Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 25: Without Special Guest

Episode Date: September 15, 2017

A special guest appearance falls through and the Trillbillies turn on one another. Friends become enemies, enemies become friends. Chaos is a ladder or whatever.

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. Luckily, you did not press play on my computer, and Fred Durst came on playing rolling, rolling. That was one of those albums that was big around the time of 9-11. There's a whole list of albums that were supposed to come out on 9-11 that didn't. I think Jay-Z's Blueprint 2 was supposed to come out. It did come out. He went ahead and just...

He said, I dropped the same day as the Twin Towers. What the fuck? Which is like the coolest thing Jay-Z's ever said. Oh my god. Wow. I remember, do you remember P.O.D.? You remember that Christian rock band?

Yeah, Payable on Death. I think they had an album that was... I think, you know, there was a lot of... I think Wilco, too, that Yankee Hotel Foxtrot dropped on September 11th. And on the cover of that album, there's two towers. It was taken in Chicago, but it was kind of controversial. They dropped on September 11th and there were towers on their album art? Yeah, on the cover of the album art.

What? There was a lot of albums. I think they were rubbing it in. No, how would they know if it dropped on their album art? There was a lot of albums. I think they were rubbing it in. How would they know if it dropped on 9-11? Yeah, no, there was a lot of albums that were released on 9-11 that people didn't, you know what I mean, they didn't plan for it. But I think the same thing was like P.O.D. and a couple other. The album art looked like planes. so they dropped it yeah yeah after 2001 no on 2001 on the day you could they couldn't have planned it unless they planned the fucking

no it wasn't planned yeah that was the weird thing there's a lot of weird so like you know you've got there's several layers to the weirdness of 9-11 you know there's the whole like bush did it and all this stuff but then there's all the other ancillary cultural... A layer of conspiracies. Yeah, all the cultural stuff that's on top of it that's... Talking about the Jay-Z thing,

one of the creepiest things about that is he had this song. He did this interpolation of a Biggie song for the Blueprint 2. Is that picking up? No, you're good. It's a little hot, but you're good. And it was Biggie's verse where he says,

time to get paid, blow up like the world trade. And they pulled it for no good reason from Blueprint and used it for Blueprint 2, but that was supposed to go on the Blueprint, which came out on 9-11. Really? Yeah, because the reference was big. He was talking about the first time

the World Trade Center was bombed. Oh, yeah, there was a first time. But how wild would that shit have been? Why don't we have a national day of whatever for the first World Trade Center? That's true. It's because they weren't successful. We only honor success in this country.

It's because four janitors died in that one. Well, we surmised in our Labor Day special about things that might happen this September 11th because Trump's in office. Did y'all notice if any of that happened? Ted Cruz did jerk off. We do have verifiable evidence of jerk off. That's not one of the things that we thought would happen,

but we'll take it. Yeah. A funny tweet I saw about this, and I was telling Terrence this earlier, but somebody had tweeted out, this was before Ted Cruz made a statement about the whole... What happened? Did he like some porn?

He liked a porn clip on Twitter. The porn clip is pretty great it's pretty funny it's like this middle-aged uh woman walks into a house and she's like what's happening and she walks into the next room and there's this like this guy um in this girl having sex doggy style and the in the the middle-aged woman's just like gets really hot and she's like oh she just watches them and fingers herself. And he liked it on Twitter. Yeah.

It was like some Ted Cruz shit. Like, if you had to pick the porn Ted Cruz would like, it would be that one. She's like, nothing too crazy, but a little voyeuristic, you know, at the same time. Our buddy Aaron Peckoff had a good tweet today. He said that in an alternate universe that Ted Cruz was an actor that played bit parts of the kid that would just walk into the women's locker room in 80s teen movies.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Like Porky. Like Porky. Like Porky. That was Ted Cruz for sure. Lord. All right.

Well, we got to ring up our guest here. We got, what, two minutes? Okay. So. Do you know how to do it? Maybe. Here, I'm the producer for this episode. I'll do all the production.

Even though you can't hear it. Can you sit back? I got it set up over there. But today we have special guests, a fan of the show and love of my life, Ashley Woodard Henderson. I'm pretty stoked about this. Yeah, she's cutting us into her very tight schedule. But it was only a few weeks ago that I told her I had a podcast because I saw her in Louisville not too long ago.

Maybe it's been about a month. And I was telling her about it and she's like, oh that's sweet. And then she told her honey her boo she's been kicking it with and they're a fan. So that worked out good. We just keep piling them on. Piling them up.

I like being producer. You want to just be the producer? Can I just be the producer, please? And y'all can have a show. I'll be producer Terrence. I'm the one without an accent anyways. Down in history. Every time someone compliments the show, they always talk about you two. I'm just one without an accent anyways. Down in history. Every time someone compliments the show,

they always talk about you two. I'm just the fucking... No, that's not true. That is so true. That is totally true. No, the funniest thing I saw in my Google search of us is... Do you have a Tribbley's Google alert? No, I don't.

Tell me you do. I don't. I should. If I knew I said a Google alert, I would. But on this board, these guys were talking about us, and somebody referenced our southern accents, and this purist goes, those aren't southern accents.

Those are Appalachian dialects. Well, except the guy that sounds like Matthew McConaughey, but he's from Texas. No, that's him. They thought I was from Texas. What the fuck? Oh, shit. Whatever.

Fuckers. Wait, you said this was on a board? I mean, just, I don't know. Were you up in 4chan? No, no, no. I mean, it was just like a Google search and there was a link to it. Did you ever figure out if that list we were on was legit?

I don't know. I don't know what that's about, really. Oh, now it's calling. Things are happening. I can fuck with that. I'll slip that up. It's a beat. I'll slip that up. Are your headphones working? Yeah.

Well, hot damn. It must have been all that banging on the desk. Maybe. We restored a short. Well, hot damn. It must have been all that banging on the desk. Maybe. We restored a short. Well, shit. Maybe she's not off of her call yet. We've been stood up. Let's talk about Ted Cruz fapping a little bit more and faux patriotism.

She might have some thoughts on this. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. Let's ring Ash and ask her what she thinks about it. What has Ted said? Has he confirmed, denied? Well, that's what I was going to say and I got ahead of myself.

So, somebody had tweeted out, they're like, okay, there's only two things that he can't say when he makes his statement about this. He said he can't say it's a staff issue and he can't say that it a staff issue and he can't say that it could have been handled better

and wouldn't you know this dumb son of a bitch just goes it was a staffing issue. No way. I swear. It's like anything he could have said, anything else to explain this and end the joke and said the one thing that

made everybody go It could have been handled better. Well, how did you handle it, Tim? Screenshot this. Let's make this our new picture. How do you screenshot? Don't you use a Mac? I do, but I got older.

Control. I'm a true pervert. I'm not screenshot on Mac. It's like control shift four, I think, or something like that, or Apple shift four. He's screenshotting and you're out of the pic, dude. Oh, sorry. Pull me. Pull me. That could be funny.

That could be humorous. We have audio of us sitting over fucking stupid screenshots. She's up in this call. Can't get away. She had a Movement for Black Lives policy platform call. She said she was going to skip it and I was like, no, it's cool. We'll just call you at 545.

But she probably would have been better off skipping it. So, okay, well. Let's go back to Limp Bizkit. That was a good topic that everybody clearly wanted to talk about. Remember they had a song called Urban Assault Vehicle? Yeah. They had a lot of aggressive songs.

Well, you know, like rap rock was very popular in those days. Yeah, it really was. 9-11 did a lot of things, but it killed rap rock, it killed good country. Women are still making good country music. Yeah, that's true. But like we got Darryl Worley as a response to that

instead of a good whatever. Yeah, you know, and like... But like when the plane flew into the towers, like somebody at Atlantic Records ripped up Rage Against the Machines contract. Like, this is over. Those were dark days, man. Someone definitely did that to Dixie Chicks, I think.

You've unhooked me, bub. I haven't. Oh, yeah, the Dixie Chicks got... Was it after 9-11 that they... That their beef with Bush fell out? No, it was when we invaded Iraq. So it was after. Yeah, so it was like 2003.

You were in Texas when all that was going down. Was it the biggest in Texas? The beef? I was in New Mexico, but it was pretty much Texas. Natalie Maines is from Lubbock. Her parents still live there. Nice people. Nice people.

They are. I've met her dad. I shook his hand. I loved it. Is he so proud of his daughter? He seems like a very humble guy. He's just dressed like I am. You know what I mean?

Goes to work every day. Just a normal Joe the Plumber type dude. Who really wasn't a plumber. Yeah, no. I met him because I have this weird chapter of my life I don't ever talk about with anybody. I mean, many weird chapters of your life. Well, I lived in a trailer in this little trailer park

called Opendike West, right outside of Leveland, Texas, which is right outside of Lubbock, Texas. Home of the Brath. And I went to school at South Plains College. It's not like I'm embarrassed about it or anything. It's just totally unremarkable years. They were just lost years. I didn't accomplish anything. I just like totally unremarkable years they were just lost years i didn't accomplish anything i just around how long were you over there um like a year

and a half two years was this right out of high school yeah yeah the first year right out of the high school when you're just saying ain't yeah you ain't oh it's the best i'm still my ain't period yeah we got a decade running ain't yeah well you have a degree i've been ain't shit period. We got a decade running ain't shit. Well, you have a degree. I've been ain't shit. Coming up on 15 year ain't shit. A degree from Moorhead State ain't shit. Yeah, EKU ain't shit. Although we got a request to come

pull our ain't shit party in an academic classroom. We didn't tell you. We got invited to lecture at EKU. Yeah. This cute, good looking guy. I was like, oh shit. I was poking around his Facebook. He's a professor at EKU

and he wanted us to come to a live podcast during his class and let his students ask us questions and shit. I just want to point something out real quick. What does he teach? Did he say? Sociology. What's his name? I graduated from EKU with a social degree. I don't know this guy. What does he teach? Did he say? Sociology. What's his name? Oh, this is crazy.

I mean, I graduated from EKU with a social degree. I don't know this guy, so he's a noob. Dr. Darren Hatch? No, you all. I would run the risk of running into my Marxist professor that I talked to. That you fucked? Yeah, I can't go back there. My name is Trash in that building.

You got to. We're making you. But also, let part of your job Let me also make another point If you were a dude You'd be like the most problematic dude of all time I'm telling you Why?

He's a good looking professor I checked out his Facebook I stalked him for a while We could never cop to that That's true Whatever You two are the stalkiest stalking motherfuckers around What do you mean?

Me for real Okay Give me some evidence. Two weeks ago, case in point, one week ago, we sit on this couch here about to record and we've got our first piece of fan mail. Hey, I, wait, I didn't do it. And I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about this one.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was you. No, no, no. You looked up, oh girl, Facebook facebook you strike this from the minutes if you want to and matt leaned over and said what she looked like trying to figure out if he knew who she was and you said she all right you go you go deny this i won't deny that but you're the one that took over the edge and said i'm'm gonna message her. I did not. If I'm a problematic man,

I'm a problematic woman. And I've never claimed not to be that. Yeah, I guess there's, yeah. What does it mean to be problematic? What does it mean to be problematic anyways, really? It all goes back to what Tom said in like episode

five. We're just referencing ourselves now. Yeah, it's like the things you do are more important than the things you say. Although, you all should sit and be an asshole. Yeah, well, I'm paraphrasing. Mom on a clarinet. Paraphrasing Tom Sexton. You said what you actually said was racism is a verb.

That's actually what you said. Yeah. I mean, none of it's good. Technically, saying things is also a verb. It's also a verb, but it's also racism. I mean,

the whole, I mean, one of the biggest problems with American politics is people think what they believe is some significant thing about who they are when it's a little bit more about what they fucking do, how they fucking show up in the world. What do you mean? Like, I think the defining,

I think the defining aspect of American politics is that none of what we say actually matters. Yeah. Like if you, if you say, yeah, you support five or 15 and then you treat your, uh, fucking server like trash.

You didn't show up in the world. Good. What are you fucking doing with yourself? Right. Well, but also, yeah, I don't know.

There is, I do think that there is a distinction to be made between the problematic things you probably say on a daily basis and systemic systems of... This is the thing that I hate so much about the call-out culture. You know what I mean? Where it's just sort of... Because it's just talking?

It's just like trying to flex your moral superiority over somebody that A, probably doesn't know any better. Not that that's excusable in a lot of circumstances. But B, it's also just sort of like saying. I think it's excusable in some ways. I mean, we live in a media landscape where the most well most well staffed well-oiled machine corporate machine in all of human history is Fox News yeah and like it is

single-handedly responsible for like warping the minds of an entire generation of individuals I mean yeah, they have the internet, they should get on the internet and research things, sure. But at the same time, if you're just, if the only media that you consume is that shit, like, I don't even know where you would begin to look for alternative media. You know, alternative views.

Like, how do you undo the damage of that? Yeah, this brings us full circle back to our whole beef with the national narrative before and after the election, specifically after the election, with no consideration of the lies that are told to people. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is just, here This is just... Here we are. Here we are.

Back at square one. And I don't know how you, like... Wow. Remedy that. Remedy that. Because, like, even CNN doesn't have near the market share that Fox News does. And it missed NBC.

I mean, Fox News is massive. Yeah. Didn't you say we're going to socialize CNN? Yeah, well, we're going to socialize all of it. And abolish Fox. This is done. Yeah. Right, right.

Well, yeah, we'll put everybody that worked at Fox in a gulag with horrific court conditions. Horrific conditions. What exactly is a gulag? Like a labor camp like a um like a where you go for ideological reconditioning it's actually like the gulag system in soviet russia was like very brutal and like very uh atrocious so i was like i'm saying it sort of ironically but i was thinking of it more like

a dungeon in the Labyrinth movie. Hell, we're imaginative. We can do whatever we want. Yeah, you're Candyland world. But no, that shit is so shallow, I think. What, call out? Call out stuff. Tom's about calling in.

I ain't even about calling in. Tom won't call you back, honey. Tom won't call you back. I won't call you back. I tell this story frequently, but I had had enough with call out culture when I was called culturally appropriate for wearing moccasins, which I didn't call them moccasins. I was just wearing what you might call a moccasins. Which I didn't call them moccasins. I was just wearing what you might call a moccasin.

You know what I mean? That's what the fuck they are. A moccasin is a goddamn shoe. You were wearing leather on your feet. I was wearing deerskin on my feet. For the crime of wearing leather on your feet. And you crime of wearing leather on your feet.

On my feet. And you thought I rode in that motherfucker wearing a war bonnet and fucking face paint. Where did this happen? In my own home. I was there. I was there. I saw it. Same person also got mad at a Kentucky basketball player for having a...

Yes, I was about to mention that too. Yeah. Kentucky basketball player for heaven. Yes, I was about to mention that too. Yeah. Who, as it turns out, is actually his mother is an Alaskan native. So the fucked up thing about it at all is like it's this contest. It's very intellectually lazy. But even more than that, it's just contest of just like how many fact woods,

you know, which is like, that's not, I don't really like hanging out with know-it-alls. Who likes hanging out with know-it-alls? No, that's why I hate going to fucking trivia nights. Me? Yeah. Am I a know-it-all? Yeah.

Well, not like in that way. Like I have the, you know, I have put on the facade of being an idiot. And I play up that to such a degree that sometimes I start believing it, and then the lines become an idiot. That is true. That is true. Terrence has laid out huge

dissertations about things that I didn't know anything about, but I'd ask him like a wiffle ball, and he'd just be like, I don't know, man. I'm like, come on, man. You know this. Come on, man. Now I'm starting to feed him more little bites.

What was that? I don't know. Yeah. Well, I feel like I'm at my best when I use the wrong word, but it's a slightly altered word. I do this all the time you did kitschy the other day but it was like I just couldn't spell it that was through text message

that's different I can't spell it it took me 24 hours to figure out what the fuck you were saying really? kitchen? it was spelled so strangely I've never seen it like that I spelled it like quiche quiche that's right you spelled it like quiche quiche that's right you smell like quiche yeah i was like are we cooking are we fucking cooking but i come by

this honest my mom does it we were on our way to annapolis two weekends ago for a family reunion and i started i said you know what i'm driving and you know how she stays on me about when i'm driving and i was, passing a big truck and she said, be careful, be careful. One of these trucks about run me off the road the other day. I had to get over in the media. Watch it, watch it. And I looked at her and she was like

and we just sat there in silence for a minute and she said, well I would have if I'd have wrecked. She's crazy. It reminds me, Eddie Murphy, delirious one, he was like, his dad used to sing the wrong words. He would say, if I have to beg and plead

for the symphony. That's good humor, though. Slightly saying words wrong. I use words. that's good humor though slightly saying words wrong i do i use like words sometimes i'll tweet out something like a word and oh shit i better go check out what that really means i think it means this but i'm gonna go check it my most embarrassing googles are probably thesaurus me like googling words to figure out what they mean and how another word I could use to avoid using that word. I was doing the Calls from Home show last night, and I hate to put one of our good friends on blast, but I won't say her name. She was doing the calls and taking requests, and I was DJing, and she was sending me all the songs and song titles and artist names.

This is a fun experience. And they were- Because you've not been on this end in a while. I haven't been on the DJing end in a while. And so like every artist was just slightly off. Like it was like Crick Daddy. And I was like, and there was one that was-

Which in my gulag would be a crime punishable by like losing a hand or something. Yeah. And then there was Jack the Edge Promise. And that one took a long time. It was Jagged Edge. Also, that takes on

a whole new significance in the wake of the Ted Cruz scandal. Oh my god. You're right. There was some staffing problems there. of the Ted Cruz scandal. Oh my God. You're right. Yeah. There was some staffing problems there. Yeah. We did have

staffing issues. Staffing problems on Hot 88.7. Yeah, we had some staffing issues. I know exactly what you're saying and I'm desperate

to pull up my last time in here. Yeah, it's funny. They're always just slightly, there's always just slightly off. Lil Bootsy.

I was about to text messages. Lil Bootsy. I was about to text messages. Lil Bootsy. Cruffle Butter. Cruffle Butter. I was just in my text message. Well, and what it is, Tanya, it's... Papoose Law. It's because it's the people...

Again, I'm not hating on the people that are doing this, because these are our friends, but they don't listen to hip-hop, and that's why they make these mistakes. And so that's the funny part about it. It our friends but they don't listen to hip-hop and that's why that's why they make these mistakes and so that's the funny part about it it's like people who don't listen to it i know uh i was reading this and i was like and at first when this first happened i thought she was fucking with me you gotta get over on the media she got wiz k Khalifa though I feel like that's the hardest one I like the the

the Willie Davis the Willie Davis conspiracy theory call square dance caller bit where he's like we need to save this I don't hang out with him to know his bits

swing your partner to the right hand side media swings to the left hand side swing your partner swing her fast steel beams don't melt that fast we're giving his bit away on the episode but that just reminded me of the media

the media thing oh my god wow I got up early yesterday and went to the gym and i was on the um elliptical and i remembered this thing that my mom did years ago when i was first my first summer home from college and me and her and my sisters were all trying to go to the gym together at this like they had like open they had turned this old abandoned uh middle school into a gym it was like pretty shitty but they were trying to get this gym going and so we were waiting to do like a like a fucking zumba class or something and she was on the elliptical and we were all just like poking

around in there waiting on the class to start and my sister was like okay mom we're ready let's go we're going in they've opened the doors and she's like okay and she just kept going and then she just kept looking at us and she kept going on the elliptical and we were like come on it's gonna start she was like okay how do I stop this thing and you're like mom you stop it you're you're propelling it. And she was like, what? Oh. And she starts slowing down. I text her. I was like, mom, do you remember this? Oh, shit.

You ever seen that movie, The Martian? With Matt Damon? Yeah. I've not seen it. I get that mixed up with Andrew Stahler. It won. Didn't it end up winning or getting nominated for Best Comedy? No.

That's a different one. That's probably a different one. No, I'm saying it wasn't meant to be a comedy, and it got. Oh, did it really? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. That was like the big scandal. It wasn't meant to be a comedy, and it got nominated for Best Comedy. Well, it's not serious.

I mean, it just has funny elements. It's not like a great movie. The only reason I bring it up, I mean, only kid has funny elements. It's not, like, a great movie. The only reason I bring it up... I mean, Look It is kind of a good movie. But the only reason I bring it up is because I was watching it recently. And the premise is that, like, they go on this mission to Mars.

Something goes terribly wrong, and Matt Damon gets, like, stranded there. And he has to, like, figure out how to survive while Earth sends a rescue mission that takes, like, 18 months. So it's just, like, survive a rescue mission that takes like 18 months. So it's just like survive on Mars for like 18 months. And he like, you know, does all this crazy shit

like grows potatoes and like pees on them and like lives off of his poop and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Like all the crazy survivor stuff. He grows potatoes and pees on his body. Drinks his own pee. I'm condensing an hour and a half, two hour movie into like the highlights of my head. Explain highlights explain yourself damn what if you had to live off pee for 18 months you can't

you you can drink your piss once in a pinch that's what you think i mean like once in a survival mode without other water okay it will only hydrate you one time, and after that, it's bad, bad deal. Interesting. You're just putting urea back in your body. I read that. You get one. You only get one. Does poop work like that, too?

I doubt it. Tell that to our friend, the Greenland shark, who's actually made of pee. Yeah. I heard this, Pip. He lived to be 500 years old. Yeah. I heard this bit. He lived to be 500 years old. The thing about the Martian that is funny is that it would be,

I want to be one of those guys. Like, I want to be one of those guys that can, like, survive any scenario. You know what I mean? That can, like, turn any. The Bear Grylls of the trailer park. Right. Like, yeah.

You, like, fucking rig up a Venus flytrap to, like, catch your next meal or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, the guys who can survive. I want that to be my skill. You want that to be your brand? I want that to be my brand. Not the current brand, which is...

Probably be eaten in four days. Like, born identity. Right, right. Constantly obfuscating the line between my intelligence and my dipshittery. Instead... I would, if... I mean, maybe I shouldn't tell you this

because you're here. But I would probably, in a survival situation in the woods, I wouldn't mind being paired up with... I mean, Bear Grylls would be my first pick if I had my drathers. Well, the bad thing about it, about being paired up with me,

is that if we run out of food... You'll eat me? No, I'm not. I will betray you. There's not a whole lot here for you to eat. You know what I mean? It'd be slim pickings. There's not a lot of meat on these bones.

I feel like Hootman is our most survivalist friend. I don't know. The guy's almost died three times in the last two months. That's what I'm saying. He's surviving. Well, yeah, surviving's one thing, but like... I don't know. I feel like he's just spent a lot of time in the woods.

I have, too. I have, too. Yeah. We've really all spent spent a lot of time in the woods. I have too. I have too. Yeah. We've really all spent a fair amount of time in the woods, but... I have a go bag. Like a bag that you just have ready to go anytime. Yeah. I have all of my shotgun shells in it.

But no shotgun. No, I have my shotgun. It's on top of the closet. So it's very close to it. I'm just going to throw shotgun shells at people really fast. My throw bag's in the bottom of the closet. My go bag's in the bottom of the closet and my shotgun's on top of the closet so it's very close to it throw shotgun my throw bag my throw bag's in the bottom of the clock my go bags in the bottom of the closet and my shotgun's in top of the closet so i just have to go go and what i really want for this but i think it's like a homeland security hazard so they won't release these but i really want a map of all the railroad tracks i feel like that would be so helpful you can't get it. You cannot. I bet you could.

Really? Okay, well, that's what I want for Christmas. Hook it up. I want a map of all the railroad tracks. Why? There's only four. I want to know

my quickest route out of here. It'd take me about 10 years to get anywhere. Why? Is it like terrorists are going to target railroads? Our least used mode of transportation?

I don't know. When I told someone Someone else told me this They were like no you can't get a hold of that unless you work for CSX Or whatever I hadn't considered it being an issue either But yeah Our buddy JP Wright a fan of the show

Is a veteran of CSX Oh that's right we'll get it from him We'll defer to him on this The problem though is that I think I told you all this, I packed up my go bag. I kept telling myself I was going to do this. I was going to make this go bag. And then when I moved in the spring, I moved to a new house, I did it.

So every time I'd find something, I was like, okay, this is going in the bag. And so it was easier then. But I decided to put all my shotgun shells in the bottom of it just because I don't know what else to do with them. And they were just like in the way. And so I just put them in there. And then. How many? I don't need to discuss that.

But when I got. You don't want more than two. This is my survival tip. More than two shells. One for your enemy and one for yourself. God. All right. This reminds me.

We need to circle back to the sex robots that will eventually kill us. The two for one sale. In a pinch. Okay, yeah. But anyway, so then I got the whole thing packed and I literally could not pick it up. It's those shotgun shells, man. I know. I packed a go bag and I can't go nowhere with that motherfucker.

You're not going to war. You're running. You're running away. You're not going into combat. As soon as I tried to pick it up, I was like, God damn it. But I'd put like an old pair of boots in there too. And I was like, I don't need boots. Jesus Christ.

I can just put them on. I just went too far. I went too far. I'm just laughing imagining you hashing it all out. Just like, no. What do I need? What do I not need? No, every time I saw something i just threw it

in there i fucking put i put condoms in the thing i don't know what i think i'm doing yeah you don't need those in a survival situation which reminded me when i thought about it later it was just like stuff i was like yeah i'll put that in the go bag i just kept throwing stuff i wasn't putting a lot of thought into it just like as i was packing and then i did you all read or watch the movie Wild? Or read the book? Wild? Into the Wild. Into the Wild. No, no, no. It's the newer one.

God damn it. It's the newer one with Christina. Oh, Wild at Heart. No. Not Christina. Wild Thing. Witherspoon. What's her name? Reese Witherspoon. Renee Zellweger? No.

The whole movie and book is just her going through a bad breakup and her mom dying or something, and so she just goes and hikes the whole Pacific Northwest Trail. Who is Reese Witherspoon? I am legitimately asking this question. Legally Blonde. Ah, okay. Yeah. Got it, got it.

Sweet Home Alabama. It's one of the greatest movies. I never saw that. It it. Sweet Home Alabama. It's one of the greatest movies. I never saw that. It's such a good movie. Really? Come on. You don't like Sweet Home Alabama? It's problematic.

Is it? For hillbillies, I feel like. Sweet Home Alabama? Yeah. I mean, she does... Shh. It leans on stereotypes. Okay.

Does she marry her cousin? What's the plot? No. Or she fucks her cousin. No, she doesn't. What happens? It's Sweet Home Alabama. It is a fucking rom-com.

Where she fucks her cousin. That would be some subversive shit. No, she don't. A rom-com. An incestuous rom-com. An incestuous rom-com. Do y'all ever like, are y'all ever like,

you know, like flicking the bean to some like deviant kink porn that you're into and just think, God, if I have an aneurysm right now, they're going to find me dead with my phone open in this whatever insert. Y'all just said last week you didn't listen to porn no more. I don't anymore. Actually, I only listen to porn i only put the

headphones on in and only auditory stimulation right that's why i have a podcast i i actually yeah true audiophile but you ever think like that like you gotta like uh cover your tracks and your footprint so you're not remembered as a sexual deviant and or drunk? I mean, just from like maybe my family, my mom. But I feel like my friends will be like, yeah, I figured that's what she was watching. I just don't think I'm watching anything that weird. So you want to be immortalized as a smut queen?

I mean, I've told my friends this. If something happens to me, they know where all my weird shit is in my house. I'm like, you need to get to my house before my mom in the event of an emergency and get all this. They won't do that, though. They won't do that. You better hope me and Terrence aren't charged with that either. We'll be like, maybe Sheila needs to know exactly who that is. I'm gonna leave all the shotgun

shells in your survival bag and be like, that is not right. She was planning something. Condoms and shotgun shells, Sheila? Look at this shit. We'll turn you over to Homeland Security. No, there's a bunch of essential oils in there. And a map of all the railroads. Clean underwear.

Tom Ridge would want to hear about this. Anyway, I eventually went after the condoms. I needed them, so I got them out of the bag. They were recovered. But that's what I was trying to get at when I was talking about Reese Witherspoon. In that movie, which is based on the book. I'm pretty sure it's called Wild. There's a book called Sweet Home Alabama?

No, Wild. God damn it. You two can't keep up with shit. There's only two things Reese Witherspoon's been in. It's Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2. Oh, shut the goddamn. You don't like those movies? Yeah, they're fine,

but Sweet Home Alabama is way better. Is it? I've never seen it. Anyways, tell me the plot. It's about a girl that moves back to Alabama and fucks her cousin. I told you the whole plot. It is not. It is not.

There is no cousin fucking. My God. But she, in Wild, or whatever it's fucking called, I watched it alone in the theaters. I hope this is not even close to what it's called. Wait, I'm not really concerned about Wild at this point. I want to know about Sweet Home Alabama. But she's backpacking. She's backpacking for months, and she packs a ton of condoms.

And then her feet are eroding away because her backpack's too heavy. And so at one of the stops, this guy's like, let me help you look through your pack. This old man is like, let me help you look through your pack, and we'll figure out maybe what you don't need. And he pulls out all those condoms, and he's like, sweetie. We'll get rid of this. She's like, yeah, I don't know what I thought was going to happen out here. You got a raw dog at it when you're hiking the AT. You got to roll the dice if you ever get some love on the AT.

Nothing but cream pies on the trail. Duh. Strong disagree. This is disgusting. Cream pie's... God, if you all... Have you all put cream pie in your search, in your Pornhub search?

Tell me. I don't search on Pornhub. I don't even watch porn. Thumb through the newest videos and see one that grabs my interest. I told you, I don't watch porn. I really don't. I haven't in a long time.

I have not watched porn in a long time. It's been at least at this point probably since the winter. Full circle. Coming back around to porn season. In winter, yeah. In winter I'll watch porn again. Bring it up. Bring it back up.

Oh, Jesus. I don't know, Tanya. This movie has a 38% on the Rotten Tomatoes. Sweet Home Alabama? It was released September 27th, the day after my birthday, 2002. That was your birthday in 26? I thought it was 28.

The film opens on a stormy Alabama beach with two... I'm not going to read this whole fucking plot. But what is so good about it? And what is so problematic? It's wholesome. She has left Alabama. She moved to the city. She became very successful.

She's engaged to be married. And then it comes out. She's engaged to be married. A very important, successful, fucking whatever the fuck family got into this political family. And she has to come home and get and convince her ex that she married right out of high school or in high school who is not her cousin. Problematic though still. There needs to be a Roger Ebert and Roper

Ebert and Siskel or whatever thing, but it's Tanya. She's like the fucking whatever the fuck. They fucking come home and they fucking You know, what's his dick? Come in. He said the thing, he left. Two thumbs up, whatever. I didn't even pay attention.

I didn't pay attention. I was texting. The guy was hot in Reese Witherspoon. The guy was hot, I totally fuck him. They cream-pied and it was crazy. It was crazy. Is cream-pying actually something you can do? I cannot handle your impersonations of me.

I literally can't take it. It ruins my life. So are we going to have a guest on the show today? No. I think that ship has sailed. She's not returned. It's okay. I think we have an episode.

We've got an episode out of this. We're at 50. What else do we have to talk about? There's some other stuff. Tom wanted to call this episode Fapalacha. Fap? Fap. And actually, we've got good content that warrants the title.

What does that mean? You've never heard that term? Fapping? I don't think so. Oh, you know. It's like when you're... It's when you're doing the Ted Cruz thing. It's when you're staffing.

It's your staffing issue. You've got're staffing. It's your staffing issue. You've got staffing issues. It's your staffing issue, right. Wait, why is it different from jerking off? I don't get it. It's not. It's the same thing.

It is. It's another word for it. I told you all, I frequently Google a word and synonym to try to like... So next time masturbation comes up,

try fapping have you not known that I've known that one since I was like 14 I don't know maybe I did it one time and I lost it you just pushed it

out of your brain with actual useful knowledge yeah got it out of there that's one of those whatever the fuck whatever is dick whatever the fuck

thanks how uh so how atrocious was y'all's timeline yesterday on September 11th I wasn't up in I had a lot of work Whatever the fuck. Thanks. So how atrocious was y'all's timeline yesterday on September 11th? I wasn't up in a... I had a lot of work to do yesterday.

I saw a lot of people that had forgotten. Not just myself. Like we did this big release here and I had to do a bunch of shit around it with Wendell's thoughts in the presence of fear. That's what I had my... Sounds like you were engaged in actual serious behavior yesterday

while Tom and I were moderating and trying to out all those that had forgotten. Were you? Yeah. We were calling out left and right. That's a funny concept You resorted to call out culture on September

11th. How about that? That is a funny thing right wingers calling each other out of their lack of patriotism is a pretty funny idea yeah that's pretty funny were they listen sharon i didn't see you post about it it looks like you've forgotten i well my did you forget the man falling from 300 stories? The falling guy. Did you forget the goat fucking that happened? Yeah. No, it was a blind service. Did you forget the guy that jacked off a service dog on the 37th floor? Sharing him sick of your attitude.

Well, what did Trump do? That was our big question. What's he going to do on his first 9-11 As president Did he mention again that Trump Towers were now the tallest Building in New York It sounds like a Trump movie

It would have been funny to see him You remember how he did those photo shoots With him in the truck It would be funny to see him in an airplane like that Oh my god The cavalry's coming It would be funny to see him in an airplane like that. Oh my God. The cavalry's coming. Didn't John McCain say something real fucked up about North Korea?

Yeah, he said something about obliterating or wiping them off the map. You'd think a man that was a POW in Vietnam would have a greater sense of things. You'd think a lot of things. Yeah, no, they pulled his fingernails out and he recited the starting line-up to the Green Bay Packers. No. Well, after he... Well, I'm sure maybe that was his first line of defense. Maybe he was like, I'm not going to tell them shit,

and then they started pulling his fingernails out, and he was just like they're uh they're all around I don't know I don't care just stop pulling my fingernails out that is fucked they also did the thing to him I think that they did the Machiavelli

where they um it's like an old medieval torture technique where you tie your arms behind your back and they hang you like that. Like, they hang you... Does that make sense? From your arms as they're behind you like that?

So, very slowly, they break. And, you know, John McCain can't lift his arms up any higher than that. And that's why. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, they beat the fuck out of him. I mean, what were they trying to get from him, I wonder?

Just, like, position, troop positions, troop movements, like, that kind of, like, intel, I think. Just shit like that. Like, I think, if I remember correctly, I'm probably getting all these facts wrong. Like, remember, listener. They were trying to get attributes out of it. This man has a history degree, mind you.

I make shit up all the time. It's like I said, it's that line between intelligence and fuckery. But he parachuted. I think he was shot down over Hanoi. They caught him and they beat the fuck out of him. Jeez Louise. So what you're saying is John didn't steal his valor.

He had his valor beaten out of him. Sounds like he's who you want to end up in the woods with, right? Yeah. It's a shame to see what he became. I love it. John McCain. Liberals love John McCain.

Remember that video. It's because he's... Of him taking up pro-Balma. It's because he's got the whole martyr thing about him, I think. He suffered for the fucking country. And what's even

you know, I always thought that the thing that would the thing, you know, that really surprised me that didn't tank Trump was when he made fun of John McCain. When he said, we like troops that don't get captured. Is that what he said? I like people that don't get

captured. I thought that would be the thing. Because like... And how many times did we think oh this is the thing Right but like the right wingers fucking love The troops and they love John McCain Because his little dumbass Suffered for this country And now the guy survives Long enough to see all that thrown away

Like that to me is pretty good That's cruel That to me is pretty good retribution Plus he's like dying of a brain tumor, which is the worst. I think he's reprehensible and a piece of shit. He got tortured by the communists. I think that's a good thing.

I think it's even more hilarious that he lived long enough to see his legacy totally just wadded up and thrown... For a TV reality star. For a fucking piece of shit like Trump. That is the America we live in now and it's pretty fucking

crazy. And now he's been tarred and feathered on Trillbillies. Poor guy. Have we lost it? No, I think we got an episode. You think the yips? I don't think we've got the yips. This is not bad, it's just... Don't forget though that the yips is just like anything else. I mean, you could have hypochondria about having the yips.

I think we've got hypochondria about having the yips. Every day, you think? The way I'm looking at our show at this point is like when you coach basketball, you tell your shooters when they're in a shooting slump to keep shooting. I feel like that's what we're doing. We're just shooting through it? We're just shooting through it. We're just shooting through it?

Yeah, shooters shoot. I remember this week our idea of taking off for some winter months, and I got excited about it. I was like, oh, we're going to have a break. Well, it's a good time to announce, yes, we're going to have to take a hiatus. We're going to have to take a break. We're actually all three bears. We're going to hibernate. No one's actually.

If we become Uncover, they uncover that we're all bears. We're going to take off our human outfits and we're just three bears. Three just smart-ass bears. Three just smart ass bears. No, season one. Trillbilly season one will come to an end and then we're going to have to come back. What episode are we on?

25 tentatively. I think we can do better than this, honestly. The problem is I can't, I don't think I can record any the rest of the week. No, this is good. Onward!

The bird with feathers of blue is waiting for you back in your own backyard. You'll see your castles and stains through your windowpane back in your own backyard. Oh, you can go to the east Go to the west

But someday you'll come Weary at heart Back where you started from You'll find your happiness lies Right under your eyes Back in your home back yard.