TRIGGERnometry - Men vs. Women - The New Olympic Sport

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

If you are a member of an alien species watching this to get an update on what us pesky humans are up to, my recommendation is that you stay the hell away from this place because we appear to have some kind of highly contagious parasitic brain worm munching away at whatever is left of our sanity... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Fresh from recreating the Last Supper using the best drag queen's money can buy, the Olympic Games in Paris are now in the midst of another controversy. Did they depict the founder of Islam as an angry lesbian? Did a transgender woman use her penis to urinate on the tarot in front of adoring crowds? Sadly not. Instead, this week saw Italian female boxer Angela Karini take a hook to the face from an opponent before promptly quitting the bout with the words, I've never been hit so hard in my life.

She was Italian, so the way she said, it was like, I've never been hitter so hard in my life. This attracted the attention of the internet, which swiftly discovered that Algerian boxer Imman Khalif, her victorious opponent, may not be entirely female after all. Khalif, it turns out, failed the gender eligibility test in 2023 and was disqualified from the women's boxing world championship, along with fellow boxer Ling Yu Ting.

Ling Yu Ting was stripped of the bronze medal after failing the test. Hang on, bronze, she got into a fight with a bunch of girls and came third. She's from an Asian household. It's gold or nothing. Ling you ting! More like Ling, you dishonoured your family. Both the boxers were given the option to fight in the male category, but decided against it as men punch harder than women.

If you can't beat them, beat them. While their medical records are private, it is alleged that the athletes were born with differences in sex development, DSD, which means they are likely to have female genitalia whilst also having possibly internal testicles and XY chromosomes. If you're watching this whilst eating, we can only apologise. In any case, this rare abnormality means that someone may appear female while enjoying the physical advantages conferred by male puberty.

You can read a detailed breakdown from evolutionary biologist and former Harvard lecturer Carol Hooveen using the link in the description. This rather nuanced and confusing situation generated a glutton of commentary. Some who were rightly fed up of the infiltration of women's spaces by trans-identifying males responded by wrongly claiming that Khalif is a trans woman. This produced some brilliant responses in Caliph's defence, with people explaining that Caliph does not in fact have a penis, just testicles and male chromosomes. Take that, bigots.

Caliph is biologically male. But you can't say that as that's politically incorrect. That's why we use code like failed gender test. as XY chromosomes, and like a woman, but emotionally stable. Thankfully, we were also extensively reminded of the need to be kind. Labour MP Zara Sultanah, whose hot takes are better for killing brain cells than the cheapest vodka on the market, tweeted that she is sending love and solidarity to Amman Khalif,

Ling Yu Ting and anyone else who doesn't conform to conventional standards of femininity. Inspired by her example, we would like to send our best wishes to those who do not conform to society's bigoted ideas, about how women should look and behave, including Mike Tyson, Ivan Drago and The Rock. When discussing controversial issues like the inclusion of male athletes and women's sports, the most important thing is for women to be respectful and compassionate. It's 2024 for drag queen's sake. Be kind and take that right hook to the face, ladies. If we make any more progress at the next Olympics, domestic violence can finally become a sport in its own right.

Sponsored by Stella Artois, obviously. Everyone knows that watching a woman getting beaten up by a bloke is fantastic entertainment. In Glasgow, it's called Saturday Night. It's an important part of their culture. A lot of people are saying it's not unfair, as neither of these boxers is trans, and they've lost fights to women.

Well, that's okay then. Glad we've sorted that one out. If you're male, it's absolutely fine to punch a woman in the face as long as you're not trans. I can see that being well received in court. Yeah, Your Honor, I did hit her, but it's fine because I'm a man and I'm not trans. Plus, live my life as a woman. So she deserved that little dig in the tits.

But it wasn't just the usual dumb-dums like Sultana who weighed in. Nassam Taleb, who actually is smart, explained that anyone who dares to suggest that Algeria would put forward athletes of questionable gender status, given the country's traditional culture and national religion, is an idiot. And Taleb is right. Traditional societies like the USSR, South Africa and East. Germany would never repeatedly field athletes with developmental abnormalities who had an unfair advantage over women, like this, this and this.

To sum up, while China spent the week pursuing its geopolitical ambitions, Iran and Israel did their best to start World War III, and Russia continues to fight a war on our eastern frontier, the Western world spent another week focusing on things that actually matter, like debating what a woman is and why punching her in the face is, progress. I'm off to place a bet on one of these ladies to win the gold. Well, not Ling You Ting, obviously, because there's something that no one respects, and that's a bloke who gets beaten up by a girl. Guys, while we were recording, the women who said I've never been hit so hard has come out and apologised. What did she say? I fell down some stairs.