Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 107: On the New with the Wonders

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

Tanya tells us about dental dams and glamping, and Tom makes a surprise revelation. Come see us on tour! https://www.streetfightradio.com/street-fight-radio-x-district-sentinel-x-trillbilly-workers-party/ And subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

And we're rolling We're rolling I'd like to be rolling right now We've got rolling And I'm depressed That's what I do when I'm by myself You ever sing by yourself When you're by yourself

Do you ever sing like an old crooner You want me to tell you what mine is? No. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. That's good. But do you change the lyrics? That's what I do. I'm like,

you're a stupid motherfucker. You don't know what you're doing. Everybody hates you and you're gonna die alone. No, I highly recommend against this. Nobody knows the size of my pain. As a teacher of pleasure, I highly recommend against this. Nobody knows the size of my pain

unless I'm sitting down and you can see the outline. That's a weird thing, Tanya. I've always heard, like, I think you or someone may have told me that lately, or not lately, like five years ago or something, that girls used to think this little part of your pants was so hot

like this little part that's not your dick that pops up no it's not could you imagine if why would you think that that's hot dicks are not hot if that was my dick my dick would be although I will say that we have one friend

we have one I didn't tell you this by the way say that we have one friend. We have one friend. I didn't tell you this, by the way. But we do have one friend who does have a big dick, and I have occasionally seen it in his pants. Oh, God. Who is it? Don't tell me. I hate to say. Damn. I think he'd be

embarrassed. Embarrassed about a big dick? Oh. You think he's got a big dick well that's what she says oh come on i'm not buying that well i've seen the outline too i do think it's hilarious though so like When I was in Cause he wears two tight pants Yeah okay But so like Have you ever Like um

So but that's So there was a time in your life though When you thought that was the peen No That little hump thing That pops up I never thought that Okay

I thought you said that I thought you said that one time You were like Oh like he's He was sitting down And it was like One of my notorious lies I guess Cause, because I don't recall this. We're telling a lie.

Anyway... Y'all got me mixed up. The flap, the thing on... Never mind. The thing on your pants when you sit down. That's not your dick. Well, that would be... It's kind of like cleavage in a way.

Look at the way I've sort of situated it. Like cleavage. Yeah. I've got sort of like... It looks like the way i've sort of situated cleavage yeah i've got sort of like it looks like my whole thing is sort of poking at it when i wear my patagonia baggies it looks like i got poop my eyes are up here tanya up here eyes off the flap lady this reminds me okay well at one point in college i was uh i worked worked the desk at an insurance agency. And a guy came in with big, wide shorts.

What do you mean wide shorts? The shorts were too wide. Both short legs. Sort of baggy. The legs, yeah. Were they cargo pants? It was an old guy. Cut above the knee, but baggy.

I'll describe it. He had a very big belly, so he had to wear a big size shorts, but he had skinny legs. Oh, okay. You got it? Okay. And he sat. You got what you call a classic dicky-do. A dicky, for sure a dicky-do.

That's when your belly sticks out further than your dicky-do. Than your dicky-do. Absolutely. And I sat, I was sitting at the insurance desk and like typing what he was saying because he was getting a quote or whatever and i was essentially doing the work that insurance agencies are supposed to do for 750 an hour so what was your job intake at the insurance agency i was like at the front desk i had to deal with literally everyone she ran an insurance and i like i ran the whole place the agent was never there. Yeah, he would show up one time a day.

He would always show up once a day. That's kind of how it works with lawyers, too. And he'd be there like an hour. And the paralegals and whatever do the fucking real work. Yeah, but all I did was fill out this thing and hit submit. And I was like, it's for Allstate. Anywho, he's talking. I'm like, Lance and I have been putting this stuff in.

And then I realized that i can see his dickie do and ball sack it's essentially just like hanging out it's almost but it's still in the shorts but it but his shorts are so wide i can just see it like he doesn't have underwear on like his satchels just resting yes it's like a little dick and then just it felt like it seems like my first of all first of all there's a hole in this story. If this guy was over 65, his dick was huge, I bet. Well, I did not see a huge dick, but I saw an enormous ball sack. That's all I remember is it just being like so many, so much balls.

I want to have a surgical procedure once I get to a certain age where i just get a little pocket sewn onto my balls and so they're bigger no so that i can carry stuff in it you know what i'm saying why wait why wait for something like that right now if that makes you feel better go get a consultation they're not saggy enough i need them to get saggy enough to where like they can be someone will be like are your balls actual out? Some of their actual saddlebags. Exactly. So like are that man's balls hanging out? Give them some utility.

Exactly. No, no. Just a sense of symmetry. This is my purse. Oh my God. You're a murse. I could keep chapstick in the air.

That reminds me of the weirdest No matter how much you like dick balls are not attractive. No. I've never met anyone attracted to balls.

And the only reason you have to have them is because you have to keep the semen at a certain temperature so it can't be like attached to your body it has to be like it's not already regret saying that because i'm a sex educator and i shouldn't body shame and i'm really not body shaming i don't want to body i think everybody's in agreement here balls not cute to look at i Speak for yourself. I think balls are great. Terrence is ready to get a fucking ball lift over here. I think that in terms of utilitarian, in terms of

evolution and successes, you make a good point but from the wrong direction. I think it's awesome that we have to store our semen somewhere but it can't be too close to our body. So Evolution was like, let's just, let's create a little satchel.

So the little elves at Evolution just went there and said, here, here's what we could do. Let's make a little flash purse. Keep the balls away so it don't get too hot. Oh my God, so it don't get too hot. Exactly. Oh my God. So it don't get too cold. Exactly.

You've introduced a teachable moment here where I get to tell you that the ball sack is not the only place that steaming is created and stored. It's in the prostate. Trust me. I know. I know all about that shit, sister. There are three locations. Where's the third? Your brain.

Also, one thing i want to say about tanya's sex ed there's always a third curveball there's always a fucking curveball what's the third what's the if you say the brain i'm throwing this microphone no it's the pro i feel like i need my diagram but it's the prostate the testes and the epididymis or whatever the epididymis is in the balls hold on a, but it's the prostate, the testes, and the epididymis or whatever. The epididymis is in the balls. Hold on a second. Well, it's wrapped around the balls.

You know how I know. Terrence and I both struggled with epididymitis in the past. It's true. Non-chlamydial related, I will say. I think mine was pure. There's two explanations for my epididymitis. The first is that it's from playing drums and I was like on my nuts all the time.

You can't like lay your nuts to the side? You're drumming? It's called truck driver syndrome. Okay. And the second could have been that I just wasn't jerking it enough. I think I was getting so much backed up in there. That could be it. I have no idea.

But this was, I haven't had it in years like yeah he's jerking off plenty now don't worry about him he's getting his rocks off left and right now i jerk off at least once a day which i do recommend at least once but but when i was 20 weirdly enough you would think i'd be more horny back then but when i was 20 i was jerking off like once a week you're really busy in your 20s. It's like a lot going on. In your 30s, you're just less interested in things outside

the home. That's true. And in your 40s, you're damn right terrified to leave your house. God, it's the end of me. I'm going to be a damn agoraphobe when I turn 40. But you'll be jerking off three or four times a day. I'll have a basket and a rope outside my window and throw it down.

I'll have you put treats and foodstuffs and lotions in it. No, I saw a meme that said in your 30s you have FOMO, fear of missing out. And in your 40s you have fear of being included. Terrified someone's going to ask you to do something. Oh, God. Everything's a drag almost. I do still have a lot of fomo if i'm out of town and michelle goes and do something i i ask her 50 questions about who was there what'd you guys talk about what happened was everybody having a good time and she's like baby i don't fucking know i can i didn't you know

when you're in these when you're in these same situations, you just zone out anyway. You just want to be out of it. Almost all FOMO is unwarranted. Almost all. Sometimes you miss a good show or like a good conversation or something. There's only one FOMO that's not unwarranted. That's the FOMO you get on your deathbed. When you know that life's, the party's going to go on without you. That's.

Let me ask you a question has anybody ever really died in peace i could just can't imagine a scenario where i died not feeling miserable about it well uh you did see midsummer no yeah that was in peace that's people that's so funny i was texting with tanya she was like i had no idea what to even expect. If someone had told me that was a fucking snuff film, I can guarantee you I would not have went. But you know what I was told? I was told, oh, it's like a psychological thriller that I'm going back to watch again because, oh, my God, I've been thinking about it ever since I saw it. That's what a person told me. And I was like, oh, cool.

We'll go. Let's go see that, baby. Let's go see. I almost left three times. I was like, let's just go. It was beautiful. I was was like we don't have to finish this but we don't have to finish this didn't you couldn't look away could you michella likes horror movies which i wouldn't even call that a horror movie it is absolutely 100 of snuff film it's the number two film i'm most embarrassed to admit that i've seen oh what's the number really i'm not telling it i'm not

admitting i'm not admitting it why are you embarrassed midsummer midsummer was transcend terrence described as transcendent i loved it i thought it was very good you're not i'm embarrassed that you two have seen it and know that i've seen it i'm embarrassed we all know we've all seen it we all know i love that shit i'm leaving my mom called I gotta go See that's how I want to feel after I see a movie Like I want to feel Deeply uncomfortable Yes yes I want to feel completely Unsettled

After I see a film I just can't believe Haven't there been multiple films that haven't come to Norton Because they were too whatever Too weird or something For whatever reason Norton gets all the A24 scary Too weird or something? How did that happen? For whatever reason, Norton gets all the A24 scary movies. I don't know why. Like, you'd think... Or was it...

Is it Pikeville that, like, doesn't get the shit? No, they get it too. They're with the shits. Sometimes they do. The funniest thing, though, the biggest difference between Norton and Pikeville is that Norton plays those Christian movies. Norton either has the best taste in new films or the worst taste.

It's hilarious because Norton will play those movies that's like, God is not dead. That's like about some youth pastor on a college campus somewhere who tries pot for one time. Yeah. It feels real bad about it. I don't know.

There are no movies that you are embarrassed you've seen? No. None that spring to mind. There's plenty of music I listen to I'm embarrassed I like, but I really don't care. Plenty of music. No movies, though. Plenty of music. I feel like, I don't know if you can have a guilty pleasure in film because.

It's not a guilty pleasure. It was not pleasurable. I regret it the first one i saw i was just i was i regretted it interesting but sometimes like you can't look away from a bad train wreck you know it's like you shouldn't be looking at this what's the worst movie you've seen uh step brothers or something i don't know. Tanya hates fun. Yeah, I love Step Brothers. You hate having a good time

in the movies. You love to have the best time everywhere else except for the movies. No, the worst movie I've ever seen. I'll tell you, mine was Bringing Out the Dead.

Like with Nick Cage? And John Goodman and their EMTs. It's a Scorsese movie. It's the worst fucking movie I've ever seen. bringing out the dead like with nick cage and john goodman their emts this is scar says he moved yeah it's the worst fucking we've ever seen i guess it was pretty bad it was fucking terrible they're like doing drugs and they flip an ambulance at one point everybody was like oh man that movie was fucking they act like it was like yes they talk about the same way people talk about inception okay then you're talking about... People swear they love Inception. Nobody liked fucking Inception. I liked that movie.

This is the cow tipping of films. Everybody swears they've done it. Everything's the cow tipping of whatever. To Tom. This is only benchmark. America is the cow tipping of civilization, really, when you think about it. True. It's a complete illusion.

Everybody acts like they're having a fun time here. You're doing great. Let me tell you this. I watched this little travel series about Moscow last night. Did you know during the Soviet Union, everybody got a free fucking summer house with a sauna in it? What? Called a dacha? A dacha?

A dacha. Dacha? I'm pretty sure that's how you say it. Oh, is that what you tweeted about? What did you watch last night? I was too lazy to Google it. That's this little travel series. I'm pretty sure that's how you say it. Oh, is that what you tweeted about? What did you watch last night? I was too lazy to Google it. That's this little travel series. I don't know.

You know how you just get kind of bored and you just click on whatever's on the stream and shit? Yeah. There's just this little travel series with these British journalists and they go to like Delhi and... They go to Hong Kong. You'll never believe this. And the Soviet Union. And then Moscow.

Yeah. Oh, okay. I know now what my least the the worst movie i've ever seen is it's like any lesbian movie on netflix okay when they're actually scissoring yeah they're fucking like actually scissors yeah i'm asking you no one scissors are you that was the question tom was gonna ask you a question. No one scissors. Really? Are you? That was the question Tom was going to ask. You've never scissored a woman.

What? Have you ever scissored a woman? I have. I've tried. I know about everything except a rim job. I have with the little hump in my pants like this. The dry hump. Okay, I'll give you the dry hump.

Sure. Yeah. But a naked scissoring? A naked scissoring. Where did that originate, you think? Straight men. That's a straight male. They cannot conceive of gay sex.

That's a straight male. This is hilarious sex male this is hilarious i don't think i don't think i've told this on air the only way they can do it's if they rub their pussies together exactly exactly no this this will give you a fucking hint inside the mega fucking male mind a friend of ours had a lesbian hanging out his house and his stepdad this is here in lecher county oh my god i don't like where this is going already his stepdad's like oh who's that girl you gotta hang around there's never been one stepdad's not creepy no never certainly not mine creep creep peak creep both of my stepfathers um any good anyway uh and he was like you know there's nothing going on he's like oh yeah okay well she's hanging out there and finally he said well she's a lesbian

she has a girlfriend and he was like what what and he said she has a girlfriend and apparently his stepdad said man i i can understand two dudes, but what the hell do they even do? They ain't even got nothing to do nothing with. Can you imagine the sex this man has had? Imagine not knowing anything about toys, not knowing anything about anything else. Or just the only sex. The only sex you understand is just like violent penetration like you have never caressed a member going into it you've never went down on a woman what's wrong

with you that that is the funniest form i mean i'm not what do they even do i'm not i'm not i'm not assuming he's just homophobic, but if he was, could you imagine that specific kind of homophobia? Like, man, two guys. I get that. I get that. That's all right. They got a tan. And what it probably is like, I mean, my friend just jerked me off.

Like, I get it. I get it. You know? And he just rubbed it until the stuff came out. Like, what did I even do? God damn it. That is so fucking funny how's that even work just this you could just see the gears turning like the hamster wheel right but then the hamster just dies that is how i tell you that scissoring came to be. That's what he decided that women do.

You're right. Somewhere along the lines, like, they tried to work out the schematics. Well, they must just. Well, they got two legs and you just put them. Scissoring. That's my theory. I don't know. That's a pretty good theory. I'm going to ask a pretty good question what's your feelings on 69 i took a lot of heat from this

on the internet i told you i enjoyed it 69 i mean it's uh i'm too lazy to do it at this point but i mean one of the joys one of the There's a lot I could say about Why queer sex is better But I'll save that for another episode Or not But one Is that there's more turn taking In queer sex

In my experience So you get to really focus On your orgasm You know what I mean? Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And 69, while fun. It's a means to an end.

Right? I mean, there's also some gray area here. Like, especially if you like to give orgasms. Like, if that stimulates you. I mean, I don't if that stimulates you. I mean, I don't think it stimulates everyone, unfortunately. In my experience. But, like, it really turns me on when someone else is more turned on, you know?

Like, it's a ripple effect. I was working in the sex lab the other night. Late at night. Oh, my God. He got out a notepad and practiced it. Put it away. Just put it away. I was working in the sex lab the other night.

I was doing some equations and some schematics. Oh, my away. I was working in the sex lab the other night. I was doing some equations and some schematics. Oh, my God. I was thinking of that. What's that song? That Frankenstein song? This is what I think I figured out. No, I'm thinking of Monster Mash. Folks, he's drawing. We did the Monster Mash.

The Monster Mash. This is what I think. It was a graveyard smash. What do you got over there? A little dumbass. Okay. Oh, wait. I fucked it up.

That's not right. Hey, just drill a cross symbol. Buckle up. Here we go. Here we go. Hold on. This is why he is not teaching his ex-husband. I can't handle it.

It's a six and a nine, but I've switched it so that the feet are in each other's faces like that. So it's no longer 69 like you would think, like pussy in one face and dick in the other. Now it's the feet are in both faces, and you're just sucking on toes. That's the new 69. A 99? Yeah, it's kind of like 99, but it's... No, a 99 is a spooning.

I guess it would be. Yeah, you're right. No, 99 is a spooning. I guess it would be. Yeah, you're right. No, this is upside down six. 66. And a right side up nine. Still 69. Like I said, I was working and it hit me like an epiphany. Like how, you know, Einstein had E equals MC squared.

I was like, oh, fuck. 69, but it's toes. This is what I will say about 69. 69 69 but it's toes this is what i will say about 69 69 but it's toes exactly i don't mind a toe suck here and there fine fine but here's what i'll say about 69 is that and maybe this is just because i'm a bigger girl it can be very rewarding but it takes a little work on the front end of getting situated correctly. You know what I mean? It's like, it's not an instant.

It's like, maybe we need a pillow. We may need to. When I put that tweet up on the internet, my buddy Andrew's probably about 6'1", probably 240 pounds. Good-sized boy. He texts me. He said, why don't you like 69? I said, you're a big ass ever. You know, what are you doing?

He goes, I've never been on top in a 69. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You got to know your role in a 69, still. Yeah, definitely. Anyway. Maybe it's just on top isn't as fun in my perspective. Wow. Well.

Anyway, I don't support Tom shitting on any sexual positions. Y'all go get yours. It's not that I was shitting on it. I said from my perspective, it's overrated. This is a complete mega fucking. It's something you do for like five seconds out of novelty. Then you like quit. And then you just start doing the real stuff.

The real stuff. The real... Oral sex is not sex, kids. This is untrue. This is false. This is... Well, I want to call this one... What did I even do?

I want to call this one, uh, unsexy sex. Tom's refuting every one of Tanya's theories. Look, I'm the referee here. I'll be honest with you, Tanya. You've got some retro great ideas about pre-cum while we're on the subject. Do tell. Tanya's in the pocket of big condom. We're going to be

relineating this argument well into our 60s, 70s. You know who I want our first advertisement to be? I think we should go after this company. I think we should go after the like, there's only like one company who creates like

sexual dental dams. All other dental dams are created for dentistry. Listen, I won't be, I won't keep it a buck with you. I've never seen a dental dam in my life.

I've seen one. They're like a goddamn lunar eclipse. Listen, I'm with you. Honestly, I've only ever seen one that was made for sex. But I've had a bunch of teenagers asking me for them recently and they're like could you order us some bulk dental dams and i'm like okay that's that's a good impulse to it and then i looked into it and they're all like kiwi flavored

and strawberry and i'm like i don't like this yeast infection city yeah one it's one that's just that's just a welcome mat mouth is that why yeah you put it over the pussy I know but are they flavored why are they flavored or the asshole I guess I don't know what you're doing why are they flavored though because they are made for your mouth because people think pussy don't taste good

don't get me started I want y'all to find me a dental dam that tastes like Big League Jew. I'm not going to order these kids kiwi flavored dental dams. I ain't doing it. One, it ain't safe. And two, I am not going to discourage the taste of pussy. Red man tobacco flavor.

Give me some. Skull. I want one that tastes like skull. it's called the skull bandit dental and it comes in one of those packages here's the thing here's the thing here's the thing i i'm not i've i am not a doctor i don't make any health claims or anything like this, okay? He has clocked more hours than any other living human on WebMD. That is true.

Let's give you credit where it's due. And I understand you can get gonorrhea in the throat and all this stuff. I do. But oral sex is pretty much safe. Like, the odds of contracting HIV or something serious from oral sex are pretty much safe. Like, the odds of contracting, like, HIV or something serious from oral sex are pretty slim. I mean, absent any, like, outstanding factors like bleeding gums or, you know, some sort of sores in your mouth or something like that. I know you're not willing to commit this to record, but I'm trying to tell kids

that if you eat pussy and all things being equal, basically the worst thing you're looking at is oral gonorrhea and tom's here to tell you it ain't that bad hey well i'll tell you this i'll tell you this it's getting scary though you know gonorrhea they're down to like the last antibiotic they can treat it really yeah no i didn't know that and like in j, there's already like sex workers popping up with like antibiotic

resistant gonorrhea. Shit. What the fuck? That's rough. So. You think that's gonna be our downfall? Gird your loins.

That's what's gonna get us? Uh-huh. Yeah, I do. Before floodwaters do? Yeah. I think it's all part and parcel of the same

impending catastrophe. I mean, I... No, I don't want to get us off topic. No, let's go. I was about to ask when you all just have a glance in your head of what climate catastrophe looks like, like in your imagination, you know? Yeah.

There are a lot of things we could ask this of, things that we talk about a lot, we actually you know whatever mine is literally just floods meeting forest fires it's gonna cancel each other out well there ain't gonna be no one in the middle i mean they're just gonna i read this article the other day that was about climate scientists. And it was like the whole framing of the article was the burden of being a climate scientist in today. I would like to know where they invest their money and where they're buying property and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Right, right.

What decisions are they making? You mean climate scientists or rich people? Climate scientists. Where I was going with that is that they should do a profile on you and the specific burden that you carry with you. That I carry around because of my... Refusal to buy kids Kiwi flavored dental dams. Yeah.

Look, I'm looking for unflavored... If anyone has a link that ain't amazon to an unflavored well here's here's dental dam i'm gonna buy it for them if they want i mean i'm not gonna say you don't need a dental dam if they want to use a dental dam they should no they definitely should and and my whole bit about oral gonorrhea was exactly that a bit i mean you should obviously take every precaution children when you're having particularly somebody you don't know yeah especially if you've drove to atlanta just for the ikea yeah yeah what what do you mean by that someone uh reminded me on twitter this week that a bit where we talked about the appropriate or the max oh time to drive for a booty call and i don't remember it but i guess i

said atlanta's too far but they do have an ikea maybe i'd go for the ikea about five and a half hours if you're getting something right if you can like because i say three hours tops for a booty call right and and really that's a stretch i won't get you to louisville i know i know i take you as far as i'll take as far as necklaceville yeah and well i actually know for sales charleston west virginia you're gonna shoot charleston west virginia ashville north carolina knoxville tennessee knoxville tennessee gatlinburg, baby. Remember I swapped ride on a mermaid one time at the... I was there.

At the aquarium. I saw this. Speaking of vacation, Tanya, you just got off vacation. Tell us about it. Why don't you tell us about it? I had a great vacation. Where'd you go? Did you do the same thing you did last year, but this year you stayed in Appalachia?

You stayed in the region? Technically, okay, you are confused. Yes. For six years in a row, I've done a big rafting trip with all femme and non-binary people. Right. Mostly old dykes. Right. Who are convinced that dy doc culture is dead.

Really? They think that they're the last generation? Hold on a second. Is this the people that just refuse to believe that LeBron James is even in the league of Michael Jordan? I don't know. Are they like really get off my lawn about it?

Maybe. There might be a Venn diagram of overlap here. The youth these days, they don't understand what it means. In my day, we scissored. These girls just thinking something out of a fairy tale. We couldn't afford all that hardware. Yeah. No.

So, well, let me back up. so i went with them six years now this was six or seven wait this is this is your lesbian glamping thing yeah yeah yeah hell no she's not on our Listen, buddy. I can't with the, no. Sorry. God, that was a scale from hell. Nay, I say, nay. The first time I went, it was in Utah. And last year it was in Utah. But every other year we've done local, like, Appalachian rivers. Right. So we've done French Broad, Pigeon, Nantahala, Hawassee.

Uh-huh. This year we did The New River In West Virginia Two days on the new So you went Every year There's that bridge day Or whatever

In West Virginia Where people jump off That massive bridge That's fucking insane No one jumps off that bridge Oh they do Are you kidding me They like parasail

People die off People die off of it What do they do They parasail off of it It really is kind of like Midsommar It is like Usually one person Dies a year i'm not kidding i think that was nine people die a year in that

very small village people people um die off that thing all the time though they base jump off of it um what do you mean wait yeah parachute um with the parachute yeah. But they also bungee jump, too. God damn, really? Well, I paddled under it this past week. Didn't see anybody base jumping. No, because that's illegal. Is it really? Yeah, the guy said it was illegal. He said if you are caught walking on that bridge, they will arrest you for...

Base jumping. Free basing. That means something else around here uh no he said it was like attempted suicide they'll arrest you for attempted they can arrest you for that yeah apparently what the fuck the law enforcement trying to take away our agency to kill ourselves we can't even kill ourselves now you're not getting out that easy that's the thing in in the future climate change is going to be to be worse, but it's going to be illegal to kill yourself.

It is already, I think. It's already. Suicide's illegal, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, assisted suicide is illegal. Only because it's immoral in the eyes of God. Or because, I guess, suicides like that are traumatic for more than one person, right? I think all suicides are probably traumatic for more than one person, right? I think all suicides are probably traumatic for more than one person. Well, but I mean, like, just bystanders.

I can think of two or three that wouldn't be traumatic for anybody. I hate the goddamn parade. Mitch McConnell. A friend of mine was in a room with Mitch today and sent me a pic. Of course, the friend in the group chat was like, this was your chance. Are you telling me there wasn't an envelope opener or something a letter opener or something there damn was it about black lung stuff yeah yeah well i saw that there's like me and tom were talking about this today there was like this bill where they're going so you know like right now that

black lung fund is about to run out of money or whatever like they're thinking they're going, so, you know, like, right now that Black Long Fund is about to run out of money or whatever. Yeah. Like, they're trying to fund it by putting a tax on coal being mined right now. I mean, Tom, we're talking about it like. There's no way that's going to work. There's no coal that's being mined. Even in Wyoming, the two biggest mines literally shuttered after this revelation bankruptcy, or the first and the third biggest mines. And it's kind of like, I was thinking about it, and it's like, it's almost the exact same thing as them raising the federal minimum wage to $15 an hour over the next...

Over the next 10 years, yeah. Where, like... You know what it's also like? I got an email today saying that the Letcher County Fiscal Court's office is having a Letcher County Gives Day where they're inviting everybody down to Riverside Park to eat fucking fried dog shit in support of black jewel miners oh my god are you serious i'm gonna go down there and set

the entire park on fire oh my god i cannot what is wrong with you know who sent the email which probably what pissed me off so bad joe de priest oh yeah i'm i'm for i'm all for helping the minors but it's very fucking funny that everybody that's aided and baited the bad shape that they're in is the ones now that's going to like yeah throw the party uh it's sick it's by the fucking fiscal court's office which i already told you what's his stupid name adams terry ad. Stood there, tripping all over himself into a microphone, trying to console these poor men

who were being fucked royally while also not saying anything bad about the people who have fucked them royally. Not starting today. Today's not the first time they've been fucked. They've been fucked every day. They've showed up to work their entire fucking lives. Yeah. From the first day they've been fucked. They've been fucked every day. They've showed up to work their entire fucking lives.

Yeah. From the first day you step into the mines, they know. You know how it ends. You're going to die of lung disease. Yeah, it's not even that. Unless you get out in time. Whatever. Anyway, fuck Terry Adams.

I had to get up and get this real quick. There's an op-ed in the Mountain Eagle. It was last week. Yeah, I'll say this week hasn't come out yet. CEO of Revelation, other coal firms, firms is confident situation will get much better hey hey construction's going on just as planned on my bahamian resort son of a bitch actually it it's not an op-ed it's a it's a it's like a reporting thing from the associated press and it's hilarious because op-ed. It's like a reporting thing from the Associated Press,

and it's hilarious because it gives them basically the benefit of the doubt. Jeff Hoops is like, the entire U.S. mining complex has been impacted by these events. The entire industry either has gone through or is currently going through a period of financial distress and reorganization. I swear to God. Are you telling me that Jeff Hoops has situated himself as a victim? Yeah.

I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you something I would do three years in Clay County Standing on my head If I could cut this fucker's tongue out of his head And get away with it I'd feed it to him No I'm serious The image of Tom serving three years In Clay County

Well I said Clay County Because that's the tennis jail of how Rodgers does it. That's where all the finance criminals go. Finance criminals and podcasters go to Clay County. I just found out on this trip I was on that I need to get to finish.

That Martha What's her name? Martha. Martha who? You know, who went to jail, the celebrity that went to jail. Oh, Martha Stewart. Yeah, Martha Stewart. She served her time in Kentucky.

Did she really? Yeah, I had no idea. Where at? Big Sandy? Little Grange. Oh, that's crazy. Or somewhere, there's a women's prison up near Louisville. Did you know this, Tom?

That's so funny. No, that would be so crazy if she was in Martin County. Big Sandy. We were getting shout outs for her on the radio station. Goddamn, that would have been good. Yo, I want to hear Tupac

keep your head up. I want to shout this out to Martha Stewart and Big Sandy, Federal Penitentiary. Only Snoop Dogg songs for Martha Stewart. Yeah. We are confident that this restructuring will solidify Black Jewel's position as a significant participant in the U.S. coal market. They didn't mention... As you can goddamn buy every coal mine in the United States for $18 right now. Yeah. coal market. They didn't mention... As you can goddamn buy every coal mine

in the United States for $18 right now. Yeah. We could... Tom's already looked into it. We could be the damn coal barons if we just pulled our Patreon together

for one month. We should. This is insane. Well, it's just absurd that they don't even mention like... As you pointed out in our recent Patreon episode that... Yeah, he's building a, what is it, an $18 million?

$30 million. A $30 million mansion in West Virginia. Which the Charleston Gazette reported was near completion of phase one and would not be, there would be no, there would be no, um, whatever. Pauses in construction. Right. I don't know what the word I was looking for. Everything's humming along as, uh. Just fine.

And there was a picture, and I'm pretty sure it was all immigrant workers. Of course it was. Of course it was. I was like, oh, yeah, okay. He's paying all of them $4.50 an hour. Right. Well, that's, we've made some phone calls to our Bahamian Connects. Wait until he steps one foot in a helicopter.

Buddy, I wouldn't take to the skies. Make no mistake. You best bet it's just to fucking take a boat home. Hop on one of them trash barges, bitch. It's over for you. Take to the skies. Oh, God. Let's hear more about your vacation, Tanya. sorry it was lovely i rafted for two days on

the new it was awesome and the first day we got a pontoon on a lake in west virginia oh well um what else so it's these old lesbians who are convinced that lesbian culture is over and because they used to do they used to like organize big concerts and just like so many big like lesbian festivals and shit and they're honestly they're i mean they're not wrong because just it's like most people i'd much more people identify as queer now y'all never never bounce back after a little affair lesbian as such is just like a limiting identity and blah blah blah and so a lot of people identify as queer instead of that and so i get i hear what they're coming from they're like there's no

lesbian it's really so they think this like the queer stuff's kind of newfangled and for the kids or something no they're not against it i mean because one well what i would have loved to have seen is because i was having this conversation with them with a car in a car in an rv last year god love them and they tell this joke they tell this jokingly all the time this story about how they were like going on and i was letting them go and then it went because they were talking about all this stuff they used to organize and i was like loving it listening to what all they used to do and then they then what happened was finally they got so worked up one of them yelled is there even any lesbian music anymore and apparently the way she tells it is i just like come up out of my seat was like that's about

enough out of you all and then i like made them plug my phone in and then I made them listen to Janelle Monae and see the kid and just like hours of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anywho. There's a generational divide, though. Totally. It's more got to do with age, though, than not being there. But look, some of, we call ourselves the Whitewater Wonders. So we say wonders and like when we have.

Y'all have bowling shirts, man? We have shirts, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. I forgot mine on the trip. Are they air we have bowling shirts, man, we have shirts. Yeah, that's awesome. I forgot mine on the trip. Are they airbrush? No, I wish. God, next time y'all go to Gatlinburg, I won't airbrush the wonders. And it's just all y'all.

Well, and the point is that everyone doesn't identify as ladies. And when we're in boats with guides, so it's like forward ladies or let's do the lady. You know, they're saying ladies a lot. And so it's like we like or let's do the lady you know they're just like saying ladies a lot and so it's like we like wonders we're the wonders so it's like easier for these like people to comprehend right um gender in a simple like because we're on a raft we can't like get into it with these motherfuckers every time it's like we're the wonders i guess they hold your life your lives our lives are in their hands So we always

You know I always just like wait and see how they're gonna do Because I'm the youngest by like a lot of years This is mostly The oldest that went on the river with us this year Is 77 Damn The average age is probably 50 55

There are a couple. Are you the youngest, did you say? Yeah, I'm the youngest. And there are a couple in their 30s, like me and another person. Well, I think Ingrid might be 40 now. Ingrid? Yeah, a few in their 40s, a few in their 50s, and then, like, the rest are in their 60s and 70s.

I had a similar setup with Lady Troop when I was doing Weight Watchers. I bet you did. I'd get on the message boards and Barb or somebody would be on there and she'd say something about I had a setback this week and everything and I'd chime in with

keep going Barb, you're looking great. I love the thought of you in a Weight Watchers group. You've got to be a white you gotta be part if you're going you gotta be a part of the community if you're gonna be a part of the community you gotta show up for weigh-ins that's right that's right um but anywho i always love to see like how long they wait to like get it like get into politics with the raft guides we had our raft guide this time was so funny. Her name was Heather, and she was the quintessential gym teacher. Interesting. She is a gym teacher.

And this was like her son, like in the summer, she guides. Right. But she was the, she was an absolute cartoon character gym teacher. Like, I just, the only thing missing was a whistle around her fucking neck. Was she strict? Was she, or was she whistle around her fucking neck was she strict was she or was she like no she was just real well she was kind of raspy and like but she was real blunt and like just like everything she said was kind of a dismissal you know right and she called the other raft god studs she's like all these studs are gonna she was like we're gonna zigzag around all these rocks

down here but these studs i think they're gonna take a v out of here oh i loved it how'd you get hooked in with this crowd uh well that that's an even crazier story but um you made me forget i was about to say one of the funniest things she said on the trip and i forgot oh after one of the rapids she said that was textbook lady okay i was crying because he was a hard rapid and you know she because we got sideways one time and it's like because of the way the rapid is like you know she because we got sideways one time and it's like because of the way the rapid is like you know that's gonna happen and she like prepped us for it all before we like there's some pretty like intense it's yeah we went through three class

five rapids on one day yeah and so anyway she like prepped us about it and there's seven of us and so she's the eighth like in the back guiding you know and so all the power is us like all the paddling is us she's barely she's not even paddling does she have a bullhorn no no um there but when when the 77 year old was in the front everything she said we all had to repeat it real quick it was like a the people's mic yeah the people's mic wait was this way the 77 year old was in the front when y'all going through those classified rapids no she didn't do any class fives in the front oh you're back you're back in on midsummer she's as good as any of us you you have no idea you have no idea this woman has more stamina than i do she dropped she's from chattanooga her ass drove a big dually truck with a cat with a camper connected to it herself by herself

to west virginia from chattanooga went to the fucking um rv park unhooked it and like hooked up all her camper shit have you ever done this this is tough shit no it's very difficult i had to help last year she hooked up her unhooked from her truck the camper and hooked up her whole camper by herself and then came to the cab and we were like mary you're supposed to call us we were gonna come help you she was like was like, eh, I got it. I ain't got time to wait on you. On you fucking ratchet asses. I done done it.

77. And then she was on the river. She was talking about what river she wanted to do for her 80th birthday. Oh, my God. It's fucking crazy. It's wild. I feel like so blessed. Like, how did I land this?

So this is how. So the person who organizes all this um i'm really good friends with and it was she organized the first one for her 50th birthday that was 16 years ago so she's 66 now and so we made a bunch of jokes so i turned 33 so we're half and double we were joking they were 33 and 66 so anyway for her for her 50th birthday and a bunch of them went that's where they started the wonders and all this stuff so and then and that's when they went out to utah and did a river out did the green river the gates of lodore it's like a six five five day run

and um then 10 years later for her 60th she's like i want to do it again and that's when she invited me so she invited all the all the same people plus a couple more, me and a couple other people. And I told her no like five times. I was like, I've never been rafting. I'm not going to Utah. Like I've only been on an airplane twice. I'm not doing that. There's no way.

And she was like, no. She's like, you don't understand. You've got the magic. Yeah, she kept telling me. She kept trying to convince me. I kept telling her no. She's like, but you love water. Like you love being around people. You to camp you love scissor you're in you'll love it she kept saying you'll love it you'll love it and i was like i just don't

know i don't know i don't think i can do it and anyway so i bought plus it was like this is like a 1500 vacation and i was like i don't have 500 like i can't pay for any of this and she was like this is like a 1500 vacation and i was like i don't have 500 like i can't pay for any of this and she was like don't don't let money hold you back and i'm like what are you talking about what are you talking about don't let money and i was just like i don't even know what here's what i want to say to rich people just as an interlude real quick when you say something like don't let money hold you back we what we say we don't have it we don't mean like we have it but we can't use it for this we literally mean we ain't fucking got it and that's what i was like even if i had

this money i owe more than that to other people like i owe money right you're negative like i have negative net worth my net worth is so in the red so far negative negative. Also, I got a letter today I want to ask you all about from a creditor. Put a pin in that. Put a pin in that. You came to the right place. We and Tom one time. I think I can sue these people now. I think I'm about to turn this into money for me.

We and Tom one time recorded like 30 minutes of me just playing all of the creditors that had called me on my phone and left voicemail. Oh, my God. We never published it. I don't remember why. Oh, God. That would be good. That would be a good Patreon bonus. Yeah.

Goddamn, these jackals stay on my case every fucking day. Oh, yeah. I got one today. I haven't listened to it yet. Oh, God. They're on it. They're fucking... Yeah, I had a voicemail.

Well, my voicemail wasn't set up for months, and then somehow it set its fucking self up. Well, you know what? The thing about the calling thing, just to take us on a very brief tangent, is that I paid off a bunch of debt last year, and they stopped calling me temporarily. And it was so relieving. I mean, I didn't really realize, like, you don't really realize how stressful it is.

Because you get the number, you're like, fuck that, I'm not answering that. But, like, once you stop having it, you're like, I can breathe a little bit easier. My default setting is 16 calls a day, and I just got into it. I don't even use my damn phone anymore. I miss so many calls. The phone rings, and you're like, this morning I was getting out of the shower,

and Michelle's like, maybe somebody in Lexington, Kentucky, a number's calling us, and who cares? That's how they trick you now. I know. They use the localest numbers. They just said Lexington,ucky and i and i was like i don't give a fuck used to be i don't know nobody in fucking manhattan kansas i never did look to see who was like i don't fucking care no that's that's it but that's the thing like i've missed a lot of important calls for that because you never answered yeah me too i never answered fine fuck it uh but anyways um

uh don't let money hold you back oh yeah don't let me have to back and so i've tried to explain her no i don't think you understand i have zero dollars in my account i owe money and so what she said was that other wonders would pitch in to help for me to go they wanted she called it like a scholarship wow so they paid for me to go the first time wow it was really cool but here's how i repaid them i missed my flight you didn't even go no i will but i missed my flight this is the crazy story i missed okay i got the date wrong on my flight it was i was just i was flying out of nashville so i was gonna have to like drive to nashville and take the flight and so i'd already hooked i'd already worked it out with a friend in nashville that i know i was gonna go to like drive to Nashville and take the flight so I'd already hooked I'd already worked it out with a friend in Nashville that I know I was gonna go stay the

night the night before because at that point I had um been 50 50 with flights and I'd only been two and what I'd only flown how long ago was this like 2012 11 yeah it was six years ago okay and so um 13 maybe seven years ago yeah and like I'd worked out with my friend in nashville and everything i was gonna stay with him the night before and all the shit and then i'm just like working away i was gonna leave after work to go to nashville um catching the flight the next day and and i just like i went to print my boarding my stuff and it was like unavailable unavailable because it had left that morning it wasn't leaving tomorrow morning it left that morning and i was just a fucking idiot so you're skating on thin ice with the wonders already well i called the wonder who was already in utah and i was like i got bad news

if i i mean i what you talk about embarrassed right and i was like i mean i was crying a little bit i was like i'll repay i'll pay you back i'll pay you back i'll figure it out i'm so sorry like i was like i looked and i and she was and she was just kind of quiet and then i said like i've even looked and i don't i can't afford the flight going out today to get there she was like you looked for a flight today and i was like yeah and she was like send me the link and she she tells it now that she thought that i just didn't want to go and she had pushed me to do something that i really didn't want to do and i missed my flight when it came down to it because i really didn't want to do it and she felt guilty oh so she thought that you had missed your flight on purpose on purpose or subliminal or whatever like she thought that she'd like pushed

me too far and i really didn't have it in me to go and that but when i told her i was trying to figure out a way when i was like i looked up flights and there is one out of tri-cities she's like look at that it's like nine hundred dollars i can't afford it so you had to go drive to nashville turn right back around no i didn't drive to nashville i was printing out my tickets here in wattsburg oh okay and i did and i and that's when i realized that it had left that morning. I thought you had to drive to Nashville and turn back around and come back the other way. No, so she was like,

get in your car, drive to, so I got in my truck and I drove my truck the fastest I've ever driven. I hit 100 in my little dingy. You remember my truck, my white truck?

Yeah. No, it was a Nissan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My little Frontier. Pathfinder. Sold it to Jim Webb. Yeah. R.I.P.

Yeah. Godspeed, Jimmy. I see somebody driving it around occasionally still um katie's son anyway she was like if there's a flight going out we'll figure it out just drive to the airport right now how far are you and i'm like i'm two and a half hours away from the airport she was like get in the car and go so i was just because i'd already packed and everything i was about to leave to go to nashville and so i just like flew to the airport and while i was on the road they used their frequent flyer miles to get me a free flight. God damn. God, I need to find me a group of lesbians to go on the airplane.

I know. I want their baby gay that they've taken under their wing. I'm so lucky. Damn. I'm so lucky. And so they tell the story all the time about how it was like fate. But anyway, what was crazy? This is the third flight I'd ever been on the third flight and when i got there

they had to have a because moab you have to fly into salt lake city and then moab is like two hours from there it's like out in the cut and so they literally had a car pick me up and so it was like on a movie when i came off there was a man holding a sign with my name on it said tanya in parentheses one young wonder and you got there and they were like you know we weren't gonna let you not do that and so they i got in the car with this man and he drove me to moab yeah i got there like three hours i got there at 3 a.m and our like our call was at 6 a.m we had to meet we were they were i was in a hotel i got went in the hotel slept two hours and had to get up at 6

a.m and we like went got our shit together and got on a bus and drove to the river it's fucking crazy this is absurd this is what i've been missing out on by not having a mentor of some kind yeah i've you know mentorship yes i've never had anybody just take me under their wing whatever y'all got d davis well i mean you know but that's not he's never taken me to a baseball game or anything that's not my mentor he's never taken to a baseball he's just an older guy that i know he's just an older guy that we know we're talking you're talking about someone who takes you under their wing and looks out for you and stuff. They do look out for me.

Me and Tom are just too stubborn. Fuck authority. Well, I mean, you don't need any advanced degrees to say I need mentorship. It's like rocket science. Let me tell you how I started the day off yesterday. So, I've got these estranged

half-siblings that I'm not friends with them on Facebook or anything, but I occasionally creep their Facebook profile just to see their goings on. Right. Well, as it turns out, my father passed away about a year and a half ago.

Are you kidding me? And nobody fucking told you? Nobody fucking told me. Holy fuck. Which is like, I've only met him once and talked to him a handful of times. But it's still a very strange feeling that I've not really recovered from. Fucking insane. Tom, that's awful.

Hello. Nobody fucking told you? I was just flipping through here, and she's, you know, the usual run-of-the-mill stuff. Oh, Weezer's touring with the Foo Fighters again. This is awesome. And I think in my head, like, okay, man, maybe I wouldn't have much in common with these people. Anyway, then I get down to this post, and it's like, I posted this last Father's Day,

this post and it's like god damn i posted this last father's day and uh you know i sent my dad an email and it said uh your dad emailed no no no this is my sister that's writing this in a facebook post and she was like you know and it had been two years since we'd spoken and i was like yeah okay well that's about par for the course yeah he does he does that. And then she was just like, and, you know, he wrote us back this disjointed email telling me how much he loved me and the girls and my husband and all this stuff. Dot, dot, dot. Little did I know, a few weeks later, he'd be gone. And I was like, my heart started beating down in my chest. Like, this is a weird feeling to feel for somebody that abandoned you. But it is a strange feeling.

God damn. That's fucking insane right up there with foo fighters and weezer tour dates literally yeah i was like and then i was like i can remember almost stopping flipping and i kind of wish i just never found that information out you it would have come up eventually. Maybe not. But dad since 2017. I kind of agree with you. Ignorance is kind of bliss in some ways. You know? But it's weird because now even in death he's denied me my fantasy

of making it. You remember me and Terrence were talking about like we're going to have our name on the marquee somewhere and he's going to show up. I had this fantasy of him in a movie. Oh, your dad's going gonna show up i had this fantasy yeah like i'm in a movie oh your dad's gonna show up to a trivoli show at the back of the room the only daddy's showing up to a trivoli show is gonna have to be mr ray because we're we got none we got no daddies even in death he denies he denies me my opportunity to dunk on him one last time

well i'd like to formally welcome you to the Dead Daddy Club. It's weird. I always thought, you know, I always thought one of two things. Either, like, we're going to have this, like, reconciliation thing, and it's going to be cool. Because my friend Greg, that happened to him. His dad left most of his childhood, most of his young adulthood. Came back, remarried his mom. Now he's, like, thick as these.

Wow, you were fantasizing about that well no i wasn't fantasizing about marrying my mom or anything but you could have still held on to the fantasy that he had come into money and was gonna leave it to you oh i think there's a danger of that sounds like he was estranged from even his like normal family for the last two years oh did he have a regular family i think yeah it's hard to say mean, he had two families when I was born, so I don't know. Is there a younger family than you? Younger kids? No, no, yeah, there's younger kids.

There's four of them. Damn, daddy got around. Yeah, so fucking A. That was a weird hair. Imagine living like that, just no scruples at all. Like, no societal, nothing. He definitely never saw a dental dam. saw a condom either no like just spreading your seed everywhere and having zero conscious or qualms about it or you know what i mean like feeling just no remorse or but i also think about

this about all the suffering i've endured in my life and I think, like, I could all have been avoided if he'd just, you know, if his Tanya would have gotten him a kiwi-flavored dental dam and took the health safe sex like a little more seriously. But then you wouldn't be here

with us today, Tom. We're glad you're here. Just when you thought Father's Day couldn't get any worse. When is Father's Day, Mama? I don't know. Early June. I'll let it go.

But, you know, I'm such a sociopath. I would be more pissed that no one told me than that he was dead. I would be more personally offended that I was not alerted. That's not sociopath. That's totally, I think that's totally legit. You think that's legit? Yeah, absolutely. I'd be more upset that I wasn't told he was dead than that he was dead.

Let me tell you what's weird about this. That's really fucked up. There's something else that's weird about this. At the street fight show in Lexington, I did this bit about my aunt that moved back here from Florida. And that like is just kind of like hanging around weirdly and approached me in the funnel cake line. And was like, I always wanted to be there for you. What? You know, she's just like, I always wanted to be there for you. What? You know, like she's just been, I ran into her in Walmart.

She just says these little thinly veiled kind of creepy things. Like his sister? Yeah. So she knew. She fucking knew he was dead and didn't tell you? I think she assumed I knew. That's why she was saying all these things. Did you just get looked over in the...

I think i missed the memo and i've been wondering like you never asked her how he was doing or anything fuck no got nothing to say about him she's just wearing black every time she sees tom it's like i'm so sorry she did listen she did so my sister zc's mom and her were walking around the festival fail over her face. And he never talked to her. She did. Never talked to her. So my sister Zizi's mom and her were walking around the festival grounds and I was in the

funnel cake line. And they just came up to me and Martha Zizi's mom, we don't have the same mom, said, this is, Thomas,

this is, you know, blah, blah, blah. Wait, did Zizi know? You know what? i just found out yesterday you haven't asked her because you talk you're in conversation with her ain't you i talked to her about me you know every so often not like super regularly is she in hazard yeah

i say she's dogs this is tom's sister i see her about twice a year doesn't she live at 123 smith street yeah phone number tom i'm mad for you i'm ready to well i never asked her and it's funny you say the hazard thing because jenny williams introduced me to a room full of hazardites like you know the society people over there one night he says this is vidc's little brother little brother. And they go, huh. And I was like, what did she do? She fucked her husband. What's going on here? Anyway, point is, I have a kooky aunt that's been saying really weird, ominous things. And then I was buying fucking nasal spray at Walmart, and I heard her whispering to

some woman she was with, and she came up to me and just patted me get moving and then i can i'm so sorry for you thinking in my head what the fuck is wrong with her Just no fucking clue. Shit. Damn, dog. Oh, shit. So if y'all see the little weird Cuban lady floating around the house wearing black, tell her I know now. Oh, my God. Wow. Well, dads. Dads, dads, dads, dads, dads.

Speaking of dads, we're going on tour with a couple of dads. Yeah, bring the dads out. I have no idea when this episode will be airing. So could be the main one this week, could be the Patreon. We don't know. But we have tour shirts. Is that right? We do.

And actually, they sent me a video today of them running through the machine praise the fucking lord we found a t-shirt maker my god who knew they were so difficult to unearth who knew so the patreon shirts are going out but we're having to shift who's doing them probably but those the shirts you pinch me the black shirts are are strictly tour shirts though i have to say because we had we had to spring a lot of money to get them front and back and even look the t-shirt situation can be 100 boiled down to when you live in letcher county there is something called the tyranny of lowered expectations which means you don't have to make food as great you don't have to make clothes or do business as you don't have to do basically you don't kind of don't have to do anything and we thought we would

go through a local house i just found out that while I was on vacation, someone who literally harassed a man, a young man in this community who straight up harassed multiple young women in our programs at where I work, showed up to ask the director for a job. And he wants to give him a fucking job. And he said, I think it's nice that he came and asked. Interesting. The bar is so truly low. The bar has to be dug down out of the ground. The bar is in the dirt. It's buried and you have

to take a shovel and mattock and get it out. You have to mine it out of the mountain. It is so low. It's below our feet. Well, that's kind of what it comes down to. We have a crew of 38 people up there trying to get it out.

We'll let you know. We'll let you know. We're currently withholding their child support, their 401k, and their health benefits cards. Until it's out. So, yes, that's right

we're cold barren tyrants now. There's this woman who calls in every Monday night to the show and she always says if I forgot your name

forgive my head not my heart or wait forgive my heart not my head or what's the I already fucked it up.

Or you mean blame my heart? Blame my head not my heart. Blame my head not my heart or what's the i already fucked it up or you mean blame my heart my head yeah blame my head not my heart that makes sense blame my head so when it comes down to the shirts that's really what it comes down to blame tom's head not his heart oh hey that's exactly right blame my head on but but but but we do have some partners in new or Orleans that are going to take care of that. Amen. Hallelujah. But yeah, you can get the tour shirts, all the black ones, and we've teased a little bit on Twitter if you come to one of our shows. And if there's any left over after that, we'll sell you one.

I can't believe we just had an entire episode where Tom just revealed to us one of the biggest milestones of his life. I know. How did we get to that? I just kind of buried the lead. Are we going to call this Dead Dad Club? My fucking dad's dead. It's weird.

Fuck me. It's weird. You heard it here first, folks. You can't get this kind of content anywhere. Also, in closing. We are falling apart in closing let me just say this before your ears the comedy of man just this is why we need to start videoing this and putting it on youtube life is a is a huge fucking joke it literally is a massive fucking

today at work the internet went out as it does basically all the time but i had been on vacation so long i'd forgot. And I just laid back in my chair, twirling, looking out the ceiling, thinking about how funny this all truly is. It's meaningless, pretty much. I mean, it's not. But. You know, I think one thing I kind of, for a minute I thought, this is just so comedic that I can't be too wound up or anything like that about it. Right.

And then I started sitting there and I was like, damn, he wasn't that old. And then I started thinking, goddamn, none of the men on either side of my family were that old when they died. Usually from vising. You're already a fucking hypochondriac. I know, that old when they died. Usually from visin. You're already a fucking hypochondriac. I know, that's what it did. It's like, it sent me into a sort of, um, you know, kind of a tailspin. But you know what? You know what?

You could look at it like he was a bad man and he got what was coming to him. And as long as you live the righteous life, Tom Sexton, that does not have to be your destiny. Did you tell your mom what Gar said? I've not told her yet.

She's got bad nerves. I don't know how she'll take it. She obviously doesn't know. If I go down there and tell her that, she's like, yeah, I wanted to tell you, but I'd feel so betrayed, so I can't risk that chance. You can't risk it? But what happens when she finds out and the same thing happens

and you say, yeah, I wanted to tell you. I'm playing stupid. I was like, oh, damn, that sucks. What's for dinner? Strikes and gutters. I guess we're all going to go someday. yeah strikes and gutters i guess we're all gonna go someday yeah i mean i guess the silver lining is you don't even have to pretend to be upset because that's all you have any reason to be really it was so weird i had a full-blown panic attack i was hyperventilating i'm like i mean why maybe that was insensitive of me to say that he

got what was coming to him i didn't mean mean it like that. I mean, most men. And he didn't raise you. He had little to nothing to do. But he is your dad and so you are allowed to feel however you want to feel about it. I mean, I haven't decided yet. I'm going to wait until I get up and come back off this tour. I can't bring that

in my chest pains and anxiety. So when you come out to our show and buy a t-shirt, don't ask Tom about his dad. Please don't. He's busy with other things. Don't do anything to exacerbate my anxiety. Especially in a crowded room so far, far away. I have to think about this. It is such a suboptimal setup for me dad's

dead i'm anxiety ridden i feel like shit and i'm getting ready to go do the one thing that terrifies me more than anything and that's talking in front of people for money it's just meaningless it's just It's just so ridiculous. I'll never forget the time that you iced out on a, when you were running for city council. Oh, God. That's before I discovered a little thing called El Prazalam. But you iced out on a fucking. I had a very public panic attack at Appalachia's bright future 2.0 no this was just a little fucking no i know but i'm saying that that happened but that happened too i've had very a couple of yeah i forgot about that no this was just when it was uh

just a candidate forum uh across town right and you of course you showed up in a three-piece suit you look terrific i was ready and then you just panicked and you you you took you left right after it started and i went after you because i knew i knew you weren't going to piss i knew you were hitting the fucking front door and i went after you like i can't do it i can't do it tell him i had a work emergency this man manages a bar not even then not even then i just i was just bartending i've been demoted i've been demoted all right he's a bartender and i straight up walked in there and said tom is a saint mr sex and had a work and i went to the bar i told rox and all my set

by god they come asking for me tell them tell them tell them fucking shit was coming out you even went to the bar to cover your ass although honestly there were plenty of emergencies at that bar all the time it flooded it yeah the sewer backed up. Who knows? I just hung up that drink. That's what I still drink. God damn. Anyway, subscribe to our Patreon. Please. Yeah. Don't we deserve it? We just told stories about how people have taken pity on us.

Or not taken pity on us. I've kind of just sat back in the cut, personally. Please. Invest in our meager lives. These two two need help they need a lot of help and not just like you know michelle ambergi twice a week for 20 you'd have to go to michelle ambergi twice a day to get any help out of that they go to vienna Vienna. Like Freud? Like the birth of psychotherapy. Like the location of the birth of that. It's like Jerry Seinfeld.

You need a team. Working around the clock. I'm going to pee. I'm gonna pee. I'm gonna pee on my scalp. We've lost her. We've lost her. She's completely gone. Please go to the Patreon.

P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Trillbilly Workers Party. Give us five dollars. I'm trying not to lose it. Give us $5. Life's a comedy, folks. It's also a tragedy. It never gets any better.

I mean, things will just get worse and worse and worse. Tanya Pete on my couch. Give us money. Come see us on tour. And find God again. Whatever helps you get through, just find him. Just fuck. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 Sous-titrage ST' 501 © B Emily Beynon