Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 287: Big Time Criminality

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

This week it's a grab bag of allergy-fueled bits and news, followed by an op-ed from a friend at the NYTimes about the formula for making crime go up Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

here's my confessions confessions is one of those albums one of the few concept albums that abandons the concept about halfway through the album it says hey let's just make slappers well i mean i mean because he confessed in the first what was it not even the first half of the album maybe the first third of it you're right He confessed in the first half and then the second half he was like, well, what do I do now? Let's party, boys. Yeah, he's like, let's party, boys. I got the hard part out of the way. Yeah, I got the hard part out of the way.

Yeah, I told Chili I got a strange woman pregnant. So anyway, where's little John at? It's anyway, peace up, A-Town down. Yo, wait, was that song on that album too? It was, yeah. Everybody forget that album did. Is that like right after Thriller numbers? Like that was the last like really huge selling like million in the first week album, I think, before, you know, like, not really streaming.

Streaming was a couple years after that, but, like, you know, the MP3 era really just, like, killed it all. That's actually a really good point, because I was thinking about with Succession, that show Succession, Succession, that show Succession and it being in its last season on HBO sort of like the vein of prestige TV shows that was monocultural. Everybody was watching at the same time. And I feel like

that Confessions album, man, it didn't matter whether you were black from the hood or whether you were white living in the country or whatever you were, man, everybody was bumping that song. That whole album. it had a universal theme which is like even if sin sin yes like even if you're even if you're confessing to like mom i accidentally cut uh my little brother's hair and now he looks stupid as fuck.

You know, it's like even if you're confessing... I gave my brother a Hitler Youth haircut again, Mom. I gave my brother the Richard Spencer. I gave him the Hitler haircut again, Mom. It's like you can relate to that. You can relate to having to make

a confession. The track listing of that album is hilarious because the Lil Jon song, Yeah, is actually before the confession. So it's like, oh shit. Oh, he's loosening her up. He's like, hey, let's get a little. Well, that's the journey to the confession because that's why he has to make the confession.

He went to the club, got too lit. Yeah. Fucked around a little bit in the bathroom too much. Yeah, was actually why he has to make the confession. Exactly, exactly. What he doesn't tell you is that the way she gets low, the chick he's talking about in that is not his woman. It's not his woman, exactly.

It's his ex, from what I remember from the... Because I love the confession song. Dude, I sing it to myself all the time. Not part two. Not part two. Not part two, but part one. Because his confession is, Everything that I've been doing is all bad. Which is a hilarious way to confess.

It's like, everything I've been doing is bad. I've really not done it one thing right. 365 days out of the year? Not time i love i love that just like and that's why i sing it to myself all the time it's like every time i fuck up or something i'm like man everything i've been doing is all bad i mean it's an earnest confession, man. I think in this day and age, we're long overdue for one of those confessionals. I know the album is called Confessions, but we need confessional music, man. We need people pouring their hearts out about how you cheated on us. I'm going to push back just a little bit, Aaron.

I think Usher's in direct violation of the advice we dispensed on the last premium episode which is deny till you die this is true this is true you know if you have a kid with what would she sue you for paternity you got dead to rights which was kind of the subject of the deny till you die thing i mean you know on the other hand uh makes for good uh subject matter for uh for a Grammy award-winning album well you're right every it is interesting every major pop song now like if you listen to like Taylor Swift or I mean Drake isn't quite in this corner because Drake leans he might be in this corner. Those feel like a perfect circle.

Those almost feel like a perfect surface. Is this Twirl and Sip to Drake? Yeah, you're right. I was going to say that it seems that if you compare Confessions to Taylor Swift or something, the lyrical content these days is all about how you've been done wrong.

You've been done bad. But Usher is like, no, everything I'm doing is bad. I do the bad. Yeah, everybody else is playing the victim. You're right. Usher is before going out and partying and then owning up to it

and then after he owns up to it, he goes out and parties again. But at least he's, you know. Yeah. He's being accountable he's being he's holding himself accountable dude that's more than i could say for a lot of you today that's right that's more than i could say for a taylor swift with her uh with her uh private jets uh ruining the environment. Yeah, right. Putting ozone in there. Or Drake just existing. Yeah. Or Drake

ruining the 16 to 21 demographic environment. I wonder how he took the news that Millie Bobby Brown was engaged. Fell on his knees on like a yacht.

Like, I don't know. He needs to make his own confessions out about that. I think he's such a savage, he probably didn't even, like, he probably didn't even remember saying that. You know what I'm saying? He probably didn't even remember saying that about her. He probably literally tells every woman that.

Confessions is, though, it's a masterpiece kind of in the vein of Marvin Gaye's Here, My Dear, in my opinion. So, anyway, worth revisiting.

We should go to the Vegas show. Yeah, I'm down. I'd be down for that. I haven't been to a... I'm going to tell y'all what, which is surprising when I tell people.

I have not been to many live shows or concerts in my lifetime. Probably one or two. I can't even tell you who I saw, man. That's how insignificant it was. So I'd be down. One year, me and Tom had to go to Bonnaroo because we worked at it. Yeah.

And it was Kanye West was there and we requested that he play Wagon Wheel. He didn't do it. Well, he actually did lodge that request. I don't know that it got to his ears, but somebody that could have told him that was told to tell him that. Tell him to play Wagon Wheel.

And didn't. And he didn't do it. Shame. Maybe he did, and Kanye was like, what? Right. Well, we had to work it And uh It's a dismal affair let me tell you Bonnaroo

Yeah I would like to go to a music festival Or concert I would never want to work at one Well I've been to a lot of music festivals Well Okay I should take that back I've been to a lot of music festivals. Well, okay, I should take that back. I've been to like Austin City Limits and South by Southwest isn't really a music festival.

It's just like the whole town becomes ground zero of the most annoying people in North America. On planet Earth. In North America. In three continents. Yeah. Yeah, in three continents at least. Yeah.

And then I've been to Bonnaroo that one time, and that's just because the nonprofit we were working for made us go work at Bonnaroo. We didn't actually work the music festival. But, yeah, man man music festivals are uh they are simultaneously worse and better than you would think yeah you know what i'm saying yeah yeah i just get a i don't know why but um i mean i mean i guess i don't know why but burning man as a music festival i've always wanted to i've always pictured you know like uh guess I don't know why, but Burning Man as a music festival. I've always pictured, you know, like, I don't know, like, well, I was thinking this about Astroworld, too, but then a lot of people died there.

So, okay, take that back. But like a big event where people are, I don't know, doing a bunch of drugs and, I don't know, living vicariously. It's a little like Mad Max, I found it. I was too old for it by the time I was 27, which I think is how old I was when we did this. It's been about 10 years ago, I guess. Yeah, it was almost 10 years ago.

By day three, you go to the showers and it just looks like something out of the last of us. Like post-apocalyptic? Just say the holocaust just say the holocaust it's what you wanted to say it just looks like auschwitz no you ain't putting those words in my mouth he's not yet he said it that's what he said everybody

joe got him folks we got him just see the picture of the woman and her boyfriend taking sexy pics in front of ashwoods this week it was going around tm i feel like man what that's crazy like i feel like if you take sexy pics in front of ashwoods armed guards should come out and then take you inside and put you inside and put you in the oven and subject you subjective. They lead you into a shower. It's like, these are the rules. You wanted a sexy pic, you ran out to it. This is what happened. It's like, remember where we were doing

we were talking about the tours, the touring movie sites, you know? Like, a couple episodes passed. They're like, yeah past they're like yeah yeah like oh you've won a free prize now you play stupid games you win stupid prizes with stupid this way i mean tom you and i talked about this uh when i did uh faces in the corner the halloween special passed last year and uh just we were talking about uh let's talk about the the rose

hall in jamaica which is a plantation where uh i mean it's essentially a tourist attraction is what it is and um it's just how bizarre that is you know you know what i mean and that's like it's like all right man all right let me phrase this correctly because i don't want anybody to think i'm saying you know what it's actually one is worse than the other they're both fucking horrible but like a plantation physically okay like you could drive past a plantation and it has a rolling lawn like across all sides there's trees and motherfuckers getting married there on the weekends exactly somebody has to tell you yo you know or sometimes you can tell but she's like yo it's a plantation ew that's gross okay but auschwitz like that's like literally i mean it's a fucking prison bro

like why would you you know what i'm saying like there's nothing about that that's evocative of beauty or like you know natural beauty or anything at all like that's like no but nobody was intended to live there like i mean both are awful i just want to say that yeah right but like if their whole legacy of slavery hadn't existed on the plantation you'd'd say, oh, this was a beautiful place, you know what I mean? Like, full of splendor. Dude, in a way, in a way, that's interesting to think about because the whole reason that that is the case

is because the concentration camps were basically put up in wartime. Like, there were concentration camps that existed before the war, but they really kicked off once they entered the war. And so they were just these like shabby barren industrial type places the fact that plantations are kind of like bucolic and aesthetically pleasing just goes to show you that like we had concentration camp type things

going on for like over well over 150 years you know what i mean like if the concentration it was yes if the concentration camps had just stayed there in europe for like 100 years they probably would have started looking aesthetically pleasing yeah yeah like it's systematically yeah that's how evil that's how evil the plantation thing is i think it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a good point that's a good point that's actually really good it's like uh it's also a perfect metaphor for america too like a common dumb guy refrain i always hear when people like i heard warren buffett say it last week and i started to quote tweet a warren buffett thing i was like this is so hack but i still feel this way like

he's like oh we all complain but like that like it's never there's never been a better time in human history to be alive and all this stuff and it's like that's almost the greater tragedy really right that we have all this technology and and know-how and all these things that we didn't have even 20 30 years ago and we still have so many people immiserated. In my mind, that's worse. It's kind of the plantation metaphor. It's like the fact that America had these beautiful places where we still immiserated people is like, you know.

It's not a greater tragedy, but it's like it's just more. It's not more. It's just insidious, you know. You know what I was thinking about? You know what I was thinking about? I should have told y'all that we could talk about maybe. I mean, we could talk about it now a little bit. I don't know much about it.

But I was looking at this thread that More Perfect Union had put out on Twitter that said child labor laws are back, right, because of this loosening in 11 states. right because of this loosening in 11 states i think uh iowa being the most recent maybe um where they are like loosening child labor laws where i mean you know you have you could i think you'd be as young as 14 and work in certain uh certain like occupations but this is limited to hours and you have to have parental consent and stuff so all these states are uh loosening those laws and at the same time you know i'm looking at all this shit about AI now, right? And I know that the AI isn't like, it's not the science fiction, like William Gibson, like Neuromancer shit.

It's, it's, it's, it's, but at the same time though, it is like, it is going, we're going to see this explosion, right? In automation and AI over the next couple of years. And I don't think it'll get to any of that, but just the point that this, this kind of, this, this, I don't that this this kind of uh uh this uh this i don't know this kind of accumulation of this cumulative technology of emerging technologies over the past like you

know 30 years right leading up until this point and then they're bringing back like you got like little kids with their little hands that have been working at nissan factories and shit like that you know what i'm saying like it's literally going back to like some like 19th 20th century like i mean 19th century shit it's like kind of wild man i mean just to your point tom it's like uh that's a that's a that's crazy to me yeah yeah there is a article in the new york times about us was warned of migrant child this is migrant child labor but still i mean it's pretty fucked up but white house and federal agencies were repeatedly alerted to the signs of children at risk the warnings were ignored or missed

yeah that shit is evil as fuck man i mean i don't know this doesn't doesn't make any uh this doesn't make any sense to point out right-wing hypocrisies like you know obviously we all know these motherfuckers don't care about kids, but, uh, I don't know, man. That's just like,

apparently I think the Iowa, the Iowa like state house or some shit. I don't think it was Iowa. They, uh, they went all night to vote on this and they voted on it five in the morning. And I'm like,

what kind of, what kind of sociopathic mind you guys have to sit there for like 12 hours and say, okay, debate the matter of whether children and like under 18 years old you know i'm saying like children like teenagers should be able to fucking work man right for how long actually that's correct just burning the agreement they should they should not be freeloaders they need to be working but for how long is the question

you're right burning the candle at both ends just to pass child legislation law. Like, that's... What a shitty time to be a kid. Go help your own kids. You can, like... Yeah. You're, like, fucking...

Dad can marry you off to an adult man in some fucking states. You have to go fucking work in the goddamn Nissan mines for fucking a quarter a day, day you know and a fucking pack of snackables and an hour of tiktok yeah and then on top of that if and then assuming all that doesn't wreck you you fucking uh you you're probably going to die in a hell of gunfire or by you know an ever-growing alphabet of pathogens out there that's what i always say

man the the zoomers are either gonna uh start the next uh protracted people's war or cannibalize us in the in the climate apocalypse that's probably the latter that's probably more likely you know More likely. Yeah. There's no in between. There's no in between, man. Yeah. The kids are all right, or they're kind of scary? Yeah, their kids are all right, or they're missing three digits on their left hand because they got it caught in a similar line. They got their finger caught in a machine or some shit, yeah. Yeah.

That's the choices in America. Either lose your fingers in the assembly line or, you know, go steal catalytic converters and maybe hurt yourself. You could either die, you could die old and indebted or you could die young

and maimed you know that's true that's what it is live fast die young and leave a three fingered corpse that's America greatest country in the history of the world man oh man

I did uh greatest country in the history of the world man oh man well i did i did have one item i want to talk about that is yeah what you got the santa loa cartels went woke oh they went woke i didn't want i didn't want they got struck by the woke virus i didn't want to. They got struck by the woke virus. I didn't want to bring it up, but they've reflected on that it's wrong to kill black people. And they've come out and they've made an apology to the families of the folks from South Carolina that went down there. Wait, were they really black? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a black family from South Carolina. Oh, shit, bro. I didn't know that. Yeah. So what was their apology? Did they do a notes app post? Yeah, they posted on their Twitter, Instagram. The blue check.

Yeah. It's the Citadel of Cartel's got a blue check you clicked. It's like, subscribe to Twitter, blue. Nah, I'm betting it. Nah, this shit should actually be, no, actually, this is a notable category. Yeah. We should verify all crime syndicates on Twitter and terrorist groups, in my opinion.

Yeah, was it ISIS or was it, what group was it on Twitter, bro? Wasn't it one of these groups on Twitter? I think, I don't know. The Yakuza? Nah, not the Yakuza. I think it was, I don't remember what it was, man. The Islamic State, i think they were on twitter i think they literally were at the mob at the box subscribe to twitter boy

i had an offer you can't refuse the funniest middle america racist talking point is um like dads from the suburbs saying like like talking about like black gangs and in the inner cities like squaring off against like sinaloa cartels and ms-13 and stuff like in their minds like the black gangs don't stand a chance it's like this weird racial hierarchy where there's like they does that make sense like they have to know that makes that makes perfect sense because they're like oh they're like oh i've seen i've seen uh i've seen uh i've seen like the godfather i've seen the mob shit these motherfuckers are way more put together you know what i'm saying but i'm like little do you know motherfucker

little do you know it's like the wakandans versus the the you know yeah racist dads love to fantasize about gangs squaring off against each other. Racial gangs. Racial gangs. I guess that's what I mean, yeah. They think it's like DC versus Mortal Kombat. You know what I mean? You know those games where it's like

just these different character universes, but they're squaring off in the streets of America and threatening our good, white, all-american boys they really do yeah so so hey tom so what did uh so what did this did you have a you have the apology verbatim from the cartel i'll say let me see if i can bring it up here i'll just see when you when you told us through text i was thinking uh i was i was I wasn't really thinking that they killed I thought they just killed some um some lily white you know like a tourist going on spring break some type of shit you know I mean which you know yeah I mean which

is cause for outrage you know regardless I mean I mean well in the United States we just saw this uh young white girl get killed turning somebody's. But that all being said, as a brother, I got to raise the black power fist, man, the solidarity fist to the cartel for being intersectional. They confess. Indeed, black lives do matter. They confessed like Usher, basically. Yeah, they did. They did. Now, how are they going to go as far as defund the police uh

maybe they will the democratic party didn't so uh you know let me read their pile let me read their statement i'll let y'all decide if they're ready to los cientos para matar los personas gulf cartel apologizes they said quote this is from the associated press our deepest apologies for what occurred on the 3rd of march we have decided to turn over those who were directly involved and responsible in the events who at the times acted under their own decision making and lack of discipline and against the rules of the cdg this is better than cops dude this is a better fucking apology the cops yeah you don what i'm saying

this segment this segment was like is would be a great who said it the lapd or the sinaloa cartel or the gulf cartel which it operates respecting innocent people that's how i like i like the idea of a woke cartel is like listen are we murderous scumbags sure Sure we are, but guess what? No women, no kids. We have rules. We have ethics. We won't start a shootout in a mall or a playground. We got rules. Little do they know, there's no ethical mass murder under capitalism.

If someone would just tell them that. There's not. They got to read their Foucault or Lacan or some shit. They got to read Bell Hooks. there's not they gotta read they uh they gotta read they uh what's that they gotta read bell hooks if only the cartels had read bell hooks none of us mayo ass honkies would be in this mess there's something like hilarious about apologizing for something that that literally you can't take back. You know what I mean? Like if they kidnap some people, be like, oh yeah, this was a mistake, sorry. But like it's so weird to murder people and then be like, listen, we've reflected,

we've decided that we were wrong about this. Oh dude, it's like how, I think it was in like the 70s, the state of maybe Maryland, whatever state executed Sacco and vansetti they like apologized for it it's like it's like new jersey something maybe it was new jersey it could have been new jersey i think yeah i think you're right i think it probably was new jersey it's like they they apologized for it it's like at the time everybody said this was bullshit. It's like, what is it? Yeah, you guys are late. I mean, I don't know. The only reason, I've got Sacco and Vanzetti

on my wall back there at the New Jersey City Museum courtesy of Dr. Alejandro Andres and fam. So that's my guess. It's like apologizing for bombing Hiroshima. It's like, we were acting up a little bit. apologizing for bombing Hiroshima. We were acting up a little bit. This is my confession. Sorry I dropped two bombs on two large

metropolitan areas. These are my confession. Kill 100,000 people in 45 seconds. Man's thrown and I don't know what to do. Guess I gotta put one atom into two. Oh, shit, yeah.

Split one atom into two. Oppenheimer Confession, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, the Oppenheimer Confession. yeah Oppenheimer confession that should have been the whole movie with Benedict Cumberbatch or whatever

was it Benedict Cumberbatch or wait who the fuck was I don't know it's one of those dudes bro it's Adrian Brody Benedict Cumberbatch motherfucker it's one of those guys I know what you're talking about. This is my confession. We got a big grant from the

government from FDR to make a bomb in the New Mexico desert. With a bunch of Nazis. With a bunch of Nazis. With Richard Feynman and a bunch of Nazis. Wernher von Braun. Operation Paperclip. Man, I'm thrown and don't you know that we didn't

learn any lessons so here comes sure noble now the whole world's on the brink of apocalypse my confession and then at the end he's just like listen um it's like the guy you remember the russian soldier that touched the big rod at chernobyl that was like the most yeah atomic thing on the planet he's like he's just like start you know usher's just like it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do there's a spoken word part, yeah. It's that guy talking about how he shouldn't have done that. Because now he's got like 14 rare cancers.

Unheard of cancers. And now I've got 14 rare cancers. And Zelensky's still the president of Ukraine. Was it worth it? No. Was it worth it? No. Was it worth it? Hell no. Hell no.

So with that, I say I'm dying soon, but I just want to say Slava Ukraini, I'm sorry. Oh, shit. Oh, God, yeah. All right, here's what we're going to do, boys. We're going to write the next Hamilton, but it's just like a history of the atomic bomb. Yeah.

Like nuclear disasters. Yeah, yeah. A bunch of men on their deathbed apologizing for launching the world into the atomic age in a nuclear apocalypse. Oh, man. This is... Yeah. launching the world into a the atomic age and a nuclear apocalypse oh man this is yeah the spoke this by far the hardest thing i think i've ever had to do to tell you the woman i love that i'm having a baby by a woman i barely even know yeah you fucked up you fucked up bruh damn near cried

when they dropped the big bomb now I'm quoting the bottom of the guitar I thought that you would damn near cry when they dropped the big bomb I didn't I didn't cry first of all I'm not no bitch

but I damn near did when they dropped that shit now I am become destroyer the death of words shouldn't have split those items into two now it's a major motion picture starring cillian murphy directed by christopher nolan yeah damn near cried when i saw them shadows on the wall that's what that's what it was yeah that's what it was yeah yeah damn near lost my mind when i saw cillian murphy was playing me he's way too handsome what's he doing i'm just robert oppenheimer looking like a thumb dude that that is way that is

a huge historical catfish like that's come on we were talking about that a couple episodes ago uh what other actor uh i forget what other uh what other, historical figure that they just made way too damn sexy, man. Well, not that Matt Damon's way too damn sexy. He's kind of sexy for 1997. But now I think he's just kind of, you know, just an average cat. But it's not that they cast him as Sonny Vaccaro, the man in that movie Aaron about the Jordans. I challenge you friends to go Google Sonny Vaccaro

and then Google Matt Damon and tell me that's not the worst casting in history. I'm going to look this shit up right now. It says Sonny Vaccaro, and that's the dude that got Jordan his... Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay, he looks decrepit now. I got to go back to like 80s i loved it that's why i say jesus said the said the war has been over for three months but they're still

dropping it three months but they keep it but they're keeping it. First thing I thought in my eye was damn. Oh, shit. That's what we're going to do. We're going to write a Hamilton-style musical, and it's just one long extended cut of Usher's Confessions, but telling the story of the creation of the atom bomb. We've got to start with the Operation Paperclip.

Had to get him for the Soviets did. Guess it started with the space race. And so somebody comes out there, it's like on a piano. It's actually really tight. And they're just playing like the melody to Confessions on the piano. Oh there, it's like on a piano. It's actually really tight. And they're just playing like the melody to Confessions on the piano.

Oh, man, that's Usher's Confessions. And then one by one, people start coming out. And it's like you got, you know, as it all unfolds, it's all these characters. Yeah, Werner Von Braun. Werner Von Braun, whoever's on the Soviet side. I don't know. Korolev, I don't know who he was. Oh, my God. What's the guy who killed JFK

Him and his brother The Dulles brothers They're there Sullivan and Cromwell It's the veritable who's who And it culminates in the end And fuck It's gonna be like very lib

so we're gonna be like and we can't let iran get one exactly it won't even it won't even end with the united states dropping like the implications of us dropping the bob it's just like no now we have to make sure right 70 years in the future yeah that iran doesn't get what can make sure to ayatollah and if kim jong-un gets one well god help us all and then it's confessions part two that yeah well we have to justify nuking north korea jonathan pollard was a spy for israel but we gave him this nuke secrets on accident trump took home the nuclear codes. And said he wasn't giving them back until they made him the president.

But then came Sleepy Joe and he did the same thing, basically. Yo, Deb, you just really made me think. Like, what if you just held yeah what if Trump instead of instead of a sub-Generity 6 inciting a coup just nah I'm gonna hold on to these for safekeeping

for life and I'll be president for life that friends is that's what you call a winning idea I also have another winning idea if you want to hear it just changing gears a little bit yeah it's a parody of the hit tv show succession but it's called secession and it takes place during the great war between the north and the south i fuck with the shit already go ahead tom go off and it's like brother it's like i don't even know

if jefferson davis had any kids but it's like all his shitty kids, and they're going to be named Shiv Davis. Who's the other one? Jeremy Strong Davis. Jeremy, no, Logan. What's his fucking name? Kendall. Oh, Kendall.

Kendall Davis. Yeah, they're just going to have the same names as the shitty kids from Succession, but they're going gonna have the same names as the the shitty kids from succession but they're gonna be jefferson davis's kids and hell we might work usher's confessions into that one too and make it a musical but so what's the way are they are they trying to are they trying to uh uh uh like take over his legacy from uh from the confederacy yeah it's gonna be historical fiction right because one i don't know how many kids he had or if he even had any. Or if he had 27.

Or he probably birthed some... A lot of... Illegitimate black children, too, probably. That's probably my hunch. For sure. But, yeah, that's what it's going to be. And it's going to be, like, who gets to take over... Like, who gets to be, like, the face of the Confederacy?

And one of the kids is gonna be like Moe Morgadoffy's son that was trying to get Libya some like you know, mainstream neoliberal street credentials you know what I mean? He's like listen we're going straight, the Confederacy's going straight. It's like Jeremy Strong's character being the exemplar for woke liberalism.

Yeah, being kind of like the millennial who wants to take it into the new age. We'll be nice to the slaves. Promise. We'll be nice to the slaves. We'll give them three square meals a day. Some of them even enjoy it. Right, that's what he's going to start with. The story is going to be

that guy is the one that started the some slaves are happy thing. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Right. Yeah. And then he builds them some pickleball courts.

Yeah. You know, he's the good and benevolent slave owner that we've all been told definitely existed in Southern history classes. You know what you just made me think about uh uh this seems like it would uh it seems like a better version of what i was gonna say but it would dovetail perfectly with uh the guys from fuck man the guys from game of thrones i think the brothers or none of their brothers or they're just friends i don't know anything i don't watch that show but uh they wanted to do the show called confederate uh yeah like really like really we're gonna do it yeah show. But they wanted to do the show called Confederate. Yeah, yeah. Which was an alternate.

Like, really? Like, really were going to do it? Yeah, they were going to do it until, like, the backlash. But it was an alternate history where slavery, the institution of slavery, was never abolished. And I guess the United States was either split between North and South with, like, you know, free labor in the North and slavery in the South. And people were really, really upset. But you know what, man? Because, I mean, you know, there's an argument to be made that, you know, although slavery was abolished, you know.

I was watching that come out. You go, well, you know, there's an argument to be made. I was like, Aaron, where are you going with that? Don't say it. Don't say it. I'm not going to gonna lie i would have watched that shit though people got bad but i would watch that shit though though i would have watched it especially if it uh if i had succession um like bob man where we get a bunch of uh a bunch of kids jostling for power yeah i just need to be an ideas guy i need somebody that actually works in that godforsaken industry to go ahead and make that.

Give me a little credit. Isn't that what a producer does? No, a producer I guess funds it, right? I just want to throw ideas out there. I ain't got no money. And I can't execute. But I can cook up gold up here in this dome. You know that lyric in Confessions?

She opened up the door and didn't want to come near me. That's about the guy that got radioactive poison. He's so radioactive his wife won't come near him. Why'd you leave me baby? It's because I could give you

cancer. Because you glow in green. 420 microsiemens on the register. Yeah, hey, hey. The hazmat gear stays on during sex. It is kind of wild to like get one of those i did that in my physics class at college they would give us one of those meters and like the teacher would just bring in like dishware from the 70s and it would just be off the charts radio actor go ahead i was gonna say this whole thing

works actually because I forgot god that album is so great because after confessions the song after confessions is burn you gotta let it burn you gotta let it burn you gotta let it burn and it's just the planet in peril

it's just like a montage of like like you know just sad shit, like polar bears are just like skeletons now. Smoldering cities. Yeah, and it's burning up, and then it's just all set to let it burn. And then everybody's like, this musical's great. I don't know who these degenerates are that wrote it,

but it's powerful and moving. It's powerful. it's her that wrote it but it's powerful and powerful it would be the perfect uh it really would be perfect uh like to follow in the vein of uh hamilton tom it really would be like this neoliberal uh you know like uh escapism man let it burn let it burn you may tell a real travesty that nobody's ever written a script about the Haitian Revolution that I'm aware of. That's like gold, man. Yo, the dude who did the young Karl Marx, and I forget what other movie. He's Haitian, actually.

It'd be tight if he did that, man. I would love to see that shit. Oh, man. A dramatization of the Haitian Revolution. That'd be so fucking tight, dude love to see that shit oh man dramatization of the haitian revolution that'd be so fucking tight i love that shit man no but then they would you know but then they would figure out a way just like they did with the fred hampton black panther movie where it was from the point of view of the informant they would try to figure out a way to make the french the heroes yeah yeah exactly exactly yeah i guess there's that point of view of a captured

friendship it is some shit like that. Yeah, there's that one benevolent French viceroy that's kind of sympathetic to the slaves but thinks that they should do it the right way at the ballot box. Yeah, we were good to the slaves. We shouldn't have, but we were good to them. Yeah, and then that'll be the story that gets left to die.

Yeah, damn, man. Someone sent me an article. We could read. I don't know if... Yeah. Just breaking. We could read this. It's in the New York Times.

It's Brett Stevens. Oh, wait, okay. Well, before there's the article, but then there was another thing there's this thing i just saw too this is in the daily mail exclusive prominent desantis ally who shot himself dead last year was under investigation for using sold out taylor tickets to lure Can you start the headlight over? Prominent DeSantis ally who shot himself dead last

year. He had to be more specific. Shot himself dead. The one that shot himself dead. Multiple people shot themselves. Multiple DeSantis allies have shot themselves, but this one shot himself dead. No, the one that shot himself dead. Multiple people shot themselves. Yeah, multiple DeSantis allies have shot themselves, but this one shot himself dead. The only one was successful.

He was under investigation for using sold-out Taylor Swift tickets to lure a teen to his office and show him her breasts, then tried to buy family silence. Dog. Of course, bro. They're conservatives. They're all pedos. They're one,

every last single one of them, brother. Every one of them is a fucking pedophile, dog. Every single one of them. There's nothing funny about this, obviously, but it's like, you could imagine this guy going to the family and being like, listen, grooming,

is there a thing that we're harping on? My boss will kill me if like right i'm the groomer so take my money well was it was it desantis talking about uh building a a jail or some shit like with the money that they would tax from disney or building a jail near disney and it's like yeah man that makes man, that makes it easier so you fucking kid diddlers that are diddling kids at Disney World can go right over to the fucking jail when you get caught, man. It'll be a quick transit, man. You can just walk Ron's conference house right over there.

Right from Disneyland right to the fucking jail, man. Jesus, dude. This is weird. This guy, the guy that shot himself dead whose name is what is it kent sternan sterman kent sternum sternum yeah shot to start him he um i love how he offered them a fiveure hush money deal five figures it's like okay you obviously didn't want it bad enough nah you gotta you gotta offer the bag if you want silence yeah yeah god i hate these fucking assholes um you're better off just tell somebody fuck off and they're not getting anything rather than like trying to offer them like a paltry bribe

Right Like I've traumatized you in your life How about this Lint and pennies that I have in my fucking pocket It's a belly Like couch change right now I guess this guy had a Special designation

Like a badge designation For the Jacksonville sheriffs So you had a special designation, like a badge designation for the Jacksonville sheriffs. Oh, that's why you said you had a pedo badge designation? He had a pedo badge. He flashed it and let him in. Yeah. Let him in the pedo. This doesn't surprise me.

I'm going to just tell you something. Every cop I was ever around growing up, and this is strictly anecdotal, granted, but I still think there's like a cardinal of truth to it. Every one of them I was ever around growing up always said shit like, oh, I can't wait till the cashier at the BP turns 18. She's jailbait, that kind of shit. All of them say that shit.

There is a type i'm sorry there is i mean again like i don't know these people are like i don't know man he's just like you know a lot of these people like say that they care about kids but they're just like incredibly powerful people who are sociopaths like you know i mean i just don't put it past them to just prey upon the most like vulnerable people in society you know I guess cops included in that you know what I mean he had this badge that basically let him into

like it looks like evidence rooms and shit like says Thurman used his special JSO badge on almost 200 different dates that's the Jacksonville Sheriff's circle I don't know would they give you like a gold star or some shit like that 200 different dates. That's the Jacksonville Sheriff's Circle. I don't know.

They give you a gold star or some shit like that? Yeah, basically. They give you basically a gold star. He used it on more than 200 different dates between 2017 and 2022, swiping the badge more than 700 times in total to access Jacksonville Sheriff headquarters, multiple Sheriff's Office substations, and

JSO Aviation Facilities. Dude, this dude probably fucking burned all kinds of records. Allegedly. Aviation, so what does this mean? Flight plans and shit like that?

Was he deleting evidence from little St. James Island trips or some shit like that? Like, what's going on? You know what I mean? Like, what's going on, man? I don't know. Oh, man, dude.

Oh, man. I think we should just start over. I think we should just route out all these people and just start over. It's just so goddamn pathetic it's like the most vocal like kill kill pedophiles guys are usually pedophiles and then on top of that it's like oh so the people that are harping on grooming on the left or whatever are the same people in the same state houses that are saying it's okay for 13-year-olds to marry a grown fucking man. Yep.

Well, in this case, this guy was literally trying to groom a child. This is the sequence of events. This guy was literally trying to groom a child. He had access to every major law enforcement office in the Jacksonville area, including its records and probably its evidence uh lockers too he got caught he got brought under criminal investigation

and then blew his fucking cat makes you feel bad for vance foster though like poor vance could have weathered that storm easily compared to a lot of the shit going on a lot of these motherfuckers i know i know as we've said multiple times that's really the saddest thing the guy my man killed himself over like a scandal that involves like letting some like un i think it was like people that didn't have access like into a hotel where the clintons were or something like that i don't even remember what i don't remember what white water was but it was very. It was very innocuous. Like compared to, you know.

I mean, I don't know, man. Well, you know, it's also like this guy's, I mean, it's also like this guy's like thick with DeSantis, right? So, I mean, I don't know. I just. A guy that like was partying with high schoolers, I guess is where I'm going with that. When he was a teacher. When he was a teacher.

That's the worst kind of guy. Like, seriously. God, man. Oh, man. I feel really shitty, fellas. Yeah, yeah. The allergies are kicking your boy's ass. The allergies, man.

Yeah, I've never had them that bad, man. I'm pretty fortunate about that. I'm sorry, brother. You don't got any, what was that shit? Allergen? Every single medicine I have tried in none of it. You tried the good old weed?

I'm just gonna have to kill myself. You're just gonna have to kill yourself. I'm just gonna have to blow my... I do think about that sometimes. I do think about... Wait a second. I do that! You didn't tell somebody that somebody i'm just saying i'm saying sometimes i

have so much pressure in my head that i'm like i think about how nice and relieving it might feel to just blow my fucking head off because you know what i mean because the pressure would vent out or maybe i just need to like trip trip in myself or whatever that's what that's what i was saying you need a you need a needle man you need to tripant myself or whatever. That's what I was thinking. You need a needle, man. You need to poke a needle right there, like a balloon, like a helium balloon, and just let the pressure shh. You're right.

It just fills the balloon, and then I suck it back in. I think I'm basically talking about a lobotomy. I think that's a lobotomy. Yeah, I think you're describing what you're describing as a lobotomy. Write a note to your parents saying, you're better off without my allergic ass. I can't put you through this anymore. All these Zyrtec bills.

Can't put you through the cough and sneezes. Dog, Zyrtec is not cheap. And it doesn't even do anything. It doesn't even fucking work. You gotta tackle big Zyrtec, man. Big allergy medicine. Just a racket. The thing I wanted to read was an op-ed from Brad Stevens.

Now, we don't have to read this. We can, step back from that ledge, my friend. We don't have to do this. One word and we turn right back around but uh it's pretty fucking dumb the brett stevens wrote it you said yeah brett stevens wrote it it's called undeterred criminals plus demoralized cops equals more crime now the reason I love that is, like, it just really pairs down, like, how Brett's brain works. It's like, anybody, this is why mathematicians are the stupidest fucking people on the planet.

Anybody that puts anything into a formula is wrong. I feel like it's a truism. If you think you have a formula for something X plus Y equals Z you're wrong you're just wrong sorry I could agree with that I could agree with that because I feel like

it's this application to not that I'm not saying like logic and it's this application of logic and systems in places where they may not fit you know yep i'm not persuaded yet but i need more well i'm not against it i guess my point is this that like paradoxically we were raised to think that logic and equations and rationality reasoning are the markers of a smart person but i feel like it makes you sound so fucking stupid when you say undeterred criminals plus demoralized cops equals more crime. It doesn't matter what would be in those

designations in the formula. Even if it was like, what two buttholes plus three balls equals a sticky situation. One sticky situation. One Bob, two Adams. One Bob, two Adams. One Bob, yeah. Not a fun time. Not a fun time.

Okay, let's start here. Two years ago, a white Chicago police officer named Eric Stillman fatally shot Adam Toledo, an unarmed 13-year-old Mexican-American with no criminal record, while the boy was complying with the officer's orders following a late-night foot chase. The killing brought greater awareness to police brutality in Latino communities, yet no charges were filed against Stillman. Since then, Chicago has been able to turn a corner on violent crime, thanks partly to investments in after-school youth programs.

Huh. Murders are down by 20% from two years ago. He says that's one version of the events. The version favored by the progressive left. Oh, this is. No. I feared this was going here. Another version.

Another version. Because I was like, damn, man, Brett's turned a corner here. Another version goes like this. On March 29th, 2021, at 2.36 a.m., Stillman and his partner responded to a call that shots were being fired. Oh, my God. You're going to want to make me fucking shoot this guy. Go ahead.

Stillman pushed Reuben Roman, a 21-year-old with a criminal record, to the ground and chased Toledo, who was holding holding a 9mm handgun down a dark alley. Stillman yelled, drop it. Toledo tossed the gun behind a fence and turned toward him. The officer fired the fatal shot less than a second after Toledo got rid of the gun. Stillman then immediately jumped to Toledo's aid and called for an ambulance. Roman was acquitted of firing the weapon in a passing car.

His lawyers argued that it might have been Toledo who had fired the weapon. Stillman was placed on administrative leave. Chicago's interim police superintendent, Eric Carter, recommended last week that Stillman be fired. So that's the other version, but Brett kind of makes it obvious

that that's the one he believes. Yeah, it's clear that's the one that he, like, initially when he starts. Yeah, it's clear that's the one that he, like, initially when he starts it off, it's clear that's the one he believes. You always start with the one that you don't actually believe in, you know, but that your reader finds plausible, so then you can follow up with actually what really happened, though, was. Fucking piece of shit. Homicides are, in fact, down in Chicago,

but they remain at some of the highest rates since the 90s, an overall crime spiked by 41% between 21 and 22. Last weekend alone, mass hooliganism overwhelmed Chicago's downtown... Come on, nobody uses that word seriously, dog. Come on, yo. Let me ask you a very serious question, too. How many of these cunts have you heard say the word

why just last week in chicago in the last five years and then dropped some insane statistics like there were more murders last weekend last saturday night in chicago than in the entire year of 1994 alone yeah yeah yeah god man mass, yeah. Oh, God, man. Mass hooliganism. What is mass hooliganism? Isn't it hooliganism? Fucking football fans from the UK and shit. That's what they call hooliganism.

The ones that get really, especially politically, into the fandom of the fucking teams. What are you using, man? You can't think I'm going to take you seriously when you say hooliganism. That sounds like a... They came over here. They're invading the U.S. That's what he was referring to.

That's what he was referring to. Okay. It sounds like shenanigans. He might as well use shenanigans. Mass shenanigans. Well, he does a really weaselly thing here. He says, last weekend alone, mass hooliganism overwhelmed Chicago's downtown while 11 people were killed

and 26 wounded in shootings across the city. So, he's making it seem like the killings and the hooliganism are related. I don't know. I just imagine Brett Stevens going

and wagging his finger at the gangster disciples and saying, now you stop with that hooliganism out here now. You stop with the hooliganism, Dale. Cut it out, cut it out, hooligans. Maybe there's a lesson in this. Simple and old-fashioned as it may seem, when bad guys walk free and brave cops have to fear for their jobs for doing their jobs, crime tends to go up.

And when the national conversation about the adam toledo tragedy revolves around the officer's split second life or death decision instead of the question what is a 13 year old child doing with a 21 year old criminal firing a gun at 2 30 a.m then we are deeply confused about the nature of our problems to say nothing of the way to a solution i like how he almost was like as adopted the thinking of the cartel that made the apology there it's like instead of you know the cop just made a split second life-changing decision you know you would have done the same thing in that position it's like yeah some things are a little final you fucking twit well this is why i said earlier uh when you were reading that uh apology

tom that the cartel has a better response definitely a better response than the cops when they fucking kill people the cops don't say anything right um or or they or people like brett stevens were like motherfuckers who actually kill niggas who actually like cut motherfuckers up in little pieces and shoot them and shit like that versus this guy who just sits on his ass and fucking, like, feels the need, though, to provide cover for child-killing cops. Okay. All right. Where the cartel's like, nah, we fucked up, man.

We'll do, like you said, we'll do murders better in the future. Where apparently Bret Stephens is like, no, we, uh, no. Nah, I could have said nothing today, but to earn my paycheck from the paper record, I have to go on record and say, yes, you know what? It's okay to kill kids. It's okay to kill. Yeah, so Terrence, what is he? His bills aren't going to pay themselves, boys. Not just send him to work, but we should kill him too.

What is he saying? What is his argument right now? Is it about perception? Yeah. Yeah. What is this argument right now? Is it about perception? Yeah, that's basically, I mean, you're basically, a similar dynamic is playing out in other big cities too. Police morale is abysmal. One way in which this fact registers

is in high levels of voluntary resignations and early retirements leading to critical staff. Maybe they should stop killing people and stop doing fuck shit and then people wouldn't fucking hate their guts. And then maybe they would, you know what I mean? Yeah, maybe don't be a maladjusted piss baby that lays in wait until a girl turns 18 to go in there.

Maybe, just maybe, Brett, we're not sending our best. Maybe the guys who were fucking playing Candy Crush on their phones before they stomp out a black teenager, maybe these guys Like you know Maybe they're not the best Maybe they're not the finest I love this Criminals know

There's not enough officers On the street They know this Dolores Hey dog Hey dog You wanna go commit some crime Yo the pigs ain't out

Tonight You wanna go rob This old lady house Yo Who the fuck Thinks like this, bro? It's like I, you know, I was born in the late 80s. I feel like, you know, I came of age during the war on terror and like the crime panic of the 90s.

And if anything, I feel like there are more cops than i've ever seen obviously i'm probably just more attuned to it now than ever but like it's at the same time it's like there are fucking cops everywhere yo terrence you're absolutely right dude like yo when i came here in new york to the fucking police state uh outside the train station the subway two cops when you walk down the stairs on the landing two cops right before you go into the turnstile two cops when you get to the platform two cops so they got eight cops at a fucking train station where there's hardly anybody in it because it's not rush hour or something so yeah like what the fuck you talking about man yeah new orleans isn't alone a recent academic analysis found that 11 out of the 14 cities it studied suffered from

higher than expected losses to their police after the George Floyd protest of 2020 with Seattle losing the highest proportion of its force. One possible unfortunate result is that as good cops depart, the quality of newer recruits also suffers. That may help explain the appalling police brutality

and the killing of Tyree Nichols in Memphis in January. Then there's the other side, the growing sense of impunity among the criminally inclined. I like what he says. I like what he says. This man is so racist that it's insane.

He can't help himself. He's like, you know, actually what happens when you let brothers on the floors? You get what happens in Memphis. This is the first time with Tyree Nichols, the first time that I... Yo, fuck these cops, right? Fuck them. But this is the first time that I heard cops being called thugs, right?

Yeah. Like they called them thugs. And I was like, yo, bro, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing, bro? You're right. He's so racist. He can't help himself. He's like,

Tyree Nichols died because those cops were black. It's literally exactly what he just said. He has racist Tourette's. He just can't stop. He just has to lash out. Yeah, he just says slurs just because he has to. Thinly coded slurs. You just called

them thugs. That's basically what you did In Chicago The proportion of crimes reported That resulted in arrest Which stood at nearly 31% in 2005 Fell to 12.3% In 2021 Even that may be an undercount

Since fewer crimes in the city are being reported Both to and by the police In New York where major crimes rose by 22 last year complaints of shoplifting have nearly doubled over the past five years while the arrest rate since 2017 fell by almost half a report in the new york times notes that a mere 327 shoplifters accounted for one-third of all arrests and that they had been arrested and rearrestedrested more than 6,000 times. Why? Law enforcement and trade groups have blamed a proliferation of organized

shoplifting crews, repeat offenders, and the new state bail law that they argue has enabled such offenders to avoid jail time. We should start a shoplifting crew. Just one of them. We should, man. It does sound tight, yeah. I never thought of this before but like

there's strength in numbers here there are strength in numbers man also too like i mean i don't know i guess i'm not interested enough to even see where his sources are from but uh i don't know i feel like especially during the pandemic last like couple years like all of this panic about shoplifting um about like crime and stuff like you know when people actually looked into it like after all this was said it was found out that all of this was a gross overreaction right like all of this was basically bullshit like i think people kept saying that oh uh crime in new york has been the highest it's been since the 90s which is actually like almost the opposite you know yeah so i'm just like dude like also i mean i don't mean to be like but yo the cops killed like almost a thousand people last year dog whatever you want to say about shoplifting

or crime speeds or whatever i'm pretty sure the cops have killed more fucking people you know what i mean yeah um he says in other words lax enforcement when it comes to petty criminality has led to big time criminalityality. Big-time criminality. The big-time shoplifter cruise. Oh, man. And the consequences of supposedly victimless crimes like shoplifting has created a palpable sense of disorder, menace, and fear. Supposedly victimless crimes.

Supposedly victimless crimes. Who's being hurt? Who's being hurt, man? This motherfucker, yo. Each conducive to the anything-goes atmosphere in which crime invariably flourishes. Will things get better? Eventually, yes, when a critical mass of voters

recovers the simple combination of common sense and political will. Okay, I love Brett because Brett is the common sense fascist. He's like really, truly like the common sense Nazi. He's like really truly like the common sense Nazi he's like When will things get better When voters finally

Realize that we need a strong Authoritarian government Who is able to Wield its powers in the streets Against armed Terrorists and criminals With impunity And then in the next thing with gail collins

he'll be like trump needs to be held account for uh you know paying my hush money disturbing you know what i'm saying it's like yeah it's it's like well i think common sense is a uh i think uh i forget what podcast did this um it might have been citations needed, but they kind of covered like that episode about common sense and, you know, the way that like not just liberals use it, but like, I mean, like, yeah, it's like this fucking common sense fascist where I think for fascists who are already for liberals who are already inclined to this kind of like authoritarianism anyway, like to them, it's just like, oh like oh no this just makes sense of course we would never defund the police you know because if we defund the police and who are going to protect these communities i mean would you even black and they'll say they'll pull numbers like even black communities majority of black communities don't actually agree with defunding the police they want the common sense approach and it's like dude like anytime that you use that word common sense is just an invitation for the most insane irrational shit in an irrational shit in an irrational system you know what i'm saying like it's shit that like obviously like outside

of this makes no fucking sense but to them this is like the only possible option that we have right because that's the only that they can't see a world in which like okay like maybe instead of giving the cops money like i don't know we give it to like social services you know what i mean like i mean i don't know that i have the answers but i mean look at new york city man like you got eric adams a former fucking cop who's mayor of new york city and like not only are they doing draconian shit like with homelessness but they're like shutting down live defunding libraries and shit like that dude like come on man come the fuck on man i don't know yeah he's got so insidious.

He says, whether it occurs sooner or later is a difference that will be measured in thousands of lives, harmed or ended by the crime we collectively let happen. Brett Stevens, everybody. Brett Stevens. The crime we collectively commit. Brett Stevens is telling you to uh Be gay and do crime We're all It's your fault Aaron and Tom

We all let those shoplifters steal those Gucci bags We let these shoplifting crews flourish in the streets Yeah That's on all That's on all of us That's on all of us That's on all of us man

Let the shoplifting crews uh diapers and medicine and baby formula bad bad bad things um that uh people don't at all need or too expensive to buy during a pandemic we should stop them actually brett stevens i think he should be i i want to see brett stevens be the first person to stop uh somebody shoplifting because uh usually i mean like overwhelmingly too i mean i don't have numbers for this, but, I mean, just come the fuck on, dog. Like, people are stealing shit that they fucking need, you know? And even if they don't, so the fuck what?

But I would love to see Bret Stephens try to stop somebody from exiting a Walmart or some shit like that, you know? It would be hilarious. And get his shit fucking robbed. Ma'am, can I check your bags, please? And it's like, who the fuck are you? Get the fuck off me. Just a concerned citizen.

It'd be so good. I don't know. Let's see him get rocked. That'd be nice. All right, fellas. I have to check out because I am about to die. You look like your eyes are getting a swell shot. Yeah, you look like your eyes are laying out.

I'm so miserable um i should not have played today i should not have done the show today but sometimes you know you start thinking you have more confidence when you start you're like i got this i can fucking do this is your flu game yeah it turns out to be an all-timer episode it's not it's just fucking allergies that's how much of a bitch I am. I'm just so waylaid by fucking allergies. One gnarly thing it has with allergies is you can't think straight. I can't think straight at all right now.

It's hard to get your thoughts together. I hate when that happens. Well, anyway. Anyway. Good run, boys. Good run. You know that. Hell yeah. Well, all right, anyway. Anyway. Good run, boys. Good run. Hell yeah. Well, all right, gang.

Thanks for listening this week. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Peace out. Bye-bye.