Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 250: Basically Harmless

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

Guided meditation for when you'd prefer to be literally any other living thing than human Support us and/or give us feedback at Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

this is this is gonna sound kind of weird but i i kind of like being hung over to be honest something about it like yeah here i'm just gonna hit record this is as good a point to put our troubles in there what tom so i'm too i'm recording yeah i'm recording too so the reason i kind of like being hungover is and i pay for it i pay for it but the reason i kind of like it is because i feel like it brings my anxiety down to a like i'm just i'm just like fuck it i don't care about anything like i could just sit around all fucking day and not the hangover the hangover kind of saps away all the energy that you would devote towards being anxious. Yes.

Yeah, I know exactly. You two are insane. You two are insane. Aspiration. It exacerbates mine to the 10th degree. Here's the thing. It exacerbates mine to the 10th degree the next, next day.

Two days later. Oh, yeah. It's like all that anxiety that didn't get expended has just been stored, just waiting, just like, all right. Yeah, like bubble into the surface. Right, yeah. It's my time. Enjoy it now, motherfucker, because I'm coming for you.

I'm coming for you once you start to feel a little bit better. Like Qui-Gon Jinn or whatever in the Star Wars, just waiting behind the fucking, that's my anxiety when i'm hungover even in terrence right watching that makes that makes a lot of sense see mine mine starts to come back as the hangover uh goes away during the day and then i start to think about uh damn what did what did i do last night man like did i say anything stupid did i like you know did i like uh abdicate any of my responsibilities and uh decide to get fucked up instead so yeah i'm in that by in another hour or so uh i'll be uh i'll be in that in that uh in that period of

of hangover man yeah i've been kind of like as a tool of therapy, a kind of, I don't know. I don't even know what you would call this. I guess as a kind of therapeutic tool. I've been trying to imagine myself as another animal. So for example... Okay. So for example, like could you imagine how good it must feel to be a cold-blooded animal but to be able to sun on a rock can you imagine how fucking good that feels like a snake dude

like a snake or a lizard or a turtle or something like that yes close your eyes with me this is going to be a guided practice a guided meditation closed it closed your eyes with me. This is going to be a guided practice, a guided meditation. Okay, I'm closed. Close your eyes and imagine that you are a lizard sunning yourself on a rock in the middle of the 98-degree weather. There are fish going by in the river. There's Tom Sexton taking a piss behind a sycamore tree skinny dipping you know what though man that's uh that's so true what you said actually because last night when i

was on my way home i got off the bus and it's like it was after midnight no cars or anything and i'm walking home and in my community there used to be a lot of deer but they started building up like these houses and tearing down like all the forests and stuff so now you see the deer grazing on people's lawns and you know like they have nowhere to go and I was walking down the street home and like like pretty drunk and just being like damn man I got shit to do tomorrow like I shouldn't have stayed out so late and I saw these two deer um like a couple hundred yards in front of me run across the street and into the woods and i was like damn bro i wish that was me man i was like i wish this was me right now well let me tell you i've reversed course on that because i too used to be like that

until i went camping this weekend pulled a bunch of ticks off of me and now now all i can think of is how many ticks woodland creatures must have on i was gonna say i was gonna say yeah like if it feels great to be a cold-blooded animal and to sun i feel like what's closer to the truth of how i usually feel on a day-to-day basis is like an elk in northern New Hampshire that is covered with no less than 20,000 ticks. Or like draining him of his blood. Just like literally walking around diseased. Yeah, like a raisin.

I feel like I'm drained of blood like as a raisin. You know what I mean? And then you got gnats and shit like flying around your eyes and landing on your eyes and shit like that all the time, man. I feel withered. You know what i mean and you got gnats and shit like flying around your eyes and landing on your eyes and shit like that all the time man i feel withered you know what i mean like yeah desiccated drained of vitality desiccated desiccated is a good word to describe yeah could you imagine um here's another shitty animal experience. The theme of this is we would rather be anybody else right now.

Anything or anybody else. Than a human being right now. I was thinking about this. Imagine if you, you know how you go to the restaurant and you eat too much. You know, you get full, you get indigestion, you you get dyspeptic which is how i feel most of the time but imagine if you're a bird who's gotten full on ants who has a stomach full of ants oh and they haven't been dissolved in the stomach acid yet so they're still trying to crawl around and fight their way out and shit. Imagine, like, you know, everybody knows that feeling. You've eaten an entire bag

of potato chips. You're full on fucking potato chips. But imagine being full on ants. Yeah. Now imagine those potato chips have a bunch of legs, and their strength is ten times that of their body weight. Crawling around in your stomach

lighting and shit? Nah, I'm good, man. Crawling stomach lining and shit crawling at your nose like your nostril your mouth you're burping you're burping them up you're trying to talk and you're burping them up you're burping up ants nah man I know how it is

to get really stoned and eat like you know a whole bag of candy or some shit like that uh much less uh like an anthill or something man i'm good on that shit yeah just going fucking like stoned ham on a fucking on a fucking anthill if you're a fucking if you're like an avark, you can literally just sit there with your tongue. You don't even have to fucking reach your hand into the bag. You can just sit there and like. Yeah, just like occasionally.

You just hit like 500 ants. You're like, God damn it. I did it again. I did it again. I did it again. All these goddamn ants. Dog, I saw these. Man, sometimes, like, when I look at, like, the animal world and, like, I'm like, yo, I didn't even know this animal existed.

There's, like, this lemur or some shit that has, like, it's evolutionarily adapted with this, like, long middle finger or, like, I think index finger specifically for digging in to, like. Specifically for flipping off authority man motherfuckers burning down and cutting down trees and shit yeah that's what that's what the woke era is going to render us it's a human adaptation and it's our middle finger is going to grow three times its normal size so we can look at the man and flip him off. Like the Lithia head? Got like an E.T. head? When I was in Albuquerque a few weeks ago, somebody had like changed

all the stop signs. You know, on the pedestrian stop walk, whatever the fuck that shit's called. Crosswalk. The thing the Beatles walked in on that one cover. Abbey Road. Right's right right right that one that's the one there's that little sign that has the hand like don't walk and then like the little pedestrian walk someone i don't know someone had like hacked it it felt very 90s in such a way that it like did the middle finger so it's like oh the electronic

one yeah like the electronic one so like i don't know i don't maybe they like just put something on sides but i think it looked like they had like kind of fucked with the lighting in it so that elongated it or some shit yeah yeah yeah and i was laughing thinking about someone driving down the road and seeing that and taking it personally. Like getting very fucking pissed. Swerving their car into the crosswalk. Oh, fuck me. Okay. Fuck you, pal!

How about that? Just letting it ruin their day. They go into the office just like... That sign flipped me. Can you believe this fucking crosswalk? You believe the nerve of this fucking crosswalk? Right over there with that iconic photo of Ringo, John, George, and Paul's replacement. What's taking?

Ringo's got like an NFT now. He's on the NFT train too. Of all the Beatles to to do it it would be ringo i feel like ringo always had that energy like he would be the guy that would get into nft and crypto i feel like go get her hustler type energy yeah energy i guess yeah someone who's like someone who just kind of like blind like blindly gets into those kind of mlms like scams stuff like that like you know we've all had friends who who have a tendency to get into that stuff and it's always every time you see them every time you see them they're like yo i gotta tell you about this new thing man

yes fascinating not again and we've been through this what is what's Ringo's real name I refuse to believe that's his birth name I don't know it is kind of the most British thing to call your kid Ringo your wife gives birth you're like we'll call him Ringo Ringo yeah Sir Richard Starkey his name is sir richard starkey yeah uh well yeah i might have went by ringo star too yeah yeah it's not like uh like with gunna what his real name is what is his real name something kitchen sergio kitchens sergio kitchen yeah it's like why the fuck you Fuck you fucking with that. You know what I mean? Oh, man. I do. Yeah, I have... There's advantages to being cold-blooded, I suppose.

You can't get rabies. You're right. That's nice. Wait, they can't get cold-blooded animals? Can't get rabies? Only mammals. What? Dog.

That is crazy. What is the evolutionary advantage of being cold-blooded uh i guess just you can live in water a little easier and conserve energy and stuff like that i guess by not having a i mean i have no idea actually nobody fuck with you because they're repulsed by your like slimy exterior and your eyes that sit on like uh on like the sides of your head instead of like forward facing yeah i love this in the wikipedia page they've got cold-blooded exothermy uh all the various scientific names but then there's a music tab and then you've got cold-blooded rick james album 1983 hell yeah cold as ice oh shit you know you know what i was just thinking about man i mean this was probably just like a dumb thought but you know how like darpa defense department they like

you know there's been like this trend of like they look at the natural world and they're like okay like like for example i think like uh camouflage or something like that like actual camouflage the way that chameleons do it they'll look at the natural world and figure out okay how can we implement this into our technology you know i'm like wondering if they found a way to like uh like what are the uh what are the military advantages of being cold-blooded? Yeah. Right, right, right, right, right. These sick motherfuckers are probably thinking of some shit like that. Well, they did, didn't they?

I think that they experimented with dolphins. Isn't John C. Lyley, wasn't he working for military contractors? They were trying to figure out how to use dolphins to i don't know do assassinations and shit like suicide bomber dolphins jesus christ yeah dude jesus christ it's fucked up some shit out of like a like a 50s pulp fiction like science like you know science fiction thing there has been you're right though it does feel like all of the big political thinkers of our time they try to like shoehorn in our relation or similarities to other species in however way it fits their political agenda so like yeah you know like the left does it with you know like looking at like

fungi and trees and stuff like they share resources they share everything else but then the right does it like jordan peterson isn't he always referring to crabs or something is it he's like really in the lobsters or something what is this deal with lobsters man what is the symbolic thing about that roaches of the sea. I know exactly what you mean, man. Like, they went from, like, lions or eagles, you know? Like, these, I mean, really overtly fascistic symbols of, like, you know, strength and brutality and fierceness. What the fuck? And now it's, like, fucking, like, lobsters and crabs and shit, man.

Dude, you're exactly right. They got really into astrology is what it was. Yeah, they got really into astrology that's what it was yeah they got really into astrology that's hilarious you're right like yeah it used to be like eagles and like these fascist like strongman symbols and now it's like the lobster this is a fucking elk i don't know oh shit man we need one we we as a podcast we need our own little like animal everyone's got it now i mean the whole world is going furry really so like we need our own kind of like as a podcast a collective like animal avatar a raccoon a raccoon we could be yes you're right all right i'll put it on the board i'll put it on the board. We don't want to like, we want to workshop this a little bit.

We've got 45 minutes to figure out how to avoid talking about another school shooting. So let's just game this out. The raccoon might be a good one. A raccoon. What else? What else? Possum is the low hanging fruit, but i'll be honest with you the possum has sort of become like one of those bands that you can't be into because of their fans yeah you're

right man people are sad to say because it's a remarkable animal yeah yo i mean like people people will be like though i'm not gonna lie like uh i mean i'm gonna have no problem with possums at all i'm not a possum hater but like the people will be like oh you know like they're actually like beneficial and mutually beneficial to like you know i'm saying i'm like okay dude i get it i'll just say they look kind of creepy okay like i get it they eat ticks and shit like that like don't be on some like fucking vegan shit where you're trying to like like proselytize me into being like a possum lover okay i don't hate them but they just look creepy all right possums kind of like a guy at the party that doesn't really talk but he's just kind of fingering all the the the hors d'oeuvres and i just like kind of just picking around with his kind of picking around with his fingers and yeah you know everybody else is doing

their thing and he just doesn't really say much i'll play it around the room i'll play the defended in this case i fucking love possums and i think they're adorable but you're right tom they have been used too much so while we have raccoon up there we i just don't know if i can rightfully put possum up there just because it's that's already someone's avatar animal in the animal world like that's like let's just we could confidently say like what we call the y'all star crowd that is their animal embodied yes hey we can't use him and so we can't use them right yeah we can't use them we can't use them uh the record identify strongly with his little finger foods weird acting character but i can't get constance using yeah what about uh playing dead bro they look like i don't know if this makes sense but they already look dead to me

you know like even like a live possum like their fur like that rat tail they have they look like zombie big zombie rats man i can't fuck with the way they look, but you know, they are useful though. They eat ticks and shit, man. Apparently not enough. Not enough. You motherfuckers need to pick up the pace. These motherfuckers are everywhere this year. Tom, they're doing

goddamn yard. Pick three ticks off of you. They're doing their best, alright? They're just trying their best you're being too hard on them no they've been pampered it's what it is by everybody every every maladjusted fucking hip southern person in their mid-30s that going too easy on deposits now they're them. That's what they're doing. Here, have some apples. They're enabling them. So this is like that meme

where it's like weak times create strong men. Strong men create weak times. You know what I'm saying? You know what meme I'm talking about? I know what meme you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, get your ass back out and get some tics, motherfucker. Instead of like the Roman Empire with that meme and the Roman Republican shit, it's just like possums, man. People feeding possums. Right, basically you're saying that we've weakened the possum as a species by our tendency to leave trash out and stuff like that. Listen, everything.

Every woodland creature is worse off because of us. All right, right well if that is if that's part of your reasoning it is you got motherfuckers out here feeding bears cake by hand what's that the fuck is that dog like it should be like it should be like in star trek the prime directive where you do not fuck with like an alien species of civilization just like don't fuck with nature man don't feed the bears cake and shit like that i mean you know you could feed birds at parks and shit you know well people are gonna do that anyway but you know well i had that i've had that idea twice because

one time me and terrence went swimming at the swimming hole and there was a snake eating a frog like in real time yeah that was awesome and we had a moral quandary do we intervene on the frog's behalf or we just let this take its course and we decided to let it be what it's gonna be it's gonna be and the other day i was picking up some friends to go camping and somebody's house cat was chasing and terrorizing this chipmunk out in the middle of the road was just like swatting this thing everywhere and then i then somebody was like, don't fool with this, just let nature be.

And I was like, that goddamn chipmunk didn't sign up for that? Motherfucker's a house cat. This is a murder we're getting ready to see. It does present an interesting kind of philosophical dilemma, which is that, what is the boundary between human you know i

don't know civilization habitation like human human quote-unquote society what is the boundary between that and the natural world it seems to it seems to imply that the cat occupies a kind of like bridge or someone who ferries yes you know what i mean like they they straddle that line and and their interaction with the natural world is an extension of ours and therefore you you should intervene in some way right whereas tom and i watching the snake eat the frog well first of all there's no way that snake was going to ever give that frog up. No, we could have killed that snake, but he would have said, in effect, you can have this frog when you pry down my cold, dead jaws. But wait, wait, was the snake, was it like, because snakes will do this, where they'll try to swallow something that's that bigger than they can handle.

So, like, for all y'all know the shit baby died like an hour later because it choked on like the frog you know well i was the it's so funny you mentioned that i was literally just i was cracking myself up thinking about that earlier could you imagine if that's the way you ate you're just your jaw unhinged your jaw you're just gonna eat like a whole roast chicken or some shit I keep trying to stuff a like a fucking just like the whole four pounds of shit in a one pound bag imagine if you

your body was a tube and your body became the size of whatever you ate so like if you ate a roast chicken you would just see it there the wings and shit and the legs and shit just like protruding from your belly like a cartoon character a video i saw a video of these people this must i think this was in like the philippines or indonesia somewhere in southeast asia where a massive like anaconda snake or whatever ate a farmer just fucking gobbled her

up out of the field and they like you know had to cut it open but it was like the thing was the it was like a tom and jerry cartoon the snake was like the shape of the woman jesus christ dude i don't know if this is fake but i've seen this or photoshop okay it probably is i'm a dumbass like i probably fell for it but it's this anaconda that like okay it's definitely fake but it ate like a gun like a machine gun man and it's like it's absurd you can see the shape of the gun like you know what i'm saying like it's a it's a snake gun you know it's like a snake ak man man to be a tube to have a tube for a body it's always it is always funny when they like eat like a fucking wildebeest or something the wildebeest is running around the snake is like wrapped around it it's like hey man you

seen a wildebeest nice you know not around here no i'm not not around here no you go to your snake buddies they're looking at you like you're all right man yeah i'm good everything's fine everything's right i'm straight bro you good dog you got a little bit of wildebeest there man like you imagine going to just going to a restaurant and like just everybody sounds like eating normal and you and your jaw just drops down to your chest. You just scoop it all up and then everybody's just like, and you're just like, what?

The funny thing is that it's a slow, like you're looking around to make sure that no one's watching you and that's when you unhinge your jaw. You're like, just let the shade drop. You know that's creepy how you eat. Everybody finds it but nobody wants to say anything because it would seem rude like we can't tell him like

it embarrasses me though when we're out with him it embarrassed honey you know we can't tell him to see the way you got to play it off though is like you still got to take your napkin and unfold it and put it on your lap you know place your instrument your utensils to the side as if you're going to use them and just instead use your on his jaw all right all right so anyways if the criteria for the possum was that we had made it weak, then that also holds true for the raccoon. So we might want to think about taking the raccoon off, if that's your reasoning.

I'm just saying. That's true. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think the raccoon's still in. Well, yeah, I guess it was a meme, wasn't it? The raccoon's been co-opted. The raccoon is so tight, though. Eat trash, do do crimes be gay it's like all the raccoons at night or whatever it's got

it's got a robber's mask on that like robbers got a domino mask robbers don't wear those anymore and i appreciate and i think it's pretty cool how they're still they didn't rob rob thief's fashion has really evolved over the years yeah they used to wear pinstripes like not pinstripes but like lateral stripes that was a lot of work to just go rob a place you had to put on that little bandit's mask and your strap outfit and then had to tippy toe everywhere well it's like it's because like these movies they wear wear the balaclavas or whatever the fuck they are. The balaclavas? The ski mask.

The ski mask makes them look menacing now. But whatever happened to the robber? Not the Robin Hood robber. He's not doing it to spread the wealth or anything. He's still got to put food on the table. But he's not menacing. He's not out to make you have nightmares. He just wants menacing. He's not out to make you have nightmares. He just wants the money.

With the mischievous kind of grin. The mischievous smirk. Yeah, he has a bag with a dollar sign drawn on it. Hey, put it in here. Put it in here, you see? He's not even armed with a weapon. Just his wits. Yeah, just sticks his finger in his t-shirt like this yeah yeah just like that

oh hell that's when crime used to be fun man um all right well so raccoon we got a possum maybe but i'm i'm yeah i'm throwing the possum out also, let's keep the raccoon on there. So we just talked about snakes. Any kind of snakes. I mean, snakes are kind of whatever, right? They're used a lot, but they could have a double meaning. To be a snake is a negative thing. You don't want to be a snake. It's true.

Right? Snakes don't have honor. But we could reclaim it, though. Is that the implication that a snake doesn't have honor? Yeah, snakes don't have honor though is that the implication that like a snake doesn't have honor yeah they don't have honor uh but also too i think you can reclaim it you know we could uh we could turn them to snakes are uh damn what would it be you're right you can always reclaim something you're right i don't know at this point we probably could reclaim snakes but i don't think we could reclaim possums the all-star like grip on the possum is too strong too strong and uh yeah there's there's too many people that i just don't want to have anything in common with that have latched on to the raccoon

i say we got to go bat while they're getting still good a bat dude a bat i feel like batman has cornered that market man i feel like batman and goths have cornered that market that might be true but they can't their reputation hit kind of a dip in 2020 remember everybody was blaming them for coven that's right now's the time to get back in on them now what about sharks man uh sharks sharks are pretty tight yo did y'all see that like speaking of sharks man there are like sharks living near some volcano like swimming in like the the like high temperature waters near a volcano man they called it yeah they called it sharkcano because like i guess it's a shark-infested volcano or whatever. They've wheeled that into being with those Sharknado movies.

Yeah, they really did, man. They really did. People were trying to do, like, epic stuff with sharks for a while and snakes. Snakes and sharks kind of had, like, an epic moment. They were like, what if we put snakes on the plane? Which was fine. That's fine. But they've been epic. We do need an animal that's

never been epic. It's hard to reclaim something that's been epic. I haven't. It has to be just the mangiest holler dog. I'm talking like belly full of worms. Stage one sarcoptic mange but like still a good boy he just needs a little tlc you know like one eye yeah yeah uh-huh

still a good boy i'm trying to look for this specific insect that gives birth to itself. What? I'm thinking kind of like an insect, personally. I was thinking mosquito. I kind of thought that. No, no, no. Dude, mosquito. Mosquito, man. I don't know, Tom.

What's the matter with mosquito? What the fuck's wrong with mosquito? Why are you mosquito-hating, bro? I guess if you're trying to make others live in fear. When I... I guess if you're trying to make others live in fear, when I... Do we want to be vectors of disease, though? I kind of...

I mean, it's a little insidious. I mean, I feel like podcasting could be a vector of... I mean, all media could be... I mean, I don't know, man. Guillermo del Toro had some interesting things to say about the likes of us at can yeah did he what did he say uh hold on a second let me find that it was rich you commented on podcasters uh content creators oh man yeah because content now is a uh i mean

you know i don't know what to think about, but it's a term that is seen as a, like it's a bad term. It's a negative connotations with content as opposed to, I guess, art, right? Or whatever the opposite of content would be. It would be the opposite of content. I mean, in content, in content, discontent. Discontent. Discontent. Discontent, bro. He said,

there are two pieces of language that entered our lexicon around five or six years ago that are horrible. Content and pipeline, which are to describe oil, water, and sewage. Whatever it is, they don't describe what I do, art and cinema, because they talk about an impermanence,

something that we just flush through and has to keep moving. And in my world, a beautiful work of audiovisual storytelling should hold its place next to a novel or a painting. Okay, motherfucker. Okay, Pacific Rim needs to be in the louvre got it got it gdt also too you could always go back i mean i know what he's saying i'm being a dick but also too you could like always go back and listen to an episode of a podcast like there are some things that are evergreen you know but i mean i get with man you know what i think shit got fucked up when motherfuckers started defining the art that they

do you know instead of like just like putting it out there for other people to receive it like it's like all these people now want to be like like comedians are doing it especially now too they want to be like oh this is what i do this is what my art is no motherfucker i'm gonna keep it uh a stat right here real quick and this is not even any rebuke of it because i i listen to guillermo del toro interviews and i like i like him like is that so that's who said this it was guillermo del toro del toro said this yeah and i'm just going to keep it a stack right now i think his movies suck i've never liked pan's labyrinth i've never liked Pan's Labyrinth. I've never liked the one where she fucks the fish.

Michael Shannon's in it. Shape of Water? I used to love Hellboy. Hellboy's all right. Shape of Water is pretty tight. I'm talking about his quote-unquote masterpieces. His magical realism shit. They're all fucking snooze fest to me. I don't know why.

And I like that shit, too. But I think he's overrated as an artist. Pacific Rim sucked. realism they're all fucking snooze fest to me i don't know why and i like that shit too but i just i think he's overrated as a as an artist pacific rim sucked awful it fucking sucked and it had like 90 percenters i didn't understand that at all i can use that with like all the other robot movies man like fucking transformers or what was the other one? Yeah, that shit was trash. He's just a guy that the new one had Bradley Cooper in it that had some weirdly

timed full frontal dick. Which one was that? Nightmare Alley. Oh, yeah. He did Nightmare Alley? Yeah, trash. Interesting, I haven't seen it. I have the book. I've never read Yeah Trash Interesting I haven't seen it I have the book I've never read it though

You haven't read it? GDT yeah I would love to hang out with And I would lie my ass off about Enjoying his work to his face Just to hang out with him? Just to kick it Basically what he was saying is like Content creation isn't art

It's so low brow it's vulgar it depends I mean he's probably right honestly I know he's right he makes some cogent points I was at my

nephew's graduation party last night and I was just kind of taking the temperature at the table and i was like uh you know you guys uh you know seeing what like my nephew and his buddies were into you know and they all just like tiktokers and youtubers and stuff uh-huh there's no matinee idols in this generation yeah i mean even like i was thinking about it the other day man like even like tv you know like i feel like back in the day when i say back in the day i guess the 90s i mean when i grew up it was like i mean tv was there was like a monoculture to it like everybody was watching the same shows and there wasn't like this highbrow or

lowbrow prestige tv like it was just tv that was universally like mostly universally enjoyed but now like i don't know they got replaced with reality tv and now and i don't mean to be like the old crotchety guy saying like the young generation's fucked up but like reality tv is now replaced with like like you were saying tom like content like they're either watching youtube streamers or twitch streamers or not even listening to podcasts or like yeah man it's just it's or instagram influencers and shit like that man it's weird i don't know yeah they don't listen to podcasts i'll say that that's why we're in a precarious spot yeah that's like a podcast is strictly millennial to gen x yeah millennial

gen x man which is good news because they're the only ones that have any money now. I do think it is funny, though, the guy who made Pacific Rim saying that this is impermanence. It's like that movie was literally, that was the definition of impermanence. There was no substance. Your average Trill Billy episode

has more substance than fucking Pacific Rim so it's like alright dude you want to say that but you want to make shit like that like pick a fucking side if movies are art you're fucking degrading it is Terrence coming for a Guillermo del Toro are you pitting the roots of Guillermo del Toro

with the Trillbillies archive yeah I'm coming I think what Terrence is saying I think there's some merit to what del Toro with the true Billy's archive. Blah, blah. Yeah, I'm coming. I think what Terrence is saying, I think there's some merit to what Del Toro is saying, but I think there's merit to what Terrence is saying. Del Toro's like, you got to keep it a buck across all that. Your house ain't completely clean. You got some trash in the wheelhouse,

and I'd argue a lot more than a lot of people willing to admit, but just because you put lipstick on that pig doesn't mean it's not pig it would be like if i felt the same way about podcasts but eventually just threw in the fucking towel and just started doing like the most exploitative true crime content every fucking week you know what i mean it's just like i mean honest i hate to make that comparison but it's kind of true it's like pacific rim is like the true crime content of film it really is like that like they're just paint by numbers there's no fucking characterization

in any of it it's like i guess if it was a satire or if it was funny or whatever like that's fine but it's not even that it's just if it was like starship troopers like you know where starship troopers was like a sci-fi film but it also had like a satire and political themes and shit no you just made a movie like a big dumb movie with robots you know what i mean like chill out bro yeah and also right like also this podcast is kind of like a writer's room on days when we're trying to avoid topics we don't want to talk about. And so we just don't have millions of dollars in a film crew to put them into, to put,

you know, Tom Sexton saying, daddy, is it time for me to feed dogs? To put that into a movie. You're telling me that that's not, that's impermanence. You're telling me Tom Sexton in overalls and a bucket of slop saying,

Daddy. A straw, a big piece of straw. Wheat hanging out of my mouth. You're telling me. And I say, reckon Daddy wants me to feed them hogs. Now, this is my challenge to guillermo del toro you think that has less permanence than pacific rim oh shit i mean basically it's like just a battle of microphones versus green screens man and i i know which one uh i know which one wins out no it's not the

green screen man well everybody wants to be the other though you know what i mean yeah you'd be like everybody is criticizing i mean i don't know if this would be tough but you'd be like people criticize the shit that they want to be i mean it's projection basically so guillermo del toro wants to be a content creator yeah this motherfucker's making a Pinocchio movie for Netflix you're right dude it is projection you're absolutely right welcome to the club bitch

welcome to the club we're your colleagues now motherfucker come on in I will say this Guillermo del Toro looks like he could be my father. Hold on. I got to look at this shit. Hold on.

Hold on. That's what he's truly pissed. Like his company now. His colleagues are people like us. Oh, yeah. Coming to Netflix in 2022. Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities Dude that is That is content

Cabinet of Curiosities Everybody wants to do content now Just fucking shut up about it And just fucking do it man Hold up this motherfucker Didn't just do one Pacific Rim movie There were two I know I didn't see do one Pacific Rim movie. There were two. Yo, I know.

I didn't see the second one. I imagine it was pretty airless. You know what I mean? Like a vapor, like walking through a fucking cloud of cigarette smoke or something. Like, what the fuck? I mean, this is the thing, man. It's like, I have no problem with, I mean, I will sit there for a week and watch this complete mindless garbage, you know? I have no problem with i mean i will sit there for a week and watch this complete

mindless garbage you know i have no problem with it yeah but like i feel like i just feel like it's kind of like it's kind of like when people try to differentiate uh literature quote literature from like speculative fiction which i guess would be sci-fi and fantasy i don't know it just feels like a like a difference that okay there might be some merit to it, but it just feels like this arbitrary difference that people just make to feel good about the work that they do. You know what I'm saying? To make themselves feel like their work is important or influential. It's like, no, dude, like it's all content. I fucking love low low brow shit, whatever you want to call it, whatever label you want to slap on it. But like there's ways to do it. That's funny.

I mean, like just look at take any blockbuster film from the 90s it's like i i love that like the prim like those blockbuster like the premises of those movies was they would just pick like a natural disaster and that would be the movie and that was tight like oh god a tornado or a volcano. And then at a certain point, you're like, okay, how can we make a drama about a wintry mix? How can we make a 90-minute drama about sleep? And those movies were like, they were unabashed about the fact that they were just like star vehicles. Now the Marvel movies movies the comic book movies

that's all they are but they can't acknowledge it like they've got this weird like self-deprecating thing going on where they have to like that's why they're all so gung-ho about it i feel like if we're superheroes then you know that's a good way for us to kind of like be uh sort of self-aware that we are these like gods in society celebrities and so you know what i mean so it's like no i know exactly what you mean it just rates like it's a level of self-awareness where it's like it's like the quippiness like the sort of like like it tries to be smart but you're right it's like just self-deprecating man it's like we know that like where people in costumes you know i'm saying that are like half

of the time more than half the time like animated with cgi so we're gonna like make you super aware of this you know i'm saying you're in on the joke too which is like dude i don't know man i'm not saying take yourself seriously but just like i feel like shit in the 90s they weren't worried about taking themselves too seriously or trying to make a statement it was just fucking stupid fun for 90 minutes you know you enjoyed it 90 minutes key operative two fucking words there 90 minutes i got a i got kind of a theory i think the movies might be back after top gun maverick is getting rave reviews yeah interesting is it really yeah i think uh well i mean you know you don't really have too many movies like that right you either have superhero movies or true you know it's even

an odd choice i think for a reboot but apparently 97 percent of moviegoers can't be wrong can they yeah no you know what what else too might be like that man uh uh avatar after fucking was it like 15 years after the first one man motherfucker they're probably motherfuckers who've been waiting for this probably motherfucker who like got like diagnosed with like some like terminal illness or some shit like that who is like man i just hope i get to see completely changed yeah yeah they're like man i've just holding on so i get to see the next day i hold it hope i get to see completely changed yeah yeah yeah they're like man i i'm just holding on till i get to see the next day i'm holding off i get to see the next avatar uh-huh i had a thought like that one time i used to be a well and continue to be a bad hypochondriac

and i was like whatever my mystery illness i was convinced that i had i was like lord please don't take me until i see the finale of Sons of Anarchy. I gotta see how this saga ends. I failed a class in college because of the Sons of Anarchy finale. You didn't go to class so you could watch this? I didn't go take the final. I needed to take the

final and get a C to pass. I was like, fuck it. I'm watching the Suns. That is an amazing, like, what it takes to make that decision, man. It's so amazing. It's like, yo, take this final or watch the finale of Sons of Anarchy. That was what it was. I was like, I said, no, I got to see what's going on with my book with with my boys

finale or a final man that's funny as hell i did sons of anarchy was actually detrimental to my life it wasn't really how what way well i mean just i just could have passed school here earlier i there's i actually owe some bank somewhere money because of Sons of Anarchy what do you mean you owe them money because of Sons of Anarchy well because I borrowed all that money

to take at least three credit hours worth Kurt Sutter's listening I'll be needing a check for that send my boy checking the mail man I don't know if there's any That's the thing though I don't know if there's any

Guillermo del Toro Movie Product or whatever That has ever engendered that level Of devotion And self sacrifice And that's really what he's mad about Like even his best movie that has ever engendered that level of devotion and self-sacrifice. And that's really what he's mad about. Like, even his best movie.

Like, no one is going to risk however many thousands of dollars as soon as it was made. Yeah, you know, in the pantheon of the best movie conversation, Casino, you know, Goodfellas, whatever your goat is right yeah yeah i'm just i i know it's well thought of but i just can't imagine there's too many serious motherfuckers saying oh and pan's labyrinth yeah we gotta add that on to the list yeah pan's labyrinth it's the goat i mean i used to love that movie i have to admit when i was like 19 i was like i don't think I've seen it.

I did like Shape of Water, though. It's a little bit sappy. Okay, got some del Toro boys on my hands here. I'm not a del Toro boy. Y'all just let me go down there. Actually, I liked... Actually, what the fuck are you talking about? Actually, I liked 90% of his output.

Y'all just let me go on that limb. It's funny to see, like, go back and trace the lineage. Like, all three of us are about the same age. And just that, like, Aaron and I diverted down that branch while Tom was like, nope, I'm not going any further with this. Nope, I will not do any magical, realist, whatever of the Spanish Civil War. Here's the deal, boys. Here's the deal.

This is not a knock to my Dungeons and Dragons or Magic players or anything. I respect it. There's plenty of stuff I'm very nerdy about. I'm in a hyper-competitive fantasy basketball league, and you can dress that up how you want and still nerd shit, okay? Uh-huh. basketball league and you can dress that up how you want and still nerd shit okay but i'll just draw a hard line at germanic and anglo scottish folk creatures like you mean like elves and like wood nymphs and shit like that like dwarfs and shit not done i'll get into goblins goblins are kind of tight okay i take it back i am kind of into that shit just not del toro's

version i mean in hindsight you're right it kind of has like a krampus vibe like yeah what if santa claus was satanic you know what i mean like that kind of folk european folk you know monster vibe. Did you know Del Toro's father won the lottery and he grew up exorbitantly wealthy? From lottery winnings? That I have to respect about it. That's pretty cool.

There's only a few honorable ways to make a fortune and that's one of them. I think Spain. Mexico. That's pretty cool. There's only a few honorable ways to make a fortune, and that's one of them. I think Spain. Mexico. Mexico, yeah. Oh, Mexico. Well, here's the thing. Going back to the drawing board here,

we didn't have to pick an animal in our world. We could have picked a fawn, some sort of cryptozoological thing, like a folklore thing. A chupacabra? A chupacabra. I fucking don't know. Mothman would have been a good pick, but he's likely military. No.

Yeah, he's been co-opted by DARPA. Yeah, again. Well, I mean, but he's also been co-opted by the Possum crowd, too. Yeah. Yeah, they're kind of rolling the same crowds. You're right. You're right. Possum and Mothman, you're right.

So that implies that every crowd or whatever needs to it needs to you know like a state has like state bird state flower we need an animal and a cryptid and a cryptid we need like a trill billy state animal trill billy's uh bird like. We could do every single subspecies. Subspecies of fawn and flora in Appalachia? Here's what I say we do. I say we go with the New Jersey Devil. He's probably ran his course up there. They're probably tired

of him up here, but we could give you a little more mileage down there. Here's what I'm thinking, man. I don't know. I'm kind of thinking the Scorpion. I like the scorpion has like, has two things going for him. All right. He's got the fucking pincers. God, God, God, God.

Like, I'm going to get your ass. Okay. I want to say, I just want to poke one hole in this. Every drive guy. Remember? I love that. I was just thinking about that, man. What?

I need that jacket, bro. I love that movie. Oh, fuck. But do we want to look like- No, Terrence, it's fine. Fuck you, Ryan. Do we want to look like some drive guys? I forgot about the fucking drive guy.

Aaron's ready to look like a drive guy. He's like, I want that jacket straight up. I'm fucking with it. I want that jacket straight up. I do, man. Okay. That jacket is fire. All right.

Well, then, if Aaron says it's cool yeah we could we could i'll keep it on the board keep it on the board but the cryptid man the cryptid is the most because i mean there's so many to choose from man you got bigfoot you got a chupacabra i'm thinking like i want to i want something that's like half man what's the one that's half man half horse like i fuck with that oh and like a like a minotaur or centaur i want like a minotaur hell yeah uh you're you imagine you're human from the waist up but you you your dick like from the navel down your dick is way the fuck behind you your dick is like way back there and it's's massive. And consequently way bigger. I'm going to be like, I started saying reverse minotaur, but that would just be Bojack Horseman.

Exactly, yeah. Wait, so wait, there's a minotaur, though, and then there are centaurs, though. We couldn't make our own. I guess that's how they got, how did they fucking come up with the minotaur in the first place? Some people were just combining shit. Three guys were having this exact conversation 6,000 years ago. It's like, bro, you know what would be tough, though?

If we had the lower half of a horse, but up top we were just cock-diesel human. Brolic is fucking... Yeah. That shit looks real threatening. And we lived in castles. Uh-huh. And the other guy's like,'ll keep dreaming bro like a thousand years later you see them shits in harry potter movies

well i mean i i like the i like the combo of the pincers and the stinger i like that he's like wow i'm gonna get you down low i'm gonna get you down low and then coming from behind fucking wait i i got you right now why don't we do fuck i already fucked it up but fuck it i'm gonna say it anyway because technically this was in a movie but it doesn't matter what about instead of instead of a uh a minotaur centaur we do the minotaur centaur thing like half human half horse but half human half scorpion right like it would have i guess like the tail of a scorpion with the pincers of a scorpion but i mean i guess like the torso upper body of a human being i guess i don't know they did that in a mummy movie though kind of oh you're right scorp Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. Yeah. Scorpion King, exactly.

Look up vinegar-one. Search for vinegar-one, just like it sounds, like vinegar-one. Vinegar-one. Yes. O-N-E-V-I-N-E-G-A-R-O-N-E. Vinegar-one? What the fuck is this? We had these things growing up. These things were all over the place in New Mexico.

They're, like, harmless. They're like harmless. They don't fuck with humans, but they look so insane. They've got these. Oh, my God. These look terrifying. They've got pinchers. They're like a scorpion without the stinger. So they're just like boxers, basically, like brawlers, just like blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know what I mean? They don't have any poison. Okay, I'm saying this described as an acid-spraying arachnid, and you just described them as basically harmless. Oh, yeah, they spray vinegar. They spray acid, man. They spray acidic acid. Okay, maybe they do.

I didn't know that. They didn't ever fuck with us when we were kids, but they were insane. Yo, they look alien, dude. This is so wild. And they got, like, a long tail, man. Is that even the name of it? I don't know what that is.

I can't find the fucking Wikipedia. Is a vinegar on a long tail, man. Is that even the name of it? I don't know what that is. I can't find the fucking Wikipedia. Is a vinegar on a good pet? Somebody Google. That's just, boy, that's just goddammit. Vinegaroon. I guess I spelled it wrong, guys. Sorry. O-O-N.

These things are disgusting, man. But I've never known anyone to claim these things, so. No one's ever claimed it before. That's what i'm saying we would be the first to be the vinaigroon vinegar also known as whip scorpions whip scorpions that's right because they got that like little whip on the back of them i'm telling you man they're fucking brawlers they're fighters they got the they've got the pincers up front and like a whip on the back like indiana jones like bro you know like you know like a couple million years ago like these

motherfuckers were like the size of like a car and they were like probably like running that shit man god damn yo oh shit dude they're crazy they're fucking crazy i just here's i'm trying to just say see if i could envision a school saying we're the fighting vinegarones of uh johnsonville elementary or something like that oh dog you want to hear how they made this is awesome um well okay first of all vinegarones are carnivorous nocturnal hunters feeding mostly on insects millipedes scorpions and terrestrial isopods. That's what I'm saying, man. They go up with scorpions, and they don't give a fuck. What? Like, could you imagine a scorpion and one of these things battling, man?

Oh, yeah, dude. Like, pinching, like, trying to pinch each other, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, trying to pinch each other. Ow, ow, ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Owie. ow that hurt too hard too hard

sometimes they prey on small vertebrates dude they do not give a fuck the prey is or some shit yeah yeah i guess like yo these things are gully man they're micro okay so the prey is crushed between special teeth on the inside of the trochanters the second segment of the legs of the front appendages or the trochanters i don't know what the fuck that word is they're valuable in controlling the population of cockroaches and crickets so it's another one of those things that like like spiders and snakes and possums that are really good but people just fucking slaughter them just indiscriminately but they kill pests and shit yeah yeah they're. They're useful. They're good. Yeah, you want to keep them around. Males secrete a spermatophore, a united mass of sperm, which is transferred- A united mass of sperm.

A united mass of sperm. Like, yo, girl, you want my spermatophore? Sounds like a country. We need to liberate the united mass of sperm. It's transferred to the female following courtship behavior in which the male holds the ends of the female's first legs in his chelicerae,

which are his, I guess, his mouth parts. I want to just say this. Listen, sounds like a lot like human sex. This is tough, too. Tough to figure out to know what to do. Right, it's hard to know because listen to this it gets more complex the spermatophore is deposited on the ground and picked up by the female using her genital area in some genera the male then uses his

pedal palps to push the spermatophore into her body so wait hold up so he just nuts on the ground and then she just like drags herself on it like a dog like dragging his ass on a carpet after taking his shit or something, man. That's fucking awesome, dude. That's exactly how it is. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, it's nuts on the ground.

It's just terrifying, though. Because the pull-out method and you're still not off the hook. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Because you have no agency in this case, man. Uh-huh.

Which normally, you know. What if you busted on the ground, and then some chick that you thought was ugly just came and ran? And it's like, now I got you, baby. No! And now you're on the hook for 18 years of this you know what i mean well i mean shit if it was uh if it's like these things man um they probably only live for like a week or some shit so you'd only have to worry about it for like a week betty that is you're right there are all kinds of possibilities that is true yeah you're i guess you're only on the hook for about six days of child support

but instead you have like he has like 30 kids what what if like to know like what if they're what if their conception of time is that that week is like a week to us is like an eternity to them. Jesus Christ. Like they live a whole entire, almost like a human lifespan in a week. Jesus, man. Like that piss shark that lives like 400 years. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Like he must think that like our conception of time

is just so vulgar. It's like these little ants that just live for about 70 to 90 years. I do fucking love it when there are animals that just like bust and then die. Like that is their purpose. They bust and then go off somewhere and die.

Yeah. Well, I've served my purpose. Yeah, like imagine like beating your meat and like going off into the woods to like die yeah under a tree or some shit yeah after after a few months the female vinegarine will dig a large burrow and sell herself inside up to 40 eggs are extruded within a membranous brood sack that preserves moisture and remains attached to the genital opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi- opi seems a little too involved. I'm going to pass. Dog, this is beautiful. Listen to this. This is beautiful. This is like that story about the octopus

starving itself to death while it sat over its... What? While it gestated. The female refuses to eat and holds her opisthosoma in an upward arch so that the brood sack does not touch the ground

For the next few months As the eggs develop into post embryos Appendages become visible The white young that hatch from the post embryos Climb onto their mother's back And attach themselves there with special suckers After the first Malt when they look like

Miniature adults but with Bright red palps they leave the burrow. The mother may live up to two more years. The young grow slowly, going through four molts in about four years before reaching adulthood. They live up to another four years. Four years? Molting would also be a great feeling. Like, imagine you're just, like, you're out with your friends and all of a sudden you get that look like, your eyes get really wide and you just freeze

and they're like, goddammit, Jerry, did you not time it right? Again? You're gonna do this? Right now? Your body rides around on the bus for like two days as you just like shed your skin. And when you emerge, like you're all like really, really wet.

Yeah, it's slimy but also very smooth like a baby just freezing in the middle of dinner like oh fuck shit like you know we had plans tonight god damn it wrong time man wrong time yo you know what always freaks me out too about like bugs like this man or insects is like when they carry their like their young on their back you know what i mean they do that they do that that's fucking terrifying man uh-uh again possum slander oh yeah possums. Possums do that, too. Shit. I think, like, baby possums. The funniest thing in the world to me is that, like, baby possums look like little nutsacks. It's fucking hilarious.

If you search for it. Little baby possums. Let me see. Hold up. Let me see. Man. Baby possums are cute, though. They're cuter than adults. They do look like little nutsacks. Oh, man. They're he are cute, though. They're cuter than adults.

They do look like little nutsacks. Oh, man, they're hella cute, man. Baby possums are adorable. Until they, like, grow up and look like zombie rats. Maybe it's not baby possums I'm thinking of. Maybe I was thinking of, like, armadillos or something. Armadillo is another one that's been used so we can't do that but i do appreciate that they spread leprosy that's tight just like touch my bitch i didn't even know that there were armadillos down here and like right up the road i mean it's still there

apparently i guess an armadillo got hit by a car man and its shell or whatever that casing or whatever is still like everything else i guess is rotted away and deteriorated but it kind of looks gnarly man the shell is still there though it kind of looks gnarly i'm not gonna lie they ball up and roll around and shit i don't know if that leprosy thing is true i think it's true wait wait do they really do that or is that like do they really fall up like a pokemon or some shit i have no idea that's just my conception of them and i want to continue thinking that they do oh shit armadillo ball i don't think they don't roll around but they do ball up because it like makes them really protected yeah you make it're making it sound like you could use a shit like a basketball or a soccer ball.

Right, right, right, right. A bowling ball. Your bowling ball is an armadillo. Oh, shit. They're so tight, dude. They're so tight. Nah, I fuck with pangolins. I don't really know the difference, but pangolins look cooler.

Nah, I fuck with pangolins. I don't really know the difference, but pangolins look cooler. Well, my votes for the vinegurine or this thing that I found, I told Tom about this before, but I've always thought this was a pretty tight bug. The Adactylidium, a genus of mites known for its unusual life cycle. The pregnant female mite feeds upon a single egg of a thrips, which is a type of bug growing five to eight female offspring and one male in her body the single male mites

mate might mates with all the daughters when they are still in the mother the females now impregnated eat their way out of their mother's body so that they can emerge to find new thrips eggs the male emerges as well but does not look for food and new mates and dies after a few hour a few hours the females die at the age of four days with their own offspring eat them alive from the inside bro i think i'd rather stay to the uh uh the human way of doing things man all that shit sounds way too gruesome and complicated. They take that one to the next level,

like nutting and dying. Because not only do you nut and die, basically, you nut in all your sisters, and they all get pregnant. And they all get pregnant. And then the mother dies like four days later. And then you need, in human conception would be years of therapy,

but in your conception would be years of therapy but in your conception would be seconds of therapy like yeah you want it's like the abe simpson meme where you like walk in and you walk in like the therapist walk right the fuck out all right all right yeah uh oh yeah i sorry i yeah i gotta Sorry, I gotta go die now. I gotta go die now. This is nice, but I gotta go die. I did a bad thing, and now I gotta go die. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. God damn. Well, we did it, gang.

We did it. We did it. We did it. It's an hour. We did it. We did it. We did it for an hour. It's an hour. We did it. Hey, man, this was more worth your time than doom scrolling or watching the news to hear the same awful shit. Instead, we talked about the podcaster's mascot of choice, man. Yeah, I mean, we didn't decide on one,

which I think is a failure of us. And we are failures, as Guillermo del Toro pointed out. But sometimes you have to be proud in a brave failure. You can fail if you want. You can fail. If you want. If you want. You too can fail. It want you too can fail

it is wild it's like what else do you say about it you know what I mean nothing else you can say we had to talk about bust and die creatures because like

school shootings are like fucking parking tickets you know i mean it's like i mean like what what else is there i mean also like did something just happened last week too so i mean i feel like they're always weekly it's just nothing to really say but it's always the same horrifying story man man. So instead, talk about possums, bro. Yeah. Which they are cool. They are cool. Well, so if you would like to go support our Patreon, and we can, I don't know, maybe I could start,

I want to start a subscriber tier on Patreon where you pay a certain amount and I'll mail you spiders. You want a spider in the mail? I'll mail you a spider from my house. Pay me money and I'll play a horrible prank on you. I'm gonna...

I would start sending spiders in the mail. I'm gonna be the next Spider-Man. But like going to be the next Spider-Man. But like when people refer to Spider-Man they mean it in a bad way. He was this annoying guy that used to fucking mail me

spiders. News at 11. The notorious Spider-Man. Mailing spiders to unsuspecting people. See, that's how you can reclaim something good and make it bad, man. You know what I mean? Just ruin that. Fuck that shit up for Marvel, man.

Just fuck it. All right, they can't use the brand anymore because, like, some 32-year-old guy just, you know, fucking in, like, Minnesota just started mailing people spiders and calling himself the spider-man they're calling him the most dangerous terrorist since 9-11 since ted kaczynski the unabomber you've heard of anthrax now spiders now spider and not even the kind of spiders that kill people either like not even venomous spiders just like a house spider just like spiders you find in your bathtub or like the spiders in like the corner of my living room right now i need to sweep that this man this man is so deranged that he's sending bathtub spiders in the mail.

Bath spiders, bro. They show up and they're all dead. No, I'll make a little, I'll put like moss and some insects in the envelope. So it'll have like a little terrarium inside the envelope. Yeah, he'll have plenty of food for the envelope. So it'll have like a little terrarium inside the envelope. Yeah, he'll have plenty of food for the journey. You know, you just made me think about that. You said envelopes and insects. Well, I guess spiders aren't insects, whatever.

You know, is that myth? Okay, I don't know if this is an urban legend or myth or whatever, if it actually happened. It feels like a myth, but there would be like spider eggs on like envelopes on like the adhesive. So if you linked it, like I remember the urban myth. the urban i remember that yeah she got a cut on her tongue and it laid eggs in her tongue dude what i was just thinking about that the other day because like i was telling i think i was

talking about this with my brother like when we were kids they used used to say that the reason why Reese's peanut butter cups tasted so fucking good was they used to grind up cockroach parts. And that was the peanut butter shit on the inside of the Reese's peanut butter cups. That's what they used to say. And I remember as a kid being like, actually, that makes a lot of sense. It only makes sense that something so good would be made of something so bad so fucking disgusting actually the older that you get to it makes sense because i mean bro like i mean i'm sure you could look it up how many like like fucking insect parts and shit like that do we just eat in food that's like you know i'm saying

that's processed and ground up and shit like that man oh yeah i'm sure there's a lot of shit in there that we're fucking eating so have y'all heard that uh that uh there's a difference between summer uh spring summer reese's cups and fall winter reese's cups no because they have to change the formula because like obviously like they'll melt in transit or not really and some people swear by the seasonal kind versus the other kind but yet reese's is tight-lipped about whether that's true or not when asked about it but but aficionados can tell the difference between a spring summer reese and a fall winter reese i'm imagining a guy like a mallier yeah yeah yeah he's just like no this one this one has a little bit more flavor volume to it yeah a rhesus sommelier yeah yeah where did those fucking like urban legends come

from like when we were kids where the fuck did it come from that they were putting cockroach bird like now it makes your bird shrink yeah there was it called? There's actually bromide in Mountain Dew, and that might make your bird shrink. What was it, Tom? It was like yellow number five or some shit? Yellow five. Yellow five makes your bird shrink. It's weird how universal that is.

What? So wait, this is like the dye in Mountain Dew? I think they used it in a lot of things. A lot of shit. Yeah, you got like yellow six, blue five. Like, yeah, man. Mountain Dew is I think they used it in a lot of things. A lot of shit. Yeah, you got like yellow six, blue five. Like, yeah, man. Mountain Dew is banned in many countries because it contains bromide. It really does.

Because it specifically, not because of health reasons, but because it makes your dick shrink. They put that in law. Here too, for persons will observe That because henceforth Mountain Dew Shrinks the size of your penile Of your pecker This day April 23rd 2003

Mountain Dew is Banned We hereby decree We hereby That's more anti-hillbilly discrimination yes me that would be that would be literally aimed at eliminating the hillbilly population that's really our only uh not our only claim it's like uh uh your your most, what's the word I'm looking for? Common sustainable crop.

Uh-huh. Right. Just grows in the fields. Uh-huh. Oh, man. All right. Oh, shit. Well, if you want to go to the Patreon and leave us a comment about what you think the best Trillbillies mascot.

I guess this whole time what I was just really referring to was a mascot. Mascot. You did use the word mascot, though, I think. I think you're right at one point. At one point, yeah. I was going to say logo, but that's totally different now. We need a mascot, though. It has to be more than the mascot

like in harry potter there was that what was it like the fucking like the deer came out of the reindeer came out of the end oh my god damn what was that shit called man uh dude it sucks so yeah yeah man but at least it was an original story you know listen man all i'm gonna say is that all i'm gonna say is that she had one black character in that fucking in that book named a black guy it wasn't even from af, bro. Like, he was just a black British dude named Kingsley Shacklebolt, man. Like, come on, man. Just, like, naming, like, an Italian wizard, like, Mario Fettuccine or some shit like that. Like, come on, dude.

That's hilarious. Kingsley Shacklebolt. It's like, goddamn, man. Oh, shit. Just, like, an awful human being just like so clearly just racist and like transphobic and all this just like writing all this stuff that's really something you know like that you you have that much hatred in your heart and you devote that much time to making this whole other world.

Yeah, this other world that reflects your old prejudices. Oh my God, man. Damn. Alright. Well, there's the Patreon you can go to that I'm plugging for the third time. P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash CharlieRockersParty.

Go check it out. And until next time We'll see you there Peace out