Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 16: Normie Clown Posse

Episode Date: July 7, 2017

Tom is MIA, so Tarence and Tanya write a short film about Tanya's vacation. Includes cameos from John Cougar Mellancamp, busted dolphins, Patch Adams, and an army of normie A.I. clown doctors.

I want to know what their stance is on the insane clown posse. Are they coalitioned with the insane clown posse? That's the only thing that can add. That's the only layer that can be added at this point. In clown culture, in clown society, they sound like the sort of bourgeois clowns. ICP are the working class clowns. And they have class consciousness. I feel like you are taking up for ICP right now.

Is that what you're doing? Are you crazy? Are they bad? ICP? You are taking up for juggalos right now. Is that not a good thing? Hatchet men? Literal fucking juggalos? The Dark Carnival? I mean, they've got class consciousness.

And that's a good thing. You know, it's part of it. It's embedded into the ICP ideology. After laughter comes tears. After laughter becomes tears When you're in love you're happy Oh, and when you're in a new game. My lips are burning.

Um, I had a similar experience last night with the bug spray. What? Yeah, you get like deet on your lips. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. It feels so bad. Very gross. The shit we put on ourselves just to keep the bugs off.

Yeah. Well, how was your weekend? It was good. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I had a fun time. Good. Went over to...

I feel like I can't ask you any specific things now that the mics are on. Yeah. You know my specific questions. Well, my specific answers are that it was a fun time. Good. Yeah. I don't know. How was your weekend?

It was great. I went to West Virginia and we, me and about 15 other women tried to float down the, mostly women, tried to float down the Greenbrier River. Uh-huh. But we didn't scout it out the way we should have. We ended up doing a lot of walking through an inch of quickly moving water. Damn. You might imagine how at one point, and we were getting drunker and drunker along the way.

Wasn't there also a pregnant person? Yeah. She was nine months pregnant. I mean, seven months pregnant pregnant and we were pulling her in a boat. Oh shit. And at one point, uh, um, was, uh, under many influences. And so I felt like I couldn't walk anymore cause it was so slippery.

I kept, I kept almost falling. I was afraid if I fell, I was going to break a hip or something cause I'm a mamaw. So I started literally army crawling. I was almost falling. I was afraid if I fell, I was going to break a hip or something because I'm a mamaw. So I started literally army crawling. I was like this. And I like had a hold of like three tubes because we were trying to tile our tubes together. So I was like dragging three tubes behind me. It was a situation.

Yeah, it sounds like it. It certainly sounds like it. Certainly sounds like it. It took us about five hours to go one mile. Oh, my God. Yeah. And luckily, and we had parked the cars like five miles at the other end. So luckily, we ran into some good Samaritans along the way who drove us, drove a couple of us to a couple cars. Yeah.

To come back and get the rest. Oh, that's good. Yeah. If we had taken a pregnant girl any further, she was going to kill couple of us to a couple cars to come back and get the rest. Well, that's good. Yeah, if we had taken an old pregnant girl any further, she was going to kill all of us. I would imagine. Actually, she was probably the most calm. The rest of us were like, because she was sober. And the rest of us were all fucked up.

Being pregnant is a level of sobriety that surpasses sobriety itself. Yeah. I think it gives you a certain distance from things. Being pregnant is a level of sobriety that surpasses sobriety itself. Yeah. I think it gives you a certain distance from things that you don't normally get. Yeah, and I feel like it just makes you calmer. Maybe this isn't everyone, but she just seemed so calm the whole time. Just like, you know.

But it was fun. We also, we sat at my friend's cabin out in the woods beautiful i bet she doesn't have indoor plumbing and you know i'm kind of a fancy pants kind of a diva yeah so when i got there i was like wait where's the bathroom so is it like an outhouse is it a hole in the ground legit outhouse hole in the ground yeah yeah it was like you know she had these like cute lights strung up in it and it was fine and then when you were in it the door didn't close like you couldn't lock the door from the inside and so it would stay open and so it actually kind of was beautiful it was just like the while you sat there the whole it was just like miles of rolling hills and first it was like a layer of wildflowers because they bale hay there and then it was like the tree line and there was in the daytime there were butterflies everywhere but at night

time it was just a field of um lightning bugs it sounds like you went to actual heaven this weekend you left this plane in reality i would not call an outhouse heaven, but by the end of it, the idea had grown on me. Have you been to... The worst thing ever is music festival outhouses. Oh, God. You know what I mean? Yeah, I've built them before in my younger, dumber days. Well, God help.

God bless. We should be giving the people who have to clean those things, they should get more respect and valor than the goddamn soldiers. Oh, you mean like legit porta potties. Porta potties, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, this is so bizarre. I just read an article for no reason about how important sanitation workers are. And it didn't say post-apocalyptic, but it was almost like, these are actually the most important healthcare workers we have,

but they get no respect and they make minimum wage. I was a janitor. By and far. For a while. Yeah, and it's like, these are like public health czars. It's true.

Our environment is basically the most important part of our health. Right. And if we were just like living among trash all the time, it would be bad. Yeah. Sanitation workers are on the forefront of the war on germs. They are the front lines. And the war on like spreadable, like Ebola. Infectious diseases. Yeah, infectious diseases. Just like, what was the, just the breakout? It was because there isn't proper sanitation situation set up. Yep.

No, they, they should get more valor than the troops. You know, you see a, you see a sanitation worker on an airplane. Yeah. They get to deep board first. I just saw a meme that said that. Why, why is this all of a sudden a theme now that it's like. What? All of a sudden what? A theme that it's like... What? All of a sudden what?

A theme that sanitation workers are being... Are like started. Because yesterday for the 4th of July, I saw a meme that was like, salute your sanitation workers. Well, one of the things that I've been... It's kind of interesting. I'm reading this China Mieville book

about the Russian Revolution. And it's really interesting. One of the things that old socialists did around the turn of the century, this sort of thing was like turning workers into sort of your everyday heroes. I mean, the right wing's been doing it for a long time. But that is a specific,

it just seems like territory of the left. Like, very easily, it's just a way to, I think, show solidarity with the working class. Yeah, or just to, I mean, literally organize people. Yeah. power like right when the um when the uh immigration ban first popped off um it was taxi drivers who right who immediately organized right um and we're like no we're not taking you to the airport right that was because there are yeah and it was just like we saw where the infrastructure was like those people were able to communicate with one another quickly because they have a community and they immediately shut the fuck down and we're like we're not taking people to the airport because the airport is on strike people are striking there and we're not taking your ass pressure

points and that's when uh you know companies like uber rise to the top as fucking scabs right yeah fuck uber i used uber all last two weeks i'm I'm a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite on heels. Yes, so before you were in West Virginia this weekend, you were in Charleston. South Carolina. South Carolina. Yeah, the other Charleston. The other Charleston. Yeah, my little sister and my aunt live down there now, so it's a nice, cheap vacay.

Yeah. Well, yeah, last Fourth of Julyuly we were both in charleston but has it changed much in a year yeah actually because 50 people move there a day really yeah 48 people this is counting babies who are born there that's crazy 48 people come to live either are born in charleston or moved to charleston it's mostly move like 40 move and eight babies are born a day there yeah so 48 people are added to the population of charleston every day that's crazy so it's actually changed a fuck ton in a year like every neighborhood is being gentrified and my sister's been that been down there about six years yeah from charleston

we drove to atlanta for a concert with my mom and my aunt what did you see we saw john mellencamp oh shit i think you told me i told you about this my mom has been so excited and then for the whole five hour drive from charleston to south carolina they made me listen to john mellencamp while i drove and they drank wine the entire time my aunt you were You were a chauffeur. Literally. My mom and aunt. Two wine moms. Yeah. Which they're cousins.

I shouldn't call. I call her my aunt because she's my mom's age. They're just like two weeks apart in age. Aunt is like a good catch all word. You know, anything. Anybody can be an aunt. Yeah. Everybody's a fucking aunt. Everybody's a fucking aunt.

Or cousin. Everybody's my fucking cousin. Cousin's a pretty good catch all too. Yes. And I should use cousin more because it's gender neutral. Yeah, it is. I should just call everyone my cousin. Everybody's my fucking cousin. Cousin's a pretty good catch-all term. Yes. And I should use cousin more because it's gender neutral. Yeah, it is. I should just call everyone my cousin. Cuz.

Let's call everybody cuz. And really, she is my cousin because she's my second cousin because she's my mom's first cousin. Anyway, I drove their drunk asses. They literally drank three bottles of wine from Charleston to Atlanta. Uh-huh. Well, a full bottle and two halves. Because she was like corking bottles. She's like, we're taking all this open wine with us.

Just rocking the fuck out to John Mellencamp. Oh my God, the whole way. And like, I forgot, he really does have a lot of hits that I knew. Yeah, right. There were more than I thought. And they're all kind of like, I think he was sort of trying to ride

the Bruce Springsteen thing, wasn't he? Oh, for sure. Like the Americ Springsteen thing, wasn't he? Oh, for sure. Like the Americana. Oh, yeah. The rock. Yeah. Americana, yeah.

And they start out, like he started out pretty patriotic in his life, but he's gotten more and more left-leaning. I mean, I would probably call him a liberal. But in one of his songs, not one that we, we listen to mostly the hits, but this is a good remind me to circle back to this. This liberal song he played. But my mom and my cousin spent literally 30 minutes of the ride trying to find the song where he talks about eating pussy. Because there's a song where John Mllencamp says sit your pussy on my face and my it's not one of those like misheard lyrics no no he really did it was in one of his first albums did they find it yeah they found it because they don't know how to use the fucking internet

and i'm driving and they're like and they're looking for it forever and they keep trying to think of the name of the album it's on and they're like looking at the list of songs and i'm like just search john mellencamp pussy and she was like really and i was like yeah bring up a search engine and search john mellencamp pussy and they found it immediately yeah the song is called tonight oh hell yeah so look up john mellencamp's tonight that'll be the closing song okay yeah we can close it out and he said set your pussy on my face wait okay and my aunt and cousin could not they were so they were like i wonder if i play that pussy song and i i couldn't believe they were like they were like little teenage boys yeah that's so good but it's on one of his earlier they just just talked about how that was one of the first times they had ever heard a man talk about eating pussy.

Really? Yeah. They were teenagers. And it was John fucking Cougar Mellencamp. Yeah. John Cougar Mellencamp. Wow. Breaking, just busting down boundaries.

He was a pioneer. Yeah. So what's his lib rule? Oh, I don't know what the song was called, but he, you know, I was kind of zoning in and out of the concert. But, of course, my liberal ears perked up, too, when I heard him say, do black lives matter? And I was like, what is this? Where is this about to go? Yeah.

And he's. You never know. You really don't. On the fucking, yeah. Based on the crowd in that audience, I thought I knew where it was going. I was pretty sure where it was going. Because this was the most like, I mean, it was just a sea of pastel cargo shorts. Right.

All Lives Matter people probably. Oh, for sure. And I was like the youngest person there. I'm 30. Anyway, he said, do Black Lives Matter? And he said something like, of course they don't. They never have. Look at our prisons. look at someone else and then he like talked about um he talked about rich people

like he was like fuck he was basically like fuck rich people i don't know we can bring it up too maybe but i was just like holy hell and my and i looked over at my aunt who's rich as hell she is so rich uh-huh like was she like yeah oh yeah she was fucking fist bumping. I was just like, oh, this is crazy. I was just having a meltdown. This is the crazy shit. Because a lot of his songs are about working class. And several of his songs are like, fuck the bougie, you know, fuck the boss. Right.

A lot of it. And even one of them was like, fuck the guy who trades on Wall Street, the Wall Street traders. And her husband has rang the fucking Wall Street bell. You know how like a bell starts it every day or something? Yeah, yeah. I've wondered about this a lot because I read this article in The Atlantic a few years ago about Chris Christie and how like his favorite. He had a good week. Oh, yeah, really.

His favorite artist is Bruce Springsteen. Oh, yeah, really? His favorite artist is Bruce Springsteen. Oh, yeah. And so he's, I mean, you know, it's kind of obvious they're both from Jersey or whatever. But, like, the article was just kind of, like, speculating, like, how does a guy like Chris Christie, who has absolutely zero sympathy for the poor and working people, like so much Bruce Springsteen, who is such a champion of the sort of, you know, poor and working people like so much bruce springsteen who is such a champion of the sort of you know poor and working people yeah so it must be the same thing it must be it's just like a sort of like disconnect uh maybe it allows you to feel maybe it serves a sort of psychological role like it allows the sort of like pressure valve release on some of the guilt you have oh my god thanks i mean but honestly you know you and i probably listen to music that we feel a little guilty about that's very true a ton of music i listen to i mean i even say words i sing along and i'm like

oh yeah that's terrible that's very true i'm like you dirty slut i hate you i'm like so this is like the nastiest trap music of all time. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, you're right. So we have guilty pleasures. Right. Guilty pleasures. Right. You're absolutely right.

Wow. So you were at the beach. You went to a Mellencamp concert. Yeah. I've had a crazy two weeks. Yeah. It's been a lot. And what I was getting at was how we drove straight from Charleston to Atlanta and Atlanta was even crazier than Charleston traffic in Atlanta.

I mean, it's like everyone, it's just like a, everyone knows how bad traffic in Atlanta is. And of course I took my mom to Ikea. She loved it, but then we stayed too long and we left at 5 p.m. Holy shit. On a weekday. Damn. So you were stuck in traffic for probably two or three hours? It was about an hour before we got moving on the interstate. Holy shit. It was about an hour and she was so stressed out the whole time.

Every time I had to change lanes, she'd go, and she was like holding on to shit in the car. I was like, listen, you have got to calm down you gotta you're gonna have to take a sedative or something you need to relax yeah close your eyes do whatever you need to because i'm doing the best because she'd like act bad and she's like you're doing a good job you're doing a good job because she'd realize how fucking crazy she was being but i had to explain to my mom was it because you were driving or was it because you were in a city or both both probably

but mostly the city yeah because she just she was i mean we even talked about how miserable our realities would be like if we lived there we talked about how like imagine because that's what i said mom people do this every day because she saw it it's like this is you know very rarely this is a near-death experience for her because she's so rarely in a tight traffic situation like this that this is like she was facing death. And so I was trying to calm her down. I was like, Mom, can you imagine this being your everyday commute? And she was just like, no, no, never. I was like, Mom, people do this every day.

This isn't like, I didn't get us into a, like, this isn't a situation we're not going to escape. You know? I, like, had to talk her. I didn't drive into a hurricane. Right. I had to talk her. Natural disasters. we're not going to escape you know i like had to talk i didn't drive into a hurricane right i had to talk we're not being evacuated this isn't an evacuation plan right but she just could not calm down finally we got out there she's like you did so good i'm like i know because i know how to drive in a city bitch give me some motherfucking credit okay yeah it is a it is a badge of honor i mean i definitely wear it like a badge of pride i know like i could drive in the fuck i walk through a

city i'm just like i know what i'm doing here oh i know like i was in a bad neighborhood or something in detroit one time this guy's like what are you doing here you need to get out of here and i was like i can cuss in three languages i got a pocket knife i do what i want which was stupid i should have got out of the neighborhood i'm a fucking idiot but he was like girl you need to get out of here well i was like these people be scared of me i'm from kentucky bitch oh shit but um anyway yeah traffic was crazy but we escaped it and what was really another funny thing is that my mom had never heard of the Hove Lane. I don't know how they say it, but.

The Hove Lane. Yeah. The HOV Lane. Yeah. Where you can, like, if you have. Jehovah Walks. Jehovah Gyro. Yeah. The carpool lane where you can,

you can get in this lane and, you know, get around traffic. You have to have, like, a thing for it, right? No, you just have to have more than two people in your car. Oh, really? So that's what I thought. Was I supposed to have a thing? I drove it the you just have to have more than two people in your car oh really that's what i thought was i supposed to have a thing i drove it the whole way i have no idea i rode that thing hard i was like so proud of it i've never known i just thought i mean when you

yeah anyways go ahead well my mom thought it was an exit lane she was like this road this lane's gonna exit this like she said it at no less than 10 times like we'd get she'd she'd come off it and then we'd get on down she's like this lane's gonna exit look because it has like a triangle on the road i'm like no mom the lane is not gonna this is a carpool lane that we can drive in because we have more than one people in our car and she's like what do you mean not so i had to explain her i was like well you see how bad the traffic is right they have to do things to try to reduce traffic and so this is a way that they encourage people to share cars so that everyone's not driving their own damn car. And she was like, what?

And then finally we passed a sign that said it. It's like two plus passengers. Oh, yeah, yeah. But also was accepted were motorcycles and like green vehicles. It had like a green leaf. Green vehicles? It had a green leaf and it said like. It was a police setup they were

like if you have weed in your car come this way and then police are gonna be at the end waiting for you like you fell into our trip no like uh fucking priuses and shit oh yeah okay i don't know if that i don't know if a prius actually counts but maybe like a tesla like the full yeah i mentioned tesla because i rode in a tesla in the last two weeks did you really i've been living the life man are they self-driving wait okay wait so the very first thing i heard from you when you left uh you went to a wedding and there was a trill billy's champagne bottle i did not go to a wedding. It was not a wedding. I made that myself.

Oh, you made that. I made that bottle. I went to this bougie motherfucking hotel wine making. And basically when we go to, when we go and stay with my cousin, she already has lined up all this shit to do because she's rich and she does weird shit all the time because her husband is an executive. He's a CFO of a multinational corporation i know like she she like and when we're around it's so crazy y'all like because she grew up hard like she one of the one percent yeah like she worked she worked at kfc all the way through college she was like a manager at kfc her

whole way through college and like became a really good accountant. So she became a CPA and she met this guy from New Mexico. I've told you about him. Yes. He's from Los Cristos. Yeah, you have told me about this. And he didn't grow up rich either. But they met each other and they worked for the same firm and she convinced him to move to Indiana.

And they like just like finessed all of their connections or whatever. And so they somehow got up in line and now he's a CFO. And they just finessed all of their connections or whatever. And so they somehow got up the line. And now he's a CFO. And so they are the worst people to talk. Their politics are terrible. Imagine that. Because they believe the bootstrap.

They firmly believe the bootstrap bullshit because they did it. Because it worked for them. It worked for them. And so now they think anyone who's not rich is lazy. Literally, you cannot have a conversation with them. And the worst part is they're from Indiana, so they love Mike Pence. They've been to his house. Oh, my God. Do they know?

Do they know that, like, the goddamn revolution is coming? Do they know that one day we're going to throw them out on the streets? I might try to protect her. This is what I love. And honestly, I'm a little terrified that she's going to listen to this Because I told her about the podcast And she seemed kind of into it Because I wasn't very clear about what it was

Tell her it's a Marxist podcast Created to overthrow The reason I had to tell her Is because I had to tell her what Trill really was Because I got to At the winemaking gig You got to submit your own image and words that you wanted on your wine bottle and that's how i got that one but i was like really and i

sent them the mary k lady pic oh hell yeah and that's the picture we can use for this episode yeah yes that is the picture we can use the wine bottle that's fucking perfect and you're right we should also rally it off or so or. we gotta get something good for it because it needs to be in the hundreds of dollars. Yeah. So we can sit on it for a while because I don't want to give it,

I want to have it myself. Yes. And so I'm only giving it up for like $100 a month fucking Patreon gift. All right. So some bougie ass bitch better sign up for it.

All right. So yeah, so we're announcing it on today's episode to all of our listeners. We have a one of a-a-kind Trillbillies champagne, Trillbillies-themed champagne bottle. It's wine, but. Wine bottle.

Mm-hmm. Well, still. It's red wine that I mixed myself to my exact taste. Yeah. I drank like six bottles of wine getting the right mix. See, do you have any left? But I guess you can't really keep it. No.

So they have my recipe and my bottle label on file. So we can send, we can make wine and send it to our Trillbillies listeners? We could, but I think it's pretty expensive. You also might need a license for that. No, like, I mean, we could order a few more and have them shipped to us. Okay. Well, all right. So until we get the fine details worked out, listeners, we'll get the wine. We'll drink the wine and you can have the bottles.

How's that work? That'd be cheaper to mail, an empty bottle. Much cheaper to mail. Yeah, because it's lighter. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's pretty, that's pretty fucking tight.

Wait till you see it. You're going to love it. And the other crazy thing is that this, this wine, I didn't know all the people, like this was like a big group thing

and my bottle was voted the best bottle. Oh, yeah. Because all these bougie people, I swear to God, like half of them were pictures of the couple.

Yeah. It was like the couple did it and these old people and it's like a pic their wedding pic and then like the other half it was a picture of their house oh they're a huge house and then they had made up like a funny name for their house and that's what they put on the bottle like there were two younger my other like my cousin's daughter was there, my cousin. And she did, she's studying French. So she did like a picture of something and a French word or something. Uh-huh.

And my mom did a sunset. And it said like Sheila Sunshine. I like that. I like that. Because my mom. She just keeps it simple and like doesn't try to. Yeah. That's good.

I mean, what was she going to, is she going to put a picture of her fucking Malibu on there? But yeah, they were all like, oh, this is the best. And two people said, is that Dolly Parton? I was like, you wish. You don't know who Dolly Parton is. Don't even use her name. Don't even say her fucking name. Keep her name out of your fucking mouth.

But yeah, they were like, that's the best bottle. That's the best bottle. And so then I had to tell my cousin what was up. But this is how I broke it to her. And she was really into it. you're fucking well but oh yeah they were like that's the best bottle is the best bottle and so then i had to tell my cousin what was up but this is how i broke it to her and she was really into it i said it's a podcast that me and my friends started after the election because so much of the national narrative was about how stupid real people are yeah and of course she supported trump and pitts and she was like yeah that's terrible that's awful and i was like i know we're really pissed about it because we're really smart and that was it that's all i said about she's like

that's great doing your little things just doing your little things look how cute they are but what i really love about my cousin trying Trying to change the world. Yeah. She is really generous to our family with her money. I will say that. And the other thing I love about her, we can juxtapose this with the episode where we're going to shit on all billionaires. Okay. There are no good billionaires. I agree.

But what I love when I go and visit with her, especially with my mom, is that she gets more country the longer we're with her. Oh my mom is that she gets more country the longer we're with her oh yeah like she is back to her motherfucking roots and how my mom views her is very important to her like when when she's with other rich people she tries to downplay her wealth because they're like I feel like rich people are competing are trying to be as low-key as possible to each other right so they don't seem like they're bragging and shit right but when my mom's around she's trying to convince my mom how well she's doing it's it depends on the if i'm gonna be a millionaire i don't know if i would ever be like it would just be too hard it would be too much work to try to be modest about it

why not just be completely ostentatious about it right well like the guy who had the tesla that i wrote in he was a co-worker of my uncle and we went from the wine tasting to this really nice restaurant and that's when i wrote the tesla was from the from the hotel to the restaurant and it has like this overdrive super drive whatever the fuck in it so it'll go really fast and i mean we are in downtown charleston south carolina it's like a button you push people fucking everywhere does he say does he say like a one-liner to you before he hits the button yeah yeah yeah i mean this was after the wine i was tanked i almost puked in his car i almost puked in a tesla red wine and i was i was super drunk

because we had we had drank like six bottles of wine in an hour and a half because we had to like do it really quick and like get all this shit done so i was completely tanked on an empty stomach in the back of this tesla with his daughter and my cousin and my cousin knew about she had apparently been in a tesla before and she was like hit that supercharge or something like that and i was like yeah yeah and so anytime you hear someone say hit the super charge you're gonna say yeah i would never say no and i was like leaned up because i was looking at the screen the screen is huge and it has a huge map on it and i'm into maps anyway so i was like fuck yeah what is the map i was leaning up

from the back yeah maps are badass like i was going to touch it and he went boom and I hit the backseat. He slung me back. Then I got freaked out because my stomach started getting weird because I was drunk. How fast were you going? I don't even know.

He was like, you can go 0-80 in 2 minutes. I don't even know. He said some weird shit but I was drunk i got all i was trying i was trying to snapchat my friends that i was in a tesla and so i had my phone out trying to snapchat this motherfucker takes off it was a very and we were only going like a half a mile that's fucking crazy that's crazy this is to all of our proletariat listeners out there this is how the this is how the other half it really is they're not the other half this is how the other half. It really is. No, they're not the other half.

This is how the 1% is. I know. I say that all the time. I say the other half, then I'm like, I mean the other 1%. Yeah, there's no. The other.002%. Dude, fuck that shit. But they're modest about it.

Oh, and yeah. Well, because what I was going to say is the other weird part is like they argued after dinner who was going to pay for all of us, the two guys. And so that was them. I feel like flexing. Oh, that was total flexing. It's like, no, I'll get it. No, no, no.

No, no, no. I'm going to get this one. Come on. Put that away. Put that away. I have never been in a situation where I can be like, put it away. The situations I'm usually in, everybody's looking at each other like. Can you split this up 28 ways?

Is that a problem? We'll tip you good. I don't know. I don't know you. Okay. Well, I should finish this beach story because I broke down on a jet ski in the ocean. All right. Let's tie up the Charleston chapter of your vacation.

Okay. Yeah. We went riding jet skis and we went from a creek to a river to the bay and we were heading to the ocean. We were in the bay and we got a bunch of rope sucked into the intake of the jet ski. Oh no. And it took a while to figure out that this is what had happened, but it was on the jet ski that me and my cousin were riding,

and there were these, like, good old boys with us in this john boat bringing up the slack. That's actually how we got fucked up. He got stuck, and his little trolling motor got stuck in the motherfucking rope, so we went back, and then we got stuck in it, too. There was like a rope running across the harbor. Tell me why. I have no idea.

Anyway. That's what you get for trying to help a brother out. Yeah. So anyway, he keeps like, you know, going under the water, under the jet ski to try to figure out what's going on. And he figures out it's a rope. So he's got a knife and he's trying to cut it out. But he's having to like hold his breath, go under, cut as long as he can, then come back out.

It was pretty scary. What the fuck? And then finally he realized how bad it was. But this was the worst part. We were in the bay. There are alligators all over Charleston. We had seen two already when we got in the water. I had seen a dolphin.

And you know how you think a dolphin should be like really beautiful and like slick? This dolphin had seen a few. And you know how you think a dolphin's to be like really beautiful and like slick? This dolphin had seen a few bar fights, okay? Its bill was fucked up. It didn't even come to a point. It was like slashed. It looked like it had been eaten halfway or something. Hey, I see you're stranded here. Yeah, that was the most close up I'd ever seen a dolphin.

And it was fucked up. I was like, oh my God, this dolphin hasn't seen a thing or two. Anyway, we had to jump off of the jet skis like near the bank of the like harbor. And we immediately sunk immediately into thigh high like puff mud. Oh my God. Terrifying. I almost started crying. Like that's what a big wimp I am.

I almost started crying. And these guys, I was like trying to keep it together because I was with all these really young girls. They're all 20 and they all have fake IDs. And I'm literally like.

That's one of the worst feelings in the world because it's like it goes down so low. Oh my gosh. My foot got, my shoe got stuck. Yeah.

I had to pull my foot out of my shoe and pull my leg out of the hole and then get down in the water and run my arm down the hole to get my shoe out that it was stuck i mean it was a colossal fucking fuckery yeah and as soon as all this started happening i started freaking out that there was gonna be something in the puff mud yeah and i said or my cousin i mean she's like is a crab gonna bite me and i was like yeah, is a crab going to bite us? But I was trying to keep my cool, you know.

John Mellencamp pops out. He's talking about eating pussy. Pops out the puff mud. And the guy goes, if you're lucky, saying that like a crab is the least of our worries. Oh, shit. Just like, you're not fucking healthy here, man. Seriously, my eyes started watering. I was like, I'm going to have a panic attack in this month, in this puff month.

And I got all these girls looking up to me. I'm supposed to be the bad bitch of this group. I already out-drunk them. I have to maintain my fucking alpha status here, motherfuckers. I've been shooting whiskey all week just to fucking get myself. Tanya's no beta. To prove myself. Tanya's no fucking beta.

We've got an alpha here. I mean, they're 20 and they're like my cousins and they're rich. So I feel like I have to prove myself. Yeah, right. That I'm not rich, but I can fucking hang. Yeah. And I always end up being the country ass cousin who does something weird at the party. Anyway.

But we luckily did not see any alligators in the puff mud. Uh-huh. But I was shaking. I was like, it was so bad that I finally like swam over to get on the other. I was like, I need to get on the other jet ski. Because we had two jet skis in this little rolling boat. Yeah. And it's, have you ever tried to get up on a jet ski in the water?

Uh-uh. This is not an easy thing to do. As you you can imagine they sit completely on top of the water and they're like really high up and i have very little upper body strength so i literally was like fighting you and tom would have loved to see this because it was sad i was like trying to mount it like a horse i tried to throw my leg where the girls watching this yeah they were sitting on they were just like oh my god and they like wrenched like a wrench for me like they were gonna pull me up but they like couldn't reach all the way so they were like they like wouldn't even come back and help me fucking i know i know i was just like oh my god it's like my rich cousin's rich ass friends. And I was just like, fuck you bitches.

And they're all interning this summer at my uncle's company. So they're all like doing this, you know, bougie ass internship. Anyway, I finally got on that motherfucker. And that's probably the thing I'm most proud of from the last two weeks is that I clawed my ass up on that motherfucking jet ski in a survival situation. Triumph of the fucking wheel tanya turner what really happened is i realized that there was a step i could pull down oh that's that's usually how these stories go actually no it's the metaphor for life yeah like i thought i was drowning and then i realized i could stand yeah exactly Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Okay. So you, that was, let's just say that's the ending scene

in this movie of your vacation. That's the ending scene of that chapter. Now we're fading in to West Virginia. Yeah. What did you see in, wait, what did you see and where? All right, let me set the scene here. All right, set the scene.

We're in Pocahontas, West Virginia. Uh-huh. Pocahontas County, West Virginia. I've been there. It's very beautiful. It is beautiful. The cabin in the woods was actually on the border of Greenbrier, Greenbrier County, West Virginia.

Yeah. Where Jim Justice- Owns. Owns. The Greenbrier- Greenbrier- Resort. Resort.

Right. Jim Justice, who is a coal baron. Say, I'm setting the context. Please. And is now governor of West Virginia. Yes, he is. And I'll just add another antidote about that outhouse is that my friend has a dog who's really good at fetch. Most dogs I know will go get it and then they take it off

like the thing that you throw yeah then they just go off and play with them right this dog always brought it back immediately and it always found it no matter how far you threw it or like into the brush this is a great dog this is a great fetch dog and for the first time in my life maybe the only time i played fetch from a toilet because the dog followed me to the toilet. And I was sitting there and I like threw it as far as I could. As soon as I went into the outhouse. And then while I was sitting there, the dog came back and the doors open. I was like,

all right, if I can give it to me. That's fucking tight. More images of heaven here. Yeah, no, that's definitely. Playing fetch from the toilet.

Yes. And it's the best. From an outhousehouse it's the best opening scene of this next uh segment this next act yeah yeah so i'll set that scene this was the day before uh fourth july this was the third of july uh-huh and we find out that a friend of ours who used to live here in weinberg is in Pocahontas County the same time we are. Okay. And so we're like, oh, fuck, we should meet up.

And she tells us that she's at this place called the Gesundheit Institute. Gesundheit Institute. Gesundheit. Is this where Patch Adams? That is it. This is where Patch Adams was? Okay it. This is where Patch Adams was... Patch Adams is a real person. Patch Adams was a real person.

Who thought that, yeah, like, laughter was the... Yeah, he fancies himself a clown slash doctor. And apparently... Robin Williams portrayed him in a film. And I haven't seen this. I did not... And that's what we... I come to learn all this this week in West Virginia.

But here's the thing. Okay. So Patch Adams has spent 40 years or more building this clown army and raising money all over the world to build a, to build free, a free hospital in rural West Virginia in Pocahontas County. Really? Yeah. Millions of dollars.

Wow. Millions. Like so much money. And this is just a hippie haven. There's no health. Nothing there is being done for any local people. This place is full of crazy ass buildings. Like a house that's the shape of a keyhole. It's like four

stories. Yeah, I've seen pictures of it. They're all like... You can Google pictures of it too. Oh yeah, you can Google it. And it's all like clown shit. There's a huge sign at one point that says Clownarchy. Just the look on your face. Clownarchy. Man. And, you know, I'm not one of those people who's like super freaked out by clowns but i don't want to fuck with clowns right who wants to fuck with a clown

right so the the longer the tour went the creepier things got really yeah first the first building we see is like a house and it's pretty cool it's like a cool hippie like architecture and there's like a guy in dreadlocks cooking a fucking kale pizza or some shit it's like you know i've seen that show and i was like hey joe or whatever the fuck and we got to see they got like a little uh second story balcony kind of cool with a nice view blah blah so we like get a uh beer get a yingling head out to the next building for the tour and it's an art center it's called like the art center and it's like this full-on beautiful maker space in the downstairs like tons of tools and art supplies and all this space to work yeah it was just bad as hell then we go up these really weird narrow circle these stairs

and we get to the top and we go in and it's like a dance studio except and as soon as i get up there i see some glittery fabric and i go oh costumes and then immediately i realize it's clown shit and and then i'm like oh my god and i look like, me and my friends look at each other and we're like, clowns. And we looked, because we kind of knew heading into it what the deal was. Yeah. But we had, like. Nothing had prepared you for. No.

It had been so hippie that I'd kind of forgot the clown thing. Right. Right. It just looked like another, like, hippie fucking Mecca place. I was like, you know, whatever. I don't want your kale fucking pizza. And we had went on. And then it was, like, there was a huge rainbow umbrella with like shit hanging out of it and all this like tool everywhere you know like the fabric yeah that you make out of like tutu fabric yeah rainbow shit

everywhere that's where the big clownarchy sign was it was a lot of sequence what kind of i want to know what their stance is on the insane clown posse. Are they coalitioned with the insane clown posse? That's the only thing that can add. That's the only layer that can be added at this point. In clown culture, in clown society, they sound like the sort of bourgeois clowns. ICP are the working class clowns. And they have class

consciousness i feel like you are taking up for icp right now don't you do it are you crazy are they bad icp you are taking up for juggalos right now is that not a good thing hatchet men literal fucking juggalos i mean they'veival. I mean, they've got class consciousness. How? And that's a good thing. You know, it's part of it. It's embedded into the ICP ideology.

Okay, okay. Post-production, T-Ray, I'm gonna need you to bring up some ICP and let us listen to them talk about

literally coming up some girl's nose or something and look, the fucked up shit really all they all i've ever heard them sing about is rape i didn't i see i don't know that i don't never listen i only know the movement okay let it be known here that terrence is a juggalo sympathizer i'm a juggalo apologizer a fucking juggalo apologist in here i am i don't even know what to do i feel like

i'm trying to climb up on that fucking jet ski again i feel like i am literally scaling for my life off of a slippery sea i don't know i was i was ignorant but i just say in the movement itself has tones juggalism has tones of a sort of like class identity that on a mass movement level could be worked for organizing. Are you suggesting that we go to a Juggalo gathering? You've been talking about the prize location for our first Trillbilly Live show. Yeah. Maybe it's a Juggalo gathering.

Well, you know what? I'm taking a lot of guns. I'm taking all my shotguns all three of them we're gonna need them when the revolution comes we'll need you think that juggalos are gonna come in handy post-apocalypse they could be like that scene in the revolution they could be like that scene in the movie where you think you're you're you're down and like the final blade's about to come down and then like the sun crests over the hill and here come a bunch of clowns you hear a fucking hatchet men are coming over this is worse

this is worse than any revolutionary defeat i can imagine and then they all come storming all right i'm sorry i didn't i didn't mean to. I'm not a ICP urologist. Just bookmark that. You're going to do a little research about ICP after this, and you're going to cut all this out because you're going to be so embarrassed. You really. I won't cut it out. I swear. I swear to the listeners, I won't cut it out.

You're getting the full thing here. I won't hide from my mistakes that we have a very close friend that i will not name who i love so much she's like literally one of my favorite people and she admitted to me once that in high school she went to a juggle an icp concert in full face pain hell yeah well it takes a lot to admit something like that. It's brave. So, okay, so that's the ICP. Those are the, these are different from the ICP clowns. These are, what kind of clowns are these? Hippie clowns? I guess, like hippie slash clowns who think they're, who fancy themselves doctors.

So are they like a... They're carpetbagging clowns man that's what they are they have been raising millions of dollars for 40 years saying that they're building a free hospital and they're just building these fucking hippie buildings for hippies to live in mindset right what is patch adams history adams his i we looked up some shit like we should pull it up right now and read it because what what's going on is he is trying to he is legit trying the way he's raising this money is he's trying to change the way that people use the word hospital and so he's been saying for 40 years that he's building a hospital a free hospital in rural west virginia but once you

get down in the weeds of the words, he's like, we are transforming the way people think about health care. We are people who bring joy to other people's lives, our doctors, and they deliver good health. So he's basically saying clowns can replace doctors. This guy could not be crazier. Literally, wait until you see a picture of him oh i just did i have seen he is nuts so okay jesus christ oh this guy's so bad but anyway so at one point we're standing outside of the of this huge building that's still under construction

but it's like you know it's probably done. And it's got like plastic and stuff. And our friend, you and I are not so much mutual friend, is standing outside the building and she's telling us, she's like, this is the hospital they're building. Yeah, it says on here. And my friend pops, this was the best part, she pops through the plastic and goes, 40 years, 40 years they've been building this hospital for free.

And it's not, it's a lie. It's just a fucking lie. She just unravels been building this hospital for free. And it's not. It's a lie. It's a fucking lie. She just unravels. She just completely unravels. Because she's like, this motherfucker has raised millions of dollars and they don't do one thing for this community. Nothing. They have this beautiful state of the art center and they don't even have local arts programming. Nothing.

No local people are coming there and getting any services. Right. It's just a money thing. Yeah, it's just like Patch Adams fucking hippie, like, you know, pie in the sky farm. Yeah. Or whatever. It's like that clean coal power plant in Mississippi. Yeah.

It'll never be operational. Yeah, it's just somebody's. It's a fucking dream. It's somebody's. It's Patch Adams wet dream. Right. That he's got this place he can run off and hide to. And he's probably.

He has probably laundered a bunch of money through it if I had to guess. See that's an interesting point because we've talked a lot a bit about that's why like I don't think that this idea that you can sort of like create the society you want to see in a little secluded. Oh yeah and it little secluded yeah like it's like it to me that's the best argument for why organized like mass movement socialism is the only way to

to or social movements in general you know what I'm saying like you can't you can't just think that you're gonna be able to help it. Another friend of ours who's from Pocahontas County, grew up there, whatever, we asked her to go with us and she was like, I don't really like people touching me. That was her answer. It's like, so she knew. Yeah. I don't want a free hug. Yeah. She's like, they do the free hug shit.

I'm not trying to have somebody touch me, really. I don't want to go for that. Which i'm fine with i like hugs you know like whatever i was like all right i can go hug these people i don't care i was really kind of like bumping around about it but then we ran into this guy named steve who like kept talking to us we couldn't get we couldn't shake him couldn't get rid of him and he was like a clown in training you You could tell because of how he acted. A clown or a doctor. Okay. This is what this was crazy. Both because he wouldn't go away.

So we started asking questions, but he was like, he was like, what's your name? And, you know, we told him our names and he repeated our names over and over again. He was like, Tanya, Rachel, Sam, Sam, Rachel, Tanya, Tanya, Rachel. He like so that he was like like kept doing it to memorize it. So that he would like know. Did you go like into the Westworld? Yeah, man. Were they like AI?

These two experienced. Fetch on the fucking toilet on the outhouse to Steve, who said when he introduced me, he said, I'm Steve or Sleeve. Oh, my God. And he rants. What the fuck he's sick because that sleeve must be his clown name because he like ran his you know he ran his hand down his arm and said sleeve and so the rest of the trip me and my friends were like hey steve or sleeve like like but i wish there's a camera on my face right now i know i it's it was horrifying it was literally horrifying and like he wasn't in any clown shit He was dressed normal

Well he was wearing like cargo shorts and a tucked in shirt With like a hippie belt so Normal as that is But yeah so Sleeve wouldn't leave us alone He kept following us around so we were like okay Sleeve Where are you from you know and he's like I'm from Michigan And he put up his like five hands you know how people do And he did this but he didn't explain

Like we all knew what he was doing But he didn't explain it i guess he did you know he goes i'm from michigan about right here he said but i'm moving and he like you know like does this like dance number and then he's like down to nashville and he like points out he like points down to he's literally dancing he like he's like but i'm moving down to n ship. He's literally dancing. He's like, but I'm moving down to the ship. Did you notice any like cuts or abrasions on his head? Where part of his brain had been lobotomized? What if someone hears this and goes and checks it out and we've uncovered some fucking mind control underground mind control shit that is what would

happen in pocahontas county totally totally like how does this story break we someone heard on a podcast so anyway then when we're like oh why are you going to nashville and we just keep looking at each other like what is happening and he's dancing the whole time and we're all sitting there looking up at him he's like he's moving he will not stop but he's on speed i guess like that's what i seem like this guy's on speed, I guess. That's what I assume. This guy's on speed for sure. And I was like, what do you want, ma'am? I'm like, I could take some.

That'd be great. After he tells us, he's like, so we're like, what's in Nashville? And he says, school, medical school. And it seems like it's a sing song. No. And we all looked at each other. And we were like, are you going to work here? You're going to be a clown doctor? And he was like, you gonna work here you're gonna be a clown doctor

and he was like oh my god that would be a dream and we were like wait what and he's like i don't know if i'm good enough for it the people here like he's like you know i'm pretty peppy he literally said that i'm peppy he's like i'm pretty peppy and whatnot but i don't know if i have the chops to make it here at gazuntite holy shit dude this is stranger than fiction this is fucked up i couldn't make this up and i'm a pretty big liar i could not even fathom this oh my god And the only reason I remember this In such great detail is because we've talked about it Me and my friends just keep reliving it Because it was the most bizarre thing

And so we keep going like Sleeve I mean he has to be a serial killer right He's definitely some kind of sociopath So he's like These are the clown doctors in training Yeah He's like, this is, these are the clown doctors in training. Yeah.

He's like, we're gonna cut you. I'm gonna make one incision right here. Give you the biggest smile. You'll never be sad again i'm gonna have your life right here in the palm of my hand oh my god oh my god dude so but so then that's when you know we said you mean in this hospital you're gonna work

here and he says this all weird stuff like i just don't even know you know and my friend rachel's like well that's probably good that you don't uh you know wage any bets to for this hospital man because it's it's not gonna happen that's what's not happening they've been saying they're building that hospital for 40 years and he just looked at her like he was smiling, but he was trying to figure out how to like. He was like. The machine. Yeah. Yeah.

He couldn't compute her negativity because she was already spiraling from this tour. And she was like, don't hold your breath, sleeve. Don't bet that this fucking. They've been saying they're doing this for 40 years. And he was just like. And then finally, Sam. He asked. He's like, so what are y'all doing here? Because that's when he was like, oh, who are you people?

Because I think he thought he was talking to some. Oh, investigative journalists. Some Gesundheit friend or something. He's like, oh, what are you guys doing here? And we said, oh, we're going to come to visit our friend. We're having like a July cancer celebration. And he was like, so then we like sam immediately redirects the whole conversation we start talking about um other zodiac signs what's your rising sign and he just disappeared

he just like walked off and then we were because we were talking then we're like wait he left so he just like took off oh man and we didn't see him again. Sleeve. That is... If we could put that into a film, nobody fucking steal that shit. I will sue you. We're making that into a goddamn movie. We could probably film it on location at Gesundheit.

That's the most Trillbillies brand scene interaction that I can, I don't know. It's like you couldn't make that shut up. You really couldn't. That's so great. He was so bizarre. So, wow. Well, so. So, yeah, look it up, Patch Adams, and do all you can to discount this clowning motherfucker.

Don't give him no fucking money for his free clinic in West Virginia that don't motherfucking exist. Yeah, maybe 60 minutes we'll do some sort of like... Uncovering, yeah. Yes, yeah. And maybe they'll like... Based off those punches. I hope he goes bankrupt and they have to turn all those beautiful buildings. That's fucking crazy.

All right. We're, how much time we got over there, T? 114. Oh, we've got an episode. You think it's trash? No, I think it's good.

I think it's good. Tom's going to listen to it and he's going to get FOMO. Oh, yeah. He's already got FOMO. Especially since he's probably in Lexington doing something lame as hell.

Hell, yeah. Yep. No, this is a good one. Yeah. All right. Well, let's close with John Mellencamp. What was the name of it? Tonight.

Tonight. Hell yeah. All right. All right. In the morning have a smoke, have a drink, and I get dressed I don't wanna get to work too late Cause that boss man, he's a real mean son of a bitch Everything is so fast and so crazy But the day still slowly slips on by

Then at five o'clock Whistle starts to blow I'll be gone in a week overnight Tonight I'm gonna see my baby again Well that long-haired girl will be smilin' When she sees me walkin' in Well alright

She looks so good that she just has to be a sin Tonight I'm gonna sing my baby again Hey-oh-oh We'll walk on over to the East Street, Montgomeryville