Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 178: The Wet Bandits

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

The Wet Bandits T&T examine the multiple meanings of Christmas (capitalism, horniness, waste, celebrating the cinematic arts) and then discuss "The Mountain Santa" Marlow Tackett Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

oh man i just saw your jam board um good is a good dick that you just sent me solid wasn't it stately it's pretty good it's mid-sized balls big shaft big veiny shaft with cum coming out of the tip i really was thinking p but yeah um oh it's p you so it's it's a erect dick peeing yeah hey do you ever do that in the morning i know i don't really get that anymore man we've crossed that rubicon yeah god i remember waking with a good hard morning every morning. Now it's like about two mornings a week.

Maybe. That's pretty generous. Turns out depression and anxiety does number on your erections. Hey, listen. People are tired of hearing us talk about uh how bad we have it so i'm just going to tell you i i'm going to go the opposite end i have a lot of money and a huge cock live with it you don't want to hear you don't want to hear about my problems fine i'll just

i'll just shower you with my excesses. That's fine. Can't please you, motherfuckers. So is that what's going on this week? We've been... People are upset with us talking about our problems. They're upset that that one here is talking about our problems no more. They want Tanya back, which, who doesn't?

What else is there? A guy called us impotence the radio show. That is true, but not for the reasons he's saying. No, we are virtually impotent yeah for the reasons aforementioned reasons not virile right is maybe what you're shooting for right yeah when's the last time you were virile god the last time i genuinely thought I have a good chance to get a girl pregnant was 2007. It's more than a decade ago. Is virile and fecund like the same?

Can those two words be used sort of interchangeably? Let me go to the tape and I'll see. I'll make the call on that fecund fecundity which is a very fun word to say yeah i guess i guess i guess they kind of yeah i think well i think virileile has more to do with the ability of the act that causes fecundity. And fecundity has more to do with your ability to actually produce results. I see.

But, yeah. When I type it in on my computer, it auto-corrects fecund buddy Garrity. Friday Night Lights. Interesting. Interesting. I'd say virility leads to fecundity is how I would say it. Oh, so it's sort of like communism. It's sort of like how socialism leads...

Capitalism leads to socialism leads to communism. It's like virility leads to fecundity. Leads to 18 years of... Headache, am I right? Headache and heartache, baby. Gray hairs. Yeah, I'll just be honest with you. I've had just about enough of people hiding behind

uh you know what suck my fucking cock why don't you put your real fucking face out there and say something motherfucker you know what i mean i hate to be i hate to be the the tough guy yeah because i'm not but man there's nothing worse than a bunch of fucking imbeciles that do shit like that. Also, it's like cyberbullying. Tyler, the creator, cyberbullying things. Don't look at it. Yeah, I should follow that advice, but I always look at it. Yeah.

Actually, we're critics, too, so I guess we've got to be able to take a little bit of it back. That's right. But look me in the eye. Look me in the eyes when I'm saying. You know what I mean? Yeah. I try not to take it personally. I don't.

Let's just get off the topic. It's the holiday season. It's not the time for wish and ill of your fellow man. Even little twites like that. Is Christmas the most fecund season? Or the most fecund holiday? It is definitely the only holiday with a season. Yeah, it's true.

Well, that's not true. Well, I don't know. It depends on if you classify Halloween as a holiday. Don't say it. Do not say the spooky season. Do not say the spooky season. Yeah, I'd say it's the most feckin'. I've had the most sex on Halloween, or Christmas, I think.

Historically. Yeah. Historically, yeah. over historically yeah historically yeah yeah well because i think there's also the thing of i think that season that runs from thanksgiving to christmas is the most fecund and i say that because it provides the most opportunity for unexpected weird hookups for whatever reason. I'll tell you why. It's because that's when everyone's home from school. Right. Or if you're trapped in your college town or whatever, that also provides opportunity for weird unexpected hookups.

Yeah, it really does. Or getting drunk at the holiday party. Like shit-faced. You make out with someone's wife. It's 1955. You're married. They're married. You make out in a broom closet.

Starts an illicit affair for nine months in a suburb outside of New Haven, Connecticut or something. Let me ask you a question. If you run the business into that, would you ever want to know about it, or would you just want to be blissfully ignorant? Blissfully ignorant. Absolutely.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Absolutely. Anybody, I've never understood the concept of, like, snooping around in phones or, like, digging around. Like, why the fuck do you want to know that shit? Don't bring any suffering on yourself that isn't warranted. Now, granted, you could say terrence

that's kind of your whole thing you have um you have done this since you were a child and my only response to that would be you are right i've not quite figured out how to um not bring more suffering upon myself but i I'm learning. Yeah. Well, one way you can do that is embracing the mystery of whether your spouse or partner is going out on you. Right. I do feel like a holiday party, though, is where all illicit affairs begin. Not all, but a lot of them. Because, you know, you're shit.

Yeah, a million percent. Yeah. I mean, you're hammered. Someone is, your buddy Jeff from work is shit-faced, and he's dressed up like Santa. I mean, his marriage is an absolute nightmare. And so he's just drinking his way through it and dressed up as Santa and just trying to find the only bit of happiness out of the season that he can through that.

I did that for years. The one Christmas party that we, I guess we were formerly invited to regularly. Right. I'll never forget one of my banner years happened when I went there and I tarried a little long at the sauce while also mixing it with benzodiazepines, which is a recipe for disaster. Went home with somebody, and the next day i said i was like oh god damn like i hope that i didn't make an ass out of myself or really draw attention to

to anything and i remember calling a friend of mine up that was in attendance i said let me ask you a question uh on scale of 110 when I skated out of there, how noticeable was it? And they said to me, you really want me to be honest with you? I said, yeah. I said, was it discreet? Did I kind of slide out of there? They said, you looked like you were leading a goddamn marching band. Oh, boy.

oh boy oh so i think that might have been one of the same years you woke up in a bathroom floor uh going off at molly water i i yes i um somehow managed to pass out in the bathroom at a hall at that hollywood holiday party um you got me on that shit and all i really remember from that night was just needing to i would go back to the bar and i mean i drank like a fish too but i would go back to the bar and i would say just give me some goddamn orange juice or something i'm so dried out i just had to keep drinking fluids that was one of those parties and i'm sure everybody can relate to this where you're so fucked up you're making out on the dance floor like you're that sloppy when you get that sloppy um it's it's not good

no hell no nothing good happens after that point no hell no that is the worst trajectory though for a party being shit-faced um hooking up on the dance floor and then passing out in a bathroom that's the that's the the hat trick of absolutely and the weird thing is like yeah we could never do that now no i'm saying no like i'm 35 years old it's just fucking pathetic but if you're 25 years old have at it go for it right enjoy yourself right right right um it's not acceptable anymore definitely man i've there's too much as i look at the light shining down on my head there's too much of my scalp revealed to enjoy myself like that anymore yeah sure sure pal yeah holiday parties are very i mean there isn't it there is a entire holiday season, I was listening to this story on the radio this morning about how 30 years ago,

a radio DJ in like Fort Wayne, Indiana, or, you know, Midwest, Heartland Midwest, discovered that if you started playing Christmas the day after Thanksgiving, ratings went through the goddamn roof. So that's why every year Christmas music starts the day after Thanksgiving. Because apparently, yeah, people want to feel nostalgic. They want to feel that special feeling. The story, however, was about how this year Christmas music started as early. Usually, I think on average, started as early as late October, early November. And in some places, they were even playing Christmas music in

July, all the way back to July, and ratings were going through the roof. And the reasoning was, it's because this year is so shitty. People associate Christmas music with the end of the year, and that's why they feel good about it and also just because people like to live in the christmas mindset man they they love it they love to live inside the holiday season people want to live in the snow globe towns you know i mean they want to be uh they want to be uh george from it's a wonderful life you know what i mean they do they what they forget about that is the guy almost killed himself he wanted to kill himself which is what christmas makes me want you are a citizen of Whitesburg, Kentucky, and if you live downtown, every single minute of your day will be filled with Christmas music piping over the downtown stereo system hung from every light post.

Man, I think that's... I can't swear to it, but I think it's got something to do with the CIA. I think it's really the musical equivalent of like when they tie you down and just drip water on your forehead. You know what I mean? That shit is...

It was bad. Yeah, I can't handle it. It was bad. It was like... Yeah, I can't handle it. It was bad. It was like... They played all the regular hits. And when we lived downtown, obviously, you know, we heard it all day, every day being... Jack Frost nipping at... Man, I did notice this last year when there was the uproar over maybe it's cold outside. Somebody cheekily... I remember coming home,

somebody cheekily started playing. They played that a lot more than... It got a lot more play than it would in the normal year. It's almost like whoever's the minister of propaganda at the city of Wattsburg is making an anti-PC statement. Interesting. We're taking a stand yeah yeah i mean most of that shit they play though i mean they do have some good willie nelson cuts that they play but mostly it's just like i don't know perry como and whatever they

never there's there's some good christmas music though i'm not one of these people that doesn't and whatever. They never, there's, there's some good Christmas music though. I'm not one of these people that doesn't, that thinks it's all

bullshit. Well, they've been playing some weird ones the last couple days. Like, the ones that are like remixed with synthesizers.

It's like, Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. You know, like some. I want to play, I want to just go play.

Here's an interesting social experiment. I want to play James Brown's Santa Claus play here's an interesting social experiment I want to play James Brown Santa Claus go straight to the ghetto on repeat and see what people do in Whitesburg

they lose their goddamn mind we would have a revolt in Whitesburg sort of like how you know Lutherans and Calvinists

would revolt in like 16th century Germany or whatever. We could have something like that. I love that song. No, so, yeah, so they started Christmas earlier this year for a number of reasons. But, man, I just need to say say so back in early november i you know been going to the therapist

and all this and they have a tv in the lobby room and they always have the hallmark channel and dude hallmark is absolutely deranged i I mean, have you ever watched... So, sometimes it takes a long-ass time for me to get in, and I watched almost an entire Hallmark movie in the lobby there. God damn, son. Dude, let's see if I can remember the name. I think it was called Road to Christmas. Dude, I cannot...

This set me back like a week. Everything I went into the office subsequently was immediately just overpowered by the bad vibes i got from this movie yeah it's called road to christmas um oh wait no there's two roads to christmas there's a hallmark one and then a regular one with some guy named Mark Jean. Anyways, this was an extremely disturbing film. And have you ever watched any Hallmark movies? Like Hallmark? I'll tell you this.

My Uncle Don, who long-time listeners might remember from stories of The tale of two dons uh it was former garbage man whitesburg and a former member of the pagans motorcycle club fucking loves hallmark movies fucking loves hallmark and lifetime christmas movies can't get enough of them every time we go up to their house on christmas and eat dinner he's just sitting there chilling with like all his jailhouse tattoos like watching fucking tale of some young accountant that has to go back and like find meaning in the season you know yeah well look this movie was incredible um it was so banal i mean obviously it's a hallmark movie but it's weird man like the pacing and sequencing of a hallmark film like this one for example

i'll just read you the plot real quick a tv producer is producing a christmas special for the fifth year but she is then told to co-produce it with the host's son. That's what they're all about, dude. Yeah. All the Hallmark movies are so meta because it's like they just make movies about making movies on Christmas. Yes. film was she so she so okay dude so they introduce the host son to the lady who has to this tv producer and she's hot right and the host son is also really hot and so she's like oh wow she's like taking it back because he's hot and she and he's taking it back because she's hot and so the

and so that's that's established up front. That's established up front. So they're trying to make this movie and then decide that the best way to do it is to take a cross-country road trip and record people's Christmas stories. So the two of them get in a car together and they go on this road trip.

Mind you, two people that don't know each other so the way that this unfolds i'm i shit you not man it has all of the sort of pacing and sequencing of a porno film like the way that they are introduced to each other the sort of like titillating prospect of like two hot people being in a car together as they go across country as they like you know build up all this sexual tension and shit and it's weird man watching this movie made me realize that the central impulse behind christmas behind the american the specifically american idea to Christmas. I'm not talking about Europe or any of these other places, you know, any of these other Christian places

where Christmas is celebrated. Specifically in America, the underlying current to it is libidinal. It is ultimately sexual. But also too, but also like unexpectedly so. Unexpectedly so. Like Christmas is about strange ass kind of. You know what I'm saying?

It is. It really is. It really is. The whole feel up to it is. You're right. You're exactly right. It's libidinal. You're not just out there having the same old same old on the Christmas season.

It's like something new and like, wow, how'd this come to be? That's exactly right so it's like this on several levels there is like us peasants right like that's the way we sort of engage with it as this like holiday of fecundity right and like um sex dude this is such a good point this is such a good point name me aside from like songs that are like literally about christmas the birth of christ name me a christmas song that ain't about fucking a lot all i want for christmas is you i mean to even like the the creep, like the maybe it's cold outside. Like it's all about like, yeah, that's true. Or mom fucking Santa Claus or whatever.

Mom fucking Santa Claus. Yes. Backdoor lover. Like it's all hot. I can't name a Christmas song. Okay. Yeah, I can't name that many. White Christmas. Yeah, I can't name that. White Christmas?

We all know what that's talking about, baby. Yeah. Yeah. But also, though, there is another dimension to this. So there is the raw fecundity of it right just the raw physical sexual energy of it but there is another part of it that i think is ultimately also essentially libidinal in its basic function. And by that, I'm referring to the whole Christmas season. And the orgasm being, like the money shot, being Christmas Day itself.

So you have this season that builds up for weeks and weeks. And then, you know, you zero in more on the day. You know, you build up your tension more. You do a no-no. Yeah, it's the only holiday you mark the days off to. You mark the days off of it. Exactly. And you abstain.

Or people do. Yeah, right. But, you know, you abstain from opening the gifts, from fully going all the way into Christmas. You're edging to an extent every single day leading up to Christmas in your own small ways. You never go all the way. But then on Christmas Day, and I'm telling you, Hallmark movies are the best way to peel this back and examine it. Christmas Day is when you blow your Christmas load, right? For 24 hours, you just sit in a stew of your own Christmas load. You know?

Wrapping paper everywhere. Glitter everywhere. Yeah, food. Dirty plates with crumbs. Bullets of teak gluttonous. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. You just lay in your filth for a day.

You lay in your filth after you fucking just blown your goddamn Christmas load, man. And then here's what happens, my friend. Here's what happens. It used to happen to me. It doesn't happen anymore. To me, it's just back to business. I don't really believe in time as the way it's constituted in the Western world. But do you remember the

feeling of being so depressed on december 26th yes absolutely and then the build-up starts again gradually you know what i'm saying you know an insane thing about life is we just have these little calendar like most of it's cultural most of it's just the result of us trying to sell stuff but like most of us just cope with our finite existences by like oh well march brings the ncaa tournament that's kind of cool uh april brings you know what i'm saying i think that this is why christmas started so early this year it's because shit is so bad it's one of the few things people have to hold on to that is largely an apolitical space i mean an apolitical mental space you know i i mean i i don't know i guess what i'm working towards here is that there is a way for us commoners to celebrate christmas we have fellowship we have sex we do all the other things we give gifts and everything else but overriding all of that and and honestly trying to negate and colonize that whole thing is the Christmas of American capitalism.

The consumer holiday. The holiday where you buy in such rabid, you know, just rapacity. You know what I mean? Like, just. Rapacious consumption. Yes. Yeah. You know my favorite Christmas song? I'll just say rapacious consumption yes yeah you know my you know my favorite

my favorite Christmas song now that you say rapacious consumption and maybe one of the long Christmas songs that isn't about fucking is Tom Lehrer's

Christmas I think it's called Christmas Story or something uh Tom Lehrer probably for those that aren't aware of Tom Lehrer Tom Lehrer's probably

most famous to the youngsters as being the guy who 2 Chainz samples on the old dope peddler. Which was also kind of a Christmas song. This was great. I've never heard this song, but it does seem... When was it written? 1950s? Probably the 50s or 60s. Tom Lehrer's still alive, I think.

Hereby, golly, disapproval would be folly. Deck the halls with hunks of holly. Fill the cup and don't say when. Kill the turkeys, ducks, and chickens. Mix the puns, drag out the dickens. What the fuck? Drag out the dickens? Man, look how player-like Tom Lehrer was. Yeah, dude. He's he's like i'm gonna drag out that dickens

shit looks good wow relations no sparing no expenses in some useful useless old utensil he also put off his songs into the public domain at age 92. That's admirable. Whereas Bob Dylan just sold all of his songs

to like Universal Music or some shit. Yeah, Tom Lehrer's where he went and made. Tom Lehrer's songs took on nuclear weapons, racial injustice, pollution,

and the Nazi engineer turned NASA scientist verner von braun wow he took on operation paperclip this is in the 50s and 60s too this is that's tight before it was cool tom layer's the man that's awesome um yeah no well so That's awesome. Yeah, no, well, so... I don't know.

So I guess the larger point I'm trying to make here is that if you want to see just the raw image, the holistic image of the christmas orgasm you have to watch a hallmark film hallmark films pare it down to its most essential um you know to its bare essentials to i mean it remove it fully removes the veil fully I mean, it is ultimately a fantasy. I guess like porno films themselves, which are fantasies of sex, Hallmark films are fantasy of Christmas. Well, and I mean also just in general. I mean, their latest big offering is that Mario Lopez is the horny Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel Sanders.

Like he seduces somebody's wife or something. Exactly. I mean, this is all ultimately connected because these Hallmark films are kind of like smut, which, you know, a lot of middle American women love to read, you know. It is kind of the sort of the visual equivalent of the Harlequin romance novel. Exactly. You know, like with the Fabio on the cover and shit. A shirtless dude, yes.

Yeah, a shirtless dude riding a horse and holding some sort of chalice that he won in battle with some damsel wrapped around his waist. Right, right. Yeah. But I think, I don't know, I just think it's interesting that we have a holiday for capitalism. We have a holiday for consumption. We try to tell ourselves that that's not what it is. That is, you know, it is also these other things, religious practice, just good old secular fellowship. fellowship right i mean it's i mean it's no accident that like you start off as the most important holiday in american consumption they hitch their wagon to you know the birth of christ right if halloween would have been about consumption you can bet your ass everybody in congress would be a pagan or a witch or something you know what i mean like it has nothing to do with the religious practice or anything else. It's just, you know.

Yeah. That had the most mainstream mojo, you know, when they were setting the country up. Well, I mean, speaking of that, this is a good segue to talk about something that I thought was pretty fascinating this year, which was that for the first time in, I think, 800 years, we saw what is called the Christmas star, which was apparently a few nights ago. Have you seen it yet? Have you seen it yet?

I think I've seen it. Like, you can still catch it. I think tonight is one of the better nights for it, but I think you can still catch it even, like, a few days after Christmas. So it is, I think Kin Lane told us it was the conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter. Like, they're close,

and so they put off a lot of light. I think the last time this happened was 800 years ago, and then perhaps the time before that would have, I suppose, been when Jesus was born. What would have been 800 years ago? At the signing of the Magna Carta, they just paused and said, fellas, let's go take a look in the night sky. Saturn and Jupiter are together again. And maybe this is the norman that we should be

signing this this document yes all epoch turning events happen every 800 years when this star comes out that giacomo casanova is just giving some chick they'll two-piece or like four chicks they'll two-piece and he just looks up and sees the great conjoining right blows his load blows his Christmas well I think that is a larger point I'm making here which is that and we touched on this earlier this year when the comet neo wise was blazing through the sky but man if you want to talk about a year of signs and wonders we are truly coming off of a year of pestilence signs in the sky, fire. I mean, like, you name it. All of the old biblical symbols are here. They're here.

Listen, I want to tell you something. That new atheism did not age well into 2020. No. Look, if you're still one of these Sam Harris guys or something, something cosmic is going on. I hate to break this to y'all. It is. No, I fully agree i mean i mean i guess you could

argue perhaps maybe one of these sam harris nerds would argue that we are just reading into these signs what we want to read into them to which i would have to say so what that's what they're there for i mean what what are you supposed to do with signs and symbols they call them signs and wonders for a reason motherfucker yeah you don't just look at him and say that's cool yeah you have to piece together some reasoning for what's happening right now but even then though i mean i don't even want to take that sort of rationalistic route what i'm saying is that you're right something cosmically disturbing is going on i i think it started with a moo moo i don't know what the significance of a moo moo was but a moo moo put me in a frame of mind that any goddamn thing is possible and that 2020 proved it yes any goddamn thing is

possible that's what i'm getting at i'm not suggesting everybody run back to the church or anything what i'm saying is don't limit the scope of what you think is possibly afoot that's right no i i agree i i i just even it again even if you were one of these Sam Harris types that say, you know, you're just reading things into this. Come on, man. Like, are you going to tell me it's a coincidence that the Christmas star, the ones that the three kings looked up at when they realized a child had been born. They were bringing gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh. The three best gifts you can give somebody. Did you get any frankincense this year?

I did not, no. That's fucking bullshit. Yeah. You know, I mean, and then, you have to correct me if I'm wrong, but, like, I'm pretty sure Neowise had also not been seen in a few thousand years am i correct neo wise was this year wasn't it it was this year for some reason i was thinking that was the end of last year but yeah you're right holy shit and i remember us thinking at the time, like, you've got this thing blazing through the sky. You can see it with the naked eye.

You go outside. You know, it's giving off a sort of reddish, you know, tail behind it. I mean, this is happening in the midst of a global pandemic of pestilence. I mean, it's it's significant i think that's significant and yeah neowise i think hadn't been seen for 6,688 years est i mean of course you know right what was it was. Well into antiquity. I mean, it just seems to me that we are being shown signs all around us. And it's even penetrating the sort of ritual practices we've tried to put up for ourselves.

So you can have Christmas and it can be this holiday of consumption or whatever but regardless of what you think that goddamn star is up in the sky and that is the same star that was overlooking bethlehem on that fateful night that's that's all we're saying we're just calling balls and strikes here man i'm just calling balls and strikes and what i'm saying to you is is that if the return of christ is imminent it just might behoove us to do a little pas's Wager type thing with it. You know what I mean? Yeah. I am... For 2021, I'm going to tell you what I'm going to get into. I'm going to get into spiritual tourism.

I'm going to heed the admonition of the scriptures, and I'm going to try the spirits. I tried the spirits for a long time, and I tried all of them. You know, the thing is... Bourbon. Bourbon all of them you know the thing is bourbon i was going for the old man humor there that's all classy hey boys the bible says try the spirits

bourbon gin i think that like you don't even have to be spiritual or even believe in an afterlife or anything for you to read some sort of significance into these occurrences. Right. I mean, obviously, religions like 6,000 years ago probably weren't that rigid. I mean, they were probably more just like you have a vague sense of like there are gods. They do things. Oh, that's why this is in the sky at night. That's why this is here. But let me just interject here for a second

why is there a goddamn uh cow in the sky why is there like a ladle you know why is there a little ladle right you know i mean why is there orion's belt like why those are isn't that interesting to anybody? I'm not saying it's the god of the Bible or anything, but I just... Something's gotta be afoot. Well, there's... I don't know. I mean, I guess that you could say...

What would the Sam Harris response be to that, since he would own you with facts and logic if you came with something like that? I think the Sam Harris response be to that, since he would own you with facts and logic if you came with something like that? I think the Sam Harris response would be that humans apply their own images onto these things. We read into the signs and patterns what we want to see out of them. That still doesn't change the fact there's a goddamn cow in the sky yeah i mean yes we can say okay you're just looking up there and see you know it's almost like the people that like see faces in like wood grain or right faces in the clouds

or whatever but or jesus on like a tortilla or something that kind of shit yeah yeah i get that um i i used when i used to dispatch at the fire department there's this guy who ended up becoming a cop no surprise here after i tell you what he was into but he he was persuaded that you could see demon faces in wood grain like Because, you know, occasionally you will see the little knots on wood or something look like a face or something. You know what I mean? He was persuaded those were wood demons.

I mean, it makes sense. I mean, you want to think that you're not alone, right? You want to think that there are other things. As much as we like to say we're scared by ghosts and spirits and stuff, I think it is kind of fun or even comforting at some level to think that we're surrounded at all times by some sort of, you know, surveilling spirits, you know, something that is watching us and giving meaning to our existence

yeah yeah have you watched the movie a ghost story it's casey affleck and runy mara no i've heard it's like an a24 movie isn't it yeah yeah it's it's uh you know casey affleck's character dies and then he like i, I mean, he's literally, there's a ghost, and they show him as, like, you know, with the cartoonish, like, you know, sheet draped over him or whatever. But he, like, has to kind of watch his life play out without him. You know what I mean? Like, it's pretty heartbreaking, honestly.

Sort of like the Patrick Swayze movie, kind of, like the... Except he doesn't smash again in the afterlife. Oh, man. In Ghost, yeah, P. Swayze got smashed again. Yeah, you're right. Well, I guess if there's any theme uniting all of these things, you should take away I guess for me

what my own reading into these things is. You can call this rationalistic or you can call it religious. I don't know. Depends on who you're asking. But what I get from these signs and wonders comets

stars pestilence, unrest, is that the world is really old. And a lot of these things have been here and they've been with us for a really long time. really long time and our current system capitalism or whatever is hell-bent on destroying that on living in the moment on having your christmas orgasm or your consumption fill or whatever it is absolutely hell-bent on destroying that idea which i think is a fundamental idea to a lot of religions societies that the earth is old that there are that this is not our land that it was inhabited way before us and we have to leave it for people after us and and that these things have always been with us. That, to me, is the thread uniting all of those things.

And I don't know. If you're trying to draw any meaning from them, I think that that might be something you can draw from it. Yeah. And we're just passing through for a short period of time, and then something else is going to happen and i think um something the system also wants to do is is rip apart your sense of wonder and rip apart like sort of our our i don't know i don't want to say traditions

because i don't want to like come off as don't want to come off as some kind of religious weirdo because there's a rabid religiosity I'm not terribly attracted to either. But I recognize that there is this sort of wholesale washing out of everything that's unique and wonderful about life. And it's being replaced, I think,

in our system as like this weird american techno religion that takes the form of christianity but is really about um you know consumption and and like the most hollow forms of prosperity and right and all these kinds of things right and i think there's something i I think I am as equally put off by that idea, like the Sam Harris shit, like that rabid atheism, as I am sort of like overzealous Christianity or whatever. Right, right. You know what I mean?

No, I'm the same way. I mean, you have to find a sort of middle ground there. Ken Lane said something. We need to bring back the mad men and the shamans and the mystics and all that kind of stuff. I am devoted to a religion that just dabbles in all of them and just takes what we like from all of them.

It's just a celebration of everybody that has ever passed through this rock. Well, yeah, I guess that's ultimately what I'm saying. I'm not like, a shaman does not necessarily see symbols and events and occurrences and signs and conforms them specifically to a specific belief system right a shaman takes the signs and says here is the meaning to you that here here is what the the world is trying to tell us i guess i don't know i mean yeah i get yeah the world i mean truly i mean if you're talking about

pestilence and fire i think the world is trying to tell us that this isn't tenable anymore. People are dying at a clip that is, I mean, astronomical and is only getting worse. We are so good at normalizing things, man. 300,000 people died this year in this country. Of the same thing. You know what I mean? And I know somebody would say that, yeah, well, two million people died of heart disease

or whatever, whatever. It's like, yeah, well, two million people died of heart disease or whatever, whatever. It's like, yeah, but this was like, we had the tools to stop this from happening. Yeah, I mean. From the beginning. The thing, yeah, I mean, sure, I don't know how many people die from heart disease or whatever, but does heart disease completely wreck society? Like, you know what I mean? Does it infect 20 million people?

You can't catch heart disease from going to the grocery store. Right, yeah. You can't catch heart disease from going to Thanksgiving dinner. I guess, I mean, if you go to enough of them over the years, I guess you can. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this single-handedly transformed all of our social relations

you know exacerbated things that were already there alienated people cut people off from support networks i mean how do you how many people do you know who've lost friends or relationships or whatever i mean this is it has caused mass disruption in society's social relations. Yeah, no. Yeah, if you have a heart attack, your friends are not going to say, I mean, I'll probably wait, you know, until we get a vaccine to come over and see you. No, it's not isolating in that same way, you know. No, the thing about COVID is COVID is the singularly most unit revolutionary force go covid is the singularly

most revolutionary force to hit domestic american society since probably the actual civil war and by that i mean it is pin it it is drilled down dude in into the economic base, you know, bore through all the cultural and political, you know, superstructure on top of it into the economic base itself, just like a virus would, you know, and has inserted its DNA into it and has disrupted all of that. I mean, truly. I mean, I think this is why Americans are, you know,

I got this thing on my phone today, this Apple News alert, like are you know i got this thing on my phone today this apple news alert like you know we're at the end everybody can agree 2020 was a bad year we're at the you know we're ready to sign off get it out of the way and still still looking for that guy that just it all came up him this year jeff bezos and and bill goes i no more. Yeah, there's like eight guys who actually did pretty good during all of this. Just mopped up. I guess then the point I'm trying to make, though, is that there was hardly anyone not touched by it. And that is revolutionary, my friend.

I mean, like we've said before, this is an ecological catastrophe. When what we do to the environment can have a blowback like that, that's pretty fucking insane. And so, yeah, you look at the disease, you look at fire, these symbols like police structures burning.

Like I said, a symbol as old as civilization itself. You see comets. You see fire in the sky. You see fucking signs in the sky that have meant something to people for thousands of years. Then you are forced to reckon with the fact that human civilization has been around for a long time and that we have to leave the world somewhat intact for the future. I don't know how people I don't know. to read into those things through that sort of lens. And to also get your rocks off at a holiday party. Yeah.

Look for signs, look for wonders, be on the lookout for pestilence and earthquakes in diverse places, and if you can, blow you a big load at a Christmas party. Make it a white Christmas, baby. Man. And that's the best you can do. That's the best you can do in life. Actually, don't go to a Christmas party this year.

Right. I was going to say, even our holiday parties have been totally taken away. Yeah. Oh, wait. Yeah. Yeah. One thing I did look forward to one thing that hasn't been taken from us is kirk cameron star of the left behind series showing up on your doorstep maskless with a couple dozen other christians and singing

christmas carols for you he's? Yeah, have you not seen this? Man, it's so weird, man. And honestly, I don't wish that anybody should perish, you know. I'm a Christian. I don't wish anybody should perish. But, like, it's going to be so, not going to be so funny. But if, like, the Christian God is real, you know what I mean? Isn't it going to be so... Not going to be so funny. But if, like, the Christian God is real, you know what I mean?

Isn't it going to be weird? All these people thought they were the most pious people in the world. And they were really just selfish assholes. Like, self-aggrandizing assholes at the end of it. This is pretty funny. Kirk Cameron holds second peaceful protest to sing Christmas carols. The actor urged his followers to, quote, let your voice be heard,

comparing coronavirus safety guidelines to the movie The Giver. Like, of all the dystopic authoritarian, like, anecdotes. That shows you how, like like baby brain they fucking are a book you read when you're like in fifth grade god damn dude i feel sorry for people wet dreams yeah the thing about the giver was that it had wet dreams in it yeah god so baby brain man oh man um yeah no i the guy who is in a television show with a main character named boner will show up on your doorstep that's right we'll show up on your doorstep to sing um

baby it's cold outside in order to own the libs he's gonna sing baby it's cold outside but it's not gonna be baby it's cold outside it's gonna be like the lyrics are gonna be twisted around to not be about fucking oh yeah you're right well I think the thing

with baby it's cold outside I think the reason people didn't like it was it's basically like a woman trying to leave. He's coercing her into staying. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

So, and these type of people, like, insist on, like, which it's not even, like, a great song anyway. You know what I mean? Like, but these people insist on singing it just to, you know, to get her eyes on people. Right. Yeah, that's bizarre. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, Kirk Cameron. What else do I have on the whole? I mean.

What's the Terrence Ray Christmas movie lineup? Oh, right at the gate, Home Alone, man. Home Alone. Got to? Yeah, yeah. Home Alone's great. I love these debates because every year it's like the same people that think that saying Die Hard is a Christmas movie is the most subversive thing you can you know what i mean like let's say oh my favorite christmas movie die hard and they're waiting for you to say no

die hard it's not a christmas movie or gremlins is another one yeah rosemary's baby if you're an art student you know well it is interesting this is this is a fascinating question because it raises the question of what makes a Christmas movie. So by those guidelines, I don't know. The ultimate message has to feed into a larger Christmas ideology, right? So Gremlins, while it does, it is premised on the idea of gift giving and how some gifts. And fecundity. And fecundity. You're right.

Don't feed them after midnight. Right. It does. I mean, I guess the main message there is that you can give gifts that um have payoff for quite a long time afterwards but i guess the genius of gremlins is that you get so um things get so insane that it starts to turn more into like uh in some parts it's a horror movie in some parts it's a horror movie. In some parts, it's a thriller, like monster movie. I mean, it never comes back in the end to an ultimately Christmas message. Like, you know what I mean? Whereas Home Alone, for the vast majority of the film, Home Alone takes place during Christmas.

Right. But it doesn't really have a Christmas message message until the very end right where i guess kevin mcallister is reunited with his family and they put their differences aside because it's christmas and he sees like the mean sort of homeless guy get reunited with his daughter right yeah you know the guy's like washing from the creepily washing from the window yeah right joe pesci and daniel stern the wet bandits are made to pay for their crimes their sins their anti-christmas sins because they exploit christmas right which the wet bandits i think was it you that pointed out that they don't actually steal anything they just like to wreck your basement by flooding they just like to fuck your shit up

right they don't they're just mischief they're just mischievous man it's funny they like case they like case houses to just do like vandalism right right right that's like grown men, not even his children. Pesci's still incredible in it. Can't miss. Joe Pesci, a 65-year-old guy posing as a cop to case a house to wreck the basement. So their flood insurance will kick in. These guys don't actually want anything anything they just want to wreck your basement right they're i mean maybe they are revolutionaries they're going around the suburbs you know the gated communities think about this yeah but yeah christmas

this is a fascinating question because if you compare Home Alone with Gremlins, they are kind of similar in the sense that they use a lot of the tropes of Christmas, but I guess Home Alone, in the end, has a unifying pro-Christmas message where the end message of Gremlins is that, man sometimes things can get just get out of control sometimes things get away sometimes things get away also okay so to be a christmas movie you have to have what elements fecundity fecundity yes i think that ultimately a christmas movie has to it has to have a message in the end that does not challenge the sanctity of Christmas. Or even more fundamentally than that, the potential of it to bring people together. Right.

So it is kind of reactionary in the sense that themas film basically asks you to negate class conscious way not not only that to acknowledge class consciousness this is fascinating it asks you to to acknowledge class which gives you a kind of class consciousness but it it sort of reifies it and says that like you have to give during this season. Because, for example, I could be a good example. This is the tax. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

Go ahead. No, you go ahead. I was just going to say, to your point, giving during the Christmas season is your tax to forget about the people that sort of facilitate your good time year-round by making your food, by making your shit, by making your shit. Yes. Whatever.

Yes. That is exactly right. And that justifies it. That justifies it. Yeah. Last year, this time last year, I was working over in St. Paul, Virginia. I was doing those bread workshops and shit. And I had to stay at that hotel.

That haunted hotel. The haunted hotel. I had to stay at that hotel. That haunted hotel. The haunted hotel. I had to stay at the haunted hotel. One night when I was there, all these people from the community descended upon the hotel with tons of gifts. Like, dude, we're talking like thousands and thousands of dollars worth of toys. And so I was sitting down there eating dinner and they in like 20 community members come in who look like they're sort of you know they're the buddy garrities of saint paul virginia they're like the upper crust you know and they're like we're wrapping these

gifts for uh underprivileged kids you know do you want to help and i sat there and wrapped gifts with these people for like two fucking hours, man. Let me tell you something, though, about rich people in the mountains, though. They do that tree of life shit, that tree of hope shit, you know, where they do the shoebox with the gifts, man. Yeah. These people are on some bullshit. They don't give these kids like what they would get their kids.

No. They give them the same shit they have to live in year round. They give them like G.I. Joe's and shit, man. I saw it. They give them the same this i give them the same shit they have to live in year round they give them like gi joes and shit man i saw it they give them like baseball bats they get man some of these motherfuckers when i was like like going to church and doing all that shit man they would just like oh here's like the same busted ass like walmart clothes and whatever you know what i'm saying that like the kids like i'd already live whatever you know what i'm saying that like the kids like already live in you know what i'm saying it's like that they don't like spend on them with their own kids or anything like that no it's just like i don't know not that that's important or anything like that but it is just an observation that they like basically just like

you know can feel good about giving them like the same shit that they like normally have access to whatever and that's a fascinating thing about it because it essentially says you you are exactly you called it exactly right for 11 months out of the year you exploited and used all these people but for these four weeks uh you get to make up for all of it by buying a couple of Tonka toys for an quote-unquote underprivileged six-year-old in the mountains. There is one guy that rebuked that notion, and that was Marlo Tackett. That's exactly where I'm going with this. The Mountain Santa Claus. exactly where i'm going with this the mountain santa claus who who if you're out there on the internet and you're praising dolly parton and all this kind of stuff yeah i get it marlo well wow

another cis white man that's that's they're putting they're installing over our god queen dolly parton let me tell you about marlo tackett marlolo Tackett ran it. Man, Marlo Tackett, first of all, the thing we've got to say about Marlo Tackett right off the top, Marlo Tackett, most famous for being, he was like a country recording artist assigned to RCA like in the 70s. Right. Had a couple of minor hits, wrote a lot of songs for some people. Was kind of like a respected country singer or whatever.

Opened up a Bring Your Own own bottle in the time of prohibition uh honky tonk over in beth near betsy lane kentucky called what else marlo's country palace naturally god damn i'd love to have a marlo's country palace t-shirt well marlo's altruistic vision extended past that. And every year he set up shop in Whitesburg for a number of years at the old Super, the old Food World grocery store that was like vacant. And he would do this like two months long like toy drive and use what little celebrity that he had in the place and probably called in favors from a lot of famous friends. I know there was like, didn't Johnny Cash give a bunch of toys or something one year or something like that? He knew a lot of famous people just from being in that world.

Right. But he made it a thing, and it was good shit. I don't know. I think where you're going with this... Or go ahead, sorry. Well, I would just say that while Dolly Parton is, you know, the rich young ruler in the metaphor, I would say that Marlo Tackett was more like, you know, the woman with the issue of blood who gave everything that she had.

While Dolly just gave a modicum of what she had. That's all I'm saying. Calling balls and strikes here. You're right. Nobody was talking about Marlo Tackett's contributions to fighting COVID-19. Right, right. He'd been dead for four years. I mean, I was going to say, because he checked out for a while back.

But, yeah. I still think he deserves to be recognized. Yeah. He's from Virgie. I've spent a little time around Virgie, my friend. Yeah. Dorton. If you've listened to the Tyler Jeter show,

I'll carry you to Virgie. That's Marlo Tackett country. Anyway. Anyway. Yeah. Well, anyways, the Pike County Fiscal Court named Tackett the humanitarian of the century in 2013 i don't see dolly parton being named the humanitarian of the century

i just all i'm saying is i'll put marlo tackett's local resume up against dolly anything dolly parton's done in the world. Right. It proportionally. I mean, that is. Marlo gave everything he had. Right. Right.

And he did it while he had cancer in those last i think in those last couple years he had cancer or at least the last oh man i don't remember seeing marlo at the apple shop christmas party maybe a year or two before he died he kind of did a walkthrough and he didn't look long for the world at that point but but yeah he's still going to the end, man. That was his big thing. Voice of an Angel, too. Go look up Marlo Tackett on YouTube. Some of it's weird. I'll grant you that. Like, he was really big in getting prayer back in schools.

That's not the best thing in the world. But he did have a minor hit. 6, 3, 4, 8. Wait. 6-3-4-8. Wait. 6-3-4-5-7-8-9. That's my number. So he kind of had like a spiritual forebear to 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. Right.

But it was East Kentucky themed. I'll play you a little sample. Yeah, he was kind of one of those like blue-eyed soul, like country soul guys like Jim Ford a little bit. Right. Let's get to the chorus.

Dude, that's a jam. Let's pick up the phone. [phone]. That's my number. So, you think Mike Jones came up with that? Yeah, I was going to say Mike Jones. No. That was Marlo Tackett, baby. Dude, the quote from this um pike county express news whatever article is funny everything he did

was with power he didn't know how to do it any other way that may be why he never made it big when he sang he belted it out at 120 he was a different different type of performer, I think. Maybe a little ahead of his time. He just fucking belted it into the mic. Man. They gotta turn him way down on the mix board. Yeah, bring him down

in the mix a little bit. Thanks, Marlo. Thank you. That's my number. Yeah, that's a jam, man. Oh, man. Well, that probably is a good place to leave it off. I always wanted to do a Christmas episode. We never have ever done one.

It's dicey because you don't want to be the guy who shits all over Christmas because then people are like, look, this is a shitty year. Let us have this one thing. I don't think you have to like or dislike Christmas. You just have to look at it from several different angles. Look at it scientifically. What does it represent in our culture? What is the environmental impact of it?

Something we have to consider with everything going forward. But how I feel about Christmas is some of them are good, some of them are bad. You know? Yeah. Christmas is fine. I don't have any problem with it. I do have a problem, I guess, with all of the...

I mean, the waste it produces is pretty phenomenal. And, like, people that are super into christmas are a little weird you know what i mean yeah people who are like 300 more days till christmas yeah that kind of shit it's like man you living for the super bowl it's kind of weird but whatever hey hark the herald angels sing i I say, pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. No, yeah, so, I mean, honestly, if you were truly dedicated to Christmas, it would begin when Jesus was conceived, right?

It would begin at conception. Because by these people's logic, life begins at conception. And so, therefore, when was Jesus conceived? I guess March, probably? I don't know. How long does it take for the Spirit to produce a child through the unction of the Holy Spirit? If I can do it in nine months i think the holy spirit can best me you know i was listening to this bluegrass song on the radio today that was like

bringing love and joy he sent his only boy and i was like that's a really funny way to think about it. Like, boy, get down there. That's God's boy. Can't do nothing with him. Right. He's not doing anybody any good up here. Send him down there. I wish they would have canonized some of these sort of forgotten gospels or whatever. some of these sort of forgotten gospels

or whatever. I think it's like is it the book of hell, I don't even know how real this shit is, but is it the book of Judas that depicts Jesus as kind of this mischievous little kid that would push his friends off roofs and they would die

and then he would just resurrect them? Wouldn't that rule? Dude, if I could do that, I would just go blow your brains out and just resurrect you. You know, and just be an asshole. Dude, your brains got splattered everywhere,

but I brought you back. It's cool. Well, that's the story of Jesus. A guy who had immense power, and he repressed the desire to use it. You know? I'm sure he wanted to. Yeah. God.

Better man than I am. Yeah. Well, anyways, if you're truly Christian, Christmas season starts in March and obviously goes up to the day of birth. and obviously goes up to the day of birth. A funny part of the Christmas story, obviously, is Herod trying to track down a child in the middle of the night. Very weird thing for a grown man to be doing.

Bring me this baby. Is that because he also saw the Christmas star? Did Harrod see that star and say, I have to kill a child tonight? Maybe he was driven mad by it. Maybe the cosmos just make us mad and are basically just like... You know how on full moons animals act weird? Yeah. Maybe things in the stars make us act the way we do and it's just like just to play out you know what i mean i think it has an effect a grander narrative

i think it has an effect absolutely i think it has an effect i mean we feed off of those things we think that they're telling us things i mean these are incredibly magnificent and awesome like i use that in the true sense of the word like awesome phenomena like a fucking burning uh gas ball just in in the sky you know i mean that's a it's it's like i was saying earlier you have fire this elemental symbol we're talking about a massive ball of it yeah yeah man it's yeah it's so weird we just we we totally like normalize like wonder yeah we normalize exactly the same thing with the moon i mean the moon is fucking incredible i mean there's parts there's things about it we don't even understand, like the moon illusion. I mean, but it's just this massive fucking rock in the sky.

And, I mean, you'd be crazy to think that that didn't affect how people navigate the world. The things they read into it that they think might happen or might be coming down the pike. Yeah. I don't know man it might drive you to try to find the new baby born and kill it i mean if you can folks don't track down newborn babies nor kill them that's weird and they also might be trying to kill the savior of the world. Not great. Not a good look. But do enjoy your holiday. Yeah, do enjoy the holiday. Also to our

Jewish friends out there, happy Hanukkah. Celebrate Kwanzaa, whatever it is you celebrate. Enjoy it. And always be looking toward the sky. Signs and wonders. If you want to donate, it's not a donation.

I mean, you're getting something in return. If you want to give to our Patreon, it is the season of giving, I hear. And receiving. We will receive your gift. If you want to go to patreon.com slash trailbillyworkersparty, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash trailbillyworkersparty, you still have a couple days before the month is over.

Why not get in there? Get in there. Get in there. Get in there? Get in there. Get in there. Get in there. Get in there. Just get in there a little bit. Just get in there a little bit. All right.

Well, thanks for joining us for the Christmas special and everything else. Was this a Christmas episode in the same way Home Alone is? Or is this more like a Gremlins one where things get completely away from you? They get out of control. Felt Gremlin-ish, but I think we talked about some things we wanted to talk about, which is nice.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. All right, well, thanks for listening and hopefully you can be with your loved ones in some way. Make sure you do it, regardless of how you do it. Well, I mean, don't like get COVID, but if you can, do a Zoom call or something. It's important.

Something nice. Call your mother. Call your mother. Find you a nice girl. Settle down. Find you a nice girl. Yeah. Get married.

Have a couple kids. Fuck it. Fuck it. All right. Thanks for listening. We'll see you on the Patreon. Goodbye.