TRIGGERnometry - Laugh in a Time of Corona: Episode 2 | Danny Posthill

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

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Let us welcome your family to our island home. Hawaii starts here. This is something that we're doing, which is slightly different. This is the comedy podcast called Laugh in the Time of Corona. And we have got a very special guest, haven't we, Constantine? Yes, we do. We're actually hoping to be joined today by the incredibly funny and very talented impressionist Danny Post Hill, who you may have seen on Britain's Got Talent.

But Danny couldn't make it. So instead we've got Diane Abbott for you. Diane, how are you doing? I'm actually very good and I'm very well. And in fact, it's a good job. You did not have Danny Post alone because he does lots of impersonations of me on Twitter and I have actually blocked it

because I find him extremely offensive. So please, if you're not mentioned his name anymore and mention mine quite a lot, then that would be amazing, thank you. well welcome danny it's great to have you on so for a proper introduction this is danny post hill is a very talented impressionist and comedian uh so you've been blocked by diane abbott i got blocked by diana abut what it was is i've done a um i was doing these videos called the weekly postal so obviously i was just doing topic on material and it got to the point where

everyone just loved me diane abbott impression i mean it's got to the point now where i'm doing different people like today i put a video i was doing uh boris jay Bruce Mogg and Brian Potter from Phoenix Knight. Because obviously we know that Boris is got the coronavirus. And I thought who could step in for Boris. And I thought Jacob Brice Mogg could be the man, as we discussed Jacob. And he's obviously somebody who does not want to step into that spot. However, what he did say was Brian Potter, who has ran several working men's clubs,

and is now running the Phoenix Club, could run our country. Oh, eh? You think I can run the country? when you titsy-dicking about over there? Oh, Jerry, the Anjana, Janjana. Right, so I was just talking, oh, yeah, it's great, we love her. But where's Diane Abbott? Like, everyone just seems to love Diane Abbott, right?

And so I was doing those videos, and all of a sudden it showed that she blocked me on Twitter. And then I found this out, and I've done another video about saying that, basically, like, I've just said at the beginning of the show, that she's blocked me, and, you know, she doesn't want to know why I am, and this, that and the other. And I've had people who follow me who like the impression videos that I put online,

and she's also blocked them as well. Really? Yeah, it's crazy. It's absolutely crazy. It's insane. I know, I know. I mean, because I thought if you're doing an impression of somebody,

it's a term of endearment. Of course, is. And it's a sign that you've made it? It is. But, I mean, it depends what reasons you've made it. really. I mean,

I mean, she must wish that that interview with Nick Ferrari never ever happened because I think that was just the start of it all, wasn't it? I think it was how many

police officers will we have and the maths was just way out. And I think her argument to it was, I've actually had lots of interviews today

and I'm really tired. You know, and apparently that was that was an excuse. you know do you reckon if Boris did that and he said oh I'm really tired people would be like oh yeah that's fine

yeah yeah can you imagine yeah it would be crazy although he probably is quite tired at the moment let's be honest oh god it barrier is but I mean what I find with Boris as well is you can sort of tell when he's like really flagging on a certain issue what he's trying to talk over

because what he does is Boris will talk and he is very confident in every single word that he says and then all of a sudden he will he will, when he sees a certain word, he just brushes over it. For example, when he's talking about the coronavirus, he doesn't, like, he doesn't say the coronavirus,

he'll just, like, swipe over it, you know what I mean? Sounds like me when I'm paid to do a longer set, mate. I'm like, yeah, yeah. You're thinking, shit, what's this words again? And you just brush up. It's like when I read a book sometimes, I'm a really lazy reader, and there's a word that, like, it's just too long to read.

I just sort of brush over it and go, well, I sort of know what it means. You know what I mean? It's like a bit of a blagger reader, you know. It must be tricky when you're coming up and you're trying to do an impression of a particular politician. And there's nothing really about them that you can get a handle on. Like Rishi Sunak, he must be quite challenging.

You know what? It's funny because I was talking to a friend today and I said I should really learn him. I mean, to be honest, it's like I say, it's one of them voices that doesn't stand out. I mean, I would have to listen to him again now in order to try and get his voice right because I can't quite remember how it goes

but then Michael Gove is someone I've never really touched on and when I try to do Michael Gove I don't know whether I sound Scottish or I'm from Cornwall because he's got such a really weird type of voice you know what I'm saying? I can go in any direction you know what I mean like when I say my ars I could sound like I'm from Cornwall or I could sound like

do you know what I mean it's just like really weird so it's one of them you've sort of it's sort of loosely there but you've just got to tighten it in on certain words in order to perfect it but I mean I think I've heard a few people do Michael Gove before but I think now because he's

well he had no choice but to be famous today did he really? I mean that's what's gone on sorry go for it mate oh well I actually this is a perfect moment for me to interrupt you because just before we crack on with the rest of the show I wanted first of all to remind people who are joining late

We've got the brilliant Danny Post Hill, who's talented impressionists, as you've already seen. You may have caught him on Britain's Got Talent in the past. But also, I wanted to read out a fan of ours. Rod did a little post on Twitter, which I find very funny, and we shared it to our various pages, which is the Trigonometry Official Drinking Game. There's 15 rules.

I'm going to read them all out very quickly. So if you're at home watching this, enjoy. Rule number one, Constantine interrupts Francis, one finger. That's already been and gone. That's been and gone. We've done that. Rule number two, Constantine interrupts guests, one finger. Right.

Number three, jokes about Francis accent or Francis in general, one finger. I'm an immigrant in this country. We did that off stream. One finger. Reference to the far right, that's two fingers, so slightly more rare. Rule number six, well, I'm sure. sure that won't trigger anyone, two fingers. Seven, it's called trigonometry for a reason.

That's two fingers. This is all me so far, by the way. These are all things that I say. Number eight is reference to being a comedian's two fingers. Reference to trans issues, one finger. Reference to identity politics, one finger. Reference to being demonetized on YouTube, therefore give us a super chat. One finger. I used to be a teacher.

No longer me. That's Francis. One finger. References to Constantine being Jewish. One finger. Actually, no, that one is unspecified. So, you know, get some kosher wine or something for that one. Reference to Russia or the Soviet Union, one vodka shot.

And number 15, reference to Venezuela, a rum shot. So there you go. If you're at home watching this, get stuck in. Yeah, get stuck in. We're going to enable your alcoholism. Absolutely. I'm panicked, because I thought, does that mean we've got to drink? Because I'm like, you didn't prepare me for this.

I would have made it all lines up on the desk. Yeah, mate. This is how I'm going to ruin my sobriety by drinking games on my own over the internet. Yeah. What a way to do it. Yeah. By the end of it, I'll be doing Johnny Vegas

and getting absolutely hammered and you couldn't even get a word in. Yeah. Well, let me say hello to some of the people in our chat. Jenny Morley, who's a member of us. Thank you very much. Junebug, Moscowie Doug. Danger Mouse.

Hello to all of you. I hope you're all well and enjoying the show. Francis, is there anything you wanted to ask, Danny? There was something, Danny. It's like, I love a good Trump impression, Danny. And you must have been delighted when that man got elected president of the United States. Because let's be fair, you're not going to have a lot of fun with Hillary Clinton, even Bill does fun with Hillary Clinton.

Yeah, I mean, I was delighted when, I mean, it's funny because I was on stage, I was doing my set, and I was talking about when Boris got in. And I said, I was delighted to Boris got in, you know. I said, and the main reason is because I can't do an impression of Jeremy Corbyn, you know. The audience thought I was going to grow political on them, you know. But it's the same reason, you know, I mean, Hillary would be difficult to do. I mean, I've seen people do her, but there's nothing that really stands out. Do you know about Daniel, what do you love about, Donald?

He's got a lot of things going for him, you know, it's so great. The way he says certain words, like, as I remember when I first done him. So good. I remember when I first done him. It was, so my agent at the time rang me. She said, can you do Donald Trump? And I says, no. She said, well, you've got a week to learn him.

And I said, yeah, basically, it's like, go, monkey boy, you know what I mean, for all. So, yeah, so it was a Sky News rap battle, and it was Hillary Clinton versus Donald Trump. And I got the gig. And ever since then, I thought, you know what, I should really do more of Trump. But, I mean, the stuff that he's been saying, you know, I mean, when they were asking them about, you know, Mr. President, you call it, the Chinese flu. He called it the Chinese flu and he's like, because it's from China. It's a Chinese flu.

It's from China. And didn't he also call it the Kong flu? The Kong flu. I was just quite well. You know, he's actually, he's like, he's a caricature in himself, I think, Trump. And regardless of his politics, I mean, even like, you know, but I do pantos as well, the kids know who he is. The kids think it's hilarious when I do Trump. Really?

Really? And these are like, these are six-year-olds who know nothing about politics, you know. But they hear words like, you know, fake news and they hear the things that he says, you know, and they just love, they just love his mannerisms and everything and the whole thing. I mean, because I've just recently done it, I've just recently done a steps about, you know, how Donald Trump would tackle the kung flu and he would use his own martial arts, you know. And because he moves his hand like that, that would be the jab, you know. That would be the palm striker.

That would be the palm striker. And then when they come close, he's going to do the head crush. There's the head crush right there, you know. So it's just the movements is, I mean, I don't know whether he's always done their movements, because I watched a documentary on him on Netflix. I don't know whether you've watched it. Oh, yeah, the one, it's like a six-part series, isn't it? It is, yeah.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. And I was watching him, and he didn't really do any of those mannerisms there, so I don't know whether he's sort of had an advisor to tell him he needs to be more bigger when he's on stage. I mean, when he's doing arenas and stuff like that, I don't know whether he's had someone to tell him how to do that or, you know.

But he had the same, Steve Bannon was his advisor, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I also heard that he was advising Boris as well, Steve Bannon for a bit. Really? And to be, I saw put two and two together with it because if you, if you watch Trump talk, he always mentions people's name when he's talking to them, you know

um so so you know as I was saying jeff you know he would say their name all the time and borrath you know what's Boris is doing that in the interviews and when he's when he's when people are asking questions about the corona or Siri have a question from

uh Jenny yes Jenny yes Jenny and he'll just keep repeating their name you know so I don't know whether that's just a little trait or I just get so bored during this coronavirus just got nowhere else to go that I think of these little things you know um so

you know what just occurred to me is we are modeling the three stages of hair loss in this in the stream. Have you noticed that? We are. This is legit, isn't it? I'm like halfway between the two of you somewhere. Actually, this podcast could be sponsored by Regan, couldn't it? Actually, do you know what? Regers, yes. Regan, if you're listening, please, we'd love it. We have a lot of male viewers. or Francis, but do you know this? Well, you guys have to drink because I just interrupted Francis

but since I handle some of our marketing we actually have a sponsor who sponsors hair loss product. Do we? Yeah, coming up. We should have done it for this episode really, shouldn't we? Absolutely, could have put it out there. I would probably get the episodes to announce that, you know.

But yeah. What do you reckon would happen if Boris, like How do you reckon Donald Trump would talk to Boris? What do you reckon he'd say to him when they meet? I've just got – well, Trump would obviously be the one. You know, he's king of the castle, isn't it? You know, he's like, you know, Boris, if you're going to be the school bully, I am the top school bully.

Nobody is the best school bully. I'm the best school bully. You know, so just let you know. If you want to speak to me, that's fine. You can say, I do not want any trouble. And what I will do is I will – what I will do before. There's a question that you ask me that I don't know. hopefully there'll be people either side of me that I can point over to and they can answer the question for me,

which is basically doing, hasn't it? Do you know what I love to see? I would love to see Diane Abbott handling the coronavirus questions at the press cords. How brilliant would that be? We'd all tune in for that, wouldn't we? Okay, what you need to do is this is an announcement from your prime minister. what you need to do is you all need to go outside even though the pub's closed

sorry sorry you need to stay in she's got she would just have her advisor you know I mean imagine how many advisors she'd need around her yeah oh I think brilliant

and how come you found Jeremy Corbyn's so hard to impersonate is it just because he's a bit bland like just in terms of his personality yeah it's like there a bit like David Cameron. However,

hats off to Rory Bremner. Rory Bremne used to do a very good David Cameron, but even still it was hard to grasp that he was actually doing him because it's sort of this bland RP voice, you know. He had this really funny joke about David Cameron. I remember someone said to him, you haven't really quite worked out David Cameron, and then he said, yeah, I don't think David Cameron

has quite worked out David Cameron either. So good. Brilliant, brilliant. Yeah, but then you've got, you know, you want people like Nigel Farage, you know, who's very upbeat, you know. And I don't know what to this one, Nigel, is his hands are literally throwing an invisible ball. I'm going to the air. He's more excited. He's even more excited, you know.

But people like him are just great. I've actually met Nigel and he told me he quite liked my impression. But he was very good. He brushed over it, though. He didn't really sort of whether he did like it or not, I don't know. But he was just a nice enough. bloc. He seems like he's someone

who could actually take a joke, you know? You can't say that out loud, mate. As a comedian, he seems like a nice enough like what I'm getting now messages about you being cancelled. They're coming through

in my phone. Canceled Danny Postil. A comedy club in London and now are meant to book me and they've now cancelled me. Yeah. It's like saying, you know,

saying you've met Nigel Farage on the comedy side. It is basically like a homosexual coming out to homophobic parents, isn't it really? Oh, mate, they lose their shit. It's incredible. The moment you bring up Nigel Farage, sorry, go for it then.

Yeah, I mean, you know, we talk about things. You know, you can talk about politics. But, you know, if your opinion doesn't fall in line with theirs, there's absolute hell on, isn't they? You know, they flip up the monopoly board. Everything goes crazy. And it is, you just think to yourself like, you know, whatever happened to having a debate.

And then they'll start, bloody, having to go out you about democracy. And I'm just going, You know what? I give up. It's crazy. But let me, let me say hello to a few more people. Francis, this is unusual, but we've got a number of women in the chat saying that not only are you hot, you're also lovely and awesome. Oh, really? I think we're being, I think we're being trolled, to be honest.

I think she's talking about you, mate. But yeah, we've got a bunch of people in the chat, guys. Send us a super chat. If you want Danny to do some kind of impression, send us a super chat. we'll ask them the question. We've got over 150. Here we go, right? He's a challenge for you, right?

So if anyone wants to, like, sort of write an impression. And even if they're not in my repertoire, I'll have a go at them. How does that sound? Well, we were chatting before. Let me just say we've got over 150 people watching the stream live and we'll have thousands watching it. So if you're watching it, thank you very much for being here. Smash that like button.

Get this video further up the YouTube algorithm. But we were chatting before. This may be a bit of a niche one. But you look a lot like UFC promoter Dana White. you know, what I love about Dana is his confidence, you know. And the way he moves his head forward, because you know the man's a rich billionaire, he basically lets that interviewer know that he's Dana White. And he will be Dana White, and everyone remember who Dana White is, you know?

And it's just the confidence of the man. And the way he's, I mean, I've never heard a man say Connor more than when Connor McGregor was in the U.S. scene, you know? I mean, how many times when he said Connor and his seat? sentence. It's crazy. Let me read out a few more, man. Someone says, can you do Rick Stein? Rick Stein. Is he the chef?

The seafood chef. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Specialise and fish. If I knew how we went, if I knew sort of how we sound, how does Rick Stein sound? I have no fucking idea, mate. So sorry, he can't do that. But we have our first super chat from Canada. You might have to black up for this one because someone is asking you to do an impression of Justin Trudeau. Oh, Justin Trude.

Is he the Canadian. The Canadian Prime Minister, yes. Canadian Prime Minister. The only time I saw him speak, and I can't quite remember how we speak, because people from Canada talk, like, have the little pauses in between their sentences. Like, it's a bit like, it's a mixture. It's a little bit like Californian, is it? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. But I don't know how he goes, but I do remember the eyebrow incident. Can you remember that? What's your eyebrow incident? Yeah, the eyebrow incident. incident, he was getting interviewed and his eyebrow dropped down a little bit. I think if you look it up on YouTube, it's, it's about, it was really fun of it. Yeah, it was really funny. Yeah. And then obviously, yeah, about that blacken up situation. But he'd done it years ago, didn't he?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he still does it, but he did it a hell of a lot at the time. He got all his blacking out, blacking up out of the way early, you know what I mean? Jason McDonnell who gave us to the super chat he says you're absolutely right his eyebrow did fall off during the evening That is incredible His eye has literally fell off

I've heard of fake nails and fake eyelashes But not fake eyebrows I don't know if you've got the chat up in front of you There's other people They're being suggested So read them out if you can So yeah we've got a few Somebody says can you do Lewis Hamilton

I don't know But what does Lewis Hamilton sound like? Yeah, that's the thing. That's the thing. What about Matt Lucas? Matt Lucas? Can you do... Anybody now dust?

Anybody now dust? That I can do, Marjorie cars. Yeah, no, yeah, no, we're just here. I'm from Little Britain. What other characters does he do with Little Britain? Because he's another one, he does so many characters, you think, what does he actually sound like? There's the only gay in the village.

Yeah. I love Picard, do you call, please, my fun way? That's that happened. It's very, very good. Do you do Gordon Ramsey since we were talking about ships? See, Gordon is one, he's not in my repertoire,

but I'll have a Gordon. You know, I'm just trying to think of a sentence that Gordon would say. Get the fuck out of my kitchen. Oh my gosh, that beef is so rarely dumb, it's still fucking walking.

Tyson Fury, the Gypsy King. You familiar with him? Yeah, people say I look like him as well. Yeah. What I find with Tyson is he's got this sort of voice that's like really his mouth seems to move independently of him sometimes. But I think I need to go slightly deeper when I do Tyson. Yeah. Pierce Morgan?

He's a difficult one to do. Is he? But what I find with Pierce Morgan is when he's in interviews, he's just, well, he basically, I mean, you know, people are saying, you know, you should have a shot every time he went to a wrong. up somebody. Can you imagine if they're done that when they watched Good Morning Oh, there's his fault. The whole country would never recover from the alcoholism that would cause. There's not two bottles of vodka by the time it was 8 o'clock in the morning, wouldn't it? You know what? It'd be a really good way to justify your alcoholism, wouldn't it?

It would, yeah. You know, a fantastic drinking game. Like, if there's, I'm sure that we've got people watching it that were maybe fancy doing impressions. So, Danny, how would you advise someone about how to do an impression? What little tips and tricks can you tell people? Right, well, I'm going to, I'm going to have a stab of Pierce Morgan, because if someone I haven't really sort of done very well, you know, you know, what I genuinely find for Pierce Morgan, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, what I find is, you know, I said I want to leave, I said I want to remain in the European Union, and a lot of people who voted Leave, most of the people voted Leave, so I think we should

accept the fact that we voted Leave, you know, you know, he does this sort of, like, he goes slightly higher sometimes, you know, so he's a voice I couldn't quite get, but, What I would say is just basically just listen to people. Everyone says they've got this sort of formula of how to do it. Different impressionists have different ways of doing it. But I just generally find just watching people. When I first started on the circuit, you know, I mean, you've seen I do quite a lot of comics in myself

because I used to just watch Mock the Week. Be like Dary at Aubrey and Eh, it's that when you watch Daryl at O'Brien, he always does the air. So that's sort of like, I mean, I always thought that Dara was the voice for the buzzers on Britain's got talent, do you know what? When the best, eh, eh, eh, eh, you know, Dara's there, you know, with a microphone. You do a cracking McIntyre. I remember seeing you do McIntyre. Macon-McCentire is one of my favourites. I love Michael.

And Michael is somebody who used to always watch. He used to always watch, you know, but Michael McIntyre. on his comedy road show, and he had all the guests on there. And he had personally quite a lot of the guests who were on there. People like John Bishop, you know, he was Edlin on the show. And there's a few that I do that are on the circuit. Well, I do Scott Bennett as well.

You know, I say to Scott, you need to hurry up and get famous so I can put it in my set, you know. And actually, a few people are asking, like, just curiosity-wise, is an impression something you have to kind of prepare for, or, like, they're saying, can you do an impression of one of the two of us? it's well do you know what i think the reason i'm fucking easy to do an impression of the reason just just think of the most racist person you know and then just do that voice

and then basically i sound like their granddad yeah i think i'm the stereotypical how a racist would look do you know i mean white bald man with a joddy accent you know but no i think the reason i said you know ask me you know if i can do certain voices you know even if I haven't tried to do them before. Just so I can prove to people how difficult it is because I've just tried to do a couple on the spot there and they weren't really very good. And the ones that I've honed and I've worked at, you know, a landing.

So basically it does take time. I mean, I remember when I first used to hear me Trump and I was like, oh, God, that's terrible, you know, when I'd look back. But at the time, because it was very fresh and it was very new, I was getting away with it. But because I've done it for like, well, God, how long has you been pressed four years now? I've been doing Trump for four years

you do it all the time and because you're on the set you're on the set you're just constantly doing that voice and it just gets better and better and better each time you know you must be hoping for a Trump victory surely Danny

even if you don't agree with his policies seeing that I mean Biden would be great for material wouldn't he? Because he's basically he's basically their answer to Diane Abbott isn't he? So I get a lot of material out of him but I'm just like, you know what,

I'm happy with Trump at the minute, like with the voice and the material. I'm just happy, can we just leave it at this place? So I don't have to... It sounds like I'm lazy, you know, that I've got to ride some more material. But, I mean, I do as Trump anyway.

You've got to update your stuff all the time. I mean, there's been a guy, everyone's doing them Joe Wicks' workouts now, aren't there at the minute? And I've just started doing him in my set. And this is just because... I mean, me nan around me. She was like,

I've been doing Joe Wix's work. Oh, my God, there can be that hard then, Nana, you're 80. You know? Francis, man, we've got another super chat. Do you want to read it out? We've got it from Jason McConnell.

He gave us 20 Canadian dollars. Thank you very much, Jason. Come on, people, pay these guys. Francis has gibbsuit payments to make. I do indeed. Thank you for pointing that out. And it doesn't come cheap either. I'll tell you that.

All hand stitched. And impression, Stephen Fry. Stephen Frye. He's just very quite well-spoken, isn't he, Stephen Fry? Very, yeah. How does Stephen Frye go? Is he a bit like this, isn't he? It's very like he would be reading or narrating a story.

Is that how Stephen Fry goes? I don't know. I've had to stab at it anyway. Yeah, well done. I was going to say a couple of others, Danny Dyer. Is that someone you... Do you know what? I've tried to do, Danny Dyer.

He's very low. He's one I've struggled with, as well as Morgan Freeman, I've struggled to get Morgan Freeman because he's so low. You know what I mean? I was going to say your Piers Morgan is actually really good, but a little bit high-pitched. If you could go low, I think it would be right on. Yeah, see, it's little things like that.

Like, I've just done it then. Now, what I'll do is I'll go away and I'll go right and I'll make notes of what I'm doing. I'll keep watching them. And because sometimes I watch people, like the Dana White thing, that sort of just come. I mean, he's not one of my best, but it's something that just comes to me

because I watch UFC press conferences all the time. Right. Do you have a favourite UFC fighter? One of my favour to do was got to be Conner McGregor, you know, because Conner Connor has to us both of those voices where he's got the press conference voice where he is talking and he is talking about how his tactics are going to be in the fight

and talks about the timing and talks about the position. And he's being the most confident man yet, most relaxed man. And then you get the Connor who's really loud and he just wants to knock somebody's head off, yeah? So he's got those sort of like two levels to him. But I do like the conference. on a press conference, Connor, you know. It's quite nice to listen to, and it's quite relaxing.

But also, he's donated a million pounds to doctors and nurses, I think, in Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I retweeted it. I thought, good for him, you know. Great, great stuff. Great like to bury some of the bad stuff he's done as well. But anyway, yeah, yeah. And you know what?

Someone straight away commented on that. I mean, by the way, Connor, if you're listening to him. I'm not going to, you know, even if you don't think that I'm Dana Wayne. I'm going to not give you any more fights. I don't want any trouble, Connor, okay? Yeah, and a few Irish people in the chat saying that's a spot on Dublin accent, by the way. Oh, really? Yeah, we're getting lots of really positive feedback on all the accents,

so people are really enjoying the show. And if you are enjoying the show, guys, we're approaching 200 people watching this live, smash that like button. Send us a super chat. because I know when we talk to you personally, it feels a little bit different. There's more interaction, but do support us so we can keep going with life and a time of Corona. This is only the second episode and we'll be doing lots more of these. Francis, but you want to ask something?

Yeah, I was going to say, should we do a quiz? We've got a quiz. So I'm going to give you five conspiracy theories, four I've made up myself, one of whom I didn't and is actually out there. You've got to guess which one is the one. that is genuinely out there, all right? Before we go, though, I've got another super chat to read out from Jenny Morley, who's a big fan and supporter of us.

Thank you, Jenny, with a 10 pound says, let Francis choose. Sorry, no, that's not going to happen. Not even for 10 pounds. Okay, you can now finish all your drinks. Number one, the Corona conspiracy theory, number one, guys, you can play at home as well. write down the numbers and then just put them in our chat which one you think is real or not. Okay. I've got your paper ready.

Yeah, go for a mate. Okay. Conspiracy theory number one, the coronavirus was created in Israel to wipe out the Chinese and the Labour Party. Conspiracy theory. Number two. Celebrities are being paid to say they have COVID-19 and the rapper Cardi B has said most of these celebrities. celebrities look like they're on an advert. So that's number two.

Number three, this is conspiracy theory number three. Cristiano Ronaldo can't get it because he is an alien brought to worth to score goals and convince everybody that he's a human being. Conspiracy theory number four. Boris Johnson cheated on his partner and is using the self-isolation tactic as an excuse to impregnate another woman. That is not a conspiracy theory. That is just fucking fact, mate.

And number five, the governments around the world have decided to use the coronavirus to stop industry, reset global warming, and help our planet. So we're going to go over it again. Number one was the coronavirus was created in Israel to wipe out the Chinese and the Labour Party. Number two, celebrities have been paid to say they have COVID-19. Cardi B said most of these celebrities look like they're on an advert. Conspiracy number three. Chris Ionarano Ronaldo can't get it because he's an alien brought to earth to score goals

and convince nobody that he can't get a human being. Number four, Boris Johnson cheating on his partner and his use in the self-isolation tactic as an excuse to impregnate more women. And number five, the governments around the world decide. to use the coronavirus, stop in the street and reset global warming. Which one do you think it is? Right. Off you go, Danny.

You'd be first. Do you know what? Number four is the funniest. I'll give you the hardest. That's the funniest one. Well, I think actually out of all of them, looking at everything, I'd say the reset and the global warming thing because obviously Greta Emberg obviously come into trend, didn't she? and everyone was doing all the matches about global warming and everything.

And this is very recent. And then since this has happened, everyone's been talking about, you know, how we live in a better world and we live in a better environment. And, you know, everything's more purer. And so I would say number five. Yeah, I would say number five. I would say number five as well.

But I am curious, how do you reckon Boris feels about the opportunity to be, you know, in self-isolation with the hot secretary? Well, being in my job and the stress that I'm under, what I genuinely needed when I was in that press conference, when everybody was asking me questions, and the reason I was sort of going over certain things, I wasn't answering the question probably and going to either side, what was going through in my mind was, I need a bloody good shack. Look, I spend a lot of time telling you what's wrong with the world, so let me tell you about something that's actually right.

Sleep, specifically getting more of the. it, better quality, the kind where you wake up and feel like a human being, rather than someone who's been thrown down a staircase. Most mattresses are just layers of synthetic foam and crossed fingers. You're spending a third of your life on the thing, and most people have no idea what's actually in it. Avocardo green mattress is different. Their mattresses are certified organic, built from natural materials, designed to actually support your body properly rather than just hold you in one position until morning. The craftsmanship is real. These aren't massive. produced objects, someone has put thought into them. I'll be honest. I'm not the person who thinks

carefully about where he sleeps. My dating history will tell you that. I'm the person who's been on the same mattress for eight years and called it fine. But the older I get, the more I notice that fine isn't actually fine. Your body tells you, if you're going to invest in anything for your home, your bed is the one that pays you back every single night. Avocado products are made, not manufactured, and thoughtfully crafted with real materials to deliver lasting comfort and support. Go to avocado greenmatress.com slash trigger to check out their mattress and furniture sale. That's avocado green mattress.com slash trigger. Avocado green mattress.com slash trigger.

And that's the moment Diane Abbott turns up. Lovely. So it's number five, right? So we're both going for number five, yeah? Yes, we are. Number five, yeah. And so let's go, before we say, let's go to the people in our chart. Muscovy Duck says five, also low.

If you scroll up, there's loads more, mate. Oh, is there scroll up, there's loads. So let's have Natas said four. Aaron Hook said two. Jesus Franco said five. Rick, Sam Rick, says 17. That reminds me of teaching bottom set maths. Thank you, mate.

Django says two. Moscovy Duck says two. Jason McConnell, 69. Brofist, who doesn't love a dirty joke. I.T. says two. Chrissy 22 says two. Cain, Aymond says two. Michael Johnson says conspiracy theory number six.

Francis doesn't have AIDS. Thank you, mate. Bring us back to 1992 with that joke. Stu P. Cunningham, 5. John Jackson, 5, Maria E. 5. Gaza says it's got to be Boris. Simon Mulligan says two or five, I'll go two. And Jesus Franco says three.

It's actually, believe it or not, guys, it is number two. What? Yeah, there is a conspiracy theory right now being circulated on the interweb that celebrities are being paid to say they have COVID-19. And Cardi B, the rapper, I don't know where work, but she did come out and say that. That's incredible. Wow. Well done, mate. You snuck an obvious one in there that we both went for,

but actually you had something under the table. Very nice. And Johnny Pappy says, this guy's impressions are so bloody good. People are really loving your stuff, Danny. So thanks very much for coming on, my friend. Lovely. And we've got one once quiz if you want to do it.

It can play on if you want as well? Okay, cool. So this is, which celebrity said this ridiculous thing? Am I still going to go outside? Yes. I'm still going to hug my fans? Yes, COVID won't affect me because I'm too strong. Okay. Okay.

Which celebrity said that? Well, Francis is about to give us a list, I think, isn't he? Okay, yeah. So that's number one. Number two is we have it totally under control. It's one person coming in from China. We have it under control. It's going to be just fine. The man's a genius. He's a comic genius. Now here's a call back to one.

Celebrities who say they have the virus sound like they're in a flat tummy tea commercial. That's number three. And number four, the people who are saying we'll be fine because we are young is putting a lot of people in danger who aren't young or healthy. You sound stupid and privileged, and you need to care more about the people around you, like now. So, number one, do you know who it is, everybody, play at home? Yeah.

I would say maybe Justin Bieber. It's not a bad one. It is Ant Middleton, the S-A-S-S-guy. We're taking the piss out of him here, but I wouldn't take the piss out of him to his face. No, absolutely not. So that's Connor McGregor and Ann Middleton. It's not doing this podcast.

We have it totally under control. It's one person coming in from China. We have it under control. It's going to be just fine. You know, that's got to be Trump. It's got to be Trump, you know. You know, it was such, I mean, you didn't even need to do his voice when that was when you said that, you know. Yeah.

The rhythm and everything, how it was said was just, just trump all over. Yep, absolutely. Celebrities who say they have the virus sound like they're in a flat tummy tea commercial. But that would be Cardi B, I'm guessing. Yeah, yeah, that'd be Cardi B. And the people who are saying we'll be fine because we are young is putting a lot of people in danger who aren't young or healthy. You sound stupid and privilege and you need to care more about the people around you like now. Any idea?

Pierce Morgan. Donald Trump. Really? No, it wasn't Trump. It was Ariana Grande. Imagine if he said that. You genuinely shocked me there, man. I was like, what?

Me too. All right, Danny, well, thank you so much for coming on the show. Before we let you go, where do people go to? You're putting a lot of stuff out on your socials and it's really hilarious impressions. Where do people go to see more of your work, mate? So you've got at Post Hill, Danny is my Twitter. So give us a follow on that. Danny Postal Impressionist is my Facebook page.

And I've just actually got together with the hook and I've done some sketches with them. So that's on the Impressionist page. It will hopefully be on my Twitter and my Instagram tonight as well. My Instagram is at Danny underscore Post Hill. So yeah, give us a follow on that. And I'm also doing personalised video messages for people

at the minute because obviously I've got no gigs none of us have any work on at the minute so yeah so if anyone wants to personalise message drop me a DM in my Twitter I've opened me DMs for people so they can and you know there's a list of impressions that I can give them that I can do and you know for birthdays

you know I mean I quite a lot for Mother's Day you know anything really if you want me to wind one of your friends up as Donald Trump and I can send you a voice recording or Diane Albert and things like I mean Diane Abbott's getting requested quite heavily well I imagine me because people are having to do homeschooling, so maths lessons and Diane Abbott's voice.

You know what the thing is, right? Someone actually did send me a DM and this is, or can you do a video as Boris? Because I dress up as Boris. When I do Trump and I do Boris, I've got the whole kit and I dress up as them, you know? And he said, because my son is not doing his home schooling. So she asked me to do Boris to basically tell him off on a video

and she paid me to do it as well. That's incredible. That is an impressive child. that can abscond from homeschooling. That is fucking talent, man. Well, it's this online thing with the Xbox, isn't it? You know, everyone's online and they can play with their mates online.

He basically wasn't listening to his mum, you know, so she had to get Boris involved. Great stuff. All right, Danny. Well, thank you so much for coming on, mate. Yeah, thank you so much, Dan. It's brilliant. Guys, if you love impressions, go and follow Danny on Twitter.

He's always great value on. Instagram or wherever you get your socials. And thank you so much. We're going to be doing this every Friday. It's going to be from 7 to about 7.40. Just a lighthearted look at the week that's gone just as a way to break all the nonsense that we've got. But before we go, we've got a super chat for great from Jason McConnell, which is, for

God's sakes, people, made with the super chats. Francis' girlfriend aren't done and we don't need him dropping by early. last request, Nicholas Surgeon. Can you do Nicholas Surgeon, Danny? What I generally find with Nicholas Stouching is the fact that each time she sees a sentence, as a head, constantly goes into autopilot with headbutts that are people that are not there. They're like invisible headbuts each time she talks. That is so good, man. That is a brilliant impression to finish on. Thank you, Danny so much. Really appreciate your time.

Guys, if you've enjoyed it, make sure you follow Danny. Make sure you check out his work. He's a brilliant, brilliant comic, and you'll be seeing him up under the lights around the country once we're back out of this. So it was so good to have you on, Danny. Thanks very much. And we will see everybody tomorrow with another live stream. Danny, cheers, mate.

Thanks very much. Absolutely pleasure, love. Thank you so much.