Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 167: How Did Stan Do It

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

More Trump COVID news, more McConnell/McGrath speculation, and a story about a Trump administration ruling that forces artists to draw wildlife next to spent shotgun shells Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

so so little to say so much to say do you ever listen to dave matthews band tanya no i did not go through that phase yeah he was pretty he was pretty good you'd be like oh were you very happy when you bought your first iphone and dave matthew band dave's, Dave Matthew's Band was the only safe choice? Dave Matthew Band. Dave Matthew Band. Dave Matthew.

Your fickle fellow words confuse me. I did, however, see some, no, wait, that was... Never mind, that was a whole band together. String cheese incident or something. Same thing. Oh, my God. You're an absolute maniac. You went to a string cheese concert? No, my roommate was obsessed with them, and I went to a string cheese concert uh no my roommate was obsessed with them and i went to

a bar in louisville where one of their band mate people were playing something and i just took a ton of edibles i had a good time but it was just like a packed louisville bar on a ton of edibles with a bunch of weird I don't know electronic shit it was fine I kind of miss packed bars nah nah not really on second thought my friend that day was like I'll never stay at home when I could go out if we ever get to go out again I was like I can't say that yeah I'm getting more and more happy with being at home every time I leave the house something bad happens literally every time yeah this is that's what's going to end up happening is we're instead of missing the great outdoors and going

out we're just kind of getting too comfortable in our homes and yeah i mean people are already forgetting how to interact with humans but um like we went and walked around fish pond lake with louie the other day and he almost bit some kid none of us none of us know how to be in the wild again with the other humans he's like i haven't seen another two-legged bean in so long. I have to pounce on this opportunity. On that, are we recording right now? Are y'all recording? Yeah. All right.

Do you want to do a quick clap just real quick, real fast? Eh. Dridden, drowden, drear. All right. Let's do one, two, three, clap. Count it off. One, two, three, clap. Count it off. One, two, three, clap. Listen, I started an episode the other day in the bed without my headphones on,

and Michelle was sitting there, and I was just listening to the first little bit, and you hadn't cut out the clap, and Michelle died laughing. She's like, you all don't even edit out the fucking clap. I don't know edit out the fucking clap sometimes we do depends on how terrence is feeling i guess i've i've thought about like maybe we should pivot get a theme song and go for a bit of structure but uh seems like a lot of work if it ain't broke i mean it's definitely broke but it's not like we know how to fix anything. People just want a theme song so they can share it with people.

Why would we want that? Why would we want people to share this podcast with other people? What do you mean? Well, you know, I think that, like, if they're like, hey, check out this podcast, it might be a little off-putting if you shared something where people

just immediately go in to just talking about it. I mean, it might be a little off-putting if you shared something where people just immediately go in to just talking about it. I mean, it's not produced in any way. The first thing they hear is, one, two, three, clap. Or me going, give me the bleach, boys, and bleach my hole. They're like, yes. Okay, not for me.

Oh, God. Well, yes. Okay, not for me. Oh, God. Well, anyway. You were talking a minute ago about not being able to be in public. So you know how on the last episode I was telling you how I was in Columbus over the weekend and they're having those get well soon Trump rallies. Oh, yeah. Vigils. The right wing vigils.

Yeah. Well, there was, I told y'all specifically about one I saw on I-270 that goes through Columbus. But apparently in that same parade, that same Trump parade, there was an incident of road rage. And yeah, so what happened was a guy shot into a 58-year-old man named Todd Crawford of Homer, Ohio, year old man named Todd Crawford of Homer, Ohio was driving

a black Ford F-150 and fired one shot from a.45 caliber pistol into the cab of a semi-truck after an altercation between the two vehicles. And what turned what actually happened here is I guess the driver of the semi-truck

had missed a taunting people in the parade but denies hitting Crawford's truck. I guess he got his semi too close to this guy's F-150 and the guy just like lost his shit and just fired a round into the semi. What the fuck is going on man?

He fired into another vehicle? Yeah. For not even hitting it. Just getting a little too close. Yeah and mind you this is the same parade that Nicole and I drove by. We were flipping everybody off. And they say in the article, they quote all these people in the parade. They're like, we got a lot of middle fingers.

Yeah. God damn. Honorable mention. Man, if the winds of change ever tilt in our direction, let's be clear, that's probably not going to happen. But I can't wait to terrorize these little motherfuckers. Everybody with just a hint of maggie in them, I'm just going to like fucking... I don't know. Kick them in a body of water or something.

Give them a wedgie. Just give them a wedgie, yeah. A little swirly. Swirly. Yanks. god damn it man i was thinking about this today yeah you ever have somebody that's been mean to you but for some reason you just like pity them instead of like hate them oh yeah there's this guy i was in high school there's this guy dumped a bucket of slime on my head at a basketball game oh my god where do you get slime elaborate on what the slime well yeah i think it was if i'm not mistaken i think remember when like nickelodeon had all like the little gooey

products you could buy yeah like that stuff nickelodeon slime on you? Yeah. You got slimed? I got slimed, man. It was kind of a bullshit move, too. It was like, man, there's no way to keep your cool after you get slimed. Like, you have to retaliate. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, this dude would have broke me in three pieces and left me laying in those days.

But anyway, I said something I don't't know, in the moment. Probably something like, do it again, bitch, or something like that. I don't know. You said, I pity the fool. Who would stop me? Well, he took the opportunity and hit me with the residue that was still in the cup right in the face after I mouthed it off. Neither here

nor there. Fast forward. Fast forward about 15 years actually my buddy pete stuck up for me if pete fields is he'll remember this pete is i've talked about pete before he's a biologist at the university of basel in switzerland now the world's foremost authority on bog flies pete stuck up for me we got out of there this is cool as whatever i walked it off you know fast forward i imagine fat yeah well that too fast forward man it didn't help that i was wearing a rough riders records uh hoodie that projected a much different image than what i was capable of producing and and uh anyway fast forward 17 years and this same guy's telling me about him working in the lab at our local hospital and how that like covid's a hoax and name me another virus that you know that will not show up for da da da da da and da dada and da-da-da-da-da and blah-blah-blah-blah.

And I was like, well, you know, our community's been ravaged by hepatitis C from the, you know, needle-use epidemic, a virus that's sometimes not detected for 20, 30 years down the line. But, yeah, go off. And he was just talking about, like, you know, all this stuff. And I was just like, man, I ain't even mad at you anymore. You know what I mean? It comes to a point where these people are obviously dangerous. But I feel sorry for somebody that looks at the world that way.

When I know that's a bad instinct. Because with fascists, you need to kick their brains in. I get that. You can't have any sympathy for them but at the same time I don't know it just must be it's I feel I feel sorry for people that are persuaded of their superiority and in fact they're just dumb guys you know well especially as someone who's dabbling more and more in paranoia it's just awful to feel that paranoid to have that many conspiracies just bone deep yeah well i read this thing in the the new york magazine had a big write-up of q anon, specifically about the QAnon candidates that have been running for Congress.

There's like 20, I think there's currently like 23 or 27 QAnon candidates running for Congress. Oh, God. What did you say? They're finally, I think, starting to crack down on social media? Something like that, yeah.

They're starting to delete them? Delete all the groups? Well, yeah. Facebook did ban all Q anon stuff this week um so like you i guess they i don't know how you think that's just gonna make them crazier yeah definitely it's got to just gonna that's where they hang out it's just that's the spot they hang out and it really it just um reinforces their worldview that this is all conspiracy. Yeah, that they're being targeted.

And they are like, yeah. But like, but I kind of see what you're saying, Tom, because I was reading this profiles, I thought this was fascinating. His moment of conversion, the moment that he became, call it red-pilled, or when he got his eyes opened or whatever, was Epstein. It was like he had heard for years and years about this guy, and then he gets arrested and all this stuff like so for me it was this example of how you know again we go back to the e-crisis but it was this example of how nobody knows what's real and nobody knows how to know what's real and nobody knows what they can trust and they have intuitions about things like child trafficking

or the fact that the elites are all pedophiles or whatever. And then something happens that kind of verifies that. But because they lack any kind of community, because they're alienated, because they lack any kind of class consciousness or anything else, they go down this route that is totally incomprehensible and paranoid and, you know, just insane for all kinds of reasons. Listen, I won't have you talk that way about my friend David Icke, okay? But, yeah, I kind of felt sympathy for him.

Or not sympathy, but empathy at least. I could see where he was coming from in a way. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, well, that makes sense. We lost you. That sounded like a good yarn, too. Rewind it just a little bit. It was a good one.

Let me, I'm going to log back up. I'm going to restart my modem real fast. Hold on. Sorry. I'm going to blow my nose real quick. Two seconds. Oh, good. I hope they cut my nose real quick. Two seconds. Oh good. I hope they cut this out.

But if not. It's a good opportunity to plug my own Patreon. Patreon.com slash hate tea. Where you will not hear Tom blow his nose. Or Terrence pissing. Imagine. Only me giggling. Could be all yours.

Sorry. Is that better? Yep. It's great. Did y'all stop recording at any point? Nope. I didn't. Okay. Then we should just be able to hop right back in. Yep. Tom went to go test himself for COVID.

Stick a finger up his ass. Cough three times. Did you test yourself for COVID just now tom me yeah oh no i did have a cough this morning like just kind of went you know like when you get like something stuck in your chest or something and i was like oh god but i think it's just fallout oh dude try having asthma every time i have an asthma attack or can't breathe, I'm like, I've got it. I've got it. I'm done. And then every time Michelle goes on a weed cough, she hits something too hard and starts gagging.

I'm like, well, we're both dead. That's it. I can feel it. It's like y'all are entering the, you know, you're passing through the veil into true hypochondrianism if that's a word hypochondriac oh is there a welcome mat you can lay out for us tom oh yeah yeah the very reasonable logical explanation in front of you i just hit a joint really hard does not matter that cough that you have is 100 covid19 and you're getting ready to go out like Stan

well I'm also this week having a very physical reaction to stress and so my neck and my back I've already sang this song many times my neck my back my neck and my back attack is strong this week uh so i'm like i feel like i've slept on concrete or something tom do you know what more do you know what more van syndrome is more more van more van more fans more vans m-o-r-v-a-n m-o-r-v-a-n no i thought you meant like marfan syndrome i know what that is, it's what the guy from Deer Hunter has. Oh, had. Had. But, I think.

Did he pass? Yeah. Bradford Cox. Oh, I don't know, dude. I thought you were talking about the guy that was like, I mean, get more pussy than a toilet seat. The guy who played Fredo in Godfather. Oh, no, no, no, not him.

I meant the late Sangroof. Oh, the band. The band, yeah. Sorry. Different guy. Different cultural item altogether. Morven syndrome is really like hypochondria bait because here are the symptoms

multiple irregular contractions of the long muscles cramping weakness itch hyperhidrosis insomnia delirium no i i have all these weekly hyperhidrosis what's that is it what it sounds like you retain too much water yeah Yeah, it's abnormally increased sweating. Wow. No, it's a rare autoimmune disease. I'm telling you, it's hypochondriabate. Forget about it, man. Forget about it.

Everything, I mean, you check every box. You know what I'm saying? I've been thinking about this, man. I've convinced myself I've had every bat disease going. I've convinced myself since March that I have bone cancer. Really? What's your evidence? Hurts to walk?

I feel like shit all the time. Is that pretty rare? Yeah, I think it is. I don't know. Oh is i don't know oh i don't know well should we get into so we were i was on a yarn about q anon but it doesn't really matter um uh it could it doesn't really bolster any of the larger points here other than do those then maga guys are just shooting in the moving vehicles. We're not famous for bolstering larger points, but

you should still say it if it's on your heart. 28 people, 28 QAnons running for office? It was something like 23 or 27 or something like that. It was in the 20s. Let's round it out at an even 25.

Wow. No, I encourage everyone to go read it. I thought it was fascinating. Have you ever seen them take that pledge they take? No. I can't see that I have. I think it's essentially the same as the oath that we or the Coast Guard take as AmeriCorps Vistas. You pledge to the Constitution.

You do. And to protect this country against enemies both foreign and domestic. And domestic. Right, right. So Antifa. So Antifa. Listen. They're going to start sending armies of AmeriCorps Vista workers into American cities to So Antifa. So Antifa. Listen. We should have been. They're going to start sending armies of AmeriCorps VISTA workers into American cities to fight

Antifa. Fight Antifa. We can only hope so. God. Oh my God. That would be. That would actually. I could actually.

The weird thing is I could actually see that happening. Right. Trump's like, you're no longer fighting poverty. You're fighting Antifa. Poverty no longer the number one issue in America. Oh, fuck. Like bad guys. We were just talking with a friend who was a VISTA, because Michelle was a VISTA, too.

I never got the honor, but talking about how they take you to like a five-star resort to do your training and take this pledge to go fight poverty. Well, it's awesome because what's even more badass about Vistas,

you have to go to, yeah, five-star resort. Well, it was a very nice hotel in Atlanta, Georgia. Yeah. And talk about poverty, but you cannot talk about the causes of poverty. You cannot talk about capitalism. What do they say?

What do they say? What do they do? It's not allowed. You are either shunned or disciplined, or you can even be kicked out altogether, probably. For mentioning capitalism yeah oh you can't talk about what causes poverty it's not allowed you can only talk about that it exists and it has to be tinkered with so they don't have like an alternate so it's just no speaking of root causes of poverty they don't have like an alternate root cause of

poverty that they talk about well they have um you know because they're in this weird liminal space where it's no longer um couth or appropriate to talk about the cultural uh you know like the jd vance argument the sort of of cultural argument for poverty. The cultural thesis of poverty. Now it's a mixture of several things. It's like lack of entrepreneurialism. Oh my God, really? Yeah.

We are devoid of it in the mountains. Lack of opportunities to start your own business. Stuff like that. Lack of opportunities to start your own business. Stuff like that. Lack of access to support, technical support for starting your own horse cum factory. Yes. Horse cum soap factory.

So the, wow, cause of poverty is a lack of minimum wage jobs yes wow that's some take it's yes the cause is that people aren't being exploited enough wow um did i ever tell y'all about the time i was at vista training in atlanta and they had like this little like this big board like a jumbotron in the little convention center there we were getting trained at and uh our friend Allie Cooper kept tweeting from an anonymous twitter that was like the I forget what it was it was like what was her name on there on twitter it was like I don't know the shoeless vista or something like that I don't know, the Shoeless Vista or something like that. I don't know. Uh-huh.

But she kept on tweeting it. Like, she was, like, the only one participating, and all the tweets just, like, tagged me in it. And then they took me aside. They took me to this underground lair underneath the hotel we were staying at. Oh, my God. Come on. I swear to God.

Listen, listen. I hold my hand to God. I almost got disappeared at Vista Orientation. They took me underground, and we did the goofy-ass pledge or whatever. And I started to walk away. And I swear to God, it was just like something out of a movie. I turned around. I was walking back through the hallway.

She says, one second. And I turned back around. She says, one second. And I turned back around and she said, come here. And she pulled up the computer, all these tweets that were tagged at me. She's like, who is this? And Allie was a Vista at the same time and I was like, God, I don't know.

I mean, it's weird they're tagging me and all that shit. Oh, we just never saw Tom again. Yeah, I just ended up at a black site because my friend kept tweeting at me using the AmeriCorps VISTA training tag and telling me not to

fuck up my capacity or whatever. That was one of the things Romney ran on in 2012. Defunding VISTA. Oh, wow. Something that takes up maybe $ hundred thousand dollars in the budget every year because they pay their workers like ten thousand dollars a year yeah no i bet whoever runs vista is making six figures there's like a whole team of people running the program making a lot. Yeah, definitely. So was she like shitting on the...

So she was shitting on the training? That's why they were pissed? I guess so, and they kept tweeting. But I was like, I was thinking about it, like you could just block her. You know what I mean? No need to launch an investigation.

Well, these people don't know how Twitter works. Who were you even a VISTA for, Tom? I don't even remember you being a Vista. Headwaters Incorporated. Oh, yeah, okay. Both of you. I took over for Terrence. Terrence came in.

We had a lunch summit at Wendy's. He's like, man, you want a job? He said to me, he said, man, he's like, listen, here's an opportunity to serve your community and your country at the same time interesting he's like man here's what the job requires perseverance for one but two you need to be a self-starter and also work to build the capacity of the local organization.

Well, some are saying that that really did launch your career, Tom, because now you're still out kicking the can around, testing water out in these streets. That's true. Learned it all through Vista. That's not wrong. Oh, man. Yeah, my protege.

Tom is my water testing protege man listen taryn said man listen we're gonna get these green jobs anytime now and when they come you want to be on you want to be on the front lines man i really do remember they really didn't tell us that shit like i remember someone trying to convince me to learn how to install solar panels, because that was like going to be all the jobs. We're installing solar panels. Like, dude, I can't get on a roof. Oh, fuck no. I weigh over 200 pounds.

I ain't getting on a roof. You scared of heights? No, I'm scared of hitting the ground. Yeah. Oh, man. Them solar panels never came did they no they didn't no sure in fact in fact i'm pretty sure the state legislature like made one of those insane laws that like makes it illegal yeah they basically banned solar panels in kentucky that's why late last year, it was effective in 2020, so late last year

they installed as many as they could to grandfather old men. Yeah. God damn it. You ain't getting these. We ain't gonna do that. We ain't gonna do that. We ain't banning fracking, but we are

banning solar panels in kentucky baby god damn it man we gotta talk about that a little bit i'll tell you before you logged on terrence that i didn't watch the vice presidential debate i'm not in a healthy mindset right now but uh and from twitter and instagram these are i want you all to know all the things i know about it given just the aftermath of discourse i know that a fly landed on pence that's that's the number one takeaway that um something incredibly banal that happens to yeah hundreds and thousands of people every day i i got the i got the yes queen girl boss takes that she was speaking and the only policy i heard about the only like issues i heard that i heard from it is that they're not joe biden is definitely not going

to ban fracking no ban on fracking and i heard and i heard about uh i heard i saw a clip of pence dragging biden's ass for swine flu oh yeah and it really does feel like it was a debate in 2000 listen here mr vice president if you're going to throw stones living in a glass house let's talk a little about something called h1n1 millions would have died well it felt very much like a debate that should have happened in 2008. I mean, if we still lived in the normal timeline, if we still lived in the normal world, these would be the two presidential candidates. But because we live in the wacky timeline, the wacky world, we get these two as the vice presidents and they become like the campaign, the election by proxy. And we get the actual major showdown between the two senile, decrepit lunatics. Yeah.

So that being said, I didn't watch it because I never watched. I didn't. I never watched regular ass debates before Donald never watched I never watched regular ass debates before Donald Trump. Who the fuck watched regular ass debates? I don't care about that. So boring. Everybody that ever was into the West Wing. I'm telling you man

they score that shit like a boxing match and they just rip it apart and talk it to death and it's like there is a person it's like have you ever watched the post game of one of these fucking things? yes, last week

last night you had David Axelrod and Rick Centorum trading barbs and it's like y'all's whole careers have been based on like what do you call it when you're overly like sort of sentimental and like schmaltzy about

things? Like saturn? Yeah, yeah, that's kind of like I can never figure out if these guys are just full of shit or if they're just like the little terracotta soldiers like, you know, that you put up, you know what I mean?

Like, I don't i don't know i don't know what the fuck i'm trying to say i don't i don't have the language to describe this archetype that i'm talking about and it's drove me nuts for a week but there's an archetype mike pence is this kind of guy would you say kamala harris is this type of person kind of but to a lesser degree like the guy that loves politics as entertainment and has centered their whole personality around that, so much so that they've actually achieved high office, but there's still this facsimile of a person in a way.

And I don't mean that in like, oh, he's fake or he's lies or whatever. I just mean like, you know, like when he's like, you know, our hearts are with the american people and i like i said like nobody fucking talks like that and as a rhetorical device it's not even particularly effective anymore donald trump proves that people stop talking like that in 1953 yeah yeah i was gonna say clinton was probably the last i feel like the last sort of

yeah i was gonna say clinton was probably the last i feel like the last sort of democratic figure to use that kind of language you know like what's wrong with america can be fixed by what time is america that stuff true believers like like platitudes yeah platitudes yeah just yeah just uh yeah well i don't know you You're right. They are true believers. But the weird thing is that Trump also views it as entertainment. So, like, they, I guess that's why he was so sort of, like, mind shattering in 2016 is that, like, all these people had built their careers on politics being a sport of debate and sparring. And Trump basically showed that it doesn't matter. I mean, the best example of this is that, I mean, the big news story today is that Trump won't do a virtual debate. And his reason is because they can mute him.

They'll be able to mute me. And I don't want to be muted. It's not happening. Yeah, he understands that... That's his happening. Yeah, he understands that like... That's his strength. Yeah, that debate is pointless. Being unmutable. If he can't be like bombastic and like disruptive and all that stuff,

then like that's a significant disadvantage for him. But it doesn't fucking matter because everybody's mind is made up anyway. The only people whose minds aren't made up are the people pretending so they can get on cnn because they too are people who for politics is entertainment or like tantamount to watching sports for them yeah right right well i think we should get back in the business of predicting the future and try to start predicting what today or tomorrow's proof of life video will be about. Today, he, yeah, so ever since Monday, so we're recording this on Thursday, October 8th. When last we left you, he was still in Walter Reed Hospital. He was still in the presidential suite.

And we lived. We were cackling. Yes, it was one of the funniest days of my life um and and it's not really stopped being funny it's really honestly continued to be pretty goddamn funny um so just to recap trump left walter reed on mond evening. This was after, or was it Tuesday morning? He was leaving at 6.30 on Thursday night, right? No, that's when he got in. He went Friday. I think he left 6.30 on Monday, right?

Monday evening. Yeah, they went for a ride around the block. Yeah, the day before. Yeah. Just waving. yeah they went for a ride around the block yeah the day before yeah just waving um but they uh you know went back to the white house i guess on monday night and they made this video i don't know if you guys saw this but they made this video about him getting back to the white house there was like a helicopter flying you know him running up the steps at the white house back to the White House. There was like a helicopter flying, you know, him running up the steps at the White House up to the balcony.

And the New York Times reported that the song they used in that video was from a playlist called Epic Mail Songs. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Epic Mail songs. It was an epic video.

They literally zoomed in on the helicopter's wheels touching the ground. Yeah. What would y'all think is the most epic male song? What's the ultimate male song? Probably Eye of the Tiger is up there, right? Yeah, I was going to say that. Or, you know know return of the mac all the gay stuff all the gay songs

yeah you're right epic male song or anything by dave matthew they should have played dave matthews when he brought him back the space between my dna so the the videos that he's put out as you what did you refer to them as tanya i'm not dead video proof of life proof of life i am on the edge of my seat waiting for one to feature a dated newspaper. That's what I need to see. A dated newspaper. And Trump. Trump shows up holding the Washington Post. Just under his arm, real casual.

As you can see, folks, as you can see, today's the day. They match. Well, you know how we, I mean, Terrence will say, today's, you know, we're recording Thursday, October 7th or whatever. And that's what Trump will start doing. He's like, hello, hello, hello, audience. Today is. Right, holding up a paper.

Or this will be the best. The video just starts and it's just the newspaper. And then he brings it down. He's like, there hi how are you i was just reading today's paper didn't see you there hello didn't see you there didn't see you there i bet you're wondering what i'm doing am i being president or being his face is melting off, but they've just put more fucking foundation on him. Yeah, they've started stapling his face up. They're giving him a staple facelift. Three quarters of my lungs are filled with fluid today. I saw a line from the New York Times.

One sentence, it said... It was quoted trump he said i am not on he said the medicine i'm on is not a powerful steroid and then trump said about the powerful steroid he's on one sentence that's motherfucker if he wasn't brain addled enough before it's just going to be fucking won't know his name for like 16 hours out of the day after that shit yeah i need some attribution on this was this a was this a uh a yuck yuck twitter thing or did he really say this hard to tell anymore the doctor said they've never seen a body kill the coronavirus like my body they tested my dna and it wasn't dna it was usa i believe that's it is that a is that a yuck yuck i think he said the first part i think he did say the first part but in the

video well the rest of that seems like a stretch even for him he did say that um i mean you don't even have to say that because his his and this is why it's it's impossible to satirize him because the things he said since leaving i mean he literally called getting coronavirus the best way to learn about it he's like like, it's the best school. You don't even have to read the books. Oh, yeah. He said, this isn't that old book learning. This ain't that old book learning. This is real stuff.

This is where you get the real knowledge. I want you all to do the learning for me and just tell me what it's like. I prefer not to go down that path if I can help it. path if i can help it um but so in the past few days there have been a a handful of new uh infection outbreaks um press secretary kaylee mackinani i don't know how to say her name uh has come down with the COVID. Stephen Miller has contracted COVID, which is pretty funny. That's probably the best news.

If I could pick one, not to have anything happen, but, you know. You know who I'd go with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that suffer greatly? You know who I'd go with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To suffer greatly. All the Joint Chiefs of Staff are currently in quarantine after coming in contact with a Coast Guard Admiral who had it.

I guess the Marine Corps General tested positive, Gary L. Thomas. All of Trump's proof-of-life videos are pretty goddamn bizarre, in my opinion. And I'm with you, Tonya. all of Trump's proof of life videos are pretty goddamn bizarre, in my opinion. And I'm with you, Tanya. I think he needs to be holding up some kind of proof that he's recording it today. His voice sounds weird. I mean,

also Biden is up double digits with people over the age of 65, apparently. Oh, wow. It just feels like Trump is, um, it feels like his mojo might be gone a little bit. I don't know.

But I honestly, I mean, I don't know how. How can we possibly put any stock in polls anymore after the 2016 election? Well, the thing that polls don't account for and the reason why they're not reliable, they are reliable as, in my opinion, as a measure of who would win if we lived in a literal democracy. But polls never count in the factor that Republicans just steal elections. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, yeah. Do I think Biden's going to win this?

Absolutely. Just in the same way that Hillary won it in 2016. That doesn't mean that he'll be the next president by any means. No, but he'll win by two or three million votes for sure. The popular vote. No, it is. It's like gambling, man. It's like no matter what, the reason it's so successful is you can't account for wacky shit. You can't account for booby traps.

You don't know what referees are on the take, what guys, you know, taking a dive, any of that shit. You know what I mean? There's so much information you don't have. And, I mean, we can't even trust the actual voting machines. It's just...

That's what I'm saying. I feel just as paranoid as QAnon motherfuckers at this point. I feel just as paranoid as QAnon motherfuckers at this point I feel just like so I mean I guess I was already conspiratorial but it just feels when's the last time y'all got out the vote for Bernie

yeah our peers were literally out for Bernie Terrence gotence got out for bernie too i remember terence getting out for bernie in february that was a different time i was literally in the food city of parking lot in wise virginia handing people flyers i've got a correlation between getting you two jokes to go door to door for you is the recipe for losing an election i suffered it bernie suffered it probably true well i think trump's making a huge blunder i think trump and mcconnell are both making a pretty big blunder by deciding not to do anything about the stimulus because the thing about the stimulus because so i mean just a recap they said they're not going to do anything about

the stimulus until after the election. Well, then he's come back around on it. Who has? Trump has? Trump, yeah. Now he's blaming Nancy. He's made multiple. Right, right.

He's been at Nancy, like, get it to my desk, bitch. I'm ready to sign it. Listen, we're going to give the American people all $16 million. Just go vote for me. Yeah. But he said it has to be only $1,200 for each person. But he was also wanting a bailout for some insane industry. What was it?

Who's he wanting a bailout for? It's just as crazy as the cruise ship. The marble countertop industry? I can't even remember now. But have you all been hearing any Amy McConnell ads? Oh, I heard a good-ass McConnell ad. Have you seen the one where he's FaceTiming the former addict? No, I heard a radio ad.

The one I saw. I saw where mcgrath's trying to make biscuits she's trying to appeal to the all-star crowd did y'all see that she's she's got a video of her making biscuits yeah she's making biscuits oh nice it's like a fundraiser deal it's um pretty dope well she knows where her bread is buttered so i don't mean to no pun intended but where her biscuits are buttered she's gotta spend down some of this money so she's just like just doing dumb shit to fortify the people already voting for her biscuit baking with chef sarah on instagram live oh my god well listen the mcconnell ad i heard referenced a website

that I think we should go to and do some dramatic readings of, honestly. Have y'all seen this? Okay. No. The website. I haven't went to it yet. I was saving it because I thought it might be better fresh. The website is that's playing on the radio is an official McConnell ad

paid for by McConnell is Wrong Path is wrong path mcgrath oh yes i've heard of this i haven't gone to it but let's see man when somebody's going to coast a double digit victory on the strength of wrong path mcgrath and you're over here making cartoons baking biscuits fucking talking about how you did 9-11 and everything else how you did not this is the worst campaign in the history of campaigns i'm glad to tell you this and they they've got so much audio of her saying the absolute dumbest shit like the audio of her arguing with someone about abortion and it's like the dumbest argument. She just keeps saying, well, we just don't agree. And this guy's just railing her.

The audio they've used of her is so bad. Oh, my God. I'm Amy McGrath. Go ahead, I'm sorry. No, you're all right. I'm Amy McGrath, and by spring next year, we're going to be building pipe bombs to put in post office

buildings. Join me. Wrong Path McGrath is all about how radical McGrath is. She's a radical lefty. Love that. This is evidence. That she did 9-11 yes her dubious ties the bing lodden family she's the head of antifa

yeah it's scary where she'd take kentucky i mean the thing is is that mcconnell doesn't even have to try because she's not trying. Man, it's scary where she'd take Kentucky. Oh, my God. Imagine losing to that. Wrong path, McGrath. Imagine. I don't know if.

No, go ahead. No, I just, it blows my mind that, like, that shit is going to slide right back in. Like, you should at least be running candidates that are gonna like scare his ass you know what i mean even if you don't beat him he's gonna be tough to beat regardless but i mean he might have covet i don't know if you guys have seen this but he's like mcconnell he's refused to release any release or any results about it i feel like if any guy was going to try to keep that under wraps, it'd be McConnell. Was he at that White House thing? A senator can get away with it.

The president can't get away with hiding COVID. I feel like a senator or congressman can because they're not in the public eye very often. Wait, was he at that party where everybody was hugging and kissing? I don't know. I bet he was. He loves the fucking Supreme Court. That's his whole deal. I bet he was there. Yeah, he probably was.

Did you see where Trump made all those doctors at Walter Reed sign non-disclosure agreements? And if they refused, then they couldn't work on him? Well, I mean, it's because they probably found out that his fucking lungs looked worse than an Eastern Kentucky coal miner. I mean, really, like he apparently has like scarring on his lungs or something. Like there's that video going around of him. Yeah. Of him like struggling to breathe.

I mean, I, you know, once again, I think it's a blowout but does that mean trump biden will be the next president i i don't know i mean i think it's equally likely that trump will steal the election somehow so well i mean yeah getting back to you talking about like motherfuckers just popping off rounds into nearby vehicles do you think he really there's gonna be drones of q anon and maga fucking chuds out at polls ready to just like yeah pop people off they're already doing that there's all kinds of videos of them doing that already and like early voting polls or something yeah isn't that a federal crime um yeah but i thought that like um you know but every level of government is controlled by the people's sympathetics

what can you do folks they're 20 20 yards from the door. They're not campaigning. Yep. Well, it's really funny because I don't know if you remember this. In 2012, conservatives were sending around all those videos of like two or three black dudes standing next to like a polling station and being like, the new Black Panthers are preventing people from voting. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, they do,

I mean, it's like, they care about voting until they don't. I don't know. Yeah, it's been a weird, a really weird week. A really bizarre week. I think we got our hopes up over the weekend

thinking that Trump would die. I even drew the death card in my next reading after the Patreon. The death card was on Sunday, though, so that's my bingo card. Let me ask you all a question. Is Chris Christie out of the woods? Has it ever been confirmed that he was actually on a ventilator? Because, you know, once you get to the ventilator round, it's 50-50. There's never been confirmed, as far as I know.

That was one of those things that someone put online. I am still, though, hanging on to the Herman Cain timeline. Yeah, that's good. I think that's a good... By that timeline, Tony tanya trump will die around election day yeah which can you imagine if he died on election day i mean we i think if he does we have to end this podcast it's over every satire's over everything's canceled all the piss is gone at that point are you right yeah i mean what's there what's left to say yeah man i'll tell you this though even if he doesn't die

even if we don't get the grand prize if he's pumped up so much on that regeneron and fucking whatever all these other things that he that he's like they've pumped him full of to keep him like you know at least in the world for the time being he's gonna be his brain it's gonna be so addled we're just gonna get the best art listen to this so like it's crazy like yesterday or the day before a friend who's probably going to hear this, texted me out of nowhere. I hadn't talked to her in so long and said that she just filled out her absentee ballot in Kentucky. And she said she voted for Bernie and said that she is hanging on.

She literally does think that they could both die and Bernie could get it. There are people hanging on to that there's crazier things that have happened i guess name one crazier thing than that what is what is the craziest thing that has ever happened craziest thing that has ever ever happened ever happened uh well that guy getting eaten by an alligator on 9-11 or the guy that bowled the 300 yes i'm talking like the wildest goddamn thing that's ever happened the is is it is it trump winning the presidency? Maybe. It's up there.

It is up there. I go back to that John Lancaster piece about where'd all the money go? Oh, yeah. And he was giving up the odds of events happening in politics. And he opens the piece up with that the William Hill agency, which is like the biggest bookmaker in the world, set the odds of like Trump winning the presidency at like, I don't know, whatever it was, 10,001 or whatever. And then like there was like a prop for Jeremy Corbyn becoming the prime minister of England, which was like, according to william hill the longest shot on the board and then like by comparison i think they had barack obama starts a cricket match for england at just 500 to 1 and the loch ness monster seeing the loch ness monster at 500 to 1 all these things were more likely than trump winning the presidency. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was going to have to translate for our non-gambling audience. The takeaway here is that, yes, many multiple people who were taking bets said that it was

likelier that Obama would start for the, I believe, the English cricket team than it was for Donald Trump to become president. And the Loch Ness Monster is real. Yeah, and the Loch Ness Monster is real. They did say that it was more likely that the Loch Ness Monster would be discovered to be real

than Donald Trump being president. Donald Trump is the Loch Ness Monster. He emerged from the sea like Godzilla. No, I don't think that Bernie's cooked. Bernie's out here having Biden rallies. Bernie's campaigning harder for Biden than Biden is. Man, Bernie just needs to...

Bernie's a good Democrat. Yeah. He's a good friend and all his friends are fake. Yes. Bernie ain't got one real friend. He's probably the only good Democrat. This is actually...

I kind of had a revelation of this. Bernie is actually what the Democratic Party should be in theory you know what i mean just i mean at a baseline i'm not talking like as a radical party or a labor party or left party just like he's a liberal yeah he's like yeah exactly he is what a liberal would be once again if we weren't in the wacky timeline he is what a liberal would be, once again, if we weren't in the wacky timeline. He is what a liberal would be. But because we're in the wacky timeline.

He might as well be part of the fart. Fidel Castro. You know, similarly than trying to come up with the craziest thing that's ever happened, is this morning on Means Morning News, they were trying to decide if there's ever been a president a sitting president higher than donald trump like on drugs of the united states yeah i can say that for a fact john f kennedy my man was tooted and zooted oh no this is what it was because they mentioned that he got honorable mention But the question was, has there ever been a time where the sitting president is the highest person in the country, higher than everyone else? And they thought that because it was the 60s or whatever, that there were probably people higher.

Man, if you go back into the old days, I mean, you don't need to look too far. Franklin Pierce was probably fucking doped out on opium all the time shit like that laudanum laudanum and like yeah hard drugs that you should just be able to get over the counter and some just you know pharmacy subway shout out to mains tv i had something before we go that i wanted to read that i thought really just um kind of summed up how absolutely absurd everything is at the moment i don't know if you guys saw this was going around but this was on audubon um duck stamp artist turn to spent shotgun shells to meet new pro-hunting mandate. I thought you might like that.

Let me read this. And so, you know, just as a description, on this article, there's a photo of a cinnamon-teal duck. It's not a photo. It's a drawing. Somebody has drawn it. And right next to it is a spent shotgun shell so it looks very professional um but there's a shotgun shell that's been painted into the the portrait black later so yeah so let me read here the painting submitted for this year's

federal duck stamp contest feature familiar images of wildlife art. A cinnamon teal bobs on a mountain lake. Two brants tuck into land in coastal chop. A placid pair of red-breasted mergansers float side by side. Their jaunty crests aglow in early morning light. But a closer look at the contest entries reveals other less expected details. In scene after scene, wooden duck calls, which hunters use to lure in the birds, drift along the water or rest in the reeds. In several others, empty plastic shotgun shells litter the shallows in the shore. The

unusual abundance of hunting paraphernalia is the result of the Trump administration's recent So basically, every year, Fish and Wildlife Service has a contest where you're allowed to submit original artwork and they'll turn it into a stamp for the United States Postal Service. The Trump administration has made it a rule if you're going to participate in this contest that you have to convey a pro-hunting hunting stance and so you have to have in the photo like a shotgun shell in the drawing or a duck call hunting accessories hunting accessories

exactly which honestly begs the question how many little batshit insane things Trump has done that we don't even know about? You know? Right, right. I thought the quote in this article was pretty funny. They interviewed a hunter, and he said, If it weren't for sportsmen, hunters, and fishermen, we would be losing our habitat left and right and right why not support your constituency this guy was talking about how he thinks it's a good idea it's like yeah okay that makes sense if it wasn't for people just shooting all the animals we wouldn't have any animals i guess that is true for deer because deer are very overpopulated we

guess we do need people to shoot and kill deer but mergansers i'm strictly listen i'm strictly thinking that on the deer question i'm strictly uh catch spay neuter release that's how you do it that's how you do deer population ethically i'm sorry i don't believe in shooting you know he's still dabbling in veganism. I try it every day. I recently found out I was B12 deficient so I'm going to have to correct course on that. Oh, you'll never feel better than after a B12 shot. Yeah, put it right in my ass.

Yeah, even if you have to take it in the pee hole. Highly recommend. Okay, as someone who's experienced that, I'd like to push someone who's experienced that i'd like to push back on that a little bit he bleeps that out it's too triggering so what you're saying is you support a policy where we catch the deer neuter them and then put them back in the box. Yes, that's it. Same with any species that likes to

reproduce rapidly or bears. Has no natural predators. Yeah, exactly. How do you plan to pay for that, Tom? How do you plan to pay for that, Mr. Sanders? We're going to put a tax on the highest earners for our deer spay and neuter program.

99% marginal tax. Dude, you would enrage. You were talking about triggering the ride. If you said you're going to tax small business owners to do a deer spay and neuter program as an alternative to hunting god you get those pussies in such a frenzy that's what i would do i would just have fun with it if i was these guys i'm the same i'm just watching i'll fuck with them a little bit and then they're gonna like take the same pose that liberals do they're gonna be like um you know like uh oh we're not all then they'd like start acting like they're into yoga and stuff so that they're not like those you know those hard-ass republicans from yesteryear right

no yeah you're like guns banned if you want to catch a, here's a slingshot and a net. Exactly. God damn it! Oh, you can't do that? You can't fucking mop them up with an AR-15, you fucking pussy? You have to challenge a deer to a fist fight. That's...

Like a man. Oh, you just want to... A fist fight. That's. Like a man. Oh, you just want to. You want to. That's what. Yeah, you should do. Insult their masculinity. You know, their need to use a gun by insulting their masculinity.

Be like a real man would fight a deer with his fist. Yeah. Man. Well, that's a good policy, Tom. Oh, goddamn. Well, that's about all I've got on the list for this week. I think we got through all of it. Unbelievable.

Slow week. In the most unenergetic way possible. You know, it it's funny it was like such a bat shit insane week but it was like banal all at the same time yeah like well the novelty of trump and coronavirus sort of wore off by by monday and so well it's because you have this idea i think we're not just because we're Americans, but also just because we're humans, we sort of have this idea that if things start turning in one direction and looking like they're going to start working in your favor, then that means that there's been some cosmic recognition that the person being punished deserves it. And that therefore, their punishment will be served all the way through to its most logical end. But the weird thing about contingency is that one minute it can work in your favor

and the next minute it can't. So I think we think that this will be the thing that takes him down because what's the one question we've been asking since he came down the elevator? Oh, this will be the thing. This will be the thing. And so we think that we finally found the thing but we don't know and so that's why it's me i have beat death he might have done it he might have done the impossible not just beat death

but win another election in the process i'd just like to posit just one more theory here and it's that that maybe the arc of the moral universe doesn't bend towards justice but rather hilarity evolution is only interested in the yuck funsies yeah in memeable moments moments yeah i already found two instagram accounts that uh were created as the fly that land i screenshot it on to send you guys there's millions there i've seen millions in the last 20 12 hours accounts that are the fly that landed on pits yeah it's simply epic our absolute demise will be memed and normally i'm a fan of the meme i you know i'm into it terrence gets upset when aoc's you know drinking wine on facebook live i'm here for it i love it i'm here for it but it's just so much it's so much has AOC done a fly meme yet not that I've seen she's

busy pissed over that fracking comment uh yeah she'll not have it oh man yeah I agree with this theory Tom the arc of the universe tends towards

comedy just absolute ridiculousness Yeah, I agree with this theory, Tom. The arc of the universe tends towards hilarity. Just absolute ridiculousness. You got Matt Iglesias yesterday saying that school lunch was conceived by the segregationists. I saw that, dude. And that was in response to an AOC meme? It was. Yeah, he, uh, I don't know who that person is. I will say, though,

that I've watched in that most recent Trump video where he's like, I'm a senior. People don't know I'm a senior, but I'm a senior. He's like trying to be charming. It's like the only time

I've seen Trump try to be charming. It's like's like the only time i've seen trump try to be charming it's like usually he just he gets by on his ability to insult people or dominate a conversation but like he's trying to ingratiate himself and trump never ingratiates he never tries to do that and now he's trying it because he knows he looks weak and it looks so so bizarre. It is so weird. So you think he's a little shook? Yeah, I think so. Between COVID and the polls, he shook up? Yeah, I think he's shook. And the reason why I say that is because his last few videos,

like I said, he's tried to ingratiate himself, and that's not something Trump does. It's not a natural pose for him, and it's very unnatural to watch him try it. You know what it reminds me of in a weird way when he does that he he actually doesn't sound like he's making a self-deprecating joke he's incapable of that because he takes exactly right actually reads like he delusionally thinks that he is not old yeah yeah most people don't know i'm a senior but he does he does that though because he knows that

like the common mode of ingratiation in this country is self-deprecation yeah and so that he knows that in our sort of like humor lexicon that's what you have to do he knows humans do that you know right yeah so he's like okay god how did they do it? How did Stan do this? Stan was great with self-deprecation. Oh, God, that's the episode name. How did Stan do this? Oh, man. So you, well, honestly, I hope he does a virtual debate.

Well, he says he's not going to, but who the fuck knows? I mean, I bet he... If I had to assume it's probably the Trump bluster, you know what I mean? It's a bluff. Yeah. And they'll probably make him do it. He looks so fucking weak, too. He really will. If he refuses it, I mean, he's's gonna have a chance to debate from the oval office

he could like that would look great anyway if he decides not to do it will they just have a one-on-one thing with biden and still air it maybe maybe they would do a town hall like biden did a date a couple days ago or whatever he's doing town halls and covet right now awesome i mean look the only reason i'm saying it is i i don't like biden at all i fucking hate biden um i hate biden and trump equally but i do feel like if i put myself in the shoes of the average american voter biden looks way better right now you know what i mean he just he's kept his head down he had an embarrassing debate but people have already forgotten about that because things move so fast and trump our big wet boy got fucking covid and

so it's like biden and and and i've met a lot of trump people who are germaphobes i really i really have and i really do feel like this is the thing that that got people maybe i'm not saying that those people are gonna vote for biden but i would not i would not be surprised if a substantial amount of the mega people just didn't vote at all you know what i mean if we're i don't know the the mega people are already gonna vote for him but like maybe people who are a little more on the fence or something. I don't fucking know. Yeah. I have no idea.

Well, check in with Kinbone or whatever his fucking name is. See what he has to say about it. Who? The undecided voter. Oh, yeah. Kinbone. Ken Bone. Good morning. Good morning.

Sunday morning. Sunday morning. All right. Well, I got to get to a biscuit-making seminar on Instagram Live. And I do indeed have my own Instagram live about Pleasure Tarot tonight. For Sexy Sex Dad. This will probably not be up. 7 p.m.

You don't think this will be up by 7? I don't know. I'm going to go on a walk and then I'm going to edit this and then we'll see. Yeah, I'm going to take a little nap. Okay, well thanks for for listening, everybody. Please go check out the Patreon, www.patreon.com slash TrueAbilityWorkersParty. That's where the good shit lives. Yeah, I mean, as you saw, we unlocked one of our episodes earlier this week,

and that's the caliber of episode you can expect to find over there. So if you like that episode, you like Patreon. I want to retire to Patreon-only episodes. And that's why Tanya has her own Patreon. Take it away, Tanya. No, I already plugged it while you guys were pissing and shitting and snorting and coughing. Shitting and farting. Fair enough, fair enough.

All right, well, thanks for listening everybody We'll see you next time over at Patreon If not we'll see you here next week Have a good weekend We'll see you soon See ya out there