Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 255: Polydore Cowboys

Episode Date: June 30, 2022

Listen up partner, today you'll be meeting the forest troll who can reverse your mandated vasectomy Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

five, six perverted magic tricks. No, but here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go up to people and, you know, like David Blaine will pull a quarter out of your ear. Uh-huh. I'm going to say, this next part's a little invasive, and I'm going to pull a quarter out of their ass and immediately get cuffed and stuffed for sex crime.

You pull a microphone out of their ass and the wire and the whole recording rig and then it's me and you. First, they're like definitely going to press charges, but then they're like, well, that's impressive at least. That's going to be a magic trick. David Blaine is going to be doing magic trick yeah so david blaine is gonna be doing magic and he's gonna yes also an alleged sex criminal that's right so i mean he he's not convicted he's not in prison i don't think so no he's not he's definitely not in prison damn just pulling a mic

out of someone's ass and then oh my god and it's. And it's a string, and then you, like, kind of hit a – you got to pull really hard, and then the laptop and preamp comes out. Preamp comes out. And then you pull a little harder, and then I come out. And then we come out one by one. Everybody's like, where's Tanya, man? And then you pull real hard, and then she pull real hard pops out like wet shit oh my god this whole time oh shit oh man

um Oh, man. This whole time, Tom's been hiding out in somebody's ass. As part of the long game of one of Tom's magic tricks. One of his perverted magic tricks. That he's so known for. Oh, fuck. And then we just do

an awful podcast smelling like shit. Just smell, fuck. And then we just do an awful podcast smelling like shit. Just smell, yeah. That is really what, that's a great metaphor for this activity, honestly. Yeah, when somebody says you pulled that out of your ass, this is what's meant by it. This is what they mean. That idiom is based on my famous trick of pulling an entire podcast out of somebody's ass that famous string there's like i was reading don quixote

they mentioned this writer named Polydor Virgil. I was like, who the fuck is that? So, because, you know, back then, like, Cervantes was, they were just doing it just like us now. Like, they were dropping lines. Like, they were dissing other riders. Like, he was. Are there some good examples of literary

beef like what is the old neil young will remember right southern man don't need him around anyhow of literary world yeah dude that's a great question i've seen little digs people make yeah yeah you know brady Easton Ellis mostly does it. There's a dove outside of our window. Did you see Brad Easton Ellis? Like, podcast Q&A answered one of Dimitri from Saloonal Jihad's questions. What was the question? Asked him about the time he had dinner at Peter Till's house with Tom O'Neill at Chaos.

With Tom O'Neill at Peter Till's house? I guess so. Damn. Tough medicine to swallow because Chaos is a good book, I have to say. I know for the real heads it's kind of panned, but you got to admit, it's very readable. I wonder why Peter Till is... It makes sense that he would try to probably be... to the bottom mk ultra yeah he's like so did you happen to like they happen to say anything about how they did this stuff no reason right like if there is any figure right now it's interesting

to think about like the hobby horse or like the pet hobby or whatever of the various capitalists. Because, obviously, Musk isn't so interested in mind control. He's more interested in rockets, space colonization. Musk needs to grow up a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. The real money's in mind control. That's right.

There's no future in rockets man it's what is it 64 what did brad easton ellis answer oh he said that uh i got invited so i went and uh what else did he say he said uh tom o'neill just held court and answered people's questions mostly about mk ultra wow imagine being a fly on the wall that's quite an assemblage of yeah people i don't know who else was there he said there was about 14 or 15 people there that's funny yeah i don't know um curious i'm trying to think of, like, great literary beefs. Didn't Norman Mailer, like, punch out? Was it Gore Vidal?

Well, I mean, I wouldn't really consider Buckley a literary man, but obviously they're noted beef. Right. I feel like Joyce had some beefs with people. Joyce? Yeah, it's just, you know, the Irish are, you know. Yeah, you're just basing that off of his identity. I have no proof of that. like joyce had some beefs with people joyce yeah it's just you know the irish are you know yeah just basing that off of his identity i have no proof of that it's just stereotyping really we're

peaceful people as franco-irish noted community uh-huh i think we who's the most noted franco-irish writer you i think we voted this ad on when we were in nashville but the of all the ethnic white identities the most wild card chaotic is franco-american like french-american yeah it really is you don't know what you're gonna fucking get from a french-american no could be a debutante could be a fucking hairy ass uh french seaman from vermont or something you know burly motherfucker you don't know what you're gonna get out of the french it's true yeah no i mean they vary wildly from the burliest craziest motherfuckers to the most effete

that is true so you don't know a mixed bag i don't know if i've ever seen a ripped ripped french man though now that i think about it you ever seen one that like because i know you watch all of the strongman competitions the where they oil themselves up in the speed owner yeah is it the same thing that's not strongman is when they like you're talking about like mystery unit like right yeah bodybuilding they should combine those two in my opinion you should be forced to strut around oily and shined up but also pick up vehicles yeah strong man is about actual strength i mean strong whereas uh you know bodybuilding for estates you know it's just about the vascularity and the actual physical form i had such a hard time understanding that as a child i remember looking at the strong man or the uh bodybuilding you know you see photos

and stuff yeah it's like i remember being so perplexed by that as a child yeah because it just it did not look to me it did not have an aesthetic appeal i still wonder what is the aesthetic appeal because it's not i mean i'm sitting here with a fucking 230-pound dad bod saying, those bodybuilders look like shit. Where does that idea even come from? Like an aesthetic appeal? Probably the Greeks or the Romans. Probably the Greeks because the Romans kind of ripped them off.

I see. I don't know. that begs another question why do we how how was rome founded uh wasn't it romulus and remus that was the founding of rome that was romulus and remus i forget what was it yeah like how what i think it was like they were raised by wolves and they suckled. I remember wolves being involved. Wolves were somehow involved. If somehow,

I think there's some incest involved. There was a rape. Because in most of those like founding mythologies, there was some kind of rape. There's like a, there's some sort of fucked up sex.

Like the rape of Lucretius or whatever the fuck it was. Like, you know. Was it Lucretius who said nothing human disgusts me um nothing human you know interesting because that's honestly my approach to everything if i come across something that i don't understand like theoretical physics or or the most advanced math i say nothing human can truly confuse or perplex me. If a human made it, I can understand it.

I can figure it out because I am one. Like that is the truth. That is the truth. You could be completely moronical, but somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain is the ability to figure out string theory or anything. And then like, but by the time it gets to here you're just like a slack-jawed yokel sometimes you know i mean there there could

be something to be said for perhaps like theoretical physicists or some mathematicians like perhaps they have an ability to think more abstractedly or or their ability to tap into abstract modes of thought is perhaps stronger than i don't know like yours or mine yeah that's or i mean i think it's the same thing with anything somebody's virtuosic at it's like they're it's probably i mean hard work can kind of unlock it i kind of think that can kind of chisel a little bit but like you know what it is probably is just that part of their brain is active whereas mine is atrophied like closed totally turn the sign close closed for business closed open never yeah that's i don't know uh and if that is the case is that necessarily better

do we need i don't know maybe it is maybe it's good for some people to be able to think sort of on abstract terms yeah but at the same time i bet a lot more people than we think have that ability. But a lot more of us are just like mentally ill or have, you know, problems focusing on anything. Those areas of our brain are not necessarily out of business. But there is a banner that says going out of business sale. Yes, they're on clearance. They're selling everything off. It's bargain bin

absolutely oh god yeah uh this guy's brain is bearish or bullish on particle physics depending So I was reading the Serpantes, Miguel Serpantes. Okay. And he mentioned this guy, Polidore. Polidore? I don't know how. It's like Jimmy Dore. Polidore. Oh, he must have been Polidore.

Polidore. Virgil. Virgil. it's paladar paladar uh virgil and it's hard to find any of his or i didn't even look on amazon i just looked on archive.org but i couldn't find any of his actual written shit it was all in latin but according to cervantes and online like what his whole deal was this was in like the early 16th century early 1500s his whole deal was he would write these very long well-researched books about the first person to do anything so like the first person to scratch his head or the first person to uh you know what i mean just like he would just and he would use it like use meticulous research throughout like written accounts of history to come to his conclusions there's a couple of first guys

that i'd like to meet the first one on my list is the guy that discovered veal it's like what kind of kind of fucking monster decided to just hack up a baby cat it's like oh is he a young buff you know what i mean like a great point because you had the first person we know for a fact that the first person who did that was a psychopath. Which brings us probably to the first sociopath. That's probably how they marked it. The second one I have is also culinary. Who's the fucking weirdo that decided to just get a duck's liver so fatty that it quits working so that we could eat it?

Just force feed the duck. Yeah. That is nuts. They just force eat it. Just force feed the dog. Yeah. That is nuts. Yeah. They just force fed it. Don't they give it fuck loads of food so that its liver metabolizes. It just turns fatty. Yeah.

Kind of like everybody in America is from eating McDonald's for the last 30 years. Oh, man. Yeah, no. The first person who did that. Well, here's the thing. Okay, so, like, me and you can sit around and laugh about it and joke about it, but this guy kind of, like, made his career on it.

Because, like, back then, if you were a historian, you would consult a set of books, and a lot of these books, like, one, for example example i don't even remember the guy's name i went down a long rabbit hole the other night i sit up till like one in the morning reading the wikipedia page for like the anglo-saxon settlement of great britain or you know the british your your other half yes franco anglo right well the anglo-saxons you're out you're out you're kel and you're franco kel you're franco kel that's what i'm kelp too so stupid um but i was like reading this you know wikipedia on this. And a lot of the information on this topic

comes from this guy named Gildas. Okay. What's Gildas got to say about it? He was a 6th century British monk best known for his scathing religious polemic De exedio et conquestu Bertine which recounts the history of the Britons before and during the coming of the Saxons.

He's one of the best documented figures of the Christian church in the British Isles. His whole theory was that this happened to Rome because they were too sinful. He was kind of like the Pat Roberts, or what's his name, 700 Club? Yeah. It's kind of like when those guys say Hurricane Katrina is because of all of the... Haitian voodoo. The Haitian voodoo, the sodomy. Like, America's too gay, is what they're saying.

We're too gay. God's coming along and wiping out all these good-time towns. It is so funny to think about. It's funny because I used to literally think of it this way and i know you did too but it is funny to think about like gay sex and having to attach a moral stance to it like like it's it's kind of counterproductive because i mean if if it's kind of well it's kind of weird because it's's kind of weird. Cause it's like, I wonder how many like young Christian kids actually discover gay sex through like the constant sort of like berating. Like,

yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like how, like the big thing was like, well, are gay people like born or made?

And it's like, I, I'm not ruling anything. Right. Dude. All that shit that they used to tell us there was a kid that would just grew up straight as an arrow but he got introduced to gay sex early by them just by them talking and it's just they talked about it

all that they it was so funny like it was so funny like the shit that they told you wouldn't be hilarious if pat robertson just made a whole generation gay as hell but just by the power suggestion just by the power suggestion just by bringing it up it's an insane over and over it's an insane claim it implies that society is falling apart no no not even that like natural disasters are because of two dudes sucking and fucking. Yeah. You know, they say to never underestimate, like, you know, like, the long-term impacts of what you do in this life and stuff like that.

It is kind of funny to think if we did live in a universe so unjust that God was just like actually repulsed by that two dudes. He hated it. He was just like, it's hurricane time. Sorry.

I just can't. I can't abide this. I can't abide by this. Yeah, that would be something he would do. My third first guy, one of me that's also culinary now that i think of it it's the french guy that discovered you know that when they put the blindfold on the bird and eat the bird yes that guy who is the absolute degenerate that came up with that shit there's some more there's some ones that are even more insane. What's the, like, the boys' eggs one or whatever?

The virgin boy eggs, a traditional dish in which eggs are boiled in the urine of young boys who were presumably peasants, preferably under the age of 10. This translates literally to boy egg and is a springtime tradition of the city where the urine is collected from prepubescent peasant boys. There are just some things so that's why there was that guy that came around and milked us all for piss when we were just making the boy eggs yeah i know um no i mean there were some things that had to have been such a hard sell at first

Like okay hear me out Listen I know it sounds insane I know it sounds crazy But once you boil these suckers down they taste quite good Dude talking about Camp reminded me of this story Or like them Trying to tell you about what to do

And what not to do. It reminded me of the story when we were, we must've been like 15 or 16 and we were at church camp and they like came and got everybody like, all right, the boys are going to a specific like meeting, like all the boys at camp and like the girls are going to theirs too. And so I never never i never figured out i should have snuck off and heard what they were talking about in the girls one that one

would have been pretty i would have been like whoa they're talking about in their tongue about cervantes some guy named polydor virgil apparently this guy discovered a lot of firsts apparently this guy discovered a lot of firsts so I guess that's what they were talking about there in ours they wanted to talk to us about masturbation like specifically just masturbation

it wasn't even about sex that's so weird there is probably a non insignificant amount of people that get into like youth pastoral stuff that just like to get their kicks from just talking about sex with like teenagers

just very bizarre shit you know especially though like in this way because it wasn't like I mean you know I understand like you gotta like tell them I don't know, they gotta have some sort of awareness,

biological awareness of their bodies and what they do. It's a topic you gotta broach at some point. Because if you leave them up to their own devices... All right, let's do a little prompt here. Maybe, maybe, maybe not. I guess we are all humans. We probably don't need anyone telling us. Let's do a little prompt here. Maybe, maybe. Maybe not. Maybe, I guess we are all humans. We probably don't need anyone telling us. Let's do a little prompt here.

You're tasked with teaching a group of adolescent boys about sex. What do you tell them? What do I tell them? Okay, seriously, seriously, I tell them them I don't know you like tell them about the sort of I guess the biology of it you talk about consent and

that's probably am I leaving anything out you're putting me on the spot on the most loaded topic in the world I'm gonna tell you I'm to tell you how to teach this class. You go in there and day one, you say, boys, I ain't a bit more happy about this than you are, but let's all have a seat.

First slide I bring up is the blue waffle. And I'm going to. And I will say, I will say, now, a lot of people use scare tactics, but this almost never happens. Okay? Like a lot of other things in life,

it's possible, but the possibility is fairly remote. You should know that. And then I would just say, now, for the rest of the class, i'm just going to give you the best information i have if you wrap it up bad things tend to not happen as frequently uh-huh every once in a while there could be an oopsie do every once in a while your boys may steal your condom supply and poke holes in them and if so you

should leave those jokers behind pick new friends you'll have to because you'll have a kid you'll you'll have to because you're a father now and your life has radically changed okay but assuming you don't have asshole friends like that uh then mostly you're going to be fine you're going to be fine mostly and go get tested fairly often you know but that's good those are all good yeah the blue one then i that's how i'd start right with that and like just they would be shocking on that i'd be like i want to tell you, boys, this almost never happens. And then I would show them what chlamydia looks like under a microscope. And I was like, boys, I ain't going to lie to you. This happens fairly regularly.

I would just go through every possible detrimental thing that could happen in sex and just tell them the objective odds of it happening to them. Just traumatize them severely. You would go the scared straight route. Well, it wouldn't be scared straight. I would give them the Budweiser cold hard facts about sex. They would ask me questions. They would be like, does it matter? Does penis size matter?

And I'm going to say, boys, I ain't going to lie to you. It matters a lot. It's best that you hear this from me and early. But if you have a small penis, you'll fight that battle the rest of your days. have a small penis you'll fight that battle the rest of your days it's important you develop a strong constitution from the word go oh my fucking god dude will people make fun yeah they will just you and your trucker cap and like oh fuck man that's that fucking got me the sad thing is is that's literally how we were basically yeah gary anderson guy that didn't look dissimilar they really did show you the fucking most heinous photos yeah that and in there they would show you photos of kids like on people like on meth and stuff

remember that the whole thing was designed to traumatize you because they also took us down and made us watch that um it was like a drunk driving mockument it was like it was like a documentary maybe? Yeah. I was going to say they made us watch Faces of Death, but it really did feel like Faces of Death. They were trying to scare you. And they also did the thing, I don't know, did your school do that thing where they staged a car,

like a drunk driving accident in front? They put a mangled, every year at prom, they put a mangled car out in front of the gymnasium. And they had the Grim Reaper walk around. Did they not have that at your school? We didn't do that. That would have been tight as hell, though. I swear to God, they had the Grim Reaper walk around and look kids in the eyes and stuff. If I end up being a high school sex ed teacher and a prom chaperone, I'm going to do the same thing.

I'm going to go get a mangled, fucked up car and dress up as the grim reaper and every morning when the bus pulls up let the kids off i'm gonna queue up hell's bells we're just gonna play hell's bells by acdc every time those kids look out there i'll just be wandering around circles around that fucking shell of a car with hell's bells by acdc dude holy fuck i mean the the fucking meeting for them to do that like how do we convey to the students that they're courting death i know we'll get the oldest symbol for death in the western canon we'll get the grim reaper i'm watching these doves build this nest dog just outside the window the way he's like picking it's a great symbol of peace right yes this great symbol of peace right here at the church next to us look dude they're so industrious i love watching a bird build a nest

man it's one of my favorite activities. Like, just watching him fucking look around and, like, him sort of pecking up on the windowsill right now. Like, look, right now you can see him looking. He's like, something might be down there I can use. That's why he popped up here to us, because he was looking at our textiles and thought, hmm. He really was looking at us. But then he realized, oh, I can't get in there.

I'll give him something from here if he wants. Hello, Mr. Dove. I'll offer you any of my, it'd be like the old trade routes. I'll offer you any of my silks and spices in exchange for some of your delicious eggs. Dude, they live for years. A lot of birds.

Some birds live up to like 11 years. Like the eastern tohi. I'm becoming a birder. I'm a bird guy. They live up to 11 fucking years. Bird man. I mean, you're gonna tell me that an animal that lives up to 11 years

doesn't have like a complex, rich inner life? Yeah, you couldn't live to that age and just be like a, just a slath slithering idiot constantly looking for food and sex you know what i mean but then again we live about 80 years and you know if we're fortunate and we are slathering idiots and mostly just looking for food and sex well i'm it's what it's wild watching him because what he does is he gets a straw or a piece of grass and you can't see it from where

you're sitting but he'll hover outside of his nest going back and forth and it's like he's trying to determine if the thing that he's got in his mouth will work on the nest what's funny is birds like like will live where they work it's like he's gonna go home to his wife like put put eight hours in today

and she's gonna be like yeah no I know I saw I was there the whole time yeah anyway what's for dinner grub worms again huh god damn it Linda

I work hard to support this family this is all you can do Chub worms again, huh? God damn it, Linda. I work hard to support this family, and this is all you can do? Okay, the thread that you were working through there was, well, what it was, was I was originally telling a story about what happened to me at church camp where they took us into a room to talk about masturbation. And so what they did was they got people to come

up and do testimonials like about masturbating so this okay i'm just gonna i'm gonna give you a revelation that you may not have thought of yeah y'all were sexually abused. You realize that, don't you? That is not the venue for that. Yeah, yeah. School's barely the venue for that. Yeah, yeah, Dan. I don't know. Just like them. Just gotta walk a line with that shit.

I mean, some youth pastor named Joshua, Joshua asked my wife. Yeah, yes. Asked y'all to come talk about your masturbation habits is trade creepy well i remember they had this dude up there who i mean as a teenager you think he's old but he might have been in his 20s or something but he looked like he was probably in his 40s but he was telling us about like and if he was in his 40s and this story was complete the fact that a grown man period told us this was completely

ridiculous but he was like you find yourself masturbating to your friend's mothers your friend's sisters your friend's cousins he was like he was going down the list of like everyone you could possibly answer me to. The governor of Michigan. I do say what's her name? Gretchen. The number one pop star in the world. Michael Jackson.

And he just doesn't elaborate any further. Before I go on to, I'd just say, Lee's Chain. The construction foreman on the job down the street from your house. And it'll take you further than you want to go. Before you know it, maybe Liz Warren will expel. It just has to get more and more

to satisfy you. That's what he was saying. He was saying that it's never enough. It's never enough. Here's the thing, dog. We were taught about sex education by sex addicts.

Sex addicts. Just guys really working out their own demons with it all. Guys who had themselves been taught poor sex ed or whatever, had traumatic, what it was, was they themselves had probably a traumatic sexual experiences in their adolescence. And they were just reproducing the same thing yeah trying to make it better but just kind of perpetuating the cycle that's what

i'm talking about like that shit accumulates like it's not like that's just something that happens in the world and just the 200 adolescent boys it wasn't't that many. It was probably like 50 or 100 or something. But regardless, like those kids hear that and like just go out and forget it. No. Like that shit like adds up. Man, that stays with you. And furthermore, it adds up in society. It's like it builds up cumulatively.

It's like you have people out there just completely stark raving mad oh yeah like myself obviously yeah uh well before long uh our experience as things keep trending the way they're trending true i mean it'll be even worse honestly what their their sex ed will probably soon just be like, if you're white, you should only mate with another white person. I was thinking about that. Maybe they're really just concerned about those white birth rates, like J.D. Vance was talking about.

Maybe he was just saying the quiet part out loud. I think that's a part of it, honestly. And then the gaffe from the woman at the Trump rally and stuff. I think that's a part of it. It's a part of it and then the gaffe from the woman at the trump rally that's a part of it it's a part of it dude it's it's a little i mean we could sit around and like because it's like kind of alien and foreign to us it's kind of hard to understand but like that is how they see it right and that has been how they've seen it for like 200 300 years and they've had to find out a way to say that publicly yeah but they're less and less constrained by the norms and things that kept them from saying it like that yeah publicly i think um

i think i mean the people that are saying like religion is the root cause of all this stuff i think you're wrong. I think you're a little bit wrong-headed about that because I think there are tons of religious people that are very normal about this. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, even when I was religious,

I didn't see it that way. I've never had a strong position on abortion. People would talk about it all the time around me, but even when I was religious, I just didn't really... Dude, there was this girl in my eighth grade class and the thing that everybody knew about her that probably could have before you go that might have been just because i never imagined myself having sex right

this has never happened that's true what did finally happen i was like damn you you managed to pull it off huh you had it in you the whole time who the fuck it anyway um man i don't even remember what i was gonna say girl in your class uh she was like the thing that everybody knew about her was that she supported abortion and like my fucking eighth grade teacher knew this she was an eighth grader and she was the girl that was known for supporting abortion and my teacher knew this she was an eighth grader and she was the girl that was known for supporting abortion and my teacher knew this and literally staged a debate that's the only thing people knew about this young girl is that she supported abortion that was the thing like you know what i mean like there was the thing like oh that boy like that guy like he did this or she

did that you know that was her thing that everybody knew yeah and what were you known for that balls trick you did there's casey she's she supports abortion here's terence he's he did a weird he's a he's a burgeoning a burgeoning sex criminal um she my teacher knew this and staged a debate so that like she would have to basically defend her position in class against all these fucking people like these are the fucking psychopaths that i was like that were like trusted with the guardianship of me you know what I mean just at every

at every step of the way dude I want to tell you I'll tell you this evangelical Christians should be regarded as like well I'll just put it this way um the branch davidians are are more normal than them by an order of magnitudes okay like you probably would have a better social outcome as a follower

of david koresh than you would as like a follower pat roberts yes like probably not even close honestly like it should be regarded as the most fringe thing in the world and yet it's taken hold and it has nothing to do with religion or anything that's why i'd like the whole like all this is religion's fault is like stupid as fuck i think not just not to say i'm letting religion off the hook, because I'm selling on these days a little myself. Yeah, it's hard to explain, man. I think that as conditions erode, you see all these articles, like, why are the GOP getting so extreme? And it is kind of an interesting question getting about i mean well yes okay that framing of it i disagree with but it is an

interesting question of why why do they pursue this so doggedly uh but that's a i don't know that's a pointless question to ask because why does anybody do anything? You'll never understand really what motivates people. You'll never be able to determine and apply a universal to it, I guess. I think what it is is it's various social factors are creating certain conditions that either favor this or that action yeah i don't know

so like it's not a question of why it's not a question of like trying to psychologize them or like try to understand why they're doing this i think a better question is trying to understand like what is going on right now in political economy that has brought us all to this moment, really. It's the environment, man. I'm way more on the nurture side of the spectrum these days than nature. Sometimes I go a little... I step a toe into the nature side sometimes, though.

I'm like, damn, genetics. And then I'm like damn I don't think anybody's ready for this conversation Damn we're conditioned We're conditioned to do everything But nobody's ready to talk about that That's the voice in your head You're in a dialogue sis

That's the tea sis That's the tea sis It's given and i'm serving cunt y'all are ready for that conversation about nature versus nurture the one conversation that like every pseudo-intellectual loves to have pseudo-intellectuals like myself love to have the debate nature versus nature. It's their favorite thing in the world. Don't ever get sucked into that trap, my friends.

That, and you may tell you, a budding pseudo-intellectual class is that I hate everybody equally guy. Yeah. I got tweeted about that yesterday, but that guy thinks he's dropping pure knowledge when he says that. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just coming so hard. I know this because I used to hold, but that guy thinks he's dropping pure knowledge when he says that you know yes yeah yeah like

just coming so hard i know this because i used to hold it's crazy man i saw this thing where like occupied democrats had talked had like you know they're insane but they had posted this tweet about this democratic lawmaker in oklahoma who proposed a law that said that everybody is like automatically given a vasectomy and you you can earn your way into getting it reversed when you're like 18 or something like that just the most insanely eugenicist thing but like that's what i was we didn't really get to the last episode because i was so fucking brain dead. But that's what I was getting at with the whole vasectomies or solidarity thing. I mean, they can be, but they can also be just eugenics repackaged as. I remember being a teenager and I worked with this dude who was a welder.

And I remember he said that to me one day. He was like, man, I think that what society needs is every man, every boy should just have his nuts clipped. When he's hit a vasectomy, when he's like 12. Get a vasectomy. Get a vasectomy. And then they. He's got like a 10-gallon hat on and two six-shooters. I say, I say, I told my boy, get him one of them there vasectomies.

Vasectomies. Pow, pow, pow, pow. That way when the big moment comes, he won't be like my guns. Yosemite Sam telling us. Yeah, I was going for Yosemite Sam. I put a little foghorn leghorn in there. Yeah, no, a cowboy told me. An actual gaucho.

An actual gaucho told me. I remember him saying, everybody should be given a vasectomy. And like, if you pass a test, you get that habit reversed. And I remember being like. Oh, dude, yeah, man. Everybody talks about like the means testing and like the focus grouping the Democrats do,

but we forget that like the Republicans are big, like the conservatives are big on tests oh yeah they all love tests yeah tests are fascist yeah i fucking hate tests i always did so bad at tests man yeah i was a pretty good student but i just tests are how they keep the riffraff out of the ivy leagues and all that that's exactly right um dude that is exactly right i think it's because like i just have a hard time like focusing on test for one like i i get stressed out i'm like i'm on a fucking time limit goddamn yeah you can't think straight on that shit like when you see that clock ticking my brain instantly goes to like yeah just pick c for all of them and i I'm not... I think it's because

they would tell you that so much was riding on it. So you would put all this pressure on it. You'd be like, fuck, man. I'm not going to be able to afford college. So I need to get a good grade on this test. On this ACT or whatever. Anyways, this gaucho told me that.

I remember being a teenager and I was like, at the time, when I first heard it, literally, I was like, damn, maybe that would solve some problems. And then within a day, I was like, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Imagine taking your boy to the cleaning site. Taking your boy to the clinic. Gotta get your clip, boy. But one day, you can earn it back.

And then you'll have kids that didn't pass their driving test. And they're like... And you just start lying to your friends. Oh, yeah, I got mine reversed. Yeah, I got mine reversed. The day I got mine reversed the day I turned 18. Really, you'd failed the test like six times and have it. And then, you know how kids make you prove things? They're like, prove it. They jack you off.

Here's the funny thing about American boy life. They jack you off. There is all kinds of weird shit like that. Just jerking you and no comments coming out. Yeah. And then you're just socially isolated. And you keep failing the test to reverse the vasectomy. Your cowboy father made you get when you were five years old.

Look, he's shooting blanks i fucking knew it i fucking knew it i fucking knew this pussy cut past the test i think i'm gonna die oh my fucking god I know he's bullshit oh fuck yeah but then like just imagine Sam Elliott playing this role. Some mustachioed weathered cowboy with a deep voice. I think we should. We'll clip them all.

Clip them all and boy, one day you can earn it back. Like the test for earning it back would be crazy. You could do the Polydor virgil thing like the test is like who was the first nothing to do with like your preparedness for fatherhood like your knowledge of like exactly avoiding std yeah that has nothing to do with that it's just like i've got riddles three for you your cowboy dad takes you to some forest troll in the woods and says,

if you answer my riddles three, you can have, you can reverse your vasectomy. Vasectomy, yeah. Coming soon, you will be in. Then you're just traumatized.

Because by this point, you've been bullied by getting jerked off by three boys and now you gotta go in the woods and answer the riddles of a forest troll oh god oh my fucking god that's the stupid. Now you're just shocked into a psychosexual repression because you can't have a normal adult sex life anymore because you're thinking about all that trauma. Oh, fuck, dude. Just that guy that takes the test every year and fails and he finally passes it when he's like 72.

So it's his exploits trying to and the thing is he's the most handsome guy that ever oh yeah he could have been mopping the pussy up and just siring tons of airs but now now that man was elvis presley el Elvis Presley died on the toilet without having sired an heir. I think about that all the time. This is my biggest fear, dying on the toilet. Wow. I think. Your biggest fear was being an international rock icon. Okay, yeah.

But also you were a semen retention guy. Not by choice. Not by choice, man. Just because you couldn't pass the sex test. It has nothing to do with sex. Just jerking him off. Book. Fucking book.

I fucking knew it. I knew it. Fucking knew it, bro's like because like you still shoot semen but there's no sperm in it if you have a vasectomy you should i'm gonna i'm gonna show my ignorance here you should shoot water basically i did take our friend john to get a vasectomy because i guess he didn't read the literature before he had it done but i was assuming they would put him under and do it and all that yeah it's just some local anesthesia i sit down in the waiting room i didn't get no more than two pages into an interesting article about what one of those celebrity couples with a portmanteau name was up to

and john walks back out just happy as a lark, saying, I was like, well, did they go and work you up and stuff? He goes, no, I'm done. I'm like, you're done? I was thinking this was like getting a fucking transplant or something, like a big major surgery. They just fill your nuts with concrete. They fill your sack.

We're sealing it up. We're sealing it up We're sealing it up You just come out with the heaviest sack They just put a little They put a little open and close sign on you You gotta wear a little close sign around your cock It just hangs over your nuts And when you get it reversed I go in and bust up the concrete

And turn the sign and turn the sign around damn that's so funny though that like that's considered a response to some democrat from fucking oklahoma be like this is gonna be epic this is gonna be so cool yeah like i don't know man well they have been i mean a common conservative thing they throw around all the time and not a few democrats i should add is idiots shouldn't be able to reproduce uh yeah right so it's like the frame where we joke in the really the most ridiculous way maybe we've ever joked on this show but really and truly like the framework is there dude it's it's fucking weird right because it is very very surreal to live in a new era during which the

rallying cry is literally the words pro-life like when your civilization enters the pro-life era, that's how you know it's not. You can almost rest assured that they worship death. Yes, it will be the worship of death. Yeah, yeah. It's the exact opposite. Everything upside down, living in the zone. I mean, a million other things you could call it and metaphors and so forth. Yeah, dude.

I've just been spiraling all week honestly i just i just don't know why i just uh i'm sure my therapist would tell me uh before she uh got rid of me before she fired before she fired me before she divorced divorced you yeah has anybody ever had a bringing up the cowboy vasectomy plan that involves sexual abuse and forest trolls you have a sickness that i cannot cure sir oh god yeah no i'm sure she would say um uh you know you shouldn't worry about things you can't control. But that's the crazy thing.

Theoretically, you can control it in a way. Because that's what we've been told our whole lives. Like, if you disagree with what they're doing, just call your representative. Call your representative and do something about it. We live in a democracy. Oh, boy. No, but seriously, I've been freaking out about it.

Well, what are you going to do? Polydor Virgil definitely had a few things to freak out about. Okay, wait, let me go back to Gildas, man. Yeah, we ran away from Gildas. I'm sorry, I got really into that cowboy vasectomy plan thing. You teed me up right. Well, yeah, that's, you know. There's a lot of brilliant minds out there

that are just waiting to be tapped for solutions, for modern day solutions. Before I move on, did you see that clip of Kamala Harris where they were like, do what? She was like, do what? I mean, again, I don't know. I'm trying not to even think about it. Again, I don't know. I'm trying not to even think about it. There was an entire article in the New York Times about why the Democrat moderate is disappearing.

Dude, the whole thing. I challenge anyone to read that without it starting to feel really eerie and like someone is trying to bend reality around you. You start to disassociate reading it because the whole thing is premised on the idea that the democratic party has moved too far left we're talking about a like a 5 000 word piece on how the democrats are moving away from moderation and how that might be not a good idea yeah and it's like it's just that weird disjunction between them i don't even the thing about about democratic moderation like moving away from it being a bad

idea it's like it's what's got us here yeah you know what i mean it's like to keep doing the same thing is i mean you know but that's the thing like i think at this point the intel intelligentsia knows that but now they're running these news stories that are like look at them they've moved left it's working you're you're doing a good you're doing a good job how you're doing a good job like that guy who calls the radio. But they're not actually doing anything. It's like, what I'm trying to say is that it seems like the intelligentsia has now solidified around the idea that everything's fine. What are you fucking whining about?

I think that's been their project for years. I think they know been their project for years. Yeah. I think they know they ultimately cannot beat what's coming with the conservatives. Because I remember in 2012, Bill Clinton saying stuff like that. Like when he would be out stumping. He would say, things feel bad, but they're not. You know what I mean? Like things feel like that, but they're not you know what i mean like things feel like that but they're really not that bad like he would say stuff like that we just think they are because of the you know

fox news and social media blah blah blah and it's like no things are bad and have been for a while but now it's like you're starting to see the most insane expressions of those things. Dude, it was weird because it seemed to be implying that the Democrats have strayed from the Clinton vision. That was the whole thing. So it makes me wonder if it was a planned story, if Hillary's trying to make a comeback, but she's gonna run it as a moderate.

I could see it. Yeah, I could too. It'd be the funniest thing in the world she let me tell you she's gonna run now she's gonna run you're i swear i go ahead whoever's listening this go ahead and mark this down right now you will see a hillary clinton ad of her in a cowboy hat shooting a rifle she will be or like no she's she's not even that clever she'll be wearing like a barber hunting jacket that nobody actually really wears that hunts uh-huh and thinks she's connecting with like you know sportsmen in the rural south or whatever right i can win them my husband bill won them twice And it's like I hope to God she runs

As a moderate That would be I mean she would lose even worse than before Like that's what she wants to do That's what she's always been right Like she was against gay marriage Even you know Yeah she was Goldwater

She started out in Goldwater She might just get back to her roots. Man. But if Hillary Clinton, honest to God, thinks there's a moderate Republican in the world that would vote for her, she's the biggest rube there is. She is.

And she'll still think that. That'll be funny. Well, Polydor Virgil, where I was going with all of them supposed to be andrew should ever i'm just like this dove building this nest out here i mean he's still going at it man i'm just like him just like hovering around today's episode like putting in a straw there a straw piece here and there. A little piece here and there. All right. Okay. If you're a historian back then, you didn't have any of the tools of modern, like, archaeology or forensics or anything like that. So you had to literally go off of, like, or also you couldn't do comparative analysis in some cases.

Also, you couldn't do comparative analysis in some cases. It's like if you didn't have a book from so-and-so region from so-and-so time, you wouldn't be able to determine if the source that you were reading was telling the truth or whether it was fabrication. So that's how he basically pieced together the accounts of who was the first man to do this. Who was the first crazy-ass white boy? Or who was the first... Yeah, quirked up white boy. Who does Polydor Virgil cite as the first one goaded with the sauce?

Does he go crass? That's a little too obvious. It is a little too obvious. He probably goes Christ for first crazy white boy too for me the one goaded with the sauce let's see I thought Elijah was pretty cool

or Muhammad Muhammad was probably goaded with the sauce the prophet peace be upon him I'd say he was good I mean Muhammad seems pretty tight dude I mean there is like I i know we've talked about it before but there's like a story about him being picked up by a tornado and taken

all the way to like medina yeah like sick as fuck that's tight he was riding fucking enoch and elijah i'm with you on that both guys the two guys to have lived a full life and never died just got sucked up. I really, really appreciate the idea of rendering him like photographically or figuratively, like rendering him in any way is an offense against his very nature i really appreciate that i mean i think that's tight yeah like basically it kind of implies that

um like photo like photograph copies are kind of obscene so there's something about the recreation of a photographic image that sort of cheapens it and makes it not as powerful as it really is. You know what I'm saying? I guess that's the implication, right? I'm going to sound really ignorant to all our Muslim listeners. I apologize if I'm just completely bastardizing that. But... I'm going to have to get into it because I'm reading

at the urging of a Muslim friend of mine, reading that book that you loaned me by. Oh, yeah. Ansari. Yeah, A History of the World Through Islam. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I think A Muslim History of the World. A Muslim History of the World. Something like that, yeah. It's a history of the world through Islam. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I think a Muslim history of the world. A Muslim history of the world.

Something like that, yeah. It's a good fucking book. Yeah. But then again, I read it a long time ago, so if you are more learned than me and you hear me say that and be like, no, that's racist or orientalist or something like that, I apologize.

I liked it at the time I read it, which was like five, six years ago. Yeah. But it could be like a Steven Pinker thing now. Yeah. Dude, you can't put yourself out there like this anymore. We've been over this. You can't mention what you're reading now.

Well, usually what I'm reading is like an idiot's guide to... Pornography? You're reading pornographic magazines from the 1980s. That's what all Tom reads. It's just like... Vintage jugs. It's not even like the pictures you want. You're like a connoisseur of

their little puff pieces. Walter Mondale had some interesting things to say in jugs number six in an interview with the congressman uh just trying to get a number of perspectives there yeah man i had an article i wanted to read today but that would be a fun series we should do would be to read like the most unlikely playboy interviews like read jimmy carter's Playboy interview.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuff like that. They're like, Mr. Carter, do you like big cans? Mr. Carter, you portray yourself as a Sunday school teacher and a simple peanut farmer. Do you like massive jugs? Or D-N-T-1-T-U-D. Would you say that you've ever

knocked the back out of Rozo? Just putting massive titties in the president's face. Yeah. Didn't someone do that to Adorno? And he got mad and left the room? Yeah, was Adorno kind of a prude? Something like that. I guess door no kind of approved something like this kind of sit like I guess he was kind of like against the honestly it kind of is

sexual harassment just like getting naked and like shoving your titties in a door nose face if he didn't ask for that if he didn't want titties put in his face that's a little bit fucked up history has not been kind to him everybody was like what the fuck's the matter pussy you don't like tits yeah i mean they were saying that down at the gas station today they were like can you believe that fucking pussy theodore adorno yeah that's what the cowboy said to his son when he took him he's like you know mr adorno son there's things son you don't want to end up like old Mr. Adorno. You're like Mr. Adorno.

You get a pair of titties in your face. You better do something with them. You better do something with them. You better do something with them big old jabozies. All right, let's put a fucking lid on this one. We have to. Thanks for listening in and supporting us. If you would like to donate to our cause, go to patreon.com, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.

A very fluid concept at this point. A very fluid concept at this point. P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Trailbilly Workers Party. And go tell a friend. And until next time. Adios. As our friend Cervantes

would say. As our friend Cervantes would say. He would say, uh, adios. Yeah, with the lisp, the Spanish lisp of the mainland. Adios.