Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 17: Ray's Law

Episode Date: July 19, 2017

In episode 17, there's no substance folks. We talk about how the Mandela effect/Berenstain Bears parallel universe theory has affected us personally, and Tarence details the law of the universe that bears his last name.

So, when I was a kid, I just thought about this while we were setting up. You know how, like, everybody laments how, like, pop culture has gotten really obscene and whatever, whatever? Like, just in, you know, like, Katy Perry and... Oh, yeah. You know, whatever. Like... Obscene as in dirty? Just dirty, yeah.

Yeah, all this kind of stuff. Yeah, I feel like they've been saying this since Britney Spears. Right. Since the return of the midriff. Yeah. Well, let me tell y'all about a little... What should we call this? Maybe a scandal that unfolded in Wattsboro, Kentucky circa 1993

with a little-known but burgeoning girl band called Ivory Soap. They had a few marginal radio hits and then played a show at Whitesburg Middle School. What? And, like, I went to this show. Ivory Soap, look them up. Okay. And one of their songs said,

Hi, hey boy, I wanna suck your dick but they didn't sing that during the show but like the tape that you took home in 1993 might have been yeah oh no I was just quoting you turns out every soap just turns up fucking soap reviews put every soap girl group did this edit it like Khalees' Milkshake? Was it like, you know, like my deep throat brings all the... But did they like... Is that how it goes? Yeah, you didn't know that?

Hell no, I didn't know that. That was the original lyrics that Khalees sung. What? I didn't know that either. Yeah, my deep throat brings all the boys to the yard. No way. I'm not fucking with you. So that's why they had to change it to Milkshake. It was Milkshake. What? Yeah. That's one of the knockingest beats of all time. to the yard. No way. I'm not fucking with you. So that's why they had to change it to milkshake. It was milkshake.

What? Yeah. That's one of the knockingest beats of all time. It really is. How did we not know that, Tom? How did we not know that? It's like, it's actually the edited version's better. That scandalized me as like a sixth grader.

I was like, deep throat? What is that? So they never played that version on the radio? Haven't we had enough of the Watergate already? No. How did you hear it? I think back in the day, you could download songs, and there would be unedited version.

My deep throat brings all the boys to the yard. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I could be just making this up, because sometimes I do that. We'll get the interns on that. I just can't believe I wouldn't have known this. Yeah, I'm almost- I'm a big Khalees fan. She didn get the interns on that. I just can't believe I wouldn't have known this. Yeah, I'm almost... I'm a big Khalees fan.

She didn't know that about me. Yeah. She's bossy. And I like it. I'm turning up empty on this search, Tom. Hold on, hold on. The internet doesn't know about Ivory Soap, the girl band. Ivory Soap might be girl band. Let me go to Ivory Soap.

It might be a little obscure even. I think I could have. Oh, I searched Ivory Soup. Girl group Ivory Soap. Ivory Snow Soap girl became X-rated film star. That's not it. I don't know. I think I just made that up. Wow, really? I was searching for it and I can't know. I think I just made that up.

Wow, really? I was searching for it and I can't find it. So I must have made that up. Like a fucking pervert I am. How did you even make that up? Who knows? Maybe somebody told me that in like sixth grade and it just stuck with me. I was like, yeah.

I feel much better about my Khalees knowledge now. I was so disappointed in myself. Sorry to lead you all astray, but maybe that should be the original lyrics. There's not a trace of Ivory Soap having existed on the internet. No, there's not. This could be like my version of the Sinbad genie movie.

We both just had two Berenstein Bears Mandela effect moment You with Iverson Your turn I know my shit When did Hurricane Katrina happen When Is this a Mandela effect thing

No I know it is It was 2005 No, I know it was 2005. What's the Mandela month? September. April. Everybody thinks it happened in August or September, but it happened in April. Really?

Yeah, I thought the same thing too. I would have swore anything happened in August of 05. Why? Why do people think that it happened in August of 05? I don't know. It's just one of those things. Kind of like our friend Liz that's on the KFTC billboard, but she's really not. Right.

Yeah, a lot of people think she's on there. She's not. Yeah. I would have bet anything that was her. Really? Holy shit. You're one of those? Would have bet anything. How'd you figure out she wasn't?

I was driving by one day and I was like, I want to prove her wrong. Oh, you were going to take a picture of it? Yeah. To prove it to her? Yeah. Wow. You were that convinced?

I was defiant in the face of her denial of being on that building. No, we had her on the radio show one night. That's when it happened. Me and you were like, that's you. Stop fucking with us. It happened on the radio show one night. And she was like, I swear to God, that's not me. She had this happen with a co-worker, too.

Swore him down. Beth Bingman was like, that is you on that billboard. And she said, no, it's not, Beth. I think it's because she was on so much of the other materials for that event. I mean I remember I was working there at the time and she drew the line

with the billboard she's like you only put me on a billboard. I want to go back to Ivory Soap for a minute. They had a song about sucking dick

and they didn't sing it at the middle school but but when listened to the tape it had that on there and I was just like Was it a hidden track? No, it wasn't even like that.

It was just like... Here's a rabbit hole. What was your first hidden track? First album that had a hidden track on it that you knew about? I don't mind. Biggie's Life After Death after you keep listening after the last track on the disc too. Okay. Hmm.

This is a tough one for me. Mine was Jagged Little Pill. That's a good one. There's a hidden track on Jagged Little Pill. No shit. Yeah, you keep listening. It's called My House or Your House. Your House, I think.

Or maybe just House. But it's kind of a spoken word, but there's music to it. And Alanis goes to her lover's her lover's house and she like it takes a bath and she's like doing all these weird things at the house because she misses her lover or something and then she like reads a letter and is reading the letter out loud and it sounds like it's from her and then she's getting progressively angry of course because it's Alanis Morissette on Jagged Little Pill and it turns out that it's not her name on the letter. Oh shit. And so she reads a letter from another, like a love letter to

her partner. Yeah. It's intense. That's a great concept for a hidden track. Oh it's beautiful. It's great. Hidden tracks were like, like I was reading this article the other day because there's this

J. Cole song called Forbidden Fruit that he did with Kendrick Lamar, and he's got a new song on his new album called Neighbors that it's just the beat for Forbidden Fruit reversed, and he raps over the reversed beat, and everybody's mind was blown with that. When we were coming up, we were dealing with satanic messages from the Bone Thugs,

because we played shit backwards. Goddamn Hotel California. Yeah. Y'all played Hotel California backwards? No. I did try one time to set the, what is it, Dark Side of the Moon up with Wizard of Oz. With Wizard of Oz. Yeah.

I didn't get it. I was too high to get it. Somebody was talking about this on Twitter the other day. We were talking about... Ah, shit, never mind. I'm not going to be able to recall it. Sometimes I have thoughts and I'm just like, do I have the mental capacity...

To get this out like I want to. Nope. Retire right out of the gate. But today, you know, like back then, because you had like a visual album,

if you looked on the track listing and like the last song was like eight minutes long, you're like, there's an extra song here. But, or like a tape,

you know, because the tape would just keep going. But like now now everything's on spotify so they'll just probably we've lost the hidden track we've lost the hidden track well with the current wave of 90s nostalgia it'll be back soon yeah well when you talked about the rise of nasty pop culture around britney spears it made me think of because like i feel like the beginning of of britney's hit me baby one more time was just like about her like a lot

of midriff and it was like it was a little weird she was a little nubile because she's like 15 or something yeah she was very young and she was like at school in the video in the video she's in like a catholic school girl thing so it was playing out a lot of fantasy. Some pretty fucked up fantasy shit. Although, I found out recently about someone we know and care about who did like a graduate thesis on the feminism of Britney Spears. And I'm so wholly intrigued i'm gonna have her come on feminist friday and talk about it that's interesting yeah um it's funny like as you're saying all that i just had these flashbacks when i was a teenager our computer was in our kitchen

me too mine too yeah so it's like i didn't have my personal i didn't have a personal computer or anything they're trying to spank proof that thing weren't they dude but sometimes i would like sit Me too. Mine too. Yeah. So it's like I didn't have my personal, I didn't have a personal computer or anything. They're trying to spank proof that thing, aren't they? Dude, but sometimes I would like sit in there and like try to furtively look at pictures of Britney Spears and like rub my dick like in my shorts. In the kitchen. In the kitchen. Oh, I mean. My parents are like in the living room, literally six feet away.

Yeah. That's probably like adding to the danger of it's getting a little hard. I was in nasty ass chat rooms in my fucking kitchen. Same here. I was like literally

trying to be on what is it, AOL? Yeah, yeah, with strangers, totally. At the attic,

jog out of the attic. Well, Tom, this is something that Tom and I have, that we brought up on one of the episodes, which is that,

have you ever thought of the concept of like, maybe you're cybering with, we could have all cybered together. We would never know it. You might, you might be married to the person you cybered with when you were like, do you think that's ever happened? What do you think?

I mean, the probability would be astronomical. I don't think you would ever know. You would, but I'm just saying law of averages. Do you think that's happened? Yes. People know it or not.

For sure. Okay, did you all lie to the question ASL? Yeah, I was like 13. I'm not gonna say I'm a 13-year-old boy from Kentucky. Yeah, sure. But you said you were from somewhere else. No, I wouldn't say that I was from Kentucky, but I was always like 20.

I don't remember any of the places of the people that I was having cyber sex with. You know what I mean? That's true, yeah. Like, I don't have that vivid of a places of the people that I was having cyber sex with. You know what I mean? Like I don't have that vivid of a memory of it. All I remember is just like being like, oh man, she's jacking me off. I took it to weird dimensions. I used to go, and this is like the early days,

I used to go to WWF fan chat rooms. Oh my God. And like occasionally like the real wrestlers used to go to wwf fan chat rooms and like occasionally like the real wrestlers would get on there with like official handles like and you could chat with them yeah but like you could easily like duplicate like the size font and like the whole thing so i would i would go in there as like the real like rocky my via oh my god and like i would have like people thinking like they're talking to the real rock, but then I would take it to a dark place. Try to cyber sex them with the rock.

Oh man. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I was a degenerate. What was your AOL name? Have we talked about this before? I don't think so. I think we have,

but in so many ways. Usually the name of the band that I was in at the time. I was in this one band. Scabbage. Yeah, I was in this one pop punk band, and we had a song named, a guy named Fran. I don't understand why, But that was my name. That was my username for a while.

Fran. Fran. F-R-A-N. It's not conceivably funny in any context, except when you're like 14. Fran. Back to the law of averages. Back to the law of averages.

Things that, if it's, I feel like if it's logistically possible, it's happened. You know what I mean? Like the sort of, what is that name? The name of that? Newton's law or whatever. Like if it's. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Right. But like even broadening out, anything that can happen will happen. So I'm sure there are people out there who are married to the people that they were cyber 69ing with when they were 13. Just like I'm sure that there are people out there who I'm sure in the vast history of humanity there's probably been someone

who's dug up their dead father and like sucked his dick or something I am wow I don't know about that if it's possible if it's possible it's the inverse of Murphy's Law

this is Ray's Law no honestly this is this is Ray's Law this is Kura's law i had a professor at eku who taught uh social deviance and he had like that's a class tight three had major in social deviance he had three cura's laws and one of them was any deviance that can like anything that people can do to be deviant they have have done. Oh, hell yeah. Which proves Ray's Law.

Which proves Ray's Law. Yeah, I should dig up my notes. Somebody's dug up their dad's grave and sucked his dick. That's all Ray's Law says. Probably for a bad reason. Ray's Law says somebody out there has dug up their dad's grave and sucked his dick. That's happened.

That's for sure. That is for sure happened. As a member of the dead dad club, I'm wholly offended. Well, I will switch the gender. Someone has dug up their mom and like titty fucked her or something. That's all.

But that's all right. That's as far as Ray's law goes. That's as far as Ray's law goes. Somebody somewhere has either dug up their dead dad and sucked his dick or dug up their dead mom and titty fucked her. That's... This is all... This is our most outlandish material yet.

Hell yeah, baby. And it's the most... It's the most fucked up to me because there's a short in my headphone over here and so I'm hearing it coming in and out and it's like sounds fucking

Yeah. It's cause we're We're having a good time. We're having a bag of time. We ain't seen each other in a while. Who knew you could have Who knew you could have a good time talking about

Is there another one of these laying around anywhere? Fucked up shit. You'd have to go into the next room. I'm not doing that. Yeah, no, we haven't all been in the same room. We haven't recorded an episode in like two weeks. Three weeks.

Three weeks that we've all been together. Right. Yeah. You weren't in for the... That's good to be back. The epic clown disaster. Clowning. Yeah, justowning.

Clowning. Straight up clowning in here. So, so, my chat name was, since you asked, S-Ball Chick. S-Ball Chick. You were just asking.

S-Ball Chick. I would have thought that was hot, though, at 13. I would be like, that's bullshit. And JD Cowgirl. Oh, I just realized JD. JD Cowgirl was my other name, but it stood for Jack Daniels. That's how pitiful. I bet you were so easy to get cyber sex off of, weren't you?

Well, here's the problem. I didn't really have the internet. We had this real janky computer, and I used AOL CDs. We never had official internet. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. We used the AOL CDs, and I just kept doing them and racking up just weird debt via AOL CDs. Still paying on that shit.

I don't even know. Debt on someone's phone bill or something? I don't even know. I don't even know how you would explain that to someone under the age of 22 now. No, it's true. It's bizarre stuff. But I also had something Vixen. Oh, that's the...

Something vixen. And I was Tenacious T for a while on MySpace and somewhere else. ICQ. Tenacious T. No, I did not have ICQ. Tyrone's was a little less subtle. His was Orgyman69.

But orgy was spelled O-R-G-E, so it's like orge man oh my god one of my boyfriends like he did not have an email or something because he was completely whatever he just was a nut and i like forced him to create an email so like you have to be in the world you know you need a fucking email i didn't have a cell phone either and i was just like what's your deal he and so because i'd made him make this email he finally made the email and emailed me from TanyaSupremeStud at gmail.com. That's tight. I'm going to message that to see if it's still active.

It was like Tanya underscore Supreme underscore Stud. I'm going to go and try to register that email. This is already taken. Already taken. I'm going to try to do titty fuck your dead mom on Gmail and see if that's taken. Hell yeah. Hey, so

yeah, it's been a while since we've done this show. I've got a new bit. I've already tried it out on Tom. Oh good. The new bit is The new bit is New Yorker Trying to sing the wobble In the club

Just Yeah You just gotta get in there Just get in there Wobble Just gonna need you to Wobble Just gonna need you to Just gonna need you to wobble And back it up

Wait trying to initiate the wobble Yeah just back it up Alright Have you all wobbled yourselves Not in a while Not in a while This went a lot better at Pound Lake Yeah well it was spurred by the fact that on the 4th of July

I was in Norton, and they had a big street festival. Ooh, that's cool. Everybody was doing the wobble, and I was like, how can I make this situation funny and prejudiced and... Oh my God. That's what I came up with.

You don't think that's a good bet? You don't think that's a good bet? How far can it go? Technically, as far as you want. Get in there. Just get in there. There you go. Now, back it up. Big girl.

There's going to be a chronological montage of my life at some point, probably directed by me because nobody's going to want to pick that up. But it's going to be me at like age 18 walking into a crowded bar, and you're just going to hear, yeah, yeah, get in there. And then like when I'm 26, I'll be doing the same thing, like walking to the bar, yeah, yeah, get in there. The wobble's just eternal. Right, but it'll be me

at the DJ stand like yeah get in there alright everybody the dance floor I'll be I'll be on my deathbed

my children will be there like surrounding me and it'll be a real somber moment and some young ass is gonna drive by outside the window

blasting no dude they'll have your coffin and they'll be like get in there they'll have your coffin and they'll be like, get in there. They'll have your grave dig dug. I just dug. I just dug.

Get in there. And then someone will dig it up and suck your dick. If Ray's Law holds. If Ray's Law holds. One of my children will dick you up. One of your children will suck my dick. Oh my God.

My life having been defined by the wobble. I'm disturbed. Yeah. This is great fucking material. It's funny because I don't have any children. It would be really weird if I had children. Or a dad. Or a father. Yeah, for that matter. If you're wondering.

You're just in a vacuum of... I ain't touching that till you fuck your mom I do have a mother well I do too but we're characters you know this isn't real this is hyperbole yeah shit have y'all had the pleasure yet of meeting

someone for the first time that's heard the podcast? Like we didn't know them before. Yeah. How's it going? How's it went? Pretty good. You felt good about it? Pretty good.

I felt a lot of pressure. Did you get your dick sucked? What happened? No. Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good. I feel like I've talked to several For example

Way back in like March There was a group of like Georgetown students here Who they all loved the fucking podcast They were all about it Yeah that's right Most of them have been students College kids they love their irreverent socialist critique. Who'd have thunk it?

Yeah. How much time we got before this? Okay, we got like 20 minutes. Tom and I were driving the other day. Maybe, I think I was with you. We were driving next to somebody. And I was talking about how I want to buy a big dually truck. But instead of rolling coal, I want to turn it back around.

Where I get a bunch of glitter and fucking rainbow-colored smoke to just fume out of the fucking back or whatever, and just every Trump supporter I get in front of, you know what I mean? Fill them full of rainbow smoke. And glitter. Hell yeah, fuck you. Yeah, I'm a big fan of the glitter bomb. I know.

There's just a lot. I'm still sweeping up for my goddamn 30th birthday. And that's no exaggeration. Two years later. That's no exaggeration. I still find little blue stars from time to time. No way. No shit.

Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I need to work out my material a little bit more. I didn't glitter bomb you for your 30th birthday. It's still a good idea at the time. The execution I'll give you wasn't that great. It was good. I was a part of it.

I got hit by, I got hit by shrapnel from that attack. Yeah, it was his house too. I happened to be walking up the stairs. Yeah, you were living together at the time. You were in on the secret though I told you what was happening didn't I You didn't tell me about

Oh new information Look what you've done I think you might have told me there was a surprise But you never said anything about glitter I don't remember I think that was an improv Spur of the moment Yeah we had glitter and I was like fuck fuck it, let's incorporate this glitter.

Who doesn't want glitter? I put glitter all over your island in the kitchen, too. Yeah. Who doesn't want glitter everywhere when they wake up the next morning after their 30th birthday, right? Well. That was my thing. Thomas Sexton. Thomas Sexton.

I'd rather not have had a lot of glitter on everywhere after his 30th birthday. Oh, come on. I would rather not have had a lot of glitter on her after his 30th birthday the thing about it was though is it was so demoralizing because I'd been in the hot sun all day I was burned, I was tired, wet, miserable and here's Tanya and Liz as I'm walking up the steps and it was just like it scared you too, you hit the floor

you hit the steps I might have been like oh shit I didn't i didn't know you peed your pants you shit yourself yeah i shat myself right there on my steps oh god oh shit it brings me as much joy today as it did then shit shit. You know what I was thinking about the other day? What? While we've got 16 more minutes. Now follow me here. Okay. If you had a micro-penis,

would that be covered under the ADA? The American Disabilities Act? The American Disabilities Act? Americans with Disabilities Act. I mean, should you get an unlimited amount of time to take the SATs over something like that? Maybe because of the way that it clearly impacts the brain. Should you get a parking tag? Because the problem is, I've known a couple of people with a micropenis and they were complete.

Really? Micropenis are just like smaller than you used to. I mean, isn't it like a statistically pretty rare thing? Like, if you know multiple people

with micropenes, that's pretty. Two. I dated one and someone else dated another one. You dated a micropene. Yeah.

That would make you like the vector of micropenes. Maybe it wasn't a micropene, but it was pretty small. You're just a magnet for tiny dick. I do feel that way sometimes. I feel like when I first learned of the micropenis, like I was traumatized.

Well, at the time. Not me. I felt really good about myself. At the time, I had no idea that that's, I had not heard that word. I did not know that's what the situation was. And maybe it wasn't actually small enough to be micro. It does seem like it sucks.

It's like there's a medical definition. And I'm going to act like I don't really know what it is. But I think if you're less than 2.1 inches erect. 2.1 inches erect. Yeah, erect. Two inches. Show me two inches. You can look it up on the –

I wonder if there's some guy that's like 2.2 inches. Ha! Not a micro pen. But the other one was my friend met this guy on Tinder, and he just immediately was like, I have a micro pen, so I want to send you a pic. And she was like, what? And he just kept on. He really needed to send her a pic of it.

She's like, I'm not into your... I don't want your dick pic. I'm just not into unsolicited dick pics. Yeah. And he kept on and kept on. She on she said listen it fine if you need to send me a pic send me a full body nude send me the full like make it art you know send me the full body yeah and you couldn't even see it in the full that's a micro penis i'd say yeah probably but then he proceeded to be a complete nutcase so does that mean you get a handicapped if it is

yeah that's what i'm saying so did he get like a parking tag or extended accommodations on standardized tests? Yeah, the most you get is a handicap tag thing whenever you send a dick pic. Like maybe you hang one. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I have people that, I have sex with people who don't have dicks. So like the small penis was not that big of a deal if they knew how to deal with it. It's just a variant. You know what with it. It's just a variant.

You know what I mean? It's just a variant. I was like, I don't need a dick to have a good time. Let's figure this out. But he wasn't that fun. We actually did have a lot of fun. We went on bike rides and stuff. But it didn't matter.

Okay, I would like to amend Ray's law. Someone has definitely dug up their dad's dead corpse and sucked their dad's micro penis somehow he got someone pregnant had kids with a micro penis oh my god oh my god suck suck too much what do you think what do you think tanya's a woman about a man's fascination with his pain it's it's it couldn't be worse i don't have a fascination with his pain. It couldn't be worse. I don't have a fascination with my pain, actually. It's terrible. I try to think about mine as little as possible.

No, mine's more like a live-in roommate. She's like, hey. I am here. I'm here. Get in there. Before I have sex, he talks to me. You see that poon? He's like, get in there.

Get in there. Men have more expectations for their dick than women. Like, men set up most of the expectations for dicks, I feel like. Yeah. They think sex revolves around the dick. It's because we've been lying about it for years. It's very disturbing and almost always will let you down. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like my lower back. The dick, similar to a lower back or any other thing, will give you problems. It ain't going to perform the way you think it's going to, the way it ought to. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, no. It's just the way it is.

It's just, we're imperfect beans. Imperfect beans. Imperfect beans. Right. Yeahfect beans. Imperfect beans. Right. Yeah. Don't have much more to add to that. We covered that. What do you think about the males?

What'd you say? Men's obsession with their dicks? I think a man, it would behoove him to not take his dick too seriously. Yeah. That's all I got to add to that. What if he's looking at you and he's like,

hey, get in there. What if he has a New York accent? Bag it up. Yeah, he's like, bag it up. That's what he said. It doesn't say back it up. He says bag it up. Oh, that's right, yeah.

All right. Wow. Wow, wow wow wow wow did i tell you all um on the podcast what my mom said about the podcast what'd she say about it well well more about what i had how i had to explain my uh pegging jd vance pegging JD Vance. Yeah. Did I tell you about this? Mm-mm. So, I'd explain to her what pegging was.

I had to tell my mom what pegging was. Oh, so she asked you, was she like, Tanya, what does it mean when you say... She asked me, she said, what is that? It's like when you roll somebody's pants legs up. So, I had to tell her. I was like, well, it's just when you have sex with a strap on. She was like, a strap on what? I said, mom, come on.

I was like, come on, a strap on. Like a dildo. And she said, oh, my God. I said, what do you mean? I was like, you really love those shitty Grey's novels, whatever the hell they were. Right. Shades of Grey. She loved those.

I was like, they didn't peg in that book She was like, oh my god, no I was like, why is that worse than what they did? I don't understand, anyway Moral of the story is The way I got Her to be like, well okay I was like, mom, there's a G spot

In the prostate If men were not Meant to be fucked Why would there be a G spot On the prostate if there was if if men were not meant to be fucked why would there be a g spot on the prostate tell me riddle me this why would god put or oprah or whoever created the man i don't know why would there be a g spot on the prostate if if men weren't meant to be fucked. Do you have an answer? I don't think it matters if they were meant to or not meant to

or biologically capable of or whatever. I did know this girl in college who was very Christian and she told me she actually used a variation of this argument as a way to sort of argue

that sodomy or whatever was immoral because it was it's not biologically safe you know what i mean it's not like biologically you know you see what i'm saying here at that time i didn't really have enough of an education or like it's not biology biologically well i don't know it's not biologically natural or whatever I don't know because it doesn't produce reproduce I guess so I guess that's what she meant I don't know

but yeah I don't know if the prostate is necessarily a g-spot so much as it is just something that if you if you push on it hard enough, you just cum in your pants. Something that's going to kill either me or Terrence one day.

I'm not sure if it's a pleasant orgasm. Really? I mean, I don't know. What do you think, Tom? I mean, because if you can touch it enough and cause cum to come out of your dick, but if your dick's not hard, any man who's had an orgasm without a hard dick can tell you

that that doesn't feel great. None of them have told me that. Really? No. I've beaten off with like a semi. You know what I mean? It's like came and it's just so anticlimactic. Yeah, it feels weird.

I would go so far as to say that it's unpleasant. And it's also painful because you don't really get it all out. That's what I was going to say. I would even go so far as to say that it's unpleasant. You have to be aroused for it to feel good. You know? Huh.

Yeah. You'd have to have a fucking hard-on and... So this is just giving credence to the reach around Really The esteemed Yeah If you're fucking your man

Right if you're fucking your man from behind Definitely reach around And jack that thing off Just like you know if you were fucking A woman from behind You would reach around You know what I mean Always do would reach around. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's the same. Same thing. Always do the reach around. They call the reach around. That song was about... None of the gay porn I watch, very little of the gay porn I watch does the reach around. The best shit about the 50s

is that most of the songs were sexual innuendos, but they were saying like that. They call the reach around. You're dancing with your partner I love that little way oh give a reach around yeah all those songs were about

fucking yeah they were about deviant beach sex oh my god I love that we're talking so much about music and i just noticed have y'all ever noticed this stack of lps laying over here that's probably been here for like a decade yeah and the first one my friends my friend engaged isn't that bizarre have you noticed that i have noticed that before matt carter sent me a picture of that where he had photoshopped his face on there.

He had photoshopped his face on there. All my friends are dead. The name of the LP. Snapchat that with that little Uzi Vert song. All my friends are dead. You know, speaking of death, it's been a pretty big topic so far, this recording. When I die, it's weird like but I don't

want to be cremated or any of that other shit I would like to be embalmed and mummified. That's really... That's the most baller shit. That's the most baller shit ever. What would we do with you then? I don't know. Bury you as a mummy? Yeah, wrap me up and bury me with Leon and with my cat. Kill Leon.

I'll give your eulogy in a real somber monotone voice and his final wishes were to be laid to rest with his beloved cat, Leonard. Who's been dead for 43 years now. Yes. Yeah. Bury me with my shits in a very ornate... I want 80 people in a factory embalming various parts of me. Most fucking

ostentatious fucking what do you call it? Coffin. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. An exact replica of King Tut's. Yes, I want a tomb. Oh my lord. Alright, well. I did hear a song, we're actually not calling until 640.

Okay. Because Kaz had a phone call until 630. Okay. Because Kaz had a phone call until 630. Okay. I actually did hear a song this weekend, and I thought, this would be a great song to play at your funeral. Not yours. No, like a funeral. Hypothetical.

Yeah, at someone's funeral. But I can't remember what it is now. Damn. You have the same problem I do. You start a story, and then you're like, oh, yes yes there's parts of the story i haven't are even worse than that is getting the whole story out and you left out all the crucial elements actually make it funny my excuse is i smoke weed every day what's y'all's excuse i don't know i'm so smart i got a lot of stuff i've drank myself fucking stupid

you don't even drink anymore you all all are my permanent sober drivers. Because my cognitive processes were declining rapidly. I definitely feel like I haven't used this enough to call you all and be like, listen, I know you're sober. I need you to come get me. Hell yeah. I'm a good sober driver. That's a great. And then we can go over top of you and say, I would, but my heart burned.

There's always some ailment y'all can hang your hat on. But this is a good... Well, that's what Ada did that night after the wedding. She knew you could come get her. Yeah. She set me up. God, all my friends are gaming me all the time. Terrence was behind the glitter bombing.

Ada saw me coming. Hey, for the record, I did not know. He didn't know about the glitter. He was letting us know when you were going to be there because you were riding with him. If I would have known there was glitter involved... He knew we were there. They set me up for an. He didn't know about the glitter. He was letting us know when you were going to be there because you were riding with him. If I would have known there was glitter involved... He knew we were there. They set me up for an ambush, dude. Yeah, he knew we were there. And they used me.

And they used me as a double agent. I didn't think of it as a glitter bomb at that moment. I guess it was though. Do y'all think I'd like a glitter bomb? I guess I did. Maybe I don't know you at all. I don't know. You don't have to know somebody to know theitter bomb is generally something you do to your enemies Right

Like a boss that fired you Don't miss the memo on that part It wasn't like actual glitter glitter It was more like confetti or something Which made it even worse Did it really? I'm still cleaning it up I was going to say the shitty thing about the apartment

is that yeah, there's like planks in the floor and all that glitter got stuck down in those planks. Fuck it, you don't own it. That's true. Archeologists will be exhuming that fucking apartment in like a thousand years and they'll find my mummified tomb in there and they'll find all this glitter. Another autopsy and there'll be glitter up my ass.

Oh my God. Hell yeah. Oh, speaking of asses. The place I stayed this weekend in Louisville for my birthday had a, what's it called? The toilet had a, not a duvet, a bidet. Oh, bidet. A bidet. Yeah.

That squirts water in your poop shit? Yeah. That's the civilized thing to do, I feel like. Well, so apparently, so this is a lesbian couple that I stayed with, and they went to Japan on vacation, and I guess it was like they just- They loved it. Most of the toilets had bidets. Yes.

And they loved it, and they were like, we're doing this. We're going to invest in a bidet. And it's like the most high-tech toilet you've ever seen. It's a heated seat. And so the first couple times i sat in it i thought was someone just here because usually when i sit on the heated seat i think i don't know about it i'm like god someone's been sitting here so long the seats for him it's disgusting i follow gentle being in the rotation downstairs and after now it's not a pleasant oh my god you're right i know that exact but but this was a good warm season?

Yeah, because it wasn't from another human. It was from electricity. Wow. And the bidet was pretty nice. I was into it. I got a couple of questions about the bidet. Okay. I don't know if I can answer them.

First of all, I think it's a strange feeling. You know that feeling when you don't wipe your ass good and it itches really bad? Like you leave the house and then like two hours later, you're like, ah, damn. Yeah. Kind of squirming, you see, a little bit. Oh, my God.

Does that happen to you with the bidet? Or go ahead, sorry. Anytime I've ever like followed that up with like washing it with like either a wet wipe or water, it's kind of been an unpleasant feeling. Really? Yeah. and it was like either a wet wiper or water it's kind of been an unpleasant feeling really yeah my question is is does the bidet clean all the residual poop i don't know i i mean i don't know i didn't read a tutorial on how to use it but i just wiped normally and i want my method of

wiping is i wipe until there's nothing on the toilet paper anymore. So sometimes that can take a while. God dang it. Hasting in climate change. Yeah, I was the worst environmentalist when I had to do environmental organizing. I was the one. I mean, I told you I'm a hypocrite anyway. God damn toilet paper budget or organizing budget. I have the opposite effect. If I sat there and wiped until there was nothing left,

I would be there for weeks probably. No, so I usually don't have the itch problem because I've wiped about 20 times. Anyway,

if I'm in a hurry, I'll just, you know, I'll do an abridged version but most of the time I wipe a lot. Anyway, I just like wiped

like normal many times and then I did the bidet but then I didn't know am I supposed to pat dry because now my butt's wet and i'm not gonna put up my panties with a wet butt is that your second question good question glad you asked i understand that feeling i i pooped in a public pools bathroom a few weeks back. And, like, I set my, like,

like, underwear in the floor. Got the crotch wet and pulled back up and had, like, wet floor underwear balls. Oh, God, that is savage. Yeah. Yeah, awful. Yeah, it wasn't good, right? No, it wasn't good at all.

I think, like... I'll pat it dry a little bit. A detachable bidet would be, I think, what you would want. What do you mean? So then you like squat down on it? You would want like a hose thing that you can then just like... Like just a detachable shower head? Or yeah, like a detachable shower head or like a detachable power wash thing on your sink.

But something with some pressure, I pressure i think what if they had like a dildo that shot water and you just put a day condom on it in your ass and you stick it in your ass every time but then that's water up your ass that's a different situation but also if you start that yeah that's bad then you're gonna start a whole like rinsing i sent you all that comic about how to clean your ass. We did have a discussion about how to clean your ass. I told you all. And if you get past the, there's a word.

God, what's that word? Because, you know, the intestine goes up a little bit past the anus, but then it starts curving. Right. If you go past the curve. You've went too far. Oh, yeah. You've definitely went too far. You've got about an hour ahead.

You've got to clean the whole rectum. You've got to do a full clonic. Remember we talked about that the other day? I'd love to have that done. Me too. I would love it. And you can do it at home for free, but it takes a really long time and I feel like my arms would be sore. I would just, I just feel like I just don't know that I have the, I just don't think I have the like. Thing is I don't think I could pull that off by myself and I don't, I think it'd be a tough sell to my girlfriend. To help you clean it out? And I think it'd be a tough sell to my girlfriend to help you

clean it out and I'm not comfortable enough with anybody else to have them help me right get all my poop out you don't think

she'd do that for you I mean she probably would but like in 30 years after you've been married for quite a while yeah I wouldn't

I wouldn't want to ask her yeah well I I wasn't subjected to that did y'all look at the comic strip I sent you no yeah I saw it cause it had that bear guy.

Yeah, it had that hairy guy. It was pretty cute. I hate to cut short a conversation on butt stuff, but why don't we cut short this conversation on butt stuff, take a quick break before we do an interview. You want to go check out your booty real quick? Yeah, I want to go check out my booty. Did you all of a sudden realize you were itching?

Oh, damn. Sorry, Terrence. Yes. He's going to go wipe until he doesn't see anything. Right. So, anyways. Good luck. Thanks.

Should I pause this? Yeah, hit stop so we can save this as a super. Hit stop. Them is spots not no parks back seats the things of that nature had to hate your player I'm digging the hole down never said I hate her straight later slayed the bitch like Darth Vader made her from Collin Park and Fed All the way down to the cater like Jada her wig was sharp and sporty that was shawty save the snake on eggs and a beamer 840 it's foggy I went to the crib to call her but she lost me my baby mama beat me 7 o'clock It's gonna cost me but I still wanna cut her though maybe she had to work work I caught her in the mall wearing a real tight skirt She was fine as fuck, I wanted to sex the hoe up She said, let's hit the parking lot so I can

sick your duck I said, cool, I really wanted to cut you, but this won't do I got a pic of my daughter, plus my baby mama beat me too She said she understood and everything was kosher I gave her a lil' wheel CD and a fuckin' poster It's like that now, it's like that now You better go and get the hoe, or fight your back now It's about four, five cats on him a lag now Just shoot game in the form of story raps now It's like that now, it's like that now

Now Susie Screw had a partner named Sasha Sasha Thumper I remember her number like the summer When her and Susie, yeah they threw a slumber Parted but you can't I call it that cause it was slumber Well it was more like spending night Three in the morning yawning dancing under street lights We chilling like a villain and a nigga feeling right In the middle of the ghetto on the curb with

a spike All of the bullshit we on our back staring at the stars above Talking bout what we gon' be when we grow up I said what you wanna be, she said alive It made me think for a minute then looked in her eyes I could've died, time went on I got grown rhyme got strong mind got blown I came back home to find little Sasha was gone Her mama said she would a nigga that be treating her wrong I kept on singing my song and hoping at her show that I would one day see her standing in the front row

But two weeks later she got found in the back of a school with a needle in her arm Baby too much to do Sasha thump her It's like that now You better go get the hoe I'll fight you back now It's about four, five Can't solve him a lag now We just shoot the game In the form of story raps now

It's like that now It's like that now It's like that now You better go get the hoe I'll fight you back now It's about that now, it's like that now You better go get the hump up out your back now It's about four, five cats off in my leg now We just shootin' the game in the form of story rounds now It's like that now, it's like that now I'm going to go get some food. Keisha!

Keisha! Huh? Cut that loud mess off. You hear all that thundering and lightning? Now get off that telephone. All right. Grandma, what's all that noise? I'm scared.

Baby, don't be scared. It's going to be all right. It's just the Lord doing his work.