Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 290: The Penultimate Court

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

This week on the Trillbillies we're disrupting the criminal justice system Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

you remember the last time we were in this configuration the ghost of joe diffy spoke to us i know i was he said boys don't wait no don't rock the jukebox on here prop me up beside the jukebox beside the jukebox yeah don't rock the jukebox was alan jackson yeah that was um who's not dead. No. It's one of my favorite artists when I was a kid, but then he got ADD, and then... He couldn't listen to Alan Jackson anymore? Well, he... Or he got ADD.

He got ADD. ADHD, my bad. They don't call it ADD anymore, right? I don't think there's the H in there. Or maybe those are two different conditions. I don't know. Is that not PC to call it ADD anymore, right? I don't think there's the H in there. Or maybe those are two different conditions. I don't know. Is that not PC to call it ADD? I don't know.

It may be. It may not be. He got ADHD and that tanked his career. It's kind of like when Lou Gehrig's got Bright's disease. It was Bright's then when they changed the name, right? I don't...

Bright's disease is like a historical condition. It's just like an umbrella term for various kidney-related diseases in the 19th and early 20th centuries. That's what they were talking about in Deadpool. Yeah, Bright's disease. Yeah. You didn't want Bright's disease. No. It seems like something you wouldn't want to be a party to no i've had it before the you survived i came on on the other side of bright's disease and others not so lucky yeah

yeah dude the thing about the um the thing about the good doctor. Yeah, just spoiler. We had to check it out for ourselves last night. To watch it for ourselves. I didn't want to. But I was like, you know, I have to. I can't just. We have a reputation of speaking off the cuff about things we haven't seen or watched yeah i

needed to at least have an informed opinion thoughts it's like like i said to you last night you know um like when you were a kid and the ps2 came out and then the xbox came out case of the nintendo 64 the dreamcast but yeah well like at that time you were like graphics can't get any better than this this is the coup de grace man this is the best man look possibly good look that looks just like keith van horn on nba jam 98 no improving from here no clyde drexler that was like that was like uh you know it didn't get better than that and I feel like we're in and so at the time I would remember thinking like well how much better can it get like how much more lifelike and realistic can it get like will we reach a singularity with video games yeah where they look so realistic and lifelike yeah and of course mark zuckerberg

answered that with the metaverse so you know we we obviously did reach that singularity but it was too good that's why they shut it down that's exactly right and that's the point i'm trying to make with no this is too scary. This is scary good. The world's not ready for this. Shut it down. Shut it down. Well, it was the threat of getting legs.

Remember when they were going to get legs in the metaverse? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But then once that happened, once they got legs, it was too scary. It was too terrifying. And that's what Joe Diffie was talking about when he said prop me up. He was talking about the metaverse.

He was. He was trying to tell us. He was talking about. Boys, once this gets laid, Pandora's box is open. Speaking of Joe Diffie and country singers, have you heard that song that's like, it's called Son of a. That's just the name of it. Son of a. It's like I listen to the of a it's just the name of it son of a it's like i i listen to the

country station in clintonwood sometimes and then i was walking in your neighborhood last night and this college kid drove by in like a fucking huge like f750 20 foot tall yeah and he looked like he wasn't older than 19. He rolled coal right in your face, called you a pussy. He did. Here, take a little bit of this home with you. And you just came in here looking like

you'd worked third shift on the Beltline. Well, that's the thing people don't understand. Like, old cars, like Model T Fords, they were always rolling coal. Yeah, I have been for... Yeah. i mean it's like like everywhere you went yeah you were getting rolled call on could you imagine riding one of those bicycles with a massive front wheel and the small back wheel and someone rolls coal on you in a model t ford like hey you're a pussy see yeah you're a pussy, see? Yeah. You're on your... Way ahead of the circus. Like, my town needs more bike lanes.

I'm getting called pussy. Cole's getting rolled on me every single day of my life. A car full of jackbooted thugs with Tommy guns rolls by and rolls coal on you and they're laughing at you oh my god what's a cyclist to do oh so i got all i want to do is ride my bike lanes and juggle while i ride this ridiculous uh bike that i have we don't that's thing. People talk about bike lanes. Like cities needing...

We talk about walkable cities. What about juggable cities? We don't talk about... We don't cater to those in the performing arts. That's true. We don't have... Cycles... We don't have lanes for unicycles.

I want a burlesque lane. You know what I mean? I don't want to be driving down the street and see a man sticking a flaming sword down his throat. They're doing some vaguely sexual circus-a-lay bullshit or something. Like four people stacked on top of each other on a unicycle? Yeah. We're just not catering to the circus crowd anymore

with our public infrastructure like that would be a great way to get to work it's like you see cars people talk about carpooling what about carpooling on a unicycle nobody thinks about what he thinks about that yeah it's just you and a like a 1890 strong man that's holding up the bearded lady in one arm. And, you know, two sets of conjoined twins in the other or something. Yeah. Well, yesterday when I got rolled coal on. When I got my coal rolled? What's the state of having been rolled?

I think you just got rolled in coal. You get rolled in coal. And you got rolled in coal. That's the state of having been rolled i think you just got rolled in coal like you get rolled in coal and you got rolled in coal that's the thing yeah yeah got coal rolled having been having been coal rolled yeah um the guy had his windows down all the way so the joke's on him he got a little bit he got a little bit yeah he was you know he got you but he got himself a little bit he got a little bit yeah he's you know he got you but he got himself a little bit kind of a cell phone he's a kamikaze coal roller yeah yeah he doesn't care if he gives himself black lung as long as he's giving it everybody else yeah but i noticed the song he was playing and is this song i heard on the radio the other day the same song it's called son of a it's got by a guy named dylan carmichael um so the song is like whatever like it's not my thing i don't like it but that's not my issue with this it's a song

about being a grandpa basically written by a guy who looks like he's like 25 are there any and i'm sorry if i'm infringing on Felix from Chopo's territory, but no good song is written about being an uncle. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Just something that popped out to me. Well, no good song is about being a third cousin. No.

Or, you know, twice removed something. Yeah. Are there any songs about being somebody's great aunt? something yeah what are there any songs about being somebody's great aunt are there any songs about like you know uh your sister's grandchild your relation to your sister's grandchild no you're right dude there's a lot you could do in terms of family i know the song you know and that's what this song that's why this well, maybe I've misinterpreted it, because I just heard it on the radio, and I thought he was talking about, let me just read the lyrics.

I called him everything under the sun, kind of under my breath, and when I was done, slammed my bedroom door, did some stomping around on my bedroom floor. Dad walked in, no knock, no grace. I didn't want that. You know. That's one way to get caught yeah with uh your things will be changed forever your relationship ain't no coming back from that

dude people that's the thing like rich people like obviously there's a big discrepancy in their lived experiences from middle class and poor people sure uh but that is one that you'll never like i was always jealous i was always jealous of my friends who had big houses because they could jerk off in private it's like that was that was your that was the only reason you wanted a big house. That's the only reason I wanted a big house. I was like, man, I could just jerk off with reckless abandon. Yeah. If only we had 2,800 square feet. They didn't have to worry about someone walking in on them.

Yeah. And it pissed me off. Yeah. As someone who was... Have your parents ever caught you jerking off? I'm sure they did. I'm sure they did. parents ever caught you jerking it i'm sure they did i'm sure they did uh because like our computer growing up was in our kitchen oh yeah that's not a great but that's not the best location

like three in the morning they probably yeah and then like slowly walked back out so that i wouldn't back out so that i wouldn't just like high stepping it and like oh god he's watching me oh man that's not a good image to think about but yes that's that was the big injustice with growing up in a small house there's no privacy i could see that uh dad walked in no knock no grace said if you think i walked in like i own this place, boy, it's because I do, and I've got some things I want to call you, too. Okay, never mind. Maybe it's not about being a grandpa. I thought it was about, because...

Sounds like the tyranny of being under another man's roof. Yeah, it might be. Here's the chorus. You're a son of a mama, you're a son of a dad, who will never stop loving you and being there and giving you everything they have. I see. I thought when I heard it on the radio, it was just son of a mama. I didn't know it was you're a son of a mama, like the way he sings it.

I thought he was saying, like, I'm a son of a mama and I'm a son of a dad. Also true. Yeah. I thought he was basically saying that, i've got grandkids and i was like why are 19 year old kids that would be a sick concept to talk about it's just the song's called ask me about my grandkids you know because bumper stickers yeah yeah son of obama Son of Obama. Son of Baghdadi. That would be a good song. It's historical fiction about Obama's son that he had aborted. But he didn't have it aborted, so he grew up and was able to become an adult.

Unlike the doctor's brother from the show last night. Dude. Can we talk about the doctor's brother from the show last night. Dude. Can we talk about the doctor's brother on the show last night? How bad he was done? He fell three feet and died. He fell three feet. He was like the great protector of his brother and his family. And the man met his end by falling all of maximum seven to eight feet maximum yeah like basically

like saying oh you he fell off of shaquille o'neal's head and died it's like you wouldn't die i mean you might thud a little bit it might hurt you bruise yourself up but i had friends that fell off roofs and stuff and they were just like break a leg or something yeah you know they'd okay they should have played it like oh oh, he didn't die there, but he got a terrible infection and died later or something. Yeah, you're right. Because that's just not realistic. It's not.

You're right. And that would have been a much more compelling storyline as the surgeon. Yeah. Because he's a surgeon. He can't fucking save his brother anyways. If he fell and immediately snapped his neck, there's no saving him anyways. Brother anyways, if he fell and immediately snapped his neck, there's no saving him anyways. But if he got an infection, because he cut his little ankle on the brass pipe, copper pipe.

Yeah. If it weren't for, he cut himself on like a rusty nail or something, got tetanus and started doing the moves like Jagger. He got, yeah, he got log jaw. He got log jaw he got lock jaw dude okay this this show single-handedly it's like i grew we grew up with all the best medical dramas like there was er gray's anatomy was one tree hill one tree somebody actually posted a funny clip. Oh, that clip is classic. That's a great one. But then there were Scrubs, which was kind of more of a dramedy. And then House.

But with every new medical drama, it gets more and more... I swear to God, in every medical drama, there's always, you always have, like, a cut scene or, like, an overlaid diagram of the human body and, like, someone, like, scanning its various vascular system, circulatory system, nervous system. And I'm just so over it. I'm tired of that level of detail in the human body. What I'm saying is, when we talk about trad and return, that's the only thing I'm trad about. We need to return to old-timey medicine. Not medieval,

but not 21st century either. Like late 19th century where doctors were so zooted on pharmaceutical cocaine. Yeah. And they were just making it up as they went along. Yeah.

Because they were operating on you in a large amphitheater with 30 medical students looking on. Yeah, that's tough to do. And that's how they perform. They get fucked up on laudanum and cocaine. The whole thing is itself a little bit of a performance entertainment thing. It's a little like what we proposed about the burlesque lane. Yes. What we need is, listen, here's the deal.

You can't afford modern medicine? We have a solution for you. It's a bike lane, but it's going to be devoted to old-timey medical practice. People are just going to operate on you like it's 1896 while people drive by and just fill by and watch you. Hospitals can drive by. I mean, hospitals. Ambulances. But you're in the back of a horse-drawn buggy.

Yeah, right. That's true. Did they have ambulances back then? Maybe they had coach horse-drawn ambulances. Hmm. Did they roll call? I think ambulances should be able to roll call on people. Yeah, it's like if you

won't get out of their way, they'll just blast you with some soot. Ambulances should have duallys and they should sit like 40 feet high like have a 70 inch wheels and just roll call on people. He's he's coding not today he's not

and then they just kick it into another gear and roll coal and just park traffic like the red sea but the thing is is like i know why people love that show so much. People love what it is. It's, it's all in that opening scene. One of the all time great opening scenes of television. A kid just gets absolutely just demolished by a sign, a glass sign in an airport. And gets his entire body riddled with fucking glass yeah and the reason why people love shows

like that is because they love the idea of a doctor who is so detached from like like it's it's almost like this show i think it's weird it's like i think that they were going for a more social justice type statement like oh this is uh an autistic doctor and and it was trying to humanize him but in so doing it's like they almost inadvertently made him seem like he had no connection at all to fellow humans yeah and that's what his superpower is yeah you know what i'm saying it's like house house was like a drug addicted taciturn or you know what i mean like misanthropic guy miserable bastard yeah and that was like his superpower and like that's what kind of makes you empathize with them. It's what made him a good doctor.

Yeah. But like this character, it's like, you can't sympathize with the arrogant sociopathic surgeon. Like they know that they realized that like, they can't make a show about that. So it's like, we're going to make a character who doesn't see people,

even though like, that's not even, I don't even think that that's like obviously i'm not is it neuro atypical non-neuro neuro atypical i'm not neuro atypical but but actually some people have said i am listening to this show they're like when's the autistic guy gonna stop talking about about Bob Dylan and Bob Dole? You know what I mean? I really said that about you. Yeah, people have called me that before on this show.

And maybe I am a little on the spectrum. I don't know. It's fine. I don't know. I never really thought that about myself before. But if people want to say that's what I am, then... That's what makes you a good doctor. That's what makes me a good doctor. That's what makes me a good doctor.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Why do people say stuff like that, you know? Well, they just... They want to be hurtful. They want to put you down when you're, you know,

having a good time, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, speaking of someone having a good time, Diane Feinstein. She's having a great time. Yeah, she looks positively thrilled to be wherever she thinks she is. Yeah.

You know, there was a few things. Let me just say this real quick. And again, I understand You know, there was a few things. I think it's so, let me just say this real quick, you know. And again, I understand, like, this can be kind of sad for folks because, you know, again, it's like, we've all had loved ones in, like, that state of whatever, you know. I don't want to say decay, but maybe I'll just say that because we're all going to be subject to that one day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But maybe I'll just say that because we're all going to be subject to that one day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, when we start the, like, ablest and agest stuff, does anybody remember just three years ago when she told a group of school kids to go to hell, basically?

When they were concerned about climate change? Uh-huh. Well, the thing is, is I don't think that she remembers that she was probably out of her mind even then probably you know what i mean yeah um what i think is interesting is when what i think is is interesting is that jamiex was set to testify as a witness regarding leonardo dicaprio and a mundry laundering connection to obama now he's done god can you believe that shit that's like this man's fighting for his life and people are like i mean people are out here telling the truth this man's fighting for his life and he really got he got capped for

they got him with a heart attack gun because he was about to testify regarding money laundering connection to obama oh man that's whole fight what's the like so like every time a celebrity dies now like ahead of their time like there's a crazy theory about why. Like, there's Bob Saget. I guess, what was the thing there? He got a vaccine? Yeah, I think so. I think he was either vaccinated or... I can't remember if it was he was vaccinated

or he was a brave truth teller they were trying to silence. It's like you said last night. It's like, if you're far right, the thing is that you... The reason that a celeb died before their time is because they got the vaccine if you're i wouldn't say far left but just like liberal left or whatever it's like long covid and then perhaps on both sides it's could be because of there was some criminal some sort of yeah somebody was trying to hit you with the bop gun because you were going to testify against uh prince von furstenberg or something like that it's like

yeah there it's it's like inconceivable that like i don't understand it because you know i think that growing up for me the realization that like rich people had a different health care system within us was magic johnson like that for me was like oh well like age was a death sentence when i was growing up but like magic johnson didn't die and then i was like well obviously it must be because he's rich that was the way i rationalized that and i guess that most people also think that about every other celeb that kind of like gets sick and dies before their time. So they don't have any other way to explain it.

But it's weird. It's like this weird denial that we're all mortal. Yeah. It's like, why is it inconceivable that Jamie Foxx, what happened to him? Did he have that brain in years? Yeah, stroke, I think. 47. Which is, you know, a little young for that, but you can have a stroke whenever.

Maybe it is because of the vaccine. There could be any number of things. Maybe he got rolled coal on too many times. I worry about that. What are the long-term health effects of being of being a pedestrian like myself who walks everywhere and gets rolled coal on constantly because people think he's a little bitch because he walks everywhere yeah you got long covid that's what you've got long covid oh man the jamie fox thing is sad though man that is

that's uh will there be recompensation for people like me will they like am i gonna be watching tv and see like a a lawyer's commercial it's like if you are if you weigh less than 140 pounds you're a little bitch you walk everywhere in town and everybody thinks you're gay and as a result they they've pelted you with toxic coal dust you could be entitled to compensation you have lone colvin son of osama son of Baghdad that's the that's like does ISIS have do they have country music

do they have like they should there should be ISIS country songs I bet there is if we got really into it there is probably somebody in the Panjsh of afghanistan that's like you know that

wants to be the garth brooks of the panshire valley yeah well it's like here like what are the symbols of like american masculinity it's like farming ranching, guns, camo, rolling coal. It's like there, I guess it would be growing opium or poppies. You know what I mean? I guess.

Son of Baghdadi, milk of the poppy. That's how he raised his family. The opium trade put food on our table and the Soviets tried to take it away. Yeah, it's like you're catching, you're picking up what i'm putting down yeah i don't know man a lot of people mad at morgan wallen right now are they not pretty bigoted statements or slurs is he gone woke and gay no he uh pulled a no show oh at a show yeah people are sending him itemized bills like this is what i paid to come see you. Here's my hotel.

This, that, and the third. Morgan Wallen, no show. I personally think that he should just go woke and gay. What a pivot, huh? That would be a great pivot, personally. I mean, I think so. Oh, he postponed six weeks of shows after vocal cord injury. Yeah.

Which is real. Why are you being mean to him? Man, dude, people, I will say this. There's plenty of country singers and stuff I bag on. But the fans that go to Red Rocks go to like red rocks and shit like that. Yeah. Some of the worst, like they want that artist to just like cater to them.

Yeah. Like specifically. He got vocal cord. He destroyed his vocal cords from saying the N word. Like that's why, isn't he the artist that did that? Yeah. Yeah. That's what happened. Yeah. Let's let that be a he the artist that did this? Yeah. Yeah.

That's what happened. Yeah. Let's let that be a lesson to you racists. Yeah. You'll get. God will smite you. You'll get. God is black after all. Yeah.

It's like he even knows when you're thinking it. So don't. Don't even be thinking it. Don't even be thinking it. Yeah. That's why Dianne Feinstein had a stroke. She was thinking it. I don't even know that to be thinking. That's why Diane Feinstein had a stroke. She was thinking. They don't even know that.

Take that out. God damn it. I'm just saying. Dude, I'm just saying. Why are you bidding? Don't censor yourself. Don't censor yourself, bro. Look, you can't get mad at me.

I'm neuroatypical i have ocd oh my god i have ocd you leave fox out five times five i'm i'm tired of the adhd community getting they're hogging all the bandwidth with sympathy about their condition and i agree with you there it's like it's like i said to you like you Why don't you live in my shoes for a day Why don't you see what it's like To have a single song Like Son of a By Dylan Carmichael

Stuck in your head For seven days Now I can think about his grandparents Yeah Imagine what that'll do to you Imagine It's like oh I can't think about oh my mind wanders from thing to thing imagine what it's like to not be able to think about anything else nothing just to obsessively think about something for days sometimes even weeks on end and you can't

even sleep oh man because you've also got mania and you've got bright's disease yeah and you can't even sleep. Oh, man. Because you've also got mania and you've got Bright's disease. Yeah. And you're just waiting until Christoph Waltz from Django Unchained can make his way over to you and fix you. Yeah.

In front of an auditorium of his peers. Exactly. It's like, why is the burden of proof on me to show that i'm suffering more than everyone else in the adhd community yeah well but you've made some powerful enemies i know i shouldn't have said that just now it was just you know that meme the lobby is too strong i know you know that meme that's like this is what the establishment truly fears it's like the adhd and the You know that meme that's like, this is what the establishment truly fears?

It's like the ADHD and the OCD community. Yeah. It's like the people that focus too much and the people that can't focus enough. Yeah. It's like they'll come together and they'll focus just enough. Together.

An appropriate amount. Together we're perfect. It's like yin and yang. Yeah. We'll come together and focus an appropriate amount. Yeah, if you have adhd you need to marry an ocd partner yeah and bear children and it'll it's simple solution solution to all of this yeah because everyone knows that's how genes work yeah right we're just unequally

yoked if you got adhd you had two adhd parents you got oc, you got two OCD parents. Nothing more to see here. That's right. If you are seven and a half feet tall, you should marry and have children with someone who is five, four and a half foot tall. Right. And you'll have a kid that's six feet tall. Right. Problem solved. Problem solved.

It's just, we live life at extremes, you know? That's how, and that's the kind of doctor I want. I want a doctor telling me that. Yeah. Like that's what I, like that's what medicine is. Yeah.

It's like, oh, your heart's not, your heart's beating too slow. We're going to give you a second heart that beats way too fast. And then the two hearts. Combined. Combined combined will pump your blood at just exactly the right tempo tempo yeah that's medicine god how fucked up would it be like in one chest you got like a slow beating heart and really faster you would lose your mind that would just like the hypersensitivity would be off the charts but see the thing is is like if you have ADHD

you wouldn't think about it yeah but if you had ODD if you had OCD if you had ODB if you had ODB and OPP and OPP

you'd be thinking about it you'd be thinking about it yeah if you're an old dirty bastard out for other people's pussy yeah Yeah. If you're an old dirty bastard out for other people's pussy. Yeah. You'll be thinking about it.

I wonder if anybody's had the left side of their brain is ADHD, but the right side of their brain is OCD. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like the premise of The Good Doctor is that he's going to make mistakes because of his mental situation um and then other people that are neurotypical are gonna offset those mistakes because they are a little bit better in that way and they'll meet in the middle

beneath that old georgia pine and everybody will have great medical care that's how life works the reason the good doctor is a brilliant show is because it's not clear who the good doctor is don't you realize that yeah it could be the asshole i was thinking about that in bed last night when i was going to sleep i was like who is the good doctor well i mean surgeon mercy the show card kind of shows him it says the good doctor and it's just him but it's not him he's not a good doctor he's like he's a competent doctor but he's not well even not if we're basing this on one episode unless you went and read the whole wiki page the funny thing about that is people were posting like the wiki uh like profiles of all the characters and like dr han his uh his crimes were like ableism that's daniel day kim's character yeah

yeah it's like those were his villainous powers yeah he's like he deployed he did an ableism well what if ableism made him a better doctor? Man, that's a great... Like, what if our, that's the whole premise. What if our shortcomings are actually our superpowers? Yeah. There's limitations to this. Kanye said that about his bipolar and became a Nazi three years later.

So it doesn't always work. Well, people say that about sobriety all the time, too. Like that sobriety is their superpower yeah yeah that's what it says on my little app on my phone anyways sobriety is your superpower yeah i'm like okay you're making it much harder on me actually please that's too much pressure please don't say that now i'm now i'm gonna wear spandex and become an armed vigilante and why because i quit drinking uh-huh i i don't know man it's uh you're right you're right it's um the premise is well the good the good okay so the premise is kind of summed up in that scene where they've got like the 70 year old

man who they're like just yesterday you were a beautiful healthy man and today you are now about to have to have surgery and you're like yeah he's like he's young and healthy yesterday i was like man looks like he ate too many tv days like he looks like a guy coming in for a bypass he looks like goddaffy did you notice that he looks like he looks like goddaffy that's true would the good doctor be able to help goddaffy i wonder yeah they would probably have an interesting conversation about the green book they should have they should have episodes where the good doctor has to treat

like they deploy evil dictator. You know. They deploy him to work on to do Saddam Hussein's appendectomy. Yeah.

And that's the thing like he dude see the thing is is that like the good doctor is not burdened down by moral ethical questions. Yeah. He just sees the body. He's in the wrong line of not burdened down by moral ethical questions yeah he just sees the body he's in the wrong line of work should be in law he should well a lawyer human

coming at you yeah that's right so but like they could play with that in interesting ways like have the good doctor have to treat uh spinoff the good lawyer the good lawyer where he just gets into law yeah he goes and argues things not from a moral basis but something like really weird you know he's not trying to win hearts and minds he's trying to lay out the facts yeah yeah yeah yeah so he's trying to win using just the correct statutes like His brain, he has immediate recall. Yeah, he's like case. He just has this unbound knowledge of case law

from forever. God, that would be a bad show. He just remembers the Dred Scott decision. That's the one he just keeps coming back to over and over again. Get somebody off capital murder by citing Plessy versus Ferguson. All the case law he cites is extremely racist case law.

He's like, I don't know about this lawyer. They call him the good lawyer. He's really got only three tricks in his bag brown versus the board of education what's the other one well can't or to peak of ours or i forget no to peak was that like commerce clause i can't remember now dude let's let's do an episode where we go over Supreme Court decisions. Like monumental Supreme Court decisions. Just break down what went right, what went wrong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gideon v. Wainwright. Indigent defendants must be provided representation. I don't want to read about the Warren Court. I don't want to read about the fucking Warren Court. I don't care about that shit. We want to hear about... fucking war in court. I don't care about that shit. We want to hear about the

Frankfurter court. What's the Frankfurter? What was that guy's name? Felix Frankfurter? Yeah, Felix Frankfurter. Excellent name. That's hard to top. Zelma V. Simmons Harris. Certain school bachelor programs

are constitutional. Wow. What is the... Okay, so you said Supreme Court. Topeka v. Oh, it is Brown Board of Education. Brown V. Board of Education. It can't happen.

It was in Topeka. That's what you're thinking of. Brown v. Board of Education. It can't happen. It was in Topeka. That's what you're thinking of. Brown v. Board of Education. But Plessy v. Ferguson was the one that Brown v. Board of Education kind of. It was the precedent for that. No, it overruled it. I'm pretty sure Plessy v. Ferguson was the one that basically established segregation or basically said it was constitutional man i took a class on supreme court in college and my professor was this asshole

who talked about how clint eastwood's golf course that he played out didn't allow black people. But he said it in a kind of sympathetic way. Wait a second. So that's still true? I think it was when I was in college. You got to realize that was in college like fucking 30 years ago. Damn. The Frankfurter court was around when you were in college. You got to realize I was in college like fucking 30 years ago. Damn, the Frankfurter Court was around when you were in college.

Yeah, I know, man. Marbury v. Madison, what's that? Establish the doctrine of judicial review. Oh, somebody said that. Yeah, the guy, I keep harping on the guy that keeps talking about Chris Coon's been absolutely failure. Did he say Marbury v. Madison? No, he said that if the democrats

are going to challenge the republicans they have to do it like marbury v madison to which i said i mean that's the precedent isn't it what's it what is that about it established the doctrine of judicial review what does that mean does it just it established the supreme court they just heard a case and they were like now we exist now we're now we're legitimate can we do that can me and you hear a what's higher than the supreme the ultimate god the god court the god the court of the heavenly all we have to do is figure out what's above supreme and then deem ourselves you know doctors of jurisprudence. Well, that's, you know, like the Russians did that after the revolution.

They didn't want to call themselves ministers because they thought that people would associate that with the old ways. And so they called themselves commissars. Yeah. And Lenin said famously, this smells deliciously of revolution. He was hungry. He was hungry. He was hungry. Oh, he coming.

Oh, he coming. Lennon was hungry. Yeah, he was ready to eat. What's higher than Supreme? Let's see. I'm going to search for it. Or maybe where we want to be is we want to jam things up before it gets.

So we add another filter before it hits the Supreme Court. We'll be the penultimate court. Oh, yeah. And then actually the buck will stop with us and stuff will never see the Supreme Court. We're the bulwark. Yeah, we're the bulwark. So it never goes to the penultimate court. We'll just look at it and we'll be like,

eh, this ain't making it up. Well, if I understand Marbury... This stops right here, boys. Yeah, right. If I understand Marbury v. Madison, couldn't we just hear a case that we determine gives us the authority

to do judicial review? The doctrine of judicial review? I think so. Marbury v.ison was 1803 well listen back in the day right like also why can't what what vests us with this authority and i say sir what vests you with authority that's exactly there's a little uh there was a man once named abraham lincoln that was a self-taught attorney and that seemed to work out fine in

the country that's exactly right you know and so this is what we're doing here um we've been sued enough to know yep threatened with several actions enough to know what we're talking about that's right meaning it established a judicial review meaning that american courts have the power to strike down laws and statutes that they find to violate the constitution of the united states can't we just reverse this it sounds to me like this is kind of what's States. Can't we just reverse this? It sounds to me like this is kind of what's fucking everything up. Yeah. Marbury v. Madison.

Yeah, Stefan Marbury v. Billy Madison. Billy Madison, of course. He's like, shampoo and conditioner. And he's like, I'm gonna cross you up, bitch. Uh-huh. And he's like, Boraville. Chlor and he's like boraville clora feel more like boraville and stefan marbury crosses him up this is brilliant that's good is that is that what this

is that what the stefan murray should sue billy madison uh and marbury v madison too well and also it'll be marbury v madison too but like part of billy madison was like they had those competitions at the end remember it's like they had the uh like the jeopardy type game where billy madison went up against Eric. But instead of Eric, it's Stephon Marbury. Right. But basketball is one arena that they compete in. Right.

Yeah. Well, they say Adam Sandler's a good hooper. I mean, you know, for a rec league, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Further reading. Is there other? Let let's see calder v bull 1798 united states supreme court case in which the court decided four important points of constitutional law first every law that makes an action done before the passing of the law and which was innocent when

done criminal and punishes such action second every law that aggravates a crime it makes it greater than it was when committed whoa wait what now interesting what does it say every law that aggravates a crime makes it greater than it was when committed so does that mean like so if i like i don't know if i uh accosted somebody before that was illegal then it's double illegal it's double it's a double fine well i guess for me the way that i interpret that because this is the court right they were the penultimate court right i'm not wrong it's just different different strokes interpretation and the interpretation the way i interpret that is that like let's say that beef uh let's say that before 2008 i was establishing a death panel to rule on health insurance claims and then after that after they established the actual death panels in the ACA,

that meant that my crime was twice as bad. Yeah. Which in the example you just gave means that absolutely nothing would happen. It's like zero times zero is still zero. Yep. And that's an important doctrine in the penultimate court. Zero times zero equals zero. Third, every law that changes...

Yeah, here's how we'll interpret this. If it wasn't illegal then, it ain't illegal now. Third, every law that changes the punishment and inflicts a greater punishment when the law annexed to the crime when committed. What is this? What is this? Okay. We are ruling on the language of Calder v. Bull. And I'm calling it a bunch of bull, personally.

Yeah, I'm with you. I don't think this is, I think this kind of language should be illegal. So first, there's another doctrine for you. A, zero times zero equals zero. B, don't write in flowery legal language from the 18th century that I can't understand or else you're going to jail. Get out of my court.

Get out of my face. Get out of my court, yeah. You've committed perjury and everything else. Listen, here's the thing. It's like by some of this logic i hate to say that phrase but you know you know how like a lot of uh republican ideologies based on that one like 18th century english jurist that said like you can't rape your wife or whatever yeah yeah yeah like where does that leave these guys then the The U.S. Supreme Court? Yeah. Well, see, the thing is that because we've established ourselves and set ourselves up as the bulwark underneath the Supreme Court,

we'll hear that case too. That's true. Basically, we're the last line of defense before it gets to the Supreme Court. We're going to hear every single case. Nothing gets by us. No, every single case in human history we're going to review. And we're going to do it over the course of... Julius Caesar versus Brutus.

Versus Rome. Julius Caesar v. Rome. V. Rome. Caesar v. Rome. Caesar v. Rome. Caesar V. Rome. That happened in something AD. Oh. Okay, so we just have the doctor.

Pilot V. Christ. Pilot V. Christ. We got Pilot, P, and J.H. Christ versus J.H. we got pilot comma p and jh christ versus j nobody's showing no nobody's showing for court today um well you know that'll that'll knock about what do we do about documents we got to review the magna carta there's got to be magna carta and amicus brief a amici brief yeah we got to look at all that stuff we got to look at all that stuff we gotta look at all that stuff for sure go back to the drawing board oh that's exactly right yeah uh the fourth point established in constitutional law via calder v bull every law that alters the legal rules of evidence and

receives less or different testimony than the law required at the time of the commission of the offense in order to convict the offender what's the point why do they write like that i don't know what the this decision restates that categorization later as laws that create or aggregate the crime or increase the punishment or change the rules of evidence for the purpose of conviction second the supreme court lacked the authority to nullify state laws that violate the state's constitution. Okay, my ruling, Cotter v. Bull,

boring. Yeah, next. Fucking boring. Boring stuff gets thrown out automatically. fucking boring. Hilton v. U.S. This is 1796,

a very early one. A case in which the court held that a yearly tax on carriages did not violate the Article I, Section 2, Clause 3, and Article I, Section 9, Clause 4 requirements for the apportioning of direct taxes.

So tax on carriages. Basically, what a carriage was in those days was like an F-450. I'm going to be honest with you. You're kind of a snoozer for me, too. Is it a snoozer for you? I'm not much on carriage law. You don't want to hear... You don't want to hear...

Never have been. You don't want to hear the You don't want to hear... Never have been. You don't want to hear the details of this case? Sure, what's the details? Alexander Hamilton argued before the court on behalf of... The Alexander Hamilton? Yeah. The same one guys wig split? The same one guys wig split.

I was just thinking in my next one, I was going to say, Hamilton, A, V, Burr, A. Nobody? Okay. Maybe some of their descendants would show up. Do we have to think about that, though? And then here's what we would do. Say, listen, guys, y'all want to have some fun today? How about you both outside

20 paces and draw? That'd be so sick. Revenge match. Revenge match. That'd be so sick. Revenge match. Revenge match. That's the kind of cases we'll hear in the penultimate quorum. Yeah. Alexander Hamilton argued before the court on behalf of the government and claimed that the tax was a valid use of the power of Congress.

Justice James Iredell wrote two days after the event, Mr. Hamilton spoke in our court attended by the most crowded audience I ever saw there. Wow. Not persuaded. Both houses of Congress being almost deserted on the occasion. Was he rapping? Lin-Manuel Miranda? My name's A. Hamilton, and I'm here to say

this carriage tax is here to stay. I'm here to say this carriage tax is here to stay. Though he was in very ill health, he spoke with astonishing ability and in a most pleasing manner. Wait, hold on a second. Yeah. So he's like he was in ill health. Yeah, he was a little

And then Burr took him out after he was. Yeah, this was a. And then Burr took him out after he was... Yeah, this was a few years before Burr took him out. So Burr... Okay, so let me get this straight. Burr basically just shot an emaciated man. Well, you gotta understand... Now, Hamilton's a son of a bitch.

I ain't letting him off the hook here, but... Everybody back then, though, was in ill health all the time. That's true. Everybody was in... That's the thing. That's true. Everybody had it. That's the thing. That's true. Everybody had consumption. Everybody had consumption.

You just walked around all the time. How you feeling? I've got the vapors. In 2012, Chief Justice John Roberts cited Hilton v. U.S. as a precedent for deeming the mandate for individuals to buy health insurance contained in the ACA to be constitutional as a tax. Oh, okay. Okay, so this is really the origins of Obamacare. Wow. Interesting.

Yeah. That's crazy. Martin v. Hunters Lessie was a landmark decision of the Supreme Court of the U.S. was a landmark decision of the Supreme Court of the U.S. decided on March 20, 1816, the first case to assert ultimate Supreme Court authority over state courts and civil matters of federal law. Here are the facts. During the American Revolution,

the Commonwealth of Virginia enacted legislation that allowed it to confiscate Loyalist property, land owned by a Loyalist, Martin is his name. Martin the Loyalist. Martin from the show, Martin loyalist, Martin, is his name. Martin the loyalist. Martin from the show, Martin. Martin Lawrence. Martin Lawrence. Martin Lawrence owned loyalist property.

Part of the Northern Neck property was confiscated by the state and transferred to David Hunter. The Treaty of Paris 1783 between Great Britain and the U.S. nullified such confiscations, permitting Martin Lawrence to sue for the return of the property. The trial court ruled in his favor, but the Virginia Supreme Court upheld the confiscation. The court did not rule that Virginia law was superior to U.S. treaties, but held that the treaty did not cover the dispute in question.

question uh on review in this case the u.s supreme court disagreed with this conclusion ruling that the treaty did in fact cover the dispute and remanded the case back to the virginia civil supreme court the virginia court in turn decided that the u.s supreme court did not have authority over cases this is our end this is our end man this is the exact case listen listen this is the exact case i don't want to you know rank here, but it seems like you guys have no jurisdiction here. It seems to me like we can cite this case as evidence that the Supreme Court has no authority over the cases originating in our court. Yeah. We are the bulwark. Yeah.

This is it. It's like, guys, there's nowhere else to send this. These guys. These guys? I'll tell you something. That name will be of a misnomer. Here's the thing. The penultimate court is actually the ultimate court That's exactly right

Remember this law Tom Remember Martin Lawrence V. Hunter's Lessie That's the one I'll write that down Write that down later when we get off here Because that's the thing that's going to come really Handy when we start this new judicial body.

Though Chief Justice John Marshall wrote most of the Supreme Court opinions during his tenure, he did not write this opinion. Marshall instead recused himself, citing a conflict of interest due to his relatives' interest in the property. Damn, what principle. Yeah, just... Nowadays. Fast forward.

They'd be rolling over in his grave at what crow and the boys been pulled uh baron v baltimore landmark supreme court case in 1833 which helped define the concept of federalism and u.s constitutional law the court ruled that the bill of rights did not apply to the state governments establishing a precedent until the ratification of the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. What do you think about that? Just a little more overreached by the papists in Baltimore. That's right. That's kind of what I was thinking. I was thinking when she said that, Bob Huggins, West Virginia basketball coach.

He said a homophobic slur. Yeah, he said that the Catholics were F-A-G's. That's what he said? Yeah. Why did he say that? What's the context for something like that? I think after the game, a bunch of the Xavier Vans threw dildos on the court at Cincinnati when he was the coach there. They called him a bunch of Catholic on Cincinnati.

Alright, well, we're going to hear this in our court. Will you please read out on the docket the next case for review? Yes, it's Huggins v. Rome. V. The Roman Church.

V. The Vatican. Huggins v be the Vatican. I'm already saying this. I think we need to sentence him to sensitivity training. But the caveat is we have to be there. I just want to experience Bob Huggins going through sensitivity training. Oh, man. I agree.

Who gets to run those? Like, seriously, if you're sentenced to sensitivity training by the court... Ugh. Is it... Okay, so, like, when I was, like, 19,

I got a, like, public intoxication thing, and I had to go take some bullshit class. Register as a sex offender. Register as a sex offender for getting drunk in public. I had to do that. And as part of that, they made me go take some alcohol. Did you ever have to do anything like that?

Did you ever get in trouble with the law for alcohol? No, but I had to do something called star training one time because of, I forget it was some sort of alcohol related thing yeah like it it was an expungement though it never yeah i had to do that for like expungement or something like but like they sent us to this like i don't know i just remember going to this like building in the fucking in a strip mall somewhere yeah and they showed us videos about like people crashing their car with they were shit-faced. So it's like, if you go to court-ordered diversity training or sensitivity training, who runs that? What I'm saying is a judge can basically order anything.

Well, it would be hilarious, and somebody pointed this out the other day. It's like, what if he had to go to sensitivity training in the Vatican? So they sent him if he had to go to sensitivity training in the vatican so they sent him to the vatican for their own sensitivity training and then behind closed doors they're like listen we hate them too and it's like we got a little bit of a problem we need to clean up here know what i mean yeah he's gonna have to go to cincinnati training yeah it's just this

yeah that's what the Pope ultimately landed on. He's like, Bob, this isn't a Catholic problem, it's a Cincinnati problem. I suggest you go to Cincinnati sensitivity training. Barron v. Baltimore. Barron Trump v. Baltimore, 1833. City of Baltimore, Maryland initiated a public works project that involved the modification of several streams that emptied into baltimore harbor city construction resulted in large amounts of sediment being deposited into the streams

which then emptied into the harbor near a profitable wharf owned and operated by john baron the material settled into the water near the wharf decreasing the depth of the water to a point where it was nearly impossible for ships to approach. As it was no longer easily accessible for ships, the business's profitability declined. Barron sued the city of Baltimore for losses, arguing that he was deprived of his property without the due process afforded him by the Fifth Amendment.

He was awarded $4,500 in compensation by the trial court, but a Maryland appellate court reversed the decision. Damn. Supreme Court heard arguments. It held that the Bill of Rights, such as the Fifth Amendment's guarantee of just compensation for taking a private property for public use, are restrictions on the federal government alone.

Writing for a unanimous court, Chief Justice John Marshall held that the first ten amendments contained no expression indicating an intention to apply them to the state government. This court cannot so apply them another boring case in my opinion and not interested in that the holding is that state governments are not bound by the bill of rights that's the holding of baron v baltimore that seems pretty important in the grand scheme of things but not interesting yeah dude let's get a fucking let's get a fucking crazy one here let's get a barn burner let's get like list of supreme court

cases while you're from baltimore versus baron trump yeah something like that yeah notable cases in wheat you want to hear courses you want to hear cases about wheat i've landed on wheat where i land on carriages You want to hear cases about wheat? I land on wheat where I land on carriages. Kind of a snoozer. We got anything to do with sex? Well, there was the one about pornography, and then I think there was the one about...

What was that book written by Gore Vidal? Didn't that one go to the Supreme Court? Maybe. What about the gay? Is it a book about a gay man? It was deemed... What's the word I'm looking for? Scandalous?

Oh, okay. They had to ban it. Map v. Ohio. Okay, I don't want anything in the 1960s. Korematsu v. United States. I think that's the one about the Japanese concentration camps. Gideon v. Wainwright. We've already talked about that one, huh?

Gideon v. Wainwright sounds like a folk singer. Yeah. You know? Gideon Vincent Wainwright sounds like a folk singer. Yeah. You know? Gideon Vincent Wainwright. Yeah. All right. Has the penultimate court run out of steam? Well, it's not our fault.

It's just there's not a lot of juice out there happening. I mean, the thing is... Well, we've got to revisit Citizens United. Yeah. And everybody's going to get excited about it. They're like, yeah, the penultimate court's gonna overturn citizens united and then the and then the decision we come to is that actually we need to just up the level of money that corporations are allowed to get yeah you know just to inspire healthy competition yeah yeah yeah that's the thing like people think that we're a bulwark against the supreme court but the real thing is that we're wild cards.

Yeah. You can't predict what the worst... And if you could, why the fuck... You don't want that out of your... What you don't want out of a court is predictability. Yeah. Where's the intrigue there, you know? Right, because people love it when John Roberts

cites Hilton v. United States in the ACA. Half the fun of going to court is going to be to see if you win or not. I know. You know what I mean? Or lose. Right. And go to jail for 33 years. Go to prison.

Mm-hmm. So I'm going to... You know how at the Supreme Court they're set up in the courtroom and people run down the steps to bring out the decisions yeah you know you've never seen videos of that yeah like we should have something like that yeah but like our job as the penultimate court is to stick our foot out and trip the boy and say not so. We'll take a look at that. Not so fast. Not so fast,

little Lord Fauntleroy. Step on his hand. We'll be having a look at that. And he says, Oh my god, it's the penultimate chord. Am I a real boy? You know, that's what's called getting the goods. You see me and Terry stay on either side of the aisle

whenever somebody's delivering a verdict, and then we trip in the last second. We'll have a look. We'll have a look. We step on their hand, and their hand goes like that. We reach down, we grab the paper. We'll be. And the judge say, what's going on over there?

And I say, penultimate court, your honor. And they'll say, god damn it. I have to cede my authority to these guys. They cited Marbury v. Mann. Yeah. And my hands are tied now. My hands are tied now. There's nothing I can do now.

Oh, man. Or even better, if we show up late and the little boy delivers the verdict and hands it in, and then we just yank it right out of the judge's hand and say, I almost made it, John. I almost got it, didn't I? He says, son of a bitch, that's the penultimate call. And now all politicians want to pack the court.

Yeah. We're very against it. That's like, listen, that's kind of a two-man deal. A two-man operation, all right. And Aaron helps out sometimes. We've been hearing cases stretching all the way back

to the days when man cultivated grain and wheat we've been we've been with our first case is wheat v berries yeah wheat v berries i mean it's the same court that brought you caesar v rome you know wheat v berries yeah agriculture versus hunter V berries. Yeah. Agriculture versus hunting gathering. We heard that case. The penultimate court heard that case already. We've always been. We need to have an age today.

Volcano V earthquake. Yeah. All of that shit. All of that shit. Dinosaur V meteor. Yeah. Dinosaur V. Meteor. Yeah. Dinosaur V. Meteor. We heard that.

Caveman V. Sabertooth Tide. Yeah. We litigated it all. Homo sapien V. Homo neanderthalens. Exactly. We heard them all. Hey, listen. A lot of interesting cases there.

Yeah. There was a period of time where there were some ethics questions about what was happening between the Homo erectus and Homo nithandertalis. We're looking for lawyers who will argue in front of the penultimate court in our landmark case, man v. woman. ultimate court in our landmark case man v woman you'll have to start you'll have to cite such sources as men are from venus men women are from jupiter steve harvey's uh fake like a woman act like a man or fake like a man act like yeah those are the kinds of cases we're gonna work our way up obviously to the big ones of our day.

But, like, we have to get case law established first. Yeah. And, well, we've got a backlog. North Pole v. South Pole. Yeah. I mean, all the historical conflicts. Yeah. North v. South.

Yeah, and the Civil War. Is that what you're talking about? Or are you talking about the Global north v. the global south? That could be it, too. We could do that one. What about Catholic Catholicism v. Protestantism? Yeah. M. Luther v.

Who was Martin Luther trying to? The Pope. The Pope. The Pope. Yeah, a lot of cases against the papacy. Well, they're going to have to pull their way. They're going to have to send a lot of lawyers to them. Yeah, this is just. We can appoint them a, you know, we can appoint, we can give them a publicly available defense attorney.

We have public defenders in the penultimate court. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the Pope shows up and says, sir, you could use your own lawyer, but just want you to know if things are a little tight over in Rome, we have public defenders. We'll prepare you for it. We'll provide you with representation. Yeah. And it's just guys.

It's just guys that we basically just pulled off the street. Yeah. And it's just guys that we basically just pulled off the street. That were wearing suits. They're like, I'm an investment banker. I'm not an attorney. You look like one. We're not really lawyers either, but we're

a court system. You can learn it in a day. Cat v. Dog. All the classic battles. Cat v. Dog. Satan v. Jesus. Yes, God v. Satan. God v. Satan.

Cain v. Abel. Dude, we're getting it. Job v. Everybody. Everybody betrayed this man, including the living god if there's anybody i would award any of my money be jove we the the people the penultimate court will be i mean granted we do have the element of surprise so I know people expect us to weigh in on the side of Job. But we might weigh in on the side of everybody on that one. I said, Job, listen, I feel really bad for you, man, but it's everybody.

Well, we might have a split court. Because you might rule one way and I might rule the other way. And then what happens? Then those go to the Supreme Court. Those ones go to the Supreme Court? That's why we have to be in lockstep. have to make sure nothing goes to the supreme court so even if we do disagree like we disagree behind closed doors we never disagree in front of out here we're going to take a verdict hmm got it we gotta be unified yeah you're right so we basically it'll just go

back and forth if it's my turn it's like the possession arrow in basketball okay this is 50 50 balls go to whoever the possession arrow favors the point here is democracy yeah the point here is not to return justice to the criminal justice system or the people or anything the point here is solely to just avoid any cases ever going to the supreme court right that's the only point here that can't be bothered it's not a moral thing or anything like that it's just that like we just we don't recognize their authority right and that we think that i'll say i'll tell you the truth guys the buck stops here honestly supreme court more like the royals in england kind of figureheads yeah really and truly the buck stops here you wouldn't know that by the name but yeah yeah yeah well that's the thing it's like you said really the

penultimate court is the ultimate court but that's the quiet part and then once we start once we start ruling on really weighty matters people are gonna be on Twitter like they're saying the quiet part out loud yeah it's they're really the ultimate quarter yeah in the quiet part out loud. They're really the ultimate court. Yeah. They're saying the quiet part out loud. You're going to have think pieces. Remember how people wrote about Cheney abusing the powers of the vice president, expanding the powers? Yeah. That's what they're going to say about us.

Yeah, they're going to say the mask is slipping. Yeah, the mask is slipping. This is a totally made-up court. Nobody wants to say it. Yeah, nobody wants to say it because you're going to come up before us one day and uh you're gonna need curry a little favor yeah disgusting disgusting what's going on in the penultimate mask is off mask is off they are incorruptible though but nobody wants to say it

they're also idiots they don't take billionaire money but they also have some different opinions on what justice looks like yeah well that's another case we'll rule on we'll rule on money v monopoly money we'll come down on the side of monopoly money and we'll totally on money v. Monopoly money. We'll come down on the side of Monopoly money. And we'll totally fuck up the country's currency. There'll be a run on Monopoly games in stores.

And then when people ask us what the purpose of the court is, they say, we want to disrupt the space. Yeah. We're like kind of what Uber was to the cab industry. We are to jurisprud Yeah. We're like kind of what Uber was to the cab industry. We're doing that for you. We are the jurisprudence. We're disrupting jurisprudence. We're just disrupting it.

We're disruptors. We're just, it's innocent. You know, it's like we're not. We're just taking the piss mostly. Yeah. Sometimes the piss takes us. Oh, wow. Well, like I said, looking for attorneys to argue in front of the penultimate court.

Come down and apply in person. Bring your CV with you. Honestly, Tom and I are stupid enough that if you wear a suit, you could probably convince us you're a lawyer. No arguments there. Who else would wear a suit? We can't compensate you if you're a lawyer so no no arguments there no who else would wear a suit we can't compensate you if you're a public defender we can't compensate you just yet um until we rule on the monopoly v money yeah monopoly money v money in which case we'll have a ton of money your reward is justice that'll be a major landmark case bartering v fiat currency yeah you know so it's like

after our landmark case you can once again trade chickens for various i've been so listen bartering needs to come back yeah you know like in a big way you just listen you've left your wallet at the house you've left your wallet at the house. You've left your phone. Don't have Apple Pay. But you didn't leave your chicken at the house. Right. You didn't leave your chicken.

But you got 20 heads of cattle and a trailer headed toward Albuquerque. Listen, you know, it's a little uneven here, but I'll give you one of my heifers for this number two from McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn from McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't do that. Yeah. You guys can kill it later for hamburger meat. I'll never.

Yeah. None of my business what you do after this. Uh-huh. If that was me and I worked at that McDonald's, I would put the cow in the drive-thru, and it would be a fun little prank. People would drive up, and the cow's head would be hanging out. And then I would jump out and say, hey.

Put McDonald's head on it. Yeah, yeah. I bet you guys thought that a cow was working here at McDonald's. Yeah. And they're like, you're right, young man. Wait, aren't you from the penultimate court? Yeah, I do a couple things. I wear many hats. I'm also an itinerant

barterer. I go from town to town peddling my wares for free meals. Well, the thing is that everything is illegitimate anyways like everything is breaking down like the bitcoin thing was like an attempt to disrupt the currency system so like why can't you disrupt the court that's true dude listen we're we're gonna bring luddite systems

back but yeah but under the guise of disruption of the industry well that's the thing like they tried to disrupt the currency system with cryptocurrency but like why didn't anyone think of bartering why didn't they try to disrupt it with bartered objects like yeah like why can i not just get on here and say listen i want to buy x consumer item but i have no cash would you take spices and silks instead beaver pelts, perhaps. Have lots of beautiful fabrics in my Conestoga. Perhaps some of them would be interesting.

Maybe, perhaps you could make a nice dress for your wife. That's, I mean, like that's, like they never think of that they never think of the obvious why does everything have to be disrupted in that direction yeah disrupted in our direction sir i would love to eat but i've i've only i've only 20 000 mealworms and and some and some cardamom from the Orient. Well, by God, son, pull you up a chair.

I've been looking for some cardamom from the Orient. Oh, man. That's what I'm learning about with the sugar book, about, like, the trade, you know like the the old trades yeah and uh and uh you know sugar was like like that was like something that was only available to the upper classes it was like a luxury item in europe prior to like colonialism yeah and then what you realize reading that book is that modern capitalism was literally constructed with substances like like and and what i mean by that is like the working class had to have steady access to sugar caffeine and nicotine like those three and

depend upon the higher professions at laudanum laudanum yeah it's exactly right if you were in the health care field a lot well it's like that's what it's like you you go and people talk about like whoa why is there a war on drugs like why why are so many people addicted to opiates like blah blah it's like it's part of capitalism from day one it has been people are addicted to substances yeah it's like like so i was telling you like the english working class in the early 19th century like experience there was a brief moment of like extreme inflation for sugar because like english england was kind of like um pushed out of the world market for sugar but they still had a domestic market but the prices went way up in england

people did not change their sugar consumption they changed every other item of in behavior consumption to be able to have just as much like gasoline be like comparable today for us see it's like i don us? See, it's like, I don't know. I think it's like, I think comparable today would probably be weed. Yeah, yeah. Maybe like marijuana, I guess. No, I really don't know. There are so many substances that Americans,

people in all Western capitalist democracies depend on. Whether it's just the little stuff like sugar, caffeine, nicotine, all the way up to the bigger stuff. Mine would be fake sugar. Stevia? I'm an aspartame head. You're an aspartame head? Yeah, that would be my thing.

I run on the... You know. That's derived from a plant, isn't it? Isn't stevia... Stevia is. Yeah, I'm not sure what a Spartame... A Spartame doesn't seem like... It seems like it was probably reared in a lab somewhere.

You think it's like a synthetic thing? Probably. Interesting. Probably gonna make my prostate grow to the size of a fucking bocce ball. That's all right. Yeah. You know, we'll... Who needs to pee anyway?

That's right. I'm trying to think of some other landmark cases, like mead v. weed. Mead v. weed. Oh. An overabundance of weed consumption has hurt the mead market. Yes. And they want theirs.

Yes, they want theirs. That's right. They're battling it out. They're duking it out. You know, I don't know. I'm trying to see the penultimate query it's like you remember that um study that said that judges are more likely to issue a guilty verdict before lunch i've always heard that then i suppose after lunch they're more chill and wavy gravy after and we're showing wavy gravy after lunch we're gonna hear

all of our cases in the penultimate court before lunch when we're grumpy as fuck yeah it's like right now it's like what time is it noon and we haven't eaten lunch yet yeah we had a big breakfast but me personally i'm kind of getting a little low on blood sugar everybody's gonna be like nah man if you get these guys before lunch you're like cooked but if you get them after lunch and then we heard about it so now we just declare recess at one o'clock every day i said meet back here in the morning everybody's like fuck well that's the thing like we can hear cases after lunch but me and you're gonna be napping yeah we're gonna be napping and you're gonna be pleading your case in front of two napping special especially some of these more boring cases of which there are many if you like if you nap at

a desk what's your favorite way to nap at desk do you like to put your head down onto your crossed arms or do you like to kick back and put your legs on the desk? The crossed arm is a little more subtle. You're not going to get caught doing that. I've never been a big desk napper. I slept good when I was a kid. I didn't need a nap.

You never fell asleep in school? I fell asleep in school every single day. I did one time. I'm a big enough man to admit this. I did one time i'm big enough man didn't meant this i did one time they used to give you cots really they used to give you a cot taking that like when you're i don't know if they still do that they never did that for us they just used to hit us did that i pissed myself you peed yourself i've dude i peed myself i peed the cot you peed the cot yeah i peed myself in kindergarten. I was about there.

Because I was too much of a coward to ask to go to the bathroom. I was like, I don't want to ask. I don't want to annoy my teacher, so I just peed my pants. You just didn't convenience everybody else around you. Well, I'm a huge piss stain all the way down your leg. It's water. Well, we're going to hear. The thing is, we're going gonna get fucking crazy with this court so we're gonna hear uh six-year-old terrence v 35-year-old terrence

god you know we're gonna see which one was bitch yes why don't you just ask i'm yeah i'm going to berate my younger self. My younger self will have a legal representation. And I'll have legal representation. So there will be a lawyer arguing for me at 35, and then there will be a lawyer arguing for me at six. Yeah. And those two in the end. It sounds suspiciously like at therapy,

my landlord put me through that one time. Yeah, yeah. Just a little side note, I don't recommend going to your landlord for therapy your honor my client was subjected to physical and verbal abuse in the home and in the church you really think this was someone who could ask his teacher if he could go to the bathroom your honor objection your honor objection your honor it's a simple ask it's a simple it's a simple ask what is so hard about just asking the teacher and and i'm on the penultimate court so i'm hearing this too yeah so i have to weigh in on it but you're helping me i would good cop my younger self

would you i'd say get over here you give him a little hug a little kiss on the forehead i think that's probably weird but yeah like why is this old man kissing me yeah i am you you dumb funny little dumb bastard and he's like no no at such high hopes i'm on the penultimate court what's right yeah i made a name for myself on the penultimate court yeah i'm a barterer in silk yeah i have 10 000 silkworms at home yeah what are you talking about we have a massive silk factory i'm known i'm known. I'm known. Throughout Asia Minor. They know this name rings bells.

What are you talking about? Marco Polo didn't have shit on me. He ain't got shit on me. Me? I paved the Silk Road, son. I traveled many miles horseback and camels and other beasts of burden to give you this life i'm gonna say oh no that's not the way i want to turn out well you know what i didn't like how i started out how about that oh man also you don't exist anymore

well that's the thing like we're gonna hear also universe v multiverse we'll hear that case yeah reality v surreality yeah yeah something's going to happen in that process that's just going to blow my mind, and I'm going to look at the court like really ominously, and I'm going to say, we have to adjourn for the day. We'll be back here tomorrow. Uh-huh. And 16 versions of me over the years just walk out single file, and I'm just like, oh my God.

That's, if we need to split duties that's fine but see here's the thing i'm personally ruling on the side of universe on i'm just gonna tell you universe v multiverse i'm gonna rule on the side of you no matter if 23 versions of terrence walk in i'm fucking ruling on the side of the universe universe and then as soon as you rule all the versions you just disappear nope yeah it gets like you never existed fuckers yep there's only one bitch there's only one one of me oh god i'm right and in and in the case of reality v surreality yeah i think i'm gonna argue on the side of surreality on that one. So I'm arguing surreality but universe. Yeah.

That's the kind of justice I am. I like to kind of mix it up a little bit. Yeah. I want one verse. Right? One verse. But I want it to be real kooky. Yeah.

I want it to be just a little out there. What would you do? Would you do multiverse and reality multiverse and i probably i'd probably side with you on that okay yeah i like that to have just one linear thing but it's weird but it gets a little weird a little gnarly here and there okay all right what about hands v feet call christian band from the 90s audio what did you mean when you said i want to be your hands i want to be your feet which is better and you cannot purge yourself mr audio a and so he has to admit in front of the penultimate court that he's a feet guy furthermore you can't lie because you're christian yeah so we got you we got you over barrel here uh-huh out with it yeah hands v feet that's good

well we've we've did a lot today we've done a lot on the docket for the penultimate court yeah man what if it's a full day that's what that's what a full day looks like in the penultimate yeah god there's not a day goes by we don't get something done yeah there's no resting this is my legacy i do this because this is my i don't do it for the money i don't have a harlan crow benefactor i do it for the legacy that for the love of the game i do for the love of the game. I do it to settle the big questions of our existence here on Earth. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. We could arbitrate these strikes.

This rider strike. We'd have that wrapped up. We'd have that wrapped up. We can shift the fucking Overton win on everything. Baldness v. full hair. We can rule on the side of baldness and make that the norm so that guys with beautiful locks of hair, they're the ones who are outcasts from society dicks versus small dicks not gonna be a fun day for you hung fellas not gonna tell

you that you gotta tell you this ain't a hung jury oh man all right can we call it a day on the penultimate quarter? I wish we had a gavel, though. Yeah, we should have a... Maybe I can just audio shop that one in. The law and order sound. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Thanks for listening this week, everybody. Please go check us out on Patreon Patreon.com there's a comment section over there and if you have cases

you want heard bring them to us drop them drop them in the comments also apparently I get emails that there's a Q&A for people listening

on Spotify really yeah wait what on Spotify people can now engage. They can leave comments? Mm-hmm.

Really? Yeah, they've been mostly nice. One guy really doesn't like us. What did he say? He listens every time. Bring him a fucking

hollis ass in front of the penultimate court. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put up or shut up, buddy. You come in front of our court. Yeah, you're a little out of your depth.

I'm sorry. You come in front of our court and we're going to actually treat you with kindness. Kindness. You're not going to jail at all sir no sir he's like send me to jail no it's what i deserve no no no sir no you're gonna have a beautiful life you're gonna have uh you're gonna be content and happy you're a beautiful

wife that loves you kids that no well kids more or less less tolerate that's about the best you can hope for yeah yep and a golden retriever yeah that's what that's the kind of justice you're getting into

penultimate quarrel yeah a beautiful life beautiful life are we gentlemen sure we are that's right okay

uh good leave comments on Spotify and Patreon and uh we'll see you later. Yeah. One more thing.

I got laid off today. Yeah. Just bump up on Patreon. A contribution would be much appreciated. Yeah. This court doesn't fund itself. It runs off of contributions from people like you. Yeah.

So you're going to have to help us. So, as I said, we can't be bought. But, you know, we do accept cash. All of you are our Harlan Crows. That's true. It was really hard to say that. You are all our Harlan Crows. It's tough to say that.

You are all our Harlan Crows. You are all our Harlan Crows. Wow, that's fun. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Well, go support us on Patreon. We need wow. That's fun. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Well, go support us on Patreon. We need it.

And we'll see you next time. Peace.