Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 186: Dereliction of Duty

Episode Date: February 19, 2021

We wonder aloud whether God hates us, and then talk about the weather, the grid, and Joe Biden's Town Hall. Finally we end with a rousing conversation from everybody's favorite New York Times column, The Conversation, featuring Gail Collins and Bret Stephens. Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

We can't hear you, Thomas. Hey, there's a chat function, darling. You can just chat us. You know, we are in Zoom. This is 2020, my man. Give us a little chit chat in the chat. If you guys could just drop your name and location and age, you know, your ASL in the chat, that would be great. We're going to do a little icebreaker, too.

If you guys could just say in the chat um don't unmute yourselves please but if you could just say in the chat um the last really good tv show you watch is that what's pat is that what um icebreakers are like in non-profits now you just say it in the chat yeah it's yeah you put it in the chat to save time oh damn we've we've fully we've fully evolved terrence what's the last thing that made you laugh big belly laugh um your own mortality no uh i saw a tweet earlier today from CNN that said... It said, you are so fucking diseased. You're our big belly laugh tweet in CNN tweets.

Well, hear me out. It's a good one. It was... Tom sent it to me. Jill Biden. She said, every morning when they wake up, Joe Biden turns to her and says, where are we? Oh, you're right.

I did get a big belly laugh out of that. Can y'all hear me? Yay, there he is. Okay, one second. Let me try one more thing. Give us a UK hun. Oh, man. To test the mic.

Yo, yo, can you hear me now? I can hear you. UK hun. Yeah, we can hear you okay let me try that that's i don't know what the fuck was going on with that i whatever how's your belly uh it's all right that's all right uh drank me a little coke did my mom said drink drink your Coke, silly. I was like, it feels like it would do the opposite. That's the high school nurse's station. The only thing you can get at a high school nurse's station is a Tylenol, a big, bulky, cheap-ass pad, and a Sprite.

If any one of them three couldn't solve your problems, you better just call 911, honey. Yeah. What are you drinking there? a little LaCroix can check can check it's the best one limoncello oh it's good oh it's good so fresh so clean anything lemony or limey without being actual lemon or lime grosses me out nah i really can't even handle the tart of a real lemon or lime i'm so fucking old what do y'all know about you remember how excited you would get sucking on real tart sour candy on real dick. I remember that. I remember what sucking on real dick was like.

Walked right into that, Tanya. You know a good old sour candy. I can't do it no more. I love sour shit. Also can't suck dick no more. I can't do spicy shit anymore, but I love sour shit. Oh, I love spicy shit. I need to get my guts scoped and looked at.

I just dread looking at them. You know, Usher says that one of those colonoscotomies, whatever, to clean you out, they're pretty good. Colonic. Colonics. Yeah. Coloscotomy. I knew you'd know what I meant. That's how he keeps that V cut.

Uh-huh. And he's like 40 or something. Yeah, he gets it all vacuumed out right good. Old Evac out the back. You don't need a vacuum to do that. You just need IBS. Yeah, exactly. You just need a stress disorder, my man.

Doesn't feel good, but it'll take care of that yeah yeah yeah ruby has had like one diarrhea and i just assumed she was dying and freaked the fuck out motherhood is very bizarre you know i've i myself have had diarrhea sometimes and thought that i was dying. So, you know, don't beat yourself up. It's a pretty common reaction. The thing about diarrhea that we don't really appreciate in this country is that it actually kills a lot of people all over the world. Yeah, true. I mean, isn't dehydration probably actually the exact cause of death?

I believe so. Yeah. But believe so. Yeah. But, yeah. Well, that's been the True Billy Medical Corner. One more mystery we should tackle today. Joe Biden wakes up every day and doesn't know where he's at. I mean, is anybody shocked? You know what's funny about that?

It's like, I know they meant that to just be like a story about like, Joe Biden keeps waking up and asking his wife, where are they? But they had to make it into a feel-good story like, he just can't believe he's in the White House. When in actuality, he really just doesn't know where he's at. When in actuality, it's weekend at Bernie's over there. He's a corpse. Honestly, though, I know we kind of surmised about some deep fakes under Trump.

But how long do you think they could convince us a president was alive that really wasn't at this point in 2021? point in 2021 uh well uh there's the jfk thing that he's in cuba so no so at least 60 something years yeah but that's a conspiracy they don't really have anyone convinced of that, or do they? I'm convinced. I mean, there's a lot of them out there. Are you all convinced JFK is hanging out with Assata Shakur in Cuba? I don't think he's with Assata. No, I think it's pretty well established he's dead, but some people think otherwise you know earlier today when we had our little false start and um we were waiting on you to join us tom terrence was casually talking about presidential

dates for some reason you know how he is and he said that ronald reagan was president when me and him were born when we were all born and i don't i almost don't believe it yeah how did i not how's that not just like a something i just knew already and damn that motherfucker fucked he he did some damage in a very short amount of time. He did eight years. As much as you can do. I just mean, like, I guess I'm trying to say Terrence reminded me that I'm old. And Reaganomics are... You really didn't know Ronald Reagan was the president when you were born? Maybe I did at some point, but I've smoked it away.

Just smoked it right away. And I guess I just had this, like, wow, I'm like the age of Reaganomics. That's how old I am. You're the trickle down. Well, what's crazy is it's just been getting worse ever since then. You know, it's not gotten any better. No. getting worse ever since then you know it's not gotten any better no we there was times where it felt better yeah you know what i mean the clinton 90s felt better probably because we were you know healthy and joyful youth yeah mine wasn't joyful i need to turn a lot i look like i'm being interviewed on unsolved mystery

you really do i'm just looking at myself but my hair looks curly i guess because i um well i'm gonna tell you all the reason i was late is i had to get in the hot tub i was sad too are you serious too rough dude i sit through three four hours of zoom today and i just had a fucking crash my brain crashed i i that's fine but i'm the one who has to edit this afterwards and so the later we do this in the day the later i'm up well i tried at 10 30 now you have to give me that i tried first thing i'll give you that but i'm telling you my brain was fried y'all didn't want to talk to me i'm much happier now and it's a much better episode and probably easier to edit all right i was really looking out for you i doubt that but uh but thank you for

where am i where am i it's really a pretty good line at any time that you just don't know what else to say just say where the fuck am i where wake up in the white house where am i how did i get here i've had that feeling before it's awful waking up not knowing where you are yeah you just wake up in a strange place you went to bed with somebody probably shouldn't went to bed with it's uh disorienting to say the least that's really only happened to me a few times but it is rough i usually keep my wits about me fairly good but those few times was tough i just prefer to move on.

Wake up like, sir, could you draw me a map home, please? God damn. I woke up one time. I woke up. I thought I'd made it home. And I woke up in the middle of the night. I looked up, and I was laying on a futon in a dorm room in the same building that I lived in. And I looked over, and there was this dude on the computer that wasn't, not my roommate.

And I said, man, I said, he's like, man, you just kind of walked in here at 3 o'clock in the morning. I'd saw you around, and you've always been nice to me, but I just didn't have the heart to tell you that you weren't in the right place. So I just woke up at 3 and realized I didn't have a futon. But could you imagine that? Like if the shoe were on the other foot, if an absolute stranger walked into my domicile and just went to bed? I would tell him. I would freak out.

Yeah, I'd tell him to get the fuck out but he was just cool as a cucumber playing world of warcraft while you slept he had a disturbing image of a uh a diseased lamb on his desktop what yeah a diseased lamb do? Do you still have both of your kidneys? Have you checked? Man, I don't know. I woke up smug. He may have extracted semen. He may have extracted. You may have a kid somewhere. Multiple.

He's stuck with me. Who knows? He seemed like a pretty straight shooter. I forget his name. Took your semen and put it in a pretty straight shooter. I forget his name, but... Took your semen and... Put it in a turkey baster. And... Let's see, where else is that walking up at?

They say a menstrual cup works better for... For insemination? Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay. Instead of a turkey baster. Put it in a menstrual cup and then do a headstand. Yeah. I guess.

I have my questions. I know people have gotten pregnant that way pretty successfully, too. I know two babies conceived with a menstrual cup. Well, three, perhaps. Yeah, we don't know. Little Tommy Jr. Little Tom Tom running around. Nah, I can't deal with that.

I can't engage that. Welcome to the show, everybody. I can't engage that. It's Thursday, February the 18th. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. February the 18th. It's been a really weird week.

Mercury is retrograde. When I was a kid, in the mornings before school, my mom would... I don't know if it was a bit, because I know she didn't really watch this earnestly, but before school she would put on The 700 Club with Pat Robertson. Oh, baby. I mean, you got the perfect start to the day, the same start to the day, every day. Every single day. And I vividly remember after Hurricane Katrina,

Pat Robertson going on there and saying that this happened because it was God's wrath for the homosexuals, for America tolerating homosexuality. for America tolerating homosexuality. Now, obviously, I don't agree with the conclusion he came to. However. I knew this was kind of however it was on the line. However, he may have. Gotta hear both sides. Like all good conspiracy theorists, he may have diagnosed it correctly.

God may be. It is quite possible. I don't know why I never thought of this while the worst of the pandemic was happening. But like sending the worst winter storm this country has seen in like three or four decades in the middle of a pandemic kind of makes me wonder. Perhaps God is visiting his wrath upon us not for homosexuality or anything but maybe just something biblical like greed maybe maybe maybe we were greedy and what if god's mad about the most petty thing he's pissed that billy ellish won all them awards. Swept that award show.

Something like that. There's another Saved by the Bell reboot or something. Yeah. No, you know what it is? The new Cruella DeVille. The new Cruella DeVille. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's mad about Cruella.

Emma Stone, he cannot abide. I can, though. She's hot. I can't wait to see it. Oh, man. Man, I'll tell you what i it says so much really you've tapped into something here terrence we started off every day of our lives for a number of years with a senile man that believed and coaxed a lot of people into believing that he

talks to god and gets messages from God. And that's how we started our day. And we accepted that as totally normal. Just like the orange water that runs through our streams. Just totally normal. Yep. Pat Robertson said that the Haitian earthquake in 2010-ish, somewhere, I think it was 2010, was God's judgment for voodoo.

Oh, right, right. And paganism on the island. Oh, my God. Imagine, imagine. Now you kind of see why they ban white people from it. He's... Not the worst instance. He is kind of a one trick he's kind of a one trick pony he's a one-hit wonder he uh he's still on you know something bad happens do what he's still on or is it a different guy pat robertson is still he's still on he is ancient though he's got to be like 90 by

this point yeah last night i was watching a show on freeform and it 700 club came on after it like i saw 700 clubs intro last night which makes this conversation pretty bizarre isn't that crazy it's still it was on live free form tv last night at 10 at 11 p.m is when it came on that's crazy i mean that's what a cultural mainstay pat robertson has had a finger on the pulse for decades pat robertson's 90 god yeah so he's yeah he's up there man he's outlasted a lot of motherfuckers rush limbabaugh. He outlasted old Rush. By a good margin. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, no. You know, I was... It's just hard not to think that some kind of wrath is being rained down upon us. And like I said, it's not for voodoo. It's not for homosexuality. Or dick sucking. Yeah.

Or what did racists call intermixing? Miscegenation? Not for anything like that. Just for good old fashioned greed greed probably he's probably just or it's something petty you're right it's something extremely it just i mean if that's true this is an even worse god than previously imagined because it's mostly poor people suffering right now well god has never i you know he's never really been a paragon of virtue okay so lay off him a little bit i thought that's exactly what he wanted

that is the i mean you could make the argument that his parenting skills live a little bit to but he is a very if if we're just judging him or her or them or whatever it is yet just on the same standards we would judge anybody else i mean like let's go through the list here jealous uh vengeful wrathful listen i i wrestle with jealousy and vengefulness too i mean i can't i can't i can't kick it i can't kick a man down anger among us anger i i'm also not omnipotent but i am impotent omnipotent close that's that's omnipotent you know god i mean he's he's impotent omni-impotent he's what yes he is everywhere at once in impotent everywhere he goes he is he can't get an erection anywhere he goes omni-empathetic yes in fairness though to god you know here's in fairness the bible does say it rains on the

just as well as the unjust rains on everybody so he's not in fairness he's not giving us anything that wasn't in the brochure okay well tell me when ted cruz gets his yeah i mean that's well yeah he gets he has to be ted cruz for one thing somebody that nobody likes that just sweats butter all the way to Cancun. Yeah, it's like he leaves like a snail trail of where he goes, but it's just like cholesterol. And not like he's... I don't mean that as like a fat shaming

thing. I just mean he's just greasy. Yeah. He is greasy. I'm gonna venture... I'm gonna go ahead and venture to guess that because there is a God and God hates us. Ted Cruz will see no consequences for his actions and in fact will be reelected. The people forget about shit. This will be old news by, you know, Saturday.

People will have completely forgotten about that. And you know what's funny is that this probably is something very common like mitch mcconnell probably goes to some private island anytime any shit pops up you know what i mean this is probably very common and just like he got made and had to come up with a he had to string a biggin and fly back what a fucking dumbass take a private plane did you really think nobody would recognize yeah or like yeah wear a bigger mask and a hat you dumb cunt it's easy to go incognito right now jesus fuck you know uh ted cruz is known by the the the trail, though. You know what I mean?

Right. They spotted the butter. Yeah, they just like, some TSA agent looked down at that and just like stuck his finger in it. And looked at it and goes, ugh. Like it was like the ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They knew they'd been crushed. Like Slimer. You know, you just walk, you put your finger in it and then taste it

and the camera zooms in on your face he's been here they've been cruised he didn't even have to show his passport remember that video of him after the capital raid and he took that he's smoking that big cigar

in his office oh my god just such a weird guy with weird impulses dude he's a weird ass he lights cigars with lighters and there's a reason why you don't do that okay because when you light a cigar it takes several puffs and so if you're lighting a cigar with a lighter you're just inhaling lighter like vapors or whatever not good as a general rule but yeah he just did the classic you know he had to make sure his wife got to cancun with her boyfriend you know and he was back to work for the people of Texas. Got them all set up down there. Put the condom on his dick.

All right, I got to get back. Yeah, and he's like, she's down there with like Franklin Graham and his wife. And they're like, harem. As usual, I couldn't find his original quote. I only found people making fun. So what did he actually say? He said that he was just being a good dad. He's being a girl dad.

Oh! He had to get his family to safety before he could get everybody else's family to safety. He had to take care He just subscribes to the biblical belief you have to take care of your household first. This is what he said. You want me to read his statement for you?

Sure. Do they have a place in Cancun? Like, why fucking Cancun? It's pretty funny. This has been an infuriating week for texans the greatest state in the country the greatest state in the greatest country in the world has been without power huh interesting we have food lines gas lines and people sleeping at the neighbor's houses our homes are freezing and our lights are out like millions of texans our family lost heat and power

too with school canceled for the week our girls asked to take a trip with friends. Wanting to be a good dad, I flew down with them last night and am flying back this afternoon. My staff and I are in constant communication with state and local leaders to get to the bottom of what happened in Texas. We want our power back, our water on, and our homes warm. My team and I will continue using all our resources to keep Texans informed and safe. That's what he said. Girl dad. Good dad that I am, I wanted to...

Girl dad that I am, I wanted to put them right in the way of COVID-19 and its ever-growing alphabet of variants. Girl dad that I am, I had to take my wife to see her boyfriend Mauricio. Can't coon. Let him tell us some dangerous things in her ear. Then I was going to fly back and fix the grid by my own two hands. I learned some interesting things. Speaking of the grid, I learned some interesting things this week about the grid.

Are you a new grid expert too? I'm the newest grid expert to hit the scene everybody finally excellent glad you could be on the show with us today finally some answers i have answers um this is pretty there's some pretty interesting stuff um so okay let's see let me america has the highest number of outage minutes of any developed nation. About six hours a year, not including blackouts caused by weather or other acts of God. Now, I know that may not sound like a lot, six hours a year, but here's the comparison. Korea, 16 outage minutes a year.

Italy, 51. Germany, 15. Japan, 11. Is this on average yeah like average the average american yeah uh the average u.s power outage is 120 minutes and growing while in the rest of the industrialized world it's less than 10 minutes and shrinking shrinking on any given day listen to this on any given day in the u.s about half a million people are without power for two or more hours that's fucking insane like number one in the world baby right and up here it's just like terrence uh weigh that against say um

i don't know somewhere else in the world that's like not developed I would really be interested to see how that stacks up against like Swaziland ah yes you're right I didn't do you know what I'm saying I didn't factor that into my you're right I should have thought about that um well no I'm just curious I just

um you know I just want to see how like we just accuse everybody else of being a third world shithole i mean we are the fourth world shithole it is interesting like ted cruz saying we're the greatest state in the greatest nation and it's like now there's no evidence and people and people are freezing to death on my street corner at this very moment right right well i mean well now it's like it's true in a sense like we are number one in the world for covid we're number one in the world for electricity blackouts i mean you name it baby we're number one that's like that interview that trump did where he showed up with all them papers and he was like look i got it right here we're top we're top of the list oh interview that Trump did where he showed up with all them papers.

And he was like, look, I got it right here. We're top of the list. Oh, fuck. And the guy with the interview was like, these are bad ass. We don't want to be on the top. God damn it. That was a classic. Man, I really miss him. You know what Trump would be doing right now?

He would be having a snowball fight with relief workers in Houston right now. He'd be bundled up in a seal skin or something. And he would just make this real crisis. And you would just see Trump make a snowball and just hit somebody with it. He'd throw one at the camera to be cute. I remember in Puerto Rico during the hurricane, he was playing a little game with paper towels. People came there for supplies. And he's like, go long for the paper towels.

I just love... Yeah, like he's playing damn football. He printed off those documents to be like, I got it right here. We're number one. I got it right here. We're number one. Number one. Taunt. In deaths during pregnancy yeah I mean seriously

anything bad we're number one at it for sure I mean Tanya me and Tanya were talking this morning before you hopped on Tom and Tanya brought up a good point like if you were just a regular person who didn't keep up with politics at all, like didn't really keep up to it to the extent we did,

you would only think that things have gotten worse since Biden took office. Like, things have only gotten worse since he became president. Truly, every day is worse than the last. I saw Biden's deported almost 30 000 people since he took a thousand people a day yeah we're are we even vaccinating that many people no the short answer is no god damn it's funny last time we did that show uh we are deporting at sorry we are deporting at a higher rate than we are vaccinating. Jesus.

Feels like that. Oh, my God. I don't think that's true. Rate-wise, think about how many people need to be vaccinated versus how many people need to be deported. Right. vaccinated versus how many people need to be deported right yeah the rate of who how many are going to be vaccinated how many are going to be deported if they've already deported 30 000 people what i think we have maybe four million people vaccinate just with the first yeah yeah what do we need 50 million well we need to like 350 million vaccinated right sorry you know my numbers ain't my strong

man if we're to survive we're just gonna have to like go to an old world way of living like we may need to invest in a schooner and go trade spices with people in North Asia. I would love to go trade spices on a schooner. We need to like What do we have to offer? What spice do we have to offer? We have

nothing. Michael Howard, my good buddy, who's always who's taught me many good, efficient ways to make money, used to just take moss from the hillsides here and just mail it to Libs in Manhattan Beach, California. I mean, we can do that. Let's just go get a bunch of moss and just, yeah, we'll travel the world in an East Kentucky trading company. Isn't that like the East the east india trading company or

whatever we'll do the east kentucky trading company we'll get a schooner the three of us we'll go sell some moss and spices buddy i've got a dehydrator i bought a dehydrator so i could dry out my own herbs well y'all do that i'll i'll uh do what my father and his father before him did and trade beaver pelts. I'm joking. I don't trade beaver pelts. That's a horrible trade. There's a guy, you know the guy that owns the McDonald's in Whitesburg is like a beaver trapper. And he just like kills them to sell their like pelts to make like these little novelty wallets.

Aren't they endangered? Fuck. Dude, I hate this motherfucker so bad bad aren't beavers endangered no but they're cute yeah and they don't deserve to die and become wallets god damn hey i'm sure there are here's uh you know here's a fun little factoid about the grid um 60 of the people who run our electricity system are within five years of retirement oh god damn this really is getting darker by the minute the grid is falling the fuck apart and the thing is fuck i think i'm a tom i don't think i can engage this welcome to the show guys listen i'm gonna give y'all a little peek into how the sausage is made

when it comes to infrastructure okay uh i've had this on my heart my mind for a number of years now but i guess just good as any time come out and tell it i once was left in charge of the city of whitesburg water and I did not. Let's just say if we were in the schooner and spice trading times, I would have been brought up to be hung for dereliction of duty. Shocking. We are floored. First night out the gate, my boss, Steve, God rest his soul, he looked at me and said, you're a smart guy.

You've been to school. Let me just show you real quick how to keep these tanks open and running and i was like yeah i'm a quick study how hard could it be it turns out there's a little bit of a learning curve he said well this tank's supposed to be at this level because you can see like there's like you know a couple tanks in weinberg and you can see like in the water plant like what level they're at and like you need to start treating water and you can see in the water plant what level they're at. And you need to start treating water and pumping it out in the system once they all dip below certain thresholds. And each threshold for each tank is different, just depending upon how big it is.

Well, I had fallen asleep. Oh, my God. There's the air conditioner running. It was nice. Classic. I heard the phone ring and y'all know this part of the story already this woman uh called me and she said my water's browner than a ginger can and then my heart started pumping a little bit harder. And I was like...

And I looked over at that damn water tank. One of them. And it was supposed to be at 14, and it was at 4. And I sprung into action. I started like... What I'm saying is you're supposed to start treating water and pumping in the system when it gets to like 13.8. Right.

Oh, my God. I said, ma'am, I said, we're on it. We've got an issue. I'm working on it. Relax. And she said, what do you mean relax? And I said, I didn't mean it that way. And then I started treating water.

I said, I've got to go. I started treating water. And I was in a fucking panic. and i butchered like eight steps i was just like and i just kept looking at it was really like the titanic like you know like you're sitting there looking at your watch and saying okay the dialysis clinic has about two hours' worth of water left. So this is a crisis. So I was like, I can't pretend anymore. So I called the boss. I said, he said very calmly, just a very demure man.

He said, what's your tank at? And I said, which one? And I was beating around. I didn't want to tell him. He said the Tunnel Hill tank. I said, Steve, it's at 4.1. He said, it's at 4.1. He said, you mean 14.1?

I said, Steve, I said it's at 4.1. I'm going to be honest with you. He said, my God, I'll be right there. And the most even-keeled man you've ever met in your life came there, and he was so pissed. And I said, well, what's going on here? And then, like, everybody, it was all hands on deck. Every water worker got called to the office.

And I'm sitting there with my face in my hands, like I'm getting ready to face a military tribunal and i was like so what's what's like how bad is this and nobody's giving me a straight answer and as it turns out we had to run the plant around the clock for the next two weeks to make that up so like typically you stop treating water just like two o'clock at the night because you're fine until the next day you know what i mean but we had to go around the clock and everybody had to pull extra shifts and they were they were not happy with me some were happy because they got easy overtime but others were not happy and you had the gall to blame me and terrence for you not getting elected listen i know that was before i won the race

i won the race first time but man i was yeah that was basically the the story you're saying here the lesson of this is that a bunch of tom sexton's are running you have a bunch of slapdicks like me they're pulling the levers man not everybody a lot of people areicks like me that are pulling the levers, man. Not everybody. A lot of people are trained professionals and whatever, but occasionally a Tom Sexton slips in there. But the point to the story is it takes about nine straight guys that know what they're doing to cover up one mistake made by one slapdick.

Right, right, right. Well, I'll say this. I recovered and was an excellent water plant operator after that but be fair i don't want to besmirch him because he's exited this mortal coil but steve there's a little culpability on his part for throwing me out there to the wolves not one he shouldn't have put you in charge you're right now i think the moral here is that all the people who know what they're doing are within five years of retirement and we got a bunch of tom sexton's waiting to step in and take over the reins here of this great the greatest country on earth infrastructure

listen we you know we all make mistakes and in the end it was fine. The dialysis clinic was saved. It all worked out. But I was dangerously close to just ruining my life because I couldn't live with myself. I'd known a bunch of people getting dialysis. You know what I mean? Point is, is don't be a cowboy. If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to, that's fine. Yep.

That's a good moral. Tonya, you got the palsy that's a good moral i sign off on that i'll sign off on that one. Jesus, man. Do you want to talk about Joe Biden's town hall this week? Yeah, I do want to talk about Joe Biden's town hall. Yeah, I would like to because there's some funny shit in it. Who told him town halls were a good idea? My question.

in it who told him town halls were a good idea my question so i have a theory about the town hall so in the town hall you know he told everybody uh you know he said i'm not prepared to write off or he said i'm prepared to write off the ten thousand dollar debt but not fifty thousand dollars when did that even come up like i missed that when did he say that well i played the the clip if you want i don't mean from the town hall i mean when he said was this the first time he said about that ten thousand oh this was about student debt um i know i know but i had never heard him say he was gonna clear ten thousand dollars for the student debt i thought he said fifty thousand of student debt didn't he or yeah he didn't say ten he said fifty exactly when did we hear when did ten where the hell

where the fuck that come from well listen to this clip i thought it was very uh well just listen to this. My oldest son graduated after undergraduate and graduate school with $136,000 in debt. Very specific number, Joe. I mean, excuse me, 30 hours a week during school. My other son went to Georgetown and Yale Law School, graduated $142,000 in debt. What the fuck? And he worked for a parking service down in Washington. My daughter went to Tulane University

and got a master's at Penn. She graduated $103,000 in debt. So I don't think anybody should have to pay for that, but I do think you should be able to work it off. My daughter's a social worker. My other son ran the World Food Program USA and so on. They didn't qualify. But my point is I understand the impact of the debt.

You know what's funny is like – It's debilitating. That's not what his sons are known for. Yeah. I have a question about what universities are doing. They don't need more skyboxes. What they need is more money invested in. Well.

That's why I provide, for example, $80 billion. The reason I brought that up, because what he says in a second is basically like, we're not going to do the $50,000. We're going to do $10,000, and you should be able to work it off. But the reason I brought that up is because doesn't it kind of seem to you guys like they're selling it a little too hard that he's not riddled with dementia? Like him pulling out those very specific numbers. Like I feel like Joe was having a good day. And so they – I mean like do you know the specific amount of your student debt, much less like those of your family? Nobody knows the specific.

I just know that it's vaguely like $15,000 or something. You know what I mean? Him being like $142,000. It's just like, come on. You guys are really working very hard to convince us that he does not have. have also uh getting your because you're the former vice president lifelong senator uh lifelong congressperson all that shit like dude like most people graduate college don't get a fucking pie job with a federal agency where they probably make 78 dollars an hour so suck my dick you fucking brain addled asshole here's here is a true

brain addlement let's listen to this one this one's pretty good the other part portion is a lot of people don't know how to register not everybody in the community in the hispanic and the african-american community particularly in uh rural areas that are distant and or inner city districts know how to use, know how to get online to determine how to get in line for that COVID vaccination at the Walgreens. I like how he just said black and brown people are a bunch of dummies. He like literally. They don't know how to get in line? They don't know how to get online is what he said. They don't know how to log into the Internet. He said black people don't know how to get online they don't know how to get online is what he said they don't know how to log into the internet he said black people don't know how to log into the internet it's a black people in brownville don't know how to uh get on the internet

like it's fucking incredible like no one you know no one talks about this obviously like when he says this shit like all the liberals are just like they just grumble and make sure that you know they sweep it under the rug immediately man that's like anybody that that that can't put a coherent thought together much at the time and probably punctuates every like internet app with the facebook the instagram don't need to be telling anybody about what they can and can't do. Yeah. It's weird. We're so fucked. It's,

um, I feel kind of like I'm crazy because there was this article in the financial times this week. It said, it was about how Joe is trying to implement the biggest governmental actions slash spending plans since world war twoi and the new deal like i feel like i'm losing my fucking mind like i've i've seen no indication that that's the case have you guys or am i just like am i losing it are they talking about that weird plan he

said like a week or two ago that we talked about i guess i don't fucking know is that what they're talking about i've not seen any indication that he's trying to be the next FDR. In fact, he's saying, we're not going to do this. We're not doing anything. Sorry. Yeah, everything. Cracking? Nope, not stopping that.

Student loans? Uh-uh, gotta pay them. Imagine that. Joe Biden's a disappointment. If you're standing in line stay in line okay but for real though are they seriously just hoping we forget about the checks like it's february it's almost march have to be they have to be uh where are the checks they're on vacation.

Guys, I'm going to go ahead and tell you how it's going to go down. You ain't getting no checks. We're going to keep getting further and further isolated and lonely. I'm not telling you anything you don't know right now, but here's what I'm saying is you're going to wake up one day and uh you're gonna have to make a tough choice and that tough choice is pertains to um never mind i'm going down a dark path here that's what i'm saying it's like every time i had to walk it back i'm sorry you bailed on the bit it's okay tom we've all man you know that is the worst thing

it's like my my poor mother's just like biding her time she's like i'm gonna go ahead and do my taxes so i can get my check and all this stuff living on fixed income if i could work 30 years for a place it's sick no dig today in retirement so i hate to break his tea sweet uncle joe and his scrunchied wife deserve all the worst things in life to happen to him i'm sorry if you don't like that then i don't know what the fuck to tell you where am i um where am i that's the most sight to my mom next time she asked me about the checks i'm starting to feel like i'm having to answer for joe like mama i don't know i last time i did tell i was like i don't i don't think we're getting checks i don't think they're coming

what's your side of that she said you're probably right the the worst thing is when something's like when when hillbillies get hope about something government related and that's like a big thing yeah it usually just don't happen that way and then to have it not happen this is crazy listen to this um president biden just issued this just happened um like an hour ago president biden just issued new ice guidance wholly abandoning his pledge to halt deportations the aclu says this is a disappointing step backward from the biden administration's earlier commitments to fully break from

the harmful deportation policies of Trump and Obama. Jesus Christ, man. Joe Biden is probably he is going off at even money to have the worst presidency ever. Yeah. And let me tell you something.

It's some stiff competition with his forebear. But he's going to find a way. You mean some stiff competition with his forebear. Really? But he's going to find a way. You want me to tell you how he's going to find a way? By thinking you can go into such a dire situation and just keep it as business as usual. You know what I mean? You have to take radical action.

They ran on this normalcy thing. When you just come in and you're just doing normalcy like nothing's changing you're just keeping the old order in oh yeah i don't know what we expected to be different but i just wanted to say that i just want to name that i didn't expect it to be different at all you know i do find it fascinating when you present people with these you know facts though and they're just like well it's not trump right i don't know trump gave trump gave us eighteen hundred dollars yeah truly we'll say that man and apparently as i mean the same shit's going on you know what i mean yeah at the border like that's the thing that really really chapped my ass about the fucking like liberals screaming about texas and all this kind of stuff these motherfuckers have been using the kids at the border as like some sort of like emotional blackmail to get people to vote for

these fuckers like biden and whoever else and then like as soon as the power goes out in texas where most of those kids are mind you uh yeah well red state should have voted the right way dude that is they're the most foul and grotesque people that is spot on you're right you know what i mean it's like that's it just tells me that you have no integrity that you were using like this these kids as a proxy just to like just to go back to what you deem civil society you're not interested in change you're not interested in any kind of like better vision of the world what you're interested in is just seeming like you have the right opinions and it's just like man these fucking assholes that were

like uh raise your hand if you live in a blue state and you got fucking heat on right now and you're warm and meanwhile i'm seeing pictures of i mean it's enough to see a goddamn possum froze to a fence that broke my fucking heart enough but like you're seeing all these pictures all these stories coming out of there man and it's just like none of it it's not like like liberals are still far and away the most vile people and like the biggest impediment to any kind of change well i thought that perhaps a way to get us out of this. You know, we look around. We see nothing. No opportunities for change.

No ways out. But some people do have answers. We can't forget that there are some among us who do have answers. And I am, of course, referring to our good pals, Brett Stevens and Gail Collins. I hear they're back in the house. For the first time in months, they want to come back on the show, so should we give them a welcome? A warm

round of applause? I don't... I need you to drop the link in the chat. I just sent it to you. I just sent it to you. I don't have my phone. Well, why don't have my phone. Well, why don't you go grab it while Gail comes in?

So you go and send Gail in. We know she's out there in the waiting room. I got it. I got it. Yeah, just keep Gail in the waiting room for a minute. All right. Oh, boy. This is a good one. Let's paint a picture, all right?

Just like always, we have to have a setting for this, right? We have to have a set. This is the big interview. This is Frost Nixon, but it's Collins Stevens. Oh, my God. So where should this one take place where do you guys think i mean i think maybe like a public health department facility in like um budunga iowa might work or perhaps uh a walgreens that's illegally selling covid vaccines outside of Lexington, Kentucky might also be a good setting for one. Brett's getting his blood pressure checked in that little thing that you can put your arm in that when you were a kid you were fascinated with.

We're in dueling blood pressure cuffs at Kroger. Perfect. There you go. All right. So we're going to set the scene here uh we're going to get the lights and audio in in uh in place and we're going to get things going here so this is if you've never heard this before which i'd be astonished if you weren't. But this is the conversation. This is the New York Times best column, in my opinion, featuring Gail Collins and Brett Stevens. And this one's about the impeachment trial. So it's Mitch McConnell is so over Trump that he voted to absolve him. On the impeachment front, it was an exciting...

Over it! On the impeachment front, it was an exciting on the impeachment front it was an exciting if sometimes perplexing weekend so we've got uh set camera and we're gonna get things rolling here so uh action what a wild week gal should we feel pleased that seven republican senators voted to convict donald Trump of incitement, six more than in the last impeachment, or appalled that the other 43 didn't? Another way of putting the question is whether the GOP's cup is 14% full or 86% empty. It certainly was an interesting show, Brett.

It'll be a long time before I forget Mitch McConnell's speech about the outgoing president who seemed determined to either overturn the voters' decision or else torch our institutions on the way out. It was, by McConnell standards, very passionate. Of course, I'd have been a heck of a lot more moving if he hadn't just voted against any punishment. You know, the other day I was listening to Malcolm Gladwell's podcast on the Yiddish word shutzpah. The word has two distinct connotations. In its American usage, it suggests audacity, as in it took a lot of shutzpah for her to walk into her boss's office in 1962 and demand a raise. But guess what?

She got it. In the Israeli sense, it usually means gall and shamelessness. As in, first the boy murders his parents, then he pleads for mercy in court because he's an orphan. Anyway. That's absolutely psychotic. Anyway, McConnell's speech was shutspying the Israeli sense. He wants to have his outrage and eat it too. He wanted to ease whatever conscience he has left by denouncing Trump in a way that had no consequences

while using a legal dodge to advance his political interest in a way that really matters. It's just pathetic, really. Maybe we just call it the McConnell two-step. Damn, great, Gail. Or maybe the Mitch Macarena. Where's Ted Sorensen when you need him to ghostwrite profiles of invertebrates? Damn. Brett is on fire.

Fucking just bazooka. These motherfuckers. My man's feeling himself today in that blood pressure guy. My man is just unloading clip after clip. Gail don't know what to do. It's the story of today's Republican Party and conservative establishment. Minus Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, Lisa Murkowski, and the other brave ones. But about the GOP's cup, I ought to ask you,

where do you see your party going from here? Engineering a post-Trump turnaround, or just sticking to the same brain-dead script that'll probably force you to vote Democrat again in 2024 she's so goddamn stupid she thinks i never did that um gail i want to be clear it isn't my party any longer and you're obviously delighting in the thought of my being forced to vote for democratic presidential candidates for three election cycles in a row it It might suggest a pattern. Right now, I'm working on a longish piece making the case

that America needs a liberal party, albeit in the European sense of the term. Ah, yes, I see. Ah, yes. I mean, parties that are for free markets, civil liberties, and small government without being hostile to immigration and cultural change. If that means a

three-party system, we're going to have a lot to fight about. You know, we should fight more. Gail just cannot stomach a three-party system. Can't not fucking do it. She cannot engage it.

Nope. Cannot. Oh my god. You know, we should fight more. As for the GOP, it's probably a lost cause. My guess is that Trump's luster will fade in the party because a lot of Republicans know he's crazy and are ashamed of what happened on January 6th. Buddy. Just the opposite of that. If you really believe that.

Then it's the opposite. Right. And it's the opposite. Right. The Trumpism as the politics of nativism, rage, and conspiracy theory is going to be in a dominant strain in the GOP, especially if Josh Hawley or Tom Cotton or one of the Trump kids is the next nominee. Eric for president. To return to Yiddish, oy vey. Of course there's Nikki Haley, but after reading Tim Alberta's long profile of her in Politico,

I can't decide whether she's crazy like a fox or too clever by half. What do you think her slogan would be? Served the Trump administration loyally, except secretly she always hated him? You know, from a political standpoint, she's played her cards pretty astutely. She might be the only potential GOP candidate who can unite the party. She's smart. She's charismatic. Has a great personal story.

Did the right thing as governor of South Carolina by getting rid of the Confederate flag from the statehouse soon after the Charleston church slaughter and was effective as U.N. ambassador. If she wins the nomination she'd be a formidable challenger to the democratic nominee whoever that winds up being one thing i want to interject and say here about like that kind of prognostication that's how like liberals talked about beto right right like like you just have no idea like who's going to be a player until like six months before the election you know i also i also like how he lauds nikki haley for taking down the confederate flag after like 20 people were murdered in a church it's like she did the bare minimum okay yeah that's like yeah like that like she deserves

profiles and fucking courage because of that yeah wow kamala versus nicky interesting that kamala 24 already seems like a foregone conclusion shades of hillary 08 back to hayley i'm sorry no it's all right there's an ad back to hayley her dodges and maneuvers are a bit too transparent and her brand of mainstream republican conservatism is just out of step for a party that is increasingly out of its mind. Still, you've got me wet about an all-female presidential race. Interesting,

Gail. Interesting, Gail. Wow. About time! About time you dusted off? About time you dusted off. About time you dusted them walls off. But back up for a minute to the Senate, would you?

Do you think they should have called witnesses so the country could have listened to a description of Trump ignoring the real physical danger to Mike Pence and other top Republicans and defending the rioters when he was begged to call them off? Not really, no. What more does the country need to know than the evidence the House managers presented? Calling witnesses would have dragged out the trial for weeks on end, forcing all of us to watch those despicable Trump lawyers, and we both know it wouldn't have changed the result.

Yeah, and we really need to get on to biden's agenda there's a rumor about some kind of pandemic these people make so much money doing this i'm sick about it also the trial i'm sorry no i was gonna say the thing that she said a second ago. It's like, what was it? The real physical danger to Mike Pence and other top Republicans. Like, to Gail, that's the biggest offense of the January 6th thing. It's like, Mike Pence almost got his wig split. Oh, my God. A guy that totally didn't deserve any of that. Also, the trial introduced the country to some new Democratic stars.

Stacey Plaskett deserves an immediate promotion to a big administration job. Yeah, a star? Who is that? I don't know who Stacey Plaskett is. Who the fuck, dude? She's not going to fuck you, dude. And Jamie Raskin should be a future contender for Attorney General. Again, who? dude and jamie raskin should be a future contender for attorney general again who

that he was able to perform with so much grace under pressure after a terrible family tragedy made him that much more admirable agree also i shouldn't assume that stacy is a a woman either wow for two reasons one it's a pretty gender neutral name and two uh brett steven's lot and a woman just doesn't seem like something that would happen that's right nevertheless agreed so it's time for the country to move on since i'm grooving on some jewish tropes today let's just let's just let's just say trump came he tried to destroy us. We won. Let's eat. Since I'm grooving on some Jewish tropes today. I'm grooving on some Jewish tropes today.

Oh my God. Let's eat. Let me switch subjects on you this time. Should Andrew Cuomo be impeached for being highly parsimonious with the truth about the nursing home COVID deaths? This is Andrew. Punishment would be not letting him run for a fourth term in 2022. But New York definitely needs a new crop of executives. but New York definitely needs a new crop of executives. Try mentioning Bill de Blasio to a socially distanced friend and watch eyes glaive over even from six feet away.

Or in my case, head exploding. De Blasio is to managerial competence what Yogi Berra was to the syllogism. Oh my God. He's the guy who redeems the memory of eight beam he makes trump's handling of the coronavirus situation seem relatively dude fred has got haters today this motherfucker is just oh man he does not miss he's the nation's unintentional uniter bringing everyone from cuomo to to Ted Cruz together in a shared content. Wasn't he talking?

Oh, he was talking about de Blasio. I thought he was talking about Cuomo. I thought I was good at complaining about de Blasio, but you win the medal. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Andrew Yang or some other reasonably competent character can bring the city back from moving further toward 1970s-style insolvency, disorder, crime, and decay. Oh, my God. What evidence is there that Andrew Yang is competent? Jesus. Here's my question, Brett.

In a couple of weeks, it'll be March. Thank God. Which won't change much pandemic-wise, but as it starts to get warmer, do you think we'll all start to feel more optimistic? Walking through parks, picnics on the terrace. Do this bitch. Our last Trumpian chapter, is it over? I'm enjoying this continual blanket of snow and wouldn't mind if it stretched into April.

Maybe it'll help everyone chill out and calm down and it's an excellent excuse for doing as little exercise as possible and binge watching the french spy thriller the bureau that an old friend of mine just got me in in scene cut thank you both uh let's get around get me out of this cuff uncuff me cut me loose set me free I'll never forget I'm grooving on some

Jewish trumps today god damn what absolutely maniac man thank you both for being good sports

and for channeling your best inner Gail and Brad That's probably a good point to wrap it up For the week Hopefully you enjoyed this episode And if you did go to our Patreon Where you can get an episode Every Sunday

For $ dollar monthly donation that's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com slash trailbilly workers party we've got all kinds of uh jewish tropes over there uh and if you thought it sucked forgive me i've been in and out of power for seven days, and I have what feels like a tapeworm in my intestines right now. Oh, no. Is that what you've self-diagnosed? Now that I've said it out loud, I've went down a dark path. Anyway, subscribe to the Patreon, please, so I can afford my anti-parasitics.

Please do that. Please do all the above. Thank you for listening this week. Hopefully Gail and Brett aren't back next week. That's all I can say. Hopefully they're never back again, but you know what? Sometimes they have to come on, and we have to have them. So, what can you say?

Bing, bang, bong. So, anyways, we will see you next time see you later UK hun