and people like that I change my face for like Tyson Fuering the people I imitate in sports world and I always think that even where sometimes the voice might be lacking a little bit if you move your body like them if you change your facial expressions like them,

you can really make up for that. But the goal is always the voice. So for me, it's not actually about studying them. I don't try and study them. What I do is I listen to them. I started off listening to your podcast, just listening out of a matter of interest. And eventually something just kind of clicks.

Some you can't even do in the beginning. But the more you just listen, just absorb them, suddenly, if you look at, for example, of the Peter Hitchens' impression that I did. My very first one just isn't the same one as it is now, and that applies for a lot of them. So it's just about letting it in and then realizing, you taught to yourself a lot as well,

which makes people think you mad. Yeah. Your Peter Hitchens is really good. There was actually a question, I think, from our supporters on Substack, which was which one of us is harder to do an impression of. And I have to say, I think it must be me. Your Francis, it seems to me like a lot more on the money. Yeah, I think you're right.

I actually remember your very first reaction to my impression of you. You said, why do I sound American? Yeah. Whether I still do. I don't think you do in the bit that we did for Substack, I don't think you or me sounds American. Oh, okay. I think, is there something about me that's just a bit hard to imitate or bland or whatever?

No, but again, you're somebody who I think I do your body language better than I do the voice. I think people can see what I'm getting out with the voice, even if it's not 100%. I think people see, I think people online have actually very nice and encouraging. you know they'll say like this one's improving that one's improved they've always liked yours yours is yours has just been easier the body language is is is actually funny because why exaggerate i mean i tell you're not constantly doing that with your glasses i've just made you do that for no reason um i have picked up on little things that that that you'll say like we're not talk about enough but there's a part of me that actually doesn't like doing them and i'll tell you why because i always feel

that once people have heard that it's kind it's almost a bit of a mirror being held up to them and i And I don't want to make you reluctant to say we don't, you're from Venezuela, not that I could have caused that. Trust me, there's no way you're going to get. Right. I take no responsibility for that. But there are certain phrases, I think, but I think, yeah, I think you are definitely the harder one to crack, I think.

Yeah. I find it interesting that people react badly to them because to me, number one, it's a sign that you kind of made it when people are doing impersonations of you and people recognize the impersonation. And two, it's a compliment that people take the time, the impressionists take the time in order to create what they think is an impression of you. Yeah, I agree. I think I remember the very first one I did of James O'Brien many years ago at the height of Brexit.

He gave me a few shoutouts. He actually, it's on there somewhere on YouTube somewhere of him saying I was Mike Yardt level. I was very proud of that kind of thing. And I just think that the problem when you do political impressions, and I do now, But it was the war that got me into political impressions, the war, the Israel-Hamas war. Before that, I just had a whole bank of them. I never did them. I just did sports one.

They got into this to do basically boxing and TV shows. But with political impressions, sometimes people will see them, the victim, the target, and they'll probably think this is a reflection of his opinions. And the truth is it isn't always. The truth is, sometimes it is. And sometimes it's just a pinch of both. And so sometimes, you know, they'll take something that I've seen. said, I could do an impression of Russell Brand.

And very easily he could hear what I'm saying, think I'm making fun of him or finding him guilty or not that could do Andrew Tate. And they'll think, oh, this reflects how he feels about me, any of them. But it isn't always. So some of them don't always like it. He's actually a massive Andrew Tate and Russell Brand fans. Who is? Me?

Yeah, I'm actually a massive fan of them. Clearly. Yeah. I was going to say, you've got to do it before we go. You've got to do you. Have you seen his Tyson Fury? No. It's amazing.

I don't understand why we didn't ask him to do before. Well, because this was meant to be political, yeah? And what you do is a lot of politics. And so when you're doing Tyson Shory as well, yeah, you got to stick your jaw out a little bit like that. You know what I'm talking about? And you've got to sniff and you've got to breathe in through your teeth, yeah? Because so far no one's knocked my teeth out, so I'm able to breathe in through him. And when you're the best heavyweight champion in the world, what's ever lived in history, yeah, you can call yourself for Gypsy King.

So when you're the best Venezuelan what's ever lived in every way history, you can call yourself the king of Venezuela. Maybe you can actually overtake overfro and overtake Maduro. Maybe you can do that. I don't know. I don't know what I'll say. Can you do a day in a way? He sounds so good in my, when I do it to myself. No, I can do some others I've been getting a go.

Which ones? But not harsh judgment here, right? These are works in progress. My date with Starkey is one that I'm working on, but there's an overlap between him and Douglas Murray, and you'll say, you've got to admit that there is a certain element of revenge in what you've done. But anyway, we won't get into that. That's very good. Yeah, that's the basis of it. That's the basis of it.

What others didn't we talk? The Lex Friedman one's always a popular one. The Lex Freeman, you know, one of your peers, podcaster, who always talks about love. And he's always talking about aliens. enlarged aliens, and loves everybody, and only wants to see the world of peace. Have you ever read George Orwell's 1984 or Animal Farm? That's really basically in a nutshell. And is there anyone else?

Oh, Hunter Biden. Okay, let's do it. Hunter Biden is someone I'm working on the moment. I watched an interview with him, excuse me, with him and Nick Fuentes recently. There's a fucking company. Yeah, oh, I'm going to do it. Oh, the Medi Hassan. I'll just get to Medi Hassan in a second.

Nick Fuentes, Norman Finkelstein, oh, the list goes on. Nick Fuentes, when he's having this conversation, and for some reason, Hunter Biden, keeps saying to him, no, this is where you lose me, Nick. This is why you lose me. The whole thing you said about the cookies, Nick, it was hurtful.

You can understand. I don't think you're men it, Nick. And he did mean, you know, the things he said, he just keeps saying that to him. It'll be funny. Once I stick a fake podcast together, and of course, I do the, Medi Hassan,

which was about to be, if any of you read the text, You've never read Zateo, have you? I conduct polls in Zateo all the time. I've been talking about this since 2015. I've spoken about this and I've published things online. Neither of you are familiar with it. I do.

That's a... It's good. It's a good. But very hard to do because he speaks so fast, but yeah. Tony, that's so great having you on the really funny, great impressions. Where can people find your work? Thank you. And tell everybody, you know, we'll make sure to do a YouTube call-up and people can find you.

Well, first of all, thank you to both of you for having me on. Really appreciate the shot. Really appreciate just hosting me. are hosting me. So Tony Lapidus, YouTube, my YouTube page is the one. I'm also on Instagram and on TikTok and on X. My political impressions are mainly on X and YouTube. And it's more sporty on Instagram and TikTok, but there's also plenty of that there. So the more the merrier, support, get behind me now while it's still early, right? Tony, thanks for coming on. Thank you. And head on over to Triggerpod.com.com. We'll see some more impressions and answers

to your questions. Dear Mr. Hitchens, after reading every word you've ever written, I still don't know your position on drugs. Do you have any strong opinions on drugs? Wouldn't you agree that most people would be happier if they occasionally indulge them drugs?